I hope everything goes well. Thankfully, 18 isn't as big of a deal. There are plenty of people out there who are 30+ years old and are still unemployed and living at home.
Want to post to show other folks/parents you’re not alone. Our 25 y/o son is headed down this route and it’s frustrating to say the least. He graduated college (2 years late) 1.5 years ago and is in no rush to work. He’s a smart young man with a lot to offer actually and he just won’t do a thing to get his life going. It really feels like he’s stalling on purpose and for ultimately no reason. We’ve had career and personal counseling to no avail. We never spoiled him and encouraged him at anything he did. Now this roadblock. I understand life could be worse but best of luck to everyone going through this ✌️
This man knows what he's talking about. THIS is how u parent! This is wat my parents did to me wen I was in my 20's. Today I'm in my 40's & im President of my own company which in turn made me wealthy! They cut me off & gained a wealthy child! I have friends my age who's parent bailed then out of every crisis and they're broke, poor miserable 40 somethings who have no idea how to properly support themselves & are basically losers! Now YOU do the math! Wat parenting style proved to be the best!
What happens when he refuses any help from professionals? I believe he truly has mental issues. He also blames me for everything that has happened to him. He has no friends, no car, lost his license, his girlfriend. He is 34.
It’s a difficult dynamic when someone refuses help or treatment. You cannot force someone to accept help. I wrote a book called the Prodigal Parent Process that addresses many of the issues that you’re mentioning here. I recommend having a support system for you, whether that is a trusted friend, support group, or therapist, because this is a lot for a parent to be going through. If you would like to book an appointment with a therapist at Heart To Heart Counseling Center, call us at 719-278-3708. www.drdougweiss.com/product/prodigal-parent-process-book/ You can also join our Parent Prodigal Facebook group as well: facebook.com/groups/prodigalparents
My brother the same he is 50, but my mom loves his company and doesn’t mind, gym and all the bills she pays, she is broke, her home is falling apart, she wants him there.
Same but 38. She's borderline schizophrenic but doesn't think she is. Won't get help because it's part of the system. Now her son is following the same at 18. I'm almost ready to just move out on my own to a studio apartment and tell them both good luck, your on your own now.
Its hard because some parents cant afford a car for them to use to get to the job and theres basically no public transportation in texas or the neighborhood is too shady to walk or bike to work
My mom passed at an early age, 45, I was 26 but had been on my own since 23. Still was scared but others I knew had been on their on waaaay before me due to toxic families. I never had that choice to move back home when things got rough or I lost a job. All I see are free loaders using mental health as an excuse to not be responsible. Most freeloaders are waiting for their parent(s) to croak so they can get the insurance money and/or material things. Pretty obvious and twisted. Narcissistic behavior at its best.
My stepson who is 21 now still lives at home and does three things. Sleeps, eats, and plays on his computer and or phone. He has his phone in his face constantly. Probably even in the shower. I know this is the new normal way of living for this new generation, but i hate it. But this kid refuses to work, refuses to help do chores, acts entitled and superior to anything and anyone, sleeps all day, never actually gets dressed, is spoiled rotten by his mom and aunts, has zero boundaries, walks around like he owns the place, walks through doors without knocking, makes grocery lists for his mom to go get, makes excuses why he shouldnt lift a finger, zero empathy, and lies. I guess at least he takes lots of showers and wants to smell good. But then puts on old pj's that stink. His mom and I are now separated. And this is a major reason why i cant be there now. I miss my wife. But honestly this is mostly her fault how he has turned out and is continuing to choose how to act.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this I’m 25 years old and I moved back home with my parents due to personal reasons. I work in a grocery store full time and pay $375 a month in rent . Your son’s 21. He needs a kick in the butt it looks like
My son is 37. Doesn’t work. Blames his life issues on me. Is estranged from me. Now he’s homeless. He’s depressed and a narcissist. I’m so heartbroken for him. I tried the best out of the house during “work” hours but he refused. Loved with me for 9yrs. Threatened me and everyday told me he hopes I die that day. I didn’t know what to do. He refuses therapy. He threatens he’s going to end his life but does absolutely nothing to try to live healthier. I have no support except for my counseling and every day I feel I’m dying.
