Exactly! I'm three years post narcissist and I've healed so much already. I would like to find a loving and healthy woman, but I'm so nervous about it.
@@brianlane9534 Unfortunately this video (and the book?) completely ignores non-romantic, asexual forms of love and connection. Like at 4:50, sure we can want to form associations, but romance isn't the end all be all of life. I find radical acceptance more helpful. I might as well focus on and enjoy other forms of connection that I already have: love for self, friends, community, and life itself.
No. I am in my 70's. I enjoy traveling and doing my own thing too much to get involved with anyone ever again. I don't get lonely. There is nothing lonelier than a bad marriage.
I’ve been single for 5 years since being in a narcissistic relationship. It can be lonely sometimes, but at least it is peaceful. And most of the time, I am happy. I can’t picture myself trusting someone again.
My biggest problem is I cannot find a relationship where I’m happy unless it’s trauma bonding or similar to that famed narc relationship . I literally will find someone who is so sweet, so kind, so gentle - and my mind finds them repulsive. They literally repulse me. I know all the red flags, I know how to stay away from the bad guys now but just cannot find the good guys attractive. I just want to scream, I deserve to be loved and my brain is literally pushing it away.
I have not dated in 26 years (I’m like a nun!) and I don’t miss it at all. I enjoy my own company, have a small circle of good friends and my animals for company. I work with the general public and so have daily connections with others. I’ve just never felt lonely or in need of love since being exposed to narcissistic parents and partners early on. I love my inner peace.
For everyone in the comments saying “I don’t feel lonely” etc etc, this video is NOT for you! It’s for those of us, myself included, who are healing and still very much in need of a companion, but have not found our person. I really appreciated this video and look forward to getting Matthew’s book.
Agree, the lies, betrayals, secret lives, fits of Rage. I never want to risk that in my life again. Iost so much and I am 70, I don't know how I will survive financially due to his accounting skills hiding money. I never imagined him being such a cruel, evil, dishonest creature. I will never trust anyone again in my remaining years. He travels internationally and has a wealthy widow who believes with as a friend with benefits and likely has secret lives on the side . An exceptional liar.
Edit: not believes. A wealthy widow he lives with her but considers her a friend with Benefits, it is her house, he lives there free and also travels outside of the Country . He has alot of money, he took all of the money. He continues to Lie and probably continues to Cheat on her. She is desperate to have him and keep him. Really Sad for her.
I am 56 years old and was in a narcissistic marriage for 20 years. When my marriage ended I was at my lowest, but I knew that I ultimately wanted to experience a healthy relationship, I felt like I deserved that after all I had been through! I took a couple years to process and heal from my marriage. One of the big questions I had was why I thought so little of myself that I would allow someone to treat me like that? It made me cry for that part of myself. So I launched a campaign to love myself and I started saying self love affirmations everyday until I believed what I was saying wholeheartedly! I had to build myself up again and become a whole person before I even thought about dating again. I fell in love with myself first and healed the broken parts of myself. I did not want someone else to save me and I didn’t want someone I needed to save. (Which was my MO when I met my husband) I was lonely during that time but not as lonely as I was when I was married to the narc and felt invisible. I am now in a loving committed relationship for almost a year with a wonderful man who respects and cares for me. He is the icing on the cake of an already good life. And the best part is my ex husband didn’t break me beyond repair, I got the last laugh.
8 years single after a lifetime of proximity to narcissistic abuse and I’ve never found myself feeling lonely at 10:30pm on a Friday. I have felt profound freedom, peace, courage, serenity, love for myself and my kids and my friends. But never lonely.
Amazing !so informative! I’m 64 now and after a childhood with a narcissist mother and 34 years in an abusive narcissistic marriage , I am now separated for 5 years, I must admit I yearn to experience being loved, I have been on a healing journey and I’ve changed and found myself, I am now ready and open for love and I feel that it will happen…sending you all Love&Light🙏🏽❤️
I am 56 years old and was in a narcissistic marriage for 20 years. When my marriage ended I was at my lowest, but I knew that I ultimately wanted to experience a healthy relationship, I felt like I deserved that after all I had been through! I took a couple years to process and heal from my marriage. One of the big questions I had was why I thought so little of myself that I would allow someone to treat me like that? It made me cry for that part of myself. So I launched a campaign to love myself and I started saying self love affirmations everyday until I believed what I was saying wholeheartedly! I had to build myself up again and become a whole person before I even thought about dating again. I fell in love with myself first and healed the broken parts of myself. I did not want someone else to save me and I didn’t want someone I needed to save. (Which was my MO when I met my husband) I was lonely during that time but not as lonely as I was when I was married to the narc and felt invisible. I am now in a loving committed relationship for almost a year with a wonderful man who respects and cares for me. He is the icing on the cake of an already good life. And the best part is my ex husband didn’t break me beyond repair, I got the last laugh.
I tried to do this with someone, and, fair, maybe they didn't feel the same, but they rejected me in the most painful way. It turned out they were pretty narcissistic. Maybe not clinical NPD, but not a normal behavior either. Now they want to be friends, but I wonder, was the foundation even there?
I refuse to date and get into a relationship with someone else. I'm finally on my own, and I only have to worry about me, myself, and I. I can finally breathe. Dating is stressful, and I've had enough stress to last me 5 lifetimes.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Absolutely!!! So much to look forward to with someone who is emotionally healthy and sound, with a healthy and humble Self Love. New chapters indeed! ❤❤❤
I had a date lined up for tonight but (respectfully) called it off because of my anxiety. The guy seemed very nice, and he took my cancellation gracefully. I'm still working out if my anxiety was over anything he did or if it's just me not being ready to date yet. The thought of anybody entering the peaceful space I've worked so hard to stabilize after divorcing my covert XH makes me cringe. The healing work continues.
Better to be safe than sorry later when the abuse inevitably starts. I know that I cannot risk anymore abuse in my life. Too many times I've been almost destroyed by narcissists. Even my therapist, who is an expert on narcissists said I have the kind of personality they prey on, so since I rid myself of my last narcissistic relationship, my wonderful therapist is helping me heal and teaching me so many wonderful things, including really getting to know and appreciate myself. He is also teaching me how to recognise narcissists, other types of abusive people and their behaviour. There comes a time when enough is enough of the abuse, and you learn to be happy and comfortable in your own skin, and company.
What a special end note, and conversation overall. I am deeply encouraged! My affirmation from this: Remember that so much of the magic that made my relationship special in so many ways is me and i took me with me in the divorce. Now it's about unleashing my magic in a new direction, to whomever is healthy enough to recognize and receive it. I am worthy of love, and I have so much to offer the world!
I met someone. I wasn’t trying to. We talked online for 2 1/2 months before we met in person. For awhile, I wasn’t sure what we were working towards but I enjoyed our conversations. We just came back from a weekend together and it was amazing. I was a nervous wreck before we went. I’m more anxious than I would like so I got back into therapy to talk some of this out. I’m doing things different. Boundaries and honesty. I don’t know if this is the “one” but it has helped me get back in touch with what I want and what’s important to me. I’m also lucky because he communicates well, is emotionally intelligent/available. The fact he has boundaries makes it easier to keep mine. The other thing I’m doing differently is I’m maintaining my friendships and hobbies and interests. He’s supportive of all of that. If I hadn’t just happened upon this relationship, I’m not sure if I would look for someone. I’m glad for it though. And know if this doesn’t work out, I’ll be ok no matter what.
