Is it from viewing the problem externally? Like, we can all tell when someone apologizes without meaning it. Such that internally, we feel we're not being sincere with our shortcomings. "I need to be more sorry and more downtrodden to PROVE I'm actually sorry for my actions." 🤔
And what is worse is the fact that sadly many will allow or take seek out or even just simply except any bad and harmful thing, rather it's done to themselves by themselves., done by others to them, or just how things are going and that's that hard part is trying to get past those feelings of i'm finding different ways to atone for it rather than breaking free of it
@@orangetaho4u207 that's an interesting perspective and deep thought-I'm certain there are people who unconsciously operate in this way. By shining a light of awareness on our traits and behaviours, only then can we start to shift out of these modus operandi we all may find ourselves in... 💭
I love that you dive right into your topics, it really helps capture attention in a world with quick instant satisfaction. You definitely know the people who click on your videos
He doesn't hustle you with Bullsh**, which used to be the way media was 40 years ago before everybody wanted likes, subscriptions and other horse manure time wasting.
Thank you for this. I actually really loved the bit about “nothing you do is unforgivable”, because it doesn’t mean that you are entitled to forgiveness from everyone you’ve wronged, but that you are never irredeemably separated from your ability to forgive yourself
There is nothing you can do that can't be forgiven, unless no one (including yourself) ever noticed that you did it. And in that case there is no forgiveness because there is no shame/guilt.
Umm..well unless u did commit some unforgivable sin, then Yes u do deserve to be forgiven if u regret ur actions and want to make amends or improve. However there are some ppl who wont forgive because THEY are the dicks. Not you.
I saw a lot, I mean A LOT self improvement content, but you are the only person that is real, sound strange, but it’s true, you give realistic advices and speak about right things instead of “just do it, be discipline, don’t be a p*ssy” and whatever. I subscribed and watch every video with joy taking notes and screenshots. Thank you so much for what are you doing. Lately I have been blamed myself so much for things that I have done not so perfect, for working not so hard, for just relaxing and trying to have joy of things that I liked and not working just instead of it. Now I’m trying to be a friend to myself.
This put a smile on my face. Thank you for taking the time to type it sir! All the best in your journey of becoming a better friend to yourself. May we forever walk this road together.
I was never motivated by the whole "don't be a p*ssy" bullshit. I don't understand why people think that beating someone down is the way to life them up
And you, my fine sir/madam, are a very likeable person too. Should I have encountered you at a bar I would most certainly have tipped my hat to you and proposed my finest offering of apple juice for us to share.
@@NewelOfKnowledge I think what internet person wants to really say is that you are physically attractive - distractingly so. Though I will give you credit for having a natural teaching charisma . . .
🐬🐉🐉🐬 literally sitting in a puddle of tears. Thank you so so much for releasing content like this, not having much guidance on how to operate as a human adult has been incredibly painful. Thank you for starting up your channel 💗
I agree! Lots of people, young and who were once young, didn't get much guidance in the years when it would have been most needed. Lewis, ever considered a video on how to find your calling / vocation (call it what you will) ? It would be much appreciated by your younger audience. Also, looking forward to the video you are working on 🐉🐬🐉🐬
I believe in you 🌱 it's admirable that you can admit this about how you see yourself-at the same time, this level of self-awareness suggests to me that you're doing a lot better as an adult than you may think you are. Keep walking along your path with your head held high, personal development has no final destination. 💫
its researched that guilt is the CAUSE, not the result of selfsabotage. We selfsabotage bc we were made to feel guilty to succeed, failing feels better then guilt of leaving someone behind (abanoddong a parent )so we sacrifise a fullfilling life. It comes from emotional incest. We only start to feel the guilt when we stop selfsabotaging, its an avoidance of guilt. We can only feel guilt about sabotaging ourselves when we feel we betray ourselves but bc our loyalty is more with the other, this is the lesser guilt and betrayel. Ive def put myself in a prison to avoid guilt
It's the difference between accepting oneself as you are and not accepting oneself and secretly believing that you are more and better than you are. So, since I can br better I should have know better and done the right thing. Accepting oneself is letting go of that idealized image you created about youself. Only accepting oneself with all your stuff, bad and good can let you learning how to do things differently.
I'm not sure if you notice the detail; but the use of a whiteboard instead of a standard digital illustration makes the videos a whole lot more engaging and almost seem interactive, giving greater retention of our focus as a watcher and also more personalised content. Loving the videos 🐬🐉🐲
All sarcasm aside I'm a RSO, so I know first hand that not everything is forgivable. There isn't a person on this planet that wants to forgive me or see me thrive. Least of all myself.
