Why being yourself is ruining your life
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 พ.ย. 2024
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"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
― Viktor E. Frankl
Agreed!
Dude that was awesome
Thanks Man you are the only Actually worth watching Channel in my subscriptions...Keep It Up!!
“Think about how hard it is to change something about yourself…now tell me, what type of success do you really think you’re going to have trying to change someone else?”
@Don't Read My Profile Photo BOOM! ROASTED! 😱
Changing "be yourself" to "find yourself" helped me out a lot. You're an ever evolving and changing person, keep searching for ways to improve & find happiness/fulfillment in your life.
A search for happiness is the most guaranteed way to be unhappy.
So, how the results of your research?)
That's the truth
Thanks, I had my own phrase and all but now it’s more refined and easier :)
i prefer "create yourself"
It’s not about “being yourself” it’s about being the best version of yourself
@Thegingerbreadm4n Is that the best version of yourself saying that, or the worse version of yourself saying it? Regardless, you're deflecting semantics with more semantics (and a completely irrelevant, falsely equivalent analogy that means nothing) and so will i: become the best version of your authentic self. And it doesn't have to end here, you can see what you can improve from there.
If you want some less open to interpretation statement, then be yourself and authentic, but also there are some core values/qualities that you should strive for (doesn't mean you will or that you have to succeed at all of them, being flawed is what makes people real, but still should attempt to improve to the best of your ability) regardless of your authentic self: ambition, loyalty, honesty, kindness, compassion, cooperativeness, assertiveness, respect, integrity, openmindedness, curiosity, helpfulness, alertness, drive/productivity, optimism, stoicism (not the cold, jaded kind but the calm, composed, warm and capable kind that can be friendly and relaxed, but serious and reliable when needed, vulnerable and intune, but in control and strong), etc... toward both others/the world around you and yourself. Just some examples.
It's up to you to decide what you're satisfied with aswell, and where between those versions of yourself you can meet in the middle.
Depends on what they goal or do what they life, like if the want to be a lazy man then do it try to be a best stop caring about some shitting comment in the internet
Which can never happen unless you are yourself.
don't be yourself, become yourself.
I've always interpreted "just be yourself" as simply doing what feels true to you and mostly following your intuition. It's helped me along the way as following that gut feeling that tells you if something seems right or wrong has led to me making the best choices for my life trajectory most of the time.
I hear that, but that only works if your intuition is already healthy and correctly "calibrated". Some people are calibrated towards self sabotage and destruction and following thier intuition of what "feels right" will just give them more of the bad things that they already have. I guess only you can check to see how healthy your intuition is in hindsight after making decisions. Maybe "find yourself" is better.
@@xLuky Facts
Big agree. "Just be yourself" is about authenticity and putting forth your truest foot forward rather than trying to conform to who other people think you should be.
Its not an excuse to be lazy its a reminder to not be fake
@@MykahMaelstrom I agree with you and AJ. I completely understand what Better Ideas was getting at with the point of this video, but I don’t agree with the way he worded it. One of his few videos that didn’t completely sit with me. Finally becoming comfortable with “being myself” has been one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.
Like you said, it’s not an excuse for bad behavior - anyone with enough self awareness can identify bad habits. It’s about complete and utter honesty with yourself about who you are, and being okay with sharing that with others.
Well said, plus God created our intuition, too.
I've been on both ends of the spectrum:
1. The hedonistic treadmil where you just want more and more, growth wise as a person as well as materialistically. You end up never happy and somewhat fake never accepting yourself.
2. The fully self accepting "it's how I am" side of things which in turn becomes some what nihilistic and you don't push yourself anymore falling more into depression and as you said accepting toxic traits as normal.
As most things, the truth is balance. In the middle.
Truly going after things that naturally align with you where effort feels rewarding. Vs doing things because others expect it or striving towards something because your told it is 'better' or 'right' even though it doesn't feel serve you.
Struggle is normal but it's finding what is worth the struggle and being rewarded for it with growth that's truly for you and things you gravitate towards.
thank you
„Be yourself” in today’s culture means „give up on trying to improve and do nothing” - not exactly a life motto I’d want to follow. Thank you for the quality content!
A while ago bro made a video about self improvement ruining our lives now he makes this so I wonder what won't ruin our lives at this point?
@@heavenlypath1065 Ice cream.
Well.. to a point anyway.. "Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough." - Mark Twain
@@heavenlypath1065 Go watch the video you mention.
Listen closely and you'll see him literally say "of course improving yourself i something good and noble, but theres a toxic trend to see self-improvement as the solution to anything, to the point where they make you feel that if you improve yourself enough, you wont have to deal with life struggles".
@Diego Santos but my destiny is to die and I don’t want to accept that
Wdym I see everyone giving a million reasons to pick that phrase apart. I see it as if being yourself means you like to improve yourself then that's still you being you.