Was isolated and confused for so many years. All the lies, accusations. Serial cheater. I would fight back, and cheat on him. Never for the right reasons. I became someone I never was. Insecure and questioning my every thought. When someone makes you second guess, walk on eggshells and keep you hoping today will be a good day. You should never have to “hope” nothing will happen. Not have anxiety about his phone. I’ve never had anyone make me feel so crazy. I didn’t realize a narcissist can’t truly love or be loved. He’s 66 and still getting his supply. It’s when I finally got away, it wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough. He will never be satisfied. It’s the chase, the ego. That’s a sign of a truly insecure man. The roller coaster is what they create and thrive on. I’m 48, I’m ok being in my solitude. I hope time heals.
Having recently come out of a mental/emotional narcissistic and alcoholic relationship, i think i need time to re-adjust my thinking about relationships. I love the chemistry when meeting someone new but as others have mentioned, chemistry can be a dangerous thing, too much too soon. I think i need to change my game and first and foremost learn to love myself and be happy in life by myself and not relying on others for my happiness.
I don't think I will ever date again . 11 years of abuse ( mentally) . He has made me not even want to look at another man . I judge every one of them now as an abuser !!! It's sad !!
All people are capable of being abusers. I don’t believe all women are covert narcissists. To stop looking for healthy relationships means you give them the win. Keep growing, be brave.
The thing is when we change we attract healthy partners. So take time to heal, and one day you might feel differently about love. Im 8 years out of a 20 year long abusive relationship. Ive learned to accept that I had lessons to learn and that life isnt necessarily about perfect love, career, home etc. Its about developing as souls. If I will ever meet true love , I dont know ...but Im definitely not in a rush...and I love being alone now. I finally decide what I want which feels like such a blessing!!!
I think if you feel sad about it, it means deep down you still want it. It’s just hurting so much you can’t do it. Heal first, and then you will feel differently❤
I completely understand and relate. The risk vs reward is to high of a price... I know I'm not ready for that. I also spent a solid decade with someone who skillfully used emotional and psychological abuse... after that, being alone feels safe. I'm not saying ill be single forever, but 5 years after I got out, I'd still prefer to be on my own.
Learning and healing over time, and THEN dating, enabled me to find out what I really want in a partner, and after kissing a few ‘frogs’ I have found a beautiful man with which to share my life ❤. Don’t give up! Xx
I have the same problem , and one of the messed up things is that I got accused of cheating, over, and over and over. I almost wish that I was guilty of the accusations.
@@avibhaganI am experiencing this right now, been accused ever since my relationship started. I don’t think I can trust true romantic love will happen for me at this point I’m just getting breadcrumbs of attention. It hurts since all media and songs are about love and having a partner but I accept being alone, there is more to life and I can enjoy animals art family friends and nature. Coping with heartbreak is just so hard.
Taking notes and saving this talk for many later listening. This is gold. 40 years of my life could be considered being chum for a overcrowded tank of narcissistic sharks. I am 45 now. I have a game now I play in my head. I pretend I am like Jane Goodall when I go out into the world. I take notes, make observations and report my findings to my therapist. I am a healing adult who is also learning how to be a healthy adult. It is kinda surreal
I'm the same way. My character is Jelly Kid. Once chaos, drama, or anything that I'm no longer available for comes into my reality, I leave. Thank you for sharing your story.
Don't you guys feel like if youbdo that, then your exes won? And the "bad" people win? Like we have so much illusion and joy and they are taking it away?
What a fabulous conversation and just exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much, especially for speaking to those of us who are older and lonely. I am so encouraged! 💜
I just want to say thank you for this AMAZING interview!! Thank you for both your books! Thank you for being a life line to me!!! I will invest and get LOVE LIFE as soon as I can. As a 5.5 year recovering narc abused , I just felt like I can breathe again after this interview. I also realised after having a 10 min melt down this morning, from overload from this world and all the passwords and apps and logistics around just trying to change vehicle insurance... we live in NO NORMAL times. Just to get through a day in this age of technology without loosing your marbles is a HUGE task. And this just re iterates, how much more we NEEDD community and love to survive. Then added that constant nervous system exhaustion of recovering from narcs, I now get why, I worked in a company and a new boss came on. I walked out after 5 months, he is a narc, and I slept all hours of the day for about 3 weeks. NOW I understand why. My poor nervous system. Bless you both!!!!! Your work is sooo needed!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!
Thank you for sharing this! My take away is letting go of our story and being grateful for what is already in our lives. It is a peaceful feeling. Telling ourselves and getting to the place where it is OKAY to not be in a relationship is freeing. It leaves us open to unexpected surprises!
Interesting that Dr. Rwas thoughtful enough to put MH's book on her shelf, but MH didn't think to make that gesture. Dr R is so kind, inclusive, and thoughtful!
I do love seeing you two together in conversation. Addressing the "cool girl" is important. Maybe we need to change what the definition of cool is. Because valuing yourself and others is cool. You can be fun but you don't have to change everything about yourself. I was the cool girl for almost 27 years.. Over the last year i have learned so much from both of you. Thank you so much. I am on a path towards loving myself and finding myself again. Much love to everyone doing the same.
What a fantastic and fascinating discussion. I've come away from this with a new perspective. Well done on this, I needed to hear this right now nearing the end of my healing!
I really appreciate the raw and real conversations. I relate to much of this and am so grateful for reference to the grieving process of being single and stripping away the shame of not being able to find love and feeling exhausted trying through so many avenues including loads of professional help. It's so refreshing having Dr Ramani and Matt talking about the real challenges single people really trying to find love...I really hope these conversations become the norm to reduce the impact of hidden shame people may carry in this area of life. I think it's so important to acknowledge the grief a person may experience if they miss out on creating family, despite having tried in earnest to find their person and not wanting / able to choose to walk the road of parenthood solo...this grief is really real and raw and these conversations need to be the norm.
What a beautiful moment. Dr. Ramani and Matthew Hussey are the precious humans who have given me a significant amount of hope, support, and who have guided me in my deepest and darkest moments in life. They truly did provide an abundance of clarity and peace when I struggled navigating circumstances and recalibrated the relationships in my life. Myself included. I feel overwhelmed watching these two share love and gratitude for each other. What a blessing ❤ thank you 🙏🏼
Same as a lot here. Not interested in dating any man God himself will have to tap me on my shoulder and say this is the man for you. I have a wall up forever.
I feel ya. I might date if I meet someone but it will take so long to be able to trust that person. I am going to spend a long while just focusing on myself and what I want.
Matthew is spot on. 👌 However, vulnerability is strength 💪 in the long term. I show vulnerability by being honest, expressing my values, norms, morals, standards, ethics, wants, needs, rights and responsibilities, and duties as a social being. Oh, and trust is earned through behaviour and acts of kindness. Words and promises mean very little if they don't align to behaviours.
How to ease loneliness? Stop focusing on what you don't have and start valuing what you DO have. Truly value it. Because you could completely ruin it all by choosing the wrong person, just because you're lonely. Truly know what you have before you let anyone in.
I wish I could have that "informed love story" but once bitten, twice shy now. I know what attracted me to the narc was there was that chemistry . Now, I know that chemistry isn't necessarily healthy. As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I know what I need is someone who is emotionally healthy, mature and stable but my problem is I find all those things good but boring. I'm just not sure that "emotonally healthy, maure, stable AND interesting, stimulating and exciting" can co-exist in the same container.
This is real talk, when you said early on when you just meet someone our intentions are not to the other person, they were to ourselves, that is so profound!
“You robbed me of solitude, but provided no companionship”. I read this several years ago and it resonated so deeply. Ultimately, it helped me to leave my abusive 33 yr marriage.
Be mindful of that play. They will track her and make her a prisoner unbeknownst to you and be the fake shoulder to cry on and you know the rest. This batch of women love competition and what better way to do then from the inside. Hell's kittens got nothing but time, Spyware, and money to do It.
