THE NARCISSISTIC FAMILIES SCAPEGOAT CHILD: HOW YOU BECAME THE FAMILY TARGET/LISA ROMANO
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ก.ย. 2024
- #narcissisticfamily #scapegoatchild #toxicfamily In this video, you will learn how the narcissistic toxic family targets the scapegoat child. Are you the family scapegoat? If so, you may have been the target of an entire dysfunctional family system. Narcissistic parents triangulate siblings against one another, which encourages toxic family roles.
If you are the scapegoat child, in this TH-cam video you will learn how and why you became the family target for narcissistic supply.
If you are hoping to heal the invisible wounds caused by being a family scapegoat, visit www.lisaaroman...
#narcissisticfamily #toxicparents #familyscapegoat #toxicfamily #enmeshedfamily #scapegoatchild #lisaaromano #youtube #videos
OMG Lisa, this is some next level insight! Whichever role(s) your Narc family put in, watch this video! It was actually one of your videos that woke me up four years ago. You were describing my family so perfectly I thought you must have lived next door growing up. Your wonderful ability to put this into words we can hear and use is such a blessing to this community! Thank You, Thank You, Thank You
I agree is absolutely amazing how Lisa help us to "digest", at least in my case, to understand the "pot of feeling " and make sense of what is happening to me. She is amazing in my eyes.
I am
Just glad the videos help 🙏
Me too! It’s my fam 100%!
Absolutely incredible! I have tried to explain what happened to me as a child for so many years. I couldn't do it. This was my life!! My mother made me her scapegoat and I eventually had to disconnect with her in order to recover. What a blessing to finally hear the words that described the source of my pain. Thank you so much!
She’s legit. Family is so complex. Divide n conquer.
Scapegoated children are forced to be mediocre, not good enough etc. They could be talented, but their potential was murdered by narc parent.
"You were not average, you were covertly forced to be average", never forget about it.
My story! But that's changing now!
Yepp, IQ of 136, but was insulted for wanting to get a higher education than my mother had. Every time I tried to study I felt guilty to be so egoistic to do something only I profit from.
True for me! Nearly 50 and regaining what I could've been 🌸
@@emocean582 yeh, i turned 50 during lockdown and now i am beginning to feel brave and optimistic about the life i can create in my 50s
@@what2saynow my story as well I was meant to believe Im not talented enough to pursue my dream carrier by my narc mother and my narc father told me I have to study to be a doctor, other jobs are for loooosers! :O So I stopped being artistic and tried to concentrate on biology and chemistry but it did not work out for me. So I was left with nothing. Until now! Im in no contact and starting to do what I always dreamed about. Yaaay!
My mom always said when I was a child "don't get pregnant, once you have kids your life is over". She resented us yet it was her generational expectation. She was easier on my brother (or any male) yet seemed to blame, resent, and be adversary with women...including me. Her mom, my grandmom, and aunts were the same. Men were gods, women were competition. My parents stomped my potential out of me. Now 48 and getting it back!
Exactly the same story for me. I send you warm wishes
"Men were gods, women were competition." My mother was the very same!
*GO GET YOUR DREAMS! YOU CAN DO IT!!!*
I can relate!
Also my experience! My brother was the golden child! Still is in our 40s!
It was the hardest thing for me to enforce the boundaries I knew were good for me. When I finally started doing it, my narc mother got really deranged, but that just proved to me I had done the right thing. It opened the door to freedom, and I walked through. Stand firm. You won't regret it.
I was the scape goat Im my family then I would marry my husband of 33 years and I was the scapegoat there too I escaped 3weeks ago freedom
This is my own case scenario 22yrs block delete ive been out almost 3yrs takes alot of work to deprogram stay strong peace and love and strength be with you 💓 💛 ❤ 💗
Keep going never return bk gd luck👍
Good job, bless your soul and I pray for you to stay aware and to never fall victim to these wolves in sheeps clothing again in Jesus's name Amen
I was the scapegoat in my family. I finally awoke to all the toxic behaviour. My sister took over from my mother. I am free.
I completely get you😔
I had a lable put on me , and I was the one who walked away from them all. It is the hardest most rewarding thing you can do.
Add me...two years in and I can’t believe where I am now
How old were you when you walked away?
It is never too late to walk away and find yourself. It never should have been denied in the 1st place! I was 53 when I said enough is enough.
I was 29.September 1, 2018 ..... that was way too long ! 🏃🏾💨💨💨 like the fucking wind !!!
I literally had labels put on me, it forced me into a self contained classroom. As an adult I need to further my education if I want to be able to support myself and for my happiness but I am so paralyzed with fear. School was a source of failure, abuse and humiliation for me. Never wanted to feel like a victim, weak and at my age blame my mother. I have been having memories of things that have happened so many years ago and I am mad as hell and feel so ashamed. I hope she cant read what I am posting.
I felt this to the bone. Both of my parents were narcs. Growing up was Hell.
🙏
Whole my life has been a hell,when i wasn't allowed to be myself,to express myself ,to have self respect and self confidence ,the only feelings allowable to me include : inferiority,self hate, guilt, shame ,not having any confidence in myself ,and inadequacy.i had to be obediant to deserve validation, and even if i were so ,there wouldn't be any validation and respect either.
It was hell for me too!
