Overlapping Symptoms of Autism and Complex Trauma: Interview with Paul Micallef
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ต.ค. 2021
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In response to dozens of requests from followers of this channel who are on the autistic spectrum and want to better understand the overlapping symptoms of autism and CPTSD -- I'm happy to share this interview with Paul Micallef from Melbourne, Australia. Using research and his own experiences as an autistic person, he is the creator of the popular TH-cam channel "Aspergers From the Inside." Paul provides consulting and coaching around emotional intelligence, dating and parenting for autistic people and their loved ones. In this video we discuss the relatively high rate of CPTSD diagnosis among autistic people, and the ways these distinct conditions manifest in similar symptoms.
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Are there even any autistics without c-ptsd? This world is traumatizing and our nervous systems have been stuck in survival mode since birth. It's just complex-complex ptsd 😅 Learning to work with my nervous system is helping me a lot with my sensory issues.
Not only that, but I believe that people on the autism spectrum are more likely to be bullied, singled out as scapegoats, etc, put down, etc.
Yeah... I remember being a child before 1st grade, having fun , learning at home, doing kid stuff and going to half-day kindergarten because I was already academically ahead, but even at half day kindergarten, thank goodness I went to it because it revealed how behind I was in the socializing arena. I was my own little happy goofy alien but lived in front of the television and my own pretend worlds, probably learning how to socialize through cartoon characters before the age of 5. I had already learned to talk early and I guess my parents didn't think I needed or pre-school or maybe thought I would be too shy or weren't ready to give me up to the outside world yet. But when I got to the bigger school that I would stay at for first grade-6th grade, that's when I realized I might be a little weirder than my peers just due to my sensitive hearing and the way I perceive other people's motivation, and this was before any super major childhood trauma happened. I was already weird and precocious and had a lot of particular sensory-finickynesses. I think my large emotional outbursts to feeling misunderstood (either by one parent or a classmates recess type setting) being shut down or becoming a mortifying/embarrassing moment and invalidated probably caused more autism spectrum-related cptsd, through just the loneliness and isolation that was more unrelated to family related trauma, but after about ages 7-11 , it all probably got muddled together. The family trauma may have been causing me to feel and act more isolated at school, because I had been burdened with this secret pain I had to hide, that made me feel different from other students and like I had this side of myself that had to learn to be deceptive and secretive to stay safe, until I was able to talk about it when I was 16 with like one other classmate who might understand going through something similar. But now, while I'm still kind of a sensory-finicky person, I'm working on healing the worst of my cptsd tendencies and pains. My hope is, I can heal as much of the cptsd little by little by becoming more loving if myself and those I care about, having stronger boundaries where it counts, and having a good therapist. But autism isn't something that entirely goes away, though I can accommodate myself defensively to the harshness of the outside world by limiting my time in crowds and having headphones/ear plugs, and maintaining a few close friendships who kind of help me stay connected with the wider social realm in a grounded and kind way. And also having positive sensory accommodations like heavy blankets, smooth, unscratchy clothing, cute stuffed animals and large fuzzy pillows, candles and perfumes that feed my love of fragrances, and safe foods when I have anxiety/depression related eating difficulties and executive dysfunction related to making meals.
@@Iquey now, that was a mouthful, but I completely understand, and followed all the way through. The more that is shared the clearer things get for some/many of us. Thank you!
CPTSD often occurs in caretaker - child relationship? When adults are “frightening” or “frightened”?
I call it traumautism for a reason.
“We heal from trauma, we embrace autism.”
CBT toxic positivity , im not you babes I’m no you child we go back to the office
“We heal from trauma and we embrace autism.” Wow. What a beautiful, emotional sentence. One of those things that seem so simple and obvious once someone says it, yet simply hearing it almost made me cry just now. Autism and my trauma are two parts of myself I’ve always struggled so much with, even if it’s for different reasons, and that sentence kind of summed it all up so easily. I’m definitely going to be reflecting on those questions he said right afterwards for myself, too. Again, thank you both so much for this. ♥️✨
I don't have the attention span to watch the video, so I'm having a look at the comments. Yours made me teary. I have asd and ptsd too, what you said really resonated with me. Thankyou for sharing. I look forward to watching the video
@@belindabennett4218 Sending you love!! If you haven’t been able to watch the whole video yet, my favourite part starts around the 41:00 mark somewhere... some extra beautiful things said with questions I found great to ask myself ♥️
I've been saying the same thing for a while now. I've had to tell several potential therapists that I don't want "treatment" for my autism - _especially_ ABA therapy. I'm happy to be autistic. I need help with C-PTSD. At the ASD-1 level, I don't consider autism to be a "disorder". Being in fight or flight mode 24/7 is definitely a disorder though. Lol
@@clicheguevara5282 I feel like I am coming from a different perspective, yet landed on the same conclusion. My therapist keeps trying to get me to embrace being the spectrum, yet won't really engage in a conversation about my narc mother and the C-PTSD I need healing for. I've been attempting to embrace my C-PTSD and keep coming back to, no this is something that needs healing. I may well be on the spectrum, but I don't feel I can ever truly embrace that without some healing from C-PTSD.
@@belindabennett4218 omg SAME!!😢🎉😂❤😊
So interesting. I know a woman on the spectrum, and she can be wonderful in one-on-one situations, and you wouldn’t even think she has problems. But for every person added to the room, her social skills collapse more and more. And she is very socially active, she dominates every situation, so it’s very obvious, and with worse and worse outcomes for every new person added to the conversation. I have wondered why, and I have thought of it this way: She has some sort of mental recipe book she goes through for every person, because every person is different, and she can’t transfer experience from one situation to the next, somehow. One person, she just has to stick to one chapter. That’s easy. But with more people, in her head she is frantically switching between chapters. ‘Old man from the countryside who misses his wife’. ‘Young girl who has been bullied on school and now work at a store’. ‘My mother on a bad day’, ‘a little child that love to draw’ etc etc. It’s exhausting for her, and it causes total collapse. Very strange. It’s like if I should think conscious about every muscle movement when I walk, instead of doing it automatically. It would be exhausting, and I wouldn’t be able to do other things at the same time, and most likely I would inevitably fall.
This is a wonderful way to describe the autistic person's coping mechanism and how it can get overwhelmed simply by the numbers.
yea we tend to have allot of scripts ready in our head for diffrent types of people and switching between scripts can be very difficult
I relate to this alot. Thanks for sharing ❤️
" She has some sort of mental recipe book she goes through for every person, because every person is different, and she can’t transfer experience from one situation to the next, somehow. One person, she just has to stick to one chapter. That’s easy. But with more people, in her head she is frantically switching between chapters. ‘Old man from the countryside who misses his wife’. ‘Young girl who has been bullied on school and now work at a store’. ‘My mother on a bad day’, ‘a little child that love to draw’ etc etc. It’s exhausting for her, and it causes total collapse." WOW.. Because no one has explained it so well as to how it feels for ME ! Did she tell you this? Because that is me and why I end up not making friends because a lot of people tend to stay in groups. For example the parents at the playground we go to every day, there is always a littler group or two of them sitting together. if any one out of the group is not there on any given day at the sme time, the rest still sits together and is able to talk to one another still.
