One of your very GREATEST pieces of content, Lisa - and your bar is among the highest out there ❤️🤍 I also grew up in a Catholic (Irish) family and the patterns you describe are like hearing my childhood and teenage years spoken back to me. I’ve lived most of my adult life in London, healing and finally free!
Validation has been the key for me! And it takes someone who truly understands what we have lived & learned in our lives. I have found a couple of people here that through their knowledge, experiences, their VALIDATION of the hell I have lived, My life, my mental health, my emotional health, even my physical health has dramatically evolved ...I will be forever grateful... grateful beyond measure!!! Thank you!
Yes, people are leaving catholisism because of the false, unbiblical teachings. They teach a works based salvation, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Ephesians 2:8-9 King James Version 8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: 9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
"People who have not been psychologically manipulated and have not been gaslighted over and over. People who have not had their brains turned into mashed potatoes by a manipulative person, simply are not going to understand the devastation that brings to your mind, body and soul." So true how it hurts!
Some people are lucky enough to come from homes that aren't abusive. In other cases, the person you are talking to may know very well what has happened to you and won't say anything because they're a narcissist themselves. Narcissist love to invalidate people. It is just another way of putting you down and making you feel like it's all your fault. Doing this gives them sadistic supply. At least once you're awake you cannot go back to sleep. Once you learn to spot them you can use the gray rock of going stoic and not reacting to them. They feed off of your reactions, then they use them against you which is why you never want to react.
So true, they do not understand, it is through these types of videos that I feel people understand me, and somehow it validated my feeling, and therefore I feel empowered. I hope all victims of abuse learn to find and love themselves for our complete healing.
Get OUT, you have no idea how dangerous these people can be. My ten-year marriage and he made three attempts to kill me for trying to leave. And then when you are gone study the content again. I remarried and this is the same more obviously that way... and now I am discovering the answers that saved my emotional state at 72. Good luck you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I would rather deal with Pre-K meltdowns all day than try and chill out some infantile adult that's throwing a temper tantrum over being told .... "no" -ain't nobody got time for that-
Or when the stakes are very low and so just ignoring their petty little moves while pretending to not be recognizing that those Windows have been all along part of their own little clever plan instead of thinking there is something wrong with my computer not long before another one of those calls from a scam artists who claims to be calling me from my own computer Windows subscription because they have recognized a problem in my computer thanks to how Windows is able to signal them with an error code [too] when that error code was only a cleverly designed ad.
When your feelings are mocked, remember, This isn't why you fell in love. You don't want to hurt back, you just want to be happy, free your soul, They don't love you, Don't waste your life, being unloved.
Jealousy is the number one prerequisite for the narcissist's actions. They believe they have to manage others through "dominance" to exist in their own minds at all. Sorrowfully, it means they believe they don't exist unless someone else is basically "worshipping" them. You want to get a narcissist high? Fawn over them. Don't speak, don't act, just follow. It's really all they want, to be bigger than you. Easily, they are the bully in the extreme.
This is why I blocked my brothers out, both of them exactly this way! Thank god, and divorced one and it was finalized this summer. Better late than never, my life is so peaceful now.
We should start a support group for women with narc brothers. Mine covertly made my childhood hell with mental and physical abuse. After my dad died he and his children went into vile beast mode. They would never have dared while dad was alive. He has descended into backstabbing not only me but also my friends. Tried to get a friend fired going behind her back with false complaints to her boss. It’s hard to go no contact when you are dealing with an aged parent and both sibs are POA. 🥴 If it were just me and my dear mom I would have taken her far away from here long ago.
I was gonna say It fears our empathy and kindness because its completely devoid of it but. More it believes we are not entitled to feel/show empathy. They are jealous that most people have empathy. Strange things I know. Remember they are damaged from childhood or something.
@@warorislam my mother in law is a narcisist (and bf maybe too) and they always said I was too naive, trustworthy etc.. while I just see the positive things in everyone/everything.. I always hated that they looked down on me like that..
Right.....the same people claim they walk on eggshells....that’s because I am standing up nice and tall and NOT TAKING IT ANYMORE....until they beat me into submission once again....
Yes! You nailed it! Narcissist victims DO need to be heard, understood, and know there is life on the other side. I lived with a narcissist and suffered for over 10 years and lost every friend I ever had along with my LIFE. Everything I had was used for his benefit: my business, my credit, etc. I had no one to talk to or that could see what went on behind closed doors. I wanted to end my life and now I have left and finally working on MY life instead of walking on eggshells trying to make HIM happy.
I am currently going through a divorce. He broke me down so far that I have been a housewife and now it’s he wants a divorce but I’m stuck trying to fund a job so I can leave. Please give me any advice you have . I have been throwing up every day for a week I’m nervous every scared just devastated
I am sorry you are going through this. Praying for wisdom and strength for you to get through this. Don't worry about the future. All is well. Start a new thread and re-post your message to get more support. Nobody can see this message as it's at the end of someone else's post. Hugs 💛🙏
"People who have not had their brains turned into mashed potatoes by a narcissistic manipulator will not understand". Thank you. I don't trust therapists to tell me about experience. I know the wrong that happened and can discern it for myself. If anything, narcissists DO charm the therapist with their bullshit, and often will manipulate them to side with them, while getting them to continue to dismantle and damage the real victim. In most cases of discerning who the abuser is, I've come to find that the narcissist always looks the happy "well put together one", not because they are, but because they have destabilized their victim so much to get a artificial sense of regulation. Its often that victims are the ones in the corner looking depressed and withdrawn from their usual selves, and the narcissist lacking any empathy about it, looking content as a honey bee. Its disgusting, because narcissists feed off their victims joy and require them to be miserable in order for them to feel temporarily happy. This is why they are SO draining, they are unrelenting about the taking of your energy and all the abuse, mind games, dismissing, and invalidating they do to emotionally rape you of your energy. The fact is, narcissists are empty, perpetually miserable, evil people who need everyone's support/constant undeserved validation/worship/energy and control or else they pull a temper tantrum. Narcissists are simply people who surround themselves with other narcissists,codependents, or people that are easily fooled and give blind trust, to create the illusion of normalcy.
This is very well said. I was raised by a psychiatrist that happened to be a narcissist. Makes it very hard to trust others on mental health. And I absolutely hate it when someone explains my life to me instead of just trying to relate. Sometimes people have had to, and I'm grateful to those that took that step. But I need to know you know what I mean before I listen to your opinion. And I've seen narcissists make everyone take their side, even in extreme circumstances. Thank you for your insight.
What's sad is that I came to realize that I've been in three narcissistic relationship. Why??? Because no one talked about these traits. We always dismissed it as "he is having a bad day" not realizing that you are being abused.
The hardest part is not experiencing resentment when I realize how much ive been taken advantage of. I have to stop and just move on and not care what they say or do. If I have knowledge that will bennifit me I now keep it to myself.
I had to let go of resentment to move on realizing I'd never encountered anyone like that before but now spotting is way easier. I steer clear of gamers. It did give awareness and healing and strength to keep going knowing there IS a return to a person who used to be loving and giving without fear. I'll let ya know if she's ever wholly back, wink
You know what ! Each time I promised myself to never fall for another TOXIC person, they come much angelic than the ones before... I'm drained emotionally...
Nanny McPhie - LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. YOU are the priority and you let your partner KNOW that you have boundaries and you will NOT change into somebody you aren’t just because they want you too. Be YOU and if they take advantage of you often then get rid of them BEFORE you further invest in them. The longer you keep them in your life, the deeper the hole they dig to kick you in.
I was raised in the Narcissistic dynamic.. I was raised to be invisible.. I am working on myself.. It's been a eye opening journey and I continue to unravel the programming. I cant trace back to the pattern in my own parent's life's as there was no open communication of truth.. I don't hold a grudge and I don't Love someone I didnt know. I don't feel the need to have a false sense of loyalty to a family dynamic that is just evil. Thank you for your time and energy to get this information to those of us who are on a journey to wholeness.
27:40 " Please do not waste your precious breath talking to people that don't get it" In my opinion that's one of the most important lessons in life. Bravo!
Without warning, the narc launches into a campaign of character assassination. In a group setting the target wouldn't stand a chance. If the victim fights back the crowd turns against the unknowing prey. The narc has done his/her homework, laying out weeks or months of backstabbing ground work.
The answer here is to understand the difference between friends and acquaintances. True friends can see and accept you at your worst. Most people are acquaintances, and too quickly shown even a slightly negative aspect of you are quick to start distancing... fearing that they might be encouraging horrible behavior. I can count the friends I have on one hand with fingers left over. Everyone else is an acquaintance at best, and I have no problem dropping the subject and walking away. F*** 'em... Let the narc' have at them. They'll learn to regret it soon enough... AND they'll be challenged before they can earn their way into my attention, let alone "good graces" again. ;o)
@@endswithme555 I just hope it helps clue a few in... I'm glad you got something out of it. I'm just the kind of guy who presents, "What you see is what you get." ;o)
A narcissist will point out the beauty in others especially focusing on areas they have learnt you have issues with - they are expert in this, they bring comparing to a whole new level. Also they only follow and wish to be associated with popular individuals as they imagine their popularity makes them popular - magical thinking.
I think when they point out qualities of others that are your insecurities, there are two things happening. First, they are projecting their own jealous and insecure natures on you. Second, they are trying to program you to "step up", or rather, to be perpetually trying to "step up" in order to be approved by them.
Oh, darling, I hear u LOUD AND CLEAR!!!! MY WHOLE family (extended, incl.) are narc's!!!!!!...... So, now I've made my friends my family. And I feel your pain. What they do to us is HORRIBLE!!!! Sending a prayer your way, xx
I grew up with my grandmother (I think borderline) comparing me and my brother to the other children around our age in the family. It made us feel awful and did not help us grow close to our cousins, at all. It's called triangulation. Narcissist do it.
I know what you mean..that really shaped my view of myself when I was constantly berated and compared to my cousin. Maybe not compared....but definitely belittled
Lisa, I have been married to a man for almost 40 years, I left him 5 years ago I lost my whole family because I stood up for a dangerous criminal. My heart was shattered. You helped to change my life. Thank you so much, will never be enough. I wish you all the good things your heart desires. For anyone out there experiencing a serious crime, and your family dose not have your back- get out, yesterday!❤️❤️❤️🌟🌟🌟🙏🙏🙏Love you Lisa.
