The whole strict parents thing really adds to the retire at 22 trap because you spend the first almost two decades of your life with the only goal being to get the approval of your parents. Why do you do work? To not get your parents mad. Once you're an adult, you don't need to do that anymore. It feels like the credits have rolled, as your biggest roadblock is gone now. Finding a new goal becomes so much harder.
This was me. Once I left my parent's house it felt like the credits rolled. I would even listen to MANY songs that are good for a credits roll scene for a movie (basically songs that sound like they could be an outro to a long Sci Fi or fantasy movie). I also kind of thought of life as a movie at that point. That was two years ago. I'm 20 now
You still need your parents approval even if you don’t live with them anymore. They are not able to control you as much, but they are still your parents and you don’t want to disappoint them.
It's not just parents. My parents were extremely lax yet I went to school and did things because society reminds you that if you don't you'll become a failure. It's always something that forces you to keep up as a kid.
@Kademo No, you don't _need_ it. That's the thing; your parents' approval should _never_ have been the goal, and I'd argue even for most _parents_ who are demanding it's not _their_ goal to have the child only act in a way they approve. Those parents likely have the _deeper_ goal to want to have their children succeed. Or they might fear their failure. Either way, the issue with overly controlling parents is that they don't trust their children to get to be successful without their constant control or intervention. The parents in fact conflate _what they deem as being correct behaviour to reach a goal_ with the goal _itself_ - thereby possibly even achieving the opposite, like demotivating the child from doing anything which isn't explicitly condoned or even encouraged by the parents. In other words, your comment assumes parents to be the ultimate and unfailing arbiters of what is good and right to do, when in fact parents will just as often (simple statistics) fail or have bad or non-useful ideas as any other person on this planet.
100% agreed. Regret is one of the worst feelings in the world. The feeling of not being able to change what you have done wrong is just so painful. I think the problem with potential regret as a motivational tool is, that the things we might regret, are often times so far in the future, so that we tend to not really take them seriously. We all know that we should eat healthy or else we get fat or might die of a heart attack but since that takes so much time to actually happen to us we keep on eating what we want.
A few months ago my life completely changed thanks to a Dr K video similar to this. I sat out outside on a chair, no phone, no music. 2 days.. bored out of my mind; and reached the end of thought. After which I started conjuring all these genuine wants to start a family and hold responsibilities for them. Kick started me into super drive mode. I’ve never felt more disciplined than I do now. Only turned on my PC now for work or budgeting, lost 15kgs, and feel happier than I can ever remember. It’s become a common practice of mine now to be comfortable sitting in boredom and just thinking about what I truely want. Thanks Dr K
This guy is the real deal he doesn’t have clickbait or tells you right or wrong just genuinely breaks down everything and lets you decide. It’s remarkable man
It's a difficult pitfall especially if you're hard on yourself to begin with. My therapist says to forgive yourself often for not doing enough, and that x amount of days off the wagon doesn't mean you fell off the wagon, it means you're taking a break by walking behind it slightly :) helps me keep it together and not think I'm a total failure when I stumble on my progress.
The way I heard it put was, "One bad day doesn't mean you've lost all of your progress. It just means one bad day." Which is something I make a point of to remind myself if I miss a day of exercise or something.
In those periods where you're walking behind the wagon, do you still try to do the thing you wanted to make progress with? Or do you just kind of let yourself forget about it until you feel a desire to do it again at some later time?
@@孤独の観測者-o7edoesn't that depend on what you're trying to do? Like the weight of trying to quit an addiction and the weight of playing more guitar are very different. Depending on YOUR circumstances YOUR priorities will be different.
@@cawcawmeowmeow That's true. I guess I just don't know how to tell whether my priorities are healthy or not, it feels like I swing between putting too much weight and too little weight on doing something.
I typically don’t reply to comments I prefer to hear what others have to say but I like to think of my “stumbles” as you put it as progress. If I stumble, then simply… I’ve stumbled and I might stumble again but it is all in the name of getting to where I want to go. Stumbling was a problem for myself when like yourself, it would make my mind think that all my hard work and progress was in vain, that I could be doing better because I had I done more yesterday the day before, and the fear of falling behind that required me to make up for the productivity of two days. Of course, this is all rooted in the ego and for me the “this is legitimately all progress” perspective proving true every time has helped my mind not be controlled by the aforementioned thoughts.
3 things that helped me and literally changed my life 1. I stopped watching porn 2. I read the book called ‘25 Money Secrets From Donald Trump’ 3. Stop drinking
I’m 57 and I’ve been struggling self discipline my entire life. Although I’m not a gamer I know people that are. Imagine you’re 57 and still having this conversation. I am victim to the pitfall of making discipline an all or nothing situation. Consistently inconsistent is a story of my life. In your 20s (30’s and even 40’s) it’s so easy to take life and time for granted. In a blink of an eye you’re 57 and have WASTED so much of your God given, precious TIME. It’s hard to believe but it happens pretty easily and you look back and you think what the fuck did I do that for??!!?? Out of laziness and ego- “that won’t happen to ME” syndrome. Hopefully this video will motivate me and I won’t let me stand in the way of what I really want. Six months ago I had brain surgery and now I’m going through radiation. I have other health issues as well, but I can honestly tell you this video and all the comments have motivated me. So if you want some really good advice, don’t be me. Find what you love to do that’s good for you and adds value to this life experience. Try everything, do something new every day find a passion that exhilarates you are giving back to society. Enjoy the beauty of nature and this amazing world around us. Get in the actual game, the game of life- enjoy your family and friends and this beautiful world around us. it’s meaningful and at the end of life you won’t have any regrets.. instead of taking time for granted, take advantage of what real living has to offer. The only get one chance so why not experience it to the fullest? ❤
Him talking about the trap of your mind trying to force you to choose between all or nothing (start with the smallest thing segment) reminded me of a great, simple phrase that helped me a lot with getting started on the paths I wanted to go down. “Something ain’t nothing.” So simple, so obvious, but sometimes I needed to be reminded of that. Some progress isn’t no progress, and some progress is better than no progress. Hope it helps some others out there =)
I had zero discipline till I turned 25. No joke it felt like a switch was flipped. I realised a lot of the things I wanted in life was just because people expected it from me. For years I struggled with weight loss but once i told my self I’m doing it for me, instead of getting a gf/approval of others. I’ve been smooth sailing baybee.
Just started to get back to running and swimming and telling myself before each run that i deserve to be healthy and to feel good in my body is doing wonders for my motivation. Hope i can keep up with it at least through the summer
I just turned 25 and I'm in the same position as you when you were 25. I think there's something in the fact that our brains are just now fully developing and we're starting to figure out wtf happened the first 25 years. lol
I don't know how Dr. K does it. This came literally at the perfect time. Just an hour ago I was journaling about how I want to change my life but I don't want it badly enough to change it yet. I'm content enough to stay where I'm at, yet not so helpless where I "need" to do anything. I'm not great, I'm not terrible, just "okay". I wish I wanted to "want" to change badly. And then this video comes out 20 minutes later? It must be sign.
Let's be honest tho, even after you've watched the video, are u making changes to your wanted goals even if it's small? It's easy to say and write down something. Just do it bruh, make some time and slow turn it into a strong positive habit. Even a small 10-30mins towards it can grow as long you give it time and your genuine dedication.
Personal notes 1. List down goals wanted the most 2. Cross 90% of the unimportance out of the list 3. Pick 1 thing out of the 10% 4. Make small feasible changes on that 1 particular goal everyday until it becomes a habit 5. Avoid the perfectionistic pitfalls that might ruin consistency 6. Ripple effect overtime, 1 small positive change will remind the brain to change other things Edit: I saw some comments about point #1 on 100 things and it's actually dependable, given personal contexts, it could be 5, 10 or 100. I gave it 100 because I would trim it down to 10 and eventually had only 1 out of 10. I wrote this comment initially for my own uses, so I would adjust point#1 for anyone who happens to come across
@@Gabe_Shiesty Sometimes is a matter of who do you want to be? How do you see yourself or who are the people you admire and that you wish you were more like them, which part? Then is what do you need to do in order to become this someone that you can be proud of?
i dont get it im lost, he said think of things that you really care ab but 9/10 of those things u do not care about? How do i know if i care ab something cus i genuinly feel like i care ab all of those things yet hes saying i only rly care ab 1?
I'm 23 and I heard that the 20s is the peak age for the human body. Managed to trick myself into thinking that as FOMO so now I've been going to the gym for the past 5 months and eating a proper diet. Lost 10kg during that time and I'm at the fittest I've ever been. I'm at the point now that NOT going to the gym just feels bad and weird Update for the interested: Went from 80kg to 64kg at 5'7 since I started. I'm still going and am now on my first actual bulk. Planning on gaining 1kg a month for 6 months and then go on a cut. Other than taking a 2 month break due to a wrist injury, everything has been going great.
@@samidica buahahaa. Stop the cope. It's in the very early 20s. Muscle strength peaks in early 30s but over all humans peak in early to mid 20s. And that's totally fine.
I'm in my late 20s and my peak of the body either happened back when I was 18-19 or never happened at all. I managed to lose some weight back then, but have gained more now and struggling to even start counting calories again, but nowadays I have so many health problems that I'm trapped in this meat prison. Not peaking. Unable to travel and sometimes have my ankles which constantly roll impede with my daily life. Literally rolled an ankle today while looking for my cat in the yard and had to come back inside for an hour just to recuperate (at least I know the full algorithm for rolled ankles by heart but it's so annoying). I can't walk as much and do as much as I could up until I was 22-23. I just wish I could start working out but it's so uncomfortable both physically (I also get post-workout pains comparable to acute periodontitis (had it, can compare) that make me go on painkillers for a couple days after a small workout. I feel lost and honestly the state of my body just makes me cry, unable to do anything
The "retiring at the age of 22" thing is sooo true... I feel completely unmotivated to do anything more than bare bare minimum, I just gave up and only do the things that bring me precious serotonin. Play games, watch stuff, read stuff, only eat tasty foods, go for a walk when the weather is nice... It really feels like a retirement and I kinda feel like an old person too. However I do get that I really need to change. My lifestyle is very unhealthy with all that sitting and staring in a screen 24/7. My diet is pretty unhealthy too. I already feel very sick and sluggish all the time(one of the reasons I feel like a retiree haha). Also I'm very isolated and struggle to confidently say I have friends. Social medias just don't cut it. But every time I try to change I fall into all of this pitfalls. And I just end up hating myself for lacking motivation and discipline and return to the old ways every time. I'm scared that I will never get out of this mindset...
At 22 I was living that dream life. My father threatened me with kicking me out if I didn't get a job. I got any job in two weeks. It made my life miserable. I'm now 26 and I miss those good times so so much I want to cry. I haven't spent a day in my life not looking back to those perfect times. To not end this comment on the lowest note, my advice is study if you can and go for a good job, not just any job as I did. By study I don't even mean university, but the specific thing that puts you in the door for the job you want.
Well, you will probably also feel sick and sluggish once you retire for real. I still don't see why one wouldn't just skip all the negative parts of life.
if possible, let me know if you start to do better because I'm kind of in the same situation. I would like to know how you did it, if you ever make it out. Hoping you do ofc
@@dobi26jo37 I’m in the same situation kinda but I’m getting much better, by the grace of God I’ll continue my improvement and I’ll come back to comment in 1 month. Meanwhile I hope u start improving too. We can all try our best and come back here to let one-another know as a way of motivating one-another
I can't put into words how incredibly brilliant this man is. He has asolutely nailed every problem with modern mental health problems, he has cut out the crap and he is doing a justice to all those lonely, confused people out there. I thank you Dr K, you are one of a kind and I will pray for you so that you continue to recieve good fortune in your life. Thank you Dr K you are more help than you could ever possibly realise and the world is slowly becoming better with each video you post.
I’m a psych major, watched so many mental health content online and books and this is some of the best most applicable guidance that addresses the reality of where people are at and explains the psychology behind it. Dr.K you help people understand themselves better and make real positive impact to people.
I check up on this video regularly just to solidify this in my mind. Do what you want. It’s ok to be slow but always move forward. If you want to do more, then do more but never do more than you’re willing to do. Consistency is key, complacency is both good and bad and always ask why do I want what I want. The goal is not the goal but what the goal means to you.
two months ago, something clicked in my brain and i quit alcohol, weed, soda, snack, and cig all at one. started eating healthy, worked out everyday and lost about 35 lb. i did 3 knee push ups a day. now i can do 26. i still dont know why. i still dont know how. and frankly this video still doesnt explain my behavior. because i didnt think about the cost and benefit. i just did it. sometimes just dont think too much and just one push up a day can make a massive change as the time passes. fuck the plan. fuck the goal. you are the embodiment of your daily habit. dont look too far. just do one small different thing a day. let it carry you later.
