Sir,He is passive covert narcissist. I am post graduate from university.I left my job to give him more time as he told me that he don't need working women in his life. He was so handsome ,smart and dashing ,I was madly in love after my marriage . But he made me believe,I am nothing without him. I am good singer, good painter ,I used to write poems in magazines which everyone used to appreciate. But he discouraged me and told me to look after our daughter and household.If I disobeyed him ,he used insult me in front of friends and family. I tried hard to give best but in vain . I used to blame myself for the unsuccesful relation. Then a month ago I found your blog . Thank you sir for making me aware . After 20 years of my marriage now I will protect myself and will fight against all the odds he has done to me. He can never manipulate me anymore.
The problem was being her retirement plan, not being played as a cash cow really turned the boat upside down. Family and friends moved on and here I am in a desert island. Thank god I don't have children.
I believed for decades that the façade was the real man that I married. That false belief kept me trying harder to "win back" the loving attentive man I made vows to. Lived in cognitive dissonance and insecurity for so long it became an alternate reality for me. I lost 36 years of my life to a vapor, to a mask I thought was real. When I left 4 years ago, it took a very long time to recognize that the image I had married was like the image the Wizard of Oz projected on the screen to keep Dorothy and her friends under his control. I lost my own identity, had 2 major illnesses and have spent the last 4 years grieving and trying to reclaim my self. After a lot of prayer, tears and therapy, EMDR made a huge difference. Passive aggressive covert narcissism is the worst because you do not know what you are dealing with for ages of time. Trying to relate to a phantom is like trying to hold on to a handful of water. I was suicidal when I left. I thank God that I did not take my own life and that He gave me the courage to leave at the age of 68, losing friends and family in the process. My one bit of advice to anyone stuck in this soul-destroying situation: do not waste the precious years that I did. Time is the one thing you will never get back. Shalom.
I truly believe Satan the devil is in control of these people!!!!!!!!!! I’m so sorry 😞 you had to suffer like this but there is a bright light at the end of this tunnel!!!!!!!! And look at all the chances you have learned about your self and how to improve in your self, none of us are perfect and In God’s new world we will become perfect and find exquisite delight in the abundance of peace!!!!!
I know I havent escaped yet just trying to plan gives me the shakesI have lyme disease and long covid you got out you can look forward to happiness which will be around the corner
Grief for my inner child, knowing I never would have treated a child like i was treated,, wishing I could start over and have a different life that was healthier
The most difficult thing is understanding that the love bombing phase was all fake. They lulled me to think they're behavior was a result of them liking me too much and not the reality that they were manipulating me to gain some control. I also felt like I was being punished for simply wanting time to myself and that asking for basic things like respect for my space were being treated as if I was being out of order. They instead doubled down to the point I ended up in hospital. Finding the truth about that person was a double shock, especially when prior others defended said persons behavior way just them being nice I was over reacting. Creating boundaries has helped my recovery and I am back to improving myself... Seeing them shocked and jealous that I can bounce back and know they can't get my services in the same way is so be somewhat satisfying... But the mental scars from what they did is still there.
Yes Gideon, this happens to all of us and it is sinister; they don't confer with each other yet they all behave exactly the same way. It is all planned in advance, from grooming to discard. I as a victim I have been trying through research to come to terms with this evil behavior; bottom line is they have NO EMPATHY they are effectively psychopaths. We have been dealing with partners who are seriously mentally damaged and it is their mission to take this out on the person who showed them the most love and kindness; how could you or any of us get our heads around that? I have all but been destroyed and she like all psychopath narcissist's lives on to destroy another without consequences, compassion, shame or guilt. It should be a crime to do this to decent unsuspecting people like us. Hope things get better for you and all of us.
@@waynehoobler2677 Your content is ingenious 🙏... That's exactly what I've experienced, but couldn't find the right words. I'm no American native speaker, so it's not easy for me to answer in the right words... I've understood everything, thank you very much 💐
@@elkebanhart7045 You have found the right words and I thank you so much for those words. I am not American either I am European so neither of us are American native speakers. You speak the language of your heart Elke and that language is universal. Prayer is the best form of healing; I have handed over all the the pain and injustice to God. I hope your healing will come soon and God brings you your true soul partner. ❤😇🙏
@@millyardopeacecraft9778 Just watched the documentary Millyardo, OMG🤯 They, in my case, the female covert narcissist, are emissaries of Satan himself, their purpose is to take the unsuspecting empath down.😈They have a mission, an ultimate objective and God help us all from that. Knowing what they are is part of the healing; thanks for sharing the video.
I lost my self esteem. I lost all of my finances. I lost my good health. I lost hope. I lost decades. Now I am not so young with physical limitations. I gave it all to him. And it was never enough. And now I am stuck. I never knew what narcissism was. Now I see it and cannot unsee it after the veil is lifted. It is pure evil. If you can get away from their evil clutches, run. Run fast.
It is evil.Nothing was ever enough.Now,having been sucked dry and spit out like a husk,I too am stuck,existing&surviving.It is hard to acknowledge that what was taken from me during the marriage is lost forever.He is on wife#3,married her for the money. Yet,he cannot leave me alone.It's beyond sick! Long,prayerful, meditative walks in nature have helped me more than any therapist.Time is the best healer of all.
I really, really appreciate the way you validate and articulate the totality of this experience that other people belittle and call 'baggage' and even mock you for. I have the feeling there's thousands, if not millions of victims of narcissistic abuse, that was never even acknowledged by society as a form of abuse a few years ago, while being the WORST, most DEVASTATING form of abuse there is. May we all pull through the grief and NOT get stuck in bitterness and resentment, like the narcissists.
Thank you Danish for this video. I have been reading the comments. How supportive all are with each other. I have been on my own for nearly 2 year's. Married over 30 years. Husband has dementia, he is in care. He soon found a new supply they are together. I still visit , but realise I need to detach myself . Been difficult to break the bond. I'm getting there. Your advice has helped. Thank you. 🌟
I lost what I thought was my soul mate. I believed in the constitution of our marriage. I made excuses for him all the while for 10 years he devalue and discarded me after 29 years of marriage. I looked in the mirror and had no idea who I was. What he made of me. He lied, future faked, cheated and stole property and money from me. Why? I did not know these people even existed. Now I have to move, sell our home, my family has passed, he made flying monkeys out of the rest. He took everything I know, feel that I thought was secure. People fall out of love all the time. That's OK but tell the person so both can be on their way. Instead these cowards use, lies, steal until they can get anymore or you "see" them. He almost stole my soul. Coming out of the pit, I filed, and can't wait to be free and finding me along this journey is wonderful. I will survive
Three years out from 23 years. Having more good days than bad now and I believe the trauma bond is finally all the way broken after doing all I can. No contact or as close as possible is absolutely necessary. Stay strong. Keep a list of incidents and facts of what happened- incidents and descriptions- all you can… keep it near to help remind you when you need it. Get a narcissistic abuse counselor/ coach. Do not open up to those who do not understand. Find your support system- people and resources- Nurture your physical self and stay strong. Blessings.
Good for you im glad I'm not the only one i felt sad that it was a game to them its crewel I never get over it at leased im free from this evil person they not human
At first, I was verified to be the love of their life. But things changed when I noticed their inconsistencies, and gas lighting, to a point where I started to doubt my knowledge, my personal values, and self awareness. The energy was being drained, that I had to sleep in the other room, just to mentally block the negative vibrations.
To answer your question, my biggest loss and feeling of sadness after leaving the narcissist was the reality check. My heart broke by the fact that I had to truly let go and say goodbye to someone that just by looking at him gave me butterflies in my heart and his true potential, so I may have thought, would peak through at times, nonetheless his NPD characteristics and devilish ways trumped and destroyed the dream 💔
Being heavily attracted to the narcissist is so difficult to walk away from, and good sex does not help. Lol smh. I hope you heal soon. I hope we all do.
I feel the same , she discard me after 12 year relationship , she made me feel like a friend , not a husband , she threatened me numerous time with breaking up , the time before this she said , I think it’s time to call it , I gave in , all I had was hope it will get better , this time when she said yu retirement is my money , was it for me , I said that is my retirement not yours , she walked , didn’t hear from her for 35 days , nothing , not phone call , text , nothing , she disappeared , I cried in the attorney’s office of what I was doing , but I know I will always be a doormat to her , been 90 plus days , she got her papers , and it hurts today , as bad when she walked out , I feel your pain I really do ,, I guess we just have to keep swimming ,, but yu are not alone in this pool .. Tdog ..
Lost all of the above plus my faith in everything. Permanent insomnia due to never ending rumination. My ability to see the funny side of everything, my humour was one of one of the things that defined me. Lastly my confidence in myself which was first stolen then lost.