My elderly father continues to support my 53 year old strong, healthy brother. He has some sort of mental health problem, but refuses to see any doctor unless he can get tranquilizers and not have to go back. He eats like a bull. He stays in his room all day and night watching old tv series he watched as a little boy (Gilligans Island, Three's Company, Andy Griffith), and looking up crap on the internet. No excecise of ANY KIND, and NEVER eats anything healthy. He has my father get him fast food daily. I simply cannot comprehend WHY my father puts up with it. My brother had one job for a month at a movie theatre when he was 20 years old simply tearing tickets. That's it. Nothing else, ever. Im stumped.
Asian people are good role models to look at, they mostly work in hospitals and help each other get jobs. I watched them got a phlebotomy license by going to college and did my training at kaiser and been working for the hospital for 21 years.
Nope I would look for apprentice opportunities so you can get a foot in the door.Trade work is becoming short staffed and computer knowledge is the future. Also you take what you can get as many people have done don't be picky about it once you are working you can figure out what you like and hate
My son is almost 22 verbally abusive very disrespectful works every now and then started contributing $100 a few months ago. But last month and this month nothing I've told him he needs to help me more then he turns up the house expects me to clean it and I tell and so there's a war on that can't wash his own dishes I don't even eat here I eat at work I eat from church I don't dirty up things here I come home to it sink full of dishes after working all day can't get him to do the yard can't get him to do anything I need help I'm 59 years old I'm just tired of the abuse that disrespect the calling of names no respect for my house or for me always has money for everything else but to help me when he does work I'm just tired Friday's going to cause me to have a heart attack or worse just found out I can get an eviction notice but that might be hard to fight. He has ADHD and Tourette's and we think he has something else and maybe odd a symptom called odd I can't use that as an excuse cuz he does everything and more for everybody else so I know he's smart enough well enough to do things I just feel used mistreated I'm tired I don't mind I just need help I really can't support a 22 year old I've had it even thrown in my face while you shouldn't have had me and he's 22 almost. I just keep giving it up to God and I go on I love my son I know there's some options of places to go he stays here cuz he can run over me and get away with things and treat me any way he wants. He woke me up early this morning cook and it smells like the house was going to burn down I got to be up and go to work no respect for time I could be woke up all hours of the night never know peace. I'm just a frustrated mom
Social anxiety and indecisiveness can be influenced by a variety of factors, including upbringing and parental dynamics, but it's not accurate to say they are solely the parents' problem. Even though the way parents interact with their children, their level of support, encouragement, and the expectations they set can significantly impact a child's self-confidence and ability to make decisions. Overprotective or overly critical parenting styles, for example, might contribute to anxiety or indecisiveness. Sometimes children often learn how to handle social situations and decision-making by observing their parents. If parents model healthy social interactions and demonstrate decisive behavior, children are more likely to develop similar skills. On the other hand, parents who struggle with these issues themselves may inadvertently pass on their anxieties or indecisiveness to their children. And also High expectations or pressure from parents regarding achievements or social status can lead to anxiety about not meeting those expectations. This pressure can manifest in both social situations (e.g., fear of judgment) and decision-making (e.g., fear of making the wrong choice). I think emotional support from parents is crucial in building resilience and confidence. Children who receive consistent emotional support are often more confident in social settings and more comfortable making decisions. Also how parents communicate with their children about emotions, challenges, and decision-making can shape their ability to manage anxiety and make choices. Open, supportive communication can help children feel more secure and empowered. Some parents stuck into their "perfect parents" role. For a change those parents should try to see their children as human beings.
If they have kids, this can be very complicated. I suggest seeing a therapist in your local area that can help you set boundaries based on your specific situation.
My son is 19 and has CRPS and it has scared him because of the pain in his foot, in trying to keep a long story short, he is 19 and I feel this is stopping him from trying to find a job, he’s a smart kid, he’s been home schooled online school system since he was 13 and he’s graduated and he is just finished but I feel he’s scared to get a job because of the pain of being in his feet, any way can I get him some help, it’s a long story thanks
If he hasn't already, I would suggest that he see a local counselor to help him build up confidence and deal with this fear. Also, you could get him to volunteer a few hours a day somewhere until he gets a job so that he is being productive.
