It's a reddit post, the guy seems kinda like an asshole to be honest. He goes to explain that his wife had come out as lesbian after several years of marriage and having kids with him. He says that her coming out ruined his life and his children's life because she asked for a divorce. The reason why is because he felt that because she didn't feel sexually attracted to him but still pretended to be for a long time made their relationship completely pointless. He's frustrated that he feels like he's not allowed to be angry at her. There are several things wrong with this situation, but the way that he tries to come off as justified just makes him sound increasingly like an asshole. He didn't clarify whether or not they split the custody of their kids or what the plan was after divorce. Like, I get feeling lied to for several years, but it's fucked up that this guy felt this hurt or disgusted that he villainized her for being who she is and coming out. In my opinion, she's doing the right thing if that's what she feels like will make her happy. It may seem selfish, but if she can't be happy in a relationship with him and her kids, then she isn't okay pretending to live a lie to please others. If that would be the case, she'd have to hide her misery which would only create some resentment between her and her kids. I've had a teacher in high school who was already married and had three daughters from that marriage, but he eventually came out as gay and his relationship with his kids wasn't affected negatively because his kids love him the way he is and would much rather have a happy dad. He loves his kids no matter what and he cares very much about his daughters even if he's no longer married with their mother and even if he has a new partner. From what I recall, his ex-wife is still on good terms with him, and they share the custody without any issues. So the reaction of the redditor is just immature and selfish.
its not totally off, but i think communication is still more important. even the example he gave in the article is a much better example of communication than of unmet expectations
@@joemalfoy7780 Yeah I totally agree actually. "Unmet expectations" kinda just describes a subcategory of communication failure. Thinking about your relationship expectations is smart, but presenting them as being objectively the most/only important thing doesnt really track.
@@MaddyBlu9724 I was thinking the exact same thing! Like what your expectations are in a relationship are determined by how good your communication is and how you COMMUNICATE your expectations and communicate your ability to meet each other's expectations and compromise. So arguably, communication is often the core reason for unmet expectations.
Yo I had almost the exact same experience! Where I got asked what the main cause of interpersonal conflict is and answered "poor communication" but the "correct" answer was "unmet expectations". Though arguably unmet expectations are a subcategory of poor communication... Also idk how people decide there is one objectively correct answer to questions like that.
It's less unmet expectations and more unclarified expectations. People think their expectations are normal/obvious when their partner may have completely different examples in life to reference and don't see those things as obvious. You gotta just tell your partner what you want/need instead of assuming they should know!
yeah poor communication is exactly what leads to unmet expectations. i hear about couples who literally divorce because it turns out one of them wants kids when the other didn't. i understand changing your mind years down the road, but I'm talking within the first year or two of marriage. like, did they even talk to each other? about anything? ever?? why get married when you're unaware of the other person's life plans? as for expecting dinner or a clean house, that's just misogyny lol
@@sourgreendolly7685 lmaooo same reaction 😂😭 I was like “he’s just confused, they are basically the same thing” and then he went into the misogyny and I was like “ohhhhh okay I see”
Nick spitting today damn! I’m in college now, but had I heard this advice my freshman year of high school it really would’ve helped me out of an awful situation I was in. Slay Nick
5:22 The number one silent killer of relationships is ABSOLUTELY communication. Can't say how many times I've seen that be the cause of major incompatibility or red flag discovered way too far down the line due to a lack of communication, and it is literally silent because it is about all the things that AREN'T being said.
Nick's advice at the end reminds me of a video by the school of life called *"why you will marry the wrong person",* I absolutely recommend checking it out to anyone looking for advice on finding "the one"!
‼️💀💀LMAO why is this an article making it seem like the biggest problems women have is their very first instinct is to mock and bully any man they like. This article really went "Maybe your crush doesn't like you because you beat him up, stole all of his lunch money out of his wallet and then pulled down his pants and tied him to the flag pole by his underwear. Maybe that has something to do with it so try not doing that instead next time"
I understand to some degree but I hate when people are like “you have to love yourself before you love someone else” Because I have depression and I hate myself but I still love my significant other and want to make them the happiest ever. Just because I have depression it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be loved… but I would never hold something like that over them.
Yeah I feel like what it’s supposed to mean is “if you don’t love yourself you’re more likely to accept ppl who treat you badly and call it love”. but the phrase itself doesn’t rlly explain that well
When I think about that saying I think more along the lines of self care than love. If you don’t love and take how of yourself first, then how will you be able to do the same for your SO? If you don’t take time to help yourself, you won’t have the ability or the energy to be present for your partner, and your relationship might suffer because of that Obviously everyone’s relationships are different though, and sometimes you find another person who can help you through those times and vise versa. It’s just what works for you personally!
so i'm 21 now and have been in a relationship for 3 years. i can confirm nick's advice. i was terrified of the future at one point and the idea of not being with my partner, potentially ruining things, or him finding someone else he preferred (or perhaps that happening to me; for context i had 6 relationships prior and i am his first girlfriend, therefore i was afraid that he'd get bored and want to explore more) but what got us through that was realising that we are happy! we're so happy together and i dont care what could happen, i care about being with him, here and now, and being happy with him... hopefully forever. so yeah... nick's right.
