the gpa example presents an interesting point about how the design of school is diametrically opposed to the growth mindset. school is engineered to make you think that you need to be perfect to succeed; they don’t teach you how to learn, they teach you that the end result is the only thing that matters.realistically, losing your 4.0 might not be the end of the world, but there’s really no way of knowing that as a child who has been told that you need perfect grades to go to a perfect college to get a perfect job and live a perfect life. i spent virtually my entire childhood and formative years as a fairly above-average student who never had to make a concerted effort to “learn” anything, but i was “good at school,” which meant that i never had opportunities to struggle and improve myself. once i became a college student, this was obviously a problem, and one i still haven’t figured out the solution to.
I don't know where people get the idea of school being engineered or made to be that way. It is simply a score that measures your performance. I think what people say to you when you get a bad grade also affects your thinking. If you often get overreacted responses saying "Why do you keep getting bad grades? Did you not study? Are you lazy? These grades will affect which high school you get into, which universities you will get into!" That response will accumulate in your mind and lead to result orientation. Parents and other people usually consciously or subconsciously react like that and that's the voice in student's minds. Just like Dr. K said, it's good to be aware of what your mind does
I listened to a book on Audible recently, called The Intelligence Trap, and it talks about powerful research on learning and how the West differs from the East in this regard. Specifically it talks about allowing students to suffer and be confused to better learn and process information. Our schools typically give us information up front, and failing to reproduce it gets punishment (bad grades). But presenting problems first and only explaining (a variety of potential) solutions after they've struggled to decipher an answer on their own yields much more retention and develops a mindset of "okay what do I take away from this?"
School is not engineered to do that to your mind, but if you get anything from this short clip it should be to examine why you think that way. If you connect your grades with your self worth, it can feel terrible when you get bad scores. A growth mindset allows you to choose the next steps to improve your life. Try to recognize the conditions where you feel inadequate. I guarantee it's not the school making you feel that way. You need to study harder but you probably need to focus on learning about yourself more before you worry about your GPA.
Interesting point. For me it was the opposite. I only ever cared about learning in school and opposed the useless stuff. Did not love the system too much, but who does in their puberty? :D Only getting the grades good enough with a little effort, that they are “presentable”. If I have to sit somewhere then best make use of the time
Video games taught me this mindset. If you lose focus on why you lost and how you can actually win next time rather than beating yourself up because you lost in the first place
@@guimcast1 could be, yea. Could be a “culture” thing too? You’re expected to lose and learn in games, hard ones at least. They’re designed that way. In a perfect world, life would be this way too, but unfortunately “losing” has painful consequences and shame and judgment involved. So the growth mindset is a lot harder to maintain.
My step-dad always bragged that he got all A's from kindergarten through high school, so I really wanted to do that too. In 3rd grade, however, my teacher gave me a B and I begged her to be able to make up work so I could get an A, but she refused. My life went down hill from there. That fixed mindset was a poison to my mind and it's true what they say "how you do one thing is how you do everything". Side note: this is why being a good parent is so incredibly important! Kids don't know better...we have to be better ourselves and raise the bar for them. This is imperative to the future of our society!
I have a growth mindset and sometimes it's difficult to communicate with others when it comes to work and productivity since most people are not the same. When others point out my mistakes and weaknesses, I see it as an important information for me to use. Others would interprete it as an attack of their character.
One of the problems in societal norms is that the mindset "how can I learn from this and do better next time" is frowned upon, while the "I suck everything is lost" mentality is idolised. Learning how to learn is often seen as a bad thing because it's thought to reveal weakness.
@@DonaldFranciszekTusk People with money buy "achievements" that they use money to brainwash people to think that they've done something of actual value. Do investors create any value? Answer fairly.
Bjj has really helped me hammer home this concept simply because of how often I lose rolls at my gym. The days I am oriented to simply growing and getting better rather than judging my performance are almost always days where I feel less suffering. Great point. I heard this years ago from Carol Dweck but it’s taken years to instantiate it.
I did this. On my second and fourth full marathon which has the same route, up hell and down hell 😅 I used what I learned form the second full marathon to be better on the fourth and I slashed 8 minutes on my official time 😊🎉
It's amazing how things come together. When I was reading Carol Dweck's book, "Mindset" I started looking more into Dr. K's content, now he is mentioning Carol Dweck himself.
I went through the same experience in college and school , the achievement mindest gave me only anxiety and depression, even when i was achieving it was never enough. Some tips i got along the journey 1. Learn to not take yourself too seriously 2. Stop categorizing things as success or failuires 3. Stop comparing 4. No shouldve couldve wouldve mentality 5. Stop putting conditions to your hapiness
It DOESNT MATTER!! I’m a recruiter in a high educated field, law and spatial planning. Both fields are mostly university educated fields. Nowadays I won’t judge based on scores, I have 3 conversations 1 hour each with you to understand you as a person to know if you’re a fit. A degree helps but if your head is on the same level that’s all that matters. Don’t focus on the best scores, focus on yourself.
just curous, how is that realistic? Say 10 candidates applies and you spend the next 30 hours split over 3 days talking to them? Or did you not mean it literally?
