In an effort to expand psych2go's content, we started translating our work in Japanese. If you're interested in learning more Japanese, you can check out the channel here: th-cam.com/video/J6hi4e3FW_g/w-d-xo.html
I’ve always hated the “Be greatful, they have it worse” argument. Now I mentally feel like I can’t want anything. My therapist says I’m to minimal sense I never ask for anything and I’m fine with what I have because I don’t want more
If they have it worse than you woud they do something to help that said person? No, the they have it worse argument is just them saying i do not give a damn about you and your problems.
One phrase I used to hate growing up is "Because I said so", lol. That's the response someone gives when they don't have a good reason for telling you to do something.
Thank you for sharing your experience. That sounds like the comment feels demoralizing. When she says that, what is your response? Have you had a chance to let her know that her comments are downplaying your pain?
@@Psych2go i have told her this before, many times. She doesn't seem to care. But when im visibly sad on a certain day, she will act all nice and caring, but then its almost like she changes into a different person almost narcissistic just a day later and kindve like acts all victim, like the whole world is against her, and she makes excuses for how she treats me and my family. I want to love her, but she is so confusing, rude and ruins my mental health
@Psych2go my parents always downplay everything I try to tell them. I barely tell them anything because I know that they're just going to downplay it so I don't even try anymore.
I’ve heard every single one of these. My mom forces me to wear different clothes to boost her own image, making false promises, basically all of this. That last one hit way to close to home. They let my brother go to therapy because he was feeling down. 5 years later, I ask my parents for therapy and they said my brother had it worse. I asked my brother and he was dealing with the same thing as me. It sucks. My parents are never proud of me, they just see my achievements at the same level of me doing chores.
Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. It sounds like it's been very difficult for you to feel validated from your parents. How's your relationship with them now? Do you feel like you had a chance to speak to them about what you've been feeling?
Darling, your feelings are valid and you matter. Do not measure your worth by their words. You are strong, you are brave, you are enough. Therapy can be so helpful for healing past wounds and learning to love yourself fully. Keep reaching out for help and support from others who see your light. You deserve to feel proud of who you are becoming despite any voices that try to dim your shine. You are not alone. We are here for you. Sending love, support and virtual hugs your way. You've got this!
Key Timestamps: 1. 00:53 Let me do it - Its harmful when said in a condesending way. Makes child feel incapable, discouraged and less self esteemed. Associated with overparenting. 2. 01:31 Can you change your appearance? - Very harmful, because telling someone that they do not look appealing brings down their confidence and shy away from being themselves. Makes children less happy 3. 02:24 You disappoint me - Very harmful because the child feels ineadequate, and unworthy. They stress out over living up to your expectation 4. 02:46 Its your fault - Very harmful because child feels trauma for a long period of time. Causes negative self judgement 5. 03:26 Why can't you be like them? - Very harmful because child feels ignored and unccapted to be themselves. Causes low self esteem, chonic self doubt, depression 6. 03:51 You're too sensitive - Very harmful because they stop seeking support and struggle in their own emotion. Prone to feel guilty, emotionally unavailable, and having trust issues 7. 04:37 They have it worse than you - Very harmful, because child would feel that their emotions are invalidated. Known as toxic positivity 8. 05:25 We'll do this next time - Very harmful, because child feels betrayed when parents make empty promises. I'm sorry for whoever went through this
I heard 1, 3, 5, 6, 7 and 8 from my parents, especially from my mother who is the most possessive, manipulative and controlling member of the family. She literally tries to live through me and my brother.
The toxic positivity is something I've always had to deal with from everyone in my family. Yes other people may have it worse but that doesn't mean my feelings are negated.
Absolutely true. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. We want to ask, have you ever confronted your family about how you feel when they say things like that? If not, do you think you ever will?
I would like to add the most destructive thing my mother ever said, right to my face. "I wish I NEVER had you." This was said to me as an adult, and after years of comparing me to others, disliking how i dressed and as an adult going "well, you spend your money how you want, I guess". and so on. I couldn't stand being around my parents so much that the first chance I could take putting a LOT of physical distance between myself and them, I DID. Been in therapy for years now and it's been slow progress coming to terms with how this has impacted me but, I've been happier, and I now feel free to wear and be whatever I want.
This is why when I lost my dad, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. My therapist says mixed feelings are normal and its ok to feel good and bad.
that's how i've felt about every death in the family my whole life. grandpa died, "oh." grandma died, "oh." aunt died, "oh." uncle died, "oh." even now when i imagine my mom dying, i feel more annoyed by having to deal with the funeral and burial than upset about losing her.
@@Psych2go it’s because I never had a healthy relationship with him. I can’t thank him for the person I’ve become. I had to learn who I am on my own. I’m doing fine now. I’ve been able to heal of all my trauma.
That Toxic Positivity one is very true. It’s always an excuse to neglect or not care about a current situation. This always happened with both my Mexican parents and they were separated.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. Why do you believe that toxic positivity is an excuse to neglect or not care about a situation? Could you tell us a bit more?
I can relate to all the hurtful things. When I was younger, my mom would often pair hurtful statements with hitting/smacking. Although my dad and some relatives just used their words, it didn't make the experience any less painful. As an adult, I learned that when parents, relatives, and other non-related adults say those unnecessarily harsh and cruel things they're just parroting the words they grew up with, thus continuing the cycle of abuse. I remembered a time when I observed a healthy relationship between parent and child ( my best friend and her mom) and was completely mind blown by the interaction. It made me realize the things that I badly needed growing up. I swear to myself that I will never treat people the same way that I was treated.
My dad used to tell at me to stop pouting when I was trying my best to hide my pain. He has recently gotten better and is super supportive now and I can't have a better dad.
My mum used to judge me for the clothes I wear, but that didn't have any impact as she would let it go after me telling her how I don't care. But what I've found from this is that what could have also caused part of my depression was my mum telling me from a young age that I was acting like a baby whenever I would cry, it's only nowadays that she sees that crying is a part of life even at older ages.
I'm still a child, and whenever I would do something wrong, my father would always say something among the lines of "Don't give me that bullshit", "I'm disappointed in you", "Shut up and go play", or even..."Quit being so fucking emotional!" and it really hurts to think about whenever he says those things because that's just who I am, and my father may just unintentionally making me feel like an embarrassment or disappointment...I still cry about everything to this day...
This speaks so much to me, coming from someone who was always either pressed to the breaking point to be perfect or just ignored in favor of my younger brother. I've long since forgiven them, and I have no resentment towards my brother, but... Deep down... I still remember all those times I felt like I was smothered or just completely alone...
I know how you are. I am the oldest child in my family, I am 14 years old and I have experienced a lot from my parents, and what they did I thought was right. For example: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, neglecting my emotions, suppressing, not giving me time to express myself and a lot of other things. Now I can only see what they were and I am very sorry that others had to experience it. ACCEPT MY SYMPATHY
I hear your pain and sadness in those words. No matter what caused it, I'm here to remind you of your strength, value and light. The past may continue to echo, but you have the power to drown it out with your resilience and joy. You are seen, heard and deeply cared for. Keep walking in purpose and peace. There is still so much beauty in this world to make new memories with. I send love, encouragement and solidarity your way. You got this!
