I felt like I was making a lot of progress to becoming aware, conscious, etc. Then my mom stayed with me for 3 days... And I was very humbled lol. Except this time, I just observed her behavior and words without outward reaction (though I still did feel it inside). I could see her patterns playing out like a loop, and how clearly everything she said to me was a just projection of her own thoughts towards herself. I felt incredibly sorry for her. She's been living with a tormenter in her head her entire life, and isn't capable of showing me love that she doesn't have for herself. Suddenly I felt nothing but forgiveness for her, and a desire to want to help her, not react in anger. Presence, forgiveness, all of these teachings - truly change the world. Break centuries of patterns.
It’s hard to go against the beliefs of your family and friends. Criticism from people we love hurts the most. 🌟 Remember this is your life and they will only ever understand you from their level of perception, so you don’t need to explain yourself. 💫🙏🏼
As a father of young adult & teenage children, I’ve come to realize that my major role has transitioned in to me being impressed with what ever they are doing.
Vielen Dank, jeder kann sich überhaupt nur, ganz alleine, von seiner Wahrnehmungsebene , am besten begreifen.Die Lebenswirklichkeit, hat für jeden Einzelnen , seine ganz persönliche Geschichte.🙏🧚🏾❤️
My father criticises everything I do which I always took personally and caused me to get very angry. One day when he was leaving my house, he took a look at the neatly cut hedge outside my house and said *it's not straight*. I looked at him and smiled and it had no affect on me. Why? Because I knew that I had hired a gardener to cut the hedge and it wasn't actually my work he was criticising even though he believed it was. In that moment, I realised that his criticism only had any power over me if I let it and when I mentally think that his criticisms are not actually of me at all, remembering that moment has really helped changed how I react to him.
It is a taboo to realise that you don't need your mum's love in order to believe in yourself. Being understood equals being seen/feeling loved. It's not easy to drop that need. Our inner child is totally broken and we could not grow into a healthy adult. It's not an intellectual matter. It is embedded in our hearts and bodies. It takes self exorcism to get rid of the pain that limited mothers are causing to their children.
Totally agree. We have to heal ourselves. A good way to begin is with the root chakra, where the wounded inner child resides. There are many good meditations out there addressing this same issue.
100% thank you, it is not a 'mind' thing solely of course when one's mother is not on your side, of course it isn't Eckhart isn't a parent though is he , this issue is not merely about lack of understanding
@Dori J.... Teal Swan has posted TH-cams about re-parenting yourself. Try "Healing the Emotional Body" by her. Your 2nd to 5th sentences ring very true. Since I endured years of abuse and have tried to work on my pain, I find it is less a matter of self exorcism and more a matter of getting in touch with what you need (inner child or other sensitive component) that you did not get, and then patiently and lovingly doing things to heal yourself, piece by little piece. I find it is mostly growth and expansion of self, and less self-surgical. Very often the abuse by others was driven by their fears & mental conditioning as Eckhart has said, and we can (a) do whatever to sufficiently distance ourselves from it, (b) recognize abusers have evolved to where they are, and they can work on their issues as they see fit, and (c) feel your self-sovereign power - express yourself in ways that support the "new you." Find and practice vocabulary to show indifference to the abusive behavior. If the abuser wishes to be respected, then he/she must offer respect. If there is no respect, then there is no productive relationship. Good Luck!
@@ru.kiddingme yeah, I think you're right. It is not self exorcism, it's more self compassion. Well, I guess I still blame myself for not being loveable. Thank you for your heartfelt reply.
@@dorijoe definitely about soothing and reassuring that neglected child, whose energy resides in so many of us. That child is not a demon to be discarded. She is vital, important, noble, and worthy of being seen and heard. Christina Lopes has produced a very good, comprehensive youtube video on this subject. I refer back to it and use its points in my root chakra work. Amazing!
You don't have to spend time with a mother who is horrible. You don't have to love and keep in touch with a woman who is constantly disappointed with you. It is destructive.
I live with them, and spent 1.5 yrs in close proximity with them in the house, it was the most challenging period of my life, but I understand them more and their conditioning.
I ended all contact with my toxic mother 12 years ago and I would never go back. It was the best thing I ever did for my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.
I need to let go of the burden I've created in my mind and being that says I need my fathers approval and verbal display of pride and love in order to be ok with myself. I desire him to say "well done, I'm proud of the rebound you've made and the drive you have now. I have your back and love you." But this need is controlling my wellbeing and mental health and is destroying me from the inside out. He is really just displaying an approach to such matters the way he has always done..like an old record. Even his words and sentences may repeat, even with years in between. I need to get back into practicing conscious presence; via meditation, qi gong, stretching, exercise, and time in nature. I hope to feed this mindful awareness, this wakefulness of presence in the now, by the beautiful healing energy at work in these pages :) I surrender my being, my energy, to the present moment, outside of the incessant stranglehold that my ego has latched onto once again again. Please pray for my increased awareness of my current delusional thoughts and feelings that grip me. I open my being to them
@@Erik-gs4nf my dad told Me what you wanted to hear. Almost to the exact words, “proud of you” I thought it would fix everything to hear that. It did nothing because the only person I was really trying to make proud was myself. And I wasn’t proud of myself . Because I was stuck in the past. We are all conflicted within our own mind
Yes, once I realized that my mother was incapable of being a mother and of loving me. I accept the fact that I never had a mother and never will. I grieved the mother I will never have, the love I will never get from her and the fact I will not be like my friends who have loving mothers. I’ve opted to not have children myself because I have the same emotional coldness and indifference she as. But I tell you once I accepted all that and cut her evil sadistic a@s out of my life. I begin to heal and be happy for a change. I just dread Mother’s Day, but I’m getting over that too.
I feel emotional healing needs to take place first, because when criticism is engrained from childhood, its hard to know how it is otherwise. It takes an incredible amount of emotional healing first to remove the emotional charges that keep us in the same patterns before the state of neutrality can be reached enough to see that its all within us.
It is not about the mother it is that with constant judgments and criticism We as children innocently adopt, embrace the message that we are not worth of respect, acceptance and love. Then the problem Is not the mother the difficulty is us ,unable to feel love, worthiness towards ourselves. We didn’t experienced empathy , we cannot give it to ourselves. The parent in adulthood become just triggers.
Yes, me top! First I felt guilty because of that but I now believe IT was the right thing to do. Not out of resentment or revenge gut for my own sake. And you can actually have compassion and forgive without being in contact with the respective person(s). Kind regards, Natalie
This was my mother. And it's all ok. I did not experience unconditional love from her. But the love and acceptance I experienced from others gave me what I needed. Where I got It didn't matter. The universe provided. She simply didn't have it to give. This allowed me to let her criticism go and help her in her old age with compassion. The only feeling I have left around this is gratitude.
We only know what we know, and so often, we hurt others because of it. This compassion and freely given love has the tremendous power to heal everyone - everyone - deeply. Not only those in the relationship, but the family, the community and all of humankind. There is such gentle power in love, such healing. It allows us all to connect with the very essence of ourselves. To offer this love to oneself, others and the world is greatest gift we can give. It is love blossoming in us. It is the divine itself dancing through us. It is the chorus of the universe, the harmony of the worlds, the song of God being sung in us.
Mine too and it was even more but I choose to forgive and to love♥️ I admire you for choosing love and compassion it is not easy at times but I am sure you were given the grace to do so🙏♥️
This is a great question because I think so many people can relate to it, whether the relationship is family, friends, or even strangers. Worrying about what others think of you and what you think of yourself as a result is such a huge burden for so many. So many people think, "I'm misunderstood. If they only KNEW me, then they wouldn't think bad about me." So the mind goes on thinking that others just need to understand you better. At 4:38 Eckhart gives the example, "I need my mother to understand me." Yet if you follow this train of thought, and even if you get the understanding that you think you need, what happens? Nothing. It is the same present moment, the same now, the same ever present awareness. It makes no difference. This is a huge realization and liberation within itself!!! Thank you Eckhart for your continued presence and bringing to light what so many are confused about. Wishing everyone well on this beautiful day!
My heart goes out for you that you had to endure that toxic situation. I'm quite sure my 18 year old daughter will have CPTSD due to her mother. Has your Awakening healed this within you so it no longer effects your life anymore?