“Just be yourself” does have its merits. Socially, it helps you to understand and reaffirm your boundaries, have confidence in your interests, and avoid buying into useless advice. I was quite hard on myself for the last couple of years because my passions very much lie in writing and history but, being surrounded by voices telling me STEM subjects are infinitely better for employability and they’re more modern etc, I became a bit disheartened and pessimistic about my passions. I used “just being myself” to reassure myself that my passions weren’t stupid, nor were they worthless, and that as long as I put in the time and effort then I can make them the centre of my life and still be successful. That’s an example where that motto can be used productively, as having the confidence and determination to follow these passions fully is far better as opposed to wasting time in limbo and trying to push them away.
However, I must admit that in the majority of cases the motto proves to be stagnant and limiting, and that’s because of how people choose to use it. Rather than using it to reinforce the positive aspects of themselves, many people get it to justify the negatives instead. It provides an excuse for self-destructive or toxic behaviours, and keeps you firmly rooted in the poisonous comfort zone. The version of themselves that people pick when repeating that motto is usually the lowest hanging fruit, because it’s also the easiest to reach.
Agreed and that's why we need balance like ying and yang 😌
great comment, my thoughts exactly. For many people, it is what they need to hear, to 'be themselves'. Many of us take it for granted
Agreed. “Just be yourself” can be the necessary blue pill you take depending on where you are at in your life. But this video I believe is encouraging people to go further beyond in helping themselves who have already used this useful pill.
I think this is a very subjective topic. For me, "being myself" means to stay true to my intuition, my needs, my feelings and my desires and not getting distracted and directed by the societal "self-optimisation-urge for being financially successful". I do get your point and I think its important for you to address this! But I guess this "be yourself" thing has a lot of different interpretations for many, some of which can actually be beneficial and good (:
well said
even then, how can you be sure your "needs," "desires," and "feelings" are really even yours to begin with. it's like he said most of us have been conditioned into thought patterns, belief systems and ways of self-perception by many other entities throughout our upbringing and to most of which probably weren't the healthiest or most complete either. so it's not to say you're idea of "Be Yourself" is inherently wrong, yet this is just my "counter" to your response.
@@matthewgoetz4741 be yourself works if you're happy with it
Being "true to feelings" implies that feelings have inherent validity, but they don't. That's the whole problem with this culture of 'be your most authentic self'... it's just self-absorbed feelings worship. Feelings are not correct or right. They're often trivial, chaotic, and delusional, even for relatively sane people. One of the goals of mastering yourself is to learn to see your feelings for what they are and not let them rule you.
Totally agree. In my case, I do have some things in my life that I strive to improve just like we all do. However, paradoxically, one of those things in my personal case is not caring what other people think of me.
As someone who used to be really quiet trying to talk to people more, "just be yourself" doesn't help at all.
That's why I always say don't be yourself, choose yourself. Decide who you want to become and strive toward it
You are right👍👍👍
that's an interesting take, thank you
I pretty much say the same thing
@Yung Anhedonic 🙏🔥 Me too
For me, being yourself means to stay true ro your values and don't be a hypocrite. It means to be honest with yourself and don't lie to yourself about yourself. It is the fundamental step to development.
Also, in society today, it seems as if survival is all what we need. Maybe what we need more is to be content with what we have (i.e
being) instead of what we can become (i.e., becomming). I think this also helps to be more successful but also happier inside.
Yes, authentic success. Also, it seems to be more in line with Taoism and letting go. Everyone needs it depending on where they are at in their life.
“Maybe the answer to life isn’t to just be yourself, maybe the answer is to love yourself enough, to become something more.”
well said
Or become your best self
"Be yourself" is not really meant to just tell people to be who they are. It is deeper, and more about accepting our faults, even if we have to work on them.
We KNOW inside when we need to improve, so being ourselves is a way to remove the imposter syndrome that we all carry with us, if even for a moment, to strive toward something better.
Being ourselves does not mean we cannot change. I believe it is subjective, and open to interpretation.
SO many people are afraid to be honest about how they feel, and who they are, so following our true self requires some self forgiveness.
It may seem shallow to those of us who have worked on ourselves our whole lives, but VERY important to those who are starting out. It is not about just 'being' who you are, it is 'accepting' who you are.
I feel like "just be yourself" means more to stop caring what ppl think of you and pursue your own ideal self on your own. It isn't to just delete all your goals and sit down on the couch all day, it's to stop worrying about what irrelevant ppl who you will never see again think of you in the moment.
For example in TH-camrs, I've noticed to "be yourself" means to stop caring so much about forcing themselves to be family friendly and changing their content to fit the algorithm, and to focus on projects and experiences that truly interest themselves and that they can really put 110% into making.
Very well said. I agree 100 percent.
Well said
Agreed which is why I felt like Joey was reaching with this one. But not everyone thinks this way so his point is for them I suppose
I see "just be yourself" as a way to push for one's individuality, but that's the cool magic of quotes, the interpretation are in the eyes of the beholder. Some see this quote as a way to never change, some see this as way to deflect toxicity, but his is in the eyes of personal growth, rather than to cope to a situation. Interpretation is cool, and perspectives are cool as well.