Emotional neglect was a big one for me growing up. My mom never liked seeing me getting mad or sad. I learned to hide my feelings early on. Whenever I did lash out she would ridicule me or make me feel embarrassed for showing my emotions. As an adult, I have no friends and I can’t make emotional connections with anyone. I just keep everything to myself. Also, I never really learned to cook because whenever I did try, my mom would push me off the stove and do the meals herself. I could still learn but I have no confidence in my abilities.
Im gonna actually say this. I was heavily abused by my mother. Right when I was born, she almost never took care of me, only my grandma used to take care of me. She also keeps calling me fat, says that I look like a " clown " when I try to create a unique style of clothing, and even says that im ugly. She also keeps saying that most of the things I accidentally do are " it's all my fault ". She also compared me to my old school friend bc I have struggles on school and I almost didn't got good grades. She calls me dumb, lazy and stuff. Most of the stuff shown in this video, actually happened to me A LOT. She keeps thinking what she does is the " correct " and whenever im nice to someone outside my house, she goes like " omg with the others you're like ' oOoOo hAvE a NiCe dAy ' but with me you're arrogant ". She always keeps saying this kind of stuff to myself, just because I like being nice to others. I have some serious trauma issues due to my mother, but she still thinks what she's doing is " the best "
We require people to pass a test to drive a car and get certified to do certain occupations, but there is no test to make sure someone can be a good parent. Sadly, that is the truth. But you both and others are doing the great step of realizing that those words spoken to you are NOT TRUE and you ARE amazing people!
One of the most horrible details about abusive parents is that they basically NEVER think they're in the wrong or have done anything wrong. I hope you no longer have to deal with your abusive mom; I cut mine out of my life years ago and it was one of the best choices I've ever made. Just because they're family, they do NOT 'deserve' to be in your life, no matter what anyone else says. (I had to learn that one the hard way.)
"They have it worse than you" What a classic. I have heard that one a lot. Half time I try to open up to them, I get hit with the "They have it worse than you". Edit: No way Psych2go replied to my comment
And in reality, when I talk with someone outside of my family about my problems they always say that I have it insanely worse than them and I still haven't found one relatively well functioning person who has it worse.
or the classic "there are starving kids in africa, now eat your dinner!" interesting that overparenting creates narcissism, and baby boomers are a whole generation of narcissists...
This one is very relatable. Though people who say this may not have bad intentions, they don't realize that their comments may be trivializing our problems. This can definitely make us regret opening up to them. Have you opened up to them about how you feel when they say things like this?
Or. “Your fine. I’m depressed all the time.” This was when I was having a depressive episode and a panic attack in front of all my coworkers at my old job. Said to me by my mother. I really hate that when my entire family was diagnosed with depression. The doctor. (Or therapists. I can’t remember) said I was the least depressed. Which in turn made me feel like I had to be the “happy go lucky, laid back youngest child.” …I’ve forgotten how to smile naturally.
It’s so helpful to me, so that helps me to recognize the most painful words that I’ve heard. One of the most painful words that my parents have said to me is “you’re too sensitive” or “don’t be so sensitive” or “emotional” or “don’t be sensitive so much” and they compared me to my siblings and they understand better than me, and they ask me that I didn’t understand if I’m a late teenager. I experienced of depressive symptoms, anxiety, stress and lower self-esteem.
@@Psych2go I just saw this! sorry, I've been a subscriber since the end of the year 2021 i think:D🫶🏻. Idk If you guys will see this, but I still watch your videos, and I like how all of them have even more variety in art now, new voices also! I always loved the videos, and still do, it helps a lot too, and we're always interesting to watch and calming. Have a great day^^!
This video guided me through a much needed conversation with my son. He’s 10 and was able to articulate what I could do better with him and how he feels. Thank you!
I'm still young, but the amount of times my parents have said things like "you're to sensitive" or "Grow some tougher skin" is ridiculous. It sucks even more that they know I don't like when they do that, and it feels like they do it just to spite me.
You left out my favorite, often preceded by or followed by physical abuse, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" This to a child who is already in emotional and/or physical pain. How cruel!
I've heard "others have it worse" by so many people. Never my parents. Usually my friends, cousins teachers, ect. I've only developed trust issues because my friends and other relationships Thank you for teaching others about his stuff. It's really important to tell children, even adults how this can harm children.
I always watch these looking to understand my present but honestly I don't really remember anything about my childhood, when I think about my childhood I just feel a sense of separation and frustration. I don't think I had a particularly bad childhood but I remember a lot of unhappiness and the idea of lifes not fair is a big standout... But I can't recall any specific memories.
"why can't you be more like your sister" hurts me the most and that line is a scar that never stop bleeding, and when my parents told me "you're such a disappointment to the family", i don't think i'll ever feel anything again, something inside me just died that day
Oh man, hearing a couple of these phrases STILL hurt, only because I still hear them today from my mom. I just wish she could truly understand how hearing that I'm "not as good as other people" that she knows really affects me, especially in my current life. 😢
I'm 30 and still ny mother tells me everything is my fault, she says it "jokingly" but she knows full well I have anxiety, depression and am a HSP. So it absolutely does affect me.
The "just let me do it" is a very destructive one. It is almost always said in a condescending or angry tone, and that obliterates the child's self esteem. It also creates a child who is hyper-aware of every small mistake or "shortcoming". The peculiar thing about it is the parent won't teach you but expects you to know, or to complete the task at hand with just as much ease as someone with years of prior experience.
Well, with the "you're too sensitive" is relatable for me (but it is not my parents who say that though). And yeah, in my country (hint: masaya), there are family gatherings (but I personally am not a fan of it) and you know, there is a disadvantage of being the most favorite person. They can tease you or make fun of you until you had enough of it and they will say "we're just joking", "don't take it too seriously", "you're too sensitive", etc. etc.
I've said to myself that I will absolutely never have children until I know that I am not like my parents. But the more I try to be different the more I realize just how much I am the exact same way
Despite others going through worse or not, all people's problems need to be heard or they will have high amounts of stress, anxiety, depression, and negativity
Being scolded for accidents, being mocked for the things that I do, suppressing my emotions, are the worst. I hate my parents for these. It makes it hard to have a healthy relationship with them.
They younger the child is, the more they hold onto their strongest memories since they become core memories. Inside Out explains this succinctly. Heck, I've been looking back on my childhood, and I can spot all the red flags. My mom said I looked like a rapist or pedophile by my fluffy-hair appearance in college/high school. To this day, she still says so even if she thinks she's helping. Reaaaally makes it hard for me to approach women.
I'm sorry to hear that. A child's formative years are so important, and hurtful words can cut deep and stay with us long after. Please know that your appearance says nothing about your character or nature. The perceptions of others, even loved ones, are not reflections of who you truly are. You seem insightful and aware of how those early experiences have impacted you, and that self-awareness will serve you well in moving forward in a healthy and positive way. There are kind, caring people in this world who see you for the genuine, authentic person you are. Don't lose hope.