Sending you a hug. I'm trying to get out, but $ is the problem. I'm chronically ill. I have no immune system and CFS/ME so can't get a job. Covid is brutal here down in Melbourne AU. I live w/ my covert narc. Mum and son. Covert (street angel/home devil) father left - Thank God, b/c he was abusive towards my 5yr old son, but it's still REALLY hard. I'm so happy that you managed to leave. If you can, could you giive me some advice? I've just begun to reach out to social workers but they're not able to help much at this stage b/c Mum's not violent very often and I'm scared to go to police. Thanks, Peace
I was raised Penecostal my mom Could speak in tongues and then at home Swear like a trooper my parents would twists the Bible verses I was 47 years old When my mom told me I was a Mistake when I was born that’s when I had spiritual awakening, then my husband of 33 years would put me through abuse to the thing that he said that woke me up was that my demon doesn’t like him and he’s a Christian I left him 6 weeks ago and I’m loving it not going back ever I’m on the road to healing at 56 years old
Triplekids, you should sing G-loe-ry halleluia, free at last! So inspired by your spunky story, & angry-sad that your family put you thru that. They were sick, & perhaps had sick parents themselves, on back for generations. You're the one who is stopping that chain, getting off it, & healing many generations within your own life.
Yay you! Well done! Huge hugs for such courage. I also had the Christian narcissistic mother. I married a Lay Minister in the church! They are both narc monsters. No contact with them both. Mother 2013. Ex husband 2017. Done and dusted I never believed I would be divorced and living alone at 59 years old. Loving every single minute of it
Lisa, thank you for this Video. I Love Your Videos. I grew up with numerous Narcissists - my mother, my aunts, cousins, brother, neighborhood bullies - surrounded by them. Mobbed by them. Lost practically my whole life. It's so Tragic what this abuse can do to a person. It is Soul Murder. Nightmare - Understatement. C-PTSD. Microscopically trying to figure everything out - clueless? The Hypervigilance - The Biggest Gaslight there is. You really can't live your own life - too busy Surviving. Thank God, there's help now.
Eloquently put, thats great insight. Its almost as if the good people are surrounded by the darkness by design. Its our mission to break free; to THRIVE, not just survive.
"Soul Murder." Omg! Is it ever! It's an absolute crime against the soul. It's a crime against humanity! Thank God the awareness of this evilness is growing. It's got to grow faster though. All of humanity is at serious risk.
Kim and you can give them love support care still they are not happy or appreciated, you end up feeling confused and worried about them again as you want to see them happy, what a waste of time and your energy. 👎
So very well said. There’s an old book called “Soul Murder” and it’s about this and what narcissistic parents do to their children....kill their souls.
One of my narc father’s favorite motto was “Going against your parents is like going against God”!.... He always put himself on the same level as God. Narcissism to the highest degree. Narcs are so exhausting and draining and people who haven’t dealt with it will never know how many psychological, emotional, and mental hoops we as survivors have to endure just to have a good, drama free day. 😩
Pooh, I became a victim..Suddenly.i felt panic energy drained..Waking up.with night mares...First time ever... Spoke in panic to a friend and I got yelled at for being stupid and making a fuss over simple thing's...One will never understand until they have experienced it!
I’m not defending the narc even slightly... God knows because I am a victim of them myself.......but.....honoring parents IS one of the 10 commands and when one is broke they are all broken....it is a sin against God...but should never be used unless the child is really truly dishonoring parents.
We need to be understood, yes! Your videos are helping me the most. I was raised by, & the target of, a Narcissistic mom. I tried everything to love her "more & better", & be better with grades, cleaning the house, getting up & taking care of my little sister, doing surprise things for mom, but of course, the abuse & hatred toward me continued. To get away, I got married young, & went from the frying pan into the fire! Married a covert (always the victim) narcissist. Started looking for answers, for decades, with counselors, books, groups, you name it. Tried to love him more, be better, just as I had with mom. Finally came across narcissism a couple yrs ago, & now understand my life, & am healing! Only people who have walked it can ever understand. Thank you!
My mom is a narc and I wish My childhood could have been w a loving mom , who didn’t make me feel like I was nothing unless I did something for her . I watched her get abused by my dad and at an early age and from an early age I protected her if I was around . But it damaged me because I seen things I wasn’t allowed to speak about . Me and my dad had a no talk relationship for a long time . My dad has a favorite and when in doubt if anything went wrong it was my fault. Even my sisters were mean to me while I was trying to deal w emotions I was never allowed to face in their timing. I am now 27 and I forgave them . They are still the same . I got into many narcissistic relationships but every one I learn more about myself . I love your videos and it’s def a validation to deal w all this hurt I had yet to let go . I love my children differently now and have a deep bond with all 5 of them . We are very tight but in a healthy way . I keep growing and being better and these videos really help a lot .
Sorry this happened to you :( I think my mother is narcissistic too. She neglected me and my sister. To this day, she only speaks to me if she wants something. The worst was when she gave me the silence treatment until I gave her money. It's very sad when your own mother is a narc.
AMEN!!!! You're describing my childhood. My mother and oldest sister are narcissists. I was even physically abused by my sister. Today we have no contact. I'm totally free and I know how to be kind to myself. I choose only positive, kind, loving people to be around me.
Thinks every interaction is a one-upmanship, or competition: so you are just being you, and they think there's some kind of competition going on, and they try to provoke you into "stepping into the ring", with them (I learned that from Melanie Tonia Evans) - and meanwhile, you are just being a person. You were expected to be "the saint" in your family -expected to sacrifice, and if you actually stated reality that you have needs, then you were bashed and blamed - how dare you have needs - you have come to "save" the whole family as a person born into the family (not a family you chose), and if you are just trying to realistically save yourself as an offspring, then you are a "horrible, selfish person: how dare you not play along with the role I have imposed upon you as an adult parent?"
EVERY interaction they are one-upping. They can't handle someone else having good things or being in the spotlight for a moment. Its always about them and if you have any needs or aspirations, they'll call you selfish for it.
Whew!!!! I thank God for communities like this. People like you come along and explain it so well and validate my whole life in one post. Two years out since 10/18. I am healing day by day and posts like this affirm that I am right where I am supposed to be. Blessings!!
@@jensbasement3862 absolutely!!! I was called a perfectionist, “better than”, arrogant because I decided to stop taking abuse and started distancing myself...ha! I use to explain myself but now I use these insults as a barometer as to me being in the right place
I didn’t realize how much of myself I had lost. But I know all of that strength I had before is still there I’m still me and I love me. I am not what he tried to make me and all I know is that he couldn’t break me down completely. Thank you for being there
OM goodness! You have described my life. One narcissist after another. Am awake to their nefarious intentions. You’re spot on! 70 years old and still learning.
You really hit the nail on the head when you mentioned how they hate you to compliment someone else. My grandson and wife broke up and the wife was bashing him on FB and I went to his and told him how proud I was of him for working hard and providing for his family. The girl and her mother got on his FB and started accusing me of trying to start trouble and got all their friends to bash me too. I got to the point where I had to go no contact which destroyed my whole family and now they are all against me. I was the forgotten child growing up and left family and moved across country. Now they use that against me as if I can't get along with anyone.
You have explained exactly what happened in our household married to a malignant narcissist. I finally divorced him after 29 years of putting up with so much abuse and crazy making dysfunction . He is dangerously guided by his deranged sadism . He has no conscience and he is devoid of all virtues and moral compass while living HIS life ONLY for himself on his destructive path. Sadly I continue to fight against my worst nightmare that has come to life As he has infected,corrupted ,and manipulated the minds of my four children by “normalizing “ his evil and they now have his traits
You never know their mood. Maybe it is a bad day at work, a hand goes through tv, cheating, holes punched in walls. yelling at the top of lungs, dog hides under stairs, smashes full beer bottles, insulting crude words of devaluation. Who knows??? Just happy do not have to wait with the anxiety for these evil behaviors to be in my zone anymore. {)
Lol! I went through this hell!!! I took it because I'm a theologian and I had to display forgiveness!!! I figure him out after 9years becuase he used to domestic violence abusef me and run way
I am sixty years old and now understand just how damaging my mother has been to me for all these years. I mourn the lost years that i simply cannot get back. Thank you, Lisa, for shining a light into a very dark corner because i did believe for many years that i was truly crazy.
Hi Lisa, You mentioned something interesting about being happy. I remember when I was still living at home, My mom was my savior my whole life. Dad was and still is the narcissistic person that wanted everything. I was frusterated and confused. My mom saw this in me and one day she asked me "Rick, are you happy? Are you a happy person?" I replied " No mom I'm not." She just looked at me with soulful eyes and continued to nurture me. RI.P. mom
I'm really sorry you went through that :( I have a similar situation, my mums my rock. My step father is still abusive and I can't stand the dynamic, I wish my mum would leave before its too late..
Don’t then. Not time yet. That’s ok! But open up to yourself. Start writing a journal. Notice all the different “voices” in your head. Some of them are nutty. Give them a chocolate and tell them to take a nap.
I'm just putting this together tonight..smh..I've delt with 2 also..I am with one now.. I was very trusting when I was younger..now a cant be trusting with women at all..Holy crap man
@@lauriepierce4572 definitely, im not sure how to respond when I do find a ( good) potential partner. I'll run her off unintentionally, looking for a monster inside a perfectly normal person..smh
I feel you, I notice myself cutting myself from the rest of the world to new interactions and even dreading them because of the fear of trust. It's not to the point of anxiety but it's a feeling of things are not genuine because of that lingering dread. Ultimately it is ok to drop your guard but know where your boundaries are. If those boundaries are crossed hold firm. Period.
U have to look at this real hard. U have to really see, if that person loves themselves. U have to see if that person is full of lies, manipulation, playing games with u. U also have to really see if that person respects themselves. Loyalty in this world is nonexistent, now. But respect still exists. And finally u have to see what that person is bring’n to the table. Are they helping u or are they just receiving and using u. If they are using u, the devaluation and abuse will surely follow shortly after. But in the end, love urself and know when ur turn is over with, if u find the wrong person.
Omg wow I was called greedy or selfish too lol for taking the last biscuit even though I asked first if anyone wanted it and they all said no only to turn around and tell me, “ what were we supposed to say, you manipulated us into getting what you want.” They are so good at beating you down to a nub of nothingness.
Patricia Frei, mine too. I politely asked her to stop humiliating my guests in my home because it was not welcome and neither was she if she continued her behavior. After flipping out, she’s said (get this) she’s quiet witty and often misunderstood. Your cruelty is not humorous mom. Shes spiraling out from my boundaries. OH WELL 🤷🏻♀️
Had an aunt something like that. Visited once. It was the end of dinner, basically that time between eating and time to start gathering up dishes, and I asked about the last little lump of chicken and dumplings... Everyone denied any interest. At my own house, I've long been "the garbage disposal" so Mom would pile my plate before taking dishes off, a kind of habit... BUT get the damn dumpling and Auntie has a sh*t-fit. Then the whole table is in an uproar about me being a pig... SO I jabbed the fork down my throat and hurled the ENTIRE DINNER I'd just eaten across the table and into my cousin's lap. "There, then..." I retorted. "You only give a damn about your precious food, you can have it all back. I don't want it. I want to go home." I've never gone back to that house. I won't either. ;o)
This is so spot on. I went through cycle after cycle of toxic relationships and all these points resonate with all of them!! Everytime I praised anyone it turned into an argument.