I just turned 30 and I hit my existential crisis period lol. My last relationship ended 5 years ago, I spent the ages of 24-26 giving this person the best of my 20’s or what was left of it. I’m now feeling too old, like I won’t be able to keep up with the young dating apps, and it’s been keeping me down. But I really needed to hear this. Truth is the older you get the more experiences you have in life that you are able to form (hopefully) decisions about who you want to be around and choosing to spend that time with. That’s definitely something I’m grateful for, because I value my time now that I’m older and have responsibilities. And I want to. be able to be with someone who is able to be prioritize things in their lives and make decisions for themselves in a positive way.
My friend you are not too old. I am 24 but my sister is 32. Lookwise people think we are same age, even if she is older. What I mean is that I observed that when people are 30, something clicks in their brain, like... if they were hypnotized. Like... " when I say 30 you will feel like this or like that". Maybe you didn't go to a doctor to get hypnotized to feel a certain way or do certain things when he snaps his fingers and say 1, 2 , or 30, but maybe you had this little hypnosis throught all the tv shows, comments, publicity, people's opinions, etc, throughout your entire life. The truth is biologically there is very little diference between lets say... 27 years old and 30. It's just 3 years. People are pretty much the same in 3 years. But psicologically there is a huge diference because you are mentally attaching a huge weight to that number, everytime you change the decade. Decades years and numbers are not a natural thing, it's a human construction. Made up basically. We all agreed that every sunset its gonna be a day, then every several days we will have a month, then a year. And then after certain number of sunsets you will have a number which will make you behave , dress, and think in a certain way you have been told. But you see? Its all in your mind. Not in actual reality. Biologically we all deteriorate at different speeds, meaning, two 30 years old woman may be biologically in different state, depending on happiness emotional stress, diet, etc. So, don't worry about age, because it will stop your life just as long as you believe it. My parents met in their mid30s, my mom had me at 43, natural birth no problems, and they are the happiest couple ever, still dancing around the house and laughing together after so many years. Also, everything you had in your life has a purpose. Your youth doesn't have to be your best years, it cam simply be the years where you are learning the most. Past mistakes are also to be cherished because you won't have the knowledge you have now, without it. Even if you are married, things can always end and you will be always older than when it started. The important thing is not to not waist time, we all spend time in different ways in things that are not forever. But as long as you expanded yourself as a person it was worth it. See that guy as a good teacher. Maybe thanks to him you are gonna be able to welcome the best man ever. Wishing you good luck with love! ❤
Jealousy isn't good or bad, it's an emotion. What you do with it is what matters. But if you're getting jealous about very little things, like seeing your partner talk to someone- see therapy.
i think being jealous of my partner talking to others is natural, what’s unhealthy is a lack of trust that makes you want to act on that jealousy. i see my boyfriend talk to other girls and obviously i get jealous, but my trust in him is enough to kill any concerns i have.
Nick has great advice! I wish I had this advice years ago. I got married at 21, I met my husband at 19 and he was the second guy I dated. I love my husband to pieces and I’m so happy we are together. it’s just hard because I’m now finding myself. who I was when I met my husband to now are two completely different people. We are both afraid we are going different ways in life but it has brought us together. Be young and don’t worry about finding “the one”. ❤
I just got dumped from my 13 year rship/living together for 10, and idek why I'm posting here, its the weekend and I'm alone, exhausted and confused. I feel like death. This sucks so hard, I'm so lost and lonely. We are in the same boat, I'm the same age as you too, but it drove us apart. Idk who I am or wtaf to do 😭
Like how did it bring y'all together? I'm so sorry to hijack your post but up until the last sentence is my same exact situation, he's unhappy and needs space and idk anything!
My bf and I met in high school and have been dating for nine years now. We’re definitely completely different people than when we first met, all the way down to even my gender identity. I have friends that got married after dating for a little over a year and constantly ask when we’re getting married. I can’t even imagine moving that fast, but it’s frustrating that they see our commitment as less than theirs just because we don’t have a slip of paper.
Relationships aren’t supposed to last forever. The idea of ppl staying in a relationship from early 20’s till death is legit terrifying. My grandma should NOT have stayed with my gpa based on the way he’s treated for the past 10 years, but that was never an option in her mind. She never even thought that maybe she deserved a more loving relationship. Makes me sad. She’s a cool cat. He is not. Now she’s spending all their money to keep him alive when she could be spending it on herself. Cuz she has her health. Cuz she committed to her health. He didn’t. But now she’s tethered to his existence. It’s jus gross.
Yeah if it's unhealthy or abu$!v3, then it needs to end. I also think the forever thing comes from people dying in their 30's in like early civilizations, so ofc it was easier to keep that promise than now where we die in our 70s-80s
I'm in a "highschool relationship" right now and it is genuinely going really well, but I feel like it's important to remember that I'm only in like the first fifth of my life. Shit happens and people change. Relationships are the same. If they do eventually end, you just have to take it and keep going and learn from the experience. If dating has taught me anything, it's making sure that I don't put my own happiness on the back burner. It's my life, and I intend to live it to the fullest.
