"Rumination is a trauma response" Yes! Ur advice as to how to become unstuck from this anxious state is very powerful, and valuable, as it's not something that can be managed intuitively. I find that some hidden trauma can lie dormant for years then crop up when I least expect it. Many thanks for these healing words, Danish!
I am so happy to hear that I am not alone in the battle of narcissistic abuse, I’ve had it all my life, from my father, brother and husband I thought I was crazy with all the thoughts, THANK YOU!
Rumination has been debilitating me for years! I feel like I froze in time! Finally, some sense is kicked into me, I am trying to pick up pieces and moving forward! I pray and wish for everyone who is in pain and suffering to heal and become fully functioning individuals and be happy and at peace! Thank you, Danish!
It truly does debilitate you. I’m going through it now. I have good and bad days. What helps me is…whenever I catch myself stuck in thoughts, I say to myself JUST STOP….. and I make myself recall all of the horrible things that he did to me, physical and emotional abuse. It’s not easy but it helps. I’m hopeful things will get better. Do not give up, you are stronger than you know. What you are capable of today is not what you will be capable in the future. Be gentle and kind to yourself. No matter what, people who enter into a relationship with the best and most loving intentions do not deserve to be devalued and emotionally toyed with. 🦋💛💪🏼💯
I used to feel so bad about ruminating. I used to think it meant I was dysfunctional or lacking in backbone and spirit. It took me a very long time to realise that it is a natural reaction to narc abuse. I only realised this once I started following channels like yours.
I was stuck with the narcissist for 43 years faced with trauma over and over and over again. Since then, 8 years of freedom now. Do I still ruminate? Unfortunately, yes. But with 43 years of it, I know it is going to take a while to get through. I think it is getting better, though. I'm also learning not to waste my time talking about it with people who do not understand narcissistic abuse. And talking with THEM about it IS a waste of my time and effort. They won't understand it, and never will. Eventually, they won't care either. I also have learned to avoid ANYBODY that is HIGH CONFLICT because not only will they not care, but they will INTENTIONALLY go OUT OF THEIR WAY to make it worse for you, gaslight you, blame you, and do everything possible to cause MORE conflict and drama for THEIR amusement.
So many triggers I find. I am still wondering who the heck I would have been had I not met mine. Sometimes I feel like I am mourning the loss of who I was and could have been. Narcissist is an overly used word these days. You are right about no one getting it so we suffer in silence much of the time. We all deserve validation so thank you for commenting.
Absolutely right, talking to someone who can't understand narc abuse is a waste of time. The problem is too many therapists, psychiatrists and doctors can't understand it and they are trying to treat you & only make it worse because they assume you have something they know & treat you for that.
Yes,yes I am here even after no contact for 12 months,I go over and over the same stuff to try and make sense of it,still get triggered by simple every day stuff, its on my mind and I cant get it out. Thank you Danish for these tips to try and lessen the impact of these thoughts.
It’s been since September since I’ve been out of the house. I’m in a safe stable environment, YET, there are days when I actually feel as if I’ve taken three steps back and only one forward. I suppose it’s because once I was able to have some peace and not walk on eggshells every waking moment, I’d actually began to realize just what I’d been through. The physical and psychological abuse, I lost my home of nearly ten years and my job. It’s as if the real battle begins once you physically get away. While you cohabitate with these (people)….. you do not have a second to think about anything else except survival. It’s exhausting and takes a true toll on your health. Mind over matter……easier said than done, but in the end it’s worth it……. I feel as if I’m in the fight of my life. I wish you peace, courage and healing. 🦋💪🏼💯
@@jbrown2908 THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT!!!! 💛. I’ve been through tough times in my life, but this has me on so many levels and aspects, from psychological to physical. I keep telling myself……I’m struggling, but I will not give up. It’s people like you who are angels with just kind words that keeps me having faith in humanity. 🦋
@@jbrown2908 thank you 🙏. It’s validation for me to begin to realize just what the heck happened to me. I’ve been through tuff times and come from a dysfunctional family, but this narcissistic relationship has broken me….. between the physical abuse and psychological abuse, the trauma bond, the CPTSD…… it’s agony. I’m not able to go completely no contact as 90% of my possessions are still in his house…… he likes to text when he’s drunk and high. Last night for no reason I received a text from him saying “how happy he felt when he kissed his dog, because all of the evil is out of his life”. After 3black eyes, 2 concussions, a bruised kidney and deep bruised tailbone from being kicked as I was walking away and each episode I was told I deserved it because of what I said to him……he said I had made him do something he’d never forgive himself for. I never reported the abuse, which I’m regretting now. But wow, I’m the evil. Baffling to me. I ask God for strength every day, for me and the other victims who are struggling to get peace back in their lives. Thank you again 🙏💯
Me too. Other people who havent been in these relationships dont understand. He derailed my whole life. All our friends took his side. The injustice is killing me. It was so hard leaving him, but its so hard going forward too. Sorry for the rant
Thank you. I had a narcissistic mother. I ruminated over things she said for 30 years since I had left home. What a horrible, nightmarish experience! I really felt crazy.
This is why I don’t like talking about my divorce. Once someone asks me and I start talking about it, then it takes days for me to get the flashbacks out of my head. Aside from that the ruminating is me trying to understand WHY he did the things he did and ruminating has actually helped me figure that out, which also helps me know what to watch out for in future relationships. Also talking to other people and hearing their feedback on what it sounds like happened also opens my eyes a lot to things I didn’t realize but that they pick up on when I tell them specifics of what I went through.
Yes, don't want to explain your life to everyone, even new dates. It's like forced therapy where u have to relive the experiences over and over. No thanks. If a person doesn't know what narcissism is I rather give it a pass. Educating others is tiresome and I learnt very fast not to give specific details.. because some will scorn you .. with your fault .. without know about your private life. This i gather they do.. because they reflect on their own life circumstances.. which maybe nothing perhaps like your history at all. It just makes u judged. So avoid it unless you on very safe grounded company. Heres an example.. I said to a male acquaintance .. my husband was a closet porn addict. (Asides my then years ago.. not knowing that he was also a covert narc) The response was .. 'well you gave him the reason to do that'. People are careless and that was my first lesson of what not to share and with whom. Wish you all protection and blessings. 🙏
Even after learning the mind of the narc and why they're so demonic, I still ruminate, but it doesn't feel negative, feels like my brain is healing from the trauma and just processing what happened.
Danish, I literally cried tears of relief listening to this video. I needed this today. I can't thank you enough. You are a blessing. A million thanks from New York City ❤️
CLANDESTINGIRL--Me too. Tears flowed out again; but less then the last 2 years since leaving narcissist husband, that I loved so very much. Just writing "loved so very much" brings on tears.. Hugs, peace and healing to you from Riverdale area, NYC.
