Finding Connection in the Gay Community (Overcoming Loneliness): Part 2
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 พ.ค. 2024
- In Part 2 of Finding Connection in the Gay Community, we shift the focus towards solutions, strategies, and the transformative power of authentic connections. If Part 1 delved into the challenges, Part 2 is all about fostering meaningful connections and platonic intimacy with other men.
In this episode, we provide tangible and actionable ways for our listeners to build and strengthen bonds within the gay community. Some of the topics we’re covering:
➤ Real connection vs. pseudo connection
➤ How to connect with others in your own unique way
➤ The power of platonic intimacy
➤ How to cultivate deeper, more authentic connections
➤ How to use the Gay Men’s Brotherhood community to connect with others
Whether you're navigating a new city, exploring your identity, or simply seeking camaraderie, this episode provides a roadmap for building a supportive community around you.
Related episodes:
Finding Connection in the Gay Community (Overcoming Loneliness): Part 1: • Finding Connection in ...
0:00 Introduction
0:31 Discussion on authentic and meaningful connections in the gay community.
4:33 Connecting with people and identifying shared interests
8:33 Importance of relational work and overcoming denial and projection.
13:10 Exploring different types of connections and navigating attraction in the gay community.
17:39 The importance of overcoming scarcity mindset and seeking connection beyond sex in the gay community.
22:00 Friendship and connection in the gay community
26:11 Creating connections within the LGBTQ+ community is crucial for overcoming loneliness.
34:09 Connecting with others in the LGBTQ+ community and creating support groups can help overcome loneliness.
38:25 Avoid using the community for personal trauma dumping, self-promotion, or unconscious projection.
42:32 The importance of genuine connection and overcoming resistance to engage in community activities.
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MICHAEL DIIORIO - www.wellismo.com/
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GAY MEN'S BROTHERHOOD:
This is a conscious community for gay men to connect with each other on the journey of healing from shame and becoming more authentic and aligned to their truth. We aim to offer inspiration, support, connection, healing, and a safe space to show up just as you are. Our vision for the members is to learn to feel more comfortable showing up vulnerably so deeper intimacy can be established in our community. We dream of a gay community where everyone can feel more connected to one another in more ways than just superficial and we can feel less lonely and have deeper connections to one another.
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Matt’s mention of the gay community being anxiety-provoking is so true. In the past, my OCD disorder has flared up when I used to be more engaged with the gay community. My best friend back in the 1980s and 1990s was a gay platonic friend, some 17 years my senior. Sadly, he passed in 1998 from injuries sustained from an auto accident. I’ve met a few people since then, but I haven’t really engaged with the gay crowd in many years, in general. That’s where your program here is such a refreshing change, for more hope among gay men of all ages.
The last time I engaged with a larger gay community was when I attended Gay Spirit Visions conferences in Highlands NC, in the mountains, from 1999 - 2001. After attending my first conference in the autumn of 1999, I was on a natural high, so much so that I came out to my parents in an email on National Coming Out Day 1999. The task at hand is integrating that world with the real world. I have also taken several Body Electric courses around the same time, which have been very enlightening.
I really like Matt’s mention of the general notion of friendship in the gay community, and then proceeding elsewhere from there, if desired.
One of these days, I’m going to join your Facebook group as well as other initiatives your program is promoting. Sometimes I procrastinate, but once I’m engaged, am very mission-driven. This has been a very galvanizing episode for me personally!
Thank you for sharing your story! It's inspiring to hear how Matt's insights resonate with your experiences. When you're ready, we'd love to welcome you into our community. It sounds like you have valuable perspectives to contribute. 🌈✨
I have listened to your podcast for maybe about two years. It has helped me to understand more about myself. The topics might be for the gay community, but it has translated to my straight friends that I have used what I learned from these podcast to help navigate through their life situation. With that being said, I was in your FB group at some point but had to leave it because I felt I was being attacked for pointing out something I saw. What I noticed in the span of 30 days plus was whenever there was a new post about a new group member introduction, the ones that got more likes, attention and comments were of white people. When the person of the minority background, it has lower likes and attention and comments. When I pointed this out because in one of your podcast, one of you guys also pointed out this problem within the FB group. The responses I got from FB group were the whole reason why I left the group. I felt one of the responses from your moderator was almost cult-ish type of response where he wasn't even read through my post and jumped into defending Matt like a cult leader. One more member sent me a direct message and then deleted later because I pointed out that his response is exactly why I can't point out something that us minority go through in a white dominated space. As a minority, I find very very few spaces where I feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable because of these type of responses from majority white people where they don't validate my experience and try to understand.
