Bro with your help I quit drugs , am moving more ,drinking more water , sleep has improved and that’s the tip of the iceberg man. Thank you so much for all the help and advice you’ve given me over the months .I’m sure those who read this will see better days . Have hope brothers and sisters peace and love ❤
*Whenever someone tries to quit something: for instance smoking. I always tell them;* _"You're not quitting, you're just not going to do it again. Quitting is not an action, doing it again is the action."_ The reason I tell people this, is because once they get back into the habit again, which is easy with smoking to just.. do it again once. And once people do something again they believe _their action of quitting_ has failed so now they best go back smoking again. But that isn't true. You didn't fail quitting, you just _did it again._ *So keep not doing it.*
Addiction is messed up. People quit for months and smoke just one and, because it's an addiction, they go back to smoking. So, when it comes to addiction vertical stacking is important
@@clysen8234 Yes. I also fall back into some bad habbits sometimes. I know if I start smoking again, I'll be looking after months of fallback. Quitting it takes a lot of time.
fuck. i never thought about that. i have tried applying that in other instances (in that case nofap), but because i failed the action of quitting, therefore i should just go back to it but obviously that's not true, and yeah that makes sense
Reflection: I wish I heard this 2 years ago. June 2021, I was getting better mentally and physically. I lost 5kgs that time. Then there's a very bad day so I eat more than my calorie limit and then, a reunion with my friends in HS came up. I gained weight. I'm ashamed of going back to the gym and disappointing my trainers because of my fallback (I thought that all my progress was thrown in the trash) and my week of absence. In MANY things in my life, this was my go-to: Doing it and getting great/progress -> one bad time -> stopping and thinking I'm a failure -> A years later -> Step 1 again. It's a cycle and maybe that's why I haven't moved from this line for years. I thought I was moving from that line but I haven't really. This week I will try again and this time, I will remember what you said.
The very best of luck to both of you. Been trying the same for 4 years lol, the weight just kept rebounding though as I went back to old habits eventually. Now I'm very optimistic about the next few months thanks to mindset changes.
This is actually such a good way to look at it, because when you mess up one time, you normally tell yourself that now you have to start all over and that would take a lot of courage and willpower again.
In 2016 I was an unemployed, fat, single alcoholic living with my parents. Today I'm a fit, sober, married business owner living in a nice home. That change didn't happen in 30, 60 or 90 days. It took years, and I'm still evolving little by little each day.
"Progress is not vertical" I love the way you phrase this - It's easy to get bogged down by one off events or returning bad habbits but I find the best way to overcome this is to take time to reflect on the progress I've made - I find this helps me not become discouraged in those negative moments but also continue to work on my goals or passion. Love your content, it's always super insightful and super helpful!!
I agree. I've developed good habits this year not due to a magic number of days, but consistency and going back after "bad days" of eating out or not going to the gym some days. I have a stronger mentality where I exercise daily at gym and eat much healthier than I ever have, it's not perfect, but I don't want to be, I want to be the best me that I can be by trying to be a little bit better than who I was yesterday.
Putting pressure on yourself to become a little better than the one you were yesterday is selfcoach bullshit. Just be yourself and life without thinking to much. Selfhelp crap is making people feel bad about themselves.
Yeah. I believe the real rewiring and progress comes from how you respond and bounce back after slip ups or lapses in your habit building, as opposed to trying to be perfect and never relapse to begin with
@@maxg5196 I agree. I was trying to emphasis on TRY. For me, each day is a new opportunity to go towards my overall goal, I've wasted so much time making excuses. I'm not perfect, I don't complete everything that I want for a day to go towards my goal, but having the mentality of trying and failing rather than making excuses has helped me.
Tony Robbins said something similiar in an interview. He was talking about this buddy he had who had been trying to give up cigarettes, and his buddy goes "I've gone nine days without a cigarette." Tony responds with "Why are you counting?"
I really needed to hear this again. This is why I return to your channel all the time whenever I feel down or need some motivation or simply want to be reminded of healthier things to keep in mind. Today I binge ate right after finishing a 2 day long fast, and although I used to go so much longer without meals, this once it just felt impossible to keep my mind off of food, however.. as i said, I binged again and... lightly saying, it upset me quite a lot for some reason. I got over it though by meditating and trying my best to not be harsh with myself about it and I succeeded. I realize how much your advices and a few other channels have helped me improve my mindset and learn to be on this journey with myself instead of having constant critical battles in my mind while trying to neglect every false step that i have taken. Instead I learn from it and avoid such mistakes in the nearest future possible. I see every new day as a new chance to forgive your past self even if it was yesterday and just start over with ease and no rush. Whether you read this or not, I am truly so grateful for your videos and I, as well as many others really appreciate your hard work to help others:)
For the first time since i entered adulthood a decade ago, i’ve now been 6 months sober and i have survived temptation from all the holidays, with friends and family that idolize drinking, whilst working at a fancy booze shop the whole way through. I also didnt remove any alcohol from my house. What changed this time around? From the start, I never made 3, 6, or 12 months as any sort of goal. Anytime anyone asked, I told them I didnt have a goal. I just wanted to wake up the next day and feel more stable than yesterday. I went through mind altering depression last year and drank (caffeine to get up, alcohol to put down) every single day just to “cope.” All I knew was I was spinning my wheels in the mud, waiting for something to pull me out. But the answer was right in front of me. I stopped my habits cold turkey, understood and faced the withdrawals head on, and just kept the mindset that I just wanted to go day by day and try to feel better after each one. No hard limits, no quantifiable goal. It just works for me.
Thank you Joey, I have so many bad habits that’s I’ve been battling against for years now and your videos always help me. I’m now at a particular crossroads where I’m having to sit some exams in my 30s to progress in my career (failed this exam twice now and due to resit again soon), having always struggled deeply with procrastination. I always felt so guilty at university because I never felt like I was fulfilling my potential, and when I managed to graduate successfully I was so relieved but felt like a bit of a fraud. Ironically I’m now in a career with many exams ahead, but the career gives me so much joy and fulfilment I think it’s worth finally trying to build those roads properly so I can be proud of myself. It’s so hard to come home after a hard day’s work and sit down to study day after day, but I’m trying to build those good habits/roads one brick at a time. Sometimes you fail, but as you said you keep building on your previous progress as best as you can. This video has given me another little burst of positivity and inspiration so thank you for that. Live by that mantra, inaction is a slow death.