I used to ruminate quite a bit. In the past, after leaving narc abuser husband, I ruminated about the FEW good things and feelings I had. But that kept the trauma bond going and I couldn't break free. Someone suggested that I ruminate about the terrible/horrible things he did and how I felt. It worked! It took time, but it helped me slowly break completely free. Now I ruminate very little, but my ruminating thoughts go straight to the bad things he used to do to me. In due time, I will stop ruminating about my narcissistic marriage altogether. I am getting stronger and stronger about NO CONTACT.
I can remember feeling like my inner self had been shattered into a million jigsaw pieces and my thoughts were flying everywhere. Even after I worked out what was happening to me- it took time for me to mentally fix myself. Even a year later - even with other people now knowing who this person is- I still find myself constantly reminiscing about this person - thinking about what/why they behave(d) the way they do. I don't think it's about that person but how I can avoid... But there are times I wonder if I can help this person - I think that's the toughest part - learning to accept there's nothing I can do - and to adapt and accept that.
I feel you entirely, dear. I'm 6 months out of the relationship and your description of the mental state fits entirely with my personal experience. Sending good thoughts your way 🙏
Though i never suffered physical abuse, confronting the original attachment trauma as an adult meant realizing my body had been in survival mode since childhood...there was an intense and overpowering level of somatic pain that had me laid up in bed for days: my entire right side had been in extreme pain for years but my body's survival defense mechanisms had somehow hid this from my conscious awareness. I thought I was going crazy due to my brain's constant hamster wheeling, rumination, constant overthinking the same thoughts etc etc...talking out loud fruitlessly to nobody. Facing the pain in the body was so intensely painful--shaky, shallow breathing, muscle spasms, popping sensations in the joints, etc--no wonder I had so much fear about allowing myself to face the pain.
Thank you for the advice of releasing the trauma. I have been out of the relationship 26 years, but still have thoughts. Even the counselors I saw before splitting didn’t give your great advice and wisdom! You are helping many people!
Growing up with a parent who has the trio of dark personality traits you end up attracting a lot of similar people into your life at first as you have been conditioned into being a giver. But you learn to cope with things like constant lying, arrogance, uncooperativeness, over competitiveness, blame and manipulation. On the upside you learn to recognize psychopathic behavior in others by their eyes, tone of voice, and even their act of being charming and agreeable. It all becomes okay after a while. The amount of damage psychopaths do to society is a problem not even the prophets could solve. It's best to just ignore the abusers as much as possible once you've figured them out. What never feels okay is when the narcissist takes advantage of a vulnerable loved one and keeps them under their control and at their mercy. That is not okay and very hurtful and confusing.
Yes- this is me at the moment - all true words - thank you. Some one said to me today, let go he’s toxic. Ah ok!! Right, if it was that easy. I dance every wed eve. It helps a lot
confirming the whole process , my experience completely explained step by step. Very professionell advise. I wished I had more support from my therapist for 2 years ago after my discard after 16 years . She thought just move on. I need also a time of grieve , a time of healing my post trauma disorder, the last process was my body. I carried it in me with me, and my body told me too that is was psychosomatic. After cranio sacral work balance therapy , it solved slowly . It took 2 years , You tube videos helped me , therapist are still not well informed in Europe about narcissistic abuse. In you tube there are a few Chanels like yours where you find some answers what happens and what is happening afterwards. Thank you so much . Great short compact serious videos.
😵💫 yup i m der.. now.. if someone listens.. i can go on n on n on.. not because they can solve.. i just want them to say . U R NOT CRAZY...it's like a trap especially if a kid is involved
No one understands about the Trauma we go through People who will consider Reading about Narcissistic Behavior Then they will understand what Narcs abuse Accupuncture helps
All rumination whether it's really sad, tearful, bad, ugly, angry, hateful, or otherwise .. I don't push it away anymore . I stead I now embrace and think about the whole feeling.. wallow in it briefly .. then I let it go by saying something positive about it. All to myself, but it's working like a charm. I.e. I put my old dog to rest, and it's painful.. I feel it.. then say yes but he's in a better place with no suffering and God says there is animal heaven.. so I hope to see them all again. Narcs that i despise .. I feel it all .. all the emotions ..with all my disgust and anguish .. then I remind myself I'm free of them to live a healthier and better life etc. Hope this helps anyone else. 🙏
I think I’m lucky that I have made 2 friends two years ago on social media. We initially talked about Covid, but then a few months ago, I was discarded by my covert narc husband after 22 years. I talked to them and found out they both had a relationship with a narc respectively before, I think they’re sent to me by God!! They both validated my feelings and knew exactly what happened to me. 😭😭😭
I just got out of a narc relationship a couple days ago and getting settled in at my new place. I had a convo online with a girl last night after having dinner at my ex’s with the kids one last time. This girl said to me in a message “so you just had dinner at your ex’s?” I never even said that to her but based off what I had said previously she just knew and put 2 and 2 together. I went white as a ghost and had pain in my stomach suddenly thinking that this person was either someone who knew my ex or it was my ex in disguise.. the feeling of being tracked and controlled again took over my body in a second and I almost had a panic attack thinking “I thought I covered all my tracks how in the world is she pulling this off?” Now I feel like I need to keep to myself for a long time and really heal.
When I advertised the motorbike for sale my ex must have got onto someone else's phone to contact me posing as someone else. Sent me an older photo of the same bike in front of my house .. n told me if this is the bike it's a piece of junk etc. I told him if he took that photo he was trespassing on my property without my permission. He disappeared without a word. I calmed down and was in hindsight I came to realise it was my ex-husband or someone he put up to contact me from the advert. He's not very clever I realised.. he had to have taken that the photo himself years ago, as I had painted the wall beyond it a different colour since then. So no you are not paranoid.. they do.. do real shitty things.
I still have PTSD nearly 8 years after leaving. I'm still on medication and in therapy. EMDR was only somewhat helpful. The ruminating is THE WORST. My head has burned (yes like on a slow fire 🔥) since that day I left in August 2015.
27 years of this bullshit being treated like an object, five months after being discarded, thinking, I was the knight in armor, trying to fix her trying to take care of her. I think the hardest part was realizing that there was nothing that I could do but to try to heal myself from all the abuse.
I'm so stuck right now. I finally understand the narcissist and her motives, but she is my sister. My mother is unwell and in a care home (in later stages of dementia) and I appear to be the only person who cares enough to visit for more than half an hour per week. As such, I became both the "martyr" and the person everyone seeks for information. I then become "overruled" when I try to make changes to mum's care. The latest contact was that I am mentally ill, playing the victim and letting everyone who loves me down, by not seeking therapy. Honestly, I know EXACTLY what she is doing, and how she will be planting seeds in the rest of the family, which they will grow and nurture, and I'm left feeling angry and undermined. I also know if I try to prove I am not mentally ill, I will just look more mentally ill. Unfortunately, I feel that I will have no escape until my mother is gone, and what a terrible realisation and feeling that is. How do they (narcissists) live with themselves? I seriously don't understand that. I will be taking your advice though. Movement, I think it is going to help, it sounds like it should! thank you x
I literally get stuck, unable to move as I’m walking through the house. Stuck, frozen, unable to move, ruminating, trying to figure out what in the heck happened. When I talk about it, I make no sense whatsoever.
