My Husband Had a Meltdown and Tried To K!ll Himself After I Confessed That His Boss, Who Is Tortu...
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 มี.ค. 2024
- I have a very awkward potentially devastating situation with my husband's boss (pepischnops in r/relationship_advice)
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When you have a bad boss who treats you like crap, it will affect your psyche in surprising ways.
1000 percent
The wife and several people in these comments seem to think Paul is a decent guy and that the hubby is lying, exaggerating or delusional.
@@jackchop1576 or because as a boss paul treats employees different then people he might have dated in college :P
Yes the answer to the question is yes paul was trying to hit on you
Just seemed like being friendly to me at what point was he hitting on her? They just had some small talk, he asked her what she was there for, she informed him of her husband, he was a little shocked but always alright with it, they hugged twice, and that was that. At what point was he flirting or hitting on her?
if he tried to do that because of 1 person then it clearly shows you what type of monster Paul is
Fair
"Not in a mean way..."
Really? This guy has been tormenting your husband for a year, and you think he's going to just mention it in passing? How deluded are you?
The fact that she takes the things the husband is going through as just complaining, then is surprised that this is his response when he finds out the jerk boss was NOT, in fact, a "friend" from college is just delusional or she thinks too much like a child and needs to grow up.
I'm not going to lie I heard the other version of this story this version is sugar down
Link? @@22cedrick
@@22cedrick pray do tell the non sugar down version
@@feloniousgru9014 I have left a comment on the video
@@feloniousgru9014 okay her and Paul past was different it destroyed her husband life and he did not try to off himself he just wanted a divorce but she try to play victim the whole time and she was Paul and his friends x toy when her and her husband first start dating the whole story was just f up
for having not cheated, op sounded suspicious as all hell when telling her husband about it
I'd say the part she tells about the husband's complaints and her fear to tell she dated his boss aren't matching. They were NOT mere complaints and venting, as we all certainly do on our bad days, about egos clashing at the office or disagreements regarding projects, screw ups that we have to clean or long working hours. For her to be this terrified it has to be something REALLY serious and HR of the company needs to get involved - because now I want to know what the heck happened in that office for a brilliant, rapidly ascending professional on a highly specialized area to become this psychotic!
@@karinefonte516 True, dude must have done something to make OP's husband want to off himself over it
My husband asked me how I knew his boss, so of course I lied straight to his face. And then I lied about lying. And then I kept the lie going until reddit told me I was a fucking moron. I did this because I love him.
LYING DOESNT HELP!!!
what OP is doing is trying to make herself the victim and is trying to save her self and only cares about herself, and is also trying to convince us about her relationship with paul. Also shes self involved.
I can’t believe OP rejected her husband’s request for marriage counseling. He’s going to see that as her not wanting to try.
From what I understand, she didn't reject it, just suggested he have an individual therapist
@@drunkenmozzie4712he will see it as her not wanting to try.
16:51 "later in the day, he agreed to go to marriage counciling, and I told him that he needed individual therapy for himself because it was not healthy to be that angry"
He wanted a divorce, she talked him down to both couples and invidividual therapy.
She didn't reject it, she suggested it but also suggested he get individual therapy, did you not listen?
So, my theory is that OP is lying about what happened and is lying to reddit as well.
I don't really know what the truth is but something is missing. She lied by omission to her husband, so I think she's doing the same thing here. The reason he's suicidal is because now his refuge away from work and his boss is now tainted by his boss forever. He now has to imagine his boss and his wife getting it on everytime he looks at her.
She's lying about something. She kind of hints at it a few times.
"My husband gets promoted more than anyone else in his field." I wonder why this was said. Of all things to mention why this? And his boss is torturing him and hugging his wife. Do you really think that she had a relationship with him in college? Or was that more recent?
I realize this is a bit out there, but several parts of this story are very suspicious. At the very least, I think it's fair to say the narrator might be a tad unreliable.