@@Stormrune Oh don't worry, I won't. It's hard, but I've developed mental games to distract myself from the harsh thoughts that linger. I know one thing's for sure: Thoughts & Actions aren't the same thing. How you act on those dark feelings are reflective of your character.
My mother has said “be grateful for what you have,other children are less fortunate than you”, many times when I was younger,as I grew up listening to the same phrase it just made me feel like my emotions didn’t really matter to others, so I just didn’t really express what I was telling when I was younger and just smiled and kids in my grade sometimes called me a kid that never got sad. But then after a long time of my mother saying be grateful of what you have, I just went to my room and did nothing, and when I was going to school, my friends noticed that I wasn’t smiling as much as before, they saw how gloomy I’ve become and they decided to help me with my problems and They cheered me up, even what’s happened in the past I still love my mother and she does too and sorry that this comment is pretty long because I was just explaining about the be grateful thong
I understand. It can be difficult to feel heard when told the same message repeatedly, even from a place of love and care. Your feelings mattered and still matter. I'm glad to hear you had such caring friends who noticed your sadness and lifted you up, helping you remember joy and laughter again. The love between parents and children is deep, even through experiences that may feel hurtful in the moment. Cherish the support system around you, and know that you deserve to feel seen and heard. Your emotions are valid, and there is always room to grow in understanding with time. Wishing you peace and comfort.
Man I hear this everyday, although some aren't directed onto me; but onto my older siblings; still feels sad even though my bros just ignore it or succesfully argue most of the time.
Seems like parents don't understand that just because their child is sad, mad, depressed, etc. is not the same as being ungrateful. Once I got kinda mad at my parents, and someone said, "You're gonna get mad even though they do EVERYTHING for you?" Seriously, getting mad is not being ungrateful.
being mad at the behavior is different from being mad at the person. Even if you have all the reasons to be mad at the person, you can't return evil with evil. Correcting the behavior in the best way is the goal to help the person achieve more in life. If your anger demotivates the person to change, it's not helpful.
The last one hit hard. My mother has already said that so many times that my little brother under the age of nine is already fed up with it and doesn’t trust her anymore. It’s not healthy at all for a child not to trust their guardian.
"You're fucked up and stupid like your mother" - My dad To be fair, I was around 19, lived with my mom, decided to pay for her car after she asked me and that left me broke. I told my dad and he started saying things to me I never heard before. It was remarkable. I turned into a ghost that day. All physical pain seemed reduced by 50 % I can't explain the amount of hopelessness I felt that day. It was a situation where if I didn't pay for the car, I'd get shit from my mom cause she's ALWAYS the victim so I can't have a normal chat with her and talking to my dad feels like I'm playing that game where you press down teeth on a croc and if you press the wrong one it bites your hand. They are actual mediocre parents that I had enough of. If one of them calls me nowadays, I'll answer to see what they want, help out with something if needed, but I never plan to be the one to call either one of them. Love your parents but stay fair to yourself...
Something my mother always said to me that isn’t very harmful but still really… odd? Whenever I used to help her with her job (An online shop, and I was 10) and if I got something wrong she would say things like “next time you should have made it make sense” or “your acting like a child” like- I was a child at the time?
It's not always harmful, it can be motivating as well. My parents are nice most of the time and when they say mean things it only pushes me forward to be better
I always heard 'I had problems and I dealt with them myself' from my mother, every time I tried to talk about life or issues. It wasn't true for her, she has never been alone in her life. But I had nobody to talk to about problems, self, life or how to deal with any of it. It hurt a lot and even now it affects how I am able to deal with the two friends I've been able to make. Betrayal can never be forgiven.
I've heard all of these from both my parents over the years. Number 8 in the form of "We'll see" or "We'll be back soon" was especially painful to me. Even now I still hear it from my parents and it makes me feel like a sucker each time I fall for it. Another one I'd like to add is "Stop giving me your excuses." I'd hear that along with "It's your fault" mainly from my dad. It really sucked because it made me feel defenseless, since any attempt at explaining my situation would be regarded as a "worthless excuse". I always saw the world differently from my parents, and as much as they would pretend to understand me, I don't think they really do at all. Even today, there are times where they act like my opinion doesn't matter, which leaves me feeling ridiculous and frustrated.
As a teenager struggling to keep good notes, I've heard the most of them. I know I have my flaws and my parents as well, but I don't think this is cool for a parent to do it. If one day I adopt a kid, I will make sure to make this kid happy and with good learn and education without being pressed. Being pressed of doing something or being something and then being compared is one of the worst things ever
@@ArtsyKnox25 Same for me! I'm LGBTQ+ and my parents sometimes (especially my dad) doesn't show too much respect or support, so if I'm going to have a child, I will support my kid! If the parents really love their children, they will know that support, respect and help are even more important than material things
I’ve heard everyone of it but the first one. It just made me depressed. I just plaster a fake smile on my face daily because I tried to talk it out but everyone just shrugged it off.
Wow! You really hit the nail on the head! I wholeheartedly agree. I just wanted to look like a much better person, but my whole family made me look like an unappealing man. That's the only reason why I accept people just the way they are. ❤
“They have it worse than you” was a big one for me. It made me feel like I don’t deserve help: that I in fact need to help people. That made me feel inferior, leading me to cut myself for not being competent enough. In my opinion though, this followed by phrases like “yet they’re successful now. Shouldn’t you achieve much more given the better circumstances?” Would hurt even more. At least they did for me anyway
I heard all those phrases in one form or another, with the same meaning. The one that affected me the most was probably the “let me do it” one. They have zero confidence in me with even the smallest tasks like cutting up food. Every little thing, they do it like I don’t know what I’m doing. I thought I really didn’t know what I was doing. Anxiety and depression came from my lack of life experiences because they didn’t teach me or even let me try to learn.
This has been my entire life, and still going today too. The last one, my parents never said that exact thing, but they'd say, "maybe next time" or "we'll see." The "we'll see" was very common and the answer to just about anything when I asked if I/we could do something. I learned by the time I was about 10 or 12 (I don't remember exactly) that "we'll see" meant no. They rarely said no to me and instead would use other things to make me feel like I was stupid. Honestly, telling me no would've been kinder. As a result of dealing with everything in this video (that first clip was them with me all my life with so many things, like exactly, even as an adult), I have no self-esteem, no confidence, I don't know how to do many things that I should've learned growing up, I feel very stupid and have to keep reminding myself that I'm not (that's hard), I feel unworthy of anything (especially love), and I'm afraid of succeeding at anything because I've never had anything good come from it (only higher expectations than the usually insanely high ones). I'm a failure at everything and will never be anything else because that's what they raised me to be, and how they continue to treat me (in my 40s). My grandparents treated me the same way too, and when died, I didn't even feel sad, only a bit of relief and a little hopeful that maybe this treatment would end because they also treated my mom the same way. I was hoping that if they weren't hurting her then she wouldn't hurt me. Unfortunately that ended up being a lie I told myself. I don't trust anyone either, and I have to lie to my parents and "admit" that I trust them when I really don't. I don't even trust myself. I can't even bring myself to go clothes shopping alone because I don't trust myself to get something appropriate when much of what I like is not. My mom even recently told me that she's concerned I can't function in society because I don't want to leave the emotional safety of my house, and I just thought to myself "it's your fault for not teaching me anything and making me feel like a pariah." When she mentions that she has no idea why I have no self-esteem I have to wonder why when she was one of the ones who made me that way, but she would absolutely explode and hate me forever if I actually told her (I might as well send myself to Mars without a spacesuit). I'm just a giant failure who doesn't trust anyone and isn't capable of doing anything by myself. And without siblings, there's no one to share any of the feelings with, making it even more lonely. I'm an introvert, but I often wonder if I'm naturally that way, or if I was made that way from this treatment.