It hurts so bad to be hated. I am sorry that happened to you too. Wishing peace & love for you
من ولی هستمVina Zahedi i
triplekids3 I am sorry that happened to you too. Wishing you the peace & love we all deserved when we were kids, and now
Another interesting aspect of a narcissistic family is how a narcissistic parent uses money to control their kids and pit one against the other.
Yes. So true!! My grandmother still does it and so does my mom. Working to get free.
So True Everytime Time "i did something wrong " she told me how much she does for me feeds me,clothes me, have a roof over my head and I get love" also getting always pushed down every time I had something I wanted to do
When my daughter was a child,I had a fridge from the 50s or 60s that looked, good and worked well,but I wished I had a freezer,my mother wanted to buy me a new one with a freezer on the top,but I refused that bcs it came with a cost.I wanted to have the freedom to rebell against her,bcs I had cut the contact with her alot the years before that,so she tried to buy me into submission! I got my own freezer without her help later... I'm a Clearvoyant,it has helped me as a Scapegoat child! The Scapegoat child is creative and gifted! JazzyT.
Narcissists are obsessed with control,they controls everything and everyone,they are terrible creatures with animalistic behaviour,soul less beings that shouldn't have been around! I waits for the end times,when the Narcissists and their Flying Monkeys get burned.... JazzyT.
Being dumped on verbally and emotionally by my one parent was devastating. Once I walked away for good it all came back up for me to finally process through. Im getting there one day at a time.
You are great 🙏
Me too.
Keep showing up for yourself
Im in this boat with you. Wishing you complete healing 💚
I’m with you 2....let’s keep going
What makes this even worse is when the toxic person tells lies about you and loads of people believe them. But when you tell the truth most people either believe the covert narcissist or believe you are exaggerating that its not that bad. This is especially true if the toxic person is your mum or dad and the person you are talking to had a good loving relationship with there parent lots cannot imagine that a parent would deliberately harm there own child and if the toxic person is covert they appear so nice in public. Not enough people know about this type of abuse the more people who know about it the better. It should be taught in schools and be shown on mainstream TV channels like this one do a great job helping people .
I had to teach my own kids to spot it.
Yes my “mother” has done her upmost to discredit me and make me out to be horrible to relatives, friends, church prayer list etc I started pointing out her behavior and have had her spread lies in return. Heard her lie to my partner over the phone multiple times. Yes, many people can’t comprehend that a “lovely Christian old lady” would be so two faced, callous and abusive.
@@gabriellefrench1720 I am sorry you are going through this. It is a awful situation you are dammed if you stand up for yourself and dammed if you don't . They always appear so sweet and innocent and always play the victim / sweet old age pensioner card. I hope that more people will learn about this type of behavior .
Going no contact after realizing its not me it's my toxic family has been one of the best decision I could ever make in my life! I love them all from a healthy distance.
why i love people who made me living the hell, in fact hate me,?
As a small child, I became convinced my family were shape-shifting aliens. As an adult, I realize now how very perceptive a three year old can be!
My narc family hate me so much they even bleached the bread I eat . Being a scapegoat I am not aloud to speak my mind or be my own person or even speak truth onto how he treats me . My dad loves compitention . Yes my dad loves arguing and turning others against one another .
Craig, I see that you post alot on the same video's that I do to! I'm sorry for all the drama in your life. I'm in the same position as you! Being the scapegoat is a nightmare!!! I'm 52 years old and have to relive this situation again because my ex husband- covert- narrisst abused me through the court system thanks to legalsheild!!! I'm disabled from ex- and got al.ost nothing after 31 years of marriage!!!! Keep your faith and lean on God because God sees everything you are going through!!! Please pray without ceasing!!! Your under attack from a demonic spirit!!! I will pray for you!!! Much love and light!!!🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤❤❤
I'm the most honest and sensitive in the family who always just wanted to be myself.
When I would try to stand up for myself from bullies in school my mom would tell me "what did you do! You need to get along with everyone now your life will be a nightmare" so I started to accept others bullying me in school including teachers bc I was sensitive and had learning disabilities in math.
I was also called too sensitive and drama queen and never felt I had a right to express myself or to even believe that their behavior was unhealthy bc they normalized it and shamed me for any need I asked for.
I was aslo scapegoated by my jealous aunts and compared to My father who is a narssicist and alcoholic esp when I was suffering through eating disorders or couldn't hold a job they shamed me.
My older sister learned to numb herself and be critical and bully me alongside them. I always believed it might be me bc there were no healthy adults in my life. When my dad tried to strangle me my mom went after him and started apologizing to him.
Being the scapegoat you question if something resembling a healthy normal life exists or if you really are the problem with the world like you've been told your whole life. It feels like a deep burden you carry until you learn to let go of your responsibility for everyone else and how they feel
So true.
When you have been given much to others for awhile,give to yourself! JazzyT.
I’m not even 11 mins in and already you have summed up my childhood as the scapegoat. Even in the examples you gave...I’m shocked, triggered and validated all at the same time. The biggest revelation about my siblings...when we would get in fights my narc father would pit us against each other. He would triangulate us behind each other’s back. Actually he would feed my siblings lies. Come to find out he would tell them I’m manipulative, I’m sensitive, I’m defensive and I’m rebellious. All because I could see and feel the bullshit in the house. Even to this day when I think about my siblings have this underlying hate for me that they think I can’t sense but it’s evident in how they treat me in front of other people. Wow! This is bittersweet in that in now makes sense and hurts at the same time. Thanks for this video
My narc mom was an oddity even amongst narc moms. She wanted us to fail, to dress ugly, because she didn't want us to outshine HER. When a boy would come to see us, she would claim they were really coming to see HER. The golden child was a chronic under-acheiver. She loved that because she looked smart in comparison. She felt threatened by me becauseI I was smart. Any success I had I was punished for. If I succeeded I was told it was temporary. When I was laughing she would actually tell me if I laughed too much I would end up crying (she would see to it). TOXIC. BTW As a child if I said I was hungry, I was told I was actually tired and to go to bed. I was severely underfed.