@@jamescadzow9545 Unfortunately, no. Narcissistic abuse is so bad and for me and it continued after my mother passed, because my sister took over that role. Never mind I’m an adult, she thought she needed to parent me. I am getting help, but I think the most helpful thing was watching videos by doctors who specialize in this as well as therapists who have recovered from it. It made me have hope and realize that the things I experience are normal for this type of abuse. The good news is that not everyone who has been abused by a narcissistic parent, or love interest, will suffer with CPTSD. So, your daughter might be able to process it better. If you want more information, check my playlists. I have not created any videos myself, but have saved a bunch of videos that apply. I also have a lot of health related playlists, because narcissistic abuse often affects your physical health, as well.
Something I have learned about judgement whether it comes from a stranger or your mother... It is their shame. Their emotion shame is triggered whether it be in a conversation with you or in watching you carry out a task, and they act out on you. Any words or actions that come from the emotion shame, are completly unconscious. Brene brown is really good on shame 🙏💗
This is exactly what i have had my entire life from my mother. I can't believe that under 10 minutes i gained a completely different perspective. I needed this at this precise time in my life as i felt a heavier burden. I can't thank Eckhart enough. So wise.. I wish everyone out there positive energy and goid karma. 🤗💛🕉🤗
You need to realize and understand that you are an Avatar for your higher self. You’ve had many lives and have died and returned to life so many times. You’ve had so many parents sisters brothers husbands wives children etc... these souls and you have agreed to participate together in learning from each other. All of this is just a big experiment. A big game. Once you can understand this nothing in the 3D will matter as much.
This may be a bit of an ‘ unconscious ‘ rant, but it annoys me when mothers endlessly hound their children year after year to get married. Sometimes they do - marrying people with whom they can’t be happy. If your mother is like that, take a deep breath, be at peace with who you are and do what is good for you. Don’t worry about your mom. If you need to tell her to back off then do it. The important thing is for you to be happy and at peace with your own life.
People teach what they know even if it is unwise. When we gain wisdom we know better. The ability to resist temptation of falling into karmic patterns takes strength. Relationships take much responsibility and consciousness. Marriage is a union created by God not our egos.
how can I deal with the fact that my mom doesn't really care about me? I'm 21 already but I've been feeling this way since I'm 14. I still live with her and she shows me everyday how much she doesn't care about me and my younger sibling. I'm grateful to have her pay rent and stuff but I can't help but feel resentful. I probably won't ever get the emotional support and love I want from her. But I just want to be able to forgive her and be at peace.
Just know that it's not a reflection of you, don't internalize her limitations as your fault, etc. This simply is the level that she is only capable of giving...it's not what you deserve, it's not what you needed but that is all she was capable of doing. Likely she had a neglectful childhood and she is just repeating patterns. Just view her as a toddler and it'll help.
Oversimplified approach which will lead to spiritual bypass for many people. This kind of abuse starts generally in childhood. I don t think a child's brain can cope with that.
Again, totally agree with that. The current age of the person doesn't matter, she is stuck in her development. That's what trauma is, it freezes time. The inner child needs to be attended. Yes, this is a very fertile ground for spiritual bypassing and further disappointment and suffering. Trauma needs to be addressed by somatic healing or some other progressive healing method, not by spiritual teachings.
It isn't, it's the bigger truth but to reach that sort of level, a person has to go through many layers of awareness or consciousness. By not doing so, they will be committing massive spiritual bypassing. Believe me, I completely understand your point of view but with proper self love and self acceptance, you will be able to forgive and have compassion for the abusive person. I did it and it was so surprising to me because I hated them. What was even more shocking is that now, I am even grateful for them, never did I think I'd reach this level of consciousness. But I did not do any spiritual bypassing to reach that stage. I allowed myself to see the hatred, anger, helplessness etc. It took me 2.5 years of intense healing and meditation after 37 years of abuse.
Mine was from childhood but yet I have been protected and loved. I have much that needed to be healed but I chose forgiveness and love♥️ Healing happens in layers I always refer to a Kleenex box one is healed and what lies a little deeper pops up to be healed. Mine has been a very long process but healing keeps occurring! I choose forgiveness and Love after each that popped up and still pop up! I am freer and stronger in life it was my life’s path to becoming free in body mind and soul! Still on it but I see the light at the end even brighter☀️
Right, depending on severity there are brain changes during development that affects the ability to regulate emotions and reactions which cause lasting effects. This causes complex relationship and work problems. A lot of spiritual seekers seek due to problems in the home and suffering. This ‘notice the present’ is not enough, and of course leads to spiritual ditziness where you ignore current reality.
A child have no capacity what ET says here. This person has obviously suffering from a toxic upbringing since age 0. I love ET but I don't think this response was particularly helpful or compassionate. Her inner child needs to be attended by her adult self and ideally by people around her who understand her on that level. I'm going through the same, from one uncomfortable situation to another, also estranged myself from my family and not finding peace.
My mother is the same. My father is emotionally unavailable. My brothers were absolute assholez growing up. So I turned out pretty messed up by adult hood. ET response is perfect. Its because your watching this from your own suffering and beliefs, you believe what hes saying doesnt help. When, if you step back and watch from a no perspective view. You will get what hes trying to help you with. Your inner child as you say is the one talking in your mind. That's the part of you, you wont let go of. Watch the reaction, you will see the pattern you been carry since childhood. Watch it, watch the story it plays out. The mother cant help what she does because she doesnt see life like you do,but your different. You see the pattern (obviously since your watching ET) so with that break the pattern.
That thing he said about enlightenment - it's not just a joke, this is a bigger issue than a ten minute answer can solve, so he gave a little perspective. I have had the same sort of problems with my family. It helps me realizing they are reactive, programmed by their environments like robots, and as frustrating as their behavior is, it's also gratifying to see the trap they have embraced but that I have escaped. I am the most free of the lot.
It is actually. Believe me, I completely understand your point of view but with proper self love and self acceptance, you will be able to forgive and have compassion for the abusive person. I did it and it was so surprising to me. What was even more shocking is that now, I am even grateful for them, never did I think I'd reach this level of consciousness. But I did not do any spiritual bypassing to reach that stage. It took me 2.5 years of healing after 37 years of abuse.
I learned that I will never change my mother and today I leave all her projections at her and overtake responsibility for my expectation to be loved by her. I found out that she has the same expectation coming out of her difficult childhood. She grew me up under very difficult conditions, but she did it. I never felt loved in my childhood but today I feel loved by my mother, the way she can love. I went my way through live. My childhood is today my foundation for my work as counsellor and Im thankful for all my experiences which give me so much understanding for other people. I opened my heart and I wish everyone here to find love in your heart. There is more than you can imagine and with your shining you will attract loads of it. I sent a big warm hug to everyone who wants it! Feel connected and loved! 💖
The Buddha had something great to say on criticism! He regarded "being easy to correct" as one of the highest virtues on a monk. The one that criticizes has to be careful though, not to engage in Wrong Speech
@@asmrelief4914 Sure! A lot of people have a very strong ego and do not like to let go of wrong information because "it is theirs". That can and often IS a major hindrance to progress on a spiritual path =)
It's so sad to hear people laugh at the question - it shows such shallowness of lack of compassion. A problem of the mind is big to the person experiencing it even if objectively it seems to not be a big thing - to them it influences all of their actions or causing them great pain.
I think people laugh because of themselves feeling identified with the questioner and how Eckhart remarks some of the sentences, and even him is in a laugh-mood. The key is to don't take it too seriously (although the answer is perfect, since is coming from a state of presence), but ultimately is all a delusion of the mind, so it's no so bad to laugh at it.
I think people laugh because they identify completely with the issue and possible solution. At least that is true for me, mother brothers, sisters, it is like that, just accept what is. ❤️
Trust me the people are laughing at "themselves" too. They see similar egoic patterns in themselves. The ability to laugh at your own "folly" (and in this case, recognising it in others) is very much liberating. It creates the distance needed to address it. It brings awareness. I hope the person who asked the question understands this and doesn't take it to heart. But of course if they've been following Eckhart for some time, they already know not to. I love Eckhart's little chuckles! ❤❤
Once you start being a people pleaser, it's hard to stop! Pay attention to what has heart and meaning. Tell the truth without blame or judgment. Be open to the outcome not attached. I taught this to my children when they were little sprouts 🙏
It's hard sometimes to deal with our relatives's mind, and even harder to deal with our mind. But you make it sound so easy and funny, I just love receiving your teaching. Thank you!
