Shame As A Prison
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 เม.ย. 2024
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A sad reality about Complex Trauma is not just that it results in shame; it's that the shame becomes a prison, keeping us from changing, growing, becoming healthy. Tim explores the many sophisticated layers of security in this prison that all work to prevent us from escaping - from growing.
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It feels like i just cant change, I know I'm aware of my shame, my people-pleasing ways, my control issues, perfectionism, caring too much about the opinions and thoughts of other, I am paralysed and stuck in anxiety, I feel hopeless some times so I try my best to keep to myself now and isolate myself, being around others is so so exhausting I am always on alert, always on edge
Same
Oh my God, You have said exactly what I think 🤔. We will win, brother. It is a large path buy We will overcome. (My first language is Spanish sorry 😊)
OH MY you just descibed me😮
Your english is better than my spanish. Celebrate your accomplishment!
@@williamstark9568 Oww thank youuuuu. I will improve. By the way, I hope You get better :)
It seems like shame is the ultimate abusive relationship
Pavlovian conditioning through shame and fear.
AMEN!!!
It is !! Most definitely !! ... Abuse induces a ton of (sh*t)-shame ... 👎🏾😵💫💩
Shame came up today. Months later. Good days have finally happened. I smiled this week.
This is me 100% all the time. I started feeling some anxiety just listening to this, but it help me to understand what is happening. Thank you so much.🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Physically sick in stomach after listening. This is my thinking forever. It feels very hopeless to get thru. I do have some help & have lost so much in past year.
Stop beating yourself up for being human!!!
...easier said..than done.( sigh)
Try to use it to be more compassionate with yourself and keep fighting that mean inner critic which is a recording of your abusers who don't want you to move forward but keep you stuck. ❤
Highly recommend finding a trauma therapist to heal the childhood CPTSD. If you find a good one that has survived their own CPTSD they will help you reparent yourself while addressing your daily triggers, flashbacks thru EMDR, or similar modality. Over time you will notice your inner parts integrate and emotions regulate... nervous system becomes more grounded and self compassion becomes a daily occurrence. The toxic shame and inner critic wont continue to direct our behavior in 4F's...Limbic brain. We will become more goal oriented in healthy self care... we will be more curious and compassionate toward self and others! We will develop a new purpose for living!
Don't give up! You are resilient! ❤️🩹
@@MarkThrive thank you. Good advise. Doing emdr. Therapy. Healing course. Inner child work. Very slow. Hard.
If only you were my therapist 30 years ago, wasted decades on "therapy" that went nowhere 😢😢😢
Same! I used to be resentful in so many ways for those wasted years!
What a story we will have as we finally become grounded... integrating our parts and becoming emotionally regulated! Don't give up... you are resilient ❤️🩹
Most therapists are clueless or are cowards. Go to a new primary care physician and they will do a medical history including family history on the first visit. If therapists did the same, first visit, it would be FVCKING OBVIOUS what the issues are. Now the resolution isn’t easy, but at least the WHY would be out in the open.
I have lived with shame so long.I am 79 years old and think it's hopeless.I have been to therapy for years.I thought I was done with it but when I got into a relationship with and emotional toxic relationship with a narcissist.The shame is worst than it has ever been.I relapsed in that relationship but I have 9 yrs now but it's so painful .l feel like a imposter in recovery.
Same
Please be careful with the term 'emotionally regulated' ... sounds robotic
What an accurate description of the shame spiral! The details of singing while cleaning and remembering my siblings making fun of me. For some reason, in my family singing for the sake of singing and expression is a sign of madness and showing unexplained joy for being alive is shameful. How bitter they were at seeing joy! How miserable must be a person to be bothered by someone else's joy!
Thanks again, Tim.
I'm going to save this piece of art because I know I will need to hear it again to battle and not get stuck in any trench.
Me too dam
@@saulbeiza7303
This is now the second time I hear it 😂
Indeed , this is actual artwork made out of Truth.
I HATE when someone sings or whistles around me. My mother and sibling did this all the time. But I tried to not shame them for it, even though it invaded my auditory space and made me miserable.