(Side note, I don't mean for any of this to be sarcastic.)
@@daviddadon8114 I feel the same way
Society : "just be yourself"
Also Society : "no not like that"
The sad truth about succeeding as an authentic person in this life:
"I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party; and I attended with my real face." - Franz Kafka
I have really liked it. Thank you for sharing 🤗🤗🤗
Uuuuuu nice one
food for thought
Holy shit that's brilliant. I have to read Kafka.
Life is the stage and we are all actors
I think being yourself is a constant process, like showering. You can't shower once and be clean for ever. In the same way being authentic is a daily practise. Almost meditative, because it requires both awareness and focus. it takes self awareness to seperate who you genuinely are and want to be, from the "filth" of toxic social expectations, insecurities, irrational fears of judgement etc. "Being Yourself" isn't a transformation process, as much as a discovery process. Reaching inwards, discovering all the traits we took on that at one point in life was helpful for us to survive, but that no longer serve us, and slowly removing them. It's an ongoing process. There isn't some "reset" button that restores us to who we "should be". We are living beings, constantly changing, constantly discovering who we want to be. Some people document it through journals, I prefer making videos about it, but to each their own. All the best on your personal journeys!
Personally, my gripe with the phrase "just be yourself" is that it implies that I know what "myself" is, which I don't. So, counter-intuitively, in every social situation I find myself stressing over _trying_ to act the most like "myself", which is impossible due to the fact that I'm actively trying to be anything at all.
you know who you are ;)
@Тоmmy 🅥 explains spam?
I've always interpreted 'be yourself' as 'be authentic' a.k.a. don't be someone else's best version of you, be YOUR best version of you. Jenna Marble's video on being yourself comes to mine (one of my faves) and she defined being yourself as thinking with your own mind and making your own choices which I love because it works even as you're evolving, changing, growing and working on yourself. But I agree 'be yourself' is probably too simplistic a phrase by itself.
exactly
F*cking hell, very well put. It feels great having your thoughts put into words this way.
That's what I've been talking about for years: "be yourself" isn't anything else than a motto we've learned to repeat without real utility.
How are you able to be so great and accurate?
"So, maybe the answer to life isn't “Just Be Yourself!”, maybe the answer is to love yourself enough to become something more."
that last line incredibly resonated with me
Love life enough to want to explore it all
Yeah..you shouldn't be pressured to be what you don't wanna be..
Being yourself in your head kinda solves that problem (atleast for me), always chatting to my real self feels good, it doesn't feel abandoned and doesn't make me distracted.
I think when people say "be yourself" it should be interpreted as "reflect the best version of yourself". That doesn't mean just be the most productive and disciplined person you can be, but also be the most "flourished", kind, generous and the most authentic to your "best self". Strive to be that version of yourself in all its forms. Yes, be yourself as in stay true to your self, to your essence and to your philosophy, but strive to be the best version of yourself in all its forms.
Yes and I have observed that it helped me become more comfortable in my own skin and see myself as equal to other people. Really helped with my self esteem.
To me, someone that's struggled with social anxiety and a fear of rejection, I see "just be yourself" as something endearing to strive for. Basically, lay down your unhealthy defense mechanisms and be unafraid to express your genuine self. In other words, you SHOULD spite the idea that people would accept you for anything other than what is "you" - a collection of motivations, the positive desires you have, and your unique flare of personality. While I understand that some may see this saying as having negative connotations of settling, for me it's a rallying call to be confident and content in the idea that I can be my individualistic self, no matter what place or people.
Fax you're right....this dude contradict everything you said but it's just polarity. Negatives and positives to the mindset/lifestyle
Then EXPLAIN to ME HOW to talk to women& #BeingConfident cuz Right about NOW I WANT to DELETE the person who CREATED that DUMB-ASS word cuz you can't learn it from a FATHER!?!?!?!?!?!?!😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
Yes I Agree well conveyed i Applaud you..👏Maybe good advice is be yourself,As it allows you to own your crap,go to the dark places in you especially lack,that void that a lot run away from-but do we really know ourselves intrinsically,?A lot of us don’t make the concerted effort or don’t get time etc..to know ourselves.Being in complete Harmony with everything in your Life etc,With profound acceptance & Surrender isn’t the same as saying you don’t want to improve too so it takes certain amount of discernment
As an autistic person I always have had certain limitations around me that prevented me from being a "normal person". Always being delegated to the weird kid and despite constantly trying and never succeesing to not to be that. Constantly feeling lesser because others were naturally better at certain things. Wether it were my classmates being able to socialize better, or younger siblings and friends being better at school. Everything others did that I could not do simply functioned as proof to prove my lack of worth, leaving me unable to accept myself in any capacity and eventually spiraling into a bad case of the "low self confidence".