Sometimes you can get bored and tired of procrastinating and being addicted and start up stuff. Remember if no one wanted to improve themselves there would be no videos on self improvement
Sometimes you just have enough of something and get rid of it because you snap out of the trance of avoidance it puts you in. I had a similar thing with video games multiple times. I used them as a coping mechanism and sometimes when it got too bad I would just snap out of the trance and quit for a good while without eving having any interest in spending more time on that activity. It feels really great but sadly almost always seems to happen when you reach rock bottom on something and I dont know if its a great idea to wait until you're there to snap out.
Sometimes you're just exhausted from not being the best version of yourselves and get a massive kick in the middle of the night to flip your life around. I'm glad for you. I am too going through the change Right now.
It's true. sometimes you just randomly get motivation for random shit. I didn't properly learn touch typing and tying my shoes til late last year, but i learned them pretty quickly since my brain was more than ready for it. I find that when your overall self confidence in things grows, your motivation to learn new skills also increases because you're less reliant on just one thing. at least that's how i've been thus far
What helped me with this is to try to see that list of things to do as side quests. I gamify it. Just like in normal video games ( I like dark souls and AC) I fail and fail and I get tired with doing delivery or accompany quests. But I still do them because it’s part of the game. Just like in life. It’s part of the game to do things you don’t necessarily like to do. But just do them and the rewards can be amazing or non existent. Sometimes, just like a in games, you get an amazing reward or you get a literal poo( Zelda) So just keep sidequesting and improve your stats and before you know it you become the hero of your own game in life
Oh hey I used that same trick for doing more exercise. My brain tells me 5 pushups, squats, and crunches each is useless, but doing just that every other day was easy to stay consistent with. I’m up to 10 each now!
You know, come to think of it I don’t have a goal. Maybe shed some extra fat but that’s about it. I just wanted to exercise because everyone says it’s good for you and you should do it.
@@WASDLeftClick it is good for you, good on you. You should try working up a sweat with exercises like the other guy said. If you want to improve your health that is
I have to admit that this actually describes my situation very well! I have been stuck in that pitfall for a long time. I thank you very much for revealing this trap to me :) I have developed a lack of trust in people talking about self help stuff on youtube because they're usually scammers who try to make the stuff they're talking about sound logical without it being true! But you actually convinced me that I can do this! I will now do my work and look for what I want to do not what others want me to want to do. Also I start to see that fully trusting my mind isn't the best idea which is why I had so much trouble with changing because it never occurred to me that I shouldn't 100% trust everything I think that was illogical to me but now it makes sense.
@@MidianHaylu I have learned a lot over the past 4 months and even had some periods of strong motivation towards my goals but to be honest they didnt last longer than a week. I also struggle much less with boredom which I found out was a huge problem for me. What gave me these periods of motivation was probably the dopamine detox I did for 2 weeks and it helped a lot, but I notice myself relapsing again. I realized that just understanding my mind makes a lot of my problems just go away by themselves.
I cried. I know it’s a little out of place but this is the first time in a long time I actually felt like someone was talking to me like a genuine friend. Thank you for that. Doesn’t me it will change much about my life but I really appreciate the honesty. Thanks guy!
8:10 Wow, this describes my life perfectly. I was a "gifted" kid, but not in the sense that I was intelligent, I just had controlling parents that made me study for hours every day from before I was even of school-going age. I excelled in elementary school as a result, but later when my mom decided to find a job and couldn't spend as much time tutoring me anymore, I slowly began to get lazy, and by the end of high school I was on the verge of failing half my classes. To this day, discipline is one of my biggest struggles, and I just don't know how to get myself to do things. Negative motivation works in the short term, but fails eventually, and positive motivation seems to have no effect as I hate myself too much to want to do anything good for myself. Taking small steps, even towards things I actually want to do and which weren't forced on me by others, hasn't worked for me in the past either, as I become unsatisfied once I have a "streak" of not doing it for several weeks in a row and my brain calculates that it's not worth it to pressure myself to try every day when it hasn't resulted in a positive outcome for weeks. I wish I could encourage myself gently somehow without bouncing between self-indulgence and whippings, but this balance has been rather elusive.
Don't hate yourself. Your value as a person shouldn't be tied to how successful you are. I know that's what gets reinforced by other people constantly, but that's part of the problem...the things people tell you to value aren't the things you should be valuing. It's not always about the results. Me personally, what I value most in people is empathy. The ability to care about others. I don't care if they can't hold a job, as long as they're kind. Realizing what it is that you really want from people, instead of just what everyone around you says people should be like, can be an important part in helping realize what you already have in yourself but have been overlooking because it's "not important."
This was almost exactly me. I was forced to study and do homework on time and go to class and I became one of the top 20 kids in the grade but once I was accepted into college, I completely stropped trying and nearly failed senior year
Just my 2 cents, most of this is in your head and there is nothing you can think of or do that would help you in your current situation. One thing you can try, though, is to find a replacement for what you had before, your mom. Someone, that will constantly put pressure on you, someone like a coach. You will be depressed, hate your life, hate that person for making you go through it. But ultimately I believe this is one of the easiest way to change. If you want a change. Again just my 2 cents. You can take it or leave it.
This is me too and quite literally teenager/young adults problem but you can overcome it by taking small steps day by day so you get resistanced to addicted and your comfort
@@oya4056 Because I would still talk about things like this if I had a coach, videos like this help to lay out a blueprint about what to do but only coaches, therapists and you are able to apply it. I would expect it to still be helpful to talk about it. It seems a bit like saying "I'm glad this new game came out, I was about to go to the doctors about my depression" where the joke or irony is a lot more obvious.
I've been smoking weed pretty consistently for the past 10 years and just yesterday I decided to try to quit. Fun times trying to sleep, very tempted to go out and buy some... And then this pops up.
I worked hard early, established a career, married at 30 but we aren't doing the kid thing, so we have dual income. I made sure I had a career that can't come home with me. It's amazing. I go to work, enjoy what I do, come home, play games, repeat. I freaking love it! Before the pandemic I would run 3-4mi 2-3 days a week plus some weight training. I fell off on that with pandemic depression and that's the one change I want to make. Get back to having some physical activity in my life. Dr. K nailed it. Every time I think "I could go walk for 10 minutes" my brain shoots back "if you aren't running at least two miles, HALF your old distance, why bother at all?" But I can't physically run right now. I developed arthritis in my knees and running may never be a thing I can do without pain again. I know doing nothing is making it worse. But I feel like doing less than 100% is worthless (feel like is the key, logically I KNOW it's better to walk 10min than nothing). Why bother getting all sweaty and gross (Texas heat) for only 10-15min of actual activity, when I could just not? So I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I do want to change those habits, I'm past the wanting to want to, but that last barrier, the why-bother barrier, is still in the way.
I know this is an old post, but I try to remember, “I’ll feel better after.” “I’ll have accomplished something after I do it, even if it’s small.” And try to reframe it like that. Like, if I don’t want to work out, I try to remind myself like, “it will be done in an hour and tomorrow you will either be stronger or weaker (if you don’t). What’s the harm in going?”
00:12 🎮 Many enjoy leisure activities like video games, TH-cam, and staying up late, but desire more responsibility and self-discipline. 01:25 💰 The challenge arises from questioning the purpose of discipline when current enjoyment seems sufficient. 02:22 🔄 The mind calculates the cost and benefit of actions, often favoring immediate gratification over long-term discipline. 03:47 💡 A competing interest, a strong personal motivation, is crucial for developing discipline. 06:34 📝 Identify what you truly want, not just what external influences suggest you should want. 09:51 🚀 Even if you're not ready for a major change, acknowledging the desire to want to change is a crucial first step. 11:14 💪 Start with a small step towards what you truly want, and don't underestimate its impact. 13:35 🔄 Be aware of the mind's tendency to push for an all-or-nothing approach to maintain the status quo. 17:48 🧭 Focus on finding what you genuinely want amidst societal expectations and external influences.
Was crying to my friend the other day because they were trying to understand me and all i could really say was “i dont know” and they were getting frustrated. Felt like the convo was going nowhere. Glad this vid popped up because a lot of the conversation was “what do you want?” “Forget what other people say and think, what do YOU want”. I cried out of frustration and shame because i dont really Want anything but peace. The peace where ppl see you “doing nothing” and congratulate you instead of asking and pestering about bEING PrOdUctIVe. “I dont know” seems to be the best way to irritate those around me. They say i have potential and am wasting time. I ask them “whos time” and then the responses vary until it eventually circles back to me being so anxious i cry because im not “doing enough”.
This happens to me in a similar way. I have skills but no motivation cause those skills were honed because of others. Now, im trying to figure out what i want to do. When my sister asked me "what do YOU want?" My answer was nothing. I couldnt think of anything. I still cant. Looking for a way to figure it out, specially cause everyone expects me to use the skills i gained in some way... so it doesnt feel genuine to do something related to that, even if i think that is what i want...
Consider that people see those talents in you and encourage you to foster your potential, not just for YOU and YOUR time, but because your are uniquely positioned to offer something to the world. You are capable. Whether you act on that or not is your decision and you should be at peace with it in one way or another. If this is the person you want to be - tell people that. They should respect you and leave you alone but they will feel sadness at the lost potential their friend is squandering. Sometimes not wanting to grow is fine but of course it will cause anxiety. Be honest that you do or don't want to change and the rest can fall into place and be adjusted later. Best of luck finding peace 👍
I have grown up in a very cushy lifestyle my entire life, and I always wanted something different, but could never piece together what it was, even after my lack of motivation, unmanaged stress, and lack of discipline lead me to flunking out of my first year of high school. It's only now that I'm 21 that I want to genuinely get my life together because I can articulate and envision what that thing was and how to get it. I still have issues with my health, but I'm taking better care of myself, because I've had two major shifts in my motivation that have started to address a lot of problems. 1. I realized how badly I wanted freedom and independence to live life my way. 2. I realized how badly I wanted to help others, especially those close to me. And those two things have given an entirely different drive to my life that I didn't have before, and have given me a purpose and direction to shoot for I never had before. I'll admit, I don't have an end goal, but I don't think a goal is as important as focusing on the fundamentals and the general trend that my life is going in. I have no way of knowing what life will throw at me next, so I've been focusing on what I can do at present to make myself more self-sustaining, and make life better for myself and the people around me. Right now it's mainly small things, since I don't have much independence as I fell behind early in life, but even making enough progress such as "being healthy and fit enough that my legs, feet and back don't ache from just a few hours of standing", and "keeping in touch with friends and family and reminding them I'm here for them", has done me remarkably well in a short time. I of course have plans to take bigger steps, like eating better, exercise, becoming financially independent, and eventually getting the freedom to travel to see friends and family out of state whenever I want, but all of that will be built on baby steps, especially given that I'm already going through a chaotic time in life where I don't have much support with bigger things yet, but I'm working on it, and have already made progress in some of them. I will also admit though, what works for me may not work for everyone, I have unusual circumstances, you may be able to do more or maybe even less than me starting out, and what motivates me to change may not motivate you. For me, what mainly lead me to where I am now is a mix of visualizing the future realistically, and staying in the present when it's time to get things done. I've thought about my life in such detail that I've thought about dozens or even hundreds of different ways I could live and die, and all sorts of ways things could either go well or badly for me in the long run if I make different decisions, one of the biggest things that I've thought about that has had a drastic effect on me is- I don't want to be dead weight if something happens to my parents or someone else in my family, and not be able to do anything to help them or support other people in my family. The reason why my way of changing myself may not be for everyone, is I've made the choice to really look deep into the dark and unpredictable sides of life, and constantly remind myself that nothing and no one lasts forever, and that's what makes it all the more important to do the most right now. So that if anything happens, either to me, or someone I care about, they'll be able to go in peace, and without any doubt that I love and care about them, and lived a full and worthwhile life. Having a healthy relationship and understanding with the concepts of chance and death has completely changed my personal perspective, and kickstarted my own personal growth. Now if you'll excuse me, I've been standing for 4 hours today, and I'm aiming 9 hours by the time I rest. Have a great day, and a slightly better life.
The push up thing you mentioned absolutely works. I started by doing 2 sets of 10 push-ups every couple days. Eventually I started doing them more frequently and after a little while I saw some minimal results and just naturally wanted to do more. It took about 6 months to get to a real workout routine but it's better than jumping head first into something that makes you feel discouraged because you aren't great at it from the start.
I usually drop those habits pretty quick sadly. I had a lot of fun with push ups during my training, cause we used them as a game/competition and to mess with people. We pushed each other to be better at it (and with other stuff too but push ups can be done easily anywhere so it was a go to) Thing is, i ve been pretty isolated for a while now. I just don’t feel the need or just dont feel like being around people now that im not forced to. To the point where i m somewhat stressed out just going outside in the « normal » world.
I am currently a CS student in College and this man is nailing every single problem so perfectly it is unreal. Its so true that humans will tend to do the things that are of value to them personally. Many times we do things that are expected from us externally, instead of our own internal desires. I have so many things that I want and it requires me to make that change. Am I ready to change? Hell Yeah!