I do this all the time. Its like even though I have gone NO CONTACT they are still living in my head rent free because I am thinking about all the things that have ever happened and if they were or or werent my fault.
Thank you, Danish. You are a blessing. Years of stepfather abuse....find myself ruminating and I get really mad at myself for "throwing self pity parties". I have phases where I ruminate more than at other times, usually after a negative interaction with the stepfather. It seems like it sets me back 30 years when he uses his destructive tactics....
I was going crazy with rumination, the conversations in my mind, my kids would catch me talking to myself …it affected my sleep, detoured me from healthy relationships - and not romantic, normal relationships, because l was always going over the traumatic events. Rumination combined with smear campaign is crazy. I decided to give my story my voice on my TH-cam channel. Not a road for everyone, of course you will look crazy, vengeful and some will call it defamation oblivious of the years of defamation and gaslighting l have endured. My rumination stopped,this was the best gift l gave myself, it contributed a lot to my healing
I ended up feeling like I'm the worst person in this world, unable to cope with the aftermath. It takes a lot of effort to detox the experience. Thanks to nice people like you, I was able to process the experience and move forward. Cute cat you have there!
nailed it! Now I know why I was constantly at the gym doing spinning cycle classes when this narc took over our life for 6 years. Thank you for something I can actually do to make me feel better. God bless you sir. I pray you know this Jesus Christ who got me out of this madness. kindest regards
I am new to learnig what I've been dealing with. Now after 23 years of it and feeling totally hopless, I am feeling hopful on finding Peace and getting out on my own away from him. Thank you for being here. And I wish everyone out here freedom from this horrible situation.
Thanks Danish. It's funny how you can forget things. I know this. I've read Dr Bessell. I've described it to therapists. Hearing you say it though clicked when I needed it. "Ruminating is a trauma response" I've began on little blank cards, writing two sides. One of "The fear" eg, "Stop future fear visioning" the second side a "positive manifestation " "Create positive future vision " it helps to plant seeds. I write them when gripped by the negative. I will collate them proper; at some point. Thanks again Danish. Continued success ❤
I have avoided contact for a couple weeks since my trauma began, I am already ruminating just so I don't forget or minimize it, and I can't talk about it because people want me either to get violent against the abuser or put on a smile and praise the Lord for my salvation, trusting Him for deliverance someday. Then they go no contact with me, indicating that I have brought this on myself and must want it to continue if I don't take their advice. So I ruminate even more about how uncomfortable it is to be shunned by my support system, and that's what makes me feel ashamed and crazy. I really just want the abuse to stop, but I don't know how to get the abusers to leave my house.
This resource is just about me at this moment. I ruminate about it always and even when I try not to, despite constant encouraged from distant loved ones to move on from this phase. Oh how I really wish its that easy especially when you are in a completely new environment and you've been isolated from people. Thank you Danish, will keep moving in the right direction.
I wear a brown elastic band on my wrist . I twang it when ruminating. It instantly stops . You also realise how better you are getting on the amount of times the twang happens
I had this behaviour pattern.... The thought of their doing to me even when I am freed from them made me realise it's time to change ..I had to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts to transform me to the same me and my recovery became my priority
My toxic partner & abuser has been dead for 10 yrs - yet I still at times ruminate at bedtime that keeps me up for hours. I keep going over scenarios on how I should have reacted- like I’m trying to change the script. Very frustrating & tiresome. I do suffer from depression & anxiety for the last 30 yrs.
Thank you for this content. I have been ruminating so much and couldn't understand why. You have made it so clear as to what is happening. I have started journaling. I want to try the trauma yoga & dance. The next time I am ruminating I will focus on my body. I want to evict the narc out of my mind/brain I need that space for new things in my life.
Dude I’m almost moved to tears, I’m in crisis rn and have been stuck with this broken record experience for 8 months. Recently discarded. A few more moths back and it’s only gotten more confusing.
When ruminating all the negative abuse you went through. Be happy that you no longer have to go though that on going abuse anymore. Be happy you begin being yourself again. Be happy you're free of a lifetime of them discarding you and abusing you all the time. Let them now try smearing you to try making you out as the problem. It's just a ploy to save face when you walk away for good. They never had a reason to smear you before ,because they weren't abused. You were!
This is exactly what I have experienced and still experience. Sometimes, laying on my stomache helps and as well as focusing on breathing, especially exhaling. Thank you making this video.
I needed this. My narc has been passed a year and I’m still having to coach myself to relax, which is hard to do after 55 years of being on constant alert for the next round. Just seeing a therapist helped so much when I finally lost my mind and had to get help. Seeing the truth of the matter and cutting her off when she got out of hand took so much weight off of me, but as long as she was still alive, I still had to watch my back. Now it’s over, I’m trying hard to make myself acknowledge that it’s over and I will never go through that again.
This is exactly what I need to stop the cycle of rumination- I know I get nowhere trying to make sense of the treatment received by my ex.You describe my thoughts, feelings and experiences spot on. Thank you, this is validating to know my reaction is not because I am broken, but because Im sane to want resolution. Thank you for the guidance for how to let go and make peace with the past.
It’s been almost 2 weeks for me I’ve been discarded by my ex He did not even have the courage to end the relationship face to face in person Instead I had to read between the lines via his text I asked him if it’s over and he ignored my question So I took his silence treatment that is over and given myself the closure Only cowards hide and can’t have the decency
I had bad dreams about my ex almost every night for a couple months, it was usually always the same dream but in different situations. There was only two good dreams out of them all, it was terrible.
I feel so helpless 😭 sad everyday unfortunately I have to leave with this person because I can’t afford my own place ! Thanks for sharing all your knowledge god bless
Thank you so much Danish. I put on my running shoes directly after your video and just returned from an half an hour run. I feel so much better now! Further I am reading ‘the body keeps the score’. What a coincidence…🙏
Hey there lovely. One thing I've also found helpful is to think whenever I ruminate 'that's rumination'. Sounds really basic but it is actually very helpful
This is so helpful! I havent exercised in a week because this narcissist has created all kinds of extra work but too bad so sad. I gotta get back to myself 💖
Thank you so much Danish, This is where I find myself with my narcissistic mother. She’s 85 and I’m 55 and only recently in the past 18mths crashed mentally after her decades of abuse. I’m in therapy but the rumination is awful, I described it as like an itch in the mind that you can’t reach. I want my mum to go away / be independent but there she is as a constant presence in my mind. Your videos are a real help for validation and therapy. Thank you 🙏
I think rumination is a natural result of a relationship with a narc. I still do after many years I have learned however to be grateful. Grateful that this pathetic witch is no longer part of my daily life (I have even stopped attending grand children birthdays) I am Grateful God rescued me. He rescued my mental and physical ill health. He allowed me to rebuild financially and emotionally. He brought my kids back, my first family back, my old friends back and brought a new loving woman into my life. I still ruminate but have so much to be grateful for, and every day of happiness and good health is a gift.