And the ABSOLUTE WORST most HURTFUL thing my dad ever told me was "I hate you!" NEVER NEVER NEVER say that to your kid! Tell them "I love you!"! Make it clear that u love them!
The one that always happens is the off hand comments that are soon forgotten by the parent but remembered forever by the child. The one that broke my 'relationship' with my mum was, "You're just like your father" now was this the father she left when I was a baby and hates or the one that she constantly complains about and derides behind his back
My mom has said and done every single one of these and I can think of an example for each point. Thankfully therapy is helping me to heal from all of this
@@Psych2go All sorts of things that you might’ve covered for what the negative things that parents could say. If your video replaces those with positive phrases, that would be great!
The part of why can't you be like her and also the part of emotional support. I also felt like I am not worthy to my mother because she is not contented to what I can do. My mother is always like that to me when I was young. That really breaks my heart back then. I am not really that close to my mom until now (I am already an adult) but we're fine. Thankful to have friends and also serving the Church back then to pour out all my negative emotions. 😊
Really loving the new section divider at the top! The subtitles would be great though. The divider helps you to know where you are in the video, and subtitles help with focus, especially for ADHDers like me. Probably. Every situation is different. But, auto generated subtitles are much slower and are not nearly as useful, so please bring back the new ones. Thanks! Edit: A second idea is to add a shadow under the section divider. In situations where there is white under it, it can be very hard to differentiate between 2 almost identical shades of white. Thanks again!
I can honestly relate to all but the first and last one. I am going to be 13 this year, and my dad honestly says all 8. When he tries to ask if I am alright, I just say I am fine bc I'm scared to tell him. Thank you for making this video. Hopefully, parents can change even if it is only a little
It reminds me of when I was little, before I found out I was autistic, my parents thought I was spoiled. Especially my father... When I did something wrong because of autism, he beat me. But after they found out I was autistic, they apologized. I forgave them, and that's in the past.
As soon as I was born, my mother never held me, she let the midwife take me away so she could have her pain meds in peace.. Since that point she never gave me attention or affection when I asked for it, so I grew up thinking I did not deserve it, so here I am now aged 30 and I do not feel romantic love, I don't like being touched, I don't like people being near me, I do not speak to anyone, I have no friends, no social life, I don't work due to the severity of my anxiety and depression.. Thank you very much mother.
one of my top 3 would be “don’t talk to strangers” when that’s literally how us humans connect with each other?? we start off as strangers, then maybe, friends to possibly dating, and then maybe marriage but obviously not all the time lol
I’ve heard the last three a lot, being raised on humor and supposed to be happy since I should be grateful for what I have, I really don’t know how to handle my emotions
I always grew up with my mom telling me that nothing she says can make me feel anything and if I'm sad then that is something I caused by being negative about it and her words cant impact my emotions
I had all of these growing up even into adulthood from my parents. It was only after my second psych admission that they started to realize that it was unhelpful. 😕
"Stop crying/yeling or you'll sleep outside" or something similiar to that, I have few siblings and I hear a lot frazes whuch are "Do this immideatly, or you'll have really bad consequencese" and there were few timmes when I did like that too, but I'm trying with all I can not to act like my parents. Hope you don't relate to this, and if you do, please understand that it's not an ok thing to do for anyone. (While I was typing it I was actually crying or something like having an intense anxiety attack, I think, not really sure why, but I hope this post will help me and you understand yourself better)
In an effort to expand psych2go's content, we started translating our work in Japanese. If you're interested in learning more Japanese, you can check out the channel here: th-cam.com/video/J6hi4e3FW_g/w-d-xo.html
Hopefully elders and parents care how to raise kids healthy. No matter where over the world.
Hi psych2go I love the animation you did.😊
"you're too sensitive" hurts so bad now i'm afraid of crying or feeling sad when im with my parents-
Same here, I rarely ever cry or get sad. But I do get mad over the littlest problems.
Your parents literally made you more sensitive because they think you’re sensitive. Parents have gone full-circle now.
I thought I was the only one...
Thinking about how others feeling what I feel is just so releiving...
Bro,get out of the house. Screw them
Yeah, me too. I was never allowed to cry, so now I feel guilty when I do.😔
I’ve always hated the “Be greatful, they have it worse” argument. Now I mentally feel like I can’t want anything. My therapist says I’m to minimal sense I never ask for anything and I’m fine with what I have because I don’t want more
I second the motion.
Me too. I wish that wasn't usual.
If they have it worse than you woud they do something to help that said person? No, the they have it worse argument is just them saying i do not give a damn about you and your problems.
That's just plain stupid, pain and sadness is not a competition that you have to worry about others having it worse than you
"all kids deserve parents, but not all parents deserve kids,"
Truer words have never been spoken...🥲
One phrase I used to hate growing up is "Because I said so", lol.
That's the response someone gives when they don't have a good reason for telling you to do something.
My mom be like
Omg soo true all the time my parent say "because I ask you to do". Well shit if I ask them to do something they don't care
And how do you respond when they say that?
@@Psych2go Back then I would usually just pout and do what they told me to do. Lol.
@@Psych2go I tell them to go bother the wall because at this point I'm tired of their nagging religion.
my mum always downplays my pain and says "all you have is college to stress about you, don't go through any pain"
Thank you for sharing your experience. That sounds like the comment feels demoralizing. When she says that, what is your response? Have you had a chance to let her know that her comments are downplaying your pain?
@@Psych2go i have told her this before, many times. She doesn't seem to care.
But when im visibly sad on a certain day, she will act all nice and caring, but then its almost like she changes into a different person almost narcissistic just a day later and kindve like acts all victim, like the whole world is against her, and she makes excuses for how she treats me and my family. I want to love her, but she is so confusing, rude and ruins my mental health
@Psych2go my parents always downplay everything I try to tell them. I barely tell them anything because I know that they're just going to downplay it so I don't even try anymore.
MOOOOOOD. My mom threatens to kick me out over it! ;A;
Sorry for that, that's so cruel bro
I’ve heard every single one of these. My mom forces me to wear different clothes to boost her own image, making false promises, basically all of this. That last one hit way to close to home. They let my brother go to therapy because he was feeling down. 5 years later, I ask my parents for therapy and they said my brother had it worse. I asked my brother and he was dealing with the same thing as me. It sucks. My parents are never proud of me, they just see my achievements at the same level of me doing chores.
That sounds bad. I am sorry for your situation. I hope you can get out of the negativity one day
#relatable
Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. It sounds like it's been very difficult for you to feel validated from your parents. How's your relationship with them now? Do you feel like you had a chance to speak to them about what you've been feeling?