We also have to train ourselves to succeed, practice winning. The more things we "fail" at, the more ammo our brain has to tell us something isn't worth the effort, the more we will believe we won't succeed. By doing small, easy things, that we can fully complete and measure success, we train ourselves to believe we *can* do what we set our mind to. Just like saying no to small bad habits can give us strength to say no to bigger things, succeeding at small accomplishments can train us to expect success and follow through to get it. I nearly lost both legs in an accident in 2005 and was told by one of my surgeons that if I was ever able to walk using just a walker or crutches, he'd consider me a success, like that was the best he could hope for in my case. Meanwhile, my physical therapist had be going up and down stairs with a cane, but the power of the negative words was so strong, that I was crying, telling the PT that, AS I WAS ON THE STAIRS. I wasn't trained in success, I wasn't trained to exceed expectations, I was trained to assume the worst. I have struggled a lot over the years since then, with multiple surgeries and rounds of PT, and every time I feel like giving up - saying, "this is as good as it gets, don't bother trying harder" - I remember how far I've come. There was a time where simply straightening out my leg in bed and pressing my knee down was exercise. Today, I can do 60lbs on the leg extension machine and 70 on the Duo Squat machine. I still need a cane, painkillers, and my leg does collapse occasionally, but I am so far ahead of the girl who couldn't lift her own leg into the car and needed a bench to shower.
I keep feeling guilty over all the things I imagine myself doing but never actually do. Sometimes my current life feels satisfying and sometimes it is not. I am not entirely sure why but the gap between who I am, who I feel I should be is by far the most likely cause of my dissatisfaction. I could list off the things I think I want pretty easily, but doing so quickly feels overwhelming. Any change feels overwhelming. So it is worth emphasizing that the task needs to be divided up and taken one step at a time. Though that itself is easier said than done.
I feel in a similar situation. I'm trying to be as brutally honest with myself, writing that list then feeling that overwhelming part of me. Acknowledging and processing these roadblocks are the first steps. Good luck
I feel this issue when it comes to dating. It would be nice to find an intimate relationship but it would require so much hard work as well as having to figure out how to put myself out there, build up confidence, maybe even change my busy lifestyle... before I do that just want to be mentally stable and be able to cope with the life I have now. Although, the longer I put it off, the harder it will get.
The lady I found was far more understanding of me than I thought was possible. And she thinks I'm her type, despite me thinking I'm unattractive. Tldr: sometimes we think we're more unlovable than others do. But it did take me years of trying, and I almost didn't even respond to her initially, and I would have missed out.
That's the first time I've heard about writing down what I want to do and then thinking about what I want to do for myself ... not the ones that others want... Thank you sir.❤
@@FlorentChardevel Agreed. Yet I've had years of psychoeducation and am still trying to find myself (while also fearing whatever I might find, which kind of keeps me from searching).
@@Ph34rNoB33r yeh but still this is better(if ur really thinkin about it and not just watching to spend time on yt consuming some new content) dr. k addresses this situation in one of his videos i think maybe the one with the thumbnail "watches dr. k doesn't change"
It is pretty important to remember to start small. Example why is me doing a huge workout and then being out of commission for like 4 days, and I lost the habit right away because I overdid it. Instead, if I did 5 sit-ups every day, I might go “oops almost forgot” and do it right before bed or at some point in my day when I’m just ADHD idling. I still did it. Success!
I do that big workout cycle every few months and then just wince in pain every time I have to move for like a week. All it does is make me lay on the couch feeling sorry for myself for even longer!
Such impeccable timing... the thing about having no better idea for what you'll do after retirement than what you do *right now* to goof off hits hard. Yet my brain practically refuses to give me a better answer- any answer to "what would I do to relax and have fun" that will take until retirement age to be possible seems not worth considering with the horrifying thirty-plus year wait.
I think waiting till retirement is a silly idea anyway because there's a high possibility that you'll be too sick, too drained to even enjoy the stuff you worked so hard for. I'm a freelancer, so I focus on working hard and earning for a few months, then goofing off for a month or two. During my "break months" I don't take on any work, so I'm totally free apart from chores. I'm naturally frugal and don't much enjoy materialistic things, so saving money during my 'high productivity' periods is not hard for me. And the thought of having 30-60 days off, to do whatever I want, in the near future keeps me motivated to work hard.
@@SemekiIzuio Yup, writer. Copywriter to be precise. Is this about chatgpt, by any chance? Because it's awesome! Increased my productivity by at least 30% over the last few months.
You, sir, are brilliant! I am 55 years old and I’ve been working on self-improvement for 30 years and you make it all make sense! Thank you so so much! I appreciate you and the world needs you! Thank you!
13:48 is exactly what happened. For a couple of months i was clean off all addictions, studying getting decent grades, working out, playing sports,etc until i got hit with failure in sports trials for a team and everything has been spiraling down since then. I am trying to get back to working hard and exercising
My trick to this "all or nothing" approach to solving problem was to see it as a little is better than nothing. In sports for instance, I know I should be exercizing 3 or 4 times per week, but I can never go through it, there is always something in the way, some other responsability that makes me miss my scheduled training. And one you broke the chain, it's easy to slip to the "You failed, so you might as well forget it" conclusion. But knowing that a little activity is still better than no activity at all, I try to stick to a chain that is realistic with my life rythm. Nike said it : Just do it. On every tuesday night : just do it! just do the minimum but go and don't overthink it. First thing you realize is that you are now training once a week. It's not perfect, it won't make you build muscle or lose weight in a month, but in the long run, you notice that you have a little more endurance, that you can do activities that were too hard last year. Be proud, you went from a couch potato to someone who trains once a week. Even if it's just 5 minutes today, because you don't have time or you are too tired, you stick to this "just do it on tuesday night" schedule. Don't break the chain! after a while you will be proud to say that you've been doing it. You could do more, and you should but until you are ready, at least, you have this.
@@KingButcher because being able to do a 5 minute walk for example everyday will make it easier to then do a 10 minute walk everyday or every other day and it will become easier when you do nothing the only thing it makes easier to do is nothing
@@KingButcher its desired when what you do its based on what you truly want. If you want to paint, do the thing at least once a week. Youll get better eventually. But if you only paint once a year, you will probably get bummed out.
The answer of “I don’t know” to the question of “what do you want?” is something I still struggle with today at 30. And my life today is a demonstration of that “I am stuck going nowhere” because of it. People don’t believe me when I say I don’t know. I have a list of things that sound “nice to have”. But nothing is a want. And when I do sit down to say I want something, I will begin to question if that’s something I truly want. And I really can’t tell.
you can be okay with just living a life with nice things, being comfortable and stable. it really depends on your character and your values. if you define those better, what you want may become clearer.
I think this is a question we spend a lifetime answering. Most people just convince themselves of what they want without really getting to the bottom of the question and digging out the truth. Oh I’ll have a kid because I want to feel love. I’ll get married because I want to not be alone. I’ll make money because I like having nice things. You can answer this question at age 16 if you stay on the surface, but if you go deeper, as you and many others including myself have been doing, it becomes much more tricky. Some of us just have a really rough time figuring that out, and the inaccessibility of therapy in so many countries doesn’t make it any easier. If you wanted to you could have an easy answer tomorrow, but you want to do the work to find the truth. What you truly want. And as a result it appears that your life is “going nowhere,” but it could be that by this time next year you’ve found the answer and are hard at work fulfilling your dream. Don’t lose hope, just keep moving forward and finding your answers.
Try starting with something so ridiculous that it could never be a societal thing. Learn an extinct language. Walk to another country/state. Practice an obscure sport or hobby. It doesn't matter if you do it only to want something because clearly you WANT TO want something. You might even find that it's not so ridiculous after all.
What makes you happy? Like actually happy, not just that it feels good but wears off immediately once you stop, like eating a candy bar. If you really can't find a goal for yourself, then finding a goal should be your new goal. There are things out there you will love, if you can find them. And I think it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking we all need some grand goal for our lives, because everybody tells us to be successful and famous and all this other stuff...but it's okay if you decide you just want to make enough money to get by and do some hobby you love. There's nothing wrong with less ambitious goals.
This is very helpful information that would typically be locked behind a $100 a month mental health paywall. Thank you so much gg I’ve spent the last 15 years(30 now) of my life being disciplined for other people. Floating through high school because I was supposed to, attempting college because I was supposed to. Floated all the way up to the pandemic where I lost my job, accrued $8,000 in credit card debit, started drinking 2 handles a week, and stopped exercising. I’ve been victimizing myself and blaming the pandemic for so long but now I realize I was never exercising or doing anything for myself anyways. For example I was even only exercising so I could attract a girl. Not just to be healthy. Even my own goals were for someone else. It took me hitting rock bottom to realize I actually do want to change. Because I’ve become so insecure, in debt, and depressed that I’ve lost all sense of purpose or drive all together. This video helped me clear the mental cobwebs about why that’s happened to me. Much love ❤
Great, so you're ready to let go of the redpill indoctrination in your subscriptions then, yeah? Like, work out and work on your bodybuilding, socialising, and dress style all you like, but I doubt "alpha m" will lead you to find your own personality along that path. Let alone find relationships with people/women who share your ideals.
thanks for doing what you do. Before I started to watch your videos, feeling like my emotions and struggles were truly understood by someone else had never happened to me. I'm really glad that you exist, you're a really good guy
This video helped me feel like I could give myself permission to start pursuing the making of entertainment content. I used to make TH-cam videos in high school and quit after being made fun of for it by my classmates once they found the channel. I then started up a podcast with a friend in college, but we ended up dropping it after careers took us in different directions. I’ve been reading a book on standup comedy and often watch videos about the work process of comedians, TH-camrs, etc. but never make any actual steps towards entering those arts myself. Like Dr. K said, I asked myself the smallest step I could take towards that goal and my conclusion was to leave a comment. I feel like comments are content. I always spend some time enjoying comments after watching a video, so this is my first baby step towards pursuing my new competing incentive. Let’s see where this discipline takes us.
I had trouble getting myself to change my habits when I was battling obesity. My initial motivation came from outside of me. When I changed it to wanting to be a healthy person because I loved myself, that's when the journey really kicked off. I'm now at a healthy BMI. Looking forward to losing more body fat and becoming even stronger and more athletic than I am now.
6:50 This is interesting, because I was a bit of a goody-goody as a kid, and did everything in my power to avoid getting into trouble, which meant doing homework on time and getting good grades. I was considered to have a good work ethic when I was younger, but now that I'm an adult and don't have to answer to anyone much anymore, my discipline has gone out the window. I don't do many personal projects anymore, and the one time I can focus is at work, where I am once again getting external motivation in the form of tasks from my boss.
That is one of the most pressing and deep issues within the USA, where you are not learning discipline for the most part: it is conformity. Conformity to your boss during work or get fired, and conformity to your parents and teachers to get good grades or get held back a grade or get punitive punishment. So if you want self discipline in accordance to this video: what do **you** want to facilitate self discipline? Not what your parents, boss, or society wants.
I'm so old, all my motivation to be disciplined early on came from my dad (and his switch if I was really pushing it). We did not commonly have access to addictive activities or substances, not even sugar! By the time I was in college, I was self-disciplined and would not have dreamed of wasting time until studies were finished.
For me, I LOVE surfing! But there have been moments where I feel like I doubt whether or not I should go (like if the weather is bad or something). But once that I finally get on the water it's not too bad now. For me discipline doesn't always mean becoming a gym alpha and whatnot, but being able to have perseverance to do the things that you do in life regardless of how you feel like doing them. And like I said, as long as you're actually doing something than nothing at all, then things aren't so bad. 👍🏻
I try to become more disciplined. I'm a incredibly stubborn person and Im afraid of any change. I can't get out of my comfort zone so now Im stuck doing stuff that don't benefit me at all and just make me feel bad about myself for wasting my life. There's a part of me that says that I'm wasting my life but the other part of me is enjoying it. Its very overwhelming.
Yeah I'm in the same as yours since I'm way addicted but at the same time I tried to force hard on myself to change well that was successful or not then.
I personally feel like your videos are constantly posted in response to my personal life. I think the fact that so many other people have similar responses to your videos really speaks to the quality and relevance of the videos you make. Thank you
For the past 27 years, I have been stuck within this loop of cost-benefit analysis orchestrated by the mind I could feel it but never could pin-point what it is Thanks a lot Dr. K 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
This makes sense. I've recently decided that I really need and want to lose weight. I've got multiple reasons, but my most motivating factor is internal and I also know from experience to not try to make huge changes all at once.
I don’t even want to be scrolling TH-cam instead of being productive. It’s not even fun, but making myself be productive feels very challenging- I have pretty bad fatigue/ recovering from Lyme infection
I can only speak from experience with exercise. The "get in what you can fit in" mentality can be applied anywhere though. Any good habit/pattern can be built by doing it, to some degree, every day for 30-60 days. That changed me from "someone who wants to get in shape" to "a weight lifter" in my mind, which meant when I *did* miss a day, it didnt feel like I failed, and i just worked out the following day. Good luck friends
What do I want Discipline. Why? To become a person who can do stuff even when I don’t want to Why whill I not not want to do? Comfort? Pleasure? Do I want to change? (work instead of wasting time, eat as per diet instead of anything, have structure, followthrough) Yes! Why? I dont like wasting time (why do I do it then? Lazy, No work ethic, Procrastination, lack of realistic plannining/ structure. Solution: Just do it, build ethic slowly, realistic planning, smallest possible, move towards it slowly. Dont fall for all or nothing) Not following the diet will give me bad gut issues (suffered a lot in the past), I will be unhealthy (gut issues, high body fat, low energy, bad mental state) I want absolute freedom (to have financial freedom, health freedom, time freedom)
Holy shit. The first doctor/therapist/psychologist type that actually GETS IT and can articulate it .... Thank you so much sir. This may, in fact, be it, chief.