I keep thinking on moral harassment. OP and Husband don't seem to be on the same field, but Paul and her are since they graduated together, meaning Paul is on a higher position than Husband without the same expertise, something people in positions of power detest. It's all speculation, but Paul could be boycotting Husband in the company and around, badmouthing him to clients and other companies and sabottaging his projects, forcing Husband to be constantly on lookout to prevent losing his job, his professional rep or the networking he built so far. That is NERVEWRECKING AF, similar to being on a battlefield everyday dodging bullets, having to be always 1 step ahead your own boss and his flying monkeys, only to eventually fall for their traps and suffer setbacks. Then rinse and repeat the next day, and again, and again.
I say because my younger sister had a job like that, so demanding and stressful with a boss so tremendously abusive - while putting a serene and mother figure mask whenever she had to deal with people from outside - she developed stomach ulcers and a severe skin condition that nearly destroyed her face, out of pure stress. I would beg her to leave that damned job but it was her first job ever, she didn'0t want to give up.
@karinefonte516 My theory is that OP slept with Paul much more recently and this reddit story is something she made up to cover her ass for her husband. I think she wrote this and showed it to her husband to cover up the cheating.
"Oh, I dated him in college. We dated for a year. We broke up amicably." - Which college? When? His boss is the exact same age as you? That's convenient. You broke up but it was amicable? That's a super convenient explanation for the two hugs. Only a year? Why mention it was only a year? What if it was 4? Why would that matter.
These details matter because they are her alibi. She's really... really focused on her alibi. Like moreso than her husband's mental health.
It's pretty much a perfect alibi too. It could have happened the way she described it. But if it did, why does she feel so damn guilty about it? When confronted, she lied. When she had to drop the news to her husband, she tried to soften the blow. If she really only had a year long relationship with him... she could just say "oh yeah, Paul is my ex, it's weird that he's your boss now. I always knew he was a jackass but holy crap, he must be awful now." And when her husband asked about their relationship, she could have just said "yeah I dated him but he's a jackass so I broke up with him and now I'm with you."
She doesn't need to feel guilty about that. But instead she lied. Instead she broke it to him like it was heartbreaking news. Instead she intentionally made it dramatic.
A second theory just occurred to me. She could have lied about her past relationships from the get go and told him she was a virgin. Then her story is believable how it is written. Maybe that's what happened? We'll never know, she's a liar so who knows what is what.
@@benjaminwoodham6682lmao you need to get a life instead of writing 10 paragraphs for a fake story
@MassiveChoad-vr5gy guy whose also watching random reddit stories on TH-cam tells me to get a life. The irony. Learn to read and stop complaining that there are too many words for your tiny pee brain tiny choadling.
@MassiveChoad-vr5gy sorry. Didn't realize that getting a life meant being on Twitter so much that seeing more than 120 characters actually offends you.
Something from the story is missing here. OP either refuses or can’t give specifics on what exactly Paul is doing to her husband… assuming (and it’s a big assumption) that she is right about being over Paul and no contact, and she’s telling the truth… plus the husbands sudden irrational behavior, makes me think he could be having delusions? Maybe he thinks Paul is doing bad things and he’s actually not? OP mentioned that Paul made a weird face when she mentioned her husbands name, so there’s obviously SOMETHING going on. Either Paul is a) being abusive and cruel or b) husband is struggling to manage his workload or acting cruel to him. It’s fully possible that Paul is a psychopath, but it’s also fully possible that the husband is suffering from some kind of mental break that was only made worse by OPs actions. But I will agree that op seems very dismissive… I’m really wondering what’s going on behind the scenes here. Plus there’s no update after 5 years, so ig we will never know…
She seems convinced that Paul is a good guy.
OP is a confirmed liar, she admits it herself.
It is even easier to lie on reddit than real life.