@@novisan4809 As I am in my late sixties with no friends or family it is very difficult, ten years in a narcissistic relationship is more difficult to extricate oneself from. When I could take no more I placed myself at the mercy of God and asked him if he would heal me. I have been praying intensely as narcissism is from the Devil in the hope that God would fight on my behalf. The battle continues and I hope God and I both win.
@@waynehoobler2677 There is always hope. Every day is a new beginning! Just make up your mind that you will win and it will happen 🙏 sending you much love and harmony
I feel completely lost . it's like this person doesn't even know me even after 5 years of lies and deceit Everything you say in your videos. I have experienced with this person who hates me ? who says that shit ,besides a child.. ? I just feel stupid and lost and I am really angry too.. Thank you for sharing these informational videos ☕🇨🇦
@@iank4689 I'm having trouble FORGETTING 5 FRICKEN YEARS OF LIES AND CHEATING I moved to another Province Thankfully, I think otherwise I'd be dealing with the Mounties ... Anger makes one do stupid things..
Wow Danish! you really explained how "a person loses their autonomy" in a narcissistic relationship perfectly! That makes so much sense!! I love your explanation!...it really cleared it up for me! Thanks Danish for making sense of it for me! I really appreciate it! 🙂
Hi Nahla, yes the narcissist wants us to lose our sense of self just how they have. They have to worship their false-self because there is nobody home inside of them.🙂
@@Resiliant777 Yes too funny I thought there might be 2 Nahlas on the Survivor videos, wasn't sure at first to be honest lol. Yes we are like-minded aren't we, I have been listening to Danish for a little while, his videos are spot on. I wonder which other Channel videos we'll notice each other on, take care sweetie.👍😃💕
Thank you Danish, I’ve been crying for about a week now all over again. He discarded me face to face daily for 6 months in my house and I grieved significantly during that time. But I’ve been no contact since August 9th and I haven’t been feeling good yet. I am still struggling. I just want to feel happy again. I was so confident and so full of life when he started dating me. I don’t want to feel how I do anymore… but I cant shake it.
Im sorry you feel like that. I was discarded over the course of 2 hours. It's hard to believe that someone could consiously and with intent, do that to you. These people are full of demons. Just as the pharisees were full of the devil's lies, Jesus was treated the same. There's another way to satisfy the emptyness in your soul. Another way to live. A lot of people don't want to hear that because it requires faith. But why put your faith in someone who's not capable of fulfilling you. Try reading one of the 4 new testament gospels and learn about someone who was betrayed by the very people he shown the most love to.
@@gailrosenberg8754 I have heard so many good things about EMDR I haven’t tried it yet, I will definitely look into it. I’ve been in counselling since March because of this but It’s not as helpful for me as I hoped it would be. I’m trying to get my motivation back at least but a lot has happened and it’s been very overwhelming so maybe I’m being too hard on myself. I am not sure. All I know is that I want this to be over soon, and I don’t want to be in this trauma bond that I feel I’m in still. I’m just all over the place right now.
@@kathrynaddante3328 I went to a therapist for over a year and was still trauma bonded. The EMDR helped to break that. It takes a lot of hard work to recover from this form of subtle, insidious abuse, so I would suggest you give yourself lots of compassion, congratulate yourself now and then for small victories, seek God daily. It's a private path, but there are others out here who are on the same journey. One of the main things I learned is that abandoned myself in order to try and make the relationship work. Now that you are out, it is especially important not to abandon yourself. I gave myself permission to have days of just feeling numb, now and then. Then I would go back and do the work of recovery again. I journaled, watched hours upon hours of videos, took nature walks and hikes, learned self-soothing technics. There are lots of resources out there. The main thing is do not give up and do not expect a quick fix. You can do this!
@@gailrosenberg8754 thank you so much! I am trying to do all of that minus the EMDR (I have not tried) but I will look into that. I will also try to remind myself that it’s the process and to allow myself more time. I guess I’m just so tired of being hurt because I’ve been hurt for years bc of this person and I do not want him to control me anymore and I’m relating my pain today as him still having control. I should change my perspective. I did lose myself a lot because I was trying to please him and that’s probably one of my huge hurts among others also but I really appreciate your messages tonight. Thank you so much I will check out the EMDR!
If you don't feel safe it's not love. It took me a while to work out that the feeling of not feeling safe was the result from having a passive-aggressive, covert narcissist in my life. Narcissist's are dangerous people to be around they will destroy you emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, don't let them. Keep away from these selfish, hard-hearted people as much as you can. Good video.
@steady pace you are correct! I would feel safe with him, meaning I felt safe that he’d protect me from harm but I wasn’t safe with him because he often inflicted harm with his words and actions. True love never hurts!
@@aprillewis6270 True. Narcissists have low to no empathy and without that they can't possibly know what real love is. They deliberately press your buttons to get you to react to them so they can point their finger at you and blame you for always causing arguments. The high end narcissist gets pleasure from seeing you in emotional pain.🕊
@@steadypace1262 spot on!! I would sometimes question myself because I would have never resorted to certain behaviors prior to dating him. Nobody had ever pushed me to a point until I reacted. There would be such a smug look on his face whenever I would react and especially when it was out of character for me. I admit I have a really hard time forgiving myself for everything I allowed to go on for so long. That relationship/experience was something unlike anything I’d ever experienced before in my life. People don’t understand when you try to explain what it is you’ve gone through.
@@steadypace1262 Yes, absolutely true. At this time I wasn't, we weren't aware of narcissism. We didn't know what's going on here. Thank you for your valuably comment.
@@steadypace1262 Yes. A long time ago I've written him (via WA) : "I have the feeling, you always want war. Go and search for another one who you can fight against. Moi non plus."
My biggest loss was my two adult children. He made a point of alienating them from the get go…they can see the problem with him but continue to disrespect and abuse me the same way he does…complete and utter devastation that will be with me until I die.
The kids disrespect us bc they were programmed to do that, they learned from their dad and normalized it. Sad but true. My ex was gone but I was left with the problem of re teaching the kids what I was supposed to show them from the beginning. It all started with boundaries and I had lots of resistance.
As always, you validated why I’m an emotional mess. Today, I finally sat down to clean up my computer. I found all the work I did for him, to start a new career at 60 years old-and none of the pipe dreams came to fruition. This was in addition to my full time pressured job. The highlight was finding photos of naked women. The idiot didn’t have the decency to delete these… The anxiety, heart racing is destroying me, and I’m on anti anxiety medication. This isn’t the person I want to be. Yesterday was great, new part time retirement job! Then today I woke up with the heart racing and it won’t calm down. Not having any control over my emotions is driving me insane. When we spoke and I told you of some of his habits/actions, you confirmed that he was evil. I still can’t comprehend someone can be so evil. You ask if we ever felt safe. Yes, sleeping and cuddling was amazing, I felt so protected. He would hold my hand all through the night, the best feeling. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 😘
I have got from my narc-/psychopathic "family" a no-way-situaion in almost every single area of life. Maybe they enjoy it, I enjoy NoContact. Thank You!!:))!!
😔😔💯%correct. I lost all my dreams. Now I can't even recognise what was my dreams. I lost my finances, he used my money for running family and all the credits were to him. I couldn't even even understand what was going on. Only after the therapy I recognise the fact and now I am trying to find out my dreams. I lost my identity,
you arent lost ever and you dd not lose your dreams plaese think of it as a biginning very bright and beautiful with the angels and godd leading the way
Very true what you said 2years and 6months free now he destroyed my faith in pepole lost 10 years he sold me a dream of being together for life better to be free than be with this 😈 demon
I lost my identity .I cry ask myself ,who am I ? Who am I .why did I not see it coming .I lost my health my kids ,my dreams and family .Children that I made with him .I am scared and fear that maybe I am the one who is a narcissist .Why I didnt see it sooner ?
As a child I never ever felt safe. I still managed to get good grades in school. I worked part time jobs all through high school as well. It was tough. I never knew when my father was going to rage. He has poisoned my entire family against me. They won’t speak to me and blame me. I’m working with a therapist but it just feels like a no win situation right now. It is however better to be out than in.
I lost my sense of self worth, I lost the dream of the “one” to love and cherish and care, and grow together with, for the rest of my life. I lost years and my energy. I feel just a shell of my previous self. Rebuilding myself and my life and my identity feels almost unattainable. How can a human being be so cruel ?
Biggest losses : my health , my independance, my creativity and my time . Random temper tantrums, cheater, financial stealer. Sucked so dry I had severe bed ridden health problems that took years to heal. Get out ASAP the minute you recognize the signs.