This man is a God sent. You just described my whole life. I just realized that all my guilty feelings are nothing but shame and fear 😢
My shame started with controlling, threatening and verbally abusive people in the form of two hate filled parents! Shame on them!
Same to me. Always criticised
Lots of THAT in this world. Know you aren't alone. 😢
Pray for your parents and forgive them or
@@user-vi3re9wr3o or what
Forgive no sh*t !! ... Neither forgive nor forget 👎🏾😖💩 ... Shame is on THEM, not on us ... Stop re-victimising the victims by demanding atonement ... Bad parenting is an epidemic worse than Cov*d 🧬☠️ ...
I've been living comically literally in this prison for the past 5 years. After failing the grad school, I came back home and locked myself. I even stopped checking my social media accounts under the heavy shadow of shame. At first, I genuinely believed that it was just a break to figure out my true calling. I would let myself to be, sharpen my skills, and come back stronger. I was tragically naive. I glamorous prison break plan had been nothing but the sinister, gulish plan of Shame's head of torture office, agent perfectionism. It took three to four years that I yielded to this fact that i am here for a lifetime. The prison is my life. I will keep listening to you, though. For a moment, I almost remembered the taste of hope.
This isn’t a temp 5 year thing, this is something that people with complex PTSD and childhood trauma experience throughout their life
Yes , I took a similar road , for more than. 10 years. Now I overcome all my fears and anxiety and I'm walking on earth like a little God that we are all. Probably be a coach is a good idea finally
@@richardcardinale7152what help you?
@@richardcardinale7152how did you escape from the spiral?
@@tanasaflorin3699 years of chasing my fears.
There's aback story to every problem that pops up. Years long resentments run deep. Best thing I ever did was to leave.
Oh how I wish that I had run away when I was younger. I knew something was wrong but I thought it was me. It was my parents, who should never have been able to procreate.
@@tammyhiatt1804same here, I should've left when I was younger now I have been infected with their vibe😢
I notice my shame was a protective part when I was younger because it made me small, quiet, unobtrusive and apologetic. Now as an adult if I feel vulnerable or tired or upset or angry or sick my body reacts by triggering my shame. Shame I can't be perfect or happy or healthy. It tells me I am broken or faulty and need to withdraw from everyone around me. It shuts off my access to love and ability to accept love from others. It's so isolating and exhausting. Healing is possible but it definitely does take time!
It's tremendously hard but worth it. You are worth it.
And so you are 😊
This makes me wish that I ran away when I was younger. My parents have destroyed me.
Your parents didn't destroy you. They helped you to understand how to become a better you.
We have to change the way we speak to ourselves
I tried to run away 3 times, but I had no planning or survival skills, I just got caught straight away and everything ended up worse than before. Now my favourite daydream is about how I could have succeeded in running away. I also feel that I was destroyed by my family. Obviously I'm still here but my life is a lonely nightmare.
Sure, you can sugar coat it and lie to yourself.@jfreemanoliver1
Lots of parents had no idea how to parent and repeated exactly the same their own parents did. We need to break the cycle, be aware and empower ourselves. We are fortunate these days, we have social media and access to psychologists, books and people who have been through the same and we can educate ourselves and CHANGE! The power is within us like ‘Louise Hay’s says,
Me too
THANK YOU!!!
You are answering questions I have had since I was a child and throughout my years.
The way you explain it is very easy to understand and comprehend.
This information has magically opened my eyes to the cause and effects that has controlled my entire life. But not no more...
I can now see others going through the same and will definitely send them your way.
shame is hard to identify when it has always been the norm.
@@leslieleslie1284 you are 100% correct. The good news is that we have time to practice so we control the monster instead of it controlling us. Can't allow it to make excuses for us not to succeed...
Yep! I agree 💯...We had no capacity to understand what was taught to us... we normalized it.
Tim is sharing science!!! Neuroscience- the brain can be rewired via neuroplasty.
@@leslieleslie1284
So true, interesting though I never thought of it as shame. Shows how easily a person can be manipulated and groomed. That's the scary part of it all...
Thank you for showing me that I'm in prison. I came back here in 2004. I should have stayed in Washington. But I'll never be able to walk out of the shame if I had not come here. I hurt my back in 1993 I thought if I came here, back close to family, would be good. Thank you for showing me the way to excape my prison.
