Boy Crazy: confessing secret attractions and crushes 🥰
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 พ.ค. 2024
- In this episode of Gay Men Going Deeper, we’re exploring a more playful and flirtatious side of ourselves as we dive headfirst into the captivating realm of crushes and attraction. Being "boy crazy," may seem frivolous but, today we are unfolding the intricate layers of emotions and experiences that come with navigating attraction.
As always, we are using our personal experiences to explore the unique dynamics of attraction, the thrill of infatuation, and the challenges that come with it. The questions we’re unpacking today are:
1. What kinds of guys are you typically attracted to? Are there any specific traits that make your heart flutter?
2. How do you express your feelings to guys you are interested in?
3. How do you handle unreciprocated feelings?
Join us for a candid conversation about the exciting, nerve-wracking, and sometimes surprising journeys of having a crush. Whether it's the electrifying feeling of butterflies or the vulnerability of unrequited love, this episode embraces the spectrum of emotions that make crushes a universal, yet uniquely personal, aspect of the human experience.
0:00 Introduction
4:55 Personal attractions and crushes
9:28 Attraction based on emotional sensitivity, availability, and kindness, with a preference for introverted guys.
13:49 Personal attractions and finding a complementary partner.
19:30 Describing the ideal partner
24:48 Confessions of secret attractions and crushes
29:32 Directly expressing romantic interest, strong eye contact, and curiosity in getting to know the person.
35:11 Discussion about attracting diverse individuals and using expressive eyes to communicate feelings.
40:18 Sharing a cute and unexpected Valentine's Day experience with a crush.
45:11 Navigating attraction dynamics, preferring to be approached, handling unreciprocated feelings with compassion.
50:16 Navigating feelings of attraction and rejection with kindness and honesty.
►► COURSES & COACHING: Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: www.gaymensbrotherhood.com/ga...
►► SUPPORT THE SHOW:
www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted...
►► MONTHLY ZOOM CALL: Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community: / gaymensbrotherhood
►► QUIZ: Take the Attachment Style quiz and get your free report: www.tryinteract.com/share/qui...
►► PODCAST: Wanna listen but not watch? Check out the podcast version: www.gaymensbrotherhood.com/ga...
►► ABOUT: Gay Men Going Deeper is a podcast and TH-cam series about personal development, mental health and sexuality.
HOSTS:
MATT LANDSIEDEL - www.mattlandsiedel.com/
MICHAEL DIIORIO - www.wellismo.com/
FOLLOW US:
Instagram: / gaymensbrotherhood
Twitter: / brotherhood_gay
TikTok: / gaymengoingdeeper
Website: www.gaymensbrotherhood.com/
GAY MEN'S BROTHERHOOD:
This is a conscious community for gay men to connect with each other on the journey of healing from shame and becoming more authentic and aligned to their truth. We aim to offer inspiration, support, connection, healing, and a safe space to show up just as you are. Our vision for the members is to learn to feel more comfortable showing up vulnerably so deeper intimacy can be established in our community. We dream of a gay community where everyone can feel more connected to one another in more ways than just superficial and we can feel less lonely and have deeper connections to one another.
► Join 1000's of gay men in building a supportive community: gay-mens-brotherhood.ck.page/...
![ถ้าเธอไม่รักทำไมไม่บอกฉัน - PAPER [ Musicvideo ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pfeBhDda7m4/mqdefault.jpg)
Posted all over Twitter:
"My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they're more brave than I am."
As I get older I've learned that it's really powerful to give people a clear, concise, respectful "no thank you." It can be so hard to do, but it's so much more respectful of them as a person.
You get it. I wish more people were like this. Especially gay men
I’m 23, and grew up in a relatively conservative environment. Black and adopted at birth, living in a rural community, catholic school education for 14 years (Kindergarten-High School), and chronically ill with Crohn’s Disease. I’ve struggled to be independent because of my medical issues, and still living with family hasn’t made it easy to pursue any relationships. My family and friends love me, and they accept me for being queer and for all the parts of my identity, but it feels like even after coming out to my folks a couple years ago, it still feels like I have to wear a muzzle around them and most people. I’m surrounded by people who love me, but yet so often I still feel like there’s nothing for me here, or that I’m losing myself. Therapy’s been helping, but only so much. I’ve never experienced a kiss or any forms of intimacy, and I’m at the point where I crave and yet can’t fathom proper intimacy. And I feel if I told somebody all these things, they’d just leave. I mean, I wouldn’t want to hold them back from being happy, and I worry I couldn’t make them happy.