I Hope you heal from what happen to you 💔💔💔 that was painfull
i’m sorry that happened to you. I can relate. I got the ugly clothes, I was never taught to do my hair and often went to school without brushing it. I never learned personal grooming until i was a teenager..it sounds so stupid! Little things like blowing my nose or cleaning my ears. Too bad we didn’t have the internet back then
Wow, so sorry you had to go through that.
I feel you. You are not alone
me too, with evils living in the hell
I was the coat that my mother wouldn't wear. I stood out in my family as the one who was hard to argue with. I was the last in line with two older brothers. I would watch quietly until I'd seen enough then I was the twelve yr old at the top of the stairs shouting shut the F up and leave everyone alone I'm trying to sleep and I've got school in the morning. Things would go silent and I'd go back to bed. No apologies, no comfort. I grew up the most creative artist and heavy metal musician and singer. I've kicked narcissistic ass my whole life. Good luck good people. Integrity first.
Anyone else find this video to be timely?
Thank you so very much, Lisa.
I woke up from a bad dream/flashback and this video really spoke to me.
Growing up, no matter what I did they would negate much of what I did by downplaying my autonomy as well as my own thoughts and had their faults dumped on me from many members of my family members.
In fact, fast forward up to date, they can not live with this new perceptions that I will not fit their role that the mother conditioned the family into how to treat me. Consequently, instead of seeing this is a healthy boundary for all, I am seen as the problem for putting up boundaries because I say no to this role.
Wow! Can definitely relate
This all makes so much sense this was my life. I’m still distancing myself from my parents. My mom got everyone against me I’m the scapegoat for sure. I always was. we have kids now and I could never imagine treating them that way. My mom ws always controlling everything. She couldn’t even let my dad and I have a relationship. He sucks too tho anyway. My mom totally thinks she’s a mind reader, she still Thinksthat and it’s insane to me. She even thinks she knows what’s going on in my head even tho she never sees me or asks me how I am. I would be happier if I never saw them but they want to see the kids, so sometimes they do. But I’d rather them not bc they’re so dysfunctional.
Your life sounds a lot like mine. Last year I had enough of my parents abuse. I decided it was best for me and my kids to go no contact. I can honestly say it has been worth it. Holidays get me down but I'm going to start my own holiday traditions with my husband and kids this yr.
It's hard to heal, especially because I am senior citizen and am very stubborn and paranoid. Thanks for your reply.
I dont believe they treat your children better. They fill their minds with toxic messages against you and other family members. My parents will be not allowed to meet my kids. You need to protect your children from the toxicity. My grandmother was narc as well and I spent many holidays with her telling me toxic things about my mother... It felt horrible. :-( She was brainwhashing me to think my mother is just a trash, not even a real human being. My mother was unwanted child and her scapegoat.
My mother thinks she knows me better than I know myself. :D LOL? Im in no contact and planning a wedding and it is soooo much better now when I dont have to think about every detail if she likes it or not, if she will be a good mom at my wedding or acting her toxic way... I am going to be married in folk Slavic costume, if she knew, she would call me stupid for it, for menu, for the wedding place, for old traditions I want on my wedding (she would say that I want to prolong the stupid wedding to make everybody bored)... she is toxic but she is not invited and now I feel free to make the wedding the way I dreamed about. Yaaaaaaaaay!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
My laughing emoji is regarding the member who said, their mom thinks she is a mind reader. I have seen this before and it is crazy. Why do narcissists think they can read minds. It's unbelievable.
At one point I was the golden child. I was gifted. I could draw, and sing, and play the piano. So mom would trot me out like a little circus pony whenever we had guests and show me off. Then she would take credit for what I did by saying "She gets her talents from her parents." I hated that, and when I was still very young, I started "rebelling" (her word). That was when I became the scapegoat child. My two half-sisters from mom's previous marriage were both 20 years older than me so I didn't have much of a relationship with them, but their kids were very close to me in age and I loved them like my own siblings. I didn't know it at the time, but my sisters were very jealous of me because my father had more money than their father did, and so in their minds I was having a better childhood. There was a competition going on that I was unaware of, or maybe I just didn't want to take part in it. Their kids versus me. As we grew into our teenage years, my sisters triangulated me with their kids. Eventually everyone made fun of me, picked on me, and put me down. It hurt terribly because I loved my nieces and nephews like brothers and sisters. But once we grew into adults, we never saw each other again.
Exactly what I'm experiencing now, 😲, unfortunately I'm glad someone can relate. This is liked the story of my life, thank you for sharing. stay strong & encouraged
@@KHIANDROXY thank you, and you as well! We are not alone.
OMG. You described my life! I always felt I didn't belong in the family and that there was something wrong with me! I am 57 yrs old and the narc mom is moving in 2 weeks to be close to the golden child. I can't wait!!
My nickname “the walking garbage can”..heard it my entire childhood, literally....this video resonated with earthquake force..