I have stopped watching self improvement videos, but Joey´s videos are super valuable to me. He for some reason keeps my discipline in check and reminds me about the how and why. I currently have my gym thing going for me, my morning routine is in check, but for some reason my study and reading routine is pretty hard to establish. I also have a tendency to fall off track when ever I binge my old habits, the road example was very helpfull. Thanks once again! :)
I’ve been trying to quit watching a certain “adult content” several times. I definitely find it easier to stop even if I slip up once in a while. I remember quicker that I don’t enjoy it and that I’m trying to break the habit. Happy New Year Joey! Here’s to new roads! 🥂
This kind of content is high quality. You are telling helpful mentally healthy life advice without looking for validation or promotion. Thank you for your content.
Couldn’t agree more. I actually started my habit of reading right after reading Atomic Habits. I never thought of building a habit of reading because I fall sleep with pages full of words. But, yea…here I am reading every single day. What I found myself is that I don’t could how many pages I read although I know it is about 10 pages a day. But I don’t really count it. I don’t even set a target of how many days I want to continuously do it to make me a forever reader. What I do is just to make sure I don’t miss 2 days in a row. We all have bad days, you can’t be smiling every single day. The point is to gather yourself and continue what you need to do next day. Love the video. Although I’m doing it but it feels great to tell myself over and over again. Happy New Year guys 🎉
It's nice to get a decent explanation for the things always lurking in my mind and thinking: could it be this or that way. Whenever i listened or participated in Resolution Planning coachings, they all try to squeeze in some sort of way to 'go through the pain and deal with the difficulties of vertical progress' while i felt that relapse is a thing to be considered and feels like a total stopping point, when you hear this forementioned idea. I really enjoyed hearing your perspective and look forward to implement that more in my habit/general planning. 👍
Sometimes it's necessary to hit rock bottom to make a change (which doesn't happen overnight). I used to think hitting rock bottom was to be avoided at all costs, but being in limbo is far worse because it made me stay stagnant and unhappy.
You blew my mind when you said habits were like roads; I had never even stopped to think of it that way. If I could subscribe to only one channel on this entire platform, it would be yours.
This is so true and I’ve learned this from experience. If I have a sluggish day or an unsuccessful day, or even if I planned to do something but another thing took my priority (say there was an emergency) I just allow it and think… it’s okay. Tomorrow is a fresh start again and most things happen over time, not straight away. Especially mindset shifts. It’s not possible to wake up the next day and all of your doubts, fears and insecurities have disappeared in an instant. It takes time to overcome it and change. It’s a process. One bad day doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it just makes you a more humble human. Thank you for reminding people of this, Joey.
My ADHD really affects me and every time recently I have been putting off doing Uni work or developing my art skills to build my platform - I go back to your videos and listen to your videos for a reset. Thank you for reminding me what progress is > doing everything I can to improve myself. I don't think you know how much good you are doing.
This may have sounded really simple, but it actually helped me a lot. It made me see I am way too hard for myself (if I indeed fail for one time then I immediately tell myself I clearly can’t do it so maybe it’s better to just quit). While at the same time in so many things in life I DID succeed. And for all of them I needed time, and sometimes recovery from a set-back. So if I managed to change so many aspects in my life into something better, I can manage some more. Even if I fail sometimes. Thanks Joey!!!!! ❤
I'm a recovering alcoholic and I have met and been around a lot of alcoholics and addicts looking to get and stay sober, and there is a ton of emphasis put by a lot of people, especially those newly sober, on days sober, which is great in that it can be a motivating factor to continue on a good path, but can create major issues if someone does relapse, leading to a longer and more extreme relapse than necessary, with thoughts like, "I got drunk and have to reset my day count anyway, may as well make it a multi-week binge". Relapsing can be bad enough on its own without catastrophizing. Unfortunately, addiction pathways never really become 'overgrown paths' -- they're more like interstates blocked off with a wooden sign that's easy enough to drive through at 80 mph -- and are extremely quick to reopen, and there is greater cost to a single mistake than there is with, say, a single missed day at the gym -- people can end up in jail, dead from an overdose, kill someone drunk driving, lose their wife and kids, and so on. But the new path, like you say, is still there. I had struggled for years to string together more than a week or two sober, then finally got 10 months before having a pretty horrific relapse, and while I recognized the severity and put in place things to ensure it didn't happen again, I didn't catastrophize and beat myself up and think I'd lost all the progress I'd made. In fact, leading up to the relapse, I'd started slowing down progress on that new road and wasn't quite as convinced it was worthwhile. But a trip down the old road was a poignant reminder of all the reasons I'd gotten sober in the first place. After having come so far on the new road, the difference between the old road and the new road was so much more obvious than it'd been when I'd slowly carved it out for the first time. I was more motivated than ever to work on the new road, and in the months following the relapse, I made so much more progress than I would have made in that time without it. That's not to say it was a good decision -- I narrowly avoided going to jail /twice/ during that time, and I ended up in the ER from the withdrawals following -- but if you make the most of your mistakes and really learn from them, they can be incredibly beneficial in making change.
You don't know how much I owe you...been in depression for a long time and your videos are really helpful... Though I know many of the things you say , it feels really good to know that I am right about atleast some things in life...
Glad you pointed out that a Bad Habit and an Annoying Habit are two very different things. Annoying Habit of mine is forgetting to check the mail or pissing in the shower out of habit over the toilet. Bad Habit of mine is more personal, but it's also inescapable and borders on an addiction but I don't allow it to escalate to a wholely unsafe level. I still wish I could go days clean without it sometimes, but I thought that'll ever happen tbh
I needed this, this was really an inspiring message. I've been working on my journey for about a year and with bipolar disorder it's slow going, but I've graduated from PT, I have a new gym routine written by the doctor, I've gotten my hygiene routines going, a better daily schedule... It's slow for me but to say there's no progress would be a lie. So thank you. Sometimes when I think, I don't wanna do this, your motivations bounce around in my head and sometimes really give me the push I need to just do the thing. So thank you!
