Next year I will be 30 y.o. and for the first time in my life I have feeling that time is on my side. I am from a poor divorced family (mother was toxic parent and father was alcoholic). Moreover, my sister commited su*cide and father died in a tragic accident. I've bought a small old flat this year, which I am rennovating. My current (financial) situation isn't great (still renting flat in which I am currently living and paying mortgage with quite high interest rate). However, I am expecting a pay raise and refinancing my mortgage at lower interest next year. Moreover, I've started getting in shape to improve my chances at dating market. If I find someone, it'll be great. If I don't, man can be always happy by himself. Time is my friend now. Thank you Dr. K!
yep hope is what made me not be depressed anymore, I pretended to be a psychologist and said to myself Im going to find the cure to depression and find a psychological breakthrough, I was reading books and articles non stop, the action of reading and learning gave me hope that I could cure my depression, just that idea is ended my depression
2:20 about suicide in non-human animals: I heard in documentary about dolphin hunting in Japan, that the dolphins get so stressed and hopeless when they get pushed into an corner, stranded and see their family get slaughtered that the will dive to the bottom and drown, which would also categorize as suicide.
there was also that dolphin that fell in love with a human female worker, and she refused to eat after being separated. idk i just felt it was related somehow
"Human mind loves to be in present"...this blew my mind "action leads to hope"....absolutely blew my mind "Im hopeless about the future so there's not point in doing it, and it sounds logical".....I have been living like this since 2021 and this statement teared me up bad
@@theysayisay6 I understand, recently I had a big realization, that if we are going through a bad time chronically we tend create a distorted version of our reality in our own minds and do not realise how wrong it can actually be. Simply put, we probably aren't as doomed as we thought we are, and because of that, a lot of pain and countless problems which we could work on, to improve our situation, remained unaddressed and keep pilling up. The severe lack of perspective caused by legitimate suffering causes an overwhelming emotional pain, we get blindsighted and paralysed by it and miss many opportunities in life. So yes, action really is the only hope. As someone who holds solidarity with your plight, I wanted to share whatever that has helped me, hoping you do not miss on your precious time like I did and are able to ease your suffering. All the best❤️
I find that hopelessnes is not only about the dimention of time. When I was at my darkest point it felt owerwhelming. The emotion of sadness was so strong, that I could not think of anything else but me being that miserable. Hyperfocused on self, and this dark thought " it will never get better, it is forever". Remember being in that state for hours, untill my dog would come up and ask for a walk. It is hard. But it is not forever. And once you passed that dark time of your life, you are going to be surprised how stupid it was to think that way.
The sadness was you, your mind added the idea that it was forever and would never get better. That isn't sadness then, that's despair. Been there before for 6 years. Sadness is a normal emotion, despair is a product of your mind extrapolating the current feeling out indefinitely.
And this in a sense is still related to the dimension of time. The despair you feel is rooted in the fact that you will continue to feel this way in the future and that there is no escaping.
"its not only about time i felt like I was going to be like this forever and ever" it sounds like it was about time funny enough my dog also helped me move we dont deserve dogs.
Same here but with my cat. I was very depressed, and COVID hit, it became worse. I would lock myself up in my room until I needed to eat. Basically bed rotting as well. My cat would wake me up every morning, sleep with me every night, it was him that supported me along the way. One day, when I looked at him, I thought "it's kind of sad that I'm like this right now, why am I treating myself like this? My cat loves me, why can't I love myself?" And really tried to make things better for myself by cleaning up the room and opening the windows, allowing sunlight to enter my dark room. Started to pick up the ukulele as well to add a fun little hobby. Life became better, and thank god that I'm still here today. ❤
Me listening to this after being depressed, alone and locked inside my own room most of the time for a few days. Or one or two weeks? I forget. And in the midst of taking my first run outside. “Actions leads to hope” Hit me strong.
i agree... for eg, an obese person, never worked out and truly believes they can never run for even 10 seconds, can never lose the weight and be happier, cuz theyre "different"... when they ACTUALLY work out and manage to sun for even 5 seconds, they ACTUALLY realize that cuz theyve done it once, they can do it again! ive experienced it firsthand. action leads to hope🙏 hope u take the actions pretty soon bro, doesnt matter how small they are.
Dr. K, I saw you on Mel Robbins talking about the excercise to stare at a wall for an hour!!!! Oh my! Uhm. Dude. THAT IS SOME REAL HEALING!!! Some stuff came up. That's deep, yo. I won't bore you with the details but... long story short, I wrote like 12 pages in 24 minutes after that. Thank you for the springboard!!! ❤🎉 and props to Mrs. Mel, too! Love her podcasts. Cheers to both of your continued success helping people have breakthroughs and taking action that leads them to a better life for them. For real. High fives, Man. Grateful.
Very early, but a thought that came up while watching the intro: One thing that I've always maintained about Climate Change (I know, touchy subject for some) is that we have hit the "point of no return" many many times, and what that means is that there is a future that will no longer happen, but there are still better futures if we take action now. Same goes for your life. Every missed opportunity is a "point of no return" but that doesn't mean that there's no good future if you begin taking action now. Grieve over the futures you lost, sure, but there's a different future to be built yet.
“Every missed opportunity is a ‘point of no return’… begin taking action now.” Absolutely. I used to get so caught up on the futures I’d lost that I wasn’t focusing on the new possibilities that would be opened. It’s all a matter of your perspective/interpretation/focus.
That's a really good way of putting it. I think people are so concerned about losing hope about this stuff without realizing that hope was never found to begin with. Hope is something that we create. This means that hope is always possible.
Thank You, I needed that conclusion. I often notice my thoughts are stuck in the past. I call the last 6 years of my life a graveyard of wasted opportunities. And it sometimes makes me feel hopeless about my future and demotivate me to take action because "whatever I do, the future I strived for is already gone". I'll take Your point of view and strive for the best futures possible from the moment, not the one I'm fixated on.
@@GamerKiwi with all the respect in the world, but this doesn't seem like a long term plan. Hear me out. This planet isn't infinite. The universe will not be infinite. There will come a time where every living thing in existence will cease to exist. Now with that picture in your brain, why do we need to plan for the next 50-100 years? Why not thousands? It's my opinion that this "global warming" dilemma (while true, I'm not arguing it's validity) is being blown out of proportion. We should be focusing our efforts on sustaining life on another planet and figuring out how to expand to another solar system and beyond. If we want our species to be as great as we think we are, we need to look further into the future. (Dr. K if you read this, yes I'm diagnosed with anxiety) Lol
I'm giving up all of my bad habits overnight, and I'll be documenting it on my channel and I'm hoping it can heal my shattered brain. Thanks for your inspo Dr K, cheers!
I literally watch your videos as therapy. Even if I may not be facing any of such problems but still every time I learn something new about the human brain. What are its capacities and what not. Keep making such videos Dr K.
Interesting. You see this a lot in AA or other recovery setting. I once heard "if you have one foot in the past, and another in the future, you are pissing all over today" and I can see how this blends with the video. I am most miserable when I'm stuck in my head about what has happened or what will happen. It's why taking action in early recovery is soooo important. The advice to get out of your house, every day, and go to a meeting, visit family who support you, or just go for a walk is on point. The more I "move" the more I do, the more I meet and talk to other people, the better I feel. worked back then, and it still works for me today. The second piece of advice I heard, was "Action proceeds understanding". Sometimes I just need to do the THING, and I will see how doing the THING improves my outlook, and my perception of the situation. I often can't think my way into being better, I just have to take the action, and I'll feel better.
Funnily I was just speaking with a friend about how Sundays have always felt to "blah". This notion of future thoughts sabotaging present activities really hits when I think about drawing. I'll have an idea. Get excited about the idea. Start sketching thumbnails. Then worries of it won't turn out how I'd like start to creep in and the motivation evaporates. Then-just to twist the knife-I later regret not drawing the idea.
