I don’t feel like a valid system bc there’s no inner world and our switches are not total blackouts, but rather it feels like I’m on auto pilot while I’m watching somebody else take over my body for a bit. This video made us feel more valid in our system, however way it presents itself.
We're a new system, and we're all doubting if we are valid because we've seen people talking about how the host doesn't usually see what's going on, but our host is always co-fronting. We also started off in a car in headspace, but we keep seeing people saying that people shouldn't have a solid headspace yet and should start with a table.
I'm unofficially diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder for those exact reasons. My psychiatrist told me point blank I fit the diagnostic criteria, but if I get an official diagnosis I risk discrimination in medical care. And considering I have major health issues, that's not something I want to risk. I'm content just knowing for myself and not having a real diagnosis. It's complete BS that getting a diagnosis of certain things makes things harder, not easier.
I'm diagnosed as c-ptsd rather than osdd due to discrimination against dissociative disorders. Unfortunately having the c-ptsd diagnosis has still not helped me get the care I deserve it is so frustrating.
Our therapist said he wont put our diagnosis on paper because of the stigma. Happy to have a therapist willing to take us seriously and also understand the stigma.
The stigma is so real. I don't even have a diagnosis, but when I told my psychiatrist about my system she tried to take me off my Adderall, removed my ADHD diagnosis that SHE had given me merely 3 months before, and refused to continue seeing me. I will NEVER tell another medical professional about my system ever again, and it hurts me to say that because I've been open and public about every other diagnosis I've ever had BECAUSE I don't want to contribute to the stigma. And maybe if I didn't need medication that could be denied to me it would be different. But it's just not safe
Oh wow, I’m so sorry to hear that! Holy crap, you deserved someone SO much better than that psych. I’m sending lots of good vibes and love, and hope you have better experiences in the future (whatever those may look like for you) 💕💞❤️
We did some serious thinking before pursuing a diagnosis because we have multiple chronic illnesses and were concerned about a diagnosis prohibiting medical care in the future. We ultimately decided that we want to know what words described us and we wanted that validation enough to risk it. Something I've thought about a few times is the fact that DID systems must have experienced trauma early in their life, but because of the amnesia, some systems aren't recognized because their amnesia has completely blocked out the idea that they experienced trauma! Jess from Multiplicity & Me talked in the recent conference about how in school, she started having panic attacks but they couldn't even diagnose that because she didn't have any memories or ideas attached to the physical panic response. I haven't really heard anyone talk about how you account for the fact that DID actively masks some of the basic criteria, in the diagnosis process.
Exactly, and it's hard - what comes to mind is "having amnesia for your amnesia" - not knowing you lose time! It's hard to diagnose when stuff like that happens, and the client isn't even aware they're exhibiting symptoms. Also! If you pay attention to the diagnostic criteria we outlined, having early life childhood trauma isn't included as a diagnostic criteria for just that reason! It's just alters, day-to-day amnesia, and distress. Folks get diagnosed w DID all the time while having no memory of their childhood trauma - DID is designed to make you forget that trauma, so it would be silly to require remembering it to be diagnosed.
Still stuck in DID land here, but thank you for including the idea that there are systems that are healthy and do not have a disorder: they are simply plural. It is good to hear a big system saying being healthy and multiple is possible and I want that for us. (William)
OMG! This is extremely useful! My bf of 3 years is part of a system but he has lived with functional multiplicity all his life. Another factor about his condition that never fit the DID diagnosis was that he NEVER switched. He was fully aware of his life and never had any change. I've talked to his alters a few times but through him. They describes themselves as part of my boyfriend yet individual people. It's just fascinating to me. I'm glad that I know more about it. :3
Took my friend 15 years + to get diagnosed, partly because her type looked to her like communication with spirits. She spent years thinking she was a mystic till one of her alters was tired of the 🐂💩 and came clean.
I have no idea which one I have, but I’ve been just going through different videos researching this kind of thing because it’s interesting. Then a day after I realize I’m not hearing my inner thoughts. I meet Kace. I meet Amery. And I’m so dang sleepy rn lol. So yea, ty for everything you do for...us. It’s not just me anymore and I realize that now. So ty.
That first day is just so overwhelming, right? It's utterly mind-blowing, but equally amazing to meet these other people that have been with you all along. You've taken a massive step, and I'm proud of you all. Our system sends hugs your way. I remember how exhausting it can be that first day, so definitely rest is good. Hello Kace and Amery and host and anyone else! 👋
I was trying to research what DID was because one of my friends was diagnosed with it. And I stumbled upon this video. Thanks for having this as a helpful guide to knowing the difference so I can understand better!
Awesome video as always. i really needed to hear this while painting. I highly suspect I (we?) are an OSDD-1b system. OSDD-1 at the very least. I don't have the money to get a therapist until I finally (and hopefully! ) get to Australia for schooling. I never know if I should just say I'm an "OSDD-1b system" or "likely system" or "likely OSDD-1b system" All I know is that when I think im making this up, I always seem to be believed by other systems in the community when I share my experiences. This kind of makes me less nervous to just say im an OSDD system.
Thank you! And feel free to say "system" "multiple" "plural" "suspected OSDD-1b" or even just "OSDD-1b" if that's what fits you best. I hope getting to Australia goes smoothly, and you find a good professional there!
thank you so much for this video! we're a system that only switches when there's a change of hosts- and between (most of) those hosts there's no amnesia. i really felt like i was making it all up cause of this for a long time, cause however hard we tried we just couldn't seem to switch. you guys' channel truly gave us a lot of insight into non-DID systems, & this video specifically rlly makes me feel seen, thank you for the great representation! -neil / host of raven system
Feeling like you might be making it up is a normal part of the disorder. It comes and goes for us, all our hosts experience that feeling and it's horrible. If the thought of faking scares you and you feel doubt and confusion, you are guaranteed not faking.
I've been feeling for a while like I might actually be a system but for the most part it hasn't caused significant distress so I was worried about what that meant, especially for diagnosis. It does periodically cause distress when certain ones of us are closer to the front or when new people show up in our inner world but we don't switch and at most a few of the others can cause actions I wouldn't want to do to happen or words to come out of my mouth that I don't want to say (or similar levels of influence). We also don't have amnesia between us as far as I'm aware, though sometimes there are gaps in our memories that we can't really explain, especially when I've dissociated for a while (like one time I lost an entire hour where I know I was in the shower and I must have been actively showering because my hair was washed when I came back out of dissociation but I can't recall washing my hair at all). The other thing is that I am afraid to identify us as a system because of the stigma and the idea that a lot of people seem to have about you needing to switch in order to be a system. This video helped ease some of that fear a little but I still feel like I don't belong identifying us that way because we've never had a diagnosis. It just feels so hard to navigate it all and I don't feel like I really have anyone I can talk to about it. I don't have insurance and I can't afford a therapist, much less a dissociative specialist.
Sending you so much love 💞❤️💕 That sounds like a lot to think about, and I hope it becomes easier understood for you over time 💕 For significant distress, I’d worry less about “does it fit a standardized understanding of distress” and reframe it more as “would my experience with this improve if I had access to therapy?” I hope that helps 💞
Hey! Hope your doing fine. I relate to this comment a lot, and can recommend you the subreddit www.reddit.com/r/OSDD/ where people from the community support each other no matter what and try to help one another in the difficult journey that is improving one's mental health. You can also talk to me via instagram @ke.desirte ❤ Sending love to all of you! Lina
For us, we are a system that has C-PTSD but not DID/OSDD, partially because we would fall under the non-switching category(due to PTSD in our view), but also because for us, the distress we experience is very much PTSD distress and not DID/OSDD distress(aka, we are distressed due to flashbacks, but we aren't distressed when we co-front or have amnesia at times). Also, as a system formed by medical trauma, we don't use medical terms simply because to us it would feel like a case of 'yet another thing that is wrong with us'. We know it's not intended that way, but we process it that way. We also avoid a diagnosis because we are reliant on medical care, and we don't exactly want to add yet another barrier to getting life-saving treatment. Especially having medical trauma, that would just feel horrible to us mentally. Because at that point we'd have to resist the urge to yell at them saying stuff like 'you are the reason we are here' and the like.
Putting this here for us to remmember: Since grade 6 we had 2 non-switching alters. They eventually faded away, they were fragments either way so not fully formed ppl. They faded away in december 2021, almost 2022. Then I was singlet for about 7 months, after which we gained systemmembers again.
part of my concern with diagnosis was feeling like a fraud (which is so common it should practically be in the dsm lmao) and so this video was very helpful for me. bcs these disorders are so stigmatised and demonised, it can really be hard to find representation or validation that my experiences "make sense" or are even real. thank you for this video!!
