hello everyone!!! it's been 8 hours and the support on this video has been amazing. there are 1200 comments right now, so a lot to sift through, but i've already read so many of them and i'm taking notes and trying to take action on getting a better answer for all of this. it feels like im not alone in what i'm feeling, which is very reassuring. i'll 100% be updating you all on my progress, but thank you for giving me a great place to start and for continuing to tell me your stories. i'm so glad i finally made this video!!!!!
im glad we have a community here that is not only just generally kind, but is also very open about our personal struggles in a way that makes it easier for you to be open as well. thank you for making this video nick, and thank you to everyone else who sees this for just being here
I've seen a lot of people bringing up autism/adhd/ocd as a combo; I think sometimes we want to see ourselves in other people? But having the severity correlate with energy does give me the vibe of masking, tbh. I'm no doctor though, just someone with those same things, and autistic kids. Whatever it is, it's clearly really distressing to you. I'm proud of you, and I hope you figure things out ❤️
@@DangerousTempestI have ADHD, autism and OCD and I experience many of the same compulsive needs to fix and make things feel right. I have a lot of sensory issues that go hand and hand with that as well.
Not a professional by any means, but this is very similar to what I experience. For me, the intense discomfort is due sensory issues related to ADHD and autism (e.g. I've worn my socks inside out my entire life because the seam on the inside makes me want to cry). The intense need to fix it is also rooted in my OCD. Not saying this is what's going on with you, but hopefully it can provide a bit of insight? Wishing you all the best! Edit: I also have a lot of anxiety surrounding thirst and always feeling like my mouth it dry, which I've never heard anyone else express!
Hey this deserves his attention because I was going to say the same thing! I believe the constant feeling of needing to fix something comes from my OCD, and the feeling of restraint from different clothes is from my autism and adhd. All of these have played into anxiety and depression in my life, I think a lot of these things are directly related to each other and theres not a ton of research done yet on how they interact. This is why I use weed as a medication as well as ashwaganda and magnesium citrate. But it can still be debilitating sometimes. We are here for you Nick ❤
yeah i personally think these 'tics' are a stim(?) that stems from the ADHD and anxiety bick mentioned also not an expert tho, so i dont *completely* know
i think it may be ocd. also something influencing this opinion is that i swear he said something very briefly about ocd in college in a previous video on one of his channels. i think it might’ve been just like an “i’m so ocd” thing but at the time i took it as “oh, nick has ocd”… but also my memory is ass so i could be remembering wrong lol
You’re not alone Nick. What you’re describing is exactly what I’ve struggled with my whole life and it makes me feel seen to hear you put it into words better than I can.
me too!! i don’t know if it’s just sensory issues, especially with the waistband thing and the tight shirt thing because i have struggled with this for so long!!
Hey, Nick. I'm a pediatrician and, while I do not specialize in child/adolescent psychiatry or development, I have some ideas about what could be going on. It sounds like when you were 14, they thought this was hyperactivity and treated you with adderall. That makes a lot of sense, but I think what they're missing is that your symptoms sound more like compulsions and ticks more than hyperactivity. (Which is not to say you don't also have ADHD, you probably also have ADHD.) Feeling compelled to scratch you neck is probably based in anxiety and maybe a little OCD. It also sounds like you have a component of sensory processing disorder, that feeling of things touching you in a distracting way. A lot of neurodivergent people have these sensory issues. I'm not sure if you have any verbal ticks, but if you do, that could be Tourette's. But given your age (mid-twenties, right?) and the rest of your symptoms, it sounds more like OCD compulsion than a Tourette's tick. Honestly, your primary care doctor did the right thing by trying you on an SSRI. And you're already seeing a therapist, which will definitely be a major component of your treatment. If adderall and SSRI's aren't touching it, you might need to be seeing a psychiatrist who could try you on something like Abilify. Please don't stop these drugs cold turkey, bro! And I know this sucks to hear, but weed can really exacerbate anxiety in some people. Trying to cut back there would probably help. I'm sorry all of this is happening to you, it sounds awful! But a lot of us have had similar issues, so you're not alone! I know it doesn't feel "normal," but I can identify with so much of your story. For example, I am also the product of a nondenominational Christian family who has anxiety, depression, and ADHD that never got medicated until adulthood. You're going to get hundreds of replies to this video from other people who have had all those issues too. So if you want to talk more about your symptoms and the meds or just life and coping, I'm here for you. (At this point, I'm questioning why I didn't just email you. I started writing this comment before I finished watching the video.) But let me know if you'd like to talk more. Hang in there, Nick!
I’m a elementary teacher and have a minor in disability studies (and I’m in SPED) and i was thinking all of the things you said! I hope he is able to find the resources he needs to make daily living bearable and feeling comfortable in one’s body.
Just want to add that a Tourette Syndrome diagnosis requires both motor and verbal ticks. I have both TS and OCD, and sometimes it can be hard to separate the two. Tourettic OCD is something I deal with, and some of this sounds like that. I also notice an increase in my tics when I don’t get enough sleep or I am not focused on something intently. You can suppress tics usually, but not forever. They usually force their way out.
I just wanna give you accolades for having the courage to be so publicly honest about this. As someone who went undiagnosed and was completely ignorant about my health issues for 30+ years, I know well how isolating and alienating it feels to explain your symptoms to people who just DO NOT GET IT. It makes you shut down and not wanna even admit it to yourself. I wish I had answers for you, but I've got congratulatory words, for whatever that's worth!
I have Tourettes, OCD and a couple other funny guy syndromes and just want you to know my journey with those conditions sounds very similar to whats going on with you. You’re not the only one dealing with this kinda bullshit. My biggest hurtle was realizing I will never be “normal” or think and act like a “normal” person. Giving up the idea of perfection and doing what makes you comfortable is most important, even if it only makes sense to you. Best of luck from someone else constantly uncomfortable.
Hearing someone talk about these things is a breath of fresh air holy shit. The compulsions, realizing others don’t act the way you do, and the constant med switching is so relatable and frustrating. Thank you for talking about it and being open.
hi nick! sounds like sensory hypersensitivity and displacement behaviors. sometimes when we're young we pick up a pattern of things to 'check' sensory-wise when we feel discomfort, like subconsciously going down a list. (Sensory sensitivity is common for those on the autism or ADHD spectrums, or those with cptsd) these habits can become like tics. this psychology applies to humans and animals and can become rituals that avoiding can induce extreme discomfort as you described. our vagus nerve is in the back of our neck at the base of our skull and touching/rubbing there or applying something cool against it can provide stress/anxiety relief and even help pull us out of fight/flight/freeze. singing and laughing can also help with that nerve, as we tend to snap out of those modes if we're "safe enough" to sing or shower or laugh. your doctor bringing up OCD for the potential tics, obsessive thoughts, and compulsions makes sense- it's a real possibility, it's all overlapping. but yeah if you wanna look into this stuff I recommend searching -displacement behaviors relating to anxiety -skin hypersensitivity / sensory processing -vagus nerve relief
humming also helps the vagus nerve! i watched a video about humming yourself to sleep because it soothes that nerve. i have to wonder if that’s a crossover with people humming as a stim, they’re unknowingly self regulating (which is honestly really cool)
This comment section is honestly bringing me to tears. The support is amazing, the information is unbelievably helpful, and I really think that I'm going to find things here that could help me find my own answers (constant and very specific discomfort, compulsive movements, upsetting intrusive thoughts, etc etc). The idea that this video will not only help Nick but probably countless others also searching for answers is making me so emotional, thank you Nick for opening up and creating this space for yourself and accidentally so many others too.
There’s been some controversy surrounding the idea of moving the diagnosis of ADHD under the umbrella of the autism spectrum, but there’s a reason it’s being talked about; because of how high the rate of comorbidity is. So I encourage really everyone whose been diagnosed with ADHD to also consider if they may be on the spectrum as well. In terms of your fatigue and other physical symptoms, it could be worth it to go to a doctor and get a blood panel run. Check out your thyroid levels, iron levels, that stuff. Just to make sure that all looks good before you move on to other options. Whatever you are feeling, friend, it’s real and you deserve to find some peace.
I read a study that said 80% of people with autism also have adhd. Although, I have both diagnoses and personally think they should still be looked at as two different diagnoses. I think there are just a lot of overlapping symptoms as they are similar and often occur together!
I’ve got the same fatigue symptoms and the same compulsions, I’ve gotten blood work multiple times and a sleep study and the doctors have been like “oh actually the papers say ur fine actually.” except for my insane transphobic psychiatrist who told me the way most people assess the blood work is “bullshit” and said I should stop eating gluten because it’s making digest my brain stem 😵💫
god the persistent thoughts of death and mortality has also been a thing for me too to the point where i feel a really uncomfortable/disgusting/empty feeling in my stomach. i remember watching your video when it came out and having to watch something else cause it felt like i was being talked to directly lol. you’re not alone in any of this and i’m glad you feel comfortable enough with your audience to share this stuff. proud of ya man and keep going !!
dude same i couldn’t even watch ppl play the mortuary assistant until recently because it provoked my existential anxiety around dying one day it fucking sucks
psychological evaluation - changed my damn life. I have had horrible sensory issues from autism and I developed debilitating anxiety and OCD because of it (also struggle with adhd woo). what you're describing sounds exactly like me man. once someone labels what you have it'll help you learn and discover more about yourself! I completely understand what you're going through and you're definitely not alone!
This was my experience as well, having a name for the stuff I'm dealing with really helped me sort through the resources and figure out what would actually help me.
Me too dude I got diagnosed as autistic this year at 24, also severe ADHD, cPTSD, and generalized anxiety disorder and the cycles of burnout and depression and inability to concentrate and my sensory and social issues all made sense, it changed my entire perspective on myself in my life to know that I’m not broken or fucked up. I’m just autistic. 😅
sounds a lot like neurodivergence, whether it be adhd OCD or autism or a combo! I relate a lot to the overwhelming sense of physical discomfort and feeling like I need to do anything to feel relieved again. I have a similar sensory issue where I become extremely aware of how my ribs are positioned, which is hard to explain to other people, so props to you for talking about it and trying to find the words, it is definitely important.
Number one I'd reccomend seeing an occupational therapist for strategies surrounding ADHD that are specific to uou and your needs. What I'll say here as someone in that field is that for people with ADHD they tend to be very sensory seeking and when those sensory needs are not met it can result in restlessness and feeling trapped in their own body. In occupational therapy we typically recommend "heavy work" for people with ADHD. This can include cleaning like vacuuming, mopping, rearranging furniture, making a bed, exercise like pushups, weight lifting, running, squats, or even playful activities with another person like wrestling or tug of war. Basically any activity that pushes or pulls against the body. I'm not sure if this would 100% solve all of your issues, but it's a pretty easy and low-risk strategy to use before situations where you know you will have to sit still for an extended period of time. Again i highly highly recommend you seek help from an occupational therapist who specializes in ADHD/OCD/other neurodiversities in adults.
I have ADHD and I often wonder if I have ASD too. People don’t understand how unbelievably debilitating neurodivergency is, especially when combined with MH problems like OCD.
Adding that my occupational therapist was the best thing that happened to me for my dyspraxia, autism and physical problems. They don't need a diagnosis, they will listen to you and help you make changes right now to improve your life, while you wait for a correct diagnosis and/or a doctor that cares enough to make one
"im so uncomfortable all the time." relatable. nothing solves the problem for me but staying home so I can change clothes whenever i want and so I'm not being watched or around people helps for me. have been diagnosed with adhd and told by autistic friends that they think im on the spectrum. wishing you the best :)
I don’t want to sound selfish, but it really helped me to hear you talk about this. I have something a little different and its consuming my life and nothing seems to help ( this is probably not your case ). Even though people around me try to understand, this made me feel less alone
Totally agree. This helped me feel less alone too. We all deserve a better quality of life and my parents are always on me to “improve my quality of life” like I’m not trying, it’s frustrating but I get where they are coming from. I’m 23 and I’m not doing normal 23 year old things.
I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, pots, and autism/adhd. What i have learned in my autonomic nervous system is super deregulated which can lead to all types of wild symptoms. Some of my symptoms that seem similar to yours are the increased anxiety, sensory issues with tight clothes, and itchiness. Might be worth looking into! There are several chronic illnesses that are more common in people with ADHD
I have POTS too and it majorly affects my energy. I didn’t figure this out until I was 21, so I spent most of my life trying to stay awake during the day and failing
okay I first of all am SO fucking proud of you for putting this up. This is huge for people to know this is a common thing that everyone in some capacity or another no matter how it looks on the “outside” - is struggling with. So I used to have almost ALL of these symptoms and they are yes classified under a wing of ADHD as well as OCD. The thoughts of death, dark thoughts, what have you- they are classified as “rumination” Here’s what I’ll say. i watch your videos and adore you- and I’m early 30’s - but when I was in my early twenties to mid-twenties I struggled SO hard with this. IT GETS BETTER. I’m not sure if it’s a combination of hormones and meds but late twenties to early thirties I could literally feel it start to fade (not completely but substantially). You can even listen to certain H3 podcasts where he outlines these symptoms as well and for some reason they dissipate. So don’t think of it like you’ll be here forever, you won’t. Next- NICK MF’n GREEN don’t ever cold turkey an SSRI. Bro that is never the answer. Ween carefully and responsibly. If you want off of a particular med- weed included - stopping cold turkey is never the answer and makes things worse and harder for your brain to bounce back from. Lastly - the uncomfy part for lack of a better word- the adjusting of clothes and scratching doesn’t ever go away entirely but there are meds that can dull the sensations. I also have that same feeling at times and I have to work to calm them. But there are things out there that can help with the sensations and over stimulation of the nerves which can be what causes this… All that to say it will get better. Finding the right meds can be so discouraging but they are out there. Hormones can can be a huge part of this. But I am so happy to have you get this out there and make sure you and others know you’re not alone- even if no one you know personally suffers from this- a LOT of people do - and weirdly enough it’s so therapeutic just to know you’re not alone, or going to be a pariah if you share these struggles. Keep your head up and keep us updated on what you find. I hope this video will get you answers. ❤️
Hi nick. It seems you’ve struck a chord with us who are on the spectrum. I think you should know that a big number of people who have ADHD are also on the spectrum. If this isn’t something you’ve thought about before I would definitely suggest looking into it. I think you will feel way more aligned with the autistic community if you dive deeper into it. Unfortunately people our age rarely got correct diagnosis. I was fortunate enough to get my diagnosis before elementary school. As I get older I notice people that I relate to are starting to get their diagnosis. ❤
Yes, I definitely agree! came to the comments to say the same thing as well, I got diagnosed with autism really late this year at 24 and during my evaluation we talked about how I have a lot of OCD like symptoms, but they’re actually just from autism
came to comments to say this too, went my whole life with an ADD diagnosis until 2 years ago. i was 22 n got diagnosed by my therapist. certain medications incite these exact behaviors in me (am i the only one that, after diagnosis, i can physically feel when the resistance is from autism vs a different mental block? i swear i can feel the autism emanating from me sometimes, it’s a feeling i’ve always had and could never ID till diagnosis) and it’s worse when i’m off my meds. the weird thing to me is that i don’t have the compulsion part of an autism diagnosis, but it is definitely related to my neurodivergence; adderall is one of the meds that made it significantly worse and vyvanse was pretty effective. what’s also interesting to me is that i didn’t quite realize that nick didn’t realize that he might be a bit more neurodivergent than adhd, cus even after only having a diagnosis for 2 years i really see the autistic struggles he speaks of in videos. i don’t want that to sound ignorant, it’s more of a relation to what he says he can’t place along w stuff that bothers him (re: daily life or other people or moral compasses) is very parallel to the stuff i was totally lost on before receiving a late diagnosis. i know a full diagnosis isn’t always easy or convenient to get, so i really assumed he pretty much knew. (i typed this about half way thru the video bc i was feeling this so strongly when he started talking about SSRIs so he may have touched on some of these speculations but my point remains that i highly agree)
Yes!! This is exactly how my sensory issues manifest; constantly adjusting my clothing, disrupting my sleep and focus throughout the day. I thought I was going nuts because of the frustration of it. When I figured out I have autism/adhd, I went through almost a grieving period of realizing how much my needs were ignored by adults when I was a kid.
