If you want to transform your grief into hope, watch Batel Skater's "When darkness can't hide from the light." It will set you on your new course. Chin up, fellow phoenix. You are a being of light now. Happy new year.🌹
If it doesn't happen to you. No one can understand this pain You gave care, love N respect not knowing that what you was getting bk was fake till it was nothing at all. 😭
My issue is meeting new nasty people everywhere who retraumatize me, then more pain is kicked up. I want to find a caring community not more narcs, especially online.
My family don't ask how I am now cos they don't know what to say. They're bemused as to why I still struggle over somebody that didn't care about me. For me I hate the thought she's giving to someone else what she stopped giving to me, even though I know she's probably giving him grief too.
Thank you for validating my deep pain after a lifetime of narcissistic abuse, at the age of 69 I was discarded by my 91 year old mother, I am grateful to be starting my new life ❤️🙏🏻😇. I have gone no contact with my brother who is also narcissistic. I have given my heart and soul to these two trying to heal them with my kindness, compassion, and love. Now I am trusting my belief in myself❤️🙏🏻😇. THANK YOU DANISH FOR YOUR GREAT WORK ❤️🙏🏻😇
@eileenkk7owens979 Hello Eileen, thanks for sharing. I'm 56 and have recently had to walk away from my malignantly narcissistic 83-year-old mother. My younger brother is narcissistic, too (her 'golden child'); we used to be very close until our mother poisoned his mind into making me the scapegoat of her narcissistic abuse. Because I, too, am a kind and compassionate person, I was in a relationship with a narcissistic man who I have just left. I'm now in therapy and am learning that we don't become attracted to the people who are healthy and secure - we become attracted to the people who feel familiar. Here's seconding your trust for believing in a healthier life away from these dysfunctional norms.
Narcissism needs to be though in schools,too many people out there don't understand it and are unable to protect themselves against Narcissistic abuse, then others don't understand or validate the abuse you suffered by a Narcissist, if it wasn't for sites like this it would be quite difficult to get the support needed to heal, Thank you Danish ✨
I had no idea the depth of the sickness, and how I allowed myself to fall prey to his BS!!! It’s the healing process that is driving me nuts!! Thank you Danish and everyone here! 🙏
@@sharonhorwitz7903 It's like what Danish said, they get you in a trap with the "love bombing", gaslighting, devaluing etc, don't be too hard on yourself, at the end of the day they are Master manipulators, have self compassion for yourself instead for what they put you through.✨
@@angelakeely5859 thank you for your kind words. I’m getting “ there”, just wish the CPTSD would hit the road!! The heart racing is driving me nuts!! All good things for you 😘
@@sharonhorwitz7903 I've been there myself and I know how incredibly hard it can be to heal and move forward, it took me a long time, so if I can help someone else who is struggling I'm happy to do so, because for most people it's uncharted territory and it's hard to navigate without some help or support from people who have gone through it, because let's be honest most people don't understand about Narcissism and can't relate to what your experiencing or going through and are not equipped to help you.✨
Yes I lost my home in Florida due to an eviction, I lost my belongings, I lost my 2 grown children who stayed in Florida, I lost my grandmother when I moved to Ohio, lost finances due to my move, I lost a job, now I'm stuck in this what seems FOREVER grief and depression 😢😭
It is so painful, i know I had to leave my familie to . 2 grown children, 4 grandchilderen because of familie scapegoat abuse. I left one month ago .power and love from Holland ❤
This was vital - i spent all day staying away from the narc i have had to work hard - nobody gets it, i don’t even get it- but hey. I’ve stayed away. I needed to hear this- amazing
It’s hard!! Danish, confirmed, it’s a hard healing process. That in itself, made me feel better. It’s been 5 months of no contact. It’s better, just not at the finish line yet. 🤞
Also, tip I haven't seen anyone give, Watch for the narcissistic people that will cut you off extremely quick, wait for you to detach, then open up the communication barriers to gaslight you and make it seem to others that you were uncaring or abandoned them to add to their imaginary "count" of people that abandon them. The ways of narcissists has evolved pasta point that most therapists don't touch on. Sometimes you will have already moved on, but the narcissists keep digging because they want something out of you when you choose to ignore. There's layers
When their is no closure it's so difficult to understand what destroyed this relationship, but I see it was really an illusion based on lies and future pipe dreams. I was deceived. My therapist didn't understand why I couldn't move on, but she never had children and had to ask for financial help from my ex, it was shaming and hopeless. If he didn't like my attitude he wouldn't pay monthly support and go silent to punish me. He threatened to leave for Europe, outside of the USA, and not pay any child support at all. He didn't care about me or our child. I worked overtime and felt scared I wouldn't make it. I am thankful for my parents and especially my dad, who loved his firstborn grandchild and helped. These videos are so accurate and the haze of unanswered questions are revealed. Happy New Year to all victims. We are strong.