Your videos always find a way to validate all the different thoughts we have,and we're incredibly thankful for that! We live in a place where any form of mental illness is considered a form of some demonic possession, and even highly qualified professionals don't have exposure to dissociative disorders specifically, so even reaching out for help when we think we need it is difficult. Your videos always have been of great help to us. We hope you never stop doing the amazing job ❤❤❤❤
We've been struggling with trying to decide if we want to get diagnosed because of people not believing us (who are important in our treatment) even though our therapist recognizes us as a system (we really dont want to get diagnosed because of stigma and we want to adopt eventually) I think this has helped a bit so thank you ♡♡♡
Thank you, this was really helpful. I've been suspecting I have OSDD since learning about its existence, and after watching this video I feel confident in my self-diagnosis. Which for me means I don't feel the need to seek out formal diagnosis. Same with my autism. Self-diagnosis is sufficient to help me know myself and learn how to adapt to my needs. The only relevant formal diagnosis I have is CPTSD, and that is enough to get me the help I need, without being overly stigmatizing or putting me at risk for discrimination.
Oh my god.. for years I had an identity crisis because i have somewhat of a system and I didn’t disassociate when we switched so I just thought I was insane and seeking attention because I was made fun of for it-turns out I might have OSDD type 1B. Thank you for your info, ILYASM!!
same. I dont get amnesia, so I thought (and the German doctors still using ICD 10) thought i cant have DID, and I cant have cPTSD. 18 months ago, my best functioning front just checked out, not sure where she went. i interpreted it as burn out because everything that used to motivate me suddenly didnt "work". the rest of my system, which was totally unintegrated with no concise identities, was just all over the place, they, or should I say we, were just a bunch of little kids aged 0-23, with the 23 year old telling everyone to fuck off, she refused to act responsibly or should I say "as expected", but she was great at self care, self love, she had no physical ailments, could do physical work and take long walks, the rest of us never could for the past 3 years. The doctors didnt like her so I gradually let her go in hiding and I have been depressed again ever since. Instead I now rely on some pretend reasonable front that can be trusted with her kids, but she is not integrated well, she cannot decide anything that is not very straight forward. she has no daily routine or set preferences, although i remember my preferences if that makes sense, but most often there are competing concerns that come up constantly, other parts just talk over my shoulder constantly unless I settle into some mindful activity or immerse myself in watching a series or emotional movie. while i watch it triggers only those parts of me that can relate to the protagonists and i have a clear opinion on how i feel about the film i am watching. as soon as we have nobody to talk to or at least observe, our thoughts become obsessive and i ruminate a lot. nobody takes charge. if i am lucky, someone or something catches my attention and i can snap out of it then, but i cant always motivate myself to cooperate, i may still decide to go and be unproductive rather than dealing with the anxiety of my emotions once confronted with demands that are received very differently by us. most of them cant be bothered or dissociate into a heavy feeling of shame that blocks all rational thinking. THE doctors attributed this to BPD, but now that I am doing the gold standard therapy for thst, DBT, I just feel invalidated all the time. And I cannot snap out of my lack of "bother", lol, nobody in my system feels responsible for anything that can be delegated or post poned. But what I feel strongly about is going to my appointments as not to appear irresponsible or unmotivated. But it is just a very weak front, I dont do my homework in between sessions or give up easily. i feel i have no real identity with goals or purpose, i am basically just trying to keep the family together somehow, not traumatise my kids, but my system doesnt even recognise my efforts, on the contrary, i get shamed often that "this" is just not good enough. i barely feel self compassion except for my "slacker" part who tells me it is okay to go back to bed, to not make that phonecall, to not leave the house. All the doctors see is depression. i mourne the identities i cannot get in touch with.
Thank you so much for this video! We personally didn’t want a written diagnosis or anything like that for our safety, but we are professionally recognized as a system and have a verbal diagnosis. We’ve sometimes felt invalid for this, but in the end we did it for our safety and that’s what matters. Again, thank you for talking about all the complicated things regarding diagnoses, it really made us feel valid! 💕
I’m the main host of our system, we don’t experience too much amnesia but we’re not diagnosed because it’s taken us a long time to even get a therapist. We’ve only been to our therapist once so far, seeing her regularly now hopefully. We told her we heard voices, and two were listening in to the session, but he tend to go non-verbal because of our autism so it’s really hard to explain our symptoms accurately
Exactly! A lot of folks, either in this community or out of it, treat diagnosis as something that's easily accessible, easily updated, and readily available - when in truth, it's messy, complex, and can be dangerous - and from that, people have complex relationships to diagnosis :)
I did want to be protected and took my therapist's advice and was diagnosed with chronic PTSD. He said I was DDNOS and Im ok knowing thats where I started out. But I think I was so keen on healing, I didn't learn a lot about what it even meant to call myself a system and I had a lot of denial that I was going to integrate into one internal person Nd "be done." I think it did hurt my progress for a while, but now I am beginning to talk to other people like me and understand where I fall in terms of my own system. I related to so much of this video, it's great.
This was so informative. I've been researching dissociative disorders lately bc I felt like there was more than one me, and thought I mightve been making it up. But when I heard that in osdd it's usually different versions of the host, things started clicking.
Your channel was reccommened to me by an online friend as I was trying to figure out is going on inside my head. After watching some of your videos and doing lots of other research I am finally reaslizing I might actually have a name for what is happening. I had been researching DID for a few months but the big sticking point was I dont have time loss. Finally it feels like I have a name to what is happening!
I think it's possible that I have OSDD-1b or just OSDD-1 but I'm not completely sure. I definitely don't feel connected to a lot of memories and it makes sense but at the same time it could just be a normal thing, my personality changing a lot, or something like bipolarity or another mental thing.
I am currently struggling with getting on the same page with my therapist regarding Systems, DID, and OSDD. I am aware that there is no OSDD-1a or -1b as a diagnosis. Those are just some ways OSDD shows up. I know for sure we do not have DID. I have explained that, and OSDD too. I am autistic, but I AM part of a system. He brought up not too many sessions ago, again, that he doesn't think I have DID. Which when we mentioned we don't be most likely have OSDD. He seemed aggravated, and legitimately stressed, at us having this term and wanting him to thoroughly look into it. He said something about how he and his boss (a lady that he has my permission to speak with as she does my testing) have met lots of people who are autistic who 'present as if they have alters who function in the same way.' It would be fine if he was saying 'you aren't disordered with your system so let's not lable you with a disorder' but that really doesn't seem like what he is saying. So I have no clue how to bring it back up.
He even tried to tell me he was concerned that I was clinging to a diagnosis when I sent him some information that did a better job of explaining what I do a bad job at communicating. It was even information BY therapists and psychologists regarding systems
thank you so much. i feel so validated by this. i don't need a diagnose, i don't need a specific label, to know that i-- we, are dealing with this. i don't need to fit any criteria to know that i have alters, and that i have to work with it. it's a real struggle. no matter if it fits any criteria or not. i didn't choose to feel like this, to deal with the situations i/we've gone through because of the dissasociation and feeling like there's more than one identity here.
Thank you so much for this video; I'm only just coming to accept myself as being multiple. Although I don't have access to a diagnosing professional, I'm working with a counselor with experience in trauma and for the first time I feel validated. I don't experience myself as one person. I don't have amnesia and don't meet the criteria for DID, so for the longest time I thought, I can't be multiple, I must be making this up. But the feeling of being apart from myself, out of control, disconnected from my own life and history, confused about who I am, deeply conflicted with no consistent goals or values, and afraid of what that multiplicity means... it's been incredibly distressing for almost my whole life. I don't plan on seeking a formal diagnosis because it doesn't really matter to me. But I do like learning the clinical terms for what I experience so that I can access resources. Learning about OSDD-1b and emotional amnesia is giving me life. My focus in healing these days is accepting my level of multiplicity and developing healthy internal relationships. Feels like I finally understand myself, I discovered a new modality and it's huge. Thank you :)
Thank you for this! Awesome video. Great look at the many valid reasons diagnosis (or non-diagnosis) is complex! My last official diagnosis was Bipolar NOS with rapid-cycling features (which I now understand as non-covert, rapid switching), and I’m still unsure if I want to pursue a clinical diagnosis for DID because of finances and medical trauma, and now, the huge personal risk of going to a major city during a pandemic because there are no specialists near me.
I’m diagnosed with high functioning autism and I believe I might have some type of osdd as well I’m currently trying to get diagnosed but with my autism diagnosis I get discriminated against as they’ll just say that anything I am experiencing is just because of autism and when I thought it was my medication conflicts my psychiatrist just straight up said it’s not possible it’s extremely frustrating getting told there’s something wrong with me but being told that they can’t find anything out of the ordinary
at 15 years old I was misdiagnosed with BPD by a physician who saw me for a total of 3 hours. That diagnosis has followed me and made things tremendously difficult, to this day, almost 10 years later. Idk what I do have, but I do not have bpd.
It’s so wrong for that diagnosis to have stigma too. It’s just normal effects of childhood trauma and very treatable with DBT and other therapies. When these trauma disorders carry stigma, it’s just re-traumatizing. Best wishes to you.