@@ms.anonymousinformer242 No, I don’t think she was even aware of this herself. She doesn’t think she has a problem, just that everyone else are rude and narrowminded. She is very extrovert and social active, so she constantly meets new people. And her exhaustion manifest as her being more and more dominating and outgoing before she has a fully scaled meltdown, and I am actually amazed how polite and considerate most people are, but she just doesn’t give them a break, and in the end, they get exhausted too and cut her off. (Of course, she has a tendency to meet toxic people who exploit her, and she doesn’t understand it before it’s too late because she feels sorry for them, but that’s another story.) I once asked her about my ‘recipe book’-theory, and she thought about it for some minutes. «Maybe,» she said and went on about her own favourite topics. So, I actually don’t know if she felt that way. I just had to find an explanation for myself to understand the transformance. Why did this lovely lady turn into this self-destructing bomb when there were many persons present? I have read a lot about autism because my son has severe autism, and I found it especially useful to read books written by people who themselves had autism, because my son doesn’t speak, and I’ve learned to understand how he might think in different situations by reading what other people on the spectrum says.
In my opinion, you picked the perfect expert for this. I'm on the spectrum, and I believe that is partly what made me vulnerable. Living in a dysfunctional family as a scapegoat made it worse.
Bingo! Same here. It is so challenging.
Same. I've just entered psychotherapy and my therapist didn't believe I was HFA until I started talking. Now he's realised I am but don't regulate like most adult autists because of repeated trauma.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
Me too
Same. In therapy now but my therapist thinks I'm CPTSD and not autistic because I'm HF. Also had the codependency issues 30 autistim 70% my mum nurturing me to miss red flags. I hope you ladies are now receiving the stability and love you deserve.
I’m on the autism spectrum, and I also have CPTSD. And another fun fact about me, I’m totally blind. I try to love myself, even though I’m totally blind. I still do struggle with meeting people, because I know to them, I may seem weird to them. But I try my best though. I love myself, even though I’m blind, autistic and have CPTSD.
That Makes Sense the Way you Expierience the World with your other senses because of that difference from other human Expieriences!
I am glad you are learning more about yourself, hopefully integration to Truly thriving with your Differences.
You are just as valuable as a “normal person”. I would guess you are high in empathy. 🥰👍
@@NightMystique13 yeah. You are absolutely right, I am high in empathy.
Thank you for sharing this powerful message.
You are an amazing unique person, celebrate differences and abilities 🙌🏻
I'm on the spectrum, and the abuse of being raised by a narcissist who mocked my difference ruthlessly, gave me CPTSD, too. The good news is I'm a functioning adult with a good kid who doesn't have any of my issues. Never give up!!!!
Wonderful! thanks for sharing
-Cara@TeamFairy
Same. I was mocked and even taunted with things that I love as punishment. I’m also totally blind. I got so much crap if I ran into things, I even got laughed at if I ran into things headfirst. I got crap for knocking things off or spilling things. A thing that seemed to be my abusers favorite thing to do was to sneak up behind me quietly when I didn’t know. I’d be doing something that I was intensely focused on, and they would make a loud noise to scare me and make me jump a couple feet in the air. It always made me mad.
@Fires And Flowers aggreed. And whenever I would get mad because I was scared by my abuser, they’d say, it was just a joke. Come on, take a joke for once. I’m going to say this right now. You, don’t, come up behind a blind person, and scare them, as, a, joke! You don’t get mad at them or laugh at them for being hurt whenever they run into stuff. Would you laugh at a blind person if they ran into something head-first hard enough to where they had a concussion? Because I sure as hell wouldn’t.
Thanks for you wonderful reply by the way.
How did you become a functioning adult?
@@offensivediscourse8514 I’m not sure who the comment was directed at. But I will say that there are days where I can hang in there and be strong. But there are days where I feel like in order to get by, I have to bottle up my emotions and shelve them, and only be happy 24/7. No struggles, no obstacles, just nothing but happiness.
Love this!! I get those comments too and I'm thrilled to watch this!
Thanks Patrick!
Fascinating connection. Thanks for pushing the discussion forward.
Ahhh Fangirling right now. 😅 A comment from one of my favourite therapists on TH-cam (Patrick) on a video by
2 of my favourite Autism/C-PTSD TH-camrs! 👏 As an Autistic woman with C-PTSD, this is a great video to raise awareness about the connection. Thanks so much for this video, Paul & Anna!
Awww I love both of you!!! 🥰
So thankful for all of you helpers here on TH-cam. You are changing lives every day.
I think another way to differentiate CPTSD and ASD is people's reaction towards you. For what I've observed, people with CPTSD tend to blend in among their social environment; yes, they might be seen as 'troubled' or 'grumpy', but still nothing that prevents others to interact with them.
That's not the case for most people on the spectrum. We tend to get animosity as a response to our interactions. First, we tend to elicit some sort of uncanny valley effect in others, so even before speaking we're already _weird_ ... then, oh boy, it comes the 'fun': "blunt", "robotic", "insensitive", "know-it-all", "emotionally unavailable" (that's one already has been expressed in the comments), "jerk" and my personal favorite "superiority complex", are labels set upon us, wether right in our faces or behind our back.
Now, I'm not saying we're some kind of saints. We, as _every_ person in the world, sometimes have the intention to be agressive towards someone else. The problem is, more often than not, without us knowing why, our way of conducting ourselves is interpreted as we represent some sort of danger to the community (herd thinking). I've gone through a few traumatic experiences of people coming after me, literally, just for being there.
So, as you see, not only our sensorial quirks, but also the human environment set us for developing PTSD and CPTSD.
I like that analogy, uncanny valley! That is what it is. It is hard to explain to others when you know that others see you as different but you can't really put it into words. I feel like when I roam stores just for the fun of looking at things and not really buying, I end up getting followed by "secret shoppers" who are really security watching for shoplifters. I've always wondered why I put off a shoplifter vibe, but maybe it is just the uncanny valley vibe. I just look off to them and they can't understand why.
💜🤗
Perfectly said
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
They need a mirror .
I lost my mental health coordinator because he wouldn’t accommodate my processing type. He just dumped me mid session. I realised that NT therapies we’re doing me more harm as I was masking to meet therapist’s expectations and I told him. He reinforced my trauma-rejection and abandonment from life time of abused or accused of being ‘difficult’. We need more autistic therapies to protect us, especially women. I’m 62 and I hold no hope but it needs to change here in the UK.
What a difficult experience, I'm glad you've come to understand the kind of therapist you need now.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I was diagnosed by a Harley Street team as huge IQ, mild high-functioning Aspergers, hyperperception (my ESP weird did it's thing in front of half the Government). They had no studies to explain, and looking at the diagnosis, realised the comms issue is because they can't follow me - they overload. The obsession's because I build huge mind-models which don't come from books, extending knowledge sideways. This is actually a genius trait, but then again, I am from the team which won the 2012 Nobel Peace Prize.