At the end of this podcast, you mentioned the dos and don'ts of the group. I hope you can add that we should listened more to someone from the minority background when they speak because we don't get heard enough nor do we have space to be heard nor do we feel safe to share without the repercussion of being too sensitive or too loud. I'm glad the FB group has helped other men, but I hope you can make it even better by elevating the minority community in the gay community.
In the end, true connection can only be made when we love unconditionally without judgment nor expecting anything in return. We love naturally because we are overflowed with love from others. We hope naturally because we are overflowed with hopefulness from others. We rejoice naturally because we are overflowed with unselfish joy from others. We persevere naturally because we are overflowed with love, hope and joy. Thank you guys for this podcast.
This is a really good topic since societal norms and prejudices limit or affect to a certain degree the connection and interaction of people in the gay community anywhere in the world. While virtual interaction may not be the best way to connect, it is definitely better than nothing and it may eventually lead to an in-person meeting or interaction. Thank you for creating a safe space for people to interact. It really helps men to have meaningful conversations and in overcoming loneliness.
You nailed it! Societal norms can be limiting, but creating this virtual space allows for meaningful connections. We're glad to provide a safe platform for these conversations. Thanks for being part of it! 🌈✨
I started living in London 4 years ago, and obviously during the pandemic it was a bit hard to make friends (still managed to make a few good ones!). But last year I not only took back my ballroom lessons after years of not wearing those shoes, but I’ve even made very meaningful connections with people that share that passion with me. Even one of those guys spent Christmas Eve with me and other friends. It’s a great community, because besides the classes, we organise fun social events. We go to the movies, to the park, to clubs, museums… it’s been just awesome. Thanks for sharing and lifting us, you are the best!
That's amazing! So glad you found a wonderful community in London. Reconnecting with ballroom dancing and making meaningful connections is truly special. Keep enjoying those fantastic social events! Thanks for sharing your uplifting experience. You're the best too! 🌟
I want to meet a guy like you two…I’m super into psychology and healing and these conversations are great! Keep up the great work!
Thank you! We're glad you're enjoying the conversations. Your support means a lot to us. 🌟
Thank you again for mentioning the term demisexual. Im a HSP and most of the time im looking for a deeper connection with gay men. A deeper connection seems to be hard to find in the "obvious" places. Most gay men seem to have sexualized connections like the connections between men and women. I live in The Netherlands and would like to have here a kind of meeting community like you are offering.
You're welcome! It's wonderful that you could relate to the term. We are happy to provide an environment that encourages the pursuit of deeper connections. If you ever decide to join our community, we'd love to have you! 🌈✨
You are wonderful, individually and together. Thank you for creating a community to talk about relationships and all the multiple facets involved. 😊
Thank you so much! We're delighted to have you as part of our community, and we appreciate your kind words. 😊✨
@5:36 methodical
I find it interesting that both of you at various points in this discussion mention that you can both find sex at any time in your worlds. Let's look at that for a moment.
Sex can be either something that is the culmination and continued shared experience of the kind of connection you both seek, or it can be two strangers throwing themselves at each other for a few moments. It can become a commodity to be bought and sold, or something so unvalued and taken for granted that the whole notion of being known, of being appreciated and appreciating someone else for who they are is completely negated and dismissed. The sex act is in itself one of intimacy and vulnerability and confidence, which is great until it is time to say goodbye and leave.
Great sex at the baths - with bodies you are really attracted to. The parade is judged on pec and penis size rather than how he looks at you in the eyes and shares himself with you and you with him... and yet, compromising sex with whomever you "settle for" in relationship is common as well, as the reality of whomever sits across from you at the breakfast table is just that.
I don't see this behavior as much in the str8 world, which we all grew up in. No doubt there is a whole segment of slam, bam, thank you ma'am, but that community's culture tends to strive towards mating and building a longterm situation conducive to raising children.
