The widower’s story, right, his wife died six years ago and their daughter is SIXTEEN. the poor girl who lost her mum at 10 had some evil almost-stepmum tell her “im glad [ur mum] died”. Insane.
I think the widower in #3 will have lost a tremendous amount of- if not complete - loss of trust in the fiancee. I’d never trust her around the daughter again.
Almost 6 years ago my dads wife got super drunk and called my deceased mother a whore. I was 22 at the time, I moved several provinces away and haven't talked to either of them since.
Hearing Shayne's voice start to tremble made me freeze. I felt I needed to take a few minutes to better process what I had just heard, because he's never done that before.
Right? Like what a horribly selfish thing to ask someone who is forever grieving the loss of someone they vowed to spend their life with. Like what planet is that woman on?
I was literally confused as hell. Common sense tells all of us what the answer would be LOL. That seems like a psychotic question for someone to ask anyone.
It’s absolutely dumb, it’s just… cause and consequence lol, I guess these people believe you marry your soulmate or some shit, so it doesn’t sit right with them that there was somebody beforehand, it doesn’t go with their fantasy
One thing that I have not seen brought up in the comments and was missed by the smosh team is the fact that not only did she say I’m glad she died in front of the kids, but also Kayla’s sister. If someone ever said that about what of my sisters I’d go absolutely feral.
I also noticed them not really picking up on that detail. If anyone said that about my sibling I would've LOST MY SHIT. What a horrific, devastating thing to hear.. someone else actually explicity stating that they TAKE PLEASURE in the tragic death of my loved one. It would be their funeral next, that's for sure
I guess shock? I would probably be baffled, but I'd imagined I'd at least, in a baffled state, say something like "what did you just say?" Or "what the fuck? @@Alundolant
For the story about how the lady refused to sign her marriage license, it's clear the guy wants kids and lied. If he was manipulative enough to doctor a marriage license in his favor and try to get her to sign it, he'll be manipulative to try to get her pregnant by poking holes in condoms or forgetting to pull out. She's not safe in that marriage. Get out.
He was just flat out trying to marriage trap her. In some States divorce, once all the certificates are finalized, are almost impossible to leave without the other persons constant or indisputable evidence of abuse or infidelity. While baby trapping is typically more common with women, marriage trapping is more common with men with the idea behind it being "once we're engaged/married I'll have full say and control over everything"
@@RiveroftheWitherfairly certain that you can have a marriage nullified if you were deceived Also on a technicality i think your not allowed to fill out another person paperwork
@@thatdamncrow9197The deception is "he said for the entire relationship that he didn't want kids and wouldn't mind if I kept my name". If you are in the wrong US state or wrong country, the person you're talking to in order to nullify the marriage will say "oh come on, you couldn't really have expected a man to agree to those terms. it's obvious he was just placating you and expected different." or they'll narrow their eyes in suspicion and doubt there was ever any deception at all. States and countries where divorce is difficult are places where the woman's opinion means 0. They do not want women to escape bad marriages. Fingers crossed she lives somewhere that would allow her to nullify the marriage if his plan worked, but we can't guarantee it.
Her ending it with, "so I can have you all to myself" implies that she wants nothing to do with the children.... which is a huge no no if he loves his children the way he claims. Ditch her.
That fiance was sooo selfish! Her total concern was having that man to herself. To the point of actually telling them all she was happy the first wife had died. 😢 And, the fact that she didn't care that she hurt multiple people with that comment and only wanted to apologize to get him back, shows how selfish and callous she is. No empathy for anyone. She needs to go to counseling and get herself in order before she is with anyone. I hope she doesn't just eventually find someone else and from this experience decide she just needs to hide her selfishness more until she actually gets married.
yeah, at first it sounded like someone that was really insecure and slightly autistic, and she just didn't understand why what she said was so bad, so a serious talk and a lengthy apology would have been enough. but when he described how she was trying to push his children away it was obvious that it wasn't it, she just wanted him just for herself and wanted everything related to his dead wife to be gone, she needs therapy.
I swear she has narcissistic personality disorder tendencies, not diagnosing anyone just saying, where they love bomb you till you're locked in and then take off the mask asap and show you who they really are... He's lucky she did it before they got married.
I'm shocked that they even attempted to defend her. Even if she was joking (which I doubt since its a clear pattern of behaviour) joking about how you are happy a woman you never met is dead TO THE DEAD PERSON'S FAMILY is disgusting. There is no excuse for that. I'm amazed that the man isn't disgusted by her, let alone his children and extended family.
Story #2: I dated a man for 6 years, luckily never married him, but we broke up after he uttered the "I thought you'd change your mind" line. I told him from day one I didn't want kids, he agreed for years, then one day admitted, not that he had changed his mind, but he thought that I eventually would. And I did! About him. That was 5 years ago now, I've been happily married for a year now, both of us happily childfree.
They view women as little plastic dollies that they can just mold into happy wives and servants. He didn’t even care about who you were as an entity outside of him, only that you provided for him. Whether that be in companionship, domestic labor, financially, even as entertainment. I’m so happy you dropped his ass to the curb and finally found someone who loves you for who you are as a person, not how much of your life you will succumb to his whims. I hope you’re living a wonderful married life now, full of peace and love.
People dont seem to see women or children as more than objects to achieve status. You have to take care of, feed, and FREAKING BIRTH children (if you go the birth route) children are a lot of responsibility and a lot of people dont seem to get that. Although I do want kids, I’m for sure waiting until I know me and my husband have the mental capacity to.
For the wedding license thing someone should have absolutely brought up that SHE did not waste everyone's time and money for the wedding by breaking up with hi, HE DID. He lied for 6 years, and tried to use the wedding as a moment of pressure for her to sign away her beliefs and frankly her agency. He is responsible for the failing of this marriage, not her.
EXACTLY he is a conniving snake and cowardly for switching up at the last second without giving her agency, a big "F you" for anyone who victim blamed her please
yeah it really bothered me when Chance said it sounds like she would’ve been open to a discussion about it, like the name thing wasn’t that important to her after all. No, what it sounds like is that she felt backed into a corner by his lies and manipulation, and was trying to convince herself that her boundaries don’t matter because the alternative was public humiliation. ugh
YES. I would hope with everything in me that if my fiance’s first wife was still alive they’d still be together because that says that he believes in working on relationships. It sounds like she was hoping he’d say “I don’t know” or “No, because I wouldn’t have met you.” She had to go.
i feel like her curiosity did turn into insecurity. which i completely understand. i honestly would’ve been so upset if my spouses mom acted surprised that i was able to create a “spark” like he had with his dead wife. that comment was honestly out of pocket and would’ve made me feel very insecure. i still wouldn’t have said what she said, and if i did i would’ve immediately apologized. i think the fiancé felt so insecure and she was so upset that it was hard for her to see her own wrongs because she was too busy focusing on theirs.
Exactly, big agree. Didn't understand the one guy justifying that behaviour. But then he used his zodiac sign as a reason, someone might ask something like this out of "curiosity". No need to know more
Yeah @@allisoncastle, now that I've seen a couple more of these, I gotta admit, he is one of the funniest ^^ But Shayne really is the only one who consistently has good takes imo
"Im so grateful to get to be a part of the wonderful family she helped to build" would've been a million times better of a response. Showing respect for the mother while expressing the same sentiment that you are happy with how things ended up.
Thank goodness she responded the way she did otherwise he would still be with her and he wouldn’t have a relationship with his children, who are the only part he really has left of her.
With all due respect, it wasn’t one thing she said, it was 2. First, “if your wife was alive, would u choose me over her.” Second, “I’m glad she’s dead.” He needs to leave her. Period.
Saying it to the rest of the family is bad, but saying it in front of the woman's children is disgusting. I'm not a violent person, but if I were one of those children, I don't know if I could have made myself just walk out.
And I'm going to add that it wasn't 2 things she said, it was 3. The second half of "I'm glad she's dead" was "so I get you all to myself." Part of what I do for work is subtext analysis, and the subtext I hear in that second half is "even if your first wife was still alive, I would've tried to insert myself into your relationship. She's dead, so that just makes it less work on my end. I get what I want without her in my way." Now, I fully acknowledge that subtext analysis can be subjective, but based on everything we learned about Amanda, I would be surprised if it was anything less.
She clearly just wanted to be #1 in that man's life and could not handle that he had ever loved anyone else. She needs to get some support and help for herself if her insecurities are that strong to overtake her judgment on such a sensitive topic.
the idea of being curious about it doesn't make any sense to me. it's like asking if they hadn't broken up with their last partner if they'd still be with them.... like yeah dude what are you talking about
1:07:55 Arasha hit the nail on the head with that one. I started seeing a therapist after I had a rough breakup and the first words he said to me were "You are understandably grieving. You are experiencing the death of a relationship, a friendship, and a future you had been planning, and that's worthy of being called 'grief'."
When i tell you I froze when Shayne read out what the new fiancé said about the dead wife at the dinner, in front of her step children. That’s not her place nor the time
This is the first time I disagree with Chance 29:12 It is 100% an insecurity thing, there is no “curiosity” for that type of question it is selfish and shows how insecure you are. If you are die hard “It’s curiosity!!” It’s a self delusion to make yourself feel better and justify yourself. It’s insecurity for sure.
Nevermind I just disagree with Chance on this whole story, that’s a bummer. Trying to say “Was it really evil?” Yes. It was Evil and Selfish. If they meant it that way, she would’ve worded it WAYYY different than. “IM GLAD SHE DIED CUZ NOW I GET HIM >:3” like…. grow up girl.
yeah i also disagree with chanse here, not even wording it better change it's meaning and intent. And the thing is, she's not even trying to replace the kids' mother or even recognizing or respecting their existence, she just want the father all to herself at that point.
Story 3 is egregious. This is piping hot insecurity and such to the level that she's jealous and threatened by the memory of a deceased woman. She needs therapy, lots of it.
The guy from the wedding license story is the kind of guy that would poke a hole in all his condoms and not tell her so she “accidentally” gets pregnant.
@@people2chronically-online you're ridiculous if thats what you take away from her comment. Nowhere did she generalize or imply hatred of men, just pointed out that he fits the character of someone who would do something that disgusting.
the story about the marriage license is solid proof that telling women to "pick better men" is a nonexistent argument. he played a role for SIX YEARS before showing his true colors. she had no reason to not believe him, especially after having multiple conversations about these topics. hope she finds someone who will truly respect her and her values.
EXACTLY. The switch-up is so real, and we could fill cemeteries with the women who "picked better" and STILL got screwed over. I know people like to relegate that sort of thing to Lifetime movies and telenovelas, but I know so many stories (online and IRL) of people acting like sleeper agents -- waiting until the woman is cornered to go mask-off. And I'm already seeing comments down here to the effect of "she should have chosen better" or "he probably never agreed and she just assumed". Like ... she laid out her terms. She said no. And "NO" is a complete sentence.
@@beafraid5467 True, the groundwork and foreshadowing for betrayals like this are usually laid well in advance. These are things she'll be able to pick up in hindsight more easily, I don't blame her for missing the signs. SIX years, and that man didn't break character. So gross.
@@beafraid5467 do you genuinely believe women should have to analyze every moment, interaction and decision they've ever made in a relationship? like women have to be hypervigilant from the first date, otherwise they deserve what happens to them? that's more reasonable to you than men simply being better people and not victim blaming?
@@sweetembrace6706I'm going to take the high road and assume that's not what they meant. I'm thinking they are telling the OP that she should look back on any previous decisions they made together to make sure they were decisions she wanted, and not things she got tricked into compromise.
Story 3 was insane. “I didn’t expect to raise a dead woman’s kids for my whole life” It’s HIS kids too! If you don’t want a relationship with the kids, don’t date and get engaged with their dad, living in their house. Seriously Reddit Amanda was insane.
Just for fun, I’ll play devils advocate (about the raising kids part). Son is a grown man, and the daughter is on her way to be coming a grown woman. Amanda doesn’t need their love (just their like) and there is nothing wrong with them Just thinking that’s my dad‘s new wife and they love each other/are happy. She might also think it’s normal to move off when you’re 18 and going to college (which the majority of kids do in America). So that part is easy, what she said at the dinner table was f’d up
@@pkt86737 moving out at 18 isn't as normal now as it used to be. These kids have also gone through a trauma and it is so understandable if they want to go to the local college to be close to their only remaining parent. The dad said he was fine with his son living with him through college and after, and that probably goes for the daughter too. I'm sure the ex-fiancee knew that, at some point, since it sounds like she was present while they were discussing the son moving out. Also, if she met the kids 2 years ago, then the daughter was only 14. She wasn't, and still isn't, basically an adult.
