So true - my narc goes evangelizing once a week when the weather is nice. Who does he go with? Young people wo are 40 years younger than him, because they look up to him, and he can manipulate them. They think he is great, and such a 'holy', spiritual man, who knows the Bible so well (and as a result, he is using that same Bible as a weapon against me, because he can quote all the verses he picks out of context to show me what a rotten, worthless Christian I am).
They only let people in their circle that enable the dynamic they crave. People that make them uncomfortable don't normally last long, but damn it's funny to watch them squirm when that happens
They have no real friends and keep those they feel are inferior to be cheerleaders or to attack. They show Horrible jealously with people who are prettier, smarter, more popular, more affluent, have better homes. They name drop and use people and never forget a slight. Truly sick people.
Deep inside a narcissist's mind, they are forever a child who never grows up. Immature, bad-tempered, easily get angry over small matters, and lack in respects... They may look like they have a lot of friends or wide social circles, but they never understand the values it takes for a real friendship.
This is mine. He had friends and long relationships but he would speak about many to me. The ones that didn’t accommodate him 100 he said something poorly of behind their backs. Then when they were shallow and were only kind to him, he liked them until they did otherwise. Everyone had to serve him. The covert.
@@Mysicalgreenunicorn03 That is sad and sick. Fina Taufik and M Pol, you guys are so right on. They only use you for their own personal pleasure. You have a Car, drive them around, you work the Door at their Favorite Club, he will charm you, you have a place, he'll want to crash at your place, you work at their favorite Clothing Shop, they will use your Employee Discount to get outfits and when it's time to pay back, they hem and haw. You wash your hands of them, they need help paying the bills you lend them money with a Wire Transfer but then when they "promise" to pay back they don't and they say they are too embarrassed but they are too ashamed. They "use" people for their own selfish gain. They will brag about meeting someone famous (Andrew Cunanan anyone?). Then when you call them on what you did, they lie, deny and get upset although they know it's there fault.
This is my ex to a T. He only had friends as his friends used to give him money buy him clothes pay for his nights out. They have all gone now though. He thought he was the man although all he did was take. Same with me he just took, didn't give anything. What was I even doing? With a man who couldn't even reflect, never said sorry, had no compassion or empathy. I always knew something was wrong with him mentally just couldn't put my finger on it.
Funny as my ex was incredibly social yet he would tell me he has not many that care about him. I dont know what could be worse, dealing with their wrath or always being unhappy, lonely etc. Being the narc. Just a very sad cycle to watch or deal with. Very broken people who destroy.
@@waitery every time I asked a narc ex bf for a favor, he asked me back: "what do I get?" he wanted a tit for tot.... not wanting to just help... he is an ex bf now!!
Me too. Just finished with the last narcissistic friendship yesterday. I never knew how good life could be with no friends... looking forward to maybe one day developing healthy friendships; but if I can’t, it’s better to go it alone.
In any friendship or relationship with a narcissist, you know them well but they don't know you at all, they're simply not interested in getting to know you.
That’s the same thing I told my ex narcissistic best friend when I sent him to the curb. I told Him: The fact that you say you don’t understand why I am upset and I’m ending this friendship is a sign that I know you better than you know me.
Healthy relationships are: Respectful Trust worthy Compassion Shared interest Support Reciprocal - equal energy No anger No backstabbing Don't constantly put you down and devalue you Don't forget those tips
I totally agree with addicts taking hostages and I did not know I was even a hostage I was under severe confusion and was horrified that all my youth was passing me by and I was stuck in and couldn't get out. He did mention that he never should of let me out. I also had another narc friend who pretended to be my sister. When she disappeared I thought it was one of the worst things that ever happeded to me it ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me. So much better without her. I wasn't really my best self at the time I did complain alot by mistake cause I was trapped in with my ex husband the I shouldn't of let you out narc relationship. Her doing the final discard I think saved my life because I then had more of my brain function and strength to get out with my ex husband. When she was in my life I never managed to go no contact with my ex husband but when she left it wasn't that long before I broke free from my ex husband I never new that being friends with her was keeping me even more stuck in with my ex husband I didn't understand what was going on or that they were even Narc's my brain was pretty impaired from all the abuse from the both of them. I was also in abuse as a kid and teen the grand total was almost 40 years in abuse thank god to be free :)
We can be a friend to a narcissist... until we find out the truth about the person. A narcissist is never your friend because they are incapable of being a true friend.