You really put out a great video here! I was in a relationship with a covert narc for 20 years. He devastated me by relocating without me after telling me repeatedly he wanted to offer me a better life than he had. But listening to this helps because you described our situation perfectly. I am codependent and felt hooked into allowing ongoing verbal and emotional abuse for all of those years. Always thinking I was going to “ earn” his love, and no matter what I did, gave, or forgave, it never did. Now he’s with a new supply, no doubt love/bombing, creating dependency…. she has no idea who he is or what he will do to her life. He is truly a cruel man, and the mask has not slipped. But I know it will. I feel for her and hope is not also a codependent with abandonment wounds.
Hello Lisa. I agree to your story and examples in this video. So recognizable. People who were not victim of narcissistic abuse can't really help you or talk with you about this topic. They can't imagine and feel what people have dealt with and gone through in such (an) abuse. People try it and that is great but they also say: "it is sad, it is hard, it is over now, life goes on, deal with it." Easy to say for them. I have done the innerwork and it helped me a lot. I have no contact with my covert narcissist ex partner anymore. Also I know how to indentify these kind of people now. For me it is also easier to end contact or friendships when it only cost me energy instead it gives me energy. I don't feel the guilt anymore, it is my decision. I wish everybody the best and good luck to find yourself back and be the person you want to be.
I grew up in a Jewish family - exactly the same deal. Two narcissistic ex husbands later and I’m trying to extricate myself from my Fiancé who is worse than the other two combined. Listening to this content describes him exactly in the way he relates to me. Plus all the other traits. Ugh - these narcs are wrecking balls. And. I now know, aged 60 that I’m a codependent. My barrier to wellness is that I have Fibromyalgia and cannot reliably work - save for in his / our business. If not for my condition - I’d have put my runners on and headed for the hills. Instead, he now advises that if I leave him, he will unleash hell on me. Anyway, finding you at this crucial juncture has gifted me a monumentally enlightening series of light bulb moments. As has your audio book. Thank you and Namaste 🙏 Blessings from Australia 🇦🇺 ✖️
@Caroline Ford ... I can relate to all you’ve said here. Be strong, know that you are right, quietly do the extrication work. You will get there ... to peace. I’m 62, Australian, similar pathway. Know that you share this path with so many good people. And yes, I too thank the Universe for Lisa 😘
I’m 54. I’m pretty good being a Helper. I get enough clarity that I get feedback that lets me know my sharing and “advice” on any problems you have. BOTH MY PARENTS ARE TOXIC NARCISSISTS. AND HAVE BEEN EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED AND HAVE BEEN JUST ABUSING THE HELL OUT OF ME. I DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT WAS. AND I MEDITATE AND STUDY METAPHYSICS ENERGY HEALING AND I’m awake and aware
OH my word - I experienced this last year - set a boundary with a friend of over 36 years and her acquaintance. They expected me to wait two hours for them to arrive at a venue. I said that two hours were a bit long. The acquaintance said that they were worth waiting for!!!! I cancelled my participation in the event. Very very low contact with best friend since then. I was so hurt - but I started to realise, with your teachings, that I was onto a narc! After all these years!
Thank you. It's comforting that you truly understand what I went through and what my children are going through. I've taken steps to protect the children. Prayers very much appreciated ❤
Lisa, I'm 13 minutes into the vid and you're just about to get into the 'five things', but before you do I want to share this. Your pointing out that we (victims of narc abuse) have been through "something", that there is a reason we're here, makes me think of understanding this; addictions (mind having been alcohol, food, Rx drugs, now meth) need to not be met with "Why do you drink so much, Why are you fat, or Why do you take so much ___", but rather with "What happened to you?" A light that had at least been flickering went on when you said that while it's important to understand the narc it's also important to understand ourselves and how we got into this. I'm noting the books you're recommending and I thank you. Now, as the cartoons used to say, "Back to the Show". ❤️❤️
You just described my entitled toxic alcoholic ex Narcissist! Not vulnerable at all! Thankfully, due to videos like yours and hours of research I am well prepared to spot a Narc at 50 paces! I am an Empath and was terribly codependent coming from a single family alcoholic mom. Now I can see why I was such easy pickings for these nasty types. Never Again! I have spent months doing introspective work on myself. Now if approached by a toxic personality, I am truly prepared.
I never had a man who I dated compete with me. To cut down my mission...truly undermine it. Totally eye-opening to the whole narcissist MO a few years ago. Destructive. Soul-robbing. Mind-robbing unless you catch them early. And level up. 🥰🤛 never let them in your life again!!!
You are the easiest to understand on this subject. At 72 years of age, you have just changed my life... Thank you more than you could even understand. I have had too many of these people in my life. Exactly as you described. I never knew what exactly was wrong. A battered wife for 10 years. My friend was the same way and then I married one almost 13 years later... found a real interdependent real love.
Outstanding video!! I grew up with a narcissistic mother. But like you, I didn’t have a skill set to deal with her or understand what was happening. Your video and videos like yours have helped give a “name” to my issues and realize, just as you said, “I’m not crazy.” I’ve set all my boundaries and purchased a ticket on the “sanity train.” My mental health is much better for it. Thank you ever so much and God bless you! ✌🏻❤️🙏🏻🦋
Lisa, this has to easily be the 10th video I've watched in the last couple days of yours. You are so sharp and hip to all the games associated with these types of scenarios.They have been invaluable in my self education of narcissistic behavior, and in recognizing almost immediately when someone is exhibiting narcissistic tendencies and then being able to conduct myself accordingly. If you are aware the you can prepare, right? Not sure if that makes sense but it does to me. Thank you so VERY much for helping me to not feel like I'm crazy anymore. Or questioning my own spot on intuition, or wondering if it's me who is looking at things in the wrong perspective. These manipulative tools that Narcissist's have in their kit are vicious and brutal. No one should ever have to be subject to that kind of mental mistreatment on any level for any reason. Thank you for being the shining light that you are onto this community and using you're platform to educate people who want and need to be. My hat is off to you "My Lady".
My therapist traumatizes me every time I have therapy with her, and on top of it she ends the sessions talking about herself and her brand new puppy. One time she started talking to me about politics and her personal political views when I told her I was upset at my narcissistic father for forcing me to talk about politics. I literally just started sobbing and wanted to hurt myself and she told me that she had to end the session because my time was up. I think I should find a new therapist and report her or something, but im terrified to do so.
I initiated "marriage counseling after 40-years! First session, the therapist says, "how can you have issues with such soft brown eyes?" before i left that first session, i explained "you should see those soft brown eyes when he attacks with a bamboo stick.
Yes, especially when you are in a vulnerable life situation (having to find a new job, being in a new environment without knowing anyone, being sick, ect.) you have to be extra careful who jumps up “to help you”!! I found my Narc spouse of 3 years when I moved to a new country and did not speak the language very well, had only new friends and acquaintances (no one knew me really) and a demanding study program- he “helped” me by latching on me like a parasite for emotional and financial supply and it took me 3 years, many panic attacks and being ruined financially until I finally could get him off my back!! Next to “ordinary helpers” you can also fall for narcissistic doctors & therapierst out there, too. Take care of yourself and don’t let them feed on your difficult season & emotional distress. God bless you and I wish you’ll get better and find inner peace soon.
Wow Lisa I so agree when your in it you can’t see clearly ... but when you leave or stand back from it you see so clearly !!!! It’s light 💡 bulb moment 👌🏻
Once golfed with a known narc who was acting like a 2 year old, making everyone uncomfortable. Noticed that when I said, "nice shot" to someone, his face would contort like he bit into a lemon. He was driving me so nuts, I gave out sincere compliments to others as a weapon : ( I know this was wrong, I need to improve, but wow, it was super effective.
I just ended a 30 year "friendship", when I demanded repayment of a many years old loan. The individual refused to pay me because he said that I, "left a bad taste in his mouth", by calling him out for buying luxury items costing many times more than the petty $600 owed me, for years. He made empty promises about repayment, and then went dark. No apologies, no acceptance of responsibility, no thank you, no money, no nothing. I have no doubt that he is currently attempting to smear me. These charlatan losers all play by the same playbook.
"Every time something happened in my life, my mother's first question was 'Well, what did YOU do?'" Ohhhhhhh yeah, I feel that. My dad did EXACTLY that. As someone who was severely bullied in school, my dad's response significantly compounded that. It was horrible abuse.
I raised a stepdaughter full time. She visited with her mother when it was convenient. I have never felt validated. Until I listen to you and others on TH-cam . I have paid to see counselors. None of them knew any of this. It would have helped me many years ago. If they could have know what I was living with. I’m 66 she is 40 years old. I started raising her at 7 years old. My husband has past away. He died with a broken heart. She divided his family with lies. She contacts me when she needs something. I’m learning boundaries. May God bless you greatly.
Lisa you have the most real & down to earth way about you & how you break all this down to make sense. You’ve just described everything I would speak about as a much younger version of myself. I was that family scapegoat & have experienced a lifetime of narcissistic abuse by family. It is debilitating & traumatizing to say the least. Your videos bring tremendous clarity to many of us that can now speak freely about our experiences. Thanks for the work you are doing that contributes to so many to start the healing process. You are loved 🤍 ✨🙏🏼✨
Thank you Thank you! I know you explain everything so well and the most difficult part was I just didn't understand what had happened to me. If I understand, I can heal. Having validation is so important. I think others just don't want to see the abuse because they have participated in the toxic behavior in the past or even present. They know something is wrong with the abuser but they don't want to look at their own issues. It's devastating to be not believed especially by a supposed friend or family member. But we are ahead of our time. We have the capacity to save ourselves.
I've stopped my narcissist from getting her regular narcissistic supply and she got bold and straight out told my to give it back. I need you to tell I'm good, I need you to tell me I'm beautiful and smart. Where does it end? She gets mean if her needs aren't met first. But, I keep telling her, it has more power if she tells herself the things she expects me to say.
Your video brought up a memory from early on in my marriage with my ex. I saw one of his law partners who I didn’t know very well deliver an opening statement and it was incredible. I made the terrible mistake of expressing how impressed I was to my then husband. I was so confused by his reaction. This was his law partner. Weren’t they on the same team. My ex was openly hostile that I was complimentary of his partners performance. He did a great job. You nailed that one. You would have thought that I told my husband that I thought my husband was the scum of the earth but telling him his law partner was really talented and did a great job
It is so heartwarming to have found a channel, a person, Lisa, who goes well beyond discussing the topic of narcissism by incorporating solutions and coping mechanisms for the viewers. I’m admiring her logic and point of view. Many thanks for creating this channel and sharing your wisdom with us, Lisa! 🤗
This is fantastic. I often get retraumatised and communally gas lit. I’m going to go to my HR department about some shenanigans that have been going on at work and this helps me put it in a context someone who doesn’t understand narc abuse might grasp.