I dont have a diagnosis because i cant afford a diagnosis or even a therapist and im currently in a place where im questioning if i am a system or not but this helps me a bit with understanding. Ive been having a hard time trying to figure it out since im on my own with this but some of the things you mentioned about osdd-1 and how theres more to it than just 1a and 1b and the possibilities of having neither or aspects of both 1a and 1b. Its quite difficult for me to understand whats going on with me, but this helps a bit. I do think there is definitely a problem when it comes to diagnoses. Its expensive so if you cant afford it, its not possible to get one and at the same time, if you get one it can make life harder and have the possibility of dealing with a lot of discrimination. It becomes a lose - lose situation. All of this isnt even including the fact of people fake claiming, so if you are questioning if you are a system and people start fake claiming you or threatening you or something, it makes everything even harder. Between whats going on in my head and whats going on outside of it, its very stressful and overwhelming.
This is INCREDIBLY helpful, thank you. I am currently in the process of therapy and while I have a therapist that's incredibly validating and listens to my experiences, she doesn't know everything about what I call the "branches" of DID. So, because I don't have amnesia, she's not completely sure of where to go from there. I will recommend this video to her!
hello!! i'm finally starting my journey of self-recognition as an OSDD-1 median after years of denial, and this video has been SO helpful, as it's been difficult to find information on OSDD-1... especially OSDD-1a, which i most relate to. while i fall under the generalized OSDD-1 category, i feel like i can refer to our median as OSDD-1a. thank you so much for this information, it's been more helpful than i can express.
Thank you Silver for making this you are very brace to do it we're hesitant event to comment on this type of content trying to figure everything out. This is a great starting point though to go with medical help thank you!
i was diagnosed in the sense that "a professional who works with me made a conclusion and is working in accordance with said conclusion". yet i do not have a diagnosis on paper, because by the laws of my country, in this particular situation he cannot diagnose me. i'm out to my friends but they do not know when someone other than host fronts, nor does it happen too often in front of them. my alters have different handwritings but we share most of the memory. different skills yet good internal communication. our host is just an apathetic alter who, whenever someone else fronts or he has to face the consequences of their fronting, shrugs and goes on with his day. he attributes most of it to himself and just goes "okay, i did something i would have never done. maybe i just felt like it. whatever". that is, i guess, one example of just how complex (and messy, yes) systemhood can be. -M.
Thank you so much for this video. We’re a multiple. For the longest time we thought there was something wrong and that either we were making it up or it’s something rarely anybody experiences so we didn’t say anything. Even now the only person we’d ever tell is our older sister as she’s always their for us and doesn’t seem to have a judgmental bone in her body. At one point we thought we might have DID until we stumbled across this video and the description of OSDD 1A really resonated. We already have anxiety and depression and think there’s a possibility we might have autism and CTPSD so we won’t be getting a diagnosis as we want to adopt in the future and we already face discrimation for other things out of our control. I guess what we’re trying to say is thank you again for making us feeel validated and seen. It’s been so stressful trying to figure things out.
Just wanted to say I really found the video informative and enjoyed it. It’s also impressive how well you seem to articulate things, I just thought I’d point it out because why not
Good luck! I recommend the book linked in the description, (chapter 25 on partial MPD). Most of the resources for non-switching systems might be pretty old, so I wish you luck on that accounts ❤️️
I have GID but my psychiatrist said he cant diagnosis it because its not included in the insurance companies DSM 5 book. I also have schizophrenia and autism. This is a very interesting video, thanks for sharing. ☺️
thanks for this video ! i'm now starting to wonder if i'm an osdd-1 system that doesnt switch... the thing is, i used to switch during manic episodes, but now that i'm on medication for bipolar-1 that gets rid of my manic episodes, i haven't switched since early this year. have you read any academic literature that describes something similar to this? i've been very confused and hesitant to bring it up with my new therapist... anyway, have a great weekend !
I haven't run across academic literature on it (probably because it's simply not researched yet), but in the community there are a lot of anecdotal reports of certain medications stopping switching/making the system go quiet - and after switching meds, system activity returning. If it's bothering you, you should bring it up to your therapist!
You have no idea how helpful this I have not been able to get help from a professional yet and I have only figured out that some of these things have been happening I don’t really know fully what’s happening it’s very confusing
Re diagnosis! We seemed to match some symptoms and not others, so we were hoping diagnosis would help clear things up and say for sure if we have OSDD or not. Buuuuut, they gave us "unspecified dissociative disorder". Which does make sense, and at least wasn't totally invalidating, but the term "unspecified" and the lack of any information on what to do if you have that, was a bit unhelpful! I feel like I am "unspecified" most of the time and not clear exactly what's going on or who I am. It was still useful and so worth doing and it helps with those feelings where I'm like "maybe nothing is wrong at all and I'm just weak" or something. Thanks again for your videos they are super-helpful and just the right pace and length and detail in the content (how do yous fit so much in??)
Diagnosis is an attempt to compartmentalize mental illness. Unspecified means you don't fit into a neat and tidy category of the current way of diagnosing. Sometimes mental health diagnosis helps people to feel a part of a community. Other times, diagnosis causes people to feel alone and misunderstood. You're more than a diagnosis. In fact, being unspecified seems to be the root symptom of DID.
🙋🏻🙋🏻🙋🏻 mental health therapist(s… there’s a few in our system) and our main fronting therapist just discovered the system within the past few months (at least one of us had already put it together but was trying to protect the admin [what we call our main fronter]) we also exist in a trans body and most of us are somewhere in the nonbinary umbrella. We likely won’t pursue official diagnosis and have asked our therapist to leave the system-specific symptoms off our chart because it could get in the way of our ability to get gender affirming care. There’s unfortunately this ridiculous narrative that you need to have integrated your system with “total fusion” to start gender affirming care (we don’t want that. Nor is it very common even for healed systems to become a singlet… and even if that did happen… like Katie Keech [phenomenal system, LMFT] has said… if the average is trans/ nonbinary that fused person isn’t just going to stop being trans/nonbinary. The parts of each headmate wouldn’t just disappear) . It also infuriatingly could get in the way of our ability to provide therapy and gender affirming counseling, which is ridiculous but true.
I think I have OSDD. I don’t have clearly defined alters and no memory amnesia but during emotionally intense moments I switch out. And there have been months at a time where I’m … not me. Like I don’t emotionally identify with who I was at that time at all even though rationally I know it’s me.
You said when referring to ISDD-1b, that DID systems might have amnesia but it’s maybe once a month or once a year, but it is recurring. What if it happens over and over up until age 13 or so or it stops for many years? What if it happens only every ten years or like every week for a month and then nothing for 10 years? What if a full amnesia switch might happen occasionally but in circumstances where it can be easily hidden from the “host” or others or where the mind kinda tricks you into not remembering not remembering?
In OSDD can the host/dominant alter be replaced by what until that point has only been a passively influencing part of limited agency? Can there be a case that due to change in the system or an external trigger, the part that this far existed with little to no agency all of a sudden takes over the executive system and body and takes the place of the host?
All I know is I get a mental nudge that sometimes I interpret as an idea or sentence to do something or think something or view things differently. The only times I get clear sentences on the regular is when I personally struggle with things to varying degrees a bit too much or am intoxicated. Last time I talked to the gp to try and finally get checked mentally (was curious if there was anything going on that at the very basic should be made aware of) gp threw me at another person who than said I required a 10 person talk therapy session. Yeah that ain't happening took the first 18 years of existence to talk not down for 10 group therapy
Gonna vent for the first time about this, I need some place to get it off. My chest. I am very scared about if I am faking… it’s been months since I fully realized it and I’m honestly scared to try and get diagnosed at all. My partners (I’m poly) are very supportive of me, but I also am scared of… if I am faking, then what’s wrong with me? And what will become of the life I’ve had with the ‘alters’ I’ve been living with for so long who have helped me through a lot. This is my first time ever even bringing it up outside of my partners or super close friends/family… and I’ve been so scared every day since I started notice it about what if I’m faking, what if it’s not real and I’m just a liar.. and it’s scary because I don’t know, and due to other mental health issues, I’m scared a therapist would see that and simply dismiss other things I may be going though. (It’s happened before with something else, the guy just dismissed my worries and basically said ‘no, I don’t think that’s right’ and let me leave). I’m so paranoid and it takes such a toll, and I’m so scared to bring it up to anyone.
Thank you for this video, we really appreciated and needed it. Edit: We really want to go see someone because we want to be diagnosed, how can we ask someone from school with all of this covid going on. Is there someone we can email, you think? Thanks! - Kaidou, host of the Colornova System < 3
You can find professionals by searching “dissociative disorders psychologist [your state]” and clicking on the psychology today link. There is also zencare, which helps locate therapists in a few East coast states. Good luck! 💕
I have been questioning on wether I have a form of OSDD-1 or not. I keep ending up making friends with systems before I even know they're systems. It keeps happening and I wonder if part of it is that brain subconsciously realizes "oh! they're like me!". I always feel so inconsistent as a person, like the me that goes to bed is not the same me that wakes up. And that the me at work is not the same me at home. I think my mind takes longer to integrate introjections than singlets, but faster what I've learned to expect from most systems. There are times were I feel like I am not me, but everything still feels connected the way two very different parts of a maze is connected.