My dad has dealt with very similar issues. He has ADHD, Autism, and OCD (all diagnosed) for him it's self soothing when he is feeling OCD compulsions as well as autistic/ADHD stimming. I have ADHD and to me this reminds me of my own stimming and sensory issues I've dealt with. Your story is very common amongst the neurodivergent community.
that constant discomfort, feeling like you could explode under your skin, desperately trying to fix it along with anxious and repetitive thoughts…to be honest my best bet has literally always just been taking a shower, or swimming. it’s like a sensory reset. sometimes it’s the only thing that will calm me down and relieve the discomfort. that, and temperature changes. having something freezing touching me to reset those senses, it’s kinda like calming down a buzzing ant hill. i remember freaking out as a kid over my hair being frizzy, or my shoelaces not being tied “right.” my moms would get me all dressed for school, just to come back and find me completely undressed when it was time to go to school because it “didn’t feel right.” could never explain why it felt so bad. i’ll go through my entire closet trying to find something that doesn’t feel impossible to wear or make me wanna cry, and then be late by the time i figured it out and settled for something. a lot of the times i wish i could just never ever wear shirts or shoes or socks, lol. oh man do i have a problem with my waistband, too. i always thought it was from dysphoria from being trans, but it’s way more sensory than that. i always felt like i was the only one, constantly trying to fix how it sits on my hips to find relief and getting none. i think a lot of folks are trying to figure out their shit similar to what you are, as more light gets shed on it. at least with myself, i’ve always suspected adhd/autism/ocd. i remember sitting in classes feeling this indescribable discomfort so intense, and trying to force myself to sit there still and not fill my compulsions that would ease the discomfort, because i always felt like everyone was staring. but the feeling would only build the longer i held it in, until it became an intense dissociation. i always always always have this uncomfortable feeling in my shoulders, like just under my skin. i’m on my own path to figuring this out, and as i do i’ll think of you as i find ways to cope and grow with this. if i find out any magic solutions ur the first guy i’ll let know. what you said about people having their head or hand on your stomach specifically reminded me of times i’ve been in people’s beds and felt so immensely and urgently uncomfortable, like a volcano was trying to erupt and i had to smush it all down and force myself to lay in bed there, even if i wanted to be close and to cuddle. touches from people i love sometimes feeling like a buzzing fire that lingered. needing desperately to leave rooms as a sort of reset, like all the uncomfy builds in one room and i can’t be present with people anymore. thank you for reminding me these problems are worth looking into and trying to solve.❤i’m not you exactly but i feel really seen in my own way by watching this video, i know i’m not the only one. not to even mention the ruminating on thoughts!!!!!! to fix these feelings, for the longest time i would always pick at my skin in the mirror. it caused so much shame and i still feel an urge to replace it with something. literally just having something physical to do to blow off all that steam that accumulates in a day is what helps me the most
This might be a wild shot in the dark. Have you ever been tested for Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS)? It’s a genetic disorder which causes some skin and muscle issues. I have it with an ADHD comorbidity and what happens is I notice the discomfort my clothes cause me when I’m unfocused. A lot of EDS-ADHD patients will scratch or pull at the skin around their neck as a compulsive/idle action. The waistband and shaking out the legs is what made me especially think of myself. I wasn’t diagnosed until my late 20’s, which is when my mom in her 50’s was diagnosed. It’s (usually) a dominant genetic disorder, but there are different types (with different underlying causes) which fall under the same umbrella. I also noticed your frame (long limbs, the way your hands are shaped, etc) is typical for EDS patients. It might be worth looking into. Re-watching the video: The self-medicating with something that dims the pain in the muscles and skin is also typical for EDS. It’s not so much “pain” in the “ow” way but the way you’re describing how your muscles feel, almost like an itch. The muscles for some people need to be stretched and worked. Physical therapy helped me with that. Additionally, SSRIs cause sweating. I’m on lexapro and wake up just COVERED in sweat. Same deal. Have to change clothes, doesn’t smell. Just DRENCHED. It sucks. I use a leg pillow to limit the sweating for myself. Weird, but it works.
Boost, I know 3 people with varying types of EDS and it’s often difficult to diagnose / it took them many many visits to doctors for them to finally narrow down the issue
I have ptsd, anxiety, depression, and i was diagnosed with autism in june this year. I struggle with sensory issues like youre describing. "take it out of me" is so real
Oh and the fact that THC helps is another possible autism clue, because it's one of the best treatments for the negative symptoms of autism. Between daily THC, a mood stabilizer, sensory breaks, and an ADHD med, my symptoms have been a lot better
Consistent and persistent thoughts of death combined with fidgeting sound more in line with symptoms of OCD as you mentioned. Struggling with stress and anxiety all the time, especially in relation to these things is a pretty tell tale sign. Unfortunately, the death thoughts are not normal. I’m sorry you’re struggling with these things Nick, it sounds very difficult. I would also suggest looking into different medications for your ADHD. Aderall made my anxiety 1000x worse, and I feel like if you’re able to find a better medication to manage your ADHD you might be in a better state. SSRI’s mixed with my ADHD were also not good. Best of luck dude!
normal wasn’t the best word choice there, I know i’m seconding what others have said but there’s far kinder and more reasonable terms to use. they’re not the average human experience, not common, not healthy, isn’t something people usually experience/have, etc. it may take more words but it’s worth it not to use those wordings!
I personally feel like the persistent thoughts of death are more likely related to religious trauma (PTSD or other anxiety disorders). But you may be right. Either way, I hope he finds help to work through them because I know how hard it can be and no one should have to live like that
I agree on looking into trying a different ADHD medication. Personally, I've had milder side effects from Vyvanse than I did taking Adderall XR. I've noticed lack of sleep makes me pretty anxious and uncomfortable feeling on either med, and it can be worse if I don't eat enough throughout the day.
As someone with ADHD, OCPD, narcolepsy, generalized anxiety, cataplexy, and both markers for hemochromatosis, a lot of this resonated. It’s also been 24 years of searching for why I am the way I am - OCPD (a variation of OCD) is very intrusive and controlling - add that to extreme fatigue from hemochromatosis (which you can tell from blood tests - get extensive blood work done just in case something chemically is lacking or overloading your system - I have super high ferritin levels) and then add a constant need to move and be busy or I’m just exhausted and also just narcoleptic so like also almost every time I’m asleep i fall directly into REM. BASICALLY listen I know how it feels to feel just like super uncomfortable in your own skin and not have answers for years and years but advice: 1) get blood work done & maybe a sleep test to see if the sleep you are getting is actually fueling you - narcoleptic people can sleep for days and still feel like one hour of work is a full day of work. Cataplexy is almost a heaviness of your body, inability to move but you are conscious, which can drive anxiety, and there’s a ton of other things that sleep tests can rule out, 2) try to find a stable routine, even if that just means 5 things a day to check off on a list (this can help in the meantime, i use an app called Productive because i can’t focus on anything unless i have a list in front of me that reminds me to do things every day (brush my teeth, make my bed, etc), & 3) have a psych assessment. This shit changed my life Also see if you can get the genetic testing done that tests which medicine works with your blood, if you are a rapid metabolizer of some meds and slower for others, or maybe not absorbing at all, just a good backer when it comes to medicine management and ensuring that you’re on the exact right medicine for your body Sorry that was such a ramble but hopefully this helps :’)
Noo this! The genetic testing needs more visibility. Most insurances cover it, and if you're lower income GeneSight does sliding scale fees. I feel like it should be the standard before someone is put on a medication 😭
Hey I know this is a bit overstepping but I’ve been super fatigued for like 3 years and they’ve done all the blood work they can do and nothing has come from it. I think I might have chronic fatigue but it sucks because they want to rule out absolutely everything before treating it and the doctors refuse to give my condition any more thought until I “lose 60 pounds” in their own words. Any tips for controlling fatigue?
Highly appreciate you sharing your story and seeking help! I am an Educational Diagnostician and additionally was diagnosed with anxiety/ADHD as a child. A few years ago, I worked with a doctor who ultimately diagnosed me with Pure O OCD or purely obsessive. A lot of what you are describing sounds similar to me and from my research in academia, very often is labeled as ADHD in childhood. Sometimes it feels like I have so much energy in my body that I might combust but it comes out in me pulling my eyebrows or biting my gums. My thoughts are cyclical but usually about music or phrases though sometimes I can fixate on death or the afterlife or things of that nature. I would highly recommend looking into Pure O OCD simply because anxiety and ADHD never “fit” for me and neither did the label of OCD than many consider it to be today. It has helped me a lot to now have an identifier for it that helps me navigate through the day. Thanks again for sharing and I hope that all of these minds coming together may be able to help or at least make you not feel alone :)
THIS!!! I’m diagnosed with autism, ADHD, anxiety, POTS, and a history of a TBI and these are all things I experience. What you’re describing as that itch that can never seem to be scratched is a similar feeling that I have when my body needs to expel energy (ie: tic) but I’m mentally so tired that my brain and my body can’t seem to function together. It’s like the two are on different pages at all time and never seem to align. I always describe it as constantly feeling like a shiver is about to run down your spine, but that physical movement or bodily reaction never seem to come. I actually started experiencing more stims and tics when I was taking my stimulant medication (for me it’s Concerta ER and Ritalin). Those meds help me to focus and give me boosts of energy I need throughout the day, but my nervous system always seems to be in a constant state of unrest. There is so much overlap when it comes to different symptoms of neurodivergent diagnoses, so that’s why a lot of people can never quite seem to pinpoint just one of them that perfectly describes what they experience. I recommend talking to a neuropsychologist, because they will be able to correctly identify the cause from a neurological perspective, and they can also work with a psychiatrist specialized in neurodivergent behaviors.
The needing water always and energy levels seems like POTS to me. But I’m not a doctor. I think the hardest part with chronic illnesses is a lot of us have a bunch of them not just one like I constantly feel like I’m still looking for the right diagnosis. It’s frustrating. I’m glad people are talking about this.
@@HereForGoodVibes exactly! A lot of my symptoms are due to multiple things, not just one, so that’s why I went undiagnosed with a lot of things until I was older!
your honestly and genuine nature is so inspiring. I know this isn’t like a happy video, but i’m happy for you because you’ve created such a great platform and supportive fan base that lets you ask for support in trying times. this just feels like the most human place on the internet today. thanks
only at 5:57 but i have those tics and adderall didn’t help me. only made my tics worse - especially the stuff with your waist and stomach. I have a tic of tightening my stomach and things touching my stomach. All the physical compulsions i relate so much to! I’d say some ocd is here too. Even if you have adhd, adderall might not be the solution because it amps up your body. At least that’s my experience
I’m not sure how you feel about therapy, but meeting with a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavior therapy or exposure therapy, these might be the people to check with. Sometimes doctors and psychiatrists can’t diagnose things when they are so specific (I say from experience) but working with someone to slowly overcome the compulsions which so done in CBT and exposure therapy can really help. Ideally you could get a combo of psychiatric and therapy help but it sounds like to me your day to day struggling is bigger than a diagnosis right now
Just hopping in here to add that if someone is dealing more with autistic rooted issues, rather than just ocd stuff, exposure therapy can be more traumatizing than helpful. Starting from scratch it'd probably be best for Nick to go to a more general neurodivergent practitioner to figure out what's up, then narrow it down to a specialist and stuff. I wish this stuff was more straightforward and easy lmao
nick you don’t know how much this means to see one of my favourite creators detailing struggles that i also experience. feeling these things is isolating as hell but listening to you talk about so many of these things that i feel like i can hardly talk to anyone about is like a breath of fresh air. your openness here means so much to so many people. thank you, and i really do hope you’re able to find solutions from this.
I have OCD and autism and fibromyalgia and literally everything you said I relate to immensely. I know exactly what you mean about the immense constant uncomfortable feeling and constant scratching and moving clothes and on and on… It seriously is crazy to know that you, a TH-camr I love and am just a fan of, I don’t know you, but to know you also feel some of the exact same compulsions /sensory issues as me makes me feel not so weird and embarrassing
I have OCD, am working with my doctor on an evaluation for autism, as well as getting a referral to see if I have fibromyalgia. I have ADHD. It’s really interesting to see this and your comment and all of the overlap. So many of these comments (along with his video) are making me feel so seen and understood.
@@TheChelseaHannathis is something i didn’t know and just rocked my world. i deal w chronic pain stuff and my mom has had a fibro diagnosis for decades, she’s told me many times she’s wondered if i have it too. i got a late autism diagnosis and since understanding myself more in that way, i’ve seen it so much in my mom too and wondered if she’s also autistic. this makes so much sense and i likely would not have come across it for more years without reading this comment thank you lol
please don’t make a permanent decision like that. you will find support and a way to manage your symptoms. the right therapist and group therapy would do wonders for you, but don’t give up. you are not defined by your struggles, and no one is judging you for them. as hopeless as you may feel, know there are endless amounts of people around you that are here for you no matter what. you are loved & will find your way
Not an expert, but I’ve been dealing with severe OCD my whole life. The symptoms you’re describing sound pretty similar to me, and I’ve seen other people in the comments say the same. Something worth checking out maybe, but wishing you well whatever you decide to do. It’s so tough living with compulsions that other people can’t even see happening, I hope you find your peace. First step is always talking about it, glad you have a space you feel safe and comfortable in.
That's what bothers me so much about how media and collectedly we view and stereotype OCD. It gives people the impression OCD is one very specific obsession or compulsion related to cleaning for example when in reality OCD can present in so many fucking ways. And since people don't recognize it as OCD they can't really seek treatment effectively.
Nickerd, this all sounds so familiar to me, it's crazy. For me (ADHD + dyslexia diagnose) i feel like the anxiety about death is strongly related to not feeling in control over my life. This, I think, is due to my motivational problems and poor energy regulation (ADHD). I am often so stressed about not optimising my energy/ time that i end up doing nothing at all, which in turn makes me feel like time is flying by, which causes further anxiety about nearing death and the passing of time etc. I also have struggled with tics my entire life. It started with sucking my thumb, to nail biting, to cuticle peeling, to hair pulling, to beatboxing (im also a drummer lol), to fiddling with my piercings. It can relieve stress, but if it becomes excessive it can cause a LOT of stress. I could get 'stuck' in a tic for hours. I just get so uncomfortable if i have to sit still, as if pressure is building in my body. For me adderall actually makes it worse and i havent found any other solution besides weed, which only relieves me temporarily and, i am suspecting, is making all the symptoms worse over time.. I have also been thinking lately that im not actually an introvert, just a very sensitive, anxious and sometimes lazy extravert, because i love being with the right people, in the right circumstances and i love creating music and sharing this with people. That stuff gives me a lot of energy and being alone and sitting inside doesn't. I feel like some people might also relate to this! Super cool and helpful to me to hear your story, made me reflect on my life, because i see so many similarities.
Nicky nicky, i was watching this video and i was literally scratching my neck and adjusting my clothes before you said what it was that you are dealing with. I have autism/adhd and with that i get sensory issues. Its so hard to feel comfortable in my skin and it fr feels like my skin is on wrong. Weed has been my escape for these feelings as well because it evens out my brain feelings to my body feelings, although i dont know how to describe it that well loll. Its awful and i understand this feeling so well, so you are not alone!! We love you nick 💕💕💕
Around about 24:35 you talk about wondering how much of school and life could have been different if you just didn't have to deal with this and it hit hard. I was diagnosed with anti social personality disorder and borderline, now it's likley just autism. I also have narcolepsy and ptsd. but I've gone through so many diagnosis, I realized recently at 27 that I know I straight up would be unable to hold a traditional job. Fell into a heroin addiction in college, had chronic pain issues that limited everything I did, moving was so hard so i understand that feeling. I'm 5 years sober and wish you the best. It took me a long time to find a medication combo that works for me.
As someone who's been around for a little while I definitely noticed some of the compulsions you described. I don't have the solutions you're after unfortunately but I think opening up about it and talking about it more freely can help with the mental toll of it all a lot
Hi! I have terrible ADHD and anxiety and when i am overwhelmed or feeling rushed especially or kind of having a sensory overload (like loud restaurants, crowded places, tight spaces, sitting still for a long time) i get similar compulsions. it feels like there is bugs crawling all over me and i have to jerk and jump to shake them off except they don’t go away. i will feel like my waist band doesn’t fit and i have to keep squirming in my seat to feel comfortable. this has been something that has made it so hard to focus and feel comfortable and i end up failing all my classes because i can’t focus in school. sometimes this feeling has even led to such stress that i get a panic attack. i’m only 16 so i don’t know how to help you, i would like answers for myself too, but just wanted you to know your not alone ❤ i love your channels they make me so happy i watch every single one of your vids
Hi Nick, I have dealt with these exact obsessive thoughts of death and feelings my whole life too. It’s very difficult to describe the physical and mental discomfort but you did a really great job of making it make sense. I also tried pretty much every SSRI in the book and dealt with very high highs and very low lows, along with that terrible sweating you described all the time. I was finally diagnosed with a combination of OCD and Bipolar 2 at 21. You’re not alone in the way you feel, and I hope things get easier over time. It’s a process and you’ve got this!!