Nope. I know how good some people can hide their shadow shelf, and I know how many people are broken... the odds of working out are too low and the cost is too high. One almost killed me with the stress... not gonna let another finish me off. As for the desire to cleave, it is there in me, but NOT in so many others, so you just have to embrace the pain and move on to be the best you can be without narcissistic toxicity trying to dominate you.
@@sharicoburn5475 It is prophetic. Daniel 2:43-44 said that iron would be mixed with the last generation before God's Kingdom would be setup and this would destroy their ability to 'cleave.' Narcissist == 'someone who can't cleave.' Narcissist == 'the inverse of the Fruits of the Holy Agape Spirit' in what is supposed to be a 'cleave' type of relationship. Narxissism == the spirit of the antichrist. In Matthew 24:15, Jesus spoke of 'the abomination of desolation' that stands in His (human) temple... The antichrist spirit 'stands' in the human temple in place of God's Hoky Agape Spirit. Jesus even refers people back to Daniel for understanding. Earlier in the chapter Jesus said betrayal would define the end-times. The Money Power Rulers read these prophecies and finance them against us... They finance our degeneration and death and feel like they are doing God's Will as His Chosen. New Crown Virus? Yup, that event kicked off their effort to set up their one-world Kingdom they think God wants the most-fit bloodline to create.
@@sharicoburn5475 Iron Man is the only self-identifying narcissistic superhero... NOT an accident. The Money Power Rulers are mocking us. Got Iron Maiden? All the narcissists I know primarily eat processed foods loaded with iron filing mining waste.
@@sharicoburn5475 Search Morley Robbins, Dr. Chris Palmer, Dr. Barry Sears and Mary Ruddick. Dr. Chris Palmer, Dr. Daniel Amen and Dr. Thomas Seyfried have important data-based perspectives as well.
My ex was a narcissist and after my divorce I took some time to heal. I discovered that I love my own company. When I started dating again, I told my dates on the first date that I wanted to start a family and a husband and that is what I was dating for. Some ran for the hills, but gosh it saved me a lot of time 😂 I eventually met my fiance who said to me on the first date "I am dating to find a wife and start a family" before I even got the chance 😂. I am so grateful now that I dated with intentionality and attracted the same energy ❤
Meanwhile, I always end up looking for love in places where people aren’t really serious about it. It’s like my love life is heavily endorsed by Murphy’s Law.
I say I don't want relationship, because my past experiences give evidence that relationship is painful and lead to a form of metaphysical death. The brutal reality of my past informs my current fear. Deep down I do want a healthy relationship, but I don't believe I can ever have it, so I retreat to "I don't want a relationship."
Thank you for a beautiful podcast. Life is beautiful and worth living. Overcoming challenges and becoming new versions of yourself , the courage to transform and enjoy new adventures.. thank you always dr. Ramany.
Being with that narcissist ex wife was like being alone twice, me feeling alone and me being with her in that kind of empty presence. Being with myself feels more fulfilling.
Presently my life is pretty full I am enjoying life with my adult children, my Grandchildren and my dear friends & for all of that I am so grateful Brilliant interview between you both I wish Matthew well with his new book He is such a beautiful soul ❤
I still have a desire to find the relationship I’ve been looking for, despite the torturous relationships of the past. Two narcissists ex husbands and recent ex bf who is BPD with narcissistic tendencies. After being raised by a narcissist parent, I am finally on a path to healing. I still have hope for love.
Ehhhhh at this point I highly doubt it. Almost 7 years after my abusive narc relationship and I still cannot put myself out there. I did try with someone I knew from high school but I found myself apologizing for everything and feeling so awkward and uncomfortable that it made me seem like I was a total head case. Even when this guy I knew from school was the complete opposite of my ex and so completely sweet. I felt so awkward and weird and like I was not worthy enough to be around such a great guy. It’s hard to explain but i definitely felt like I was a crazy lady
I felt it.. the losing hope, the thing that Matthew said about his pain “I don’t know what to do about it anymore”. I feel like every single coach that I had, and/or the therapy and no results showing for me in my relationships was truly disheartening😢 Yeah, I don’t know what to do anymore, and I’ve done it all
After dating a Christian woman and later marrying a Christian woman who was found as a covert religious narcissist. What I married never existed. I wasted another 7 years of my life. I’m done dating. I will continue to serve in my church until I am called home. I need to write a book.
Write it!!!! You would find sooo much healing in this!!!!! Trust me you wouldn't believe how much you would learn about yourself and the self compassion you will find for you !!! Right now it's all scattered and messy like mine .I'm going to do this as well here really soon
@@shaniecegullison absolutely 💯. Once I have my balance back I will take a train ride and begin to reflect. I have multiple notes to build from. What I don’t ask no more is the stupid question “why”. It’s exhausting draining and frustrating to know that I met this person in ministry school. Who got up prayed , leave for “work” but before going they made a stop or never went to work. Had an apartment under their maiden name. But never build anything here. Thanks for encouraging words and I hope that you continue your journey in peace.
I have been in a relationship with a man with narcissistic traits for 13 years. I finally came to my senses and left him. I met a wonderful man, and although it is really new, it is so refreshing to be with someone I can actually talk to without being careful what I say. I can actually be my true self. I feel myself falling in love too fast. This is all new territory for me, and I am unsure if I am doing it correctly. But I am going in it truthfully, and if he is being as truthful with me, I hope this thing can work out. I see how he has insecurities as well. But the difference is he communicates what he is feeling, and then we have a conversation about it, and then everything feels better afterward because we both know where each other stands. I've never had a man deal with a relationship like that. And I am truly blessed to have found him. I pray that this is a relationship that will last a lifetime. Only time will tell if we are compatible, but it is perfect for now. So, for all those who comment negatively, I am commenting that there is hope. Have faith, and never lose faith. It could happen when you least expect it.
Solitude is wonderful and peaceful ❤ coming home to a safe space with my lovely pets is priceless. I am close to my kids and a small circle of friends. No more narcs. ❤
❤omgosh I absolutely love this topic. Thank you for sharing this and validating the people 🙏🏽 that have been deeply wounded but still have so much love to offer. God Bless 🙌🏾 both of you.
So grateful to you both and appreciative of the depths you brought to this conversation. I've very recently felt my self approaching "happy enough" after years and years of work. I am discovering that I am more curious and open to experimentation, and in that I'm making different choices and showing up differently in all relationships. Thank you for giving words to this possibility and to the discernment necessary. Blessings to you both.
listening to a talk of the two of you is such a gift. thank you for your empathic and experinced prespective. I wish you'd make a followup episode discussing the specific difficulties of romantic interactions in dating and relationships after a trauma bond.
I'm 65 and trying dating apps. It's the most difficult and frankly depressing process. As mentioned the ghosting the users those who communicate for a while then just disappear etc. I have a great life but I want to find love again...so difficult
Matthew is so right to question your instincts. My instincts have always been very codependent and it always got me in trouble. Most people don’t have the full blown awareness to know they are stuck in certain patterns or to even think there’s a better way.
I look forward to this episode. But before I start… dr. Ramani, you look so happy, radiant and colourful! Something beautiful must have happened in your life! It shows! So nice to see you so pink!
The sadness and pain you described was so validating. Thank you both so much. I'm middle age and wonder how much I truly can offer a person. This talk is essential.