Hi, idk if you're going to see this, idek if you're still using this chanel because it says you haven't posted in a long time, but if you (or if anyone with OSDD) could help me, I'd really appreciate it. I've been having symptoms of OSDD-1b lately, and I just have some question that if they could be answered would really help me figure out if I am a system and should probably get looked at for that or if I'm accidentally faking. -Does a front kind of feel like... like the host becomes that person? For example, whenever Alice "fronts," I feel her start to get really close to me in the inner world and start almost like projecting through me and then she gets closer and closer until it feels like I've become her and if anything, I'm projecting through her and not the other way around. I feel kinda dizzy and blurry and detached from the body, but I'm fully aware of everything and I feel more like I've become her than another person being fully in control of the body because of how like there I feel I am. -Can there still be occasional amnesia beyond emotional amnesia? -Can there be trauma holders in an OSDD-1b system? We have this little girl who talks about having memories of a couple different events and panics whenever we get near our dad because she claims he's incredibly dangerous and that he's "done something" (tbh I've been incredibly uncomfortable around him myself since I was about six or seven, so like, understandable). -Is it normal to not be able to tell if you thought something or an alter said it? Because like about 60% of the time someone says something I have like a crisis of "Wait did I just think that or-" -I already know how stupid this is going to sound, but can you for OSDD without extreme s3xual or physical trauma? I've had a heck of a lot of emotional trauma and abandonment through out my life and a tad bit of physical and s3xual, but nothing severe. (But on another hand, how can you figure out if you have repressed trauma, because I have a lot of memory gaps from when I'm was younger?) -This is also going to sound stupid, but can alters not form or at least hide from you until you're a teenager? I started hearing my alters (assuming that's what they are) voices when I was like 13 or 14 for the first time, and I know at least DID is supposed to form between the ages of 7-9. I have a friend with DID who told me that OSDD can form later but I'm not sure if that's true. They also suggested maybe they were hiding from me until more recently. If anyone could answer these, I'd really appreciate it. If this could help with any answers, I have diagnosed anxiety disorders, major depressive disorder, and eating disorders. I also have symptoms of autism, BPD, ADHD, and OCD but have not been able to get screened for these yet.
What if people with DID/OSDD don't feel the need to heal? Maybe they enjoy the multiplicity? Is that a problem? What if they don't feel the need to even get therapy? Should they resist that or be encouraged to get therapy anyway?
1:40 do you guys have any examples of this? I’ve tried googling about it, but it’s not a topic that’s popular enough to find it with my key words. Maybe the name of a tribe or region could help narrow it down?
I came here to try and figure out what’s going on. We are too scared to bring this up to our therapist. Anyone have any suggestions on how I should bring it up?
My therapist recently got concerned with symptoms I was telling her, it's been almost 5 months now and she wants to get me an official diagnosis for OSDD with a psychologist but she's afraid of getting it official on paper due to the stigma, especially with the rise of DID/OSDD faking online. We're 99% sure I have OSDD and im trying to cope with this information, any tips would be greatly appreciated as im still trying to figure out life as a newly found system. Also any tips for my boyfriend! He's also rather shaken by the information because he never suspected anything.
Woah, I've always thought I had DID... But we have the memories thing of not knowing who did what. I've always thought this was just identity confusion?
I thought we have DID but then I heard about the self history in OSDD-1a and I related sm to that it sent shivers down my spine - Joker Edit: but I still think we could have DID bc we do recognize that difference and there's not a lot of self-conflict on that
Do OSDD-1b systems share the same non-amnesia in dreaming? Like, one alter could have a dream, and if the dream is remembered at all, the others can also remember that dream, from the POV of the alter that had the dream?
This was very helpful thank you. It was recently revealed to me (host) that we're a system and I've been really conflicted because I've never heard or seen the way that we present described in a clinical sense (the denial spiral is real.) But based on this video and other research I suspect we're an osdd-1 non switching system. I'm always in front no matter what and other alters will either just speak to me from headspace or come in to partial front/front at the same time as me. And we have semi distinct alters. Most of us have separate identities from that of the body but many also sort of identify with the body, like a lot of us are different versions of the same person almost. We likely won't be seeking diagnosis due to the stigma, we're already having a hard enough time getting an autism diagnosis, but it's great to see examples and descriptions of our experience
Tw: Medical Talk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Re the section in the description about transplants: surely receiving a life saving transplant could partially improve someone's mental health as physical illness has an impact on mental health. Therefore, imo, it's highly unethical to deny someone a transplant bc of mental illness.
Tw: medical eugenics the issue is that the ethics come in when two people could receive the same transplant and one person has mentally ill so they will intentionally kill the mentally ill person because they feel like the mentally ill person isn't worth keeping alive. this happens almost constantly and having any mental illness in particular BPD, bipolar disorder, depression, schizoaffective or schizophrenic disorder can result in your being chosen to die by a doctor who has a bias. And when it comes to transplants, so many of them do.
my therapist immediately diagnosed me with osdd (ddnos) instead of bpd im mad asfk cuz like howd she clock me for osdd before bpd. like. i am a system, i wont deny that. butt i fit like every diagnostic criteria for bpd and its so obvious like😑
Originally I wanted to learn about this out of curiosity but with what happened last night I wonder if I have it seeing what my behavior was last night here’s what happened last night: my mom gave me another trauma experience and when I went to go to bed an try to sleep I started smiling about my trauma it eventually turned into giggles and then full blown laughing that wouldn’t stop it lasted awhile too and it even bleed into today a little I don’t really understand
I've been doing research on DID and alters since an awakening last year where I realized I was a therian. It feels like a bpd thing but I was starting to think it's a did thing and now I think it's osdd instead but I still feel so alligned with my bpd diagnosis. And the bpd overlap makes things extra confusing, because I relate to so many of these things but I worry about labelling myself incorrectly out of a worry of being wrong about myself and misrepresent DID as a whole. I also don't know if bpd and osdd can technically "exist at the same time" in the sense of being diagnosed with both because of both of the disorders fundamental functions. As much as I've learned in this past while, I still feel confused, and I know I wont ever know the truth about anything and everything but it is pretty damn tiring feeling like you misunderstand yourself all the time. Very much appreciate this video
Passive influencing! Internal communication! Wow. I know the DSM-5 wants to simplify stuff... But I don't think that helps with people who deal with this.
I think I might have osdd 1a or osdd 1 bc i have a lot of forgetfulness and gaps in memory from basically my whole life, like my childhood is just a blob of gray out amnesia, and i never remember anyone but me doing something i did everything, but a lot of the time recently I've been numb, and then today i woke up and was actually pretty emotional and then after a pretty shitty and long drawn out dissociative episode, I'm back to being numb?? i have no idea anymore, it could be I'm just a singlet or it could be that its something else: who fucking knows. While writing this the brain fuzzies are coming back, joy.
I don’t feel like a valid system bc there’s no inner world and our switches are not total blackouts, but rather it feels like I’m on auto pilot while I’m watching somebody else take over my body for a bit. This video made us feel more valid in our system, however way it presents itself.
Know you are valid and this is exactly how I felt when I was dissociated ❤️
bro this is how i feel except i kinda feel like there’s me and just one other person and i don’t know who that person is
We're a new system, and we're all doubting if we are valid because we've seen people talking about how the host doesn't usually see what's going on, but our host is always co-fronting. We also started off in a car in headspace, but we keep seeing people saying that people shouldn't have a solid headspace yet and should start with a table.
I feel the same way, and I feel weird calling myself “we” or anything plural
I'm unofficially diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder for those exact reasons. My psychiatrist told me point blank I fit the diagnostic criteria, but if I get an official diagnosis I risk discrimination in medical care. And considering I have major health issues, that's not something I want to risk. I'm content just knowing for myself and not having a real diagnosis. It's complete BS that getting a diagnosis of certain things makes things harder, not easier.
I'm diagnosed as c-ptsd rather than osdd due to discrimination against dissociative disorders. Unfortunately having the c-ptsd diagnosis has still not helped me get the care I deserve it is so frustrating.
shit, im diagnosed AuDHD
I'd never heard before about what you said re: OSDD-1 systems. I thought I was just making it up. Thank you for the information.
❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️️
Our therapist said he wont put our diagnosis on paper because of the stigma. Happy to have a therapist willing to take us seriously and also understand the stigma.