Beautiful, breaking family paterns isn't easy but seeing the criticism for what it is gives such freedom. I have had my share of criticism by my father growing up and by breaking free of that I can love him for who he is, all his stuck paterns included🙏💚
The question came to me: "Isn't it strange that it is precisely with those who brought us into the world, our parents, that we often have the greatest difficulties in relating?" Then, right away, the answer came to me: "That's because with other people we have the freedom to be a little tough, when necessary, to say what we want to say, whereas with our parents we see their absurd attitudes and we are obliged to be quiet, not to hurt them, and because they have an idea that 'we must be submissive to them', so if we visit them we have to accept a strange atmosphere, and if we stop visiting them we feel bad about it..."
My parents have moved to my city and I'm reverting back to a teenager again. Rage, binge eating, wanting to cut... so much for 10 years of healing! Good litmus test though 🙄
Seeking acceptance from your environment and especially from your mother is natural. It's an old survival instinct. A child is seeking its mothers love, unconditional love. So there is a big difference for the person if he feels understanding, acceptance and love from his mother. On the other side parents often don't recognize their children as individuals but as second possibility to make their own dreams (or better: their own parents expectations) come true. It's hard to establish and to learn to please your own values instead of others.
ET needed a restart, an organic event to become and manifest what / how he is now. Most of us who have immersed seriously in deep auto study , and Byron Katie’s work etc see intellectually what he says.Even have deep insightful events. Those of us suffering from CPTSD might understand and cannot change the disc. For me Somatic experience and Hakomi did it. Trauma needs assist, beyond the depth of experiential Understanding of ET teachings.
I totally agree with that. I would even go as far to say that spiritual teachings are not trauma informed. It's obvious that the questioner had suffered sustained emotional abuse.
This is a very serious topic, he made it like a comedy show, I suffered from family criticism, I had no self esteem, I was a people pleaser ,no contac is the only way out
With all my respect and love to eckhart I believe this lady did a good job to go no contact but she needed a coach specialised in how to go no contact with narcissistic parents. Then what eckhart says -that is true, going from one unpleasant state to another one- wouldn’t have happened. Some parents r very toxic and it’s not worth it to spend time with them. If she can’t ever understand her child and continues to show that why should she waste her time
I just spent 2020 locked down with my mom to help each other out. So I guess I’ve been living through Ram Das’ test and it has been a learning process. The great reminder here is that it’s not so much what parents do through their conditioning, but it is our own thinking and expectations that we need to examine. The question is can we let people be what they be, let parents be what they be, and let ourselves be what we need to be without the need for external validation?
Mother says- "Oh now I understand you" and then you say- "Oh okay".... Now what? Happened with me two days ago and now I see where I stood in that relationship.
This is not helpful at all. I believe there is a huge reason why people feel they need to make their parents to understand. Just go deeper. The response for some of them will be something like, "if my parents don't validate that they are hurting, or were hurting me, it will mean......for.ex. that they actually didn't hurt me". Such a person isn't yet able to confirm to themselves that the behavior of their parents was harmful because they were gasghlited about that. Such a person's biggest challenge and wound to heal can be to find that belief in themselves without other people's validation. But it can also lead to things like "If I make my parent accept and validate they were or are hurting me (which they were) it will confirm me that I am a good girl/boy and that I deserved and deserve love and good stuff in life". These beliefs to which it leads you, need to be worked with, felt somatic and healed altogether on all levels. Eckhart is literally laughing at the inability of people to validate themselves. There is a huge reason for what he said: "I look up at sky and tell myself, my mother understands me". For these people, it means "Oh, she sees now how she was hurting me, I am actually good, I knew it, so I can have all those good stuff and love in my life, she validated finally". There is a reason why some people are so tightly holding onto making their parents aware of their behavior. And it needs to be healed. Sorry not sorry for my comment, but this is quite a poor understanding from my point of view. Go deeper.
why is this such perfect timing I mean what the heck xD 😍 😍 thank you so much! I honestly just moved in with my lovely mum and this is so helpful. Compassion. And compassion for my own mind, too - in fact perhaps initially more importantly - because as within, so without =) my calendar, which also includes some Eckhart Tolle quotes (☺) this month says : "A persons outer action reflects their inner mind. - Tsem Tulku Rinpoche"
If it’s “regular” criticism maybe one can detach like Eckhart suggests, but if it’s toxic then I would suggest low contact/ no contact. Toxic moms can damage their adult children’s. It’s not created by your own mind. However, this teaching can be helpful for those that can’t or don’t want to go no contact. Set boundaries. Go gray rock.
Clearly he doesn't understand what it feels like to still be scared of your own parents when you are 33 years old, what it feels like to cry on the floor while enduring their verbal abuse and shouting from the other end of the phone (and not daring to hang up as you know it may cause a heart attack to your parents), what it feels like to carry this pattern into the workplace and continue being abused by hostile people, what it feels like to not even feel anything when people around you say "I'm sorry to hear this. I hope things will be OK"......Clearly he doesn't understand true despair, because he is privileged and what he described of his own mum sounds "plain vanilla" compared to what I had to go through.
He's gaslighting in this. It's obvious to me he never has experience it nor has any empathy. It's not a funny little quirk. It's literal abuse that sticks with you. He's all about spiritual bypassing.
I am 59 and still trying to please my mom. Thing is, I know better, but it is like being under a spell. But she is aging and getting softer. I have forgiven her for everything said and done. In meditation, she, Dad, and I were in a past life, very wealthy. In this life, being wealthy is not a focus in my natal chart. Not coincidentally, chasing money has never been a priority for me. But she and Dad waded through much dense karma, trying to be their prior life selves. Good news is I won't have to relive all this again. Meditate, meditate, and go directly to Source. Be patient, and answers come.
My mother is dead. However she controlled us. As a child I remember she was always right. She used to say my cousins were so talented so clever so pretty. Even neighbhours children were wonderful. She got in the middle of every relationship I had. I should have run for my life but instead of that I married someone who had all the same traits. Other peoples wives were pretty and clever and wonderful at everything. After 40 more years of this I eventually said enough. The present I I know is all we have but I cant help wish that I had been stronger and woke up sooner.
What if her understanding would change how I feel? It wouldn't have been all for nothing, I would finally fulfill the only role I have ever had to do. I wish I could have at least a function, but I always had been an useless object.
That’s me but let’s stack the deck against me 1st. I live with my parents. I’m 46, not currently working, (have coin), been here last 15yrs. Every 3yrs I get smacked by the universe & it takes a full year to recover. I’m supposed to be moving Saturday. I have flaws. Lol... I have a helluva story though
Sometimes I feel I am doing wrong by holding the mirror to my family. When they see themselves in the mirror and don’t like what they see, they want to shatter it by throwing a stone at it. Lol
This is wonderful, so timely for me in my stage of healing. I have worked through many layers of trauma and feel I'm more able to assimilate what Eckhart says here. It would have felt more challenging had I not unravelled this. 💛🙏thank you Eckart Tolle you amazing soul. I love your chuckle too! 😄
8:14 - ''Understand'' - Thank you Eckhart and Eckhart's team 😊 You helped me today in particular to remember all these points about how we look at ourselves and the voices we choose to listen to and believe.
I found that we need to divorce our parents but not stop loving them. Nature is such. We take the best from them add our own personal experience and move on. As will our kids do to us.
I really like to listen to Eckhart Tolle and he often makes me laugh really hard...*))) But I wouldn't follow most of his suggestions for emotional situations. Of course it makes a huge difference if people feel understood by their parents or by other loved ones. We are human, we have feelings, we have needs and this is totally fine. If he would give the same advice for a relation to a stranger, ok, but not for a close relationship. On contrary, I find it very unhealthy to be so emotionally detached.
If you can be understood by parents and loved ones, that’s good; if not, it’s okay, too. He is teaching true love, which is being one with life, not seeking for external approval.
@@pineapplejuice3599 I understand what he is teaching...*))) There are many ways of love. The love a priest has for his people is a very different kind of love than children have for their parents or adults have in their love relationships. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who says he lets my words pass by like leaves in the wind and he focusses on the consciousness behind my words. I don't see any reason to stay in contact with someone, if I have to detach so much to withstand their presence. Then I can move on and have some love for them from the distance. I prefer much more down to earth relationships. I want to be in touch with what I truly feel and what others truly feel. But each his own.