Congratulations on the book, what a great video with so many takeaways. I am more a Star Wars than a LOTR person so "May the Fourth be with you" when you do the virtual event. 😛😊
To be honest, I`m not sure human relationship is really meaningful, because I have already seen so many slaughters of souls in the relationships with human, it could be meaningful but it is mostly risky. So, I think it could be one option to abandon the desire for attachement with human and try to respect the desire to be authentic with myself. Anyway, that was the vice versa in my past life, when I needed to get attached to people, I should kill a part of myself, I don't think most of relationship with humans is not more than the evil or violence, So Here, to be courageous to be more solitary and more lonely seems like the key for me to love my life more, to be authentic with myself. That is the most valuable truth that I got from this whole painful process of surviving. The world and the human, the respect on those have been changed very deeply. As long as I keep the hope for that as I used to be, I`m sure I`d be the prey again, 100%. And that is the human. There must be sth destructive in the relationships with them. The good in relationship is good, yes it is soso. But the bad in relationship almost kill all of my life including my ego, my healthy concept for life. The society keeps gaslighting me to get involved in OTHERS than me, but the most truthful and impactful power in society is just money as the power, and the other meanings or virtues , attachments seem like all illusions that I must have to survive when I was young when I could not survive without OTHERS, but now, I can survive without them, and I just wanna be myself which was deprived of to survive serving the desires and the virtues of others, and to be more honest, I’m so sick of all the things related to OTHERS meaningfully, I still need OTHERS of course to survive, but I’m sick and tired of finding the meaning in OTHERS. Since I recognise that others are not that meaningful to get interested while I abandon a part of myself. Rather I wanna find more meanings in myself, to take back any parts of myself which I MUST neglect or abandon for others. The rule of game was catched, and I don’t wanna get fooled around wasting my time and energy for those meaningless others. I just wanna spend any single of my energy for myself since it was totally prohibited in the relationship with the first humans, parents. My all energy is supposed to use for them.
Does anyone else feel crazy as a result of how often narcs and/or toxic people end up in your life…or at least attempt to? I feel pretty confident in my ability to identify them early on and show them the door now, but it’s exhausting to live your life on guard. It’s exhausting to continually encounter them. These toxic individuals are much like dementors from Harry Potter and I don’t want another ounce of life sucked out of me by them. I’ve been single for three years with a lot of deep healing under my belt, but I honestly don’t know that I’ll ever be in a relationship or date again. It’s an odd feeling given how much I’ve worked (and continue to work) to be my best self. I still have so much life ahead of me. I’m still trying to decide if spending the rest of my life alone is a good thing. I’m really quite happy by myself, but I’m also saddened that so many of us find ourselves here because of our experiences with narcissistic individuals. Please know that I’m wrapping my heart around those of you who can relate to this. ❤
I grew up the scapegoat of the narcissistic parent and jumped right into a narcissistic marriage. 37 years later, I am a widow suddenly, and I don’t want to date again I don’t want to need anybody and I don’t want to search for anybody. I find peace and happiness alone, and it’s hard to think that there might be something wrong with me enjoying being alone.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you! Enjoy your new freedom. Congrats 🎉 I have a similar background, so I do know how you literally went from "out of the frying pan into the fire". We deserve peace and true alone time. 🕊️💜🤗
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you! Enjoy your new freedom. Congrats 🎉 We deserve peace and quiet to spend as we choose. My background is similar, so I understand how you literally went "out of the frying pan into the fire".
I love the different approaches Matt and Dr Ramani have to scarcity and how they can exist in combination. Wow, thank you both, you are helping so many 🙏❤️
It’s been 1 1/2 yrs since I removed and blocked the Narc from my life. I’m trying to find myself. Recently I met a man as a friend. He may want more. I still don’t trust men. I’m afraid I’ll be lied to and manipulated. I have the uncomfortable feeling of being judged. My lack of trust is disturbing and I still feel vulnerable. I may need to move away emotionally from getting close. I don’t want to be conned again.
But now you know better, you can also do better and actually see people for who they are real quick. That gives me courage in myself that I’ll protect myself first until I find the right person who wants to protect me as well.
I can completely understand why people may choose to be alone, after a narcissistic relationship. I find it curious, they would watch a video, entitled ‘are you ready to date…’ and then comment, that they don’t want to. This video was made for those of us who do want to have a future healthy love, that isn’t defined by their past.
I personally don't feel lonely when I'm alone. I feel peaceful. I felt lonely when I was with the narcissist.
Boom. I was not alone, but I was lonely. @2 years since I left, I am alone but I am not lonely.
Exactly! I'm three years post narcissist and I've healed so much already. I would like to find a loving and healthy woman, but I'm so nervous about it.
@@brianlane9534 Unfortunately this video (and the book?) completely ignores non-romantic, asexual forms of love and connection. Like at 4:50, sure we can want to form associations, but romance isn't the end all be all of life. I find radical acceptance more helpful. I might as well focus on and enjoy other forms of connection that I already have: love for self, friends, community, and life itself.
@@NovaPrincesssame, grrrl, same.
Same
No. I am in my 70's. I enjoy traveling and doing my own thing too much to get involved with anyone ever again. I don't get lonely. There is nothing lonelier than a bad marriage.
Agreed
Very true! It's easy to be alone after decades of a lonely marriage that was never going to improve.
Alone and at peace ❤
That’s a choice, but the good thing is that people that do want to find love are not admonished for having that desire.
@@Matriarch57 Amen! My hat is off to anyone that is able to find a true love - particularly after going through an awful relationship.
After 25+ years of feeling lonely, unseen and unsafe, I’ll focus on my children and good friends. Their love is safe and beautiful!
Why unsafe? Maybe you can start feeling that void with self. Not with external factors luka a man, kids or friends.
It is very freeing
Children and friends being human ... Make your contentment, happiness, about yourself as much as possible 😊
Just breathe & heal my dear..........life is very very beautiful.
Yes mam! THATS what life is all about! 💜
I've given up investing in new relationships. My love story is with myself..
I relate to this. And it’s been the best love story ever. We are lucky to have found ourselves again.
❤
Same...
I will date again. I'm not going to let some un-empathetic loser stop me. That means they win.
Yasss grace!!!! ❤
Someone better
Me too! You wrote it!
It is not competition with them, don’t date to revenge them…
@@bingoandtoto That was not what I commented at all hahaha
I’ve been single for 5 years since being in a narcissistic relationship. It can be lonely sometimes, but at least it is peaceful. And most of the time, I am happy. I can’t picture myself trusting someone again.
That is exactly where I am at.
Me too🙏🏻❤️@@brianreed8271
My biggest problem is I cannot find a relationship where I’m happy unless it’s trauma bonding or similar to that famed narc relationship . I literally will find someone who is so sweet, so kind, so gentle - and my mind finds them repulsive. They literally repulse me. I know all the red flags, I know how to stay away from the bad guys now but just cannot find the good guys attractive. I just want to scream, I deserve to be loved and my brain is literally pushing it away.
I have not dated in 26 years (I’m like a nun!) and I don’t miss it at all. I enjoy my own company, have a small circle of good friends and my animals for company. I work with the general public and so have daily connections with others. I’ve just never felt lonely or in need of love since being exposed to narcissistic parents and partners early on. I love my inner peace.
For everyone in the comments saying “I don’t feel lonely” etc etc, this video is NOT for you! It’s for those of us, myself included, who are healing and still very much in need of a companion, but have not found our person. I really appreciated this video and look forward to getting Matthew’s book.
This video is for everyone who is interested in life and perhaps a life together. Lonely or not sister
Not being lonely may be from getting out of hell and enjoying the peace! That’s where I am at 75!
Agree, the lies, betrayals, secret lives, fits of Rage. I never want to risk that in my life again. Iost so much and I am 70, I don't know how I will survive financially due to his accounting skills hiding money. I never imagined him being such a cruel, evil, dishonest creature. I will never trust anyone again in my remaining years. He travels internationally and has a wealthy widow who believes with as a friend with benefits and likely has secret lives on the side . An exceptional liar.