I remember doing poorly *because* years of depression meant my self-motivation was always tanking, so even if I was interested in the subject at hand and knew I wanted to do well at it, making myself do - or even want to do - any extra work for it outside of standard classroom sessions :/
its really hard having parents who always expected so much. As someone who was "gifted" I always got A's when i was younger and that led me to perfectionism and I still havent gotten out of that shell and Im in my second year of college. It seriously taking a toll on me, but I cant do anything about it so oh well i guess
Well hey there, I'm not even in college and maybe I don't know what you are exactly going through right now but I like to point out that when you say that you "can't do anything about it" that's your perfectionism speaking. I know it takes a lot of time to take off the perfectionist mindset but I don't think that "can't do anything about it" is a great way to see it
@ I mean I literally can't though. I'm stuck waiting for health insurance so I can hopefully get diagnosed with something (I'm almost 99% sure I've got adhd based on what I've learned from talking to people with adhd, and definitely some kind of depression) but I have to wait to see if that goes through. And if it does I then have to find a psychiatrist who can help me get diagnosed, and if that works out I'll most likely need meds or therapy, and if I do then I need money to pay for that, and that means I need a job but I can barely do school now I can't do a job. Sorry if that was a bit much but I hope you see the issue here
@@Leen_4096 and when you have a problem, people saying "Just stop your problem" always helped😉😂 No, seriously. When people are stuck, they mostly need help. And when we give it, they can free themselves.
What you can do about perfectionism is accept that you won’t always do everything perfectly, and you don’t have to. (I know that’s easier said than done.) As for the ADHD/depression situation, which is a hard situation to be in, it sounds like you can do something and already plan to, but you’re currently waiting for some things to happen and aren’t sure if you’ll be able to afford to get help in the end. What I can tell you is that the ADHD community on TH-cam is full of ideas about how to manage space/time/emotions/relationships/food/money/etc., and you can access those for free. Best of luck to you!
@Goofballery I actually know exactly how that feeling feels of I literally can't and you have logistic reasoning for it and you are correct but also don't be so hard on yourself thinking you have to do those things. Even if u do or don't have adhd with time you can still craft a mindset that helps you even tho you can't see it now. I promise you when life gets hard like that the pressure will create diamonds and you sir will build the life you truly want regardless of any circumstance or diagnosis. Find your own balance within the chaos of life because no one else can 4 u
Of course. Everything is just our interpretation. Everything. And often that depends on our mood. It’s about time we all start taking responsibility for our interpretations and stop blaming other people and events.
When I was in College, I reacted both ways. Firstly falling in panic, then analysing what I was needing to improve. I guess I did it right 😅 I need to go back to that mindset on some aspects of my current life 😜
I used to think like this, but now i noticed it completely depends on how many things happen. When multiple set backs hit me in a row in a short amount of time i just completely drown in it. Like theres a limit and after that I just get overwhelmed and just dont want to try and deal with any of it anymore
I think one of the saying in his video comment section is pretty good at addressing your points. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, if not cripples you for life”, or “What doesn’t kill you leaves scars”. What ever you face will leave a dent on your with varying magnitude. In essence, you can always choose to adapt to the increasing dents on your body and your mind. However, when pressure too much for you to handle is forced upon before you have the chance to react, it is an inevitable outcome to lose balanced in this juncture or even worse case fully crashed into the ground below. Not saying this mindset is flawed to be adopted, instead it’s equally important to acknowledge to pick your battle wisely.
A B is good grade on testing. Like someone once said to me, "do you want doctor that go and A or a B". My response was book smarts mean nothing. I want the doctor with experience.
This is about the belief system conscious or unconscious within the person. It has either been swollowed in childhood unconsciously and makes problems now, or it has been worked and assimilated by the person, actualized acccording today's point of view, so it makes things easier in life. Performance vs growth.
This is very much the basis of a 2000 year old philosophy of stoicism. We do not control what happens to us, only how we respond to what happens to us. This and trying to only react and worry about things I can affect have been crucial to maintaining my mental health the past year or so. Ryan Holiday's "The Obstacle is the Way" and the stoic virtues series are great modern takes and introductions to the philosophy of the stoics if anyone to discover the topic further.
The growth mindset sounds very easy when presented like this, but it exposes you to a lot more suffering that you'll have to deal with, because it doesn't allow you the coping mechanisms that deny uncomfortable facts. Not necessarily negative suffering. But suffering nontheless. It might be suffering you have to endure. You might be so far behind in studying that you'll have to repeat the year. You might have to drop out from your school. You might not be mentally well enough to present yourself in the dating scene. It might take you 5 years to find a partner instead of one. You might have to be rejected for job 300 interviews instead of 50, and you might have to accept a full-time manual labour job instead of staying afloat with the part-time gig you were deluding yourself with, if you want to keep affording rent. Those decisions aren't meant to be solved in that moment, but it's also unhealthy to tell yourself you'll just keep studying when you really know you won't ever catch up this semestre, and you might not be granted a repeat semestre, or you might not have the money to afford it. You have to make these uncomfortable decisions when things start to get hard, not when everything has broken down so badly that you need to rebuild your life from homelessness. Those types of external circumstances are what really makes the growth mindset so tough. That's why, if you want to build a growth mindset when your default has been coping mechanisms and low confidence, you can't just overwrite "Everything is over" with "I'll try my best" and hope that that will stick. You have to confront a lot of big decisions and accept that the goal you planned for in 5 years might need to be rewritten into an alternative plan for 8 years (equally well-structured, with real accountability checks along the way, and regular self-reflection to adjust your own and the apprpach) instead. And you have to build the confidence to present those choices to the other people in your life without feeling guilty or ashamed. Without that, your growth mindset will just be superficial words that will only work as long as things are going well enough to maintain the outward positive impression. You'll still break down and catastrophise every time you realise that a plan won't work out.
No one said there is one single mindset that will solve everything. Which ones are valid would be an interesting area of discussion. The goal as I see it is to be able to switch to one that works. The growth mindset didn't get him to where he was but it was the best one for that situation. When one doesn't work you switch to another one more appropriate.
