I grew up in a “Christian” home. Dad verbally/physically abusive. Mom emotionally withdrew when I didn’t do what she wanted. Love was 100% conditional until this day. I’ve started implementing boundaries and distancing myself and poop has hit the fan. My husband was transferred for work 1 1/2 years ago and when I informed my parents we would be moving I was screamed at that I was so selfish. I always jumped when they said jump. I have people pleased my entire life (I’m 40) sitting with the feeling of guilt is not fun. My Dad texted me the other day telling me what he thought I needed to do. I said no and I was then told I’m suppose to forgive and keep on forgiving and because I haven’t it’s on me with the 🙏🏻 emoji. Then I was told I’m over sensitive and the counselling I’m going to is feeding me falsely. I have had the bible used as a weapon against me. I’ve constantly been told I’m suppose to be honouring my parents. I’ve come to the conclusion that they equate honour with obedience. I have been scared to disappoint because of fear ~ thus became a people pleaser :(
I'm so sorry to hear of what you need to heal from. Thank you for sharing as I know a lot of Christians are in a similar situation. We'll keep you in prayer. Stay confident that God redeems everything the enemy's stolen.
Beautiful Shawna, We were planned in our Heavenly Father's Heart, so we should Honor our parents, but they confuse it with Worshipping! They are also, not suppose to provoke their children, which is in the Bible, as well. If we need to leave father, mother, siblings for our Heavenly Father, so be it. That is also in the Bible! 😉 You see, I have both parents that are Narcissists/Toxic, didn't know it had a name, until 10 years ago. All these years I didn't want to be like them, so everyday I fight the good fight, which is the flesh and my up bringing. 😞. I read Philippians 1:6 everyday, bcuz it's engraved in front of my Bible, not my name, but that HOPE, that..."He who started a good thing in you, will finish it, until the day of HIS return". You continue to put God first, bcuz in the long run, that's all that matters! Look up Mark Driscoll's, "Sever Toxic Family Ties", he talks about Jacob (Giver) and Laban's (Taker) Story! God Bless You and soon we'll be with Jesus, where we were never meant to live this type of life. 🙏❤️✝️
I don't know if you will read this but I want you to know I have needed this message. I am 46 yrs old. I have been dealing with this since I was a little girl. When I heard this message I felt the weight being lifted off me. Everything you said I needed to hear. The best thing is my sweet loving Heavenly Father knew too. I want to say Thank You. What a blessing you are. Lord Jesus I pray for this Godly lady and what she is doing for others thru you God. Thank you for her. AMEN GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AS WELL. 🤗
I hate confrontation, drama, didn’t want to loose a toxic relationship, and I am learning I am a people pleaser. I just want to Thank you for all your videos. They are clear and to the point. I am living my life for God today. I want God’s approval, not man’s. Please pray for me. I am 49 years old restarting my life. I really find your videos helpful
I'm in the same boat although I haven't been able to start over quite yet. Watching all of the sham of perfection crumble around me. Sad, but necessary
I've noticed something Kris, all of us "people pleasers" are motivated by at least 3 types of "fear". 1.The Fear of men, Proverbs 29:25. 2.The Fear of rejection, 3. The Fear of abandonment. 20:03 Whereas normal "healthy" people Love others without fear, because they do not "need" other peoples permission or approval to Love themselves...or others. They have struck a healthy balance between "giving and receiving"...God puts it this way: There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18.
I spent years as a people pleaser. I then decided enough, but without God I became bullish and rude. I did a complete opposite . I ended up going on an Assertiveness without aggression course. Then it took another 10 years to get to a 'normal' place. If only I had had God then. Now I have God, I just feel calm and collected. I can say no when needed. I know God helps me when He needs me to say no to someone. I love God and our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. Thank you for this.
I absolutely hate hate hate confrontation. Especially at work, but I recently exploded after holding in my true feelings and now I feel like work will be utterly uncomfortable from now on. I feel like the “bad guy” even though I ended up apologizing - AGAIN! Please pray for me to forgive myself.
@annaphillips7381. I pray for you and want to tell you that you deserve to feel good. But it takes practice. Put your hands on your heart and breathe in peace and self love. You can do it!!
Growing up in an abusive toxic home breeds a people pleaser... YES. When someone is angry because they are not getting their way, I immediately feel like I'm going to get hit, chocked, lose the roof over my head; all because this is how I grew up. It's exhausting. I've learned the first thing I can do to protect myself is to watch for red flags in others, they are often there, and sadly I've often ignored those red flags in the past. With new friends, interviews with new bosses, on the dating scene....people DO show you who they are in those first few conversations. PAY ATTENTION AND WALK AWAY IF SOMETHING SEEMS OFF because if something feels off to you it probably is and you need to listen to that voice inside yourself and let it protect you. I've got a long way to go and am so thankful that I found these videos from Kris!!
Please pray for me. I struggle to tell my parents no when I know that something will not be good for me in the long run. It’s really making me resent them when in reality I need to have the strength and courage to stand my ground and just say no.
Your on a journey of recovery. It takes time and work. So...Onward and upward. Notice your self talk. Do you talk to and about yourself like Holy Spirit does? Be kind and patient with yourself.