Sounds like....attachment. He is setting you free. If you are a child I can understand. Not as an adult. Sooooo freeing. People love at their level of consciousness.
@@4everu984 There is also a middle ground between healthy attachment and unhealthy attachment, same as there is a middle ground between healthy detachment and unhealthy detachment. I find it very unhealthy to stay in a relationship with someone who constantly annoys me and I have to pretend his words are like leaves in the wind. But if you and your relationships improve through whatever you practice, good for you and for your loved ones and for the world at large...*)!
I’m surprised someone mentioned this. This happens too often. Eckhart’s smile triggers a laugh in some audience members in a spiritual narcissist kind of way. “Hah, what an idiot, still suffering.” When the truth is that none of us would be here or listening to this if we didn’t have something we were dealing with on our own! His smile/giggle stems from something else entirely, and gets misinterpreted too often, I think.
The tragedy in our lives is that as human beings we are flawed and this causes so much of the suffering in our lives and to the lives of others, it’s not our fault it just happens through our conditioning. I wish Elkhart’s teachings were made part of the national curriculum in every school. Thank you for the peace and understanding you brung to us all 🙏
Eckhart is so pure about everything that maybe now even this can be just another simple concept. God do I love this man! I allow the judgements, non-actions, and actions of my parents (esp. Mom) effect me tremendously. It's one of the things I couldn't quite let go of.
I understand what Eckhart is saying but I feel a million miles away from caring what others think. Hopefully I will get to that place but I have a long way to go.
Aubrianna Rose a conscience female writer, has a free PDF on her site for Moms & Dads. How to raise our children positively. Her site name is Aubrianna Rose. I love the fact that she doesn't charge for it. It’s free. :) :) :)
What a load of horseshit. People only care about themselves, and will easily walk all over you. They'll ask you to do things for them that benefit them for the smallest nd stupidest reasons and say it's for your own good. "College..." go to college they say, get this job they say, confront them on anything they wint want to work with you in understanding things or problems, they'll cry about their own and expect you in the end to fix it, while also repressing you. People deserve to be abandoned if they will never acknowledge anything you do, or if they do it even once. Messed up people shouldn't have kids, seek relationships, or do anything, because they set themselves up for failure and resentment, and only seek to breed that. Accepting that is your best way to peace. You dont break down people, you build them up! If you're ever going to exert yourself onto others, then make sure it's with a clear purpose.
😄😄😄 I realised that I could be equally fault finding and there can be role reversal. Can remember telling her to turn the TV down as so loud!! As a teenager, constantly being told to turn my music down. Hey ho🙂
Saying a mother is toxic doesn’t mean moms toxic. What you choose to see in someone is what you choose. No one has or had a perfect life! When grown children create excuses, blame and fault for what isn’t perfect in their life. It’s never taking responsibility for their own choices and needing someone to blame. It’s narcissistic behavior. Expectations of a parent after they are grown and things aren’t perfect in their life’s doesn’t make it moms fault. There’s nothing worse than going through all the work of mom and then raising the grandkids til full time school starts for them, then to be told your toxic and shut out from their life’s and your grandchildren’s life because they read this stuff and use it as an excuse to make it ok to push a mom out because they disregard, disrespect and find anything to be disgruntle about. There’s nothing more painful!!
I choose now to forgive my mother for her emotional abuse toward me. It is what she did and not what I do. I detach from the need for positive regard from her. I don't think that I love her anymore, though I used to feel that I did... but I think Love manifests, at least in part, from how people try to make us feel about ourselves. If they reflect negative regard onto us, it is contrary to us feeling love for them. But I pray blessings on her in God's Love.
I think they need to laugh about the questions because everyone can relate on some level and it puts you in a mental place to analyze the issue instead of getting lost in it.
What books do you write for parents that have children who create negative memories and ideas towards their parents when the parent doesn’t jump or bow to their every created want. Disrespect, etc. there are just as many opposites, being raised a certain way doesn’t make you bad and telling our children to disconnect because it’s not their way. It’s quite tiring when children drain you of what they want and have no regard for rules. It’s not about the parent understanding necessarily it’s often rebellion. They tell others and say they hate you. Why would a parent put themself into the situation of being hated. They have created the belief towards their mother by listening to their father figure. I was there everyday. I was doing the best I could. I believe I did the best I could and they wanted it a different way. I’m not perfect! All is not well unless there is the creating of we do what we want. I heard this from the father figure for 30 yrs so did they.
It ia such a disapointment when you are raised by her "love"and think that that is a unik love,and then you understand that thats all she knows.then some time(months ) you feel lonely,empty..and you get use to the truth😊
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I felt like I was making a lot of progress to becoming aware, conscious, etc. Then my mom stayed with me for 3 days... And I was very humbled lol. Except this time, I just observed her behavior and words without outward reaction (though I still did feel it inside). I could see her patterns playing out like a loop, and how clearly everything she said to me was a just projection of her own thoughts towards herself. I felt incredibly sorry for her. She's been living with a tormenter in her head her entire life, and isn't capable of showing me love that she doesn't have for herself. Suddenly I felt nothing but forgiveness for her, and a desire to want to help her, not react in anger. Presence, forgiveness, all of these teachings - truly change the world. Break centuries of patterns.
❤
This is BEAUTIFUL❣️
So compassionate. Thank you. ❤
It’s hard to go against the beliefs of your family and friends. Criticism from people we love hurts the most. 🌟 Remember this is your life and they will only ever understand you from their level of perception, so you don’t need to explain yourself. 💫🙏🏼
As a father of young adult & teenage children, I’ve come to realize that my major role has transitioned in to me being impressed with what ever they are doing.
@@carpenterfamily6198 I love that! 💗
Vielen Dank, jeder kann sich überhaupt nur, ganz alleine, von seiner Wahrnehmungsebene , am besten begreifen.Die Lebenswirklichkeit, hat für jeden Einzelnen , seine ganz persönliche Geschichte.🙏🧚🏾❤️
@Han Bouja Your children are lucky to have you.
@@giselar.12 Auch Deutsche hier, sehr schön :)
My father criticises everything I do which I always took personally and caused me to get very angry. One day when he was leaving my house, he took a look at the neatly cut hedge outside my house and said *it's not straight*. I looked at him and smiled and it had no affect on me. Why? Because I knew that I had hired a gardener to cut the hedge and it wasn't actually my work he was criticising even though he believed it was. In that moment, I realised that his criticism only had any power over me if I let it and when I mentally think that his criticisms are not actually of me at all, remembering that moment has really helped changed how I react to him.
So good example!😊
It is a taboo to realise that you don't need your mum's love in order to believe in yourself. Being understood equals being seen/feeling loved. It's not easy to drop that need. Our inner child is totally broken and we could not grow into a healthy adult. It's not an intellectual matter. It is embedded in our hearts and bodies. It takes self exorcism to get rid of the pain that limited mothers are causing to their children.
Totally agree. We have to heal ourselves.
A good way to begin is with the root chakra, where the wounded inner child resides. There are many good meditations out there addressing this same issue.
100% thank you, it is not a 'mind' thing solely of course when one's mother is not on your side, of course it isn't Eckhart isn't a parent though is he , this issue is not merely about lack of understanding
@Dori J.... Teal Swan has posted TH-cams about re-parenting yourself. Try "Healing the Emotional Body" by her.
Your 2nd to 5th sentences ring very true. Since I endured years of abuse and have tried to work on my pain, I find it is less a matter of self exorcism and more a matter of getting in touch with what you need (inner child or other sensitive component) that you did not get, and then patiently and lovingly doing things to heal yourself, piece by little piece. I find it is mostly growth and expansion of self, and less self-surgical. Very often the abuse by others was driven by their fears & mental conditioning as Eckhart has said, and we can (a) do whatever to sufficiently distance ourselves from it, (b) recognize abusers have evolved to where they are, and they can work on their issues as they see fit, and (c) feel your self-sovereign power - express yourself in ways that support the "new you." Find and practice vocabulary to show indifference to the abusive behavior. If the abuser wishes to be respected, then he/she must offer respect. If there is no respect, then there is no productive relationship. Good Luck!
@@ru.kiddingme yeah, I think you're right. It is not self exorcism, it's more self compassion. Well, I guess I still blame myself for not being loveable. Thank you for your heartfelt reply.