This did not mean that it is wrong for me to try and be better, to overcome my flaws, to challenge myself so I can grow. "Being myself" simply means to me to accept that I have limitations and not despise myself for that (because I have and it did nothing useful).
you are doing amazing, i do not think that every autistic person could even write this down. you might think that some people are better at some things naturaly but practice makes perfect so pick a thing you would like to improve at and give your best at it for some time im sure you wont regret it. all the best to you ❤.
For me "Being myself" is trusting my instincts and not faking myself around others just to fit. I personally never used that as an excuse for being lazy about myself. Self improvement is part of being yourself IMO.
That's how I understood it when I first heard it in the mid 1980's.
people often don't realize that its actually very confusing to find one's self
Honestly, I agree with you on this, and I feel like it's easier than ever for people to feel more lost and confused because of the pressures or expectations that come with living. Those expectations can come from family, friends, society or social media.... so in my mind at least, that saying of "just be yourself" can translate to "just do what makes YOU happy", or to make choices that can fulfill your own sense of self. There's really no sense of identity if you're just trying to please everybody around you.
To me, "just be yourself"was never about complacency, it was always about not molding yourself just to fit in (which is a common theme in media, both for young and adult audiences.) The want to fit in is a powerfull and primal thing wired into our social brains by evolution, but the irony is that "just beying yourself"in that context is the opposite of complacency. It's taking the risk of beiyng true to yourself by beying truly vulnerable. Complacency, then, would be letting go of who you are to fit in.
Although, I agree just passively accepting who you are as something permanent and unalterable is not great. As Sifu sais in kung fu panda: "If you only do what you can do, you will never be more than what you are now."
"Be yourself but only better" is a far more more worthy pursuit
I had this revelation myself recently, that I’ve been striving for pure authenticity and “being myself” so strongly that I’ve stopped challenging myself. And in a sense, that’s not truly being yourself, because you’re the most mellow, unchallenged version, and you’re missing your potential. It’s time to do more, and be more. Good luck everyone!
Thank you for sharing this video. I’ve been struggling with grief today in regards to my fathers death that took place a year ago and I have felt pretty paralyzed since this event. However, it reminded me that I have grown, but that I need to keep moving forward regardless of how painful it can be. That I cannot become complacent or I will not grow.
It's a complex topic. Obviously we have several behaviours at different situations the same way we follow a dress code at different locations or situations. I think someone shouldn't change unless it actually ruins your life. When I am with friends or alone, I love being myself (and sometimes I have different behaviours but not because I WANT to change them but because this is how I am. I also would never change myself only to fit in somewhere or the get a girlfriend because that wouldn't help me either. And usually people don't realize that trying to be someone you aren't just makes it worse.
I am thinking about dropping out of school to focus on my career as a star on TH-cam. I already make a lot of money on TH-cam. School bores me so much. I need more opinions and since I don't have any friends, I gotta ask you, max
Thank you so much for sharing. İt is so valuable message for me
@@paulwaltersheherfeministvl521do it if you think it's beneficial
"Just be yourself" is as great as it is under-explained and misunderstood.
The reason for this is that most people who promote it, don't actually live it. So they don't know how to explain this statement.
And I agree that the "Just" part makes it sound easy. But it's not easy to become yourself at all.
To start being yourself, you need to get acquainted with yourself first: meet with and accept your dark side (qualities that you consider not good), observe what makes you feel/think/act a certain way. This will allow YOU to start taking back control over your life (over what you think/feel/do). Before this happens, the best you can do is observe yourself.
And this is a life long path that requires: curiosity, will, and persistence. So, at certain point it's easier to not go deeper and look for so-called "easier" ways. For me, those "easier" ways resulted in denying what I felt was good for me. I kept putting unnecessary pressure on myself doings things that were logical but lacked heart in it until I built a "Hack Your Self" system. Check it out at patreon.
Man, your videos never fail to inspire me. I feel like every video I watch from you, I’m given a new perspective on life that opens new windows to the way I think. Thank you for this content!
OMG someone with a check mark! Time to be the first reply so I can get free likes once this comment blows up 😈
@@memerelievers 1 year later
@@memerelieversHehe you only got 2 likes
@@Hobbitydobbityand one dislike, hehe 💀
No one cares
Love yourself enough to become something more.
I think the meaning is more like „be yourself in social situations and don’t give a fuck about the opinions of others“, which honestly really helped me build genuine connections and finding people that like you for being yourself rather than someone you’re trying to be. Sooner or later people will notice that you’re just playing a role and that’s not healthy. So just be yourself and good people will follow, because they can see your real personality from the get go.
I agree. There are always people out there who will find your personality interesting. There is no objective to be liked by "everyone". I don´t see it as an task. Of course you have to try to find your role at work but sometimes a bit of your own personality in positive way is also good there, otherwise everything becomes so fake and artificial..
Someone gets it!
"love yourself enough to become something more". What a great idea! It is exactly for what I am passing through. Thanks!