They were projecting on you; that is who THEY are, not who you are!!
I “know this” in my head..it took a while to let it flow out of my heart space though❤️...older and a little tiny wiser, thanks to Lisa and self care.
So sorry. You so arent
@ vanilla ti...thanks so much for your sweet words❤️...I am no contact with Dad, grey rock shutty shutty with Mom, it’s the best thing I have done in my “adult” life. The info and support here has improved my life in a big way.
Ouch 😣
Completely described my childhood and it got worse the older I got. Now I’m no contact, moved away, and I’m at peace. With the help of therapy and videos like these, I’m finally able to get healing at 28 years old.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing! The description of the scapegoated child matched me almost perfectly. It took for my mother to die before I was able see how I always tried to earn her love. I became a perfectionist and a chronic overachiever trying to earn her acceptance and approval. Nine months of EMDR therapy for complex PTSD a year after her death, and I have a new start on life! I am not the same person, and I am so much better for it.
Build a family within your self
Right and let God fix it for you and stop trying to depend on your family to do it because they won't they will just be who they are even if they are a narrsasist and don't even give a care. They don't give a care at all how you feel. Only God does. I know the Bible says obey your mother and father but when God sees the abuse that they do to you and them threatening and lying to you and being a bunch of narrsasists he makes opportunity in your life to move on to marry a husband that is not a narrsasist and trully love and cherish you for who you are. Just like if my mom is one I that would lead me to not trusting her at all and staying quiet and being at a distant but waiting on God to move me to my next destination that will allow me to be myself with no type of abuse because trust me if you let your parents who are narrsasists make you be something that is how you will be weak and let their words affect you. You have to learn how to trully accept the truth and let God guide you in all ways and he will always direct your path.
Lisa, did you live with me? How you know my Mama and toxic siblings??? Geesh, you nailed it!
I was definitely the family scapegoat! I was told how to feel, couldn't show emotions and was expected to accept or at least tolerate my narcissistic father's molestation of myself and my 2 sisters. My mother knew about it but did absolutely nothing about it. She was afraid of his rage and too busy trying to hold onto him. My father was our first bully. Because I defended my sisters against his hurtful comments and behaviors I was the scapegoated child. As a teenager I kept notebooks of my thoughts and experiences, including scenarios of life in my toxic family. After finding those notebooks recently, I read a few entries. It brought back a lot of very bad memories.
Hoping they were not too triggering, but the journaling sometimes keeps us sane.
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. I have terrible memories, too.
I empathize with you. I know what this feels like to love in a house and never be validated. Stepping up and defending my mother from my abusive father...SMH!! Blessings on your journey
Reading my journal entries helped keep me as me! I thought I had healed from my childhood but then I married a seemingly covert narcissist who has made my life miserable if and on for the past 33 years. I realize I have more healing work to do. First step is to divorce this man, as scary as that is ar this stage in my life. Thank you for your comments and I thank Lisa Romano for her videos of wisdom! Blessings to all who are suffering with similar situations.
OMG!!! LISA this has been my life for 40+ years finally I’m out. Thank you for sharing this I feel normal and nothing is wrong with me stay blessed Lisa 💕
I get scapegoated because I refuse to accept the lies or get involved in the gossip and slander in every GROUP of people I have contact with. I refuse to seek these people in my life.
Wow. Reading these comments makes me realize that I'm not the only one who went through this. I'm not all alone in this. Being a scapegoat, empath, and an INFJ, it is really hard. And it's really harder trying to heal from it. Especially, if you had it for a long long time. Which is my problem. I feel sorry for the people who went through of what I've been through. It's a struggle.
This was my family. I was scapegoat. I'm glad now, much worse to be golden child as my sibling was. I left and made a life, my sibling is now late 50's and I'm sure has borderline personality disorder, was golden child and now is completely alone in the world as my parents died quite recently. It's so incredibly sad.
Jackie Lane I hear you loud and clear. I am in the same boat keep listening to all the experts. We form a community with our comments. Learned about gas lighting and the types of narcissistic personality disorders. It's a disorder. Stay strong and remain no contact. I am enlightened and remain no contact.
@@rachelmartineau8102 it's so difficult to explain to anyone who hasn't lived it. Had to have contact after a family death, the abuse started up again really quickly. I had to shut off contact again, I'm a different person and am not the scapegoat any more. Of course, to them I am bad, because I'm not playing. Not falling for the waif act, not lining myself up for abuse when they feel like kicking someone. I'm entitled to a life without abuse, as is everyone. Good luck to you x
This really resonated with me, all things I knew deep down but seem to forget when I get in these mental cycles of feeling like it is truly my fault. Thank you.
You are great 🙏
The universe gives!! This is my position in my family. I started fact checking and not being afraid to have necessary confrontations a little over a year ago. I turned 41 over the weekend..the weekend started out on Friday with my sister (currently no contact) txting me a vague agressive message, my niece betraying my trust and my mother gaslighting, attacking and doing all the things a narcissistic mother does when the golden child is upset. The weekend ended with multiple missed calls from my mother, love bombing hovering messages and missed calls from my niece to ask for favors. By today ive sent the timeline message to my mother fact checking, confronting and holding her accountable. I've set bounderies with my niece. I remain no contact with my sister, but have exposed her latest attack on me. These are the last family members who torment me. Its almost come to a close, and i am forever grateful to you for sharing your work with the world. This video is coming at the most accurate time. Thank you.
me too
You are sooo spot on! Thank you! I’m not crazy!