hi! as someone who is autistic and questioning whether i might also have adhd, but also just have a ton of friends who are also on the spectrum - this sounds a lot like you do it out of a need for self soothing! especially dealing with overstimulation or with adhd forced to sit still and be understimulated. both under and overstimulation can cause a need for you to self soothe or stim (as most call it in the neurodivergent community) whether that is through physically scratching your neck/self, adjusting clothes, picking at nails/skin, doodling, bouncing leg, clicking pens, cracking knuckles, or through other sensory forms like vocal stimming etc! i vaguely remember you mentioning that you are also neurodivergent so if you are open to it i would recommend looking more into adhd/autism and seeing if you align with any of the criteria for those. i recommend the RADS-R test for autism, it could also be useful for adhd. i am not a professional but one of my special interests is neurodivergency and human behaviour so i think it goes without saying that i could obviously be wrong. but to me it definitely sounds like under / overstimulation due to some sort of neurodivergency! i went undiagnosed with autism until last year (i'm 22) so this past year has been a big year of self discovery and learning how to accommodate for myself as a neurodivergent person in a neurotypical world. it's definitely overwhelming at first but i feel a lot better now knowing that i have words to describe the things i'm feeling. especially regarding stimming and sensory issues. i really relate to your adjusting your collar and clothes a lot - for me it really bothers me when i have collars/armpits too tight or have tags on my clothes. it sounds like youre already accommodating yourself by wearing bigger clothes and i do the same thing! i wish u the best of luck in your learning process and i hope u can find more ways to accommodate yourself :) i know that a lot of others have said similar things but i hope this helps you in some way! :) also thank you for sharing this! and big congrats if you do figure out what's going on! all the best :D
You certainly aren’t alone in trying to figure yourself out and make yourself more comfortable. My anxiety disorder makes me physically ill and it’s hard to do things right now, but I’m trying to get better and I hope you get better too! I believe in you and hope that posting this video and hearing peoples perspectives helps you. You will find healing soon
im literally going to cry. i’ve been watching you for a while now and i love the videos you and dev both put out. this video really got to me, i have ALL of these things, including the tics. it feels good to know i’m not alone
We’re here for ya Nick! It sounds like some sensory issues and self soothing compulsions. I’m not sure how to fix it but I deal with stuff like that too at least know ur not alone
I would recommend working with a psychologist to help you manage your symptoms (psychologist is therapist w doctorate in mental health, vs LCSW has masters vs psychiatrist is medical doctor). A diagnosis can be helpful, but working regularly with a psychologist will help you identify triggers and manage symptoms regardless of the ICD code. Wishing you healing and comfort on your journey. (Source: Disabled with 10+ years receiving mental health treatment including ADHD and Anxiety)
you (and everyone else here suffering from mysterious and persistent anxiety symptoms) are not alone. this is so common and i think that openness and community surrounding these dark truths of mental health is so important. i really hope you can find some peace, feeling like you are being held hostage by your mind in your body is the worst
"Interoception" is the scientific term for an internal sense of our body. We can tell when our heartbeat quickens, when we need to eat or sleep, etc. People with interoception sensitivies will reject certain external stimuli--for example, I can usually feel a needle injecting or taking blood and people for some reason are surprised when I say that, lol. A lot of people like me also love wearing tight outfits or compressors or like spinning around--but obviously that can show up in the opposite where someone is all too aware of fabric hitting their skin. I think Nick just needs mindfulness; he already knows there's a pattern to it. I think Nick could do well with fidget toys and moisturizing, and if you do scratch just make sure your nails are short, or you can find something softer to scratch with. Being aware it's an issue and seeking out adjustments or changes will hopefully be enough: I think this fidgeting with clothes is a way for Nicki's body to adjust and for Nick to feel like he's taking care of himself subconsciously. A lot of our interoception feelings are intended to regulate our bodies or protect them; his brain has gotten used to a certain amount of stimulation seeming like it's normal regulation when it's instead excessive. Baby Nick adjusted his clothes one time and his brain went "wow, now I feel better" and it proceeds to chase that feeling with repeat experiences. It's obviously very subconscious but it's not a problem until Nick's neck is bleeding or rashy because he can't stop scratching. I really think a nice thing to rub up on can prove soothing. Basically you don't want to deny your feelings here even if your brain is being weird: adjusting clothes and making sure your skin feels okay is comforting, and there's no way to really change a subconscious feeling like that. You can def adjust so it works on you. Also part of mindfulness is practicing some comforting words for yourself when you know you're in a bad or stressfuo place: that can potentially help, too, if you avoid being like "you're a wonderful worthy person AND you shouldn't scratch your neck!" Just keep it to affirmations and talking to your child self. /Not a professional I just love watching stuff on therapy and the mind
This video was really helpful to me nick! I understand that you’re suffering and it was really brave to share this. I’ve experienced the same symptoms (but in my case I’m sure it’s linked to autism), and your video has given me the language to express how I feel when I go for my autism assessment. I’ve always found it hard to articulate it and I’m so relieved now. I hope you find your answer.
I'm not a doctor, just a neurodivergent person, but it sounds like it's probably autism or ADHD/ADD. The latter or both is what I'd think. I do similar things cause I cannot physically be still and it messes with me. I also have energy issues it's like that amount of spoons thing. Some days you have more or less spoons. Idk if I'm anywhere near correct or if I made since. Edit: The thoughts abt unalive are one of my autism symptoms like to a tea. So I really think it could be autism and ADD/ADHD
even as someone who was raised secular, in religious spaces or just faced with the thought of death, i am consumed... and recently been similarly debilitated by compulsions and anxiety. you are not alone nick
Hey Nick, I’ve dealt with a lot of the same symptoms you’ve described my whole life. I have never truly felt physically comfortable whether I’m sitting, standing, laying, what have you. I’m never in a comfortable position and I’m always adjusting my clothes and my body, but the medication I’m on have helped me a ton. I have diagnosed OCD and Major Depressive Disorder and I take 150mg Sertraline in the morning and 50mg Quetiapine at night. The Quetiapine at night was an absolute game changer - I used to sleep horribly because I couldn’t shut my mind off and couldn’t get comfortable - I now sleep great. Getting that great sleep has helped my anxieties immensely. I have never dealt with obsessive thoughts about death but I used to have obsessive thoughts about sickness all the time. My medication has helped quell that. I will say I do experience the night sweats often - I had no idea that that was an ssri side effect until now.
Since you posted the video about the fear of death, I have been following you with different eyes. You described something that I have always had and I saw a lot of myself in your words. The religious trauma, this monstrous and indescribable fear. The tics. And mainly, the difficulty of explaining it, because it seems impossible for anyone to understand. It's very lonely, many doctors tried to help me and it's really tiring not having a definitive answer. OCD was always a big suspicion, but no one tried to diagnose me. I don't have the answers, but I know what it's like, how it's like a curse, I know how horrible and impossible it can be to live with. Reading these other comments helps too. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
thank you for commenting :-) it is very calming knowing that other people understand what im talking about. i wish u the best in your discoveries, hopefully some of this video/journey will help in some way.
I’m sure there’s so many comments that say so many different things, but something I haven’t seen brought up is allodynia. A lot to what you talked about is relatable to my experiences with adhd/autism, but when you talked about physical sensations with clothes and specifically itching it reminded me of the neuropathy pain I experience called allodynia, which basically a fancy way of saying your body experiences a pain stimulus from something that shouldn’t cause pain and discomfort. No idea if that’s actually it but wanted to point it out! Good luck with the journey nick! Chronic illness (both mental and physical) is hard to navigate and I wish you all the best
Self soothing compulsions are so real and I struggle with them as someone with ADHD and OCD. It’s highly gratifying for neurodivergent folks to self stim to cope i think
this sounds a lot like my OCD, as long as i can remember i will feel this sort of itchy and insatiable urge to pop my ankles until it “feels right” on both ankles (never does though) especially if i am sitting for too long, but pretty much whenever i think about it (get the intrusive thought that i have to)
i have recently been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD, and i feel like i can relate to your compulsions, especially when trying to stop you get incredibly uncomfortable. For example one thing i have always struggled with was the need of touching something in a specific place or hard core blinking until something inside me feels satisfied. when i dont get my satisfaction it is painful, but especially when its something i physically couldnt get the chance to do it. usually i have to distract myself, but knowing i have ocd i have been doing research on ways of coping. it might not be it but i would go to a professional, like a psychiatrist or something. one thing i have learned with knowing i have ocd is that the pills can only do so much, you yourself need to face the tick, its fucking difficult. this might not relate to you, but it was very brave of you to express this to everyone
I am unsure if this is your issue, but helpful to rule out whenever someone is having issues with skin and textures. Try an allergy test - very easy and it would rule out a lot of issues quickly. Be sure they do both a skin test and blood work; blood work will give you a more accurate picture, but skin test will give you quick results (but less accurate). I hope you feel better.
just from my interpretation it seems like a feeling of sensory overload in connection with adhd or autism that expresses itself as ticks or compulsions (im no doctor but i also deal with something similar to this)
truly my comfort youtuber. i know im not the only one of us to experience this insane neurodivergency that is actively debilitating to everyday life. we are more than our thoughts and impulses and we dont have to live like this forever! i really hope me, you, and everyone else who is struggling finds something that actually works and is healthy
Hi Nick! Psychologist here 😊 While I can’t really tell you there’s a simple fix for everything you’re going through, there are definitely ways to alleviate some of your distress to hopefully help you feel like life isn’t so hard. I agree with the comments recommending you reach out to an occupational therapist to get assistance with things you may feel relevant - daily living, sensory issues, etc. I’m also highly inclined to believe you’d see benefits in your death anxiety and difficulties managing a lot of your discomfort if you saw a psychologist who specialised in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, or discuss with your current therapist whether they would be able to pursue that course of treatment with you. Another suggestion, not a guaranteed fix, but a psychologist who specialises in Behaviourism and has a history working with tic disorders, trichotillomania, excoriation, etc., may be able to provide you with similar strategies to combat your compulsive behaviours. If you see this comment, I hope any of my advice is helpful to you. It’s huge of you to be so open and vulnerable to your viewers about these issues. I hope you are able to find some level of peace from them soon!! ❤
hi nick, i'm not a doctor, but i have a fair share of neuro issues. this sounds like it could maybe be a couple of things, it could be motor tics (tics that specifically involve movement) and the prevalence of them could be a motor tic disorder. i got diagnosed with tourette syndrome a few years ago and i learned that there's other tic disorders too! i've noticed my tics tend to get worse when im sleep deprived as well, and the discomfort that comes with trying to suppress those tics/urges is very common in people with tic disorders. you mentioned you CAN hold back the movements and how you felt that differed from something like tourette syndrome, but people with ts and other tic disorders are able to suppress their tics, its very uncomfortable for us and takes a lot of focus, but it is possible. it could maybe even be a combination of tics and ocd compulsions! my compulsions from ocd and my tics from my tourette's blend together sometimes, the line can get real blurry. i know you mentioned seeing doctors and they couldn't figure it out, but if you havent seen a neurologist specifically that could be a great next step! im obviously no expert but your experiences sound very similar to mine, i hope you're able to figure this out soon
posting from my partners account. i'm 37 and i can relate to a lot of what you're saying. i'm autistic and have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and Sjrogrens syndrome. (my mouth is always dry, often having mouth issues) having a more social and less of a medical model towards being autistic and how to deal with my autoimmune stuff has definitely helped. mental health wise letting go of the western medical complex and understanding abelism and what it means to be disabled from a different lens has been the only thing that's helped for me. somatic therapies have also been helpful in some ways to deal with early childhood trauma (not to say is the cause of the autoimmune stuff but i think it's all related). prescription medication has never been helpful for me (not to dismiss it's benefits for anyone else). ty for being you and for sharing.
I relate so much to you. I have autism and ADHD and suspect OCD as well, the most debilitating things are the inability to be comfortable in any setting. Especially in school, i cant fully learn or be present because im thinking about how uncomfortable my body is (i also have chronic pain which exasperates this). I can only fall asleep if my sheets and blankets are in a certain position (i can always feel if a sheet is folded a tiny bit or if one blanket is longer on one side etc.) its so hard for me to sleep anywhere that isn’t my own bed. The thing that has been the most helpfull is just understanding myself more and hearing more from other people about their experience. It also helps to consistently validate yourself and your needs, meet yourself where you are at no matter how “high maintenance” you might feel or people might think youre being (accommodating is never high maintenance). Along with that I feel like internal work and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can help overall with compulsions and intrusive thoughts. Im in the same boat as you thought, still figuring out how to help and cope with these struggles :/
I have these same diagnoses and doing EMDR therapy worked really well for me. It doesn't make everything go away but it's made me feel safer (I also have cPTSD so that might be why) but if you're struggling it may be worth talking through as an option with your therapist. You're not alone and you should be proud of yourself for taking the time to take care of yourself and your brain. The world is cooler and more diverse with you in it. Thank you for sharing something personal with us random internet folks ❤
@@saraschu2735 I’ve heard so much about EDMR! I also have cptsd so hearing your experience is really insightful. Thank you for your kind response, you brightened up my day ✨ the world is cooler cause of you too :)
looks like a lot of comments have covered it, but sensory issues are super common with adhd and ocd. I have ocd & experience similar compulsions, and lately haven’t been able to wear anything that’s remotely tight on my waist (I’ve had to go one to two sizes up in pants so that I can’t even feel the waistband lol). Scrupulosity (obsession with religion & death) is also a form of OCD that I’ve experienced, also having been raised in an extremely strict Christian household & college ministry. Diagnosing ocd is tricky, but it can’t hurt to schedule frequent visits with a psychiatrist and try to figure it out. going on prozac (a medication frequently used to treat ocd) has absolutely changed my life. Part of me wonders if adderal has exacerbated the ocd tendencies for you or if it’s causing you to hyper-focus on them. definitely talk with a psych! I’m not a professional by any means, but I’ve experienced a lot of the same or similar things as you. It can and will get better!
I have a similar situation, specifically with compulsions, ADHD, and sensory issues. Between the ADHD fidgeting and the compulsions and the need to readjust for sensory issues, it's nonstop movement, never sitting completely still. I don't have any obsessive tendencies, so I can't speak on that, but the way you described the compulsive behaviors really resonated with me. I haven't had any help from health professionals unfortunately, but I've found through research on psychology databases that compulsive behaviors could be connected to tic disorders despite being different from normal tics. It might be worth looking into tic related treatments or cognitive psychophysiological treatments. I hope you find some answers, and please share if you do! You're definitely not alone in this.
Hey Nick! So proud of you for having the courage to open up about this. I just turned 30 and only finally got my proper diagnosis of ADHD and autism last year, but I struggled similarly with compulsions, and had recently developed new ones, on top of lifelong sensory issues and social issues. I think it absolutely couldn't hurt to ask a psychiatrist for an opinion on getting tested, as the way they test nowadays is so much better than it was in the past, where many of us got dismissed for being "too smart", which is BS. The testing process is a bit tedious, but it really is so good to have that weight off of my shoulders, wondering why I couldn't curb some of my behaviors, no matter how hard I tried. I wish you the best on your journey, no matter where it takes you, and know that you have so much support!!! Much love! ♥
This is totally not bizarre! I feel like sometimes I have this too. Always having to roll my neck back and forth, adjusting my clothes, fidgeting, and random things that doesn’t seem necessary, but I still find myself constantly doing them. I can understand the feeling and how frustrating it can be. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
This kind of stuff is not nearly as rare as you think! It's especially common on the autism spectrum as a form of sensory regulation. We tend to have very specific sensory needs so we often get very particular about the texture and cut of our clothes. A way we regulate ourselves is "stimming" which is any kind of sensory seeking like leg shaking, rocking back and forth, fidgeting with a toy or more destructive behaviors like skin picking or scratching. It's important to our well being to find healthy ways to do it and a therapist that specializes in autism can help you figure that out. I don't know if you've ever looked into an autism diagnosis but it often goes along with ADHD, and that what it sounds like to me
i feel this- i have a lot of facial movements that i do that are exhausting and honestly embarrassing when ppl point them out, but i can’t not do them ☹️
me too, ive struggled with facial and vocal tics my whole life and sometimes it is so so exhausting😭 especially bc one of the tics is winking and i don’t want ppl to think im winking at them lmaoo
omg.. what you said around 12:30 is exactly what i’ve been telling my friends and family. for me it’s when i have to wait in line or just sit and wait for something in a public space. i get really pent up and it feels like you said, a weird poking or scratching. i just want to like fly away or something. im so glad you posted this video because it’s so nice being able to relate to specific feelings.
when you said you’re worried you’ll have to deal with this for the rest of your life i really resonated with that. i’ve been struggling similarly recently. thank you for opening up to us i hope you find comfort soon
I do all of these so much. This doesn’t apply to everybody but I also have to like adjust my bra/bralettes too. Like reposition the band and the straps and the way the cups are fitting. I am also extremely low energy (but fidgety). I always attributed it to anxiety until I learned that I have ADHD and now I think its a mixture of sensory issues (being able to feel my clothes), and needing to stim. I also relate to not being able to have someone lay on me without feeling like I’m going to explode. I start to feel like I’m being crushed and get extremely restless and need to move. I also adjust my glasses a lot and tuck/untuck my hair from behind my ears if its not in a bun.
while I can't give any advice, hearing your experience is very comforting and validating in my own. sounds very similar to my own adhd and anxiety experiences also this is a hilarious video. being high and recording really deep thoughts in a parking lot? feel that
7:51 this part was really relatable as someone who was diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome when I was a kid. One of my tics was rolling my eyes and blinking forcefully every few seconds, and I hated it so much but I couldn’t force myself to stop because that’s just not how it works. Remember to be kind to yourself and know you’re not the only person who has felt this way❤️
you’re not alone nick, i’ve had sensory issues & compulsions due to my adhd, autism & ocd my ENTIRE life and everything you described is so INSANELY relatable to me, i was convinced i was the only one, the whole thing about CONSTANTLY feeling the need to do a compulsion with no specific reason why is so exhausting, ocd is so alienating, i’ve been in and out of school for the past year and a half because of the uncomfortable feeling you described, you got this man hang in there, we love you
I have diagnosed ADHD and OCD. i think this sounds a lot like OCD. OCD is truly hell on earth, and this really sounds a lot like not only my experience with OCD, but also what i know about OCD in general. you have the Obsessions; with your obsessive, distressing thoughts about death and afterlife, and persistent hyperawareness about bodily sensations (this part could also definitely stem from ADHD or ASD sensory sensitivity). And you have the Compulsions; the constant need to readjust positions, wear certain clothes, scratch or move your body in specific ways. if lack of sleep worsens it, that makes sense. sleep is an incredibly important thing, and without it, symptoms of OCD, ADHD, depression, and more can become much, much worse. unfortunately, medications don’t work for everyone. but some doctors don’t prescribe medications correctly, so if you are switching medications before at least 6 weeks or not taking them consistently, it’s very possible that you won’t feel any of the effects. i would advise you to not give up on medications, and consider going to a therapist who specifically knows how to treat OCD. regular therapists can actually worsen OCD, because some of the techniques for other anxiety disorders are completely counterproductive for people with OCD. best of luck to you man, OCD fucking sucks. and if it’s not OCD, i really hope you can figure it out and find a solution.