As a more introverted person, I wholeheartedly believe that I can really only be my true self when at home, and among family or a few friends I know well. Conversely, I would think that a very extroverted person can fully be themselves when in public, with near strangers, partying etc. For people who are kind of neutral in the social spectrum, the lines are a bit more blurred. These people are more versatile and adaptable based on their mood.
I've always had problems with myself and knowing who I truly am. With certain friends I've been a certain way, with family I'm another and when I'm by myself I'm like this. Reflective and questioning my entire life and why I'm here and who I am and what my passion truly is. Sometimes when I wanted to pursue something I could stop myself by thinking how my personality dosen't "fit" that. But what I've realized now is that if you have an idea who you would like to be/what you want to improve. What does it matter that my "personality" dosen't fit it right now? I can always improve and *make* it fit. It's what it's all about. How I am dosen't define me. What I choose to want to become is what will constantly define me and what defines me will never be set into stone until my death. - not that that will be for long anyway because at the end we will all be forgotten and as if we never existed.
You said my life story of 61 years, except that I’ve been fired from every job and almost every boyfriend. After a careful review of myself 6 months ago, I realized I was pursuing both careers and men that were impressive and out of my league. I tried hard but couldn’t fit in. I find joy now living alone with my dog. I hope retirement won’t be too tough.
“Just be yourself” is a phrase I never understood or knew how to implement.
Joey, I would love seeing you debunking self-development myths in future videos.
There's no need to worry, being yourself will never ruin your life. In fact, being true to who you are is one of the best things you can do for yourself. So go ahead and be yourself, it'll be great!
Yeah, you're right 👍
I agree
To me the prhase ''Just be yourself'' has always been about the struggle to fit in with social groups or norms, that ultimately lead to unhappiness since its a form of masking. You don't have to try and be like the popular kids to become cool and happy, you can just be yourself.
I've been just living, following my instincts, living in the moment and I've become so much happier since I've started doing that. I do happen to love weightlifting, and I enjoy my school and job so that helps.
Finally someone gets it.
Being the best version of oneself, being oneself but still grinding hard is the key.
Be who you could is a far more powerful statement to make. Questions what if, I could be x or I could do y. These questions become dreams, reverse engineering these becomes motivation and a plan. This channel is always pumping our thought provoking, meaningful and actionable content, so good!
I see a lot of people saying that “Just Be Yourself” means to them to trust their intuition instead of conforming to societal pressures... but what I believe is being said here is a new existentialistic / nihilistic “philosophy” that is aiming at reducing all of life to meaninglessness - being that they believe all of life is meaningless, so why bother trying to be anything, to master anything, to strive for anything. To them it is a existential question of “Why?” ... but such a question is subjective to each individual - not because there is no meaning but because we each individually have our own Destiny, our own Journey, our own Path to make way. Meaning is subjective to us because we are not all here for the same reason... the world wouldn’t work if we were. We wouldn’t have philosophy, music, art, science, religion, spirituality, agriculture, etc. if we all collectively had the exact same purpose. And yet, is the purpose maybe not all the same in that we are all to continuously strive for something greater? Our progress in what we enjoy is what brings us true joy.
Also... to “just be yourself” can be a terrible phrase to tell someone who has been psychologically abused or has been indoctrinated by self-defeating or self-harming beliefs. That “self” is one that needs to be thrown to the flames & reduced to ash so that they can create something new - to be the sculptor & to be the sculpted.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Love yourself enough to become something more" never heard truer words brother ❤
I think of self improvement as “skin unlocking”. If I do this task I can now customize my character with X ability or if I study I add 5+ iq points to my character. I look at it as unlocking the full, playable version of myself. That’s what being true to yourself is. But you have to do some shitty side quests and runs along the way!
love that comparison!
You grow up with too many video games didn't you!
Kidding, love this so much
@@yellowdressbookstore6602 I actually think applying "video game logic" to real life can be a great way of making the mundane parts of self improvement more fun!
@@Futurepointmusic Yes!!!! Do it
I can talk for hoooours about how to fish in Breath of the Wild. I can break down the time , cost, expenses , exchange rrate ect
Now if only I could apply this highly valuable knowledge to real world ...
@@yellowdressbookstore6602 haha very relatable and nice taste in games ;)
Well what makes fishing in BOTW so fun to you?
I love this "sitting in front of the camera" format with zero frills, I think it strengthens the message of your videos . Plus, you concatenate your arguments in a way that makes your lectures flow smoothly and keep one engaged.
Always a pleasure when you upload, Joey!
Every time I come to the decision to "just be myself" I end up procrastinating, trying to explain my lack of motivation by telling me that, well, I'm just a person who needs a lot of rest and doesn't have a lot of energy and that's okay. You can already see where this is going. At the end I always stop "just being myself" so I can actually get some things done and not sit in depressing thoughts and negative self-talk.