Swans suicide when their love one dies, the other one flies really high, and just drops to death, so in a way humans are not the only ones that have suicidality. (Great video! Love the stuff. really helps)
I think one of the biggest reality hits for most people of how addicted they've become to blaming time before an action even takes place is when they experience a health issue that changes the way they live. I know for me, when I experienced severe vision degredation due to hypertensive retinopathy, I was told I would continue to go more blind if I didn't change my habits. But my brain did exactly what Dr. K is saying and played the next years of my life and going more blind and it depressed me to an insane degree. I instead had to realize, as he said here, that action comes before hope. That is an awesome way to phrase it and, even tho I don't hate the statement, is way better than "it gets better." It doesn't get better on its own! You act and then it gets better as a result!
My personal issue with time is that im constantly feeling pressured to catch up with the little free time i have outside of my long hour work weeks. It makes it hard for me to allow me to give space to myself because its so much easier to fall into the dopamine trap of instant dopamine addiction from binge watching and internet scrolling. At the same time i get really anxious doing the things i need and want to do because of the little time i have even though i know i can get them done within that small time period and progress incrementally
I've been recently laid off and working odd jobs and grinding towards a full time one basically 7 days a week, I've had similar thoughts and epiphanies to dr.ks sentiments and your thoughts. Time makes me anxious but a realistic breakdown of my day reveals I should be; There really is only so much time to be doing anything, productive or otherwise. It felt the same when I was working full time and not at all in my free time, id do a chore and maybe play a video game for an hour and feel like i needed to be sleep already or the next day would suck
I feel this as well. Work at a Walmart pushing carts for 9 years, come home have maybe 6 hours after dedicating 8 and a half to the job for the day. Not accounting things to do at home. I think it's right to feel things are unfair. It's normal to want freedom when we're restricted to do the grind or be homeless and starve. Sometimes I'll stay up and sleep for less hours because I want to forcibly take back more free time even though it's unhealthy and wrong. In addition to feeling hopeless and stuck cause I don't even have career goals cause the world is just too much damn effort to exist in worrying about if min wage will even keep up with 1 bedroom apartment rent prices. My ideal paradise is just being left alone by bills and responsibilities. So I've been thinking about trying art or content creation and if I could make it work then at least I can have the freedom of scheduling my own work time.
Is this part of why exercise can help with depression? I know it’s pretty complex but I remember in the book Spark the author talked about how exercise can help by showing someone that they can accomplish something difficult which leads to hope, it seems like a very similar concept. Action->Hope->Lower suicidality. Also I love this concept, I have been trying to convince my folks for YEARS that them shaming and guilting each other for their weight isn’t what leads to them building healthy habits because I know that it’s feelings of accomplishment, the belief that you have control, and the belief that you can grow that does build up those habits and they just won’t believe me. It’s insane to me how resistant people can be to the idea that self punishment doesn’t actually do them any good. Even after these two helped me pay for my psychology degree they won’t believe me that the first step in changing a habit is accepting where you are and stop playing the blame game because it only leads to helplessness or “I can’t get better unless I force myself to” which leads to more and more self punishment.
There is also the thing about getting out of your mind and into your body. Depression depicts itself of being in a maelstrom of negative thoughts (downward spiral). Doing physical activities stops (or at least lowers) the thinking. There is also another reaction (satisfaction from having trained, and you feel it physically), but forgot what it's called.
This video couldn’t have come at a better time In my life I had goals that I did not meet, 2 years flew by and I felt that I did go anywhere that I wanted in life
Was literally crying about being late again to work this morning. My adhd makes it so I really struggle with lateness- I have no sense of urgency whatsoever and luckily my job is understanding but it’s exhausting feeling like I have to constantly fight with myself to get things done in a timely manner. I know this isn’t the same thing exactly but it’s like I’ve always been late I always will be late I guess too.
I'm sorry. I struggle with something similar. I find it hard to get motivated. Maybe leave a little earlier? like set a second alarm to tell you when to get out the door.
You made it to work. 🎉 I understand what struggling to getvout of the house feels like. I either stressed myself out to be on time so much one of my most frequent nightmares is being late despite doing everything in my usual routines that used to helped me be on timen even early but getting lost somehow on the way. After I got burned out too much to even function, I stopped caring anymore and just let things take the time it needsn trying to not make the time cost too excessive but not to stingy either. I used to be able to be quick and early before, but when my responsibilities and work increased, and my health, physically, mentally and emotionally declined overtime constantly being on overdrive since junior high, all the things I use to do no longer sufficient no matter how efficient they used to be. Noe just being able to get out of my house or remembering to eat is enough of a struggle to me. 😅 I'm glad you have a workplace that accomodate you. Hope you can get better or manage your difficulties better.
journaling exercise: 1. where are my thoughts? present or past/future 2. when I'm thinking of past or future, what happens to my mood? 3. Strive for action, like taking out the trash
Having only 1 or 2 hours of free time during the weekdays is crushing me. First years when I started working, I tried to minmax my free time by working out before or after work, and sure I feel really good when I got an exercise routine. But I never had any time over to be social. Now I'm just too burned out from constantly being alone - doing the bare minimum is the most I feel like doing.
Take out the trash is going to be my new phrase for when I need to clear my head. It snows where I live and for some reason I LOVE shoveling my driveway and I have only 1 idea and that's because I can see it getting cleaner with each shovel full. The end of this video about being stuck really fits with the snow as if I don't shovel then there is more snow than if I had waited. Thanks for really explaining the WHY we have to do things. Now if you'll excuse me I have some snow to shovel.
a thing i find interesting personally is the fact that if you just make someone feel useful, they'll automatically feel so much better about themselves and their overall mood improves once i was feeling pretty miserable, but then i started to do some things like going on walks, developing mods for games or playing music and in a way i could say i feel better about myself than ever before
@riki4644 welp, so far i've been doing minecraft modding and made the "reverse manhunt" modpack on curseforge, could consider it finished for now but might drop some hotfixes once in a while now developing some datapack for overpowered weapons of mass destruction because having it would be funny (it's not public though) Also i've been messing around with making websites in laravel framework before, to be fair even doing something productive for your self development is already beneficial for your mental health, it can in fact even delay the development of the Alzheimer's disease
@@riki4644 mostly modding minecraft but might eventually try making my own game some day i guess if you want, i made a "reverse manhunt" modpack on curseforge which is pretty much minecraft, but to add confusion - you're the ender dragon and AI speedrunners are your main enemy, so far i could consider it being finished but might drop hotfixes once in a while rn i'm working on some datapack that adds a some overpowered items for fun, although i only finished 6 armor sets and 3 wands and i'm planning to make like 10 of them, as well as a custom crafting system, although it's not public yet however i also did several other things in the past like learning some frameworks or learning new things in general, just doing anything that's good for your self development is good for your mental health and can even lower the rate at which various neurological diseases develop, it's been observed that people who do a lot of memorization like polyglots tend to get altzheimer's disease much later
@riki4644 mostly modding minecraft but might eventually try making my own game some day i guess if you want, i made a "reverse manhunt" modpack on curseforge which is pretty much minecraft, but to add confusion - you're the ender dragon and AI speedrunners are your main enemy, so far i could consider it being finished but might drop hotfixes once in a while rn i'm working on some datapack that adds a some overpowered items for fun, although i only finished 6 armor sets and 3 wands and i'm planning to make like 10 of them, as well as a custom crafting system, although it's not public yet however i also did several other things in the past like learning some frameworks or learning new things in general, just doing anything that's good for your self development is good for your mental health and can even lower the rate at which various neurological diseases develop, it's been observed that people who do a lot of memorization like polyglots don't have problems with memory in their later stages of life
Can I kindly challenge your perspective? I've been noticing this recently with others in my life- where have you got this idea that your mind or 'yourself' is an 'enemy'? If you want to, can I suggest perhaps shifting that belief that your mind and everything your subconscious does it doing so for your BENEFIT and survival. It may be at odds with what you consciously want, but there is usually a good reason for it. Our minds aren't perfect, hence why I think we have to be compassionate with ourselves- something to think about if it helps!