The best advice I got for that time when you feel like you won't find someone else, is just go out, meet new people, with the intention of making friends. Not dating them. Stop worrying about whether you'll find someone, and just try to make some friends. Idk, that seemed to work for me
I just had my first big breakup (feels worse when it was my first out, gay relationship) so this was all so affirming to hear. It is always just nice to hear someone with a similar perspective speak on this! Anyways I love all your videos, and your channel is a great safe place for me to retreat to when I need it!
rip. Don't let yourself get too discouraged, the only way to get better at relationships is to keep doing them, it's like any skill. Congrats on being out though, that can be a struggle
Bruuuh. Nick was so unexpectedly spot on when he said “you live in godddamn Kansas, if you move somewhere else youre gonna find the perfect person also” because I am both from Kansas and found my perfect person in a different state. We did technichally meet in high school because we were both in high school but were online gaming buds. I never did think I found “the one” when I was dating in high school but wow did I feel that way with this guy. Had it not been for the Overwatch matchmaking gods I would have never known he even existed. Nick is absolutely right about saying “yes Im happy with staying with this one person knowing there are others out there” cause if you just keep looking for the perfect match, you will only be hopping relationships and never staying in only one. (If thats what youre looking for) And yes I married that guy online and moved just to be with him, marred with kids and even tho we havent been married long it has been the happiest years of my life so far and I plan to keep it that way. Find the person you cant be without.
the ramble at the end is so true i keep telling people that dating as a concept is so messed up when it doesnt evenhave to be, its just a lot but it doesnt gotta be
I'm in my 30s. I'm polyamorous, but I've found my People. It just sort of hit me one day: I have no idea what the future holds, but I want us to find out together. I know there are probably other people I'm compatible with, but I don't care. The ones I chose also chose me. We can get through rough patches and come out stronger. We are okay on our own, but we make each other better. We encourage each other to grow. also, man, I feel old.
Honestly this was exactly what I needed to hear as someone going through a breakup of a long term relationship that I thought was the one. There’s always people who will want to meet you halfway and satisfy your needs- not just one individual.
Hiii just wanted to say twinsies 😅 and it's the anniversary for when we started the relationship today and that reflection do be kinda ouch 😮💨😂 that all being said if you ever need someone to talk to don't hesitate to message me ✋
Thanks Nick, that advice was legitimately super helpful with the break up I'm trying to get over. It feels dumb typing this out and sending it off into the internet void but yeah, thanks.
Yet another unrealistic expectation, make me dinner but don’t get your apron dirty 😐 the misogyny wasn’t enough, they had to move the goalpost back lol
Your relationship talk at the end of the video was amazing. I’m so glad that you’re speaking about relationships with your young audience. You have a lot of wisdom!!
I don't know if he goes into this but the problem with saying "unmet expectations" is that as someone who was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I was always told that I shouldn't expect things, because then I wouldn't be disappointed. And this turns into a really bad cycle where I started to believe it was my fault for expecting certain things when really it was just him being a douche (like cancelling a date the day of for stupid reasons like wanting to play video games). So yeah, unmet expectations. But it should also be emphasized which expectations are actually supposed to be met, so that you can't be gaslit into thinking it's your fault.
"the main reason for divorce..." Why are we so obsessed with finding this imaginary "problem". People break up, even after decades of being together, because we are humans. We never stop changing. How is one person supposed to be "the one" in every different stage in your life. I think that's soo unrealistic, and that if we didn't lied to ourselves like this we would be saved from a lot of pain when the relationship inevitably ends. And I get why we want this perfect relationship, this perfect person, someone we are supposed to grow with and stay with forever, but I think is that same idea, that is never gonna become true in reality, that makes the break up so difficult.
thanks nick! just got out of a 3 year relationship, started in my senior year of high school. been feeling like how could i possibly find someone else… thanks nick. i needed to hear that.
The end of the video… beyond well said. Beautifully and concisely put while still being empathetic. Keep on keeping on. We need this level of emotional intelligence.
bro WHY did he even mention the trafficking shit??? just to make him look like a great person to then be asked what the greatest cause of divorce was?!??!
i personally think that there is no such thing as the singular "perfect person" for someone. the chances of you finding someone who you never disagree or have problems with are next to zero. its all about how you can communicate with someone to meet each other's desires in a relationship. i think that throughout a relationship you LEARN how to be perfect for each other. perfection isn't found, it's made. love is an action and a choice. choosing to love someone despite their imperfections, working together to help make each other better people. and some people won't become better of course; some people are abusive, and you can't "fix" someone, and it's not about sacrificing your own mental or physical health, you should BOTH be benefiting and happy. the "perfect person" is someone who is willing to collaborate with you to make a relationship work.
really cute mini pep talk. (even if my existential dread spiked hearing it, i can recognize sage advice.) thanks for helping the people. take care y’all.
I think the “mocking” thing about people’s “passions” really is about how most women in straight relationships don’t want their boyfriend to play video games or be obsessed with cars and sports so much that they aren’t paid attention too. That’s what I think it’s really about and they are making it seem like their girlfriend is the badguy in the situation.