I'd rather follow "love yourself" rule and eventually you will become the best you can be. You also can go mad but in my opinion it's very interesting cherry on top, the childish state I mean. "Be yourself" for me seems like a stop sign. "Love yourself" is more of a accept everything about you, everything which doesn't serve you and with time you will unlearn and learn better". In the end i believe that the opinion we have about ourselves is the most important one, so it better be good cause it show up in everything we do. So yeah, love yourself first. I'm sad no one told me that before i started my personal development journey. Without this first self love ingredient you it can get very messy *yes im looking at all you self help junkies who still have low self esteem ^^* I wish you the best, for you, love 💕
"Maybe the answer is to love yourself enough to become something more."
What a beautiful phrase to end this video. It ties back into your idea that "just be yourself" is a defeatist ideal and argues against the thought process of being satisfied with complacency. I very much agree that without change, one's life can become dull and uninteresting. Not sure the exact psychology, but it's similar to the idea of how doing the same thing over and over eventually makes your brain less satisfied with that activity. So, in having the love enough in yourself to embrace change, one can be something greater and enjoy a broader scope of life.
It's not that "maybe" you need to love yourself enough to allow the change in identity, or purpose, or passion, I would say that one definitely needs that love to motivate the self into action of becoming someone better - whatever that 'better' person may look like. Ha! Almost like you named your channel Better Ideas on purpose.
Thank you for the excellent thoughts and ideas, Joey! I always appreciate your perspectives :)
I believe in being yourself, as long as you can change.
The assumptions in this video are incredibly off to me. The 'just' in "just be yourself" never struck me as permission to be lax. Rather, it was assurance that the inner energy and motives that powers you are good enough, and you shouldn't take the different versions of yourself away from being just that - VERSIONS of YOURSELF - into the realm of pretending or putting on an unsustainable mask. 'Yourself' is not a single version of you that is content and without motivation. 'Yourself' is the collections of versions of you that you use in any and all situations. And yes, being yourself is good enough. Rather than rejecting the idea that jusy being yourself is bad advice that denotes a certain amount of lost motivation to improve, it is a call to seek out just who you are, how you can be you, and do not allow expectations from bad, self-indulgent, or merely misinformed people around you influence your self. Be who you are, and seek to culture those parts that best serve yourself, your loved ones, and your community. That is the way to being authentic as well as pursuing betterment, while also preserving your psychy from hustle culture and burnout.
I agree with your comment.
I agree. I felt this video was really off the mark. So much to unpack. I definitely disagree with his definition of “just be yourself” and a lot of the ideas he tied in that I felt were not related to the video topic at all. It’s easy to watch this type of video and assume the creator has all the answers, and will give some insightful response but it’s good to be critical of what we watch and consider what ideas are being conveyed. And feel free to discuss and critique instead of taking everything at face value because we all have room to learn and grow and I think that’s where a lot of the learning can happen; when we discuss and debate with an open mind and heart while being respectful of the person.
I already thought that "being myself" included to try be to a better version of myself and pursuit my own definition of sucess.
The main thing about this "be yourself" statement for me is to stop trying to fit patterns, and be an autentic person.
Sometimes Just Being Yourself is a worthy goal. Such as, I'm really glad the manosphere hasn't sucked you into it's view vortex. In spite of the pressure to trash women and talk about various pills, you're continuing to be the forward focused, ever-improving version of yourself, and that's laudable.
This is the most resonating video from watching ur channel for 3 years. Thank you
“Just be yourself” and “be the best version of you” both are personal things, you can’t say how people should be. There’re no right or wrong formula.
This is so raw.. after watching this video I’m just staring at the roof and reflecting.. so real 🙌🏽💚
Who is from Instagram?
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I agree with about half of what you say. I grew up in a toxic family and after i found that out and began to change to improve and decrease my suffering, they kept trying to push me back into the frame of mind i'd been raised in by using the exact same "i want what's best for you" type thing, and stonewalling me whenever i'd be acting out of accordance with their rules, all the while completely disregarding my screams about they were causing me and whenever i asked them to treat me differently, would state that "they just wanna be them, and i shouldn't ask them to change. humans are imperfect."
I love everything you do
The habits versus personality traits thing is something I couldn’t agree more with
Love it
really loved your approach on this subject. I've been questionning this "just be yourself" for a while now and you put clearly into words what was bothering me
I've always hated the phrase, "Just be yourself."
Lmao. When are you not already being yourself. Part of YOU right now is the mess you are that you're not satisfied with. Be the best version of yourself.
Being yourself is about cutting out self censorship wherever possible. The patterns of self censorship we unconsciously adopt prevent us from knowing our own true voice.
You can still strive for greatness and improvement.
I'd argue this is a highly subjective, debatable statement. As someone who really values authenticity, I think being true/"being yourself" works, in a sense that I grew up and live in a conservative, religious community where being different is highly sneered at. I can't change them, I don't want to, and I have better places to spend my energy on, so the best thing I can do is, you guessed it, being myself, as I improve, recover, and live. I believe there is a true us inside every single one of us. The quest is whether we can find who that person is and have courage to live their life.