I just realized from what you said about confidence. Your confidence comes from Jesus. I tend to only have problems with narcissistic people when I stray from God. When i focus on Jesus i have confidence. Not having the need anymore for approval
The struggle is real! I was even told by the pastor of the church I used to go to that i was born to be a giver. That church tried to drain me of all my money
The final nail in the coffin of people pleasing for me was when I recently had my first child and I let my mom choose his middle name instead of going to God for what he wanted my son to be named. I also want to end this curse with me, I refuse to repeat the patterns and pass people pleasing to my son
I'm not so much a real people pleaser nor with weak self-esteem but rather a "Peacekeeper" type avoiding confrontation which I later learned with my husband who was patient with me and essential part of my healing journey. Early criticism, perfectionism attitude and self discipline have made me separate from my narcissistic and hypocrite parents early and look for other people's appreciation and respect. I often was welcome until I ceased to do all they wanted so I naturally avoided narcissists when they exposed themselves. Since God drew me near Christ in 2005 my life has changed drastically so I am no more part of this wicked world anyway and have found true comfort and peace with Christ, avoiding all of these people. Looking forward to His soon return, MARANATHA! 🙏👰💖
I relate to this as well… my people pleasing comes (mostly) from a desire to keep the peace and avoid conflict. Sometimes I people please on behalf of someone else… ie: go along so I don’t embarrass my husband! I would like to speak my mind to my pastors but I know he would be mortified. Uuugh, it makes me feel so trapped!
I was all of this. When I got married and got position in the church started serving. And after 2 years I got overwhelmed emotionally and mentally and spiritually. I was crying out to God what is wrong with me … genuinely seeking Him to show me and He did . He said you are putting people before me ! When I acknowledge that, admit it and repent He started to rebuild me and this verse He gave me Psalm 119:45 I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.
I always felt bad by saying no then when I got tired or felt like I had no time for me I got so frustrated that I would cry out saying nobody does anything for me.
I never EVER SAW MY MOM SAY NO,, or, take time for herself,,, never,, now,, she is gone, and yes, life was sucked out of her all her life, now it feels as tho i can see clearly how i am exactly the same,, as tho Mom and I had one mind. I’m 71, and just recently learning.
It’s never too late. I thought 💭 very much like you, but not anymore. I keep having a deeper relationship with the Lord and I no longer afraid to asked him to enlighten me. I know now that I may have similarities with my mom, but I am my own person. I also realized that I am no longer a people pleaser. I need God and treasure my time with the Lord. My mom is a draining person and acts like a victim. You can do this! 🙏💟🕊️
1 one can’t say No 2 one feels guilty setting boundaries 3 you feel that self care is selfish and you need permission from someone else to perform “self care” 4 frequently apologize for things you don’t need to 5 high need for approval. Are you trying to please God or men. 6 struggle with insecurity and low self esteem 7 fear the opinion of others
I believe our peple pleasing problem is because our parents were toxic that created insecurities for wanting the love they necer gave because they were never thier emotionally and always discipline us in anger ,not love and our understanding of love is distorted and by people pleasing we looking for acceptance (love ) we never understood in a dysfunction way and it makes it hard to understand Gods unconditional love and finding confidence in Him that He is enough and to stand our ground in boldness ,in confidence ❤️. I know i struggle with fear and rejection all my life and i keep praying for deliverance and i know that one day God will mold me into the man He wsnts me to be (a giving person using His wisdom as my discrrnment to say no or yes and stand my ground on my anwser
The struggle is real! I was dealing with a person that had many narcissistic traits, and I was bending over backwards too, please. The situation wasn’t right and not only did I not handle it correctly, it blew up in my face in a very horrible abusive way. Now, I am trying to be healthier.
I am a people pleaser… I have learned a lot about boundaries in my personal life with my parents and siblings and even with others outside of my family… but I’m a business owner now and I have to deal with employees and lately, the people pleasing tendencies have started back up. I am feeling so much stress and worry. Afraid to upset my employees. I hate to do reviews because I don’t want to discuss the negatives. I don’t like to have to deal with issues. I am worried about confrontation. It’s really taking a toll on me. I recognize it for what it is but I’m really having trouble overcoming it…
I definitely see myself in many of these signs..I fear other people’s opions/labeling, I carry a lot of guilt and second guess myself for setting boundaries. I don’t have a problem saying no..but sitting in that decision is difficult for the above reasons. I don’t feel like I deserve kudos from other people and I have a real difficulty with accepting complements and I do not want to be in the spotlight... I feel very misunderstood.
I have a bit of all the seven signs and therapy helped me realise them and learn healthier ways to act. I say I have because the urge to respond the old way is still here. Nevertheless I am in the process of feeling ok with uncomfortable feelings and owning the responses to my new positioning. It is liberating but hurting at times. I believe that I am learning to trust God and depend truly on Him and not people.
I was finally able to realize that I am a "people pleaser". It's hard to acknowledge that a lot of this applies to me, but at the same time it gives me hope to change this behavior and become free of it. With God's help of course. Thank you for your clarification. God bless you
I used to have all these traits of a people pleaser even though I spoke boldly about things and then felt devastated by the responses of others. Now in my 70's I no longer care if someone becomes angry with me over my boundaries and decisions, I am sad that our "friendship" wasn't really a friendship after all and move on to those who validate me but still are free to tell the truth to me.
I'm all of them. Everybody is always asking me why I'm giving so much to someone else not realizing how much I give to them. I never get my needs met. Trust me there is no joy or self satisfaction in it. I'm worn out. My daughter told me to watch this. Said you did this one for me. Your right about all of this but I don't get the selfishness in it. I want to say no so bad. And I'm working on it. I don't want them to make me feel better by saying I'm sorry just always take the blame no matter what. Andra J
I grew up with pretty much all of them. Got a grip on most of them. I can now say no. I still occasionally apologize when I shouldn't, but really occasionally. I can give myself permission and I no longer care what others think...mostly. working on the others. I do too much for others. It's a work in progress and we HAVE to congratulate ourselves for every step taken in the right direction. Gosh I'm going down the Kris Reese rabbit hole, and blown away by your insight. Keep rocking it for God, Kris. Your a blessing.