You gave my apathy a name - I now can see my "prison" and why I struggled for nearly a year now to get help.
I thought it was depression without the black cloud - but it is/was shame all along.
Whatever, big thanks to you, I listen to a lot of your lectures, but this one hit the spot. Thank you very much!
I forgot all my childhood experiences and always puzzle later in life for my own wierdness
Thanks to Tim,for bringing back my memories,now I know how all my life decisions make sense
I'm exhausted burned out in my 8 years old marriage. I had a 9 months of trauma counseling 4 years ago as a community church helped me to access for a very low fee. I'm married to a man w a TBI front lobe very verbally aggressive, disrespectful towards calling me names. He is also very secretive about his past and often goes out for long hours behaving like a single, not married person. He drinks with buddies almost every day and lie to me often. It seems I'm his 4th of 5th wife, I'm not sure, I thought I was his 3rd wife. I just can't take it anymore he crushes me often and I'm unhealthy passive to my circumstances. I'm full of shame in my marriage and need to have courage to leave him. I need to get rid of this heaviness I'm carrying around and start to run free to the goal of my race. I'm 61 years old and feel so old and so tired. I pray wisdom enable me to stand for myself and find my voice and space again. I don't trust people, I avoid people and have a tendency to keep to myself to feel safe but I need safe kind people in my life.
I need prayers to walk away and feel free to laugh and enjoy life again.🙏
I left after 19 years. My ex-husband who was verbally, emotionally, physically, and financially abusive. I was told by an angel that came in human form “RUN!!!!!”
@@LeaveYourAbuser at least you can heal now.
Run
I found a safe, supportive community in codependency recovery meetings. I did the recovery work on myself and got healthy enough to leave my toxic marriage. Counseling was helpful too. I wish you all the best. It is possible to be responsible to ourselves and change!
It will never get better until you leave. If you can, leave town altogether
The mom scenario is exactly what happened to me except I ended up cutting out my entire family. I have been struggling with crippling shame and this video is exactly what I needed.
I used this analogy many times..the prison without bars, guilt, verdict, judge, guards, protecting myself from the world and the world from me, absurd, but very powerful
The last bit was so heart breaking. I know that self imposed prison very well. Looking from the outside in, it's soul shattering witnessing someone punish themselves for doing something as simple as waking up. I've been punishing myself for so long.
This is one of the BEST teachings on Shame, I have ever heard. He broke the effects down to where a little child could understand. I’ve been helped tremendously! Thank you and may God grant you the fortitude to keep up the good work you are providing to the world at large. 👍🏽👏🏽🙏🏽😇
Shame is a the #1 tool of the demonic. This is why, in my personal opinion, we need to have a relationship with some unconditionally loving higher power, at the core all of this is spiritual but we must also use practical tools. I've noticed that many people with cptsd are triggered by talk of God becasue we were spiritually abused. I've found that healing a relationship with God was key in getting out of the shame prison.
Really good point ❤
I was definitely spiritualy abused and forced to go to every Church event. Where i come from, there are 7 to 8 hour overnight church events and my mom made me go to every single one of them.
@mr.increediblle7964 That sounds very painful. You're not alone. I grew up in Utah and was forced to go to church and deal with similar, but we each go through our own hell when we are spiritually/religiously abused. Thanks for sharing that with me, a stranger, I care, and I wish that hadn't happened to you.
Cultivating a relationship with the Holy Spirit is good. He was sent as the comforter. He’s a person, not a religion, and never fails us. Church folks and religion can be a problem, but not the blame ultimately… it’s childhood shames that the church folk never had addressed 🙃
Very profound comment. Especially relevant how some organized religions claim to fight the demonic force but are using its ways. What a shame! (😅)
This has got to be one of the best series on TH-cam. It definitely one of the main things that helped me get over my divorce and my work on my drinking issues. Great work!Thank you for everything.
This video helps me realize that I don't have to be so hard on myself for feeling ' it's so much work' to get through those bars, guards, and security systems.
Thank you to Tim and to 'Jessica' for sharing your struggles in everyday things.