Yes, they are INCAPABLE!!! As they are highly competitive, even the covert ones, and hate to see you happy! It is my experience that they then start sabotaging your attempts at happiness, and eventually will also target your kids... they are hateful d e m o n s!
Spot on, I was that "friend" who was looked down upon. It wasn't until I started upgrading and dressing pretty again that she showed her true colors! Birch! Glad I dumped her ass!
Omg!... that explains why a girl I used to know (extremely antisocial, narcissistic, histrionic, a mix of all the cluster b dramatic PD’s.) “discarded” our “friendship” after her deep seated insecurities came out & she was “exposed” (in her eyes) to me. She always tried to treat me like I was inferior, everything EVERYTHING I said was wrong, and just anything and everything I did was somehow inconveniencing her.
Sadly that was my ex’s close social circle. Bragged about having tons of friends but the only ones I saw she interacted/hung out w/ regularly were degenerate misfits in some way (she would at times, talk shit about them to me). She’d get pissed they were too blunt or selfish to her and would ignore the shit out of them out for weeks to punish them. Sadly these “friends” were enablers or rescuers to her bad habits & too lonely or simple to de-invest from her drama.
To: The 1% Better: I can’t say that about his friends. They are all lifelong friends unseverably committed to each other. They are not clueless or inferior with each other, they are not in competition with each other. Their friendship has withstood the test of time - 57 years!
I've had 4 narcissistic friends, they're always extraverted, they always have to be the center of attention, they cannot handle alone time, they have to keep people around them at alllllll times. They twist stories to make themselves look better or best. It's toxic. This year I chopped out 3 of them from my life entirely. I want nothing to do with them, I've deleted all the pics I have of them. I've removed them from my life. They're not worthy of my memory realestate. I physically and emotionally hate all of them.
Yep, exactly. They ostracize and scapegoat and try to indoctrinate people into their masochistic groups. And if any of the narcs have nothing to offer or shit hits the fan their - whole group can turn against them at any given time Transactionary , conditional relationships With too many goals and problems that are extreme and crazy Not like normal, authentic healthy relationships
You got that right! They gravitate towards folks whom they know they can benefit from. If you have a car, they'll manipulate you into picking them up to go to the club because they're too good to take The Bus or a Taxi. They will not offer to give you Gas Money saying "I got you into The Club through So & So, you wouldn't have been able to get in without me!" They suggest you go to an All Night Diner for a Late Breakfast then when the Bill comes, they look at you to pay although it was their suggestion in the first place. If they know you have an Employee Discount, they will go about how they "need" certain things and could you help them out, you do, but they don't give you the money you spent to get them what they want. If you are in College (Look Out!), they will charm you into lending them Money so they can go out on Tuesday but then they avoid you when they owe, they will butter you up asking you to help them with a Term Paper, when it's time to meet at The Library where you agree to meet in The Lobby, you wait and wait, and they don't show up. They get "angry" at you although they "overslept", and because they are so used to living on their "own", time they don't respect yours. Then they sweet talk and charm you into Typing "their" Term Paper and when you ask where the "Notes" are they really don't have any saying you know the topic better you would do a better job. You help them but you just allowing them to laze around. They get a terrific Grade, the Professor praises them although it's under fraudulent circumstances, and they revel in the attention not realizing it wasn't their work at all. They do not call or contact because they are too ashamed, and they feel too guilty and when you try to talk to them and tell them to get their "stuff" together, then they get defensive because they know that you're telling them the truth. They don't have your back when you need them, but they go on about what a "Loser" they are when they make a big mistake and you try to tell them "No!" They need validation but for the wrong reasons.