The "all or nothing" thing is so true! With the gym example my brain wants to research every little exercise and muscle and come up with the "perfect" routine before I ever hit the gym and then I procrastinate. I didn't know the brain was so pernicious. Now I try to go and do the exercises I know and learn from them and add/remove/modify as needed, little by little
My therapist tells me to "avoid shoulding all over myself". What we feel we "should" be doing is influenced by a whole lot of external things. Mindfulness is very key in being able to drill down and figure out what you want to be doing, rather than what you feel you should be doing.
"A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children" thats why you should work hard not to retire but to give you're family a whole new trajectory
Thank you, Mr.K. I am high Vata-Pita, and late diagnosed ADD. After achieving all the expectations of the society, I was severely experiencing burnout for years. Last year I took a break, and now I am so stuck in the loop that I am unable to go back to life. Thanks for the video
Amazing! I've done the full circle: ultra disciplined to full blown procrastination. If you want to work on something (work defined as a vector force in the direction of interest) this "wish to want to change" is the key I've always used to shift my attention to the direction of change! This is so crucial because it's often a different challenge to change direction then it is to move forward. It's like a person who is facing south wishing to be a distance north of where they currently are. It can often be easier to pivot than to continue moving south and hope the world is circular (or be lucky enough to turn due to insurmountable objects in your path).
Is there anyone else who is almost 60 and (doesn’t play video games, but) loves this guy? Or is it just me/my (slightly) autistic (probably c-ptsd'd) self? Thank you Dr K! Mad appreciation, soooo helpful!
My motivation right now comes from my long term girlfriend breaking up with me.. mainly because I was lazy and not trying to achieve my goals, she tried to help but it was a battle that I never tried to win. So her leaving me has opened my eyes. I got back into college, I’m applying for jobs, I’m working out and going to church now. I was devastated losing her but it has opened my eyes. A part of me feels like I’m doing this more for her to try and win her back, but I think that’s because most of my motivation was due to the breakup. I need to focus on myself and become the man I want to be. Love your videos! If someone is reading this, better late than never to try and conquer the challenges that you fear the most. Know your worth! You know that they’ll benefit you and you’ll be much happier for it. I’m trying my best and I know you can too :) much love and support!
Also, everything counts! Every little thing. Even the bare minimum. One thing I learned from getting sick and recovering from a severe episode of depression, is that everything, every little thing that I can do every day that makes me just a little bit better, counts. Taking a nap counts, spending an hour of quality time with my partner counts, spending the time the washing machine takes to run a cycle to revise for an exam counts. Taking 20 minutes to shower and wash my face and take care of myself counts, that good enough is good enough even when your best isn’t as good as the other day. Your best is your best no matter what it is on any given day. The only person judging you for not meeting your own high standard is you.
"Do you wish that you do want to change" summed up my whole problem. I was aware of it already, I had written it down already, but I was still stuck on it. It really helped to hear someone else say it, acknowledge that it's a thing, and talk about steps after that point. Thank you so much!
Arguably the most important channel I've stumbled on. Insane amount of great information for almost any problem people face in life. Really thankful for this content ❤️
Spent most of my 20s living like this. I knew I needed to change but I kept putting it off because my life was just too good and I just wanted another year, then another, then another. I knew if I changed it would be over. Had some brief periods when I did become disciplined but after a while I would just go back to my old lifestyle. And then somewhere around my late 20s I just changed without any effort. It just happened. Now I actually do want to work and make money, exercise, eat healthy etc and the act of playing games and doom scrolling for days on end seems like the most horrible waste of time ever.
I am 41 and i just discovered this video while facing depression. It’s like dr k read my mind about what bias i am stuck in. For others, i hope you make the same realization as me that the fun times you are having is a corporation/business driven serotonin inducer. I am fully aware of the temptation to have fun (play games, watch youtube) and retire early (in mind) but remember that it’s WAY more fun playing the game of life rather than the video game. Life has infinite possibilities that relies solely on you taking action. I would encourage you look towards yourself to do something you really want in life. It’s definitely easier if you can get help from family/friends, but even if you feel alone, note that everyone in this comments section can relate to you and will gladly be your friend. You virtually have the world of people in common with you that are cheering you on. So let’s take the first step in playing next level of our life together.
What a great video. My whole life, I have found myself flipping between a motivated and degenerate state. Earlier this year I wrote down all the activities that make the best version of myself (daily exercise, creating content for my website/yt, saving/investing) and all my worst (solo q gaming, binging average TV shows, ordering delivery food). Not gonna act like I've got it all figured out, but it's a good exercise to be aware of what state you're in.
This has to be the most accurate analysis of how our mind works towards sabotaging ourselves - I want to change and regularly fall into the pitfall of trying to do everything at once and end up stopping after a few weeks of consistency due to burnout - I’m going to focus on my health - this is going to be my priority from this moment onwards - workout regularly and eat only at home - will help financially as well. Thanks for this amazing video!
I actually never write under a video, but I just have to thank you. I'm almost 28 years old now and I've lived my 20s just playing video games and lying. Last year in August I met a woman, unfortunately I fucked it up because I abused her trust and lied to make my life more interesting. You only learn from it when it's too late, but this woman, and later you, have awakened something in me that I absolutely need help. I have been thinking for a very long time about what I want for myself and I have found it for myself that fulfills me. Even if I don't feel like doing things on some days, I do it without thinking twice. Because if you think too long, the excuses will only get bigger. I finally have a plan for my life, even though I've lost the love of my life, which I will probably never be able to forgive myself, but will have to live with.
That is how I spent most of my 20s too and I can relate to the things you wrote about lying to make your life more interesting. But at the same time, videos like these and coming to the realization to change your ways before your 30s is still great. Lots of time to live and enjoy things and to improve at all aspects of life. And it always helps to know that there are others in the same situations as oneself. We got this!
Knowing where to 'set the bar' for my goals in development has been very difficult. My capabilities seem determined by my willingness to change, but of course I struggle with such a significant shift because I've conditioned myself to act differently for so long. It makes sense when you say to aim low and take it a day at a time with little steps but it also makes sense that I am capable of significant change if I want it enough. Which I do, but it's so hard to default to what you're used to. TYVM for the incredible content.
Gives a whole new dimension to Sarte's quote, "Hell is other people."It is interesting how often, when other people tell us what to do, it is solely for their benefit; they will try a myriad of ways to convince you that is for your own good, but, 9 times out of ten, it is because of their own agenda.
I've been thinking of trying to change myself for months but I just couldn't fully do it. I already made a list of things I want to do, managed to do some of it, but it didn't last long and started to go back to my old habits. This video really came in clutch and for that I thank you.
I avoided this video, because I didn't feel like I want to start being disciplined, but I feared that I'd feel bad after hearing about it. However... I felt ready now and clicked on the video. My mind is more clear, I don't enjoy sitting at home all the time, I don't want to play the same games with my friends for too long. I want challenges, trying new things, make MY wishes come true and I want to feel confident whatever situation I'm in. Dr. K, you really know to talk in a way to inspire people without making them feel ashamed.
For half a year i started to just do some basic workout, and for a year i have cleaned my room once a week, and now its just easy to do it, and im itchinc gor the training, and im feeling confident, im feeling great and its all just feels amazing, tho im not fully out of the bad habits yet
Just wanna say thank you. I'm currently going through a life crisis and something in particular I'm struggling with is discipline. So many websites are word vomit and don't explain things in a way that makes sense. YOU make sense. I don't want to change, but I want to want to change, and your advice makes that feel achievable. Thank you.
One of the issues with this is there are some things I *should* do that I genuinely can find no reason for except societal expectations. Like cleaning my room. Why would I sort things if I’m comfortable right now? Because it’s what’s “right”. I don’t genuinely believe that it is right, but I have to. Thus, it is perpetually on my todo list, and very rarely done. So I have no idea how to deal with what I call “really should”s. My parents want me to go to college, but *everyone* expects me to clean my living space. My lizard brain secretly thinks it’s all horse shit. I have *never* gotten an infection from clothes piled on the chair. But if I tell anyone about this, they will just tell me I’m a lazy pos and I should ALREADY _want_ to be tidy FOR MYSELF because it’s “self care”. Sometimes I feel like I’ve just missed some sort of societal memo. “Everyone release dopamine when iron clothes” and I was gaming too hard to hear
As a seemingly quite disciplined person (I study and work out regularly) this video (and many of your similar videos) is still very helpful. Having someone point out the things my brain is telling me, which can be so difficult to notice on your own, really is great. Thanks
Algo went insane on this one, not 30min ago on the way home Me: "I need to fix my life" Also Me: "Idk im not ready, kinda chilling tbh, but I should definitely at least start the workout part soon bc I actually want to do that" Dr.K: "So, people who "aren't ready to fix their life" need to figure out which one thing they actually wanna do for themselves and take a step towards that one, and don't get stuck just bc there might be other things to work on in your life" Me: "Fair enough I guess I'll get started" Thanks Doc
This is exactly what I needed. Was just feeling proud of myself for sticking to a new habit, and like you said, yesterday convinced myself it's not enough and made plans to start a bunch all at once. The overwhelm of it all was killing me. Thank you for such practical advice 🙏🏻
The whole strict parents thing really adds to the retire at 22 trap because you spend the first almost two decades of your life with the only goal being to get the approval of your parents. Why do you do work? To not get your parents mad. Once you're an adult, you don't need to do that anymore. It feels like the credits have rolled, as your biggest roadblock is gone now. Finding a new goal becomes so much harder.
This was me. Once I left my parent's house it felt like the credits rolled. I would even listen to MANY songs that are good for a credits roll scene for a movie (basically songs that sound like they could be an outro to a long Sci Fi or fantasy movie). I also kind of thought of life as a movie at that point. That was two years ago. I'm 20 now
You still need your parents approval even if you don’t live with them anymore. They are not able to control you as much, but they are still your parents and you don’t want to disappoint them.
Ahh.. That's why i stopped try everything when i give up earn my parents appreciation.
It's not just parents. My parents were extremely lax yet I went to school and did things because society reminds you that if you don't you'll become a failure. It's always something that forces you to keep up as a kid.
@Kademo No, you don't _need_ it. That's the thing; your parents' approval should _never_ have been the goal, and I'd argue even for most _parents_ who are demanding it's not _their_ goal to have the child only act in a way they approve.
Those parents likely have the _deeper_ goal to want to have their children succeed. Or they might fear their failure. Either way, the issue with overly controlling parents is that they don't trust their children to get to be successful without their constant control or intervention. The parents in fact conflate _what they deem as being correct behaviour to reach a goal_ with the goal _itself_ - thereby possibly even achieving the opposite, like demotivating the child from doing anything which isn't explicitly condoned or even encouraged by the parents.
In other words, your comment assumes parents to be the ultimate and unfailing arbiters of what is good and right to do, when in fact parents will just as often (simple statistics) fail or have bad or non-useful ideas as any other person on this planet.
The pain of regret is worse than the pain of discipline
❤
Explain this to my mind
Regret of what specifically? 🤔
@@chungyuetien2461 the regret of not doing what you shoudve been disciplined enough to do
100% agreed. Regret is one of the worst feelings in the world. The feeling of not being able to change what you have done wrong is just so painful.
I think the problem with potential regret as a motivational tool is, that the things we might regret, are often times so far in the future, so that we tend to not really take them seriously.
We all know that we should eat healthy or else we get fat or might die of a heart attack but since that takes so much time to actually happen to us we keep on eating what we want.
A few months ago my life completely changed thanks to a Dr K video similar to this. I sat out outside on a chair, no phone, no music. 2 days.. bored out of my mind; and reached the end of thought.
After which I started conjuring all these genuine wants to start a family and hold responsibilities for them. Kick started me into super drive mode. I’ve never felt more disciplined than I do now. Only turned on my PC now for work or budgeting, lost 15kgs, and feel happier than I can ever remember.
It’s become a common practice of mine now to be comfortable sitting in boredom and just thinking about what I truely want.
Thanks Dr K
The fact that you did this in a few months. I am proud of you bro
Great comment. I'm going to try it this weekend. Bring on the boredom!!
Good work!
Awesome 🙏🏻
👏 awesome
Can you remember which video ? I also want to watch it 🙃
This guy is the real deal he doesn’t have clickbait or tells you right or wrong just genuinely breaks down everything and lets you decide. It’s remarkable man
“Your mind knows you won’t do 100% so you end up doing nothing”
Damn that hit
"Don't let Perfect be the enemy of Good"
all or nothing thinking
It's a difficult pitfall especially if you're hard on yourself to begin with.