Our performance isn’t determined by how often we have succeeded. It’s rather the opposite: The more mistakes we make the better we become. That’s why it is so essential to continue, even if we procrastinate again. Stand up again and ask yourself what you can do better next time. The important thing is, to be self-compassionate. We all fall. Not once, not twice, but all the time. The ones who keep going are the ones who succeed.
Progress is not vertical. This reminds me of the picture that describes “showing up”, the most important thing is to show up, it doesn’t really matter that you showed up at 5% or at 95% - just show up. Happy New Year 🎊🎆
I finally got to this point after my teen years. Learning to not only be lighter on myself, but to view any progress as progress without it having to be such a linear path. My gym going is the perfect example. I used to beat myself up pretty harshly on the very few days I wouldn't go to the gym when I planned to do so. It took me a while to realize I still go to the gym more days out of the week/month/year than many can say. So overall, I'm growing, getting stronger and making progress by at least keeping a balanced consistency. Same with healthy eating, dopamine detox, and personal skills. Like for me, music making. I don't dabble with my keyboard everyday but I do it regularly enough to notice I'm getting better year by year. Even if I didn't want to get any better. So yeah, I think it's a mix of healthy consistency and being able to tell yourself its okay to slip up every now and then. Just because you ate half a family size bag of Doritos today doesn't mean you should throw out your meal prep for the rest of the week. Just jump back on it once you acknowledge it. That's the most we can do. Also, it's nice seeing this posted for the New Years. My only resolution this year was to not make any resolutions I didn't see myself realistically living up to. It's helped me relieve the pressure of what making progress is supposed to be and instead actually allows me to live in a healthier head space to see what making real progress truly is.
Im quitting smoking and can definitely relate to his statement about 90 day me. It was first make it through the first 3 days then through the first two weeks of quitting smoking. January 11th will be 8 months smoke free. Im just focusing on 1 year now.
As someone who has a bad habit of promising himself to develop better habits and failing, I’ve learned that the best first thing to actually get me continuing on better habits and choices is: controlled compassion with myself Don’t kill yourself trying, even if you want to and you think you’ll feel good in the end, not everyone can do that. Just take micro steps and be conscious of it, then hold yourself accountable when you decide to kick it up a notch.
Hey, i love seeing your bald head! @struthless is another channel I like that focuses on overall self improvement, and when either of your bald heads pop up on my feed its an instant watch. Great video :) been watching a while now, you really help me gain the right perspective of how to go about life in general. I missed out on many life skills as a kid because of trauma and undiagnosed adhd. In my late 20s now and finally figuring things out. Thank u so much for making videos because the impact youve had on my life alone has been significant. Learning to love and accept myself and be more mindful of behaviors and actions etc., which is what your videos allow me to do, and then processing and making goals of how to accomplish or positively change behaviors with outside professional help. My life the past 4 months has been changing drastically. I had an epiphany and my health was at its worst. This clarity and rude awakening lead me to your channel. You give me all the advice and lessons that I missed as a kid because of add or missed because my primary parent was mentally ill and never ever seeked proper care. Finally got myself to comment, sorry for ramble, its early but if i didnt post this now i never will. Thank you for being in my life. I know im not the only guy in their late 20s starting to figure life out, and having even a few hours of guidance from you has led to monumental changes. Thank you. ❤
Great message, and it really is the whole point. Goals and habits, they can get so murky. Life is but chapters, or like life at sea where waves come and go. Sometimes you do the thing. Other times, you don't. The aim is to reinforce what you want to reinforce until it gets to a point where it becomes the default. But that takes time, and each "thing" will be different. What I will say is that momentum is essential in reinforcing these "things". If you can build up some steam, it gets easier.Not easy, but easier all the same.
This exact problem is something i see so many people doing: they slip up once and they give up. I get it, they have been pushing back the urge to do the bad thing, or lushing for doing the good thing, and one slip up and they deem the entire thing a failure. I quit smoking, didn't look back, it all went well. Then, after like a year, i began getting this nagging feeling... just one smoke. One would be nice. And seeing someone smoke, my brain would go "ask them, ask, ask, just ask them, ask" on and on. And i gave in. And a week later i gave in again. And a week later i bought a pack. And eventually i was smoking enough to get the coughing and slime again and i quit. Yeah, i took my time, but i knew i had to. And i am doing fine again. Funnily enough, I had to admit i was smoking again, to the person i was hiding it from, to be able to quit. Anyway... I know that a slip up is just that. And even if it gives me this urge to get back on the bad wagon i know rhat if you slip, you just get back up
Great video and message as always! There is a saying: ”Change is a direction, not a destination.” If we are constantly fixated on this future version of ourselves which does not even exist, we cant be happy the way we are now. If we feel the need to be different, it is saying that we are not the way we are supposed to be in this moment and that creates this fight against ourselves to change our being. We must learn to want change from a place of self love and compassion. We want to change for the better because we want to live more happier lives and ease our suffering. This power of self love will get you further than fighting against yourself ever will. Thank you for reading I hope this resonates to someone❤
Video couldn't have come at a better time for me. Interesting you mention Atomic Habits since it kind of teaches the vertical progress that you were talking about LOL. Great video
well, the book teaches you to keep up a streak, and to avoid letting that chain break, which is still something that's definitely good to do for the sake of keeping momentum. i think the mindset of vertical/horizontal progress varies between people, and that mindset is what determines whether you utilize streaks in the best way possible. it's just that the book doesn't talk about that part, and it probably could've done with an explanation as to why horizontal is the healthier way to go
London College did a study and found that a new habit does become automatic (through automaticity) after 66 days. Our unfavourable habits are sealed in our synapses with myelin, so we have to create new pathways (synapses that fire together, wire together)which takes time, whether you think vertically or horizontally. Metaphors only have so much utility.
This video genuinely resonated with me so much. I’m moving from Ohio to California very soon for art school and I’ve been struggling really hard recently with letting go of some of my awful habits and just buckling down 100% into art journey and fitness, which I know is what would make me happy. I leave in 3 days, and this video gave me so much peace. Thanks Joey, I can’t wait to keep building my road during this new chapter of my life!