Amazing and underrated video, everything you say explains a lot of troubles that I've seen in myself and other people, especially nowadays with social media, but it can work with any other distraction (maybe destructive self critique can be considered as a ditraction too). This is the kind of knowledge that should be shared with everyone, congrats 👏
Often, we resist change because it’s difficult, but acknowledging and addressing the ways we hold ourselves back is the first step to real growth. Sometimes, the hardest advice is the one that helps us the most
🐉 Very lovely. I found lots of concepts I want to rethink in this video. And thank you for the sick bucket warning. It's a nice way to convey the messages of cheesy sounding wisdoms without choking on the proverbial cheese. Cheers
You're such a great speaker! You are reading word for word everything on the board but it sounds as if you are saying it all from the top of your head.. amazing work and such an informative video, thank you
Watched so many self improvement channels came across this by chance and your channel is my new fav!! Time to binge watch. Thankyou for helping so much ❤
I'm trying to identify my unhealthy guilt... I feel guilty for being happy, for achieving the things I want. I feel I don't deserve what others have. And my subconscious, or whatever it is, keeps me making decisions, sometimes split-second decisions, that prevent me from achieving that success, and happiness, no matter how hard I work towards it, or sometimes, it offers itself to me. I just cannot win.
I believe struggle with in between healthy and unhealthy guilt. That grey area where after months of processing an event of enormous consequence, I struggle on identifying the corrective action because i struggle with how guilty I really am (I know I am partially). I suppose it’s closer to healthy because I am choosing everyday to be better off from it but it seems to linger in my thoughts and dreams, leaving me to question myself and my ability to move on with conviction. Thanks for the topic brother, I maybe stretching the limits of guilt and shading into other emotions, but it helps me to try to use the framework to think through this for me
I've been struggling with this concept and how to grow, and heal my emotions of guilt and shame, and this simple description of the step-by-step process has been fantastic in making it digestible for me. Thank you.
🐬🐉Sometimes it's really hard to decide is the rule reasonable for you. I'm really struggling with hurting anyone, even in return, because I feel like it's kind of disgusting to feel better than someone, degrading them, and therefore feel ashamed. It's like, if a person hurts me they probably being hurted already, maybe for a long time. They already feel like crap or avoiding this feeling, so it's like punching a baby, knowing their weaknesses. I wanna make them accountable, but without being cruel or poisonous myself. But just never being angry visibly is very limiting. I know the rules of expressing emotions, and anger is expressed through boundaries, but gosh I would like to make them feel what I felt.
I love your comment. A whole video can be made on that. I feel what you feel, my whole life. The reward is we are good people in not wanting to inflict pain even on a perpetator and seeing them as someone hurting themselves, and not feeling deserving to feel better then someone else. I'll even add that when another person is depressed particularly my own family member, I am sick with sadness for them and can't possibly go out and live a fun life while they are suffering so I sabatodge my self. It's the basis of why I can never achieve the things I want, I DONT DESERVE TO BE HAPPY IF OTHERS NEAR ME ARE NOT HAPPY PARTICULARLY MY YOUNG ADULT CHILDREN . It's stupid but I live in internal tortured mental state most of the time as if it's Allegiance to to my concern for them . I sacrifice my happiness cause I couldn't stand myself going after happiness for myself while they suffer. I just can't do it. So I try to make them happy while being an unhappy person myself. I do understand that I need to be the role model of happiness and it will best help them but I can't bridge that gap to put the air mask on myself 1st. This earth school is so hard.
@@debraseddonbloch I understand this feeling. It's hard. But those boundaries about what people can or can not do are important. One thing I understood that when you say no, it's not the end, the situation changes, and new solutions appear. So it's worth to try new. You're totally right about wanting to be a role model. I think it's worth to mention that children can copy their parents, and they can get this pattern of "I can't be happy" too. So there's a possibility of a vicious circle. Sometimes the idea of happiness is scary. But it's an emotion. You are feeling it from time to time anyway. Another question "Are you doing what you want to do?". Can you compensate for doing what you want, if you think it's harmful to others? Are there small things that you can do for yourself? Do you have time dedicated to yourself? If you're scared, be gentle to yourself. It's possible to change in small steps to feel better and safer. It's so hard to feel good, happy and loved when you overstep your boundaries and put yourself on the second place. It feels unfair. If you feel discomfort it's important. Try to find another option, if it's possible. Don't stop there. There can be better, you never know. Empathy is about all sorts of emotions, including joy. And if you feel down you can rely either on yourself, the person who knows your soft spots the best, therapist, if everything is complicated, or friends and family. I'm sorry if it was preachy, but I really hope that you'll feel better. I was happy to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with it. Thank you. I actually sometimes tried to put myself first, needed to cut off toxic people, or people who weren't respecting my boundaries. They just continued to live, trying to find better options for themselves. Someone even changed a bit and tried to be more empathic to others. I don't know their experience in those situations. But I felt amazing, knowing that I've actually cared for myself.
You either stay away from them or you get angry and push back. There's nothing wrong with anger. You're entitled to create a safe world for yourself by putting an end to the abuse others inflict
@@smokingcrab2290 You're absolutely right. Most of the time I understand that if I'll say something rude back it will be a long exchange of insults, and it's useless and unpleasant, so I decided to be more careful with vulnerability on the internet in what I write, and just not even finish reading potentially rude comments and disabling notifications for a thread in those cases. So "stay away" is my choice for strangers, especially on social media. I'm not sure if pushing back is possible with them. They can rise defenses forever, and there can be more than one person. So even if you scare away one of them, can appear more. But with people you see more than once pushing back totally can work. I didn't even realize before that this problem roots are social media specifics, and that's why boundaries hardly work there. Irl it's easier. Thank you. It was great to see the options again and to think about them.