Nick this video honestly made me realize I'm not totally alone in dealing with a lot of the stuff you described. I'm in high school and I had to leave school and do online because of a lot of the things you talked about so I'm definitely interested to see what people think it could be so thank you for being so open about your mental health and for talking about this
i have pretty severe ocd (been in therapy since 13, spent a fair amount of time in psych hospitals) and though im not in america (australian) it seems strange to me that a psych would treat ocd with medication and not a really rigorous therapy program. ocd isnt curable, at least not yet, so learning to manage the way your brain works is really important! i do a lot of self-directed ERP (exposure response prevention) which is basically practicing facing the obsessive fear (in small manageable doses) without using the compulsion to alleviate the fear. thats why compulsions happen - its your brains way of soothing the intolerable anxiety that having ocd builds up. so i think if it is ocd, definitely figure out what psychologically is triggering the compulsions, ie what threat or bad outcome are they protecting you from? the more you use compulsions to deal with anxiety, the more you entrench that reaction in your brain, which increases your anxiety in general, so ERP is about unlearning that. difficult but definitely worth it! i can leave my house now! but if theres nothing psychological, if the compulsions arent about soothing fear or preventing a bad outcome, i dont think its ocd. maybe tourettes or autism? i think they are often misdiagnosed as ocd
Hey dude it sounds like your body wants to be on alert. Have you ever had a traumatic experience where you had to stay up and be aware of everything to feel safe? It sounds like your body is stuck in a state of “oh shit can’t let that happen again, get up, don’t relax, come on gotta be aware.” There’s so many factors, it could be something mental or something from you past or the different environments you’ve been in. We’re all so different and I’m so happy you posted this, we all have our own issues 🤍
Everyone is saying it but OCD! It is a more nuanced and complex disorder than it is known for and it holds hands with anxiety disorder. This is a good place to start because fixating on any other possibilities I don’t think will help you out right now! The type of anxiety that makes OCD so powerful often overlap with an impending sense of doom which can be integrated into identity through very religious backgrounds, as well as an overarching feeling of being wrong which develops routines to protect us from fear. You’re okay and this is normal and common.
I have super severe adhd, and have been doing therapy and taking meds for it for ages, and this really reminds me of when I was in high school, when I would be tired or especially stressed out performing some kind of action for school, I would just get this overwhelming need to twitch my face in certain ways. The itch/scratch thing is very relatable. I also smoke a ton of weed, and have heard anecdotally that this is a common self medication for adhd symptoms. From my basic understanding (3rd year psych/Neuro college student, but no degree yet so do with that what you will haha) these kind of tics can happen for someone with more hyperactive focused adhd, but more commonly ocd or mild Tourette’s. But yeah, take all that as mostly anecdotal. I hope you can figure this out man :)
I've dealt with the same mouth thing for years, down to the feeling like I need something sweet. sometimes it almost felt like my tastebuds were long and dry. It ended up being a chronic/recurring oral yeast infection, and I was able to get rid of it in like under 2 weeks with some medication from my doctor. It was also definitely adding to my chronic fatigue. Some things that can trigger or worsen oral yeast infections are eating a lot of sugary foods, smoking, being on antibiotics, or getting a cold. (I kept smoking weed tho so dont think u have to quit for your mouth to get better) also i'm not a doctor this is just my experience after dealing with this for the past 23 years Im proud of u for making this video and being so honest about your health struggles. as another person with less known health issues, i know how fuckin terrifying it can be to tell people about it. keep it up B)
I absolutely can relate to this. I would have the same compulsions but instead of rubbing my neck like you, I would constantly rub right under my chest to feel my ribs. It got so bad to the point where I got a rash in that exact spot. It’s genuinely really refreshing to see someone relate to the immense discomfort that I felt on a day to day basis. Now, it has mellowed out pretty much completely. I still find myself doing compulsions here and there, especially when I’m in a very anxious state. I’m not exactly sure how it stopped and I wish that I could give you the answers you are looking for. I just hope that knowing someone has had this happen to them and did recover from it, I hope it gives you some state of mind. I wish you nothing but the best and I can’t wait to see you in Evanston!!
hey nick - i’ve lived most of my life with ADHD, OCD, Tourette’s syndrome, and POTS(blood pressure condition) I relate a TON to this - also stress making it a lot worse is pretty common. Same with your workflow - pretty normal sounding for people like us. Please ask questions I would love to help as much as I can okay so i’m further in the video and the thing you mentioned about your “tics” when you said that you can hold them in if ur held at like gunpoint or something - I’m the same way; It like a feeling that it’s gonna come out and you need to feel it come out but you can kinda suppress it for a bit until you either do it or somehow forget abt it I’ve never really had it every single night, but I do wake up drenched in sweat decently often as well my tics and stuff have been always been more vocal then physical but it feels the same way that you describe it and those existential thoughts was something i struggled with a lot when I was younger but I’ve kind of been able to move past it since but it still comes up from time to time and yeah being high makes it better (the the existentialism the tics and stuff) I’m going to have to talk to my sister, she deals with the same stuff I have and is studying neuroscience right now so she might be able to give some more help but I really can’t stress enough how closely I relate to the things that you are saying? also a question: how was your temper as a kid?
hi nick, i’d like to start off by saying i’m so proud of you for talking about this and feeling comfortable enough to share this with us. i’ve experienced similar things in my life and in my case it was due to sensory issues, autism, ocd, anxiety. what you described can be seen with adhd, ocd, sensory issues, and anxiety as well. it is basically caused by neurodivergence’s which affect the senses and your nervous system. what you described sounds a lot like adhd, anxiety, ocd, and maybe autism. i am in no way trying to convince you that you have these things, i am not a professional. i’m pretty sure that the tics are treatable but it’s different for everyone. in my case, my medication didn’t work but i’ve met many people who tried medication that worked for them. it’s all about finding the right thing for you. i recommend going to a phycologist or any type of professional that knows what they’re talking about. i really hope this helped
Some of this sounds pretty familiar. I have ADHD and sensory problems and when you talked about feeling like you're going to explode when something is on your stomach it reminded me of the feeling I get when something is too tight on my neck. Even a t shirt collar being too tight is a big issue and I usually have to cut the collar to keep it from bothering me. I'm no expert on mental health of course, but it definitely sounds like a sensory something which might be caused by a number of things (ADHD, autism, OCD, or a combination), or possibly just a sensory processing disorder all on its own. From research I've done, sensory processing issues are usually a symptom of something else, but it is also either theorized or being studied that you can have a sensory processing disorder all on its own. Unfortunately I don't know if you can just make it go away if it's sensory issues. The best I've been able to do is make accommodations for myself (like altering clothes so they aren't touching the specific part of my neck that makes me squirm). If it is compulsions from OCD, that might be more treatable, but I don't have OCD and so I don't know. A psychiatrist or a neurologist might be the right doctor to go to for this, but you mentioned you've been to lots of different doctors, and have been prescribed stuff. Either way, I wish you luck in figuring out what it might be and finding a solution to it that brings you peace. 🩷
Okay, since you're asking, my totally-not-a-HCP (but someone who's been in therapy and on meds a long time) advice is: if you're not doing any kind of cognitive behavioral therapy for the death thoughts, or maybe exposure and response prevention therapy specifically (since it sounds like you have at least some OCD aspects), PLEASE TRY THAT. It sounds like meds are only getting you so far, regardless of which ones you're on. But also: PLEASE NEVER "COLD TURKEY" YOUR MEDS AGAIN IF YOU CAN HELP IT; if you want to stop taking them, at least taper off slowly. A combination of moving house (or apartment, but) and being suddenly off your meds is an incredible combination of factors that are going to fuck you up. If your meds are not helping, or if the side effects aren't tolerable, please tell your psychiatrist/prescribing HCP about that; they should either find an alternative med (or additional med) or change the dosage. If they're not responsive to your concerns, get a second opinion (this may mean going to your primary care physician and getting a referral to a different psych practice). (Are your parents willing/able to help you with things like finding practitioners or scheduling appointments? Having other brains keeping track of this in addition to my own is really helpful.) It is very, very common to have to try out a bunch of different medications to find what helps. No medication (or even psych treatment) will fix this overnight. To some extent, this may be a thing you manage over the course of your whole life, although there are strategies you can learn for how to do this. If SSRIs don't work for you, SNRIs (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors) and NDRIs (norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitors) may help instead. They help a lot of people with ADHD more than SSRIs do. I'm concerned about the sweating, though, because it could be a side effect of your meds and totally harmless, but it could MAYBE also be an early sign of something like serotonin syndrome, or something like a thyroid condition that could be impacting your mental health too (although if you're like me your doctors have probably checked your thyroids pretty extensively already). This is something you need to talk to your prescribing psych HCP about, if you haven't already. If you've been diagnosed with/medicated for ADHD since you were in high school/a minor, you could also look into getting evaluated by your state's Office of People with Developmental Disabilities (or whatever the equivalent is), since you may be eligible for some services they may provide like counseling, or a caseworker who can help you keep track of things like appointments and meds, too. (I have a few more thoughts, although they're less action-based and might be off-the-mark on my end, but I'll put them in a reply to myself or in another comment.)
Other thoughts: One other thing I will say is: my experience differs with yours a lot because I was diagnosed with ASD at 3 years old, so my main experience of myself is as a "disabled person" or a "former special needs/mainstreaming kid" or whatever. I never considered myself as someone who should expect to pass as fully "normal," so even as hard as I am on myself sometimes, I don't feel like I had a big history as a kid of looking at other kids and going "why can't I act more like them?" I think one of the problems here (not all of them) is that you're sort of expecting yourself to ever be exactly like other people (at least, neurotypical people) in terms of how you sit, how you pay attention, how you engage with material, how your body moves, etc. But I don't think you're ever going to have an easy time sitting still (lots of people have trouble with the type of sitting still expected in k-12 schools, but especially those with ADHD), and I don't know if you're ever going to not have tics/fidgeting/possible-stimming (?) behaviors? I hope you don't find that too discouraging; I don't think you're always going to feel like you currently feel (in terms of mental health OR general outlook, etc) for the rest of your life, either. It is going to get better. But one of the things that might happen, as part of that, is you potentially working on getting more comfortable with your tics/fidgets/stims as long as they're not painful or harmful, since from what you said it seems like you feel a lot of self-consciousness about not being able to sit as still as everyone else. Unless the tics/repetitive movements are causing some discomfort I missed, I'm unclear why you need to stop doing this in order to pay attention to stuff? Are you distracting yourself? Again, it seems like therapy re: how your mind reacts to stimuli, and directing your train of thought toward or away from subjects, would really help with the death-related obsessive thoughts. Mindfulness training/therapy could also help, especially with "practicing" the cognitive skill of paying attention to stuff. But again, unless the repetitive movements/tics are directly harmful, I don't know if directing much thought or self-consciousness or awareness at them is going to help you. If they're a thing your body does that other bodies don't do, but don't present an obstacle to your mental health or functioning (other than "I do this thing other people don't do and it's not normal and therefore embarrassing"), I don't see why fixing them should be a priority compared to things like the obsessive/compulsive death thoughts, or your attention span, or any other mental health stuff you might have going on, or making sure the side effects of your meds are harmless. (If you find yourself shaming yourself for focusing on your tics as a result of this comment - if you go from "I can't sit still and it's embarrassing" to "I can't stop noticing my tics; it's so embarrassing and I'm so tired of acting/feeling so annoying" or whatever* - then you can also try to stop these movements. It may be possible. I just think that for most people who experience repetitive movements like this, trying to stop the movements for no other reason than "passing for normal" or masking your ND, is not helpful and just brings additional stress, although admittedly my frame of reference for this is autistic stimming.) *I'm not saying you ARE annoying or anything; I don't think you are, and the people around you are almost always less aware of this stuff than you think they are. You also don't owe random strangers in public "stillness" or neurotypical mannerisms. You're allowed to just be however you naturally are in public and private, as long as you're not hurting anyone (and acting harmlessly "weird" or noticeable or awkward in the presence of some random observer in a way that bugs them, doesn't count). (Edit: okay, so the tics can be scratching, which is not harmless. I still think focusing too much on the behavior and stopping the behavior itself might be a mistake, especially if it's OCD-related; therapy that treats OCD might help with the tics, too.)
PS: One cause of stuff like decreased ability to pay attention, decreased motivation, even thoughts about death, might also be burnout or emotional exhaustion (probably on top of ADHD, OCD and anything else you have/are medicated for). Is there any long-term stress or trauma (not necessarily from one dramatic event, just maybe from situations you had to cope with over years of your life) that might also need to get processed? (You don't have to answer me, it's just a thing to bring up in any therapy you do with any psych therapist you have, if you didn't already.)
(actual advice at the end!!) Hey Nick, I appreciate how difficult this must have been to share. I've been experiencing very similar things since I was in elementary school and hearing them from someone I watch every day to make sure my mind is never still is very reassuring. I always have the tic things, mainly focused on tensing my neck muscles or moving my eyebrows or scrunching my nose. Not in a tourrette's way though which has always confused me. It can be really debilitating. And I deal with the neck scratching and clothes things and feeling trapped if someone is touching me in a way I can't easily escape mainly based around my emetephobia and agoraphobia. My tics worsen when I don't get enough sleep or they can be really bad if I'm somewhere with a lot of sensory input like a store. I feel like I need to look at every item in the place and I can't stop tensing my neck and nose. Not an expert of course, but in my experience I'm pretty sure mine is a mixture of diagnosed social anxiety and a panic disorder, as well as diagnosed ADHD and suspected OCD. !!Something I think you might want to look into though!! is HSP or Highly Sensitive Person. My therapist brought it up to me the second time I ever met with her. It's a sort of form of neurodivergency that relates to how you absorb and process the world around you. I feel every little thing around me on a physical level and while there isn't too much research into HSPs yet, it can be validating to learn a bit about it. It's quite closely related to ADHD and I obviously don't know you personally but I do understand on a deep level how when you're in a desperate and helpless place, any little thing can help
sending nick all of the validation that i possibly can, i nearly started crying cus i know how frustrating just… wanting it to stop is. how hard it is to see everyone genuinely just functioning normally and i can barely get up to go to the bathroom bc i’m so paralyzed by my own brain that is also telling me i’m lazy for not overcoming its efforts to keep me down. this whole video is so parallel to my experience of getting a late autism diagnosis after being diagnosed as a child w ADD. all of these same problems. from the meds, to not being able to follow through w routines i know i want for myself, not being able to finish something unless i go all in all at once, constantly living in an existential crisis in the most rudimentary form of being focused on the afterlife, even the little details like physically looking around at everyone at any given moment and seeing how casual they’re presenting and not knowing why i can’t just stand or sit like that too. it’s so hard and there’s no magical all in one fix. these things are manageable and do get easier to tolerate. hoping that anyone who feels this way can gather the strength from this video to honestly discuss it with their doctor or psychiatrist and feel comfortable advocating for what they’re really experiencing, not just what the doctor tells you you’re experiencing. be as honest as you can with your doctors bc they can’t help if you’re not, pay attention to factors that increase discomfort in your life (vulnerability factors), and pay attention to the physical sensations that come with uncomfortable emotions (medical doctors are better at listening to your body’s responses than understanding emotional strife, a good psychiatrist does best with both) anyone struggling w doctors- it’s not your fault that professionals don’t understand what you’re going through. a lot of them literally can’t, they don’t deal with it in their own lives. thankfully, doctors have seemed to open their understanding quite a bit in the last decade and there are many that are willing to listen. do not be afraid to check for understanding and to let them know when theyre not quite getting the full picture, even the most willing doctor can’t treat something that hasn’t been disclosed. make sure your doctor wants to help you and if they dont want to listen to what you’re telling them about, get a new one. you’re allowed to ghost doctors 100% all in all, i’m really grateful for this video. i’m glad nick has a community that’s so supportive and i’m glad that he feels comfortable enough to be vulnerable like this, it takes so much to do something like this.
hello everyone!!! it's been 8 hours and the support on this video has been amazing. there are 1200 comments right now, so a lot to sift through, but i've already read so many of them and i'm taking notes and trying to take action on getting a better answer for all of this. it feels like im not alone in what i'm feeling, which is very reassuring. i'll 100% be updating you all on my progress, but thank you for giving me a great place to start and for continuing to tell me your stories. i'm so glad i finally made this video!!!!!
There’s a lot of people there for you Nick !!!❤❤❤❤
♥️♥️♥️
im glad we have a community here that is not only just generally kind, but is also very open about our personal struggles in a way that makes it easier for you to be open as well. thank you for making this video nick, and thank you to everyone else who sees this for just being here
I've seen a lot of people bringing up autism/adhd/ocd as a combo; I think sometimes we want to see ourselves in other people? But having the severity correlate with energy does give me the vibe of masking, tbh. I'm no doctor though, just someone with those same things, and autistic kids. Whatever it is, it's clearly really distressing to you. I'm proud of you, and I hope you figure things out ❤️
@@DangerousTempestI have ADHD, autism and OCD and I experience many of the same compulsive needs to fix and make things feel right. I have a lot of sensory issues that go hand and hand with that as well.
Not a professional by any means, but this is very similar to what I experience. For me, the intense discomfort is due sensory issues related to ADHD and autism (e.g. I've worn my socks inside out my entire life because the seam on the inside makes me want to cry). The intense need to fix it is also rooted in my OCD. Not saying this is what's going on with you, but hopefully it can provide a bit of insight? Wishing you all the best!
Edit: I also have a lot of anxiety surrounding thirst and always feeling like my mouth it dry, which I've never heard anyone else express!
Hey this deserves his attention because I was going to say the same thing! I believe the constant feeling of needing to fix something comes from my OCD, and the feeling of restraint from different clothes is from my autism and adhd. All of these have played into anxiety and depression in my life, I think a lot of these things are directly related to each other and theres not a ton of research done yet on how they interact.