11:22 "DISCLAIMER: In no way was that illustration indicative of my actual life. It's either not true at all, highly exaggerated, or spot on. The jury's still out." ah, the good ol' Schrodinger's Douchebag trick
No but I completely agree about the unmet expectations!! Having expectations and being stubborn in my ways has definitely had a negative effect in my relationships
Honestly some people need this advice, takes time to accept, start looking inside and make decisions to change those types of behaviour. Heck, I wasn’t socially aware of anything for like 23 years
That moment looks go out the window, when they remove their veil(true colors shine through)and you get a monster despite them having 10/10 looks, is the same moment your brain prepares for mental gymnastics
aww nick, your relationship advice was so genuine & not unhinged (like a lot of what's on the internet). you've mentioned how you don't want your content to be like other people's but, as long as you keep being the introspective empathic person you seem to be, i don't think that's possible. no matter what you choose to put out.
that stuff you said at the end... amazing. I've been trying to preach this for so long but so few seem to be able to let go of the idea there is 'that one person meant for you'.
I mean I frigging worry about the stuff at the end and I'm 36 and it's crazy how much of it is societal pressure too. Like I don't even WANT to get married, but I feel the pressure to always be looking for an LTR instead of looking for someone where we can mutually grow during the time we have no matter how long it is. If I've figured out anything it's that the priority should be whether or not you guys add bonus features to each others' lives (you should be able to stand alone and not be completely dependent on one person). I feel like that goes for QPPs and other types of partnerships too.
And from 15:26 til the end are my exact sentiments Keep fighting the good fight 💪🏽🫡 Normalize telling people their relationship isn’t gonna last, statistically speaking and respectfully of course 😅
"You live in goddamn Kansas." I grew up in Kansas and didn't date until I was 19 and had already moved states for university. You are so fucking right that I gasped.
I blazed up before watching this and it took me a minute to realize he finally moved lmaooo. So glad you finally did it nick, I’m happy for ya and the place looks great king.
That ending was very eye opening for me. Im a year older than you and never even thought about there being many perfect people in different ways. It somehow feels more freeing, idk very professory of you.
I'd like to think that high school sweethearts can work since I'm actually still with my high school sweetheart still and have been dating him for 8 years, nearly 9. Also my aunt and uncle are high school sweethearts and they are in their mid 40s with 2 kids. (UK High school)
That coffee ad made me crave a video where you and James Hoffman just talk about coffee like when you talked water with Martin Riese. That would be cool.
This is so true though. I'm in college and I've dated a couple of dudes just because "things feel good" and they al just ended so badly. It's about keeping your core values in place and having them meet them. Something stable and not just settling for anything because of loneliness
I liked your monologue at the end, I wish I had that pep talk when I was in high school I would have avoided a lot of on again off again cringe memories that haunt me to this day
u may not truly know it nick but , ur words r so eye opening. i felt like i needed to hear the last 5 minutes of this video. its like a friend giving me advice on smthing! thank u for talking with us about ur thoughts and opinions
okay but im upset he didn’t read the “my wife is gay and i hate her” article- was so ready
It's a reddit post, the guy seems kinda like an asshole to be honest. He goes to explain that his wife had come out as lesbian after several years of marriage and having kids with him. He says that her coming out ruined his life and his children's life because she asked for a divorce. The reason why is because he felt that because she didn't feel sexually attracted to him but still pretended to be for a long time made their relationship completely pointless. He's frustrated that he feels like he's not allowed to be angry at her.
There are several things wrong with this situation, but the way that he tries to come off as justified just makes him sound increasingly like an asshole. He didn't clarify whether or not they split the custody of their kids or what the plan was after divorce. Like, I get feeling lied to for several years, but it's fucked up that this guy felt this hurt or disgusted that he villainized her for being who she is and coming out.
In my opinion, she's doing the right thing if that's what she feels like will make her happy. It may seem selfish, but if she can't be happy in a relationship with him and her kids, then she isn't okay pretending to live a lie to please others. If that would be the case, she'd have to hide her misery which would only create some resentment between her and her kids. I've had a teacher in high school who was already married and had three daughters from that marriage, but he eventually came out as gay and his relationship with his kids wasn't affected negatively because his kids love him the way he is and would much rather have a happy dad. He loves his kids no matter what and he cares very much about his daughters even if he's no longer married with their mother and even if he has a new partner. From what I recall, his ex-wife is still on good terms with him, and they share the custody without any issues. So the reaction of the redditor is just immature and selfish.
He might make it another video- because on stream we talked about it for at LEAST 40 minutes haha
I think the full stream is on his nickstreams channel
That "boo!" caught me off guard lmao
Same lmao
Caught Nick off guard too I think. (Cue HSM all in this together)
it scared the shit out of my dog
i’m rewatching that part over and over again it’s so funny to me
I busted my fucking intestines laughing and now I need help
The core message of the "unmet expectations" article is pretty solid, he just presented it in the most annoying way possible.
its not totally off, but i think communication is still more important. even the example he gave in the article is a much better example of communication than of unmet expectations
@@joemalfoy7780 Yeah I totally agree actually. "Unmet expectations" kinda just describes a subcategory of communication failure. Thinking about your relationship expectations is smart, but presenting them as being objectively the most/only important thing doesnt really track.
It's pretty solid as in it's pretty general things that turn everyone off.
So it's pretty pointless to say this is what turns guys off.🤷🏽
@@bubullibooooo9928 Uh, you are thinking of one of the other articles Nick reacted to. I wasnt refering to that one.
@@MaddyBlu9724 I was thinking the exact same thing! Like what your expectations are in a relationship are determined by how good your communication is and how you COMMUNICATE your expectations and communicate your ability to meet each other's expectations and compromise. So arguably, communication is often the core reason for unmet expectations.