Having to think about them and their reactions becomes a full time job, thereby making the attachment stronger. Because your life basically revolves around them
Whoever has dealt with this type of folly, and escaped gracefully, deserves a first row seat in heaven. This type of behavior deserves severe discipline.
Thank you so much sir for making me recognize that my husband is narcissist. He punished me in several ways but I couldn't understood at that time.. Now I can make sense of each of his action. Such a psycho he is. I don't feel safe now. But I am stuck with my teenage daughter who is doing bachelors. I can't leave him as I am housewife and he finances ours daughter's education .
He presented himself as a very good husband, friend, life partner, I remember a moment when I thought I could finally relax and feel safe, being a wife and having a family. Then the insults behind jokes started and I lost my self esteem, I became terrified and very unsafe after his cruel and frightening rages, I lost my my dreams having a wonderful marriage built on trust, mutuality, and repocosity, I lost my role as mother and grandmother, I lost my confidence and my sanity behind his gaslighting, I became clumsy and weak. Thank you for your validation and knowledge of narcissistic abuse. I left 2 years ago after a year of marriage, I'm healing more each day.
The loss is trust, believing lies caused childhood and adulthood trauma triggers. Especially when you’re transparent and genuine they weaponize it against you!
Yes Mr. Bashir. Relationship ended 4 yrs ago, and I haven't dated since. I felt I met the right man who really loved me, I was extremely happy, walking on air. Then, his mask fell off after a month. By then I had mistakenly moved in with him. I wouldn't say totally blindsided, but hurt deeply. Disappointment set in. I gave up that fairytale meant to be ideal. I say that because I had a relationship similar in my late teens. With this narc, I felt I could talk to him about anything for hours. But, he was studying me. He admitted to tearing me down to build me back up after that relationship. I asked why? He didn't answer. I knew...control! I went from so amazing that everything I did was wrong. A rollercoaster of ups and downs. I chose flight over fight. I wanted away, you cannot win an argument with narc. He told everyone I was leaving for nothing. He called me psycho. That hurt. My advice to anyone experiencing this now or met someone new, please look out for these red flags, overly pleasing and moving too fast, please talk alot in person with them before making any decisions. I am healing. It gets better everyday. Mr. Bashir has helped so much! I experienced grief, anger, shame, sadness. Time! Give it time I feel better after zero contact, grey rock. I mean I dropped off FB, etc. It feels wonderful knowing he cant insult me, gaslight me, tell me how to dress, who to talk too. Wonderful feeling and it feels like a wonderful release of freedom, that YOU know he/she knows you DONT care anymore. Everytime I have thought revenge thoughts, I thought God has this. No need to give them negative or positive attention. Believe me I struggled, but I am gaining me back and more! You will recover faster than you know! Great video Mr. Bashir! ❤😊
I struggle to make discussions even to cross the road .I do not trust the drivers at the zebra crossing .because I think they will not stop .when I get attentition from the doctor I feel overwhelmed and guilty because I told that I am an attention seeker . I find it hard to seek help from anyone .
I lost my hope, and I dreamt he still loved me after he abandoned my daughter and me because he wasn't ready to be a parent. I was devastated and felt could not trust anyone with my heart, even en after going to therapy for a year. I lost trust in my judgment. Your videos help me understand his cruelty was not really directed to me, but to his needy mother, who also uses whomever she can. What a mess to extricate myself from and enjoy life again. I truly appreciate your insights. Let the healing begin, please merciful Lord.
It's difficult because they are gloating on how you are damaged and now you have to waste more time on recovering and suffering in silence. I was not in a relationship, but I was raised by narcissists. It was the undermining and mental abuse of childhood that prepared me to have a bad start when I turned 18 and realized that they were trying to crush my identity, autonomy, and goals, which they prevented and then further mentally abused me as I was having difficult time finding a stable job and being financially independent during recession, then underemployed, and then during the pandemic. In the post-pandemic, I am in my 30s now, but all those years just put a strain on my physical health that I feel fatigued all the time and can't accomplish much anymore at a daily basis.
I was surprised when I felt safety and comfort while checking the doors and windows before going to bed after the divorce. Safety!! even I am alone! I found out that it was just the opposite beforehand. This hit me! Thank you ...
Choose yourself. Believe again that you are amazing. Remember all the good qualities you have. Remember you. Uplift yourself. Gather all the pieces of you which was scattered and run. Never look back. Pray to God. Thank God he atleast let you know that you were in wrong path. Now you understood everything. Move from there and run with your life. Focus on yourself. I hope you have more strength to move on.
I am self sufficient in everything from managing my life to managing my business. Since I realized he is using and mismanaging my resources I have stopped his access to my resources. For me the most important loss is precious 40 quality yrs of my life in a hope that this man will improve. Another loss is what I was before the abuse. A happy little honest innocent girl with not many expectations from life.
Always at first it's perfect. You feel alive even more than you did. THEN, you feel dead, just totally dead. Warriors we where fine before and over time we are again. It's one of the most powerful lesson to learn and once learnt you can sniff them out, its great really great.
My biggest loss is and was *TIME* I can not gain back the last 23 years. My pretty years are gone. Add being in constant stress 24/7, which has aged me considerably, and poof you blink, and you are 53. I think I tolerated so much BS for fear of ending up alone. Now, that is all I want. I do, and I don't if that makes sense to anyone. The second worst thing I lost was my self-worth and dignity. I am gaining that back slowly just by telling him to go. I have to pretend that I'm not leaving or going anywhere, but I am completely bolting that proverbial door shut once, and for all the second, he moves out into his new bachelor pad.
There's a type that I wouldn't call a narcissist who is very giving but still results in a similar outcome of the other becoming helpless. I need help navigating this understanding. Do some "victims" Give their power away willingly due to a lack of self love and worship of the other?
It was the loss of the dream that I had found my "soul mate" and person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. The break up was pretty shabby, though, on her part making it a point to talk about her new better guy to my friends. She was mean like that and it wasn't expected.
My narc fooled me into believing that he was my ultimate partner in the life on this planet. I just cant understand how i could allow myself to be accept all that nonsense and false promises. I feel like an idiot when i ruminate about those days. But seemed so true. Anyway, i m stronger now. Im better alone. Than be in a field full of landmines.
The anxiety is neverending , I am already surviving the oppressive narcissistist Sanlam Trust abuse , and then I had to go through it with a man who is a child growing older demanding life 🧬 goes his way
Sounds like u were the narcissist but still in denial. U r not more pure than her or anyone. Hatred and sorrow/pity reflect into the world from our own hearts. If u want to transcend u must be light as a feather in your heart. Love yourself have selfless compassion and forgiveness for yourself and others. Only worship God.
@@DarkCelestialConsciousness and how is that I never said I was pure no one is. I notice and admit my wrongs problem was that I was the only one in that relationship that did. Instead of being a team and taking accountability for our wrongs. It ended being me taking the wrongs for both of us.
@@DarkCelestialConsciousness have you looked in the mirror recently? To say this to an already grieving person is horrible... You got this man to respond even to your crap, that's how deep a narcissistic scar goes.. You keep defending yourself, eventhough you are just speaking your own truth. Do you get a kick out of bringing others down? Or are you now going to call me a narcissist to?
@@DarkEnergyHealer I like your response c: but u r fighting the wrong person and so was I potentially out of line with the first sentence. Not sure yet cuz he didn't respond to the 2nd comment. I'm allowed to Speak and Learn from others and they from me. U r not more pure than anyone either and this applies to everyone including me. But I'm here to tell u lovely ppl how to transcend out of compassion and reflection. U also have a lot of hatred in your heart to have responded the way u did to me. U should read my whole comment since u could easily see the positivity in it. Not just me seeing if he was the one who coddled her accidentally worshipping her or if he was actually the narcissist that forced her into defense mode no contact. I forgive u for being offensive but if he thinks I was hopefully he forgives me. Even if he was the narc I still forgive him and don't judge really but I still suggest temperance as the positive solution and learning who u r deeply and loving your self and worshipping God first instead of yourself, hatred or sorrow/pity. If u want to transcend your heart must be light as a feather. So don't attack others just teach them. U don't get to ascend with a murderous violent spirit. 💖 I used to attack ppl more viciously than u could probably imagine. Learn to be kind even to those u hate. Also I'd like to add I'm the first to like his comment.
Thats what I blamed myself for caring about someone like this and more than once in my life. Family members. Mates, and friends. No wonder I am content and like being alone.