This video is on point. I love it. It's scariest when you encounter the most covert narcissists. It can take a long time before you see what's really under that mask but there's always a small voice saying "This isn't right; This doesn't feel good" Keep listening to that voice, it will save you someday. Thank you for this video. 🙏💜✨🔥
Oh, you are soooo right! They create a dependency with all the love bombing, and imprints such pleasure and validation in your mind and brain chemistry! Then when you see red flags, you excuse them, too attached to our bias that this person would never hurt us. They are the most dangerous people! Trauma bonds are real!
So, I took my handyman over to my mom's to look at her broken window latches. Next day my son heard from a neighbour that I have a new young boyfriend- the handyman is his roommate. Honestly these people are disgusting, you could win the Nobel prize and they would twist it into something negative. I was going to have my mom over for Thanksgiving dinner (Canada!) but instead had it alone and happy with my cat :)
This list is pretty much spot on. All of these things I have experienced with my Parents. Family. Relationships. Etc. But I know how to do these things. And take my time to think about things. I wish to share these tools with my son. It will take time. But that is his name. Will. And I believe he will
Great info! Thank you! I was raised by a CN. She never stuck up for me once, always blamed me for everything, called me foolish, and I became a people pleaser. I’m healing at age 54 as she is dying of cancer at 86. I call to see how her chemo is going and she does her narc thing. I am Gray Rockin’ the hell out of her. Just don’t give a narc your emotions.
The thing I hated most about narcissists is the barely concealed look of contempt they throw at you when they don’t like something you’ve said. I’ve seen that look so many times - on the faces of my father, my brother, my ‘best’ friend, even my husband.. I cannot stand that look anymore. I literally feel like smashing their faces and walking away forever when I see that look.
Wow. One of the best most relatable videos on this topic i have ever watched. Really helped me. I feel like i can and will move forward thru this time and toxic person. Thankyou so much.
And I meant to say they gave me a card for Father’s Day, saying happy Father’s Day mom because you are my father and my mother and the other I made a mistake I put car, instead of card!
Thank you Lisa for what you do, for making you aware of how destructive the relationship with the narcissist is. I am now in a relationship with someone who is getting out of a debilitating marriage to a narcissist. Your recordings bring her a lot of peace and reassure her that she has taken the right course towards personal freedom. Unfortunately, the narcissistic husband beset her and beset also her children. Cases in courts drag on for a long time. Now he has his paw on the children and in order to be with the children she is forced to be with him even though she doesn't want to.
Praising others > yes, can be a decent litmus test to detect a narc. Reminds me of a time when I simply mentioned a friend's younger sister in a very positive way, something like "she's such an angel, so sweet" and felt appalled at her response wow, she was actually so pissed off She criticized, called her spoiled rotten etc and I was so confused, now makes sense. Also about 'emotional intelligence' 100% agree. Narcs may be highly educated even high IQ in traditional way, but fail miserably when it comes to EQ. Might be quite charming and even try to mimic emotions like empathy or compassion, yet in the end it is just an act - not genuinely felt.
So so helpful Lisa! Love that you can acknowledge we ARE victims of the narc, until can recognise and then choose to leave! Or protect myself more. My first aa 12 step programme made me more self abusive and co dependant . Non stop Service for 25 years! Just seen what I’m doing and how I need to validate and care for self as well as others (and not feel guilty) 😀
That really is a problem, trying to explain to others, one hears oneself sounding like a victim, or a crazy person or a vindictive person. Even people who understand you usually end up saying things like "you are not helping yourself by dwelling in negatives" or " I think you are overthinking this" 🤷♀️
Incredibly powerful one of Lisa’s BEST VIDEOS EVER IMHO! OMG I will keep this one on top of my list!! Thank you Lisa for always speaking up and helping those who suffer from narcissistic abuse and codependency! I so love your videos and simple but powerful helpful tools to live my life without all this damn pain! I so grateful!!! Take her classes fans!!!!🙏👍❤️💫
My mom also said the exact same thing to me. Never would believe that someone would just be awful to me but thwt the ONLY reason is because I did something to induce them to act that way to me. It always made me feel like I could never share openly with her.
I’ve only become aware of this dynamic only a couple of years ago, upon listening to the descriptions of both perpetrator and victim, I finally found out the reason for my insanity. Having been raised in a dysfunctional home a which I was believed to be the cause of the dysfunction, or scapegoated into it, leaving me confused and shamed. Then without any indication of the nightmare of a marriage I was allowing myself to stain freedom from the family. Only to get sucked into a horrible insecure relationship that I had no idea about. Having been a victim for nearly60 years. Thanks for the acknowledgement tha as was said , anybody who has not undergone the torture that I have will never experience how difficult life is after such extreme conditions. PTSD, takes effort and self love to get functionality into my remaining years. It is real and it’s through courage and respect that I’ve survived at all.
I watch these videos to understand a toxic situation, I was in many years ago and also know what I can do about my own behaviour that contributed to the escalation of the situation. Having read and watched lot about narcissism, I now realise that what happened then was narcissistic abuse but as a 20 something year old at the time, I was emotionally immature and made poor decisions that can also be described as narcissistic. I am in a far happier place now and the toxic person is no longer in my life. This does not mean that I stop learning and become complacent. It is important to learn how not to be as well as be aware of how to deal with such people. Thank you Lisa.
The praising others is so true. One time I praised someone's CAT and the narc accused me of thinking that cat was better than hers. Off topic, that color looks really good on you.
I just can't thank you enough Lisa, for putting these videos out and helping those of us who are living through this now, and who have probably survived narcissistic abuse. I can relate to literally EVERYTHING you are saying in your videos. Congratulations on your breaking through it and for putting it out there for us to benefit from, so as to lead our best lives. I personally have only started healing from this form of abuse a year ago. And it's been two years now that I'm in therapy healing the repressed abuse and trauma I went through constantly as a child. I grew up in a staunch Jehovah's witness family, with an awful malignant narcissistic abusive step mother. I blocked all of it out, even though I left this cult 20 years ago. It's been a long and arduous journey, but I am so so thankful to finally be able to see the light and take the proper steps to heal myself and put up healthy boundaries. And I can't thank you enough for helping us and putting this information out. Thank you with all my heart
I can’t begin to explain how thankful I’m to you for what you said about the victim of a narcissist. Every one in my immediate circle does not seem to understand why it is taking so long to heal! Everyone tells me to stop feeling like a victim. It hurts even more!
Thank you Lisa! I needed that! I was on holidays with a friend and went in "self care modus". After that I was ignored and silent treated for the rest of our vacation.
It's real! Like someone else said "when you know you know!" And they're will be those who won't believe us but we know it's real and pervasive thank you for your videos and perspective! You're helping a lot of people ❤
One of your very GREATEST pieces of content, Lisa - and your bar is among the highest out there ❤️🤍
I also grew up in a Catholic (Irish) family and the patterns you describe are like hearing my childhood and teenage years spoken back to me. I’ve lived most of my adult life in London, healing and finally free!
Ditto
I agree!!❤️👍🏻
Validation has been the key for me! And it takes someone who truly understands what we have lived & learned in our lives. I have found a couple of people here that through their knowledge, experiences, their VALIDATION of the hell I have lived, My life, my mental health, my emotional health, even my physical health has dramatically evolved ...I will be forever grateful... grateful beyond measure!!! Thank you!
Yes, people are leaving catholisism because of the false, unbiblical teachings. They teach a works based salvation, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Ephesians 2:8-9
King James Version
8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
The kingdom of god is within you.
"People who have not been psychologically manipulated and have not been gaslighted over and over. People who have not had their brains turned into mashed potatoes by a manipulative person, simply are not going to understand the devastation that brings to your mind, body and soul."
So true how it hurts!
Perfectly stated Beverly. What's the latest catch phrase? "...When you know, you know". Everybody here? ...we KNOW!
Some people are lucky enough to come from homes that aren't abusive.
In other cases, the person you are talking to may know very well what has happened to you and won't say anything because they're a narcissist themselves.
Narcissist love to invalidate people.
It is just another way of putting you down and making you feel like it's all your fault.
Doing this gives them sadistic supply.
At least once you're awake you cannot go back to sleep.
Once you learn to spot them you can use the gray rock of going stoic and not reacting to them.
They feed off of your reactions, then they use them against you which is why you never want to react.
So true, they do not understand, it is through these types of videos that I feel people understand me, and somehow it validated my feeling, and therefore I feel empowered. I hope all victims of abuse learn to find and love themselves for our complete healing.
🙏
@@christinecutter505 💐🕊️
I was in a relationship with a narcissistic man. It felt like walking through hell. No matter what I did and said, it was my fault.
This walk through hell made you stronger. Now you actually know the way to get out of hell. Congratulations sis 🖤💪
Same here.
Get OUT, you have no idea how dangerous these people can be. My ten-year marriage and he made three attempts to kill me for trying to leave. And then when you are gone study the content again. I remarried and this is the same more obviously that way... and now I am discovering the answers that saved my emotional state at 72. Good luck you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Is with a narcissist husband of 12 yrs he exhibits every single trait. It’s truly a living hell ! I’m trying to get out
Me, now. I'm financially fucked Because of him
If your stomach clenches, proceed with caution. Anxiety evolved to protect us.
True
YES!
Aw ❤️ that's sweet to hear. It's got to be good for something! Makes sense.
I feel super anxious when my ex contacts me 😔 I don’t feel strong enough to go no contact as I’m worried about her doing the smear campaign
Hearing my ex narcs name , hearing his voice messes with my nervous system 😥
The one main thing that hurts them is saying NO to them...
Oh, yes..."No" will enrage them...whether they show it or not.
I would rather deal with Pre-K meltdowns all day than try and chill out some infantile adult that's throwing a temper tantrum over being told .... "no"
-ain't nobody got time for that-
Or when the stakes are very low and so just ignoring their petty little moves while pretending to not be recognizing that those Windows have been all along part of their own little clever plan instead of thinking there is something wrong with my computer not long before another one of those calls from a scam artists who claims to be calling me from my own computer Windows subscription because they have recognized a problem in my computer thanks to how Windows is able to signal them with an error code [too] when that error code was only a cleverly designed ad.
Yeah I shut down a narc at work by saying no sorry I cannot help you
@@CynthiaAva 100%
No you can’t call out a narcissist on anything !!!! They’re a very ,very strange bunch of people they do the complete opposite of truth & honesty.
hell no you dont call them out....your liable to wake up with a knife in your damn back!!!lol
Very well said
They hate it once you realize what they truly are
This is a great piece and i just started watching!!