Ok, taking Op at her word, a platonic hug is certainly understandable if you end things amicably it is the accepted norm. Not telling him the day of, was a mistake, but again kinda understandable given the fact that he is clearly unstable, case an point he nearly killed himself and showed no regard for his own health. Then she has him kept under a hold, because again he is very unstable, and her parteners reaction is to go for a divorce because CLEARLY she has been “conspiring” with her POS ex. If the fundamental point of she didn’t know that her ex was his boss, then she is not the asshole here, her 2 mistakes were not telling him that his boss was an ex the day of and not expressing that he needed to go to HR after a couple of months of harassment.
Finally someone understood what was going on. I’ve listened to the whole thing and most of the OP’s actions throughout this were reasonable and understandable except for those two things you brought up. Some people always try to find the worst in everyone these days.
i´d say that they could make a case that hr could not refuse after that party, now he knows he is op husband and treating your ex´s husband badly is a really good way of getting a lawsuit and your ass thrown out of that business, like no hr in their right mind would dare to fire husband in that situation
@@gamesaurs1542her husband talks to her about his boss before she knew who his boss was, and she acts like he is just whining, instead of being there for him. She is for the streets
💯👍🏿
This poor fucking guy. I hope he divorced her and left. There’s no way she didn’t know, and even if she didn’t. All she did was gaslight him, imply that he made it all up and pity HERSELF. So vile. She just admits to thinking Paul is innocent and the husband is delusional. That’s wild
I mean that's what I thought myself. This Paul guy seems nice and this seems like the typical "Husband has a boss he despises with all his being situation" only time I found myself questioning it was when he attempted to unalive himself. Also she didn't say that Paul was innocent just that "As far as she knew him" he seemed nice but even she admitted in the 10 years since they last saw one another a lot could've changed
this story is her ghaslighting and making her self being a victim, i dont see any kind of support form her to her husband, i completely agree he should have divorced her. work on him self and leave the job asap.
Leave the job goes without saying, there's NO WAY he will manage to look at the face of such a hatred man and think he banged his wife, regardless when or how. He's not mentally stable to work for that company anymore, whatever "Paul" was doing worked.
I don't see the gaslighting. Paul was an ex. Everyone has exes. If hubby really is as irrational as she claims when it comes to Paul, I can understand why she was so hesitant to mention he was an ex. The car accident was either intentional or he was incredibly reckless and allowed himself to be distracted long enough to not respond to veering off the road. If it was intentional, admitting that is the first step to getting past the emotions.
Yall need to lean the meaning of words... There is no gas lighting here. Husband is acting like a little bitch. My first ChemE job after college, my boss who was cool at first would consistently harrass me to work on weekends and kept bugging me to workout after I showed him the ropes on a few things. I found a new job in short order. Husband only has himself to blame for tolerating that BS.
Every body has exes. Your girlfriend/wife may have an ex that you know. It's called life. She was ultimately proven correct because the little bitch tried to take his own life.
Op’s husband should have went to hr for the hostile working environment, and if it was so tough to work there the quit.
If HR doesn’t do anything then every time he’s harassed go there and file a report (and record all the info yourself) and use it as proof to sue the company and the individual.
Op was saying how her husband had two national awards in his field it wouldn’t be trouble find a new job.
He should have sued for emotional distress. Also he should divorce op, don’t see him recovering from this.
The literal 1st 30 seconds of the video explain why he can't just leave his job.
Didn't you watch the video before commenting?!
Why should he leave OP. She had no idea her ex was his boss until they went to the event. She did tell him and there’s no indication they were even in touch.
@@brandinicole1372right like go to fucking hr man and grow up!!!!
@@brandinicole1372 No. She told him they knew each other. Then, after some time, she told him they dated.
So, he just learned that his wife lied to him about her relationship with his nemesis. What guarantees him that she isn't still lying about everything?
Trust takes a lot of time to be gained but can be lost in 1 second and to someone who is already at his wits end she, with the only thing wrong she did in all this S show, may have destroyed his trust on her.
@@VRDejaVu did you also recall the husband mental state when she told him she knew him. His reaction from that scared her. Yes she should have told him everything then and there but she was rightfully concerned about his mental state due to the hell his boss put him through. Everything isn’t black and white and this situation is nuanced and the wife was concerned about his reaction and sadly she was right. She had to involve his mother in order to get some help in this situation.