Bless you both.💗
I am 35 and hid away from the world due to massive amounts of shame for most of my life. I have done things that, if they were to come out, would make me lose friends and family (it is not illegal).
I wish i found videos like this, had a mentor or youtube was a thing when i was a teenager. I have struggled for more than half my life and kept every single thing to myself, not sharing anything with a single soul.
It all makes sense now because i am a perfectionist and try to control everything (someone said that it was due to childhood trauma and not being in control as a kid)
Good lord, her description of her internal monologue at the end is SO familiar but it's so jarring to hear it spoken out loud. To hear the near constant barrage of negative thoughts that we have to fight against every day. It truly is so exhausting.
Thank you Tim. You are helping me to change my life. I'm forever grateful. ❤🙏 I get so much out of these Shame videos.
It feels like you just spent a week in my head. Wow. The difference it makes to have language and reasoning behind what happens for me makes such a difference.
How have you just described my whole life Tim.
The Daily routine is mine.
Thank you and the person who wrote the dairy for reading it.
❤God answers our prayers of healing and freedom through this psychiatrist GLORY!!!
It seems to me a majority of society is afflicted with shame.
A shame filled society we live under.
Really? Nobody has any shame. They do whatever they want, and expect you to not only tolerate it, but support it.
@@6MyUsername9you haven't scratched beneath the surface
Thank you so much. It was so uncomfortable when I started noticing my thoughts. I didn’t realize that this was something that I was going to have to go through. I also didn’t notice that God made us in a way that when we start noticing our thoughts the Holy Spirit inside of us starts working on them of his own accord.
Incredible content as always Tim. Thank you for helping me realise the huge part shame plays in my life, which before I was completely unaware of.
Thank you so much for this, and for the journal entry. I almost cried listening to it as it reminded me of how I used to be and made me reflect on the monumental amount of progress I've made. For those of us who are far along in our healing journey, a reminder of the shame spiral of CPTSD that we've all experienced.
I am watching it again. I am relief for your clarification that it is long war or process. Sometimes I have felt like giving up. Thank you Sir. your work is so helpful. God bless.
Ok, now I have tears in my eyes. This is so much like me. Thank you for this, this is a brilliant validating video. 🙏🙏🙏
Edit: I will be watching this multiple times
I have to train myself to think differently because this is exactly the problem.
Use your rational brain to shut up in defiance your inner critic. Changing is about being yourself and not what the inner critic wants you to be. It's not so much about changing and being someone else but using your rational brain to stop the tyrant in you.
This idea to train ourselves is shame itself. It slithers like a snake. It infects everything with shame. Doing something or not doing - shame will be behind it, with torrent of inner criticism.
Consider CBT, meditations, a vigorous exercise regime with lots of self affirmations while training.. remember we are all gonna die, so go all in and leave no stone unturned, practice is love.. No one is judging you more than you, and if they are it's cos they are more messed up than you, so fuck them people
Called “pig, lazy pig, slob, stupid, lazy, dumb” etc by my parents for years growing up. Horribly shamed for simply being a messy little kid.
Fast forward to 37 and my MIL is very nit picky. Watches most things I do and makes “funny” helpful comments. I panic being around her
So glad I have worked through and let go of so many layers of shame. Still got many to go, but I See the work working!
i just went through a big cycle of this and am just around 50 starting to get to where i can start evaluating it.
God. Shame has halted me at so many points in life. Its ruined relationships, denied creativity and expression... why are we torturing ourselves like this?
After a while you just think fk it, coz you're gonna feel like garbage regardless of right or wrong or perfect. It's your shame of your OWN doing and that doesn't have to be the case.
Disregard that fully embedded inner-standard and just fk it.
Literally what's the worst that can happen? Oh you feel bad? You felt bad anyway
But at least you didn't let shame that was imposed upon you stop you for once, and thats the point
I am only halfway through this video and love ❤️ every word Tim is communicating. I will have to listen to it on repeat.
thank you for putting your finger on exactly what I have felt for so long, too long. it's really hard to express in words myself but you've put the words together that nail how the past few years of my life have felt at the low points where shame was controlling me.
Thank you, Tim. You go into deep into the "resistance" spoken of in "The War of Art". And thank you, Jessica. You have expressed the way I experience things.