What I’ve experienced is they tend to gravitate towards good gossip and information they can profit from, and they divide people into groups and if you are friends with people in the ”wrong” group you are not allowed into their group. The other members of this group might not know they have been ranked by usefulness by the narc ”leader”.
- Narcissists talk bad about their friends - Use their friends for favors or money / a free place to live - Give unsolicited advice, that is mostly condescending The friends who figure them out cut off contact or avoid them. Then of course they talk badly about that person, so no one is suspicious about why so many avoid them.
If they also have overlapping psychopathy they quite likely have many friends due to their charm. I noticed mine had few long term friends and seemed to circulate through many due to disagreements/arguments. Ugh!
@AnneStewart, I’ve often felt that people are the way you treat them. I do, however, have limits. If I’m consistently kind and nice to them, but they remain aloof, arrogant, or just generally nasty, I will be polite, but stay away. I’ll give second and third chances. There is no fourth.
I was a “friend” to a “gay” sociopath. Except he sexually harassed and assaulted me throughout our weird “friendship”. Is it common for narcissists to claim a certain sexual orientation but basically sleep with whoever?
Exactly. Heaven help youre in a work place with a boss like this surrounded by Yes men. Awful toxic work environment, all pandering to be the best most kiss ass employee. Thank the Lord I quit and got out of there.
trump friends yes men and women ,.. trump has no real friends .. only bought wife and money that buys friends .. imagine if trump was poor ... who would even bother to be with him>>>>????? not his mail order bride .. he would be living in trailer down by the river . and by teh way trump is cash poor,..
Narcissists have 1 friend, at a time... They drain them of their empathy then move onto the next victim. The narcissists friend is a temporary food bank for empathic supply.
Not sure. From experience and from watching.. they tend to have a pool of 'favourite' friends and they love playing them against one another. They could be with one 'friend' and all they can talk about is how awesome a time they had with another 'friend'.
My sister is a narc..i cant leave because the kids love there nephew and niece.... and i try to keep the peace...but when she goes silent my kids are heartbroken to not see there niece and neph
Hey brother you are not alone. I am on the same boat. A friend of mine of 26 years? Totally discarded me without a word. Never got back to my texts. One month and some change now. Not even going to text or care. Let them go. Narcissists end up alone anyway. It's not going to bother me.
Many years ago I was married to a twice diagnosed sociopath/narcissist and ever since, whenever someone does something that reminds me of him, I run like hell. I NEVER let them into my life. Once burned...
A narc can never be a friend. You make a fool of yourself when you think a narc is a good friend and end up showing them all your wounds. They don't want you to have any friends. They themselves do not have true friends. People who are around them are mostly enablers and the relationships are extremely shallow. Been there, seen that.
the only friends that will never challenge them or call them out. They are always very shallow friendships. Once someone calls them out, the narc will get angry and refuse to speak to them again.
Yep. Experienced this recently. Got tired of being attacked, belittled and judged when this person still lives at home at 43. I got tired of their anger and cutting comments putting me down. It was hard to be around
I was the same..we all need love ..but our only mistake is we love people who consider love as abuse and so they abuse us back..you go girl now you know better .😉🙏🏻
Same; I KNEW, after a while, with my ex (we were friends first), that he would only seek me out when he needed an ego boost. If I needed to talk or something, he'd suddenly be too busy or just ignore my texts and I'm not the type who sends more than one or two texts to get someone's attention. So, when I'd point this out to him, he'd just be like, "well, you need to text me until I answer". I told him I'd rather not do that because if you see my texts, which he told me he would see and just ignore unless they were "important to him", then you can respond, why would I text you, like 50 times? I guess that's because it's what he would do to get MY attention when I was busy and didn't answer right away; I honestly think he thought I would be faking being busy like he was doing. Either way, I was going through a tough time, myself, and have always had a tough time making friends due to growing up in a narcissistic family system, so someone who acted like they wanted to be my friend, even when they were acting "weird" was all I thought I could get. I've recently started trying to make friends, dropping ones who acted like my ex, and I finally found a pretty good friend, who is reciprocal and acts like a real friend; it's such a change when you have people who mean you well in your life.