I think the problem is being surrounded by things we don’t know how to make. All the good jobs were given to China. Mining, Manufacturing cars, electronics, phones, furniture, everything that has purpose. The first jobs available in the west are all, “hi can I take your order?” Degrading jobs. Or it’s all nepotism and demanding experience.
My problem is that its my stepsons that are lazy, one 20 the other will be 17. My other problem is that my wife ALWAYS I mean ALWAYS has an excuse for them & NEVER sees $hit from my perspective . It was the same way for her oldest son too which finally moved out but i believe he moved because of me constantly harassing him about moving out. Ive tried to relate to all three of em but were are 2 totally different personalities & upbringing so ive given up hope in even trying. My wife just wants to baby & coddle them all where im the complete opposite. Yes i have expressed how i feel but it falls on death ears, like she doesn't want to hear it! I grew up in the 80s where the streets basically raised me but with her sons all they wanna do is sit around play video games & all three of em also have very poor hygiene skills & don't seem to care how they look or smell
I feel so sorry for you to hear that. Talk to God, pray about it, and you and your wife get marriage counseling because that's crazy. You before her children. That's God's design, and it works.
I finished school at 18. My mother hounded me daily about getting a job. “You’re on your own now, deal with it” Within 2 months I was working full time because I hated being in the house with her. and after a year if saving I moved out at 19. Our relationship has gone. This is the perfect route to go if you never want your children to speak to you again. I’m 26 now and still hate my parents for not being there for me when I needed them. Yes I’m independent, but only because I had to be.
It's better that you are striving successfully. As parents we'd rather take your hate as we know our love for you is great enough to force you to see life for what it is. We are not selfish: we want you to succeed so we deny your love for us so you can, if immature denial is what you choose. That's the price us great parents pay. Glad your parents tactic of unselfishly and lovingly sending you out to become greater than you were, is paying off for you.
If you are housing them, you can make some of these tips I mention in the video part of this a condition for staying in the house. You can also have them volunteer a few hours a day at a church or community center as part of staying home or look into alternative housing that can help them address some of these issues.
If you do this, don’t be surprised if your children cut you off. I’m 26, my parents kicked me out at 19, yes I’m independent, but I every day I still hate them for it.
@benjamin9056r Was it disgusting when hundreds of thousands of our boys/men had to step up and fight for our country in times of need? Many of whom never made it back home to their families, get married, have children of their own and enjoy Americas fruits. What is utterly sickening is these young men not wanting to fly out of the nest like a bunch of perpetual babies. That's what's disgusting sir/mam ! The guy that says he won't speak to his parents it's just a continuation of the issue.
This advice is creating criminals. Don't give up on your kids. Talk to them about their goals, help them come up with a plan to achieve the success they want.
Wow! This is great advice and gives me and my husband a plan of action. Thank you so much for putting this out there.
Thank you for the volunteer option and being out of the house!!! BRILLIANT IDEA!! I’m going to try with our 18 yr old
You're welcome. I hope all goes well.
I hope everything goes well. Thankfully, 18 isn't as big of a deal. There are plenty of people out there who are 30+ years old and are still unemployed and living at home.
"Been there"my self ,I was in Too Much Comfort, Then My Parents "Woke-Up", I was 18 at the time I was having Psych-Problems..
Want to post to show other folks/parents you’re not alone. Our 25 y/o son is headed down this route and it’s frustrating to say the least. He graduated college (2 years late) 1.5 years ago and is in no rush to work. He’s a smart young man with a lot to offer actually and he just won’t do a thing to get his life going. It really feels like he’s stalling on purpose and for ultimately no reason. We’ve had career and personal counseling to no avail. We never spoiled him and encouraged him at anything he did. Now this roadblock. I understand life could be worse but best of luck to everyone going through this ✌️
This man knows what he's talking about. THIS is how u parent! This is wat my parents did to me wen I was in my 20's. Today I'm in my 40's & im President of my own company which in turn made me wealthy! They cut me off & gained a wealthy child! I have friends my age who's parent bailed then out of every crisis and they're broke, poor miserable 40 somethings who have no idea how to properly support themselves & are basically losers! Now YOU do the math! Wat parenting style proved to be the best!