The stigma is so real. I don't even have a diagnosis, but when I told my psychiatrist about my system she tried to take me off my Adderall, removed my ADHD diagnosis that SHE had given me merely 3 months before, and refused to continue seeing me. I will NEVER tell another medical professional about my system ever again, and it hurts me to say that because I've been open and public about every other diagnosis I've ever had BECAUSE I don't want to contribute to the stigma. And maybe if I didn't need medication that could be denied to me it would be different. But it's just not safe
Oh wow, I’m so sorry to hear that! Holy crap, you deserved someone SO much better than that psych. I’m sending lots of good vibes and love, and hope you have better experiences in the future (whatever those may look like for you) 💕💞❤️
This happened to me please find a trauma specialist I have adhd & DID and back on my ADHD medication I’m sorry I made me feel so unheard
Didn't realize we needed to hear this,. Trying hard to find which box we fit in that we forgot that we don't have to have one for our multiplicity
❤️️ ❤️️ Exactly ❤️️
We did some serious thinking before pursuing a diagnosis because we have multiple chronic illnesses and were concerned about a diagnosis prohibiting medical care in the future. We ultimately decided that we want to know what words described us and we wanted that validation enough to risk it.
Something I've thought about a few times is the fact that DID systems must have experienced trauma early in their life, but because of the amnesia, some systems aren't recognized because their amnesia has completely blocked out the idea that they experienced trauma! Jess from Multiplicity & Me talked in the recent conference about how in school, she started having panic attacks but they couldn't even diagnose that because she didn't have any memories or ideas attached to the physical panic response. I haven't really heard anyone talk about how you account for the fact that DID actively masks some of the basic criteria, in the diagnosis process.
Exactly, and it's hard - what comes to mind is "having amnesia for your amnesia" - not knowing you lose time! It's hard to diagnose when stuff like that happens, and the client isn't even aware they're exhibiting symptoms.
Also! If you pay attention to the diagnostic criteria we outlined, having early life childhood trauma isn't included as a diagnostic criteria for just that reason! It's just alters, day-to-day amnesia, and distress. Folks get diagnosed w DID all the time while having no memory of their childhood trauma - DID is designed to make you forget that trauma, so it would be silly to require remembering it to be diagnosed.
🎯
Still stuck in DID land here, but thank you for including the idea that there are systems that are healthy and do not have a disorder: they are simply plural. It is good to hear a big system saying being healthy and multiple is possible and I want that for us. (William)
I believe we can both get there ❤️️ ❤️️
💖 the concept of healthy multiplicity.
OMG! This is extremely useful! My bf of 3 years is part of a system but he has lived with functional multiplicity all his life. Another factor about his condition that never fit the DID diagnosis was that he NEVER switched. He was fully aware of his life and never had any change.
I've talked to his alters a few times but through him. They describes themselves as part of my boyfriend yet individual people. It's just fascinating to me.
I'm glad that I know more about it. :3
Took my friend 15 years + to get diagnosed, partly because her type looked to her like communication with spirits. She spent years thinking she was a mystic till one of her alters was tired of the 🐂💩 and came clean.
I have no idea which one I have, but I’ve been just going through different videos researching this kind of thing because it’s interesting. Then a day after I realize I’m not hearing my inner thoughts. I meet Kace. I meet Amery. And I’m so dang sleepy rn lol. So yea, ty for everything you do for...us. It’s not just me anymore and I realize that now. So ty.
That first day is just so overwhelming, right? It's utterly mind-blowing, but equally amazing to meet these other people that have been with you all along. You've taken a massive step, and I'm proud of you all. Our system sends hugs your way. I remember how exhausting it can be that first day, so definitely rest is good.
Hello Kace and Amery and host and anyone else! 👋
I was trying to research what DID was because one of my friends was diagnosed with it. And I stumbled upon this video. Thanks for having this as a helpful guide to knowing the difference so I can understand better!
you're a good friend!
Awesome video as always. i really needed to hear this while painting. I highly suspect I (we?) are an OSDD-1b system. OSDD-1 at the very least. I don't have the money to get a therapist until I finally (and hopefully! ) get to Australia for schooling. I never know if I should just say I'm an "OSDD-1b system" or "likely system" or "likely OSDD-1b system"
All I know is that when I think im making this up, I always seem to be believed by other systems in the community when I share my experiences. This kind of makes me less nervous to just say im an OSDD system.
Thank you! And feel free to say "system" "multiple" "plural" "suspected OSDD-1b" or even just "OSDD-1b" if that's what fits you best.
I hope getting to Australia goes smoothly, and you find a good professional there!
thank you so much for this video! we're a system that only switches when there's a change of hosts- and between (most of) those hosts there's no amnesia. i really felt like i was making it all up cause of this for a long time, cause however hard we tried we just couldn't seem to switch. you guys' channel truly gave us a lot of insight into non-DID systems, & this video specifically rlly makes me feel seen, thank you for the great representation! -neil / host of raven system
❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️️
Feeling like you might be making it up is a normal part of the disorder. It comes and goes for us, all our hosts experience that feeling and it's horrible. If the thought of faking scares you and you feel doubt and confusion, you are guaranteed not faking.
This is a great vid topic! Glad to see one of my favorite systems covering it, since most DIDtubers don't cover OSDD
Thank you!
I've been feeling for a while like I might actually be a system but for the most part it hasn't caused significant distress so I was worried about what that meant, especially for diagnosis. It does periodically cause distress when certain ones of us are closer to the front or when new people show up in our inner world but we don't switch and at most a few of the others can cause actions I wouldn't want to do to happen or words to come out of my mouth that I don't want to say (or similar levels of influence). We also don't have amnesia between us as far as I'm aware, though sometimes there are gaps in our memories that we can't really explain, especially when I've dissociated for a while (like one time I lost an entire hour where I know I was in the shower and I must have been actively showering because my hair was washed when I came back out of dissociation but I can't recall washing my hair at all). The other thing is that I am afraid to identify us as a system because of the stigma and the idea that a lot of people seem to have about you needing to switch in order to be a system. This video helped ease some of that fear a little but I still feel like I don't belong identifying us that way because we've never had a diagnosis. It just feels so hard to navigate it all and I don't feel like I really have anyone I can talk to about it. I don't have insurance and I can't afford a therapist, much less a dissociative specialist.
Sending you so much love 💞❤️💕 That sounds like a lot to think about, and I hope it becomes easier understood for you over time 💕
For significant distress, I’d worry less about “does it fit a standardized understanding of distress” and reframe it more as “would my experience with this improve if I had access to therapy?” I hope that helps 💞
Our experience is very similar to that, if not exactly! Know you're in our thoughts and we hope the best for y'all
Hey! Hope your doing fine. I relate to this comment a lot, and can recommend you the subreddit www.reddit.com/r/OSDD/ where people from the community support each other no matter what and try to help one another in the difficult journey that is improving one's mental health. You can also talk to me via instagram @ke.desirte ❤ Sending love to all of you! Lina
How are you doing now? I hope you have already found people to talk to, or that they will come to your life soon. Wishing you the best💚
For us, we are a system that has C-PTSD but not DID/OSDD, partially because we would fall under the non-switching category(due to PTSD in our view), but also because for us, the distress we experience is very much PTSD distress and not DID/OSDD distress(aka, we are distressed due to flashbacks, but we aren't distressed when we co-front or have amnesia at times). Also, as a system formed by medical trauma, we don't use medical terms simply because to us it would feel like a case of 'yet another thing that is wrong with us'. We know it's not intended that way, but we process it that way.
We also avoid a diagnosis because we are reliant on medical care, and we don't exactly want to add yet another barrier to getting life-saving treatment. Especially having medical trauma, that would just feel horrible to us mentally. Because at that point we'd have to resist the urge to yell at them saying stuff like 'you are the reason we are here' and the like.
Putting this here for us to remmember:
Since grade 6 we had 2 non-switching alters. They eventually faded away, they were fragments either way so not fully formed ppl. They faded away in december 2021, almost 2022. Then I was singlet for about 7 months, after which we gained systemmembers again.
part of my concern with diagnosis was feeling like a fraud (which is so common it should practically be in the dsm lmao) and so this video was very helpful for me. bcs these disorders are so stigmatised and demonised, it can really be hard to find representation or validation that my experiences "make sense" or are even real. thank you for this video!!
Your videos always find a way to validate all the different thoughts we have,and we're incredibly thankful for that!
We live in a place where any form of mental illness is considered a form of some demonic possession, and even highly qualified professionals don't have exposure to dissociative disorders specifically, so even reaching out for help when we think we need it is difficult.
Your videos always have been of great help to us. We hope you never stop doing the amazing job ❤❤❤❤
Thank you so much for the kind words, and I’m sending lots of love to you too ❤️💖💕
We've been struggling with trying to decide if we want to get diagnosed because of people not believing us (who are important in our treatment) even though our therapist recognizes us as a system (we really dont want to get diagnosed because of stigma and we want to adopt eventually) I think this has helped a bit so thank you ♡♡♡
Thank you, this was really helpful. I've been suspecting I have OSDD since learning about its existence, and after watching this video I feel confident in my self-diagnosis. Which for me means I don't feel the need to seek out formal diagnosis. Same with my autism. Self-diagnosis is sufficient to help me know myself and learn how to adapt to my needs. The only relevant formal diagnosis I have is CPTSD, and that is enough to get me the help I need, without being overly stigmatizing or putting me at risk for discrimination.