It happened. I lost 2 friends because of this. Its as if I could not stop talking about my abusive ex. Those "friends" thought its better to leave me in my tough times 🫥 Now I am much better, healing started.
7:22 i recommend shopping therapy , even if u go out to buy a cup of coffee, some silly inexpensive trinkets for your room or office like decorations candles small vases.. and shopping for clothes for office for casual outing for working out/ going outdoors, for a day out with friends
Danish you re the best!! Breaking down these dreadful elements of narc abuse to provide us with logic and strategies to combat all the effects. 22 years worth of ruminations qas worse after i left him. Friends grow tired of hearing it. Ironically i felt like the narc always focusing on controllung outcomes. I learnt it was a safety mechanism to try to fix or prepare for and to avoid flare-ups with him. When the best thing to do for yourself is to leave these energy vampires. God bless you 🙏 ❤️ I'm doing v well nearly 5 years later. Just Wish now I had courage to go earlier.
Your videos are addictive for me. Bcos I finally I have the answers to what I felt . What I doubted. What happened to me in life and why I continued to suffer makes sense to me . Thankyou from all my heart ❤
I had narc parents, psychopath stepfather, narc stepmother, and than psychopath boyfriend. I'm 39 now, and I Don't have a clue how I survived all this shit, but I'm more than traumatized for 3 lifetimes... I have many times ruminations, I can't controll it, I have trouble with sleeping, I have psychosomatic issues - gynaecological (stemming from narc mom, whom I rejected as a teen, and so with it femininity - the biggest trauma for a female body is to be the daughter of a narc mother, I have gone through everything, denying femininity, than abusing femininity it was toxic all the way, and than toxic boyfriend...). And thanks for your insight, and thanks, that you share we can't stop that through talking... You are so understanding, but where could I find a true specialist??? I have no clue...
It’s over a year post my narcissistic relationship. 9/11/2022 we Broke up and it won’t stop. I push it to the back of my mind but it always comes back. I don’t think it will ever stop. 😢 I know what he is and have become so aware of what all this is, but it still keeps going back to rumination, feeling like it will never go away. I try dating other ppl but it’s like I don’t put as much effort, and care for any other, because I know no one can come close to my ex narc and how he made me feel when the love bombing phase and thereafter even with the bad.
Thank you so much for your work. This really hit home with me. How could someone love me for 50 years and then just shut off? My husband is sick of hearing about it so I have learned to stuff it but it never goes away. The nightmares! I think it’s the cruelest thing you can do to a person because it leaves the victim with no closure.
I feel like you SEE me, and that is so important to me right now. 😢 I can't say thank you enough for sharing and helping, and most of all, thank you for believing that this actually happened.
WOW! I really needed your video! Out of a narc relationship about 8 months. She was a friend from childhood - 65 years! I keep thinking: maybe it was just me, maybe it was my fault - the ruminating is awful. I love to dance so I will give that a try - THANK YOU for your timely advice!
@Jack T I am sorry to hear that, Jack...but you are doing the right thing. My boiling point has been raising over about the last 10 years. Last summer, I had enough and when this person pushed the button, I lost it, told her off and walked out of her house. That was the end - no text, emails, phone calls. If you can stay strong and resist the urge to answer in any way, you will make it!🙏🙏🙏☮️
@Jack T One more thing. Find Dr. Les Carter, who is also on TH-cam. He has some great advise and insight similar to Danish Bashir. God luck, God bless and hang in there!
Thank you so much for doing these amazing, informative videos. I am watching more now. I have gone no contact with my son's father. the drama that was created in the few days leading up to my birthday, then a few days after that, he verbally attacked me, the whole gaslighting, blame game was full blown on what was my late mum's birthday. My son is 18 in a few months, I was waiting until then to go NC, we'd been co-parenting, but I just couldn't anything, any more with him, could not even cope with the thought of hearing his voice again. He escalated his attack on me so badly on my mum's birthday, knowing how much I miss her, but... he needed to put the boot in. So, I blocked him on social media too. Now, to deal with the ruminating. Oh, I didn't know it was called that, I just noticed that the moment I would wake up my mind would start to replay so many bad experiences with him. First thoughts straight onto that stress. Replaying things form the past. My poor mind, it's been so badly traumatised by near 2 decades of dealing with him. I will heal. One day at a time huh! ... and I have been formally diagnosed with CPTSD from it all, as has our son :(
Just now I was in the middle of an episode of ruminating and crying and what if's... And I find your video. How did I not find you sooner? I've spent months watching so many content. Necesaary and informative but very rational and thinking oriented. You guided me onto a new path. I thank you for it. 🙏
Hi Danish. I commented almost a week ago but wanted to update you with some good news. I tried the focus inward on my feet, they were the untriggered part of me, and wow the speed at which the ruminating stopped was surprising. And you are right that previously when I’ve tried talking it out, it hasn’t worked. I told my therapist and he was interested as he was also in a future session going to talk me through “grounding” as part of a guided meditation. I feel so much more in control with your method. Thank you so much it has literally changed my life ❤
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"Rumination is a trauma response" Yes! Ur advice as to how to become unstuck from this anxious state is very powerful, and valuable, as it's not something that can be managed intuitively. I find that some hidden trauma can lie dormant for years then crop up when I least expect it. Many thanks for these healing words, Danish!
I got out of a 27 year relationship with a narc a few months ago. You will never get closure from the narc. You have to give yourself closure.
I am so happy to hear that I am not alone in the battle of narcissistic abuse, I’ve had it all my life, from my father, brother and husband I thought I was crazy with all the thoughts, THANK YOU!
For sure you are not alone. God bless!
You're not alone ❤️ 🙏
Not only we are together waking up to this demonic presence in our lives, but together we take action to go no contact with our abusers! Stay strong!
Rumination has been debilitating me for years! I feel like I froze in time! Finally, some sense is kicked into me, I am trying to pick up pieces and moving forward! I pray and wish for everyone who is in pain and suffering to heal and become fully functioning individuals and be happy and at peace! Thank you, Danish!
It truly does debilitate you. I’m going through it now. I have good and bad days. What helps me is…whenever I catch myself stuck in thoughts, I say to myself JUST STOP….. and I make myself recall all of the horrible things that he did to me, physical and emotional abuse. It’s not easy but it helps. I’m hopeful things will get better. Do not give up, you are stronger than you know. What you are capable of today is not what you will be capable in the future. Be gentle and kind to yourself. No matter what, people who enter into a relationship with the best and most loving intentions do not deserve to be devalued and emotionally toyed with. 🦋💛💪🏼💯
@@fridaypeaches497 Thank you so much! May all the positivity reach every suffering soul! ❤
Music helps .. esp like upbeat Christian rap or hip hop because those words are not about relationships 😅 it can be uplifting
I used to feel so bad about ruminating. I used to think it meant I was dysfunctional or lacking in backbone and spirit. It took me a very long time to realise that it is a natural reaction to narc abuse. I only realised this once I started following channels like yours.