I am now 52. I grew up rejected and physically and sexually abused. As I grew up, I went through various forms of repeated rejection. As an adult, and a child of God, I always felt the need to keep everything inside let the light of Christ shine through me, and walk in love. I never really wanted to admit people pleading is involved
I have been ALL OF THE ABOVE! But being married to a slandering narcissist as well as age and experience are curing me of these! Praise be to God in His infinite wisdom!
I use to be a person pleaser. ,,but i learned not to be coz we can never please them anyway,,it's never enough. Wath happen when we stop pleasing. The uses walk away, & put you down We not good anymore . & they gossip Diminishing the person ,who stop being a pleaser It's very clear they users & abusers Thanks God for this insight.
Good, less toxic the better! It’s true, I like to say NO now. My mom taught me how to “do for others and not for myself .” That’s a terrible teaching, specially for a female. I steered away from takers and I have no drama since I left my Narcissists.
I definitely fall into the giver category, and it's really frustrating when you expect the bare minimum from family members, but the won't even give you or your kids that. How do you not let your emotions get the best of you when people don't show up for your children?
I hate confrontation. I used to use aggression or against people when i felt confronted to protect myself. Now that i dont do that, i found myself on the complete opposite reaction. Now i need to find the balance.
Thanks for being truthful even if it hurts . We need to know how twisted things get . I have a huge problem with I’m sorry , but I don’t worry about what others think . I’m not afraid to say no . After being married and dated narcissists after which I lost confidence in myself. Years later I’m doing better settling boundaries. I still struggle with I’m sorry too much .
Honestly, struggling with saying you're sorry too much means you actually have a conscience. Did any of the narcs in your life suffer with those same difficulties? I would dare say not ever. Caring for others and showing genuine contrition over something that you have done or felt bad about is not people pleasing. If someone does you wrong and you apologize, that is enabling/people pleasing.
Was like this!! Apologizing all the time in order not having a confrontation with anyone but after many I'm so sorry but didn't make no difference in their actions so eventually learned to let it go! Love myself first🌈🙌😊🌟🎨...with the help of the LORD always 🙏
I am so resentful bc if an enmeshed relationship with my mom. She would say I'm not trying to please her bc I lash out so much, but I am afraid of not doing what she wants. I am now her caretaker and I have a brain tumor myself and I just have given up on my life.
PLEASE try to find another caretaker for her, perhaps some federal or private service and tell her about your own issues you have to take care of now. If she hasn't heared the gospel of Christ yet, please tell her and then LEAVE for your own sake. Jesus is coming SOON so everybody should be prepared for entering heaven. 🙏💖 Blessings your way!
I think for some people pleasers, they might interpret “please God and not people” as “well, I’m pleasing God by ‘loving others’ so I’m good.” We can justify anything as “love” and that I believe is a big challenge in the body of Christ.
Kris, You kept coming up as a suggestion on my timeline. I’m so glad I clicked on your video. I know it was God led. Thank you for posting these videos!
I’m still a huge people pleaser, so i usually say yes, Lately it’s “maybe”to most people who are close to me. BUT if it’s not convenient for me i will cancel everything with no regrets. That inconsistency seems to make the abusers of my weakness , ease off and respect my boundaries.
I'm being honest I'm burned out , burned out I'm always giving I have a good heart to help people and yes I have been a person that was used up by people's because I'm a caring person. when watching the video about people pleaser it was too late to say why I gave all the time Luke 6 - 38 give and it should be given back to you pressed down running over. And guest what I'm still a giver wow . Keep doing a good job for the people of God Kris 🙏🙏🙏🙏.
I came to Christ seven years ago and I am now getting the sideboard truly in the man is teaching me but not verbally but through the Holy Spirit but I thank you much for this because as I know that I’m searching I know the Lord Jesus more and I was one by the Holy Spirit to many different TH-cam that are safe, the Holy Spirit immediately directs me away from the ones I should not listen to thank you much
People pleasers definitely want validation..But I feel it’s a fair trade, If your expectations for helping are not too high. Most times I don’t expect anything in return except for an occasional thanks 😊
I argue with my husband more now then before. I hate fighting but will to protect self. A fread of being condemned , now I am more protective. But still fall into this pattern
You said something very important around 19 :00. I totally agree, I want to please God and be really helpful, so I say the truth and I am being hated for that. But on the other hand I am still in the process of healing and learning. I suffered in a "chuch". I suffered from "sisters".... and I was young in Christ, and besides I am a neurodivergent, or something like that. I don't know so far if I suffer from childhood traumas, from narcissistic parents, or if, along with that, I am in the autistic spectrum. Anyways, I want to be free, serve the Lord the way He wants and be useful in a godly way. You help me a lot, I feel I am being healed when I listen to your advice. God bless you sister.
The two greatest commands: Love GOD with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength; and love your neighbor as yourself and love yourself as your neighbor. I learned that I was not treating others as biblically commanded because I had lowered the standard on treating myself so far as to be self destructive to please others. I was not walking upright before the LORD and I was enabling evil people strengthening the hand of the wicked. I have now repented, returned, and am being healed. I am learning more and more every day how to be led of the Spirit. I have learned that GOD doesn't let me pray for some people, sometimes its because judgement is on their head for taking the mark it is here and related to masks (i don't always know why but I trust GOD), i found this to be biblical (JER 7:16). I learned that not walking upright before the LORD is a curse (JER 17:5) on those who trust in man and make flesh their arm. Today is the feast of Trumpets and the Jewish new year, The day of atonement is also approaching. I have been going through a very important season of repentance these past couple weeks or so. Three trumpet blasts on the shofar stand for repentance, returning, and being healed. I declare this in Yeshuah's mighty name. Amen for complete information on the mark look up the world is a stage part one revelations of Jesus Christ
I often fear if i measure up to the Lord’s expectations? Am i surrendering all ? Am i luke warm? Everyone knows what they want to be in the body of Christ, but being insecure not knowing my place in his body makes me feel more like a critic or spectator than having a purpose. At the same time battling empathy which draws takers and how to set biblical boundaries that please God? There are times when God gave me a chill all over when i did something pleasing unto him along eith a passage of scripture that expressed his appreciation to explain why i am receiving his approval. “Blessed is that man that walketh not in the council of the ungodly.”