True, but also the loss and suffering of being stuck in a fixed mindset might well be far worse. Use cost benefits to work it out, if the situation is not good and you believe you can't change it you are left powerless resentful and living in that situation. If you start seeing you have some control and looking for ways to improve things will shift. Maybe that includes believing you can learn coping strategies
As a parent, I would like to know how we should respond to the our children when they get the A's or B's. How our kid s respond to their grades has more to do with how the parents respond to to their grades when they are younger.. Could you help us create a reality for our children that will help them not need your help in the future, even though it might reduce your clicks in the future. I promise to rewatch all your videos to make up for the lose.. Thanks Doc
Interesting. There is one Thing i would like to say: i submitted once almost the identical essay to 2 different teachers. One graded A and one C. So i learned grades are subjective. They are just not as meaningful as some people believe. Same with the finals. They dont define you in the long run. Its very similar to Dr. Ks message here. Who you are is what you decide to do with your grades not to have them
First off: grades, especially in public school in America, don't matter at all. They mean absolutely nothing beyond entry to college. And for the most part, other than trade school or STEM, college is a waste of time. Second, when your children get lower grades, odds are pretty good they don't care about the subject. The lower the grade, then its likely the less they care. Find what they care about, find moneymaking jobs within that, and help them orient and train into those. In this, if the subject matter they don't care about affects the things they want to do, you can show them how and why they need to care. If their grades are bad across the board, they're likely depressed, as it's an indicator that their mind has reached its processing limit and they're overwhelmed. They need a serious break. Or, they're super smart, and you're not challenging them at all. In my case i got hit with both. Bad grades, especially in public school, are rarely an indicator of ability. Example: my gpa in high school was 1.85, but when i took the ASVAB for the military my score was 127. That's EXTREMELY high, and EXTREMELY rare. After that, when i went to A&P school to learn how to be an aircraft mechanic, my gpa was 3.5, and i didn't try AT ALL. What changed was...I just cared now. Also, there was a "why" behind everything in learned in A&P school, and there wasn't in high school. Plus in high school i was smarter than almost everyone else, including my parents, and adults tend to be extremely arrogant when it comes to children, thinking the children cannot POSSIBLY know more than them. Almost everyone made me think i was the problem, when the reverse was actually more correct. The task of dealing with the actual problem your children are having will likely be made far greater if they're going to public school. Good luck if that's the case.
As a parent, don't focus on the result with our children, focus on the effort. Did they try their best? If so, that's good enough. Teach them to just give it their best.
As a student, I always liked writing tests for q funny reason. I thought it was because there was no regular lesson then. And I definitely enjoyed not having to do homework before a test. After I started working at a school many years later and finally connected the dots between this and some specific teacher's lessons. It was actually the class being quiet that I enjoyed so much. I always knew I was overwhelmed by a chaotic soundscape, especially people talking, always was a headphone person, as soon as I had any say in it. But it took me coming back to this environment to actually realize what went on.
Reflect on your supposed “failures” and try to determine their causes *NON JUDGMENTALLY*. You’re responsible for your actions, but that doesn’t mean “blame yourself”. If something was your fault, like you know made the wrong choice, then reflect on what led you to make that choice (rather than just saying “it was the wrong one”). Find causes for outcomes you didn’t like, and then find the causes for those causes, until you find something you think you can change.
One thing to keep in the back drawer is age, I used to be a fairly determined, always growing, improving, and expanding mindset, but after my last life altering situation and being over 50, I really have no desire to keep that mindset. I had picked up the prices of my life so many times, thinking I was improving, but now I'm homeless and broke at this age. I don't think I can pull myself out anymore.
I have a performance mindset No wonder I'm so disappointed in myself all the time And then every time I tell my parents I failed at something again (or they just notice) and I end up receiving their advice they complain that I don't listen to them well enough cause if I did I wouldn't have failed But little do they know that their solution don't work for me and thus I have no choice not to listen And then at the end of the day I end up failing again Which inevitably leads to me and my parents blaming me for not listening to them well enough Even though I know their way wouldn't have worked I instead blame myself for bringing about a situation where their advice can't help me My god do I love the way my brain works 😂
Dr. K describes a basic stoic principle in the first few seconds, I wonder how he feels about stoicism. - We are affected by our reaction to things, no the thing itself. I.e. the B didn't do anything to us, but how we perceived us getting the B did do something to us.
It’s a slow process, DEFINITELY easier said than done. But it can be done. At least in my experience, you’ll probably have to intentionally talk to yourself in a different way than usual for a while, and that can feel fake, almost like lying to yourself. But it slowly changes the way you naturally think (especially if you’re fair to yourself and try to find the benefits in whatever new mindset you’re working on) until it’s no longer an intentional choice, and just becomes how you think.
Careful about the GM research. An excellent meta analysis calls some.of Dweck et al.'s conclusions into question. Additionally, socio economic factors are much more correlational than GM to student outcomes. There is a real danger of blaming the victim/bootstraps thinking when we lean on GM to explain atudent outcomes/feelings.
Isn't getting a B still good? It's like getting like an 7 or an 8 out of 10 right? The lowest we could get to graduate was an average of 5.5 over all the tests and exams for the class. The exams counted for a bit more, I don't remember exactly. Can't we just be happy with a B? That's amazing! Yes you can do better, but you can also do a lot worse.
I think the concept of a growth mindset is amazing and definitely helps learning. However, how does someone just fully stop caring about the outcome of an event that matters to them?
"Nature is said to be the cause of all material causes and effects, whereas the living entity is the cause of the various sufferings and enjoyments in this world." BG 13.21 Its old news!
Ok, I had a botched surgery from a dishonest surgeon leading to gangrene and partial foot amputation. I can no longer wear my awesome shoe collection and gave it away. I went thru crippling depression and now have an onslaught of health issues and ME/CFS, on the bright side I won my disability case. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I used to think that if I didn't get an A, my parents would be disappointed. It took me awhile to convince them that it was ok if I got a B. I did necessarily use the growth mindset. I think the only time I had a "performance mindset" was when I got below a C. I got upset and I would shred up all my exams. My parents used to say "[subject in school] is easy! How could you fail?"
I gotta admit my first thought was ok I got a B. It neither detered me nor motivated me. My grades were more for teachers. My ability to retain information vrs their ability to teach.