Thank you for the reminder and the notion of “vertical progress”. Some incredibly sage and timely advice, motivation and inspiration. Let’s build that road and smash through the roadblocks!
"we're approaching lifestyle change as if it's a jenga tower" Funny and true I am so guilty of having done this in the past! 😅😂 Allowing myself to apply work place strategies to my goal setting i.e. with the streak system you mentioned, instead of focusing on the sensation of how I want to feel long term and what I want to embody permenantly. My own problem with this was that this way of thinking doesn't account for change, days where you feel 75% or the down periods of our lives. Truly we need to create systems for ourselves that reflect our adaptability!!
I noticed the production of this video is lower compared to the previous one. It's not a complaint, this message is perfect for new year (and the quality is still great)
Thank you for this, Joey! I am already two days into the new year, and totally needed this! Watching it, I can identify with a number of things you talked about. It's day 2 of the new year, and I can see more clearly the habits that are stopping me from laying the bricks in my road. ✌️
I needed this today. Reminds me that I actually have put some work into the road I want to travel, and nothing is keeping me from continuing to pave it. Thank you!
I like to think about it like a river, you have a river which is a metaphore fore your life, and each habit is another little river that joins your river, adds water, and makes you go easier and faster, eventualy you might go over a dam and continue.
Damn man ... I usually just like your videos, but this analogy is really insane! Even after years of personal development, I've never heard something that visualizes this concept better! I especially liked how you incorperated the ideas of building your identity and casting a vote for your new identity from Atomic Habits! thanks for the awesome content ❤️
Excellent analogy, really,... how clearer could it be? I think that many people misinterpret "new habit" self-help ideas concerning the so-called timescales of progress, failing to comprehend that, for example, a bad habit that has become automatic over years or decades of dedicated practice is, after 21 days of mantras and white knuckles, suddenly going to switch off something. For the implementation of good habits, your metaphorical new road illustrates perfectly that time must be spent building for it to be as smooth as the other but to become discouraged because it's not as grand or as perfect after a such a short time is delusional.
This is so true, for studies as well as habits! I had to take a break from language learning a while back and that break turned into a LONG break and I was worried I was going to have to start from scratch again, but I've recently picked up my studies again and while I needed to brush up on everything I already learned, it was MUCH easier to learn it the second time because I'd already laid those bricks and now I just need to clear the weeds on what I already built so I can continue laying more bricks. Love this analogy so much. Thanks for sharing!
I am so glad I found your channel.. This video is turning out to be exactly the video I needed. I was myself obsessed on maintaining a streak recently..
I completely agree that one of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to build new habits is not having a clear and specific goal in mind. It's easy to get overwhelmed and lose motivation when you're not sure what you're working towards. I've found that setting a specific and measurable goal, such as "I want to exercise for 30 minutes three times a week" helps me stay focused and motivated. Thanks for sharing these insights!"
Good video. I love to think back to the “heating up a room” metaphor from Atomic Habits, I believe. It states that every single day that you work to heat up your room, you get closer to melting the ice cube inside it. Until one day you reach 0 degrees and it suddenly does. Of course, this doesn’t account for the fact that if you stop working to heat the room, the ice will reappear. But this metaphor really does help in avoiding the common pitfall of thinking that progress is always visible
Joey, congratulation on your hard work this last year. All your 2022 videos have been outsanding in quality. Here's for another year of amazing content. Keep it up!
I once woke up consistently at 430am for 2 months, until slumped with old habits and made me think I've failed and that 60 days gone into drain. Thus made me feel hopeless. This video debunks that myth. Thanks!
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appreciate the fact that you posted this on new years while everyone is making their resolutions.
@Don't Read Profile Photo Gotchu
@Don't Read Profile Photo We won't
@Don't Read Profile Photo No problem bro, thanks for the warning.
@Don't Read Profile Photo all good
@Don't Read Profile Photo nice try
Bro with your help I quit drugs , am moving more ,drinking more water , sleep has improved and that’s the tip of the iceberg man. Thank you so much for all the help and advice you’ve given me over the months .I’m sure those who read this will see better days . Have hope brothers and sisters peace and love ❤
🙏
Congratulations! That’s absolutely epic, how exciting!
6 months late but serious kudos to you! That's so awesome!
That's awesome, so proud of you!
*Whenever someone tries to quit something: for instance smoking. I always tell them;* _"You're not quitting, you're just not going to do it again. Quitting is not an action, doing it again is the action."_
The reason I tell people this, is because once they get back into the habit again, which is easy with smoking to just.. do it again once. And once people do something again they believe _their action of quitting_ has failed so now they best go back smoking again. But that isn't true. You didn't fail quitting, you just _did it again._ *So keep not doing it.*
Addiction is messed up. People quit for months and smoke just one and, because it's an addiction, they go back to smoking. So, when it comes to addiction vertical stacking is important
@@clysen8234 Yes. I also fall back into some bad habbits sometimes. I know if I start smoking again, I'll be looking after months of fallback. Quitting it takes a lot of time.
fuck. i never thought about that.
i have tried applying that in other instances (in that case nofap), but because i failed the action of quitting, therefore i should just go back to it
but obviously that's not true, and yeah that makes sense
that hit me deeply
Reflection:
I wish I heard this 2 years ago. June 2021, I was getting better mentally and physically. I lost 5kgs that time. Then there's a very bad day so I eat more than my calorie limit and then, a reunion with my friends in HS came up. I gained weight. I'm ashamed of going back to the gym and disappointing my trainers because of my fallback (I thought that all my progress was thrown in the trash) and my week of absence.
In MANY things in my life, this was my go-to:
Doing it and getting great/progress -> one bad time -> stopping and thinking I'm a failure -> A years later -> Step 1 again.
It's a cycle and maybe that's why I haven't moved from this line for years. I thought I was moving from that line but I haven't really.