Yo I had almost the exact same experience! Where I got asked what the main cause of interpersonal conflict is and answered "poor communication" but the "correct" answer was "unmet expectations". Though arguably unmet expectations are a subcategory of poor communication... Also idk how people decide there is one objectively correct answer to questions like that.
It’s bad public speakers that don’t want to communicate with with their audience
yeah if anything I feel like it's the opposite: poor communication causes unmet expectations. Like, that seems pretty factual
It's less unmet expectations and more unclarified expectations. People think their expectations are normal/obvious when their partner may have completely different examples in life to reference and don't see those things as obvious. You gotta just tell your partner what you want/need instead of assuming they should know!
yeah poor communication is exactly what leads to unmet expectations. i hear about couples who literally divorce because it turns out one of them wants kids when the other didn't. i understand changing your mind years down the road, but I'm talking within the first year or two of marriage. like, did they even talk to each other? about anything? ever?? why get married when you're unaware of the other person's life plans?
as for expecting dinner or a clean house, that's just misogyny lol
Unmet expectations sounds like a communication issue. Which is what I guessed but they said it isn't 😂
oh I see, he's one of THOSE
yeah never mind, he needs therapy
@@sourgreendolly7685 lmaooo same reaction 😂😭 I was like “he’s just confused, they are basically the same thing” and then he went into the misogyny and I was like “ohhhhh okay I see”
the "boo" had me dyingggg 😭😭
SAME
Nick spitting today damn! I’m in college now, but had I heard this advice my freshman year of high school it really would’ve helped me out of an awful situation I was in. Slay Nick
5:22 The number one silent killer of relationships is ABSOLUTELY communication. Can't say how many times I've seen that be the cause of major incompatibility or red flag discovered way too far down the line due to a lack of communication, and it is literally silent because it is about all the things that AREN'T being said.
Nick's advice at the end reminds me of a video by the school of life called *"why you will marry the wrong person",* I absolutely recommend checking it out to anyone looking for advice on finding "the one"!
‼️💀💀LMAO why is this an article making it seem like the biggest problems women have is their very first instinct is to mock and bully any man they like. This article really went "Maybe your crush doesn't like you because you beat him up, stole all of his lunch money out of his wallet and then pulled down his pants and tied him to the flag pole by his underwear. Maybe that has something to do with it so try not doing that instead next time"
Maybe the woman who wrote it was bullied by girls in school or something 😭
Nick being scared by the “boo” was the funnies
I understand to some degree but I hate when people are like “you have to love yourself before you love someone else”
Because I have depression and I hate myself but I still love my significant other and want to make them the happiest ever. Just because I have depression it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be loved… but I would never hold something like that over them.
Same here. I'm married to my best friend and we both still have periods of depression
Yeah I feel like what it’s supposed to mean is “if you don’t love yourself you’re more likely to accept ppl who treat you badly and call it love”. but the phrase itself doesn’t rlly explain that well
When I think about that saying I think more along the lines of self care than love. If you don’t love and take how of yourself first, then how will you be able to do the same for your SO? If you don’t take time to help yourself, you won’t have the ability or the energy to be present for your partner, and your relationship might suffer because of that
Obviously everyone’s relationships are different though, and sometimes you find another person who can help you through those times and vise versa. It’s just what works for you personally!
so i'm 21 now and have been in a relationship for 3 years. i can confirm nick's advice. i was terrified of the future at one point and the idea of not being with my partner, potentially ruining things, or him finding someone else he preferred (or perhaps that happening to me; for context i had 6 relationships prior and i am his first girlfriend, therefore i was afraid that he'd get bored and want to explore more) but what got us through that was realising that we are happy! we're so happy together and i dont care what could happen, i care about being with him, here and now, and being happy with him... hopefully forever. so yeah... nick's right.
I just turned 30 and I hit my existential crisis period lol. My last relationship ended 5 years ago, I spent the ages of 24-26 giving this person the best of my 20’s or what was left of it. I’m now feeling too old, like I won’t be able to keep up with the young dating apps, and it’s been keeping me down. But I really needed to hear this.
Truth is the older you get the more experiences you have in life that you are able to form (hopefully) decisions about who you want to be around and choosing to spend that time with. That’s definitely something I’m grateful for, because I value my time now that I’m older and have responsibilities. And I want to. be able to be with someone who is able to be prioritize things in their lives and make decisions for themselves in a positive way.
My friend you are not too old.
I am 24 but my sister is 32.
Lookwise people think we are same age, even if she is older.
What I mean is that I observed that when people are 30, something clicks in their brain, like... if they were hypnotized.
Like... " when I say 30 you will feel like this or like that".
Maybe you didn't go to a doctor to get hypnotized to feel a certain way or do certain things when he snaps his fingers and say 1, 2 , or 30, but maybe you had this little hypnosis throught all the tv shows, comments, publicity, people's opinions, etc, throughout your entire life.
The truth is biologically there is very little diference between lets say... 27 years old and 30.
It's just 3 years.
People are pretty much the same in 3 years.
But psicologically there is a huge diference because you are mentally attaching a huge weight to that number, everytime you change the decade.
Decades years and numbers are not a natural thing, it's a human construction.
Made up basically.