My therapist says to forgive yourself often for not doing enough, and that x amount of days off the wagon doesn't mean you fell off the wagon, it means you're taking a break by walking behind it slightly :) helps me keep it together and not think I'm a total failure when I stumble on my progress.
The way I heard it put was, "One bad day doesn't mean you've lost all of your progress. It just means one bad day." Which is something I make a point of to remind myself if I miss a day of exercise or something.
In those periods where you're walking behind the wagon, do you still try to do the thing you wanted to make progress with? Or do you just kind of let yourself forget about it until you feel a desire to do it again at some later time?
@@孤独の観測者-o7edoesn't that depend on what you're trying to do? Like the weight of trying to quit an addiction and the weight of playing more guitar are very different.
Depending on YOUR circumstances YOUR priorities will be different.
@@cawcawmeowmeow That's true. I guess I just don't know how to tell whether my priorities are healthy or not, it feels like I swing between putting too much weight and too little weight on doing something.
I typically don’t reply to comments I prefer to hear what others have to say but I like to think of my “stumbles” as you put it as progress. If I stumble, then simply… I’ve stumbled and I might stumble again but it is all in the name of getting to where I want to go. Stumbling was a problem for myself when like yourself, it would make my mind think that all my hard work and progress was in vain, that I could be doing better because I had I done more yesterday the day before, and the fear of falling behind that required me to make up for the productivity of two days. Of course, this is all rooted in the ego and for me the “this is legitimately all progress” perspective proving true every time has helped my mind not be controlled by the aforementioned thoughts.
3 things that helped me and literally changed my life
1. I stopped watching porn
2. I read the book called ‘25 Money Secrets From Donald Trump’
3. Stop drinking
I’m 57 and I’ve been struggling self discipline my entire life. Although I’m not a gamer I know people that are. Imagine you’re 57 and still having this conversation. I am victim to the pitfall of making discipline an all or nothing situation. Consistently inconsistent is a story of my life. In your 20s (30’s and even 40’s) it’s so easy to take life and time for granted. In a blink of an eye you’re 57 and have WASTED so much of your God given, precious TIME. It’s hard to believe but it happens pretty easily and you look back and you think what the fuck did I do that for??!!?? Out of laziness and ego- “that won’t happen to ME” syndrome. Hopefully this video will motivate me and I won’t let me stand in the way of what I really want. Six months ago I had brain surgery and now I’m going through radiation. I have other health issues as well, but I can honestly tell you this video and all the comments have motivated me. So if you want some really good advice, don’t be me. Find what you love to do that’s good for you and adds value to this life experience. Try everything, do something new every day find a passion that exhilarates you are giving back to society. Enjoy the beauty of nature and this amazing world around us. Get in the actual game, the game of life- enjoy your family and friends and this beautiful world around us. it’s meaningful and at the end of life you won’t have any regrets.. instead of taking time for granted, take advantage of what real living has to offer. The only get one chance so why not experience it to the fullest? ❤
Night room
Thank you. Inspirational.
I'm 55 years old and in the same spot. Don't do what we did. Find something, anything, and do it now.
@@leop9021 what did you do back then?
Be specific brother, like what things did you do? So we can avoid them.
Please never delete this video, I want to rewatch this when I lose myself again. This is a gem bro thank u
just download it
Give us an update, have you improved?
Him talking about the trap of your mind trying to force you to choose between all or nothing (start with the smallest thing segment) reminded me of a great, simple phrase that helped me a lot with getting started on the paths I wanted to go down. “Something ain’t nothing.” So simple, so obvious, but sometimes I needed to be reminded of that. Some progress isn’t no progress, and some progress is better than no progress. Hope it helps some others out there =)
Dat a good one 🎉
Thanks man, I needed to hear that too
I had zero discipline till I turned 25. No joke it felt like a switch was flipped.
I realised a lot of the things I wanted in life was just because people expected it from me. For years I struggled with weight loss but once i told my self I’m doing it for me, instead of getting a gf/approval of others. I’ve been smooth sailing baybee.
Just started to get back to running and swimming and telling myself before each run that i deserve to be healthy and to feel good in my body is doing wonders for my motivation. Hope i can keep up with it at least through the summer
Reject exploitation, embrace self care and happiness 👊
Lol I had discipline when I was a kid-teen-20something and went down the toilet after 30😢 recovering it now in my 40s
I just turned 25 and I'm in the same position as you when you were 25. I think there's something in the fact that our brains are just now fully developing and we're starting to figure out wtf happened the first 25 years. lol
yes baybee
I don't know how Dr. K does it. This came literally at the perfect time. Just an hour ago I was journaling about how I want to change my life but I don't want it badly enough to change it yet. I'm content enough to stay where I'm at, yet not so helpless where I "need" to do anything. I'm not great, I'm not terrible, just "okay". I wish I wanted to "want" to change badly. And then this video comes out 20 minutes later? It must be sign.
Same. Literally earlier in the day I was trying to figure out how to stay consistent with my attempts to change my life.
I think this video would have been perfect timing no matter when it came out!
Me too
Let's be honest tho, even after you've watched the video, are u making changes to your wanted goals even if it's small? It's easy to say and write down something. Just do it bruh, make some time and slow turn it into a strong positive habit.
Even a small 10-30mins towards it can grow as long you give it time and your genuine dedication.
@@obamabinladin1134 "Just do it" is the hard part. I've decided to play this video on repeat until I memorize it, and maybe it'll get easier.
Personal notes
1. List down goals wanted the most
2. Cross 90% of the unimportance out of the list
3. Pick 1 thing out of the 10%
4. Make small feasible changes on that 1 particular goal everyday until it becomes a habit
5. Avoid the perfectionistic pitfalls that might ruin consistency
6. Ripple effect overtime, 1 small positive change will remind the brain to change other things
Edit: I saw some comments about point #1 on 100 things and it's actually dependable, given personal contexts, it could be 5, 10 or 100. I gave it 100 because I would trim it down to 10 and eventually had only 1 out of 10. I wrote this comment initially for my own uses, so I would adjust point#1 for anyone who happens to come across
Great summary
I think you should just cross out what you think you want but don't actually want
That’s the issue I don’t know what I want
@@Gabe_Shiesty Sometimes is a matter of who do you want to be? How do you see yourself or who are the people you admire and that you wish you were more like them, which part? Then is what do you need to do in order to become this someone that you can be proud of?
I want to be rich
Don’t retire.
Find a single thing you care about.
And take one small step.
Without falling in the all or nothing trap.
Retire but keep doing things that you love
i dont get it im lost, he said think of things that you really care ab but 9/10 of those things u do not care about? How do i know if i care ab something cus i genuinly feel like i care ab all of those things yet hes saying i only rly care ab 1?
It's funny that this amount of knowledge and almost free therepy is of no cost and i can listen to this guy from the another corner of the world.
I'm 23 and I heard that the 20s is the peak age for the human body. Managed to trick myself into thinking that as FOMO so now I've been going to the gym for the past 5 months and eating a proper diet. Lost 10kg during that time and I'm at the fittest I've ever been.
I'm at the point now that NOT going to the gym just feels bad and weird
Update for the interested: Went from 80kg to 64kg at 5'7 since I started. I'm still going and am now on my first actual bulk. Planning on gaining 1kg a month for 6 months and then go on a cut. Other than taking a 2 month break due to a wrist injury, everything has been going great.
never ever stop
Nice bro keep it up
@@samidica buahahaa. Stop the cope. It's in the very early 20s. Muscle strength peaks in early 30s but over all humans peak in early to mid 20s.
And that's totally fine.
I'm in my late 20s and my peak of the body either happened back when I was 18-19 or never happened at all. I managed to lose some weight back then, but have gained more now and struggling to even start counting calories again, but nowadays I have so many health problems that I'm trapped in this meat prison. Not peaking. Unable to travel and sometimes have my ankles which constantly roll impede with my daily life. Literally rolled an ankle today while looking for my cat in the yard and had to come back inside for an hour just to recuperate (at least I know the full algorithm for rolled ankles by heart but it's so annoying). I can't walk as much and do as much as I could up until I was 22-23.
I just wish I could start working out but it's so uncomfortable both physically (I also get post-workout pains comparable to acute periodontitis (had it, can compare) that make me go on painkillers for a couple days after a small workout. I feel lost and honestly the state of my body just makes me cry, unable to do anything
It's your 30s and your 20s!
The "retiring at the age of 22" thing is sooo true... I feel completely unmotivated to do anything more than bare bare minimum, I just gave up and only do the things that bring me precious serotonin. Play games, watch stuff, read stuff, only eat tasty foods, go for a walk when the weather is nice... It really feels like a retirement and I kinda feel like an old person too. However I do get that I really need to change. My lifestyle is very unhealthy with all that sitting and staring in a screen 24/7. My diet is pretty unhealthy too. I already feel very sick and sluggish all the time(one of the reasons I feel like a retiree haha). Also I'm very isolated and struggle to confidently say I have friends. Social medias just don't cut it.
But every time I try to change I fall into all of this pitfalls. And I just end up hating myself for lacking motivation and discipline and return to the old ways every time. I'm scared that I will never get out of this mindset...
At 22 I was living that dream life. My father threatened me with kicking me out if I didn't get a job. I got any job in two weeks. It made my life miserable. I'm now 26 and I miss those good times so so much I want to cry. I haven't spent a day in my life not looking back to those perfect times. To not end this comment on the lowest note, my advice is study if you can and go for a good job, not just any job as I did. By study I don't even mean university, but the specific thing that puts you in the door for the job you want.
Well, you will probably also feel sick and sluggish once you retire for real. I still don't see why one wouldn't just skip all the negative parts of life.
if possible, let me know if you start to do better because I'm kind of in the same situation. I would like to know how you did it, if you ever make it out. Hoping you do ofc
@@dobi26jo37 I’m in the same situation kinda but I’m getting much better, by the grace of God I’ll continue my improvement and I’ll come back to comment in 1 month. Meanwhile I hope u start improving too. We can all try our best and come back here to let one-another know as a way of motivating one-another
@@dobi26jo37 okay, I'll let you know :)
I can't put into words how incredibly brilliant this man is. He has asolutely nailed every problem with modern mental health problems, he has cut out the crap and he is doing a justice to all those lonely, confused people out there. I thank you Dr K, you are one of a kind and I will pray for you so that you continue to recieve good fortune in your life. Thank you Dr K you are more help than you could ever possibly realise and the world is slowly becoming better with each video you post.
I’m a psych major, watched so many mental health content online and books and this is some of the best most applicable guidance that addresses the reality of where people are at and explains the psychology behind it. Dr.K you help people understand themselves better and make real positive impact to people.
I check up on this video regularly just to solidify this in my mind. Do what you want. It’s ok to be slow but always move forward. If you want to do more, then do more but never do more than you’re willing to do. Consistency is key, complacency is both good and bad and always ask why do I want what I want. The goal is not the goal but what the goal means to you.
two months ago, something clicked in my brain and i quit alcohol, weed, soda, snack, and cig all at one. started eating healthy, worked out everyday and lost about 35 lb. i did 3 knee push ups a day. now i can do 26. i still dont know why. i still dont know how. and frankly this video still doesnt explain my behavior. because i didnt think about the cost and benefit. i just did it.
sometimes just dont think too much and just one push up a day can make a massive change as the time passes. fuck the plan. fuck the goal. you are the embodiment of your daily habit. dont look too far. just do one small different thing a day. let it carry you later.
Sometimes you can get bored and tired of procrastinating and being addicted and start up stuff. Remember if no one wanted to improve themselves there would be no videos on self improvement
Sometimes you just have enough of something and get rid of it because you snap out of the trance of avoidance it puts you in. I had a similar thing with video games multiple times. I used them as a coping mechanism and sometimes when it got too bad I would just snap out of the trance and quit for a good while without eving having any interest in spending more time on that activity. It feels really great but sadly almost always seems to happen when you reach rock bottom on something and I dont know if its a great idea to wait until you're there to snap out.
Sometimes you're just exhausted from not being the best version of yourselves and get a massive kick in the middle of the night to flip your life around. I'm glad for you. I am too going through the change Right now.
It's true. sometimes you just randomly get motivation for random shit. I didn't properly learn touch typing and tying my shoes til late last year, but i learned them pretty quickly since my brain was more than ready for it. I find that when your overall self confidence in things grows, your motivation to learn new skills also increases because you're less reliant on just one thing. at least that's how i've been thus far
Sometimes you get sick of your own shit. That's usually what happens when I cold turkey anything lol
What helped me with this is to try to see that list of things to do as side quests. I gamify it. Just like in normal video games ( I like dark souls and AC) I fail and fail and I get tired with doing delivery or accompany quests. But I still do them because it’s part of the game.