What happens when he refuses any help from professionals? I believe he truly has mental issues. He also blames me for everything that has happened to him. He has no friends, no car, lost his license, his girlfriend. He is 34.
It’s a difficult dynamic when someone refuses help or treatment. You cannot force someone to accept help. I wrote a book called the Prodigal Parent Process that addresses many of the issues that you’re mentioning here. I recommend having a support system for you, whether that is a trusted friend, support group, or therapist, because this is a lot for a parent to be going through. If you would like to book an appointment with a therapist at Heart To Heart Counseling Center, call us at 719-278-3708.
www.drdougweiss.com/product/prodigal-parent-process-book/
You can also join our Parent Prodigal Facebook group as well: facebook.com/groups/prodigalparents
Thank you so much. I will definitely follow your advice . I am a total loss otherwise ❤
Try 50 yep same thing happens to me
My brother the same he is 50, but my mom loves his company and doesn’t mind, gym and all the bills she pays, she is broke, her home is falling apart, she wants him there.
She's single too I'm assuming
My daughter has some mental issue, but refuses to go seek therapy. Refuses to do any damn thing. She’s 33😩😡🤬
Same, but mine is a couple years older. With an 18 yr old child herself. Who also won't get a job.
Same but 38. She's borderline schizophrenic but doesn't think she is. Won't get help because it's part of the system. Now her son is following the same at 18. I'm almost ready to just move out on my own to a studio apartment and tell them both good luck, your on your own now.
Similar problem with one of my adult children. Won't take medicine or do therapy.
Mine too. She's 37
You enable her. Kick her out and let her grown up and take responsibility for themself
PLEASE HELP US OUT!!!!
you nailed it that his mom is enabling and I am the stepdad and he needs to grow up.
Why you living with him, he's not your son
Thank you doctor i have 24 years old and i am worid about him 😢
How many kids did you make?
This is such a huge topic
Its hard because some parents cant afford a car for them to use to get to the job and theres basically no public transportation in texas or the neighborhood is too shady to walk or bike to work
Move and God be with you.
Yeah three young adults not working 😢
Anybody working yet?😢
My mom passed at an early age, 45, I was 26 but had been on my own since 23. Still was scared but others I knew had been on their on waaaay before me due to toxic families. I never had that choice to move back home when things got rough or I lost a job. All I see are free loaders using mental health as an excuse to not be responsible. Most freeloaders are waiting for their parent(s) to croak so they can get the insurance money and/or material things. Pretty obvious and twisted. Narcissistic behavior at its best.
Parents take some accountability for the way your child is. You raised them and if they're early 20s then give them a chance but be assertive
My stepson who is 21 now still lives at home and does three things. Sleeps, eats, and plays on his computer and or phone. He has his phone in his face constantly. Probably even in the shower. I know this is the new normal way of living for this new generation, but i hate it. But this kid refuses to work, refuses to help do chores, acts entitled and superior to anything and anyone, sleeps all day, never actually gets dressed, is spoiled rotten by his mom and aunts, has zero boundaries, walks around like he owns the place, walks through doors without knocking, makes grocery lists for his mom to go get, makes excuses why he shouldnt lift a finger, zero empathy, and lies. I guess at least he takes lots of showers and wants to smell good. But then puts on old pj's that stink. His mom and I are now separated. And this is a major reason why i cant be there now. I miss my wife. But honestly this is mostly her fault how he has turned out and is continuing to choose how to act.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this I’m 25 years old and I moved back home with my parents due to personal reasons. I work in a grocery store full time and pay $375 a month in rent . Your son’s 21. He needs a kick in the butt it looks like
Stepson? So you chose to live with him
My son is 37. Doesn’t work. Blames his life issues on me. Is estranged from me. Now he’s homeless. He’s depressed and a narcissist. I’m so heartbroken for him. I tried the best out of the house during “work” hours but he refused. Loved with me for 9yrs. Threatened me and everyday told me he hopes I die that day. I didn’t know what to do. He refuses therapy. He threatens he’s going to end his life but does absolutely nothing to try to live healthier. I have no support except for my counseling and every day I feel I’m dying.