Hi, This is really helpful to me. I am around my borderline mother with alzheimers alot and i understand where my unhealthy guilt comes from: HER! She makes me feel bad when i don’t act 200% as her expectations. And now when she’s sick, it’s worse; she will say it like she did when i was a child and it triggers alot of shame in me.
Might be worth for her to try lionsmane mushroom for the alzeimers, also sounds like you shouldnt spend so much time with her...no one can make me feel as bad as my mom does.
I cracked up when you started jokes-gagging at sending love to your guilt - it’s cool to talk about self-love and I know you know this too which is why it was hilarious. Well played.
Ever since I came across your videos, I've taken a few steps that have been slowly but surely changing my life for the better. You've inspired me to reflect more and follow my own path despite what others may or may not think. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Also... 🐉
I’ve done some reflection on this recently as to why I don’t do what I say I’ll do. It brings me guilt and shame knowing I’m not doing what is best for me. The conclusion I drew is that the objectives of my soul are not aligned with the objectives of my mind. My souls knows that I must destroy my old self and let go of who I am to transform into who I’m destined to be, someone greater, the sum of my parts, the culmination of all I can be, the fully realised potential for virtue God has bestowed within me. However my mind refuses to let go of my old self because it is comfortable where it is. Its scared of the inevitable change and the work and effort required to change. I’m trying to reprogram my mind to align with my soul and consuming content like this and writing these comments is part of that but success has been limited.
Thanks for doing this man. So many of us walk around so lost and don’t know where to start. Your videos are really helpful and more than that, they’re nourishing in a way.
Dropping it in 🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉 !! :D Thanks for the video this is really liberating and give me a better clarity about myself and my own mind and acts. Cannot wait for your reprogramming video!^^
Not to sound rude because obviously the content of your message is exceptional, but it's your voice that keeps me coming back. You have a beautiful voice. You sound very calm and soothing to me. Thank you. 💛
This has been an ongoing issue since childhood conditioning. I've resolved a lot of traumas.. but this ongoing guilt spiral has always been such a beast. No one outside of me seems to understand it and when i share out loud it sounds very embellished. This has been so so helpful. Implementing asap. So much gratitude. ✨
This video speaks to me and you say it in a way that unique so that I can hear it. So take that and dump it together the whole bunch of anxiety bordering on panic at times and tell me what you think.
I went into this video thinking I’d be majorly called out and that I deserved it, (I was on a real bad negative spiral,) but I’ve never been more pleasantly surprised and comforted. Really, this truly helped me. Thank you for the time and effort you put into these, you’re a blessing man.
Salute! You just helped someone who was brainwashed by a sadistic Narcissistic Mother. Woww. I keep resisting the programming but it's sneaky corrupt bs. Thank u so very much you amazing guru of the spotless mind! You've just earned a new subscriber. Oh years ago I pumped a needle full of air into my vein. I prayed and cried. I turned into an agoraphobia. You have no idea dear one.
Best of wishes with us all in the face of our own self conflict. Thanks for the knowledge as always, Lewis. Looking forward to the fruits of your research 🐉🐬🐉
I can't understand people who can't forgive themself or others everything. But i forgive myself for that😂🙌 thank you for that good video, i feel right in this world if i hear you talking like that becouse it shows a beautiful way to deal with live
“Just like an angry parent” isn’t that harsh voice in our head, actually voices that we’ve heard and learned in our childhood. Such as our parents Or peers Other adults. Siblings. Inner critic can be helpful at times. But it’s when it becomes cruel that it becomes harmful. Just like you speak of here. Awareness of all of this is key. Introspection. I am proud of myself for understanding all of this, and that I’m on this path of learning. May I ask how you started? I would love to know your story!
Many thanks for this. Many. And for all you generally do. I must return to 4:08 again and let it all calmly percolate. I think I need to return to this whole video, actually. And then again.
I am my worst critic when it comes to making mistakes. And not achieving the results I'm after in my hobbies. Lot of advice I'm going to think about in this one. Thanks dude.
I knew I was my own worst enemy but this video really helped me to simplify and clarify how and why. Thanks. It’s one thing knowing and another to do it. I hope I can.🐬🐲
Keep in mind that when somebody tells you why they aren't where they should be in life, and it's not this reason, then it's abusive to not believe them and to plough over what they just told you.
My guilt is like, I’m a bad son, I’m a bad husband. I know what I could do today to be better at both. For whatever reason,whatever my mental block is, I won’t do it.