MY FAMILY HATE ME TOO. SPOT ON, LISA/
This video is heart wrenching, why did i feel like crying all the way through. I'm so confused with my life and upbringing. The way you said you felt that it felt your mom opened up the trash and poured it over you, that hit me hard! I am 34 and always feel that I'm too old to heal, so this helps knowing you realised at 36. Lisa why do i hate my mother so much, i get angry with her she made people hate me turned my brother against me. I had a narc grandmother who allowed her partner to abuse me, i know she knew. And my father also had me while having an affair with my mother while my mother knew that he had a partner. Fast forward 34 years and they hate me. I tried so hard to make them like me and got rejected. Now i am like you said you were, pushed everyone away and i don't trust people any more. All my partners have been like my mother cold and underhanded plotting against me behind the scene, while i over react people act like im the problem.
Never to old to heal im 60 and just now finally realized they'll never change so dont waste your precious time on toxic people family or friends you are worth so much more and you are very strong to walk away live your best life thats what really gets them because you didn't die from their abuse, my family hates me to but i dont give a F**k and shame on them shine your light peace and love my dear
I feel the SAME EXACT WAY you do.
@@catherinepraus8635 Such a great point of view. This is so true!
@@catherinepraus8635 thank you Catherine i always knew they were toxic but this videos has changed everything. It's time to start healing properly i guess and stop pushing it under the rug. Sending you hugs xx
@@martcichocki5571 i wish you peace and healing my friend x
Im 16 years old 👀. Now Everything makes sense. Thank you so much! ☺️
I'm the scapegoat. My mom wanted me to lose weight and look good, until I got older and I actually did. Then she saw me as competition and resented me for any attention that I got. Yes, I owe my mother for everything and when someone hurts me, I get what I deserve. What I'd like to know, is how do I forgive my mother, and then go very low or no contact with her? I have so much anger towards my mom right now. It's slowing poisoning me and all of my relationships.
When I started my journey into healing I cut every sibling and my mother completely out of my life otherwise I wouldn’t be allowing myself to work thru ,heal and grow I didn’t want any of them holding me back or for any of them to sabotage me or the work I’ve been doing. I still don’t know if I will ever allow them to be apart of my life again..
How did you know??? Lisa this is exactly what I’m dealing with this exact second. My no contact mother, well my brother is moving in with her, and telling me how upset she is about me not talking to her. And I’m trying to shutty shutty. Wow. It’s so difficult. It was my birthday two day’s ago and I broke up with my partner, got no birthday presents or cards or anything. So alone. My brother even forgot. And birthdays are a really really big deal in our family, especially for us two siblings. I’m in so much pain. I know I’m not alone because of you and our courses and the people I’ve worked with. I miss our courses so much. I’m coming back to Facebook. I need you all so much right now. I’m doing what I need to do but it’s so hard because I’ve been disabled and have no friends (no use to them anymore) and I’m so completely alone except my beautiful cat :) Now to live with my partner and break up somehow. It’s going to be so hard. Thank you so much. I’m Coming home to you and our vibe tribe. This coincidence isn’t an accident xxxxx
🙏
Happy belated birthday! You will get through this, and you are not alone!
Happy Birthday from someone whose been in your shoes. It will get better if you keep doing the things Lisa teaches. It is worth it!
This is a LOW EBB in your life. Been there done that. Things will change. I promise.
You will get there, we have all gone through the low points where it seems just hopeless. It is something that has to be done alone, as tempting as it is to look for someone to rescue you. My cats were there for me, and believe it or not, I am SO happy being alone now.
Before i watch this, THANK YOU FOR EXPLAINING MY LIFE!!! XXXXX
My mom recently moved to a new house and when my Dad refused, she and my siblings blamed it on me. Two years ago, I confronted him about how he treats me(he's been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me since childhood). He ended up discarding me and giving me the silent treatment. My mom enables him so much and whenever I tell her about something that dad said, she says that Im making it up or I deserved it because I angered him.
You are NOT ALONE. Sounds familiar. Pray for PEACE.
Whenever my mother abused me, my father said the same. It was my fault, cause I made her angry. NO, I DID NOT!
Thank you - I feel understood and also shook awake. It seems like an uphill road untangling this role from my psyche but at least I can see the road now
OMG, ME! A step-father who hated me, a Marine my mother adored. He was allowed to do what he wanted, anything to keep him. He pitted my sister and I against one another. I was the "whipping child". I have very few happy memories. Im still, at 63, the black sheep. If I acted happy a would purposefully upset me in some way so he could punish me. I have given up on relationships with men. I cant do it. He ruined me from age 6.
But!!! I Am Happy, I have learned Happiness!
Thank you Lisa
Wow Lisa this whole video nails it for me!! My mother was 42 when I was born and she made it so evident she did not want me born! She guilted me for being born until her death! On my 42nd birthday she says to me “ How would you like to be 42 and pregnant ?!” Wow happy birthday to me. She definitely attacked me when no one was around and then my siblings labeled me as the one that could not “ be nice” to Mom. They didn’t know how nasty she could be. Plus she told lies about me. She is dead now and honestly I don’t miss her. True everything you said about the sibling dysfunction!! More light has been given to me with this video on my own journey of recovery! Thank you for all you do to help us become well!