@@BooDotBoo you know if you had sent 50 texts hes would have made you out to be crazy needy, and he was faking busy in an attempt at baiting you to do this very thing (send 50 txts) I swaer Narc all have the same instruction booklet they follow, its funny because its their worst nightmare how UN original they really are.
@Timothy Williams exactly the one i know had very few friends like 300 now after having his fb for more than 10 years. He say he doesnt need to post cause ppl are nosy, yet he watches everyone stories everytime u post something. But in my humble opinion he knows that alot of ppl don't like him. Idk how ppl can live a life of lies and trying to manipulate you into thinking is people are the problem
@Timothy Williams the narc use to say that people will go on the internet and put things in their head about " IT " that is not true. " thats why im miss understood cause some people never gave me a fair chance -the narc words, and that same day he proceed to ask me if knew the difference between a spychopart and sociopart.he can be random and out of the blue but now i fully understand about Narcissism i believe he was just asking me those things to see how knowledgeable i was with this topic so he can manipulate me and twist the situation cause he always wanted to know what i think. And if u go against his believe you are either stupid or he just not care what u have to say
Reunited with my narcissistic friend after stopping talking for 7 years.. nothing has changed.. recently walked away again.. not looking back this time
I’ve got a “friend “ like that too. After spending my time listening to all of her problems with her cheating husband and every single medical or lab report, just giving her every single bit of me; not once would she ever ask...well how are you?? Not a single phone call from her now after 3 months. Guess what? I’m also finished with her too. Going completely no contact. This crap is so hurtful and exhausting. Thank you Dr Ramani for helping all of us see the light. ❤️❤️
Kim Davis Its exhausting my narc listened for years about his divorce and kids even gave them holidays .I was going thru a divorce myself and after 6 months he said he would not talk to me till I had property settlement . I did not hear from him till I was divorced and he gave me a recipe LOL
I knew a narc woman who was forever looking for a man to support her. She said she wanted to, "be in love", but I saw through that. I sent a nice email to her suggesting that she (God forbid!) get a job. Never heard from her after that. That was after thirty years of our acquaintance.
Narcissists have “friends” but they are just tools they use for their own benefits and eventually those friends all realize it too and leave the friendship and they begin to have no friends again until they deceive new people
Me too. Now I spend a lot of time alone. Which is good , I am happy and comfortable with my own company these days. My anxiety just dissipated. Particularly with letting go of certain family members.
At times narcissists can put on a facade of being nice around certain people who give them validation and narcissistic supply but they can be terrible to people close to them. In certain cases they even behave nicely with their so called friends as long as they go along with them. As soon as someone does stand up to them or just disagree with them they suddenly become the bad person.
A narc friend went thru surgery and her friend looked after her for over a month .The narc criticised everything about the help then the friend asked if she care for her dog for a week she said no it would be too much
@Go Guerilla Foto Yes which is what real friends do. So they have braindead followers who never challenge them. I don't see many people from their social groups that actually challenge their bad behavior. This is deliberate. Those who do would be long gone.
They are very transactional and absolutely hate to be discarded, it's an injury to their fragile ego. One solid truth about a narcissist - their mask will inevitably fall off and their true character will be revealed.
They are the most charming, patient and sweet friend at beginning. As soon as they got your heart, they switch to the opposite. I don’t think they can keep a real friendship, nor I think they are capable to understand the meaning of it.
The covert narcissist plays a longer game and often goes undetected but for the savey few. However, they will have a "target" in their immediate family. This person will know a lot !
About 50 years of friendship. I thought she was my BFF. Then I realized I could no longer endure the invalidation, hurtful coments, rage, sarcasm . Now I am working on distancing my self, Starting to feel better. It hasn't been easy.
Good for you for distancing yourself! That’s emotional abuse and not what a friendship is supposed to be about! She sounds toxic and bad for your mental health! Don’t stay in a relationship that no longer serves you! You deserve to be happy and be around people who appreciate you!