Well if the research is that simple then can teach to kids as a separate subject.. There’s also a learning curve where kids flunk most of the year, cram study into couple weeks at yrs end, get top marks accompanied by a nice high !
Great news but now we need to examine the other half of the equation, which is that our mindset depends on the messages we've previously absorbed. With abuse, neglect, complex trauma, etc., the person feels unsafe and is more likely to form a negative or fixed mindset and then has a hard time meeting challenges later on in life.
Right, I get the feeling that these "burned out gifted kids" have actually been abused, specifically gaslighted into believing that they don't need to learn and then punished for it.
The attribution matrix. Control, locus, time. Is it in my control? Is it internal or external? Is it long or short-term? We have that every semester in some way in uni. Psych
Let’s be honest here one test with a B won’t lower your gpa unless it drops your grade for that class. But one B shouldn’t do that unless some of your other work (e.g., essays, discussions, etc.) for that class was not an A.
This example tells us something about this guy. That the concept that I got a B, "wow that is great, my parents will be so proud" never even entered his mind. There are so many people that would be ecstatic with a B. You had to group and a culture of expectation of perfection and high achievement to make this particular point of view on getting a B be your knee-jerk reaction.
Personally i find myself in the middle I dont think the world is ending because I got a B but I do just go next instead of stopping to think about how to improve
Question is: which factors determine our internal reaction? Why some people can "train" their brain to react better to stuff, and some other can't leave their old hurtful mindsets?
So this is the growth mind set. How do you handle loving yourself past that achievement level. Like your going back to school so per say and your struggling to love the effort your able to put in with all the extra pressures of adulthood?
I'm just relieved if I got a passing grade and an overwhelming shame when I did not. That test just needs to stay the f away from me, don't even wanna think about it no matter the grade.
I went from 23 to 98 (full 100) in half a year before. There are no reason old test result should affect overall evaluation, if it does the system is wrong.
I’m really critical and wary of what people call the growth mindset. Often I see it described as taking definitively bad events and distorting perception by making them seem better than they actually are. Trying to find the bright side of things may work for temporary stuff, but with potential snowballing into chronic problems, it can just make things worse.
I disagree. Growth mindset won't crush you when you inevitably fail. Growth mindset ties your human value to your work ethic instead of your performance.
Peeps interested in seeing how this mindset fits into a internal mindset of achievement in high performers may be interested in checking out Angela Duckworth's "Grit: the Power of Passion and Perseverance."
Bigger question: what determines cognition? Not cognitive performance, but the anatomy of it....? Let's not undermine that a 'B' can be excruciatingly disappointing for very valid reasons, and I'd argue we best not be denying that monstrosity and what needs and values it holds on to.
Yes with some practice, you definitely can. Brain Coach Jim Kwik explains beautiful point about turning nouns to verbs. Instead of thinking you have or don't have 'motivation', 'calmness' etc, think of it as something that you do or don't do.
@@tomsmom3447 good tip and definitely something i have to work on. i always attribute my flaws to a lack of certain distinct, immutable characteristics rather than framing it as things that i don’t practice enough, which contributes negatively to my self-perception.
the gpa example presents an interesting point about how the design of school is diametrically opposed to the growth mindset. school is engineered to make you think that you need to be perfect to succeed; they don’t teach you how to learn, they teach you that the end result is the only thing that matters.realistically, losing your 4.0 might not be the end of the world, but there’s really no way of knowing that as a child who has been told that you need perfect grades to go to a perfect college to get a perfect job and live a perfect life.
i spent virtually my entire childhood and formative years as a fairly above-average student who never had to make a concerted effort to “learn” anything, but i was “good at school,” which meant that i never had opportunities to struggle and improve myself. once i became a college student, this was obviously a problem, and one i still haven’t figured out the solution to.
European schools are better here because to get half the questions right is average. So nobody expects 100% success, and there's more room to grow.
I don't know where people get the idea of school being engineered or made to be that way. It is simply a score that measures your performance.
I think what people say to you when you get a bad grade also affects your thinking. If you often get overreacted responses saying "Why do you keep getting bad grades? Did you not study? Are you lazy? These grades will affect which high school you get into, which universities you will get into!"
That response will accumulate in your mind and lead to result orientation.
Parents and other people usually consciously or subconsciously react like that and that's the voice in student's minds.
Just like Dr. K said, it's good to be aware of what your mind does
I listened to a book on Audible recently, called The Intelligence Trap, and it talks about powerful research on learning and how the West differs from the East in this regard.
Specifically it talks about allowing students to suffer and be confused to better learn and process information. Our schools typically give us information up front, and failing to reproduce it gets punishment (bad grades). But presenting problems first and only explaining (a variety of potential) solutions after they've struggled to decipher an answer on their own yields much more retention and develops a mindset of "okay what do I take away from this?"
School is not engineered to do that to your mind, but if you get anything from this short clip it should be to examine why you think that way. If you connect your grades with your self worth, it can feel terrible when you get bad scores. A growth mindset allows you to choose the next steps to improve your life. Try to recognize the conditions where you feel inadequate. I guarantee it's not the school making you feel that way. You need to study harder but you probably need to focus on learning about yourself more before you worry about your GPA.
Interesting point. For me it was the opposite. I only ever cared about learning in school and opposed the useless stuff. Did not love the system too much, but who does in their puberty? :D
Only getting the grades good enough with a little effort, that they are “presentable”. If I have to sit somewhere then best make use of the time
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
🤯🤯🤯
Very well said.
It's a famous quote by Buddha.
Pain is not getting a B on a test , what tf are you talking about,
@@hirsch4155 tell that to an asian parent lol
Video games taught me this mindset. If you lose focus on why you lost and how you can actually win next time rather than beating yourself up because you lost in the first place
@@xavierjohnson2597 same for me but I can't actually use it in life for some reason... Maybe it's environment attached
@@guimcast1 could be, yea. Could be a “culture” thing too?