Jeanne, you appear to fully understand what 'destroyed' your relationship, the Narcissist did, you was living a lie and the shame became too much for them to bare, the shame being treating someone who doesnt deserve to be treated badly, badly and knowing they are dishonest. There is also the other situation they 'destroy' the relationship and abandon it, is because you are no longer playing ball, you are no longer giving them the supply they wanted. Having said this, I know what you mean, I am in the same boat. Even though I understand how the narcissist ticks, mainly from watching these videos, which have been a God send, but also quite shocking and eye opening, they have made me strong and woke up from the illusion, yet Im angry I was taken as a fool. My head tells me the truth how it is, my heart (at first for several months) wanted to keep the illusion going and it didnt want to listen to my head, it didnt understand why the relationship was being 'destroyed', why I was discarded like an old boot like day and night, without warning they completely changed. Thankfully, my head is ruling now, but my heart hurts. Mine pretended to be a Christian, could quote the Bible word for word, and I thought he was taking our wedding vows seriously too, apparently not. Apparently, we should take note what the narcissist says when they are having a rage or rant, they often reveal the truth. Mine spouted out that he had never wanted to be with me for the entirety of our 15 year marriage. Horribly, as it turns out, we are nothing to them and easily replaced. We need to accept this horrible truth and move on, good riddance, laugh in their faces that our lives will be good without them in it and theirs will be exactly the same, but with a new face/supply. Peace ❤
This is the first time the grief & pain of a previous narcissistic friendship has been acknowledged & validated. I have been stuck for a number of years because of it. I can't thank you enough for your videos and for helping others who have suffered what you have. I feel like I can begin to heal. Thank you & God bless you 🙏
Danish, your validation goes a long way and means a lot on its own. Thank you for that! I personally have done a lot of healing work over the years, but I watched my father go through a lot of abuse over the holidays which has brought up some of my past grief. I'm so sure others can relate, so I wanted to post this. My mother and sister are the covert narcissists in my life (and my father's life), and they can make life a living hell. I went No Contact with both of them years ago, but that is more difficult for my dad. This is understandable, I suppose; however, recently, he has gone Grey Rock with both of them. (I'm proud of him for that, too, because it was a really difficult decision for him that was outside his natural personality.) That doesn't mean they didn't both really try to create chaos for him at Christmas, especially since they knew I was there visiting with him. They punished him for it. My parents are divorced but live in the same town. Now that I'm back home, I feel myself grieving the loss of a mother and sister I never had all over again. I did this years ago, so I hope this part will go quickly since I did it before. Grieving a stranger is an odd thing to consider, but that is basically what you're doing in these cases. I also have noticed insomnia and nightmares since the holidays and being around my dad during his brief interaction over the phone with them. I usually have absolutely no interaction with them at all--clearly, for good reason. None. He and I got to spend almost a week catching up and mostly talking after not seeing each other face-to-face since last Christmas, so it was a wonderful time! I do not want to diminish that. My mom and sister most definitely tried to, and we ignored it for the most part. Now that I'm back home, I'm just exhausted! My plan now is to take some time this weekend to enjoy some quiet and rest. I'm in my late 40s, so dealing with them is nothing new. I am the elder daughter, and I was the Scapegoat growing up. I caught every bit of anger/rage/jealousy my mother had back then, and my dad usually had no idea about it. Also, my mom basically taught my sister to be the same, and now they live together. When I tell you that they basically tag-teamed me when I was a teenager in the way that they worked together, I mean I never knew what to expect back then. My going No Contact is going on 20 years now. It's just painful to see how much it hurts my dad and how hard it is for him to pull away. He knows what they do is wrong, but he is a retired minister. He believes in redemption. I, on the other hand, am studying forensic psychology; they will not change because they do not think there is anything to change. I do believe in redemption and change, but my mother and sister show no desire for either. That is my personal opinion although one should never diagnose family, right? Sorry, this was so long, but if you are hurting...you are not alone! I'm in the middle of it, too. The only way out is to go through it. It sounds like a cliche, but you will make yourself sick if you don't deal with it and process it. I was encouraged by Danish's video, and I wanted to add my story. Maybe it will help someone else not feel so alone. Peace and safety to all...
It's even harder when you have kids with narcisist. I have to keep seeing him and worse I am scared that he might hurt our children the same way he did to me . He has another daughter with woman and he only liked her when she was with him and listening to his commands . Now his daughter is old enough to see that her father is never really cared for her and it hurt her so much. I feel so sorry for her . I am scared now that my children will go through the same .
I feel like each time i was experiencing this i was oddly aware of it all. So the most recent is probably more of the subconscious “dual mothership” issue being broken after separation when i didn’t even intentionally try to get in this bind with this person. I was aware from so early on and still got wrapped up in it. I lost temporary ground in my life but at first glance that doesn’t seem to be what I’m suffering. A large part of what I’m suffering is seeing another person so broken and deceptive despite my effort to completely see her and try to understand. Or be willing to do things in a way that didn’t have to be hurtful but knowing that’s impossible with a narc. It’s very confusing to figure out what the primary issue is.. cause of all the dissonance. I knew it wasn’t a good person to be around.. i kept addressing that.. but got lost in my emotions and manipulation. It’s just overall a large loss to take on. Even not really wanting the person around.. there’s something bad feeling about it. Not only did it end bad, there’s just the element of evil that feels like it’s still looming over me, while since she is the epitome of that, she is “business as usual” as I’ve heard since there is no-contact since departure. Even finding out she moved her new main supply in immediately. It’s almost comical but further validates how evil this experience was. Drama, victimhood, spite in your face, business as usual, “normalcy” otherwise. This is textbook and still so hard to accept and i think the reason is I’m still in contact with the primary caregiver who modeled these rships for me. I always had inclinations but now it’s becoming more apparent how these model the rship with her.. and have carried. How she responds to them is indicatory and gaslighting as well. While liberating, it’s completely demoralizing. The virus has spread into lots of the stuff i do and therefore most of my supports are not really supports. The new ones I’ve tried to establish are only so deep. The damage these people do is so vast and spans deep into the lives of the people they “raise” and come into contact with. They get it from the people before them too and I’m a product of it. Now i have been doing work for a long time and have a lot more to go. The dust still has to settle on this previous endeavor but even once it settles. The wreckage is visible. Picking up the scraps one by one, trying to rebuild the crumbling foundation. All the things i didn’t get way early on i have to try to somehow evoke within myself from some space i am unfamiliar with. As Richard Grannon says, “this is transcendental stuff.” The healing process is so intense and requires some heavy emotional lifting so much that it’s transcendental. Transcending the matrix that has been created within you. Transcending a whole paradigm of behavior, abuse, and beliefs That have been instilled for years. Reformatting the caregivers as legitimate losses, people who are not actually caregivers at all. The lies they said that they helped so much and “you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me” “i did so much for you” “you were such a happy kid”. All of the scripts u were given in jest by the narcs who raised you. Knowing the majority of it was in genuine and just part of a script to attain a goal. It was all conditional and transactional. Your birth was to give them a reason to live which was never reciprocated. These are all immensely hard truths to accept. Even once accepted, the holes need to be addressed otherwise you’ll live hollow like them, hollow as they intended you to be. Glad Danish had created this space for us all. I wish all of you well on your healing journey, especially if you made it this far in the word vomit lol. Much love. ❤
The real estate these people take up and programming they put in you is actually masterful. I am a very strong person. Even going out the narcissist program was with me, scared to meet someone new because I don't want this person to experience slashed tires broken mirrors 5 different fb requests old sexual photos it's terrible. The narc isn't even there but you have to process this even before you chill and hang out.
This is so true, and real. You think about the years lost in an unhealthy abusive marriage. It makes the pain even worse to live with. When you're around the narcissists you can't even grieve what they did to you because they get angry and start to argue with you. This is so horrible for anyone to go through. The trauma and grief is so painful.