I’m also coming off of a porn addiction that consumed most of my life for half of my life. When the talk of sex-Ed came up years ago, going to Catholic school, I was taught “family-life” instead; that sex and marriage are only for a man and his wife. I never knew how to feel about it, and for years I tried to convince myself, “if I form a crush on a girl, maybe that’ll lead to me also developing sexual attraction to her”. Of course that never happened, and I started to notice I had crushes on the guys in my class, but I was taught in catholic school that being gay was a bad thing. I also had family in the school-my aunt and mother as teachers, and the former eventually became the principal, and my younger sister and three cousins were enrolled too. How could I come out in a Catholic school, for fear that my cousins, sister, or my mom and sister would be ridiculed for having a queer family member? Feelings of shame and guilt for my sexuality were also affecting my pre-existing symptoms of Crohn’s Disease, leading to pain in my gut. I also had several surgeries in my childhood, and I spent most summers-not hanging out with others my age-but doing summer packets and scheduling the surgeries as soon as school let out, to hopefully be ready by the fall. And so, feeling so isolated, I became obsessed with pornography, developed an addiction and shame for not knowing how to express my attraction to other guys, and believing my health issues were some sorta punishment for being gay. One dear friend I’ve had a crush on, but I pretty sure he’s straight. I haven’t told him because he’s busy with university, and I’m still working on getting my driver’s license. We live a bit more than 40 minutes apart, and since he’s returned to school, I don’t wanna impose on him to drive down to hang out, just to tell him that. I don’t know if my feelings are real or not either, because I’ve never been able to compare the few times I’ve hung out with him recently to any romantic relationship before (cuz I’ve never been in a relationship), but I also haven’t been able to move on and entertain a relationship with anyone else. I don’t wanna carry feelings for someone else into dating another party, cuz that’s not fair to them. The easiest decision would be to text him how I feel, but that’s not right either, cuz I feel something like that is better said face to face.
I get worried that any guy I could hope to be with would see me as damaged goods if I told all of this to him. I just don’t know how to feel most days. 😞
We appreciate you sharing your story and struggles. It takes courage to open up about such personal experiences. Remember, you're not alone in your journey. If you ever need someone to talk to, the community is here for you. 💙🌈
I am disabled with physical and mental issues at the age of 48 I only went to dates with guys except kissing that's as far as I went it can be hard navigating in gay dating because I don't look like the ideal Adonis being young you have chances I don't I learned to love myself and pamper me programmed that I will be alone I still wish you the best of luck meeting your soul mate that will take you who you are!
This message is for the guy alone that's got all the support from your family and friends
@@AlithesisKrukonova-hk2ws Thank you for sharing your story. Your courage and self-love are truly inspiring. 🙏Wishing you all the best on your journey. Remember, you deserve love just as you are.💞
As someone who’s had to develop a relationship with my masculinity, I definitely use my masculinity to play cat and mouse with more feminine energy to feel out if there is a connection. I have had to grow to accept that I do like a more feminine energy to counteract my masculine energy. I wonder if Matt would be into guys who are stocky who play sports? But love this podcast, as this is very validating as a gay man who had to learn how to accept every part of myself and not be upset that my masculinity attracts some and not others. Thank You boys
Michael Dilorio sets my heart a flutter
He has that effect! 💖😊
Flutter away @donald6787 🦋 Sending you a big hug! xo
The three of you are so cute. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability, as always.
Thank you for your kind words! We're glad you appreciate our honesty and vulnerability. It's important to us to create a space where authenticity can thrive. Your support means a lot!🤝🥰
Great episode!! I could probably write you a book on how boy-like crushes have affected me through the years. First of all, my “type” of guy has definitely changed over the years. I used to like fair-haired or light brown hair on guys. Now my preference has changed 180 degrees, to liking guys with black/dark brunette hair.
When I was younger I preferred guys older than me, now it’s just the opposite; I’m into younger guys.
Another desired characteristic in guys for me is that they are “alpha males.” This would include a swagger and joie de vivre. Intelligence and good looks are also important and go a long way toward attracting me to a guy. Being physically fit is also key for me.