And on the flip side, there are those friends, who you can bring chicken soup to multiple times, make them a birthday cake, care about them in the nicest ways, and still they will be too busy for you, and not there when you need them, and will ditch you when someone new and shiny come across...
I was 40 years close friends with a narcissist. I knew her since the age of 3. She was like the narcissists you describe. Always masses of people around but no real friends. I was the only real friend she had. She used to say to me that I was the only one she felt really comfortable with and trusted me. For 40 years I supported her, listened to her and helped her. She became worse and worse: the jealousy, the dellusions, bad mouthing me, manipulating me and back stabbing. At the end she was raging and shouting rude things at me. Finally my sister told me she wanted me to stop the friendship. She told me that the woman was not my friend but an enemy. It has been peaceful since.
Sounds like the relationship I have had with my sister. I have moved one now and I am happier though she is trying to come back but I have accepted we will never have a healthy relationship.
I’ve learned that a long time knowing or hanging around a person doesn’t automatically mean true friendship. It is what it is, and not what it’s not. 🤷🏽♀️
I experienced the same thing. I'd never even heard of narcissism. I realise now that my best friend and my sister were both narcissists. I'm so glad that I can stop blaming myself. I have cut them both off.
@@danidesanti Yes, that is the thing. We had never heard of narcissism before. So, how could we defend ourselves against it? I am glad you are have that information now.
Sounds like you'v got a great sister there, she has your back. Now that your rid of the narc friend / enemy you will have more time to spend with your sister.
I have been in an abusive relationship for the last 8 months I came across your videos early on and I recognised the signs but couldn't leave the relationship. Today I finally left. Thank you for helping me to turn on the light bulb in a darkened room, to connect the dots and to wake up. Your videos have changed my life
Congratulations! I wish I would have had this information years ago when I first met my ex husband. What is sad is that I went from a toxic family of origin and then married into another toxic family system that was worse!! His mom was and still is very toxic. I am honestly surprised she has anyone left in her life. My children tell me stories about her and I am so glad I no longer have to witness her behaviors.
In my past I had two narcissistic "friends" and one thing they both did (I believe) was call me while other people were around them in order to seem a certain way, whether it be smart, interesting, or simply as having friends. Irritating and sad.
Nothing conjures up hatred more than a narcissistic friend!!! It’s a glimpse of hate. You are so right about they pretend to be best friends w people they barely know!!!
A former friend of mine always has new best friends on facebook. She has 5000 followers so no matter what with that type of alliance, in her mind she will never be beat. It's so odd, obviously people she has never met are communicating on her posts. I think she actually cherry picks then meets up these followers and love bombs them for pictures. Her new friends always have a wide eyed look as if they're surprised they're getting so much attention. I used to work with her before social media and she was a manipulative psychopath who would read books on psychology and philosophy to manipulate men and thought she was so slick with her words and embarrassing people - on a power trip
My list has been growing since finally being led to education in NPD and recognizing cptsd and codependency behaviors I was conditioned into as a child
Yeah weird old friends I had to drop due to some b big narcs. Stealing my car while I slept just mean I felt like I had to baby sit them and always hide keys no trust. I had to get rid of the toxicity. Then exes 2 ex husbands narcs learned next 2 Narcs only lasted 3 months other 3 weeks dropped them both decided not dating$
All of my closest friends were narcissist and I realised they weren't my friends. They either are loved by many people but behind the scenes they talked about them behind their backs. I'm introverted and all of them are extroverts. Gladly I got away. One narcissist from school i just got away from is now smearing my name to others at school. I really felt like I was in high school and I felt drained. I'm glad I got away from her
Popular culture is really breeding narcissism in some of the young, but not all obviously. Guaranteed the Kardashians are 100% narcissists along with a lot of the stuff they feed teenagers on TV and online that encourages a narcissistic lifestyle. It must be tough being a Gen Z to ignore all that.