This message was very heartfelt to me❤️🙏Actually Lord was giving me insight as I was listening, I knew this was my answer to prayer 🥰I know Jesus paid the Highest Price for us and His word says He whom the Son sets free is free indeed ❤️It’s such a Bondage to struggle in these areas especially when not being aware of what’s the truth behind it all✝️🙏Thank you for sharing your heart🥰God’s Precious anointing and Wisdom He’s given you is laced with Grace and His Love🙏🌷Thank you Kris😊I’ve been listening to other messages from you also
the fact that God is healing me in this respect is making my soul SOOOO happy. Every time I have practised saying no to someone, cancelling plans, ending friendships and even removing people from my IG for example, I REJOICEEEEEE. And finding this channel is so exciting for me, can't wait to feed my soul more confirmation that it is OK to be polarizing. God has standards and so I need to always remind myself of that and spot when guilt tries trick me into lowering my standards/boundaries. Thank you for this channel!!!!
May the good Lord continue to bless this ministry, I was struggling a lot with being a people pleaser and I didn’t know how to explain it or how to change but today I have learned that this kind of deceiving spirit it’s from the enemy, stealing our time not to serve God but to entertain everyone around us..no wonder we then feel empty and fruitless in our walk with the Lord, our focus is of the world, continue to pray for others because after your prayer believe I was delivered from this behaviour… how can we say we love others were as we don’t love ourselves let the revival start with our selves and we will build good and fruitful relationships with others 👏
I agree what you're saying about pleasing God not be a people pleaser where are you I'm 65 it's hard I understand I need to let God direct me thank you God Bless
Thank you Kris and amen for this segment of people pleasing. I unfortunately have all 7 signs. I’m a co-dependent and have a lot of empathy. However, I started listening to a couple of therapists a year ago who have helped me tremendously to get out of this cycle of putting others before me. I am learning to say “no” and set boundaries. Listening to you has opened my eyes more to wisdom and knowledge to not be a people pleaser. Sometimes it’s hard to say no but it’s getting easier as I don’t want to be taken advantage of or look for approval from others.
You have helped me so much! I am all of these to a T!! I think I just need to keep this video on repeat! Time to put Jesus first! (That was hard to type bec I thought I was putting Him first, but you are so right, I wasn’t)
I'm 1, but God has helped me with the other numbers. Thank you for your broadcast. I live in the UK so can't always listen live, but I listen on TH-cam before work, as I work with many manipulative coworkers. Please thank Zoe for her behind the scenes work that helps you help us. I thank God for your message. May our Father bless you with every spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus! X
Kris I'm numbers 1-7! I had a traumatic childhood, and I've struggled all my life with poor self-esteem and the need for approval. I very recently stumbled on your videos and I love them! This video is really for me! God bless you.
FREE pdf 13 Promises of God You Can Count On
krisreece.com/13-promises-of-god/
I think she's drunk lol
Great
i dont idolize them, i expect them to give me respect too.
I grew up in a “Christian” home. Dad verbally/physically abusive. Mom emotionally withdrew when I didn’t do what she wanted. Love was 100% conditional until this day. I’ve started implementing boundaries and distancing myself and poop has hit the fan. My husband was transferred for work 1 1/2 years ago and when I informed my parents we would be moving I was screamed at that I was so selfish. I always jumped when they said jump. I have people pleased my entire life (I’m 40) sitting with the feeling of guilt is not fun. My Dad texted me the other day telling me what he thought I needed to do. I said no and I was then told I’m suppose to forgive and keep on forgiving and because I haven’t it’s on me with the 🙏🏻 emoji. Then I was told I’m over sensitive and the counselling I’m going to is feeding me falsely. I have had the bible used as a weapon against me. I’ve constantly been told I’m suppose to be honouring my parents. I’ve come to the conclusion that they equate honour with obedience. I have been scared to disappoint because of fear ~ thus became a people pleaser :(
I'm so sorry to hear of what you need to heal from. Thank you for sharing as I know a lot of Christians are in a similar situation. We'll keep you in prayer. Stay confident that God redeems everything the enemy's stolen.
Beautiful Shawna,
We were planned in our Heavenly Father's Heart, so we should Honor our parents, but they confuse it with Worshipping! They are also, not suppose to provoke their children, which is in the Bible, as well. If we need to leave father, mother, siblings for our Heavenly Father, so be it. That is also in the Bible! 😉 You see, I have both parents that are Narcissists/Toxic, didn't know it had a name, until 10 years ago. All these years I didn't want to be like them, so everyday I fight the good fight, which is the flesh and my up bringing. 😞. I read Philippians 1:6 everyday, bcuz it's engraved in front of my Bible, not my name, but that HOPE, that..."He who started a good thing in you, will finish it, until the day of HIS return".
You continue to put God first, bcuz in the long run, that's all that matters! Look up Mark Driscoll's, "Sever Toxic Family Ties", he talks about Jacob (Giver) and Laban's (Taker) Story!
God Bless You and soon we'll be with Jesus, where we were never meant to live this type of life. 🙏❤️✝️
I have a very similar story. Stand strong and keep the faith 🙏✝️❤️
@@CROWNOFTHORNS82 💗💗💗 Thank you.