"Such a Very Strange bunch" and its so sad for those of us that have too deal with them!!!!
When your feelings are mocked, remember, This isn't why you fell in love. You don't want to hurt back, you just want to be happy, free your soul, They don't love you, Don't waste your life, being unloved.
They don’t love you. Best phrase of the thread.
For real
They mirror image and then as empathetic s we do it back 🙏🏽💥💯🙏🏽💥💯😈😈😈😈
Jealousy is the number one prerequisite for the narcissist's actions. They believe they have to manage others through "dominance" to exist in their own minds at all. Sorrowfully, it means they believe they don't exist unless someone else is basically "worshipping" them. You want to get a narcissist high? Fawn over them. Don't speak, don't act, just follow. It's really all they want, to be bigger than you. Easily, they are the bully in the extreme.
They don’t exist. The myth of Narcissus. He only knew what he saw reflected back to him in the image in the water. They are empty vessels.
Empty vials
Well said. They also don’t want you to have an opinion, having an opinion shows critical thinking and can be viewed as a sign of being independent.
This fits my Dad perfectly. A bully!
Well said
This is why I blocked my brothers out, both of them exactly this way! Thank god, and divorced one and it was finalized this summer. Better late than never, my life is so peaceful now.
I’m about to cut my brother off again. I tried to get along with him but clearly that is not what he wants so I’m done with him for the las time.
I cut my two twin brothers and narcissistic mother off several years ago after 50 years of abuse. I am now healthier and happier in life.
I did they same to my brother's, the day of my mum's funeral one of the best decision I've in my new life , total nonsense..
We should start a support group for women with narc brothers. Mine covertly made my childhood hell with mental and physical abuse. After my dad died he and his children went into vile beast mode. They would never have dared while dad was alive. He has descended into backstabbing not only me but also my friends. Tried to get a friend fired going behind her back with false complaints to her boss. It’s hard to go no contact when you are dealing with an aged parent and both sibs are POA. 🥴 If it were just me and my dear mom I would have taken her far away from here long ago.
Wait, 3 people...
Amen! And please don’t waste your precious breath talking to people that don’t get it.
The people who you confide in sometimes turn out to be the coverts "recruited". 🙄😨
Yes, do not try to explain yourself to someone who is dedicated to misunderstanding you
@@joelnegron6366 well said 👏
I have spent my life walking on eggshells because of narcissistic people. These same people tell me that they walk on eggshells with me.
I was gonna say It fears our empathy and kindness because its completely devoid of it but.
More it believes we are not entitled to feel/show empathy. They are jealous that most people have empathy. Strange things I know.
Remember they are damaged from childhood or something.
Yes they turn it back to you lol
@@warorislam my mother in law is a narcisist (and bf maybe too) and they always said I was too naive, trustworthy etc.. while I just see the positive things in everyone/everything.. I always hated that they looked down on me like that..
Right.....the same people claim they walk on eggshells....that’s because I am standing up nice and tall and NOT TAKING IT ANYMORE....until they beat me into submission once again....
I've had similar experience. lol Strange, isn't it?
Yes! You nailed it! Narcissist victims DO need to be heard, understood, and know there is life on the other side. I lived with a narcissist and suffered for over 10 years and lost every friend I ever had along with my LIFE. Everything I had was used for his benefit: my business, my credit, etc. I had no one to talk to or that could see what went on behind closed doors. I wanted to end my life and now I have left and finally working on MY life instead of walking on eggshells trying to make HIM happy.
Dance!
yay 😀
I am currently going through a divorce. He broke me down so far that I have been a housewife and now it’s he wants a divorce but I’m stuck trying to fund a job so I can leave. Please give me any advice you have . I have been throwing up every day for a week I’m nervous every scared just devastated
I am sorry you are going through this. Praying for wisdom and strength for you to get through this. Don't worry about the future. All is well. Start a new thread and re-post your message to get more support. Nobody can see this message as it's at the end of someone else's post. Hugs 💛🙏
WOW!!
"People who have not had their brains turned into mashed potatoes by a narcissistic manipulator will not understand". Thank you. I don't trust therapists to tell me about experience. I know the wrong that happened and can discern it for myself. If anything, narcissists DO charm the therapist with their bullshit, and often will manipulate them to side with them, while getting them to continue to dismantle and damage the real victim. In most cases of discerning who the abuser is, I've come to find that the narcissist always looks the happy "well put together one", not because they are, but because they have destabilized their victim so much to get a artificial sense of regulation. Its often that victims are the ones in the corner looking depressed and withdrawn from their usual selves, and the narcissist lacking any empathy about it, looking content as a honey bee. Its disgusting, because narcissists feed off their victims joy and require them to be miserable in order for them to feel temporarily happy. This is why they are SO draining, they are unrelenting about the taking of your energy and all the abuse, mind games, dismissing, and invalidating they do to emotionally rape you of your energy. The fact is, narcissists are empty, perpetually miserable, evil people who need everyone's support/constant undeserved validation/worship/energy and control or else they pull a temper tantrum. Narcissists are simply people who surround themselves with other narcissists,codependents, or people that are easily fooled and give blind trust, to create the illusion of normalcy.
I would say you have a pretty darn clear understanding!
Wow! All this is true. On game Lisa
Can I share this? Save these ideas. I love the pictures you drew here. In my head. It’s a clear understanding of this personality type. May I?
This is very well said. I was raised by a psychiatrist that happened to be a narcissist. Makes it very hard to trust others on mental health. And I absolutely hate it when someone explains my life to me instead of just trying to relate. Sometimes people have had to, and I'm grateful to those that took that step. But I need to know you know what I mean before I listen to your opinion. And I've seen narcissists make everyone take their side, even in extreme circumstances. Thank you for your insight.
What's sad is that I came to realize that I've been in three narcissistic relationship. Why??? Because no one talked about these traits. We always dismissed it as "he is having a bad day" not realizing that you are being abused.
The hardest part is not experiencing resentment when I realize how much ive been taken advantage of. I have to stop and just move on and not care what they say or do. If I have knowledge that will bennifit me I now keep it to myself.
I had to let go of resentment to move on realizing I'd never encountered anyone like that before but now spotting is way easier. I steer clear of gamers. It did give awareness and healing and strength to keep going knowing there IS a return to a person who used to be loving and giving without fear. I'll let ya know if she's ever wholly back, wink
You know what ! Each time I promised myself to never fall for another TOXIC person, they come much angelic than the ones before... I'm drained emotionally...
Nanny McPhie - LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. YOU are the priority and you let your partner KNOW that you have boundaries and you will NOT change into somebody you aren’t just because they want you too. Be YOU and if they take advantage of you often then get rid of them BEFORE you further invest in them. The longer you keep them in your life, the deeper the hole they dig to kick you in.
Me too!...but its good theyre improving🤣
I can relate. The Devil busy!
I believe it will get better. That negative energy has to dissipate.
Hope you are having a wonderful morning Lisa and whomever may read this :)
And you too x
Thank you You too
Thank You & same to you 😁🤗
Thank you MG I hope you also had a good morning.
You too!
I was raised in the Narcissistic dynamic.. I was raised to be invisible.. I am working on myself.. It's been a eye opening journey and I continue to unravel the programming. I cant trace back to the pattern in my own parent's life's as there was no open communication of truth.. I don't hold a grudge and I don't Love someone I didnt know. I don't feel the need to have a false sense of loyalty to a family dynamic that is just evil. Thank you for your time and energy to get this information to those of us who are on a journey to wholeness.
27:40 " Please do not waste your precious breath talking to people that don't get it"
In my opinion that's one of the most important lessons in life.
Bravo!
yep
It truly is!!
🙏🏾💜🌟
Unless, you've lived it, you cannot explain it to anyone.
I agree 👏
Without warning, the narc launches into a campaign of character assassination. In a group setting the target wouldn't stand a chance. If the victim fights back the crowd turns against the unknowing prey. The narc has done his/her homework, laying out weeks or months of backstabbing ground work.
Or years... Or decades... Seriously.
The answer here is to understand the difference between friends and acquaintances. True friends can see and accept you at your worst. Most people are acquaintances, and too quickly shown even a slightly negative aspect of you are quick to start distancing... fearing that they might be encouraging horrible behavior.
I can count the friends I have on one hand with fingers left over. Everyone else is an acquaintance at best, and I have no problem dropping the subject and walking away. F*** 'em... Let the narc' have at them. They'll learn to regret it soon enough... AND they'll be challenged before they can earn their way into my attention, let alone "good graces" again. ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 love this post!!!! Ultimate self-worth and high boundaries!!! Awesome!
@@endswithme555 I just hope it helps clue a few in... I'm glad you got something out of it.
I'm just the kind of guy who presents, "What you see is what you get." ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 💯💯 we are cut from the same cloth in that respect! WYSIWYG
Who needs enemies with "friends" like these?? Ick. Even worse if you're "sleeping with the enemy."
Sleeping with the enemy is the worst
A narcissist will point out the beauty in others especially focusing on areas they have learnt you have issues with - they are expert in this, they bring comparing to a whole new level. Also they only follow and wish to be associated with popular individuals as they imagine their popularity makes them popular - magical thinking.
I think when they point out qualities of others that are your insecurities, there are two things happening. First, they are projecting their own jealous and insecure natures on you. Second, they are trying to program you to "step up", or rather, to be perpetually trying to "step up" in order to be approved by them.
Holy crap, if this isn’t the truth??! This is so my family right here ans the number one issue is “well, you’re jut not skinny enough”. 😕😒🙄
Wow' this is so true
Growing up with an extremely narcissistic aunt, whose daughter was about the same age as me, was brutal. EVERYTHING was a competition
Oh, darling, I hear u LOUD AND CLEAR!!!! MY WHOLE family (extended, incl.) are narc's!!!!!!...... So, now I've made my friends my family. And I feel your pain. What they do to us is HORRIBLE!!!! Sending a prayer your way, xx
I grew up with my grandmother (I think borderline) comparing me and my brother to the other children around our age in the family. It made us feel awful and did not help us grow close to our cousins, at all. It's called triangulation. Narcissist do it.
I know what you mean..that really shaped my view of myself when I was constantly berated and compared to my cousin. Maybe not compared....but definitely belittled
Join the club, so did I n it sucked...
@@CynthiaAva yeah they themselves do a great job at destroying families.
Lisa, I have been married to a man for almost 40 years, I left him 5 years ago I lost my whole family because I stood up for a dangerous criminal. My heart was shattered. You helped to change my life.
Thank you so much, will never be enough. I wish you all the good things your heart desires. For anyone out there experiencing a serious crime, and your family dose not have your back- get out, yesterday!❤️❤️❤️🌟🌟🌟🙏🙏🙏Love you Lisa.