I didn't even realise that I had shame issues, till I started listening to this.😮
Same.
Sometimes you gotta fight with your fears,sometimes you gotta fight with your mind! There's a war going on that nobody knows about. War inside my head!
Great band ST
It is a war to find happiness and peace. We struggle and overcome and thus are stronger than many normal folks
Tim- I just watched your talk from a few years ago 32/33 about self sabotage. It resonates in my life since I was 14(?).
I have always tried to get past it.
I had gotten away from the family. And was getting very good at manifesting. Then the undermining started. Then my girlfriend did some bad things to me, felonies if it was a man, it was physical; it involved lying to police.
Then a psychologist with a phd stole everything. I couldn’t defend myself. Now I’m really broken.
What can I do? Both of these women punished me when I self improved. It put me back 50 years. My life is ruined.
This is serious and important to me.
Edit: I have found out what a narcissist is. Never heard of it before. I have accepted, through therapy, that I had a lot of complex trauma in childhood.
Omg this is so powerful!!!
Thank you! Great discussion 🙏
One of the few instances I’ve felt compassion for myself 😀 thank you!
Thank you. 🙏
Thank you very much! ❤❤
Thanks!
this is the realest thing ive seen regarding to exactly what im dealing with
I have seen more mental health and recovery specialists than I could list and recall. I had a good childhood, but it never admitted to traa but “the trauma I brought on myself. Of course I knew I had shame, but this complex trauma definition, coupled with the biggest harm of shame and repeated failures…This is the explanation I've been dying for for decades. I've been following you for some time, but this video. It's like youve entered my mind and are reporting back to me everything you see, things that I can feel but not express in words. Thank you.❤ Thank you.
Thanks for Your analysis on shame cycle
Thank you ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Whoa...
Words to my thinking.
Im shook
I'm struggling so much right now. It doesn't help that I'm also jobless trying to find a job and have absolutely nothing. I feel like I'm literally trying to keep myself from overthinking myself over the edge. I don't know what to do anymore. All mys solutions seem to have hit a wall.
You letcions are absolutely brilliat, thank you
Dziękujemy.
I've been following Tim's wisdom for about 2.5 yrs! I have seen a major shift in my behavior!
Highly recommend finding a trauma therapist to heal the childhood CPTSD. If you find a good one that has survived their own CPTSD they will help you reparent yourself while addressing your daily triggers, flashbacks thru EMDR, or similar modality. Over time you will notice your inner parts integrate and emotions regulate... nervous system becomes more grounded and self compassion becomes a daily occurrence. The toxic shame and inner critic wont continue to direct our behavior in 4F's...Limbic brain. We will become more goal oriented in healthy self care... we will be more curious and compassionate toward self and others! We will develop a new purpose for living!
Don't give up! You are resilient! ❤️🩹
How can i solve my shame?
Thank you Mr Fletcher for your time that you share to educate all of us. Bless you!🙏💚😊
Thanks tim
Tim thank you you are a real pro in human souls
That was great! I do hope there is a follow up video in the works on how-tos of dealing with or addressing getting rid of shame🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Excellent explanation
Wow!!! This topic helps me greatly. Thanks
Hi Tim, i just recently found your channel and i am so thankful to be here. You’ve given me a pretty detailed roadmap to figure out how my life’s experiences have affected who I am. Shame and disappointment are probably my worst enemies. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wealth of insight.
How are you so articulate this shit SO WELL?! 🙏🏻🙏🏻💁🏻♀️ Thank you.🙏🏻
Amazing. Mind blowing how evrything is so clear explaind and felt. Thank you.
I am going to listen to this one a few more times but I felt like you were describing me from start to finish-even the mother example at the beginning and the partner one too. Wow-it helped me just to hear those examples knowing I’m living them and to hear that it’s really not my fault is somehow freeing and all at once troubling to realize. Thank you for this video-truly helped me.