@@kimberlymccracken747 💗
I don't know if you will read this but I want you to know I have needed this message. I am 46 yrs old. I have been dealing with this since I was a little girl. When I heard this message I felt the weight being lifted off me. Everything you said I needed to hear. The best thing is my sweet loving Heavenly Father knew too. I want to say Thank You. What a blessing you are.
Lord Jesus I pray for this Godly lady and what she is doing for others thru you God. Thank you for her. AMEN
GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AS WELL. 🤗
I hate confrontation, drama, didn’t want to loose a toxic relationship, and I am learning I am a people pleaser. I just want to Thank you for all your videos. They are clear and to the point. I am living my life for God today. I want God’s approval, not man’s. Please pray for me. I am 49 years old restarting my life. I really find your videos helpful
I'm in the same boat although I haven't been able to start over quite yet. Watching all of the sham of perfection crumble around me. Sad, but necessary
I've noticed something Kris, all of us "people pleasers" are motivated by at least 3 types of "fear".
1.The Fear of men, Proverbs 29:25.
2.The Fear of rejection,
3. The Fear of abandonment. 20:03
Whereas normal "healthy" people Love others without fear, because they do not "need" other peoples permission or approval to Love themselves...or others. They have struck a healthy balance between "giving and receiving"...God puts it this way:
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18.
Yes I agreed people pleaser hate confrontation and uncomfortable situations, thank you for this episode 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thanking God I came across you. Timely for me in addition with Christain counselling.
Yes my root is the fear of man
Wanna mess with a narcissist, let them believe you’re a people pleaser and than stop following through….oh man
I spent years as a people pleaser. I then decided enough, but without God I became bullish and rude. I did a complete opposite . I ended up going on an Assertiveness without aggression course. Then it took another 10 years to get to a 'normal' place. If only I had had God then. Now I have God, I just feel calm and collected. I can say no when needed. I know God helps me when He needs me to say no to someone. I love God and our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
Thank you for this.
I absolutely hate hate hate confrontation. Especially at work, but I recently exploded after holding in my true feelings and now I feel like work will be utterly uncomfortable from now on. I feel like the “bad guy” even though I ended up apologizing - AGAIN! Please pray for me to forgive myself.
@annaphillips7381. I pray for you and want to tell you that you deserve to feel good. But it takes practice. Put your hands on your heart and breathe in peace and self love. You can do it!!
Growing up in an abusive toxic home breeds a people pleaser... YES. When someone is angry because they are not getting their way, I immediately feel like I'm going to get hit, chocked, lose the roof over my head; all because this is how I grew up. It's exhausting. I've learned the first thing I can do to protect myself is to watch for red flags in others, they are often there, and sadly I've often ignored those red flags in the past. With new friends, interviews with new bosses, on the dating scene....people DO show you who they are in those first few conversations. PAY ATTENTION AND WALK AWAY IF SOMETHING SEEMS OFF because if something feels off to you it probably is and you need to listen to that voice inside yourself and let it protect you. I've got a long way to go and am so thankful that I found these videos from Kris!!
The struggle is real😢i hate being a people pleaser.
Please pray for me. I struggle to tell my parents no when I know that something will not be good for me in the long run. It’s really making me resent them when in reality I need to have the strength and courage to stand my ground and just say no.
We'll pray for you.
Your on a journey of recovery. It takes time and work. So...Onward and upward. Notice your self talk. Do you talk to and about yourself like Holy Spirit does? Be kind and patient with yourself.
Keep praying 🙏 on your knees if possible. Give it to our Lord and he will find the opportunity. Do not fear , practice to say no to other people.
🙏💟🕊️
I just realized from what you said about confidence. Your confidence comes from Jesus. I tend to only have problems with narcissistic people when I stray from God. When i focus on Jesus i have confidence. Not having the need anymore for approval
Saying no is one of my favorite words now.
The struggle is real! I was even told by the pastor of the church I used to go to that i was born to be a giver. That church tried to drain me of all my money
I think I am all of those numbers. I struggle with people pleasing. When I stand up to anyone, I feel guilty!
Yes its like chewing off your own foot to get free from "that trap"...it was so painful, still is, but it was worth it! Trust God!
Narcs do not apologize , narcs do not please another , narcs do not get the needs of any one ever met... ever !! ,
Here's what I have learned if you seek to please people and not God you will continually fall into condemnation.
You will even more so be condemned by people if you want to please God. The good news is, you won't be EVER condemned by God anymore! Romans 5:1 🙏
I Hate Confrontation!!
The final nail in the coffin of people pleasing for me was when I recently had my first child and I let my mom choose his middle name instead of going to God for what he wanted my son to be named. I also want to end this curse with me, I refuse to repeat the patterns and pass people pleasing to my son
I'm not so much a real people pleaser nor with weak self-esteem but rather a "Peacekeeper" type avoiding confrontation which I later learned with my husband who was patient with me and essential part of my healing journey. Early criticism, perfectionism attitude and self discipline have made me separate from my narcissistic and hypocrite parents early and look for other people's appreciation and respect. I often was welcome until I ceased to do all they wanted so I naturally avoided narcissists when they exposed themselves. Since God drew me near Christ in 2005 my life has changed drastically so I am no more part of this wicked world anyway and have found true comfort and peace with Christ, avoiding all of these people. Looking forward to His soon return, MARANATHA! 🙏👰💖
MARANATHA!! Even so, Come Lord Jesus! ❤👰♀🙏🏽
I relate to this as well… my people pleasing comes (mostly) from a desire to keep the peace and avoid conflict. Sometimes I people please on behalf of someone else… ie: go along so I don’t embarrass my husband! I would like to speak my mind to my pastors but I know he would be mortified. Uuugh, it makes me feel so trapped!