We all agreed that every sunset its gonna be a day, then every several days we will have a month, then a year.
And then after certain number of sunsets you will have a number which will make you behave , dress, and think in a certain way you have been told.
But you see? Its all in your mind. Not in actual reality. Biologically we all deteriorate at different speeds, meaning, two 30 years old woman may be biologically in different state, depending on happiness emotional stress, diet, etc.
So, don't worry about age, because it will stop your life just as long as you believe it.
My parents met in their mid30s, my mom had me at 43, natural birth no problems, and they are the happiest couple ever, still dancing around the house and laughing together after so many years.
Also, everything you had in your life has a purpose. Your youth doesn't have to be your best years, it cam simply be the years where you are learning the most.
Past mistakes are also to be cherished because you won't have the knowledge you have now, without it.
Even if you are married, things can always end and you will be always older than when it started.
The important thing is not to not waist time, we all spend time in different ways in things that are not forever.
But as long as you expanded yourself as a person it was worth it.
See that guy as a good teacher.
Maybe thanks to him you are gonna be able to welcome the best man ever.
Wishing you good luck with love!
❤
Jealousy isn't good or bad, it's an emotion. What you do with it is what matters. But if you're getting jealous about very little things, like seeing your partner talk to someone- see therapy.
i think being jealous of my partner talking to others is natural, what’s unhealthy is a lack of trust that makes you want to act on that jealousy. i see my boyfriend talk to other girls and obviously i get jealous, but my trust in him is enough to kill any concerns i have.
Best way to relieve jealousy is communication
Nick just helped me feel very secure in being single and taking care of myself. Thank you kind sir
Nicks lookin pretty green today 🤨
😳
HES NOT GREEN I SWEAR
he is NOT green
Idk but Green is definitely looking a little Nick🤔
Sus
Nick has great advice! I wish I had this advice years ago. I got married at 21, I met my husband at 19 and he was the second guy I dated. I love my husband to pieces and I’m so happy we are together. it’s just hard because I’m now finding myself. who I was when I met my husband to now are two completely different people. We are both afraid we are going different ways in life but it has brought us together. Be young and don’t worry about finding “the one”. ❤
wishing you well! glad you’re finding yourself :)
I just got dumped from my 13 year rship/living together for 10, and idek why I'm posting here, its the weekend and I'm alone, exhausted and confused. I feel like death. This sucks so hard, I'm so lost and lonely. We are in the same boat, I'm the same age as you too, but it drove us apart. Idk who I am or wtaf to do 😭
Like how did it bring y'all together? I'm so sorry to hijack your post but up until the last sentence is my same exact situation, he's unhappy and needs space and idk anything!
@@sadmermaid How old are you? Have you been dating him since you were 8?
My bf and I met in high school and have been dating for nine years now. We’re definitely completely different people than when we first met, all the way down to even my gender identity. I have friends that got married after dating for a little over a year and constantly ask when we’re getting married. I can’t even imagine moving that fast, but it’s frustrating that they see our commitment as less than theirs just because we don’t have a slip of paper.
But can you make a video on non toxic relationship advice? I'm struggling 😭
watch til the end!! i tried rambling about that for a bit
@@greenisnotnick yeah I saw that 😭 thank you :)
Based pfp
we’re loving the red guy pfp
red guy pfp
Relationships aren’t supposed to last forever. The idea of ppl staying in a relationship from early 20’s till death is legit terrifying. My grandma should NOT have stayed with my gpa based on the way he’s treated for the past 10 years, but that was never an option in her mind. She never even thought that maybe she deserved a more loving relationship. Makes me sad. She’s a cool cat. He is not. Now she’s spending all their money to keep him alive when she could be spending it on herself. Cuz she has her health. Cuz she committed to her health. He didn’t. But now she’s tethered to his existence. It’s jus gross.
Yeah if it's unhealthy or abu$!v3, then it needs to end. I also think the forever thing comes from people dying in their 30's in like early civilizations, so ofc it was easier to keep that promise than now where we die in our 70s-80s
Love when these articles are just “are you struggling to find a partner? Have you considered that you’re just generally unpleasant to be around?”
I'm in a "highschool relationship" right now and it is genuinely going really well, but I feel like it's important to remember that I'm only in like the first fifth of my life. Shit happens and people change. Relationships are the same. If they do eventually end, you just have to take it and keep going and learn from the experience. If dating has taught me anything, it's making sure that I don't put my own happiness on the back burner. It's my life, and I intend to live it to the fullest.
The best advice I got for that time when you feel like you won't find someone else, is just go out, meet new people, with the intention of making friends. Not dating them.
Stop worrying about whether you'll find someone, and just try to make some friends.
Idk, that seemed to work for me
BEST ADVICE
I just had my first big breakup (feels worse when it was my first out, gay relationship) so this was all so affirming to hear. It is always just nice to hear someone with a similar perspective speak on this! Anyways I love all your videos, and your channel is a great safe place for me to retreat to when I need it!