It's actually insane how much I've learned from you about our minds, so thank you very much and may God bless you. And also wanted to share something about my own experience of action leading to hope: the times in my deep half year long depression that made me the most hopeful were the times I was doing something outside of the obligatory things wherein I actively participated. Like one time two other guys and I spent the whole lunch break in school building a small bridge with random stuff from our bags which, despite being super random, I felt like I finally had some hope in my ability to connect with others and not living a lonely life.
I love this channel so much. Everything he said is on point. It is a huge perspective change. Ive had some issues he has talked about I realized that ive been doing the activation parts unconsciously. I have started to play guitar to reduce some symptoms and it has work. Like every time i feel like im slipping I just go play the guitar or to draw just to relax enough and that alone then gives me hope and keeps me motivated. Now that I know this im just going to start doing the action first rather than wait for hope to strike.
We are secrets to each other Each ones life a novel no one else has read Even joined in bonds of love We're linked to one another by such slender threads We are planets to each other Drifting in our orbits to a brief eclipse Each of us a world apart Alone and yet together like two passing ships Just between us I think its time for us to recognize The differences we sometimes fear to show Just between us I think it's time for us to realize The spaces in between Leave room For you and I to grow From "Entre Nous" written by RUSH: Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, Neil Peart
Recently my new in life motto is “It’s not seeing hope that makes you persevere; it’s persevering that creates hope.” Somehow it correlates to what Dr. K is saying here.
I am diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and I did an IQ test my processing speed is 64 and my spatial insight 140. It is likely that my processing speed shows the severity of this issue. Thinking about doing things and not acting seems to be exactly my problem. Thank you for this video Dr. K!
I feel like this problem is more complex then you described. While taking action does improve thing temporarily, being able to think about the future and past and still be hopeful is a necessity as well. I've known this thing for 5 years, and have always "forced" myself to do activities when I started to notice that my mood was getting worse. In the short term, it always worked. In the long term, I am exactly where I was 5 years ago. I cannot think about the past, or the future at all without being depressed about it, so I can't really formulate a plan for my life. All I can do is to plan out tomorrow, which doesn't lead to me making any of the significant changes that I need to do in my life to actually get better. At this point, I don't even know what those changes are and how to figure that one out.
He really is quite good at timing the release of these videos in relation to my own issues... like he knows exactly how I feel, and what I need to hear. Creepy, but in a good way.
Thank you dr. K, I really needed this lecture right now. I always love the feeling, when I see a new video about something I've recently been struggling with.
As someone who has suffered from major depressive disorder his whole life, I can tell you that when faced with any action -- say, going to the gym -- my brain indeed does go to two places -- the past (I have too much weight to lose, this will never make a difference, etc.) and the future (there's nothing in the future worth living for anyway, why do something that is likely to prolong the time that I will spend on this planet?). For the last year or so I've gone to the gym anyway, because I decided to, past and future be darned. Hope hasn't arrived yet. Maybe one day.
it helps to do things that give the maximum endorphins - which means -- go for some muscle burn in the big muscles of biceps and thigh and butt muscles. Alternately, you can impact them - like striking a heavy bag with forearms. This releases endorphins. That's why martial arts classes can be so uplifting for your mood -- you usually spar (bumping forearms or kicks with someone else) or hit the wooden dummy or the foam targets, which releases endorphins and makes you feel amazing. After awhile, just turning your car or bike in the direction of the gym or martial arts class gives you a surge of good feelings -- in anticipation of those endorphins...
@@singingwayUnfortunately not everyone gets this same response from the brain. Especially people who have always been depressed seem to be less able to get any kind of workout high. It also can take a long time to be able to feel a high during a workout because you have to get past the first few sessions first usually.
So this strategy does work and did work for me for quite a while. I was in a place where if I was either satisifed with my actions or atleast able to see them as meaningful steps in the direction I wanted to go. But at some point, i was doing most of the things I wanted to be doing in a given day, but I would constantly have thoughts about how Im putting on some kind of mask to fool myself into being somebody I'm not. Since then I've regressed into full on depression when it comes to how im dealing with college, but im still going on walks and working out twice a week. And thats bizarre for me because the last time I was in this level of depressed state walking and exercise played a huge role in the positive spiral that enabled me to study enough to get into this college at all. If i had to guess, I was using action to get past the behaviour inhibition, but I didnt make enough headway on the hopelessness and meaninglessness i feel about life as a whole. So eventually my brain adapted and went like, its cool that we're exercising but I still wanna give up on the rest of life
I feel this. Thankfully I don’t struggle with low moods/depressions for too long cuz I recognize them, reflect, and am like “oh yeah, I haven’t gotten outside or exercised or done work the past few days.” I tell myself to “get back on the wagon” haha which is so true. It starts with action and then I just get on a roll, that idea of building momentum. When I start my day with a run, i just get so locked in haha I get everything done. But it all starts with action, which is why I stopped gaming out until the evening/night once all is done
My mind likes to create unrealistic situations where other people feel guilty towards me and I get in trouble. I don't really like problems, I prefer to live life to the fullest and have joy, but every time I leave control, my mind does the same thing - revels in misery, guilt and resentments. How do I avoid this?
"If we have hope, THEN we will act." Yep, every time I've ever started anything I didn't get very far because I was hopeless. Hopelessness is a constant struggle for me and the ADHD and depression make a mountain out of that mole hill.
As someone with adhd and overcame my depression my advice is to start small. I remember years ago I finally did something small: not react negatively to a situation that normally bothered me. After overcoming that obstacle I realized “maybe I CAN improve after all!” Slowly I started to improve day after day and I’m the course of a year I went from being depressed living with my mom in a dead end no car or license job wasting away to someone with his own place, car, no depression, overcame a lot of my negative adhd tendencies, and my mental health is better than it’s ever been! You just gotta do it, as hard as it may seem. But you gotta get tired of being tired first. Don’t go hollow.
3:25 ” im going to be along for the rest of my life, is it just 30 years of workibg 9-5, doing laundry, eating fiod getting rejected” For some… yeah….. When i was 25 i raged and cried. At exactly this thought. Now im 42 and yeah thats how its been going…. I didnt help myself, didnt get jelp, crashed my life out at like 36, and still trying ro recover to something better. But that path that life, yeah it will tear at you till you fall. And i was lucky i managed to grab on the ledge i had falled off and had someone pull me back up, But i had to grab the hand. So yeah, those “fears” They are reality… still are… I don’t feel as distraught about it coz i have given up that deep expectation of “i too can be as joyful as those i look too” but i still want it. It still moves me. But I don’t feel entitled to it, or one has stolen something from me. Fooding hell 3 min in and my face is leaking. Gee wiz thanks doc😅
Today was the last day of school. The entire day went by, and I felt happy, but now I think I was never feeling anything from the bottom of my heart. My mind was always somewhere else. Perfect timing, Dr. K. I hope I can become better.
One simple thing that has helped me to battle depression is literally just going for a walk when I feel down. I pulled myself out of a deep 10 year spiral by just making myself exercise or go for a walk when I get into a negative loop.
The part from 13:36 on is so spectacular. I’ve struggled with behavioral activation in practice for years now but this was a really good framing of the way people with such issues approach tasks and thoughts. Thanks a ton!