My depression and trauma definitely feed my self sabotage. As an autistic person, I was introduced to the idea that I was a burden at a young age by my teachers, and being forced into the role of social pariah by my peers didn’t help. The rejection sensitive dysphoria certainly I developed over the years from being rejected repeatedly despite every effort I made to make myself likeable and reliable has left me seeking isolation and feeling guilty and resentful of the act of being alive. I am terrified to apply for in person jobs because I feel like I am doomed to fail because my boss will be looking for a reason to fire me as soon as possible for failing to meet neurotypical standards. I feel like a parasite, and sometimes the only vision of paradise I have is living in a quiet cabin in the woods, with a bunch of dogs, and never dealing with with people in person ever again. It’s hard to fight that voice telling you you’re a failure and a burden when people reject you so frequently.
I'm just loving your videos! They are very enlightening and help us understand why we are doing a certain habit and how to improve. I feel lighter and more motivated after watching your channel.❤ (I'm from Brazil, I'm using the translator so sorry if there are any errors🥲)
Thank you 💛 for making information like this freely available to people who need it, honestly I would consider it free CBT. I’ve been to counselling and CBT sessions, €70 an hour, and have never had this explained to me in such a clear way.
You have some of my favourite content on TH-cam! Thank you for sharing your extensive insights and putting in all the time and effort to indirectly better my life 🐬🐉
Love your way of approaching things, guilt is a low frequency emotion that can be very destructive indeed. It's no wonder that seeking forgiveness to the divine is a very common spiritual purification practice in many religions, its purpose its precisely to clean one's spirit from guilt and its dangers. Thanks for the practical framework!
+1 sub for dropping straight truth up in here like it's no big deal 👏 Easy to digest, well balanced delivery so as not to be condescending. Mui bueno! 🤌
I was expecting some unhelpful general advice, but this is actually helpful. Over the past few weeks, I've been exploring mood tracking with a free app. It has opened my eyes to the fact that feelings are like a compass and not an obstacle to be beaten up on or to be ignored. I really like the idea that we can learn from guilt, even if it takes some practice to not get carried away by its intensity. That's why I would still advise people to see a therapist if such problems persist. I believe this is usually the quickest way to get better.
Dolphin emojis do exist ☠ (only OGs will get the reference). 🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉
All I can think of is Yokai Buster Murakami
I would like to know what this means.
@@LisaKelly-k8swatch the video
@@LisaKelly-k8swatch the full video ;)
lol, i only just now became an og!
“You convince yourself that if you feel bad enough then you can atone for your sin.” … well put
So succinct and punchy, yup.
Is it from viewing the problem externally? Like, we can all tell when someone apologizes without meaning it. Such that internally, we feel we're not being sincere with our shortcomings. "I need to be more sorry and more downtrodden to PROVE I'm actually sorry for my actions." 🤔
And what is worse is the fact that sadly many will allow or take seek out or even just simply except any bad and harmful thing, rather it's done to themselves by themselves., done by others to them, or just how things are going and that's that hard part is trying to get past those feelings of i'm finding different ways to atone for it rather than breaking free of it
@@orangetaho4u207 that's an interesting perspective and deep thought-I'm certain there are people who unconsciously operate in this way. By shining a light of awareness on our traits and behaviours, only then can we start to shift out of these modus operandi we all may find ourselves in... 💭
🐉 Thank you!
I love that you dive right into your topics, it really helps capture attention in a world with quick instant satisfaction. You definitely know the people who click on your videos
He doesn't hustle you with Bullsh**, which used to be the way media was 40 years ago before everybody wanted likes, subscriptions and other horse manure time wasting.
It's the Mr beast format
Agree
I really appreciate when creators do this too! Not just yammering on about who knows what at the beginning lol.
It's so refreshing and helpful to not have any noise during the video for sure!
You know you actually want to get better when you DO want to hear this.
Yessss cheers to always being open to learning and not having our heads buried in the sand. 🌱
exactly why clicked right away on the video once i found it! gotta get better for myself 😁💪🏻
Definitely
@@daichiverse the personal growth journey has no final destination 👣
@@alicephoenixpoetryjournal9062 🙏🪴
Thank you for this. I actually really loved the bit about “nothing you do is unforgivable”, because it doesn’t mean that you are entitled to forgiveness from everyone you’ve wronged, but that you are never irredeemably separated from your ability to forgive yourself
There is nothing you can do that can't be forgiven, unless no one (including yourself) ever noticed that you did it. And in that case there is no forgiveness because there is no shame/guilt.
@@Culpride at the same time you have to realize and accept that you did something wrong, and not deflect to other people
This was really nicely put. 🙏
Umm..well unless u did commit some unforgivable sin, then Yes u do deserve to be forgiven if u regret ur actions and want to make amends or improve. However there are some ppl who wont forgive because THEY are the dicks. Not you.
I saw a lot, I mean A LOT self improvement content, but you are the only person that is real, sound strange, but it’s true, you give realistic advices and speak about right things instead of “just do it, be discipline, don’t be a p*ssy” and whatever. I subscribed and watch every video with joy taking notes and screenshots. Thank you so much for what are you doing. Lately I have been blamed myself so much for things that I have done not so perfect, for working not so hard, for just relaxing and trying to have joy of things that I liked and not working just instead of it. Now I’m trying to be a friend to myself.