Oh my god.. for years I had an identity crisis because i have somewhat of a system and I didn’t disassociate when we switched so I just thought I was insane and seeking attention because I was made fun of for it-turns out I might have OSDD type 1B. Thank you for your info, ILYASM!!
same. I dont get amnesia, so I thought (and the German doctors still using ICD 10) thought i cant have DID, and I cant have cPTSD.
18 months ago, my best functioning front just checked out, not sure where she went. i interpreted it as burn out because everything that used to motivate me suddenly didnt "work". the rest of my system, which was totally unintegrated with no concise identities, was just all over the place, they, or should I say we, were just a bunch of little kids aged 0-23, with the 23 year old telling everyone to fuck off, she refused to act responsibly or should I say "as expected", but she was great at self care, self love, she had no physical ailments, could do physical work and take long walks, the rest of us never could for the past 3 years. The doctors didnt like her so I gradually let her go in hiding and I have been depressed again ever since. Instead I now rely on some pretend reasonable front that can be trusted with her kids, but she is not integrated well, she cannot decide anything that is not very straight forward. she has no daily routine or set preferences, although i remember my preferences if that makes sense, but most often there are competing concerns that come up constantly, other parts just talk over my shoulder constantly unless I settle into some mindful activity or immerse myself in watching a series or emotional movie. while i watch it triggers only those parts of me that can relate to the protagonists and i have a clear opinion on how i feel about the film i am watching. as soon as we have nobody to talk to or at least observe, our thoughts become obsessive and i ruminate a lot. nobody takes charge. if i am lucky, someone or something catches my attention and i can snap out of it then, but i cant always motivate myself to cooperate, i may still decide to go and be unproductive rather than dealing with the anxiety of my emotions once confronted with demands that are received very differently by us. most of them cant be bothered or dissociate into a heavy feeling of shame that blocks all rational thinking. THE doctors attributed this to BPD, but now that I am doing the gold standard therapy for thst, DBT, I just feel invalidated all the time. And I cannot snap out of my lack of "bother", lol, nobody in my system feels responsible for anything that can be delegated or post poned. But what I feel strongly about is going to my appointments as not to appear irresponsible or unmotivated. But it is just a very weak front, I dont do my homework in between sessions or give up easily. i feel i have no real identity with goals or purpose, i am basically just trying to keep the family together somehow, not traumatise my kids, but my system doesnt even recognise my efforts, on the contrary, i get shamed often that "this" is just not good enough. i barely feel self compassion except for my "slacker" part who tells me it is okay to go back to bed, to not make that phonecall, to not leave the house. All the doctors see is depression. i mourne the identities i cannot get in touch with.
Thank you so much for this video! We personally didn’t want a written diagnosis or anything like that for our safety, but we are professionally recognized as a system and have a verbal diagnosis. We’ve sometimes felt invalid for this, but in the end we did it for our safety and that’s what matters. Again, thank you for talking about all the complicated things regarding diagnoses, it really made us feel valid! 💕
I’m so glad! We understand, and I’m glad y’all chose the path that was safest for y’all 💖
I’m the main host of our system, we don’t experience too much amnesia but we’re not diagnosed because it’s taken us a long time to even get a therapist. We’ve only been to our therapist once so far, seeing her regularly now hopefully. We told her we heard voices, and two were listening in to the session, but he tend to go non-verbal because of our autism so it’s really hard to explain our symptoms accurately
Thank you so much for this! It's a topic we definitely struggle to explain and you were able to explain it clearly and quickly!
Exactly! A lot of folks, either in this community or out of it, treat diagnosis as something that's easily accessible, easily updated, and readily available - when in truth, it's messy, complex, and can be dangerous - and from that, people have complex relationships to diagnosis :)
I did want to be protected and took my therapist's advice and was diagnosed with chronic PTSD. He said I was DDNOS and Im ok knowing thats where I started out. But I think I was so keen on healing, I didn't learn a lot about what it even meant to call myself a system and I had a lot of denial that I was going to integrate into one internal person Nd "be done." I think it did hurt my progress for a while, but now I am beginning to talk to other people like me and understand where I fall in terms of my own system. I related to so much of this video, it's great.
This was so informative. I've been researching dissociative disorders lately bc I felt like there was more than one me, and thought I mightve been making it up. But when I heard that in osdd it's usually different versions of the host, things started clicking.
Your channel was reccommened to me by an online friend as I was trying to figure out is going on inside my head. After watching some of your videos and doing lots of other research I am finally reaslizing I might actually have a name for what is happening. I had been researching DID for a few months but the big sticking point was I dont have time loss. Finally it feels like I have a name to what is happening!
Your videos are always very informative! As a newly realized system I’m so grateful!
Thank you! ❤️️
So grateful for how much comfort and grounding your videos can bring when we are feeling in chaos. Thank you!
Thank you for the kind words! 💖
I think it's possible that I have OSDD-1b or just OSDD-1 but I'm not completely sure. I definitely don't feel connected to a lot of memories and it makes sense but at the same time it could just be a normal thing, my personality changing a lot, or something like bipolarity or another mental thing.
This video is super validating!! Thank you very much!
I'm so glad! Thank you!
you've helped me find the term i've been looking for for years. OSDD 1-A matches exactly what i experience. thank you.
I am currently struggling with getting on the same page with my therapist regarding Systems, DID, and OSDD. I am aware that there is no OSDD-1a or -1b as a diagnosis. Those are just some ways OSDD shows up. I know for sure we do not have DID. I have explained that, and OSDD too. I am autistic, but I AM part of a system.
He brought up not too many sessions ago, again, that he doesn't think I have DID. Which when we mentioned we don't be most likely have OSDD. He seemed aggravated, and legitimately stressed, at us having this term and wanting him to thoroughly look into it. He said something about how he and his boss (a lady that he has my permission to speak with as she does my testing) have met lots of people who are autistic who 'present as if they have alters who function in the same way.'
It would be fine if he was saying 'you aren't disordered with your system so let's not lable you with a disorder' but that really doesn't seem like what he is saying. So I have no clue how to bring it back up.
He even tried to tell me he was concerned that I was clinging to a diagnosis when I sent him some information that did a better job of explaining what I do a bad job at communicating. It was even information BY therapists and psychologists regarding systems
thank you so much.
i feel so validated by this.
i don't need a diagnose, i don't need a specific label, to know that i-- we, are dealing with this.
i don't need to fit any criteria to know that i have alters, and that i have to work with it.
it's a real struggle. no matter if it fits any criteria or not. i didn't choose to feel like this, to deal with the situations i/we've gone through because of the dissasociation and feeling like there's more than one identity here.
I’m partway through and have to go do something, but I’ll definitely be coming back. This is a really great and informative video! Thank you ❤️
Me and the lads needed this. - 🌌
Yay! We’re so glad to see a new video by you! We’ve missed you! :D
-Mika
Thank you! We've missed having the capacity to record too ❤️️
Thank you so much for this video; I'm only just coming to accept myself as being multiple. Although I don't have access to a diagnosing professional, I'm working with a counselor with experience in trauma and for the first time I feel validated. I don't experience myself as one person. I don't have amnesia and don't meet the criteria for DID, so for the longest time I thought, I can't be multiple, I must be making this up. But the feeling of being apart from myself, out of control, disconnected from my own life and history, confused about who I am, deeply conflicted with no consistent goals or values, and afraid of what that multiplicity means... it's been incredibly distressing for almost my whole life. I don't plan on seeking a formal diagnosis because it doesn't really matter to me. But I do like learning the clinical terms for what I experience so that I can access resources. Learning about OSDD-1b and emotional amnesia is giving me life. My focus in healing these days is accepting my level of multiplicity and developing healthy internal relationships. Feels like I finally understand myself, I discovered a new modality and it's huge. Thank you :)
Same here, it s been a few weeks. And I will definitely be keeping my past bipolar1 diagnosis😉
Thank you for this! Awesome video. Great look at the many valid reasons diagnosis (or non-diagnosis) is complex! My last official diagnosis was Bipolar NOS with rapid-cycling features (which I now understand as non-covert, rapid switching), and I’m still unsure if I want to pursue a clinical diagnosis for DID because of finances and medical trauma, and now, the huge personal risk of going to a major city during a pandemic because there are no specialists near me.
I’m diagnosed with high functioning autism and I believe I might have some type of osdd as well I’m currently trying to get diagnosed but with my autism diagnosis I get discriminated against as they’ll just say that anything I am experiencing is just because of autism and when I thought it was my medication conflicts my psychiatrist just straight up said it’s not possible it’s extremely frustrating getting told there’s something wrong with me but being told that they can’t find anything out of the ordinary
This was really informational & interesting to watch as well as helpful. thank you for helping me understand a little better!
Thank you!! ❤️️ ❤️️
Thank you so much. This is incredibly validating and informative.
Thank you! 💖
at 15 years old I was misdiagnosed with BPD by a physician who saw me for a total of 3 hours. That diagnosis has followed me and made things tremendously difficult, to this day, almost 10 years later. Idk what I do have, but I do not have bpd.