You don't see the str8 equivalent of a Tom of Finland sex-in-the-bushes-with-an-ever-growing-crowd-of-perfect-men happening. And again, that crowd is great until it's time to leave and go home... and you realize that everyone there left home earlier in hopes of finding some sort of experience and connection more than what they had at suppertime.
I find it odd that people that have great sex and share bodies that turn each other on are content to leave each other after the moment and gamble on such an event happening again, rather than remaining and saying, hey, this is something, let's see if we can make it last... because we are all aging and getting older, and too many of us are doing that alone while trying to assert that we are happy and doing it out of choice, rather than circumstance.
Is it a childhood of Complex Post Traumatic Stress due to growing up gay in a str8 world that causes this? Are we internalizing the homophobia so much that we no longer see our dreams of love and relationship and the growing of such over the course of a lifetime as being worthwhile? Are we readier to accept that notion as belief due to the barrage of a lifetime of such negative messaging?
The fit bodybuilder who takes home his pick every night to only dismiss them afterward and never invite them again... what is HIS story? Who raised him to act that way? Who said that we should use the thick skin we develop just to survive str8 society to insulate ourselves from each other as well?
And more often than not, the major complaint against most gay movies is that there is no happy ending...
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! You've pointed out how in the gay community, sometimes people prioritize casual encounters over lasting connections. It makes us wonder if this behavior is influenced by negative experiences growing up gay in a straight world. Your perspective on wanting more meaningful connections resonates. 🌈✨
Love your channel ♥️🏳️🌈
Thank you! We appreciate the love and support. Please help us share this to everyone.🌈♥
Love this podcast. I’ll join the FB group at some point 😅
Awesome! We'd love to have you in the FB group whenever you're ready. 😊👍
@@GayMenGoingDeeper I actually already joined after writing this comment haha but thank you
@@averagejoereads7271 Thank you!😍
Connection !!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
❤🧡💛💚💙💜
What do you do when a relationship starts with the foundation of friendship and sex, put romance outside, and one of the parties dont have this sexual desire anymore and the other walks away from you, or in contrary obsessively try to push you back to that? Maybe he feels the "unspoken agreement" that brought you together is broken, and what do you do with the vulnerability to your self esteem of the thought that those people only stand you for the sex, a thought thay make you cold suspicious and defensive?
Hmm... It sounds like Michael's approach to sex in the past was strictly transactional. I have a different view on sexual connection within the gay community. All of my sexual connections are simultaneously friendships. Meaning we could hang out and not have sex, yet still enjoy each other's company.
Interesting perspective! It's great that you emphasize friendships alongside sexual connections. Everyone's approach is unique, and fostering connections in multiple ways is valuable. 🌈✨
Hi folks,
Any instructions for joining the mailing list?
Certainly! To join our mailing list, simply visit our website, www.gaymensbrotherhood.com and look for the "Join the Group" or join our mailing list (lower part of the page). Fill in your details, and you're all set! Thanks for your interest. 📧🌟
Brotherhood is key. I believe we all just want to be heard, respected, valued and appreciated. If we aren’t, we either drop out or act out.
You asked in the podcast how do we build platonic relationships. This has been a challenge for me to resist temptation and urges. As a result, if I’m in a queer friendly environment I have invited a “wing man” (straight or gay). We have an agreement that if we slip out of our prefrontal cortex head thinking and into our other head thinking, then we will bring each other back to reality. It’s worked so far. I’m 60 I’ve gone through the phase of a kid in a candy store and now interested in strengthening my network of likeminded brothers.
Gay places are dissapearing. There are less gay bars and groups than there used to be. We have really regressed in that way. Nobody would've imagined that progress in shrinking homophobia would coincide with having no where to go
Being lonely means I need to eat more junk food
This is the second episode i hear, at start i joined the fb group, and i got to the end where you sending strong charactered debaters to therapy ! First of all, excuse me? Who are you to tell someone to go to therapy and say his character is "wrong"?! Wtf? There are all sort of people in this world, some of them are debaters, and there are many who do you like it. The fact YOU dont like it/cant handle it isnt an indication to any thing but your own things and personal limitations/weaknesses/trauma, so maybe you should consider therapy...