Yale started its Genius School in 2020, and it's head, Craig Wright, is someone I knew of old, having used one of his studies to document half of an academic case used to trigger the Renaissance. I cannot be simultaneously a genius and intellectually challenged, and running the diagnostic history back, discovered Dabrowsky's Overexcitability thesis, used to exclude us from education as teachers can't cope with kids who covered their subject years earlier, sometimes coming to very different conclusions from the Jingoistic orthodox. As Craig said in his book, The Hidden Habits of Genius, those who can, do, those who can't, teach.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
I got diagnosed with autism when I was 7 years old.(PDDNOS)
When I was 27, I was diagnosed with PTSD and Complex PTSD.
They found out that I have had trauma since I was a baby till I was about 21 and I have 9 aces.
My observation is that since I started trauma therapy, my ‘autistic traits’ are disappearing. Almost as if my personality is changing OR the trauma healing reveals my real personality.
This is what I noticed the past months.
Wow that’s really interesting! Maybe a typo or maybe I don’t know the reference, but what do you mean by “9 aces”?
@@Seeker0fTruth Aces stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences.
There is a general score from 1 to 10 and the more you have the more impact it has on your life.
@@TK1.2 Hey DS, yes sure.
Currently I am doing several kinds of therapy including: EMDR, psychic somatic therapy and schema therapy.
I feel that EMDR is the most effective for me atm. Next year I will also start with something that is called: early childhood trauma therapy.
Yes I love EMDR!
And I do think I was misdiagnosed as a kid.
I have the idea that I may be gifted if you know what being gifted means.
Intellectually and in the creative area and other areas.
Sometimes that can be confused with autism too.
I agree that there are some similarities in autism and CPTSD but that the cause is different. I never had issues with communication and reading social cues but rather that my hyper vigilance and anxiety was blocking my ability to connect instead of me not understanding what was happening. I am also a empath meaning that I can feel others energies and emotions even when I don’t literally see them but they come into the room.
Thanks a lot! You’re welcome and good luck in your future too.✌🏻
im diagnosed autistic and my c-ptsd is undiagnosed. I still claim it because it seems obvious to me that I have it. I dont have a diagnosis for it because i cant seem to be able to get any help from professionals. Most of them are clueless about autism and let's face it, most of them are also not very well informed about trauma either. I find it extremely difficult to cope with both these conditions with no help whatsoever. The only help I get is the help I give myself. Doctors always say that we cannot diagnose ourselves and that we should rely on them but if I can't rely on them and can't find a mental health pratctionner who actually knows more than me about my conditions, I am obligated to do my own research, read books, watch conferences and go on youtube to find explanations, answers and tools. I get dismissed because they dont understand the severity of my conditions and when I do what I can to cope without their help, they tell me I shouldnt be doing this on my own. It's so infuriating
yess this is exactly my situation too, its so frustrating, I dont even want to try to get professional help because I have had so bad experience with doctors so far, and even psychiatric help too. One therapist talked to me about his own problems, another one just told me "you know what to do" and clearly I didnt?....... Its like this maze that feels like it has no end. its so frustrating
Yes. Exactly that. I sat with therapists and explained them trauma-dynamics, talked about malignant introjects, about alexithymia, polyvagal theory etc. And realized, that I knew more about trauma than the therapist.
If one mentions having autism, they change the tone of voice and look at you different, like they think "ah, he is disabled, I've to talk more simple" - while I can talk in my mother tongue like a dictionary.
There was a psychiatrist, which diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder and I asked why, which reasons he has to give me that label. And he replied: you act sometimes against your own ideals, you do that to hurt yourself.
So I explained him, that I do that for emotional disregularion due to trauma - in situations I'm triggered.
It's the same for me. Reading thousands of pages, watching hundreds of hours about the topic on TH-cam, reading the original studies.
And one thing to add: one time I said I'm autistic, the psychiatrist laughed and said, that I just made that up, because I want to have a label. I didn't even show her my diagnosis, I just said "I wish you a good day" and went out while she sat there with a face like a salmon.
This Healthcare system, at least in Germany, as far as my experience goes, is crap for autistic people.
Exactly ! They don’t know what to do. They don’t have the skills. They attempt to apply neuro-typical therapeutic methods- which don’t work for people on the spectrum. I have been to therapists for my children and ended up having to educate them about so much that they should have known since they list themselves as having experience with ASD. they don’t. If they’ve had a couple ASD patients in the past then they list that as a specialty. Very very deceitful and just intended to bring in the bucks by pulling clients/patients. In the meantime, wasting our time and creating more grief.
I had one therapist speak so roughly with my autistic daughter in therapy that it frightened the hell out of me.
@@Gandalf_the_quantum_G
I can’t tell who has the worse therapist: Germany or US.
I feel for you. May I say you have done an amazing job advocating for yourself. Educating yourself, researching, reading, and connecting the dots. That is my story as well. It pays off because that knowledge does generate a sense of empowerment and less confusion.
Still, like you, I would like to find a therapist so I can create a support system that includes a professional doctor. Stay strong. 🙏🏻
Professional help is highly overrated. Educate yourself and find ways to care for yourself, your opinion matters. Therapist are just making guesses based on limited information, so don’t underestimate yourself.
I'm so happy to see this. I'm autistic and given what seemed like constant "you can't do/say anything right" (along with other incidents) CPTSD resonates so much. As co-morbidities go, they make perfect sense.
Thank you both. (Love his channel.)
All everyone seems to do is criticise our every effort nothing we do is ever good enough
"Co-morbidities" breaks my heart to hear. The diversity and multiplicity of expression in creation is a marvel, constant revalation and awe inspiring.
Thank you
Woah, Paul! I totally relate to your description of what happens "in the zone" when a person becomes emotionally shut down, as a function of an overwhelmed mind flooded with stimulus. I also am deeply content in that mode lol
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
This hit hard, especially when he was talking about feeling like you’re not going to find anyone who understands you… my own mom doesn’t even get me most days…
Glad you're here!'
-Cara@TeamFairy
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
My mom is the last person in the world to understand
“We heal from trauma, and we embrace autism.” Such a beautiful statement.
🥺🥺🥺 Wow, as an autistic person with CPTSD, this is exactly what I’ve been wishing to hear someone talk about for so long. Especially when I’ve heard so many passing comments, usually on CPTSD channels, how people with childhood trauma have either been misdiagnosed as on the spectrum or just that these two so often ‘get confused’. I know rationally that it’s not meant that way but when mentioned in just one short comment like that, because of all the gaslightning I’ve been through in my life, it’s left me questioning myself and doubting my own experiences many times, without then knowing where to turn to actually explore and learn more. I think it’s such an important conversation to have, given how I can definitely see that there ARE a lot of similarities, while there are also obviously many reasons why a lot of autistic people could (and sadly do) experience repeated trauma growing up.
I can’t say who I would be if I hadn’t had a traumatic childhood, but I do know that I’ve still always coped with things, behaved, and communicated differently from my siblings or other people my age ever since I was a kid...
Anyway, can’t wait to actually watch this now-thank you both so much for bringing up this topic!! 🤍
I just started to watch… What are your thoughts after having watched?
@@Seeker0fTruth Sorry, I'm not answering for e, but myself. I thought this was very helpful and soothing. I'm looking forward to part II. How about you?