That’s me! Thanks 🙏 so much Lisa. What you teach is exactly what I experienced!
I have a friend who’s mother told her she was adopted even though she wasn’t. It was so mean. She kept it up and always made
my friend wonder what the truth was.
Gaslighting is so wicked!
OMFG THEY DID THE SAME TO MEEE! They would always tell me I was adopted because I looked nothing like them and that I was th "black shee of the family".
My parents told me they found me on the doorstep...they thought it was funny and had a good laugh with my siblings over it
The problem in my family is that the abuse is not that obvious we have no self esteem but no tangible proof we’re just suffering in silence all of us!!
I have a big family, 5 aunts in my dad parts, 4 aunts in my mom part, but they are all.horribe to me, their intention is to take advantage of me, to use me, I am 43now, I have to. block them forever,very struggling, but good for me
THIS IS absolutely my life experience. OMG
WOW I am 56 years old and you have just described my mother, thank you for helping me gain a perspective on my dysfunctional family. I have had to watch my mother bully my disabled father and not allow him access to his bank accounts. She worships my sister who is happy to play her game. Although my family difficulties still against it feels good to be able to see why it is happening.
Thank you so much Lisa Romano. I just listened to you for the first time and it was so insightful. I am the youngest of six siblings and have always been resented for it. My oldest sister is eight years older than I am and describes my arrival into the world thusly: "When you were born, Andrea was kicked out of the crib." That one sentence has been repeated throughout my life. In fact, I heard again just a few weeks ago, by two of my sisters, and it was said with rage -- all directed at me. In fact, if there's an argument between me and on of my siblings, said sibling immediately goes to the family hive mind and scapegoats me. Next thing you know, I have five siblings telling me "You're wrong." I am always wrong. Always. No matter what. I have told them all, repeatedly, it is statistically impossible for me to be 100 percent wrong 100 percent of the time. I think I need your 12-week course. I'm 58 years old and I have a lot of hurt feelings.
it took me up to 24 years to suspect that "something " was wrong, and even then - i only knew that something was wrong. Only a year ago i found about narcissism and it was like the truth was opened for the first time, at first i was happy that it really isn't my imagination, than amazed how everyone did have similar experience with them, then totally upset because a lot of videos said - it isn't their fault, they are like that, and nothing will change, they don't even know what they're doing. But now - the fact that nothing will change actually gave me peace. Now i know not to try and try hitting a wall.
Always spot on Lisa. Invisible childhood, invisible adulthood. Love and light 🙏❤️
Perfect timing of this video and the one on anger towards narc parents! My greatest "flaws" were my feelings so I've been scapegoated in my family. I have internalized so much shame and self-hatred. I do not feel safe in my feelings at all. Let alone express them. A common line from my mother was " you make a big deal out of nothing" but my brother's feelings were met with more kindness, if he even had any. Her rationalization was that I cry over little things and he cries rarely. (So somehow his feelings are more valid I guess). If I give the slightest hint that she was wrong, I'd have hell to pay. She would use my "flaws" and
mistakes against me to attack me almost to convince herself what a trash I am. I can't express I am so angry. I know it's not my fault.
Hmmmmmm
That's why I say forgive not forget pay them no mind but forgive them
I was always ignored in my family, my feelings, thoughts, or achievements was always ignored as well. I was groomed to obey and accept abuse from my sister on a daily basis. I obviously couldn’t stand all the pain I was absorbing inside, so I started to become very angry. All that sadness became anger, and yes my family is completely divided. My parents sleep apart, my sister and I no longer have any contact. I just recently went no contact with my family.. 🙏🏼❤️ thank you for your free information! Spread the word in dysfunctional family dynamics 😊
There are so many videos on TH-cam about the same topic but ONLY YOU don't beat around the bush, you are right on! Thank you!
You're such a blessing to share this knowledge and experience with such love and light 🙏💕💜
Both of my parents were narcissistic where I experienced emotional and physical abuse. My Mom turned my family against me, My little brother was the golden child and I grew up in a house where I never felt loved and I certainly didn't feel like I was wanted or even liked. I kept my mouth shut most of my life but about six months before she passed away I finally opened my mouth and out it came. Once I figured it out everything made since, But the rest of my family refuse to see it and a few knows what I know and refuses to talk about anything. My family has blacked balled me my whole life all the times the family got together but not me how they can treat me horrible but if I take up for myself thenI'm on drugs or up to something. they don't want me around and it hurts.
This is my EXACT life 😞
damn bro im sorry to hear that. your post resonated with me
Lisa, my dad is a narc- for him I was the golden child because I was being groomed. My mother is a codependent- for her i was the scapegoat/invisible. To this day she scorns me. I've realized that Narcs/Codependents don't take responsibility so they put the blame on someone else- hence the scapegoat. I've realized something wasn't right when i was about 8 years old. My narc dad still tries to put pressure on me to compete with his companions children-well i accept myself as i am.
I know we are suppose to love our family and I DO but HOWEVER, there are CERTAIN family members of mine that are TOXIC so I keep my DISTANCE from them and choose to love them from AFAR and I NEVER share emotions with them because I don't like being associated with their DARKNESS because they REFUSE TO CHANGE 💯💯💯
REAL TALK
I am not required to love my dysfunctional, abusive family and I will not pretend that I do.
@@bridgeth6864 I hear you. Dysfunctional people are EXTREMELY hard to LOVE and I RESPECT your opinion💯
@@bridgeth6864
Same here!! Can I ask how do you protect yourself from mutual loving family? Blocked narcs.