I am lost after narcissistic relationship. I just got myself out of this crap and can’t recover from the loss so easily but your videos are helping me a lot 😞
Danish you are so accurate, Every video is helpful to this community who are watching. I am realizing what all has happened that did not even know the person is NARC . Great full to you for bringing these videos Which are true every word of it God bless you
Thanks, Danish! Excellent explanations, makes complete sense. And the more I learn, the more I realise how bad everything has been. how could a mother destroy her own children? It's so senseless! So sad!
thank you again Danish .. your helping many 😊 it feels so good to be validated after decades of abuse. abuse that was never even considered abuse . but it was …..by every legal definition…there is truly two different standards for abuse . for Ladies ….it’s zero tolerance, and if they don’t shape up ? get out ,get out , GET OUT!!!! but for guys ? oh come on , it can’t be that bad… suck it up be a man . show no pain 😞 i tried that plan till it almost killed me . Men get abused just like the Lady’s… and it hurts just as bad. i read a study that said it is harder on men …. because we are supposed be tuff and we never deal with it till … it breaks our Spirit…John Wayneism i call it .. take it on the chin and show no pain . yeah right .. that plan failed miserably 😞 hang on guys … we all in this together ✊🏼
What you said is true. Men get abuse too, and it's not fair for you or anyone. Abuse is abuse no matter the gender. It's time for society to wake up to this. Look at Johnny Depp. Men hurt too, and they're human beings too. Let them feel the pain and talk about or even cry about it. Let it out, there should be no shame in that. Guys, don't let society tell you that you can't cry or feel the abuse. That is madness! No wonder alot of men don't know how to feel or even understand their emotions or even how women feels sometimes. That's because they're not allowed to feel or even cry. It's time for this nonsense to stop, because it's not emotionally healthy. No wonder marriages/ relationships are so toxic and unhealthy. People are not allowed to talk about their feelings. Instead they're being told to move on, and forget about the abuse they've been through. This is just total insanity. Society is just messed up! I do hope you get some help. Even if you have to get therapy. I've been doing therapy. It's good to talk it out with a therapist. No medication, just talk therapy. I hope you are doing a lot of self care, and don't worry about what people think or what society thinks. You do you. And you take as much time you need to heal. Forget about the idiots that don't know what they're talking about. Take as much time as you like. And cry if you have to.
@@queenesther4142 i have Prayed 1,000 Prayers and cried 1,000 tears. 1 year and a half of Counseling. I am much better but it still hurts at times… but folks like Danish help alot . Thank you
I'm going through the grief right now. It's sad to admit but ... I think I lose hope in love and have a negative view about love. I understand not all people are like them. But ... there are just too much pain and damage now. I'm broken and bruised emotionally and mentally. Feel like Maleficent's wings being cut off ... I feel suidial recently but ... trying my best to fight back. It's like a whole ... long unending nightmare.
Danish!! Just as soon as I thought I knew all the jargon and terms around narc abuse, you give us another, more specific, very useful term to name something previously ignored. I understand and actually Get Over this crap, more and more daily. Thank you so much!! Happy New Year ❤️
Logically & objectively, I understand it is over. I feel secure if the abuser is out of my life. This does not mean that I am free of the trauma because my physical body speaks out with adrenalin & pain because my body can not speak verbally. When I think about the trauma, it activates my physical reactions of warnings (located somewhere in my brain) that I believe [is my body's non verbal communication to warn me through a defense mechanism to not allow the abuse to happen again]. The defense mechanisms cause me go through PTSD symptoms. It is a vicious cycle. I am trying to learn how to subdue my defense mechanisms. The DMs are trying to help me by warning me. I am trying to learn how to counteract the physical etc. pain that is zapped into me by my defense mechanisms non verbal warning communication. The reaction is a non thinking warning. It is kind of like an action to zap with pain the same trauma as my body experienced when the trauma happened.
@@jbrown2908 I had a hard time trying to explain about how the reactions set off physiological symptoms. I wasn't sure if it would make sense. Thank you for the reminder about time being a healer. That is an extraordinarily positive guiding thought that has the capacity to counteract the domination of negative thoughts. It is a positive affirmation trigger that can symbolize a severing away from the trauma. It symbolizes each day is a victorious gain towards healing. We are born with a set of reactions which are stored in what is called the reactionary part of our brain aka the reptilian brain. Then we create reactions after birth. Some reactions are good + positive... while other reactions set off physiological unbearable symptoms that drive ppl to alcohol or drug addictions. It is too bad the public school system does not teach students how to manage their reactions. I wanted to know how to subdue the warning reaction. I am satisfied that your suggestion about the creation of the reaction about time healing.... will effectively subdue the negative reaction. I appreciate your thought provoking reply.
I'm experiencing another painful blow after the abuse they are gone but I'm left inside crumbling walls only I can repair and help of the sincere kind would be much appreciated it is as if I've just returned from emotional warfare.
Absolutely! My family expects me to be elated and celebrating and I am grieving all those things you mentioned. The loss of a dream, my home, my material possessions, my lifestyle (I lived on a farm). So yes, I am sad. Trying to pick up the pieces of my life.
I guess the thing that hurts me the most was all the time I lost with the people who actually love and care for me and instead it was spent with the shittiest person on the face of the planet. Missed holidays, missed get togethers, missed funerals, missed relationships, missed vacations, missed my parents and friends deeply for years and was put into a situation I didn’t want to be in but didn’t know how to get out. Instead I was just a slave for 5 years. I lost a lot during that time. Financially I hit rock bottom, and I can’t even see my only best friend because he moved away after I escaped manipulation. I was brainwashed way too well into isolating from friends and family for those years and it just hurt so bad on the inside watching my family get older knowing I missed those years that so badly wanted to spend with me. My grandpa died and I wasn’t able to attend his funeral, and the Christmas of 2022 was the worst Christmas I’ve ever had intentionally because of the worthless piece of shit. However I must say that this turned me into who I am now. I have very little trust in people, always aware of people trying to take advantage of me, and I refuse to be screwed by anyone at this point. I just wouldn’t let it happen. I just feel very cold hearted now and it just feels like I have a harder time finding genuine happiness or just have the happy presence that I once had. I used to be a 21 year old full of life, testosterone through the roof (worked out 5-6 days a week) and just ready to conquer the world. Now I’m 27, and it’s been 3 months since I left the NARC. I have a tremendous amount of different skills and knowledge that was gained during those 5 years but I will always question 1. Did I have to go through what I went through to gain that? & 2. Was it worth going through all of it to gain that? I definitely feel older and full of more experience but I do feel burnt out still and like my energy and drive isn’t what it was like when I was 21 and fell for the manipulation. I think I need to start working out again to get my testosterone high again so that can be one thing. While that may help, I guess there are always going to be those scars that I have on the inside that will just always live with me. On top of that, I had gotten into some legal trouble before leaving the Narc which I’m still dealing with court and shit up until early of next year of potentially sooner. I’m stuck in a limbo right now but I know I can make a STRONG comeback once my court case is through.. I guess I am in what they call “catabasis” right now. Working on myself, recovering, healing ❤️🩹, surrounding myself with family and friends, saving up money, and keeping busy. Things will get better. I guess I never expected life to take me through a path and journey like this. Anyways, I hope everyone has a blessed month of November.