If he’s going to try to kill himself, he might as well take out Paul as well
OP is not a trustworthy narrator, she is leaving stuff out and I'm almost certain she is cheating with the ex
"It would come off as me defending Paul" you mean like you are right now?
Damn I don’t blame him unless you didn’t know his boss your the yta. Also if you can try to press charges on your ex.
clearly she didn't know
Blaming the wife for not knowing is crazy.
@@_junedays_1614 I said unless she knew who the boss was.
For what would he be charged with???
@@superiorrule34 I know I’m saying in general.
Why does it feel like she believes that she is suffering more than her husband that tried taking his own life?
Classic lack of accountability and empathy
Accountability for what? That the husband spirled out of control because his bully of a boss was once his wifes ex
@@ianmoritzplatapino3684
What I'm more sidetracked by is the fact that she seems to think Paul is a great guy and acts as if the husband is imagining things.
Did my comment get deleted
Why is my comments disappearing
From beginning to end, she acts like the husband is just whining for no reason. "Hates him for whatever reason"? Ex is clearly an AH on a power trip, and that is just from what op wrote; it seems like his complains go In one ear and out the other, so it's probably worse.
ok im halfway atm but could the X have been facebook stalking or somthing like that to keep an eye on her and thats why he was doing all that to your husband ?
Her husband is being terrorized by paul sooo much, yet wont leave the job. U out to think Paul is cracking whips on his back, or his behavior is hr report worthy.
Ppl saying to report paul are talking outta their ass. Theres a reason he is the head of dept. These sociopaths played the corporate game very well and long enough to know how to bully someone without conflicting with HR guidelines. Thats how they climb the ranks.
Having said that the OOP kinda shot herself in her foot on how she conduct herself and her subsequent actions after meeting the boss. Why make it look so sus? Of course he'll get the wrong idea.
But her dedication to make the marriage work and voluntarily allow herself to get chewed out by her husband is commendable. Its not fair but i hope the husband realizes hes barking at the wrong tree and that he has a good wife who loves him.
If she wanted to make it work, why did she not want marriage counseling?
she thinks Paul is a good person.
Story 1: OP's husband deserves a new wife 😡. She's definitely about being the victim when her husband is the real victim, coupled with selfishness and self-preservation. She definitely should have told him and should have been honest.
I could never imagine getting to a place where I have let my boss affect my mental health that badly. I understand people handle stuff differently but if I'm ever that miserable I'd rather work at McDonald's and live in a van down by the river. Holy smokes I hope that dude gets some serious mental health help and quits his damn job already.
💯👍🏿
Story 1: Jeez, a lot of people seem to think that something is up with the wife. Until I heard the full story I was gonna comment here for the husband to get over it and that he got the girl and should be happy with that but with the comments and the full story combined IDK anymore
This OP is dodgy as hell. She seems particularly skilled at playing oblivious at conveniently specific times.
JFC this is a classic case of
DARVO.
WTH hell he's been talking about how
His boss has been harassing him.
Don't you think he at least said his
Damn name to her, think about it.
There's a lot more crap going on.
I hope the husband is forming a good exit from her and the company.
As crazy as this post is, a wife having an affair with her partner's boss has happened before. I remember one making the husband work overtime so he had time with the wife.
StupD W
When time you need to preserve your self, you just blast with every body...
Intime you need to share with someone special, you just preserve your self not willing to share your life with him 😮 , you only standing there in the corner
There was a different version of this story that someone else covered. There was a lot more to this story than was mentioned here
Do you know the title?
Something seems off about this story. The OP implies that her husband is stoic. However, he becomes a distorted version of himself when Paul is mentioned. It was to the point that he almost got himself killed, whether it be on purpose or recklessly.