Hmm you better preach that and like I said God is in control of your Destiny not them and they have no power too and should not treat you like you are not a valuable person because to be honest they are really harming themselves. So yep you are right stay distant from their behind and allow for God to send you blessings as you forgive.
Hmm you better preach that and like I said God is in control of your Destiny not them and they have no power too and should not treat you like you are not a valuable person because to be honest they are really harming themselves. So yep you are right stay distant from their behind and allow for God to send you blessings as you forgive.
This is absolutely correct. I gained 30 pounds after I had my daughter and the family would not stop making fun of me about it. And I was still attractive. Meanwhile, my mother is close to 300 pounds. Such a hypocrite and so self serving. Their raging on the children is how the parents regurgitate all their anger and frustration instead of addressing their issues and addictions. Like a dumpster. I refused to attack my siblings and I defended them against her. In the end, they all betrayed me and I was lucky to get out alive. These dynamics are so sick. It's all bullying tactics.
Yup, that's me. I am 58 and cannot get over it. It's been hell. It's a daily struggle to be okay with me , and my own family who have suffered too😪 . Thank you for being there for us victims of malignant Narcs 🙏
I thought I was a failure and stupid but after meeting an empathetic person who taught me about all of this I was able to see that I was just brainwashed into silencing my own thoughts which were intelligent thoughts
I don’t feel like I was the one who didn’t go along with it. I guess I would call out the things I noticed and hated having the whole family pick on me. I feel like I was an enabler. Now that I am not an enabler, the narrative is even stronger that I’m “crazy”, only because I called out the abuse and went NC with my covert narcissistic mother. That’s the only reason. Guess I’m crazy then. 🤷🏼♀️ 🙄
As a teen, my mother would wake me up to watch out the window to see what direction my father was coming home from work so she could see if he was really at work or coming home from somewhere else!
To be scapegoat in a 6 members family it was very hard. I was guilty for all bad things in my family.
If someone advises you to "SEVER ALL TIES", then DO SO! Had I done SO in 2007, I would STILL have my children's LOVE, as they go to her now! TRUTH TELLERS ARE RUINED!
same story xx
This was so so helpful Lisa, thank you! First I was the golden child, then I became the Scapegoat in my early/mid 20s when I started speaking on how I feel and asking questions.
Me talking how I feel to my parents they always said it was talking back when I tried so hard to be respectful but tell them I'm hurt im definetly the scapegoat
So Right On TARGET!!! Did you know my family??!!! Thank you for your clarity on this segment of the Narcissistic family and being scapegoated! Absolutely 100% true. Thank you, Lisa! So much to work on to clear this out of my "aura", and come to a place of complete healing and forgiveness towards my family, my extended family, longtime family friends, etc. Onward and upward...
OMG I’ve only learned like 3 years ago that my mother is a narcissist and I am the scapegoat. Now understand why my 2 brothers were complete brainwashed by my mother and I cannot to anything to change that. OMG it’s like a horror movie. But this is all true., all this happened to me. Now it’s my time to get over and be happy and heal and learn to love and accept myself, and that it was never my fault. Thank you Lisa, so much for your wonderful and so helpful videos. ❤❤❤
"like a specimen in a petri dish under a microscope" is exactly how it was! No wonder I have had such difficulty in gaining a sense of self worth! Great video. Keep going. I'm learning a lot!
This is the most helpful video I have ever seen in my life. This felt like an account of my life, it was that accurate. Every single example you gave is something that has happened in my family and happened to me. I never had the words to be able to relay this information to those close to me and I didn't realise this was a phenomenon affecting others too. I feel so relieved to have an explanation for everything that has been going on my whole life. I also feel extremely blessed right now to have found this and completely overwhelmed by the fact I am not alone in this. THANK YOU SO MUCH LISA. You are truly amazing!!!!!
I am so glad it helped🤗
you touched all the ponit about my evil mom, I lived in the hell since I was born .. because I was cteated by an truly evil, the most beautiful word, MOM, for me, I am only her slave to use to make her feel good in different part of life, for me, she never care
What bothers me most about this video is reading it at 72.
I am 77 yrs old and under financial and “caregiver” control of my 55yr old Narcissistic daughter.
I was raised by a narcissist mother who even made me model as a child which scared me.
My daughters father who was a control freak narcissist who abused me sexually, physically and emotionally.
It took a lot of strength to divorce him in 1967 when no one believed me, like my mother.
Now, I have very little money and my daughter is supporting me, but is abusive, gives ME no spending money and I have to as permission for anything. I have seriou health issues, which she handles the medical doctors very well. Everyone thinks she is so smart and she “helps “ everyone. When I say anything against her they think I am crazy (and I have depression, so I am the scapegoat because of that. The stress has caused my bad heart, cancer,fibromyalgia...etc....
In coming across you. I am beginning to understand what she is doing to me. I can’t get out of this relationship because I would be homeless. The only thing I can do is deal with it!
PLEASE, I NEED YOUR HELP AND ADVICE but I haven’t found anything similar to my situation. Please talk about this!
‘
Humm, so when I heard, shut up, mind your own buisiness, you have a big mouth, who asked you for your opinion, I wasn't talking to you ( no, you were just talking about me). Why do you have to take things so personally? I think there is a lot of people on here that relate to this video in so many ways. Thank you Lisa.