Just like in life. It’s part of the game to do things you don’t necessarily like to do. But just do them and the rewards can be amazing or non existent. Sometimes, just like a in games, you get an amazing reward or you get a literal poo( Zelda)
So just keep sidequesting and improve your stats and before you know it you become the hero of your own game in life
Oh hey I used that same trick for doing more exercise. My brain tells me 5 pushups, squats, and crunches each is useless, but doing just that every other day was easy to stay consistent with. I’m up to 10 each now!
Good job!
You know, come to think of it I don’t have a goal. Maybe shed some extra fat but that’s about it. I just wanted to exercise because everyone says it’s good for you and you should do it.
@@WASDLeftClick it is good for you, good on you. You should try working up a sweat with exercises like the other guy said. If you want to improve your health that is
@@WASDLeftClick So this isn't your desire. He was saying to do that with the one that YOU want
Congrats dude!
"listen to your heart, not the voice in your head."
-Sol Badguy
, said the voice in your head.
I have to admit that this actually describes my situation very well! I have been stuck in that pitfall for a long time. I thank you very much for revealing this trap to me :) I have developed a lack of trust in people talking about self help stuff on youtube because they're usually scammers who try to make the stuff they're talking about sound logical without it being true! But you actually convinced me that I can do this! I will now do my work and look for what I want to do not what others want me to want to do. Also I start to see that fully trusting my mind isn't the best idea which is why I had so much trouble with changing because it never occurred to me that I shouldn't 100% trust everything I think that was illogical to me but now it makes sense.
How u doing dear? Hope u changed now🎉
@@MidianHaylu I have learned a lot over the past 4 months and even had some periods of strong motivation towards my goals but to be honest they didnt last longer than a week. I also struggle much less with boredom which I found out was a huge problem for me. What gave me these periods of motivation was probably the dopamine detox I did for 2 weeks and it helped a lot, but I notice myself relapsing again. I realized that just understanding my mind makes a lot of my problems just go away by themselves.
I cried. I know it’s a little out of place but this is the first time in a long time I actually felt like someone was talking to me like a genuine friend. Thank you for that. Doesn’t me it will change much about my life but I really appreciate the honesty. Thanks guy!
This man is a gem
i hope you're doing alright. stay positive!
8:10 Wow, this describes my life perfectly. I was a "gifted" kid, but not in the sense that I was intelligent, I just had controlling parents that made me study for hours every day from before I was even of school-going age. I excelled in elementary school as a result, but later when my mom decided to find a job and couldn't spend as much time tutoring me anymore, I slowly began to get lazy, and by the end of high school I was on the verge of failing half my classes. To this day, discipline is one of my biggest struggles, and I just don't know how to get myself to do things. Negative motivation works in the short term, but fails eventually, and positive motivation seems to have no effect as I hate myself too much to want to do anything good for myself. Taking small steps, even towards things I actually want to do and which weren't forced on me by others, hasn't worked for me in the past either, as I become unsatisfied once I have a "streak" of not doing it for several weeks in a row and my brain calculates that it's not worth it to pressure myself to try every day when it hasn't resulted in a positive outcome for weeks. I wish I could encourage myself gently somehow without bouncing between self-indulgence and whippings, but this balance has been rather elusive.
Don't hate yourself. Your value as a person shouldn't be tied to how successful you are. I know that's what gets reinforced by other people constantly, but that's part of the problem...the things people tell you to value aren't the things you should be valuing. It's not always about the results.
Me personally, what I value most in people is empathy. The ability to care about others. I don't care if they can't hold a job, as long as they're kind. Realizing what it is that you really want from people, instead of just what everyone around you says people should be like, can be an important part in helping realize what you already have in yourself but have been overlooking because it's "not important."
This was almost exactly me. I was forced to study and do homework on time and go to class and I became one of the top 20 kids in the grade but once I was accepted into college, I completely stropped trying and nearly failed senior year
Just my 2 cents, most of this is in your head and there is nothing you can think of or do that would help you in your current situation.
One thing you can try, though, is to find a replacement for what you had before, your mom. Someone, that will constantly put pressure on you, someone like a coach.
You will be depressed, hate your life, hate that person for making you go through it. But ultimately I believe this is one of the easiest way to change. If you want a change.
Again just my 2 cents. You can take it or leave it.
This is me too and quite literally teenager/young adults problem but you can overcome it by taking small steps day by day so you get resistanced to addicted and your comfort
these videos are honestly timely as hell lmao
just when i was thinking about discussing this with a coach
Is this a joke?
@@dylanlodge4905 why could it be a joke
@@dylanlodge4905 i wouldnt think it is, i actually just got done talking about this with a coach
@@oya4056 Because I would still talk about things like this if I had a coach, videos like this help to lay out a blueprint about what to do but only coaches, therapists and you are able to apply it. I would expect it to still be helpful to talk about it. It seems a bit like saying "I'm glad this new game came out, I was about to go to the doctors about my depression" where the joke or irony is a lot more obvious.
I've been smoking weed pretty consistently for the past 10 years and just yesterday I decided to try to quit. Fun times trying to sleep, very tempted to go out and buy some... And then this pops up.
I worked hard early, established a career, married at 30 but we aren't doing the kid thing, so we have dual income. I made sure I had a career that can't come home with me. It's amazing. I go to work, enjoy what I do, come home, play games, repeat. I freaking love it! Before the pandemic I would run 3-4mi 2-3 days a week plus some weight training. I fell off on that with pandemic depression and that's the one change I want to make. Get back to having some physical activity in my life.
Dr. K nailed it. Every time I think "I could go walk for 10 minutes" my brain shoots back "if you aren't running at least two miles, HALF your old distance, why bother at all?" But I can't physically run right now. I developed arthritis in my knees and running may never be a thing I can do without pain again. I know doing nothing is making it worse. But I feel like doing less than 100% is worthless (feel like is the key, logically I KNOW it's better to walk 10min than nothing). Why bother getting all sweaty and gross (Texas heat) for only 10-15min of actual activity, when I could just not? So I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I do want to change those habits, I'm past the wanting to want to, but that last barrier, the why-bother barrier, is still in the way.
I know this is an old post, but I try to remember, “I’ll feel better after.” “I’ll have accomplished something after I do it, even if it’s small.” And try to reframe it like that. Like, if I don’t want to work out, I try to remind myself like, “it will be done in an hour and tomorrow you will either be stronger or weaker (if you don’t). What’s the harm in going?”
00:12 🎮 Many enjoy leisure activities like video games, TH-cam, and staying up late, but desire more responsibility and self-discipline.
01:25 💰 The challenge arises from questioning the purpose of discipline when current enjoyment seems sufficient.
02:22 🔄 The mind calculates the cost and benefit of actions, often favoring immediate gratification over long-term discipline.
03:47 💡 A competing interest, a strong personal motivation, is crucial for developing discipline.
06:34 📝 Identify what you truly want, not just what external influences suggest you should want.
09:51 🚀 Even if you're not ready for a major change, acknowledging the desire to want to change is a crucial first step.
11:14 💪 Start with a small step towards what you truly want, and don't underestimate its impact.
13:35 🔄 Be aware of the mind's tendency to push for an all-or-nothing approach to maintain the status quo.
17:48 🧭 Focus on finding what you genuinely want amidst societal expectations and external influences.
Thank you😊
Thank you so much!
This is poetic.
thanks ma man
Thank you
Was crying to my friend the other day because they were trying to understand me and all i could really say was “i dont know” and they were getting frustrated. Felt like the convo was going nowhere.
Glad this vid popped up because a lot of the conversation was “what do you want?” “Forget what other people say and think, what do YOU want”. I cried out of frustration and shame because i dont really Want anything but peace. The peace where ppl see you “doing nothing” and congratulate you instead of asking and pestering about bEING PrOdUctIVe.
“I dont know” seems to be the best way to irritate those around me. They say i have potential and am wasting time. I ask them “whos time” and then the responses vary until it eventually circles back to me being so anxious i cry because im not “doing enough”.
This happens to me in a similar way. I have skills but no motivation cause those skills were honed because of others. Now, im trying to figure out what i want to do. When my sister asked me "what do YOU want?" My answer was nothing. I couldnt think of anything. I still cant.
Looking for a way to figure it out, specially cause everyone expects me to use the skills i gained in some way... so it doesnt feel genuine to do something related to that, even if i think that is what i want...
Consider that people see those talents in you and encourage you to foster your potential, not just for YOU and YOUR time, but because your are uniquely positioned to offer something to the world. You are capable. Whether you act on that or not is your decision and you should be at peace with it in one way or another. If this is the person you want to be - tell people that. They should respect you and leave you alone but they will feel sadness at the lost potential their friend is squandering. Sometimes not wanting to grow is fine but of course it will cause anxiety. Be honest that you do or don't want to change and the rest can fall into place and be adjusted later. Best of luck finding peace 👍
You want to be congratulated for doing nothing? I don't understand
the peace that comes from "doing nothing" actually comes from knowing that everything that needs to be done, is done.
do you live alone self dependent?
I have grown up in a very cushy lifestyle my entire life, and I always wanted something different, but could never piece together what it was, even after my lack of motivation, unmanaged stress, and lack of discipline lead me to flunking out of my first year of high school.
It's only now that I'm 21 that I want to genuinely get my life together because I can articulate and envision what that thing was and how to get it.
I still have issues with my health, but I'm taking better care of myself, because I've had two major shifts in my motivation that have started to address a lot of problems.
1. I realized how badly I wanted freedom and independence to live life my way.
2. I realized how badly I wanted to help others, especially those close to me.
And those two things have given an entirely different drive to my life that I didn't have before, and have given me a purpose and direction to shoot for I never had before.
I'll admit, I don't have an end goal, but I don't think a goal is as important as focusing on the fundamentals and the general trend that my life is going in. I have no way of knowing what life will throw at me next, so I've been focusing on what I can do at present to make myself more self-sustaining, and make life better for myself and the people around me.
Right now it's mainly small things, since I don't have much independence as I fell behind early in life, but even making enough progress such as "being healthy and fit enough that my legs, feet and back don't ache from just a few hours of standing", and "keeping in touch with friends and family and reminding them I'm here for them", has done me remarkably well in a short time.
I of course have plans to take bigger steps, like eating better, exercise, becoming financially independent, and eventually getting the freedom to travel to see friends and family out of state whenever I want, but all of that will be built on baby steps, especially given that I'm already going through a chaotic time in life where I don't have much support with bigger things yet, but I'm working on it, and have already made progress in some of them.
I will also admit though, what works for me may not work for everyone, I have unusual circumstances, you may be able to do more or maybe even less than me starting out, and what motivates me to change may not motivate you.
For me, what mainly lead me to where I am now is a mix of visualizing the future realistically, and staying in the present when it's time to get things done.
I've thought about my life in such detail that I've thought about dozens or even hundreds of different ways I could live and die, and all sorts of ways things could either go well or badly for me in the long run if I make different decisions, one of the biggest things that I've thought about that has had a drastic effect on me is-
I don't want to be dead weight if something happens to my parents or someone else in my family, and not be able to do anything to help them or support other people in my family.
The reason why my way of changing myself may not be for everyone, is I've made the choice to really look deep into the dark and unpredictable sides of life, and constantly remind myself that nothing and no one lasts forever, and that's what makes it all the more important to do the most right now.
So that if anything happens, either to me, or someone I care about, they'll be able to go in peace, and without any doubt that I love and care about them, and lived a full and worthwhile life.
Having a healthy relationship and understanding with the concepts of chance and death has completely changed my personal perspective, and kickstarted my own personal growth.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've been standing for 4 hours today, and I'm aiming 9 hours by the time I rest.
Have a great day, and a slightly better life.
Wow
The push up thing you mentioned absolutely works. I started by doing 2 sets of 10 push-ups every couple days. Eventually I started doing them more frequently and after a little while I saw some minimal results and just naturally wanted to do more. It took about 6 months to get to a real workout routine but it's better than jumping head first into something that makes you feel discouraged because you aren't great at it from the start.
I usually drop those habits pretty quick sadly. I had a lot of fun with push ups during my training, cause we used them as a game/competition and to mess with people. We pushed each other to be better at it (and with other stuff too but push ups can be done easily anywhere so it was a go to)
Thing is, i ve been pretty isolated for a while now. I just don’t feel the need or just dont feel like being around people now that im not forced to. To the point where i m somewhat stressed out just going outside in the « normal » world.
I am currently a CS student in College and this man is nailing every single problem so perfectly it is unreal. Its so true that humans will tend to do the things that are of value to them personally. Many times we do things that are expected from us externally, instead of our own internal desires. I have so many things that I want and it requires me to make that change. Am I ready to change? Hell Yeah!
We also have to train ourselves to succeed, practice winning. The more things we "fail" at, the more ammo our brain has to tell us something isn't worth the effort, the more we will believe we won't succeed. By doing small, easy things, that we can fully complete and measure success, we train ourselves to believe we *can* do what we set our mind to. Just like saying no to small bad habits can give us strength to say no to bigger things, succeeding at small accomplishments can train us to expect success and follow through to get it.