Watching these back and realizing Shane is NOT single, making his relationship advice make so much more sense is hilarious to me. I remember watching this when it came out and jokingly thinking "wow, shane has a lot of wisdom about relationships for someone who's been single for such a long time" 😂😂😂
That's what I remember thinking too, like "wow, so insightful, being single gave him time to reflect and grow and learn" which I'm sure it did to a degree, but I imagine being in a committed relationship did a lot more in the regard of learned experience lmao
Arasha has the most level-headed responses of anybody in the history of this show. She died an amazing job of seeing both sides of these situations and not just shouting out condemnation. Thank you Arasha
Only semi-related to your typo, but I would love to see an Arasha funeral roast right after an Angela one (she's my fave but Arasha is a close second of the newer cast).
Yes, particularly the part about where the one dude who asked for the hand in marriage way too soon could be from a culture or place in the world where he believes he is operating within the bounds of normalcy.
True I liked that a lot. Bad behaviour can appear for a multitude of reasons. That doesn't excuses it of course but it's still important to see why it happened
She'd be a great social worker, honestly. It can be hard to empathize with people we see as wrong or bad, so seeing her do it so naturally is incredible.
Something I love about this series is that they're not just reading the stories, they're also commenting on them and depending on who they have on the show drastically changes how it is and after this episode, I can say Arasha is one of the best. They're all good for their own unique reasons but Arasha brings such a level head to these stories and that is one of the best and hardest things you can do in this series.
When they mentioned that 25 is still super young and Shayne said that he thought it was all over when he was 25 actually really resonated with me. I've been experiencing a lot of panic and depression over not having my life together at this point but hearing him say that made me feel a lot better. Realistically I'm in a good situation, like I live at home, my parents are awesome, I don't pay rent, I'm working on a degree, and I have a part time job, but my brain likes telling me that I'm a loser and I should be successful by now lol
I'm turning 25 in a few weeks and have been feeling so much the same way! I'm trying to work through those feelings too, but I think we're both doing just fine, so best of luck to you and your degree!
Gods, I feel this so much PLUS a bad relationship drained me of my savings (car payments for my car that they used 98% of the time while letting myself be encouraged to rest and be taken care of--AKA no income) But it's only been a 6 months since the separation and I'm trying to be kind to myself Even when I have several bad days in a row ❤️🩹
There actually IS one. It was awhile back and the woman married a man not knowing he killed her husband in a drunk driving accident (He left the scene)
The first one was definitely a case of he doesn't know his girl at all. Asking the parents is unique to each person. My sister would have said no if her fiance didn't ask our dad. I would have said no if my husband had asked my dad. Don't marry someone if you don't know them.
FINALLY. I didn't think i would ever come across a comment about the first story. Imo, I don't think the guy was the asshole at all and didn't really like how they just overlooked how the guys' girlfriend and parents reacted. I feel like they were the assholes for not having a conversation with him instead of ruining his proposal plans. The parents could've both asked him questions like "Have you had any conversations about marriage?" Or, even better, simply stated "From what we know of our daughter, she has not put out the notion of wanting to get married just yet. We suggest you sit down and have this conversation so you both know where you lie on the matter before going through with proposing. We'll more than happily have this conversation once we know you two have discussed this." Whether they know each other well enough or not (the parents and the guy), this just seems like a better approach in comparison to what the parents actually did. A proposal IS supposed to be a surprise in some way or another. The parents are the A-Holes
im a queer person and if someone asked my dad if they could marry me i would be PISSED. but im poly and all my partners know me and know i would NOT like that lol. its wild to me that people out here want to marry someone without even knowing something like that about them 🙃 but also the AUDACITY to talk to his gfs parents BEFORE HER about him wanting to marry her, is bizarre af. like to me that is even more sexist than just asking dad for blessing. WILD to include her parents BEFORE HER in such a decision? i just dont understand this guy lol . the parents are awesome for telling the gf, they knew how weird and disrespectful it was to have the convo with them before their daughter… but yea if someone is old fashioned/traditional and would like someone to ask for their dads blessing, thats totally cool. but imo its still not cool if marriage has NEVER been discussed between the couple before that.
@@loyalixre9326hard disagree!! the parents did the right thing. how would you feel if someone you were dating talked to your parents about marrying you before they talked to you about it? personally i would feel extremely upset and disrespected. my parents know me, and know how i would feel about someone doing something like this. it seems like her parents knew her too, and knew that she was not about his behavior. the parents priority is their daughter, not their daughters bf. the parents knew the couple hadn't discussed marriage before, as she prolly would have talked to her parents about it. they had their daughters back. good parents imo
@@QUEERVEEART I would feel happy that my significant other would go through the trouble of seeking my mother’s approval. Family means everything to me and seeing someone go through the effort of speaking to my family would be the biggest sign of respect shown towards me as it shows he has some level of familial respect.
@@QUEERVEEART and, like the original commenter stated: “asking the parents is unique to each person.” So, you assuming that someone else would have the exact same opinion as you is mind boggling; not everyone thinks the same as you do.
The part that really bothered me about the marriage license story was that the guy's reasoning for changing her last name on the form is that his friends would give him crap for it. Why was the opinion of his friends more important to him than the feelings of the person he was marrying? Lots of women choose not to change their last name and he and his friends should respect that. Gross.
Yeah my mom never changed her last name so when she was giving birth to me, the doctors would send the visitors to the wrong room because they would use my dad’s last name rather than her maiden name. I also do have both last names since my mom had her last name
Truly, she is a gem. I know the running gag before was putting Arasha in a Marvel movie, but honestly? I think she would make an amazing Bond, Bond girl or Bond villain😂 All the fancasting!
Agreed! It’s very easy to dogpile in a lot of these situations, but she tries to see all sides while also not excusing some of these behaviors either. It’s one thing to be intelligent but she’s also wise.
As someone who lost his father VERY RECENTLY, if my mom were ever to get into a new relationship and the new man said anything remotely close to that, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from hurting him. My sister and I are both in our 30s, but if anyone ever told me they were happy my father died, I might go to prison.
@@cc.achilles my dad’s been gone for close to 2 months. I’m not ready for it to be 2 years. But I promise, no matter how long it’s been, I’ll never tolerate someone disrespecting the man my dad was.
Yep! also I’m very sorry for your loss wish I could say something more but I know nothing can really help. Therapy helps me a lot but I’m not saying you need it just that it can be helpful when coping with loss if you were open to it. Wishing the best for you
I totally agree that someone shouldn't be forced to change their name just because of marriage. I did personally for 2 reasons; I was not interested in keeping my father's surname as we have no contact, and my partner's surname is objectively cool 😂 My sister in law and her husband conjoined their surnames, not double barrelled but joined Wild and Smith to make Wildsmith. I love that so much.
The guy in story 2 was definitely hoping for social pressure to sway her decision,she’s smart for pretending like she signed it and not making a “scene”.
Exactly!! The fact that this "Fred" person was so sneaky as to COVER THE FORM with his hand?!? OP is much better than me. I know she didn't want to make a scene, and that's completely valid and the smarter way to play it. Me though? I wouldn't JUST make a scene. I would make a whole 3 act play with intermissions and several curtain calls. He really tried to pull a fast one on two major fronts (her name and her family planning).
@@julieannewaller7541 While I don't blame her for being taken in, I do agree with you. I think he fed her what she wanted to hear. What tends to get overlooked in cases like these is how the wool is actually being pulled over the eyes. And its sad to say but: it's easy to fake a desirable personality and parrot back what a person wants to hear when you essentially hold up a mirror for the other person (in this case OP) to stare into. In all likelihood, he probably just smiled and nodded, all the while waiting for her guard to drop. We'll never know for sure. Either way: she made her terms clear and in good faith. That should have been enough.
Shes allowed to decide what she wants to do with her life and if she wants kids or his last name, if he had an issue he should've been upfront, stop blaming the victim when she did everything right in this situation and was upfront and honest and clearly tried to make sure they were on the same page.@@julieannewaller7541
arasha is an absolutely top tier guest on reddit stories. the way she engages with everything is so generous and kind, while still being incredibly wise
In the second story, It’s not that she was open to taking his last name it’s that she’s feeling so much pressure she’s now questioning whether her values are worth ending things even though their friends and families invested in them and that is EXACTLY what he is banking on.
Exactly. And as women, we are always pressured and conditioned to put everyone else's needs over ours. Even the most vocal have their doubts. It's natural if you keep hearing that you are meant to accommodate others.
The third story is about insecurity. The question of would you be with your deceased partner is based on two different realities. Had the wife not passed, yes they would probably be together, but Amanda is living in a reality where the wife passed and basing her insecurities on that. Had the wife not passed there would be a whole new reality where he most likely would have never entered into Amanda's life and she wouldn't even know she lost anything. To ask that question is complete insecurity and I think Chanse is off the mark to think it's just a curiosity because it's an unanswerable question that could never satisfy a curiosity
With the “I’m glad she died one” I can easily put myself in ‘Liz’s’ shoes because my dad died when I was 9 after a years long illness. If my mom ever dated someone who said they were glad my dad died in front of me I would have been gutted. My mom also would have kicked his ass to the curb immediately.
@@McBehrer It is. His son might be a grown man but hearing that someone is glad your mother died is going to struck you whether you are 5 or 50, then 3 days later your dad is asking you if he should stay with the woman who said she's glad YOUR MOTHER died?? The hesitation shows he doesn't have his priorities straight: unless your kids are in the wrong or straight up evil, kids always come before a partner.
I’m in the same situation right now. I suspect that my dad is dating someone and it terrifies me. Listening to stories that have evil stepparents is not helping me. It’s been about 4 years since my mom died and while I’ve ‘moved on’, and even said that I wouldn’t mind my dad dating someone else, the thought of it actually happening is scary. What if the person turns out to be like that?
@@beafraid5467exactly, as someone whose parents come for advice sometimes and even have to act as their mediator in their relationship, that's an inappropriate thing to do. I get that sometimes parents get into desperate situations but that's not what you should do, especially if the situation involves your children like in this story, your deceased wife is also your son's mother, you put your kid in the spot by asking his opinion on that situation.
“I would rather have my kids happy and healthy than have a wife” so many divorced or widowed fathers do not feel the same. It’s so refreshing to see a dad who actually sacrifices his wants and needs for his children (even if they’re grown)
I’m not really on the “great dad” bandwagon tbh. Leaving it 3 days is way too long. Also, the kids clearly didn’t feel like they had the option to communicate to them about how Amanda was treating them - to me, that suggests that he initially failed to reassure them that he would put them first, and that he sounds always be willing and open to hearing whatever they had to say about Amanda
I wouldn’t lump together divorced dads and widower dads in this, though that’s just my experience. The only widower dads I know are 100% devoted to their kids and have zero interest in any other women. But then again if you are meeting these people by dating them you are not going to meet the widowers who swing that way because they aren’t on the market. They are also deeply traumatized and not over it at all, which of course influences their parenting, along with the extreme difficulty of being a single parent in the first place.
@@aftwragefghnyjunhyagf3 days is an alright time period. This is still a woman he loved romantically for four(?) years, and he needed to think about it. It's okay to take the time to process and figure out what it is you want to do or what you CAN do in this situation.
Chase is wrong. Asking if you'd be with someone if their dead wife was alive is insecure as fuck. Asking questions like that is ALWAYS seen as insecure and y'all should do some soul searching on why you want to know that.
Yeah, was just looking to see if anyone commented it. It's not a curiosity, obviously if his wife hadn't tragically died they wouldn't be with you cause they would be with there now not dead spouse... come on
Yeah. Like there is a fair point in just we don't know how she said it. She could very well be a person who likes dark humor and just can't read a room, but…yeah no. The "all to myself" addition to that comment really kinda cemented the insecurity thing from the get-go.