Yes. I’m 34 now. I remember my mom saying things like “It feels like I only have one daughter.” “Why do you think you don’t fit into this family?”
Makes sense I’m no contact now ❤️ it’s been hard but slowly I’m healing. Her voice haunts me tho!
Oh....Lisa, you are so great
You just opened my eyes. I was all my life last person in the family dysfunctional with my mother's Narcistic mental disorder. I just can see this now. And now I'm 72yrs old. Lisa exactly what you were saying I was going through hell* in my family. My parents were blaming me non stop and other brother was.their favourite until my 20yrs of age when I left parents country and the continent to get my own life in normal direction. But my mother still keep me as scapegoat even today and putting mu children down.
Lisa, please, accept my sincere thanks for what you were talking about.
You just opened my eyes and now I know finally. I'll purchase your book on this issue. I was telling mother to see psychologist but she refused. Lisa again thank you, thank you so much.
Lisa, God bless you for helping me out. I thought I would go mentally ill.
Awesome !The truth tellers , the ones that figure it out and have to escape !Scapegoat
Lisa Thank You So Much ..Perfect Description of My Life and Being the Scapegoat Child..You have no idea how much this video means to me the love the validation is Superb! We both went through the same dysfunction/toxic enviroment like many have and finally I mean finally you like many others including myself have come forward to speak up ..step out and tell our stories on many platforms..Grateful and Wow! I am also part of your FB group as well I have been in your group for over 2 years now and your posts and videos..Spot On!! Thank You so Much! Much Love and Namaste :)
Thanks and yay!!! So glad you got free, I was the child who stomped my foot and would say “ you never call me sweetheart when we’re alone” when she said it when people were over. So it felt good to know someone else didn’t want to play the game and manipulate to be loved
Thank you. I'm so glad for the understanding.
So on point! Thank for sharing this ❤⚘I think sometimes we may know what is happening isn't right but we don't know how to put it into words.Then too,like you said, we couldn't express our emotions.
At this time in my life, I have no choice but to be a way from my family I grew up with. But I have to say the no contact is good but it was very painful at first. Since I have been away, I'm learning what peace feels like and seeing what isn't normal. Thank you again for sharing 🙏Wow,this is deep !!!
My mother is a covert narcissist. She loved to scapegoat me. She projected her own insecurities at not being popular enough onto me. I was a Honor student and Student Council President. Were these accomplishments acknowledged? NO. I was shamed and told to "Get a Life," because I was not popular enough. I was told I was pathetic because I didn't want to go out of Friday/Saturday nights or have a lot of friends. It is not an easy thing to have people dump their crap onto you. And when it happens frequently and with duration it is even worse. The only thing that brings me peace is If I say to myself their crap has nothing to do with me. They are broken people. Deeply traumatized. I can't control them. I can only control myself. Nameste.
I was raised so straight/almost perfect! I never had a childhood. I worked ever since I was 5, n started helping in business at 11. Till this day, I'm not good enough.
Now you know what you're talking about lady! You are bless with great wisdom and understanding. I had to go non-contact on my
Family and they was treating me just like you
said. Alway argumentative, affecting my peace of mind, brothers and sister distant themselves from me for no apparent reason etc.
It's been hard and at age sixty I'm still having to be quite about my feelings & truth! I'm sick of it but God keeps me from doing a wrong reaction. So grateful for this!
God bless you I feel so understood 🙏🏼💕
As I listen to you and reflect on my childhood, I realize that I grew up in a dysfunctional narcissistic family. Thank you for the insight. God bless you!
Yep you can't let your dysfunctional parents make you be any different because at the end of the day you have to be the one to want happiness for yourself and want youself to be happy. You want the best for yourself not for anyone that hurt you to stop you even if it is parents because at the end of the day they will not and be not in charge of your Destiny only God is and he will always be and he have beautifull opportunities for you including marriage. They don't have the power and that is why I say don't let them ever affect you when they hurt you and say all type of things because they do that to feel Good themselves and think they are superior but really they is no type of help. You are in charge of your own life.
I worry as a mom that having a narcissistic mother and being the hated scapegoat child that I could subconsciously be doing things to my kids and unaware of it like my mom did to me. I try to be so aware of my past and segregated myself from my family but still I worry.
You should be proud of yourself for being aware trying your best to make change for the better.
Stopping the toxic cycle from continuing ❤️
Omg.... nothing but thanks!!!!!! Needed this right now and today
THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!! KEEP ON SHINING✨✨✨✨
I know I am emotionally immature and suffer from the effects of abuse.
As a child I wondered why my sister hated me.
I was scapegoated by my narcissist mother and machiavellian sister who was happiest when she caused total chaos in the home.
God Bless you sister!
This is my story. My alcoholic
arc mother turned my younger sister against me. She also turned my brother against me because I didn't want to join in with the party life style. I'm 60 now and happy doing life my way. My siblings continue living the party life style with my parents. They have health issues or financial issues. Your videos help me see how living life my way brings true freedom and happiness.
Proud scapegoat here 🙋♂️ it’s so sad to see a scapegoat try to be a golden child. People who say stuck with toxic families are just as toxic. They are your relatives, you create your own family.
Wow!! This video was the best yet! It describes my family dynamic so well! Such great insight. I wish I could send it to them, but they would not get it or care.
Thank you... Especially for your transparency... That helps...I'm on my way to Freedom once and for all ✌🏾❤️🦋