I can definitely loss of self identity. For years I was made to feel like my job as you state was just a basic thing, my goals and dreams literally became my narcs dreams. Away from my narc for 4 months and doing my best to stay strong and be aware of the hoovering when it happens
There is something unique about me ! Ppl feel very comfortable with me just in 5-10 min talking to me ! If they are PhD , MD, highly intellectual or I'll literate ! All feel very comfortable ! But after being with my husband I became depressed ! Found myself avoiding talking ! 😊
I wasted so much time in confusion. All of my dreams and plans for myself were destroyed. By the time I was done raising our kids and tried to become financially independent it was too late. Lots of lost opportunities. Now I am stuck with him because I don’t want to be old and poor after wasting my youth with him.
Everything you say in your content is 100% on point with my experiences I’ve had over 18 years while with my ex narc. I recently left & was so afraid because he has convinced me to believe that I can’t do anything without him. He’d say things like “You don’t know these things…you don’t understand a lot of things…you need me to help you…you’ll learn the hard way”. Now we’re separated and I’m learning who I am FREELY & becoming independent finally at 37
I lost myself almost ...I am so happy that I walk away ....its not my first trip with a Narc I knew it was time to go once his mask was broken .. I must say after this battle I will not date again for now but become the best version of myself I have a long way to go but its ok nothing good goes fast.. thank you for your constant reminder it help me to keep my head as I navigate my life from now on forward.
He reduced me to a dust particle. I rose back from the ashes of my identity and soul. I prayed every night to god to stop loving him. It took me 13 years to leave though , left with nothing other than clothes , books and few cooking pans. but with the certitude I will build myself back at least financially, but I am always looking whatever the next man has any traces of my ex husband’s personality. I do self checkout.
Oh my God you mention everything that I am experiencing.. And worst of all I am doubting myself that maybe I'am the narcissist and the problem of this relationship.. I'am so used of being love and hate by my partner.. It feels so exhausted.
This video is describing my third exhusband. I never felt safe with him once he changed. I did loose myself in my last marriage. He was the worst of all my husbands'. Thank you for your TH-cam channel.
Peace was my biggest loss. He didn't give me time to enjoy my last moments with my mom, nor time to grieve after she died. He didn't give me time to enjoy my last moments with my daughter before she left the country. There was never any peace. Time to just enjoy silence or happiness.
I have been out of the relationship for over 2 years now but it's still a struggle. The Jekyll & Hyde nature of him was mind boggling. It was like being on an emotional rollercoaster. The trauma bond was strong but in all honesty I absolutely loved & adored him and to a degree still love him now....or the nice, loving decent human being he could be or pretended to be. The things we had in common, the connection, the chemistry, I still don't know how much was genuine or how much wasn't. Was it all about control & supply? Did he ever have one ounce of real love for me? It's so incredibly hard to get your head around it all. I wish I felt nothing for him, I hate the fact that I do. It's heartbreaking when I let him into my heart and I still keep him in a corner of it. I just live with it, I get on with things, I still laugh but the sadness remains deep inside.
Danish you are a life saver. I have experienced, recently, the worst experience which only a narc can bring but your channel has saved me. I thank you for the service you are providing and May God Bless You.
Hi Danish, during thirty years of marriage I lost my ability to stand up for myself, to make decisions in any context, to do anything other than tread softly around him hoping I could do enough to please him. Nothing I did was ever enough and I felt it was all my fault. Each day I waited for the raging and the verbal abuses and I could never prepare for this; I knew it would come but not when, where or why, and this seemed to intensify the pain. I became completely isolated from family and friends and when he discarded me I literally had no one to whom I could turn to or talk. About six weeks ago he 'discarded' me and your video today expresses exactly the feelings I have. Thank you, your kind words have helped me begin to realise that I can start to heal.
I wish I could give you a hug. I understand what you have been through. All I can say is, although you are isolated now, try and reconnect with the human race. I hope you can find the ability to trust again. ❤
My self esteem,my life,my time,all the efforts I made in vain are my biggest losses...and yes ur right..never once felt safe..alwats thinking of a plan B ..as he always made sure to highlihgt the fact of how much he doesnt need me.
A counselor once asked me to remember a time in my childhood when I felt loved, warm and completely safe. I was in my late 20's at the time. Of course this was impossible for me and I left that session in what i now can see was a state of complete dissociation. You have no doubt already formed an impression of how good this counselor wasn't. Fortunately, in the middle of the sleepless night that followed, a memory came to me of being 8 or 9 years old and walking a neighbours" dog that I was very fond of. (The dog, not the neighbour). I was running in a park with the dog on a lead when I tripped and fell. The lead was jarred from my hand and the dog ran off. My distress at losing the dog and catastrophic thoughts of what might happen to him had me sobbing with my face pressed into the grass. In what seemed like no time at all there was a cold, wet nose shoved in my ear and a warm sloppy tongue was licking my cheek. That pretty much did for the dissociation but gives a good idea of my family dynamics.
Thanks a lot. I felt lost as I knew leaving the narc was the right decision, however I felt sad, couldn’t understand why. Makes so much sense now. I wasn’t mourning him or even him, I was mourning me that got lost in the relationship.
Biggest Lost - 1. is TIME Wasted!! Time spent on wishing and hoping for something that will never happen...that the narc will change or improve. 2. Believing in your heart that the Emotion & Love the narc displayed is REAL..when it wasn't. 3. TRUST..!! You lose trust in others (especially new love interests) due to the experienced abuse...Your ability to trust is diminished. PSA: CNA-(covert narcissistic abuse) is synonymous to a cancer. It internally destroys the host unknowingly because the abuse is so subtle and minute.
I really admire how you articulate this subject. You put into words the confusion that we go through but cannot find the words for. Just escaped the clutches of a narc and even in just the 8 weeks I knew him, he caused me so much stress and confusion and blamed me for all of it. I'm working on myself, again!
This is so true and surreal. i am waking up after 2.5 years of “relationship “. how can this pattern be the same for most narcissists? how can ones brain work instinctively in a narcissistic way? i am still in shock understanding that what you say is exactly how he operated over past 2 years
Wow, such a great video. I feel like I had nearly 2 decades of no.3 on steroids. Too many years lost that's for sure. I am in my 60's now and just want what is left of my life to be peaceful now so I can enjoy my children)one with him) and my grandchildren.
I am just coming out of a 6 year relationship with a man I committed my life to. I have 3 small children by this man, and I am trying so hard to pick up the pieces. I trying to hold on to the only help I know, which is God. However, its so hard for me to pray and read along with any other everyday task. I'm just getting back to making meals for my children again. I am in need of help
What losses did you experience in the narcissistic relationship?
may God bless you richly, Thank you so much xxxx
Sir,He is passive covert narcissist. I am post graduate from university.I left my job to give him more time as he told me that he don't need working women in his life. He was so handsome ,smart and dashing ,I was madly in love after my marriage . But he made me believe,I am nothing without him. I am good singer, good painter ,I used to write poems in magazines which everyone used to appreciate. But he discouraged me and told me to look after our daughter and household.If I disobeyed him ,he used insult me in front of friends and family.
I tried hard to give best but in vain . I used to blame myself for the unsuccesful relation.
Then a month ago I found your blog . Thank you sir for making me aware . After 20 years of my marriage now I will protect myself and will fight against all the odds he has done to me. He can never manipulate me anymore.
Self...
The problem was being her retirement plan, not being played as a cash cow really turned the boat upside down. Family and friends moved on and here I am in a desert island. Thank god I don't have children.
I will never trust anyone again
I believed for decades that the façade was the real man that I married. That false belief kept me trying harder to "win back" the loving attentive man I made vows to. Lived in cognitive dissonance and insecurity for so long it became an alternate reality for me. I lost 36 years of my life to a vapor, to a mask I thought was real. When I left 4 years ago, it took a very long time to recognize that the image I had married was like the image the Wizard of Oz projected on the screen to keep Dorothy and her friends under his control. I lost my own identity, had 2 major illnesses and have spent the last 4 years grieving and trying to reclaim my self. After a lot of prayer, tears and therapy, EMDR made a huge difference. Passive aggressive covert narcissism is the worst because you do not know what you are dealing with for ages of time. Trying to relate to a phantom is like trying to hold on to a handful of water. I was suicidal when I left. I thank God that I did not take my own life and that He gave me the courage to leave at the age of 68, losing friends and family in the process. My one bit of advice to anyone stuck in this soul-destroying situation: do not waste the precious years that I did. Time is the one thing you will never get back. Shalom.
I'm 68, divorced 7 years ago. Still have bad days. I never believed he knew more than I, so he poisoned me
I truly believe Satan the devil is in control of these people!!!!!!!!!! I’m so sorry 😞 you had to suffer like this but there is a bright light at the end of this tunnel!!!!!!!! And look at all the chances you have learned about your self and how to improve in your self, none of us are perfect and In God’s new world we will become perfect and find exquisite delight in the abundance of peace!!!!!