It was insecurity, but, I'd say her asking that probably has something to do with the fact that any interaction she has with the family members is based on the dead wife. She is not allowed to get close to the children because the thought of replacement is still in their head. The mom comparing her to the dead wife was most likely a recurring thing.
Arasha was so well spoken and full of empathy in her answers. She also is just so pretty and has such a soothing voice, could listen to this podcast for hours :)
The "refused to sign my marraige license" story was so scary. He was pretending and tried to manipulate her into his own way. That could easily spiral. Next he could be poking holes into the condom, making her feel bad for going out with her friends so much, be angry she spends more time with her family than his and then all of a sudden after all these "little" things she'll find herself deep in an abusive relationship whether it be physical abuse, mental, or both.
OP’s mom: “I’m happy you were able to find the spark you had with Kayla, with someone else!” OP’s fiancée: “I’m happy she died.” What DEMON possessed you to say that??? Holy shit Edit: first time I’ve ever gotten more than 1000 likes on a comment. thanks!
EXACTLY out of all the possible combinations of words she chose literally the worst ones😭. She could have said something like "im sure she was a wonderful person" or something 😭😭
I know Chanse said he would have asked that as a curiosity, but I'm inclined to believe the majority of people, including this woman, are insecure. And good on the son for the way he handled it.
I also don't buy that chanse wouldn't ask it out of insecurity 😂 like what's there even to ask? Obviously the answer is no, I wouldn't be with you if my wife was still alive.
also, that question coming from a place of curiosity almost makes it more wrong to me. You're asking your partner to contemplate whether they would have either left or cheated on their dead partner for you, to satisfy curiosity? incredibly insensitive at best and genuinely cruel at worst.
@@play-foolexactly what I was thinking. Curiosity for what exactly? I’m a naturally curious person too but getting him to answer a very obvious question about his dead wife achieves what exactly? I’m not sure what there is to be curious about. The only curious questions I pose about my partners exes is about them. Like “do you think if you stayed together, you would’ve moved to this state?” Asking it about yourself inherently seems selfish at best, insecure and selfish at worst. And most emotionally mature people would expect and hope the answer to the question would be no. I’d judge my partner more if the immediate answer isn’t no
Yeah Chance, that question definitely comes from a place of insecurity because of course the answer in any right mind would be 'yeah, we'd be together if a DRUNK DRIVER HADN'T KILLED HER'
I’m so confused by his stance in that…like why would you ever want to ask that question? That’s not even remotely how you ask that 😭 you could just as easily ask “when you first started dating would you say I fit your type or you just fell for me?” Something like that….
I’m so sorry about the girl who got groomed in the second to last story. I’ve been there girlie. The heartbreak will pass, then be replaced by anger, then freedom.
The marriage license one kills me. I classify as NB, but back then I did not, and I married a guy I'd been friends with 6 years before we ever got together. We'd discussed EVERYTHING and were both non-traditional. As soon as we got married, he pressured me heavily to change my last name, wanted me to perform the classic 'housewife' role, all that shit. It was like he was a different person.
I had a friend where a similar situation happened to them. Luckily, they had a close relationship with their family and were able to leave the situation with the help of their support. I hope you were able to also have support during that time.
This is slightly of tangential to your story but it reminds me of the recent news of a certain rideshare company pitching something along the lines of “safe drivers for women” saying that the drivers would be female or NB….which like…clearly we’re still at this point where NB people as a whole are very much put into female categories and masc NB people aren’t really recognized at all :(
I would like to formally and humbly ask if Arasha can be a part of these more often. Her insight is amazing, she's so understanding and wise, and she's always fun to watch. She's super funny and has a good outlook on things
I used to work at the UPS store and was pulled from the back to be a witness in a wedding like that :) it was so so sweet and they were so happy. It's such a convenient notary location!
Arasha is really one of my favorite people to see on this show. She just speaks so beautifully and hits all the right points. Y'all should have her on here more!!
Rewatching this episode again and I just want to say, I appreciate Arasha's perspective so much throughout each of the stories, how she acknowledges that "just leave" isn't as simple and easy as outside perspectives make it seem. She kept pointing out how there's years of history of good memories, and the sudden shift in a partner is so jarring, it doesn't immediately sever the emotional connection you have had to this person for a long time, and probably STILL have to them despite seeing them in a new light. Don't get me wrong, 99% of the time when Shayne or someone else says "oh that's over, they need to leave immediately" I'm also yelling at my phone "nope, get out, run girl!" and fully in agreement. But I just really liked the more gentle sympathy Arasha was presenting as well. One side encouraging OP to have a better life, ready to move on and continue into the future with less toxicity in your life; the other side mourning the past, acknowledging the loss felt (time, love, safety in this other person) and the distortion in their reality that they are currently grappling with. Both perspectives are needed for healing and a full picture of the relationship, so I'm happy that we got both in this video!
Everyone on reddit stories is amazing, but Arasha is just so insanely well spoken with every single story and more. Like i just enjoy listening to anything she says because truly shes just brilliant.
For story number 3, I'm 21 and my father absolutely married that woman after my mum passed. I can't express how devastating it is to go through and I'm so happy that those kids have a father that truly puts then above everyone and everything. Its truly selfless and what real parents do. So much love to that family I hope they can rebuild and continue to have a strong relationship. ❤
As for the widower story, the woman's curiosity is obviously rooted in insecurity. The fact that she said out loud that she's thankful the wife is dead so she can have him heavily indicates she doesn't actually care for his children, merely waiting for the daughter to move out.
Kudos to Arasha in this episode. We all like to have fun with the “Queen of Lies” bit, but it’s easy to forget she’s very intelligent and wise…yes, there’s a difference. She doesn’t throw sides under the bus or go off initial reactions. She tries to take multiple factors into account while also having empathy for everyone. She’s also aware other parts of the world are different, but is never disrespectful or dismissive of that. She doesn’t excuse some of these drastic behaviors, but she doesn’t condemn, either. We don’t have a lot of that in this world. Kudos to Arasha for her insight and wisdom!
No offense, but I actually thought she was a bit gullable/uneducated at times, as most of these are about men and control and power over women. The fact that Chance had to spell out to her that asking a woman’s dad for marriage is like asking to take his property from him and now assuming the dad role, and her shocked reaction, tells me that she unfortunately knows very little about the history and meaning of these “traditions”.
@@mchlle94 Chanse and Arasha are both gen z, but I think it's more to do with upbringing? I'm asian born and raised so I'm still more than less surrounded by traditionally minded people who probably means well, just didn't know any better or was told of options, so I can see the empathy Arasha is giving.
She just understands how to empathize well with people. Most of the time, the cast members on here are just talking from their preconceptions and biases. There was one episode where a dude was having his privacy disrespected by his roommate's girlfriend in his room, and confronted her on it multiple times and was not taken seriously. They tried to say that he was in the wrong because she walked in on him while he was sleeping naked on top of the covers. Even other comments on the video agreed, if the roles were reversed and a guy was barging in on a woman's room without respecting her privacy and she pulled a similar stunt, everyone would be in defense of her privacy from the creepy disrespectful guy.
@@ThePi314Man I rmr that video and i think you're recalling it wrong, i think they said it was a bit of an weird thing to like expose himself but that it was also warranted and that the girl was in the wrong
Yep. Where other cast members come at some of these situations from modern thinking (which, let me be absolutely clear isn’t a bad thing), Arasha has a timeless mindset to look at all sides and evaluate the situation. It’s like other cast remembers will go off emotion and biases while she lets the whole scenario play out and take it from there.
@@ThePi314Man Yeah, dont' worry, EVERYONE in the comments were getting after Court and Damien for that. They usually have pretty good takes but even as a lady myself I gotta say that was just an L take. Especially since I can relate to the guy, I have a lot of experience with family just barging into my room without knocking.
Hearing the marriage license story and the podcast asshole story was crazy for me. I have not one but TWO good friends who married someone who appeared to be wonderful and on the same page as them, and then immediately after marriage the husbands became entirely different, awful people. My friends are both intelligent people, they had years with their partners before marriage, no one saw it coming. I can't believe this tragic situation has happened to this many people. And both of my friends felt so much shame to the point they almost told no one and feared judgement from even their closest loved ones. My heart breaks for anyone who's been through that, and I hope anyone who has was able to safely leave the situation.
I love Damien too! I love everyone who goes on here but Damien is one of my favorites, and Arasha of course...I think there is one guy I like least though he's fine....it's not Chance, I adore him, even though he was off on the whole "Gemini" think (I think he meant his mind would totally go there...I don't think he believes Amanda had a right to make it OP's problem or later, as we found out, the kids problem too).
The marriage certificate guy is DISGUSTING. Shouldn't even be a question to pack up without a word and RUN from that man. Usain Bolt from that man immediately.
@@D1991-r3nwhy is it an issue for him to not respect his wife's wishes? If he cannot deal with her differing view, the relationship is over. Point blank.
@@BoomerchocolateCake lol so what’s next, it’s going to be a issue if a man opens, the door , if a man checks the oil in a car. Women want to be men so bad until it’s not convenient for them anyone’s 😂
The second story reminds me of my manager's marriage. I was confused for a while, because the way she would talk about her family was sort of odd, and I eventually found out that she is still in love with the father of her kids and never left the relationship, but they are divorced. They were together for over a decade and already raising kids when they decided they may as well tie the knot, but once they did so, her husband was a completely different person, expecting all these wifely behaviors from her and treating her like property. Out of NOWHERE. So she was like, I'm not having this, I want a divorce! And once they were divorced, her partner went back to normal??!?!? Idk how you can trust again after a shift like that, but it was as if the certificate and wedding rings were the cursed items poisoning her partner's mind. Something about that social stigma, man.
15:36 that's so manipulative. Putting his hand over the certificate to try to TRICK her. And Arasha is right, that is such a heartbreaking scene to imagine. Betrayal from the person you trust most in the world, not recognizing the person you loved is so painful.
@@caaltagai think it's because it was a musical reference, and queer ppl liking musical theatre is a common stereotype/trend (source: i'm queer and love musicals lol). so chanse was jokingly saying that shayne, a cishet man, making a musical reference and engaging with something that some consider queer culture proves that he's an ally. it's a silly joke! ☺️
I love these guys so much. Breaking stigmas and being hilarious while doing it. When all our favorite celebrities are likely on the Diddy list, and all the biggest TH-camrs are being exposed… It’s nice to watch this 😂
As the son of a widow myself, it filled me with absolute rage Chance's stance. You NEVER make those type of jokes at all, specially with the family of the deceased nor you ask the other questions in that way. Insecurity is a b and I get that, but its such a level of disrespect I find it hard to have any empathy
He never said the jokes were okay though he does think the joke was bad he agreed with everyone on that, he just gave her way too much credit thinking her intention was just curiosity.
@@rannaartha5951 also with him saying maybe Amanda pushing the kids out was "encouragement". no. no it's not. could THOSE WORDS be encouragement? sure. but that's NOT what this is. and Chase's whole attitude toward this and trying to have this idea that Amanda was good natured when she's very clearly not was weird. She didn't apologize. She openly admitted how awful she was. There were clues the whole way leading up to the big reveal.
@@stephaniebaker1975fr like let’s not pretend toxic behavior is quirky curiosity like no that’s not a Gemini thing, that’s behavior that you need to work on
Girl, if I ever dish out a ton of money to attend a friend's wedding and it blows up in a short amount of time, I'd dish out more money again just to make my friend feel better. It ain't about the money sis
Also, I’d have dished out a ton of money to go to a wedding with a crazy story and a wild twist. That drama and story Yu could retell alone would be worth the cost. Lol
I was literally thinking about the story of the man talking to his wife’s passed husband. That “I’m glad she died” woman is like the exact opposite of that story.
the dude who was a widower deserves a "best dad ever" mug. He just handled that perfectly, is not often that a redditor is sensible and smart, this man had his priorities straight and did not shy away from the responsibilities he has. Im sure he will have a new partner in no time, a man like that is highly sought after, but for the moment, is great that he gets to focus on his kids for a while, as they transition from kids into adults.
It sounds like Kayla and OP had a wonderful relationship and were a wonderful parent team. OP is wide open to advice and improvement and is fearlessly caring for their children even after she is gone. Some families fall apart, the pain is so awful and it leaves a huge hole in the family. It's not fair to the kids. OP should know he deserves better, much better, than Amanda. He's high-quality relationship material and there are many women out there who would appreciate that about him and continue to support that in him. Fork that drunk driver, fork Amanda, and good job Dad and kids.