Societys in large can have internilised narcissism as their opus operandi . Politics that general people vote for - waiting that they would make the promises happen , are disapointed that the politics don´t actually solve the problems or bring worth the actions they promised for the people, but do somethign totally different then they promised and don´t act on the values that they convinced that they would . But instead of holding these politics countable for their actions , society in large - likely is to refer as politics just being that way , or that politics are difficult and that as politics are that difficult the ones who got betrayed or at least promised much more then what they initially get should be understanding and the tolerant part of politicians missbehavign. This is ... they are in actual power over the situation -- but don´t hold the responcibility for their own actions or the consecuensess becomign of their actions - could be referancable for narisissist behaviour at least the communal narcissist that create these kind of situations in more restricted enviroments. Gettign help from the creater society that already works narcissistly it self is not very usefull for the invidual . More like trying to come clear with alcoholism , sitting on a bench with some drunken bums , handling the bottle.🤕
dear danish: to be perfectly honest, there is indeed NOTHING to grieve once an illusion has died, and once a narcissistic manipulator has left you in one way or another. the grief is still part and parcel of the illusion. it is the narcissist's way of warping our perspective. indeed we SHOULD be happy. finding a way is a different matter, but once the enemy is gone, happiness is indeed the answer.
Danish, I watched an excellent video you created months ago about the brain and its functions. I know you possess a vast more amount of knowledge than what I have. I read through the comments & I recognize similar pains to mine. I would like to know if you can tell us what you know about creating good reactions to cancel the bad reactions. I know the reactions start in our brains & (as fast as a streak of lightening) bad reactions can manifest as pain. I think we need to get in charge of our reactionary part of our brains by counteracting the hardcore reactions with positive affirmations. I am interested in your wisdom on attacking [the bad reactions that promote our physiological pain] with positive affirmations to counteract & de-power the reactions that cause us pain. J Brown suggested time will heal. So I created a positive affirmation about time severing me from the pain caused by narcs. I think this is going to give me 100% healing. Narcs know what they are doing when they implant reactions in us to cause us pain & suffering. I am interested in anything you can tell us that could neutralize + destroy the terrible reactions implanted by narcs. I am glad J Brown gave me the information I needed. I hope you can see if you can give your professional knowledge about a method to help us. I have a breakdown on what I experienced in a different comment on this video.
The only person asking me these things is me. Why do I feel guilty? It wasn’t just me. He abused our 3 sons too. A I couldn’t help them. I couldn’t help myself. After 25 years, turning 40, and losing my mother, I was able to get away. But I feel guilty that I didn’t get my boys away from him
Disenfranchised grief: Your approach should be used for survivors of suicide loss as well as NPD personality disorder relationship loss. Survivors of suicide loss suffer these same effects but the pain of this loss is on steroids especially if you have full understanding of the pain that cluster B disordered suffer. It is like being stuck in a web of hell.
My pastor told me to stop being the victim and take responsibility for my reactions to abuse because that’s the only way I can heal. But that’s clearly not how this works.
I am having full blown panic and anxiety attacks since 3 days. I am not feeling good. Don't know when i will completely heal. Sometimes it's like i really need help. Don't know what help. Dizziness and nausea all the day long.
@hannahmary106 Please watch as much of Danish videos as you can,they help a lot. To understand this you have to have experienced it or you dont get it,these people make you feel so ill its unreal,you cant believe what youve been through yourself 💐
There isn't a therapist out there anywhere that understands this or is qualified to deal with it... nor do they care. It's completely over their heads.
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 82 วันนี้!! คู่เอก | ยอดไอคิว vs อับดัลลาห์](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/hSsyTl_9bqs/mqdefault.jpg)
"the worst trauma ever experienced by mankind" YES, that is it.
This grief is what I am really struggling with,nobody gets it,why am I so sad about it they ask.
It hurts so very much.
Because you wasted years of life on a lie, and the truth is painful.
If you want to transform your grief into hope, watch Batel Skater's "When darkness can't hide from the light." It will set you on your new course. Chin up, fellow phoenix. You are a being of light now. Happy new year.🌹
@@rolandoscar1696 thank you,happy new year to you too
@@princess_sapphire 🏇🏁
If it doesn't happen to you. No one can understand this pain
You gave care, love N respect not knowing that what you was getting bk was fake till it was nothing at all. 😭
It's like you smile, but you feel dead inside
Once you realize that you are dead, everything gets easier.
The pain is mainly over time and potential squandered - wings that could have made the victim fly far and wide - being clipped off.
Disenfranchised grief……..the death of myself & those I loved who were not real.
Me too my love from Scotland 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧
I'm really feeling this right now.
I want the pain to stop 🛑
Same here
Same😔
My issue is meeting new nasty people everywhere who retraumatize me, then more pain is kicked up. I want to find a caring community not more narcs, especially online.
Me too.😑
Same here , good luck 😅 out of sight,out of mind , will help .no contact. Someday it will feel like it isn’t even real , that’s my hope .
Living with him was the worst trauma I have ever gone through.
Hug. I agree
My family don't ask how I am now cos they don't know what to say. They're bemused as to why I still struggle over somebody that didn't care about me. For me I hate the thought she's giving to someone else what she stopped giving to me, even though I know she's probably giving him grief too.