It’s so wrong for that diagnosis to have stigma too. It’s just normal effects of childhood trauma and very treatable with DBT and other therapies. When these trauma disorders carry stigma, it’s just re-traumatizing. Best wishes to you.
I dont have a diagnosis because i cant afford a diagnosis or even a therapist and im currently in a place where im questioning if i am a system or not but this helps me a bit with understanding. Ive been having a hard time trying to figure it out since im on my own with this but some of the things you mentioned about osdd-1 and how theres more to it than just 1a and 1b and the possibilities of having neither or aspects of both 1a and 1b. Its quite difficult for me to understand whats going on with me, but this helps a bit. I do think there is definitely a problem when it comes to diagnoses. Its expensive so if you cant afford it, its not possible to get one and at the same time, if you get one it can make life harder and have the possibility of dealing with a lot of discrimination. It becomes a lose - lose situation. All of this isnt even including the fact of people fake claiming, so if you are questioning if you are a system and people start fake claiming you or threatening you or something, it makes everything even harder. Between whats going on in my head and whats going on outside of it, its very stressful and overwhelming.
This is INCREDIBLY helpful, thank you. I am currently in the process of therapy and while I have a therapist that's incredibly validating and listens to my experiences, she doesn't know everything about what I call the "branches" of DID. So, because I don't have amnesia, she's not completely sure of where to go from there. I will recommend this video to her!
hello!! i'm finally starting my journey of self-recognition as an OSDD-1 median after years of denial, and this video has been SO helpful, as it's been difficult to find information on OSDD-1... especially OSDD-1a, which i most relate to. while i fall under the generalized OSDD-1 category, i feel like i can refer to our median as OSDD-1a.
thank you so much for this information, it's been more helpful than i can express.
Thank you Silver for making this you are very brace to do it we're hesitant event to comment on this type of content trying to figure everything out. This is a great starting point though to go with medical help thank you!
i was diagnosed in the sense that "a professional who works with me made a conclusion and is working in accordance with said conclusion". yet i do not have a diagnosis on paper, because by the laws of my country, in this particular situation he cannot diagnose me. i'm out to my friends but they do not know when someone other than host fronts, nor does it happen too often in front of them. my alters have different handwritings but we share most of the memory. different skills yet good internal communication. our host is just an apathetic alter who, whenever someone else fronts or he has to face the consequences of their fronting, shrugs and goes on with his day. he attributes most of it to himself and just goes "okay, i did something i would have never done. maybe i just felt like it. whatever". that is, i guess, one example of just how complex (and messy, yes) systemhood can be. -M.
Thank you so much for this video. We’re a multiple. For the longest time we thought there was something wrong and that either we were making it up or it’s something rarely anybody experiences so we didn’t say anything. Even now the only person we’d ever tell is our older sister as she’s always their for us and doesn’t seem to have a judgmental bone in her body. At one point we thought we might have DID until we stumbled across this video and the description of OSDD 1A really resonated. We already have anxiety and depression and think there’s a possibility we might have autism and CTPSD so we won’t be getting a diagnosis as we want to adopt in the future and we already face discrimation for other things out of our control. I guess what we’re trying to say is thank you again for making us feeel validated and seen. It’s been so stressful trying to figure things out.
Just wanted to say I really found the video informative and enjoyed it. It’s also impressive how well you seem to articulate things, I just thought I’d point it out because why not
thank you for making this video!
Good luck! I recommend the book linked in the description, (chapter 25 on partial MPD). Most of the resources for non-switching systems might be pretty old, so I wish you luck on that accounts ❤️️
1.29 in the video and my love for you grounded me after a whole day of wandering into trauma space💛💛💛 I am here to support your political stand😘
I love you all so much ❤️
You guys are so helpful and informative!!
Thank you ❤️️ ❤️️ ❤️️
I have GID but my psychiatrist said he cant diagnosis it because its not included in the insurance companies DSM 5 book. I also have schizophrenia and autism. This is a very interesting video, thanks for sharing. ☺️
thanks for this video ! i'm now starting to wonder if i'm an osdd-1 system that doesnt switch... the thing is, i used to switch during manic episodes, but now that i'm on medication for bipolar-1 that gets rid of my manic episodes, i haven't switched since early this year. have you read any academic literature that describes something similar to this? i've been very confused and hesitant to bring it up with my new therapist... anyway, have a great weekend !
I haven't run across academic literature on it (probably because it's simply not researched yet), but in the community there are a lot of anecdotal reports of certain medications stopping switching/making the system go quiet - and after switching meds, system activity returning. If it's bothering you, you should bring it up to your therapist!
You have no idea how helpful this I have not been able to get help from a professional yet and I have only figured out that some of these things have been happening I don’t really know fully what’s happening it’s very confusing
Yeah. Nice to see you guys - lyra, Fictive
This is incredibly interesting and helpful! Thank you so much 💜💜💜
Thank you!!❤️️ ❤️️
Thanks for those super informative videos on OSDD! they're very helpful!
Re diagnosis! We seemed to match some symptoms and not others, so we were hoping diagnosis would help clear things up and say for sure if we have OSDD or not. Buuuuut, they gave us "unspecified dissociative disorder". Which does make sense, and at least wasn't totally invalidating, but the term "unspecified" and the lack of any information on what to do if you have that, was a bit unhelpful! I feel like I am "unspecified" most of the time and not clear exactly what's going on or who I am. It was still useful and so worth doing and it helps with those feelings where I'm like "maybe nothing is wrong at all and I'm just weak" or something.
Thanks again for your videos they are super-helpful and just the right pace and length and detail in the content (how do yous fit so much in??)
Diagnosis is an attempt to compartmentalize mental illness. Unspecified means you don't fit into a neat and tidy category of the current way of diagnosing. Sometimes mental health diagnosis helps people to feel a part of a community. Other times, diagnosis causes people to feel alone and misunderstood. You're more than a diagnosis. In fact, being unspecified seems to be the root symptom of DID.
🙋🏻🙋🏻🙋🏻 mental health therapist(s… there’s a few in our system) and our main fronting therapist just discovered the system within the past few months (at least one of us had already put it together but was trying to protect the admin [what we call our main fronter]) we also exist in a trans body and most of us are somewhere in the nonbinary umbrella. We likely won’t pursue official diagnosis and have asked our therapist to leave the system-specific symptoms off our chart because it could get in the way of our ability to get gender affirming care.
There’s unfortunately this ridiculous narrative that you need to have integrated your system with “total fusion” to start gender affirming care (we don’t want that. Nor is it very common even for healed systems to become a singlet… and even if that did happen… like Katie Keech [phenomenal system, LMFT] has said… if the average is trans/ nonbinary that fused person isn’t just going to stop being trans/nonbinary. The parts of each headmate wouldn’t just disappear) . It also infuriatingly could get in the way of our ability to provide therapy and gender affirming counseling, which is ridiculous but true.
Fascinating, and thank you for sharing.
I think I have OSDD. I don’t have clearly defined alters and no memory amnesia but during emotionally intense moments I switch out. And there have been months at a time where I’m … not me. Like I don’t emotionally identify with who I was at that time at all even though rationally I know it’s me.
You said when referring to ISDD-1b, that DID systems might have amnesia but it’s maybe once a month or once a year, but it is recurring. What if it happens over and over up until age 13 or so or it stops for many years? What if it happens only every ten years or like every week for a month and then nothing for 10 years? What if a full amnesia switch might happen occasionally but in circumstances where it can be easily hidden from the “host” or others or where the mind kinda tricks you into not remembering not remembering?
Thank you silvet/mia.
I didnt know this existed. It explains alot
In OSDD can the host/dominant alter be replaced by what until that point has only been a passively influencing part of limited agency? Can there be a case that due to change in the system or an external trigger, the part that this far existed with little to no agency all of a sudden takes over the executive system and body and takes the place of the host?
All I know is I get a mental nudge that sometimes I interpret as an idea or sentence to do something or think something or view things differently. The only times I get clear sentences on the regular is when I personally struggle with things to varying degrees a bit too much or am intoxicated. Last time I talked to the gp to try and finally get checked mentally (was curious if there was anything going on that at the very basic should be made aware of) gp threw me at another person who than said I required a 10 person talk therapy session. Yeah that ain't happening took the first 18 years of existence to talk not down for 10 group therapy
Gonna vent for the first time about this, I need some place to get it off. My chest.
I am very scared about if I am faking… it’s been months since I fully realized it and I’m honestly scared to try and get diagnosed at all. My partners (I’m poly) are very supportive of me, but I also am scared of… if I am faking, then what’s wrong with me? And what will become of the life I’ve had with the ‘alters’ I’ve been living with for so long who have helped me through a lot.
This is my first time ever even bringing it up outside of my partners or super close friends/family… and I’ve been so scared every day since I started notice it about what if I’m faking, what if it’s not real and I’m just a liar.. and it’s scary because I don’t know, and due to other mental health issues, I’m scared a therapist would see that and simply dismiss other things I may be going though. (It’s happened before with something else, the guy just dismissed my worries and basically said ‘no, I don’t think that’s right’ and let me leave).