Lately I've been thinking about how shitty my life must look from a GPS location point of view. This video definitely confirmed some ideas I've already been having
Impeccable timing. Somehow you often post things after i realise what is wrong with me, which is perfect, because i can educate myself more on the issue.
I am just so grateful for all your videos and your channel really I can’t say enough of how much it helps me and brings calm and clarity and a lot of information and making it make sense. It’s just one of a kind you are one of a kind. thank you for sharing your gifts❤
I have a structured procrastination system based on urgency, involves and aimed for outcomes, so it feels like purposeful organization: 1) I do it now 2) I do it later 3) I don't do it at all.
I noticed that everytime I watch these videos it is almost midnight. I need to sleep so I go take an action and go to bed but I cant fall asleep therefore I am a failure so might as well go play videogames till my eyes hurt when I am actually tired. On the other hand these kind of videos are really good to watch just after breakfast to get that motivation.
A verse from the Bible, Romans 5:3-4, always struck me because hope is listed last: "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." I always wondered how I was supposed to persevere without hope!
I love Dr.K content. I am a psychologist and a lot of things he brings to the table are things that directly helps me with my pacients. But I would really love to know if there are any course that are focused on professionals of mental health. If not, this would be a great idea to spread such information about some many great and relevant topics.
Actions don't help me feel more hopeful. I'm in my mid 30s so I guess I'm just more hopeless because I'm older. Knowing I can die in my early 40s due to my health issues or really at any point because my suicidal thinking can drive me over the edge. I don't know, I had some hope in my 20s but nothing actually happened and now I have even more regret and hopelessness in my 30s.
Modern work culture trains us to think negatively about time. Most jobs are hyper-focused on efficiency and deadlines. If you have a job like this, good luck trying to break away from that mindset. This is something I've fought with for years.
Great video! I'm hearing that MINDFULNESS is the best way to find peace i.e., entering the present moment which allows us access to the "flow" state and also enables us to stay out of the past/future thinking that's causing us anxiety. Seems like YOGA would be a great thing to add to public school education. A girl can dream....😜
I have seen many, many of your videos. This is the one. This WILL make me beat procrastination. Right now. I'm off to clean my pile of dishes. Right now.
You can skilfully think about the past and future. Two simple questions I ask at the end of the day are ‘what went well today?’ And ‘what am I looking forward to tomorrow’? The problem isn’t that we think about the past or future. It’s our negative inaccurate memories or negative projections of the future that are the problem
Not sure if feedback will be seen here but I'll give it a shot- Love the content, I'm grateful to have such a resource when I'm feeling up for taking in this wisdom. The feedback is that titles/thumbnails often make it really hard for me to know what the video is about. When I click a video I'm usually not thinking "oh, I want to learn about this"; rather, I am accepting that it's kind of a mystery and I am just willing to learn whatever it happens to be about. Maybe a parenthetical at the end of the title with a list of key topics would help? For example, this title could say "Why Time Is Always Your Enemy (the brain's relationship with time, behavioral activation therapy, ...)". Maybe a poor execution but you get the idea.
Huh... I have not thought about such stuff! Thanks for the video!
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I remember this phrase from Ursula K. Le Guin's "The dispossessed": "The thing about working with time, instead of against it, he thought, is that it is not wasted. Even pain counts. "
Raaaah thank you so much I’ve been going through this with being so invested in grinding that I don’t spend time doing the more uncomfortable stuff like connecting w people and going oht
Really good. Really useful. Thank you Dr. K. That "weird paradoxical reaction" has drained my joy and motivation for so many years, even though I push ahead, I always feel as if I'm fighting myself to make progress. Are you saying -- to try to just "chop wood, carry water" and stop allowing emotions to attach to simple mundane tasks?
I was a very depressed teen, but then I got better not 100 % perfect but I was at least a productive member of society and managed to pass and attend university anyways fast forward to the past 3 months I finished Uni but I have no Idea what's gonna happen next also a series of events drained me so much and I didn't realize I was falling back into old patterns until this past weekend where I spent like 3 days unable to get out of bed and feeling like my future is pointless anyways :) I'm glad I found this video I'll do my best to do some work slowly.
What if my enemy is NOT knowing what to do? I always take out the trash but then at some point there is no more "trash" and I have no clue what else to do. For me the task has to be somewhat rewarding, I can't just do random things - random things won't change my life for the better. But I can't think of any useful activities either.
i find your podcasts interesting to listen to, it widens my perspective on the other hand I try to not overthink life because there is no points, but still interesting thank you!
One of my favorite sayings is "Action is the antidote to despair", which I try to remember everytime I'm feeling sluggish and trapped.
*Action is the antidote to despair* really resonates with me
Remember the exception: choosing not to act, is also an action.
That's beautiful, thank you so much form this🙌🙏
That's so real. There hasn't been a time where I felt worse after going to the gym
action can absolutely NOT be the antidote to despair, but try anyway to make sure youre not one of those people
Next year I will be 30 y.o. and for the first time in my life I have feeling that time is on my side. I am from a poor divorced family (mother was toxic parent and father was alcoholic). Moreover, my sister commited su*cide and father died in a tragic accident. I've bought a small old flat this year, which I am rennovating. My current (financial) situation isn't great (still renting flat in which I am currently living and paying mortgage with quite high interest rate). However, I am expecting a pay raise and refinancing my mortgage at lower interest next year. Moreover, I've started getting in shape to improve my chances at dating market. If I find someone, it'll be great. If I don't, man can be always happy by himself. Time is my friend now. Thank you Dr. K!
@@mistrcs really proud of you sir, that's admirable really. (From 18yr old )
Wow, buying a flat is really hard, you go bro, you already have done a lot! (◡‿◡✿)
Go king 👑🙌
Sounds great! happy for you!
Hello 👋
Where are you from?
Can we be friends..
I know it's kinda weird, but believe me it's not 😅
“action leads to hope”
:3
10:21
Andrew tate was right?????
@@russellyap7989 something something broken clock and twice a day
yep hope is what made me not be depressed anymore, I pretended to be a psychologist and said to myself Im going to find the cure to depression and find a psychological breakthrough, I was reading books and articles non stop, the action of reading and learning gave me hope that I could cure my depression, just that idea is ended my depression
2:20 about suicide in non-human animals: I heard in documentary about dolphin hunting in Japan, that the dolphins get so stressed and hopeless when they get pushed into an corner, stranded and see their family get slaughtered that the will dive to the bottom and drown, which would also categorize as suicide.
It can also be mentioned how swans dive on rocks after seeing the death of their partners or children.
Yeah I actually have heard of cases of dolphins commiting suicide as well.
there was also that dolphin that fell in love with a human female worker, and she refused to eat after being separated. idk i just felt it was related somehow
@@poethalaw oh you also might be talking about the guy who had sex with a dolphin which later killed itself when he had to quit working with it
@ i believe the worker was a woman though, no?
"Human mind loves to be in present"...this blew my mind
"action leads to hope"....absolutely blew my mind
"Im hopeless about the future so there's not point in doing it, and it sounds logical".....I have been living like this since 2021 and this statement teared me up bad
@@theysayisay6 I understand, recently I had a big realization, that if we are going through a bad time chronically we tend create a distorted version of our reality in our own minds and do not realise how wrong it can actually be.
Simply put, we probably aren't as doomed as we thought we are, and because of that, a lot of pain and countless problems which we could work on, to improve our situation, remained unaddressed and keep pilling up. The severe lack of perspective caused by legitimate suffering causes an overwhelming emotional pain, we get blindsighted and paralysed by it and miss many opportunities in life. So yes, action really is the only hope.