This week I will try again and this time, I will remember what you said.
this hit home as i stopped going to the gym for 5 months and lost all my gains and goals just now starting again
The very best of luck to both of you. Been trying the same for 4 years lol, the weight just kept rebounding though as I went back to old habits eventually. Now I'm very optimistic about the next few months thanks to mindset changes.
This is actually such a good way to look at it, because when you mess up one time, you normally tell yourself that now you have to start all over and that would take a lot of courage and willpower again.
In 2016 I was an unemployed, fat, single alcoholic living with my parents. Today I'm a fit, sober, married business owner living in a nice home. That change didn't happen in 30, 60 or 90 days. It took years, and I'm still evolving little by little each day.
That's inspiring. Thanks for sharing
Thanks for sharing this, i need to start building my roads.
The road analogy is how I explain neuroplasticity to my patients!!! I appreciate all the "Better Ideas" you bring to us. Happy New Year!
Hello, I would like your opinion on Neurofeedback, I have TBI and Im trying to solve it
Progress over perfection.
Continuity over consistency.
Such a solid take away! love it
"Progress is not vertical" I love the way you phrase this - It's easy to get bogged down by one off events or returning bad habbits but I find the best way to overcome this is to take time to reflect on the progress I've made - I find this helps me not become discouraged in those negative moments but also continue to work on my goals or passion. Love your content, it's always super insightful and super helpful!!
I agree. I've developed good habits this year not due to a magic number of days, but consistency and going back after "bad days" of eating out or not going to the gym some days. I have a stronger mentality where I exercise daily at gym and eat much healthier than I ever have, it's not perfect, but I don't want to be, I want to be the best me that I can be by trying to be a little bit better than who I was yesterday.
Lol this year has only been going for less than a day
Putting pressure on yourself to become a little better than the one you were yesterday is selfcoach bullshit. Just be yourself and life without thinking to much. Selfhelp crap is making people feel bad about themselves.
@@pietvelkens219 he actually made a video not long ago on that very topic th-cam.com/video/jH1agWQSPbw/w-d-xo.html
Yeah. I believe the real rewiring and progress comes from how you respond and bounce back after slip ups or lapses in your habit building, as opposed to trying to be perfect and never relapse to begin with
@@maxg5196 I agree. I was trying to emphasis on TRY. For me, each day is a new opportunity to go towards my overall goal, I've wasted so much time making excuses. I'm not perfect, I don't complete everything that I want for a day to go towards my goal, but having the mentality of trying and failing rather than making excuses has helped me.
This is by far the best advice on habits I’ve ever heard. Thank you, thank you.
This clip NEEDS to be viewed multiple times. I come back to thie video often. It is helping me overcome my addiction.
0:40 I actually find mine is more a gradual slip into the bad habits which is even scarier because I barely notice it happening....
"Atomic Habits" is pure gold. It changed my life in the best way
We're not building a tower, we're building a road 💯
The road is a great analogy for neural pathways. I dig it.
Tony Robbins said something similiar in an interview. He was talking about this buddy he had who had been trying to give up cigarettes, and his buddy goes "I've gone nine days without a cigarette." Tony responds with "Why are you counting?"
I really needed to hear this again. This is why I return to your channel all the time whenever I feel down or need some motivation or simply want to be reminded of healthier things to keep in mind. Today I binge ate right after finishing a 2 day long fast, and although I used to go so much longer without meals, this once it just felt impossible to keep my mind off of food, however.. as i said, I binged again and... lightly saying, it upset me quite a lot for some reason. I got over it though by meditating and trying my best to not be harsh with myself about it and I succeeded. I realize how much your advices and a few other channels have helped me improve my mindset and learn to be on this journey with myself instead of having constant critical battles in my mind while trying to neglect every false step that i have taken. Instead I learn from it and avoid such mistakes in the nearest future possible. I see every new day as a new chance to forgive your past self even if it was yesterday and just start over with ease and no rush. Whether you read this or not, I am truly so grateful for your videos and I, as well as many others really appreciate your hard work to help others:)
For the first time since i entered adulthood a decade ago, i’ve now been 6 months sober and i have survived temptation from all the holidays, with friends and family that idolize drinking, whilst working at a fancy booze shop the whole way through. I also didnt remove any alcohol from my house. What changed this time around? From the start, I never made 3, 6, or 12 months as any sort of goal. Anytime anyone asked, I told them I didnt have a goal. I just wanted to wake up the next day and feel more stable than yesterday. I went through mind altering depression last year and drank (caffeine to get up, alcohol to put down) every single day just to “cope.” All I knew was I was spinning my wheels in the mud, waiting for something to pull me out. But the answer was right in front of me. I stopped my habits cold turkey, understood and faced the withdrawals head on, and just kept the mindset that I just wanted to go day by day and try to feel better after each one. No hard limits, no quantifiable goal. It just works for me.
Thank you Joey, I have so many bad habits that’s I’ve been battling against for years now and your videos always help me. I’m now at a particular crossroads where I’m having to sit some exams in my 30s to progress in my career (failed this exam twice now and due to resit again soon), having always struggled deeply with procrastination. I always felt so guilty at university because I never felt like I was fulfilling my potential, and when I managed to graduate successfully I was so relieved but felt like a bit of a fraud. Ironically I’m now in a career with many exams ahead, but the career gives me so much joy and fulfilment I think it’s worth finally trying to build those roads properly so I can be proud of myself. It’s so hard to come home after a hard day’s work and sit down to study day after day, but I’m trying to build those good habits/roads one brick at a time. Sometimes you fail, but as you said you keep building on your previous progress as best as you can. This video has given me another little burst of positivity and inspiration so thank you for that. Live by that mantra, inaction is a slow death.
I have stopped watching self improvement videos, but Joey´s videos are super valuable to me. He for some reason keeps my discipline in check and reminds me about the how and why. I currently have my gym thing going for me, my morning routine is in check, but for some reason my study and reading routine is pretty hard to establish. I also have a tendency to fall off track when ever I binge my old habits, the road example was very helpfull.
Thanks once again! :)
I’ve been trying to quit watching a certain “adult content” several times. I definitely find it easier to stop even if I slip up once in a while. I remember quicker that I don’t enjoy it and that I’m trying to break the habit. Happy New Year Joey! Here’s to new roads! 🥂
Teal swan has a video on how to quit poxn addiction. I highly recommend you to check it out. It'll help.