So how many kids did you make to feed for 18 years, 3 or 5 kids
What a shame on both parent and child . 😂😂😂😂
Don't do that it's bad idea
My elderly father continues to support my 53 year old strong, healthy brother. He has some sort of mental health problem, but refuses to see any doctor unless he can get tranquilizers and not have to go back. He eats like a bull. He stays in his room all day and night watching old tv series he watched as a little boy (Gilligans Island, Three's Company, Andy Griffith), and looking up crap on the internet. No excecise of ANY KIND, and NEVER eats anything healthy. He has my father get him fast food daily. I simply cannot comprehend WHY my father puts up with it. My brother had one job for a month at a movie theatre when he was 20 years old simply tearing tickets. That's it. Nothing else, ever. Im stumped.
Father is dependant on this middle age son.
I never knew what i wanted to do i dont have a job and live with my parents and im 30 do you think volunteering also helps with getting hired
Asian people are good role models to look at, they mostly work in hospitals and help each other get jobs. I watched them got a phlebotomy license by going to college and did my training at kaiser and been working for the hospital for 21 years.
Nope I would look for apprentice opportunities so you can get a foot in the door.Trade work is becoming short staffed and computer knowledge is the future. Also you take what you can get as many people have done don't be picky about it once you are working you can figure out what you like and hate
I volunteer at the house but my efforts not recognised. Im also trying to look for a job since my mom discouraging me from doing business
My son is almost 22 verbally abusive very disrespectful works every now and then started contributing $100 a few months ago. But last month and this month nothing I've told him he needs to help me more then he turns up the house expects me to clean it and I tell and so there's a war on that can't wash his own dishes I don't even eat here I eat at work I eat from church I don't dirty up things here I come home to it sink full of dishes after working all day can't get him to do the yard can't get him to do anything I need help I'm 59 years old I'm just tired of the abuse that disrespect the calling of names no respect for my house or for me always has money for everything else but to help me when he does work I'm just tired Friday's going to cause me to have a heart attack or worse just found out I can get an eviction notice but that might be hard to fight. He has ADHD and Tourette's and we think he has something else and maybe odd a symptom called odd I can't use that as an excuse cuz he does everything and more for everybody else so I know he's smart enough well enough to do things I just feel used mistreated I'm tired I don't mind I just need help I really can't support a 22 year old I've had it even thrown in my face while you shouldn't have had me and he's 22 almost. I just keep giving it up to God and I go on I love my son I know there's some options of places to go he stays here cuz he can run over me and get away with things and treat me any way he wants. He woke me up early this morning cook and it smells like the house was going to burn down I got to be up and go to work no respect for time I could be woke up all hours of the night never know peace. I'm just a frustrated mom
Consequences of over coddling
I was sent a "Special-Program" for Independent Living
Where can I find out about "special program" for independent living?
Give them $5.00 to spend at the mall. Then change the locks.
Social anxiety and indecisiveness can be influenced by a variety of factors, including upbringing and parental dynamics, but it's not accurate to say they are solely the parents' problem. Even though the way parents interact with their children, their level of support, encouragement, and the expectations they set can significantly impact a child's self-confidence and ability to make decisions.
Overprotective or overly critical parenting styles, for example, might contribute to anxiety or indecisiveness.
Sometimes children often learn how to handle social situations and decision-making by observing their parents. If parents model healthy social interactions and demonstrate decisive behavior, children are more likely to develop similar skills. On the other hand, parents who struggle with these issues themselves may inadvertently pass on their anxieties or indecisiveness to their children.
And also High expectations or pressure from parents regarding achievements or social status can lead to anxiety about not meeting those expectations. This pressure can manifest in both social situations (e.g., fear of judgment) and decision-making (e.g., fear of making the wrong choice).
I think emotional support from parents is crucial in building resilience and confidence. Children who receive consistent emotional support are often more confident in social settings and more comfortable making decisions.
Also how parents communicate with their children about emotions, challenges, and decision-making can shape their ability to manage anxiety and make choices. Open, supportive communication can help children feel more secure and empowered.
Some parents stuck into their "perfect parents" role. For a change those parents should try to see their children as human beings.
What if they have kids
If they have kids, this can be very complicated. I suggest seeing a therapist in your local area that can help you set boundaries based on your specific situation.