@@Anna-eu8px Be brave, dear lady. You will get your life back, but you will never be the same. This stuff changes us.
@@janicemurphy4373 I agree. I lean on Jesus and know He will make all things new in His Kingdom.
WoW! Well done, well done.
I grieve the life I should have or could have had
Same here ❤
Me too....
Me too. 💔
I know I havent escaped yet just trying to plan gives me the shakesI have lyme disease and long covid you got out you can look forward to happiness which will be around the corner
Narcissist father, narcissist sisters, narcissist boyfriends. No wonder I am a loner. Amazing that I have accomplished what I have.
I can relate. It's amazing that I've survived thus far.
Same here....
... Me too 🙂💐
Same
Same road here. I walked away from every vibe that feels like knives in my heart. No more arrows flying around my head,
Grief for my inner child, knowing I never would have treated a child like i was treated,, wishing I could start over and have a different life that was healthier
Me too. 💔
The most difficult thing is understanding that the love bombing phase was all fake. They lulled me to think they're behavior was a result of them liking me too much and not the reality that they were manipulating me to gain some control.
I also felt like I was being punished for simply wanting time to myself and that asking for basic things like respect for my space were being treated as if I was being out of order. They instead doubled down to the point I ended up in hospital.
Finding the truth about that person was a double shock, especially when prior others defended said persons behavior way just them being nice I was over reacting.
Creating boundaries has helped my recovery and I am back to improving myself... Seeing them shocked and jealous that I can bounce back and know they can't get my services in the same way is so be somewhat satisfying... But the mental scars from what they did is still there.
Yes Gideon, this happens to all of us and it is sinister; they don't confer with each other yet they all behave exactly the same way. It is all planned in advance, from grooming to discard. I as a victim I have been trying through research to come to terms with this evil behavior; bottom line is they have NO EMPATHY they are effectively psychopaths. We have been dealing with partners who are seriously mentally damaged and it is their mission to take this out on the person who showed them the most love and kindness; how could you or any of us get our heads around that? I have all but been destroyed and she like all psychopath narcissist's lives on to destroy another without consequences, compassion, shame or guilt. It should be a crime to do this to decent unsuspecting people like us. Hope things get better for you and all of us.
@@waynehoobler2677 Check out documentary of TH-cam called Marrying Medusa: How I Survived a Female Psychopath. also read the book Psychopath Free
@@waynehoobler2677 Your content is ingenious 🙏... That's exactly what I've experienced, but couldn't find the right words. I'm no American native speaker, so it's not easy for me to answer in the right words... I've understood everything, thank you very much 💐
@@elkebanhart7045 You have found the right words and I thank you so much for those words. I am not American either I am European so neither of us are American native speakers. You speak the language of your heart Elke and that language is universal. Prayer is the best form of healing;
I have handed over all the the pain and injustice to God. I hope your healing will come soon and God brings you your true soul partner. ❤😇🙏
@@millyardopeacecraft9778 Just watched the documentary Millyardo, OMG🤯 They, in my case, the female covert narcissist, are emissaries of Satan himself, their purpose is to take the unsuspecting empath down.😈They have a mission, an ultimate objective and God help us all from that. Knowing what they are is part of the healing; thanks for sharing the video.
Felt very safe at the very beginning- then NEVER felt safe.
The cruelty is unimaginable added to the indifference to your pain. Complete indifference.
I lost my self esteem. I lost all of my finances. I lost my good health. I lost hope. I lost decades. Now I am not so young with physical limitations. I gave it all to him. And it was never enough. And now I am stuck. I never knew what narcissism was. Now I see it and cannot unsee it after the veil is lifted. It is pure evil.
If you can get away from their evil clutches, run. Run fast.
It is evil.Nothing was ever enough.Now,having been sucked dry and spit out like a husk,I too am stuck,existing&surviving.It is hard to acknowledge that what was taken from me during the marriage is lost forever.He is on wife#3,married her for the money. Yet,he cannot leave me alone.It's beyond sick! Long,prayerful, meditative walks in nature have helped me more than any therapist.Time is the best healer of all.
You sound like me I hope you and me and other uffering get unstuck gotta be a way thru god god bless you and your future happiness
I really, really appreciate the way you validate and articulate the totality of this experience that other people belittle and call 'baggage' and even mock you for. I have the feeling there's thousands, if not millions of victims of narcissistic abuse, that was never even acknowledged by society as a form of abuse a few years ago, while being the WORST, most DEVASTATING form of abuse there is. May we all pull through the grief and NOT get stuck in bitterness and resentment, like the narcissists.
Thank you Danish for this video. I have been reading the comments. How supportive all are with each other. I have been on my own for nearly 2 year's. Married over 30 years. Husband has dementia, he is in care. He soon found a new supply they are together. I still visit , but realise I need to detach myself . Been difficult to break the bond. I'm getting there. Your advice has helped. Thank you. 🌟
I lost what I thought was my soul mate. I believed in the constitution of our marriage. I made excuses for him all the while for 10 years he devalue and discarded me after 29 years of marriage. I looked in the mirror and had no idea who I was. What he made of me. He lied, future faked, cheated and stole property and money from me. Why? I did not know these people even existed. Now I have to move, sell our home, my family has passed, he made flying monkeys out of the rest. He took everything I know, feel that I thought was secure. People fall out of love all the time. That's OK but tell the person so both can be on their way. Instead these cowards use, lies, steal until they can get anymore or you "see" them. He almost stole my soul. Coming out of the pit, I filed, and can't wait to be free and finding me along this journey is wonderful. I will survive
God bless
I understand this pain, you are not alone!
Three years out from 23 years.
Having more good days than bad now and I believe the trauma bond is finally all the way broken after doing all I can.
No contact or as close as possible is absolutely necessary.
Stay strong.
Keep a list of incidents and facts of what happened- incidents and descriptions- all you can… keep it near to help remind you when you need it.
Get a narcissistic abuse counselor/ coach.
Do not open up to those who do not understand.
Find your support system- people and resources-
Nurture your physical self and stay strong.
Blessings.
Loss of innocence
After 8 yrs of it, I freed myself. No grief for me, just relief and the amazing taste of freedom…..
So happy for you
Way to go!
Good for you im glad I'm not the only one i felt sad that it was a game to them its crewel I never get over it at leased im free from this evil person they not human
At first, I was verified to be the love of their life. But things changed when I noticed their inconsistencies, and gas lighting, to a point where I started to doubt my knowledge, my personal values, and self awareness. The energy was being drained, that I had to sleep in the other room, just to mentally block the negative vibrations.
To answer your question, my biggest loss and feeling of sadness after leaving the narcissist was the reality check. My heart broke by the fact that I had to truly let go and say goodbye to someone that just by looking at him gave me butterflies in my heart and his true potential, so I may have thought, would peak through at times, nonetheless his NPD characteristics and devilish ways trumped and destroyed the dream 💔
Being heavily attracted to the narcissist is so difficult to walk away from, and good sex does not help. Lol smh. I hope you heal soon. I hope we all do.
Yes very sad .
I feel the same , she discard me after 12 year relationship , she made me feel like a friend , not a husband , she threatened me numerous time with breaking up , the time before this she said , I think it’s time to call it , I gave in , all I had was hope it will get better , this time when she said yu retirement is my money , was it for me , I said that is my retirement not yours , she walked , didn’t hear from her for 35 days , nothing , not phone call , text , nothing , she disappeared , I cried in the attorney’s office of what I was doing , but I know I will always be a doormat to her , been 90 plus days , she got her papers , and it hurts today , as bad when she walked out , I feel your pain I really do ,, I guess we just have to keep swimming ,, but yu are not alone in this pool .. Tdog ..
Lost all of the above plus my faith in everything. Permanent insomnia due to never ending rumination. My ability to see the funny side of everything, my humour was one of one of the things that defined me. Lastly my confidence in myself which was first stolen then lost.
Turn on your inner light ❤️🙏🤗
@@novisan4809 As I am in my late sixties with no friends or family it is very difficult, ten years in a narcissistic relationship is more difficult to extricate oneself from. When I could take no more I placed myself at the mercy of God and asked him if he would heal me. I have been praying intensely as narcissism is from the Devil in the hope that God would fight on my behalf. The battle continues and I hope God and I both win.
@@waynehoobler2677 There is always hope. Every day is a new beginning! Just make up your mind that you will win and it will happen 🙏 sending you much love and harmony
@@novisan4809 Thank you and bless you. 🙏
@@waynehoobler2677 You should extricate yourself, no matter what. it will be better for you over all. A nice dog can help, too.