Well... it took him 3 years to realize that his kids were being disrespected and pushed out of their own home. Can you imagine being 13-16 years old and having to deal with not only a dead mom but also an evil step mom? Dad really came around but his children had to suffer for 3 years because of his blindness
Story 3 was ABSOLUTELY 100% an insecurity thing, no doubt about it. And if it was in any way a curiosity thing (which again I HIGHLY doubt) I still don’t think it’s appropriate to bring up, at least with him. Like what response was she hoping to get from him? That whole story was disgusting, why can’t you just be happy you’re with him now.
for the third story, my pov is “don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to” because i asked wayyyy too many questions about my ex’s exes and the answers always made me feel worse, not better. she never should’ve been asking those questions in the first place because she should already know the answer, and taking it so far ruined the relationship
I’ve never seen a worse take from Chanse. Asking that question is inappropriate because she’s asking “Would you have cheated on your now dead wife if she had lived?” TF?! Also, she said “I’m glad she’s dead!” If my wife (who is also the love of my life) died and I somehow found it in me to get married again. And 6 years later a woman I was engaged to said “I’m glad she died” I would be single again immediately. AND IN FRONT OF THE KIDS! Saying “I’m glad your mom died so I could have your dad all to myself” is CRASS and UNHINGED. No. He would not be the AH for ending that engagement and that is not up for debate.
Exactly, like what is even the point of asking your partner that question at all? What answer are you expecting or hoping to hear? “Yes babe, if my wife who I loved wasn’t tragically killed, I would have ditched her anyways to be with you”… It is 100% insecurity. There is nothing to be “curious” over, the answer is OBVIOUSLY no. That’s the type of thought you keep to yourself or talk about with a therapist, not say to your partner. Not sure why Chanse had a strong stance about that, i like him but he has odd takes on this show sometimes
Chanse discovering live that he may have insecurity issues through the story of a lady who was so insecure that she's competing with a corpse was not something I expected from this episode, but it was interesting!
Tea. Learning about feelings you previously thought of as something else is tough though. Your subconscious genuinely trying to make you believe its just curiosity, is the type of layers of our mind and identity stuff than can f you up.
I find it funny how people think it’s so bizarre to take a woman’s last name. In many native cultures it has always been the mother last name passed on. Loved this video! Arasha you need to be on these more 😖
That marriage license story was terrifying. She needs to run and take that unsigned Marriage license with her, especially if they don’t have a prenup, because if he’s willing to manipulate their marriage license like that he’s probably willing to forge her signature (especially since everyone saw her pretend to sign it) to make her leaving him harder and take her assets if there was no prenup.
exactly. even if she’s “going somewhere to think it over”, she needs to get out of her living situation and take that licence with her. go to live with family, friends, whatever, just take some clothes, important documents and go!
Look, that post blew up. She got a dozen thousands of comments and a lot of DMs asking for an update. But. She didn't post it. I suspect she gave up under the pressure of friends and relatives and signed it.
I honestly appreciate it so much whenever you guys disagree with each other or simply give alternate even hypothetical viewpoints on something. Please don't feel like you can't do so even when people in the comments take something personally (not to be degrading, genuinely, it's fine) or just plain misunderstand you. You always manage to give insightful commentary on these stories and the effort you put into actually thinking stuff through and discussing it is valuable! There are enough people just clowning on stories like these out there. I just love that there's a space in the Smosh universe for these sometimes very heavy topics too!
I agree. I really appreciate how they approach these stories and the people in them as real people with real lives and consider how the story is just a small piece of the overall relationship. I’m so used to Reddit stories being talked about as if they exist in a vacuum and are black and white. I appreciate the different perspectives that are brought up even if I don’t always agree with them.
I've lost a childhood friend because I found out he listened to "alpha male" podcasts" , I relate to the story because it's heartbreaking to see someone suddenly adhere to such values
The people you think you know the most in the world suddenly being someone you don't recognize is DEVASTATING. I'm sorry that happened. And when it happens over and over in your life you become me where 90% of therapy sessions relate to trust/and abandonment issues and codependency.
Oh god. The second lady is LITERALLY, EXACTLY my worst "romance" nightmare situation: A guy who SEEMS to be a decent human being who agrees with all my morals to not only get me to sleep with him, but have a long and serious relationship so it's harder to break out....and THEN, at the freaking LAST SECOND, "By the way, you ARE getting my last name after all and you're TOTALLY having my babies." Those are the two things I LEAST want to do, in a possible relationship. I would feel as betrayed as hell, disgusted, hateful, and never want to date again. Giving my body and heart to a sexist jerk who _really well_ pretended to NOT be a sexist jerk? Oh, god. Worst. Nightmare.
As someone who married a widower I have never or will never ask him if they would still be together if she was still here. That is so out of pocket. Yes my life would be totally different had she not passed and I had I not met him and married him. But I would never say I'm glad she died. 7years later and he is still heartbroken over her passing. We spend holidays with her family and go see her grave often.
I was revived in child labor. I now look at life differently and worry it might happen if i have another baby. Ever since then, I've been worried there are not women like this in the world. Thank you for respecting her memory and letting your husband mourn. I bet he loves you even more for your care, love and respect.
I'm sensing a gross pattern of people waiting to eventually get what they want from their partners in ways that range from abusive to coercive. I hope all of the partners being put in these situations got out.
I definitely think the 3rd story is not a curiosity situation. Even if it was, why are you wondering that? Why can’t you just be happy with the relationship you’re in and not “wonder” if you’d still be together if his wife hadn’t passed. I hope Chance can rethink that opinion a little bit. Cause I think Arasha hit the nail on the head with it being an insecurity
@@Chrissykat24 This might be reading into things too much, but based on his appearences in other of these videos, I think he's making an effort to always be the Devil's Advocate, not jump to conclusions, see all sides, which is fair because these stories are always from one person's point of view. It's just he has this incredible ability to pick the absolute worst, clear cut, obvious ones to play Devil's Advocate for, which just makes him seem like someone who has bad takes. Like the time he clearly wanted to find some positive angle to defend the guy who kept pissing himself.
Arasha is the perfect guest, we definitely need more of her And like everyone else, I want to see her and Damien on the same episode, they would overflow the couch with empathy and understanding. Great reddit reading btw!
If you have the reason to turn around and scream "weddings off, everyone go home." do it. Don't keep the peace. Project your voice and tell everyone what just happened.
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The widower’s story, right, his wife died six years ago and their daughter is SIXTEEN. the poor girl who lost her mum at 10 had some evil almost-stepmum tell her “im glad [ur mum] died”. Insane.
straight up cinderella-evil-stepmom type situation. i cant imagine what that must feel like.
I think the widower in #3 will have lost a tremendous amount of- if not complete - loss of trust in the fiancee. I’d never trust her around the daughter again.
Almost 6 years ago my dads wife got super drunk and called my deceased mother a whore. I was 22 at the time, I moved several provinces away and haven't talked to either of them since.
I would've risen up from my grave
Hearing Shayne's voice start to tremble made me freeze. I felt I needed to take a few minutes to better process what I had just heard, because he's never done that before.
If you're wondering if a widower would date you if their wife was still alive the answer is always NO
Right? Like what a horribly selfish thing to ask someone who is forever grieving the loss of someone they vowed to spend their life with. Like what planet is that woman on?
THIS!! my mom is a widow and I know she would respond HELL NO
Absolutely! It's not a curiosity thing at all, its full on selfishness, insecurity and lack of awareness
I was literally confused as hell. Common sense tells all of us what the answer would be LOL. That seems like a psychotic question for someone to ask anyone.
It’s absolutely dumb, it’s just… cause and consequence lol, I guess these people believe you marry your soulmate or some shit, so it doesn’t sit right with them that there was somebody beforehand, it doesn’t go with their fantasy
One thing that I have not seen brought up in the comments and was missed by the smosh team is the fact that not only did she say I’m glad she died in front of the kids, but also Kayla’s sister. If someone ever said that about what of my sisters I’d go absolutely feral.
I would absolutely be in jail
I also noticed them not really picking up on that detail. If anyone said that about my sibling I would've LOST MY SHIT. What a horrific, devastating thing to hear.. someone else actually explicity stating that they TAKE PLEASURE in the tragic death of my loved one. It would be their funeral next, that's for sure
I thought the same thing!! My brother passed away a few years ago and if anyone ever said something like that about him, I’d be devastated.
Its super weird how passively everyone reacted, or didn't react to that situation. Like, who just sits there? Wild.
I guess shock? I would probably be baffled, but I'd imagined I'd at least, in a baffled state, say something like "what did you just say?" Or "what the fuck? @@Alundolant
For the story about how the lady refused to sign her marriage license, it's clear the guy wants kids and lied. If he was manipulative enough to doctor a marriage license in his favor and try to get her to sign it, he'll be manipulative to try to get her pregnant by poking holes in condoms or forgetting to pull out. She's not safe in that marriage. Get out.
10000000%
He was just flat out trying to marriage trap her. In some States divorce, once all the certificates are finalized, are almost impossible to leave without the other persons constant or indisputable evidence of abuse or infidelity. While baby trapping is typically more common with women, marriage trapping is more common with men with the idea behind it being "once we're engaged/married I'll have full say and control over everything"
EXACTLY this!! He's 100% going to force her and trick her into pregnancy if she stays with him.
@@RiveroftheWitherfairly certain that you can have a marriage nullified if you were deceived
Also on a technicality i think your not allowed to fill out another person paperwork
@@thatdamncrow9197The deception is "he said for the entire relationship that he didn't want kids and wouldn't mind if I kept my name".
If you are in the wrong US state or wrong country, the person you're talking to in order to nullify the marriage will say "oh come on, you couldn't really have expected a man to agree to those terms. it's obvious he was just placating you and expected different." or they'll narrow their eyes in suspicion and doubt there was ever any deception at all.
States and countries where divorce is difficult are places where the woman's opinion means 0. They do not want women to escape bad marriages. Fingers crossed she lives somewhere that would allow her to nullify the marriage if his plan worked, but we can't guarantee it.
Her ending it with, "so I can have you all to myself" implies that she wants nothing to do with the children.... which is a huge no no if he loves his children the way he claims. Ditch her.
That hit me too. Like she was just waiting for graduation day to start really pushing the daughter out.
That fiance was sooo selfish! Her total concern was having that man to herself. To the point of actually telling them all she was happy the first wife had died. 😢 And, the fact that she didn't care that she hurt multiple people with that comment and only wanted to apologize to get him back, shows how selfish and callous she is. No empathy for anyone. She needs to go to counseling and get herself in order before she is with anyone. I hope she doesn't just eventually find someone else and from this experience decide she just needs to hide her selfishness more until she actually gets married.
yeah, at first it sounded like someone that was really insecure and slightly autistic, and she just didn't understand why what she said was so bad, so a serious talk and a lengthy apology would have been enough. but when he described how she was trying to push his children away it was obvious that it wasn't it, she just wanted him just for herself and wanted everything related to his dead wife to be gone, she needs therapy.
I swear she has narcissistic personality disorder tendencies, not diagnosing anyone just saying, where they love bomb you till you're locked in and then take off the mask asap and show you who they really are... He's lucky she did it before they got married.
I'm shocked that they even attempted to defend her. Even if she was joking (which I doubt since its a clear pattern of behaviour) joking about how you are happy a woman you never met is dead TO THE DEAD PERSON'S FAMILY is disgusting. There is no excuse for that. I'm amazed that the man isn't disgusted by her, let alone his children and extended family.
Story #2: I dated a man for 6 years, luckily never married him, but we broke up after he uttered the "I thought you'd change your mind" line. I told him from day one I didn't want kids, he agreed for years, then one day admitted, not that he had changed his mind, but he thought that I eventually would. And I did! About him. That was 5 years ago now, I've been happily married for a year now, both of us happily childfree.
Good for you, glad your story had a happy outcome!
They view women as little plastic dollies that they can just mold into happy wives and servants. He didn’t even care about who you were as an entity outside of him, only that you provided for him. Whether that be in companionship, domestic labor, financially, even as entertainment. I’m so happy you dropped his ass to the curb and finally found someone who loves you for who you are as a person, not how much of your life you will succumb to his whims. I hope you’re living a wonderful married life now, full of peace and love.