As I listen to this teaching, I realize that I am on the road to recovery 🙏🙏! Thank you God, Thank you Teacher..
I was all of this. When I got married and got position in the church started serving. And after 2 years I got overwhelmed emotionally and mentally and spiritually. I was crying out to God what is wrong with me … genuinely seeking Him to show me and He did . He said you are putting people before me ! When I acknowledge that, admit it and repent He started to rebuild me and this verse He gave me Psalm 119:45
I will walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts.
This is helpful.
I always felt bad by saying no then when I got tired or felt like I had no time for me I got so frustrated that I would cry out saying nobody does anything for me.
Am I number 1-7? I'm in trouble because I'm all of the above ... I definitely needed the Christian take of this message
I never EVER SAW MY MOM SAY NO,, or, take time for herself,,, never,, now,, she is gone, and yes, life was sucked out of her all her life, now it feels as tho i can see clearly how i am exactly the same,, as tho Mom and I had one mind. I’m 71, and just recently learning.
It’s never too late.
I thought 💭 very much like you, but not anymore.
I keep having a deeper relationship with the Lord and I no longer afraid to asked him to enlighten me.
I know now that I may have similarities with my mom, but I am my own person.
I also realized that I am no longer a people pleaser. I need God and treasure my time with the Lord. My mom is a draining person and acts like a victim.
You can do this!
🙏💟🕊️
1 one can’t say No
2 one feels guilty setting boundaries
3 you feel that self care is selfish and you need permission from someone else to perform “self care”
4 frequently apologize for things you don’t need to
5 high need for approval. Are you trying to please God or men.
6 struggle with insecurity and low self esteem
7 fear the opinion of others
Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit!
I dislike confrontation. The struggle to please is real.
I believe our peple pleasing problem is because our parents were toxic that created insecurities for wanting the love they necer gave because they were never thier emotionally and always discipline us in anger ,not love and our understanding of love is distorted and by people pleasing we looking for acceptance (love ) we never understood in a dysfunction way and it makes it hard to understand Gods unconditional love and finding confidence in Him that He is enough and to stand our ground in boldness ,in confidence ❤️. I know i struggle with fear and rejection all my life and i keep praying for deliverance and i know that one day God will mold me into the man He wsnts me to be (a giving person using His wisdom as my discrrnment to say no or yes and stand my ground on my anwser
None of the "7" apply to me. I have long ago outgrown these characteristics and it is so refreshing and freeing.
I don’t like confrontations or uncomfortable feelings
The struggle is real! I was dealing with a person that had many narcissistic traits, and I was bending over backwards too, please. The situation wasn’t right and not only did I not handle it correctly, it blew up in my face in a very horrible abusive way. Now, I am trying to be healthier.
This made me cry. Very convicting. Thank you Kris.
No more church building church...No thanks. I have church wherever I go, even now...Amen.
📖🙏😊
I am a people pleaser… I have learned a lot about boundaries in my personal life with my parents and siblings and even with others outside of my family… but I’m a business owner now and I have to deal with employees and lately, the people pleasing tendencies have started back up. I am feeling so much stress and worry. Afraid to upset my employees. I hate to do reviews because I don’t want to discuss the negatives. I don’t like to have to deal with issues. I am worried about confrontation. It’s really taking a toll on me. I recognize it for what it is but I’m really having trouble overcoming it…
I know who I am and who's I am! Glory be to God!🙌🙌🙌
I definitely see myself in many of these signs..I fear other people’s opions/labeling, I carry a lot of guilt and second guess myself for setting boundaries. I don’t have a problem saying no..but sitting in that decision is difficult for the above reasons. I don’t feel like I deserve kudos from other people and I have a real difficulty with accepting complements and I do not want to be in the spotlight... I feel very misunderstood.
I have a bit of all the seven signs and therapy helped me realise them and learn healthier ways to act. I say I have because the urge to respond the old way is still here.
Nevertheless I am in the process of feeling ok with uncomfortable feelings and owning the responses to my new positioning. It is liberating but hurting at times.
I believe that I am learning to trust God and depend truly on Him and not people.
I was finally able to realize that I am a "people pleaser". It's hard to acknowledge that a lot of this applies to me, but at the same time it gives me hope to change this behavior and become free of it. With God's help of course. Thank you for your clarification.
God bless you
I used to have all these traits of a people pleaser even though I spoke boldly about things and then felt devastated by the responses of others. Now in my 70's I no longer care if someone becomes angry with me over my boundaries and decisions, I am sad that our "friendship" wasn't really a friendship after all and move on to those who validate me but still are free to tell the truth to me.
I'm all of them. Everybody is always asking me why I'm giving so much to someone else not realizing how much I give to them. I never get my needs met. Trust me there is no joy or self satisfaction in it. I'm worn out. My daughter told me to watch this. Said you did this one for me. Your right about all of this but I don't get the selfishness in it. I want to say no so bad. And I'm working on it. I don't want them to make me feel better by saying I'm sorry just always take the blame no matter what. Andra J
I asked the Lord to reveal myself to me and he brought me to Kris 😅
I grew up with pretty much all of them. Got a grip on most of them. I can now say no. I still occasionally apologize when I shouldn't, but really occasionally. I can give myself permission and I no longer care what others think...mostly. working on the others. I do too much for others. It's a work in progress and we HAVE to congratulate ourselves for every step taken in the right direction. Gosh I'm going down the Kris Reese rabbit hole, and blown away by your insight. Keep rocking it for God, Kris. Your a blessing.
I am now 52. I grew up rejected and physically and sexually abused. As I grew up, I went through various forms of repeated rejection. As an adult, and a child of God, I always felt the need to keep everything inside let the light of Christ shine through me, and walk in love. I never really wanted to admit people pleading is involved
I have been ALL OF THE ABOVE! But being married to a slandering narcissist as well as age and experience are curing me of these! Praise be to God in His infinite wisdom!