How does a very rational person get brought to this point by the mere mention of another person’s name. She is either unable to recognize the severity of what her husband is complaining about, or she is omitting something. I would like to say that the husband may be crazy (ASPD), but OP even said that he has only now started acting this way.
It was also interesting how she mentioned the reaction of Paul after revealing who her husband was.
The husband shoulda got him fired for bullying him. I get he is a guy but he shoulda told HR about it in the 1st place. As for mental breakdown something tells me that there is more to the story as in like did he get bullied when he was a kid. The boss thing was the hitting point. He truly needs help to try and cope with his feelings. He needs to be admitted to a mental health ward. He also needs therapy.
As for the boss he is a insane mf but he really didnt know that the ex was married to the person who he is bullied. I think the boss was starting to feel like a crappy person. He never wanted to admit that he fed up big time. Thinking does she know Im bullying him.
As for the wife it anit her fault. They both never talked about their past exs. She didnt know that her ex was there same goes for the husband ex gf sister. She tried to explain it to him but he wouldnt listen. She is trying her best to be there for him but he is pushing the people that care about him away.
He is going to end up being alone if he is going to do that. He be accusing people that they are taking the wife side which is not true at all. They are worried sick that he end up doing it again which it is likliy
Also maybe the dirvorce would be a good thing for both of them including the wife because he be lashing out at her out more and I dont think she be able to handle it. She be sick and tired of it all then eventully doing the same thing he did.
I believe that it is the bosses fault for bullying him which lead the husband to doing something crazy. I do hope he gets fired.
As for the couple its not their fault that things turn out this way. It happens. I am in the same boat as him so I get it. I pushed my friends away because they wouldnt understand what I am going through. My parents tried to help me and I love them both very much for it. Im at the point that Im not getting the help I needed since the mental ward turned me away because of my disablity.
The wife is trying I know but I dont think she can help him. If I was in her shoes I would consider divorcing him onces he is better. If it happens again I dont want to be a punching back which would happen. I know its bad but its for the best for his and mine sake. I dont want end up doing what he did and the last thing I needed is him feeling bad.
She comes across pretty judgmental and belittling with her choice of terms doesnt she? This is me responding while she keeps saying jabby judgy things. Im not confident in her de-escalating this situation.
Hugs aren’t platonic, handshakes are, and I don’t accept OP didn’t know. Two years of DH complaining about this guy and Paul’s last name was never dropped, she knew Paul’s major and DH’s field and never thought “maybe?”, and at the work party when OP’s Paul tapped her shoulder she didn’t immediately connect the dots? Seems a little too obtuse to not be purposeful.
As it turns out, hugs are platonic… my bad, I don’t English well…
At any rate, I don’t t think one can platonically hug someone one used to sleep with.
Hugs aren't platonic? Hope you don't hug your family then. I agree with everything else you said though.
Oh okay, I'll just tell my friends that they all sexually assaulted me when they hugged me. "Hugs aren't platonic" is the stupidist thing I've read today, wow.
Hugs absolutely are platonic tf?
One hug is platonic, two hugs between exes is not platonic. I would never hug an ex - ever - especially if I'm married. Something doesn't add up with this story. Seems like a pretty severe reaction from him and a lot of minimizing on her part.
You need to find and read the other version of this story everything up until after the party was the same but her and Paul history was way difdifferent well I mean her Paul and Paul's friends because her and her husband was boyfriend and girlfriend at the time she was cheating on him with Paul and his friends I don't remember the number it was about four of them I think not including Paul and she still playing victim you need to find it and read it and what she did at the end to destroy her life with her husband what's so dumb read it
No offence, but I think you need to learn how to use punctuation.
I think i remember this story or a very similar one, the wife ended up going to his work to talk to the boss which doesn't end well. The boss essentially was telling the husband all the sexual escapades he had with his wife, how they did it in the hood of a car and calling him eskimo brother.
Things turned for worse because the wife going to his work only humiliated him even more and she finally realized all the things he had to put up with. Don't remember if there was another update after that but she had to learn a painful lesson. Your past does matter.