This is why I use weed as a medication as well as ashwaganda and magnesium citrate. But it can still be debilitating sometimes.
We are here for you Nick ❤
Same, i have OCD and i suspect I have autism too and it sounds a lot like the sensory issues I sometimes deal with/compulsions I do because of the OCD
yeah i personally think these 'tics' are a stim(?) that stems from the ADHD and anxiety bick mentioned
also not an expert tho, so i dont *completely* know
i think it may be ocd. also something influencing this opinion is that i swear he said something very briefly about ocd in college in a previous video on one of his channels. i think it might’ve been just like an “i’m so ocd” thing but at the time i took it as “oh, nick has ocd”… but also my memory is ass so i could be remembering wrong lol
@@eggzukihe's said before he's actually been diagnosed with ocd
You’re not alone Nick. What you’re describing is exactly what I’ve struggled with my whole life and it makes me feel seen to hear you put it into words better than I can.
Same I was watching this and I’m like feels like hearing parts of my own story and experience
I totally agree with this.
me too!! i don’t know if it’s just sensory issues, especially with the waistband thing and the tight shirt thing because i have struggled with this for so long!!
Look up "Excoriation disorder" and let me know if that's something close to what y'all are experiencing.
@@mollylovesmusiccsensory issues can range in severity and can have a few different causes. Mine are pretty severe and have only gotten with age.
Hey, Nick. I'm a pediatrician and, while I do not specialize in child/adolescent psychiatry or development, I have some ideas about what could be going on. It sounds like when you were 14, they thought this was hyperactivity and treated you with adderall. That makes a lot of sense, but I think what they're missing is that your symptoms sound more like compulsions and ticks more than hyperactivity. (Which is not to say you don't also have ADHD, you probably also have ADHD.) Feeling compelled to scratch you neck is probably based in anxiety and maybe a little OCD. It also sounds like you have a component of sensory processing disorder, that feeling of things touching you in a distracting way. A lot of neurodivergent people have these sensory issues. I'm not sure if you have any verbal ticks, but if you do, that could be Tourette's. But given your age (mid-twenties, right?) and the rest of your symptoms, it sounds more like OCD compulsion than a Tourette's tick. Honestly, your primary care doctor did the right thing by trying you on an SSRI. And you're already seeing a therapist, which will definitely be a major component of your treatment. If adderall and SSRI's aren't touching it, you might need to be seeing a psychiatrist who could try you on something like Abilify. Please don't stop these drugs cold turkey, bro! And I know this sucks to hear, but weed can really exacerbate anxiety in some people. Trying to cut back there would probably help. I'm sorry all of this is happening to you, it sounds awful! But a lot of us have had similar issues, so you're not alone! I know it doesn't feel "normal," but I can identify with so much of your story. For example, I am also the product of a nondenominational Christian family who has anxiety, depression, and ADHD that never got medicated until adulthood. You're going to get hundreds of replies to this video from other people who have had all those issues too. So if you want to talk more about your symptoms and the meds or just life and coping, I'm here for you. (At this point, I'm questioning why I didn't just email you. I started writing this comment before I finished watching the video.) But let me know if you'd like to talk more. Hang in there, Nick!
Glad I read till the end
This is an amazing reply, thanks for sharing doc! ❤
I’m a elementary teacher and have a minor in disability studies (and I’m in SPED) and i was thinking all of the things you said! I hope he is able to find the resources he needs to make daily living bearable and feeling comfortable in one’s body.
I suspect PANDAS or PANS it’s so undiagnosed
Just want to add that a Tourette Syndrome diagnosis requires both motor and verbal ticks. I have both TS and OCD, and sometimes it can be hard to separate the two. Tourettic OCD is something I deal with, and some of this sounds like that. I also notice an increase in my tics when I don’t get enough sleep or I am not focused on something intently. You can suppress tics usually, but not forever. They usually force their way out.
Nick dont apologize for sharing your pain. Speak as long as you need.
No he should apologize he's a POS and a liar
I just wanna give you accolades for having the courage to be so publicly honest about this. As someone who went undiagnosed and was completely ignorant about my health issues for 30+ years, I know well how isolating and alienating it feels to explain your symptoms to people who just DO NOT GET IT. It makes you shut down and not wanna even admit it to yourself. I wish I had answers for you, but I've got congratulatory words, for whatever that's worth!
thank you :-)
I have Tourettes, OCD and a couple other funny guy syndromes and just want you to know my journey with those conditions sounds very similar to whats going on with you. You’re not the only one dealing with this kinda bullshit. My biggest hurtle was realizing I will never be “normal” or think and act like a “normal” person. Giving up the idea of perfection and doing what makes you comfortable is most important, even if it only makes sense to you. Best of luck from someone else constantly uncomfortable.
Hearing someone talk about these things is a breath of fresh air holy shit. The compulsions, realizing others don’t act the way you do, and the constant med switching is so relatable and frustrating. Thank you for talking about it and being open.
hi nick! sounds like sensory hypersensitivity and displacement behaviors. sometimes when we're young we pick up a pattern of things to 'check' sensory-wise when we feel discomfort, like subconsciously going down a list. (Sensory sensitivity is common for those on the autism or ADHD spectrums, or those with cptsd) these habits can become like tics. this psychology applies to humans and animals and can become rituals that avoiding can induce extreme discomfort as you described. our vagus nerve is in the back of our neck at the base of our skull and touching/rubbing there or applying something cool against it can provide stress/anxiety relief and even help pull us out of fight/flight/freeze. singing and laughing can also help with that nerve, as we tend to snap out of those modes if we're "safe enough" to sing or shower or laugh. your doctor bringing up OCD for the potential tics, obsessive thoughts, and compulsions makes sense- it's a real possibility, it's all overlapping.
but yeah if you wanna look into this stuff I recommend searching
-displacement behaviors relating to anxiety
-skin hypersensitivity / sensory processing
-vagus nerve relief
love this comment! So interesting
humming also helps the vagus nerve! i watched a video about humming yourself to sleep because it soothes that nerve. i have to wonder if that’s a crossover with people humming as a stim, they’re unknowingly self regulating (which is honestly really cool)
This comment section is honestly bringing me to tears. The support is amazing, the information is unbelievably helpful, and I really think that I'm going to find things here that could help me find my own answers (constant and very specific discomfort, compulsive movements, upsetting intrusive thoughts, etc etc). The idea that this video will not only help Nick but probably countless others also searching for answers is making me so emotional, thank you Nick for opening up and creating this space for yourself and accidentally so many others too.
You are loved & deserving of love (yes, you reading this, too).
There’s been some controversy surrounding the idea of moving the diagnosis of ADHD under the umbrella of the autism spectrum, but there’s a reason it’s being talked about; because of how high the rate of comorbidity is. So I encourage really everyone whose been diagnosed with ADHD to also consider if they may be on the spectrum as well. In terms of your fatigue and other physical symptoms, it could be worth it to go to a doctor and get a blood panel run. Check out your thyroid levels, iron levels, that stuff. Just to make sure that all looks good before you move on to other options. Whatever you are feeling, friend, it’s real and you deserve to find some peace.
I read a study that said 80% of people with autism also have adhd. Although, I have both diagnoses and personally think they should still be looked at as two different diagnoses. I think there are just a lot of overlapping symptoms as they are similar and often occur together!
Yes I definitely notice autism symptoms in myself. I don’t think many people including
Doctors totally understand adhd or autism.
That’s what happened to me, and I got diagnosed at 25
I’ve got the same fatigue symptoms and the same compulsions, I’ve gotten blood work multiple times and a sleep study and the doctors have been like “oh actually the papers say ur fine actually.” except for my insane transphobic psychiatrist who told me the way most people assess the blood work is “bullshit” and said I should stop eating gluten because it’s making digest my brain stem 😵💫
oh i’ve considered it🤣🤣
god the persistent thoughts of death and mortality has also been a thing for me too to the point where i feel a really uncomfortable/disgusting/empty feeling in my stomach. i remember watching your video when it came out and having to watch something else cause it felt like i was being talked to directly lol. you’re not alone in any of this and i’m glad you feel comfortable enough with your audience to share this stuff. proud of ya man and keep going !!
dude same i couldn’t even watch ppl play the mortuary assistant until recently because it provoked my existential anxiety around dying one day it fucking sucks
psychological evaluation - changed my damn life. I have had horrible sensory issues from autism and I developed debilitating anxiety and OCD because of it (also struggle with adhd woo). what you're describing sounds exactly like me man. once someone labels what you have it'll help you learn and discover more about yourself! I completely understand what you're going through and you're definitely not alone!
This was my experience as well, having a name for the stuff I'm dealing with really helped me sort through the resources and figure out what would actually help me.
Same. I had so many sensory issues but never got evaluated. Ended up leading to a bunch of anxiety and OCD like compulsions
Me too dude I got diagnosed as autistic this year at 24, also severe ADHD, cPTSD, and generalized anxiety disorder and the cycles of burnout and depression and inability to concentrate and my sensory and social issues all made sense, it changed my entire perspective on myself in my life to know that I’m not broken or fucked up. I’m just autistic. 😅
sounds a lot like neurodivergence, whether it be adhd OCD or autism or a combo! I relate a lot to the overwhelming sense of physical discomfort and feeling like I need to do anything to feel relieved again. I have a similar sensory issue where I become extremely aware of how my ribs are positioned, which is hard to explain to other people, so props to you for talking about it and trying to find the words, it is definitely important.
Number one I'd reccomend seeing an occupational therapist for strategies surrounding ADHD that are specific to uou and your needs. What I'll say here as someone in that field is that for people with ADHD they tend to be very sensory seeking and when those sensory needs are not met it can result in restlessness and feeling trapped in their own body. In occupational therapy we typically recommend "heavy work" for people with ADHD. This can include cleaning like vacuuming, mopping, rearranging furniture, making a bed, exercise like pushups, weight lifting, running, squats, or even playful activities with another person like wrestling or tug of war. Basically any activity that pushes or pulls against the body. I'm not sure if this would 100% solve all of your issues, but it's a pretty easy and low-risk strategy to use before situations where you know you will have to sit still for an extended period of time. Again i highly highly recommend you seek help from an occupational therapist who specializes in ADHD/OCD/other neurodiversities in adults.
Seconding the occupational therapist! Sincerely, an ADHD/neurodivergent OT student
yep! my OT specializes in OCD and she’s literally saving my life
Thirding the occupational therapist!!!
I have ADHD and I often wonder if I have ASD too. People don’t understand how unbelievably debilitating neurodivergency is, especially when combined with MH problems like OCD.
Adding that my occupational therapist was the best thing that happened to me for my dyspraxia, autism and physical problems. They don't need a diagnosis, they will listen to you and help you make changes right now to improve your life, while you wait for a correct diagnosis and/or a doctor that cares enough to make one
"im so uncomfortable all the time." relatable. nothing solves the problem for me but staying home so I can change clothes whenever i want and so I'm not being watched or around people helps for me. have been diagnosed with adhd and told by autistic friends that they think im on the spectrum. wishing you the best :)
I don’t want to sound selfish, but it really helped me to hear you talk about this. I have something a little different and its consuming my life and nothing seems to help ( this is probably not your case ). Even though people around me try to understand, this made me feel less alone
that is so great to hear
Totally agree. This helped me feel less alone too. We all deserve a better quality of life and my parents are always on me to “improve my quality of life” like I’m not trying, it’s frustrating but I get where they are coming from. I’m 23 and I’m not doing normal 23 year old things.
I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, pots, and autism/adhd. What i have learned in my autonomic nervous system is super deregulated which can lead to all types of wild symptoms. Some of my symptoms that seem similar to yours are the increased anxiety, sensory issues with tight clothes, and itchiness. Might be worth looking into! There are several chronic illnesses that are more common in people with ADHD
I have POTS too and it majorly affects my energy. I didn’t figure this out until I was 21, so I spent most of my life trying to stay awake during the day and failing
okay I first of all am SO fucking proud of you for putting this up. This is huge for people to know this is a common thing that everyone in some capacity or another no matter how it looks on the “outside” - is struggling with.
So I used to have almost ALL of these symptoms and they are yes classified under a wing of ADHD as well as OCD. The thoughts of death, dark thoughts, what have you- they are classified as “rumination”
Here’s what I’ll say. i watch your videos and adore you- and I’m early 30’s - but when I was in my early twenties to mid-twenties I struggled SO hard with this. IT GETS BETTER. I’m not sure if it’s a combination of hormones and meds but late twenties to early thirties I could literally feel it start to fade (not completely but substantially). You can even listen to certain H3 podcasts where he outlines these symptoms as well and for some reason they dissipate.
So don’t think of it like you’ll be here forever, you won’t.
Next- NICK MF’n GREEN don’t ever cold turkey an SSRI. Bro that is never the answer. Ween carefully and responsibly. If you want off of a particular med- weed included - stopping cold turkey is never the answer and makes things worse and harder for your brain to bounce back from.
Lastly - the uncomfy part for lack of a better word- the adjusting of clothes and scratching doesn’t ever go away entirely but there are meds that can dull the sensations. I also have that same feeling at times and I have to work to calm them. But there are things out there that can help with the sensations and over stimulation of the nerves which can be what causes this…
All that to say it will get better. Finding the right meds can be so discouraging but they are out there. Hormones can can be a huge part of this. But I am so happy to have you get this out there and make sure you and others know you’re not alone- even if no one you know personally suffers from this- a LOT of people do - and weirdly enough it’s so therapeutic just to know you’re not alone, or going to be a pariah if you share these struggles. Keep your head up and keep us updated on what you find. I hope this video will get you answers. ❤️
Hi nick. It seems you’ve struck a chord with us who are on the spectrum. I think you should know that a big number of people who have ADHD are also on the spectrum. If this isn’t something you’ve thought about before I would definitely suggest looking into it. I think you will feel way more aligned with the autistic community if you dive deeper into it. Unfortunately people our age rarely got correct diagnosis. I was fortunate enough to get my diagnosis before elementary school. As I get older I notice people that I relate to are starting to get their diagnosis. ❤
yes!! this!!
Yes, I definitely agree! came to the comments to say the same thing as well, I got diagnosed with autism really late this year at 24 and during my evaluation we talked about how I have a lot of OCD like symptoms, but they’re actually just from autism
came to comments to say this too, went my whole life with an ADD diagnosis until 2 years ago. i was 22 n got diagnosed by my therapist. certain medications incite these exact behaviors in me (am i the only one that, after diagnosis, i can physically feel when the resistance is from autism vs a different mental block? i swear i can feel the autism emanating from me sometimes, it’s a feeling i’ve always had and could never ID till diagnosis) and it’s worse when i’m off my meds. the weird thing to me is that i don’t have the compulsion part of an autism diagnosis, but it is definitely related to my neurodivergence; adderall is one of the meds that made it significantly worse and vyvanse was pretty effective.
what’s also interesting to me is that i didn’t quite realize that nick didn’t realize that he might be a bit more neurodivergent than adhd, cus even after only having a diagnosis for 2 years i really see the autistic struggles he speaks of in videos. i don’t want that to sound ignorant, it’s more of a relation to what he says he can’t place along w stuff that bothers him (re: daily life or other people or moral compasses) is very parallel to the stuff i was totally lost on before receiving a late diagnosis. i know a full diagnosis isn’t always easy or convenient to get, so i really assumed he pretty much knew.
(i typed this about half way thru the video bc i was feeling this so strongly when he started talking about SSRIs so he may have touched on some of these speculations but my point remains that i highly agree)
Yes!! This is exactly how my sensory issues manifest; constantly adjusting my clothing, disrupting my sleep and focus throughout the day. I thought I was going nuts because of the frustration of it. When I figured out I have autism/adhd, I went through almost a grieving period of realizing how much my needs were ignored by adults when I was a kid.
I love your Kurtis Conner NFT PFP 😂
My dad has dealt with very similar issues. He has ADHD, Autism, and OCD (all diagnosed) for him it's self soothing when he is feeling OCD compulsions as well as autistic/ADHD stimming. I have ADHD and to me this reminds me of my own stimming and sensory issues I've dealt with. Your story is very common amongst the neurodivergent community.
that constant discomfort, feeling like you could explode under your skin, desperately trying to fix it along with anxious and repetitive thoughts…to be honest my best bet has literally always just been taking a shower, or swimming. it’s like a sensory reset. sometimes it’s the only thing that will calm me down and relieve the discomfort. that, and temperature changes. having something freezing touching me to reset those senses, it’s kinda like calming down a buzzing ant hill. i remember freaking out as a kid over my hair being frizzy, or my shoelaces not being tied “right.” my moms would get me all dressed for school, just to come back and find me completely undressed when it was time to go to school because it “didn’t feel right.” could never explain why it felt so bad. i’ll go through my entire closet trying to find something that doesn’t feel impossible to wear or make me wanna cry, and then be late by the time i figured it out and settled for something. a lot of the times i wish i could just never ever wear shirts or shoes or socks, lol. oh man do i have a problem with my waistband, too. i always thought it was from dysphoria from being trans, but it’s way more sensory than that. i always felt like i was the only one, constantly trying to fix how it sits on my hips to find relief and getting none. i think a lot of folks are trying to figure out their shit similar to what you are, as more light gets shed on it. at least with myself, i’ve always suspected adhd/autism/ocd. i remember sitting in classes feeling this indescribable discomfort so intense, and trying to force myself to sit there still and not fill my compulsions that would ease the discomfort, because i always felt like everyone was staring. but the feeling would only build the longer i held it in, until it became an intense dissociation. i always always always have this uncomfortable feeling in my shoulders, like just under my skin. i’m on my own path to figuring this out, and as i do i’ll think of you as i find ways to cope and grow with this. if i find out any magic solutions ur the first guy i’ll let know. what you said about people having their head or hand on your stomach specifically reminded me of times i’ve been in people’s beds and felt so immensely and urgently uncomfortable, like a volcano was trying to erupt and i had to smush it all down and force myself to lay in bed there, even if i wanted to be close and to cuddle. touches from people i love sometimes feeling like a buzzing fire that lingered. needing desperately to leave rooms as a sort of reset, like all the uncomfy builds in one room and i can’t be present with people anymore. thank you for reminding me these problems are worth looking into and trying to solve.❤i’m not you exactly but i feel really seen in my own way by watching this video, i know i’m not the only one. not to even mention the ruminating on thoughts!!!!!! to fix these feelings, for the longest time i would always pick at my skin in the mirror. it caused so much shame and i still feel an urge to replace it with something. literally just having something physical to do to blow off all that steam that accumulates in a day is what helps me the most
This might be a wild shot in the dark. Have you ever been tested for Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS)?