Wow! Thank you so much! You helped me realize so much about myself. Lightbulb moment! Thank you so much for posting this 🙏
Tim expresses this so clearly!! Not only is this helping me it’s understanding my father that recently died of cancer what he bound by, so deeply and unconsciously… Alanon helped me break out of the people pleasing and Pete Walkers book on c-ptsd helped me understand it, make it conscious- but I’ve been working on it over a decade and it is such a prison! Even tho I’ve gotten out of the main cell, I still haven’t got off the property. This is so helpful I’m in tears, thank you…
Thank You so much! Because of Your videos I started therapy of trauma. Before I had 3therapies that were just touching the top of my problems. Thank You!
thank you so much for this lecture, it was enlightening for me and allowed me to see my unconscious emotions in a new light
I'm impressed by your level of knowledge on shame. It's like your in my mind. Feel less alone but long IS the way but possible. Thank you Tim. You give Hope and help me to feel less alone on this journey.
Excellent 👍👍
Just wanted to say this is an amazing video!
Tim. Recently I recovered feelings associated with a childhood experience. It’s like in a matter of moments, I saw how I had gone from a sense of shame, to a sense of humiliation, then hopelessness and confusion. As a child, it was more than I could handle, and it appears that I shutdown. Or, in other words, repression kicked in. I think it’s a good thing that it did, because as a child, I didn’t have the resources to cope with what I was going through.
After the recovery of these feelings, I feel as if my shame has reduced considerably. I don’t think talk therapy, or reading more books or listening to more videos could have helped to alleviate my shame as effectively as revisiting the feelings associated with this childish experience
On the other hand, in the last few months, I’ve watched many of your videos. Perhaps in some way watching the videos helped me get to the point where I felt safe enough to allow myself to open up to and face the memory component of a childhood experience that had for years been too difficult for me to allow to come up. I probably should add that I’ve been working with an empathic therapist who is a good listener
I don’t know if everyone who has a shame based identity has to recover repressed feelings for real healing to occur. But in my case, I have a more significant understanding of how repression works, and a new found respect for this important defence mechanism
My sense is that a repressed memory in regards to a humiliating childhood experience can imbue us with a sense of shame that informs all of our relationships in the here and now
If you think that you may have had one or more experiences which were too much for you to cope with as a child, consider that there may have been a moment when it became more than you could handle on your own. You may need the support of a good therapist to help you get to the point where you are ready to recover a part of the experience which you had to block, or repress. In my case, I went through a period where I experienced a range of difficult feelings as I began to open up to an experience which had been more traumatic for me than I had been previously aware. Therefore, I think it’s a good idea to have the support of a therapist who really understands this process
Tack!
Thanks for this video. I'm very thankful. I think it'll be a great help for me.
Even though my cortex was fighting to keep the shame under control, there's times when my limbic system would completely take over and I'd feel shame for this. I'd get past the bars, past the walls on the daily but then the prison guards would come along. And I'd spiral back into prison.
There'd be days I would be tired of fighting. But now that I'm aware that this is an entire system, I think I'll be able to be consistent in my healthy changes.
I've come this far with little changes. And those changes were good. So all's I gotta do is keep going. Doesn't matter if I fail. Just gotta keep going.
WOW ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️. inter-generational shame prisons … keeping me “stuck”. This is so so resonating, My Mother, myself & my connecting with my brother’s youngest daughter who is wrestling with this shame & I am in denial…. and constantly stuck in this swamp. THANK YOU 💞
This is probably the single most helpful video I've ever found. Thank you ❤
I agree...I just discovered your videos recently. I was really blessed by them until you slipped into the religious bit. Seriously? Use your psychological knowledge and skills...and not your religious fairy tales. One instructs and heals psychologically and intellectually....the other plays back into the 3 little pigs fairy tales type of mentality. You have something to offer. Stay out of la la land!!!. If I want Cinderella fairy tales...I will go to another site.
@briobarb8525 doesn't necessarily have to be Christianity, but it's helpful for some people to believe in a higher power. And you can chose to listen to other people's translations or you can read and study any book you like and find your own meaning, if you're interested. You don't have to listen to hypocrites.
Tim seems to really understand what it's like to feel shame. Maybe I can finally get over some of my shame.
A very accurate description of my relationship with my husband. What made it really hard for me is when he accused me of being narcissist, he did it in front of others, especially those I care how they see me. What can I do to manage the way out of the being trapped by shame by ignoring him but also don't want those I care not affected by what he said? Should I argue back, I felt like I fall for the same trap again, arguing over a lie.