You’re expected to lose and learn in games, hard ones at least. They’re designed that way.
In a perfect world, life would be this way too, but unfortunately “losing” has painful consequences and shame and judgment involved. So the growth mindset is a lot harder to maintain.
My step-dad always bragged that he got all A's from kindergarten through high school, so I really wanted to do that too. In 3rd grade, however, my teacher gave me a B and I begged her to be able to make up work so I could get an A, but she refused. My life went down hill from there. That fixed mindset was a poison to my mind and it's true what they say "how you do one thing is how you do everything".
Side note: this is why being a good parent is so incredibly important! Kids don't know better...we have to be better ourselves and raise the bar for them. This is imperative to the future of our society!
What your dad said was probably not true in the first place
An expert isn't someone who never fails, but rather someone who never gives up after a failure.
Nice!!!😮😮😊yes!!!
I have a growth mindset and sometimes it's difficult to communicate with others when it comes to work and productivity since most people are not the same. When others point out my mistakes and weaknesses, I see it as an important information for me to use. Others would interprete it as an attack of their character.
We don't call them mistakes. We call them opportunities.
One of the problems in societal norms is that the mindset "how can I learn from this and do better next time" is frowned upon, while the "I suck everything is lost" mentality is idolised. Learning how to learn is often seen as a bad thing because it's thought to reveal weakness.
@@Dogembassador valid point
I suggest to everyone:
watch the movie Tampopo
Imo the main problem may be idolising people with money and achievements
@@DonaldFranciszekTusk People with money buy "achievements" that they use money to brainwash people to think that they've done something of actual value.
Do investors create any value? Answer fairly.
I wholly agree, drawing from personal experience, this has been the difference between fragility and resiliency for me.
Hidden Laws Of The Game read that book (thank me later!)
Botted ad
@@TianoAnnunziata Why you think that ?
this help me understand that quote: "happiness is a choice". Thanks for explaining it this way!
Bjj has really helped me hammer home this concept simply because of how often I lose rolls at my gym. The days I am oriented to simply growing and getting better rather than judging my performance are almost always days where I feel less suffering. Great point. I heard this years ago from Carol Dweck but it’s taken years to instantiate it.
I did this. On my second and fourth full marathon which has the same route, up hell and down hell 😅 I used what I learned form the second full marathon to be better on the fourth and I slashed 8 minutes on my official time 😊🎉
It's amazing how things come together. When I was reading Carol Dweck's book, "Mindset" I started looking more into Dr. K's content, now he is mentioning Carol Dweck himself.
That Ted talk genuinely improved my life 💜 I try to have a growth mindset about everything now
I went through the same experience in college and school , the achievement mindest gave me only anxiety and depression, even when i was achieving it was never enough. Some tips i got along the journey 1. Learn to not take yourself too seriously 2. Stop categorizing things as success or failuires 3. Stop comparing 4. No shouldve couldve wouldve mentality 5. Stop putting conditions to your hapiness
It DOESNT MATTER!! I’m a recruiter in a high educated field, law and spatial planning. Both fields are mostly university educated fields. Nowadays I won’t judge based on scores, I have 3 conversations 1 hour each with you to understand you as a person to know if you’re a fit.
A degree helps but if your head is on the same level that’s all that matters.
Don’t focus on the best scores, focus on yourself.
just curous, how is that realistic? Say 10 candidates applies and you spend the next 30 hours split over 3 days talking to them? Or did you not mean it literally?
I remember doing poorly *because* years of depression meant my self-motivation was always tanking, so even if I was interested in the subject at hand and knew I wanted to do well at it, making myself do - or even want to do - any extra work for it outside of standard classroom sessions :/
THANK YOU MR ❤ 😊 💓 ☺ 💗 🙏 ❤
its really hard having parents who always expected so much. As someone who was "gifted" I always got A's when i was younger and that led me to perfectionism and I still havent gotten out of that shell and Im in my second year of college. It seriously taking a toll on me, but I cant do anything about it so oh well i guess
Well hey there, I'm not even in college and maybe I don't know what you are exactly going through right now but I like to point out that when you say that you "can't do anything about it" that's your perfectionism speaking. I know it takes a lot of time to take off the perfectionist mindset but I don't think that "can't do anything about it" is a great way to see it
@ I mean I literally can't though. I'm stuck waiting for health insurance so I can hopefully get diagnosed with something (I'm almost 99% sure I've got adhd based on what I've learned from talking to people with adhd, and definitely some kind of depression) but I have to wait to see if that goes through. And if it does I then have to find a psychiatrist who can help me get diagnosed, and if that works out I'll most likely need meds or therapy, and if I do then I need money to pay for that, and that means I need a job but I can barely do school now I can't do a job.
Sorry if that was a bit much but I hope you see the issue here
@@Leen_4096 and when you have a problem, people saying "Just stop your problem" always helped😉😂
No, seriously. When people are stuck, they mostly need help. And when we give it, they can free themselves.
What you can do about perfectionism is accept that you won’t always do everything perfectly, and you don’t have to. (I know that’s easier said than done.)
As for the ADHD/depression situation, which is a hard situation to be in, it sounds like you can do something and already plan to, but you’re currently waiting for some things to happen and aren’t sure if you’ll be able to afford to get help in the end. What I can tell you is that the ADHD community on TH-cam is full of ideas about how to manage space/time/emotions/relationships/food/money/etc., and you can access those for free.
Best of luck to you!