It’s a genetic disorder which causes some skin and muscle issues. I have it with an ADHD comorbidity and what happens is I notice the discomfort my clothes cause me when I’m unfocused. A lot of EDS-ADHD patients will scratch or pull at the skin around their neck as a compulsive/idle action.
The waistband and shaking out the legs is what made me especially think of myself. I wasn’t diagnosed until my late 20’s, which is when my mom in her 50’s was diagnosed. It’s (usually) a dominant genetic disorder, but there are different types (with different underlying causes) which fall under the same umbrella.
I also noticed your frame (long limbs, the way your hands are shaped, etc) is typical for EDS patients. It might be worth looking into.
Re-watching the video: The self-medicating with something that dims the pain in the muscles and skin is also typical for EDS. It’s not so much “pain” in the “ow” way but the way you’re describing how your muscles feel, almost like an itch. The muscles for some people need to be stretched and worked.
Physical therapy helped me with that.
Additionally, SSRIs cause sweating. I’m on lexapro and wake up just COVERED in sweat. Same deal. Have to change clothes, doesn’t smell. Just DRENCHED.
It sucks. I use a leg pillow to limit the sweating for myself. Weird, but it works.
Commenting to boost this
Boost, I know 3 people with varying types of EDS and it’s often difficult to diagnose / it took them many many visits to doctors for them to finally narrow down the issue
Boost
Boost boost!
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I have ptsd, anxiety, depression, and i was diagnosed with autism in june this year. I struggle with sensory issues like youre describing. "take it out of me" is so real
The "tics" you're describing could also be like stims, ways to self soothe or self stimulate in stressful time
Oh and the fact that THC helps is another possible autism clue, because it's one of the best treatments for the negative symptoms of autism. Between daily THC, a mood stabilizer, sensory breaks, and an ADHD med, my symptoms have been a lot better
Consistent and persistent thoughts of death combined with fidgeting sound more in line with symptoms of OCD as you mentioned. Struggling with stress and anxiety all the time, especially in relation to these things is a pretty tell tale sign. Unfortunately, the death thoughts are not normal. I’m sorry you’re struggling with these things Nick, it sounds very difficult. I would also suggest looking into different medications for your ADHD. Aderall made my anxiety 1000x worse, and I feel like if you’re able to find a better medication to manage your ADHD you might be in a better state. SSRI’s mixed with my ADHD were also not good. Best of luck dude!
The death thoughts are more normal than people realize :)
Yeah they're definitely more NORMAL in that they're common-I think you're trying to say they're not healthy
normal wasn’t the best word choice there, I know i’m seconding what others have said but there’s far kinder and more reasonable terms to use. they’re not the average human experience, not common, not healthy, isn’t something people usually experience/have, etc. it may take more words but it’s worth it not to use those wordings!
I personally feel like the persistent thoughts of death are more likely related to religious trauma (PTSD or other anxiety disorders). But you may be right. Either way, I hope he finds help to work through them because I know how hard it can be and no one should have to live like that
I agree on looking into trying a different ADHD medication. Personally, I've had milder side effects from Vyvanse than I did taking Adderall XR. I've noticed lack of sleep makes me pretty anxious and uncomfortable feeling on either med, and it can be worse if I don't eat enough throughout the day.
As someone with ADHD, OCPD, narcolepsy, generalized anxiety, cataplexy, and both markers for hemochromatosis, a lot of this resonated. It’s also been 24 years of searching for why I am the way I am - OCPD (a variation of OCD) is very intrusive and controlling - add that to extreme fatigue from hemochromatosis (which you can tell from blood tests - get extensive blood work done just in case something chemically is lacking or overloading your system - I have super high ferritin levels) and then add a constant need to move and be busy or I’m just exhausted and also just narcoleptic so like also almost every time I’m asleep i fall directly into REM. BASICALLY listen I know how it feels to feel just like super uncomfortable in your own skin and not have answers for years and years but advice: 1) get blood work done & maybe a sleep test to see if the sleep you are getting is actually fueling you - narcoleptic people can sleep for days and still feel like one hour of work is a full day of work. Cataplexy is almost a heaviness of your body, inability to move but you are conscious, which can drive anxiety, and there’s a ton of other things that sleep tests can rule out, 2) try to find a stable routine, even if that just means 5 things a day to check off on a list (this can help in the meantime, i use an app called Productive because i can’t focus on anything unless i have a list in front of me that reminds me to do things every day (brush my teeth, make my bed, etc), & 3) have a psych assessment. This shit changed my life
Also see if you can get the genetic testing done that tests which medicine works with your blood, if you are a rapid metabolizer of some meds and slower for others, or maybe not absorbing at all, just a good backer when it comes to medicine management and ensuring that you’re on the exact right medicine for your body
Sorry that was such a ramble but hopefully this helps :’)
i was just diagnosed with OCPD! and i’m getting treated for OCD. i don’t see a lot of people talk about OCPD so thank u for sharing :)
Noo this! The genetic testing needs more visibility. Most insurances cover it, and if you're lower income GeneSight does sliding scale fees. I feel like it should be the standard before someone is put on a medication 😭
I have pretty severe OCPD myself and its honestly so draining. Im glad to know im not absolutely insane
Hey I know this is a bit overstepping but I’ve been super fatigued for like 3 years and they’ve done all the blood work they can do and nothing has come from it. I think I might have chronic fatigue but it sucks because they want to rule out absolutely everything before treating it and the doctors refuse to give my condition any more thought until I “lose 60 pounds” in their own words. Any tips for controlling fatigue?
Highly appreciate you sharing your story and seeking help! I am an Educational Diagnostician and additionally was diagnosed with anxiety/ADHD as a child. A few years ago, I worked with a doctor who ultimately diagnosed me with Pure O OCD or purely obsessive. A lot of what you are describing sounds similar to me and from my research in academia, very often is labeled as ADHD in childhood. Sometimes it feels like I have so much energy in my body that I might combust but it comes out in me pulling my eyebrows or biting my gums. My thoughts are cyclical but usually about music or phrases though sometimes I can fixate on death or the afterlife or things of that nature. I would highly recommend looking into Pure O OCD simply because anxiety and ADHD never “fit” for me and neither did the label of OCD than many consider it to be today. It has helped me a lot to now have an identifier for it that helps me navigate through the day. Thanks again for sharing and I hope that all of these minds coming together may be able to help or at least make you not feel alone :)
This helps me so much personally thank you!!!
THIS!!! I’m diagnosed with autism, ADHD, anxiety, POTS, and a history of a TBI and these are all things I experience. What you’re describing as that itch that can never seem to be scratched is a similar feeling that I have when my body needs to expel energy (ie: tic) but I’m mentally so tired that my brain and my body can’t seem to function together. It’s like the two are on different pages at all time and never seem to align. I always describe it as constantly feeling like a shiver is about to run down your spine, but that physical movement or bodily reaction never seem to come. I actually started experiencing more stims and tics when I was taking my stimulant medication (for me it’s Concerta ER and Ritalin). Those meds help me to focus and give me boosts of energy I need throughout the day, but my nervous system always seems to be in a constant state of unrest. There is so much overlap when it comes to different symptoms of neurodivergent diagnoses, so that’s why a lot of people can never quite seem to pinpoint just one of them that perfectly describes what they experience. I recommend talking to a neuropsychologist, because they will be able to correctly identify the cause from a neurological perspective, and they can also work with a psychiatrist specialized in neurodivergent behaviors.
The needing water always and energy levels seems like POTS to me. But I’m not a doctor. I think the hardest part with chronic illnesses is a lot of us have a bunch of them not just one like I constantly feel like I’m still looking for the right diagnosis. It’s frustrating. I’m glad people are talking about this.
@@HereForGoodVibes exactly! A lot of my symptoms are due to multiple things, not just one, so that’s why I went undiagnosed with a lot of things until I was older!
your honestly and genuine nature is so inspiring. I know this isn’t like a happy video, but i’m happy for you because you’ve created such a great platform and supportive fan base that lets you ask for support in trying times. this just feels like the most human place on the internet today. thanks
❤️❤️
only at 5:57 but i have those tics and adderall didn’t help me. only made my tics worse - especially the stuff with your waist and stomach. I have a tic of tightening my stomach and things touching my stomach. All the physical compulsions i relate so much to! I’d say some ocd is here too. Even if you have adhd, adderall might not be the solution because it amps up your body. At least that’s my experience
I’m not sure how you feel about therapy, but meeting with a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavior therapy or exposure therapy, these might be the people to check with. Sometimes doctors and psychiatrists can’t diagnose things when they are so specific (I say from experience) but working with someone to slowly overcome the compulsions which so done in CBT and exposure therapy can really help. Ideally you could get a combo of psychiatric and therapy help but it sounds like to me your day to day struggling is bigger than a diagnosis right now
yes! exposure therapy changed my life when i never thought i would be able to manage my ocd!
Just hopping in here to add that if someone is dealing more with autistic rooted issues, rather than just ocd stuff, exposure therapy can be more traumatizing than helpful. Starting from scratch it'd probably be best for Nick to go to a more general neurodivergent practitioner to figure out what's up, then narrow it down to a specialist and stuff.
I wish this stuff was more straightforward and easy lmao
nick you don’t know how much this means to see one of my favourite creators detailing struggles that i also experience. feeling these things is isolating as hell but listening to you talk about so many of these things that i feel like i can hardly talk to anyone about is like a breath of fresh air. your openness here means so much to so many people. thank you, and i really do hope you’re able to find solutions from this.
❤
I have OCD and autism and fibromyalgia and literally everything you said I relate to immensely. I know exactly what you mean about the immense constant uncomfortable feeling and constant scratching and moving clothes and on and on… It seriously is crazy to know that you, a TH-camr I love and am just a fan of, I don’t know you, but to know you also feel some of the exact same compulsions /sensory issues as me makes me feel not so weird and embarrassing
I have OCD, am working with my doctor on an evaluation for autism, as well as getting a referral to see if I have fibromyalgia. I have ADHD. It’s really interesting to see this and your comment and all of the overlap. So many of these comments (along with his video) are making me feel so seen and understood.
@@MortuaryQueenalso an AuDHD with fibro and OCD, both fibro and ocd are VERY common with autism
@@TheChelseaHannathis is something i didn’t know and just rocked my world. i deal w chronic pain stuff and my mom has had a fibro diagnosis for decades, she’s told me many times she’s wondered if i have it too. i got a late autism diagnosis and since understanding myself more in that way, i’ve seen it so much in my mom too and wondered if she’s also autistic. this makes so much sense and i likely would not have come across it for more years without reading this comment thank you lol
please don’t make a permanent decision like that. you will find support and a way to manage your symptoms. the right therapist and group therapy would do wonders for you, but don’t give up. you are not defined by your struggles, and no one is judging you for them. as hopeless as you may feel, know there are endless amounts of people around you that are here for you no matter what. you are loved & will find your way
I have ADHD and my wife has OCD. We both have a lot of sensory issues, a lot of the things you mentioned remind me of my wife.
I was thinking ocd or asd as well
well nick quite literally asked@ville__
@ville__who r u
HEY! ME TOO! I have OCD and borderline personality disorder! Chewing gum used to help, holding an ice cube in my mouth sometimes helps
Not an expert, but I’ve been dealing with severe OCD my whole life. The symptoms you’re describing sound pretty similar to me, and I’ve seen other people in the comments say the same. Something worth checking out maybe, but wishing you well whatever you decide to do. It’s so tough living with compulsions that other people can’t even see happening, I hope you find your peace.
First step is always talking about it, glad you have a space you feel safe and comfortable in.
That's what bothers me so much about how media and collectedly we view and stereotype OCD. It gives people the impression OCD is one very specific obsession or compulsion related to cleaning for example when in reality OCD can present in so many fucking ways. And since people don't recognize it as OCD they can't really seek treatment effectively.
Nickerd, this all sounds so familiar to me, it's crazy. For me (ADHD + dyslexia diagnose) i feel like the anxiety about death is strongly related to not feeling in control over my life. This, I think, is due to my motivational problems and poor energy regulation (ADHD). I am often so stressed about not optimising my energy/ time that i end up doing nothing at all, which in turn makes me feel like time is flying by, which causes further anxiety about nearing death and the passing of time etc.
I also have struggled with tics my entire life. It started with sucking my thumb, to nail biting, to cuticle peeling, to hair pulling, to beatboxing (im also a drummer lol), to fiddling with my piercings. It can relieve stress, but if it becomes excessive it can cause a LOT of stress. I could get 'stuck' in a tic for hours. I just get so uncomfortable if i have to sit still, as if pressure is building in my body. For me adderall actually makes it worse and i havent found any other solution besides weed, which only relieves me temporarily and, i am suspecting, is making all the symptoms worse over time..
I have also been thinking lately that im not actually an introvert, just a very sensitive, anxious and sometimes lazy extravert, because i love being with the right people, in the right circumstances and i love creating music and sharing this with people. That stuff gives me a lot of energy and being alone and sitting inside doesn't. I feel like some people might also relate to this!
Super cool and helpful to me to hear your story, made me reflect on my life, because i see so many similarities.
Nicky nicky, i was watching this video and i was literally scratching my neck and adjusting my clothes before you said what it was that you are dealing with.
I have autism/adhd and with that i get sensory issues. Its so hard to feel comfortable in my skin and it fr feels like my skin is on wrong. Weed has been my escape for these feelings as well because it evens out my brain feelings to my body feelings, although i dont know how to describe it that well loll. Its awful and i understand this feeling so well, so you are not alone!! We love you nick 💕💕💕
Around about 24:35 you talk about wondering how much of school and life could have been different if you just didn't have to deal with this and it hit hard. I was diagnosed with anti social personality disorder and borderline, now it's likley just autism. I also have narcolepsy and ptsd.
but I've gone through so many diagnosis, I realized recently at 27 that I know I straight up would be unable to hold a traditional job. Fell into a heroin addiction in college, had chronic pain issues that limited everything I did, moving was so hard so i understand that feeling. I'm 5 years sober and wish you the best. It took me a long time to find a medication combo that works for me.
As someone who's been around for a little while I definitely noticed some of the compulsions you described. I don't have the solutions you're after unfortunately but I think opening up about it and talking about it more freely can help with the mental toll of it all a lot
thank u christina!!!
Hi! I have terrible ADHD and anxiety and when i am overwhelmed or feeling rushed especially or kind of having a sensory overload (like loud restaurants, crowded places, tight spaces, sitting still for a long time) i get similar compulsions. it feels like there is bugs crawling all over me and i have to jerk and jump to shake them off except they don’t go away. i will feel like my waist band doesn’t fit and i have to keep squirming in my seat to feel comfortable. this has been something that has made it so hard to focus and feel comfortable and i end up failing all my classes because i can’t focus in school. sometimes this feeling has even led to such stress that i get a panic attack. i’m only 16 so i don’t know how to help you, i would like answers for myself too, but just wanted you to know your not alone ❤ i love your channels they make me so happy i watch every single one of your vids
Hi Nick, I have dealt with these exact obsessive thoughts of death and feelings my whole life too. It’s very difficult to describe the physical and mental discomfort but you did a really great job of making it make sense. I also tried pretty much every SSRI in the book and dealt with very high highs and very low lows, along with that terrible sweating you described all the time. I was finally diagnosed with a combination of OCD and Bipolar 2 at 21. You’re not alone in the way you feel, and I hope things get easier over time. It’s a process and you’ve got this!!
hi! as someone who is autistic and questioning whether i might also have adhd, but also just have a ton of friends who are also on the spectrum - this sounds a lot like you do it out of a need for self soothing! especially dealing with overstimulation or with adhd forced to sit still and be understimulated. both under and overstimulation can cause a need for you to self soothe or stim (as most call it in the neurodivergent community) whether that is through physically scratching your neck/self, adjusting clothes, picking at nails/skin, doodling, bouncing leg, clicking pens, cracking knuckles, or through other sensory forms like vocal stimming etc! i vaguely remember you mentioning that you are also neurodivergent so if you are open to it i would recommend looking more into adhd/autism and seeing if you align with any of the criteria for those. i recommend the RADS-R test for autism, it could also be useful for adhd. i am not a professional but one of my special interests is neurodivergency and human behaviour so i think it goes without saying that i could obviously be wrong. but to me it definitely sounds like under / overstimulation due to some sort of neurodivergency!
i went undiagnosed with autism until last year (i'm 22) so this past year has been a big year of self discovery and learning how to accommodate for myself as a neurodivergent person in a neurotypical world. it's definitely overwhelming at first but i feel a lot better now knowing that i have words to describe the things i'm feeling. especially regarding stimming and sensory issues. i really relate to your adjusting your collar and clothes a lot - for me it really bothers me when i have collars/armpits too tight or have tags on my clothes. it sounds like youre already accommodating yourself by wearing bigger clothes and i do the same thing! i wish u the best of luck in your learning process and i hope u can find more ways to accommodate yourself :)
i know that a lot of others have said similar things but i hope this helps you in some way! :) also thank you for sharing this! and big congrats if you do figure out what's going on! all the best :D
You certainly aren’t alone in trying to figure yourself out and make yourself more comfortable. My anxiety disorder makes me physically ill and it’s hard to do things right now, but I’m trying to get better and I hope you get better too! I believe in you and hope that posting this video and hearing peoples perspectives helps you. You will find healing soon
@ville__nobody knows who you are 💀
im literally going to cry. i’ve been watching you for a while now and i love the videos you and dev both put out. this video really got to me, i have ALL of these things, including the tics. it feels good to know i’m not alone
❤❤ thank you so much.