This put a smile on my face. Thank you for taking the time to type it sir! All the best in your journey of becoming a better friend to yourself. May we forever walk this road together.
Love that you're now simply practicing being a friend to yourself. That's worth every piece of personal dev material you might've ever consumed. 🕊
I was never motivated by the whole "don't be a p*ssy" bullshit. I don't understand why people think that beating someone down is the way to life them up
Just here to say you are a very likable person.
And you, my fine sir/madam, are a very likeable person too. Should I have encountered you at a bar I would most certainly have tipped my hat to you and proposed my finest offering of apple juice for us to share.
@@NewelOfKnowledge I think what internet person wants to really say is that you are physically attractive - distractingly so. Though I will give you credit for having a natural teaching charisma . . .
Very! I subcribed within 3 min.
@@NewelOfKnowledge I like beer
@@forgottensage-o5o They said what they meant to. Stop putting words in peoples mouth.
🐬🐉🐉🐬 literally sitting in a puddle of tears. Thank you so so much for releasing content like this, not having much guidance on how to operate as a human adult has been incredibly painful. Thank you for starting up your channel 💗
Hey :’) I appreciate you.
I agree! Lots of people, young and who were once young, didn't get much guidance in the years when it would have been most needed.
Lewis, ever considered a video on how to find your calling / vocation (call it what you will) ? It would be much appreciated by your younger audience.
Also, looking forward to the video you are working on 🐉🐬🐉🐬
I believe in you 🌱 it's admirable that you can admit this about how you see yourself-at the same time, this level of self-awareness suggests to me that you're doing a lot better as an adult than you may think you are. Keep walking along your path with your head held high, personal development has no final destination. 💫
So guilt is the catalyst for positive change. Love it!
i love how deep and detailed this videos get, every video feels like i came out of it with ton of knowledge, thanks for your videos!
This is of great help! Struggling with being your worst enemy is so exhausting: any help is more than welcome. Cheers for your dedication 🐬🐉
8:55: this man really knows the worst part of self-inflicted guilt is the disgust when thinking about forgiving yourself 😢
Bad enough coming from oneself and terrible coming from others. By combining both of them, it's the ultimate deadly duo of diseases
“You can’t hate yourself into loving yourself.”
its researched that guilt is the CAUSE, not the result of selfsabotage. We selfsabotage bc we were made to feel guilty to succeed, failing feels better then guilt of leaving someone behind (abanoddong a parent )so we sacrifise a fullfilling life. It comes from emotional incest. We only start to feel the guilt when we stop selfsabotaging, its an avoidance of guilt. We can only feel guilt about sabotaging ourselves when we feel we betray ourselves but bc our loyalty is more with the other, this is the lesser guilt and betrayel. Ive def put myself in a prison to avoid guilt
Well put.
Thanks for the detailing buddy...
I am going to watch this video a few times to really let it sink in.
It's the difference between accepting oneself as you are and not accepting oneself and secretly believing that you are more and better than you are. So, since I can br better I should have know better and done the right thing. Accepting oneself is letting go of that idealized image you created about youself. Only accepting oneself with all your stuff, bad and good can let you learning how to do things differently.
I'm not sure if you notice the detail; but the use of a whiteboard instead of a standard digital illustration makes the videos a whole lot more engaging and almost seem interactive, giving greater retention of our focus as a watcher and also more personalised content.
Loving the videos
🐬🐉🐲
it feels like you're there with him 🙏🌱
Yes, please keep the whiteboard.
What is standard digital illustration? Not trying to be obtuse really asking
Thank God he said there is nothing unforgivable because I was feeling really guilty about all the murders I have done.
I just faced you in Blue Creek apartments and you ran off like a p*55y when the sirens rang 🤣
Do you believe that murder is unforgivable? Or even a certain amount?
All sarcasm aside I'm a RSO, so I know first hand that not everything is forgivable. There isn't a person on this planet that wants to forgive me or see me thrive. Least of all myself.
Do you know who wrote the hymn Amazing Grace? There’s an important story behind it.
@@WhatEver-si7kt What's RSO?
Healthy guilt just arose for me for the first time in 10 years. I'm starting to love myself.. I hope everyone can.
Love that this shift has occurred for you! We all deserve to love ourselves. 🙏🕊
Amazing and underrated video, everything you say explains a lot of troubles that I've seen in myself and other people, especially nowadays with social media, but it can work with any other distraction (maybe destructive self critique can be considered as a ditraction too).
This is the kind of knowledge that should be shared with everyone, congrats 👏
Often, we resist change because it’s difficult, but acknowledging and addressing the ways we hold ourselves back is the first step to real growth. Sometimes, the hardest advice is the one that helps us the most
Wow I felt the love you put in this video. You are a very good communicator and funny jajaaj. You will help to heal a lot of people
🐉 Very lovely. I found lots of concepts I want to rethink in this video.
And thank you for the sick bucket warning. It's a nice way to convey the messages of cheesy sounding wisdoms without choking on the proverbial cheese.