I feel completely lost .
it's like this person doesn't even know me even after 5 years of lies and deceit
Everything you say in your videos. I have experienced with this person who hates me ?
who says that shit ,besides a child.. ?
I just feel stupid and lost and I am really angry too..
Thank you for sharing these informational videos ☕🇨🇦
Mate , youre not alone in what you are feeling.
@@iank4689
I'm having trouble FORGETTING 5 FRICKEN YEARS OF LIES AND CHEATING
I moved to another Province
Thankfully, I think otherwise
I'd be dealing with the Mounties ... Anger makes one do stupid things..
I'm living this now
Wow Danish! you really explained how "a person loses their autonomy" in a narcissistic relationship perfectly! That makes so much sense!! I love your explanation!...it really cleared it up for me! Thanks Danish for making sense of it for me! I really appreciate it! 🙂
Hi Nahla, yes the narcissist wants us to lose our sense of self just how they have. They have to worship their false-self because there is nobody home inside of them.🙂
@@steadypace1262 Hey you lovely friend! Nice meeting you here! Hahahaha 😂 I guess great minds think alike! Hahaha 😝
@@Resiliant777 Yes too funny I thought there might be 2 Nahlas on the Survivor videos, wasn't sure at first to be honest lol. Yes we are like-minded aren't we, I have been listening to Danish for a little while, his videos are spot on. I wonder which other Channel videos we'll notice each other on, take care sweetie.👍😃💕
@@steadypace1262 Yes sweetie…Danish is excellent! I wonder to where we might meet next😀 hahaha 🤣😂😂🤣
@@Resiliant777 Probably on here or the other one.😂👍
Thank you Danish, I’ve been crying for about a week now all over again. He discarded me face to face daily for 6 months in my house and I grieved significantly during that time. But I’ve been no contact since August 9th and I haven’t been feeling good yet. I am still struggling.
I just want to feel happy again. I was so confident and so full of life when he started dating me. I don’t want to feel how I do anymore… but I cant shake it.
Im sorry you feel like that. I was discarded over the course of 2 hours. It's hard to believe that someone could consiously and with intent, do that to you. These people are full of demons. Just as the pharisees were full of the devil's lies, Jesus was treated the same. There's another way to satisfy the emptyness in your soul. Another way to live. A lot of people don't want to hear that because it requires faith. But why put your faith in someone who's not capable of fulfilling you. Try reading one of the 4 new testament gospels and learn about someone who was betrayed by the very people he shown the most love to.
Find a good woman therapist who uses EMDR and you will see results. It frees you from holding onto the emotional reactions to the injustice.
@@gailrosenberg8754 I have heard so many good things about EMDR I haven’t tried it yet, I will definitely look into it. I’ve been in counselling since March because of this but It’s not as helpful for me as I hoped it would be. I’m trying to get my motivation back at least but a lot has happened and it’s been very overwhelming so maybe I’m being too hard on myself. I am not sure. All I know is that I want this to be over soon, and I don’t want to be in this trauma bond that I feel I’m in still. I’m just all over the place right now.
@@kathrynaddante3328 I went to a therapist for over a year and was still trauma bonded. The EMDR helped to break that. It takes a lot of hard work to recover from this form of subtle, insidious abuse, so I would suggest you give yourself lots of compassion, congratulate yourself now and then for small victories, seek God daily. It's a private path, but there are others out here who are on the same journey. One of the main things I learned is that abandoned myself in order to try and make the relationship work. Now that you are out, it is especially important not to abandon yourself. I gave myself permission to have days of just feeling numb, now and then. Then I would go back and do the work of recovery again. I journaled, watched hours upon hours of videos, took nature walks and hikes, learned self-soothing technics. There are lots of resources out there. The main thing is do not give up and do not expect a quick fix. You can do this!
@@gailrosenberg8754 thank you so much! I am trying to do all of that minus the EMDR (I have not tried) but I will look into that. I will also try to remind myself that it’s the process and to allow myself more time. I guess I’m just so tired of being hurt because I’ve been hurt for years bc of this person and I do not want him to control me anymore and I’m relating my pain today as him still having control. I should change my perspective. I did lose myself a lot because I was trying to please him and that’s probably one of my huge hurts among others also but I really appreciate your messages tonight. Thank you so much I will check out the EMDR!
If you don't feel safe it's not love. It took me a while to work out that the feeling of not feeling safe was the result from having a passive-aggressive, covert narcissist in my life. Narcissist's are dangerous people to be around they will destroy you emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually, don't let them. Keep away from these selfish, hard-hearted people as much as you can. Good video.
@steady pace you are correct! I would feel safe with him, meaning I felt safe that he’d protect me from harm but I wasn’t safe with him because he often inflicted harm with his words and actions. True love never hurts!
@@aprillewis6270 True. Narcissists have low to no empathy and without that they can't possibly know what real love is. They deliberately press your buttons to get you to react to them so they can point their finger at you and blame you for always causing arguments. The high end narcissist gets pleasure from seeing you in emotional pain.🕊
@@steadypace1262 spot on!! I would sometimes question myself because I would have never resorted to certain behaviors prior to dating him. Nobody had ever pushed me to a point until I reacted. There would be such a smug look on his face whenever I would react and especially when it was out of character for me. I admit I have a really hard time forgiving myself for everything I allowed to go on for so long. That relationship/experience was something unlike anything I’d ever experienced before in my life. People don’t understand when you try to explain what it is you’ve gone through.
@@steadypace1262 Yes, absolutely true. At this time I wasn't, we weren't aware of narcissism. We didn't know what's going on here. Thank you for your valuably comment.
@@steadypace1262 Yes. A long time ago I've written him (via WA) : "I have the feeling, you always want war. Go and search for another one who you can fight against. Moi non plus."
My biggest loss was my two adult children. He made a point of alienating them from the get go…they can see the problem with him but continue to disrespect and abuse me the same way he does…complete and utter devastation that will be with me until I die.
The kids disrespect us bc they were programmed to do that, they learned from their dad and normalized it. Sad but true. My ex was gone but I was left with the problem of re teaching the kids what I was supposed to show them from the beginning. It all started with boundaries and I had lots of resistance.
@@fo3828 Same situation.
loss of safety and identity
As always, you validated why I’m an emotional mess. Today, I finally sat down to clean up my computer. I found all the work I did for him, to start a new career at 60 years old-and none of the pipe dreams came to fruition. This was in addition to my full time pressured job. The highlight was finding photos of naked women. The idiot didn’t have the decency to delete these…
The anxiety, heart racing is destroying me, and I’m on anti anxiety medication. This isn’t the person I want to be.
Yesterday was great, new part time retirement job! Then today I woke up with the heart racing and it won’t calm down. Not having any control over my emotions is driving me insane. When we spoke and I told you of some of his habits/actions, you confirmed that he was evil. I still can’t comprehend someone can be so evil.
You ask if we ever felt safe. Yes, sleeping and cuddling was amazing, I felt so protected.
He would hold my hand all through the night, the best feeling.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart 😘
I've been grieving over many losses beginning in childhood. I realize that I have been numbing these feelings for as long as I can remember.
Me too. 💔
I have got from my narc-/psychopathic "family" a no-way-situaion in almost every single area of life. Maybe they enjoy it, I enjoy NoContact. Thank You!!:))!!
Loss of self esteem and self image.
😔😔💯%correct. I lost all my dreams. Now I can't even recognise what was my dreams. I lost my finances, he used my money for running family and all the credits were to him. I couldn't even even understand what was going on. Only after the therapy I recognise the fact and now I am trying to find out my dreams. I lost my identity,
All is well that ends well. God bless you.
you arent lost ever and you dd not lose your dreams plaese think of it as a biginning very bright and beautiful with the angels and godd leading the way
Very true what you said 2years and 6months free now he destroyed my faith in pepole lost 10 years he sold me a dream of being together for life better to be free than be with this 😈 demon
You are 100% correct. No safety at all.
I lost my identity .I cry ask myself ,who am I ? Who am I .why did I not see it coming .I lost my health my kids ,my dreams and family .Children that I made with him .I am scared and fear that maybe I am the one who is a narcissist .Why I didnt see it sooner ?
As a child I never ever felt safe. I still managed to get good grades in school. I worked part time jobs all through high school as well. It was tough. I never knew when my father was going to rage. He has poisoned my entire family against me. They won’t speak to me and blame me. I’m working with a therapist but it just feels like a no win situation right now. It is however better to be out than in.
I lost my sense of self worth, I lost the dream of the “one” to love and cherish and care, and grow together with, for the rest of my life. I lost years and my energy. I feel just a shell of my previous self. Rebuilding myself and my life and my identity feels almost unattainable. How can a human being be so cruel ?
