Finding Connection in the Gay Community (Overcoming Loneliness): Part 1
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 พ.ค. 2024
- Join us for an intimate exploration into the common challenges and pain points that gay men encounter in our quest for connection within the gay community. Loneliness is a universal experience, but in this episode, we delve into the unique challenges that we face in our community such as:
➤ The types of loneliness
➤ What loneliness actually looks like
➤ Shame and stigmas
➤ Sex as a solution
➤ The need for emotional intimacy
This episode feels like a heartfelt conversation, sharing personal stories that aim to dismantle the stigma surrounding the struggle for connection. We discuss the multifaceted nature of loneliness within the gay community and how things aren’t always what they seem on the surface.
We aim to foster a deeper understanding of the pain of disconnection, and create a more empathetic dialogue around the challenges of finding connection within the gay community.
This is Part 1 of a two-part series, setting the stage for a continued exploration into the transformative power of authentic connections among gay men.
Related Episodes:
Dealing with Loneliness: • Dealing with Loneliness
Friendships with Gay Men: • Friendships with Gay M...
0:00 - Intro
5:15 - Disconnected from gay community, loneliness, social media impact
10:32 - Social loneliness, intimacy loneliness, childhood loneliness
15:38 - Seeking deeper connections in gay community.
20:14 - depth, connection, trauma
24:41 - struggles with gay community connections
29:53 - Challenges finding connection in gay community
35:06 - struggle for deeper connections, gay community competitiveness
39:52 - toxic shame, disconnection, ego
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MATT LANDSIEDEL - www.mattlandsiedel.com/
MICHAEL DIIORIO - www.wellismo.com/
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This is a conscious community for gay men to connect with each other on the journey of healing from shame and becoming more authentic and aligned to their truth. We aim to offer inspiration, support, connection, healing, and a safe space to show up just as you are. Our vision for the members is to learn to feel more comfortable showing up vulnerably so deeper intimacy can be established in our community. We dream of a gay community where everyone can feel more connected to one another in more ways than just superficial and we can feel less lonely and have deeper connections to one another.
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"When the soul is troubled, lonely and darkened, then it turns easily to the outer comfort and to the empty enjoyments of the world." ~ St. Francis of Assisi
Thank you for this podcast!! I am a 64 year old gay man. Never have been in a relationship and I can identify with emotional and socially loneliness. It is to the point where I find myself isolating and not doing anything. Many of my friends have passed away over the years and maybe it’s survivors guilt (which is an entire other topic). I am having trouble finding and connecting with other gay men at this point in my life. I am open to meeting people. I desperately am looking to connect with my tribe and haven’t found them, yet.
I feel your pain
Amazing
Yes, we lost most of our friends to AIDS during our 20's and 30's, few our ages still live.
I'm 68 years old and empathize with your loneliness never having a Gay lover or friends. I was fortunate enough to have lovers and friends who cared about me. Then I acquired a brain trauma over 15 years ago and have been bedridden living in a nursing home facility without any Gay friends. Peace my brother.
Thank you for sharing your story. You're not alone, and we appreciate your openness. Feel free to explore our community or reach out. You might just find the connection you're looking for. Sending warmth and support your way. 🌈
As as old man I would just say "Shut up and Hug me !😁
Love it! A hug says more than words sometimes. 🤗😁
I resonate a lot with Matt. Thanks a lot for sharing.
You're welcome! It means a lot that you resonate with Matt. 😊✨
I don’t want to share anything today. I listened to you both and something sparked, I felt anger and disgust provoked by all the people you mentioned that told you all those awful things. How dare they?! No one should justify their feelings, attractive or not, in a massive city or in a small town, popular or introverted…
After all the beautiful work you do to help people, your generous intentions… the only thing that consoles me is that it looks like you can handle all those haters. I really hope they don’t pierce your skin, ever, because you don’t deserve it. All you deserve is love, I’m sure you have it and appreciate it. Can’t wait to hear the second part.
Would truly love to have a group or 3 (at the least) gay and bi friends. As I am longing for some now. Have been for years (over 44 + years). Can't stand this loneliness and no connection along with no transportation.
I completely understand how you feel. Loneliness can be tough, but you're not alone. Consider joining our community. We're here to support and connect with you. Sending you virtual hugs! 🌈
I can really identify a lot with what Matt discusses in the first part of this video. I think I mostly crave emotional intimacy, not necessarily sexually. I guess I’m looking for a total package, where someone can address all types of loneliness. I have come across such people online, and tend to use these types as a benchmark by which I meet others. But these are like finding diamonds in the rough. Good looks, intelligence, a sense of humor and a bit of swag are an ideal combo for me.