Finally, and this may tie in to one of your future episodes, dealing with attraction to straight and or married men. I have been attracted to someone I’ve only met online. He is married to a woman and acts very straight. However, he tends to drop hints of things having to do with the gay world in the YT travel video channel he runs. I think it was a case of love at first sight, for me, and maybe my gaydar going off. Yet, I can’t be sure. I think part of all this for me is the thrill of the hunt, and being vindicated in my intuition about the subject of my desire.
Finally, about rejection: the above person began to be unresponsive at some point last year, I’m thinking because he’s not out. Ideally, I would like this guy for friendship at the very least. But hope springs eternal.
Such a great episode! ❤
Thanks for sharing your journey! It's interesting how preferences change over time. Dealing with attraction to straight or married individuals adds complexity. Wishing you the best, and glad you enjoyed the episode! ❤🌈
100% with Michael on the "Guys who blend in". The centers of attention are usually too busy having something to prove to become attractive!
EXACTLY. Couldn't have said it better 💟
Thank you for addressing how to handle unreciprocated feelings.
Thanks for your appreciation! Handling unreciprocated feelings can be challenging, but we're here to help. For more insights on this and related topics, you can check our channel or if it's Apple, tune in to our podcast podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/gay-men-going-deeper/id1535102476. Feel free to share your thoughts or questions anytime! It would be super helpful if you gave the show a 5-star rating and review on whatever platform😉
Guys - This was a fun and relatable topic, and I enjoyed hearing the perspectives from all of you.
Reno, especially, made me laugh at several points during the episode ("wash your ass, brush your teeth..."). 😀
So glad you enjoyed it! Reno's humor adds a great touch. Stay tuned for more laughter and insights! 😄🎙
Gays together forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Forever! 🌈❤✨
As the song goes:
"I'm always lost for words
When someone mentions your name
I know, I'll get over this for sure
I'm not the type who dreams there could be more"
Man, I remember my teenage years. Attractions and crushes seems so much worse because it's forbidden and you have nobody to talk to. I can just imagine how tougher it was for those in the older generation like 50's to 80's. It gets better. May the good Lord guide our passions and lead us to meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
Beautiful lyrics! Teenage attractions can be tough, and I can imagine it was even harder for older generations. It gets better. Cheers to finding meaningful connections!❤
Mr L was amusing; he reminded me of Mr Darcy's standards for an Accomplished Woman and Elizabeth Bennet's going from wondering that he knew only six to wondering at his knowing any. I am rather more like Mr D in that attraction feels like grading a paper - usually just knocking points off, occasionally adding them.
One thing that went unmentioned but which I've always practised was the principle of the more attractive person's having the initiative.
We are glad you found Mr. L amusing! And great point about the more attractive person taking the initiative. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
ThankUso much. Section on expressing, handling rejection is super interesting & practical. Section on crushes argh🧨my code of attraction is triple A. I like them if they're angry, arrogant, or aloof lol
You're welcome! Glad you found it interesting. Triple A attraction-angry, arrogant, aloof-sounds like a unique code! 😄🌟
What a great episode guys! I can totally relate to when someone had a good natural smell it's a huge turn on. I must say Matt and Reno seem to have a lot of requirements but hey so do I , maybe that's why we're single 😅
Haha, smells can be powerful, right? And hey, having standards is a good thing, even if it keeps us single for now. 😄 Glad you enjoyed the episode! It would be super helpful if you gave the show a 5-star rating and review on whatever platform you’re listening to us on. PS: If it’s on Apple, here’s the link: podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/gay-men-going-deeper/id1535102476 Thank you so much!😘
While I'd gladly date any of you, I suspect we'd just be friends in the end. I think Matt and I would be chatter boxes together, discussing the most esoteric of topics. My personality with Reno is a recipe for mischief and shenanigans would follow. Michael is just hot, so I'd be intimidated to actually approach if he were single.
All of these things are only the result of working on my self, just as Matt said about himself. I would never think about saying these things publicly for fear of rejection, debilitating fear. Now, partially as a result of becoming a regular listener and joiner of the calls, I do feel that confidence. My highest praise is for someone to be "quilt worthy", meaning I care about them enough to put my personal resources into creating a quilt for them which can take a significant amount of time.