I hope she got divorced.
I hope she was given divorce papers
Oh, so she didn't know but "Paul" was aware she was his wife? Still, why torment Husband with stories? What was the endgame? As I said before, I noticed Paul was the section boss but not from the same area of expertise than Husband, meaning Husband was more qualified than Paul for that type of work - perhaps it was to assert dominance? Due to envy?
I remember that version of this story
I blame western dating culture.
Western women kiss a lot of frogs before finding prince charming. Some of these drogs may come back to haunt you.
Why am I thinking that the husband has fixated on the boss for some reason and the boss isn’t really treating him badly? The husband might actually be paranoid to the extreme about his boss, and then when he is revealed as the ex it just fed into his delusion.
even if they didn't have a particularly friendly relationship someone in his position would try to say something positive or nice about the husband as an employee to the wife but all she mentioned was that he acted surprised. I'm more inclined to believe that somehow the boss found out who the guy's wife was and treated him nasty. he could have been keeping track of her through social media or through college friends or could have gone through his departments employee records after he transferred in as the head. it's probably like hell for him at work because of his boss and finding out that his wife used to date him just sent him over the edge. he definitely needs to quit his job and get some therapy.
Idk this is a bump in the road. I hope they sort this out eventually.
These comments are nothing but inventing reasons to blame the wife and not listening when she says she did x wrong so they can wag their finger at her for doing x. All y’all need some reading comprehension
I was just thinking the same thing, lol.
Yes, OP made some mistakes, but she owns them. And they were mistakes, not malicious, not reckless, etc. And it seems like some of the mistakes were actively encouraged by Redditors in response to her first post, which would have obscured the right course from her view in the moment. So many of these comments are only valid with 20/20 hindsight and knowing how it ends.
Here's the advice I would have given OP:
• She has a duty to tell her husband. Her feelings about it, his feelings... they don't matter. They're married, honesty first, and sort through the emotions together, but her delay in telling him was ultimately detrimental, and predictably so. I understand why she waited, but it was the wrong call.
• What does "Paul" do that makes him such a bad guy? She glossed over that, but he's not this upset because his boss criticizes his work. There's more to it. Either OP knows the full story there and doesn't want to share it (in which case we have no choice but to trust her judgement, as it may be to protect privacy, etc), or she doesn't know, which is far more concerning. If she doesn't know the whole story behind this animosity, she needs to find out.
• Let's assume Paul is the biggest ass in the world for a moment. It is entirely possible he knows about their marriage. It's routine these days in hiring and even when changing departments to check things like social media on prospective job candidates. He surely would have found out then, and it's entirely possible Paul targeted OP's husband because of that relationship. That is by no means certain, but it is possible, and warrants further investigation.
• It seems the Husband is the "Talent" in his company, having won awards and being esteemed in his field. Paul is just the "Manager". Managers are expendable, the talent is not. If he goes to HR, he should not assume they would side with Paul, but I would advise him not to go to them empty-handed. He needs evidence of mistreatment. Remember, HR exists to protect the company, not the employees.
• There's also the possibility Paul may mellow out now, knowing the manner in which he treats OP's husband will track back to him and how she views him. Paul may still value OP's opinion of him. He may also be concerned with how this revelation changes the optics of his management style. Imagine HR, other employees or even Paul's wife thinking he was being intentionally vindictive because his employee is married to his ex. It changes the dynamic, perhaps for the better, maybe for the worse, but it does change things.
@@Arkryalso neither of their emotions matter? Nice try
@@miceltusav88 Not with regard to making that decision they don't. Honesty is paramount in a marriage. If you have to withhold the truth to spare someone's feelings, that is not a healthy relationship. Lying (even lies of omission) as a means to spare a partner's feelings are a common rationalization used, but I have never seen a situation where it worked out well in the long run.
Her thinking Paul is a decent guy is an issue.
Your delusional, you let your spouse hug people of the opposite sex at their work party REALLY are friggin
Kidding, that's total disrespect.