Cheers
You're such a great speaker! You are reading word for word everything on the board but it sounds as if you are saying it all from the top of your head.. amazing work and such an informative video, thank you
🐬🐉 Can’t wait for the video!
Your videos make me have faith in humanity. Thank you 🙏
You are a genius. Love and peace brother.
Hey I just want to say I’m really glad I found your channel and it’s given me a whole new perspective on life. Thanks bro ❤️
I just want to say thank you, you have helped me change my mindset alot 🐲
Watched so many self improvement channels came across this by chance and your channel is my new fav!! Time to binge watch. Thankyou for helping so much ❤
I'm trying to identify my unhealthy guilt... I feel guilty for being happy, for achieving the things I want. I feel I don't deserve what others have. And my subconscious, or whatever it is, keeps me making decisions, sometimes split-second decisions, that prevent me from achieving that success, and happiness, no matter how hard I work towards it, or sometimes, it offers itself to me. I just cannot win.
I believe struggle with in between healthy and unhealthy guilt. That grey area where after months of processing an event of enormous consequence, I struggle on identifying the corrective action because i struggle with how guilty I really am (I know I am partially). I suppose it’s closer to healthy because I am choosing everyday to be better off from it but it seems to linger in my thoughts and dreams, leaving me to question myself and my ability to move on with conviction.
Thanks for the topic brother, I maybe stretching the limits of guilt and shading into other emotions, but it helps me to try to use the framework to think through this for me
I've been struggling with this concept and how to grow, and heal my emotions of guilt and shame, and this simple description of the step-by-step process has been fantastic in making it digestible for me. Thank you.
🐉🐬.. I don't usually comment, as a rule ;) but I look forward to seeing what you've been cooking up.
Incredible video, exactly the approach I’ve been starting to intuitively take - but you put into words and a lovely framework. Thank you!
🐬🐉Sometimes it's really hard to decide is the rule reasonable for you. I'm really struggling with hurting anyone, even in return, because I feel like it's kind of disgusting to feel better than someone, degrading them, and therefore feel ashamed. It's like, if a person hurts me they probably being hurted already, maybe for a long time. They already feel like crap or avoiding this feeling, so it's like punching a baby, knowing their weaknesses. I wanna make them accountable, but without being cruel or poisonous myself. But just never being angry visibly is very limiting. I know the rules of expressing emotions, and anger is expressed through boundaries, but gosh I would like to make them feel what I felt.
I love your comment. A whole video can be made on that. I feel what you feel, my whole life. The reward is we are good people in not wanting to inflict pain even on a perpetator and seeing them as someone hurting themselves, and not feeling deserving to feel better then someone else. I'll even add that when another person is depressed particularly my own family member, I am sick with sadness for them and can't possibly go out and live a fun life while they are suffering so I sabatodge my self. It's the basis of why I can never achieve the things I want, I DONT DESERVE TO BE HAPPY IF OTHERS NEAR ME ARE NOT HAPPY PARTICULARLY MY YOUNG ADULT CHILDREN .
It's stupid but I live in internal tortured mental state most of the time as if it's Allegiance to to my concern for them . I sacrifice my happiness cause I couldn't stand myself going after happiness for myself while they suffer. I just can't do it. So I try to make them happy while being an unhappy person myself. I do understand that I need to be the role model of happiness and it will best help them but I can't bridge that gap to put the air mask on myself 1st.
This earth school is so hard.
@@debraseddonbloch I understand this feeling. It's hard. But those boundaries about what people can or can not do are important. One thing I understood that when you say no, it's not the end, the situation changes, and new solutions appear. So it's worth to try new. You're totally right about wanting to be a role model. I think it's worth to mention that children can copy their parents, and they can get this pattern of "I can't be happy" too. So there's a possibility of a vicious circle.
Sometimes the idea of happiness is scary. But it's an emotion. You are feeling it from time to time anyway. Another question "Are you doing what you want to do?". Can you compensate for doing what you want, if you think it's harmful to others? Are there small things that you can do for yourself? Do you have time dedicated to yourself?
If you're scared, be gentle to yourself. It's possible to change in small steps to feel better and safer.
It's so hard to feel good, happy and loved when you overstep your boundaries and put yourself on the second place. It feels unfair. If you feel discomfort it's important. Try to find another option, if it's possible. Don't stop there. There can be better, you never know.
Empathy is about all sorts of emotions, including joy. And if you feel down you can rely either on yourself, the person who knows your soft spots the best, therapist, if everything is complicated, or friends and family.
I'm sorry if it was preachy, but I really hope that you'll feel better. I was happy to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with it. Thank you.
I actually sometimes tried to put myself first, needed to cut off toxic people, or people who weren't respecting my boundaries. They just continued to live, trying to find better options for themselves. Someone even changed a bit and tried to be more empathic to others. I don't know their experience in those situations. But I felt amazing, knowing that I've actually cared for myself.