We love it!❤It's great to hear how being part of the community has boosted your confidence. And "quilt worthy" is a beautiful sentiment! 😊🌈
I love that you've established a baseline of being quilt worthy, that's both symbolic and practical. We can all have our own version of that. Btw Kenneth I think we'd have a GREAT time. I'm not intimidating and I can make you feel right at home. And btw, I am single 🫶🏽
@@WellismoCoaching Single eh? Alas I'm not Canadian. 😂Thank you for all you do.
My pleasure 🥰@@kennethepps3425
Yes, Reno. Attending/going to church together is a biggie.
Absolutely, church together can be a meaningful bond! 🙏🏳🌈
19:34 Went on a date with this Dominican guy last Saturday, he was 20 years old and I'm 32. Really interesting age combo. I didn't try to have sex with him but just wanted to have a wholesome date with him. I took him to get food, the park, and a spot I know by the river that's kind of like a beach but it also has small rocks from being close to a railroad. I literally taught this guy how to skip rocks on the water (while also showing off my physical abilities, one of which is to throw things extremely far/fast). It was really nice. But the utterly insane part about it was this guy smelled so good... ya'll. I actually never have been more attracted to a guy's scent than when I was with him. And what's crazy is for the rest of the day I could smell him on me slightly. We didn't even really hug or do anything physical. At one point I went to position his arms to show him how to throw, sort of in slow motion, by physically touching his arm and controlling it to perform the motion of throwing. He must have deposited this scent on me at that point haha. Definitely know what you mean now!!
I'm def boy crazy for Reno and Michael!
Thank you for your enthusiasm! We appreciate your support.🤩
im 44 and sorta feel like im losing all my mojo, but this is making me feel like i wanna get my mojo back!
Lol ofc couldn't have a gay podcast without the word sexual 😆😆
Tbh don't really care about looks with guys more personality would rather be with a guy whos considered "Ugly" But has a good personality rather than a guy considered "Good looking" guy with a really bad personality
A thing rarley (If ever talked about in the gay community) Is height whats your opinion on short tops and tall bottoms?
I feel it’s extremely difficult for gay men to have develop and maintain a close friendships with other men, regardless if the other guy is gay or straight…The natural sexual attraction is always there…I’d compare it to straight men and women.. Do you ever see a straight guy having/developing just a friendship with a woman ?!? … More likely straight guys have straight guys as friends…Not saying it’s impossible to have a friendship, just that’s it’s difficult….
That's a tough one. Developing close friendships, especially with potential attraction involved, can be challenging. Yet, with openness and understanding, genuine connections are possible. 🌈🤝
From guys who go deeper, they don't draw attention to the fact that most of the things they find desirable are effectively mutually exclusive. I'm attracted to guts that are working on the things they can change. I'm a bottom, but simply being a guy who cares about my pleasure is more important than trying to find an elusive and non existent total top.
Too many crushes that are currently friends idk if I say anything or let it go
Tough choice! If it feels right, maybe express your feelings. Trust your instincts! 😊🌟
love to join in the chat one day
I do not know what I have felt over the many years I have lived. I am attracted to what I call natural men; this can be gay or straight. I have never been in the proverbial closet. I have never felt I wish I were not me. So when someone mentions that I seem straight, I ask, what does that mean? Basically, to them, It meant I was not a fag. If I was attracted to someone, I would simply ask. Excuse me, I would like to know if you are gay. Usually, the response was a startled look, and the answer was no. Only a few times did they have the wear with all to ask, why do I seem gay? I would explain that no, I am attracted to a natural man, and that would be you, and if you had said yes, I would have asked you out on a date. But usually, I thanked them for answering my question once they said no. I have never had a bad reaction. I have never looked at a man and said to myself, oh, I gotta have some of that. I have always been looking for a friend with whom I could possibly love. Only when I love someone do I want a sexual relationship. I do not usually have difficulty with straight men in general, but there have been a few where war was declared. I have had much more difficulty with gay men. If I was friendly with some, they, for some reason, automatically thought I was coming on to them, and I would get a very nasty reaction when I was only being naturally friendly with no interest past that. Now, mind you, growing up in the time frame I did, it was not as idyllic as it might have seemed. I was pure torture as a youth.