I was stuck with the narcissist for 43 years faced with trauma over and over and over again. Since then, 8 years of freedom now. Do I still ruminate? Unfortunately, yes. But with 43 years of it, I know it is going to take a while to get through. I think it is getting better, though.
I'm also learning not to waste my time talking about it with people who do not understand narcissistic abuse. And talking with THEM about it IS a waste of my time and effort. They won't understand it, and never will. Eventually, they won't care either.
I also have learned to avoid ANYBODY that is HIGH CONFLICT because not only will they not care, but they will INTENTIONALLY go OUT OF THEIR WAY to make it worse for you, gaslight you, blame you, and do everything possible to cause MORE conflict and drama for THEIR amusement.
❤️🙏 all best to you.
So many triggers I find. I am still wondering who the heck I would have been had I not met mine. Sometimes I feel like I am mourning the loss of who I was and could have been. Narcissist is an overly used word these days. You are right about no one getting it so we suffer in silence much of the time. We all deserve validation so thank you for commenting.
EMDR. This treatment is incredible for PTSD.
I highly recommend it.
Absolutely right, talking to someone who can't understand narc abuse is a waste of time. The problem is too many therapists, psychiatrists and doctors can't understand it and they are trying to treat you & only make it worse because they assume you have something they know & treat you for that.
Completely agree...
Yes,yes I am here even after no contact for 12 months,I go over and over the same stuff to try and make sense of it,still get triggered by simple every day stuff, its on my mind and I cant get it out.
Thank you Danish for these tips to try and lessen the impact of these thoughts.
It’s been since September since I’ve been out of the house. I’m in a safe stable environment, YET, there are days when I actually feel as if I’ve taken three steps back and only one forward. I suppose it’s because once I was able to have some peace and not walk on eggshells every waking moment, I’d actually began to realize just what I’d been through. The physical and psychological abuse, I lost my home of nearly ten years and my job. It’s as if the real battle begins once you physically get away. While you cohabitate with these (people)….. you do not have a second to think about anything else except survival. It’s exhausting and takes a true toll on your health. Mind over matter……easier said than done, but in the end it’s worth it……. I feel as if I’m in the fight of my life. I wish you peace, courage and healing. 🦋💪🏼💯
@@jbrown2908 THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT!!!! 💛. I’ve been through tough times in my life, but this has me on so many levels and aspects, from psychological to physical. I keep telling myself……I’m struggling, but I will not give up. It’s people like you who are angels with just kind words that keeps me having faith in humanity. 🦋
@@jbrown2908 thank you 🙏. It’s validation for me to begin to realize just what the heck happened to me. I’ve been through tuff times and come from a dysfunctional family, but this narcissistic relationship has broken me….. between the physical abuse and psychological abuse, the trauma bond, the CPTSD…… it’s agony. I’m not able to go completely no contact as 90% of my possessions are still in his house…… he likes to text when he’s drunk and high. Last night for no reason I received a text from him saying “how happy he felt when he kissed his dog, because all of the evil is out of his life”. After 3black eyes, 2 concussions, a bruised kidney and deep bruised tailbone from being kicked as I was walking away and each episode I was told I deserved it because of what I said to him……he said I had made him do something he’d never forgive himself for. I never reported the abuse, which I’m regretting now. But wow, I’m the evil. Baffling to me.
I ask God for strength every day, for me and the other victims who are struggling to get peace back in their lives. Thank you again 🙏💯
Me too. Other people who havent been in these relationships dont understand. He derailed my whole life. All our friends took his side. The injustice is killing me. It was so hard leaving him, but its so hard going forward too. Sorry for the rant
@@jbrown2908 thank you so much. It means the world
Thank you. I had a narcissistic mother. I ruminated over things she said for 30 years since I had left home. What a horrible, nightmarish experience! I really felt crazy.
This is why I don’t like talking about my divorce. Once someone asks me and I start talking about it, then it takes days for me to get the flashbacks out of my head. Aside from that the ruminating is me trying to understand WHY he did the things he did and ruminating has actually helped me figure that out, which also helps me know what to watch out for in future relationships. Also talking to other people and hearing their feedback on what it sounds like happened also opens my eyes a lot to things I didn’t realize but that they pick up on when I tell them specifics of what I went through.
Same here ... I'd have nightmares and flashbacks for years .. I couldn't even do counselling. But with knowledge came understanding and relief.
Yes, don't want to explain your life to everyone, even new dates. It's like forced therapy where u have to relive the experiences over and over. No thanks. If a person doesn't know what narcissism is I rather give it a pass. Educating others is tiresome and I learnt very fast not to give specific details.. because some will scorn you .. with your fault .. without know about your private life. This i gather they do.. because they reflect on their own life circumstances.. which maybe nothing perhaps like your history at all. It just makes u judged. So avoid it unless you on very safe grounded company.
Heres an example.. I said to a male acquaintance .. my husband was a closet porn addict. (Asides my then years ago.. not knowing that he was also a covert narc) The response was .. 'well you gave him the reason to do that'. People are careless and that was my first lesson of what not to share and with whom. Wish you all protection and blessings. 🙏
Even after learning the mind of the narc and why they're so demonic, I still ruminate, but it doesn't feel negative, feels like my brain is healing from the trauma and just processing what happened.
God bless you! You said it right - DEMONIC. I really think these people are empty shells ran by demonic spirits.
Danish, I literally cried tears of relief listening to this video. I needed this today. I can't thank you enough. You are a blessing. A million thanks from New York City ❤️
CLANDESTINGIRL--Me too. Tears flowed out again; but less then the last 2 years since leaving narcissist husband, that I loved so very much. Just writing "loved so very much" brings on tears..
Hugs, peace and healing to you from Riverdale area, NYC.
I used to ruminate quite a bit. In the past, after leaving narc abuser husband, I ruminated about the FEW good things and feelings I had. But that kept the trauma bond going and I couldn't break free. Someone suggested that I ruminate about the terrible/horrible things he did and how I felt. It worked! It took time, but it helped me slowly break completely free. Now I ruminate very little, but my ruminating thoughts go straight to the bad things he used to do to me. In due time, I will stop ruminating about my narcissistic marriage altogether. I am getting stronger and stronger about NO CONTACT.
I can remember feeling like my inner self had been shattered into a million jigsaw pieces and my thoughts were flying everywhere.
Even after I worked out what was happening to me- it took time for me to mentally fix myself.
Even a year later - even with other people now knowing who this person is- I still find myself constantly reminiscing about this person - thinking about what/why they behave(d) the way they do.
I don't think it's about that person but how I can avoid... But there are times I wonder if I can help this person - I think that's the toughest part - learning to accept there's nothing I can do - and to adapt and accept that.
I get it about wanting to help them - i have that too. But alas a waste of time.