Thank you for validating my deep pain after a lifetime of narcissistic abuse, at the age of 69 I was discarded by my 91 year old mother, I am grateful to be starting my new life ❤️🙏🏻😇. I have gone no contact with my brother who is also narcissistic. I have given my heart and soul to these two trying to heal them with my kindness, compassion, and love. Now I am trusting my belief in myself❤️🙏🏻😇. THANK YOU DANISH FOR YOUR GREAT WORK ❤️🙏🏻😇
@eileenkk7owens979 Hello Eileen, thanks for sharing.
I'm 56 and have recently had to walk away from my malignantly narcissistic 83-year-old mother. My younger brother is narcissistic, too (her 'golden child'); we used to be very close until our mother poisoned his mind into making me the scapegoat of her narcissistic abuse.
Because I, too, am a kind and compassionate person, I was in a relationship with a narcissistic man who I have just left. I'm now in therapy and am learning that we don't become attracted to the people who are healthy and secure - we become attracted to the people who feel familiar.
Here's seconding your trust for believing in a healthier life away from these dysfunctional norms.
Narcissism needs to be though in schools,too many people out there don't understand it and are unable to protect themselves against Narcissistic abuse, then others don't understand or validate the abuse you suffered by a Narcissist, if it wasn't for sites like this it would be quite difficult to get the support needed to heal, Thank you Danish ✨
I had no idea the depth of the sickness, and how I allowed myself to fall prey to his BS!!! It’s the healing process that is driving me nuts!!
Thank you Danish and everyone here! 🙏
@@sharonhorwitz7903 It's like what Danish said, they get you in a trap with the "love bombing", gaslighting, devaluing etc, don't be too hard on yourself, at the end of the day they are Master manipulators, have self compassion for yourself instead for what they put you through.✨
@@angelakeely5859 thank you for your kind words. I’m getting “ there”, just wish the CPTSD would hit the road!! The heart racing is driving me nuts!! All good things for you 😘
@@sharonhorwitz7903 I've been there myself and I know how incredibly hard it can be to heal and move forward, it took me a long time, so if I can help someone else who is struggling I'm happy to do so, because for most people it's uncharted territory and it's hard to navigate without some help or support from people who have gone through it, because let's be honest most people don't understand about Narcissism and can't relate to what your experiencing or going through and are not equipped to help you.✨
@@jbrown2908 - thank you. I needed this. 😘
Yes I lost my home in Florida due to an eviction, I lost my belongings, I lost my 2 grown children who stayed in Florida, I lost my grandmother when I moved to Ohio, lost finances due to my move, I lost a job, now I'm stuck in this what seems FOREVER grief and depression 😢😭
It is so painful, i know I had to leave my familie to . 2 grown children, 4 grandchilderen because of familie scapegoat abuse. I left one month ago .power and love from Holland ❤
@@paulineklostermann5877 Sterkte 💝
You're not alone in your grief and depression. I'm going through similar at the moment. Sending you my best wishes and hoping you're recovering.
Danish you are so accurate, so helpful, so understanding. I wish the world understood. Don't stop the videos - THANK YOU
This was vital - i spent all day staying away from the narc i have had to work hard - nobody gets it, i don’t even get it- but hey. I’ve stayed away. I needed to hear this- amazing
It’s hard!! Danish, confirmed, it’s a hard healing process. That in itself, made me feel better. It’s been 5 months of no contact. It’s better, just not at the finish line yet. 🤞
It's amazing how a lot of healing is putting a label on something amorphous. I definitely experienced what you just described.
Yes... I'm free of the sorrow..... I'm celebrating every day.... now
Also, tip I haven't seen anyone give, Watch for the narcissistic people that will cut you off extremely quick, wait for you to detach, then open up the communication barriers to gaslight you and make it seem to others that you were uncaring or abandoned them to add to their imaginary "count" of people that abandon them. The ways of narcissists has evolved pasta point that most therapists don't touch on. Sometimes you will have already moved on, but the narcissists keep digging because they want something out of you when you choose to ignore. There's layers
True
When their is no closure it's so difficult to understand what destroyed this relationship, but I see it was really an illusion based on lies and future pipe dreams. I was deceived.
My therapist didn't understand why I couldn't move on, but she never had children and had to ask for financial help from my ex, it was shaming and hopeless. If he didn't like my attitude he wouldn't pay monthly support and go silent to punish me. He threatened to leave for Europe, outside of the USA, and not pay any child support at all. He didn't care about me or our child. I worked overtime and felt scared I wouldn't make it.
I am thankful for my parents and especially my dad, who loved his firstborn grandchild and helped. These videos are so accurate and the haze of unanswered questions are revealed. Happy New Year to all victims. We are strong.
Jeanne, you appear to fully understand what 'destroyed' your relationship, the Narcissist did, you was living a lie and the shame became too much for them to bare, the shame being treating someone who doesnt deserve to be treated badly, badly and knowing they are dishonest. There is also the other situation they 'destroy' the relationship and abandon it, is because you are no longer playing ball, you are no longer giving them the supply they wanted. Having said this, I know what you mean, I am in the same boat. Even though I understand how the narcissist ticks, mainly from watching these videos, which have been a God send, but also quite shocking and eye opening, they have made me strong and woke up from the illusion, yet Im angry I was taken as a fool. My head tells me the truth how it is, my heart (at first for several months) wanted to keep the illusion going and it didnt want to listen to my head, it didnt understand why the relationship was being 'destroyed', why I was discarded like an old boot like day and night, without warning they completely changed. Thankfully, my head is ruling now, but my heart hurts. Mine pretended to be a Christian, could quote the Bible word for word, and I thought he was taking our wedding vows seriously too, apparently not. Apparently, we should take note what the narcissist says when they are having a rage or rant, they often reveal the truth. Mine spouted out that he had never wanted to be with me for the entirety of our 15 year marriage. Horribly, as it turns out, we are nothing to them and easily replaced. We need to accept this horrible truth and move on, good riddance, laugh in their faces that our lives will be good without them in it and theirs will be exactly the same, but with a new face/supply. Peace ❤
This is what I am experiencing right now..will I get over it??? May God help me
This is the first time the grief & pain of a previous narcissistic friendship has been acknowledged & validated. I have been stuck for a number of years because of it. I can't thank you enough for your videos and for helping others who have suffered what you have. I feel like I can begin to heal. Thank you & God bless you 🙏
You’re alone. Narc friendships are super painful. I can relate
I can tell by your current appearance Danish, you ended up in a FAR MORE BETTER mental and physical state of health than MANY OF US. Be thankul.