There are those that would say you’ll never find anyone with all of the qualities above. Conversely, there are others who insist that I should never “settle” for someone. Perhaps the answer(s) lies somewhere in between.
Absolutely! Wanting emotional closeness and an ideal partner makes sense. It can be tricky finding someone with everything, but it's okay not to settle too easily. Maybe the right balance is somewhere in between. Good luck on your search! 🌈✨
Thank you both for sharing the issues with whom most gay men are dealing in their own way. I can relate to demisexuality, quality, authentic, ego, shame, social anxiety, being sober., trauma and loneyness because of missing a meaningful connection. For me a meaningful connection is about intimicy (being vunarable with someone).
Thank you for your heartfelt comment. It's comforting to know that our discussions resonate with you. Wishing you continued strength on your journey to intimacy and vulnerability. 🌈
Thanks, Matt & Michael for another enlightening podcast episode. Yes, Gay men need Gay friends. I came out in 1975 and was so excited to finally have Gay friends and lovers, especially lovers. Actually guys I was quite promiscuous and this was the dawn of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. By the grace of the spirits my sexual practice somehow spared my life, but not others close to me. Relationships both sexual and platonic are essential for our community.
When I first started watching your podcast Gay Men Going Deeper there was an instantaneous attraction to each episode. You have touched on many bothersome issues that burned at my spirit throughout my life. My experience with Facebook has been dull at best. But perhaps joining the Gay Men's Brotherhood group might be an interesting option.
Thank you for your kind words! We're happy the podcast connects with you. Relationships are crucial, and you're welcome to join the Gay Men's Brotherhood group whenever you'd like! 🌈😊
I am in my fifties now and left going to the clubs more than 15-20 years ago, and also never really liked it back then. It was either me not finding what I thought I needed or those that I fancied letting me down. I somehow marked the gay community as not doing me any good and moved on to other things in my life. I am now taken aback about how time has passed. I have always tried to live life consciously and took own decisions but right now it feels inconceivable how I neglected having love in my life and it is making me feel sad. Nowadays, I have two good gay friends and women friends, many acquaintances at work as well as a big family (but I have moved abroad myself). I sometimes feel lonely, mostly spiritually, and unfortunately feel that I cut the connection to the gay community because I conceived them altogether as superficial and harmful. I am realizing though that some of it was also internalized homophobia. I have worked on my inner child but for gay people the wounds seem to be bigger than for others. All these young years where you were hiding and fighting what you didn`t want to be. I am ready to work on all these issues but am also realizing how intertwined everything is. Just to find a therapist can already seem overwhelming to me. In the last five years I spent a lot of free time to look after my mum who passed last year. Grieving over the immense loss makes me realize how much I have to stand up for myself before it is too late. I am really glad that I found that others are trying to get to terms with who they really, really are as well. Thanks to all you beautiful people.
For the quality connections, have y'all thought about hosting dinner parties? I feel like great conversations happen over food in friendly environments and allows people to open up.
Enjoyed the episode. I agree genuine connection can be so hard, much easier to put up a wall, but grace and deep talks like this one can do small things to help spark connection. I also think understanding ourselves as gay men can be hugely helpful.
Thank you so much! We're glad you enjoyed the episode. You're absolutely right! Breaking down walls through grace and deep conversations can indeed spark meaningful connections. Understanding ourselves as gay men is a powerful step in that journey. 🌈✨
I loved listening to this. Connected to so many of the things shared. I really do like the perspective that 'how we look'to the outside world is never a reliable indicator of how someone feels internally. I experienced pretty privilege - maybe more a younger version of me thing or not - but it never seemed to fill the void I had when it came to a sense of belonging, I think parts of me felt judged, apprehensive amongst other things and, to be frank, still struggle. Yet, learning that life is short and to belong is much different than fitting in. Huge hugs boys! I want to do another guest spot! :)
Thanks for sharing! It's true, how we look outside doesn't always match how we feel inside. Belonging is different from fitting in. Hugs to you! And we'd love to have you for another guest spot! 😊🌈
Thanks Guys. Awesome and Very Helpful Episode
Thank you!
You're welcome!❤
Thanks for creating this podcast.