Sending you a hug. I'm trying to get out, but $ is the problem. I'm chronically ill. I have no immune system and CFS/ME so can't get a job. Covid is brutal here down in Melbourne AU. I live w/ my covert narc. Mum and son. Covert (street angel/home devil) father left - Thank God, b/c he was abusive towards my 5yr old son, but it's still REALLY hard. I'm so happy that you managed to leave. If you can, could you giive me some advice? I've just begun to reach out to social workers but they're not able to help much at this stage b/c Mum's not violent very often and I'm scared to go to police. Thanks, Peace
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
God bless your Heart.
This religious crap is SO unhelpful.
Psalms 7:11
God judgeth the righteous, and God is angry with the wicked every day.
I was raised Penecostal my mom Could speak in tongues and then at home Swear like a trooper my parents would twists the Bible verses I was 47 years old When my mom told me I was a Mistake when I was born that’s when I had spiritual awakening, then my husband of 33 years would put me through abuse to the thing that he said that woke me up was that my demon doesn’t like him and he’s a Christian I left him 6 weeks ago and I’m loving it not going back ever I’m on the road to healing at 56 years old
Pentacostal churches are bad when coming to terms with same sex attraction,I loathe religion.
Triplekids, you should sing G-loe-ry halleluia, free at last! So inspired by your spunky story, & angry-sad that your family put you thru that. They were sick, & perhaps had sick parents themselves, on back for generations. You're the one who is stopping that chain, getting off it, & healing many generations within your own life.
Well done! You are so brave! 🎈🌸Remember, you are so worth it. Never stop practising self-care, this develops healthy self-esteem. ♥️
Yay you! Well done! Huge hugs for such courage. I also had the Christian narcissistic mother. I married a Lay Minister in the church! They are both narc monsters. No contact with them both. Mother 2013. Ex husband 2017. Done and dusted I never believed I would be divorced and living alone at 59 years old. Loving every single minute of it
Healing at 62... with our Heavenly Father's help, we GOT this! Love and prayers for you. ❤🙏
Lisa, thank you for this Video. I Love Your Videos. I grew up with numerous Narcissists - my mother, my aunts, cousins, brother, neighborhood bullies - surrounded by them. Mobbed by them. Lost practically my whole life. It's so Tragic what this abuse can do to a person. It is Soul Murder. Nightmare - Understatement. C-PTSD. Microscopically trying to figure everything out - clueless? The Hypervigilance - The Biggest Gaslight there is. You really can't live your own life - too busy Surviving. Thank God, there's help now.
Eloquently put, thats great insight. Its almost as if the good people are surrounded by the darkness by design. Its our mission to break free; to THRIVE, not just survive.
"Soul Murder." Omg! Is it ever! It's an absolute crime against the soul. It's a crime against humanity! Thank God the awareness of this evilness is growing. It's got to grow faster though. All of humanity is at serious risk.
Kim and you can give them love support care still they are not happy or appreciated, you end up feeling confused and worried about them again as you want to see them happy, what a waste of time and your energy. 👎
So very well said. There’s an old book called “Soul Murder” and it’s about this and what narcissistic parents do to their children....kill their souls.
did you want to be friends with me I'm sorry you hurt
One of my narc father’s favorite motto was “Going against your parents is like going against God”!.... He always put himself on the same level as God. Narcissism to the highest degree. Narcs are so exhausting and draining and people who haven’t dealt with it will never know how many psychological, emotional, and mental hoops we as survivors have to endure just to have a good, drama free day. 😩
Omg my covert mom. Ew.
Pooh, I became a victim..Suddenly.i felt panic energy drained..Waking up.with night mares...First time ever... Spoke in panic to a friend and I got yelled at for being stupid and making a fuss over simple thing's...One will never understand until they have experienced it!
I’m not defending the narc even slightly... God knows because I am a victim of them myself.......but.....honoring parents IS one of the 10 commands and when one is broke they are all broken....it is a sin against God...but should never be used unless the child is really truly dishonoring parents.
We need to be understood, yes! Your videos are helping me the most. I was raised by, & the target of, a Narcissistic mom. I tried everything to love her "more & better", & be better with grades, cleaning the house, getting up & taking care of my little sister, doing surprise things for mom, but of course, the abuse & hatred toward me continued. To get away, I got married young, & went from the frying pan into the fire! Married a covert (always the victim) narcissist. Started looking for answers, for decades, with counselors, books, groups, you name it. Tried to love him more, be better, just as I had with mom. Finally came across narcissism a couple yrs ago, & now understand my life, & am healing! Only people who have walked it can ever understand. Thank you!
My mom is a narc and I wish My childhood could have been w a loving mom , who didn’t make me feel like I was nothing unless I did something for her . I watched her get abused by my dad and at an early age and from an early age I protected her if I was around . But it damaged me because I seen things I wasn’t allowed to speak about . Me and my dad had a no talk relationship for a long time . My dad has a favorite and when in doubt if anything went wrong it was my fault. Even my sisters were mean to me while I was trying to deal w emotions I was never allowed to face in their timing. I am now 27 and I forgave them . They are still the same . I got into many narcissistic relationships but every one I learn more about myself . I love your videos and it’s def a validation to deal w all this hurt I had yet to let go . I love my children differently now and have a deep bond with all 5 of them . We are very tight but in a healthy way . I keep growing and being better and these videos really help a lot .
Those are some lucky kiddos 😁
Sorry this happened to you :( I think my mother is narcissistic too. She neglected me and my sister. To this day, she only speaks to me if she wants something. The worst was when she gave me the silence treatment until I gave her money. It's very sad when your own mother is a narc.
I wish you peace and love coming to you. You have been through the "fire" and are more beautiful for it.
me too! xx
AMEN!!!! You're describing my childhood. My mother and oldest sister are narcissists. I was even physically abused by my sister. Today we have no contact. I'm totally free and I know how to be kind to myself. I choose only positive, kind, loving people to be around me.
Thinks every interaction is a one-upmanship, or competition: so you are just being you, and they think there's some kind of competition going on, and they try to provoke you into "stepping into the ring", with them (I learned that from Melanie Tonia Evans) - and meanwhile, you are just being a person.
You were expected to be "the saint" in your family -expected to sacrifice, and if you actually stated reality that you have needs, then you were bashed and blamed - how dare you have needs - you have come to "save" the whole family as a person born into the family (not a family you chose), and if you are just trying to realistically save yourself as an offspring, then you are a "horrible, selfish person: how dare you not play along with the role I have imposed upon you as an adult parent?"
🔥🔥🔥♥️
EVERY interaction they are one-upping. They can't handle someone else having good things or being in the spotlight for a moment. Its always about them and if you have any needs or aspirations, they'll call you selfish for it.
Wow, every word of what you wrote applies to me as well.
Whew!!!! I thank God for communities like this. People like you come along and explain it so well and validate my whole life in one post.
Two years out since 10/18. I am healing day by day and posts like this affirm that I am right where I am supposed to be. Blessings!!
@@jensbasement3862 absolutely!!! I was called a perfectionist, “better than”, arrogant because I decided to stop taking abuse and started distancing myself...ha! I use to explain myself but now I use these insults as a barometer as to me being in the right place
I didn’t realize how much of myself I had lost. But I know all of that strength I had before is still there I’m still me and I love me. I am not what he tried to make me and all I know is that he couldn’t break me down completely. Thank you for being there
OM goodness! You have described my life. One narcissist after another. Am awake to their nefarious intentions. You’re spot on! 70 years old and still learning.
Hey I’m 70 and only getting rid of this narc husband after 40 odd years of marriage .My last son is finally on his way so it’s now time to get out
Finally a youtuber who knows what they're talking about, and does so with dignity, grace and style! Big love. Xx
You loving yourself is a threat to them….Lisa this is so true. How dare you ….so true. Conditional much
I wish I had a mother like you, Lisa. Thank you, your teachings make me feel grounded.❤️
She is my Sister. Lisa
My sister Lisa passed may 10 th 2017. So Lisa. Is my Angel 😇
You really hit the nail on the head when you mentioned how they hate you to compliment someone else. My grandson and wife broke up and the wife was bashing him on FB and I went to his and told him how proud I was of him for working hard and providing for his family. The girl and her mother got on his FB and started accusing me of trying to start trouble and got all their friends to bash me too. I got to the point where I had to go no contact which destroyed my whole family and now they are all against me. I was the forgotten child growing up and left family and moved across country. Now they use that against me as if I can't get along with anyone.
Oh my! My husband was the same way
" Why does somebody else's need for the potato trump mine"😥 Simple but profound words Lisa.
Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip. And my conditioned response to this feeling is currently fucking up my adulthood \o/ I'm grateful for therapy.
You have explained exactly what happened in our household married to a malignant narcissist. I finally divorced him after 29 years of putting up with so much abuse and crazy making dysfunction .
He is dangerously guided by his deranged sadism .
He has no conscience and he is devoid of all virtues and moral compass while living HIS life ONLY for himself on his destructive path.
Sadly I continue to fight against my worst nightmare that has come to life
As he has infected,corrupted ,and manipulated the minds of my four children by “normalizing “ his evil and they now have his traits
You never know their mood. Maybe it is a bad day at work, a hand goes through tv, cheating, holes punched in walls. yelling at the top of lungs, dog hides under stairs, smashes full beer bottles, insulting crude words of devaluation. Who knows??? Just happy do not have to wait with the anxiety for these evil behaviors to be in my zone anymore. {)
Another entitled man? They usually are.
Lol! I went through this hell!!! I took it because I'm a theologian and I had to display forgiveness!!! I figure him out after 9years becuase he used to domestic violence abusef me and run way
I am sixty years old and now understand just how damaging my mother has been to me for all these years. I mourn the lost years that i simply cannot get back. Thank you, Lisa, for shining a light into a very dark corner because i did believe for many years that i was truly crazy.
Hi Lisa, You mentioned something interesting about being happy. I remember when I was still living at home, My mom was my savior my whole life. Dad was and still is the narcissistic person that wanted everything. I was frusterated and confused. My mom saw this in me and one day she asked me "Rick, are you happy? Are you a happy person?" I replied " No mom I'm not." She just looked at me with soulful eyes and continued to nurture me. RI.P. mom
I'm really sorry you went through that :( I have a similar situation, my mums my rock. My step father is still abusive and I can't stand the dynamic, I wish my mum would leave before its too late..
I don't believe I can open up to anyone else. I dealt with two Narcissist & two literal witches.
Don’t then. Not time yet. That’s ok! But open up to yourself. Start writing a journal. Notice all the different “voices” in your head. Some of them are nutty. Give them a chocolate and tell them to take a nap.