Darling, your feelings are valid and you matter. Do not measure your worth by their words.
You are strong, you are brave, you are enough.
Therapy can be so helpful for healing past wounds and learning to love yourself fully.
Keep reaching out for help and support from others who see your light.
You deserve to feel proud of who you are becoming despite any voices that try to dim your shine.
You are not alone. We are here for you.
Sending love, support and virtual hugs your way. You've got this!
Mine gets mad that i wear a hood bc of their delusional brainwashed beliefs about young people. Idc thats her problem
Key Timestamps:
1. 00:53 Let me do it - Its harmful when said in a condesending way. Makes child feel incapable, discouraged and less self esteemed. Associated with overparenting.
2. 01:31 Can you change your appearance? - Very harmful, because telling someone that they do not look appealing brings down their confidence and shy away from being themselves. Makes children less happy
3. 02:24 You disappoint me - Very harmful because the child feels ineadequate, and unworthy. They stress out over living up to your expectation
4. 02:46 Its your fault - Very harmful because child feels trauma for a long period of time. Causes negative self judgement
5. 03:26 Why can't you be like them? - Very harmful because child feels ignored and unccapted to be themselves. Causes low self esteem, chonic self doubt, depression
6. 03:51 You're too sensitive - Very harmful because they stop seeking support and struggle in their own emotion. Prone to feel guilty, emotionally unavailable, and having trust issues
7. 04:37 They have it worse than you - Very harmful, because child would feel that their emotions are invalidated. Known as toxic positivity
8. 05:25 We'll do this next time - Very harmful, because child feels betrayed when parents make empty promises.
I'm sorry for whoever went through this
I heard 1, 3, 5, 6, 7 and 8 from my parents, especially from my mother who is the most possessive, manipulative and controlling member of the family. She literally tries to live through me and my brother.
Ah my parents say these sometimes…..
No wonder…
8 out of 8 for my parents. I'd have been better prepared for life if I had been raised by chimps
@@crystaljones1935 yh same😅
I really like how you are descriptive in your time stamps instead of just giving the titles. 👍
The toxic positivity is something I've always had to deal with from everyone in my family. Yes other people may have it worse but that doesn't mean my feelings are negated.
Absolutely true. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. We want to ask, have you ever confronted your family about how you feel when they say things like that? If not, do you think you ever will?
@@Psych2go I have confronted them but they've sorta brushed me off so now when they try the guilt thing I kinda just shrug and brush it off
@@lollybirdy Get out of the house.
I kinda have this
my friend did the same to me once (they have a LOT of trauma) and now im afraid to venting to anyone because they will probably say the same
I would like to add the most destructive thing my mother ever said, right to my face.
"I wish I NEVER had you."
This was said to me as an adult, and after years of comparing me to others, disliking how i dressed and as an adult going "well, you spend your money how you want, I guess". and so on.
I couldn't stand being around my parents so much that the first chance I could take putting a LOT of physical distance between myself and them, I DID.
Been in therapy for years now and it's been slow progress coming to terms with how this has impacted me but, I've been happier, and I now feel free to wear and be whatever I want.
This is why when I lost my dad, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. My therapist says mixed feelings are normal and its ok to feel good and bad.
that's how i've felt about every death in the family my whole life. grandpa died, "oh." grandma died, "oh." aunt died, "oh." uncle died, "oh." even now when i imagine my mom dying, i feel more annoyed by having to deal with the funeral and burial than upset about losing her.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. What was the reason why your loss didn't feel as painful? And how are you doing now?
@@Psych2go it’s because I never had a healthy relationship with him. I can’t thank him for the person I’ve become. I had to learn who I am on my own. I’m doing fine now. I’ve been able to heal of all my trauma.
@@dietotakusame.
That Toxic Positivity one is very true. It’s always an excuse to neglect or not care about a current situation. This always happened with both my Mexican parents and they were separated.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. Why do you believe that toxic positivity is an excuse to neglect or not care about a situation? Could you tell us a bit more?
Telling your child "I'll give you something to cry about" not only traumatizes them but also makes them think they're not allowed to have emotions.
„Others have worse” when someone says this it always makes me mad
I can relate to all the hurtful things. When I was younger, my mom would often pair hurtful statements with hitting/smacking. Although my dad and some relatives just used their words, it didn't make the experience any less painful. As an adult, I learned that when parents, relatives, and other non-related adults say those unnecessarily harsh and cruel things they're just parroting the words they grew up with, thus continuing the cycle of abuse. I remembered a time when I observed a healthy relationship between parent and child ( my best friend and her mom) and was completely mind blown by the interaction. It made me realize the things that I badly needed growing up. I swear to myself that I will never treat people the same way that I was treated.
I'm kind of a pseudo
My dad used to tell at me to stop pouting when I was trying my best to hide my pain. He has recently gotten better and is super supportive now and I can't have a better dad.
My mum used to judge me for the clothes I wear, but that didn't have any impact as she would let it go after me telling her how I don't care. But what I've found from this is that what could have also caused part of my depression was my mum telling me from a young age that I was acting like a baby whenever I would cry, it's only nowadays that she sees that crying is a part of life even at older ages.
I'm still a child, and whenever I would do something wrong, my father would always say something among the lines of "Don't give me that bullshit", "I'm disappointed in you", "Shut up and go play", or even..."Quit being so fucking emotional!" and it really hurts to think about whenever he says those things because that's just who I am, and my father may just unintentionally making me feel like an embarrassment or disappointment...I still cry about everything to this day...
This speaks so much to me, coming from someone who was always either pressed to the breaking point to be perfect or just ignored in favor of my younger brother. I've long since forgiven them, and I have no resentment towards my brother, but... Deep down... I still remember all those times I felt like I was smothered or just completely alone...
I know how you are. I am the oldest child in my family, I am 14 years old and I have experienced a lot from my parents, and what they did I thought was right. For example: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, neglecting my emotions, suppressing, not giving me time to express myself and a lot of other things. Now I can only see what they were and I am very sorry that others had to experience it. ACCEPT MY SYMPATHY
I hear your pain and sadness in those words. No matter what caused it, I'm here to remind you of your strength, value and light.
The past may continue to echo, but you have the power to drown it out with your resilience and joy.
You are seen, heard and deeply cared for. Keep walking in purpose and peace.
There is still so much beauty in this world to make new memories with.
I send love, encouragement and solidarity your way. You got this!
The most terrifying thing is that many, many people relate to situations described in videos like this one.
Emotional neglect was a big one for me growing up. My mom never liked seeing me getting mad or sad. I learned to hide my feelings early on. Whenever I did lash out she would ridicule me or make me feel embarrassed for showing my emotions. As an adult, I have no friends and I can’t make emotional connections with anyone. I just keep everything to myself. Also, I never really learned to cook because whenever I did try, my mom would push me off the stove and do the meals herself. I could still learn but I have no confidence in my abilities.
Im gonna actually say this.
I was heavily abused by my mother. Right when I was born, she almost never took care of me, only my grandma used to take care of me.