@Goofballery I actually know exactly how that feeling feels of I literally can't and you have logistic reasoning for it and you are correct but also don't be so hard on yourself thinking you have to do those things. Even if u do or don't have adhd with time you can still craft a mindset that helps you even tho you can't see it now. I promise you when life gets hard like that the pressure will create diamonds and you sir will build the life you truly want regardless of any circumstance or diagnosis. Find your own balance within the chaos of life because no one else can 4 u
Mindset is a fabulous book. Growth or fixed mindset determines everything!
Her book called Mindset is the best thing that happened to me
It's really good! 💯
its brilliant
Thanks you 😊
Third option is "well I didn't fail, thank gawd that's over and I never have to think about it again. Maybe I'll do my homework this time" (I didnt)
Gratitude determines altitude.
Of course. Everything is just our interpretation. Everything. And often that depends on our mood. It’s about time we all start taking responsibility for our interpretations and stop blaming other people and events.
Her book, “mindset” delves into it more and it’s an incredible read - really changed my perspective on everything
Had growth mindset for most of the time but unfortunately surrounded by adults with the opposite one.
children have a natural growth mindset, that's how we learn to talk, walk etc. and it's definitely to relearn it later in life
@werosification definitely, trying to relearn it
Yes,,!!🤔 a similar experience.
Dr. K Is the goat🙏🙏🙏
This is an example of how I have changed after years of therapy. Best money, time, and effort I’ve ever spent - hands down.
Hands Down must be very wise.
When I was in College, I reacted both ways. Firstly falling in panic, then analysing what I was needing to improve. I guess I did it right 😅 I need to go back to that mindset on some aspects of my current life 😜
I think its important to note that you can have both these reactions at the same time.
I used to think like this, but now i noticed it completely depends on how many things happen. When multiple set backs hit me in a row in a short amount of time i just completely drown in it. Like theres a limit and after that I just get overwhelmed and just dont want to try and deal with any of it anymore
I think one of the saying in his video comment section is pretty good at addressing your points. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, if not cripples you for life”, or “What doesn’t kill you leaves scars”. What ever you face will leave a dent on your with varying magnitude. In essence, you can always choose to adapt to the increasing dents on your body and your mind. However, when pressure too much for you to handle is forced upon before you have the chance to react, it is an inevitable outcome to lose balanced in this juncture or even worse case fully crashed into the ground below. Not saying this mindset is flawed to be adopted, instead it’s equally important to acknowledge to pick your battle wisely.
A B is good grade on testing. Like someone once said to me, "do you want doctor that go and A or a B". My response was book smarts mean nothing. I want the doctor with experience.
This is about the belief system conscious or unconscious within the person. It has either been swollowed in childhood unconsciously and makes problems now, or it has been worked and assimilated by the person, actualized acccording today's point of view, so it makes things easier in life. Performance vs growth.
This is very much the basis of a 2000 year old philosophy of stoicism. We do not control what happens to us, only how we respond to what happens to us. This and trying to only react and worry about things I can affect have been crucial to maintaining my mental health the past year or so.
Ryan Holiday's "The Obstacle is the Way" and the stoic virtues series are great modern takes and introductions to the philosophy of the stoics if anyone to discover the topic further.
I LOVE Carol Dweck's work. Have you looed into Barbara Fredickson's broadening and build theory and her work on upward spirals?
Thank You 🙏
The growth mindset sounds very easy when presented like this, but it exposes you to a lot more suffering that you'll have to deal with, because it doesn't allow you the coping mechanisms that deny uncomfortable facts. Not necessarily negative suffering. But suffering nontheless. It might be suffering you have to endure.
You might be so far behind in studying that you'll have to repeat the year. You might have to drop out from your school. You might not be mentally well enough to present yourself in the dating scene. It might take you 5 years to find a partner instead of one. You might have to be rejected for job 300 interviews instead of 50, and you might have to accept a full-time manual labour job instead of staying afloat with the part-time gig you were deluding yourself with, if you want to keep affording rent. Those decisions aren't meant to be solved in that moment, but it's also unhealthy to tell yourself you'll just keep studying when you really know you won't ever catch up this semestre, and you might not be granted a repeat semestre, or you might not have the money to afford it. You have to make these uncomfortable decisions when things start to get hard, not when everything has broken down so badly that you need to rebuild your life from homelessness.
Those types of external circumstances are what really makes the growth mindset so tough. That's why, if you want to build a growth mindset when your default has been coping mechanisms and low confidence, you can't just overwrite "Everything is over" with "I'll try my best" and hope that that will stick. You have to confront a lot of big decisions and accept that the goal you planned for in 5 years might need to be rewritten into an alternative plan for 8 years (equally well-structured, with real accountability checks along the way, and regular self-reflection to adjust your own and the apprpach) instead. And you have to build the confidence to present those choices to the other people in your life without feeling guilty or ashamed.
Without that, your growth mindset will just be superficial words that will only work as long as things are going well enough to maintain the outward positive impression. You'll still break down and catastrophise every time you realise that a plan won't work out.
REAL. Thank you so much for this ❤
No one said there is one single mindset that will solve everything. Which ones are valid would be an interesting area of discussion.
The goal as I see it is to be able to switch to one that works. The growth mindset didn't get him to where he was but it was the best one for that situation. When one doesn't work you switch to another one more appropriate.
True, but also the loss and suffering of being stuck in a fixed mindset might well be far worse. Use cost benefits to work it out, if the situation is not good and you believe you can't change it you are left powerless resentful and living in that situation. If you start seeing you have some control and looking for ways to improve things will shift. Maybe that includes believing you can learn coping strategies
Couple that with being raised in a culture that promotes the fixed mindset, and you're SET to go.
Dr. Dwecks book saved my life, literally. I was able to grow enough to slow and reverse my SI thoughts
The energy of intention changes everything. This is part of why a wise person does not deal in appearances, but essences.