@@dorijoe definitely about soothing and reassuring that neglected child, whose energy resides in so many of us. That child is not a demon to be discarded. She is vital, important, noble, and worthy of being seen and heard.
Christina Lopes has produced a very good, comprehensive youtube video on this subject. I refer back to it and use its points in my root chakra work. Amazing!
You don't have to spend time with a mother who is horrible. You don't have to love and keep in touch with a woman who is constantly disappointed with you. It is destructive.
That last line: If you think you are enlightened, spend two weeks with your parents. Thank you Eckhart 🙏
I wanted to but I wasn't wanted by them
I still live with them but no, i'm not enlightened yet. though i had a glimpse of what it is during a psychedelic experience...
I thought was 1 week though. I recently spent 2weeks with my mum. First week I was centred but from 10 days on. I start to struggle
I live with them, and spent 1.5 yrs in close proximity with them in the house, it was the most challenging period of my life, but I understand them more and their conditioning.
This is perfect haha
I ended all contact with my toxic mother 12 years ago and I would never go back. It was the best thing I ever did for my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.
@SDsearcher you went from one extreme to another. You should go back to her and reconcile. I hope that this video will help with that.
family problems can put a huge strain on your life. I’ve learned to accept love where it’s given and to stop seeking anyone’s approval.
At age 65, I’m still working on this one!
@@deborahdanielson8901 ❤
Family problems is ALSO AN INDUSTRY. Its called the parent blame industry. Or is that indoctrination. 😏
Amen 🙏🏽
@@deborahdanielson890159 and working on it. After reading your comment, I don’t feel so alone now. Thank you❣️
"The burden isn't created by your mother. It is created by your mind...Allow her her limitations." Wow. Perfect advice. Thank you.
yep I will mention that to the five year old who is suffering atm
I need to let go of the burden I've created in my mind and being that says I need my fathers approval and verbal display of pride and love in order to be ok with myself. I desire him to say "well done, I'm proud of the rebound you've made and the drive you have now. I have your back and love you." But this need is controlling my wellbeing and mental health and is destroying me from the inside out. He is really just displaying an approach to such matters the way he has always done..like an old record. Even his words and sentences may repeat, even with years in between. I need to get back into practicing conscious presence; via meditation, qi gong, stretching, exercise, and time in nature. I hope to feed this mindful awareness, this wakefulness of presence in the now, by the beautiful healing energy at work in these pages :) I surrender my being, my energy, to the present moment, outside of the incessant stranglehold that my ego has latched onto once again again. Please pray for my increased awareness of my current delusional thoughts and feelings that grip me. I open my being to them
@@Erik-gs4nf my dad told
Me what you wanted to hear. Almost to the exact words, “proud of you” I thought it would fix everything to hear that. It did nothing because the only person I was really trying to make proud was myself. And I wasn’t proud of myself . Because I was stuck in the past. We are all conflicted within our own mind
Yes, once I realized that my mother was incapable of being a mother and of loving me. I accept the fact that I never had a mother and never will. I grieved the mother I will never have, the love I will never get from her and the fact I will not be like my friends who have loving mothers. I’ve opted to not have children myself because I have the same emotional coldness and indifference she as. But I tell you once I accepted all that and cut her evil sadistic a@s out of my life. I begin to heal and be happy for a change. I just dread Mother’s Day, but I’m getting over that too.
I feel emotional healing needs to take place first, because when criticism is engrained from childhood, its hard to know how it is otherwise. It takes an incredible amount of emotional healing first to remove the emotional charges that keep us in the same patterns before the state of neutrality can be reached enough to see that its all within us.
It is not about the mother it is that with constant judgments and criticism We as children innocently adopt, embrace the message that we are not worth of respect, acceptance and love.
Then the problem Is not the mother the difficulty is us ,unable to feel love, worthiness towards ourselves. We didn’t experienced empathy , we cannot give it to ourselves. The parent in adulthood become just triggers.
Thank you for validating this. At 65, I’m still working on this, and compassion like you gave in this comment is tremendously hopeful and helpful❤️
@@deborahdanielson8901
Thank you for your kind comment.
I hear you.
I broke up with my abusive family and all I feel is relief. Love from a distance.
Deal with the issues you have now
Yes, me top! First I felt guilty because of that but I now believe IT was the right thing to do. Not out of resentment or revenge gut for my own sake. And you can actually have compassion and forgive without being in contact with the respective person(s). Kind regards, Natalie
You did well.
The ego needs parents acceptance as we were still a child. We don't need that. I need to love myself.
Yup! Or just “distance” 🔝
This was my mother. And it's all ok. I did not experience unconditional love from her. But the love and acceptance I experienced from others gave me what I needed. Where I got It didn't matter. The universe provided. She simply didn't have it to give. This allowed me to let her criticism go and help her in her old age with compassion. The only feeling I have left around this is gratitude.
We only know what we know, and so often, we hurt others because of it. This compassion and freely given love has the tremendous power to heal everyone - everyone - deeply. Not only those in the relationship, but the family, the community and all of humankind. There is such gentle power in love, such healing. It allows us all to connect with the very essence of ourselves. To offer this love to oneself, others and the world is greatest gift we can give.
It is love blossoming in us. It is the divine itself dancing through us. It is the chorus of the universe, the harmony of the worlds, the song of God being sung in us.
Mine too and it was even more but I choose to forgive and to love♥️ I admire you for choosing love and compassion it is not easy at times but I am sure you were given the grace to do so🙏♥️
You sound like an awesome positive person. Great comment. ❣😊
Wow! When you realize this if ever in your life, you are free. Thank you for sharing that.
Wooow.....This made my day
You need lot of true meditation to reparent your inner design....and lift yourself to higher level to come out of that effect
This is a great question because I think so many people can relate to it, whether the relationship is family, friends, or even strangers. Worrying about what others think of you and what you think of yourself as a result is such a huge burden for so many. So many people think, "I'm misunderstood. If they only KNEW me, then they wouldn't think bad about me." So the mind goes on thinking that others just need to understand you better. At 4:38 Eckhart gives the example, "I need my mother to understand me." Yet if you follow this train of thought, and even if you get the understanding that you think you need, what happens? Nothing. It is the same present moment, the same now, the same ever present awareness. It makes no difference. This is a huge realization and liberation within itself!!! Thank you Eckhart for your continued presence and bringing to light what so many are confused about. Wishing everyone well on this beautiful day!
Best advice I ever got was when a friend told me "It's none of my business what other people think of me".
If you get the understanding that you think you need what happens? Healing.
To all beautiful human beings - I wish you love, inner stillness, and presence, in this moment ❤️🌏🙏 take care and stay safe❤️
I wish u the same Ariana! 🙏❤️
Same to you beautiful human.🙏😊
💕🦋thank you!
Thank you 😊 ❤️ .
How kind. You too...
I had a similar experience with my sick mother; this narcissistic abuse can cause CPTSD.
My heart goes out for you that you had to endure that toxic situation. I'm quite sure my 18 year old daughter will have CPTSD due to her mother. Has your Awakening healed this within you so it no longer effects your life anymore?
@@jamescadzow9545 Unfortunately, no. Narcissistic abuse is so bad and for me and it continued after my mother passed, because my sister took over that role. Never mind I’m an adult, she thought she needed to parent me. I am getting help, but I think the most helpful thing was watching videos by doctors who specialize in this as well as therapists who have recovered from it. It made me have hope and realize that the things I experience are normal for this type of abuse. The good news is that not everyone who has been abused by a narcissistic parent, or love interest, will suffer with CPTSD. So, your daughter might be able to process it better.
If you want more information, check my playlists. I have not created any videos myself, but have saved a bunch of videos that apply. I also have a lot of health related playlists, because narcissistic abuse often affects your physical health, as well.
I have a narcisstic mother too. I feel you. Wish you all the best! Natalie
@@OnlyTheBest345 keep going, you got so far. You can recognize your acheivements
Sure can.
Something I have learned about judgement whether it comes from a stranger or your mother... It is their shame. Their emotion shame is triggered whether it be in a conversation with you or in watching you carry out a task, and they act out on you. Any words or actions that come from the emotion shame, are completly unconscious. Brene brown is really good on shame 🙏💗
All judgement is self judgement.
This is exactly what i have had my entire life from my mother. I can't believe that under 10 minutes i gained a completely different perspective.
I needed this at this precise time in my life as i felt a heavier burden.
I can't thank Eckhart enough. So wise..