You're welcome! We're glad you enjoy it. 😊🎧
All Gay men must have their Gay men friends group and all the LGBT people must do the same. It is important to be with people like us, to be around other Gay men and create Gay friendships inside our Gay community between us; in the same way that straight men and women have their women or men friends group. Gay men together forever ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
I currently have one gay man who's 12 hours away, I was making a local friend, but he moved 4 hours away, what do you say to the Midwestern gay in the small ish town like me?
@@veggiet2009 Currently you can find a lot of Gay men friends thanks to social media and applications, try to use social media or apps to meet many other Gay men and integrate you to the Gay community, try to be more close with Gay men and talk with other Gay men about the importance of have friendships inside the Gay community and the importance of be united as Gay men and as LGBT people. I send you so much love and I'm open to all Gay men no matter how they are or where they come from. So much Gay love to you my dear Gay mate ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
"our gay community"? "gay men together forever?" ...thanks but I'll pass on your Mary Poppins bullshit i would prefer 100% to be alone than join the "gay community" in any way whatsoever
This was such a helpful episode, I could relate to many of the stories and feelings you both shared. Just hearing this conversation helped me shape my perspective in a more healthy way, and reinforced that what I am feeling and how I am reacting to those feelings, tells me I am on the right path. Validation is so important! Thanks guys!
You're welcome! Your feelings are valid, and it's awesome that the conversation supported your perspective. You're on the right path! Thanks for tuning in. 😊🌟
As a result of this episode, I have diagnosed myself with chronic social loneliness. LOL 😜
Haha! Your humor brightened our day. Remember, you're not alone! 😄🌟
Unmasking is tough. Thanks for making it a little easier.
You're welcome! Remember, you're not alone on this journey. 💪😊
Thanks!
Thank you so much!❤❤❤
Connect with me Connect with me !!!😂😂😂 😂😂😅😊
Absolutely! 😂 Let's connect! 😊🌟
I think the issues you two speak of towards the end of this video will be solved once gay kids are allowed to be themselves throughout childhood without being attacked for simply existing. Growing up being picked on will only cause a person to become a defensive adult, always bracing for an attack, and with many, that becomes an offensive defence... get them first before they can hurt you.
Many times when actually do get into a predominantly gay social situation, I get asked a question about a movie tv show or podcast that attracts gay viewers. and if I don’t know or haven’t watched it, I get the “up down” look and the very loud “OMG! OMG! OMG! You haven’t seen that show????!!!!” Basically yelling out at a party and public shaming for not being “gay enough”. So I just don’t go to those parties. I go to straight parties. And don’t get that.
The result is very few gay friends and few dates. I know there are many others who are nice. But I don’t seem to meet them. But I feel rejection from the gay community often.
We're sorry to hear about your experiences. Feeling excluded or judged in social situations can be disheartening. There are accepting and understanding individuals within the 🌈community, and we hope you find spaces where you feel valued and respected for who you are.💞
Mm, good stuff. Totally relate to feeling like the gay community is "over there" and I'm over here, not fitting in.
Absolutely get that. You're not alone in feeling that way. Here's to finding connection and understanding. 🌈💙
But it sometimes really is "over there". Like there might not be a gay community around where a person lives.
@@Sandsplans I get that. It can be tough when there's no gay community nearby. Have you found ways to connect, even if it's not in your immediate area?
@@GayMenGoingDeeper in the past, but I am in a new place now, and there isn't anything that close that I know of. Outside of cities and colleges it seems like a gay desert, but there has to be some way to change that. Gay people should have places outside the cities, and not feel like they have to live in cities. Idk how that will happen
Interesting that here we see the differences between you two at their strongest; Mr D is much closer to Dan Savage's model, which would seem to be anathema for Mr L.
True! Our different perspectives add richness to the conversation. 😊👍
I'm not sure I've ever wanted to "connect" with other gay men. It's never been a priority, as it always seemed like a complete waste of time and effort. I want nothing, sexually, from them, which tends to dictate the parameters of the situation. Sad.
I've share a lot of the same sentiment of Matt's intro. My aloneness sometimes has crossed over to actual loneliness, which I think led to my dramatic fall into depression after covid. However, I sought help and treatment, and all good now. This conversation has really helped me to understand the difference! Thank you!
I'm really glad to hear you sought help and are doing better now. It's powerful how shared experiences and conversations can bring understanding and support. Take care! 💙