As someone who holds solidarity with your plight, I wanted to share whatever that has helped me, hoping you do not miss on your precious time like I did and are able to ease your suffering. All the best❤️
"don't think about the past it'll turn into anger, don't think about the future it'll turn into worry"
I find that hopelessnes is not only about the dimention of time. When I was at my darkest point it felt owerwhelming. The emotion of sadness was so strong, that I could not think of anything else but me being that miserable. Hyperfocused on self, and this dark thought " it will never get better, it is forever". Remember being in that state for hours, untill my dog would come up and ask for a walk. It is hard. But it is not forever. And once you passed that dark time of your life, you are going to be surprised how stupid it was to think that way.
@@marinanathanson4940 do you notice how the dog activated your behavioural activation system?
The sadness was you, your mind added the idea that it was forever and would never get better. That isn't sadness then, that's despair.
Been there before for 6 years.
Sadness is a normal emotion, despair is a product of your mind extrapolating the current feeling out indefinitely.
And this in a sense is still related to the dimension of time. The despair you feel is rooted in the fact that you will continue to feel this way in the future and that there is no escaping.
"its not only about time i felt like I was going to be like this forever and ever" it sounds like it was about time funny enough my dog also helped me move we dont deserve dogs.
Same here but with my cat. I was very depressed, and COVID hit, it became worse. I would lock myself up in my room until I needed to eat. Basically bed rotting as well. My cat would wake me up every morning, sleep with me every night, it was him that supported me along the way. One day, when I looked at him, I thought "it's kind of sad that I'm like this right now, why am I treating myself like this? My cat loves me, why can't I love myself?" And really tried to make things better for myself by cleaning up the room and opening the windows, allowing sunlight to enter my dark room. Started to pick up the ukulele as well to add a fun little hobby. Life became better, and thank god that I'm still here today. ❤
I find it fascinating how every time a new problem arises in my life, you post a new video with the solution. I thank you Dr. K
Hhhhh
I feel the same thing too😅
Me listening to this after being depressed, alone and locked inside my own room most of the time for a few days. Or one or two weeks? I forget.
And in the midst of taking my first run outside.
“Actions leads to hope”
Hit me strong.
movement is life. in more ways than one.
i agree... for eg, an obese person, never worked out and truly believes they can never run for even 10 seconds, can never lose the weight and be happier, cuz theyre "different"... when they ACTUALLY work out and manage to sun for even 5 seconds, they ACTUALLY realize that cuz theyve done it once, they can do it again! ive experienced it firsthand.
action leads to hope🙏 hope u take the actions pretty soon bro, doesnt matter how small they are.
"By me running I'm callusing my mind. I'm not training for a race - I'm training for life."
Rooting for you
Dr. K, I saw you on Mel Robbins talking about the excercise to stare at a wall for an hour!!!!
Oh my!
Uhm. Dude. THAT IS SOME REAL HEALING!!! Some stuff came up. That's deep, yo.
I won't bore you with the details but... long story short, I wrote like 12 pages in 24 minutes after that.
Thank you for the springboard!!! ❤🎉 and props to Mrs. Mel, too! Love her podcasts.
Cheers to both of your continued success helping people have breakthroughs and taking action that leads them to a better life for them.
For real.
High fives, Man. Grateful.
Very early, but a thought that came up while watching the intro: One thing that I've always maintained about Climate Change (I know, touchy subject for some) is that we have hit the "point of no return" many many times, and what that means is that there is a future that will no longer happen, but there are still better futures if we take action now. Same goes for your life. Every missed opportunity is a "point of no return" but that doesn't mean that there's no good future if you begin taking action now. Grieve over the futures you lost, sure, but there's a different future to be built yet.
“Every missed opportunity is a ‘point of no return’… begin taking action now.” Absolutely. I used to get so caught up on the futures I’d lost that I wasn’t focusing on the new possibilities that would be opened. It’s all a matter of your perspective/interpretation/focus.
"the best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, the next best time is now."
That's a really good way of putting it. I think people are so concerned about losing hope about this stuff without realizing that hope was never found to begin with. Hope is something that we create. This means that hope is always possible.
Thank You, I needed that conclusion. I often notice my thoughts are stuck in the past. I call the last 6 years of my life a graveyard of wasted opportunities. And it sometimes makes me feel hopeless about my future and demotivate me to take action because "whatever I do, the future I strived for is already gone". I'll take Your point of view and strive for the best futures possible from the moment, not the one I'm fixated on.
@@GamerKiwi with all the respect in the world, but this doesn't seem like a long term plan. Hear me out. This planet isn't infinite. The universe will not be infinite. There will come a time where every living thing in existence will cease to exist. Now with that picture in your brain, why do we need to plan for the next 50-100 years? Why not thousands? It's my opinion that this "global warming" dilemma (while true, I'm not arguing it's validity) is being blown out of proportion. We should be focusing our efforts on sustaining life on another planet and figuring out how to expand to another solar system and beyond. If we want our species to be as great as we think we are, we need to look further into the future. (Dr. K if you read this, yes I'm diagnosed with anxiety) Lol
I'm giving up all of my bad habits overnight, and I'll be documenting it on my channel and I'm hoping it can heal my shattered brain. Thanks for your inspo Dr K, cheers!
I literally watch your videos as therapy. Even if I may not be facing any of such problems but still every time I learn something new about the human brain. What are its capacities and what not. Keep making such videos Dr K.
Interesting. You see this a lot in AA or other recovery setting. I once heard "if you have one foot in the past, and another in the future, you are pissing all over today" and I can see how this blends with the video. I am most miserable when I'm stuck in my head about what has happened or what will happen. It's why taking action in early recovery is soooo important. The advice to get out of your house, every day, and go to a meeting, visit family who support you, or just go for a walk is on point. The more I "move" the more I do, the more I meet and talk to other people, the better I feel. worked back then, and it still works for me today.
The second piece of advice I heard, was "Action proceeds understanding". Sometimes I just need to do the THING, and I will see how doing the THING improves my outlook, and my perception of the situation. I often can't think my way into being better, I just have to take the action, and I'll feel better.
Funnily I was just speaking with a friend about how Sundays have always felt to "blah". This notion of future thoughts sabotaging present activities really hits when I think about drawing. I'll have an idea. Get excited about the idea. Start sketching thumbnails. Then worries of it won't turn out how I'd like start to creep in and the motivation evaporates. Then-just to twist the knife-I later regret not drawing the idea.
Swans suicide when their love one dies, the other one flies really high, and just drops to death, so in a way humans are not the only ones that have suicidality. (Great video! Love the stuff. really helps)
I think one of the biggest reality hits for most people of how addicted they've become to blaming time before an action even takes place is when they experience a health issue that changes the way they live.
I know for me, when I experienced severe vision degredation due to hypertensive retinopathy, I was told I would continue to go more blind if I didn't change my habits. But my brain did exactly what Dr. K is saying and played the next years of my life and going more blind and it depressed me to an insane degree. I instead had to realize, as he said here, that action comes before hope. That is an awesome way to phrase it and, even tho I don't hate the statement, is way better than "it gets better." It doesn't get better on its own! You act and then it gets better as a result!