Abortion
My son is 19 and has CRPS and it has scared him because of the pain in his foot, in trying to keep a long story short, he is 19 and I feel this is stopping him from trying to find a job, he’s a smart kid, he’s been home schooled online school system since he was 13 and he’s graduated and he is just finished but I feel he’s scared to get a job because of the pain of being in his feet, any way can I get him some help, it’s a long story thanks
If he hasn't already, I would suggest that he see a local counselor to help him build up confidence and deal with this fear. Also, you could get him to volunteer a few hours a day somewhere until he gets a job so that he is being productive.
not gunna lie this makes me feel "special"
I think the problem is being surrounded by things we don’t know how to make.
All the good jobs were given to China. Mining, Manufacturing cars, electronics, phones, furniture, everything that has purpose. The first jobs available in the west are all, “hi can I take your order?” Degrading jobs. Or it’s all nepotism and demanding experience.
My problem is that its my stepsons that are lazy, one 20 the other will be 17. My other problem is that my wife ALWAYS I mean ALWAYS has an excuse for them & NEVER sees $hit from my perspective . It was the same way for her oldest son too which finally moved out but i believe he moved because of me constantly harassing him about moving out. Ive tried to relate to all three of em but were are 2 totally different personalities & upbringing so ive given up hope in even trying. My wife just wants to baby & coddle them all where im the complete opposite. Yes i have expressed how i feel but it falls on death ears, like she doesn't want to hear it! I grew up in the 80s where the streets basically raised me but with her sons all they wanna do is sit around play video games & all three of em also have very poor hygiene skills & don't seem to care how they look or smell
I feel so sorry for you to hear that. Talk to God, pray about it, and you and your wife get marriage counseling because that's crazy. You before her children. That's God's design, and it works.
He's not your son, jus leave
Hold a second, Buy them a business let them run it and then kick them out make there own money!
He is talking about lazy children. Some are too lazy to run a business. A business takes work, some don't want to work.
I finished school at 18. My mother hounded me daily about getting a job. “You’re on your own now, deal with it” Within 2 months I was working full time because I hated being in the house with her. and after a year if saving I moved out at 19. Our relationship has gone. This is the perfect route to go if you never want your children to speak to you again. I’m 26 now and still hate my parents for not being there for me when I needed them. Yes I’m independent, but only because I had to be.
So, it worked? There comes a point in life where you either sink or swim. You've proven you can swim. Why hate them for that?
It's better that you are striving successfully. As parents we'd rather take your hate as we know our love for you is great enough to force you to see life for what it is. We are not selfish: we want you to succeed so we deny your love for us so you can, if immature denial is what you choose. That's the price us great parents pay. Glad your parents tactic of unselfishly and lovingly sending you out to become greater than you were, is paying off for you.
Some of you miss the entire point of this video.
Or has excuses
My son is disrespectful to my husband that's not his father
how many kids and baby daddies
What do you do when they come from trauma, are narcissistic, on the spectrum and an adult and will not go see anyone!!!!??????
If you are housing them, you can make some of these tips I mention in the video part of this a condition for staying in the house. You can also have them volunteer a few hours a day at a church or community center as part of staying home or look into alternative housing that can help them address some of these issues.
Weak parents. They didn't "find themselves in this situation". They created it.
Over coddling adults
If you do this, don’t be surprised if your children cut you off. I’m 26, my parents kicked me out at 19, yes I’m independent, but I every day I still hate them for it.
You hate them for making you stand on your own two feet......geez
@@7ceasers putting your child on the street at 19 is disgusting
@benjamin9056r Was it disgusting when hundreds of thousands of our boys/men had to step up and fight for our country in times of need? Many of whom never made it back home to their families, get married, have children of their own and enjoy Americas fruits. What is utterly sickening is these young men not wanting to fly out of the nest like a bunch of perpetual babies. That's what's disgusting sir/mam ! The guy that says he won't speak to his parents it's just a continuation of the issue.
This advice is creating criminals. Don't give up on your kids. Talk to them about their goals, help them come up with a plan to achieve the success they want.
Yeah. Toxic ass conservatism at work here
@@justinratcliffe947 ... not sure if serious
This is after talking fails
What about it gold in life is drug
He is talking about what you should do if talking doesn't work