Edit: not believes. A wealthy widow he lives with her but considers her a friend with Benefits, it is her house, he lives there free and also travels outside of the Country . He has alot of money, he took all of the money. He continues to Lie and probably continues to Cheat on her. She is desperate to have him and keep him. Really Sad for her.
I’m 75 as well. This is the first peace I’ve ever known.
Congratulations on your freedom to be happy!
@@penniroyal4398thank you ❤️
Relationships are a risk. And no bad relationship of my past will ever make me stop believing in a true, healthy loving relationship for the future.
You go girl ! 💪💪💪
I am 56 years old and was in a narcissistic marriage for 20 years. When my marriage ended I was at my lowest, but I knew that I ultimately wanted to experience a healthy relationship, I felt like I deserved that after all I had been through! I took a couple years to process and heal from my marriage. One of the big questions I had was why I thought so little of myself that I would allow someone to treat me like that? It made me cry for that part of myself. So I launched a campaign to love myself and I started saying self love affirmations everyday until I believed what I was saying wholeheartedly! I had to build myself up again and become a whole person before I even thought about dating again. I fell in love with myself first and healed the broken parts of myself. I did not want someone else to save me and I didn’t want someone I needed to save. (Which was my MO when I met my husband) I was lonely during that time but not as lonely as I was when I was married to the narc and felt invisible. I am now in a loving committed relationship for almost a year with a wonderful man who respects and cares for me. He is the icing on the cake of an already good life. And the best part is my ex husband didn’t break me beyond repair, I got the last laugh.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
"It's easy for me to forgive you... but I will never forget that your words and your actions are how you show me the kind of person you really are."
You gas light yourself with this ideology, it's really a back hand slap with a lollipop in the other, just don't forgive leave it alone
Very well said!! 👏
so true
8 years single after a lifetime of proximity to narcissistic abuse and I’ve never found myself feeling lonely at 10:30pm on a Friday. I have felt profound freedom, peace, courage, serenity, love for myself and my kids and my friends. But never lonely.
Amazing !so informative! I’m 64 now and after a childhood with a narcissist mother and 34 years in an abusive narcissistic marriage , I am now separated for 5 years, I must admit I yearn to experience being loved, I have been on a healing journey and I’ve changed and found myself, I am now ready and open for love and I feel that it will happen…sending you all Love&Light🙏🏽❤️
I don’t feel the need to date ever again …after a 12 year nightmare I am happy by myself 💪🏽
I look forward to the possibility of having a healthy and fulfilling relationship for the first time ever in my life.
I am 56 years old and was in a narcissistic marriage for 20 years. When my marriage ended I was at my lowest, but I knew that I ultimately wanted to experience a healthy relationship, I felt like I deserved that after all I had been through! I took a couple years to process and heal from my marriage. One of the big questions I had was why I thought so little of myself that I would allow someone to treat me like that? It made me cry for that part of myself. So I launched a campaign to love myself and I started saying self love affirmations everyday until I believed what I was saying wholeheartedly! I had to build myself up again and become a whole person before I even thought about dating again. I fell in love with myself first and healed the broken parts of myself. I did not want someone else to save me and I didn’t want someone I needed to save. (Which was my MO when I met my husband) I was lonely during that time but not as lonely as I was when I was married to the narc and felt invisible. I am now in a loving committed relationship for almost a year with a wonderful man who respects and cares for me. He is the icing on the cake of an already good life. And the best part is my ex husband didn’t break me beyond repair, I got the last laugh.
Romance and love develops from friendship. Friendship is the solid foundation which will support most relationships through troubled times.
I tried to do this with someone, and, fair, maybe they didn't feel the same, but they rejected me in the most painful way. It turned out they were pretty narcissistic. Maybe not clinical NPD, but not a normal behavior either. Now they want to be friends, but I wonder, was the foundation even there?
I refuse to date and get into a relationship with someone else. I'm finally on my own, and I only have to worry about me, myself, and I. I can finally breathe. Dating is stressful, and I've had enough stress to last me 5 lifetimes.
I feel exactly the same
I feel this to my core. Amen girlfriend🙏🏻❤️💦😊
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Great role modelling for your daughter........
Absolutely!!! So much to look forward to with someone who is emotionally healthy and sound, with a healthy and humble Self Love. New chapters indeed! ❤❤❤
I have no desire to date or find love again. I enjoy my peace of mind and self care time after years of abuse.
I had a date lined up for tonight but (respectfully) called it off because of my anxiety. The guy seemed very nice, and he took my cancellation gracefully. I'm still working out if my anxiety was over anything he did or if it's just me not being ready to date yet. The thought of anybody entering the peaceful space I've worked so hard to stabilize after divorcing my covert XH makes me cringe. The healing work continues.
Same happened to me. Guy said did I do or say something wrong?? Straight away I new my gut was feeling it. Something was off
Better to be safe than sorry later when the abuse inevitably starts. I know that I cannot risk anymore abuse in my life. Too many times I've been almost destroyed by narcissists. Even my therapist, who is an expert on narcissists said I have the kind of personality they prey on, so since I rid myself of my last narcissistic relationship, my wonderful therapist is helping me heal and teaching me so many wonderful things, including really getting to know and appreciate myself. He is also teaching me how to recognise narcissists, other types of abusive people and their behaviour. There comes a time when enough is enough of the abuse, and you learn to be happy and comfortable in your own skin, and company.
I can totally relate.
I’m proud of you for protecting yourself!
This👏👏💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯!!!!
My two favorite coaches! Saving lives ❤❤
Being a good person is a strength not a weakness.
I often say this to narccy people who try to abuse my kindness
What a special end note, and conversation overall. I am deeply encouraged! My affirmation from this: Remember that so much of the magic that made my relationship special in so many ways is me and i took me with me in the divorce. Now it's about unleashing my magic in a new direction, to whomever is healthy enough to recognize and receive it. I am worthy of love, and I have so much to offer the world!
I met someone. I wasn’t trying to. We talked online for 2 1/2 months before we met in person. For awhile, I wasn’t sure what we were working towards but I enjoyed our conversations. We just came back from a weekend together and it was amazing. I was a nervous wreck before we went. I’m more anxious than I would like so I got back into therapy to talk some of this out. I’m doing things different. Boundaries and honesty. I don’t know if this is the “one” but it has helped me get back in touch with what I want and what’s important to me. I’m also lucky because he communicates well, is emotionally intelligent/available. The fact he has boundaries makes it easier to keep mine. The other thing I’m doing differently is I’m maintaining my friendships and hobbies and interests. He’s supportive of all of that. If I hadn’t just happened upon this relationship, I’m not sure if I would look for someone. I’m glad for it though. And know if this doesn’t work out, I’ll be ok no matter what.
I love this. Good for you!!
Was isolated and confused for so many years. All the lies, accusations. Serial cheater. I would fight back, and cheat on him. Never for the right reasons. I became someone I never was. Insecure and questioning my every thought. When someone makes you second guess, walk on eggshells and keep you hoping today will be a good day. You should never have to “hope” nothing will happen. Not have anxiety about his phone. I’ve never had anyone make me feel so crazy. I didn’t realize a narcissist can’t truly love or be loved. He’s 66 and still getting his supply. It’s when I finally got away, it wasn’t that I wasn’t good enough. He will never be satisfied. It’s the chase, the ego. That’s a sign of a truly insecure man. The roller coaster is what they create and thrive on. I’m 48, I’m ok being in my solitude. I hope time heals.
Having recently come out of a mental/emotional narcissistic and alcoholic relationship, i think i need time to re-adjust my thinking about relationships.
I love the chemistry when meeting someone new but as others have mentioned, chemistry can be a dangerous thing, too much too soon.