You either stay away from them or you get angry and push back. There's nothing wrong with anger. You're entitled to create a safe world for yourself by putting an end to the abuse others inflict
@@smokingcrab2290 You're absolutely right.
Most of the time I understand that if I'll say something rude back it will be a long exchange of insults, and it's useless and unpleasant, so I decided to be more careful with vulnerability on the internet in what I write, and just not even finish reading potentially rude comments and disabling notifications for a thread in those cases. So "stay away" is my choice for strangers, especially on social media.
I'm not sure if pushing back is possible with them. They can rise defenses forever, and there can be more than one person. So even if you scare away one of them, can appear more. But with people you see more than once pushing back totally can work.
I didn't even realize before that this problem roots are social media specifics, and that's why boundaries hardly work there. Irl it's easier.
Thank you. It was great to see the options again and to think about them.
Why is your voice so relaxing. Bravo
Hi,
This is really helpful to me.
I am around my borderline mother with alzheimers alot and i understand where my unhealthy guilt comes from: HER!
She makes me feel bad when i don’t act 200% as her expectations. And now when she’s sick, it’s worse; she will say it like she did when i was a child and it triggers alot of shame in me.
Might be worth for her to try lionsmane mushroom for the alzeimers, also sounds like you shouldnt spend so much time with her...no one can make me feel as bad as my mom does.
I cracked up when you started jokes-gagging at sending love to your guilt - it’s cool to talk about self-love and I know you know this too which is why it was hilarious. Well played.
Ever since I came across your videos, I've taken a few steps that have been slowly but surely changing my life for the better. You've inspired me to reflect more and follow my own path despite what others may or may not think. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Also... 🐉
10:13 um don’t play with me like that
I was struggling with this right now, and just hearing you explaining calmed me down, and I feel actually better. Thank you :)
I’ve done some reflection on this recently as to why I don’t do what I say I’ll do. It brings me guilt and shame knowing I’m not doing what is best for me. The conclusion I drew is that the objectives of my soul are not aligned with the objectives of my mind.
My souls knows that I must destroy my old self and let go of who I am to transform into who I’m destined to be, someone greater, the sum of my parts, the culmination of all I can be, the fully realised potential for virtue God has bestowed within me. However my mind refuses to let go of my old self because it is comfortable where it is. Its scared of the inevitable change and the work and effort required to change.
I’m trying to reprogram my mind to align with my soul and consuming content like this and writing these comments is part of that but success has been limited.
i wish you all the best 😊❤
This video just showed up to me when I needed it the most. Thank you so so much and God bless you!
Thanks for doing this man. So many of us walk around so lost and don’t know where to start. Your videos are really helpful and more than that, they’re nourishing in a way.
And I mean specifically lost in our healing journey
This was so sweet, like a warm hug from a good friend, I think I love u
What like how you acknowledge the cringe nature of some of the work and self talk we need to practice
thank you, october has a way of making me want to “let myself get bad again” for seemingly no reason, but after this i will go take care of myself
In my introspection era 😗
Lez gooooo!!!!
Just keep in mind introspection without action is useless
@@Boz196practice is always higher than theory. We only learn through practice 🙏
Dropping it in 🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉🐬🐉 !! :D
Thanks for the video this is really liberating and give me a better clarity about myself and my own mind and acts. Cannot wait for your reprogramming video!^^
Not to sound rude because obviously the content of your message is exceptional, but it's your voice that keeps me coming back. You have a beautiful voice. You sound very calm and soothing to me. Thank you. 💛
I just wanted to say that your videos are really great. They helped me clear things up, they are so on the point and easy to understand. Thank you
This has been an ongoing issue since childhood conditioning. I've resolved a lot of traumas.. but this ongoing guilt spiral has always been such a beast. No one outside of me seems to understand it and when i share out loud it sounds very embellished. This has been so so helpful. Implementing asap. So much gratitude. ✨
This video is incredible. By now, I have watch a bunch of your videos and I can confidently say they are all incredible. Thank you so much! :)
He felt guilty because he marred the whiteboard. (2:36) Healthy or unhealthy? 🙂
This video speaks to me and you say it in a way that unique so that I can hear it. So take that and dump it together the whole bunch of anxiety bordering on panic at times and tell me what you think.
I went into this video thinking I’d be majorly called out and that I deserved it, (I was on a real bad negative spiral,) but I’ve never been more pleasantly surprised and comforted. Really, this truly helped me. Thank you for the time and effort you put into these, you’re a blessing man.
"In this progression of cause and effect, where am I responsible, and what efforts can I make?"
9:04 😆you okay?
🐬🐉 and thanks for the video!
Man this is Beautiful. I had to listen at 0.75 speed as its so mind-blowing and had to let it sink in.
You seem like a very good friend, thank you for the content. You are helping people, don’t doubt that.
Sorry
Just
Talent is very attractive,integrity is Spellbinding and consistency is the key to my heart,I mean, key success
onelove
Salute! You just helped someone who was brainwashed by a sadistic Narcissistic Mother. Woww. I keep resisting the programming but it's sneaky corrupt bs. Thank u so very much you amazing guru of the spotless mind! You've just earned a new subscriber.