My personal issue with time is that im constantly feeling pressured to catch up with the little free time i have outside of my long hour work weeks. It makes it hard for me to allow me to give space to myself because its so much easier to fall into the dopamine trap of instant dopamine addiction from binge watching and internet scrolling. At the same time i get really anxious doing the things i need and want to do because of the little time i have even though i know i can get them done within that small time period and progress incrementally
I've been recently laid off and working odd jobs and grinding towards a full time one basically 7 days a week, I've had similar thoughts and epiphanies to dr.ks sentiments and your thoughts. Time makes me anxious but a realistic breakdown of my day reveals I should be; There really is only so much time to be doing anything, productive or otherwise. It felt the same when I was working full time and not at all in my free time, id do a chore and maybe play a video game for an hour and feel like i needed to be sleep already or the next day would suck
I feel this as well. Work at a Walmart pushing carts for 9 years, come home have maybe 6 hours after dedicating 8 and a half to the job for the day. Not accounting things to do at home. I think it's right to feel things are unfair. It's normal to want freedom when we're restricted to do the grind or be homeless and starve. Sometimes I'll stay up and sleep for less hours because I want to forcibly take back more free time even though it's unhealthy and wrong. In addition to feeling hopeless and stuck cause I don't even have career goals cause the world is just too much damn effort to exist in worrying about if min wage will even keep up with 1 bedroom apartment rent prices. My ideal paradise is just being left alone by bills and responsibilities. So I've been thinking about trying art or content creation and if I could make it work then at least I can have the freedom of scheduling my own work time.
Is this part of why exercise can help with depression? I know it’s pretty complex but I remember in the book Spark the author talked about how exercise can help by showing someone that they can accomplish something difficult which leads to hope, it seems like a very similar concept. Action->Hope->Lower suicidality. Also I love this concept, I have been trying to convince my folks for YEARS that them shaming and guilting each other for their weight isn’t what leads to them building healthy habits because I know that it’s feelings of accomplishment, the belief that you have control, and the belief that you can grow that does build up those habits and they just won’t believe me. It’s insane to me how resistant people can be to the idea that self punishment doesn’t actually do them any good. Even after these two helped me pay for my psychology degree they won’t believe me that the first step in changing a habit is accepting where you are and stop playing the blame game because it only leads to helplessness or “I can’t get better unless I force myself to” which leads to more and more self punishment.
There is also the thing about getting out of your mind and into your body. Depression depicts itself of being in a maelstrom of negative thoughts (downward spiral). Doing physical activities stops (or at least lowers) the thinking. There is also another reaction (satisfaction from having trained, and you feel it physically), but forgot what it's called.
This video couldn’t have come at a better time In my life I had goals that I did not meet, 2 years flew by and I felt that I did go anywhere that I wanted in life
literally felt the same way abt my life as of now, hope we can overcome this
Was literally crying about being late again to work this morning. My adhd makes it so I really struggle with lateness- I have no sense of urgency whatsoever and luckily my job is understanding but it’s exhausting feeling like I have to constantly fight with myself to get things done in a timely manner. I know this isn’t the same thing exactly but it’s like I’ve always been late I always will be late I guess too.
I'm sorry. I struggle with something similar. I find it hard to get motivated. Maybe leave a little earlier? like set a second alarm to tell you when to get out the door.
Your example makes perfect sense same for me.... its like you get hopeless because you start believing its always going to be like this.
But you made it! I played Baldur's Gate 3 until 23.15. I did not make it to work today.
You made it to work. 🎉
I understand what struggling to getvout of the house feels like.
I either stressed myself out to be on time so much one of my most frequent nightmares is being late despite doing everything in my usual routines that used to helped me be on timen even early but getting lost somehow on the way.
After I got burned out too much to even function, I stopped caring anymore and just let things take the time it needsn trying to not make the time cost too excessive but not to stingy either.
I used to be able to be quick and early before, but when my responsibilities and work increased, and my health, physically, mentally and emotionally declined overtime constantly being on overdrive since junior high, all the things I use to do no longer sufficient no matter how efficient they used to be. Noe just being able to get out of my house or remembering to eat is enough of a struggle to me. 😅
I'm glad you have a workplace that accomodate you. Hope you can get better or manage your difficulties better.
talk about luxury problems...
journaling exercise:
1. where are my thoughts? present or past/future
2. when I'm thinking of past or future, what happens to my mood?
3. Strive for action, like taking out the trash
Seeing Dr. K with a streak of gray hair 😥 time really is the enemy
Lookin real good with it tho 😄
@@Fandomsoffffffffffffff I agree, he looks so cool with it
@@julianreiter2627Dr, K reminds me of Mr Fantastic for some reason lol
Why is time the enemy?
Time only takes what it gives.
I believe that's called a "wisdom highlight."
Reminds me of what uncle Iroh said to Zuko: "In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength."
Having only 1 or 2 hours of free time during the weekdays is crushing me. First years when I started working, I tried to minmax my free time by working out before or after work, and sure I feel really good when I got an exercise routine. But I never had any time over to be social. Now I'm just too burned out from constantly being alone - doing the bare minimum is the most I feel like doing.
Take out the trash is going to be my new phrase for when I need to clear my head. It snows where I live and for some reason I LOVE shoveling my driveway and I have only 1 idea and that's because I can see it getting cleaner with each shovel full. The end of this video about being stuck really fits with the snow as if I don't shovel then there is more snow than if I had waited.
Thanks for really explaining the WHY we have to do things. Now if you'll excuse me I have some snow to shovel.
a thing i find interesting personally is the fact that if you just make someone feel useful, they'll automatically feel so much better about themselves and their overall mood improves
once i was feeling pretty miserable, but then i started to do some things like going on walks, developing mods for games or playing music and in a way i could say i feel better about myself than ever before
May I try your mods
@riki4644 welp, so far i've been doing minecraft modding and made the "reverse manhunt" modpack on curseforge, could consider it finished for now but might drop some hotfixes once in a while
now developing some datapack for overpowered weapons of mass destruction because having it would be funny (it's not public though)
Also i've been messing around with making websites in laravel framework before, to be fair even doing something productive for your self development is already beneficial for your mental health, it can in fact even delay the development of the Alzheimer's disease
@@riki4644 mostly modding minecraft but might eventually try making my own game some day i guess
if you want, i made a "reverse manhunt" modpack on curseforge which is pretty much minecraft, but to add confusion - you're the ender dragon and AI speedrunners are your main enemy, so far i could consider it being finished but might drop hotfixes once in a while
rn i'm working on some datapack that adds a some overpowered items for fun, although i only finished 6 armor sets and 3 wands and i'm planning to make like 10 of them, as well as a custom crafting system, although it's not public yet
however i also did several other things in the past like learning some frameworks or learning new things in general, just doing anything that's good for your self development is good for your mental health and can even lower the rate at which various neurological diseases develop, it's been observed that people who do a lot of memorization like polyglots tend to get altzheimer's disease much later
@riki4644 mostly modding minecraft but might eventually try making my own game some day i guess
if you want, i made a "reverse manhunt" modpack on curseforge which is pretty much minecraft, but to add confusion - you're the ender dragon and AI speedrunners are your main enemy, so far i could consider it being finished but might drop hotfixes once in a while
rn i'm working on some datapack that adds a some overpowered items for fun, although i only finished 6 armor sets and 3 wands and i'm planning to make like 10 of them, as well as a custom crafting system, although it's not public yet
however i also did several other things in the past like learning some frameworks or learning new things in general, just doing anything that's good for your self development is good for your mental health and can even lower the rate at which various neurological diseases develop, it's been observed that people who do a lot of memorization like polyglots don't have problems with memory in their later stages of life
let him try your mods
I am my only enemy. I am the one stopping myself from getting better.
You have no enemies
@@Wisconsinprepper710 you can also be your best friend. you can listen to yourself and be the one to help yourself get better
Can I kindly challenge your perspective? I've been noticing this recently with others in my life- where have you got this idea that your mind or 'yourself' is an 'enemy'?
If you want to, can I suggest perhaps shifting that belief that your mind and everything your subconscious does it doing so for your BENEFIT and survival. It may be at odds with what you consciously want, but there is usually a good reason for it. Our minds aren't perfect, hence why I think we have to be compassionate with ourselves- something to think about if it helps!