This is me! I've been doing this my entire adult life, and i am exhausted. But so afraid the change and the inevitable conflict will take me down.
So true
Even my children
Walk AWAY of my life,,for not giving & pleasing them anymore,,very sad
They will be held accountable before God on their own! 🙏💖
Let them be themselves. They may come later on. Remember that our children belong to God, they were landed to us for a while.
Anxiety gets out of control with confrontation.
I use to be a person pleaser.
,,but i learned not to be coz we can never please them anyway,,it's never enough.
Wath happen when we stop pleasing.
The uses walk away,
& put you down
We not good anymore .
& they gossip
Diminishing the person ,who stop being a pleaser
It's very clear they users & abusers
Thanks God for this insight.
Correct, people show their tue colors if we observe.
It’s easier to say NO now than deal with all that chaos. I rather have peace any given day.
Once you start saying no and enforce boundaries people will not like it. The toxic people will drop off
Good, less toxic the better!
It’s true, I like to say NO now. My mom taught me how to “do for others and not for myself .”
That’s a terrible teaching, specially for a female.
I steered away from takers and I have no drama since I left my Narcissists.
Ugh I am a people pleaser. Lord deliver me.
I definitely fall into the giver category, and it's really frustrating when you expect the bare minimum from family members, but the won't even give you or your kids that. How do you not let your emotions get the best of you when people don't show up for your children?
Its a great opportunity to teach your children how to deal with difficult/unfair people in a god honoring way.
@@Kris_Reece what if that person us your husband?
Thank you so much im a 54 year old man , this has helped a lot
I hate confrontation. I used to use aggression or against people when i felt confronted to protect myself. Now that i dont do that, i found myself on the complete opposite reaction. Now i need to find the balance.
This for me is one of the best messages you have brought ❤️ 💕 Hallelujah Papa 🎇
Thanks for being truthful even if it hurts . We need to know how twisted things get . I have a huge problem with I’m sorry , but I don’t worry about what others think . I’m not afraid to say no . After being married and dated narcissists after which I lost confidence in myself. Years later I’m doing better settling boundaries. I still struggle with I’m sorry too much .
Honestly, struggling with saying you're sorry too much means you actually have a conscience. Did any of the narcs in your life suffer with those same difficulties? I would dare say not ever. Caring for others and showing genuine contrition over something that you have done or felt bad about is not people pleasing. If someone does you wrong and you apologize, that is enabling/people pleasing.
Wow. I never realized how badly I had it, I really want to work on this please pray for me!!!
Was like this!! Apologizing all the time in order not having a confrontation with anyone but after many I'm so sorry but didn't make no difference in their actions so eventually learned to let it go! Love myself first🌈🙌😊🌟🎨...with the help of the LORD always 🙏
I am so resentful bc if an enmeshed relationship with my mom. She would say I'm not trying to please her bc I lash out so much, but I am afraid of not doing what she wants. I am now her caretaker and I have a brain tumor myself and I just have given up on my life.
I pray God instills a renewed strength within you! God bless you!
PLEASE try to find another caretaker for her, perhaps some federal or private service and tell her about your own issues you have to take care of now. If she hasn't heared the gospel of Christ yet, please tell her and then LEAVE for your own sake. Jesus is coming SOON so everybody should be prepared for entering heaven. 🙏💖 Blessings your way!
May we all be God pleasers, Amen!
I think for some people pleasers, they might interpret “please God and not people” as “well, I’m pleasing God by ‘loving others’ so I’m good.” We can justify anything as “love” and that I believe is a big challenge in the body of Christ.
I am a giver... Always try to do what people want... and if I don't they tend to get mad
Oh my goodness Yes I hate confrontation and hate to say no. I have the disease to please!!
When I found this video it's like I found gold 🥇 blessings to you Kris ❤
Kris,
You kept coming up as a suggestion on my timeline. I’m so glad I clicked on your video. I know it was God led. Thank you for posting these videos!
This is me! 😢 glad God brought me me here at the right time to see and address it. ❤
Amen... and please know men watch your program as well.
Thank you for praying for us. Thank you for all you are sharing!!!
I’m still a huge people pleaser, so i usually say yes, Lately it’s “maybe”to most people who are close to me. BUT if it’s not convenient for me i will cancel everything with no regrets. That inconsistency seems to make the abusers of my weakness , ease off and respect my boundaries.
I'm being honest I'm burned out , burned out I'm always giving I have a good heart to help people and yes I have been a person that was used up by people's because I'm a caring person. when watching the video about people pleaser it was too late to say why I gave all the time Luke 6 - 38 give and it should be given back to you pressed down running over. And guest what I'm still a giver wow . Keep doing a good job for the people of God Kris 🙏🙏🙏🙏.
No your absolutely right, all my I’m sorrys and people pleasing was from a completely selfish motive and I openly admit that, God forgive me.
I please God over man all day.
I needed this SOOOOO much today! Thank you for the teaching and THANK YOU for the prayer!!! In Jesus name, AMEN! 🙌🏼♥️♥️
I came to Christ seven years ago and I am now getting the sideboard truly in the man is teaching me but not verbally but through the Holy Spirit but I thank you much for this because as I know that I’m searching I know the Lord Jesus more and I was one by the Holy Spirit to many different TH-cam that are safe, the Holy Spirit immediately directs me away from the ones I should not listen to thank you much
People pleasers definitely want validation..But I feel it’s a fair trade, If your expectations for helping are not too high. Most times I don’t expect anything in return except for an occasional thanks 😊
"Disease to Please" Love it!!