I'm just putting this together tonight..smh..I've delt with 2 also..I am with one now.. I was very trusting when I was younger..now a cant be trusting with women at all..Holy crap man
@@lauriepierce4572 definitely, im not sure how to respond when I do find a ( good) potential partner. I'll run her off unintentionally, looking for a monster inside a perfectly normal person..smh
I feel you, I notice myself cutting myself from the rest of the world to new interactions and even dreading them because of the fear of trust. It's not to the point of anxiety but it's a feeling of things are not genuine because of that lingering dread. Ultimately it is ok to drop your guard but know where your boundaries are. If those boundaries are crossed hold firm. Period.
U have to look at this real hard. U have to really see, if that person loves themselves. U have to see if that person is full of lies, manipulation, playing games with u. U also have to really see if that person respects themselves. Loyalty in this world is nonexistent, now. But respect still exists. And finally u have to see what that person is bring’n to the table. Are they helping u or are they just receiving and using u. If they are using u, the devaluation and abuse will surely follow shortly after. But in the end, love urself and know when ur turn is over with, if u find the wrong person.
Omg wow I was called greedy or selfish too lol for taking the last biscuit even though I asked first if anyone wanted it and they all said no only to turn around and tell me, “ what were we supposed to say, you manipulated us into getting what you want.” They are so good at beating you down to a nub of nothingness.
Yes, my mother still takes every chance to put people down.
Patricia Frei, mine too. I politely asked her to stop humiliating my guests in my home because it was not welcome and neither was she if she continued her behavior. After flipping out, she’s said (get this) she’s quiet witty and often misunderstood. Your cruelty is not humorous mom. Shes spiraling out from my boundaries. OH WELL 🤷🏻♀️
Same!!! My Mom puts her kids against each other all 6 of us.
She talks about us to each other negatively.
I can relate to this too💔
Had an aunt something like that. Visited once. It was the end of dinner, basically that time between eating and time to start gathering up dishes, and I asked about the last little lump of chicken and dumplings... Everyone denied any interest. At my own house, I've long been "the garbage disposal" so Mom would pile my plate before taking dishes off, a kind of habit...
BUT get the damn dumpling and Auntie has a sh*t-fit. Then the whole table is in an uproar about me being a pig... SO I jabbed the fork down my throat and hurled the ENTIRE DINNER I'd just eaten across the table and into my cousin's lap.
"There, then..." I retorted. "You only give a damn about your precious food, you can have it all back. I don't want it. I want to go home."
I've never gone back to that house. I won't either. ;o)
Today is World mental health day! Sounds like a perfect time to begin or continue our journey to self love and emotional wellness! 💜
This is so spot on. I went through cycle after cycle of toxic relationships and all these points resonate with all of them!! Everytime I praised anyone it turned into an argument.
You really put out a great video here! I was in a relationship with a covert narc for 20 years. He devastated me by relocating without me after telling me repeatedly he wanted to offer me a better life than he had. But listening to this helps because you described our situation perfectly. I am codependent and felt hooked into allowing ongoing verbal and emotional abuse for all of those years. Always thinking I was going to “ earn” his love, and no matter what I did, gave, or forgave, it never did.
Now he’s with a new supply, no doubt love/bombing, creating dependency…. she has no idea who he is or what he will do to her life. He is truly a cruel man, and the mask has not slipped. But I know it will. I feel for her and hope is not also a codependent with abandonment wounds.
Hello Lisa.
I agree to your story and examples in this video.
So recognizable.
People who were not victim of narcissistic abuse can't really help you or talk with you about this topic.
They can't imagine and feel what people have dealt with and gone through in such (an) abuse.
People try it and that is great but they also say: "it is sad, it is hard, it is over now, life goes on, deal with it."
Easy to say for them.
I have done the innerwork and it helped me a lot.
I have no contact with my covert narcissist ex partner anymore.
Also I know how to indentify these kind of people now.
For me it is also easier to end contact or friendships when it only cost me energy instead it gives me energy.
I don't feel the guilt anymore, it is my decision.
I wish everybody the best and good luck to find yourself back and be the person you want to be.
This is crazy how this is when you come out of it. Life thank you so much for talking about this.
I grew up in a Jewish family - exactly the same deal. Two narcissistic ex husbands later and I’m trying to extricate myself from my Fiancé who is worse than the other two combined. Listening to this content describes him exactly in the way he relates to me. Plus all the other traits. Ugh - these narcs are wrecking balls. And. I now know, aged 60 that I’m a codependent. My barrier to wellness is that I have Fibromyalgia and cannot reliably work - save for in his / our business. If not for my condition - I’d have put my runners on and headed for the hills. Instead, he now advises that if I leave him, he will unleash hell on me.
Anyway, finding you at this crucial juncture has gifted me a monumentally enlightening series of light bulb moments. As has your audio book.
Thank you and Namaste 🙏
Blessings from Australia 🇦🇺 ✖️
@Caroline Ford ... I can relate to all you’ve said here. Be strong, know that you are right, quietly do the extrication work. You will get there ... to peace.
I’m 62, Australian, similar pathway. Know that you share this path with so many good people. And yes, I too thank the Universe for Lisa 😘
I’m 54. I’m pretty good being a Helper. I get enough clarity that I get feedback that lets me know my sharing and “advice” on any problems you have.
BOTH MY PARENTS ARE TOXIC NARCISSISTS. AND HAVE BEEN EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED AND HAVE BEEN JUST ABUSING THE HELL OUT OF ME.
I DID NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT WAS.
AND I MEDITATE AND STUDY METAPHYSICS ENERGY HEALING AND I’m awake and aware
OH my word - I experienced this last year - set a boundary with a friend of over 36 years and her acquaintance. They expected me to wait two hours for them to arrive at a venue. I said that two hours were a bit long. The acquaintance said that they were worth waiting for!!!! I cancelled my participation in the event. Very very low contact with best friend since then. I was so hurt - but I started to realise, with your teachings, that I was onto a narc! After all these years!
Thank you. It's comforting that you truly understand what I went through and what my children are going through. I've taken steps to protect the children. Prayers very much appreciated ❤
Lisa, I'm 13 minutes into the vid and you're just about to get into the 'five things', but before you do I want to share this. Your pointing out that we (victims of narc abuse) have been through "something", that there is a reason we're here, makes me think of understanding this; addictions (mind having been alcohol, food, Rx drugs, now meth) need to not be met with "Why do you drink so much, Why are you fat, or Why do you take so much ___", but rather with "What happened to you?" A light that had at least been flickering went on when you said that while it's important to understand the narc it's also important to understand ourselves and how we got into this. I'm noting the books you're recommending and I thank you. Now, as the cartoons used to say, "Back to the Show". ❤️❤️
Drop the drugs girl they bring nothing good.
You just described my entitled toxic alcoholic ex Narcissist! Not vulnerable at all! Thankfully, due to videos like yours and hours of research I am well prepared to spot a Narc at 50 paces! I am an Empath and was terribly codependent coming from a single family alcoholic mom. Now I can see why I was such easy pickings for these nasty types. Never Again! I have spent months doing introspective work on myself. Now if approached by a toxic personality, I am truly prepared.
I never had a man who I dated compete with me. To cut down my mission...truly undermine it. Totally eye-opening to the whole narcissist MO a few years ago. Destructive. Soul-robbing. Mind-robbing unless you catch them early. And level up. 🥰🤛 never let them in your life again!!!
You are the easiest to understand on this subject. At 72 years of age, you have just changed my life... Thank you more than you could even understand. I have had too many of these people in my life. Exactly as you described. I never knew what exactly was wrong. A battered wife for 10 years. My friend was the same way and then I married one almost 13 years later... found a real interdependent real love.
So glad you found someone special,enjoy your life ,you shine❤❤❤❤❤❤
Outstanding video!! I grew up with a narcissistic mother. But like you, I didn’t have a skill set to deal with her or understand what was happening. Your video and videos like yours have helped give a “name” to my issues and realize, just as you said, “I’m not crazy.” I’ve set all my boundaries and purchased a ticket on the “sanity train.” My mental health is much better for it. Thank you ever so much and God bless you! ✌🏻❤️🙏🏻🦋
Lisa, this has to easily be the 10th video I've watched in the last couple days of yours. You are so sharp and hip to all the games associated with these types of scenarios.They have been invaluable in my self education of narcissistic behavior, and in recognizing almost immediately when someone is exhibiting narcissistic tendencies and then being able to conduct myself accordingly. If you are aware the you can prepare, right? Not sure if that makes sense but it does to me. Thank you so VERY much for helping me to not feel like I'm crazy anymore. Or questioning my own spot on intuition, or wondering if it's me who is looking at things in the wrong perspective. These manipulative tools that Narcissist's have in their kit are vicious and brutal. No one should ever have to be subject to that kind of mental mistreatment on any level for any reason. Thank you for being the shining light that you are onto this community and using you're platform to educate people who want and need to be. My hat is off to you "My Lady".
My therapist traumatizes me every time I have therapy with her, and on top of it she ends the sessions talking about herself and her brand new puppy. One time she started talking to me about politics and her personal political views when I told her I was upset at my narcissistic father for forcing me to talk about politics. I literally just started sobbing and wanted to hurt myself and she told me that she had to end the session because my time was up. I think I should find a new therapist and report her or something, but im terrified to do so.
I initiated "marriage counseling after 40-years! First session, the therapist says, "how can you have issues with such soft brown eyes?" before i left that first session, i explained "you should see those soft brown eyes when he attacks with a bamboo stick.
your video Narcissists and Money, i literally took notes in my journal
@Just Serenity I did!
@Flagirl1985 yes - they love doing that
Yes, especially when you are in a vulnerable life situation (having to find a new job, being in a new environment without knowing anyone, being sick, ect.) you have to be extra careful who jumps up “to help you”!! I found my Narc spouse of 3 years when I moved to a new country and did not speak the language very well, had only new friends and acquaintances (no one knew me really) and a demanding study program- he “helped” me by latching on me like a parasite for emotional and financial supply and it took me 3 years, many panic attacks and being ruined financially until I finally could get him off my back!!
Next to “ordinary helpers” you can also fall for narcissistic doctors & therapierst out there, too. Take care of yourself and don’t let them feed on your difficult season & emotional distress. God bless you and I wish you’ll get better and find inner peace soon.
Wow Lisa I so agree when your in it you can’t see clearly ... but when you leave or stand back from it you see so clearly !!!! It’s light 💡 bulb moment 👌🏻
Once golfed with a known narc who was acting like a 2 year old, making everyone uncomfortable. Noticed that when I said, "nice shot" to someone, his face would contort like he bit into a lemon. He was driving me so nuts, I gave out sincere compliments to others as a weapon : ( I know this was wrong, I need to improve, but wow, it was super effective.