We’re here for ya Nick! It sounds like some sensory issues and self soothing compulsions. I’m not sure how to fix it but I deal with stuff like that too at least know ur not alone
I would recommend working with a psychologist to help you manage your symptoms (psychologist is therapist w doctorate in mental health, vs LCSW has masters vs psychiatrist is medical doctor). A diagnosis can be helpful, but working regularly with a psychologist will help you identify triggers and manage symptoms regardless of the ICD code. Wishing you healing and comfort on your journey.
(Source: Disabled with 10+ years receiving mental health treatment including ADHD and Anxiety)
you (and everyone else here suffering from mysterious and persistent anxiety symptoms) are not alone. this is so common and i think that openness and community surrounding these dark truths of mental health is so important. i really hope you can find some peace, feeling like you are being held hostage by your mind in your body is the worst
"Interoception" is the scientific term for an internal sense of our body. We can tell when our heartbeat quickens, when we need to eat or sleep, etc. People with interoception sensitivies will reject certain external stimuli--for example, I can usually feel a needle injecting or taking blood and people for some reason are surprised when I say that, lol. A lot of people like me also love wearing tight outfits or compressors or like spinning around--but obviously that can show up in the opposite where someone is all too aware of fabric hitting their skin.
I think Nick just needs mindfulness; he already knows there's a pattern to it. I think Nick could do well with fidget toys and moisturizing, and if you do scratch just make sure your nails are short, or you can find something softer to scratch with. Being aware it's an issue and seeking out adjustments or changes will hopefully be enough: I think this fidgeting with clothes is a way for Nicki's body to adjust and for Nick to feel like he's taking care of himself subconsciously. A lot of our interoception feelings are intended to regulate our bodies or protect them; his brain has gotten used to a certain amount of stimulation seeming like it's normal regulation when it's instead excessive. Baby Nick adjusted his clothes one time and his brain went "wow, now I feel better" and it proceeds to chase that feeling with repeat experiences.
It's obviously very subconscious but it's not a problem until Nick's neck is bleeding or rashy because he can't stop scratching. I really think a nice thing to rub up on can prove soothing. Basically you don't want to deny your feelings here even if your brain is being weird: adjusting clothes and making sure your skin feels okay is comforting, and there's no way to really change a subconscious feeling like that. You can def adjust so it works on you. Also part of mindfulness is practicing some comforting words for yourself when you know you're in a bad or stressfuo place: that can potentially help, too, if you avoid being like "you're a wonderful worthy person AND you shouldn't scratch your neck!" Just keep it to affirmations and talking to your child self.
/Not a professional I just love watching stuff on therapy and the mind
Nick I literally go through so much of this it makes me feel less crazy and like it’s not just me
This video was really helpful to me nick! I understand that you’re suffering and it was really brave to share this. I’ve experienced the same symptoms (but in my case I’m sure it’s linked to autism), and your video has given me the language to express how I feel when I go for my autism assessment. I’ve always found it hard to articulate it and I’m so relieved now. I hope you find your answer.
I'm not a doctor, just a neurodivergent person, but it sounds like it's probably autism or ADHD/ADD. The latter or both is what I'd think. I do similar things cause I cannot physically be still and it messes with me. I also have energy issues it's like that amount of spoons thing. Some days you have more or less spoons. Idk if I'm anywhere near correct or if I made since.
Edit: The thoughts abt unalive are one of my autism symptoms like to a tea. So I really think it could be autism and ADD/ADHD
We love you Nick, thank you for sharing. You have made so many people feel so much less alone
even as someone who was raised secular, in religious spaces or just faced with the thought of death, i am consumed... and recently been similarly debilitated by compulsions and anxiety. you are not alone nick
Hey Nick, I’ve dealt with a lot of the same symptoms you’ve described my whole life. I have never truly felt physically comfortable whether I’m sitting, standing, laying, what have you. I’m never in a comfortable position and I’m always adjusting my clothes and my body, but the medication I’m on have helped me a ton.
I have diagnosed OCD and Major Depressive Disorder and I take 150mg Sertraline in the morning and 50mg Quetiapine at night. The Quetiapine at night was an absolute game changer - I used to sleep horribly because I couldn’t shut my mind off and couldn’t get comfortable - I now sleep great. Getting that great sleep has helped my anxieties immensely.
I have never dealt with obsessive thoughts about death but I used to have obsessive thoughts about sickness all the time. My medication has helped quell that.
I will say I do experience the night sweats often - I had no idea that that was an ssri side effect until now.
Since you posted the video about the fear of death, I have been following you with different eyes. You described something that I have always had and I saw a lot of myself in your words. The religious trauma, this monstrous and indescribable fear. The tics. And mainly, the difficulty of explaining it, because it seems impossible for anyone to understand. It's very lonely, many doctors tried to help me and it's really tiring not having a definitive answer. OCD was always a big suspicion, but no one tried to diagnose me. I don't have the answers, but I know what it's like, how it's like a curse, I know how horrible and impossible it can be to live with. Reading these other comments helps too. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
thank you for commenting :-) it is very calming knowing that other people understand what im talking about. i wish u the best in your discoveries, hopefully some of this video/journey will help in some way.
I’m sure there’s so many comments that say so many different things, but something I haven’t seen brought up is allodynia. A lot to what you talked about is relatable to my experiences with adhd/autism, but when you talked about physical sensations with clothes and specifically itching it reminded me of the neuropathy pain I experience called allodynia, which basically a fancy way of saying your body experiences a pain stimulus from something that shouldn’t cause pain and discomfort. No idea if that’s actually it but wanted to point it out! Good luck with the journey nick! Chronic illness (both mental and physical) is hard to navigate and I wish you all the best
yo I experience that too, nice to know there's a word for that???
I just assumed it's my specific kind of sensory hypersensitivity
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Self soothing compulsions are so real and I struggle with them as someone with ADHD and OCD. It’s highly gratifying for neurodivergent folks to self stim to cope i think
this sounds a lot like my OCD, as long as i can remember i will feel this sort of itchy and insatiable urge to pop my ankles until it “feels right” on both ankles (never does though) especially if i am sitting for too long, but pretty much whenever i think about it (get the intrusive thought that i have to)
i have recently been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD, and i feel like i can relate to your compulsions, especially when trying to stop you get incredibly uncomfortable. For example one thing i have always struggled with was the need of touching something in a specific place or hard core blinking until something inside me feels satisfied. when i dont get my satisfaction it is painful, but especially when its something i physically couldnt get the chance to do it. usually i have to distract myself, but knowing i have ocd i have been doing research on ways of coping. it might not be it but i would go to a professional, like a psychiatrist or something. one thing i have learned with knowing i have ocd is that the pills can only do so much, you yourself need to face the tick, its fucking difficult. this might not relate to you, but it was very brave of you to express this to everyone
I am unsure if this is your issue, but helpful to rule out whenever someone is having issues with skin and textures. Try an allergy test - very easy and it would rule out a lot of issues quickly. Be sure they do both a skin test and blood work; blood work will give you a more accurate picture, but skin test will give you quick results (but less accurate). I hope you feel better.
Nick sometimes it feels like you’re a real life friend to us. You give a voice to so many people that wouldn’t have one otherwise.
just from my interpretation it seems like a feeling of sensory overload in connection with adhd or autism that expresses itself as ticks or compulsions (im no doctor but i also deal with something similar to this)
truly my comfort youtuber. i know im not the only one of us to experience this insane neurodivergency that is actively debilitating to everyday life. we are more than our thoughts and impulses and we dont have to live like this forever! i really hope me, you, and everyone else who is struggling finds something that actually works and is healthy
Sounds like sensory issues. IM NOT A DOCTOR THO.
Hi Nick! Psychologist here 😊 While I can’t really tell you there’s a simple fix for everything you’re going through, there are definitely ways to alleviate some of your distress to hopefully help you feel like life isn’t so hard. I agree with the comments recommending you reach out to an occupational therapist to get assistance with things you may feel relevant - daily living, sensory issues, etc. I’m also highly inclined to believe you’d see benefits in your death anxiety and difficulties managing a lot of your discomfort if you saw a psychologist who specialised in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, or discuss with your current therapist whether they would be able to pursue that course of treatment with you. Another suggestion, not a guaranteed fix, but a psychologist who specialises in Behaviourism and has a history working with tic disorders, trichotillomania, excoriation, etc., may be able to provide you with similar strategies to combat your compulsive behaviours. If you see this comment, I hope any of my advice is helpful to you. It’s huge of you to be so open and vulnerable to your viewers about these issues. I hope you are able to find some level of peace from them soon!! ❤
hi nick, i'm not a doctor, but i have a fair share of neuro issues. this sounds like it could maybe be a couple of things, it could be motor tics (tics that specifically involve movement) and the prevalence of them could be a motor tic disorder. i got diagnosed with tourette syndrome a few years ago and i learned that there's other tic disorders too! i've noticed my tics tend to get worse when im sleep deprived as well, and the discomfort that comes with trying to suppress those tics/urges is very common in people with tic disorders. you mentioned you CAN hold back the movements and how you felt that differed from something like tourette syndrome, but people with ts and other tic disorders are able to suppress their tics, its very uncomfortable for us and takes a lot of focus, but it is possible. it could maybe even be a combination of tics and ocd compulsions! my compulsions from ocd and my tics from my tourette's blend together sometimes, the line can get real blurry. i know you mentioned seeing doctors and they couldn't figure it out, but if you havent seen a neurologist specifically that could be a great next step! im obviously no expert but your experiences sound very similar to mine, i hope you're able to figure this out soon
Seeing a neurologist is really good advice!!
Im not nick but my experience w tourettes n ocd is exactly like you described so it did bring me comfort to read ur comment :)
posting from my partners account. i'm 37 and i can relate to a lot of what you're saying. i'm autistic and have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome and Sjrogrens syndrome. (my mouth is always dry, often having mouth issues) having a more social and less of a medical model towards being autistic and how to deal with my autoimmune stuff has definitely helped. mental health wise letting go of the western medical complex and understanding abelism and what it means to be disabled from a different lens has been the only thing that's helped for me. somatic therapies have also been helpful in some ways to deal with early childhood trauma (not to say is the cause of the autoimmune stuff but i think it's all related). prescription medication has never been helpful for me (not to dismiss it's benefits for anyone else). ty for being you and for sharing.
I relate so much to you. I have autism and ADHD and suspect OCD as well, the most debilitating things are the inability to be comfortable in any setting. Especially in school, i cant fully learn or be present because im thinking about how uncomfortable my body is (i also have chronic pain which exasperates this). I can only fall asleep if my sheets and blankets are in a certain position (i can always feel if a sheet is folded a tiny bit or if one blanket is longer on one side etc.) its so hard for me to sleep anywhere that isn’t my own bed. The thing that has been the most helpfull is just understanding myself more and hearing more from other people about their experience. It also helps to consistently validate yourself and your needs, meet yourself where you are at no matter how “high maintenance” you might feel or people might think youre being (accommodating is never high maintenance). Along with that I feel like internal work and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can help overall with compulsions and intrusive thoughts. Im in the same boat as you thought, still figuring out how to help and cope with these struggles :/
I have these same diagnoses and doing EMDR therapy worked really well for me. It doesn't make everything go away but it's made me feel safer (I also have cPTSD so that might be why) but if you're struggling it may be worth talking through as an option with your therapist. You're not alone and you should be proud of yourself for taking the time to take care of yourself and your brain. The world is cooler and more diverse with you in it. Thank you for sharing something personal with us random internet folks ❤
@@saraschu2735 I’ve heard so much about EDMR! I also have cptsd so hearing your experience is really insightful. Thank you for your kind response, you brightened up my day ✨ the world is cooler cause of you too :)
looks like a lot of comments have covered it, but sensory issues are super common with adhd and ocd. I have ocd & experience similar compulsions, and lately haven’t been able to wear anything that’s remotely tight on my waist (I’ve had to go one to two sizes up in pants so that I can’t even feel the waistband lol). Scrupulosity (obsession with religion & death) is also a form of OCD that I’ve experienced, also having been raised in an extremely strict Christian household & college ministry. Diagnosing ocd is tricky, but it can’t hurt to schedule frequent visits with a psychiatrist and try to figure it out.
going on prozac (a medication frequently used to treat ocd) has absolutely changed my life. Part of me wonders if adderal has exacerbated the ocd tendencies for you or if it’s causing you to hyper-focus on them. definitely talk with a psych!
I’m not a professional by any means, but I’ve experienced a lot of the same or similar things as you. It can and will get better!
I have a similar situation, specifically with compulsions, ADHD, and sensory issues. Between the ADHD fidgeting and the compulsions and the need to readjust for sensory issues, it's nonstop movement, never sitting completely still. I don't have any obsessive tendencies, so I can't speak on that, but the way you described the compulsive behaviors really resonated with me. I haven't had any help from health professionals unfortunately, but I've found through research on psychology databases that compulsive behaviors could be connected to tic disorders despite being different from normal tics. It might be worth looking into tic related treatments or cognitive psychophysiological treatments. I hope you find some answers, and please share if you do! You're definitely not alone in this.
Hey Nick! So proud of you for having the courage to open up about this. I just turned 30 and only finally got my proper diagnosis of ADHD and autism last year, but I struggled similarly with compulsions, and had recently developed new ones, on top of lifelong sensory issues and social issues. I think it absolutely couldn't hurt to ask a psychiatrist for an opinion on getting tested, as the way they test nowadays is so much better than it was in the past, where many of us got dismissed for being "too smart", which is BS. The testing process is a bit tedious, but it really is so good to have that weight off of my shoulders, wondering why I couldn't curb some of my behaviors, no matter how hard I tried. I wish you the best on your journey, no matter where it takes you, and know that you have so much support!!! Much love! ♥
This is totally not bizarre! I feel like sometimes I have this too. Always having to roll my neck back and forth, adjusting my clothes, fidgeting, and random things that doesn’t seem necessary, but I still find myself constantly doing them. I can understand the feeling and how frustrating it can be. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
This kind of stuff is not nearly as rare as you think! It's especially common on the autism spectrum as a form of sensory regulation. We tend to have very specific sensory needs so we often get very particular about the texture and cut of our clothes. A way we regulate ourselves is "stimming" which is any kind of sensory seeking like leg shaking, rocking back and forth, fidgeting with a toy or more destructive behaviors like skin picking or scratching. It's important to our well being to find healthy ways to do it and a therapist that specializes in autism can help you figure that out.
I don't know if you've ever looked into an autism diagnosis but it often goes along with ADHD, and that what it sounds like to me
i feel this- i have a lot of facial movements that i do that are exhausting and honestly embarrassing when ppl point them out, but i can’t not do them ☹️
me too, ive struggled with facial and vocal tics my whole life and sometimes it is so so exhausting😭 especially bc one of the tics is winking and i don’t want ppl to think im winking at them lmaoo
omg.. what you said around 12:30 is exactly what i’ve been telling my friends and family. for me it’s when i have to wait in line or just sit and wait for something in a public space. i get really pent up and it feels like you said, a weird poking or scratching. i just want to like fly away or something. im so glad you posted this video because it’s so nice being able to relate to specific feelings.
when you said you’re worried you’ll have to deal with this for the rest of your life i really resonated with that. i’ve been struggling similarly recently. thank you for opening up to us i hope you find comfort soon
I do all of these so much. This doesn’t apply to everybody but I also have to like adjust my bra/bralettes too. Like reposition the band and the straps and the way the cups are fitting. I am also extremely low energy (but fidgety). I always attributed it to anxiety until I learned that I have ADHD and now I think its a mixture of sensory issues (being able to feel my clothes), and needing to stim. I also relate to not being able to have someone lay on me without feeling like I’m going to explode. I start to feel like I’m being crushed and get extremely restless and need to move. I also adjust my glasses a lot and tuck/untuck my hair from behind my ears if its not in a bun.
while I can't give any advice, hearing your experience is very comforting and validating in my own. sounds very similar to my own adhd and anxiety experiences
also this is a hilarious video. being high and recording really deep thoughts in a parking lot? feel that
7:51 this part was really relatable as someone who was diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome when I was a kid. One of my tics was rolling my eyes and blinking forcefully every few seconds, and I hated it so much but I couldn’t force myself to stop because that’s just not how it works. Remember to be kind to yourself and know you’re not the only person who has felt this way❤️
you’re not alone nick, i’ve had sensory issues & compulsions due to my adhd, autism & ocd my ENTIRE life and everything you described is so INSANELY relatable to me, i was convinced i was the only one, the whole thing about CONSTANTLY feeling the need to do a compulsion with no specific reason why is so exhausting, ocd is so alienating, i’ve been in and out of school for the past year and a half because of the uncomfortable feeling you described, you got this man hang in there, we love you
I have diagnosed ADHD and OCD. i think this sounds a lot like OCD. OCD is truly hell on earth, and this really sounds a lot like not only my experience with OCD, but also what i know about OCD in general.
you have the Obsessions; with your obsessive, distressing thoughts about death and afterlife, and persistent hyperawareness about bodily sensations (this part could also definitely stem from ADHD or ASD sensory sensitivity).