I think i need to change my game and first and foremost learn to love myself and be happy in life by myself and not relying on others for my happiness.
Seriously 😂😂😂. PTSD, Rape Trauma Syndrome...nope. I have found my peace after years, and no one gets to disrupt it.
Yessss exactly!!! 😢stay strong and sorry you have experienced such hell !!! You don't need anyone's love but yourself ❤❤❤❤
I don't think I will ever date again . 11 years of abuse ( mentally) . He has made me not even want to look at another man . I judge every one of them now as an abuser !!! It's sad !!
All people are capable of being abusers. I don’t believe all women are covert narcissists. To stop looking for healthy relationships means you give them the win. Keep growing, be brave.
The thing is when we change we attract healthy partners. So take time to heal, and one day you might feel differently about love. Im 8 years out of a 20 year long abusive relationship. Ive learned to accept that I had lessons to learn and that life isnt necessarily about perfect love, career, home etc. Its about developing as souls. If I will ever meet true love , I dont know ...but Im definitely not in a rush...and I love being alone now. I finally decide what I want which feels like such a blessing!!!
I spent 20yrs on a lady
I think if you feel sad about it, it means deep down you still want it. It’s just hurting so much you can’t do it. Heal first, and then you will feel differently❤
I completely understand and relate. The risk vs reward is to high of a price... I know I'm not ready for that. I also spent a solid decade with someone who skillfully used emotional and psychological abuse... after that, being alone feels safe. I'm not saying ill be single forever, but 5 years after I got out, I'd still prefer to be on my own.
Learning and healing over time, and THEN dating, enabled me to find out what I really want in a partner, and after kissing a few ‘frogs’ I have found a beautiful man with which to share my life ❤. Don’t give up! Xx
I don’t think I’d ever date again.
Samsies, and that’s fine
7 years post breakup, I still feel this way.
I have the same problem , and one of the messed up things is that I got accused of cheating, over, and over and over.
I almost wish that I was guilty of the accusations.
@@avibhaganI am experiencing this right now, been accused ever since my relationship started. I don’t think I can trust true romantic love will happen for me at this point I’m just getting breadcrumbs of attention. It hurts since all media and songs are about love and having a partner but I accept being alone, there is more to life and I can enjoy animals art family friends and nature. Coping with heartbreak is just so hard.
I'm right there with you. Now if the rest of the world would understand this.
Taking notes and saving this talk for many later listening. This is gold. 40 years of my life could be considered being chum for a overcrowded tank of narcissistic sharks.
I am 45 now. I have a game now I play in my head. I pretend I am like Jane Goodall when I go out into the world. I take notes, make observations and report my findings to my therapist. I am a healing adult who is also learning how to be a healthy adult. It is kinda surreal
I'm the same way. My character is Jelly Kid. Once chaos, drama, or anything that I'm no longer available for comes into my reality, I leave. Thank you for sharing your story.
NEVER EVER AGAIN ...to painful.
So so painful😢
Don't you guys feel like if youbdo that, then your exes won? And the "bad" people win? Like we have so much illusion and joy and they are taking it away?
I feel this.
Bless you ❤
😢😢😢yes ugh 😢😢😢
What a fabulous conversation and just exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much, especially for speaking to those of us who are older and lonely. I am so encouraged! 💜
This woman is so amazing. Everything i struggled to understand my whole life she breaks it down in a few words. I love understanding.
These comments from the collective community are real and shared throughout. Praying for continued healing and thriving for all. ❤
I just want to say thank you for this AMAZING interview!! Thank you for both your books! Thank you for being a life line to me!!! I will invest and get LOVE LIFE as soon as I can. As a 5.5 year recovering narc abused , I just felt like I can breathe again after this interview. I also realised after having a 10 min melt down this morning, from overload from this world and all the passwords and apps and logistics around just trying to change vehicle insurance... we live in NO NORMAL times. Just to get through a day in this age of technology without loosing your marbles is a HUGE task. And this just re iterates, how much more we NEEDD community and love to survive. Then added that constant nervous system exhaustion of recovering from narcs, I now get why, I worked in a company and a new boss came on. I walked out after 5 months, he is a narc, and I slept all hours of the day for about 3 weeks. NOW I understand why. My poor nervous system. Bless you both!!!!! Your work is sooo needed!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!
Thank you for sharing this! My take away is letting go of our story and being grateful for what is already in our lives. It is a peaceful feeling. Telling ourselves and getting to the place where it is OKAY to not be in a relationship is freeing. It leaves us open to unexpected surprises!
Interesting that Dr. Rwas thoughtful enough to put MH's book on her shelf, but MH didn't think to make that gesture. Dr R is so kind, inclusive, and thoughtful!
Yes, I noticed that also.
Mathew does have Ramani's book on show. Look toward the right bottom corner.
Mathew does have Ramani's book on show. Look toward the right bottom corner.
@@wildhorses6817 Mathew does have Ramani's book on show. Look toward the right bottom corner.
I noticed that as well.
I do love seeing you two together in conversation. Addressing the "cool girl" is important. Maybe we need to change what the definition of cool is. Because valuing yourself and others is cool. You can be fun but you don't have to change everything about yourself. I was the cool girl for almost 27 years.. Over the last year i have learned so much from both of you. Thank you so much. I am on a path towards loving myself and finding myself again. Much love to everyone doing the same.
This conversation I just have to say again.Is so beautiful so authentic and so you're probably needed.Thank you so much to both of you.
What a fantastic and fascinating discussion. I've come away from this with a new perspective. Well done on this, I needed to hear this right now nearing the end of my healing!
I really appreciate the raw and real conversations. I relate to much of this and am so grateful for reference to the grieving process of being single and stripping away the shame of not being able to find love and feeling exhausted trying through so many avenues including loads of professional help. It's so refreshing having Dr Ramani and Matt talking about the real challenges single people really trying to find love...I really hope these conversations become the norm to reduce the impact of hidden shame people may carry in this area of life. I think it's so important to acknowledge the grief a person may experience if they miss out on creating family, despite having tried in earnest to find their person and not wanting / able to choose to walk the road of parenthood solo...this grief is really real and raw and these conversations need to be the norm.
What a beautiful moment.
Dr. Ramani and Matthew Hussey are the precious humans who have given me a significant amount of hope, support, and who have guided me in my deepest and darkest moments in life. They truly did provide an abundance of clarity and peace when I struggled navigating circumstances and recalibrated the relationships in my life. Myself included.
I feel overwhelmed watching these two share love and gratitude for each other.
What a blessing ❤ thank you 🙏🏼
Gorgeous, heart-warming interview. Thank you both. Beautiful to witness Dr. Ramani's friendships.❤
Same as a lot here. Not interested in dating any man God himself will have to tap me on my shoulder and say this is the man for you. I have a wall up forever.
I feel ya. I might date if I meet someone but it will take so long to be able to trust that person. I am going to spend a long while just focusing on myself and what I want.
🫶
I enjoy being alone and having peace. If I'm lonely without a partner I remind myself how terrible being with someone and lonely really is.
Matthew is spot on. 👌 However, vulnerability is strength 💪 in the long term. I show vulnerability by being honest, expressing my values, norms, morals, standards, ethics, wants, needs, rights and responsibilities, and duties as a social being. Oh, and trust is earned through behaviour and acts of kindness. Words and promises mean very little if they don't align to behaviours.
How to ease loneliness? Stop focusing on what you don't have and start valuing what you DO have. Truly value it. Because you could completely ruin it all by choosing the wrong person, just because you're lonely. Truly know what you have before you let anyone in.
So true! 💜
@@kristinem8848 ❤❤
💯 Focus on what we have! Healing and self love and rest will follow 🤗
Let‘s be happy enough, no matter what circumstances we face. I am learning to make the very best of my life, and I am grateful for my life?