Biggest losses : my health , my independance, my creativity and my time . Random temper tantrums, cheater, financial stealer. Sucked so dry I had severe bed ridden health problems that took years to heal. Get out ASAP the minute you recognize the signs.
Wow so on point I'm a survivor and I'm healing thank you needed to hear that 🙏
Having to think about them and their reactions becomes a full time job, thereby making the attachment stronger. Because your life basically revolves around them
For me it was all of the above. Dr. Bashir hit the nail on the head in this video 😐👍🏼
Whoever has dealt with this type of folly, and escaped gracefully, deserves a first row seat in heaven. This type of behavior deserves severe discipline.
I'll take that seat Sir
Thank you so much sir for making me recognize that my husband is narcissist. He punished me in several ways but I couldn't understood at that time.. Now I can make sense of each of his action. Such a psycho he is.
I don't feel safe now. But I am stuck with my teenage daughter who is doing bachelors. I can't leave him as I am housewife and he finances ours daughter's education .
He presented himself as a very good husband, friend, life partner, I remember a moment when I thought I could finally relax and feel safe, being a wife and having a family. Then the insults behind jokes started and I lost my self esteem, I became terrified and very unsafe after his cruel and frightening rages, I lost my my dreams having a wonderful marriage built on trust, mutuality, and repocosity, I lost my role as mother and grandmother, I lost my confidence and my sanity behind his gaslighting, I became clumsy and weak.
Thank you for your validation and knowledge of narcissistic abuse. I left 2 years ago after a year of marriage, I'm healing more each day.
The loss is trust, believing lies caused childhood and adulthood trauma triggers. Especially when you’re transparent and genuine they weaponize it against you!
Yes Mr. Bashir. Relationship ended 4 yrs ago, and I haven't dated since. I felt I met the right man who really loved me, I was extremely happy, walking on air. Then, his mask fell off after a month. By then I had mistakenly moved in with him. I wouldn't say totally blindsided, but hurt deeply. Disappointment set in. I gave up that fairytale meant to be ideal. I say that because I had a relationship similar in my late teens. With this narc, I felt I could talk to him about anything for hours. But, he was studying me. He admitted to tearing me down to build me back up after that relationship. I asked why? He didn't answer. I knew...control! I went from so amazing that everything I did was wrong. A rollercoaster of ups and downs. I chose flight over fight. I wanted away, you cannot win an argument with narc. He told everyone I was leaving for nothing. He called me psycho. That hurt.
My advice to anyone experiencing this now or met someone new, please look out for these red flags, overly pleasing and moving too fast, please talk alot in person with them before making any decisions.
I am healing. It gets better everyday.
Mr. Bashir has helped so much! I experienced grief, anger, shame, sadness.
Time! Give it time I feel better after zero contact, grey rock. I mean I dropped off FB, etc. It feels wonderful knowing he cant insult me, gaslight me, tell me how to dress, who to talk too. Wonderful feeling and it feels like a wonderful release of freedom, that YOU know he/she knows you DONT care anymore.
Everytime I have thought revenge thoughts, I thought God has this. No need to give them negative or positive attention. Believe me I struggled, but I am gaining me back and more!
You will recover faster than you know!
Great video Mr. Bashir! ❤😊
I struggle to make discussions even to cross the road .I do not trust the drivers at the zebra crossing .because I think they will not stop .when I get attentition from the doctor I feel overwhelmed and guilty because I told that I am an attention seeker . I find it hard to seek help from anyone .
One thousand new subscribers daily. Danish will shoot well past a million plus. Excellent. To the point and exact.
I lost my hope, and I dreamt he still loved me after he abandoned my daughter and me because he wasn't ready to be a parent. I was devastated and felt could not trust anyone with my heart, even en after going to therapy for a year. I lost trust in my judgment. Your videos help me understand his cruelty was not really directed to me, but to his needy mother, who also uses whomever she can. What a mess to extricate myself from and enjoy life again. I truly appreciate your insights. Let the healing begin, please merciful Lord.
I really appreciate when someone can put into words what's almost impossible to express. Hats off to you!
Well said dear.
Listening to this at work probably wasn't a good idea. It really got me so emotional.
It's difficult because they are gloating on how you are damaged and now you have to waste more time on recovering and suffering in silence. I was not in a relationship, but I was raised by narcissists. It was the undermining and mental abuse of childhood that prepared me to have a bad start when I turned 18 and realized that they were trying to crush my identity, autonomy, and goals, which they prevented and then further mentally abused me as I was having difficult time finding a stable job and being financially independent during recession, then underemployed, and then during the pandemic. In the post-pandemic, I am in my 30s now, but all those years just put a strain on my physical health that I feel fatigued all the time and can't accomplish much anymore at a daily basis.
I was surprised when I felt safety and comfort while checking the doors and windows before going to bed after the divorce. Safety!! even I am alone! I found out that it was just the opposite beforehand. This hit me! Thank you ...
I think realizing the man I had loved was never real caused deep grief.
How to come out of narcissistic abused grieff...its haunting me
Choose yourself. Believe again that you are amazing. Remember all the good qualities you have. Remember you. Uplift yourself. Gather all the pieces of you which was scattered and run. Never look back. Pray to God. Thank God he atleast let you know that you were in wrong path. Now you understood everything. Move from there and run with your life. Focus on yourself. I hope you have more strength to move on.
I am self sufficient in everything from managing my life to managing my business. Since I realized he is using and mismanaging my resources I have stopped his access to my resources.
For me the most important loss is precious 40 quality yrs of my life in a hope that this man will improve. Another loss is what I was before the abuse. A happy little honest innocent girl with not many expectations from life.
Always at first it's perfect. You feel alive even more than you did. THEN, you feel dead, just totally dead. Warriors we where fine before and over time we are again. It's one of the most powerful lesson to learn and once learnt you can sniff them out, its great really great.
My biggest loss is and was *TIME*
I can not gain back the last 23 years. My pretty years are gone. Add being in constant stress 24/7, which has aged me considerably, and poof you blink, and you are 53. I think I tolerated so much BS for fear of ending up alone. Now, that is all I want. I do, and I don't if that makes sense to anyone. The second worst thing I lost was my self-worth and dignity. I am gaining that back slowly just by telling him to go. I have to pretend that I'm not leaving or going anywhere, but I am completely bolting that proverbial door shut once, and for all the second, he moves out into his new bachelor pad.
There's a type that I wouldn't call a narcissist who is very giving but still results in a similar outcome of the other becoming helpless. I need help navigating this understanding. Do some "victims" Give their power away willingly due to a lack of self love and worship of the other?
My biggest lost is i lost myself trying so hard to please her, love her, serve her
Not feeling safe anymore, losing who I was and destroying my dreams for the future
It was the loss of the dream that I had found my "soul mate" and person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. The break up was pretty shabby, though, on her part making it a point to talk about her new better guy to my friends. She was mean like that and it wasn't expected.
I feel you!!
💯 Correct.
I suffered a lot for last 30 yrs.
Now I want to go out of this jail/Control.
My narc fooled me into believing that he was my ultimate partner in the life on this planet. I just cant understand how i could allow myself to be accept all that nonsense and false promises. I feel like an idiot when i ruminate about those days. But seemed so true.
Anyway, i m stronger now.
Im better alone. Than be in a field full of landmines.
Realizing I lost 25 years of peak of my life and letting me fight extreme medical issues on top of emotional trauma , both caused by her, all alone !
The anxiety is neverending , I am already surviving the oppressive narcissistist Sanlam Trust abuse , and then I had to go through it with a man who is a child growing older demanding life 🧬 goes his way
My biggest loss was myself. My confidence had gone completely.....
The safety in the relationship was key there was always something that didn't add up together with the triangulation
She broke me and humiliated me and at the end of our relationship she kicked me out left me homeless and took my twin boys away from me
Sounds like u were the narcissist but still in denial. U r not more pure than her or anyone. Hatred and sorrow/pity reflect into the world from our own hearts. If u want to transcend u must be light as a feather in your heart. Love yourself have selfless compassion and forgiveness for yourself and others. Only worship God.
@@DarkCelestialConsciousness and how is that I never said I was pure no one is. I notice and admit my wrongs problem was that I was the only one in that relationship that did. Instead of being a team and taking accountability for our wrongs. It ended being me taking the wrongs for both of us.
@@juanmartinez-ki9rk so u coddled her?
@@DarkCelestialConsciousness have you looked in the mirror recently? To say this to an already grieving person is horrible... You got this man to respond even to your crap, that's how deep a narcissistic scar goes.. You keep defending yourself, eventhough you are just speaking your own truth. Do you get a kick out of bringing others down? Or are you now going to call me a narcissist to?