She also keeps calling me fat, says that I look like a " clown " when I try to create a unique style of clothing, and even says that im ugly.
She also keeps saying that most of the things I accidentally do are " it's all my fault ".
She also compared me to my old school friend bc I have struggles on school and I almost didn't got good grades. She calls me dumb, lazy and stuff.
Most of the stuff shown in this video, actually happened to me A LOT. She keeps thinking what she does is the " correct " and whenever im nice to someone outside my house, she goes like " omg with the others you're like ' oOoOo hAvE a NiCe dAy ' but with me you're arrogant ". She always keeps saying this kind of stuff to myself, just because I like being nice to others.
I have some serious trauma issues due to my mother, but she still thinks what she's doing is " the best "
to sympathize with you. A lot of that happened to me and it still happens
We require people to pass a test to drive a car and get certified to do certain occupations, but there is no test to make sure someone can be a good parent.
Sadly, that is the truth.
But you both and others are doing the great step of realizing that those words spoken to you are NOT TRUE and you ARE amazing people!
One of the most horrible details about abusive parents is that they basically NEVER think they're in the wrong or have done anything wrong.
I hope you no longer have to deal with your abusive mom; I cut mine out of my life years ago and it was one of the best choices I've ever made.
Just because they're family, they do NOT 'deserve' to be in your life, no matter what anyone else says.
(I had to learn that one the hard way.)
I hope you'll be able to break off from that person and you'll feel better soonya 🐾🖤🌊
Just tell the Police, it works
"They have it worse than you" What a classic. I have heard that one a lot. Half time I try to open up to them, I get hit with the "They have it worse than you".
Edit: No way Psych2go replied to my comment
And in reality, when I talk with someone outside of my family about my problems they always say that I have it insanely worse than them and I still haven't found one relatively well functioning person who has it worse.
or the classic "there are starving kids in africa, now eat your dinner!" interesting that overparenting creates narcissism, and baby boomers are a whole generation of narcissists...
This one is very relatable. Though people who say this may not have bad intentions, they don't realize that their comments may be trivializing our problems. This can definitely make us regret opening up to them. Have you opened up to them about how you feel when they say things like this?
@@Psych2go I think I have, but I don’t remember getting very far with it
Or. “Your fine. I’m depressed all the time.” This was when I was having a depressive episode and a panic attack in front of all my coworkers at my old job. Said to me by my mother.
I really hate that when my entire family was diagnosed with depression. The doctor. (Or therapists. I can’t remember) said I was the least depressed. Which in turn made me feel like I had to be the “happy go lucky, laid back youngest child.” …I’ve forgotten how to smile naturally.
It’s so helpful to me, so that helps me to recognize the most painful words that I’ve heard. One of the most painful words that my parents have said to me is “you’re too sensitive” or “don’t be so sensitive” or “emotional” or “don’t be sensitive so much” and they compared me to my siblings and they understand better than me, and they ask me that I didn’t understand if I’m a late teenager. I experienced of depressive symptoms, anxiety, stress and lower self-esteem.
The fact I have heard all of this (from my mom mostly) and that I'm just a teenager hurts a little, just a tiny little.
OMG your animations have evolved a lot! Thank you for creating this community! I hope you guys stay on a good path
Thank you so much for watching! How long have you been a part of our channel?
@@Psych2go I just saw this! sorry, I've been a subscriber since the end of the year 2021 i think:D🫶🏻. Idk If you guys will see this, but I still watch your videos, and I like how all of them have even more variety in art now, new voices also! I always loved the videos, and still do, it helps a lot too, and we're always interesting to watch and calming. Have a great day^^!
My childhood was literally everything that was said in this video and with no exaggeration.
This video guided me through a much needed conversation with my son. He’s 10 and was able to articulate what I could do better with him and how he feels. Thank you!
Thats awesome!
“You disappoint me” and “It’s your fault” hits hard. I cried durning this because I actually understand.
I'm still young, but the amount of times my parents have said things like "you're to sensitive" or "Grow some tougher skin" is ridiculous. It sucks even more that they know I don't like when they do that, and it feels like they do it just to spite me.
You left out my favorite, often preceded by or followed by physical abuse, "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" This to a child who is already in emotional and/or physical pain. How cruel!
I've heard "others have it worse" by so many people. Never my parents. Usually my friends, cousins teachers, ect.
I've only developed trust issues because my friends and other relationships
Thank you for teaching others about his stuff. It's really important to tell children, even adults how this can harm children.
I always watch these looking to understand my present but honestly I don't really remember anything about my childhood, when I think about my childhood I just feel a sense of separation and frustration. I don't think I had a particularly bad childhood but I remember a lot of unhappiness and the idea of lifes not fair is a big standout... But I can't recall any specific memories.
"why can't you be more like your sister" hurts me the most and that line is a scar that never stop bleeding, and when my parents told me "you're such a disappointment to the family", i don't think i'll ever feel anything again, something inside me just died that day
Oh man, hearing a couple of these phrases STILL hurt, only because I still hear them today from my mom. I just wish she could truly understand how hearing that I'm "not as good as other people" that she knows really affects me, especially in my current life. 😢
I'm 30 and still ny mother tells me everything is my fault, she says it "jokingly" but she knows full well I have anxiety, depression and am a HSP. So it absolutely does affect me.
The "just let me do it" is a very destructive one. It is almost always said in a condescending or angry tone, and that obliterates the child's self esteem. It also creates a child who is hyper-aware of every small mistake or "shortcoming". The peculiar thing about it is the parent won't teach you but expects you to know, or to complete the task at hand with just as much ease as someone with years of prior experience.
Well, with the "you're too sensitive" is relatable for me (but it is not my parents who say that though). And yeah, in my country (hint: masaya), there are family gatherings (but I personally am not a fan of it) and you know, there is a disadvantage of being the most favorite person. They can tease you or make fun of you until you had enough of it and they will say "we're just joking", "don't take it too seriously", "you're too sensitive", etc. etc.
I've said to myself that I will absolutely never have children until I know that I am not like my parents. But the more I try to be different the more I realize just how much I am the exact same way
all of them and my mom wonders why im depressed,suicidal
and self-harm
Despite others going through worse or not, all people's problems need to be heard or they will have high amounts of stress, anxiety, depression, and negativity
I feel the same way”Let’s do it next time” because they always “promise”, then immediately break it.
Being scolded for accidents, being mocked for the things that I do, suppressing my emotions, are the worst. I hate my parents for these. It makes it hard to have a healthy relationship with them.
They younger the child is, the more they hold onto their strongest memories since they become core memories. Inside Out explains this succinctly.
Heck, I've been looking back on my childhood, and I can spot all the red flags.
My mom said I looked like a rapist or pedophile by my fluffy-hair appearance in college/high school. To this day, she still says so even if she thinks she's helping. Reaaaally makes it hard for me to approach women.
I'm sorry to hear that. A child's formative years are so important, and hurtful words can cut deep and stay with us long after.
Please know that your appearance says nothing about your character or nature.
The perceptions of others, even loved ones, are not reflections of who you truly are.
You seem insightful and aware of how those early experiences have impacted you, and that self-awareness will serve you well in moving forward in a healthy and positive way.