Breakups are insanely difficult, I hope you’re doing better and taking care of yourself ❤
rip. Don't let yourself get too discouraged, the only way to get better at relationships is to keep doing them, it's like any skill. Congrats on being out though, that can be a struggle
Bruuuh. Nick was so unexpectedly spot on when he said “you live in godddamn Kansas, if you move somewhere else youre gonna find the perfect person also” because I am both from Kansas and found my perfect person in a different state. We did technichally meet in high school because we were both in high school but were online gaming buds. I never did think I found “the one” when I was dating in high school but wow did I feel that way with this guy. Had it not been for the Overwatch matchmaking gods I would have never known he even existed. Nick is absolutely right about saying “yes Im happy with staying with this one person knowing there are others out there” cause if you just keep looking for the perfect match, you will only be hopping relationships and never staying in only one. (If thats what youre looking for) And yes I married that guy online and moved just to be with him, marred with kids and even tho we havent been married long it has been the happiest years of my life so far and I plan to keep it that way. Find the person you cant be without.
That's so sweet
A Silent Killer in relationships- lack of conflict resolution turns to resentment and silence.
the ramble at the end is so true i keep telling people that dating as a concept is so messed up when it doesnt evenhave to be, its just a lot but it doesnt gotta be
I'm in my 30s. I'm polyamorous, but I've found my People. It just sort of hit me one day: I have no idea what the future holds, but I want us to find out together. I know there are probably other people I'm compatible with, but I don't care. The ones I chose also chose me. We can get through rough patches and come out stronger. We are okay on our own, but we make each other better. We encourage each other to grow.
also, man, I feel old.
Why was the speaker talking about how expectations ruin marriages at the rehabilitation of trafficking victims seminar??
I want to know that as well
Yes exactly what was that about? ahaaha now we need to know
Honestly this was exactly what I needed to hear as someone going through a breakup of a long term relationship that I thought was the one. There’s always people who will want to meet you halfway and satisfy your needs- not just one individual.
Hiii just wanted to say twinsies 😅 and it's the anniversary for when we started the relationship today and that reflection do be kinda ouch 😮💨😂 that all being said if you ever need someone to talk to don't hesitate to message me ✋
Appreciate the wisdom drop towards the end there Nick 💯
Thanks Nick, that advice was legitimately super helpful with the break up I'm trying to get over. It feels dumb typing this out and sending it off into the internet void but yeah, thanks.
hope you're doing well today, friend.
Yet another unrealistic expectation, make me dinner but don’t get your apron dirty 😐 the misogyny wasn’t enough, they had to move the goalpost back lol
him jumping at the "boo" cracked me up dude
i was feeling kinda lame because my last gf broke up with me bc it was the wrong time for her. this made me feel a lot better.
These articles are literally just "let me state the obvious and pretend like people don't already know these things"
Your relationship talk at the end of the video was amazing. I’m so glad that you’re speaking about relationships with your young audience. You have a lot of wisdom!!
I don't know if he goes into this but the problem with saying "unmet expectations" is that as someone who was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I was always told that I shouldn't expect things, because then I wouldn't be disappointed. And this turns into a really bad cycle where I started to believe it was my fault for expecting certain things when really it was just him being a douche (like cancelling a date the day of for stupid reasons like wanting to play video games).
So yeah, unmet expectations. But it should also be emphasized which expectations are actually supposed to be met, so that you can't be gaslit into thinking it's your fault.
"the main reason for divorce..." Why are we so obsessed with finding this imaginary "problem". People break up, even after decades of being together, because we are humans. We never stop changing. How is one person supposed to be "the one" in every different stage in your life. I think that's soo unrealistic, and that if we didn't lied to ourselves like this we would be saved from a lot of pain when the relationship inevitably ends. And I get why we want this perfect relationship, this perfect person, someone we are supposed to grow with and stay with forever, but I think is that same idea, that is never gonna become true in reality, that makes the break up so difficult.
we finally got the ted talk that nick gives to his friends when he gets high
nick getting scared by the "boo" sound effect is THE FUNNIEST THING TO ME
thanks nick! just got out of a 3 year relationship, started in my senior year of high school. been feeling like how could i possibly find someone else… thanks nick. i needed to hear that.
The end of the video… beyond well said. Beautifully and concisely put while still being empathetic. Keep on keeping on. We need this level of emotional intelligence.
My entire purpose in life is to show people that you can literally just chill which is the catalyst to peace.
bro WHY did he even mention the trafficking shit??? just to make him look like a great person to then be asked what the greatest cause of divorce was?!??!
youre such an easy watch whatever time of day or night
thank you :-)
It’s not enough to just love the person, you also have to love their path. When that feeling is mutual love comes easy.
Oh my god, I love this
i personally think that there is no such thing as the singular "perfect person" for someone. the chances of you finding someone who you never disagree or have problems with are next to zero. its all about how you can communicate with someone to meet each other's desires in a relationship. i think that throughout a relationship you LEARN how to be perfect for each other. perfection isn't found, it's made.
love is an action and a choice. choosing to love someone despite their imperfections, working together to help make each other better people. and some people won't become better of course; some people are abusive, and you can't "fix" someone, and it's not about sacrificing your own mental or physical health, you should BOTH be benefiting and happy. the "perfect person" is someone who is willing to collaborate with you to make a relationship work.
Why do I have a feeling that the disclaimer is 100% spot on🤔
really cute mini pep talk.
(even if my existential dread spiked hearing it, i can recognize sage advice.) thanks for helping the people. take care y’all.