@@over50iqeq49 Yes, I agree!!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts…
@@Seeker0fTruth I thought it was a wonderful and very helpful vid! Great information, loved the questions and how Anna asked if there’s anything she’s missed and even should be asking... gave me a lot to think about (as expected, haha)! They’re both two clearly thoughtful and caring individuals so I’m so thankful they’re sharing their knowledge with us ☺️
@@ixizn I couldn’t have said it better myself. Looking forward to more discussions like this one! I found the information here (as well as the delivery) to be very encouraging, helpful and also insightful. Feeling thankful.
Yay. You guys found one another. I'm so happy.
:)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’ve been subbed to both of your channels for several months. I’m 66 and diagnosed at 61. You’ve both been a tremendous help to me. I’ve shared both channels as well as Dr. Ramani with my therapist.
I was diagnosed late, too. I assume my case is mild or I learned early on how to mirror. Females are supposedly less obvious. Were your traits subtle? I always thought i was just different, my own person. Maybe that is still the case and i was misdiagnosed.
@@nancybartley4425 Females much less obvious than males. I was diagnosed after my son and grandson were diagnosed. I learned mirroring a a survival trait. Hence the CPTSD. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. The autistic traits were obvious enough to cause me problems as a child and having a pair of narcissists for parents didn’t help at all.
@@foxfirelabradors5939 OMG. Me too, but to all here, how were you able to get a diagnosis? Are you not American? My doctor referred me for psychology because she agreed with me that I should be tested for autism then it turned out they don't, and then nobody in my whole city tests adults for autism. It was one of many deeply upsetting and frustrating experiences in my life where someone offers help--but elsewhere--and that help doesn't exist. I was left jumping through all the hoops.
@@foxfirelabradors5939 Very similar situation for me, just diagnosed at 54, from Narcissist parents. So much to work on..... sending you a hug.
Dr. Ramani is great too! She also has a chanel in Spanish, so I am able to share with my siblings 🙂
Thank you for this video! I recieved more abuse than my siblings because of my autism unfortunately :( my meltdowns and bluntness was very triggering for my parents and they would lash out at me often. I'm having a hard time functioning as an adult now. I also mask very heavily, it's exhausting.
Thanks for being here
-Cara@TeamFairy
The overwhelming effect of abusive parents on kids with autism is not recognized by dss, courts or law enforcement. These kids suffer severely.
@@susanjones3513
I speak from knowing first hand. Being raised by a narcissistic/autistic father has destroyed my children who are on the the spectrum but somehow don’t display the callousness of their autistic father. Their father was raised in an extremely damaging environment that would dis-regulates a Neuro typical child let alone one on the spectrum. Raising an autistic child requires a completely different set of parenting skills to create and facilitate a positive environment that allows them to thrive and grow. Parents of ASD children know that the rules of raising a child have to be modified in order to bring about success in each areas of their ASD child lives. Central to it all is the emotional exchange between parents and the ASD child and the cognitive ability of the parent to be empathetic enough to know what to do and when to do it.
(This is precisely the the same recipe for raising a neuro-typical child. However, with an ASD child, the recipe has to be dialed up exponentially)
All children are born with their own unique temperament regardless of being on the spectrum or not.
Not enough conversation takes place about the consequences of raising an autistic child in a calloused, rough, cruel, insensitive, and abusive environment. Depending on their unique temperament, that rough environment can spell disaster.
NPD/ASD parent should not raise children on the spectrum because they will take neglect, verbal and physical abuse to a whole new level as they can’t connect with the consequences of their behavior.
@@jibayat216 Thank you for the acknowledgment.
Parents also experience trauma from caring for autistic individuals so it goes both ways
A new theory that is emerging in research lately related to autism and trauma is that autism could be a coping mechanism for trauma and that ‘autistic’ behavior develops when one has to find alternative ways to deal with a traumatic environment.
People with complex PTSD have a different wiring in the brain just like you can see with autistic people.
Also, people with complex PTSD have a enlarged amygdala which is overactive thus overacts when dealing with certain emotions which can you make you look hypersensitive to external stimuli.
This is fascinating. As someone diagnosed with CPTSD but not autism (still not sure) perhaps this is the reason for some of my strange behaviors that look like autism.
Please tell me how to look into this theory. I'm intensely interested in the theories of autism, especially new emerging ones!
@Adrian Opper Yes sure!
I pondered a lot about this subject the past months and with the new information I received I want to elaborate further on this theory.
Beware, its a long read:
So I looked at this theory combining the current data on (childhood/complex)trauma, autism and brain development as well as epigenetics.
There currently is no single psychiatric disorder that is inherited by certain genes.
There are however certain sensitivities which can increase the possibility to develop a psychiatric disorder later in life.
Many psychiatric disorders currently in the DSM5 especially cluster B are rooted in childhood trauma.
Unfortunately, CPTSD is still not in the DSM5 but it is included in the latest ICDC.
So where does autism and trauma connect?
My theory is that autism is actually a name to describe a collection of developmental disorders that are rooted in trauma with ‘primary autism’.
It is already known that disorders such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, BPD, SPD, OCD, ADHD and CPTSD are rooted in complex trauma.
If all subtypes of behaviour within a autistic person are actually symptoms of numerous developmental disorders, might that mean that autism is a result of extreme, prolonged trauma?
Or does it imitate autism making it some kind of pseudo autism or secondary autism?
That is the question.
Most of the people that are diagnosed with autism have a history of childhood trauma.
So does childhood trauma play a big role in developing autism or is autism a genetic sensitivity which makes us more vulnerable to experience trauma later in life?
I do know that people with autism are either overly sensitive for external sensory stimuli or under sensitive.
My theory on that is that autistic people that are oversensitive to sensory stimuli experience that because of overexcitabilities. People with overexcitabilities miss a certain filter(forgot the name) which makes them experience everything much more intensely.
Thus makes them more vulnerable to experience trauma later in life.
My theory about autistic people who are hypo(low)sensitive to external stimuli is that its a symptom of dissociation which is a trauma symptom.
Dissociation often happens within people that have the Freeze response as their primal survival response.
So I would say that overexcitabilities among other birth defects are the ‘nature’ component and extreme complex trauma and a unloving and unsafe environment is the ‘nurture’ component.
To conclude: people with overexitabilities (which is also a sign of giftedness) have a primary vulnerability(oversensitive)and then get raised in a unloving and unsafe environment that is chronically traumatic and hostile to the individual.
People without a primary vulnerability(meaning growing up without overexcitabilities)may be primary autistic and then also might experience a lot of trauma. These people would be actually autistic while people born with a primary vulnerability (overexcitabilities) are not actually autistic but their atypical behaviour which more often then not is actually a sign of giftedness.
Giftedness is also known to mimic autism but there are differences between the two which makes giftedness something else.
The one question I still try to answer is:
What type of birth defects are the cause of primary autism?
Does autism actually exist or is it a name to describe atypical behaviour that is either rooted in trauma or in giftedness?
That is how far I am with my theory at the moment. I hope that my theory is not too long to read.
Wow!