I am my best friend. But my best friend is trying to protect me from relationships 💀
yes sir. its time to battle that shit baby. and yes facing your emotions can quite literally be a war
Awesome advice. No sarcasm, it’s good stuff.
Now a video about disability and hopelessness.
I second this
Yes please!
^
It's actually insane how much I've learned from you about our minds, so thank you very much and may God bless you.
And also wanted to share something about my own experience of action leading to hope: the times in my deep half year long depression that made me the most hopeful were the times I was doing something outside of the obligatory things wherein I actively participated. Like one time two other guys and I spent the whole lunch break in school building a small bridge with random stuff from our bags which, despite being super random, I felt like I finally had some hope in my ability to connect with others and not living a lonely life.
I love this channel so much. Everything he said is on point. It is a huge perspective change. Ive had some issues he has talked about I realized that ive been doing the activation parts unconsciously. I have started to play guitar to reduce some symptoms and it has work. Like every time i feel like im slipping I just go play the guitar or to draw just to relax enough and that alone then gives me hope and keeps me motivated. Now that I know this im just going to start doing the action first rather than wait for hope to strike.
Brain loves to be in present and actions leads to hope 🙏
We are secrets to each other
Each ones life a novel no one else has read
Even joined in bonds of love
We're linked to one another by such slender threads
We are planets to each other
Drifting in our orbits to a brief eclipse
Each of us a world apart
Alone and yet together like two passing ships
Just between us
I think its time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes fear to show
Just between us
I think it's time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room
For you and I to grow
From "Entre Nous"
written by RUSH: Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, Neil Peart
i feel like im stuck at home. i feel like doing these chores and taking care of the house isolates me from making real connections.
Recently my new in life motto is “It’s not seeing hope that makes you persevere; it’s persevering that creates hope.”
Somehow it correlates to what Dr. K is saying here.
I am diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and I did an IQ test my processing speed is 64 and my spatial insight 140. It is likely that my processing speed shows the severity of this issue. Thinking about doing things and not acting seems to be exactly my problem. Thank you for this video Dr. K!
Processing speed 💀 are you a computer??
@@meandmyguitar4675 yes 🤖
I feel like this problem is more complex then you described. While taking action does improve thing temporarily, being able to think about the future and past and still be hopeful is a necessity as well. I've known this thing for 5 years, and have always "forced" myself to do activities when I started to notice that my mood was getting worse. In the short term, it always worked. In the long term, I am exactly where I was 5 years ago. I cannot think about the past, or the future at all without being depressed about it, so I can't really formulate a plan for my life. All I can do is to plan out tomorrow, which doesn't lead to me making any of the significant changes that I need to do in my life to actually get better. At this point, I don't even know what those changes are and how to figure that one out.
Timing is insane
I see what you did there
He really is quite good at timing the release of these videos in relation to my own issues... like he knows exactly how I feel, and what I need to hear. Creepy, but in a good way.
"hell...its about time"
Thank you dr. K, I really needed this lecture right now. I always love the feeling, when I see a new video about something I've recently been struggling with.
As someone who has suffered from major depressive disorder his whole life, I can tell you that when faced with any action -- say, going to the gym -- my brain indeed does go to two places -- the past (I have too much weight to lose, this will never make a difference, etc.) and the future (there's nothing in the future worth living for anyway, why do something that is likely to prolong the time that I will spend on this planet?).
For the last year or so I've gone to the gym anyway, because I decided to, past and future be darned. Hope hasn't arrived yet. Maybe one day.
it helps to do things that give the maximum endorphins - which means -- go for some muscle burn in the big muscles of biceps and thigh and butt muscles. Alternately, you can impact them - like striking a heavy bag with forearms. This releases endorphins. That's why martial arts classes can be so uplifting for your mood -- you usually spar (bumping forearms or kicks with someone else) or hit the wooden dummy or the foam targets, which releases endorphins and makes you feel amazing. After awhile, just turning your car or bike in the direction of the gym or martial arts class gives you a surge of good feelings -- in anticipation of those endorphins...
@@singingwayUnfortunately not everyone gets this same response from the brain. Especially people who have always been depressed seem to be less able to get any kind of workout high. It also can take a long time to be able to feel a high during a workout because you have to get past the first few sessions first usually.
I relate
"Maybe one day"? sounds like you already have hope pal
So this strategy does work and did work for me for quite a while. I was in a place where if I was either satisifed with my actions or atleast able to see them as meaningful steps in the direction I wanted to go. But at some point, i was doing most of the things I wanted to be doing in a given day, but I would constantly have thoughts about how Im putting on some kind of mask to fool myself into being somebody I'm not.
Since then I've regressed into full on depression when it comes to how im dealing with college, but im still going on walks and working out twice a week. And thats bizarre for me because the last time I was in this level of depressed state walking and exercise played a huge role in the positive spiral that enabled me to study enough to get into this college at all.
If i had to guess, I was using action to get past the behaviour inhibition, but I didnt make enough headway on the hopelessness and meaninglessness i feel about life as a whole. So eventually my brain adapted and went like, its cool that we're exercising but I still wanna give up on the rest of life
Brilliant video! You truly understand how the suffering mind behaves. Not every doctor cares about that. Big THANK YOU, Dr. K! 🙏
I feel this. Thankfully I don’t struggle with low moods/depressions for too long cuz I recognize them, reflect, and am like “oh yeah, I haven’t gotten outside or exercised or done work the past few days.” I tell myself to “get back on the wagon” haha which is so true. It starts with action and then I just get on a roll, that idea of building momentum. When I start my day with a run, i just get so locked in haha I get everything done. But it all starts with action, which is why I stopped gaming out until the evening/night once all is done
i love the topics you talks abt on you’re channel. keep up the good workk!
My mind likes to create unrealistic situations where other people feel guilty towards me and I get in trouble. I don't really like problems, I prefer to live life to the fullest and have joy, but every time I leave control, my mind does the same thing - revels in misery, guilt and resentments. How do I avoid this?
You are excellent. You describe all of these things in a way that everybody can relate to this practically.
"If we have hope, THEN we will act." Yep, every time I've ever started anything I didn't get very far because I was hopeless. Hopelessness is a constant struggle for me and the ADHD and depression make a mountain out of that mole hill.
As someone with adhd and overcame my depression my advice is to start small. I remember years ago I finally did something small: not react negatively to a situation that normally bothered me. After overcoming that obstacle I realized “maybe I CAN improve after all!” Slowly I started to improve day after day and I’m the course of a year I went from being depressed living with my mom in a dead end no car or license job wasting away to someone with his own place, car, no depression, overcame a lot of my negative adhd tendencies, and my mental health is better than it’s ever been! You just gotta do it, as hard as it may seem. But you gotta get tired of being tired first. Don’t go hollow.
for what it’s worth, I believe in you! you can do hard shit, and after that, even harder shit. I’m on a similar journey regarding self-hatred
10:15 No he said that action creates hope. And that hope => action is wrong
The whole point of the video was that it works the opposite way.
no bro,
if you'll act through your hopelessness THEN you will acquire hope
3:25 ” im going to be along for the rest of my life, is it just 30 years of workibg 9-5, doing laundry, eating fiod getting rejected”
For some… yeah…..
When i was 25 i raged and cried. At exactly this thought. Now im 42 and yeah thats how its been going….
I didnt help myself, didnt get jelp, crashed my life out at like 36, and still trying ro recover to something better.
But that path that life, yeah it will tear at you till you fall. And i was lucky i managed to grab on the ledge i had falled off and had someone pull me back up,
But i had to grab the hand.
So yeah, those “fears”
They are reality… still are…
I don’t feel as distraught about it coz i have given up that deep expectation of “i too can be as joyful as those i look too” but i still want it. It still moves me. But I don’t feel entitled to it, or one has stolen something from me.