I wish everyone out there positive energy and goid karma. 🤗💛🕉🤗
I don’t mind my mother is limited. I just wish she left me alone. Never supported to me emotionally but ready to criticize.
When u have been psychologically abused during yr formative years, it's a torment. It takes alot to unravel the pain.
You need to realize and understand that you are an Avatar for your higher self. You’ve had many lives and have died and returned to life so many times. You’ve had so many parents sisters brothers husbands wives children etc... these souls and you have agreed to participate together in learning from each other. All of this is just a big experiment. A big game. Once you can understand this nothing in the 3D will matter as much.
This may be a bit of an ‘ unconscious ‘ rant, but it annoys me when mothers endlessly hound their children year after year to get married. Sometimes they do - marrying people with whom they can’t be happy. If your mother is like that, take a deep breath, be at peace with who you are and do what is good for you. Don’t worry about your mom. If you need to tell her to back off then do it. The important thing is for you to be happy and at peace with your own life.
Thank you for saying this. I needed to hear it from someone else even though that’s why I am doing.
People teach what they know even if it is unwise. When we gain wisdom we know better. The ability to resist temptation of falling into karmic patterns takes strength.
Relationships take much responsibility and consciousness. Marriage is a union created by God not our egos.
how can I deal with the fact that my mom doesn't really care about me?
I'm 21 already but I've been feeling this way since I'm 14.
I still live with her and she shows me everyday how much she doesn't care about me and my younger sibling.
I'm grateful to have her pay rent and stuff but I can't help but feel resentful.
I probably won't ever get the emotional support and love I want from her.
But I just want to be able to forgive her and be at peace.
Just know that it's not a reflection of you, don't internalize her limitations as your fault, etc. This simply is the level that she is only capable of giving...it's not what you deserve, it's not what you needed but that is all she was capable of doing. Likely she had a neglectful childhood and she is just repeating patterns. Just view her as a toddler and it'll help.
Oversimplified approach which will lead to spiritual bypass for many people. This kind of abuse starts generally in childhood. I don t think a child's brain can cope with that.
Again, totally agree with that. The current age of the person doesn't matter, she is stuck in her development. That's what trauma is, it freezes time. The inner child needs to be attended. Yes, this is a very fertile ground for spiritual bypassing and further disappointment and suffering. Trauma needs to be addressed by somatic healing or some other progressive healing method, not by spiritual teachings.
@@dorijoe exactly!
It isn't, it's the bigger truth but to reach that sort of level, a person has to go through many layers of awareness or consciousness. By not doing so, they will be committing massive spiritual bypassing. Believe me, I completely understand your point of view but with proper self love and self acceptance, you will be able to forgive and have compassion for the abusive person. I did it and it was so surprising to me because I hated them. What was even more shocking is that now, I am even grateful for them, never did I think I'd reach this level of consciousness. But I did not do any spiritual bypassing to reach that stage. I allowed myself to see the hatred, anger, helplessness etc. It took me 2.5 years of intense healing and meditation after 37 years of abuse.
Mine was from childhood but yet I have been protected and loved. I have much that needed to be healed but I chose forgiveness and love♥️ Healing happens in layers I always refer to a Kleenex box one is healed and what lies a little deeper pops up to be healed. Mine has been a very long process but healing keeps occurring! I choose forgiveness and Love after each that popped up and still pop up! I am freer and stronger in life it was my life’s path to becoming free in body mind and soul! Still on it but I see the light at the end even brighter☀️
Right, depending on severity there are brain changes during development that affects the ability to regulate emotions and reactions which cause lasting effects. This causes complex relationship and work problems. A lot of spiritual seekers seek due to problems in the home and suffering. This ‘notice the present’ is not enough, and of course leads to spiritual ditziness where you ignore current reality.
A child have no capacity what ET says here. This person has obviously suffering from a toxic upbringing since age 0. I love ET but I don't think this response was particularly helpful or compassionate. Her inner child needs to be attended by her adult self and ideally by people around her who understand her on that level. I'm going through the same, from one uncomfortable situation to another, also estranged myself from my family and not finding peace.
My mother is the same. My father is emotionally unavailable. My brothers were absolute assholez growing up. So I turned out pretty messed up by adult hood.
ET response is perfect. Its because your watching this from your own suffering and beliefs, you believe what hes saying doesnt help. When, if you step back and watch from a no perspective view. You will get what hes trying to help you with.
Your inner child as you say is the one talking in your mind. That's the part of you, you wont let go of. Watch the reaction, you will see the pattern you been carry since childhood. Watch it, watch the story it plays out.
The mother cant help what she does because she doesnt see life like you do,but your different. You see the pattern (obviously since your watching ET) so with that break the pattern.
I agree with you, this person needs help to mature emotionally.
That thing he said about enlightenment - it's not just a joke, this is a bigger issue than a ten minute answer can solve, so he gave a little perspective. I have had the same sort of problems with my family. It helps me realizing they are reactive, programmed by their environments like robots, and as frustrating as their behavior is, it's also gratifying to see the trap they have embraced but that I have escaped. I am the most free of the lot.
It is actually. Believe me, I completely understand your point of view but with proper self love and self acceptance, you will be able to forgive and have compassion for the abusive person. I did it and it was so surprising to me. What was even more shocking is that now, I am even grateful for them, never did I think I'd reach this level of consciousness. But I did not do any spiritual bypassing to reach that stage. It took me 2.5 years of healing after 37 years of abuse.
@@craz4jaymz Thank-you for sharing, how powerful.
I learned that I will never change my mother and today I leave all her projections at her and overtake responsibility for my expectation to be loved by her. I found out that she has the same expectation coming out of her difficult childhood. She grew me up under very difficult conditions, but she did it. I never felt loved in my childhood but today I feel loved by my mother, the way she can love. I went my way through live. My childhood is today my foundation for my
work as counsellor and Im thankful for all my experiences which give me so much understanding for other people. I opened my heart and I wish everyone here to find love in your heart. There is more than you can imagine and with your shining you will attract loads of it. I sent a big warm hug to everyone who wants it! Feel connected and loved! 💖
The Buddha had something great to say on criticism! He regarded "being easy to correct" as one of the highest virtues on a monk. The one that criticizes has to be careful though, not to engage in Wrong Speech
I like this! but can you flesh that out a little bit? :) "being easy to correct" =D? I want to understand it better~ 😁 thanks!
@@asmrelief4914 Sure! A lot of people have a very strong ego and do not like to let go of wrong information because "it is theirs". That can and often IS a major hindrance to progress on a spiritual path =)
A realization is must for that. People do not think that it is a critisism .According to them what they say is always right.
@@TheDhammaHub Thanks! thanks a lot! ~🌟 ~
It's so sad to hear people laugh at the question - it shows such shallowness of lack of compassion. A problem of the mind is big to the person experiencing it even if objectively it seems to not be a big thing - to them it influences all of their actions or causing them great pain.
I agree. It's a kind of spiritual 'snobbery'
I think people laugh because of themselves feeling identified with the questioner and how Eckhart remarks some of the sentences, and even him is in a laugh-mood. The key is to don't take it too seriously (although the answer is perfect, since is coming from a state of presence), but ultimately is all a delusion of the mind, so it's no so bad to laugh at it.
I think people laugh because they identify completely with the issue and possible solution. At least that is true for me, mother brothers, sisters, it is like that, just accept what is. ❤️
Trust me the people are laughing at "themselves" too. They see similar egoic patterns in themselves. The ability to laugh at your own "folly" (and in this case, recognising it in others) is very much liberating. It creates the distance needed to address it. It brings awareness.
I hope the person who asked the question understands this and doesn't take it to heart. But of course if they've been following Eckhart for some time, they already know not to. I love Eckhart's little chuckles!
❤❤
Once you start being a people pleaser, it's hard to stop!
Pay attention to what has heart and meaning.
Tell the truth without blame or judgment.
Be open to the outcome not attached.
I taught this to my children when they were little sprouts 🙏
Beautiful!
It's hard sometimes to deal with our relatives's mind, and even harder to deal with our mind. But you make it sound so easy and funny, I just love receiving your teaching. Thank you!
Id show my mother this but she would take it as an insult and an attack, lol
Same 😂
Beautiful, breaking family paterns isn't easy but seeing the criticism for what it is gives such freedom. I have had my share of criticism by my father growing up and by breaking free of that I can love him for who he is, all his stuck paterns included🙏💚
"you think you're enlightened,spend 2 weeks with your parents.."
well,i'm not enlightened yet..