Onto : ,,If God is for us, who can be against us " I am saying. Amen
I argue with my husband more now then before. I hate fighting but will to protect self. A fread of being condemned , now I am more protective. But still fall into this pattern
You said something very important around 19 :00. I totally agree, I want to please God and be really helpful, so I say the truth and I am being hated for that. But on the other hand I am still in the process of healing and learning. I suffered in a "chuch". I suffered from "sisters".... and I was young in Christ, and besides I am a neurodivergent, or something like that. I don't know so far if I suffer from childhood traumas, from narcissistic parents, or if, along with that, I am in the autistic spectrum. Anyways, I want to be free, serve the Lord the way He wants and be useful in a godly way. You help me a lot, I feel I am being healed when I listen to your advice. God bless you sister.
I just people please when it comes to my adult children.
The struggle is real. Mine was with my mom and a certain pastor you should know I hope
#7 I fear opinion of others and change what I believe to match what other think is best.
The two greatest commands: Love GOD with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength; and love your neighbor as yourself and love yourself as your neighbor. I learned that I was not treating others as biblically commanded because I had lowered the standard on treating myself so far as to be self destructive to please others. I was not walking upright before the LORD and I was enabling evil people strengthening the hand of the wicked. I have now repented, returned, and am being healed. I am learning more and more every day how to be led of the Spirit. I have learned that GOD doesn't let me pray for some people, sometimes its because judgement is on their head for taking the mark it is here and related to masks (i don't always know why but I trust GOD), i found this to be biblical (JER 7:16). I learned that not walking upright before the LORD is a curse (JER 17:5) on those who trust in man and make flesh their arm. Today is the feast of Trumpets and the Jewish new year, The day of atonement is also approaching. I have been going through a very important season of repentance these past couple weeks or so. Three trumpet blasts on the shofar stand for repentance, returning, and being healed. I declare this in Yeshuah's mighty name. Amen
for complete information on the mark look up the world is a stage part one revelations of Jesus Christ
I often fear if i measure up to the Lord’s expectations? Am i surrendering all ? Am i luke warm?
Everyone knows what they want to be in the body of Christ, but being insecure not knowing my place in his body makes me feel more like a critic or spectator than having a purpose. At the same time battling empathy which draws takers and how to set biblical boundaries that please God?
There are times when God gave me a chill all over when i did something pleasing unto him along eith a passage of scripture that expressed his appreciation to explain why i am receiving his approval. “Blessed is that man that walketh not in the council of the ungodly.”
This message was very heartfelt to me❤️🙏Actually Lord was giving me insight as I was listening, I knew this was my answer to prayer 🥰I know Jesus paid the Highest Price for us and His word says He whom the Son sets free is free indeed ❤️It’s such a Bondage to struggle in these areas especially when not being aware of what’s the truth behind it all✝️🙏Thank you for sharing your heart🥰God’s Precious anointing and Wisdom He’s given you is laced with Grace and His Love🙏🌷Thank you Kris😊I’ve been listening to other messages from you also
the fact that God is healing me in this respect is making my soul SOOOO happy. Every time I have practised saying no to someone, cancelling plans, ending friendships and even removing people from my IG for example, I REJOICEEEEEE. And finding this channel is so exciting for me, can't wait to feed my soul more confirmation that it is OK to be polarizing. God has standards and so I need to always remind myself of that and spot when guilt tries trick me into lowering my standards/boundaries. Thank you for this channel!!!!
Thank you so much.
Stuggle is real, Fixing the lights helped thanks
May the good Lord continue to bless this ministry, I was struggling a lot with being a people pleaser and I didn’t know how to explain it or how to change but today I have learned that this kind of deceiving spirit it’s from the enemy, stealing our time not to serve God but to entertain everyone around us..no wonder we then feel empty and fruitless in our walk with the Lord, our focus is of the world, continue to pray for others because after your prayer believe I was delivered from this behaviour… how can we say we love others were as we don’t love ourselves let the revival start with our selves and we will build good and fruitful relationships with others 👏
I agree what you're saying about pleasing God not be a people pleaser where are you I'm 65 it's hard I understand I need to let God direct me thank you God Bless
Very nice music 🎶 thank you!
Amen a God Pleaser!
Wow
Thanks to you I can honestly say I "see the light"
I’m #5 and #6. I have noticed it more when I’m in a group setting amongst people who are smarter than myself or more spiritual than myself.
I didn't see it as being selfish, oh my, your are so right
Thank you Kris and amen for this segment of people pleasing. I unfortunately have all 7 signs. I’m a co-dependent and have a lot of empathy. However, I started listening to a couple of therapists a year ago who have helped me tremendously to get out of this cycle of putting others before me. I am learning to say “no” and set boundaries. Listening to you has opened my eyes more to wisdom and knowledge to not be a people pleaser. Sometimes it’s hard to say no but it’s getting easier as I don’t want to be taken advantage of or look for approval from others.
You have helped me so much! I am all of these to a T!! I think I just need to keep this video on repeat! Time to put Jesus first! (That was hard to type bec I thought I was putting Him first, but you are so right, I wasn’t)
I'm 1, but God has helped me with the other numbers. Thank you for your broadcast. I live in the UK so can't always listen live, but I listen on TH-cam before work, as I work with many manipulative coworkers. Please thank Zoe for her behind the scenes work that helps you help us. I thank God for your message. May our Father bless you with every spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus! X
Remember the fourth commandment KJV is reminding us of Genesis 2:2&3. Jesus is our example not Constantine.
I am a people pleaser to the point of making myself sick over it.
Kris I'm numbers 1-7! I had a traumatic childhood, and I've struggled all my life with poor self-esteem and the need for approval. I very recently stumbled on your videos and I love them! This video is really for me! God bless you.
Working on changing this