I wish I could have that "informed love story" but once bitten, twice shy now. I know what attracted me to the narc was there was that chemistry . Now, I know that chemistry isn't necessarily healthy. As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I know what I need is someone who is emotionally healthy, mature and stable but my problem is I find all those things good but boring. I'm just not sure that "emotonally healthy, maure, stable AND interesting, stimulating and exciting" can co-exist in the same container.
Right!
I suggest you bit it in the meantime. Good luck
One day I'll be ready, not today!🎉
Matt is so sincere and so open that he deserves every part of fulfilment in life that he yearns for. An amazing discussion.❤
Matthew comes across as a genuine person who has turned his pain into wisdom.
This is real talk, when you said early on when you just meet someone our intentions are not to the other person, they were to ourselves, that is so profound!
“You robbed me of solitude, but provided no companionship”.
I read this several years ago and it resonated so deeply. Ultimately, it helped me to leave my abusive 33 yr marriage.
The timing of this was impecable. I was literally talking to my female friend about a woman I am attracted to.
Go slow. Get a therapist and explore your feelings and behaviors to assure this is a healthy relationship. Be honest with yourself
@@CTHou13 Solid advice. I will give it serious reflection. Much appreciated.
Good luck @@heir_daywon3517
Be mindful of that play. They will track her and make her a prisoner unbeknownst to you and be the fake shoulder to cry on and you know the rest. This batch of women love competition and what better way to do then from the inside. Hell's kittens got nothing but time, Spyware, and money to do It.
Nope. I know how good some people can hide their shadow shelf, and I know how many people are broken... the odds of working out are too low and the cost is too high.
One almost killed me with the stress... not gonna let another finish me off.
As for the desire to cleave, it is there in me, but NOT in so many others, so you just have to embrace the pain and move on to be the best you can be without narcissistic toxicity trying to dominate you.
This!!!
@@sharicoburn5475 It is prophetic. Daniel 2:43-44 said that iron would be mixed with the last generation before God's Kingdom would be setup and this would destroy their ability to 'cleave.'
Narcissist == 'someone who can't cleave.'
Narcissist == 'the inverse of the Fruits of the Holy Agape Spirit' in what is supposed to be a 'cleave' type of relationship.
Narxissism == the spirit of the antichrist.
In Matthew 24:15, Jesus spoke of 'the abomination of desolation' that stands in His (human) temple... The antichrist spirit 'stands' in the human temple in place of God's Hoky Agape Spirit.
Jesus even refers people back to Daniel for understanding.
Earlier in the chapter Jesus said betrayal would define the end-times.
The Money Power Rulers read these prophecies and finance them against us... They finance our degeneration and death and feel like they are doing God's Will as His Chosen.
New Crown Virus?
Yup, that event kicked off their effort to set up their one-world Kingdom they think God wants the most-fit bloodline to create.
@@sharicoburn5475 Iron Man is the only self-identifying narcissistic superhero... NOT an accident. The Money Power Rulers are mocking us.
Got Iron Maiden? All the narcissists I know primarily eat processed foods loaded with iron filing mining waste.
@@sharicoburn5475 Search Morley Robbins, Dr. Chris Palmer, Dr. Barry Sears and Mary Ruddick. Dr. Chris Palmer, Dr. Daniel Amen and Dr. Thomas Seyfried have important data-based perspectives as well.
@@sharicoburn5475 Also,'beast' describes the end-time empire system. Narcissists are beast-humans overwhelmed by their selfish instincts.
My ex was a narcissist and after my divorce I took some time to heal. I discovered that I love my own company. When I started dating again, I told my dates on the first date that I wanted to start a family and a husband and that is what I was dating for. Some ran for the hills, but gosh it saved me a lot of time 😂 I eventually met my fiance who said to me on the first date "I am dating to find a wife and start a family" before I even got the chance 😂. I am so grateful now that I dated with intentionality and attracted the same energy ❤
Such an amazing conversation I love the " being a toddler in some areas of my life where others may be an adult" ❤
Meanwhile, I always end up looking for love in places where people aren’t really serious about it. It’s like my love life is heavily endorsed by Murphy’s Law.
I love when you do live streams, especially with folks like Matthew! So looking forward to this recorded one. Thank you.
I say I don't want relationship, because my past experiences give evidence that relationship is painful and lead to a form of metaphysical death. The brutal reality of my past informs my current fear. Deep down I do want a healthy relationship, but I don't believe I can ever have it, so I retreat to "I don't want a relationship."
Many are there, I believe. Stay strong and don't look too much.
@hifiunicorn Me too
@@3MsGrandmame too
I listen to Dr Ramani for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She is the best.
This is excellent. Say what's on your heart! All you do is weed people out. Their reaction is telling about the kind of person they are.
Thank you for a beautiful podcast. Life is beautiful and worth living. Overcoming challenges and becoming new versions of yourself , the courage to transform and enjoy new adventures..
thank you always dr. Ramany.
Being with that narcissist ex wife was like being alone twice, me feeling alone and me being with her in that kind of empty presence. Being with myself feels more fulfilling.
Right there with you. Perfectly stated😭🙏🏻💔❤️💦
“ The Magic I am Missing is Me”; absofuckinglutely! 💗
Presently my life is pretty full
I am enjoying life with my adult children, my Grandchildren and my dear friends & for all of that I am so grateful
Brilliant interview between you both
I wish Matthew well with his new book
He is such a beautiful soul ❤
I still have a desire to find the relationship I’ve been looking for, despite the torturous relationships of the past. Two narcissists ex husbands and recent ex bf who is BPD with narcissistic tendencies. After being raised by a narcissist parent, I am finally on a path to healing. I still have hope for love.
Ehhhhh at this point I highly doubt it. Almost 7 years after my abusive narc relationship and I still cannot put myself out there. I did try with someone I knew from high school but I found myself apologizing for everything and feeling so awkward and uncomfortable that it made me seem like I was a total head case. Even when this guy I knew from school was the complete opposite of my ex and so completely sweet. I felt so awkward and weird and like I was not worthy enough to be around such a great guy. It’s hard to explain but i definitely felt like I was a crazy lady
I feel the same way
@@madelainerogers2392 I’m so sorry you also feel this way. We’re in this together! I hope things get easier and better for you. Much love
Great issue you bring up! Thank You so much for the help! 😊❤
I felt it.. the losing hope, the thing that Matthew said about his pain “I don’t know what to do about it anymore”. I feel like every single coach that I had, and/or the therapy and no results showing for me in my relationships was truly disheartening😢 Yeah, I don’t know what to do anymore, and I’ve done it all
yes, date again, I didn't let my ex girlfriend to control my future .... don't let narcissist abusers ( men or women) control your future too !!
Loved this episode.!🥰
What a pleasant surprise to find you both together .. . An awesome combination of wisdom. - LV & Ty both!!💕
After dating a Christian woman and later marrying a Christian woman who was found as a covert religious narcissist. What I married never existed. I wasted another 7 years of my life. I’m done dating. I will continue to serve in my church until I am called home. I need to write a book.
Write it!!!! You would find sooo much healing in this!!!!! Trust me you wouldn't believe how much you would learn about yourself and the self compassion you will find for you !!! Right now it's all scattered and messy like mine .I'm going to do this as well here really soon
@@shaniecegullison absolutely 💯. Once I have my balance back I will take a train ride and begin to reflect. I have multiple notes to build from. What I don’t ask no more is the stupid question “why”. It’s exhausting draining and frustrating to know that I met this person in ministry school. Who got up prayed , leave for “work” but before going they made a stop or never went to work. Had an apartment under their maiden name. But never build anything here. Thanks for encouraging words and I hope that you continue your journey in peace.