@@nothanks5162 Teal has so many helpful videos!
I've 'parasited' the bad road. Now I don't find it pleasurable at all anymore
The road analogy was incredible!
This is the exact same thing my therapist told me but much better explained. Thanks bro
You have no idea how much I needed this video right now. It feels like it was speaking directly to me
This kind of content is high quality. You are telling helpful mentally healthy life advice without looking for validation or promotion. Thank you for your content.
Couldn’t agree more. I actually started my habit of reading right after reading Atomic Habits. I never thought of building a habit of reading because I fall sleep with pages full of words. But, yea…here I am reading every single day. What I found myself is that I don’t could how many pages I read although I know it is about 10 pages a day. But I don’t really count it. I don’t even set a target of how many days I want to continuously do it to make me a forever reader. What I do is just to make sure I don’t miss 2 days in a row. We all have bad days, you can’t be smiling every single day. The point is to gather yourself and continue what you need to do next day.
Love the video. Although I’m doing it but it feels great to tell myself over and over again. Happy New Year guys 🎉
It's nice to get a decent explanation for the things always lurking in my mind and thinking: could it be this or that way. Whenever i listened or participated in Resolution Planning coachings, they all try to squeeze in some sort of way to 'go through the pain and deal with the difficulties of vertical progress' while i felt that relapse is a thing to be considered and feels like a total stopping point, when you hear this forementioned idea.
I really enjoyed hearing your perspective and look forward to implement that more in my habit/general planning. 👍
This makes the “top videos” playlist in my library, only 19 videos in there this one is FANTASTIC
Sometimes it's necessary to hit rock bottom to make a change (which doesn't happen overnight). I used to think hitting rock bottom was to be avoided at all costs, but being in limbo is far worse because it made me stay stagnant and unhappy.
Man.....your videos are so on point. So easy to follow and relate to. Thank you. Really. THANK. YOU.
You blew my mind when you said habits were like roads; I had never even stopped to think of it that way.
If I could subscribe to only one channel on this entire platform, it would be yours.
@user-ew2rx4ij6i let's all do better than ever before ^^
This.
This is so true and I’ve learned this from experience. If I have a sluggish day or an unsuccessful day, or even if I planned to do something but another thing took my priority (say there was an emergency) I just allow it and think… it’s okay. Tomorrow is a fresh start again and most things happen over time, not straight away. Especially mindset shifts. It’s not possible to wake up the next day and all of your doubts, fears and insecurities have disappeared in an instant. It takes time to overcome it and change. It’s a process. One bad day doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it just makes you a more humble human. Thank you for reminding people of this, Joey.
My ADHD really affects me and every time recently I have been putting off doing Uni work or developing my art skills to build my platform - I go back to your videos and listen to your videos for a reset. Thank you for reminding me what progress is > doing everything I can to improve myself. I don't think you know how much good you are doing.
This may have sounded really simple, but it actually helped me a lot. It made me see I am way too hard for myself (if I indeed fail for one time then I immediately tell myself I clearly can’t do it so maybe it’s better to just quit). While at the same time in so many things in life I DID succeed. And for all of them I needed time, and sometimes recovery from a set-back. So if I managed to change so many aspects in my life into something better, I can manage some more. Even if I fail sometimes.
Thanks Joey!!!!! ❤
I'm a recovering alcoholic and I have met and been around a lot of alcoholics and addicts looking to get and stay sober, and there is a ton of emphasis put by a lot of people, especially those newly sober, on days sober, which is great in that it can be a motivating factor to continue on a good path, but can create major issues if someone does relapse, leading to a longer and more extreme relapse than necessary, with thoughts like, "I got drunk and have to reset my day count anyway, may as well make it a multi-week binge". Relapsing can be bad enough on its own without catastrophizing. Unfortunately, addiction pathways never really become 'overgrown paths' -- they're more like interstates blocked off with a wooden sign that's easy enough to drive through at 80 mph -- and are extremely quick to reopen, and there is greater cost to a single mistake than there is with, say, a single missed day at the gym -- people can end up in jail, dead from an overdose, kill someone drunk driving, lose their wife and kids, and so on. But the new path, like you say, is still there.
I had struggled for years to string together more than a week or two sober, then finally got 10 months before having a pretty horrific relapse, and while I recognized the severity and put in place things to ensure it didn't happen again, I didn't catastrophize and beat myself up and think I'd lost all the progress I'd made. In fact, leading up to the relapse, I'd started slowing down progress on that new road and wasn't quite as convinced it was worthwhile. But a trip down the old road was a poignant reminder of all the reasons I'd gotten sober in the first place. After having come so far on the new road, the difference between the old road and the new road was so much more obvious than it'd been when I'd slowly carved it out for the first time. I was more motivated than ever to work on the new road, and in the months following the relapse, I made so much more progress than I would have made in that time without it. That's not to say it was a good decision -- I narrowly avoided going to jail /twice/ during that time, and I ended up in the ER from the withdrawals following -- but if you make the most of your mistakes and really learn from them, they can be incredibly beneficial in making change.
You don't know how much I owe you...been in depression for a long time and your videos are really helpful...
Though I know many of the things you say , it feels really good to know that I am right about atleast some things in life...
Glad you pointed out that a Bad Habit and an Annoying Habit are two very different things.
Annoying Habit of mine is forgetting to check the mail or pissing in the shower out of habit over the toilet.
Bad Habit of mine is more personal, but it's also inescapable and borders on an addiction but I don't allow it to escalate to a wholely unsafe level. I still wish I could go days clean without it sometimes, but I thought that'll ever happen tbh
whats wrong with pissing in the shower?
Literally everything 😂 other people also want to take the shower and you stand in your own piss
Thanks for everything you do Joey
Still, probably one of the best channels on the platform with a net positive effect on people .. good stuff ..