As a parent, I would like to know how we should respond to the our children when they get the A's or B's. How our kid s respond to their grades has more to do with how the parents respond to to their grades when they are younger.. Could you help us create a reality for our children that will help them not need your help in the future, even though it might reduce your clicks in the future. I promise to rewatch all your videos to make up for the lose.. Thanks Doc
Interesting. There is one Thing i would like to say: i submitted once almost the identical essay to 2 different teachers. One graded A and one C.
So i learned grades are subjective. They are just not as meaningful as some people believe. Same with the finals. They dont define you in the long run. Its very similar to Dr. Ks message here.
Who you are is what you decide to do with your grades not to have them
First off: grades, especially in public school in America, don't matter at all. They mean absolutely nothing beyond entry to college. And for the most part, other than trade school or STEM, college is a waste of time.
Second, when your children get lower grades, odds are pretty good they don't care about the subject. The lower the grade, then its likely the less they care. Find what they care about, find moneymaking jobs within that, and help them orient and train into those. In this, if the subject matter they don't care about affects the things they want to do, you can show them how and why they need to care.
If their grades are bad across the board, they're likely depressed, as it's an indicator that their mind has reached its processing limit and they're overwhelmed. They need a serious break. Or, they're super smart, and you're not challenging them at all. In my case i got hit with both.
Bad grades, especially in public school, are rarely an indicator of ability. Example: my gpa in high school was 1.85, but when i took the ASVAB for the military my score was 127. That's EXTREMELY high, and EXTREMELY rare. After that, when i went to A&P school to learn how to be an aircraft mechanic, my gpa was 3.5, and i didn't try AT ALL.
What changed was...I just cared now. Also, there was a "why" behind everything in learned in A&P school, and there wasn't in high school. Plus in high school i was smarter than almost everyone else, including my parents, and adults tend to be extremely arrogant when it comes to children, thinking the children cannot POSSIBLY know more than them. Almost everyone made me think i was the problem, when the reverse was actually more correct.
The task of dealing with the actual problem your children are having will likely be made far greater if they're going to public school. Good luck if that's the case.
Buy dr Dweck book, there is a chapter about this
@@JohnSmith-yc6uvyeah idk they definitely matter lol. There's absolutely a correlation between high school performance and future success.
As a parent, don't focus on the result with our children, focus on the effort. Did they try their best? If so, that's good enough. Teach them to just give it their best.
Got a f on my first test on one class gotten b+ on everything since. If I get about a C I'm happy 😅
@@spamincarnate I was waiting for THIS mindset lol
As a student, I always liked writing tests for q funny reason. I thought it was because there was no regular lesson then. And I definitely enjoyed not having to do homework before a test.
After I started working at a school many years later and finally connected the dots between this and some specific teacher's lessons.
It was actually the class being quiet that I enjoyed so much.
I always knew I was overwhelmed by a chaotic soundscape, especially people talking, always was a headphone person, as soon as I had any say in it. But it took me coming back to this environment to actually realize what went on.
I love Carol's Mindset book!
I’m about to break my straight As in uni and I’m trying not to panic about it. Thanks for this Dr. K.
dr k. how to change into growth mindset. i have a hard time to do it due to years of evidences of failure. help!
I'm pretty sure the first thing to do is to realize that the years that you went through are not "evidences of failure"
Reflect on your supposed “failures” and try to determine their causes *NON JUDGMENTALLY*. You’re responsible for your actions, but that doesn’t mean “blame yourself”.
If something was your fault, like you know made the wrong choice, then reflect on what led you to make that choice (rather than just saying “it was the wrong one”). Find causes for outcomes you didn’t like, and then find the causes for those causes, until you find something you think you can change.
One thing to keep in the back drawer is age, I used to be a fairly determined, always growing, improving, and expanding mindset, but after my last life altering situation and being over 50, I really have no desire to keep that mindset. I had picked up the prices of my life so many times, thinking I was improving, but now I'm homeless and broke at this age. I don't think I can pull myself out anymore.
I have a performance mindset
No wonder I'm so disappointed in myself all the time
And then every time I tell my parents I failed at something again (or they just notice) and I end up receiving their advice they complain that I don't listen to them well enough cause if I did I wouldn't have failed
But little do they know that their solution don't work for me and thus I have no choice not to listen
And then at the end of the day I end up failing again
Which inevitably leads to me and my parents blaming me for not listening to them well enough
Even though I know their way wouldn't have worked I instead blame myself for bringing about a situation where their advice can't help me
My god do I love the way my brain works 😂
wait. buddhism has been saying this for centuries. I don't think carol dwak or whatever her name is can claim some big discovery here.
great advice
Dr. K describes a basic stoic principle in the first few seconds, I wonder how he feels about stoicism.
- We are affected by our reaction to things, no the thing itself. I.e. the B didn't do anything to us, but how we perceived us getting the B did do something to us.
“Just change the way you think”
It’s a slow process, DEFINITELY easier said than done. But it can be done.
At least in my experience, you’ll probably have to intentionally talk to yourself in a different way than usual for a while, and that can feel fake, almost like lying to yourself. But it slowly changes the way you naturally think (especially if you’re fair to yourself and try to find the benefits in whatever new mindset you’re working on) until it’s no longer an intentional choice, and just becomes how you think.
Careful about the GM research. An excellent meta analysis calls some.of Dweck et al.'s conclusions into question. Additionally, socio economic factors are much more correlational than GM to student outcomes. There is a real danger of blaming the victim/bootstraps thinking when we lean on GM to explain atudent outcomes/feelings.
Some groups of people focus on improving others but never focus on honestly recognizing they also need to preach to the choir and i.prove themselves.
Isn't getting a B still good? It's like getting like an 7 or an 8 out of 10 right? The lowest we could get to graduate was an average of 5.5 over all the tests and exams for the class. The exams counted for a bit more, I don't remember exactly. Can't we just be happy with a B? That's amazing! Yes you can do better, but you can also do a lot worse.