Self diagnosed autistic adult woman with cptsd here. So much to talk about on this subject. Being assigned female at birth makes acquiring the autism diagnosis in childhood quite rare for anyone who is over 30 years old at the time of this video. Which creates a whole class of added trauma. Autistic woman are more prone to naivety that makes us more susceptible to poor friendships and romantic relationships, especially in young life which creates trauma. Our parents don't understand us or often even care to try because "we are too difficult." Doctors are literally the worst invalidators I have ever met. I first questioned whether or not I could be autistic with a psychiatrist when I was in my twenties who responded with, "you are not a little boy, are you?" When I replied with an incredulous "no" she then said, "Then you CAN'T be autistic" and gave me medication for ADHD and depression. 🤦♀️ It took almost a decade of bullshit, "you don't look autistic" or "do you obsessively like trains?" responses before I quit trying. The whole diagnosis process is a self doubt creating, trauma inducing, nightmare. Not to mention how autistic woman handle pain, our pain tolerance is usually VERY high and our masking makes it very difficult for others to see our inner selves. I once puked at a job 4 times from stomach flu and my employer's reply to asking if I can go home was, "You are the most normal looking sick* person I have ever met." 🤦♀️ We aren't trying to be deceiving, but also a life time of being shown we can't be ourselves creates this thick automatic mask that takes a very long time to first recognize and second take off. Thank you for the video and reading this comment if you do. Good luck to all you other complex brains out there. 🥰
My personal history is very much similar to what you describe, particularly your experience of invalidating medical and psychological (so called) experts.
I'm almost 60 now, and exhausted. Successive burnouts have all but sloughed off the masks and I'm eventually beginning to learn how to embrace myself at my authentic autistic core.
I cannot trust it's gonna be the most healthy path for me to pursue diagnosis because I carry so much trauma from being misunderstood, misdiagnosed, mistakenly medicated and all of the extra adverse effects incurred from this.
It's the ultimate in gaslighting and dis-empowerment.
When I reflect on ND traits and health journies of my family of origin, I suspect this kind of damage has been happening for generations.
When he talked about zoning out (brain stops working, sudden calm) whilst speaking with people it sounded a lot like dissociation. It was very much how my brain works when i get overwhelmed in various situations, including conversations. I think many with cptsd also deal with dissociation of some kind as it develops mostly in childhood. Also, i think there is another ingredient to this overlapping of cptsd with autism, and that is HSP. (not the empath stuff, but the true highly emotionally and sensory sensitive person.) My understanding is that you are either born with it (if thats the right way to put it since it is neurological) , but you can also somewhat develop these characteristics through dealing with trauma. I think it also adds to the concept of resilience and why some kids grow to handle their trauma relatively well, and why others do not. So now we have just added the sensory angle. Add the highly emotional sensitivity with our disregulation and ... well, you can imagine. ) Because of the hsp (mostly of dealing with the sensory overstimulation) I have discovered over the years just how much overlap i have with my 2 kids who are on the spectrum. We are so similar I've often wondered if I myself am on the spectrum (I could be wrong but i dont think thats the case) and learning about the hsp fills in a lot, & has helped us all to sort of relate to each other and dig into the WHY and HOW we experience what we do. This is truly such a complicated jumble of issues. I enjoyed your talk.
I definitely follow your train of thought in that HSP + trauma = CPTSD symptoms that align with Autism...
Is there a text on the empath side, please? I've a decent share of the 2012 Nobel Peace Prize, and have my own thoughts on the matter - there's a faith dynamic in mybexperience.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
My PTSD triggers (many of them) are specifically related to experiences around disclosing my autism spectrum disorder, asking for accommodations for it, and asking for help with serious issues related to this process. Having to explain my autism AND my trauma over and over to benefits offfices while I have communication differences and alternative communication needs, and being rejected for those is a specific trigger. I have meltdowns daily on the phone with food stamps, social security, medicaid..... it slows my attempt to heal significantly. I've lost my case once before because I could not talk about it without crying once before.
That all makes sense and sounds really difficult. Try the Daily Practice if you haven't yet as a tool to stay more regulated. bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
I feel for you. I hope things are going a bit better for you these days. It would be great if we had someone in our corner- like an older sibling or someone with better communication and advocacy skills. I have had the same challenges and emotional breakdowns in professional offices seeking aid. It can be really tough, and completely valid given our challenges. You are not alone.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
Here is a comment for BOTH of you. I was adopted at 6 months. This means that I inevitably had trauma during that time. I was also adopted by a woman who had HUGE issues with anxiety and socializing to the point where she became an agoraphobe. What I would like you to both know (and your audience) the following; I have been tested for autism because my problems are very similar, I have been pigeonholed as having Borderline Personality Disorder because of similarities as well. What I have finally figured out by reading and videos is that I have CPTSD. (Thank you Anna and Pete Walker.) Now I finally feel understood and able to change that❣️
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
Thank you so much for this conversation! I am autistic though undiagnosed until I was in my 40s. My childhood experiences are very similar to Paul Micallef's examples. I was one of the early talkers & readers, but with sensory processing differences that made me seem "spaced out" to others. Because of my problems with socializing and not hitting developmental milestones at the same time as my peers, I was bullied quite a bit as a kid, to the point where I skipped school a lot & went walking by myself in the woods. In high school I learned about the Stoic philosophers of ancient Greece & I felt understood for the first time, as if there were other people like me. I very much agree that it's a "practice" to be emotionally intelligent, and I compare it to the meditative aspects of martial arts. Some of my colleagues at work recently told me that I have a "calming effect" on people, which I've been puzzling about for weeks, since it doesn't match up with how hyper I always feel on the inside & how many different things my brain is constantly exploring. But Anna's reaction to Paul's story of how he's learned to respond to other people's mental states has finally made this make sense to me, as I've also learned to do this over the years. THANK YOU BOTH for this conversation. It's really helpful to me and I know it'll help many other autists too.
I'm so glad to hear this was helpful, thank you for sharing with us!
-Cara@TeamFairy
We're empaths. Wendy d'Andrea has even identified interoceptive crossover in couples where one carries childhood PTSD, and the odd thing is, both are empathic about how the other feels. I'm looking at this intensively, because it suggests a different diagnosis to Aspergers.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
I too was not diagnosed with autism until my 40s.
I learned of my own autism through my kids with autism .
I wonder if that overlapping is also the reason why so many cptsd sufferers get into relationships with autists, sometimes further traumatizing or re-traumatizing themselves (or in some cases both parties)? Both have a significantly lower than average success rate in keeping their relationships intact, a challenging combination for sure.
Being brought up in an environment where your emotions weren't seen may result in similar situations feeling "safe and familiar" for the ctpsd person, until the traumas surface because of that similarity.
Ive thought about that Pattern as Well
Absolutely....codependants have partners that are emotional unaivalable.
Yes. So much this!
Excuse me, but I think there's a misunderstanding here. Autistic people are not "emotionally unavailable", they just understand bonding in a different way. NT's bonding style feels suffocating to a person on the spectrum. Also, NT's have the terrible costume of not asking what they want because "you should know" and "It's common sense". That's what's painful for an ND, they might never been understood and NT's assess the situation like they're suffering a life with an abuser. That's just not fair.