I love people who walk the talk I think you guys are rare on TH-cam
I needed this, this was really an inspiring message. I've been working on my journey for about a year and with bipolar disorder it's slow going, but I've graduated from PT, I have a new gym routine written by the doctor, I've gotten my hygiene routines going, a better daily schedule... It's slow for me but to say there's no progress would be a lie. So thank you. Sometimes when I think, I don't wanna do this, your motivations bounce around in my head and sometimes really give me the push I need to just do the thing.
So thank you!
Our performance isn’t determined by how often we have succeeded. It’s rather the opposite: The more mistakes we make the better we become. That’s why it is so essential to continue, even if we procrastinate again. Stand up again and ask yourself what you can do better next time. The important thing is, to be self-compassionate. We all fall. Not once, not twice, but all the time. The ones who keep going are the ones who succeed.
This might be the best video to watch for the new year.
this is so important, i'm sure this will help a lot of people, especially with the start of the new year !!
Can't express how much this channel has given me, really put me onto creating content and also sharing what I have learnt 🙏🏾
I respect you for uploading on the new year
Progress is not vertical.
This reminds me of the picture that describes “showing up”, the most important thing is to show up, it doesn’t really matter that you showed up at 5% or at 95% - just show up.
Happy New Year 🎊🎆
I finally got to this point after my teen years. Learning to not only be lighter on myself, but to view any progress as progress without it having to be such a linear path. My gym going is the perfect example. I used to beat myself up pretty harshly on the very few days I wouldn't go to the gym when I planned to do so. It took me a while to realize I still go to the gym more days out of the week/month/year than many can say. So overall, I'm growing, getting stronger and making progress by at least keeping a balanced consistency. Same with healthy eating, dopamine detox, and personal skills. Like for me, music making. I don't dabble with my keyboard everyday but I do it regularly enough to notice I'm getting better year by year. Even if I didn't want to get any better. So yeah, I think it's a mix of healthy consistency and being able to tell yourself its okay to slip up every now and then. Just because you ate half a family size bag of Doritos today doesn't mean you should throw out your meal prep for the rest of the week. Just jump back on it once you acknowledge it. That's the most we can do.
Also, it's nice seeing this posted for the New Years. My only resolution this year was to not make any resolutions I didn't see myself realistically living up to. It's helped me relieve the pressure of what making progress is supposed to be and instead actually allows me to live in a healthier head space to see what making real progress truly is.
Thank you for your work, I always enjoy watching your videos
Yes! This is exactly what I needed to hear. I love the "constructing a new road" analogy. It really brings things into perspective
Happy New Year Joey, here's to a wonderful 2023, you've helped me no end this past year, thank you so much for sharing 👍
wow you have changed my entire life
Yes me too
Im quitting smoking and can definitely relate to his statement about 90 day me. It was first make it through the first 3 days then through the first two weeks of quitting smoking. January 11th will be 8 months smoke free. Im just focusing on 1 year now.
Strong habits are the key to an easy and good life 😌
The imagery and metaphors really sold me. I wish I could talk to you in person.
Habits are the most important thing in the whole world. I'm grateful you shared this brother.
As someone who has a bad habit of promising himself to develop better habits and failing, I’ve learned that the best first thing to actually get me continuing on better habits and choices is: controlled compassion with myself
Don’t kill yourself trying, even if you want to and you think you’ll feel good
in the end, not everyone can do that. Just take micro steps and be conscious of it, then hold yourself accountable when you decide to kick it up a notch.
Hey, i love seeing your bald head! @struthless is another channel I like that focuses on overall self improvement, and when either of your bald heads pop up on my feed its an instant watch.
Great video :) been watching a while now, you really help me gain the right perspective of how to go about life in general. I missed out on many life skills as a kid because of trauma and undiagnosed adhd.
In my late 20s now and finally figuring things out. Thank u so much for making videos because the impact youve had on my life alone has been significant. Learning to love and accept myself and be more mindful of behaviors and actions etc., which is what your videos allow me to do, and then processing and making goals of how to accomplish or positively change behaviors with outside professional help.
My life the past 4 months has been changing drastically. I had an epiphany and my health was at its worst. This clarity and rude
awakening lead me to your channel. You give me all the advice and lessons that I missed as a kid because of add or missed because my primary parent was mentally ill and never ever seeked proper care.
Finally got myself to comment, sorry for ramble, its early but if i didnt post this now i never will.
Thank you for being in my life. I know im not the only guy in their late 20s starting to figure life out, and having even a few hours of guidance from you has led to monumental changes.
Thank you. ❤
Needed this one. 30 days into quitting weed. Love this way of looking at what im doing
Great message, and it really is the whole point. Goals and habits, they can get so murky. Life is but chapters, or like life at sea where waves come and go. Sometimes you do the thing. Other times, you don't. The aim is to reinforce what you want to reinforce until it gets to a point where it becomes the default. But that takes time, and each "thing" will be different. What I will say is that momentum is essential in reinforcing these "things". If you can build up some steam, it gets easier.Not easy, but easier all the same.
I love you Joey. Happy new year.
This exact problem is something i see so many people doing: they slip up once and they give up. I get it, they have been pushing back the urge to do the bad thing, or lushing for doing the good thing, and one slip up and they deem the entire thing a failure.
I quit smoking, didn't look back, it all went well. Then, after like a year, i began getting this nagging feeling... just one smoke. One would be nice. And seeing someone smoke, my brain would go "ask them, ask, ask, just ask them, ask" on and on. And i gave in. And a week later i gave in again. And a week later i bought a pack. And eventually i was smoking enough to get the coughing and slime again and i quit. Yeah, i took my time, but i knew i had to. And i am doing fine again. Funnily enough, I had to admit i was smoking again, to the person i was hiding it from, to be able to quit.
Anyway... I know that a slip up is just that. And even if it gives me this urge to get back on the bad wagon i know rhat if you slip, you just get back up
Happy new year, This advice came at the right place and at the right time. Thanks
Yeah i think I've had this kind of problem with myself. Thank you, this makes a lot of sense.
Great video and message as always! There is a saying: ”Change is a direction, not a destination.”
If we are constantly fixated on this future version of ourselves which does not even exist, we cant be happy the way we are now.
If we feel the need to be different, it is saying that we are not the way we are supposed to be in this moment and that creates this fight against ourselves to change our being.