People dont seem to see women or children as more than objects to achieve status. You have to take care of, feed, and FREAKING BIRTH children (if you go the birth route) children are a lot of responsibility and a lot of people dont seem to get that. Although I do want kids, I’m for sure waiting until I know me and my husband have the mental capacity to.
I had the same crap happen. No, I told you from the beginning, its not my fault you chose not to believe or listen to me .
If this was me 10 years ago I would've liked atleast 1 kid. Me now says no kids, especially with the way things are with schools right now.
For the wedding license thing someone should have absolutely brought up that SHE did not waste everyone's time and money for the wedding by breaking up with hi, HE DID. He lied for 6 years, and tried to use the wedding as a moment of pressure for her to sign away her beliefs and frankly her agency. He is responsible for the failing of this marriage, not her.
EXACTLY he is a conniving snake and cowardly for switching up at the last second without giving her agency, a big "F you" for anyone who victim blamed her please
What do you mean? What else should a marriage be built upon if not blatant lies and deception? /S
yeah it really bothered me when Chance said it sounds like she would’ve been open to a discussion about it, like the name thing wasn’t that important to her after all. No, what it sounds like is that she felt backed into a corner by his lies and manipulation, and was trying to convince herself that her boundaries don’t matter because the alternative was public humiliation. ugh
I just wish there is an update to it
She need to file an annulment! The manipulation tactics would get worst! He the type to want kids and leave her with all the raising to do anyway!
"what was your wife like?" is curiosity. her question was nothing if not insecurity
YES. I would hope with everything in me that if my fiance’s first wife was still alive they’d still be together because that says that he believes in working on relationships. It sounds like she was hoping he’d say “I don’t know” or “No, because I wouldn’t have met you.” She had to go.
i feel like her curiosity did turn into insecurity. which i completely understand. i honestly would’ve been so upset if my spouses mom acted surprised that i was able to create a “spark” like he had with his dead wife. that comment was honestly out of pocket and would’ve made me feel very insecure. i still wouldn’t have said what she said, and if i did i would’ve immediately apologized. i think the fiancé felt so insecure and she was so upset that it was hard for her to see her own wrongs because she was too busy focusing on theirs.
Exactly, big agree.
Didn't understand the one guy justifying that behaviour. But then he used his zodiac sign as a reason, someone might ask something like this out of "curiosity". No need to know more
@@IndestructibleMandelbrot yeah I love Chance but that was braindead…
Yeah @@allisoncastle, now that I've seen a couple more of these, I gotta admit, he is one of the funniest ^^
But Shayne really is the only one who consistently has good takes imo
"Im so grateful to get to be a part of the wonderful family she helped to build" would've been a million times better of a response. Showing respect for the mother while expressing the same sentiment that you are happy with how things ended up.
Thank goodness she responded the way she did otherwise he would still be with her and he wouldn’t have a relationship with his children, who are the only part he really has left of her.
She didn’t say that cause that’s not how she felt
With all due respect, it wasn’t one thing she said, it was 2. First, “if your wife was alive, would u choose me over her.” Second, “I’m glad she’s dead.” He needs to leave her. Period.
Honey if his wife was alive you would have never even met him. There’s your answer
Especially because OP said she asked it multiple times. If he didn’t want to answer it the first time, stop asking
Saying it to the rest of the family is bad, but saying it in front of the woman's children is disgusting. I'm not a violent person, but if I were one of those children, I don't know if I could have made myself just walk out.
And I'm going to add that it wasn't 2 things she said, it was 3. The second half of "I'm glad she's dead" was "so I get you all to myself." Part of what I do for work is subtext analysis, and the subtext I hear in that second half is "even if your first wife was still alive, I would've tried to insert myself into your relationship. She's dead, so that just makes it less work on my end. I get what I want without her in my way." Now, I fully acknowledge that subtext analysis can be subjective, but based on everything we learned about Amanda, I would be surprised if it was anything less.
She clearly just wanted to be #1 in that man's life and could not handle that he had ever loved anyone else. She needs to get some support and help for herself if her insecurities are that strong to overtake her judgment on such a sensitive topic.
To make it clear, the fiancée of the widower in story 3 is definitely insecure and not just curious lol
And it was NOT a joke.
the idea of being curious about it doesn't make any sense to me. it's like asking if they hadn't broken up with their last partner if they'd still be with them.... like yeah dude what are you talking about
Yep very insecure it's also an evil thing to say,as Reddit loves to say,she is jealous of a corpse
@@RatEatRat"Would you have cheated on your wife with me if she weren't dead?"
There is nothing wrong with being curious and I don’t think it’s so abnormal BUT ASKING?!?! That is wild to me.
1:07:55 Arasha hit the nail on the head with that one. I started seeing a therapist after I had a rough breakup and the first words he said to me were "You are understandably grieving. You are experiencing the death of a relationship, a friendship, and a future you had been planning, and that's worthy of being called 'grief'."
When i tell you I froze when Shayne read out what the new fiancé said about the dead wife at the dinner, in front of her step children. That’s not her place nor the time
not just her step kids but the dead ladys parents too
That made my stomach drop
@@babypower14It was his parents but the mother’s sister.
The scariest part is that it was a non-joke. She *is* happy about it.
@@m00nrac00nExactly. I'm not sure what people don't understand.
This is the first time I disagree with Chance 29:12
It is 100% an insecurity thing, there is no “curiosity” for that type of question it is selfish and shows how insecure you are. If you are die hard “It’s curiosity!!” It’s a self delusion to make yourself feel better and justify yourself. It’s insecurity for sure.
Nevermind I just disagree with Chance on this whole story, that’s a bummer. Trying to say “Was it really evil?” Yes. It was Evil and Selfish. If they meant it that way, she would’ve worded it WAYYY different than. “IM GLAD SHE DIED CUZ NOW I GET HIM >:3” like…. grow up girl.
@rammy6349 it was definitely pretty awful.
yeah i also disagree with chanse here, not even wording it better change it's meaning and intent. And the thing is, she's not even trying to replace the kids' mother or even recognizing or respecting their existence, she just want the father all to herself at that point.
Story 3 is egregious. This is piping hot insecurity and such to the level that she's jealous and threatened by the memory of a deceased woman. She needs therapy, lots of it.
He seemed very defensive during that whole story tbh
The guy from the wedding license story is the kind of guy that would poke a hole in all his condoms and not tell her so she “accidentally” gets pregnant.
@@people2chronically-online you're ridiculous if thats what you take away from her comment. Nowhere did she generalize or imply hatred of men, just pointed out that he fits the character of someone who would do something that disgusting.
@@people2chronically-online ok, explain then, explain where she said boo men
@@people2chronically-online actually never mind you’re obviously a ragebait account, have a good day
@@people2chronically-online thank you for proving my point
@@meiicougenuine question; what's the difference (if any) between a rage bait[er] and a troll?
the story about the marriage license is solid proof that telling women to "pick better men" is a nonexistent argument. he played a role for SIX YEARS before showing his true colors. she had no reason to not believe him, especially after having multiple conversations about these topics. hope she finds someone who will truly respect her and her values.
Imo op needs to examine how this man lade her change or compromise on other, smaller choices and decisions tbh
EXACTLY. The switch-up is so real, and we could fill cemeteries with the women who "picked better" and STILL got screwed over. I know people like to relegate that sort of thing to Lifetime movies and telenovelas, but I know so many stories (online and IRL) of people acting like sleeper agents -- waiting until the woman is cornered to go mask-off. And I'm already seeing comments down here to the effect of "she should have chosen better" or "he probably never agreed and she just assumed". Like ... she laid out her terms. She said no. And "NO" is a complete sentence.
@@beafraid5467 True, the groundwork and foreshadowing for betrayals like this are usually laid well in advance. These are things she'll be able to pick up in hindsight more easily, I don't blame her for missing the signs. SIX years, and that man didn't break character. So gross.
@@beafraid5467 do you genuinely believe women should have to analyze every moment, interaction and decision they've ever made in a relationship? like women have to be hypervigilant from the first date, otherwise they deserve what happens to them? that's more reasonable to you than men simply being better people and not victim blaming?
@@sweetembrace6706I'm going to take the high road and assume that's not what they meant. I'm thinking they are telling the OP that she should look back on any previous decisions they made together to make sure they were decisions she wanted, and not things she got tricked into compromise.
Story 3 was insane. “I didn’t expect to raise a dead woman’s kids for my whole life”
It’s HIS kids too! If you don’t want a relationship with the kids, don’t date and get engaged with their dad, living in their house. Seriously Reddit Amanda was insane.
Just for fun, I’ll play devils advocate (about the raising kids part). Son is a grown man, and the daughter is on her way to be coming a grown woman. Amanda doesn’t need their love (just their like) and there is nothing wrong with them Just thinking that’s my dad‘s new wife and they love each other/are happy. She might also think it’s normal to move off when you’re 18 and going to college (which the majority of kids do in America).
So that part is easy, what she said at the dinner table was f’d up
Exactly. I'm childfree so I avoid men with kids or who want kids. It's not hard.
They were already in college, she wouldn’t have had to worry about raising them.
@@pkt86737 moving out at 18 isn't as normal now as it used to be. These kids have also gone through a trauma and it is so understandable if they want to go to the local college to be close to their only remaining parent. The dad said he was fine with his son living with him through college and after, and that probably goes for the daughter too. I'm sure the ex-fiancee knew that, at some point, since it sounds like she was present while they were discussing the son moving out.
Also, if she met the kids 2 years ago, then the daughter was only 14. She wasn't, and still isn't, basically an adult.
@@roygbiv9038 the son was already in college, the daughter was only 14 when they were introduced.
Watching these back and realizing Shane is NOT single, making his relationship advice make so much more sense is hilarious to me. I remember watching this when it came out and jokingly thinking "wow, shane has a lot of wisdom about relationships for someone who's been single for such a long time" 😂😂😂
Lmfaoooo same 😂 I remember watching these and thinking wow shayne's mind is so attractive, whoever gets to date him one day is a lucky person
That's what I remember thinking too, like "wow, so insightful, being single gave him time to reflect and grow and learn" which I'm sure it did to a degree, but I imagine being in a committed relationship did a lot more in the regard of learned experience lmao
@margauxcy right?! Like it was the wisdom of a person in a successful relationship which made me 🤔🤔
Arasha has the most level-headed responses of anybody in the history of this show. She died an amazing job of seeing both sides of these situations and not just shouting out condemnation. Thank you Arasha
@pardonmyexistence7113 wow dude thanks
She's the best this video.
@@pardonmy_existencedied*
@@megbrianne3330 😆 😂
Only semi-related to your typo, but I would love to see an Arasha funeral roast right after an Angela one (she's my fave but Arasha is a close second of the newer cast).
arasha is very insightful, i like that she brought nuance into her takes and tried to understand why people do bad things but without excusing them
Yes, particularly the part about where the one dude who asked for the hand in marriage way too soon could be from a culture or place in the world where he believes he is operating within the bounds of normalcy.
Seconded
True I liked that a lot. Bad behaviour can appear for a multitude of reasons. That doesn't excuses it of course but it's still important to see why it happened
yes!! she needs to be in more reddit storytimes
She'd be a great social worker, honestly. It can be hard to empathize with people we see as wrong or bad, so seeing her do it so naturally is incredible.
Something I love about this series is that they're not just reading the stories, they're also commenting on them and depending on who they have on the show drastically changes how it is and after this episode, I can say Arasha is one of the best. They're all good for their own unique reasons but Arasha brings such a level head to these stories and that is one of the best and hardest things you can do in this series.
There has been a few things she was VERY off with (no one is perfect tbf) But for the most part she seems pretty level headed.
what baffles me about the 3rd story is that amanda said that in front of the dead wife's SISTER
Okay I kept thinking that as well and was like why is no one mentioning her!
And her KIDS
Genuinely surprised the sister in law didn’t start swinging
finally, our weekly bedtime stories with shayne
YESS
Bedtime stories at 1pm 😂😂😂
@@loveli420hey, it's bedtime for me, I work 3rd shift! Lol
6pm here. Bedtime!