Thanks Danish .. not everyone undestands what we go through but its comforting to know that someone understands and also what we go through is real.
I have accepted the reality and started moving on, trying to recover myself
I feel ashamed and sick that i felt for this sickos act.
And feel the grief still after so long.
It can take 1 to 3 years depending on the severity of abuse to truly heal. Thank you Danish.
Year 5 here
@@jonathan99399It can take several years, 1-3 years isn’t accurate especially when it’s been a lifetime of abuse. ❤
Danish, your validation goes a long way and means a lot on its own. Thank you for that! I personally have done a lot of healing work over the years, but I watched my father go through a lot of abuse over the holidays which has brought up some of my past grief. I'm so sure others can relate, so I wanted to post this. My mother and sister are the covert narcissists in my life (and my father's life), and they can make life a living hell.
I went No Contact with both of them years ago, but that is more difficult for my dad. This is understandable, I suppose; however, recently, he has gone Grey Rock with both of them. (I'm proud of him for that, too, because it was a really difficult decision for him that was outside his natural personality.) That doesn't mean they didn't both really try to create chaos for him at Christmas, especially since they knew I was there visiting with him. They punished him for it. My parents are divorced but live in the same town.
Now that I'm back home, I feel myself grieving the loss of a mother and sister I never had all over again. I did this years ago, so I hope this part will go quickly since I did it before. Grieving a stranger is an odd thing to consider, but that is basically what you're doing in these cases.
I also have noticed insomnia and nightmares since the holidays and being around my dad during his brief interaction over the phone with them. I usually have absolutely no interaction with them at all--clearly, for good reason. None. He and I got to spend almost a week catching up and mostly talking after not seeing each other face-to-face since last Christmas, so it was a wonderful time! I do not want to diminish that. My mom and sister most definitely tried to, and we ignored it for the most part. Now that I'm back home, I'm just exhausted!
My plan now is to take some time this weekend to enjoy some quiet and rest. I'm in my late 40s, so dealing with them is nothing new. I am the elder daughter, and I was the Scapegoat growing up. I caught every bit of anger/rage/jealousy my mother had back then, and my dad usually had no idea about it. Also, my mom basically taught my sister to be the same, and now they live together. When I tell you that they basically tag-teamed me when I was a teenager in the way that they worked together, I mean I never knew what to expect back then. My going No Contact is going on 20 years now.
It's just painful to see how much it hurts my dad and how hard it is for him to pull away. He knows what they do is wrong, but he is a retired minister. He believes in redemption. I, on the other hand, am studying forensic psychology; they will not change because they do not think there is anything to change. I do believe in redemption and change, but my mother and sister show no desire for either. That is my personal opinion although one should never diagnose family, right?
Sorry, this was so long, but if you are hurting...you are not alone! I'm in the middle of it, too. The only way out is to go through it. It sounds like a cliche, but you will make yourself sick if you don't deal with it and process it.
I was encouraged by Danish's video, and I wanted to add my story. Maybe it will help someone else not feel so alone. Peace and safety to all...
I think the only ones who can diagnose them is family….
It's even harder when you have kids with narcisist. I have to keep seeing him and worse I am scared that he might hurt our children the same way he did to me . He has another daughter with woman and he only liked her when she was with him and listening to his commands . Now his daughter is old enough to see that her father is never really cared for her and it hurt her so much. I feel so sorry for her . I am scared now that my children will go through the same .
Always a help!!! Thank you for reinforcing the pain is real!
And I’m allowed to feel it!! ❤
I feel like each time i was experiencing this i was oddly aware of it all. So the most recent is probably more of the subconscious “dual mothership” issue being broken after separation when i didn’t even intentionally try to get in this bind with this person. I was aware from so early on and still got wrapped up in it.
I lost temporary ground in my life but at first glance that doesn’t seem to be what I’m suffering. A large part of what I’m suffering is seeing another person so broken and deceptive despite my effort to completely see her and try to understand. Or be willing to do things in a way that didn’t have to be hurtful but knowing that’s impossible with a narc.
It’s very confusing to figure out what the primary issue is.. cause of all the dissonance. I knew it wasn’t a good person to be around.. i kept addressing that.. but got lost in my emotions and manipulation. It’s just overall a large loss to take on. Even not really wanting the person around.. there’s something bad feeling about it. Not only did it end bad, there’s just the element of evil that feels like it’s still looming over me, while since she is the epitome of that, she is “business as usual” as I’ve heard since there is no-contact since departure.
Even finding out she moved her new main supply in immediately. It’s almost comical but further validates how evil this experience was. Drama, victimhood, spite in your face, business as usual, “normalcy” otherwise.
This is textbook and still so hard to accept and i think the reason is I’m still in contact with the primary caregiver who modeled these rships for me. I always had inclinations but now it’s becoming more apparent how these model the rship with her.. and have carried. How she responds to them is indicatory and gaslighting as well. While liberating, it’s completely demoralizing.
The virus has spread into lots of the stuff i do and therefore most of my supports are not really supports. The new ones I’ve tried to establish are only so deep. The damage these people do is so vast and spans deep into the lives of the people they “raise” and come into contact with. They get it from the people before them too and I’m a product of it. Now i have been doing work for a long time and have a lot more to go. The dust still has to settle on this previous endeavor but even once it settles. The wreckage is visible. Picking up the scraps one by one, trying to rebuild the crumbling foundation. All the things i didn’t get way early on i have to try to somehow evoke within myself from some space i am unfamiliar with. As Richard Grannon says, “this is transcendental stuff.” The healing process is so intense and requires some heavy emotional lifting so much that it’s transcendental. Transcending the matrix that has been created within you. Transcending a whole paradigm of behavior, abuse, and beliefs That have been instilled for years. Reformatting the caregivers as legitimate losses, people who are not actually caregivers at all. The lies they said that they helped so much and “you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for me” “i did so much for you” “you were such a happy kid”. All of the scripts u were given in jest by the narcs who raised you.
Knowing the majority of it was in genuine and just part of a script to attain a goal. It was all conditional and transactional. Your birth was to give them a reason to live which was never reciprocated. These are all immensely hard truths to accept. Even once accepted, the holes need to be addressed otherwise you’ll live hollow like them, hollow as they intended you to be. Glad Danish had created this space for us all. I wish all of you well on your healing journey, especially if you made it this far in the word vomit lol. Much love. ❤
Thank you for this.