We must learn to want change from a place of self love and compassion. We want to change for the better because we want to live more happier lives and ease our suffering. This power of self love will get you further than fighting against yourself ever will.
Thank you for reading I hope this resonates to someone❤
I did, indeed, find this profoundly encouraging.
Video couldn't have come at a better time for me. Interesting you mention Atomic Habits since it kind of teaches the vertical progress that you were talking about LOL. Great video
No it doesn’t
well, the book teaches you to keep up a streak, and to avoid letting that chain break, which is still something that's definitely good to do for the sake of keeping momentum. i think the mindset of vertical/horizontal progress varies between people, and that mindset is what determines whether you utilize streaks in the best way possible. it's just that the book doesn't talk about that part, and it probably could've done with an explanation as to why horizontal is the healthier way to go
@@Tuxflop very true. Thanks for the explanation.
London College did a study and found that a new habit does become automatic (through automaticity) after 66 days. Our unfavourable habits are sealed in our synapses with myelin, so we have to create new pathways (synapses that fire together, wire together)which takes time, whether you think vertically or horizontally. Metaphors only have so much utility.
@@therichbuddha3277 how many people were in the study and what were they doing for 66 days
"We're in the business of developing new defaults." Yeah!
I've never expected to be so blown away by a Perspective. Thank you, sir
it sounds like he’s described the ‘arrival fallacy’ many fall for
Whenever I fall, Joey uploads and I magically get back on the track
This video genuinely resonated with me so much. I’m moving from Ohio to California very soon for art school and I’ve been struggling really hard recently with letting go of some of my awful habits and just buckling down 100% into art journey and fitness, which I know is what would make me happy. I leave in 3 days, and this video gave me so much peace. Thanks Joey, I can’t wait to keep building my road during this new chapter of my life!
Thank you for the reminder and the notion of “vertical progress”. Some incredibly sage and timely advice, motivation and inspiration. Let’s build that road and smash through the roadblocks!
This hit hard yesterday, but I had to come back and listen a second time and take notes. Let's work!
"we're approaching lifestyle change as if it's a jenga tower" Funny and true I am so guilty of having done this in the past! 😅😂 Allowing myself to apply work place strategies to my goal setting i.e. with the streak system you mentioned, instead of focusing on the sensation of how I want to feel long term and what I want to embody permenantly. My own problem with this was that this way of thinking doesn't account for change, days where you feel 75% or the down periods of our lives. Truly we need to create systems for ourselves that reflect our adaptability!!
I noticed the production of this video is lower compared to the previous one. It's not a complaint, this message is perfect for new year (and the quality is still great)
your videos are helping me a lot these days
Thank you for this, Joey! I am already two days into the new year, and totally needed this! Watching it, I can identify with a number of things you talked about. It's day 2 of the new year, and I can see more clearly the habits that are stopping me from laying the bricks in my road. ✌️
great video once again 🎩 i like the road analogy - couldn't agree more!
I needed this today. Reminds me that I actually have put some work into the road I want to travel, and nothing is keeping me from continuing to pave it. Thank you!
I like to think about it like a river, you have a river which is a metaphore fore your life, and each habit is another little river that joins your river, adds water, and makes you go easier and faster, eventualy you might go over a dam and continue.
Damn man ... I usually just like your videos, but this analogy is really insane! Even after years of personal development, I've never heard something that visualizes this concept better!
I especially liked how you incorperated the ideas of building your identity and casting a vote for your new identity from Atomic Habits!
thanks for the awesome content ❤️
Excellent analogy, really,... how clearer could it be?
I think that many people misinterpret "new habit" self-help ideas concerning the so-called timescales of progress, failing to comprehend that, for example, a bad habit that has become automatic over years or decades of dedicated practice is, after 21 days of mantras and white knuckles, suddenly going to switch off something. For the implementation of good habits, your metaphorical new road illustrates perfectly that time must be spent building for it to be as smooth as the other but to become discouraged because it's not as grand or as perfect after a such a short time is delusional.
This is a profoundly encouraging thought.
This is so true, for studies as well as habits! I had to take a break from language learning a while back and that break turned into a LONG break and I was worried I was going to have to start from scratch again, but I've recently picked up my studies again and while I needed to brush up on everything I already learned, it was MUCH easier to learn it the second time because I'd already laid those bricks and now I just need to clear the weeds on what I already built so I can continue laying more bricks. Love this analogy so much. Thanks for sharing!
I really liked your Jenga tower and road analogy!
“-Every single habit that you have is just a road that leads you to your destination”
Right on time to snap me out of the "New year new me" mentality.
I am so glad I found your channel.. This video is turning out to be exactly the video I needed. I was myself obsessed on maintaining a streak recently..
I completely agree that one of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to build new habits is not having a clear and specific goal in mind. It's easy to get overwhelmed and lose motivation when you're not sure what you're working towards. I've found that setting a specific and measurable goal, such as "I want to exercise for 30 minutes three times a week" helps me stay focused and motivated. Thanks for sharing these insights!"
Good video. I love to think back to the “heating up a room” metaphor from Atomic Habits, I believe. It states that every single day that you work to heat up your room, you get closer to melting the ice cube inside it. Until one day you reach 0 degrees and it suddenly does.
Of course, this doesn’t account for the fact that if you stop working to heat the room, the ice will reappear. But this metaphor really does help in avoiding the common pitfall of thinking that progress is always visible
That's a really motivating way of seeing things. Thanks
Absolutely illuminating- you have helped me immensely. Thank you!
Currently taking a road science course on SkillShare
Joey, congratulation on your hard work this last year. All your 2022 videos have been outsanding in quality. Here's for another year of amazing content. Keep it up!
Im so glad content like this exists.
Speaking of getting rid of bad habits, do NOT take a drink every time he says the word "road".
Happy New Years :D
Man really... Thank you for this new mindset...
I once woke up consistently at 430am for 2 months, until slumped with old habits and made me think I've failed and that 60 days gone into drain. Thus made me feel hopeless.
This video debunks that myth. Thanks!
Now I have starting wake up at 430 again after 7 months of that 'failure'.
Let me tell u it is so much easier now.