Whoever is reading this
May all your dreams come true 🤗
Varsha I have fallen in love with you.i have seen you multiple times and you have replied to my comment on sadgurus manifestation video .💘🥰🌹
@@justareflectionofyou4490 LOL
What if your mother was so damaged that she couldn't even hug her children? Do you really believe that enlightment alone can heal that?
heal your mother? or heal the hurt that caused within you? it is not your job to enlighten anyone else
@@veronicav1779 Not sure what you mean. Sounds like you are saying I should keep my experience private. But I'm not sure. It's easy to misunderstand.
ET please talk more about these parental things. How to not be bothered about their views, opinions and criticism
Notification: 💕💕💕💕✌🏼✌🏼✌🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 love you Eckhart Tolle! You changed my life with the Power of Now!
The question came to me: "Isn't it strange that it is precisely with those who brought us into the world, our parents, that we often have the greatest difficulties in relating?" Then, right away, the answer came to me: "That's because with other people we have the freedom to be a little tough, when necessary, to say what we want to say, whereas with our parents we see their absurd attitudes and we are obliged to be quiet, not to hurt them, and because they have an idea that 'we must be submissive to them', so if we visit them we have to accept a strange atmosphere, and if we stop visiting them we feel bad about it..."
I love when he laughs at the silly things we do and take so seriously. It helps me to see
Yeah because childhood abuse is so hilarious
10:49
Note: If you think you're "enlightened", spend two weeks with your parents. That's the test. (By Ram Dass)
why do the audience think the question is funny i feel hsr pain as if it were my own
It's funny I AM with my parents since last two weeks and this showed up. So I AM now enlightened 😀
Maybe your parents too are enlightened. Otherwise, no way😂😂😂
@@Grateful2Life I don't think they are 😅
All indians live with their parents forever or atleast in the vicinity of their parents..So see how enlightened we are..lol just for fun😂😂
@@moulee7448 are you not an indian? Whether you are or not.. that's a straightaway judgement on all Indians
My parents have moved to my city and I'm reverting back to a teenager again. Rage, binge eating, wanting to cut... so much for 10 years of healing! Good litmus test though 🙄
The woman did the correct thing to get away.
0:39 There is nothing to laugh about if someone is in emotional desparation and pain!.
Seeking acceptance from your environment and especially from your mother is natural. It's an old survival instinct. A child is seeking its mothers love, unconditional love. So there is a big difference for the person if he feels understanding, acceptance and love from his mother. On the other side parents often don't recognize their children as individuals but as second possibility to make their own dreams (or better: their own parents expectations) come true. It's hard to establish and to learn to please your own values instead of others.
So true! That's the ground reasons for so much suffering
ET needed a restart, an organic event to become and manifest what / how he is now.
Most of us who have immersed seriously in deep auto study , and Byron Katie’s work etc see intellectually what he says.Even have deep insightful events.
Those of us suffering from CPTSD might understand and cannot change the disc.
For me Somatic experience and Hakomi did it. Trauma needs assist, beyond the depth of experiential Understanding of ET teachings.
I totally agree with that. I would even go as far to say that spiritual teachings are not trauma informed. It's obvious that the questioner had suffered sustained emotional abuse.
Yes, therapy helps with acceptance and then letting go of the mind patterns.
This is a very serious topic, he made it like a comedy show, I suffered from family criticism, I had no self esteem, I was a people pleaser ,no contac is the only way out
With all my respect and love to eckhart I believe this lady did a good job to go no contact but she needed a coach specialised in how to go no contact with narcissistic parents. Then what eckhart says -that is true, going from one unpleasant state to another one- wouldn’t have happened. Some parents r very toxic and it’s not worth it to spend time with them. If she can’t ever understand her child and continues to show that why should she waste her time
I just spent 2020 locked down with my mom to help each other out. So I guess I’ve been living through Ram Das’ test and it has been a learning process. The great reminder here is that it’s not so much what parents do through their conditioning, but it is our own thinking and expectations that we need to examine. The question is can we let people be what they be, let parents be what they be, and let ourselves be what we need to be without the need for external validation?
Mother says- "Oh now I understand you" and then you say- "Oh okay".... Now what? Happened with me two days ago and now I see where I stood in that relationship.
This is not helpful at all. I believe there is a huge reason why people feel they need to make their parents to understand. Just go deeper. The response for some of them will be something like, "if my parents don't validate that they are hurting, or were hurting me, it will mean......for.ex. that they actually didn't hurt me". Such a person isn't yet able to confirm to themselves that the behavior of their parents was harmful because they were gasghlited about that. Such a person's biggest challenge and wound to heal can be to find that belief in themselves without other people's validation. But it can also lead to things like "If I make my parent accept and validate they were or are hurting me (which they were) it will confirm me that I am a good girl/boy and that I deserved and deserve love and good stuff in life". These beliefs to which it leads you, need to be worked with, felt somatic and healed altogether on all levels. Eckhart is literally laughing at the inability of people to validate themselves. There is a huge reason for what he said: "I look up at sky and tell myself, my mother understands me". For these people, it means "Oh, she sees now how she was hurting me, I am actually good, I knew it, so I can have all those good stuff and love in my life, she validated finally". There is a reason why some people are so tightly holding onto making their parents aware of their behavior. And it needs to be healed. Sorry not sorry for my comment, but this is quite a poor understanding from my point of view. Go deeper.
I agree. My mother's understanding would mean the world to me.
why is this such perfect timing I mean what the heck xD 😍 😍 thank you so much!
I honestly just moved in with my lovely mum and this is so helpful.
Compassion.
And compassion for my own mind, too - in fact perhaps initially more importantly
- because as within, so without =)
my calendar, which also includes some Eckhart Tolle quotes (☺) this month says :
"A persons outer action reflects their inner mind. - Tsem Tulku Rinpoche"
If it’s “regular” criticism maybe one can detach like Eckhart suggests, but if it’s toxic then I would suggest low contact/ no contact. Toxic moms can damage their adult children’s. It’s not created by your own mind. However, this teaching can be helpful for those that can’t or don’t want to go no contact. Set boundaries. Go gray rock.
I like what you say. Very true and very wise.
Clearly he doesn't understand what it feels like to still be scared of your own parents when you are 33 years old, what it feels like to cry on the floor while enduring their verbal abuse and shouting from the other end of the phone (and not daring to hang up as you know it may cause a heart attack to your parents), what it feels like to carry this pattern into the workplace and continue being abused by hostile people, what it feels like to not even feel anything when people around you say "I'm sorry to hear this. I hope things will be OK"......Clearly he doesn't understand true despair, because he is privileged and what he described of his own mum sounds "plain vanilla" compared to what I had to go through.
He's gaslighting in this. It's obvious to me he never has experience it nor has any empathy. It's not a funny little quirk. It's literal abuse that sticks with you. He's all about spiritual bypassing.
@@carly582 Agree wholeheartedly!
I am 59 and still trying to please my mom. Thing is, I know better, but it is like being under a spell. But she is aging and getting softer.
I have forgiven her for everything said and done. In meditation, she, Dad, and I were in a past life, very wealthy.
In this life, being wealthy is not a focus in my natal chart. Not coincidentally, chasing money has never been a priority for me. But she and Dad waded through much dense karma, trying to be their prior life selves. Good news is I won't have to relive all this again.
Meditate, meditate, and go directly to Source. Be patient, and answers come.
Absolutely great as usual ! Thank you ! It appears as practical boudhism .
This one struck a chord with me. I can't talk anymore. Now i understand what my Mom goes through. 😭
My mother is dead. However she controlled us. As a child I remember she was always right.
She used to say my cousins were so talented so clever so pretty. Even neighbhours children were wonderful. She got in the middle of every relationship I had. I should have run for my life but instead of that I married someone who had all the same traits. Other peoples wives were pretty and clever and wonderful at everything.
After 40 more years of this I eventually said enough.
The present I I know is all we have but I cant help wish that I had been stronger and woke up sooner.
Wow 46 years is a long time
What if her understanding would change how I feel?
It wouldn't have been all for nothing, I would finally fulfill the only role I have ever had to do.
I wish I could have at least a function, but I always had been an useless object.