Fooding hell 3 min in and my face is leaking.
Gee wiz thanks doc😅
No views in one minute. Didn't fall off, just not enough time,
never enough time.
Get your pen in the writing room RIGHT NOW!🗣
One of the more powerful Dr. K videos.
Lots to learn from this one.
Today was the last day of school. The entire day went by, and I felt happy, but now I think I was never feeling anything from the bottom of my heart. My mind was always somewhere else. Perfect timing, Dr. K. I hope I can become better.
"Saved to Watch Later"
Lmao
Bruh 😆
lmao...the enemy is winning
This is exactly what I did xD
Comment so @malldvd will always be notified and come back to watch :^)
"I am become Time, the destroyer of worlds." is a more accurate translation of the quote from the Bhagavad Gita
Man you are no joke. You have an unbelievable talent and your brain jams
One simple thing that has helped me to battle depression is literally just going for a walk when I feel down. I pulled myself out of a deep 10 year spiral by just making myself exercise or go for a walk when I get into a negative loop.
The part from 13:36 on is so spectacular. I’ve struggled with behavioral activation in practice for years now but this was a really good framing of the way people with such issues approach tasks and thoughts. Thanks a ton!
Lately I've been thinking about how shitty my life must look from a GPS location point of view. This video definitely confirmed some ideas I've already been having
Lately I've been seeing the opposite. Hope gets me going, as long as it lasts. Action uses it up. I'm not seeing positive results. I'm drained.
Possibly why meditation is encouraged, mindfulness bringing you to the present
Very difficult to stick with the practice though
Impeccable timing. Somehow you often post things after i realise what is wrong with me, which is perfect, because i can educate myself more on the issue.
SAME!
Absolutely Gold. Thank you so much. God Bless you
I am just so grateful for all your videos and your channel really I can’t say enough of how much it helps me and brings calm and clarity and a lot of information and making it make sense. It’s just one of a kind you are one of a kind. thank you for sharing your gifts❤
I have a structured procrastination system based on urgency, involves and aimed for outcomes, so it feels like purposeful organization: 1) I do it now 2) I do it later 3) I don't do it at all.
I noticed that everytime I watch these videos it is almost midnight. I need to sleep so I go take an action and go to bed but I cant fall asleep therefore I am a failure so might as well go play videogames till my eyes hurt when I am actually tired. On the other hand these kind of videos are really good to watch just after breakfast to get that motivation.
Very relatable right now. Every time I’m productive I just straight up feel like shit. I feel so uncomfortable doing it and then after
A verse from the Bible, Romans 5:3-4, always struck me because hope is listed last: "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." I always wondered how I was supposed to persevere without hope!
I love Dr.K content. I am a psychologist and a lot of things he brings to the table are things that directly helps me with my pacients. But I would really love to know if there are any course that are focused on professionals of mental health. If not, this would be a great idea to spread such information about some many great and relevant topics.
Actions don't help me feel more hopeful. I'm in my mid 30s so I guess I'm just more hopeless because I'm older. Knowing I can die in my early 40s due to my health issues or really at any point because my suicidal thinking can drive me over the edge. I don't know, I had some hope in my 20s but nothing actually happened and now I have even more regret and hopelessness in my 30s.
Man you are such a good help for me Dr. K. Thank you ❤
Needed this today. Thank you.
Dr k ..😭😭😭😭😭😭Thank youuuuuuu !!!!!!!!!!! You are gonna save the world
These last few videos have been 🔥 for the issues I deal with. Thank you Dr. K!
Everyday is nothing. Not tomorrow, I don’t even wanna live today or wanted to exist in the first place. I just distract myself on distractions.
I get new insights exceptionally from Dr K❤
Modern work culture trains us to think negatively about time. Most jobs are hyper-focused on efficiency and deadlines. If you have a job like this, good luck trying to break away from that mindset. This is something I've fought with for years.
Thanks Dr. K, let's all take out the trash regardless it's the physical or mental aspects and take action and focus on Present!!!
Great video! I'm hearing that MINDFULNESS is the best way to find peace i.e., entering the present moment which allows us access to the "flow" state and also enables us to stay out of the past/future thinking that's causing us anxiety. Seems like YOGA would be a great thing to add to public school education. A girl can dream....😜
"Just to Something, anything" is actually great advice
it's all about taking action and doing stuff irl
I have seen many, many of your videos. This is the one. This WILL make me beat procrastination.
Right now. I'm off to clean my pile of dishes. Right now.
You can skilfully think about the past and future. Two simple questions I ask at the end of the day are ‘what went well today?’ And ‘what am I looking forward to tomorrow’? The problem isn’t that we think about the past or future. It’s our negative inaccurate memories or negative projections of the future that are the problem
1:53 The fact humans are the only species that commits suicide is sad
not true
Dolphins commit suicide too
What about whales beaching themselfs, it's not considered suicide in recent research anymore?
What about lemmings? Oh, wait, never mind!
Not sure if feedback will be seen here but I'll give it a shot- Love the content, I'm grateful to have such a resource when I'm feeling up for taking in this wisdom. The feedback is that titles/thumbnails often make it really hard for me to know what the video is about. When I click a video I'm usually not thinking "oh, I want to learn about this"; rather, I am accepting that it's kind of a mystery and I am just willing to learn whatever it happens to be about. Maybe a parenthetical at the end of the title with a list of key topics would help? For example, this title could say "Why Time Is Always Your Enemy (the brain's relationship with time, behavioral activation therapy, ...)". Maybe a poor execution but you get the idea.
As someone who was bullied all throughout school life, failed to be protected I can relate to this.
Thank you. I needed to hear this. Time is finite and constantly draining. Try not to let it get to you, but also, let it get to you a little bit. 😉
Huh... I have not thought about such stuff!
Thanks for the video!
I remember this phrase from Ursula K. Le Guin's "The dispossessed": "The thing about working with time, instead of against it, he thought, is that it is not wasted. Even pain counts. "
THIS IS WHAT I REALLY NEED RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT THANK YOU DR. K😮
Raaaah thank you so much I’ve been going through this with being so invested in grinding that I don’t spend time doing the more uncomfortable stuff like connecting w people and going oht
Really good. Really useful. Thank you Dr. K. That "weird paradoxical reaction" has drained my joy and motivation for so many years, even though I push ahead, I always feel as if I'm fighting myself to make progress. Are you saying -- to try to just "chop wood, carry water" and stop allowing emotions to attach to simple mundane tasks?
My internet addiction led me to Dr. K, but curing my addiction would mean leaving Dr. K. I can‘t do that. I need Dr. K.
Interesting and helpful! Thanks for sharing.
Anthony will also make sure the right person gets this package! So cute!!
I was a very depressed teen, but then I got better not 100 % perfect but I was at least a productive member of society and managed to pass and attend university anyways fast forward to the past 3 months I finished Uni but I have no Idea what's gonna happen next also a series of events drained me so much and I didn't realize I was falling back into old patterns until this past weekend where I spent like 3 days unable to get out of bed and feeling like my future is pointless anyways :) I'm glad I found this video I'll do my best to do some work slowly.
Fantastic video. Thank you Dr k.
What if my enemy is NOT knowing what to do? I always take out the trash but then at some point there is no more "trash" and I have no clue what else to do. For me the task has to be somewhat rewarding, I can't just do random things - random things won't change my life for the better. But I can't think of any useful activities either.
Grateful, thanks!
16:29 prepare for this thoughts. Progress comes with this...
Thank u n youtube for recommending ur video
i find your podcasts interesting to listen to, it widens my perspective on the other hand I try to not overthink life because there is no points, but still interesting thank you!
Here when this video was called "why time is always your enemy"