Good morning, thank you for this video Lisa, I wonder if you know how many people you help 💕
I just ended a 30 year "friendship", when I demanded repayment of a many years old loan. The individual refused to pay me because he said that I, "left a bad taste in his mouth", by calling him out for buying luxury items costing many times more than the petty $600 owed me, for years. He made empty promises about repayment, and then went dark. No apologies, no acceptance of responsibility, no thank you, no money, no nothing. I have no doubt that he is currently attempting to smear me. These charlatan losers all play by the same playbook.
$600.00 for FREEDOM FROM TOXICITY---DO IT!! quite a steal for health and joy!!
Calling them out brings so much reality to the table. The clarity is so powerful and validating! Hooray for you.
Ma'am ..do u know how much ur helping me.
"Every time something happened in my life, my mother's first question was 'Well, what did YOU do?'" Ohhhhhhh yeah, I feel that. My dad did EXACTLY that. As someone who was severely bullied in school, my dad's response significantly compounded that. It was horrible abuse.
Keep shining
I raised a stepdaughter full time. She visited with her mother when it was convenient. I have never felt validated. Until I listen to you and others on TH-cam . I have paid to see counselors. None of them knew any of this. It would have helped me many years ago. If they could have know what I was living with. I’m 66 she is 40 years old. I started raising her at 7 years old. My husband has past away. He died with a broken heart. She divided his family with lies. She contacts me when she needs something. I’m learning boundaries. May God bless you greatly.
Such a blessing to hear someone who understands such hard feelings and tells you how it will be okay. Thank you.
Lisa you have the most real & down to earth way about you & how you break all this down to make sense. You’ve just described everything I would speak about as a much younger version of myself. I was that family scapegoat & have experienced a lifetime of narcissistic abuse by family. It is debilitating & traumatizing to say the least. Your videos bring tremendous clarity to many of us that can now speak freely about our experiences. Thanks for the work you are doing that contributes to so many to start the healing process. You are loved 🤍 ✨🙏🏼✨
oh as of late before I dumped himI was attempting to hold him accountable ..what an exhausting dance that was
They at great at giving the back handed compliments
Thank you Thank you! I know you explain everything so well and the most difficult part was I just didn't understand what had happened to me. If I understand, I can heal. Having validation is so important. I think others just don't want to see the abuse because they have participated in the toxic behavior in the past or even present. They know something is wrong with the abuser but they don't want to look at their own issues. It's devastating to be not believed especially by a supposed friend or family member. But we are ahead of our time. We have the capacity to save ourselves.
I've stopped my narcissist from getting her regular narcissistic supply and she got bold and straight out told my to give it back. I need you to tell I'm good, I need you to tell me I'm beautiful and smart. Where does it end? She gets mean if her needs aren't met first. But, I keep telling her, it has more power if she tells herself the things she expects me to say.
Your video brought up a memory from early on in my marriage with my ex. I saw one of his law partners who I didn’t know very well deliver an opening statement and it was incredible. I made the terrible mistake of expressing how impressed I was to my then husband. I was so confused by his reaction. This was his law partner. Weren’t they on the same team. My ex was openly hostile that I was complimentary of his partners performance. He did a great job. You nailed that one. You would have thought that I told my husband that I thought my husband was the scum of the earth but telling him his law partner was really talented and did a great job
It is so heartwarming to have found a channel, a person, Lisa, who goes well beyond discussing the topic of narcissism by incorporating solutions and coping mechanisms for the viewers. I’m admiring her logic and point of view. Many thanks for creating this channel and sharing your wisdom with us, Lisa! 🤗
This is fantastic. I often get retraumatised and communally gas lit. I’m going to go to my HR department about some shenanigans that have been going on at work and this helps me put it in a context someone who doesn’t understand narc abuse might grasp.
This is gold. So helpful to be able to recognise these patterns.
I just bought the book Codependent no more and it’s literally changed my life.
This video is on point. I love it. It's scariest when you encounter the most covert narcissists. It can take a long time before you see what's really under that mask but there's always a small voice saying "This isn't right; This doesn't feel good" Keep listening to that voice, it will save you someday. Thank you for this video. 🙏💜✨🔥
Oh, you are soooo right! They create a dependency with all the love bombing, and imprints such pleasure and validation in your mind and brain chemistry! Then when you see red flags, you excuse them, too attached to our bias that this person would never hurt us. They are the most dangerous people! Trauma bonds are real!
So, I took my handyman over to my mom's to look at her broken window latches. Next day my son heard from a neighbour that I have a new young boyfriend- the handyman is his roommate. Honestly these people are disgusting, you could win the Nobel prize and they would twist it into something negative. I was going to have my mom over for Thanksgiving dinner (Canada!) but instead had it alone and happy with my cat :)
This list is pretty much spot on. All of these things I have experienced with my Parents. Family. Relationships. Etc.
But I know how to do these things. And take my time to think about things. I wish to share these tools with my son. It will take time. But that is his name. Will. And I believe he will
Great info! Thank you! I was raised by a CN. She never stuck up for me once, always blamed me for everything, called me foolish, and I became a people pleaser. I’m healing at age 54 as she is dying of cancer at 86. I call to see how her chemo is going and she does her narc thing. I am Gray Rockin’ the hell out of her. Just don’t give a narc your emotions.
The thing I hated most about narcissists is the barely concealed look of contempt they throw at you when they don’t like something you’ve said. I’ve seen that look so many times - on the faces of my father, my brother, my ‘best’ friend, even my husband..
I cannot stand that look anymore. I literally feel like smashing their faces and walking away forever when I see that look.
Wow. One of the best most relatable videos on this topic i have ever watched. Really helped me. I feel like i can and will move forward thru this time and toxic person. Thankyou so much.
And I meant to say they gave me a card for Father’s Day, saying happy Father’s Day mom because you are my father and my mother and the other I made a mistake I put car, instead of card!
Thank you Lisa for what you do, for making you aware of how destructive the relationship with the narcissist is. I am now in a relationship with someone who is getting out of a debilitating marriage to a narcissist. Your recordings bring her a lot of peace and reassure her that she has taken the right course towards personal freedom. Unfortunately, the narcissistic husband beset her and beset also her children. Cases in courts drag on for a long time. Now he has his paw on the children and in order to be with the children she is forced to be with him even though she doesn't want to.
Praising others > yes, can be a decent litmus test to detect a narc. Reminds me of a time when I simply mentioned a friend's younger sister in a very positive way, something like "she's such an angel, so sweet" and felt appalled at her response wow, she was actually so pissed off She criticized, called her spoiled rotten etc and I was so confused, now makes sense.
Also about 'emotional intelligence' 100% agree. Narcs may be highly educated even high IQ in traditional way, but fail miserably when it comes to EQ. Might be quite charming and even try to mimic emotions like empathy or compassion, yet in the end it is just an act - not genuinely felt.
I've been listening to you a lot, and learning now, and it all makes so much sense..
I appreciate the work you do. Thank you for sharing your light & love with the world 🙏🏽☺
Thank you. You were speaking straight into my soul.💛
So so helpful Lisa! Love that you can acknowledge we ARE victims of the narc, until can recognise and then choose to leave! Or protect myself more. My first aa 12 step programme made me more self abusive and co dependant . Non stop Service for 25 years! Just seen what I’m doing and how I need to validate and care for self as well as others (and not feel guilty) 😀
Watching your videos always open my eyes to an understanding of my situation
33:50 isn't that also because narcissists are masters at keeping people in their lives who don't want to be around them anymore?
That really is a problem, trying to explain to others, one hears oneself sounding like a victim, or a crazy person or a vindictive person. Even people who understand you usually end up saying things like "you are not helping yourself by dwelling in negatives" or " I think you are overthinking this" 🤷♀️
Go ahead and call me crazy that means you are a narc 😂😂😂😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉🎉
Incredibly powerful one of Lisa’s BEST VIDEOS EVER IMHO!
OMG I will keep this one on top of my list!! Thank you Lisa for always speaking up and helping those who suffer from narcissistic abuse and codependency! I so love your videos and simple but powerful helpful tools to live my life without all this damn pain! I so grateful!!!
Take her classes fans!!!!🙏👍❤️💫
My mom also said the exact same thing to me. Never would believe that someone would just be awful to me but thwt the ONLY reason is because I did something to induce them to act that way to me. It always made me feel like I could never share openly with her.
I’ve only become aware of this dynamic only a couple of years ago, upon listening to the descriptions of both perpetrator and victim, I finally found out the reason for my insanity. Having been raised in a dysfunctional home a which I was believed to be the cause of the dysfunction, or scapegoated into it, leaving me confused and shamed. Then without any indication of the nightmare of a marriage I was allowing myself to stain freedom from the family. Only to get sucked into a horrible insecure relationship that I had no idea about. Having been a victim for nearly60 years.
Thanks for the acknowledgement
tha as was said , anybody who has not undergone the torture that I have will never experience how difficult life is after such extreme conditions.
PTSD, takes effort and self love to get functionality into my remaining years. It is real and it’s through courage and respect that I’ve survived at all.
I watch these videos to understand a toxic situation, I was in many years ago and also know what I can do about my own behaviour that contributed to the escalation of the situation.
Having read and watched lot about narcissism, I now realise that what happened then was narcissistic abuse but as a 20 something year old at the time, I was emotionally immature and made poor decisions that can also be described as narcissistic.
I am in a far happier place now and the toxic person is no longer in my life. This does not mean that I stop learning and become complacent. It is important to learn how not to be as well as be aware of how to deal with such people.
Thank you Lisa.
The praising others is so true. One time I praised someone's CAT and the narc accused me of thinking that cat was better than hers. Off topic, that color looks really good on you.
I just can't thank you enough Lisa, for putting these videos out and helping those of us who are living through this now, and who have probably survived narcissistic abuse. I can relate to literally EVERYTHING you are saying in your videos. Congratulations on your breaking through it and for putting it out there for us to benefit from, so as to lead our best lives.
I personally have only started healing from this form of abuse a year ago. And it's been two years now that I'm in therapy healing the repressed abuse and trauma I went through constantly as a child. I grew up in a staunch Jehovah's witness family, with an awful malignant narcissistic abusive step mother. I blocked all of it out, even though I left this cult 20 years ago. It's been a long and arduous journey, but I am so so thankful to finally be able to see the light and take the proper steps to heal myself and put up healthy boundaries.
And I can't thank you enough for helping us and putting this information out. Thank you with all my heart
Fantastic video-lots of insight! Thank you!
I can’t begin to explain how thankful I’m to you for what you said about the victim of a narcissist. Every one in my immediate circle does not seem to understand why it is taking so long to heal! Everyone tells me to stop feeling like a victim. It hurts even more!
Thank you Lisa! I needed that!
I was on holidays with a friend and went in "self care modus". After that I was ignored and silent treated for the rest of our vacation.
It's real! Like someone else said "when you know you know!" And they're will be those who won't believe us but we know it's real and pervasive thank you for your videos and perspective! You're helping a lot of people ❤
Light goes off ❤🙏🏽💥💯