@@DarkEnergyHealer I like your response c: but u r fighting the wrong person and so was I potentially out of line with the first sentence. Not sure yet cuz he didn't respond to the 2nd comment. I'm allowed to Speak and Learn from others and they from me. U r not more pure than anyone either and this applies to everyone including me. But I'm here to tell u lovely ppl how to transcend out of compassion and reflection. U also have a lot of hatred in your heart to have responded the way u did to me. U should read my whole comment since u could easily see the positivity in it. Not just me seeing if he was the one who coddled her accidentally worshipping her or if he was actually the narcissist that forced her into defense mode no contact. I forgive u for being offensive but if he thinks I was hopefully he forgives me. Even if he was the narc I still forgive him and don't judge really but I still suggest temperance as the positive solution and learning who u r deeply and loving your self and worshipping God first instead of yourself, hatred or sorrow/pity. If u want to transcend your heart must be light as a feather. So don't attack others just teach them. U don't get to ascend with a murderous violent spirit. 💖 I used to attack ppl more viciously than u could probably imagine. Learn to be kind even to those u hate. Also I'd like to add I'm the first to like his comment.
Thats what I blamed myself for caring about someone like this and more than once in my life. Family members. Mates, and friends. No wonder I am content and like being alone.
I can definitely loss of self identity. For years I was made to feel like my job as you state was just a basic thing, my goals and dreams literally became my narcs dreams. Away from my narc for 4 months and doing my best to stay strong and be aware of the hoovering when it happens
I lost my spirit and Jesus gave it back great message
There is something unique about me ! Ppl feel very comfortable with me just in 5-10 min talking to me !
If they are PhD , MD, highly intellectual or
I'll literate ! All feel very comfortable !
But after being with my husband
I became depressed ! Found myself avoiding talking ! 😊
Yes i completely felt unsafe and abandoned during the relationship with a narcissist
I wasted so much time in confusion. All of my dreams and plans for myself were destroyed. By the time I was done raising our kids and tried to become financially independent it was too late. Lots of lost opportunities. Now I am stuck with him because I don’t want to be old and poor after wasting my youth with him.
Very TRUE..Myself & my kids do not feel safe
Everything you say in your content is 100% on point with my experiences I’ve had over 18 years while with my ex narc. I recently left & was so afraid because he has convinced me to believe that I can’t do anything without him. He’d say things like “You don’t know these things…you don’t understand a lot of things…you need me to help you…you’ll learn the hard way”. Now we’re separated and I’m learning who I am FREELY & becoming independent finally at 37
Good decision.
I lost myself almost ...I am so happy that I walk away ....its not my first trip with a Narc I knew it was time to go once his mask was broken .. I must say after this battle I will not date again for now but become the best version of myself I have a long way to go but its ok nothing good goes fast.. thank you for your constant reminder it help me to keep my head as I navigate my life from now on forward.
He turned my 4 best friends since 2nd grade against me by telling one of them that her husband hit on me.
The narcissist makes you believe in their influence to help you , and then drops you into a place you can't survive in
He reduced me to a dust particle. I rose back from the ashes of my identity and soul. I prayed every night to god to stop loving him. It took me 13 years to leave though , left with nothing other than clothes , books and few cooking pans. but with the certitude I will build myself back at least financially, but I am always looking whatever the next man has any traces of my ex husband’s personality. I do self checkout.
The lies I was conned into believing and always feeling very confused
Oh my God you mention everything that I am experiencing..
And worst of all I am doubting myself that maybe I'am the narcissist and the problem of this relationship.. I'am so used of being love and hate by my partner..
It feels so exhausted.
I love the way Danish says, " You Do not"... then he finishes his thought. The tambor in his voice is comforting.
This video is describing my third exhusband. I never felt safe with him once he changed. I did loose myself in my last marriage. He was the worst of all my husbands'. Thank you for your TH-cam channel.
Peace was my biggest loss. He didn't give me time to enjoy my last moments with my mom, nor time to grieve after she died. He didn't give me time to enjoy my last moments with my daughter before she left the country. There was never any peace. Time to just enjoy silence or happiness.
I have been out of the relationship for over 2 years now but it's still a struggle. The Jekyll & Hyde nature of him was mind boggling. It was like being on an emotional rollercoaster.
The trauma bond was strong but in all honesty I absolutely loved & adored him and to a degree still love him now....or the nice, loving decent human being he could be or pretended to be. The things we had in common, the connection, the chemistry, I still don't know how much was genuine or how much wasn't. Was it all about control & supply? Did he ever have one ounce of real love for me? It's so incredibly hard to get your head around it all. I wish I felt nothing for him, I hate the fact that I do.
It's heartbreaking when I let him into my heart and I still keep him in a corner of it.
I just live with it, I get on with things, I still laugh but the sadness remains deep inside.
Danish you are a life saver. I have experienced, recently, the worst experience which only a narc can bring but your channel has saved me. I thank you for the service you are providing and May God Bless You.
Hi Danish, during thirty years of marriage I lost my ability to stand up for myself, to make decisions in any context, to do anything other than tread softly around him hoping I could do enough to please him. Nothing I did was ever enough and I felt it was all my fault. Each day I waited for the raging and the verbal abuses and I could never prepare for this; I knew it would come but not when, where or why, and this seemed to intensify the pain. I became completely isolated from family and friends and when he discarded me I literally had no one to whom I could turn to or talk. About six weeks ago he 'discarded' me and your video today expresses exactly the feelings I have. Thank you, your kind words have helped me begin to realise that I can start to heal.
I wish I could give you a hug. I understand what you have been through. All I can say is, although you are isolated now, try and reconnect with the human race. I hope you can find the ability to trust again. ❤
Loss of self is the biggest loss
This is exactly how i feel 😔
My self esteem,my life,my time,all the efforts I made in vain are my biggest losses...and yes ur right..never once felt safe..alwats thinking of a plan B ..as he always made sure to highlihgt the fact of how much he doesnt need me.
My home my cat and all my personal belongings and my sense of self and sanity . I lost all the that
A counselor once asked me to remember a time in my childhood when I felt loved, warm and completely safe. I was in my late 20's at the time. Of course this was impossible for me and I left that session in what i now can see was a state of complete dissociation. You have no doubt already formed an impression of how good this counselor wasn't. Fortunately, in the middle of the sleepless night that followed, a memory came to me of being 8 or 9 years old and walking a neighbours" dog that I was very fond of. (The dog, not the neighbour). I was running in a park with the dog on a lead when I tripped and fell. The lead was jarred from my hand and the dog ran off. My distress at losing the dog and catastrophic thoughts of what might happen to him had me sobbing with my face pressed into the grass. In what seemed like no time at all there was a cold, wet nose shoved in my ear and a warm sloppy tongue was licking my cheek. That pretty much did for the dissociation but gives a good idea of my family dynamics.
Thanks a lot. I felt lost as I knew leaving the narc was the right decision, however I felt sad, couldn’t understand why. Makes so much sense now. I wasn’t mourning him or even him, I was mourning me that got lost in the relationship.
Biggest Lost -
1. is TIME Wasted!! Time spent on wishing and hoping for something that will never happen...that the narc will change or improve.
2. Believing in your heart that the Emotion & Love the narc displayed is REAL..when it wasn't.
3. TRUST..!! You lose trust in others (especially new love interests) due to the experienced abuse...Your ability to trust is diminished.
PSA: CNA-(covert narcissistic abuse) is synonymous to a cancer. It internally destroys the host unknowingly because the abuse is so subtle and minute.
There were times when I questioned the level of safety , and I was fooled by his grandiose behaviour about his involvement with law enforcement
I know how it feels. Very well described. Absolutely correct.
Money, Gold & myself.
I really admire how you articulate this subject. You put into words the confusion that we go through but cannot find the words for. Just escaped the clutches of a narc and even in just the 8 weeks I knew him, he caused me so much stress and confusion and blamed me for all of it. I'm working on myself, again!
This is so true and surreal. i am waking up after 2.5 years of “relationship “. how can this pattern be the same for most narcissists? how can ones brain work instinctively in a narcissistic way? i am still in shock understanding that what you say is exactly how he operated over past 2 years
Loss of self respect
Wow, such a great video. I feel like I had nearly 2 decades of no.3 on steroids. Too many years lost that's for sure. I am in my 60's now and just want what is left of my life to be peaceful now so I can enjoy my children)one with him) and my grandchildren.
I am just coming out of a 6 year relationship with a man I committed my life to. I have 3 small children by this man, and I am trying so hard to pick up the pieces. I trying to hold on to the only help I know, which is God. However, its so hard for me to pray and read along with any other everyday task. I'm just getting back to making meals for my children again. I am in need of help