Thanks for sharing your story! I believe in being honest and open about who we're attracted to. It's all about finding that genuine connection and friendship first. Life's too short for anything else! 😊
I find the topic of types of attraction between gay guys very interesting. I think there are Daddy issues driving gay Male attractions. When I see typical gay Men they date themselves (twins). In the straight world you see an opposites attract dynamic. I think its the same in the gay community but nuanced. I think there are so many gay Men that are after the masculine fix from their Daddy issues who are actually describing and asking for a straight Man. I think the gay community is transfixed on the idea of straight Men and develop and act out fantasies around this. I think gay Men will craft their look and behaviors around this to portray visual masculinity that might not be congruent with their true self. However in the gay community this hyper masculinity gives Men the perception they can get a masculine partner. That said, I observe that 98% of these hyper masculine guys actually want to be submissive, which often is a feminine energy characteristic. I also find the characters Men play during sex further makes my point where they punch each other and grunt but they are acting out a fantasy and not truly feeling and sensually experiencing each other. Bottom line, I think there is a lot of confusion within gay attraction and sexual connections in my opinion that is caught up in their emotional trauma (daddy issues) and it manifests itself in straight-acting fantasies which become their "type." But its not real, its a hopeful fantasy running in the background that is actually a traditional masc/fem straight relationship that your after complete with a straight boyfriend. Its not realistic because you are not a straight girl dating a straight Man so what results is a lot of confusion and fantasy play thats never really satisfying. Process the daddy issues and connect with another gay person authentically, intimately and sensually.
This is an interesting take, I agree with some of what you’re saying, while other things I think you might be simplifying a little bit, which of course is thru the lens of my own experience. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve had my daddy issues, tho I might be an outlier in that I have a great relationship with my father and while we don’t talk about EVERYTHING I can certainly include my ‘gayness’ in our conversations which wasn’t the case initially after coming out, it was rough on my parents, rough on me. Specially when boys/men are always seeking the validation of their fathers. That certainly manifested in the guys I was hooking up with or pursuing. Many years have passed, I’m 39 now and fairly secure in how I present myself to the world. I think we all have varying degrees in our definition of masculinity as well. Matt’s description of his ‘crush’ felt like how I would describe a straight guy porn fantasy, I don’t mean that in a demeaning way to Matt at all, but that was the image in my head, and how I perceive those descriptions of masculinity. My description masculinity I think is a lot different and so is my allure to those traits. Dunno but I also find this a very interesting topic which i also think is mega amplified currently, there is a lot more confidence now to be out and proud and we’re seeing a lot more of these traditionally masculine guys that translate into that straight guy energy, I think some of it is genuine and some of it is forced and an overt representation, and those are kinda easy to spot. Anyway great insights!
@@adriannavarro2536 I agree I am using Daddy issue as a catch all for trauma around our masculinity and our obsession with straight Men. I like what you said. I don't actually know how to reconcile my masculinity because I'm not comfortable with it or the traditional sense of it. Is there anything you can share about your version of masculinity that has brought you comfort?
@@secondaryemail8102 I appreciate you’re reply. There is a lot of dynamics at play, but I’ll give the short versions. I think the main foundation is the projection of confidence of the person you are with marginal inference on traditional gender roles/attitudes, because they do play a part in my perception of masculinity to some degree. For example a straight guy, that’s clearly trying to hard, a little too into self image, seeking superficial validation with selfies etc is low on the masculine scale and they can chop all the wood they want. Contrast with a gay guy who is confident in himself, maybe doesn’t have that ripped body, maybe has that ‘gay’ inflection in his voice but he projects confidence in himself, that while he recognizes he doesn’t fit peoples general perception and definition of a man he doesn’t care and owns the person he his. He is still a man, and he knows he is, he’s unassuming. That’s the gist of it, I hope that helps. I happy to expand on it, how I got there etc. It’s a lot of hard work to let go of what other people expect you think or how other people expect you act. It’s a process of realization and self-awareness.
@@secondaryemail8102 I wanted to add I just watched this channels episode on ‘expressing your masculinity’ it was posted about 4 months ago. What Matt opens with is virtually word for word what masculinity means to me if could express it outside a TH-cam comment. And the overall message resounds with my perspective on the whole thing. Interesting listen
@@adriannavarro2536 one last question. As you’ve settled into your gender comfortably where does masculinity vs/and femininity I stand with your attraction to others? You mentioned a little.
Hi Gays ♥️🏳️🌈
❤😂Yum a Doodle doo ❤😅😅😅😊😊😊
🥰❤
Totally crushing on you Matt! Mmm mm
Kevin Hart also homophobic!! 😂