Janelle, narcissist carry high school mentality all through life. Remember when the mean girls sat together ( the most popular in the middle) during study hall and lunch period? They grow up to be over the hill mean girls. Seldom do they age well. I know this because my narcissist sister didn't age well 😂
I told her that she can’t always get what she wants in life, even her “best” friend is stressed when meeting up with her because she is afraid of being late and get the tantrum... says a lot It’s her way or the highway. Narcissist do want total control and her routine hasn’t changed a bit, everyone has to adapt to their schedule or else ...!!!!
You described it so well, I got chills straight up my spine. The survivors community is STARVING for clinical psychologists who are trained in narcissistic abuse. I am so glad I found you! Thank you for all you do!!
I had that too and I wonder how many people are only talking about themselves and not even interested in the other person! Does the world have more narcissists now than 30 years ago? I am wondering that...?
I recently ended a narcissist friendship. It was as you described...exhausting. I do feel bad because I feel like I’m being disloyal, but I just can’t do the constant building up anymore.
@@lightlove167 my approach to letting go of my narcissist friend I had for 17 years was to slowly cut my relationship with her. It took some time because I couldn't believe the situation I was in. I always felt bad for her because I was her only friend. She was someone I spoke to almost every day. I started to only reaching out once a week...now after a few months I sent her a message saying I'm taking some time off from everyone...I don't plan to keep in contact anymore and I feel so relieved spiritually because trying to always please her was draining and I got tired of it.
I am in the same situation. It's important to socialize strategically and carefully with the narc/toxic person. I limit the conversation to neutral or mutually interesting topics; will listen to the narc for a limited amount of time about whatever is on his/her mind and then change the subject as tactfully as possible. I also limit the amount of time spent in socializing ( having "other"places to go, people to see, things to do, etc.") . It helps to have a pleasant activity planned, to follow an obligatory visit with a narc/toxic person. Things like a country drive, nature walk, or coffee shop deluxe beverage with a book or doodle pad help me to wind down and regain the mind-set that I want to maintain.
I'm in the same situation. My sister in law might not be a narc but she treats me pretty badly. It's all about her and I've stopped contacting her and months can go by before she contacts me.
@@barbarakelly1916 your suggestion to plan ahead for a nice, recharging activity after forced socialization with narcs is pure gold. I'll adopt it as a golden rule. 👍😉
It's a board game for them, they place every person strategically to serve a specific need (one sided) , usually the friendships are not genuine. They need people to feed off of and absorb their light(empaths). This applies to both grandiose and covert narcissists.
I also think narcissism is an evil entity of some sort I think there's a rule book which all narcs seem to follow, that is just too convinient for me how does a minor know how to follow these strict guidelines? , and narcissists seem to be the only people not going for treatment for their misconduct except for the people around them they are demons themselves here to possess others. If it is an evil entity it would explain why there is no treatment or cure because it a spiritual problem and not a clinical one
ofentse dihutso I’ve had friends come and go and I’m confident that most of them have been in good faith. My closest friend of 18 years has never given me cause to doubt his good faith even though we’ve had two major arguments over that 18 years of friendship that weren’t pleasant. It was the healthy friendships that helped me identify what turned in to a very unhealthy friendship a few years back now. A couple of years ago I cut a guy out who was one of my best friends who I’d known for ten years but only really got to know over the last five of those years. He’d done a few things over that time that I’d thought we’re a bit odd or off, but I overlooked them until he did something really bizarre that gave me cause to reevaluate our whole friendship and reassess those past things I’d overlooked. In the 10 months after I lost a family member to suicide and my world was really shaken he escalated some really disturbing mind games and when I tried very diplomatically to discuss it with him I detected two instances of gaslighting in our half hour conversation and I sensed he was playing cat and mouse with me. The guy had a picture perfect family, wife and kids, never missed a Sunday church service and even led church mission trips overseas and he was a popular guy. I had some of the best times of my life hanging out with him. When I backed off he had his wife, who is a genuine and decent lady, do his bidding reaching out to me via text messages because they were “concerned” for me. I cut him off completely. It was a lesson. Now when I meet incredibly charming, charismatic and entertaining people who love being the center of attention, always having the mic in a public setting and in positions of leadership, I mark them as people to watch. This former friend is the first person in my life that I believe I’ve positively identified as more than just a malignant narcissist but possibly a sociopath. I’m very interested to know what the spiritual aspect of this might be because his eyes changed sometimes when he did some of the more disturbing behaviours, which makes me wonder if he was demonised. (sorry for the long blab it’s cut and paste)
@@wattlebough it is very possible it's an evil entity I've seen my exes eyes change too his voice changed and pulled a Rihanna BBHMM scene, broke a beer bottle with the intention to stab. He was absolutely out of his mind and seemed as if another entity took over him. And when my brother raged at me he cud not stop he used any weapon he cud find to injure me I'm disabled on my left arm bcoz that attack I cant use my hand fully esp at gym. I've went no contact with both, they tried to come back but they are permanently cut off.