Oh years ago I pumped a needle full of air into my vein. I prayed and cried. I turned into an agoraphobia. You have no idea dear one.
Much love to you! This is very helpful!
i like that - don't try to get rid of the old rules without having new ones in place.
Lewis 🐬🐉
You are my new internet psychologist, thank you boss
🐉🐬 I put both
Best of wishes with us all in the face of our own self conflict. Thanks for the knowledge as always, Lewis. Looking forward to the fruits of your research 🐉🐬🐉
You can help a lot of people with this content. Well done.
I can't understand people who can't forgive themself or others everything. But i forgive myself for that😂🙌 thank you for that good video, i feel right in this world if i hear you talking like that becouse it shows a beautiful way to deal with live
“Just like an angry parent”
isn’t that harsh voice in our head, actually voices that we’ve heard and learned in our childhood.
Such as our parents
Or peers
Other adults.
Siblings.
Inner critic can be helpful at times.
But it’s when it becomes cruel that it becomes harmful.
Just like you speak of here.
Awareness of all of this is key.
Introspection.
I am proud of myself for understanding all of this, and that I’m on this path of learning.
May I ask how you started?
I would love to know your story!
Many thanks for this. Many. And for all you generally do. I must return to 4:08 again and let it all calmly percolate. I think I need to return to this whole video, actually. And then again.
I feel personally attacked.
Cinque! 😀🤓 what a great video and sense of humour you have- thank you (grazie)
You just earned a subscriber. Very thoughtful and very digestibly presented. And love the accent mate
I am my worst critic when it comes to making mistakes. And not achieving the results I'm after in my hobbies. Lot of advice I'm going to think about in this one. Thanks dude.
I knew I was my own worst enemy but this video really helped me to simplify and clarify how and why. Thanks. It’s one thing knowing and another to do it. I hope I can.🐬🐲
Keep in mind that when somebody tells you why they aren't where they should be in life, and it's not this reason, then it's abusive to not believe them and to plough over what they just told you.
This guy is so intelligent
My guilt is like, I’m a bad son, I’m a bad husband. I know what I could do today to be better at both. For whatever reason,whatever my mental block is, I won’t do it.
This is incredible! Thank you 🙏🏾
My depression and trauma definitely feed my self sabotage. As an autistic person, I was introduced to the idea that I was a burden at a young age by my teachers, and being forced into the role of social pariah by my peers didn’t help. The rejection sensitive dysphoria certainly I developed over the years from being rejected repeatedly despite every effort I made to make myself likeable and reliable has left me seeking isolation and feeling guilty and resentful of the act of being alive.
I am terrified to apply for in person jobs because I feel like I am doomed to fail because my boss will be looking for a reason to fire me as soon as possible for failing to meet neurotypical standards. I feel like a parasite, and sometimes the only vision of paradise I have is living in a quiet cabin in the woods, with a bunch of dogs, and never dealing with with people in person ever again.
It’s hard to fight that voice telling you you’re a failure and a burden when people reject you so frequently.
Insane mad person checking in. Getting to work ❤ 🐬🐉
Hey, whattup!
I'm just loving your videos! They are very enlightening and help us understand why we are doing a certain habit and how to improve. I feel lighter and more motivated after watching your channel.❤
(I'm from Brazil, I'm using the translator so sorry if there are any errors🥲)
Thank you 💛 for making information like this freely available to people who need it, honestly I would consider it free CBT. I’ve been to counselling and CBT sessions, €70 an hour, and have never had this explained to me in such a clear way.
You're the kind of person I want to be friends with!
Deal. p.s. nice dog
Mr. Newel!! Love how you explain! Glad I'm old. I made progress, but fighting the shame has been exhausting.
💜
5 in Italian is cinque, "cheen-kwe"
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You have some of my favourite content on TH-cam! Thank you for sharing your extensive insights and putting in all the time and effort to indirectly better my life 🐬🐉
🐉
The gag made me laugh, thank you for the advice friend. Stay safe out there
🐬🫧
Love your way of approaching things, guilt is a low frequency emotion that can be very destructive indeed. It's no wonder that seeking forgiveness to the divine is a very common spiritual purification practice in many religions, its purpose its precisely to clean one's spirit from guilt and its dangers.
Thanks for the practical framework!
+1 sub for dropping straight truth up in here like it's no big deal 👏
Easy to digest, well balanced delivery so as not to be condescending. Mui bueno! 🤌
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I was expecting some unhelpful general advice, but this is actually helpful. Over the past few weeks, I've been exploring mood tracking with a free app. It has opened my eyes to the fact that feelings are like a compass and not an obstacle to be beaten up on or to be ignored. I really like the idea that we can learn from guilt, even if it takes some practice to not get carried away by its intensity. That's why I would still advise people to see a therapist if such problems persist. I believe this is usually the quickest way to get better.
You, Sir, made my day with your energy 😂
Thank you for taking the time and effort to do this. It helps
🐉 this video appeared right on time for me. Gratitude 🐉