I nearly lost both legs in an accident in 2005 and was told by one of my surgeons that if I was ever able to walk using just a walker or crutches, he'd consider me a success, like that was the best he could hope for in my case. Meanwhile, my physical therapist had be going up and down stairs with a cane, but the power of the negative words was so strong, that I was crying, telling the PT that, AS I WAS ON THE STAIRS. I wasn't trained in success, I wasn't trained to exceed expectations, I was trained to assume the worst. I have struggled a lot over the years since then, with multiple surgeries and rounds of PT, and every time I feel like giving up - saying, "this is as good as it gets, don't bother trying harder" - I remember how far I've come. There was a time where simply straightening out my leg in bed and pressing my knee down was exercise. Today, I can do 60lbs on the leg extension machine and 70 on the Duo Squat machine. I still need a cane, painkillers, and my leg does collapse occasionally, but I am so far ahead of the girl who couldn't lift her own leg into the car and needed a bench to shower.
I keep feeling guilty over all the things I imagine myself doing but never actually do. Sometimes my current life feels satisfying and sometimes it is not. I am not entirely sure why but the gap between who I am, who I feel I should be is by far the most likely cause of my dissatisfaction. I could list off the things I think I want pretty easily, but doing so quickly feels overwhelming. Any change feels overwhelming. So it is worth emphasizing that the task needs to be divided up and taken one step at a time. Though that itself is easier said than done.
I feel in a similar situation. I'm trying to be as brutally honest with myself, writing that list then feeling that overwhelming part of me. Acknowledging and processing these roadblocks are the first steps. Good luck
I feel this issue when it comes to dating. It would be nice to find an intimate relationship but it would require so much hard work as well as having to figure out how to put myself out there, build up confidence, maybe even change my busy lifestyle... before I do that just want to be mentally stable and be able to cope with the life I have now. Although, the longer I put it off, the harder it will get.
This would make another great video!
The lady I found was far more understanding of me than I thought was possible. And she thinks I'm her type, despite me thinking I'm unattractive. Tldr: sometimes we think we're more unlovable than others do. But it did take me years of trying, and I almost didn't even respond to her initially, and I would have missed out.
@@DavidSchwegler how did you 'try'? What did you do?
I'm too lazy and we can be single forever now, so eh
question, "HOW" do you actually put yourself out there? Even now I dont fully understand what this means
This resonates with me because for 35 years I thought I simply had a discipline problem but it was ADHD really 💀
I feel you bro
I understand I have ADHD and undisciplined lmao
Same. Was diagnosed at 42y old. Answered a lot that had happened in my life and still processing it 6 months after the diagnosis.
💀
This was me at 36, but was ASD... Now at 40 I'm wondering if it's AuDHD. Woot. 🙃
Sometimes the pain of staying the same must outweigh the pain of changing before any real change can happen.
That's the first time I've heard about writing down what I want to do and then thinking about what I want to do for myself ... not the ones that others want... Thank you sir.❤
Another day, another video by Dr. K addressing my problems.
Sadly there's a difference between procrastinating by watching Dr. K, and actually acting on any of that.
@@Ph34rNoB33r Knowing and understanding your brain is the first step in developing healthier habits!
@@FlorentChardevel Agreed. Yet I've had years of psychoeducation and am still trying to find myself (while also fearing whatever I might find, which kind of keeps me from searching).
@@Ph34rNoB33r yeh but still this is better(if ur really thinkin about it and not just watching to spend time on yt consuming some new content) dr. k addresses this situation in one of his videos i think maybe the one with the thumbnail "watches dr. k doesn't change"
Same xD
It is pretty important to remember to start small. Example why is me doing a huge workout and then being out of commission for like 4 days, and I lost the habit right away because I overdid it. Instead, if I did 5 sit-ups every day, I might go “oops almost forgot” and do it right before bed or at some point in my day when I’m just ADHD idling. I still did it. Success!
I do that big workout cycle every few months and then just wince in pain every time I have to move for like a week. All it does is make me lay on the couch feeling sorry for myself for even longer!
Such impeccable timing... the thing about having no better idea for what you'll do after retirement than what you do *right now* to goof off hits hard. Yet my brain practically refuses to give me a better answer- any answer to "what would I do to relax and have fun" that will take until retirement age to be possible seems not worth considering with the horrifying thirty-plus year wait.
I think waiting till retirement is a silly idea anyway because there's a high possibility that you'll be too sick, too drained to even enjoy the stuff you worked so hard for. I'm a freelancer, so I focus on working hard and earning for a few months, then goofing off for a month or two. During my "break months" I don't take on any work, so I'm totally free apart from chores. I'm naturally frugal and don't much enjoy materialistic things, so saving money during my 'high productivity' periods is not hard for me. And the thought of having 30-60 days off, to do whatever I want, in the near future keeps me motivated to work hard.
Youre not even guranteed youll reach those 30 yr mark and after
@@zetaforever4953 freelancer in what lol i hope you dont mean artist or writer
@@SemekiIzuio you can be a freelancer and not an artist or writer...and what's wrong with them being an artist or writer if they are?
@@SemekiIzuio Yup, writer. Copywriter to be precise. Is this about chatgpt, by any chance? Because it's awesome! Increased my productivity by at least 30% over the last few months.
You, sir, are brilliant! I am 55 years old and I’ve been working on self-improvement for 30 years and you make it all make sense! Thank you so so much! I appreciate you and the world needs you! Thank you!
13:48 is exactly what happened. For a couple of months i was clean off all addictions, studying getting decent grades, working out, playing sports,etc until i got hit with failure in sports trials for a team and everything has been spiraling down since then. I am trying to get back to working hard and exercising
My trick to this "all or nothing" approach to solving problem was to see it as a little is better than nothing. In sports for instance, I know I should be exercizing 3 or 4 times per week, but I can never go through it, there is always something in the way, some other responsability that makes me miss my scheduled training. And one you broke the chain, it's easy to slip to the "You failed, so you might as well forget it" conclusion.
But knowing that a little activity is still better than no activity at all, I try to stick to a chain that is realistic with my life rythm. Nike said it : Just do it. On every tuesday night : just do it! just do the minimum but go and don't overthink it. First thing you realize is that you are now training once a week. It's not perfect, it won't make you build muscle or lose weight in a month, but in the long run, you notice that you have a little more endurance, that you can do activities that were too hard last year. Be proud, you went from a couch potato to someone who trains once a week. Even if it's just 5 minutes today, because you don't have time or you are too tired, you stick to this "just do it on tuesday night" schedule. Don't break the chain! after a while you will be proud to say that you've been doing it. You could do more, and you should but until you are ready, at least, you have this.
why is a little better than nothing?
@@KingButcherbecause over time alittle leads to.alittle more if you stick with it and nothing doesn't lead to anything but nothing
@@psychodelic1457 but why is "a little more" desired when looking at it over time?
@@KingButcher because being able to do a 5 minute walk for example everyday will make it easier to then do a 10 minute walk everyday or every other day and it will become easier when you do nothing the only thing it makes easier to do is nothing
@@KingButcher its desired when what you do its based on what you truly want.
If you want to paint, do the thing at least once a week. Youll get better eventually. But if you only paint once a year, you will probably get bummed out.
The answer of “I don’t know” to the question of “what do you want?” is something I still struggle with today at 30. And my life today is a demonstration of that “I am stuck going nowhere” because of it.
People don’t believe me when I say I don’t know. I have a list of things that sound “nice to have”. But nothing is a want.
And when I do sit down to say I want something, I will begin to question if that’s something I truly want. And I really can’t tell.
you can be okay with just living a life with nice things, being comfortable and stable. it really depends on your character and your values. if you define those better, what you want may become clearer.
I think this is a question we spend a lifetime answering. Most people just convince themselves of what they want without really getting to the bottom of the question and digging out the truth. Oh I’ll have a kid because I want to feel love. I’ll get married because I want to not be alone. I’ll make money because I like having nice things. You can answer this question at age 16 if you stay on the surface, but if you go deeper, as you and many others including myself have been doing, it becomes much more tricky. Some of us just have a really rough time figuring that out, and the inaccessibility of therapy in so many countries doesn’t make it any easier. If you wanted to you could have an easy answer tomorrow, but you want to do the work to find the truth. What you truly want. And as a result it appears that your life is “going nowhere,” but it could be that by this time next year you’ve found the answer and are hard at work fulfilling your dream. Don’t lose hope, just keep moving forward and finding your answers.
Try starting with something so ridiculous that it could never be a societal thing. Learn an extinct language. Walk to another country/state. Practice an obscure sport or hobby. It doesn't matter if you do it only to want something because clearly you WANT TO want something. You might even find that it's not so ridiculous after all.
I'm 38 and honestly I'm still stuck in the "I just don't want anything badly enough"
What makes you happy? Like actually happy, not just that it feels good but wears off immediately once you stop, like eating a candy bar.
If you really can't find a goal for yourself, then finding a goal should be your new goal. There are things out there you will love, if you can find them.
And I think it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking we all need some grand goal for our lives, because everybody tells us to be successful and famous and all this other stuff...but it's okay if you decide you just want to make enough money to get by and do some hobby you love. There's nothing wrong with less ambitious goals.
This is very helpful information that would typically be locked behind a $100 a month mental health paywall. Thank you so much gg
I’ve spent the last 15 years(30 now) of my life being disciplined for other people. Floating through high school because I was supposed to, attempting college because I was supposed to. Floated all the way up to the pandemic where I lost my job, accrued $8,000 in credit card debit, started drinking 2 handles a week, and stopped exercising. I’ve been victimizing myself and blaming the pandemic for so long but now I realize I was never exercising or doing anything for myself anyways. For example I was even only exercising so I could attract a girl. Not just to be healthy. Even my own goals were for someone else.
It took me hitting rock bottom to realize I actually do want to change. Because I’ve become so insecure, in debt, and depressed that I’ve lost all sense of purpose or drive all together. This video helped me clear the mental cobwebs about why that’s happened to me. Much love ❤
Great, so you're ready to let go of the redpill indoctrination in your subscriptions then, yeah?
Like, work out and work on your bodybuilding, socialising, and dress style all you like, but I doubt "alpha m" will lead you to find your own personality along that path. Let alone find relationships with people/women who share your ideals.
@@critamine terrible comment. You're literally doubling down on what he's saying has been hurting him, which is doing things for other people.
rooting for you! good luck!
@@critamine appreciate that, dude, sorry if that came off too harsh
@@critamine An idea: Delete the mean spirited comment now. It’s easy to do, and would be kindest solution. You want to be kind, right?
thanks for doing what you do. Before I started to watch your videos, feeling like my emotions and struggles were truly understood by someone else had never happened to me. I'm really glad that you exist, you're a really good guy
This video helped me feel like I could give myself permission to start pursuing the making of entertainment content. I used to make TH-cam videos in high school and quit after being made fun of for it by my classmates once they found the channel. I then started up a podcast with a friend in college, but we ended up dropping it after careers took us in different directions. I’ve been reading a book on standup comedy and often watch videos about the work process of comedians, TH-camrs, etc. but never make any actual steps towards entering those arts myself. Like Dr. K said, I asked myself the smallest step I could take towards that goal and my conclusion was to leave a comment. I feel like comments are content. I always spend some time enjoying comments after watching a video, so this is my first baby step towards pursuing my new competing incentive. Let’s see where this discipline takes us.
first step brother
@@colehouse8636yo! I liked your comment. I will follow you to see if you make any videos soon. If not thats okay too.
I had trouble getting myself to change my habits when I was battling obesity. My initial motivation came from outside of me. When I changed it to wanting to be a healthy person because I loved myself, that's when the journey really kicked off. I'm now at a healthy BMI. Looking forward to losing more body fat and becoming even stronger and more athletic than I am now.
6:50 This is interesting, because I was a bit of a goody-goody as a kid, and did everything in my power to avoid getting into trouble, which meant doing homework on time and getting good grades. I was considered to have a good work ethic when I was younger, but now that I'm an adult and don't have to answer to anyone much anymore, my discipline has gone out the window. I don't do many personal projects anymore, and the one time I can focus is at work, where I am once again getting external motivation in the form of tasks from my boss.
That is one of the most pressing and deep issues within the USA, where you are not learning discipline for the most part: it is conformity. Conformity to your boss during work or get fired, and conformity to your parents and teachers to get good grades or get held back a grade or get punitive punishment.
So if you want self discipline in accordance to this video: what do **you** want to facilitate self discipline? Not what your parents, boss, or society wants.
I love you you made me understand how my brain really works and for first time in my life I’m starting to see progress❤️💕
I'm so old, all my motivation to be disciplined early on came from my dad (and his switch if I was really pushing it). We did not commonly have access to addictive activities or substances, not even sugar! By the time I was in college, I was self-disciplined and would not have dreamed of wasting time until studies were finished.
For me, I LOVE surfing! But there have been moments where I feel like I doubt whether or not I should go (like if the weather is bad or something). But once that I finally get on the water it's not too bad now. For me discipline doesn't always mean becoming a gym alpha and whatnot, but being able to have perseverance to do the things that you do in life regardless of how you feel like doing them. And like I said, as long as you're actually doing something than nothing at all, then things aren't so bad. 👍🏻
I try to become more disciplined. I'm a incredibly stubborn person and Im afraid of any change. I can't get out of my comfort zone so now Im stuck doing stuff that don't benefit me at all and just make me feel bad about myself for wasting my life. There's a part of me that says that I'm wasting my life but the other part of me is enjoying it. Its very overwhelming.