@@Dan_Chiron its common myth unfortunately that autistic people have no emotions or are unavailable
I used to watch this channel before I found out I was autistic. I thought I must have had childhood trauma because I couldn't figure out why I was like I am.
This was so helpful. One thing we forget about autism is that part of social interaction it misses is mirroring. The neurotypical person will keep mirroring in hope of getting the mirroring back as a key part of social interaction but autistic person has no ability to do this. Then NT person feels unseen and rejected. 😭😭
Autistic people can mirror.
I notice when people mirror me, and it annoys me. I can mirror but it's not an unconscious action, it's a decision 🤷♀️xx
yea true 😂
mirroring is something I have to make an effort to do instead of just naturally doing it 😆
That's not right. I'm on the spectrum and I can mirror people in a conversation - just that I mirror it all with "calculation", but for me it doesn't feel like a calculation.
I'm very social and I often got the feedback, that people felt really understood from me and felt safe to trust me.
@@Gandalf_the_quantum_G I think both you and Anne-Louise Goldie might misunderstand the intent of the comment and possibly overestimate your abilities. Personally I would not say that acting as though one is mirroring another is the exact same even though it might look similar on the surface but as you both pointed out it doesn't happen naturally, just like how people can see a difference between someone that has empathy and someone that acts like someone that has empathy. Mirroring is very complex and has many layers to it that are also changed throughout a conversation and level of intimacy, to someone non autistic and sensitive it's very obvious that there is intent behind it and that something is lacking, I used to mistake it for clumsy attempts at manipulation but now I know that most mean well.
I think maybe what is expected is reciprocation?
Mirroring is a behavior typically associated with narcissism that is used try to convince another person that there is connection/compatibility. When I see someone mirroring me, it’s a huge red flag signaling deception.
I'm a strange and seemingly rare manifestation of the cosmos. I literally left my mother's womb via c-section with fluid in my lungs. NICU and hospital for the first week of my life, no mom no dad present. I have flat feet and scoliosis (FXS physical traits) and heavy features of asd and adhd. My earliest real memory is around 3 when I underwent a rectal endoscopy because my mom thought my dad molested me as a cause for my atypical behavior (she did get me pro help but I was misunderstood.) Neurodevelopmental trauma is so real.
I just cannot believe this subject.... I've only been cross referencing all my issues with CPTSD and my possible Autism..... My son is Autistic and its through his diagnosis and struggles and traits I'm slowly beginning putting things together. Thank you so much.
Hope you got some help and direction :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Aspergers is no longer in the DSM5
So I don't think this is correct teaching. Most people have some level of autism in the experience of life...life is traumatising
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
My brother is autistic with CPTSD and I'm not autistic but I have CPTSD and we get astounded at our overlapping symptoms sometimes
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
This was wonderful. Another topic to consider is, trauma and learning disabilities. When I was in third grade I was called up to the front of the class and ridiculed and laughed out of class and out of that school. Eight years later (1967) I was tested eight hour in a psychiatric institute in Philadelphia and they determined my reading ability was "third grade, fifth month. It would seem my reading ability was frozen in the third grade. I was later sent to a school in Buffalo, New York that specialized in dyslexia.
Just another side of the same problem
That's really interesting about your ability "freezing". Thanks for sharing with us
-Cara@TeamFairy
Both my kids are dyslexic. Public school is a very hostile place. My kids also suffer from anxiety. Most likely CPTSD
@@hopefully2224 Sorry to hear this . I, some what bitterly, remember that school was a battle zone when I was a child. Just before reading this ,I was reflecting an AA meeting I chaired this morning and found my self going down that dark rabbit hole of self criticism , looking at how I failed /never enough.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
💖💖💖💖!
Autistic Husband, *born on the Autism Spectrum, diagnosed as adult. My husband is a savant. Genius level. ... also has **severe CPTSD.
Was physically and mentally tortured by his father who was a big shot Military man (wont give his high rank). The man thought he could break him of his autism by breaking every bone in his body.
Myself...born Neurotypical ( not on Autism spectrum) but my CPTSD comes from my own severe experiences! So happy to find this man on your channel.
I understood him so perfectly, I guess living with it daily makes it so easy to u understand!
This is so helpful. Thank you both! My experience is that they are not two separate things that mimic each other but rather that I was born with Aspergers and then also had traumatic childhood/adult experiences. The autism heightened my trauma response. Predisposed me to it. So in my recovery journey it has been complicated discerning what is the CPTSD that can be healed and what is my autistic nature to be embraced and honoured.
This! Yes, this! After finally discovering, in stages, why my brain works differently, your description makes complete sense to me. Heightened sensory reception of Aspergers predisposed me to feeling traumatized by my childhood experiences.
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
I also have autism and PTSD, I will be starting the mm protocol for my birthday this month. I am hopeful for some great healing and recovery.
Handling our own emotions when confronted with another person’s emotional situation seems wise and useful.
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
What a wonderful video! I watch both of you regularly and it’s good to see you collaborating! I have Asperger’s, Inattentive ADD, and C-PTSD, and my therapist has recognized how my ADD has exacerbated my C-PTSD symptoms (especially my startle reflex) but we’ve never explored how my Asperger’s may interact with it. I love “We heal from trauma and we embrace Autism!” Thank you!
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
Something that happens to a lot of high functioning autistic people with childhood trauma is that people are assuming that we must be more low functioning than we are. I've had mental health professional assuming that I might have a learning disability, because of my problems functioning, due to crippling anxiety. Healing my trauma has helped me being able to live more or less independently, and is making it possible for me to return to work/uni.
@Beatrix In Christ With herbs? I know that there's a lot of promising research regarding medical marijuana and autism.
At the beginning of my healing journey (aka burnout) I thought I was autistic and I found "Aspergers on the inside" and it was so helpful. I finally felt seen and heard and I started to understand myself. A year on and I'm fairly certain I just have CPTSD. One thing that struck me was how autistic people are so logical and intellectual throughout the chaos. (Well that's how it appears to me, perhaps that is not the case). But I feel like they can utilise their intellect, logic and reasoning far better than I ever have. I'm just an emotional mess, from childhood to now. 🙈
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
What a fantastic question: “I have been asking questions, sort of freestyle, is there any questions that are important for me to ask that I’ve missed.” ♥️
This is so helpful. As a therapist, I spend time trying to find the various differences to these two diagnoses because treatments tend to be slightly different, even when addressing the same apparent symptoms. Sometimes I have to try the different treatments and see which is more helpful and only then can I get a better understanding of the origin of the most severe Symptomology and feel more confident in the correct “first diagnosis.”
Glad it was helpful, we are planning interviews with more guests to address these common crossovers-stay tuned :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
For me, my sensory experiences have a lot to do with trauma. It is traumatic, especially as a kid, to constantly be told your experience of the world isn't true, isn't real, your needs aren't valid, etc. I felt like I was just wrong and couldn't trust myself about anything.