I feel you entirely, dear. I'm 6 months out of the relationship and your description of the mental state fits entirely with my personal experience. Sending good thoughts your way 🙏
Though i never suffered physical abuse, confronting the original attachment trauma as an adult meant realizing my body had been in survival mode since childhood...there was an intense and overpowering level of somatic pain that had me laid up in bed for days: my entire right side had been in extreme pain for years but my body's survival defense mechanisms had somehow hid this from my conscious awareness. I thought I was going crazy due to my brain's constant hamster wheeling, rumination, constant overthinking the same thoughts etc etc...talking out loud fruitlessly to nobody. Facing the pain in the body was so intensely painful--shaky, shallow breathing, muscle spasms, popping sensations in the joints, etc--no wonder I had so much fear about allowing myself to face the pain.
Thank you for the advice of releasing the trauma. I have been out of the relationship 26 years, but still have thoughts. Even the counselors I saw before splitting didn’t give your great advice and wisdom! You are helping many people!
Growing up with a parent who has the trio of dark personality traits you end up attracting a lot of similar people into your life at first as you have been conditioned into being a giver. But you learn to cope with things like constant lying, arrogance, uncooperativeness, over competitiveness, blame and manipulation. On the upside you learn to recognize psychopathic behavior in others by their eyes, tone of voice, and even their act of being charming and agreeable. It all becomes okay after a while. The amount of damage psychopaths do to society is a problem not even the prophets could solve. It's best to just ignore the abusers as much as possible once you've figured them out.
What never feels okay is when the narcissist takes advantage of a vulnerable loved one and keeps them under their control and at their mercy. That is not okay and very hurtful and confusing.
Yes- this is me at the moment - all true words - thank you. Some one said to me today, let go he’s toxic. Ah ok!! Right, if it was that easy. I dance every wed eve. It helps a lot
You are trying your best! please keep going
confirming the whole process , my experience completely explained step by step. Very professionell advise. I wished I had more support from my therapist for 2 years ago after my discard after 16 years . She thought just move on. I need also a time of grieve , a time of healing my post trauma disorder, the last process was my body. I carried it in me with me, and my body told me too that is was psychosomatic. After cranio sacral work balance therapy , it solved slowly . It took 2 years , You tube videos helped me , therapist are still not well informed in Europe about narcissistic abuse. In you tube there are a few Chanels like yours where you find some answers what happens and what is happening afterwards. Thank you so much . Great short compact serious videos.
Thank you sir for being you and doing what you are doing to help people,
God bless you ,
Love from rob 🇬🇧.
A lot of people have no guidance. Thanks for this video!
😵💫 yup i m der.. now.. if someone listens.. i can go on n on n on.. not because they can solve.. i just want them to say . U R NOT CRAZY...it's like a trap especially if a kid is involved
Yes it feels good to be validated I can relate. Also I don't think you're crazy.
No one understands about the Trauma we go through
People who will consider
Reading about Narcissistic Behavior
Then they will understand what Narcs abuse
Accupuncture helps
@@jbrown2908 i will be waiting for dat day wen it completely goes
I am in this exact situation now Danish. All you told in this video are happening to me.
All rumination whether it's really sad, tearful, bad, ugly, angry, hateful, or otherwise .. I don't push it away anymore . I stead I now embrace and think about the whole feeling.. wallow in it briefly .. then I let it go by saying something positive about it. All to myself, but it's working like a charm. I.e. I put my old dog to rest, and it's painful.. I feel it.. then say yes but he's in a better place with no suffering and God says there is animal heaven.. so I hope to see them all again. Narcs that i despise .. I feel it all .. all the emotions ..with all my disgust and anguish .. then I remind myself I'm free of them to live a healthier and better life etc. Hope this helps anyone else. 🙏
I think I’m lucky that I have made 2 friends two years ago on social media. We initially talked about Covid, but then a few months ago, I was discarded by my covert narc husband after 22 years. I talked to them and found out they both had a relationship with a narc respectively before, I think they’re sent to me by God!! They both validated my feelings and knew exactly what happened to me. 😭😭😭
I just got out of a narc relationship a couple days ago and getting settled in at my new place. I had a convo online with a girl last night after having dinner at my ex’s with the kids one last time. This girl said to me in a message “so you just had dinner at your ex’s?” I never even said that to her but based off what I had said previously she just knew and put 2 and 2 together. I went white as a ghost and had pain in my stomach suddenly thinking that this person was either someone who knew my ex or it was my ex in disguise.. the feeling of being tracked and controlled again took over my body in a second and I almost had a panic attack thinking “I thought I covered all my tracks how in the world is she pulling this off?” Now I feel like I need to keep to myself for a long time and really heal.
When I advertised the motorbike for sale my ex must have got onto someone else's phone to contact me posing as someone else. Sent me an older photo of the same bike in front of my house .. n told me if this is the bike it's a piece of junk etc.
I told him if he took that photo he was trespassing on my property without my permission. He disappeared without a word. I calmed down and was in hindsight I came to realise it was my ex-husband or someone he put up to contact me from the advert. He's not very clever I realised.. he had to have taken that the photo himself years ago, as I had painted the wall beyond it a different colour since then. So no you are not paranoid.. they do.. do real shitty things.
I still have PTSD nearly 8 years after leaving. I'm still on medication and in therapy. EMDR was only somewhat helpful. The ruminating is THE WORST. My head has burned (yes like on a slow fire 🔥) since that day I left in August 2015.
i can relate.
I left in August, too!! Something about that month....
27 years of this bullshit being treated like an object, five months after being discarded, thinking, I was the knight in armor, trying to fix her trying to take care of her. I think the hardest part was realizing that there was nothing that I could do but to try to heal myself from all the abuse.
I feel this
I'm so stuck right now. I finally understand the narcissist and her motives, but she is my sister. My mother is unwell and in a care home (in later stages of dementia) and I appear to be the only person who cares enough to visit for more than half an hour per week. As such, I became both the "martyr" and the person everyone seeks for information. I then become "overruled" when I try to make changes to mum's care. The latest contact was that I am mentally ill, playing the victim and letting everyone who loves me down, by not seeking therapy. Honestly, I know EXACTLY what she is doing, and how she will be planting seeds in the rest of the family, which they will grow and nurture, and I'm left feeling angry and undermined. I also know if I try to prove I am not mentally ill, I will just look more mentally ill. Unfortunately, I feel that I will have no escape until my mother is gone, and what a terrible realisation and feeling that is.
How do they (narcissists) live with themselves? I seriously don't understand that.
I will be taking your advice though. Movement, I think it is going to help, it sounds like it should! thank you x
Look at the kitty in the background!!!! So cute ❤❤
I literally get stuck, unable to move as I’m walking through the house. Stuck, frozen, unable to move, ruminating, trying to figure out what in the heck happened.
When I talk about it, I make no sense whatsoever.