Excellent insights, Tim. I was paralyzed with shame most of my life; you could say I had a shame-based identity.
I experience shame through what I have done. (my sin)
I experience shame through what has been done to me. (sin against me)
I experience shame through what I believe. (ungodly beliefs)
>>> But God!
God's redemptive solution for shame caused by my sin is confession and repentance. [Proverbs 28:13; 1 John 1:9; 2 Corinthians 7:10]
God's redemptive solution for shame caused by sin against me (emotional wounds) is forgiveness. [Matthew 6:14-15; Mark 11:25; Colossians 3:13]
God's redemptive solution for shame caused by my ungodly beliefs is truth that sets free. [John 8:31-32; John 17:17; Psalm 119:160]
1 John 3:8 "The Son of God appeared to destroy the works of the devil."
Blessings
Not the journal lol. Dang that was so relatable. This is really tough work !!
that story with the mother resonates so hard with me except it was me getting upset that my mother would beat the shit out of me and my dad and siblings would tell me its bc she loves me anytime I ever dared to stand up, I conformed now but I resent her quietly.
You have so overwhelmingly much material, almost impossible to ferret out a basic working strategy from them. Do you have a recommended basic playlist or structure to orient from?
Most of these symptoms apply to me. I live in a prison of shame. I feel stuck. Absolutely. I try to break out but fear and shame keep me locked inside. I keep people at a distance and I have a tendency to want to regulate and "kill off" feelings I can't handle by self-"medicating" with substances. I am ashamed of my body and I am afraid of any kind of intimacy because I feel unworthy and don't want to be exposed. I have been doing therapy for several years and made some progress but I keep making the same mistakes or run into inner barrier after barrier that I just can't seem to get past. It is like a loop or a prison that I can't seem to break free of.
15:00 but my brain goes “yeah but… its actually kind of true for most of these” and I sincerely believe it. for most of these. Why is toxic positive thinking and delusional cope the answer? (thank you though. I really value this content regardless)
Ever see a slice of cake at a deli that you've had before and know how great it taste so you buy it and just before you take your first bite your brain is expecting it to taste just as good as the last one you had but when you start to chew it you taste the worst thing ever? That's similar on how the wrong type of positive thinking/talking can harm you. Been through that with my kids by over complimenting them to make up for what I never had. It swelled their heads the wrong way.
Looks great, sounds great, but the results are not so great.
each of those beliefs listed are the delusional cope, though. what tells you any of those must certainly be true?
Toxic positivity is toxic. It's about knowing you can do better if you silence your shame like you silence a recording and whatever you do from resting to doing any task allowing you to say, I needed to charge my batteries or it's not perfect but it's good enough or next time I can do it better (when it's something creative or learning a new skill). It's about giving us the patient, compassion and support we never had during childhood. It's about not talking to yourself because you wouldn't talk the same way to someone you love. It's called self love but we need to create it from the inside using our rational brain. Have a great day ☺️
Layer of security and fear of value
Jessica's notes:
"Big trigger shame which I can feel as conscious pain. I am in the way and worthless. I was right. Mind fills with darkness, eyes down, senses dull and lost in feelings of inferiority and rejection."
This is Rejection Sensitivity Dypshoria.
It is found also in ADHD and Autism where neurodivergents were ashamed since childhood repeatedly and being disciplined to become neurotypical that the amount of criticism is now became trauma of rejection.
In the end when the woman was describing how she got to the point of a panic attack I had to stop listening it had already brought on a, I can't breathe anxiety attack. Shame I should not have this response to someone else's story. Shame I recognize it could just as well of been my story. Shame will I ever get well.
Thank you Jesus for this message. I have taken steps and literally like in the beginning mother tried to stop me. I knew it was an attack from Satan. I will be outcast and outside of every single person in my family if need be but I will not be controlled by false guilt and shame to please others and hurt myself. I will give care to myself and Gods way. Following manipulation is not following Gods path. They can’t kill our souls unless we allow it. I will not conform
Thank you Tim ! I found you courtesy of Theo vonn and I love the mssg u send thank you for all that you do to feed the Lords sheep ! 🐑
Powerful