@@5smoothstonesproject740 would love to read it and yes I do understand that
I have been in a relationship with a man with narcissistic traits for 13 years. I finally came to my senses and left him. I met a wonderful man, and although it is really new, it is so refreshing to be with someone I can actually talk to without being careful what I say. I can actually be my true self. I feel myself falling in love too fast. This is all new territory for me, and I am unsure if I am doing it correctly. But I am going in it truthfully, and if he is being as truthful with me, I hope this thing can work out. I see how he has insecurities as well. But the difference is he communicates what he is feeling, and then we have a conversation about it, and then everything feels better afterward because we both know where each other stands. I've never had a man deal with a relationship like that. And I am truly blessed to have found him. I pray that this is a relationship that will last a lifetime. Only time will tell if we are compatible, but it is perfect for now. So, for all those who comment negatively, I am commenting that there is hope. Have faith, and never lose faith. It could happen when you least expect it.
Solitude is wonderful and peaceful ❤ coming home to a safe space with my lovely pets is priceless. I am close to my kids and a small circle of friends.
No more narcs. ❤
❤omgosh I absolutely love this topic. Thank you for sharing this and validating the people 🙏🏽 that have been deeply wounded but still have so much love to offer.
God Bless 🙌🏾 both of you.
So grateful to you both and appreciative of the depths you brought to this conversation. I've very recently felt my self approaching "happy enough" after years and years of work. I am discovering that I am more curious and open to experimentation, and in that I'm making different choices and showing up differently in all relationships. Thank you for giving words to this possibility and to the discernment necessary. Blessings to you both.
listening to a talk of the two of you is such a gift. thank you for your empathic and experinced prespective. I wish you'd make a followup episode discussing the specific difficulties of romantic interactions in dating and relationships after a trauma bond.
I'm 65 and trying dating apps. It's the most difficult and frankly depressing process. As mentioned the ghosting the users those who communicate for a while then just disappear etc. I have a great life but I want to find love again...so difficult
Matthew is so right to question your instincts. My instincts have always been very codependent and it always got me in trouble. Most people don’t have the full blown awareness to know they are stuck in certain patterns or to even think there’s a better way.
I look forward to this episode. But before I start… dr. Ramani, you look so happy, radiant and colourful! Something beautiful must have happened in your life! It shows! So nice to see you so pink!
The sadness and pain you described was so validating. Thank you both so much. I'm middle age and wonder how much I truly can offer a person. This talk is essential.
Congratulations on the book, what a great video with so many takeaways. I am more a Star Wars than a LOTR person so "May the Fourth be with you" when you do the virtual event. 😛😊
To be honest, I`m not sure human relationship is really meaningful, because I have already seen so many slaughters of souls in the relationships with human, it could be meaningful but it is mostly risky. So, I think it could be one option to abandon the desire for attachement with human and try to respect the desire to be authentic with myself. Anyway, that was the vice versa in my past life, when I needed to get attached to people, I should kill a part of myself, I don't think most of relationship with humans is not more than the evil or violence, So Here, to be courageous to be more solitary and more lonely seems like the key for me to love my life more, to be authentic with myself. That is the most valuable truth that I got from this whole painful process of surviving. The world and the human, the respect on those have been changed very deeply. As long as I keep the hope for that as I used to be, I`m sure I`d be the prey again, 100%. And that is the human. There must be sth destructive in the relationships with them. The good in relationship is good, yes it is soso. But the bad in relationship almost kill all of my life including my ego, my healthy concept for life. The society keeps gaslighting me to get involved in OTHERS than me, but the most truthful and impactful power in society is just money as the power, and the other meanings or virtues , attachments seem like all illusions that I must have to survive when I was young when I could not survive without OTHERS, but now, I can survive without them, and I just wanna be myself which was deprived of to survive serving the desires and the virtues of others, and to be more honest, I’m so sick of all the things related to OTHERS meaningfully, I still need OTHERS of course to survive, but I’m sick and tired of finding the meaning in OTHERS. Since I recognise that others are not that meaningful to get interested while I abandon a part of myself. Rather I wanna find more meanings in myself, to take back any parts of myself which I MUST neglect or abandon for others. The rule of game was catched, and I don’t wanna get fooled around wasting my time and energy for those meaningless others. I just wanna spend any single of my energy for myself since it was totally prohibited in the relationship with the first humans, parents. My all energy is supposed to use for them.
It is so sweet that Dr. Ramani has Mathew’s book up with hers on her book shelf!!!
A conversation full of wisdom. Thank you both very much ❤
timely conversation and both speakers were great. It's a process that's for sure.
Thank you for this. You both have the talent to find words of clarity for things which are confusing.
Does anyone else feel crazy as a result of how often narcs and/or toxic people end up in your life…or at least attempt to? I feel pretty confident in my ability to identify them early on and show them the door now, but it’s exhausting to live your life on guard. It’s exhausting to continually encounter them. These toxic individuals are much like dementors from Harry Potter and I don’t want another ounce of life sucked out of me by them. I’ve been single for three years with a lot of deep healing under my belt, but I honestly don’t know that I’ll ever be in a relationship or date again. It’s an odd feeling given how much I’ve worked (and continue to work) to be my best self. I still have so much life ahead of me. I’m still trying to decide if spending the rest of my life alone is a good thing. I’m really quite happy by myself, but I’m also saddened that so many of us find ourselves here because of our experiences with narcissistic individuals. Please know that I’m wrapping my heart around those of you who can relate to this. ❤
I grew up the scapegoat of the narcissistic parent and jumped right into a narcissistic marriage. 37 years later, I am a widow suddenly, and I don’t want to date again I don’t want to need anybody and I don’t want to search for anybody. I find peace and happiness alone, and it’s hard to think that there might be something wrong with me enjoying being alone.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you! Enjoy your new freedom. Congrats 🎉
I have a similar background, so I do know how you literally went from "out of the frying pan into the fire". We deserve peace and true alone time.
🕊️💜🤗
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you! Enjoy your new freedom. Congrats 🎉
We deserve peace and quiet to spend as we choose.
My background is similar, so I understand how you literally went "out of the frying pan into the fire".
You're finally at peace. You don't have to have "someone." You do you.
This is what I needed to hear, thank you.
WONDERFUL CONVERSATION & CONTENT !! Ramani you have saved me 🙏🏻 your book is total perfection! And I can’t wait to listen to Matt’s!
Its been 3 years since my narc relationship ended only now I am coming out of the shadow of this relationship.
I love the different approaches Matt and Dr Ramani have to scarcity and how they can exist in combination. Wow, thank you both, you are helping so many 🙏❤️
Thank you Dr Ramani and Matthew!!!!! You make a post difference!
If only everyone was kind and thought of others in all they do!
Well done Matthew!
It’s been 1 1/2 yrs since I removed and blocked the Narc from my life. I’m trying to find myself. Recently I met a man as a friend. He may want more. I still don’t trust men. I’m afraid I’ll be lied to and manipulated. I have the uncomfortable feeling of being judged. My lack of trust is disturbing and I still feel vulnerable. I may need to move away emotionally from getting close. I don’t want to be conned again.
There are so many cons in this world yes I get what you're saying
But now you know better, you can also do better and actually see people for who they are real quick. That gives me courage in myself that I’ll protect myself first until I find the right person who wants to protect me as well.
Matthew, you have a gift. Fruit of the spirit-wisdom and gentleness.
I can completely understand why people may choose to be alone, after a narcissistic relationship. I find it curious, they would watch a video, entitled ‘are you ready to date…’ and then comment, that they don’t want to. This video was made for those of us who do want to have a future healthy love, that isn’t defined by their past.