And you have the Compulsions; the constant need to readjust positions, wear certain clothes, scratch or move your body in specific ways.
if lack of sleep worsens it, that makes sense. sleep is an incredibly important thing, and without it, symptoms of OCD, ADHD, depression, and more can become much, much worse.
unfortunately, medications don’t work for everyone. but some doctors don’t prescribe medications correctly, so if you are switching medications before at least 6 weeks or not taking them consistently, it’s very possible that you won’t feel any of the effects.
i would advise you to not give up on medications, and consider going to a therapist who specifically knows how to treat OCD. regular therapists can actually worsen OCD, because some of the techniques for other anxiety disorders are completely counterproductive for people with OCD.
best of luck to you man, OCD fucking sucks. and if it’s not OCD, i really hope you can figure it out and find a solution.
Nick this video honestly made me realize I'm not totally alone in dealing with a lot of the stuff you described. I'm in high school and I had to leave school and do online because of a lot of the things you talked about so I'm definitely interested to see what people think it could be so thank you for being so open about your mental health and for talking about this
i have pretty severe ocd (been in therapy since 13, spent a fair amount of time in psych hospitals) and though im not in america (australian) it seems strange to me that a psych would treat ocd with medication and not a really rigorous therapy program. ocd isnt curable, at least not yet, so learning to manage the way your brain works is really important! i do a lot of self-directed ERP (exposure response prevention) which is basically practicing facing the obsessive fear (in small manageable doses) without using the compulsion to alleviate the fear. thats why compulsions happen - its your brains way of soothing the intolerable anxiety that having ocd builds up. so i think if it is ocd, definitely figure out what psychologically is triggering the compulsions, ie what threat or bad outcome are they protecting you from? the more you use compulsions to deal with anxiety, the more you entrench that reaction in your brain, which increases your anxiety in general, so ERP is about unlearning that. difficult but definitely worth it! i can leave my house now!
but if theres nothing psychological, if the compulsions arent about soothing fear or preventing a bad outcome, i dont think its ocd. maybe tourettes or autism? i think they are often misdiagnosed as ocd
Hey dude it sounds like your body wants to be on alert. Have you ever had a traumatic experience where you had to stay up and be aware of everything to feel safe? It sounds like your body is stuck in a state of “oh shit can’t let that happen again, get up, don’t relax, come on gotta be aware.” There’s so many factors, it could be something mental or something from you past or the different environments you’ve been in. We’re all so different and I’m so happy you posted this, we all have our own issues 🤍
Everyone is saying it but OCD! It is a more nuanced and complex disorder than it is known for and it holds hands with anxiety disorder. This is a good place to start because fixating on any other possibilities I don’t think will help you out right now! The type of anxiety that makes OCD so powerful often overlap with an impending sense of doom which can be integrated into identity through very religious backgrounds, as well as an overarching feeling of being wrong which develops routines to protect us from fear. You’re okay and this is normal and common.
I have super severe adhd, and have been doing therapy and taking meds for it for ages, and this really reminds me of when I was in high school, when I would be tired or especially stressed out performing some kind of action for school, I would just get this overwhelming need to twitch my face in certain ways. The itch/scratch thing is very relatable. I also smoke a ton of weed, and have heard anecdotally that this is a common self medication for adhd symptoms. From my basic understanding (3rd year psych/Neuro college student, but no degree yet so do with that what you will haha) these kind of tics can happen for someone with more hyperactive focused adhd, but more commonly ocd or mild Tourette’s. But yeah, take all that as mostly anecdotal. I hope you can figure this out man :)
I've dealt with the same mouth thing for years, down to the feeling like I need something sweet. sometimes it almost felt like my tastebuds were long and dry.
It ended up being a chronic/recurring oral yeast infection, and I was able to get rid of it in like under 2 weeks with some medication from my doctor. It was also definitely adding to my chronic fatigue. Some things that can trigger or worsen oral yeast infections are eating a lot of sugary foods, smoking, being on antibiotics, or getting a cold.
(I kept smoking weed tho so dont think u have to quit for your mouth to get better)
also i'm not a doctor this is just my experience after dealing with this for the past 23 years
Im proud of u for making this video and being so honest about your health struggles. as another person with less known health issues, i know how fuckin terrifying it can be to tell people about it. keep it up B)
I absolutely can relate to this. I would have the same compulsions but instead of rubbing my neck like you, I would constantly rub right under my chest to feel my ribs. It got so bad to the point where I got a rash in that exact spot. It’s genuinely really refreshing to see someone relate to the immense discomfort that I felt on a day to day basis. Now, it has mellowed out pretty much completely. I still find myself doing compulsions here and there, especially when I’m in a very anxious state. I’m not exactly sure how it stopped and I wish that I could give you the answers you are looking for. I just hope that knowing someone has had this happen to them and did recover from it, I hope it gives you some state of mind. I wish you nothing but the best and I can’t wait to see you in Evanston!!
hey nick - i’ve lived most of my life with ADHD, OCD, Tourette’s syndrome, and POTS(blood pressure condition)
I relate a TON to this - also stress making it a lot worse is pretty common.
Same with your workflow - pretty normal sounding for people like us.
Please ask questions I would love to help as much as I can
okay so i’m further in the video and the thing you mentioned about your “tics” when you said that you can hold them in if ur held at like gunpoint or something - I’m the same way; It like a feeling that it’s gonna come out and you need to feel it come out but you can kinda suppress it for a bit until you either do it or somehow forget abt it
I’ve never really had it every single night, but I do wake up drenched in sweat decently often as well
my tics and stuff have been always been more vocal then physical but it feels the same way that you describe it
and those existential thoughts was something i struggled with a lot when I was younger but I’ve kind of been able to move past it since but it still comes up from time to time
and yeah being high makes it better (the the existentialism the tics and stuff)
I’m going to have to talk to my sister, she deals with the same stuff I have and is studying neuroscience right now so she might be able to give some more help
but I really can’t stress enough how closely I relate to the things that you are saying?
also a question: how was your temper as a kid?
hi nick, i’d like to start off by saying i’m so proud of you for talking about this and feeling comfortable enough to share this with us. i’ve experienced similar things in my life and in my case it was due to sensory issues, autism, ocd, anxiety. what you described can be seen with adhd, ocd, sensory issues, and anxiety as well. it is basically caused by neurodivergence’s which affect the senses and your nervous system. what you described sounds a lot like adhd, anxiety, ocd, and maybe autism. i am in no way trying to convince you that you have these things, i am not a professional. i’m pretty sure that the tics are treatable but it’s different for everyone. in my case, my medication didn’t work but i’ve met many people who tried medication that worked for them. it’s all about finding the right thing for you. i recommend going to a phycologist or any type of professional that knows what they’re talking about. i really hope this helped
the energy thing made me cry bc i’ve felt this for so long and felt so alone. everything is a chore even things i love
Some of this sounds pretty familiar. I have ADHD and sensory problems and when you talked about feeling like you're going to explode when something is on your stomach it reminded me of the feeling I get when something is too tight on my neck. Even a t shirt collar being too tight is a big issue and I usually have to cut the collar to keep it from bothering me.
I'm no expert on mental health of course, but it definitely sounds like a sensory something which might be caused by a number of things (ADHD, autism, OCD, or a combination), or possibly just a sensory processing disorder all on its own. From research I've done, sensory processing issues are usually a symptom of something else, but it is also either theorized or being studied that you can have a sensory processing disorder all on its own.
Unfortunately I don't know if you can just make it go away if it's sensory issues. The best I've been able to do is make accommodations for myself (like altering clothes so they aren't touching the specific part of my neck that makes me squirm). If it is compulsions from OCD, that might be more treatable, but I don't have OCD and so I don't know. A psychiatrist or a neurologist might be the right doctor to go to for this, but you mentioned you've been to lots of different doctors, and have been prescribed stuff.
Either way, I wish you luck in figuring out what it might be and finding a solution to it that brings you peace. 🩷
Okay, since you're asking, my totally-not-a-HCP (but someone who's been in therapy and on meds a long time) advice is:
if you're not doing any kind of cognitive behavioral therapy for the death thoughts, or maybe exposure and response prevention therapy specifically (since it sounds like you have at least some OCD aspects), PLEASE TRY THAT. It sounds like meds are only getting you so far, regardless of which ones you're on.
But also: PLEASE NEVER "COLD TURKEY" YOUR MEDS AGAIN IF YOU CAN HELP IT; if you want to stop taking them, at least taper off slowly. A combination of moving house (or apartment, but) and being suddenly off your meds is an incredible combination of factors that are going to fuck you up.
If your meds are not helping, or if the side effects aren't tolerable, please tell your psychiatrist/prescribing HCP about that; they should either find an alternative med (or additional med) or change the dosage. If they're not responsive to your concerns, get a second opinion (this may mean going to your primary care physician and getting a referral to a different psych practice). (Are your parents willing/able to help you with things like finding practitioners or scheduling appointments? Having other brains keeping track of this in addition to my own is really helpful.)
It is very, very common to have to try out a bunch of different medications to find what helps. No medication (or even psych treatment) will fix this overnight. To some extent, this may be a thing you manage over the course of your whole life, although there are strategies you can learn for how to do this.
If SSRIs don't work for you, SNRIs (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors) and NDRIs (norepinephrine and dopamine reuptake inhibitors) may help instead. They help a lot of people with ADHD more than SSRIs do.
I'm concerned about the sweating, though, because it could be a side effect of your meds and totally harmless, but it could MAYBE also be an early sign of something like serotonin syndrome, or something like a thyroid condition that could be impacting your mental health too (although if you're like me your doctors have probably checked your thyroids pretty extensively already). This is something you need to talk to your prescribing psych HCP about, if you haven't already.
If you've been diagnosed with/medicated for ADHD since you were in high school/a minor, you could also look into getting evaluated by your state's Office of People with Developmental Disabilities (or whatever the equivalent is), since you may be eligible for some services they may provide like counseling, or a caseworker who can help you keep track of things like appointments and meds, too.
(I have a few more thoughts, although they're less action-based and might be off-the-mark on my end, but I'll put them in a reply to myself or in another comment.)
Other thoughts: One other thing I will say is: my experience differs with yours a lot because I was diagnosed with ASD at 3 years old, so my main experience of myself is as a "disabled person" or a "former special needs/mainstreaming kid" or whatever. I never considered myself as someone who should expect to pass as fully "normal," so even as hard as I am on myself sometimes, I don't feel like I had a big history as a kid of looking at other kids and going "why can't I act more like them?"
I think one of the problems here (not all of them) is that you're sort of expecting yourself to ever be exactly like other people (at least, neurotypical people) in terms of how you sit, how you pay attention, how you engage with material, how your body moves, etc. But I don't think you're ever going to have an easy time sitting still (lots of people have trouble with the type of sitting still expected in k-12 schools, but especially those with ADHD), and I don't know if you're ever going to not have tics/fidgeting/possible-stimming (?) behaviors?
I hope you don't find that too discouraging; I don't think you're always going to feel like you currently feel (in terms of mental health OR general outlook, etc) for the rest of your life, either.
It is going to get better. But one of the things that might happen, as part of that, is you potentially working on getting more comfortable with your tics/fidgets/stims as long as they're not painful or harmful, since from what you said it seems like you feel a lot of self-consciousness about not being able to sit as still as everyone else. Unless the tics/repetitive movements are causing some discomfort I missed, I'm unclear why you need to stop doing this in order to pay attention to stuff? Are you distracting yourself?
Again, it seems like therapy re: how your mind reacts to stimuli, and directing your train of thought toward or away from subjects, would really help with the death-related obsessive thoughts. Mindfulness training/therapy could also help, especially with "practicing" the cognitive skill of paying attention to stuff.
But again, unless the repetitive movements/tics are directly harmful, I don't know if directing much thought or self-consciousness or awareness at them is going to help you. If they're a thing your body does that other bodies don't do, but don't present an obstacle to your mental health or functioning (other than "I do this thing other people don't do and it's not normal and therefore embarrassing"), I don't see why fixing them should be a priority compared to things like the obsessive/compulsive death thoughts, or your attention span, or any other mental health stuff you might have going on, or making sure the side effects of your meds are harmless.
(If you find yourself shaming yourself for focusing on your tics as a result of this comment - if you go from "I can't sit still and it's embarrassing" to "I can't stop noticing my tics; it's so embarrassing and I'm so tired of acting/feeling so annoying" or whatever* - then you can also try to stop these movements. It may be possible. I just think that for most people who experience repetitive movements like this, trying to stop the movements for no other reason than "passing for normal" or masking your ND, is not helpful and just brings additional stress, although admittedly my frame of reference for this is autistic stimming.)
*I'm not saying you ARE annoying or anything; I don't think you are, and the people around you are almost always less aware of this stuff than you think they are. You also don't owe random strangers in public "stillness" or neurotypical mannerisms. You're allowed to just be however you naturally are in public and private, as long as you're not hurting anyone (and acting harmlessly "weird" or noticeable or awkward in the presence of some random observer in a way that bugs them, doesn't count).
(Edit: okay, so the tics can be scratching, which is not harmless. I still think focusing too much on the behavior and stopping the behavior itself might be a mistake, especially if it's OCD-related; therapy that treats OCD might help with the tics, too.)
PS: One cause of stuff like decreased ability to pay attention, decreased motivation, even thoughts about death, might also be burnout or emotional exhaustion (probably on top of ADHD, OCD and anything else you have/are medicated for).
Is there any long-term stress or trauma (not necessarily from one dramatic event, just maybe from situations you had to cope with over years of your life) that might also need to get processed?
(You don't have to answer me, it's just a thing to bring up in any therapy you do with any psych therapist you have, if you didn't already.)
(actual advice at the end!!) Hey Nick, I appreciate how difficult this must have been to share. I've been experiencing very similar things since I was in elementary school and hearing them from someone I watch every day to make sure my mind is never still is very reassuring. I always have the tic things, mainly focused on tensing my neck muscles or moving my eyebrows or scrunching my nose. Not in a tourrette's way though which has always confused me. It can be really debilitating. And I deal with the neck scratching and clothes things and feeling trapped if someone is touching me in a way I can't easily escape mainly based around my emetephobia and agoraphobia. My tics worsen when I don't get enough sleep or they can be really bad if I'm somewhere with a lot of sensory input like a store. I feel like I need to look at every item in the place and I can't stop tensing my neck and nose. Not an expert of course, but in my experience I'm pretty sure mine is a mixture of diagnosed social anxiety and a panic disorder, as well as diagnosed ADHD and suspected OCD. !!Something I think you might want to look into though!! is HSP or Highly Sensitive Person. My therapist brought it up to me the second time I ever met with her. It's a sort of form of neurodivergency that relates to how you absorb and process the world around you. I feel every little thing around me on a physical level and while there isn't too much research into HSPs yet, it can be validating to learn a bit about it. It's quite closely related to ADHD and I obviously don't know you personally but I do understand on a deep level how when you're in a desperate and helpless place, any little thing can help
sending nick all of the validation that i possibly can, i nearly started crying cus i know how frustrating just… wanting it to stop is. how hard it is to see everyone genuinely just functioning normally and i can barely get up to go to the bathroom bc i’m so paralyzed by my own brain that is also telling me i’m lazy for not overcoming its efforts to keep me down. this whole video is so parallel to my experience of getting a late autism diagnosis after being diagnosed as a child w ADD. all of these same problems. from the meds, to not being able to follow through w routines i know i want for myself, not being able to finish something unless i go all in all at once, constantly living in an existential crisis in the most rudimentary form of being focused on the afterlife, even the little details like physically looking around at everyone at any given moment and seeing how casual they’re presenting and not knowing why i can’t just stand or sit like that too. it’s so hard and there’s no magical all in one fix. these things are manageable and do get easier to tolerate. hoping that anyone who feels this way can gather the strength from this video to honestly discuss it with their doctor or psychiatrist and feel comfortable advocating for what they’re really experiencing, not just what the doctor tells you you’re experiencing. be as honest as you can with your doctors bc they can’t help if you’re not, pay attention to factors that increase discomfort in your life (vulnerability factors), and pay attention to the physical sensations that come with uncomfortable emotions (medical doctors are better at listening to your body’s responses than understanding emotional strife, a good psychiatrist does best with both)
anyone struggling w doctors- it’s not your fault that professionals don’t understand what you’re going through. a lot of them literally can’t, they don’t deal with it in their own lives. thankfully, doctors have seemed to open their understanding quite a bit in the last decade and there are many that are willing to listen. do not be afraid to check for understanding and to let them know when theyre not quite getting the full picture, even the most willing doctor can’t treat something that hasn’t been disclosed. make sure your doctor wants to help you and if they dont want to listen to what you’re telling them about, get a new one. you’re allowed to ghost doctors 100%
all in all, i’m really grateful for this video. i’m glad nick has a community that’s so supportive and i’m glad that he feels comfortable enough to be vulnerable like this, it takes so much to do something like this.
thank u for being vulnerable with us nick
Sounds like body dystopia to me. Thank you for being vulnerable