@@IceArceus_I was about to make this comment 😂 me too! Good night❤😂
When they mentioned that 25 is still super young and Shayne said that he thought it was all over when he was 25 actually really resonated with me. I've been experiencing a lot of panic and depression over not having my life together at this point but hearing him say that made me feel a lot better. Realistically I'm in a good situation, like I live at home, my parents are awesome, I don't pay rent, I'm working on a degree, and I have a part time job, but my brain likes telling me that I'm a loser and I should be successful by now lol
I'm turning 25 in a few weeks and have been feeling so much the same way! I'm trying to work through those feelings too, but I think we're both doing just fine, so best of luck to you and your degree!
Thinking that I should be successful by now is painfully relatable 😔
Don't you worry, you are doing great, just be gentle to yourself. And remember everyone has a different path. ❤
ME TOO 💖
Gods, I feel this so much PLUS a bad relationship drained me of my savings (car payments for my car that they used 98% of the time while letting myself be encouraged to rest and be taken care of--AKA no income)
But it's only been a 6 months since the separation and I'm trying to be kind to myself
Even when I have several bad days in a row ❤️🩹
I’d love an episode with Damien and Arasha. They are both so well spoken and emotionally intelligent in these discussions.
Totally agree
Seriously! That’s a great idea
omg, that’d be great 💓💓
General petition for more Damien.
Yes!!! This!!
For that third story, the ONLY thing worse that could have been said was "Oh btw I WAS the drunk driver that killed your wife, surprise!"
Ooh that would be a great plot for a psychological thriller!
@@janine2957 omg you're totally right!
There actually IS one. It was awhile back and the woman married a man not knowing he killed her husband in a drunk driving accident (He left the scene)
@@foo8327 WHAT WHERE
oh that's some K-drama shit
The first one was definitely a case of he doesn't know his girl at all. Asking the parents is unique to each person. My sister would have said no if her fiance didn't ask our dad. I would have said no if my husband had asked my dad. Don't marry someone if you don't know them.
FINALLY. I didn't think i would ever come across a comment about the first story. Imo, I don't think the guy was the asshole at all and didn't really like how they just overlooked how the guys' girlfriend and parents reacted. I feel like they were the assholes for not having a conversation with him instead of ruining his proposal plans. The parents could've both asked him questions like "Have you had any conversations about marriage?" Or, even better, simply stated "From what we know of our daughter, she has not put out the notion of wanting to get married just yet. We suggest you sit down and have this conversation so you both know where you lie on the matter before going through with proposing. We'll more than happily have this conversation once we know you two have discussed this." Whether they know each other well enough or not (the parents and the guy), this just seems like a better approach in comparison to what the parents actually did. A proposal IS supposed to be a surprise in some way or another. The parents are the A-Holes
im a queer person and if someone asked my dad if they could marry me i would be PISSED. but im poly and all my partners know me and know i would NOT like that lol. its wild to me that people out here want to marry someone without even knowing something like that about them 🙃 but also the AUDACITY to talk to his gfs parents BEFORE HER about him wanting to marry her, is bizarre af. like to me that is even more sexist than just asking dad for blessing. WILD to include her parents BEFORE HER in such a decision? i just dont understand this guy lol . the parents are awesome for telling the gf, they knew how weird and disrespectful it was to have the convo with them before their daughter…
but yea if someone is old fashioned/traditional and would like someone to ask for their dads blessing, thats totally cool. but imo its still not cool if marriage has NEVER been discussed between the couple before that.
@@loyalixre9326hard disagree!! the parents did the right thing. how would you feel if someone you were dating talked to your parents about marrying you before they talked to you about it? personally i would feel extremely upset and disrespected. my parents know me, and know how i would feel about someone doing something like this. it seems like her parents knew her too, and knew that she was not about his behavior. the parents priority is their daughter, not their daughters bf. the parents knew the couple hadn't discussed marriage before, as she prolly would have talked to her parents about it. they had their daughters back. good parents imo
@@QUEERVEEART I would feel happy that my significant other would go through the trouble of seeking my mother’s approval. Family means everything to me and seeing someone go through the effort of speaking to my family would be the biggest sign of respect shown towards me as it shows he has some level of familial respect.
@@QUEERVEEART and, like the original commenter stated: “asking the parents is unique to each person.” So, you assuming that someone else would have the exact same opinion as you is mind boggling; not everyone thinks the same as you do.
The part that really bothered me about the marriage license story was that the guy's reasoning for changing her last name on the form is that his friends would give him crap for it. Why was the opinion of his friends more important to him than the feelings of the person he was marrying? Lots of women choose not to change their last name and he and his friends should respect that. Gross.
Pure manipulation.
Yeah my mom never changed her last name so when she was giving birth to me, the doctors would send the visitors to the wrong room because they would use my dad’s last name rather than her maiden name. I also do have both last names since my mom had her last name
Marriage isn't just individualistic, it is families merging and also collectivist. Move beyond a western point of view.
@@dudeorduuude5211sure, but the name thing is stupid
@dudeorduuude5211 booo if it really was merging families don't choose one name, choose a new name - Mr and Mrs Nighthawk
Arasha deserves all the success in Hollywood. Not only is she the Queen of Lies but she was such a voice of reason in this episode.
She can do it all, from sincerity to deception. What a talent.
Truly, she is a gem. I know the running gag before was putting Arasha in a Marvel movie, but honestly? I think she would make an amazing Bond, Bond girl or Bond villain😂 All the fancasting!
She would be great in the F&F series haha
@Marvel edit: OKAY, ABSOLUTELY YES TO THE COMMENTS ABOVE MINE!!!
Agreed! It’s very easy to dogpile in a lot of these situations, but she tries to see all sides while also not excusing some of these behaviors either. It’s one thing to be intelligent but she’s also wise.
Imagine holding back from talking about planning your own wedding on the wedding episode 😂 poor Shayne
Arasha's emotions and sympathy/empathy is breathtaking, helps me see the good in the world. Love her
22:39 this is the point she became my favorite cast member
Too emotional
@@people2chronically-online Can you explain?
@@people2chronically-online No such thing, its better to be emotional then completely cold and without any emotion
@@dylanburton4955 nope, there’s a balance you’re just not finding soyboy
As someone who lost his father VERY RECENTLY, if my mom were ever to get into a new relationship and the new man said anything remotely close to that, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from hurting him. My sister and I are both in our 30s, but if anyone ever told me they were happy my father died, I might go to prison.
yup, this right here, lost my mom two years ago and if anyone said anything like that id be seeing RED and swinging recklessly
@@cc.achilles my dad’s been gone for close to 2 months. I’m not ready for it to be 2 years. But I promise, no matter how long it’s been, I’ll never tolerate someone disrespecting the man my dad was.
I'm sorry for your loss
Yep! also I’m very sorry for your loss wish I could say something more but I know nothing can really help. Therapy helps me a lot but I’m not saying you need it just that it can be helpful when coping with loss if you were open to it. Wishing the best for you
YES!! SAME!! AGREED!!
I totally agree that someone shouldn't be forced to change their name just because of marriage. I did personally for 2 reasons; I was not interested in keeping my father's surname as we have no contact, and my partner's surname is objectively cool 😂 My sister in law and her husband conjoined their surnames, not double barrelled but joined Wild and Smith to make Wildsmith. I love that so much.
The guy in story 2 was definitely hoping for social pressure to sway her decision,she’s smart for pretending like she signed it and not making a “scene”.
Exactly!! The fact that this "Fred" person was so sneaky as to COVER THE FORM with his hand?!? OP is much better than me. I know she didn't want to make a scene, and that's completely valid and the smarter way to play it. Me though? I wouldn't JUST make a scene. I would make a whole 3 act play with intermissions and several curtain calls. He really tried to pull a fast one on two major fronts (her name and her family planning).
Nope. She always said I, I, I and me, me, me.
She probably told him they weren't having kids and took it as him agreeing.
@@julieannewaller7541If he disagrees he should speak tf up.
@@julieannewaller7541 While I don't blame her for being taken in, I do agree with you. I think he fed her what she wanted to hear. What tends to get overlooked in cases like these is how the wool is actually being pulled over the eyes. And its sad to say but: it's easy to fake a desirable personality and parrot back what a person wants to hear when you essentially hold up a mirror for the other person (in this case OP) to stare into. In all likelihood, he probably just smiled and nodded, all the while waiting for her guard to drop. We'll never know for sure. Either way: she made her terms clear and in good faith. That should have been enough.
Shes allowed to decide what she wants to do with her life and if she wants kids or his last name, if he had an issue he should've been upfront, stop blaming the victim when she did everything right in this situation and was upfront and honest and clearly tried to make sure they were on the same page.@@julieannewaller7541
arasha is an absolutely top tier guest on reddit stories. the way she engages with everything is so generous and kind, while still being incredibly wise
shes genuinely so pretty and has an amazing personality! i wish she was on more of them
@@donatellopurple_Fr 😣
this video showing up on my feed after "shaynes big secret" smosh mouth episode is just-
In the second story, It’s not that she was open to taking his last name it’s that she’s feeling so much pressure she’s now questioning whether her values are worth ending things even though their friends and families invested in them and that is EXACTLY what he is banking on.
Exactly
Exactly. And as women, we are always pressured and conditioned to put everyone else's needs over ours. Even the most vocal have their doubts. It's natural if you keep hearing that you are meant to accommodate others.
The third story is about insecurity. The question of would you be with your deceased partner is based on two different realities. Had the wife not passed, yes they would probably be together, but Amanda is living in a reality where the wife passed and basing her insecurities on that. Had the wife not passed there would be a whole new reality where he most likely would have never entered into Amanda's life and she wouldn't even know she lost anything. To ask that question is complete insecurity and I think Chanse is off the mark to think it's just a curiosity because it's an unanswerable question that could never satisfy a curiosity
Exactly! And I feel any normal stable person knows this!
I like the way Shayne dresses, sometimes it’s like a lumberjack vibe sometimes a nice little cuffed pant. Like a new flavor each video
Exactly what Arasha said around 35:50. Her insecurities were greater than her judgement, and that is dangerous, especially when kids are involved.
With the “I’m glad she died one” I can easily put myself in ‘Liz’s’ shoes because my dad died when I was 9 after a years long illness. If my mom ever dated someone who said they were glad my dad died in front of me I would have been gutted. My mom also would have kicked his ass to the curb immediately.
Yeah, the fact that the dad had to ask his SON for advice on this situation and relationship as a whole is really inappropriate imo.
@@beafraid5467
I don't think that's really fair
@@McBehrer It is. His son might be a grown man but hearing that someone is glad your mother died is going to struck you whether you are 5 or 50, then 3 days later your dad is asking you if he should stay with the woman who said she's glad YOUR MOTHER died?? The hesitation shows he doesn't have his priorities straight: unless your kids are in the wrong or straight up evil, kids always come before a partner.
I’m in the same situation right now. I suspect that my dad is dating someone and it terrifies me. Listening to stories that have evil stepparents is not helping me. It’s been about 4 years since my mom died and while I’ve ‘moved on’, and even said that I wouldn’t mind my dad dating someone else, the thought of it actually happening is scary. What if the person turns out to be like that?
@@beafraid5467exactly, as someone whose parents come for advice sometimes and even have to act as their mediator in their relationship, that's an inappropriate thing to do. I get that sometimes parents get into desperate situations but that's not what you should do, especially if the situation involves your children like in this story, your deceased wife is also your son's mother, you put your kid in the spot by asking his opinion on that situation.
it makes so much sense now
“I would rather have my kids happy and healthy than have a wife” so many divorced or widowed fathers do not feel the same. It’s so refreshing to see a dad who actually sacrifices his wants and needs for his children (even if they’re grown)
I’m not really on the “great dad” bandwagon tbh. Leaving it 3 days is way too long. Also, the kids clearly didn’t feel like they had the option to communicate to them about how Amanda was treating them - to me, that suggests that he initially failed to reassure them that he would put them first, and that he sounds always be willing and open to hearing whatever they had to say about Amanda
I wouldn’t lump together divorced dads and widower dads in this, though that’s just my experience. The only widower dads I know are 100% devoted to their kids and have zero interest in any other women. But then again if you are meeting these people by dating them you are not going to meet the widowers who swing that way because they aren’t on the market. They are also deeply traumatized and not over it at all, which of course influences their parenting, along with the extreme difficulty of being a single parent in the first place.