I do this all the time. Its like even though I have gone NO CONTACT they are still living in my head rent free because I am thinking about all the things that have ever happened and if they were or or werent my fault.
I liked seeing the kitty in your video. It helped me not be so upset about this ruminating thing. Lol! Thank you for teaching us about this. :)
I know i love the sweet furbaby chillin in the background. 😻
Thank you, Danish. You are a blessing. Years of stepfather abuse....find myself ruminating and I get really mad at myself for "throwing self pity parties". I have phases where I ruminate more than at other times, usually after a negative interaction with the stepfather. It seems like it sets me back 30 years when he uses his destructive tactics....
This is true for relationships with manipulative people in general and not just narcisists.
I was going crazy with rumination, the conversations in my mind, my kids would catch me talking to myself …it affected my sleep, detoured me from healthy relationships - and not romantic, normal relationships, because l was always going over the traumatic events. Rumination combined with smear campaign is crazy. I decided to give my story my voice on my TH-cam channel. Not a road for everyone, of course you will look crazy, vengeful and some will call it defamation oblivious of the years of defamation and gaslighting l have endured. My rumination stopped,this was the best gift l gave myself, it contributed a lot to my healing
I ended up feeling like I'm the worst person in this world, unable to cope with the aftermath. It takes a lot of effort to detox the experience. Thanks to nice people like you, I was able to process the experience and move forward. Cute cat you have there!
thank you so much Danish. you're literally saving lives here
nailed it! Now I know why I was constantly at the gym doing spinning cycle classes when this narc took over our life for 6 years. Thank you for something I can actually do to make me feel better. God bless you sir. I pray you know this Jesus Christ who got me out of this madness. kindest regards
Yes, Jesus Christ is the only way to heal. God bless!
I hate my father so much. He causes me so much pain. Thank you for this video. Very helpful
I am new to learnig what I've been dealing with. Now after 23 years of it and feeling totally hopless, I am feeling hopful on finding Peace and getting out on my own away from him. Thank you for being here. And I wish everyone out here freedom from this horrible situation.
Very true, thanks, at least someone understands 🙏
Thanks Danish. It's funny how you can forget things. I know this. I've read Dr Bessell. I've described it to therapists.
Hearing you say it though clicked when I needed it. "Ruminating is a trauma response"
I've began on little blank cards, writing two sides. One of "The fear" eg, "Stop future fear visioning" the second side a "positive manifestation " "Create positive future vision " it helps to plant seeds. I write them when gripped by the negative. I will collate them proper; at some point.
Thanks again Danish. Continued success ❤
I have avoided contact for a couple weeks since my trauma began, I am already ruminating just so I don't forget or minimize it, and I can't talk about it because people want me either to get violent against the abuser or put on a smile and praise the Lord for my salvation, trusting Him for deliverance someday. Then they go no contact with me, indicating that I have brought this on myself and must want it to continue if I don't take their advice. So I ruminate even more about how uncomfortable it is to be shunned by my support system, and that's what makes me feel ashamed and crazy. I really just want the abuse to stop, but I don't know how to get the abusers to leave my house.
This resource is just about me at this moment. I ruminate about it always and even when I try not to, despite constant encouraged from distant loved ones to move on from this phase. Oh how I really wish its that easy especially when you are in a completely new environment and you've been isolated from people. Thank you Danish, will keep moving in the right direction.
I wear a brown elastic band on my wrist . I twang it when ruminating. It instantly stops . You also realise how better you are getting on the amount of times the twang happens
I had this behaviour pattern.... The thought of their doing to me even when I am freed from them made me realise it's time to change ..I had to replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts to transform me to the same me and my recovery became my priority
My toxic partner & abuser has been dead for 10 yrs - yet I still at times ruminate at bedtime that keeps me up for hours. I keep going over scenarios on how I should have reacted- like I’m trying to change the script. Very frustrating & tiresome. I do suffer from depression & anxiety for the last 30 yrs.
Thank you for this content. I have been ruminating so much and couldn't understand why. You have made it so clear as to what is happening. I have started journaling. I want to try the trauma yoga & dance. The next time I am ruminating I will focus on my body. I want to evict the narc out of my mind/brain I need that space for new things in my life.
Dude I’m almost moved to tears, I’m in crisis rn and have been stuck with this broken record experience for 8 months. Recently discarded. A few more moths back and it’s only gotten more confusing.
all of this awareness you would think pharma would make a pill
When ruminating all the negative abuse you went through. Be happy that you no longer have to go though that on going abuse anymore. Be happy you begin being yourself again. Be happy you're free of a lifetime of them discarding you and abusing you all the time. Let them now try smearing you to try making you out as the problem. It's just a ploy to save face when you walk away for good. They never had a reason to smear you before ,because they weren't abused. You were!
This is exactly what I have experienced and still experience. Sometimes, laying on my stomache helps and as well as focusing on breathing, especially exhaling. Thank you making this video.
I needed this. My narc has been passed a year and I’m still having to coach myself to relax, which is hard to do after 55 years of being on constant alert for the next round. Just seeing a therapist helped so much when I finally lost my mind and had to get help. Seeing the truth of the matter and cutting her off when she got out of hand took so much weight off of me, but as long as she was still alive, I still had to watch my back. Now it’s over, I’m trying hard to make myself acknowledge that it’s over and I will never go through that again.
This is exactly what I need to stop the cycle of rumination- I know I get nowhere trying to make sense of the treatment received by my ex.You describe my thoughts, feelings and experiences spot on. Thank you, this is validating to know my reaction is not because I am broken, but because Im sane to want resolution. Thank you for the guidance for how to let go and make peace with the past.
It’s been almost 2 weeks for me
I’ve been discarded by my ex
He did not even have the courage to end the relationship face to face in person
Instead I had to read between the lines via his text
I asked him if it’s over and he ignored my question
So I took his silence treatment that is over and given myself the closure
Only cowards hide and can’t have the decency
I had bad dreams about my ex almost every night for a couple months, it was usually always the same dream but in different situations. There was only two good dreams out of them all, it was terrible.
I feel so helpless 😭 sad everyday unfortunately I have to leave with this person because I can’t afford my own place ! Thanks for sharing all your knowledge god bless
Thank you so much Danish. I put on my running shoes directly after your video and just returned from an half an hour run. I feel so much better now! Further I am reading ‘the body keeps the score’. What a coincidence…🙏
I was looking for videos all morning to help me cope and none of them actually gave me any advice. Thank you very much for posting this ❤
Hey there lovely. One thing I've also found helpful is to think whenever I ruminate 'that's rumination'. Sounds really basic but it is actually very helpful
Yes Danish I have been thinking about this thank you for the advice have a blessed day
This is so helpful! I havent exercised in a week because this narcissist has created all kinds of extra work but too bad so sad. I gotta get back to myself
💖
Thank you so much Danish, This is where I find myself with my narcissistic mother. She’s 85 and I’m 55 and only recently in the past 18mths crashed mentally after her decades of abuse. I’m in therapy but the rumination is awful, I described it as like an itch in the mind that you can’t reach. I want my mum to go away / be independent but there she is as a constant presence in my mind. Your videos are a real help for validation and therapy. Thank you 🙏
I think rumination is a natural result of a relationship with a narc.