So relatable, we want to improve but our brains sabotage us to get back into comfort zones thus preventing us from growing
Yeah I'm in the same as yours since I'm way addicted but at the same time I tried to force hard on myself to change well that was successful or not then.
same i have to change now or else i'll be forced to by an upcoming situation, yet i still refuse to
Being disciplined is like being sober, the distraction thought pattern will "flare up" but you must hold on until the distraction fades away
Oh that's actually super helpful for me.
I personally feel like your videos are constantly posted in response to my personal life.
I think the fact that so many other people have similar responses to your videos really speaks to the quality and relevance of the videos you make. Thank you
For the past 27 years, I have been stuck within this loop of cost-benefit analysis orchestrated by the mind
I could feel it but never could pin-point what it is
Thanks a lot Dr. K 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
OMG, EVERY video I watch, you KNOW me!😂 I am 56 yrs old and still learning abt my adhd. Thank you for your videos!! ❤
This makes sense. I've recently decided that I really need and want to lose weight. I've got multiple reasons, but my most motivating factor is internal and I also know from experience to not try to make huge changes all at once.
I don’t even want to be scrolling TH-cam instead of being productive. It’s not even fun, but making myself be productive feels very challenging- I have pretty bad fatigue/ recovering from Lyme infection
I can only speak from experience with exercise. The "get in what you can fit in" mentality can be applied anywhere though. Any good habit/pattern can be built by doing it, to some degree, every day for 30-60 days. That changed me from "someone who wants to get in shape" to "a weight lifter" in my mind, which meant when I *did* miss a day, it didnt feel like I failed, and i just worked out the following day.
Good luck friends
What do I want
Discipline.
Why?
To become a person who can do stuff even when I don’t want to
Why whill I not not want to do?
Comfort? Pleasure?
Do I want to change? (work instead of wasting time, eat as per diet instead of anything, have structure, followthrough)
Yes!
Why?
I dont like wasting time (why do I do it then? Lazy, No work ethic, Procrastination, lack of realistic plannining/ structure. Solution: Just do it, build ethic slowly, realistic planning, smallest possible, move towards it slowly. Dont fall for all or nothing)
Not following the diet will give me bad gut issues (suffered a lot in the past), I will be unhealthy (gut issues, high body fat, low energy, bad mental state)
I want absolute freedom (to have financial freedom, health freedom, time freedom)
Holy shit. The first doctor/therapist/psychologist type that actually GETS IT and can articulate it .... Thank you so much sir. This may, in fact, be it, chief.
yeah he can articulate and smile. i guess it helps that he is young
Dude I know you want us to get off bad habits, but your videos are so addicting lmao
lmao
The "all or nothing" thing is so true! With the gym example my brain wants to research every little exercise and muscle and come up with the "perfect" routine before I ever hit the gym and then I procrastinate. I didn't know the brain was so pernicious. Now I try to go and do the exercises I know and learn from them and add/remove/modify as needed, little by little
My therapist tells me to "avoid shoulding all over myself". What we feel we "should" be doing is influenced by a whole lot of external things. Mindfulness is very key in being able to drill down and figure out what you want to be doing, rather than what you feel you should be doing.
This is really good advice especially for neurodivergent people, we need to know the "how to"not the "should".
"A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children" thats why you should work hard not to retire but to give you're family a whole new trajectory
Thank you, Mr.K. I am high Vata-Pita, and late diagnosed ADD. After achieving all the expectations of the society, I was severely experiencing burnout for years. Last year I took a break, and now I am so stuck in the loop that I am unable to go back to life. Thanks for the video
Amazing! I've done the full circle: ultra disciplined to full blown procrastination. If you want to work on something (work defined as a vector force in the direction of interest) this "wish to want to change" is the key I've always used to shift my attention to the direction of change! This is so crucial because it's often a different challenge to change direction then it is to move forward.
It's like a person who is facing south wishing to be a distance north of where they currently are. It can often be easier to pivot than to continue moving south and hope the world is circular (or be lucky enough to turn due to insurmountable objects in your path).
We appreciate your effort and hard work on this channel. God bless you.
He's Hindu dude. gods bless.
@@beastbum Ahahahah love it
@@beastbum 😂
Is there anyone else who is almost 60 and (doesn’t play video games, but) loves this guy? Or is it just me/my (slightly) autistic (probably c-ptsd'd) self?
Thank you Dr K! Mad appreciation, soooo helpful!
46 and he's awesome!
My motivation right now comes from my long term girlfriend breaking up with me.. mainly because I was lazy and not trying to achieve my goals, she tried to help but it was a battle that I never tried to win. So her leaving me has opened my eyes. I got back into college, I’m applying for jobs, I’m working out and going to church now. I was devastated losing her but it has opened my eyes. A part of me feels like I’m doing this more for her to try and win her back, but I think that’s because most of my motivation was due to the breakup. I need to focus on myself and become the man I want to be. Love your videos! If someone is reading this, better late than never to try and conquer the challenges that you fear the most. Know your worth! You know that they’ll benefit you and you’ll be much happier for it. I’m trying my best and I know you can too :) much love and support!
Also, everything counts! Every little thing. Even the bare minimum. One thing I learned from getting sick and recovering from a severe episode of depression, is that everything, every little thing that I can do every day that makes me just a little bit better, counts. Taking a nap counts, spending an hour of quality time with my partner counts, spending the time the washing machine takes to run a cycle to revise for an exam counts. Taking 20 minutes to shower and wash my face and take care of myself counts, that good enough is good enough even when your best isn’t as good as the other day. Your best is your best no matter what it is on any given day. The only person judging you for not meeting your own high standard is you.
"Do you wish that you do want to change" summed up my whole problem. I was aware of it already, I had written it down already, but I was still stuck on it. It really helped to hear someone else say it, acknowledge that it's a thing, and talk about steps after that point. Thank you so much!
Arguably the most important channel I've stumbled on. Insane amount of great information for almost any problem people face in life. Really thankful for this content ❤️
Spent most of my 20s living like this. I knew I needed to change but I kept putting it off because my life was just too good and I just wanted another year, then another, then another. I knew if I changed it would be over. Had some brief periods when I did become disciplined but after a while I would just go back to my old lifestyle.
And then somewhere around my late 20s I just changed without any effort. It just happened. Now I actually do want to work and make money, exercise, eat healthy etc and the act of playing games and doom scrolling for days on end seems like the most horrible waste of time ever.
"Be super careful about the pitfall of your mind"... I wish i knew about this 10 years ago. Thank you for your insight, Dr. K ❤
I am 41 and i just discovered this video while facing depression.
It’s like dr k read my mind about what bias i am stuck in.
For others, i hope you make the same realization as me that the fun times you are having is a corporation/business driven serotonin inducer. I am fully aware of the temptation to have fun (play games, watch youtube) and retire early (in mind) but remember that it’s WAY more fun playing the game of life rather than the video game.
Life has infinite possibilities that relies solely on you taking action. I would encourage you look towards yourself to do something you really want in life.
It’s definitely easier if you can get help from family/friends, but even if you feel alone, note that everyone in this comments section can relate to you and will gladly be your friend. You virtually have the world of people in common with you that are cheering you on.
So let’s take the first step in playing next level of our life together.
What a great video. My whole life, I have found myself flipping between a motivated and degenerate state.
Earlier this year I wrote down all the activities that make the best version of myself (daily exercise, creating content for my website/yt, saving/investing) and all my worst (solo q gaming, binging average TV shows, ordering delivery food). Not gonna act like I've got it all figured out, but it's a good exercise to be aware of what state you're in.
This has to be the most accurate analysis of how our mind works towards sabotaging ourselves - I want to change and regularly fall into the pitfall of trying to do everything at once and end up stopping after a few weeks of consistency due to burnout - I’m going to focus on my health - this is going to be my priority from this moment onwards - workout regularly and eat only at home - will help financially as well. Thanks for this amazing video!
I actually never write under a video, but I just have to thank you. I'm almost 28 years old now and I've lived my 20s just playing video games and lying. Last year in August I met a woman, unfortunately I fucked it up because I abused her trust and lied to make my life more interesting. You only learn from it when it's too late, but this woman, and later you, have awakened something in me that I absolutely need help. I have been thinking for a very long time about what I want for myself and I have found it for myself that fulfills me. Even if I don't feel like doing things on some days, I do it without thinking twice. Because if you think too long, the excuses will only get bigger. I finally have a plan for my life, even though I've lost the love of my life, which I will probably never be able to forgive myself, but will have to live with.
That is how I spent most of my 20s too and I can relate to the things you wrote about lying to make your life more interesting. But at the same time, videos like these and coming to the realization to change your ways before your 30s is still great.
Lots of time to live and enjoy things and to improve at all aspects of life. And it always helps to know that there are others in the same situations as oneself. We got this!
this is one of the best and most helpful videos i've ever seen before, why couldn't i have found it half a decade ago..
im 29 now and could've used this video 6-10 years ago to avoid a whole lot of hardship in my life but luckily its never too late to change.
Knowing where to 'set the bar' for my goals in development has been very difficult. My capabilities seem determined by my willingness to change, but of course I struggle with such a significant shift because I've conditioned myself to act differently for so long. It makes sense when you say to aim low and take it a day at a time with little steps but it also makes sense that I am capable of significant change if I want it enough. Which I do, but it's so hard to default to what you're used to.
TYVM for the incredible content.
Gives a whole new dimension to Sarte's quote, "Hell is other people."It is interesting how often, when other people tell us what to do, it is solely for their benefit; they will try a myriad of ways to convince you that is for your own good, but, 9 times out of ten, it is because of their own agenda.
I've been thinking of trying to change myself for months but I just couldn't fully do it. I already made a list of things I want to do, managed to do some of it, but it didn't last long and started to go back to my old habits. This video really came in clutch and for that I thank you.
I avoided this video, because I didn't feel like I want to start being disciplined, but I feared that I'd feel bad after hearing about it. However...
I felt ready now and clicked on the video. My mind is more clear, I don't enjoy sitting at home all the time, I don't want to play the same games with my friends for too long. I want challenges, trying new things, make MY wishes come true and I want to feel confident whatever situation I'm in.
Dr. K, you really know to talk in a way to inspire people without making them feel ashamed.
For half a year i started to just do some basic workout, and for a year i have cleaned my room once a week, and now its just easy to do it, and im itchinc gor the training, and im feeling confident, im feeling great and its all just feels amazing, tho im not fully out of the bad habits yet
Just wanna say thank you. I'm currently going through a life crisis and something in particular I'm struggling with is discipline. So many websites are word vomit and don't explain things in a way that makes sense. YOU make sense. I don't want to change, but I want to want to change, and your advice makes that feel achievable. Thank you.
One of the issues with this is there are some things I *should* do that I genuinely can find no reason for except societal expectations. Like cleaning my room. Why would I sort things if I’m comfortable right now? Because it’s what’s “right”. I don’t genuinely believe that it is right, but I have to. Thus, it is perpetually on my todo list, and very rarely done.
So I have no idea how to deal with what I call “really should”s. My parents want me to go to college, but *everyone* expects me to clean my living space. My lizard brain secretly thinks it’s all horse shit. I have *never* gotten an infection from clothes piled on the chair. But if I tell anyone about this, they will just tell me I’m a lazy pos and I should ALREADY _want_ to be tidy FOR MYSELF because it’s “self care”.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve just missed some sort of societal memo. “Everyone release dopamine when iron clothes” and I was gaming too hard to hear
Your work here on earth is probably more impactful than you realize. Thanks for all you do, truly.
As a seemingly quite disciplined person (I study and work out regularly) this video (and many of your similar videos) is still very helpful. Having someone point out the things my brain is telling me, which can be so difficult to notice on your own, really is great. Thanks
this man is
going to change my life
This video was SO SPOT ON. The mental gymnastics I go through everyday that make working on my goals so difficult...
Algo went insane on this one, not 30min ago on the way home
Me: "I need to fix my life"
Also Me: "Idk im not ready, kinda chilling tbh, but I should definitely at least start the workout part soon bc I actually want to do that"
Dr.K: "So, people who "aren't ready to fix their life" need to figure out which one thing they actually wanna do for themselves and take a step towards that one, and don't get stuck just bc there might be other things to work on in your life"
Me: "Fair enough I guess I'll get started"
Thanks Doc
This is exactly what I needed. Was just feeling proud of myself for sticking to a new habit, and like you said, yesterday convinced myself it's not enough and made plans to start a bunch all at once. The overwhelm of it all was killing me. Thank you for such practical advice 🙏🏻
"Do you WISH that you wanted to change?"..........Pivotal question!!! Comes from YOU!
You put your hand on my bleeding wound. I wrote down what you said and I want to change myself. Thank you for this free knowledge, Sir.