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
I am always so happy when you talk about "dysregulation" and when it gets triggered in social or sensory situations, I have CTPSD (I think) and also a mom to a high support autistic son, the similarities in dysregulation (yes there are big differences) are amazing, also I love when Paul talks about not knowing how other people are just so natural in social situations, I always feel like I live inside my head, like I am watching and judging myself in social situations which is why I feel stress, and I look at my daughters and there age friends, young 20s, and they are so much more assured and confident and natural, and I just look at them with awe, that was never me, and my son has to struggle daily with dysregulation and doesn't even have the verbal ability (nonverbal ) to express it, so it's very hard
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
most people are NOT natural in social situations, that's why they drink! and smoke, and take drug, and eat sugar, etc in social situations. I am tired of hearing that autistic people are not "naturally social" when in reality what most of us do is to refuse harming ourselves with poisons like neurotypicals do to fit in.
I am so happy to see this video! One of my constant questions is knowing which condition to attribute my long term symptoms to.
As part of a larger discussion, people do have some of these same questions around ADHD. The big question always seems to be; is our experience more traumatizing due to the neurodivergence, or are neurodiverse people, as children, just more likely to be traumatized by unkind people?
It’s quite a vicious circle.
I’d say both
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
Paul is so helpful and his videos helped me to unlock my autism mystery during lockdown last year. My former partner and I had a consult with him earlier this year but my trauma kept us from making it back to his couples coaching. I'm still watching both of you to learn new techniques and feel relatable as I figure out how to make friends and stay regulated at the same time. Calling emotional intelligence a skillset is so true; no practice, no skill.
Glad you're here :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I also saw his recommendation and approach Dr Oyalo for the herbs on TH-cam. The herbs has so far work positive on my child’s eye contacts and speech improvement. My child social skill is good now and response to name has improved too
The consistent trauma of autism is benign neglect. When the responce from adults to ones pain is defined by ignorance, incompetency, apathy and stinginess; the autistic child learns to believe that they are alone and can only consistently rely on themselves. That is not a healthy lesson for a child to internalize.
This is perfect! My therapist and I are hashing this out with me right now. I am grateful to have the additional resources out there from the both of you while I have been on my theraputic journey. The content that each of you put out individually is so incredibly valuable, so this discussion between the two of you together is a delight.Thank you!!
I have asd and really appreciate this video anna. I love these cross overs they give the average person like "me" a feeling and thought that i'm not a reject from the c-ptsd and autistic and "regular" community, that i'm not so different.
My son and I are both autistic. My son was diagnosed with PTSD aged 9 after an episode of bullying at school. A psychologist in London told us the only therapy that will be effective is EMDR. We were incredibly fortunate as his school Counselor had trained in EMDR and she worked with him for several months. This therapy made a huge difference for my son, It far exceeded all my hopes and expectations. I am now looking for an EMDR practitioner to help me with my Complex PTSD hoping to calm my monstrous emotional dysregulation.
I love this video!! Micallef -I am really into the detail you use to explain things. As a person with a disability in the USA I am so frequently noticing the reflexive nature that relationships in care situations requires -I try to explain it to care attendents and am met with blank stares. Anyway, thank you for this!
I was hoping, (and maybe it takes a female person with autism to speak about ) that you would address the "limerence" aspect of "trying to read signals" and autistic problems with social cues and emotional intelligence. Not saying men never experience limerence (maybe some of the stalking behavior in men is an extreme manifestation). But traditionally it is men who "make the first move", and women are trying to communicate attraction to a chosen person. Then not knowing if they are responding. "Are they rejecting my interest?" "Am I not communicating well enough?" "Is he also not noticing because of his own shyness?" I only know that being subtle has never worked for me, and I never wanted to "act sexy". I only ever managed by blatantly telling a guy I was interested, and asking point-blank if they wanted to get together. Over my lifetime, it worked a few times, and I did learn the truth either way. I wish I could have learned that earlier in my life. I just always thought there was something really wrong with me, and in my old age have learned of late diagnosis autism in women. When I listen to all the letters from women with limerence, who make up the imaginary relationships, it sounds so painfully familiar.
Wow I am learning so much about myself. I am on the spectrum, adhd, cptsd and medical ptsd. I am not shocked but shocked as I learn and uncover new insight. I am so scared to seek medical advice about this because of how I have been treated but I believe I must? Thank you with all my heart
This is super important, thank you both very much! 👏🏻
this was good stuff. i couldnt stop listening to this feller. 48 minutes flew by, and with no commercial breaks! ive always wore my emotions on my sleeve both of them, both pant legs as well. i was like the guy in the game operation, everything touched a nerve with me. i would jump off spring-loaded. drama laden emotional meltdowns. i envied the unassuming considerate mellow level headed rational type. i both gravitated toward and attracted the really off brand weird types. they were my comfort zone. i felt physically alien around the polite society types. but go figure i was attracted to the book-learned, organized, clean, neat, refined, geeky girls in school. my socializing skills, grace and social ques where learned out behind the barn. i remember i had no belt to wear so when asked i lied and said i dont like them because i was beat with them. hows that for an opening line.....
I'm so glad you liked it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I needed this. Thank you!
Thank you for doing this collaboration. So important as a woman on the spectrum who also has Cptsd.🙏🙏🙏
Yes, yes, yes! I just started tearing up! Finally getting help I need!
What a beautiful description of how to manage ourselves so that we can support our loved ones process upset feelings (about 26m in). Getting so much out of this video. Great conversation. Thank you
Thank you so much for this! So valuable information.
The things you've described about being autistic
..I had them all my life... Omg...
Thank you
What a great team up of people! I have asd & cptsd , thank you for this video
Paul, you articulate stuff soooo well. 🙌🏼
Have only just watched the intro part and already glued. Those questions “what is the difference between the two, how do I know which is which and how to find someone who understands both” is exactly the concerns I’m having right now.
So happy to listen in on this conversation of 2 of my favorite vloggers 🤍
More to come!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Excellent, my two favorite coaches in the same video:))
Thanks guys, this has been really useful for me as I have both diagnosed. Though, after lots of help and EMDR treatment for the C-ptsd, I have managed to heal considerably from that leaving me feeling as if I’m not so hypersensitive to childhood topics etc. and so not as easily triggered. Now , as a person with high functioning autism, I’m faced with a situation that is not about healing from, just managing how I cope with life which I do find exhausting. So I get the difference between both conditions, but now I’m an older person anyway, I just feel like a tourist on this strange planet and need to get used to the fact I can’t get off without dire consequences . People are just so strange to me ,as they always have been so I guess that won’t change , I know I can’t change who I am, just how I cope with it. Watching these talks are of great benefit to me though, so thank you.
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
What a godsend this video is.
I found you, Anna, when I was healing from my traumatic teenage years. Then when I realised that the healing was dragging out way too long, I discovered I have Asperger's. All self diagnosed at the moment but after watching Paul and Sarah Hendrickx, (and taking the AS50 test HONESTLY - not so easy as I could have read the questions in so many ways!) I know this is totally me.
Now my life and the trauma, the naivety, the way I learn makes SO much sense and helps me to distinguish between the two. Now I am not trying to change the things I cannot change, and focusing on being the best version of me in all my weird fabulousness!!