What about the "what's school?" mindset, where finding out you got a B on a test is like finding out your blood type is B. "K. What's for dinner?"
@@Jrpyify this is exactly my question as well.
Were most affected by how we think things are, rather than how they actually are-Jim Rohn
I think the concept of a growth mindset is amazing and definitely helps learning. However, how does someone just fully stop caring about the outcome of an event that matters to them?
"Nature is said to be the cause of all material causes and effects, whereas the living entity is the cause of the various sufferings and enjoyments in this world." BG 13.21 Its old news!
Exactly 😊😉
Ok, I had a botched surgery from a dishonest surgeon leading to gangrene and partial foot amputation. I can no longer wear my awesome shoe collection and gave it away. I went thru crippling depression and now have an onslaught of health issues and ME/CFS, on the bright side I won my disability case. 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
15-20 mins waali daldo bhai
I used to think that if I didn't get an A, my parents would be disappointed. It took me awhile to convince them that it was ok if I got a B. I did necessarily use the growth mindset. I think the only time I had a "performance mindset" was when I got below a C. I got upset and I would shred up all my exams. My parents used to say "[subject in school] is easy! How could you fail?"
I gotta admit my first thought was ok I got a B. It neither detered me nor motivated me. My grades were more for teachers. My ability to retain information vrs their ability to teach.
Well if the research is that simple then can teach to kids as a separate subject..
There’s also a learning curve where kids flunk most of the year, cram study into couple weeks at yrs end, get top marks accompanied by a nice high !
Great news but now we need to examine the other half of the equation, which is that our mindset depends on the messages we've previously absorbed. With abuse, neglect, complex trauma, etc., the person feels unsafe and is more likely to form a negative or fixed mindset and then has a hard time meeting challenges later on in life.
Right, I get the feeling that these "burned out gifted kids" have actually been abused, specifically gaslighted into believing that they don't need to learn and then punished for it.
Stoics, buddhism, hinduism, basically most ancient traditions figured it out 2k years ago, its quite strange why it is still not mainstream.
The attribution matrix. Control, locus, time. Is it in my control? Is it internal or external? Is it long or short-term? We have that every semester in some way in uni. Psych
No point in even doing the thing is if the outcome is shit that is the reality so giving up is the right path
Before Carol Dwack, it was the work of 29th century psychologist Dimitri Uznadze, who figured out how disposition worked in psyche.
Let’s be honest here one test with a B won’t lower your gpa unless it drops your grade for that class. But one B shouldn’t do that unless some of your other work (e.g., essays, discussions, etc.) for that class was not an A.
How does one make changes to work towards a progress mindset instead of a performance mindset?
This example tells us something about this guy. That the concept that I got a B, "wow that is great, my parents will be so proud" never even entered his mind. There are so many people that would be ecstatic with a B. You had to group and a culture of expectation of perfection and high achievement to make this particular point of view on getting a B be your knee-jerk reaction.
Basically teaching God energy consciousness from different perspective . Love your work
Framing changes perspective. Is that it?
How to change this performance mindset?
Personally i find myself in the middle I dont think the world is ending because I got a B but I do just go next instead of stopping to think about how to improve
This sort of mindset is the key to skill sports like Darts and Bowling too. If I miss a shot, I’ve trained myself to pretend throw 2 is throw one.
What happens when you feel both ways at the same time, equally 😢
That's why perfectionism is a bane
Question is: which factors determine our internal reaction? Why some people can "train" their brain to react better to stuff, and some other can't leave their old hurtful mindsets?
This has made me realize that I don't have a growth mindset and I have to change that.
Thx
Finally i found spelling of etc at the end😊
So this is the growth mind set. How do you handle loving yourself past that achievement level. Like your going back to school so per say and your struggling to love the effort your able to put in with all the extra pressures of adulthood?
I'm just relieved if I got a passing grade and an overwhelming shame when I did not. That test just needs to stay the f away from me, don't even wanna think about it no matter the grade.
This is a common theme in a lot of Eastern religions, Buddhisn, Sikhism talk about this and you later see it in CBT therapy
I went from 23 to 98 (full 100) in half a year before. There are no reason old test result should affect overall evaluation, if it does the system is wrong.
I’m really critical and wary of what people call the growth mindset. Often I see it described as taking definitively bad events and distorting perception by making them seem better than they actually are.
Trying to find the bright side of things may work for temporary stuff, but with potential snowballing into chronic problems, it can just make things worse.
I disagree. Growth mindset won't crush you when you inevitably fail. Growth mindset ties your human value to your work ethic instead of your performance.
Peeps interested in seeing how this mindset fits into a internal mindset of achievement in high performers may be interested in checking out Angela Duckworth's "Grit: the Power of Passion and Perseverance."
Bigger question: what determines cognition? Not cognitive performance, but the anatomy of it....?
Let's not undermine that a 'B' can be excruciatingly disappointing for very valid reasons, and I'd argue we best not be denying that monstrosity and what needs and values it holds on to.
I got an A and thought they’d made a mistake. This is years and years ago.
But can we control that internal reaction?
Yes with some practice, you definitely can. Brain Coach Jim Kwik explains beautiful point about turning nouns to verbs. Instead of thinking you have or don't have 'motivation', 'calmness' etc, think of it as something that you do or don't do.
@@tomsmom3447 good tip and definitely something i have to work on. i always attribute my flaws to a lack of certain distinct, immutable characteristics rather than framing it as things that i don’t practice enough, which contributes negatively to my self-perception.
how was this studied? does anyone have a reference?
Sometimes a person has a perspective mindset but the rest of the critical masses keep picking at others past flaws like if they're picking a scab
Ahh yes, enable perfectionism.
Luckily here all universities are the same 🌚 just succeed in your tests and your profession is guaranteed
Secret option C you're such a bum you barely study and are so over the moon that you got a B without even trying hard. Feels like a WIN