Yes!! My widowed dad did not feel the same unfortunately :c
@@aftwragefghnyjunhyagf3 days is an alright time period. This is still a woman he loved romantically for four(?) years, and he needed to think about it. It's okay to take the time to process and figure out what it is you want to do or what you CAN do in this situation.
@@fenzelianA lot of divorced/widowed parents in general, honestly. Like my mom.
Chase is wrong. Asking if you'd be with someone if their dead wife was alive is insecure as fuck. Asking questions like that is ALWAYS seen as insecure and y'all should do some soul searching on why you want to know that.
Yeah, was just looking to see if anyone commented it. It's not a curiosity, obviously if his wife hadn't tragically died they wouldn't be with you cause they would be with there now not dead spouse... come on
Yeah. Like there is a fair point in just we don't know how she said it. She could very well be a person who likes dark humor and just can't read a room, but…yeah no. The "all to myself" addition to that comment really kinda cemented the insecurity thing from the get-go.
I think Chanse is projecting a bit tbh.
the answer to that question is ALWAYS "No!" If his wife was still alive, then he would still be a married man.
It was insecurity, but, I'd say her asking that probably has something to do with the fact that any interaction she has with the family members is based on the dead wife. She is not allowed to get close to the children because the thought of replacement is still in their head. The mom comparing her to the dead wife was most likely a recurring thing.
Arasha was so well spoken and full of empathy in her answers. She also is just so pretty and has such a soothing voice, could listen to this podcast for hours :)
The "refused to sign my marraige license" story was so scary. He was pretending and tried to manipulate her into his own way. That could easily spiral. Next he could be poking holes into the condom, making her feel bad for going out with her friends so much, be angry she spends more time with her family than his and then all of a sudden after all these "little" things she'll find herself deep in an abusive relationship whether it be physical abuse, mental, or both.
OP’s mom: “I’m happy you were able to find the spark you had with Kayla, with someone else!”
OP’s fiancée: “I’m happy she died.”
What DEMON possessed you to say that??? Holy shit
Edit: first time I’ve ever gotten more than 1000 likes on a comment. thanks!
EXACTLY out of all the possible combinations of words she chose literally the worst ones😭. She could have said something like "im sure she was a wonderful person" or something 😭😭
fiancée*
The demon was just her curiosity lol
Right?! I was sitting here, jaw on the floor like babe ... that is not the "Yes, and -" you think it is!
@@McBehrer fiancée*
I love how 99% of these stories could be summed up to: "People need to talk before doing anything"
Talking does no good if people are lying to you about their intentions.
I know Chanse said he would have asked that as a curiosity, but I'm inclined to believe the majority of people, including this woman, are insecure. And good on the son for the way he handled it.
It's very much curiosity rooted in insecurity.
I also don't buy that chanse wouldn't ask it out of insecurity 😂 like what's there even to ask? Obviously the answer is no, I wouldn't be with you if my wife was still alive.
Yeah if your wife didn’t die would you have either broken up with or cheated on her is extremely insecure. Bit of copium from Chanse here.
also, that question coming from a place of curiosity almost makes it more wrong to me. You're asking your partner to contemplate whether they would have either left or cheated on their dead partner for you, to satisfy curiosity? incredibly insensitive at best and genuinely cruel at worst.
@@play-foolexactly what I was thinking. Curiosity for what exactly? I’m a naturally curious person too but getting him to answer a very obvious question about his dead wife achieves what exactly? I’m not sure what there is to be curious about. The only curious questions I pose about my partners exes is about them. Like “do you think if you stayed together, you would’ve moved to this state?” Asking it about yourself inherently seems selfish at best, insecure and selfish at worst. And most emotionally mature people would expect and hope the answer to the question would be no. I’d judge my partner more if the immediate answer isn’t no
Yeah Chance, that question definitely comes from a place of insecurity because of course the answer in any right mind would be 'yeah, we'd be together if a DRUNK DRIVER HADN'T KILLED HER'
I’m so confused by his stance in that…like why would you ever want to ask that question? That’s not even remotely how you ask that 😭 you could just as easily ask “when you first started dating would you say I fit your type or you just fell for me?” Something like that….
I’m so sorry about the girl who got groomed in the second to last story. I’ve been there girlie. The heartbreak will pass, then be replaced by anger, then freedom.
The marriage license one kills me. I classify as NB, but back then I did not, and I married a guy I'd been friends with 6 years before we ever got together. We'd discussed EVERYTHING and were both non-traditional. As soon as we got married, he pressured me heavily to change my last name, wanted me to perform the classic 'housewife' role, all that shit. It was like he was a different person.
I'm sorry that happened to you, I can only imagine the sting of that betrayal.
I had a friend where a similar situation happened to them. Luckily, they had a close relationship with their family and were able to leave the situation with the help of their support. I hope you were able to also have support during that time.
@@MrTyJJ❤glad they escaped
This is slightly of tangential to your story but it reminds me of the recent news of a certain rideshare company pitching something along the lines of “safe drivers for women” saying that the drivers would be female or NB….which like…clearly we’re still at this point where NB people as a whole are very much put into female categories and masc NB people aren’t really recognized at all :(
I'm so sorry you were betrayed like that
I would like to formally and humbly ask if Arasha can be a part of these more often. Her insight is amazing, she's so understanding and wise, and she's always fun to watch. She's super funny and has a good outlook on things
I used to work at the UPS store and was pulled from the back to be a witness in a wedding like that :) it was so so sweet and they were so happy. It's such a convenient notary location!
Arasha is really one of my favorite people to see on this show. She just speaks so beautifully and hits all the right points. Y'all should have her on here more!!
I just wish she used "subconsciously" and not "unconsciously" for all of the third story 😂
@@AF-mn9vvit’s used interchangeably
KIDS over Girlfriend every damn time. She crossed a really really big line saying that at all, even worse at a family dinner.
Even worse that the deceased woman’s PARENTS were there
@HinataElyonToph it was his parents.
Rewatching this episode again and I just want to say, I appreciate Arasha's perspective so much throughout each of the stories, how she acknowledges that "just leave" isn't as simple and easy as outside perspectives make it seem. She kept pointing out how there's years of history of good memories, and the sudden shift in a partner is so jarring, it doesn't immediately sever the emotional connection you have had to this person for a long time, and probably STILL have to them despite seeing them in a new light.
Don't get me wrong, 99% of the time when Shayne or someone else says "oh that's over, they need to leave immediately" I'm also yelling at my phone "nope, get out, run girl!" and fully in agreement. But I just really liked the more gentle sympathy Arasha was presenting as well. One side encouraging OP to have a better life, ready to move on and continue into the future with less toxicity in your life; the other side mourning the past, acknowledging the loss felt (time, love, safety in this other person) and the distortion in their reality that they are currently grappling with. Both perspectives are needed for healing and a full picture of the relationship, so I'm happy that we got both in this video!
Everyone on reddit stories is amazing, but Arasha is just so insanely well spoken with every single story and more. Like i just enjoy listening to anything she says because truly shes just brilliant.
For story number 3, I'm 21 and my father absolutely married that woman after my mum passed. I can't express how devastating it is to go through and I'm so happy that those kids have a father that truly puts then above everyone and everything. Its truly selfless and what real parents do. So much love to that family I hope they can rebuild and continue to have a strong relationship. ❤
I’m so sorry 😞. I’m sending you a hug. ❤
As for the widower story, the woman's curiosity is obviously rooted in insecurity.
The fact that she said out loud that she's thankful the wife is dead so she can have him heavily indicates she doesn't actually care for his children, merely waiting for the daughter to move out.
Kudos to Arasha in this episode. We all like to have fun with the “Queen of Lies” bit, but it’s easy to forget she’s very intelligent and wise…yes, there’s a difference. She doesn’t throw sides under the bus or go off initial reactions. She tries to take multiple factors into account while also having empathy for everyone. She’s also aware other parts of the world are different, but is never disrespectful or dismissive of that. She doesn’t excuse some of these drastic behaviors, but she doesn’t condemn, either. We don’t have a lot of that in this world.
Kudos to Arasha for her insight and wisdom!
Honestly the way she articulated made me see how level headed and empathetic she is
No offense, but I actually thought she was a bit gullable/uneducated at times, as most of these are about men and control and power over women. The fact that Chance had to spell out to her that asking a woman’s dad for marriage is like asking to take his property from him and now assuming the dad role, and her shocked reaction, tells me that she unfortunately knows very little about the history and meaning of these “traditions”.
@@mchlle94 Chanse and Arasha are both gen z, but I think it's more to do with upbringing? I'm asian born and raised so I'm still more than less surrounded by traditionally minded people who probably means well, just didn't know any better or was told of options, so I can see the empathy Arasha is giving.
Tbf it takes high emotional intelligence to successfully lie 😅
I'm glad arasha is on here. She understands the cultural differences between people
Having her on smosh rocks fr
She just understands how to empathize well with people. Most of the time, the cast members on here are just talking from their preconceptions and biases. There was one episode where a dude was having his privacy disrespected by his roommate's girlfriend in his room, and confronted her on it multiple times and was not taken seriously. They tried to say that he was in the wrong because she walked in on him while he was sleeping naked on top of the covers. Even other comments on the video agreed, if the roles were reversed and a guy was barging in on a woman's room without respecting her privacy and she pulled a similar stunt, everyone would be in defense of her privacy from the creepy disrespectful guy.
@@ThePi314Man I rmr that video and i think you're recalling it wrong, i think they said it was a bit of an weird thing to like expose himself but that it was also warranted and that the girl was in the wrong
Yep. Where other cast members come at some of these situations from modern thinking (which, let me be absolutely clear isn’t a bad thing), Arasha has a timeless mindset to look at all sides and evaluate the situation. It’s like other cast remembers will go off emotion and biases while she lets the whole scenario play out and take it from there.
@@ThePi314Man Yeah, dont' worry, EVERYONE in the comments were getting after Court and Damien for that. They usually have pretty good takes but even as a lady myself I gotta say that was just an L take. Especially since I can relate to the guy, I have a lot of experience with family just barging into my room without knocking.
Hearing the marriage license story and the podcast asshole story was crazy for me. I have not one but TWO good friends who married someone who appeared to be wonderful and on the same page as them, and then immediately after marriage the husbands became entirely different, awful people. My friends are both intelligent people, they had years with their partners before marriage, no one saw it coming. I can't believe this tragic situation has happened to this many people. And both of my friends felt so much shame to the point they almost told no one and feared judgement from even their closest loved ones. My heart breaks for anyone who's been through that, and I hope anyone who has was able to safely leave the situation.
we need an arasha and damien reddit stories,,, the empathy would be bursting at the seams fr fr
I love Damien too! I love everyone who goes on here but Damien is one of my favorites, and Arasha of course...I think there is one guy I like least though he's fine....it's not Chance, I adore him, even though he was off on the whole "Gemini" think (I think he meant his mind would totally go there...I don't think he believes Amanda had a right to make it OP's problem or later, as we found out, the kids problem too).
The marriage certificate guy is DISGUSTING. Shouldn't even be a question to pack up without a word and RUN from that man. Usain Bolt from that man immediately.
"usain bolt" is odeeeeeee lmfao
Why is this such an issue to have your husband’s last night ? Like seriously?
@@D1991-r3n Why is it such an issue that your wife doesn't want your last name? Like seriously?
@@D1991-r3nwhy is it an issue for him to not respect his wife's wishes? If he cannot deal with her differing view, the relationship is over. Point blank.
@@BoomerchocolateCake lol so what’s next, it’s going to be a issue if a man opens, the door , if a man checks the oil in a car. Women want to be men so bad until it’s not convenient for them anyone’s 😂
The second story reminds me of my manager's marriage. I was confused for a while, because the way she would talk about her family was sort of odd, and I eventually found out that she is still in love with the father of her kids and never left the relationship, but they are divorced. They were together for over a decade and already raising kids when they decided they may as well tie the knot, but once they did so, her husband was a completely different person, expecting all these wifely behaviors from her and treating her like property. Out of NOWHERE. So she was like, I'm not having this, I want a divorce!
And once they were divorced, her partner went back to normal??!?!? Idk how you can trust again after a shift like that, but it was as if the certificate and wedding rings were the cursed items poisoning her partner's mind. Something about that social stigma, man.