Thank you both - you are pure gold!!!
Thank you both.
The team up I've been waiting for but didn't even I know we could get!! Thanks!!
THIS has put a big smile on my face at the end of a tough day. Really, thank you.
oh my God I've literally been trying to figure this out the last couple weeks!! thank you!!!!!
Happy to help!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow, another great crossover! I've been watch Paul for the past year or two at least. I'm glad this angle is being covered
Such an important topic!
-Cara@TeamFairy
My dysfunctional family & relationships have used me as their emotional ragdoll & therapist, since before I started kindergarten.
Setting up boundaries, cutting people off, and working on ME now. I can't deal with them, while trying to heal me, and I'm my priority.
I maybe different bc I was abused, butt I know I was absolutely abused bc I was different
Great video! Thank you! Sent this to my therapist, to help me verbalize the slushed & tangled thoughts that can't come out of my mouth properly without becoming verbal diarrhea 🤪
Gifted & talented here, butt my mother held me back from the opportunities available to me, bc she didn't want me to outshine - or go into a higher grade than - my older sister.
Wow, I do the same when analyzing the stress. I also look around or sniff around or pay attention to feelings or such to find out if there is something , to work in discovering it, since often there is a reason. Ironically sometimes it is something discoverable. A number of times have found it is something electronic making me sick or certain substances. Best solution is to avoid the cause however many times other people are highly disrespectful of that decision, and then suddenly sometime later I crash and am sick, nonfunctional, and not good to anyone, whereas if I had been allowed to remove self from situation, I would be very useful. The more often this happens, it builds up, and recouping is very hard.
Oh! This is the mashup worth waiting for!
Hope you enjoyed it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I cannot express how much this video is helping me. I've been facing some troubles lately, regarding anxiety and depression and trying to sort out what's me, and what's my trauma. Thank you so much for putting this interview together. Paul is great. I love his videos.
Thank you so much!
Putting the topic(s) entirely aside, this is imo the perfect interview. Just want to compliment you both on your excellent interaction-perfectly balanced, perfectly paced, respectful, engaging, just easy to listen to (as a person with sound sensitivity and a lot of irritation at many speakers and conversation styles). I learned a lot of helpful insights also and will continue listening to both of your work. I hope you dialogue again sometime. Especially enjoyed Fairy’s choice to give plenty of space at the end (“what else should I ask?”) for his [I forgot the gentleman’s name, sorry] additional thoughts, and appreciated his relaxed but immediate and poignant answers to that invitation. Just a superb interview. A lot of professionals could learn from this encounter. Congrats to you both on healing yourselves and developing these wonderful platforms to help others! 👏👏👏
What a wonderful guest! Thanks you so much.
I've been wondering this for so long... Thank you x
Glad it was helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Holy Dog Dung!!!
Thank-you so so so much Paul & Anna. This is flaming, bloody, awesome that you have put this video on.
You two 'ROCK'... ⚓🔝✔🎇🎭🎯🏆🚑🚒🪂🏁☮💯%
Fan'bloody'tastic Anna & Paul :)
*RMR*
Glad you enbloodyjoyed it!
Thank you for this content! Been following both of you for the past while. Was very excited to see you guys meet and discuss overlap! This was a real treat! 😊
So glad you liked it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
i never ever expected this crossover and i’m so happy
Thanks for letting us know!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wooooooooooow 😍 I am so excited! Big fan of both of you ! This is amazing!
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Amazing. Thank you for posting this. This is huge. Question of my life. (The answer in my case seems to be Aspergers leading to a lot of traumatic experiences)
I love and appreciate the way Paul thinks and explains our experience in a way I have not been able ..... I experience the world exactly so..... Thankyou Paul for all your very hard and thoughtful work..... 🙋💖🕊️
Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor
My heart warm up when I saw you two together.
Awww so glad for this positive feedback!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I needed this thank you so much. how did I not see this come out a year ago?
Glad you're here now! -Calista@TeamFairy
What a great interview, Anna! Paul Micalleff just entered my radar this week. I have taken the deep dive into researching autism. Seeing the two of you sharing a platform is serendipitous for me.. Thank you for all the great content you provide. I find your communication style to be straightforward, practical, and insightful. Your response to others tempered with compassion. You are a blessing.
Thank you so much! TeamFairy
This channel is an invaluable resource. Thank you for creating this place for people to come together 🙏
Glad you enjoy it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Here another in the spectrum with the same cptsd, I happen to have listened to Paul for years! This union is medicine to me, thank you.
Wonderful!
Really great interview!
Omg 😱 two of my favorite people to watch!!!! I’m on the spectrum with CPTSD and watching you both have saved my life. Thank you 🙏💗💗
glad this was useful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
OMG!!! Finally what I have been looking for for the last two years. Thank you, thank you!
I'm SOOOO glad :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is interesting for me as I have CPTSD and I know myself pretty well and I thought that I might have been a bit autistic but my psychologist assured me that I am not.
Ooh I’m so excited to listen to this collab and subject ❤️
Great!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Having an older diagnosis of "PTSD caused by trauma" (early childhood accidents), and since last summer a diagnosis of Asperger, I find this video very informative and revealing. My own take has been that undiagnosed aspies are simply at greater risk of the constant barrage of everyday micro-trauma that somewhere along the line grows into a complex mess of over-reactiveness. As an undiagnosed ASD person, one is constantly expected to behave in a way that isn't authentic to oneself. Lacking the ability to withstand these expectations, one starts to lead a life that is ever more filled by "Executive Inability" and all the rest of the plethora of syndromes and dysfunctions as it simply isn't in line with one's person and authentic being.
Yayyay, an absolutely fantastic crossover topic... Thank you Anna!
Yay, thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Oh cool, I am subscribed to this guy, too! I'm not autistic (I'm allistic) but I've worked with autistic people in the past and I definitely feel an afinity with autistic people. I like that you had this conversation on the similarities and differences between cPTSD and autism.
Thanks for your comments!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for this life saving video! I've been internally self destructing since childhood. Not being capable to hold any friendships and even having to break up with the person I love dearly a year ago.
Thank you so much for this - there are so many frustrations as an autistic person seeking support from trauma healing
I'm sure! Glad this video was helpful.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Ok wow. Around the 23 minute mark, he starts talking about the benefits of managing other people's emotions. This is something that overlaps my ACE score and hypervigilence and I've delved into assessing if I'm codependent because of that... But that's never clicked. I've always been highly emotionally intelligent (since age 6 or so I'd reckon) because of observing people + their patterns. I learned early on how to avoid or navigate the volatility around me while also being very independent and largely unconcerned with "fitting in" (which as I got older gave me a reputation as stuck up, a know it all, intimidating, etc) but very aware of peripheral needs. My hyper sensing skills (the way chairs are pushed in to invite a bottom to sit rather than pushed all the way in- which also creates a floor screech I couldn't stand; how everything smells, sounds and feels has always been more important to me than aesthetics) ramble... Anyway, this is eye opening and reconciles the doubts I have about my spectrum assessments just being a side effect of mood disorders and c-ptsd. Wow. Thank you ❤️