There are kind, caring people in this world who see you for the genuine, authentic person you are. Don't lose hope.
@@Stormrune Oh don't worry, I won't. It's hard, but I've developed mental games to distract myself from the harsh thoughts that linger. I know one thing's for sure: Thoughts & Actions aren't the same thing. How you act on those dark feelings are reflective of your character.
Trust isn’t something you can just put back together once you’ve broken it. Plain and simple as that. ⭐️
My mother has said “be grateful for what you have,other children are less fortunate than you”, many times when I was younger,as I grew up listening to the same phrase it just made me feel like my emotions didn’t really matter to others, so I just didn’t really express what I was telling when I was younger and just smiled and kids in my grade sometimes called me a kid that never got sad. But then after a long time of my mother saying be grateful of what you have, I just went to my room and did nothing, and when I was going to school, my friends noticed that I wasn’t smiling as much as before, they saw how gloomy I’ve become and they decided to help me with my problems and They cheered me up, even what’s happened in the past I still love my mother and she does too and sorry that this comment is pretty long because I was just explaining about the be grateful thong
I understand. It can be difficult to feel heard when told the same message repeatedly, even from a place of love and care. Your feelings mattered and still matter. I'm glad to hear you had such caring friends who noticed your sadness and lifted you up, helping you remember joy and laughter again. The love between parents and children is deep, even through experiences that may feel hurtful in the moment. Cherish the support system around you, and know that you deserve to feel seen and heard. Your emotions are valid, and there is always room to grow in understanding with time. Wishing you peace and comfort.
3:26 it’s worse when you get upset at them for comparing you and they say that they aren’t- like what are you doing then?
Man I hear this everyday, although some aren't directed onto me; but onto my older siblings; still feels sad even though my bros just ignore it or succesfully argue most of the time.
My mother has said all of these and more hurtful words they still clatter inside my mind until this day. 😢
I've heard literally all of them ALOT. especially the disappointment one and comparison one
Seems like parents don't understand that just because their child is sad, mad, depressed, etc. is not the same as being ungrateful. Once I got kinda mad at my parents, and someone said, "You're gonna get mad even though they do EVERYTHING for you?" Seriously, getting mad is not being ungrateful.
being mad at the behavior is different from being mad at the person. Even if you have all the reasons to be mad at the person, you can't return evil with evil. Correcting the behavior in the best way is the goal to help the person achieve more in life. If your anger demotivates the person to change, it's not helpful.
The last one hit hard. My mother has already said that so many times that my little brother under the age of nine is already fed up with it and doesn’t trust her anymore. It’s not healthy at all for a child not to trust their guardian.
"You're fucked up and stupid like your mother" - My dad
To be fair, I was around 19, lived with my mom, decided to pay for her car after she asked me and that left me broke.
I told my dad and he started saying things to me I never heard before. It was remarkable. I turned into a ghost that day.
All physical pain seemed reduced by 50 %
I can't explain the amount of hopelessness I felt that day.
It was a situation where if I didn't pay for the car, I'd get shit from my mom cause she's ALWAYS the victim so I can't have a normal chat with her and talking to my dad feels like I'm playing that game where you press down teeth on a croc and if you press the wrong one it bites your hand.
They are actual mediocre parents that I had enough of. If one of them calls me nowadays, I'll answer to see what they want, help out with something if needed, but I never plan to be the one to call either one of them.
Love your parents but stay fair to yourself...
Mom: "You just don't think like normal people." Dad: "You are the biggest disappointment of my life."
Damn... both parents did this and then wonder why I don't come to them about anything, just shut down, and isolate myself from everyone.
Something my mother always said to me that isn’t very harmful but still really… odd?
Whenever I used to help her with her job (An online shop, and I was 10) and if I got something wrong she would say things like “next time you should have made it make sense” or “your acting like a child” like- I was a child at the time?
It's not always harmful, it can be motivating as well. My parents are nice most of the time and when they say mean things it only pushes me forward to be better
It feels so sad to always be put into some invisible rules by parents.
I always heard 'I had problems and I dealt with them myself' from my mother, every time I tried to talk about life or issues. It wasn't true for her, she has never been alone in her life. But I had nobody to talk to about problems, self, life or how to deal with any of it. It hurt a lot and even now it affects how I am able to deal with the two friends I've been able to make. Betrayal can never be forgiven.
The problem for me is that I make myself feels these feelings but my parents make them worse 😢
Would love to see some more videos regarding parenting/supporting your young adult children.
Amazing content as always! To reach bigger audience adding subtitles would be great in other languages! 😊
Literally broke down from watching this. It helped me remember some stuff from my childhood that’s effected me now in ways I never even noticed
I've heard all of these from both my parents over the years. Number 8 in the form of "We'll see" or "We'll be back soon" was especially painful to me. Even now I still hear it from my parents and it makes me feel like a sucker each time I fall for it.
Another one I'd like to add is "Stop giving me your excuses." I'd hear that along with "It's your fault" mainly from my dad. It really sucked because it made me feel defenseless, since any attempt at explaining my situation would be regarded as a "worthless excuse".
I always saw the world differently from my parents, and as much as they would pretend to understand me, I don't think they really do at all. Even today, there are times where they act like my opinion doesn't matter, which leaves me feeling ridiculous and frustrated.
I was told i was just being sensitive from my parent when she poured a pund of white vinegar on my head to get rid of flakes.
i have faced most of these things but i still try to be myself and hold my self together.
This is so well written and well animated! Give your writers a raise
It’s sad that most of the people here aren’t actually adults watching these videos, in reality they’re just sad kids.
As a teenager struggling to keep good notes, I've heard the most of them.
I know I have my flaws and my parents as well, but I don't think this is cool for a parent to do it.
If one day I adopt a kid, I will make sure to make this kid happy and with good learn and education without being pressed. Being pressed of doing something or being something and then being compared is one of the worst things ever
If I wrv have a kids in doing the same thing, and if the happen to be trans nb, or LGBTQ in any way, I will support them fully!
@@ArtsyKnox25 Same for me! I'm LGBTQ+ and my parents sometimes (especially my dad) doesn't show too much respect or support, so if I'm going to have a child, I will support my kid!
If the parents really love their children, they will know that support, respect and help are even more important than material things
@@ArtsyKnox25 same
@@ArtsyKnox25 based
Their words become empty after a while. The problem is they try to push their stupid words onto you.
I’ve heard everyone of it but the first one. It just made me depressed. I just plaster a fake smile on my face daily because I tried to talk it out but everyone just shrugged it off.
All of them, as a result... I just don't feel ANYTHING towards her anymore.
Wow! You really hit the nail on the head! I wholeheartedly agree. I just wanted to look like a much better person, but my whole family made me look like an unappealing man. That's the only reason why I accept people just the way they are. ❤
“They have it worse than you” was a big one for me. It made me feel like I don’t deserve help: that I in fact need to help people. That made me feel inferior, leading me to cut myself for not being competent enough.
In my opinion though, this followed by phrases like “yet they’re successful now. Shouldn’t you achieve much more given the better circumstances?” Would hurt even more. At least they did for me anyway
Whenever I see these videos it's more like I'm crossing a checklist.