It is KILLING me that there isn't an update to the second story. I hope OP is okay and got the hell out of that relationship.
These stories really drive home how easy it is to end up in an abusive relationship. It can happen to anyone.
absolutely love how insightful and emotionally intelligent Arasha is
15:36 that's so manipulative. Putting his hand over the certificate to try to TRICK her. And Arasha is right, that is such a heartbreaking scene to imagine. Betrayal from the person you trust most in the world, not recognizing the person you loved is so painful.
Chanse saying "Ally" to Shayne's "reference" is so funny
Oh my god I loled 😭😭
Can you explain 😅. I'm dumb didn't get it
@@caaltagai think it's because it was a musical reference, and queer ppl liking musical theatre is a common stereotype/trend (source: i'm queer and love musicals lol). so chanse was jokingly saying that shayne, a cishet man, making a musical reference and engaging with something that some consider queer culture proves that he's an ally. it's a silly joke! ☺️
I love these guys so much. Breaking stigmas and being hilarious while doing it. When all our favorite celebrities are likely on the Diddy list, and all the biggest TH-camrs are being exposed… It’s nice to watch this 😂
Arasha is so good on the show. I love her insight and commentary. She’s very wise for her age and I feel very engaged when she speaks
As the son of a widow myself, it filled me with absolute rage Chance's stance.
You NEVER make those type of jokes at all, specially with the family of the deceased nor you ask the other questions in that way. Insecurity is a b and I get that, but its such a level of disrespect I find it hard to have any empathy
He never said the jokes were okay though he does think the joke was bad he agreed with everyone on that, he just gave her way too much credit thinking her intention was just curiosity.
@@rannaartha5951 also with him saying maybe Amanda pushing the kids out was "encouragement". no. no it's not. could THOSE WORDS be encouragement? sure. but that's NOT what this is. and Chase's whole attitude toward this and trying to have this idea that Amanda was good natured when she's very clearly not was weird. She didn't apologize. She openly admitted how awful she was. There were clues the whole way leading up to the big reveal.
yeah he definitely had a super weird take on it. like attributing something like that to curiosity and being a gemini made me uncomfy
@@stephaniebaker1975fr like let’s not pretend toxic behavior is quirky curiosity
like no that’s not a Gemini thing, that’s behavior that you need to work on
daughter of a widow-this comment makes me feel so much better because i just left a comment going OFF about chanse’s response. i’m furious.
Arasha is by far the most intelligent smosh member. She makes excellent points and is so good at articulating her opinions!
Girl, if I ever dish out a ton of money to attend a friend's wedding and it blows up in a short amount of time, I'd dish out more money again just to make my friend feel better. It ain't about the money sis
Also, I’d have dished out a ton of money to go to a wedding with a crazy story and a wild twist. That drama and story Yu could retell alone would be worth the cost. Lol
I was literally thinking about the story of the man talking to his wife’s passed husband. That “I’m glad she died” woman is like the exact opposite of that story.
Do you remember which episode it is or who were the guests?
@@samstarba4569it was the "Wholesome Stories Only" episode from a couple of months ago
@@samstarba4569 wholesome stories with Thomas Sanders, second story :)
@@samstarba4569 I believe it was the wholesome stories episode w/ Thomas Sanders.
@@wrightcore3367 Ooh, ok, I probably skipped that! Well, now I have another episode to listen. :)
For those watching after 4/1/2024, check out 3:49 . “From what I’ve… 😅 known.” Mhm.
a proposal is never really a surprise.
but a marriage is a surprise to the fans
the dude who was a widower deserves a "best dad ever" mug. He just handled that perfectly, is not often that a redditor is sensible and smart, this man had his priorities straight and did not shy away from the responsibilities he has. Im sure he will have a new partner in no time, a man like that is highly sought after, but for the moment, is great that he gets to focus on his kids for a while, as they transition from kids into adults.
It sounds like Kayla and OP had a wonderful relationship and were a wonderful parent team. OP is wide open to advice and improvement and is fearlessly caring for their children even after she is gone. Some families fall apart, the pain is so awful and it leaves a huge hole in the family. It's not fair to the kids. OP should know he deserves better, much better, than Amanda. He's high-quality relationship material and there are many women out there who would appreciate that about him and continue to support that in him. Fork that drunk driver, fork Amanda, and good job Dad and kids.
Well... it took him 3 years to realize that his kids were being disrespected and pushed out of their own home. Can you imagine being 13-16 years old and having to deal with not only a dead mom but also an evil step mom? Dad really came around but his children had to suffer for 3 years because of his blindness
Story 3 was ABSOLUTELY 100% an insecurity thing, no doubt about it. And if it was in any way a curiosity thing (which again I HIGHLY doubt) I still don’t think it’s appropriate to bring up, at least with him. Like what response was she hoping to get from him? That whole story was disgusting, why can’t you just be happy you’re with him now.
for the third story, my pov is “don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to” because i asked wayyyy too many questions about my ex’s exes and the answers always made me feel worse, not better. she never should’ve been asking those questions in the first place because she should already know the answer, and taking it so far ruined the relationship
“I’m happy that she’s dead” is a wild way to phrase any joke about someone close to someone you love
I’ve never seen a worse take from Chanse. Asking that question is inappropriate because she’s asking “Would you have cheated on your now dead wife if she had lived?” TF?!
Also, she said “I’m glad she’s dead!” If my wife (who is also the love of my life) died and I somehow found it in me to get married again. And 6 years later a woman I was engaged to said “I’m glad she died” I would be single again immediately. AND IN FRONT OF THE KIDS! Saying “I’m glad your mom died so I could have your dad all to myself” is CRASS and UNHINGED.
No. He would not be the AH for ending that engagement and that is not up for debate.
Yeah I like Chanse but that left a weird taste in my mouth.
Exactly, like what is even the point of asking your partner that question at all? What answer are you expecting or hoping to hear? “Yes babe, if my wife who I loved wasn’t tragically killed, I would have ditched her anyways to be with you”… It is 100% insecurity. There is nothing to be “curious” over, the answer is OBVIOUSLY no. That’s the type of thought you keep to yourself or talk about with a therapist, not say to your partner.
Not sure why Chanse had a strong stance about that, i like him but he has odd takes on this show sometimes
i love hearing arasha talk out her thoughts. she so honest and empathetic and she really picked up on a lot of points that were overlooked
I love Arasha so much, she is so compassionate!!! Love having her on this show
Chanse discovering live that he may have insecurity issues through the story of a lady who was so insecure that she's competing with a corpse was not something I expected from this episode, but it was interesting!
I thought that he said, he wouldn't ask because of insecurity but indulging in 'what if's.
@@notmyhairyarmpits And what would drive a person to indulge in a what if that started with "I'm glad your wife is dead," except for insecurity?
the snarky remark is so lame and unnecessary for what the topic is.
Tea. Learning about feelings you previously thought of as something else is tough though. Your subconscious genuinely trying to make you believe its just curiosity, is the type of layers of our mind and identity stuff than can f you up.
@@m00nrac00n True!
I find it funny how people think it’s so bizarre to take a woman’s last name. In many native cultures it has always been the mother last name passed on. Loved this video! Arasha you need to be on these more 😖
"We wont argue if im the only one that can speak" had me so dead
That marriage license story was terrifying. She needs to run and take that unsigned Marriage license with her, especially if they don’t have a prenup, because if he’s willing to manipulate their marriage license like that he’s probably willing to forge her signature (especially since everyone saw her pretend to sign it) to make her leaving him harder and take her assets if there was no prenup.
Oof. Good point
exactly. even if she’s “going somewhere to think it over”, she needs to get out of her living situation and take that licence with her. go to live with family, friends, whatever, just take some clothes, important documents and go!
Look, that post blew up. She got a dozen thousands of comments and a lot of DMs asking for an update. But. She didn't post it. I suspect she gave up under the pressure of friends and relatives and signed it.
@@mirofeyaif she did then that’s absolutely heartbreaking
I'm curious, didn't they each have a witness that can garantee whether the license has been signed or not?
Arasha’s nose is soo pretty. Like i never actually look at these videos i just play them. Her facial features are just so beautiful🥹
I honestly appreciate it so much whenever you guys disagree with each other or simply give alternate even hypothetical viewpoints on something. Please don't feel like you can't do so even when people in the comments take something personally (not to be degrading, genuinely, it's fine) or just plain misunderstand you. You always manage to give insightful commentary on these stories and the effort you put into actually thinking stuff through and discussing it is valuable! There are enough people just clowning on stories like these out there. I just love that there's a space in the Smosh universe for these sometimes very heavy topics too!
I agree!!
I agree. I really appreciate how they approach these stories and the people in them as real people with real lives and consider how the story is just a small piece of the overall relationship. I’m so used to Reddit stories being talked about as if they exist in a vacuum and are black and white. I appreciate the different perspectives that are brought up even if I don’t always agree with them.
I've lost a childhood friend because I found out he listened to "alpha male" podcasts" , I relate to the story because it's heartbreaking to see someone suddenly adhere to such values
The people you think you know the most in the world suddenly being someone you don't recognize is DEVASTATING. I'm sorry that happened.
And when it happens over and over in your life you become me where 90% of therapy sessions relate to trust/and abandonment issues and codependency.
Defriending someone over the type of content they consume is wild.
@@ChrisbeFoSerious I do not regret it a bit since I've since he hasn't gotten better. Also he owed me money lol
@@ChrisbeFoSerious If the content they consume is actively harmful then it's absolutely valid.
@@ChrisbeFoSeriousDefriending someone because they watch sexist content is NOT wild. I assume you’re a tate fanboy 🤡
Oh god. The second lady is LITERALLY, EXACTLY my worst "romance" nightmare situation: A guy who SEEMS to be a decent human being who agrees with all my morals to not only get me to sleep with him, but have a long and serious relationship so it's harder to break out....and THEN, at the freaking LAST SECOND, "By the way, you ARE getting my last name after all and you're TOTALLY having my babies." Those are the two things I LEAST want to do, in a possible relationship. I would feel as betrayed as hell, disgusted, hateful, and never want to date again. Giving my body and heart to a sexist jerk who _really well_ pretended to NOT be a sexist jerk? Oh, god. Worst. Nightmare.
As someone who married a widower I have never or will never ask him if they would still be together if she was still here. That is so out of pocket. Yes my life would be totally different had she not passed and I had I not met him and married him. But I would never say I'm glad she died. 7years later and he is still heartbroken over her passing. We spend holidays with her family and go see her grave often.
I was revived in child labor. I now look at life differently and worry it might happen if i have another baby. Ever since then, I've been worried there are not women like this in the world. Thank you for respecting her memory and letting your husband mourn. I bet he loves you even more for your care, love and respect.
I'm sensing a gross pattern of people waiting to eventually get what they want from their partners in ways that range from abusive to coercive. I hope all of the partners being put in these situations got out.
What I love about the third story is the fact that the son cares about his sister and is kind of protective over her. That's a good brother.😊
Oh wow, Arasha is so insightful, clear-eyed, and generous in her engagement with these stories. Loved her takes in this episode!
If Shayne no longer hosts this show, she should be his replacement.
I definitely think the 3rd story is not a curiosity situation. Even if it was, why are you wondering that? Why can’t you just be happy with the relationship you’re in and not “wonder” if you’d still be together if his wife hadn’t passed. I hope Chance can rethink that opinion a little bit. Cause I think Arasha hit the nail on the head with it being an insecurity
I kinda think he was already rethinking it as more and more as revealed, especially after the updates.
@@Chrissykat24 This might be reading into things too much, but based on his appearences in other of these videos, I think he's making an effort to always be the Devil's Advocate, not jump to conclusions, see all sides, which is fair because these stories are always from one person's point of view. It's just he has this incredible ability to pick the absolute worst, clear cut, obvious ones to play Devil's Advocate for, which just makes him seem like someone who has bad takes. Like the time he clearly wanted to find some positive angle to defend the guy who kept pissing himself.
Arasha is the perfect guest, we definitely need more of her
And like everyone else, I want to see her and Damien on the same episode, they would overflow the couch with empathy and understanding.
Great reddit reading btw!
If you have the reason to turn around and scream "weddings off, everyone go home." do it. Don't keep the peace. Project your voice and tell everyone what just happened.