I’m so paranoid and it takes such a toll, and I’m so scared to bring it up to anyone.
Holy shit... I didn't realize that my doc used the DSM-4 when i was in the hospital. I was diagnosed with OSDD already bit with different language.
Thank you for sharing
Angel hugs and blessings to you and yours 🕊🕊🕊🕊
Thank you so much for bui pl doing a bridge between communities and articulating different perspectives clearly. 😊
Thank you for this video, we really appreciated and needed it.
Edit: We really want to go see someone because we want to be diagnosed, how can we ask someone from school with all of this covid going on. Is there someone we can email, you think? Thanks!
- Kaidou, host of the Colornova System < 3
You can find professionals by searching “dissociative disorders psychologist [your state]” and clicking on the psychology today link. There is also zencare, which helps locate therapists in a few East coast states. Good luck! 💕
What if you have different alters, but no memory loss (except emotional memory), no childhood trauma and they don’t cause distress?
I have been questioning on wether I have a form of OSDD-1 or not. I keep ending up making friends with systems before I even know they're systems. It keeps happening and I wonder if part of it is that brain subconsciously realizes "oh! they're like me!". I always feel so inconsistent as a person, like the me that goes to bed is not the same me that wakes up. And that the me at work is not the same me at home. I think my mind takes longer to integrate introjections than singlets, but faster what I've learned to expect from most systems. There are times were I feel like I am not me, but everything still feels connected the way two very different parts of a maze is connected.
Hi, idk if you're going to see this, idek if you're still using this chanel because it says you haven't posted in a long time, but if you (or if anyone with OSDD) could help me, I'd really appreciate it. I've been having symptoms of OSDD-1b lately, and I just have some question that if they could be answered would really help me figure out if I am a system and should probably get looked at for that or if I'm accidentally faking.
-Does a front kind of feel like... like the host becomes that person? For example, whenever Alice "fronts," I feel her start to get really close to me in the inner world and start almost like projecting through me and then she gets closer and closer until it feels like I've become her and if anything, I'm projecting through her and not the other way around. I feel kinda dizzy and blurry and detached from the body, but I'm fully aware of everything and I feel more like I've become her than another person being fully in control of the body because of how like there I feel I am.
-Can there still be occasional amnesia beyond emotional amnesia?
-Can there be trauma holders in an OSDD-1b system? We have this little girl who talks about having memories of a couple different events and panics whenever we get near our dad because she claims he's incredibly dangerous and that he's "done something" (tbh I've been incredibly uncomfortable around him myself since I was about six or seven, so like, understandable).
-Is it normal to not be able to tell if you thought something or an alter said it? Because like about 60% of the time someone says something I have like a crisis of "Wait did I just think that or-"
-I already know how stupid this is going to sound, but can you for OSDD without extreme s3xual or physical trauma? I've had a heck of a lot of emotional trauma and abandonment through out my life and a tad bit of physical and s3xual, but nothing severe. (But on another hand, how can you figure out if you have repressed trauma, because I have a lot of memory gaps from when I'm was younger?)
-This is also going to sound stupid, but can alters not form or at least hide from you until you're a teenager? I started hearing my alters (assuming that's what they are) voices when I was like 13 or 14 for the first time, and I know at least DID is supposed to form between the ages of 7-9. I have a friend with DID who told me that OSDD can form later but I'm not sure if that's true. They also suggested maybe they were hiding from me until more recently.
If anyone could answer these, I'd really appreciate it. If this could help with any answers, I have diagnosed anxiety disorders, major depressive disorder, and eating disorders. I also have symptoms of autism, BPD, ADHD, and OCD but have not been able to get screened for these yet.
Very educational video. I'm definitely subscribing.
What if people with DID/OSDD don't feel the need to heal? Maybe they enjoy the multiplicity? Is that a problem? What if they don't feel the need to even get therapy? Should they resist that or be encouraged to get therapy anyway?
1:40 do you guys have any examples of this? I’ve tried googling about it, but it’s not a topic that’s popular enough to find it with my key words. Maybe the name of a tribe or region could help narrow it down?
I came here to try and figure out what’s going on. We are too scared to bring this up to our therapist. Anyone have any suggestions on how I should bring it up?
My therapist recently got concerned with symptoms I was telling her, it's been almost 5 months now and she wants to get me an official diagnosis for OSDD with a psychologist but she's afraid of getting it official on paper due to the stigma, especially with the rise of DID/OSDD faking online.
We're 99% sure I have OSDD and im trying to cope with this information, any tips would be greatly appreciated as im still trying to figure out life as a newly found system. Also any tips for my boyfriend! He's also rather shaken by the information because he never suspected anything.
I have both distinct alters and alters that are me at different ages. What would I fit under?
This actually helped, thank you.
I'm so glad ❤️️
Woah, I've always thought I had DID... But we have the memories thing of not knowing who did what. I've always thought this was just identity confusion?
Great video! Thank you. : )
Thank you!
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
I thought we have DID but then I heard about the self history in OSDD-1a and I related sm to that it sent shivers down my spine
- Joker
Edit: but I still think we could have DID bc we do recognize that difference and there's not a lot of self-conflict on that
Do OSDD-1b systems share the same non-amnesia in dreaming? Like, one alter could have a dream, and if the dream is remembered at all, the others can also remember that dream, from the POV of the alter that had the dream?
This was very helpful thank you. It was recently revealed to me (host) that we're a system and I've been really conflicted because I've never heard or seen the way that we present described in a clinical sense (the denial spiral is real.) But based on this video and other research I suspect we're an osdd-1 non switching system. I'm always in front no matter what and other alters will either just speak to me from headspace or come in to partial front/front at the same time as me. And we have semi distinct alters. Most of us have separate identities from that of the body but many also sort of identify with the body, like a lot of us are different versions of the same person almost. We likely won't be seeking diagnosis due to the stigma, we're already having a hard enough time getting an autism diagnosis, but it's great to see examples and descriptions of our experience
Tw: Medical Talk
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Re the section in the description about transplants: surely receiving a life saving transplant could partially improve someone's mental health as physical illness has an impact on mental health. Therefore, imo, it's highly unethical to deny someone a transplant bc of mental illness.
Yes!! Exactly!!
Tw: medical eugenics
the issue is that the ethics come in when two people could receive the same transplant and one person has mentally ill so they will intentionally kill the mentally ill person because they feel like the mentally ill person isn't worth keeping alive.
this happens almost constantly and having any mental illness in particular BPD, bipolar disorder, depression, schizoaffective or schizophrenic disorder can result in your being chosen to die by a doctor who has a bias. And when it comes to transplants, so many of them do.
@@DembaiVT Thank you.
Thanks so much for this! 💜
I would like to say that I agree that OSDD-1 alters and systems should somehow or other be better differentiated from people with other types of OSDD.
I haven't have been diagnosed with either d.i.d or osdd 1 but I know that something happened to me after I got out of three foster homes
my therapist immediately diagnosed me with osdd (ddnos) instead of bpd im mad asfk cuz like howd she clock me for osdd before bpd. like. i am a system, i wont deny that. butt i fit like every diagnostic criteria for bpd and its so obvious like😑
hi great video! i like how you talk with your hands :D
Originally I wanted to learn about this out of curiosity but with what happened last night I wonder if I have it seeing what my behavior was last night here’s what happened last night: my mom gave me another trauma experience and when I went to go to bed an try to sleep I started smiling about my trauma it eventually turned into giggles and then full blown laughing that wouldn’t stop it lasted awhile too and it even bleed into today a little I don’t really understand
I've been doing research on DID and alters since an awakening last year where I realized I was a therian. It feels like a bpd thing but I was starting to think it's a did thing and now I think it's osdd instead but I still feel so alligned with my bpd diagnosis. And the bpd overlap makes things extra confusing, because I relate to so many of these things but I worry about labelling myself incorrectly out of a worry of being wrong about myself and misrepresent DID as a whole. I also don't know if bpd and osdd can technically "exist at the same time" in the sense of being diagnosed with both because of both of the disorders fundamental functions. As much as I've learned in this past while, I still feel confused, and I know I wont ever know the truth about anything and everything but it is pretty damn tiring feeling like you misunderstand yourself all the time. Very much appreciate this video
Passive influencing! Internal communication! Wow. I know the DSM-5 wants to simplify stuff... But I don't think that helps with people who deal with this.
I think I might have osdd 1a or osdd 1 bc i have a lot of forgetfulness and gaps in memory from basically my whole life, like my childhood is just a blob of gray out amnesia, and i never remember anyone but me doing something i did everything, but a lot of the time recently I've been numb, and then today i woke up and was actually pretty emotional and then after a pretty shitty and long drawn out dissociative episode, I'm back to being numb?? i have no idea anymore, it could be I'm just a singlet or it could be that its something else: who fucking knows. While writing this the brain fuzzies are coming back, joy.