So thankful for therapy, though my parents need it more than me, that's for sure.
Thank you so much for the progress bar at the top, super helpful!
I heard all those phrases in one form or another, with the same meaning. The one that affected me the most was probably the “let me do it” one. They have zero confidence in me with even the smallest tasks like cutting up food. Every little thing, they do it like I don’t know what I’m doing. I thought I really didn’t know what I was doing. Anxiety and depression came from my lack of life experiences because they didn’t teach me or even let me try to learn.
Same..they also say stuff like: “this is SO simple,how on earth can’t you do it”
My dad says sometimes "others have it worse. You should be grateful" i mean he is right. Buuuut... yeah.
This has been my entire life, and still going today too. The last one, my parents never said that exact thing, but they'd say, "maybe next time" or "we'll see." The "we'll see" was very common and the answer to just about anything when I asked if I/we could do something. I learned by the time I was about 10 or 12 (I don't remember exactly) that "we'll see" meant no. They rarely said no to me and instead would use other things to make me feel like I was stupid. Honestly, telling me no would've been kinder. As a result of dealing with everything in this video (that first clip was them with me all my life with so many things, like exactly, even as an adult), I have no self-esteem, no confidence, I don't know how to do many things that I should've learned growing up, I feel very stupid and have to keep reminding myself that I'm not (that's hard), I feel unworthy of anything (especially love), and I'm afraid of succeeding at anything because I've never had anything good come from it (only higher expectations than the usually insanely high ones). I'm a failure at everything and will never be anything else because that's what they raised me to be, and how they continue to treat me (in my 40s). My grandparents treated me the same way too, and when died, I didn't even feel sad, only a bit of relief and a little hopeful that maybe this treatment would end because they also treated my mom the same way. I was hoping that if they weren't hurting her then she wouldn't hurt me. Unfortunately that ended up being a lie I told myself. I don't trust anyone either, and I have to lie to my parents and "admit" that I trust them when I really don't. I don't even trust myself. I can't even bring myself to go clothes shopping alone because I don't trust myself to get something appropriate when much of what I like is not. My mom even recently told me that she's concerned I can't function in society because I don't want to leave the emotional safety of my house, and I just thought to myself "it's your fault for not teaching me anything and making me feel like a pariah." When she mentions that she has no idea why I have no self-esteem I have to wonder why when she was one of the ones who made me that way, but she would absolutely explode and hate me forever if I actually told her (I might as well send myself to Mars without a spacesuit). I'm just a giant failure who doesn't trust anyone and isn't capable of doing anything by myself. And without siblings, there's no one to share any of the feelings with, making it even more lonely. I'm an introvert, but I often wonder if I'm naturally that way, or if I was made that way from this treatment.
And the ABSOLUTE WORST most HURTFUL thing my dad ever told me was "I hate you!" NEVER NEVER NEVER say that to your kid! Tell them "I love you!"! Make it clear that u love them!
I feel so bad for the peoples who had to go through this😢 I am really lucky to have such a good mother.
The one that always happens is the off hand comments that are soon forgotten by the parent but remembered forever by the child.
The one that broke my 'relationship' with my mum was, "You're just like your father"
now was this the father she left when I was a baby and hates or the one that she constantly complains about and derides behind his back
It helps having supportive parents when you have a mental illness.
"Get a job and you'll feel better" ....does not fix depression.
"You disappoint me" but instead of words was when my parents can not see me when I did something wrong or when I dressed in certain ways
The "let me do it" thing is something that still happens, and I'm in my 20s!
Every time I do something with my parents, it's like I'm 5 again.
My mom has said and done every single one of these and I can think of an example for each point. Thankfully therapy is helping me to heal from all of this
Well, my Grandma is toxicly positive. I can't get mad at anyone around her without a long-winded explanation of putting myself in others' shoes.
Could you make a video about POSITIVE things that parents can say to their children?
Interesting idea! If we were to make a video on this topic, what would you like to see us cover?
@@Psych2go All sorts of things that you might’ve covered for what the negative things that parents could say. If your video replaces those with positive phrases, that would be great!
"Get out of my sight!" I remember that from my mother, not the "I love you" I repeat to my child daily.
The part of why can't you be like her and also the part of emotional support. I also felt like I am not worthy to my mother because she is not contented to what I can do. My mother is always like that to me when I was young. That really breaks my heart back then. I am not really that close to my mom until now (I am already an adult) but we're fine. Thankful to have friends and also serving the Church back then to pour out all my negative emotions. 😊
Really loving the new section divider at the top! The subtitles would be great though. The divider helps you to know where you are in the video, and subtitles help with focus, especially for ADHDers like me. Probably. Every situation is different. But, auto generated subtitles are much slower and are not nearly as useful, so please bring back the new ones. Thanks!
Edit: A second idea is to add a shadow under the section divider. In situations where there is white under it, it can be very hard to differentiate between 2 almost identical shades of white. Thanks again!
I can honestly relate to all but the first and last one. I am going to be 13 this year, and my dad honestly says all 8. When he tries to ask if I am alright, I just say I am fine bc I'm scared to tell him. Thank you for making this video. Hopefully, parents can change even if it is only a little
It reminds me of when I was little, before I found out I was autistic, my parents thought I was spoiled. Especially my father... When I did something wrong because of autism, he beat me. But after they found out I was autistic, they apologized. I forgave them, and that's in the past.
As soon as I was born, my mother never held me, she let the midwife take me away so she could have her pain meds in peace.. Since that point she never gave me attention or affection when I asked for it, so I grew up thinking I did not deserve it, so here I am now aged 30 and I do not feel romantic love, I don't like being touched, I don't like people being near me, I do not speak to anyone, I have no friends, no social life, I don't work due to the severity of my anxiety and depression.. Thank you very much mother.
one of my top 3 would be “don’t talk to strangers” when that’s literally how us humans connect with each other?? we start off as strangers, then maybe, friends to possibly dating, and then maybe marriage but obviously not all the time lol
Exactly and the dangerous people and predators can someone a kid is already familiar with
Thx truly needed this coz my mum is always so quick to judge that It becomes easier for her to misunderstand than to try understanding me
I’ve heard the last three a lot, being raised on humor and supposed to be happy since I should be grateful for what I have, I really don’t know how to handle my emotions
I always grew up with my mom telling me that nothing she says can make me feel anything and if I'm sad then that is something I caused by being negative about it and her words cant impact my emotions
My parents have done all of these and now I hate myself I feel like I can’t talk to anyone
I had all of these growing up even into adulthood from my parents. It was only after my second psych admission that they started to realize that it was unhelpful. 😕
"Stop crying/yeling or you'll sleep outside" or something similiar to that, I have few siblings and I hear a lot frazes whuch are "Do this immideatly, or you'll have really bad consequencese" and there were few timmes when I did like that too, but I'm trying with all I can not to act like my parents. Hope you don't relate to this, and if you do, please understand that it's not an ok thing to do for anyone. (While I was typing it I was actually crying or something like having an intense anxiety attack, I think, not really sure why, but I hope this post will help me and you understand yourself better)