I still do after many years
I have learned however to be grateful.
Grateful that this pathetic witch is no longer part of my daily life (I have even stopped attending grand children birthdays)
I am Grateful God rescued me. He rescued my mental and physical ill health. He allowed me to rebuild financially and emotionally. He brought my kids back, my first family back, my old friends back and brought a new loving woman into my life.
I still ruminate but have so much to be grateful for, and every day of happiness and good health is a gift.
It happened. I lost 2 friends because of this. Its as if I could not stop talking about my abusive ex. Those "friends" thought its better to leave me in my tough times 🫥
Now I am much better, healing started.
7:22 i recommend shopping therapy , even if u go out to buy a cup of coffee, some silly inexpensive trinkets for your room or office like decorations candles small vases.. and shopping for clothes for office for casual outing for working out/ going outdoors, for a day out with friends
I loved this, I couldn't find anything that calmed me down until I found this, thank you so much 🌸🌸🌸
Danish you re the best!! Breaking down these dreadful elements of narc abuse to provide us with logic and strategies to combat all the effects. 22 years worth of ruminations qas worse after i left him. Friends grow tired of hearing it. Ironically i felt like the narc always focusing on controllung outcomes. I learnt it was a safety mechanism to try to fix or prepare for and to avoid flare-ups with him. When the best thing to do for yourself is to leave these energy vampires. God bless you 🙏 ❤️ I'm doing v well nearly 5 years later. Just Wish now I had courage to go earlier.
Your videos are addictive for me. Bcos I finally I have the answers to what I felt . What I doubted. What happened to me in life and why I continued to suffer makes sense to me . Thankyou from all my heart ❤
I had narc parents, psychopath stepfather, narc stepmother, and than psychopath boyfriend. I'm 39 now, and I Don't have a clue how I survived all this shit, but I'm more than traumatized for 3 lifetimes... I have many times ruminations, I can't controll it, I have trouble with sleeping, I have psychosomatic issues - gynaecological (stemming from narc mom, whom I rejected as a teen, and so with it femininity - the biggest trauma for a female body is to be the daughter of a narc mother, I have gone through everything, denying femininity, than abusing femininity it was toxic all the way, and than toxic boyfriend...). And thanks for your insight, and thanks, that you share we can't stop that through talking... You are so understanding, but where could I find a true specialist??? I have no clue...
It’s over a year post my narcissistic relationship. 9/11/2022 we
Broke up and it won’t stop. I push it to the back of my mind but it always comes back. I don’t think it will ever stop. 😢 I know what he is and have become so aware of what all this is, but it still keeps going back to rumination, feeling like it will never go away. I try dating other ppl but it’s like I don’t put as much effort, and care for any other, because I know no one can come close to my ex narc and how he made me feel when the love bombing phase and thereafter even with the bad.
Thank you so much for this. I’m two years out from my divorce and I still find myself doing this sometimes.
Thank you so much for your work. This really hit home with me. How could someone love me for 50 years and then just shut off? My husband is sick of hearing about it so I have learned to stuff it but it never goes away. The nightmares! I think it’s the cruelest thing you can do to a person because it leaves the victim with no closure.
❤❤❤ I actually shared this one with my trauma therapist 😂
You are a blessing danish
I feel like you SEE me, and that is so important to me right now. 😢 I can't say thank you enough for sharing and helping, and most of all, thank you for believing that this actually happened.
WOW! I really needed your video! Out of a narc relationship about 8 months. She was a friend from childhood - 65 years! I keep thinking: maybe it was just me, maybe it was my fault - the ruminating is awful. I love to dance so I will give that a try - THANK YOU for your timely advice!
@Jack T no, no substance abuse problems. I almost wish they did- that would have made it easier to understand.
@Jack T I am sorry to hear that, Jack...but you are doing the right thing. My boiling point has been raising over about the last 10 years. Last summer, I had enough and when this person pushed the button, I lost it, told her off and walked out of her house. That was the end - no text, emails, phone calls. If you can stay strong and resist the urge to answer in any way, you will make it!🙏🙏🙏☮️
@Jack T One more thing. Find Dr. Les Carter, who is also on TH-cam. He has some great advise and insight similar to Danish Bashir. God luck, God bless and hang in there!
I love this guy!
Thank you so much for doing these amazing, informative videos. I am watching more now. I have gone no contact with my son's father. the drama that was created in the few days leading up to my birthday, then a few days after that, he verbally attacked me, the whole gaslighting, blame game was full blown on what was my late mum's birthday. My son is 18 in a few months, I was waiting until then to go NC, we'd been co-parenting, but I just couldn't anything, any more with him, could not even cope with the thought of hearing his voice again. He escalated his attack on me so badly on my mum's birthday, knowing how much I miss her, but... he needed to put the boot in. So, I blocked him on social media too. Now, to deal with the ruminating. Oh, I didn't know it was called that, I just noticed that the moment I would wake up my mind would start to replay so many bad experiences with him. First thoughts straight onto that stress. Replaying things form the past. My poor mind, it's been so badly traumatised by near 2 decades of dealing with him. I will heal. One day at a time huh! ... and I have been formally diagnosed with CPTSD from it all, as has our son :(
Your cat is soooo Beautiful..💞💞💞The entire video I couldn’t take my eyes off your cat..
............yo..........blessed
Just now I was in the middle of an episode of ruminating and crying and what if's... And I find your video. How did I not find you sooner? I've spent months watching so many content. Necesaary and informative but very rational and thinking oriented. You guided me onto a new path. I thank you for it. 🙏
Thank you, Danish!
I hate this ruminating!!!!!
Hi Danish. I commented almost a week ago but wanted to update you with some good news. I tried the focus inward on my feet, they were the untriggered part of me, and wow the speed at which the ruminating stopped was surprising. And you are right that previously when I’ve tried talking it out, it hasn’t worked. I told my therapist and he was interested as he was also in a future session going to talk me through “grounding” as part of a guided meditation. I feel so much more in control with your method. Thank you so much it has literally changed my life ❤
Great video. Exorcise the body to purge the body of trauma. 😎
Thank you!!!
OMG Thank you SO VERY MUCH for this! 🙏🏾🥺💙
Thank you!
Yes! Thank you. This is perfect timing again. 😃
Thank you Danish. You have really helped in this one.
Thank you so much! That's so accurate!
Oh my god!!! Thank you!!! Exactly what im going through right now
This video is saving me. I watch it everytime I need it. Thank you!
Great video!
Helpful, thanks...
Thank you Danish
I have been watching your channel and it has helped me understand how a narcissistic person works. Thank you so much.
That was really helpful thank you so much
Thank you Danish, so helpfull
Thks ❤your advice is very useful.
Really great video thanks man