For me, it's always been being the best version of yourself. Growing and building your strengths and understanding your flaws.
Its a good balance between self-acceptance and self-actualization.
I always believed more on “be the best version of yourself” rather than just being yourself. Being yourself ranges from the worst version of yourself, to the best version of yourself; so it’s not particularly helpful advice
the satisfaction of your well-being always comes with the continuation and pursuit of your own personal growth. We are never one constant stationary being and stay that way forever, the mind will shift and you can create a better life for yourself or a life that is heading in a direction that will disappoint yourself despite your own abilities. Willpower is a hard thing to control but when there is a will there is a way! haha this is coming from someone that nearly killed themselves the other day from a xanax OD, got into a car crash and slowly getting back on my feet. The regret is terrible but I'm also incredibly glad that I'm still alive and no one was hurt except me car. There's always hope, and when there's an obstacle that shows up in our life its best to grow and learn from the experiences rather than dwell on the past. Creativity making these videos is really nice to see and thanks for putting out good vibes my friend :)
I heard this “be yourself” motto - meaning, don’t pretend something that you are not to achieve what others have - so many times but how can one be “themselves” when the market decides?
I am a freelance Eng teacher and this niche is full of cookie-cutter teachers promising “quick results in 3 months”. While we know this doesn’t work, most of the ppl just fall for this catchy offer and buy their courses.
I have always tried to be myself and honest with potential clients so I spread the message that it’s impossible to learn a language that quick. Nevertheless, these guys are deaf and keep buying the quick courses.
I try to be myself and be more like Dark Souls in this niche - hardcore and strict but very productive and resultative teacher. Though, it’s not an easy to sell strategy, I feel that I really helped the person after the course.
Should I continue “being myself” or should I become yet another scammer out there?
"we need to treat ourselves like we have inherent dignity" - how powerful!
Just be yourself, “It’s an inherently pessimistic statement veiled in self congratulation.” I love that, good topic choice Joey, thanks for sharing
Change is the only thing that doesn’t change. Of course we’ll evolve and change, this is why we are here to learn, grow, experience. But I never thought“just be yourself” means staying the same and not needing to improve. The peace you mentioned we want to feel in the moment comes with accepting who we are right now with flaws and things we want to keep, all of them, like accepting a difficult situation, then moving forward based on our values and dreams, goals.
I think we don’t have to interpret “just be yourself” as stay as you’re, but more like you’re allowed to show who you’re, you’ll be accepted by the right people and being yourself and not suppressing anything will help you to see problematic sides in the surface so you can work on them and evolve. Otherwise becoming best version of you becomes a race where you never feel enough and happy with who you’re today and it’s the opposite of motivating.
The things keep you stuck are not you, they’re your coping mechanisms and traumas and they’re not your fault and they don’t go away in one night. If you hate who you’re today, how can you work with yourself along the way? Self compassion is not wanting to keep what doesn’t serve you but removing the shame that keeps you stuck while you’re improving because the improvement, growing; it’s the endless road.
Just be a better version of yourself everyday and you can only get better 💪
In my 20s people kept telling me to "be yourself". And that was stressing me out because I didn't know who I was to begin with. And nobody agreed either on how to find out: some say just life experiences, or mistakes, or spiritual practices like meditation, etc. Now 33 and I know myself a bit better indeed from all those things, especially mistakes. But I'm not quite there yet, and I think this "just be yourself" mantra means "become the best version of yourself" through trial and error. I love how the video end here on loving yourself enough to become something more because indeed, self-improvement is compatible with self-love. Those aren't opposites. We owe it to ourselves to find who we truly are, and find ways to express that with authenticity.
“Just be yourself” often means have the same flaws you had as a child growing up.
"just be yourself" when someone doesn't want to improve themselves, they use this sentence as an excuse and they mostly say it because they want to feel like they are "right"
They don't even know who they are because they never improved themselves, they just play along with life and think being selfish is loving themselves which is not true at all
I think the advice "just be yourself" usually comes from a different place. I feel it's good advice when someone doesn't accept who they are and instead tries to be someone they don't like to gain approval from others. It's something I've seen is most common I adolescence since a lot of people have to live through that mistake to realise that it is indeed a mistake. It's quite difficult to give a relative value to social acceptance when compared to other values like self acceptance and that's one of the ways some people realise what's more important to them.
If used improperly, I agree the idea of "just be yourself" can be quite damaging. I love the idea of being the best version of yourself, because that validates you as a person while also suggesting you should strive to be more.