The real estate these people take up and programming they put in you is actually masterful. I am a very strong person. Even going out the narcissist program was with me, scared to meet someone new because I don't want this person to experience slashed tires broken mirrors 5 different fb requests old sexual photos it's terrible. The narc isn't even there but you have to process this even before you chill and hang out.
This is so true, and real. You think about the years lost in an unhealthy abusive marriage. It makes the pain even worse to live with. When you're around the narcissists you can't even grieve what they did to you because they get angry and start to argue with you. This is so horrible for anyone to go through. The trauma and grief is so painful.
Thank you 🙏
That’s exactly what I keep asking myself!!!
I am lost after narcissistic relationship. I just got myself out of this crap and can’t recover from the loss so easily but your videos are helping me a lot 😞
I feel like I am putting myself together.
This is true “do not push yourself” do this in your own time. Thanks Danish, your videos are some of the best I’ve seen on this. ❤
Danish you are so accurate,
Every video is helpful to this community who are watching.
I am realizing what all has happened that did not even know the person is NARC .
Great full to you for bringing these videos
Which are true every word of it
God bless you
True, right saying about pain
Thanks, Danish! Excellent explanations, makes complete sense. And the more I learn, the more I realise how bad everything has been. how could a mother destroy her own children? It's so senseless! So sad!
Thank you thank you
thank you again Danish .. your helping many 😊 it feels so good to be validated after decades of abuse. abuse that was never even considered abuse . but it was …..by every legal definition…there is truly two different standards for abuse . for Ladies ….it’s zero tolerance, and if they don’t shape up ? get out ,get out , GET OUT!!!! but for guys ? oh come on , it can’t be that bad… suck it up be a man . show no pain 😞 i tried that plan till it almost killed me . Men get abused just like the Lady’s… and it hurts just as bad. i read a study that said it is harder on men …. because we are supposed be tuff and we never deal with it till … it breaks our Spirit…John Wayneism i call it .. take it on the chin and show no pain . yeah right .. that plan failed miserably 😞 hang on guys … we all in this together ✊🏼
What you said is true. Men get abuse too, and it's not fair for you or anyone. Abuse is abuse no matter the gender. It's time for society to wake up to this. Look at Johnny Depp. Men hurt too, and they're human beings too. Let them feel the pain and talk about or even cry about it. Let it out, there should be no shame in that. Guys, don't let society tell you that you can't cry or feel the abuse. That is madness! No wonder alot of men don't know how to feel or even understand their emotions or even how women feels sometimes. That's because they're not allowed to feel or even cry. It's time for this nonsense to stop, because it's not emotionally healthy. No wonder marriages/ relationships are so toxic and unhealthy. People are not allowed to talk about their feelings. Instead they're being told to move on, and forget about the abuse they've been through. This is just total insanity. Society is just messed up! I do hope you get some help. Even if you have to get therapy. I've been doing therapy. It's good to talk it out with a therapist. No medication, just talk therapy. I hope you are doing a lot of self care, and don't worry about what people think or what society thinks. You do you. And you take as much time you need to heal. Forget about the idiots that don't know what they're talking about. Take as much time as you like. And cry if you have to.
@@queenesther4142 i have Prayed 1,000 Prayers and cried 1,000 tears. 1 year and a half of Counseling. I am much better but it still hurts at times… but folks like Danish help alot . Thank you
I'm going through the grief right now. It's sad to admit but ... I think I lose hope in love and have a negative view about love. I understand not all people are like them. But ... there are just too much pain and damage now. I'm broken and bruised emotionally and mentally. Feel like Maleficent's wings being cut off ... I feel suidial recently but ... trying my best to fight back. It's like a whole ... long unending nightmare.
Yes sir you r right m going through I tried alot to move on but some time I can't help it😔😔
Danish!! Just as soon as I thought I knew all the jargon and terms around narc abuse, you give us another, more specific, very useful term to name something previously ignored. I understand and actually Get Over this crap, more and more daily. Thank you so much!! Happy New Year ❤️
Logically & objectively, I understand it is over. I feel secure if the abuser is out of my life. This does not mean that I am free of the trauma because my physical body speaks out with adrenalin & pain because my body can not speak verbally.
When I think about the trauma, it activates my physical reactions of warnings (located somewhere in my brain) that I believe [is my body's non verbal communication to warn me through a defense mechanism to not allow the abuse to happen again].
The defense mechanisms cause me go through PTSD symptoms. It is a vicious cycle.
I am trying to learn how to subdue my defense mechanisms. The DMs are trying to help me by warning me. I am trying to learn how to counteract the physical etc. pain that is zapped into me by my defense mechanisms non verbal warning communication. The reaction is a non thinking warning. It is kind of like an action to zap with pain the same trauma as my body experienced when the trauma happened.
@@jbrown2908 I had a hard time trying to explain about how the reactions set off physiological symptoms. I wasn't sure if it would make sense.
Thank you for the reminder about time being a healer. That is an extraordinarily positive guiding thought that has the capacity to counteract the domination of negative thoughts. It is a positive affirmation trigger that can symbolize a severing away from the trauma. It symbolizes each day is a victorious gain towards healing.
We are born with a set of reactions which are stored in what is called the reactionary part of our brain aka the reptilian brain. Then we create reactions after birth. Some reactions are good + positive... while other reactions set off physiological unbearable symptoms that drive ppl to alcohol or drug addictions. It is too bad the public school system does not teach students how to manage their reactions.
I wanted to know how to subdue the warning reaction. I am satisfied that your suggestion about the creation of the reaction about time healing.... will effectively subdue the negative reaction. I appreciate your thought provoking reply.
I'm experiencing another painful blow after the abuse they are gone but I'm left inside crumbling walls only I can repair and help of the sincere kind would be much appreciated it is as if I've just returned from emotional warfare.
Absolutely! My family expects me to be elated and celebrating and I am grieving all those things you mentioned. The loss of a dream, my home, my material possessions, my lifestyle (I lived on a farm). So yes, I am sad. Trying to pick up the pieces of my life.
