Terrified of being labelled - Autism/ADHD Unmasking

I am working for a more inclusive society for autistic people and those with ADHD but I'm terrified of labelling myself at the same time. There's such a conflict that is happening from years of trying to fit in.
I am so early in my journey.
Thank you so much for watching, commenting and just being supportive ❤️

[@AutisticNotAlien]

Great video - thank you. 'Fighting to change society to make it more inclusive' - yes! We're different not lesser than neurotypical people.

[@jax_tekabe]

I really relate to your videos. Thank you for sharing.

[@TheGreatReveal]

Thank you 😊

[@Hermitthecog]

It can be tough to have to grow up with a label when one is yet to independently discover and affirm one's sense of self: How does one distinguish between one's still-developing sense of self and others' perceptions of us? Being labeled is always a convenience for the labeler and an obstacle for the labelee.
In a way I think we're lucky to have lived so long without an official label: We may have felt like aliens but we were also invisible - we were "just quirky" rather than Officially Designated Persons of Difference.
One of the many things that's so frustrating about late diagnosis is the cognitive dissonance it creates between one's lived identity and the labels we're now told are the definition of who we are. We've had our entire lifetimes to develop our sense of self without any sort of formal recognition yet now we're supposed to accept this surprise identity as the "correct" one? How can it be correct when one has managed this long without it?! It's like breaking in a new pair of shoes: The size may be correct but the shoes still need to be worn in before they'll ever feel "right".
Kids may resent having to discover their identities but they still have to do it regardless, as a necessary rite of passage. Some late diagnosed folks have reported that their families withheld their childhood diagnosis out of fear that it would do harm, but that the NOT knowing was worse. Personally I think it's preferable to have all the pieces of a puzzle in view before one tries to see the big picture.

[@TheGreatReveal]

I love your insights, you are so perceptive. There is a cognitive dissonance that is strange to navigate and my brain immediately goes to "is there a right way to navigate it?" which I know is out of fear and confusion. I agree, I feel it is better to have all the pieces in place rather than constantly doing guesswork. And how hard it must feel to find out that everyone in their families knew of the diagnosis but didn't share it with them, a very unsettling situation.

[@Hermitthecog]

@TheGreatReveal (Ugh, TH-cam just ate my comment again. Once more, with feeling!)
I think the "right" way is whatever works. We're something of a lost generation and all the ostensible support systems still don't know what to do with us all, so you are absolutely right to trust your own experience, intuition and expertise.
Are you familiar with Toren Wolf's channel? He's an AuDHD teen whose (also AuDHD) mother sometimes shares her experiences as a parent. Evidently some late diagnosed parents can feel guilty about their parenting performance history prior to diagnosis, and/or about their energy limitations AS autistic parents, but judging by all anecdotal accounts everyone understands that no one is solely to blame when so many of us didn't have all the facts, support, and resources we needed as individuals let alone as caregivers. You're doing your best - keep up the good work! ✊🏆👍

[@RestlessMule]

I relate to what you are saying. My son is diagnosed ADHD and autistic. Fortunately, my son doesn’t seem to be bothered by the label, but he definitely realizes he’s different.
I am undiagnosed; however, I strongly suspect that I am autistic. I have only shared my realization with my wife, my sister, one friend, and “anonymously” to random people like you on TH-cam. 😆 Although I have received positive responses, I feel a little strange sharing that with other people. Maybe it’s because I don’t yet have an official diagnosis or maybe it’s just the stigma and the fact that I’ve never really felt like I fit in and I don’t really want to “put myself out there.”
Like you, I’m fiercely protective of my son and I don’t think he should ever apologize for who he is. He’s really a great kid and autism and ADHD are part of what makes up his personality. At the same time I’ll confess that I don’t go around introducing him as “my autistic son.” Truthfully there are times that I’m bothered by how some people interact with him, but then if I say “he’s autistic” those same people change their demeanor and are much nicer to him. I certainly appreciate people being nice, but I don’t think someone should have to go around and share labels to have other people be respectful and understanding. Why can’t it just be okay for someone to be different? As you said, everyone is different. So why should anyone be made to feel like something is wrong with them just because they’re different from other people?
As always, I enjoy your candid videos.

[@TheGreatReveal]

Thank you so much! It is so good to hear you have similar thoughts with your approach with your son and how you apply it to yourself. I do refuse to tell people my son's diagnosis unless it is relevant to the situation, because I do operate a policy that it is none of their business. But at the same time, I don't want my son to think that I hold this information back like I am ashamed because I am anything but. And yet, I feel very complicated about my own neurodivergence. And I worry that in this confusing place that I will mess it up somehow in advocating both for myself and my son. Oh it's very perplexing! Thank you for sharing.

[@RestlessMule]

@@TheGreatReveal yep, I completely agree…if it’s not relevant in the moment then it’s nobody’s business. It sounds to me like you have a good handle on it and I think it’s great that you’re mindful of how your son may perceive things.