That’s me but let’s stack the deck against me 1st. I live with my parents. I’m 46, not currently working, (have coin), been here last 15yrs. Every 3yrs I get smacked by the universe & it takes a full year to recover. I’m supposed to be moving Saturday. I have flaws. Lol... I have a helluva story though
As a mother of 3 women I would never...
I’m glad that I see this video, I was asking same question to myself and I got the answer. Thank you Eckhart. 🙏You’re amazing 🙂
Sometimes I feel I am doing wrong by holding the mirror to my family. When they see themselves in the mirror and don’t like what they see, they want to shatter it by throwing a stone at it. Lol
That was great, I can’t spend even one day with her hh
...:-) dont you feel like... " i wish i heard this wise man many years ago:-)?
This is wonderful, so timely for me in my stage of healing. I have worked through many layers of trauma and feel I'm more able to assimilate what Eckhart says here. It would have felt more challenging had I not unravelled this. 💛🙏thank you Eckart Tolle you amazing soul. I love your chuckle too! 😄
8:14 - ''Understand'' - Thank you Eckhart and Eckhart's team 😊
You helped me today in particular to remember all these points about how we look at ourselves and the voices we choose to listen to and believe.
I found that we need to divorce our parents but not stop loving them. Nature is such. We take the best from them add our own personal experience and move on. As will our kids do to us.
Thank you for who you are Eckhart
Thank you 🙏
Love you so much
I really like to listen to Eckhart Tolle and he often makes me laugh really hard...*))) But I wouldn't follow most of his suggestions for emotional situations. Of course it makes a huge difference if people feel understood by their parents or by other loved ones. We are human, we have feelings, we have needs and this is totally fine. If he would give the same advice for a relation to a stranger, ok, but not for a close relationship. On contrary, I find it very unhealthy to be so emotionally detached.
If you can be understood by parents and loved ones, that’s good; if not, it’s okay, too. He is teaching true love, which is being one with life, not seeking for external approval.
@@pineapplejuice3599 I understand what he is teaching...*)))
There are many ways of love. The love a priest has for his people is a very different kind of love than children have for their parents or adults have in their love relationships.
I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who says he lets my words pass by like leaves in the wind and he focusses on the consciousness behind my words. I don't see any reason to stay in contact with someone, if I have to detach so much to withstand their presence. Then I can move on and have some love for them from the distance.
I prefer much more down to earth relationships. I want to be in touch with what I truly feel and what others truly feel.
But each his own.
Sounds like....attachment. He is setting you free.
If you are a child I can understand. Not as an adult.
Sooooo freeing. People love at their level of consciousness.
@@4everu984 There is also a middle ground between healthy attachment and unhealthy attachment, same as there is a middle ground between healthy detachment and unhealthy detachment.
I find it very unhealthy to stay in a relationship with someone who constantly annoys me and I have to pretend his words are like leaves in the wind.
But if you and your relationships improve through whatever you practice, good for you and for your loved ones and for the world at large...*)!
Its not so simple like that … Traumas+ traumas
Thank you Eckhart, this was a very important answer to my current situation.
The audience laughs of the suffering. Echkart smiles.
I’m surprised someone mentioned this. This happens too often. Eckhart’s smile triggers a laugh in some audience members in a spiritual narcissist kind of way. “Hah, what an idiot, still suffering.” When the truth is that none of us would be here or listening to this if we didn’t have something we were dealing with on our own! His smile/giggle stems from something else entirely, and gets misinterpreted too often, I think.
Spend two weeks with your in-laws! Monk training!
Thank you ♥️💛💞💚☀️🙏
What do you know, another perfect Eckart video at exactly the right time : )
The tragedy in our lives is that as human beings we are flawed and this causes so much of the suffering in our lives and to the lives of others, it’s not our fault it just happens through our conditioning. I wish Elkhart’s teachings were made part of the national curriculum in every school. Thank you for the peace and understanding you brung to us all 🙏
Living in illusions oft rholeplaying
Eckhart is so pure about everything that maybe now even this can be just another simple concept. God do I love this man! I allow the judgements, non-actions, and actions of my parents (esp. Mom) effect me tremendously. It's one of the things I couldn't quite let go of.
I love you Eckhart. When I see your face smiling my heart swellls just a little. You bring me peace 🌹🌹🌹
I understand what Eckhart is saying but I feel a million miles away from caring what others think. Hopefully I will get to that place but I have a long way to go.
Can you work with a therapist? This really helps the process. Also Alan Robarge is amazing. Check him out on youtube.
💗🌼💗🌼 love all ur videos...I just started my tarot channel a while ago I know how much work it is, sending good vibes new sub here💟🌺💟🌺
At 08.14 there is a frame that flashes like a subliminal message-I think it says "UNDERSTAND". Explain?
Aubrianna Rose a conscience female writer, has a free PDF on her site for Moms & Dads. How to raise our children positively. Her site name is Aubrianna Rose. I love the fact that she doesn't charge for it. It’s free. :) :) :)
What a load of horseshit.
People only care about themselves, and will easily walk all over you.
They'll ask you to do things for them that benefit them for the smallest nd stupidest reasons and say it's for your own good. "College..." go to college they say, get this job they say, confront them on anything they wint want to work with you in understanding things or problems, they'll cry about their own and expect you in the end to fix it, while also repressing you.
People deserve to be abandoned if they will never acknowledge anything you do, or if they do it even once.
Messed up people shouldn't have kids, seek relationships, or do anything, because they set themselves up for failure and resentment, and only seek to breed that.
Accepting that is your best way to peace.
You dont break down people, you build them up! If you're ever going to exert yourself onto others, then make sure it's with a clear purpose.
😄😄😄 I realised that I could be equally fault finding and there can be role reversal. Can remember telling her to turn the TV down as so loud!! As a teenager, constantly being told to turn my music down. Hey ho🙂
Saying a mother is toxic doesn’t mean moms toxic. What you choose to see in someone is what you choose. No one has or had a perfect life! When grown children create excuses, blame and fault for what isn’t perfect in their life. It’s never taking responsibility for their own choices and needing someone to blame. It’s narcissistic behavior. Expectations of a parent after they are grown and things aren’t perfect in their life’s doesn’t make it moms fault. There’s nothing worse than going through all the work of mom and then raising the grandkids til full time school starts for them, then to be told your toxic and shut out from their life’s and your grandchildren’s life because they read this stuff and use it as an excuse to make it ok to push a mom out because they disregard, disrespect and find anything to be disgruntle about. There’s nothing more painful!!
Wow that's me too lol.... I'll be 45 this week and I've never been married and no career...and I'm autistic....
I choose now to forgive my mother for her emotional abuse toward me. It is what she did and not what I do. I detach from the need for positive regard from her. I don't think that I love her anymore, though I used to feel that I did... but I think Love manifests, at least in part, from how people try to make us feel about ourselves. If they reflect negative regard onto us, it is contrary to us feeling love for them. But I pray blessings on her in God's Love.
I think they need to laugh about the questions because everyone can relate on some level and it puts you in a mental place to analyze the issue instead of getting lost in it.
No it's so they can gaslight you and then nicely spiritual bypassing without doing any work to heal.
What books do you write for parents that have children who create negative memories and ideas towards their parents when the parent doesn’t jump or bow to their every created want. Disrespect, etc. there are just as many opposites, being raised a certain way doesn’t make you bad and telling our children to disconnect because it’s not their way. It’s quite tiring when children drain you of what they want and have no regard for rules. It’s not about the parent understanding necessarily it’s often rebellion. They tell others and say they hate you. Why would a parent put themself into the situation of being hated. They have created the belief towards their mother by listening to their father figure. I was there everyday. I was doing the best I could. I believe I did the best I could and they wanted it a different way. I’m not perfect! All is not well unless there is the creating of we do what we want. I heard this from the father figure for 30 yrs so did they.
Emotional Abuse cannot shouldnot be accepted.
He also distanced himself for his mother. But deciding to meet only once a year.
Why everyone laughing while reading this testimony at the beginning? This is maybe the worst experience that can live a child.
How very “spiritual” of the audience to find this person’s struggle so hilarious.
My mom thought us to be presence, after she made her transition happily. I find Eckat Tolle to find peace again 🙏
LOL This video couldn’t have been more timely
It ia such a disapointment when you are raised by her "love"and think that that is a unik love,and then you understand that thats all she knows.then some time(months ) you feel lonely,empty..and you get use to the truth😊