I guess the thing that hurts me the most was all the time I lost with the people who actually love and care for me and instead it was spent with the shittiest person on the face of the planet. Missed holidays, missed get togethers, missed funerals, missed relationships, missed vacations, missed my parents and friends deeply for years and was put into a situation I didn’t want to be in but didn’t know how to get out. Instead I was just a slave for 5 years. I lost a lot during that time. Financially I hit rock bottom, and I can’t even see my only best friend because he moved away after I escaped manipulation. I was brainwashed way too well into isolating from friends and family for those years and it just hurt so bad on the inside watching my family get older knowing I missed those years that so badly wanted to spend with me. My grandpa died and I wasn’t able to attend his funeral, and the Christmas of 2022 was the worst Christmas I’ve ever had intentionally because of the worthless piece of shit. However I must say that this turned me into who I am now. I have very little trust in people, always aware of people trying to take advantage of me, and I refuse to be screwed by anyone at this point. I just wouldn’t let it happen. I just feel very cold hearted now and it just feels like I have a harder time finding genuine happiness or just have the happy presence that I once had. I used to be a 21 year old full of life, testosterone through the roof (worked out 5-6 days a week) and just ready to conquer the world. Now I’m 27, and it’s been 3 months since I left the NARC. I have a tremendous amount of different skills and knowledge that was gained during those 5 years but I will always question 1. Did I have to go through what I went through to gain that? & 2. Was it worth going through all of it to gain that? I definitely feel older and full of more experience but I do feel burnt out still and like my energy and drive isn’t what it was like when I was 21 and fell for the manipulation. I think I need to start working out again to get my testosterone high again so that can be one thing. While that may help, I guess there are always going to be those scars that I have on the inside that will just always live with me. On top of that, I had gotten into some legal trouble before leaving the Narc which I’m still dealing with court and shit up until early of next year of potentially sooner. I’m stuck in a limbo right now but I know I can make a STRONG comeback once my court case is through.. I guess I am in what they call “catabasis” right now. Working on myself, recovering, healing ❤️🩹, surrounding myself with family and friends, saving up money, and keeping busy. Things will get better. I guess I never expected life to take me through a path and journey like this. Anyways, I hope everyone has a blessed month of November.
Societys in large can have internilised narcissism as their opus operandi . Politics that general people vote for - waiting that they would make the promises happen , are disapointed that the politics don´t actually solve the problems or bring worth the actions they promised for the people, but do somethign totally different then they promised and don´t act on the values that they convinced that they would .
But instead of holding these politics countable for their actions , society in large - likely is to refer as politics just being that way , or that politics are difficult and that as politics are that difficult the ones who got betrayed or at least promised much more then what they initially get should be understanding and the tolerant part of politicians missbehavign.
This is ... they are in actual power over the situation -- but don´t hold the responcibility for their own actions or the consecuensess becomign of their actions - could be referancable for narisissist behaviour at least the communal narcissist that create these kind of situations in more restricted enviroments.
Gettign help from the creater society that already works narcissistly it self is not very usefull for the invidual .
More like trying to come clear with alcoholism , sitting on a bench with some drunken bums , handling the bottle.🤕
Grieving the loss of self And I want to see him suffer as I did The hate for him I have inside
dear danish: to be perfectly honest, there is indeed NOTHING to grieve once an illusion has died, and once a narcissistic manipulator has left you in one way or another. the grief is still part and parcel of the illusion. it is the narcissist's way of warping our perspective. indeed we SHOULD be happy. finding a way is a different matter, but once the enemy is gone, happiness is indeed the answer.
Very helpful brother ❣️
Very true dear Danish.
You can't feel that pain until it happens in your life 💘
I pray to God bless you a lot.
Amazingly accurate video
I felt something os broken and taken away from me after narcissistic abuse
Thank you Danish!
Great video
Danish, I watched an excellent video you created months ago about the brain and its functions. I know you possess a vast more amount of knowledge than what I have. I read through the comments & I recognize similar pains to mine. I would like to know if you can tell us what you know about creating good reactions to cancel the bad reactions. I know the reactions start in our brains & (as fast as a streak of lightening) bad reactions can manifest as pain.
I think we need to get in charge of our reactionary part of our brains by counteracting the hardcore reactions with positive affirmations. I am interested in your wisdom on attacking [the bad reactions that promote our physiological pain] with positive affirmations to counteract & de-power the reactions that cause us pain.
J Brown suggested time will heal. So I created a positive affirmation about time severing me from the pain caused by narcs. I think this is going to give me 100% healing.
Narcs know what they are doing when they implant reactions in us to cause us pain & suffering. I am interested in anything you can tell us that could neutralize + destroy the terrible reactions implanted by narcs.
I am glad J Brown gave me the information I needed. I hope you can see if you can give your professional knowledge about a method to help us. I have a breakdown on what I experienced in a different comment on this video.
The only person asking me these things is me. Why do I feel guilty? It wasn’t just me. He abused our 3 sons too. A I couldn’t help them. I couldn’t help myself. After 25 years, turning 40, and losing my mother, I was able to get away. But I feel guilty that I didn’t get my boys away from him
Thank you for this ❤
Exactly what I am going through and what I needed to hear! Thank you Danish. 😊
Thanks ♥️
A common psychiatrists antidote to everything intheir fast food-kind of mindset as far a healing is concerned.
Disenfranchised grief: Your approach should be used for survivors of suicide loss as well as NPD personality disorder relationship loss. Survivors of suicide loss suffer these same effects but the pain of this loss is on steroids especially if you have full understanding of the pain that cluster B disordered suffer. It is like being stuck in a web of hell.
My pastor told me to stop being the victim and take responsibility for my reactions to abuse because that’s the only way I can heal.
But that’s clearly not how this works.
Happy new year Danish.
I am at peace of mind. Who says that i am griefing is plainly wrong. The true narcissist is the one who grieves. See for yourself.
💯%%!!:))!! Happy New Year!!🎁🥂💚👍🌺🌈⚓!!✨
Happy new year!
I am having full blown panic and anxiety attacks since 3 days. I am not feeling good. Don't know when i will completely heal. Sometimes it's like i really need help. Don't know what help. Dizziness and nausea all the day long.
It's like something flowing overflow through my heart and I can't do anything about it. It's not good all I know is i need help.
@hannahmary106 Please watch as much of Danish videos as you can,they help a lot.
To understand this you have to have experienced it or you dont get it,these people make you feel so ill its unreal,you cant believe what youve been through yourself 💐
@@hannahmary_23 so unreal and so painful
❤
Stop torturing yourself 😂
There isn't a therapist out there anywhere that understands this or is qualified to deal with it... nor do they care. It's completely over their heads.
Amen. Thank you for your wisdom.
you are absolutely right.