I think the “mocking” thing about people’s “passions” really is about how most women in straight relationships don’t want their boyfriend to play video games or be obsessed with cars and sports so much that they aren’t paid attention too. That’s what I think it’s really about and they are making it seem like their girlfriend is the badguy in the situation.
11:22 "DISCLAIMER: In no way was that illustration indicative of my actual life. It's either not true at all, highly exaggerated, or spot on. The jury's still out."
ah, the good ol' Schrodinger's Douchebag trick
I really appreciate Nick and that ending speech he gave
No but I completely agree about the unmet expectations!! Having expectations and being stubborn in my ways has definitely had a negative effect in my relationships
its crazy how this video is the only media giving realistic advice of how to be happy in a relationship. i dig
Honestly some people need this advice, takes time to accept, start looking inside and make decisions to change those types of behaviour. Heck, I wasn’t socially aware of anything for like 23 years
That moment looks go out the window, when they remove their veil(true colors shine through)and you get a monster despite them having 10/10 looks, is the same moment your brain prepares for mental gymnastics
aww nick, your relationship advice was so genuine & not unhinged (like a lot of what's on the internet).
you've mentioned how you don't want your content to be like other people's but, as long as you keep being the introspective empathic person you seem to be, i don't think that's possible. no matter what you choose to put out.
that stuff you said at the end... amazing. I've been trying to preach this for so long but so few seem to be able to let go of the idea there is 'that one person meant for you'.
thank god we have a math whiz on our hands for that elite equation that no one but a genius could have come up with.
Just in time to distract me from doing my math homework
What??? You don't "heart" math??
I mean I frigging worry about the stuff at the end and I'm 36 and it's crazy how much of it is societal pressure too. Like I don't even WANT to get married, but I feel the pressure to always be looking for an LTR instead of looking for someone where we can mutually grow during the time we have no matter how long it is. If I've figured out anything it's that the priority should be whether or not you guys add bonus features to each others' lives (you should be able to stand alone and not be completely dependent on one person). I feel like that goes for QPPs and other types of partnerships too.
And from 15:26 til the end are my exact sentiments
Keep fighting the good fight 💪🏽🫡
Normalize telling people their relationship isn’t gonna last, statistically speaking and respectfully of course 😅
the end of the video is the best take i’ve heard on relationships in so long omfg
all that stuff you said at the end... honestly thank you so much nick that is exactly what i needed to hear
This video took a turn, you make me happy that this next generation has their heads on right.
"You live in goddamn Kansas." I grew up in Kansas and didn't date until I was 19 and had already moved states for university. You are so fucking right that I gasped.
Bro I was not expecting the end but like, I might just be high but those words, blew my mind
I blazed up before watching this and it took me a minute to realize he finally moved lmaooo. So glad you finally did it nick, I’m happy for ya and the place looks great king.
7:19 STOP I CANT STOP LAUGHAING
its so funny to watch nick absorb dev's humor
That ending was very eye opening for me. Im a year older than you and never even thought about there being many perfect people in different ways. It somehow feels more freeing, idk very professory of you.
I'd like to think that high school sweethearts can work since I'm actually still with my high school sweetheart still and have been dating him for 8 years, nearly 9. Also my aunt and uncle are high school sweethearts and they are in their mid 40s with 2 kids. (UK High school)
its the way so, so many men could actually benefit from that entire first article
Thank you for saying those important things at the end of the video. It gives hope that everything is going to be good ❤
thank u nick for the advice at the end. i needed that :)
I’m laughing so hard at that first boo sound effect
That coffee ad made me crave a video where you and James Hoffman just talk about coffee like when you talked water with Martin Riese. That would be cool.
This is so true though. I'm in college and I've dated a couple of dudes just because "things feel good" and they al just ended so badly.
It's about keeping your core values in place and having them meet them. Something stable and not just settling for anything because of loneliness
if you have expectations you need to voice and discuss them so that they are fair to everyone and everyone understands what they are expected to do
your relationship advice was genuinely solid. thanks nick!
thanks for the lil rant at the end bc i needed that reminder🙌🏽 love your videos🫶🏽
The boo sound bite scaring you 😭
I liked your monologue at the end, I wish I had that pep talk when I was in high school I would have avoided a lot of on again off again cringe memories that haunt me to this day
7:19 my fav thing in this entire video
literally going thru a painful breakup with someone that felt right for me n i needed to hear that last few minutes
Not Nick coming in with the Amazing relationship advice. That's the most wonderful explanation I've heard.
Gotta say, i like the direction you said you want to take the channel in. Stuff like that is something that turned me into a fan
I needed this. Now i know how not to attract a guy. Ty nick, you have given me hope for the future
u may not truly know it nick but , ur words r so eye opening. i felt like i needed to hear the last 5 minutes of this video. its like a friend giving me advice on smthing! thank u for talking with us about ur thoughts and opinions
Listened to this today just after a breakup and yknow what, damn, you're right. Thanks man.
“where’s the boo sound effect?” “BOO”
your talk at the end was much needed ♥️
Nick you are genuinely so wise and well spoken, I love it
ty for uploading
watching this after a breakup was actuality pretty helpful, thanks nick :,)
i really needed to hear that whole nobodys a perfect person thing
Well that was some nice reassurance at the end Nick, ty!
It's wild cause these are all things that men notoriously do
Thanks Nick, I needed to hear this today