Validate yourself based on your life trajectory, not based on your position. If you're homeless and improving your situation gradually and consistently, that's much better than being a millionaire and your situation rapidly deteriorating through a series of irresponsible decisions.
i think the way you should intepret "just be yourself" is the following: 1) map your identity. who are you? what are your interests? what do you want to do? what do you not want to do? what would you NEVER want to do?2) always strive for an environment that lets you keep your identity. You like to play football? Then strive towards becoming a football player, or pick a job that lets you play football at your sparetime. if you have a boundary, ex you never want to work at weekends, then dont pick a job where you have to work weekends. instead build up yourself and search harder so you can find a job or a life that fits your boundaries.
being yourself does not mean to slack off and never grow, that is just losing yourself. if you never face challenges or explore new things, then you wont even have an idea who you are. instead being yourself means defending your identity, defending your boundaries. it means not choosing a whole life at a job as a clown because you are desperate for money and not because you actually want to be a clown. being yourself is not the WAY to success but it surely is a WAY to get AWAY from scammy people who just want to exploit you of your desperation.
9 times out of 10 my personality stays the same with different people
When I consider the phrase "just be yourself", what I understand is "don't not be yourself". Which seems at first glance like just a double negative, but it avoids the pitfalls you discuss. For me, it doesn't mean being rigid in your idea of what you are and acting exactly the same in every context. We all wear different hats, but we should only wear the hats we actually like to wear. We are multidimensional, complex beings that are continuing to grow and change, but there are also things that we are not. For example, pretending to like football to impress a guy you're dating, even though you find it boring, is lying about yourself. Instead, you can be open to learning more and growing to like it. At the same time, don't lie by saying you love it and watch it every week.
As a neurodivergent person, I have lived my life thinking there was something wrong with me. Everything was harder, I felt like I was lazy and stupid and my actions never met my intentions. I was always compensating and felt like I had to be like everyone else and become a chameleon, hoping to blend in enough and maybe I’d eventually feel like I wasn’t broken. Once I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and I learned that I’m not lazy or stupid, I finally felt like I really could be myself. I’m always improving and growing but I’m also just accepting who I am and not trying to be like a “normal” person. “Just be yourself” is permission to stop overcompensating and live life the way I want, not the way I think I should based on what everyone else is doing. I get why it might seem like being yourself is permission to stay in your comfort zone, but to me and many others in the comments I can totally see how it’s actually an empowering statement!
This is so incredibly helpful - especially in combatting negative thoughts relating to identity because of trauma. I would despair in feeling disconnected from myself and not ‘knowing who I am’ - but within this I can organically move forward and set goals to become comfortable with who I am, while removing bad patterns related to trauma.
If you refer to the personality “yourself”, you’re absolutely right. The advice “Be yourself” only makes sense, if you mean the real self beyond thoughts and emotions. If you are able to access the self of pure consciousness, which does not change like the personality, your actions will be much more intelligent and will serve humanity.
The ”that’s just me” excuse is really spot on. I think people need to differentiate between positive and negative personal “quirks”
at the same time, qualities considered positive, could in excess also be detrimental. Understanding adaptability and the fact that we’re ever growing and evolving, until the very day that we take our last breath is something I personally feel, is really worth considering.
"Be Yourself" motto has managed to turn the new generations into narcissists who think that they don't need to improve themselves, don't need to work hard and be humble towards the others, they are the perfect ones, while the whole world is wrong and owes them everything.
I feel like people have always been like that. Have you ever talked to people from older generations? They're stubborn as hell and think they don't have to change for anybody or anything either
@@drewburke6371 well, people like this have been even in the older times, but today it is also encouraged by the society, this is the problem, by turning it into a motto or something that inspires young people, it hurts more than before, because now people are motivated and are confident to not improve themselves, while years ago they would be ashamed to stay the same, so they had the motivation to be humble and work hard to better themselves
Love yourself enough to become something more...
Who come here after saw the Insta reel are the leGend
I've been told my whole life I should be different, and I really did try to change. I didn't want to "be myself" - I hated myself. To the point I wished someone else had been born instead of me, someone who would make everyone happy. Because no matter how I tried to change, I wasn't worthy enough.
I know I got it wrong - you shouldn't get better to please people, you should get better for you. To make yourself someone YOU accept and love. Now that I'm learning to love myself, yes, "just be yourself" is a comfort statement for me. But I don't interpret it as "embrace your flaws and never change." It's rather "accept you're a human and know you can grow and follow your goals despite what everyone else thinks."
Anyone from reels?
Mans speaking facts. Really great job in discerning the difference between "be yourself" (implied to be yourself at the moment) and "keep growing to be who you are meant to be"
any one from insta?
Who is here by Instagram post 😂
Being yourself for me is more about noticing and exepting your flaws so you can actually start to work on them to be your best self. But yeah, it took too much time to realise hearing from every corner of internet this "just be yourself" stuff and thinking what does it mean at all...
Who else come from instagram 😅?
Thank you again joey. I’m feeling like I’m low in self worth and thinking about building my self-confidence. Thank you for reminding it’s simply loving myself more that I’m gonna do this.
Notification squad here
"Play to your strengths (and acknowledge your weaknesses)" might be a better fit for what people mean by "Be yourself".
Although it's not always possible to follow passions, winning creates confidence. And whatever you put more time into, you'll usually become better at. Which is fine as long as that thing proves sellable.
Anybody from instagram🤣🤣
YESSS