@@ofentsedihutso8995 I have also seen the eyes colour changed in a second and it lasted for something like 5 seconds while the person was insulting me. Its like the person is normal and then out of the blue they change into something very nasty trying to provoke you intentionally and hurt you verbally or phisically.
A life built on false narratives will have fantasy friendships. If you can't serve, agree or make that false self person look good, then you aren't their "friend". High school maneuvers for sure! Thank you Dr. Ramani for all your insight and clarity. Happy Saturday everyone. 🤗
Some also want to have friends who are beneath them in status, possessions. When you improve your life, maybe even achieve more than them, they leave you. And some can act really caring and empathic, just to use all your trusted information against you later.
Narcs have many "friends". They like being a public figure and their so called friends or circle find them very entertaining. But these friendships are very very superficial.
They "Use" their Friends for their own selfish gain. They want to be around folks who have what they want and need because they won't/can't go out there and do it themselves. If they aren't the center of attention, when you don't jump when they want something or when you make them "wait" for you when you meet, they get very upset and angry and the worst thing is that when you do go out, they go on about how their Bank Card is "screwed" demagnetizing anyone but in reality they don't have two of nothing in their account and they are in overdraft so they ask you to help them, they promise to pay back on such a day and when they don't and you get angry they act like they are the victim.
it depends on the person, my covert "friend" did not have friends and has only 1 friend and likes to be alone. He has only family and his sister is always bringing him flowers and cake and he never brings her flowers or cake, just a tiny example. His sisters do not know that he is a "covert narcissist" at all. In the beginning of the "friendship" he told me that he had some female friendships with whom he had regurlarly lunch. But it all appeared to be a lie. They lie about a lot of things.
They are the saddest people on earth. Not just how they appear since it’s so jealous. But how sad of a life it would be to constantly need to hurt people. I had no idea such depressed people existed
@@azlanandfriendsshorts What you can do for them is Mind your peace of mind and be happy and focus on yourself. Praise yourself and that’s it Put yourself & your energy towards yourself 😊
I've totally been friends with narcissists - so toxic & draining. I'm working super hard to make sure I don't get myself pulled into relationship like these in the future.
Been discarded by a narc friend late August. I realised I was being twisted into the shape they required me to be in; thanks to Dr Ramani and others, I've wised up to their ways. The lockdown brought into sharp relief their ways, as the usual activities we indulged when we met up could no longer be indulged in. But I would never have got here without body psychotherapy. It taught me to listen to my body, and the feelings I was experiencing, and so after I was exhausted by just listening to them, I decided to take charge of my own time (honouring my boundaries) while still trying to meet them, but with some adjustments. Well, I was shocked by their response. A regular person might have expressed disappointment, but not them, they informed me the friendship was over and blocked me! What's amazing about this? Soon after I met up with some truly great people, healthy and respectful and fun, the chicken soup kind. It's early days, but it's like removing bind weed in the garden, and seeing honeysuckle take over. Sweet.
Nowadays they count instagram likes and followers, and facebook friends. ... These are very poor indicators of how likeable you are, your worth, or your social standing. If you treat people close to you like shit and they avoid you, but you have managed to get 9,000 likes on a post.... that's nothing.
Dr. Ramani, in response to your question: In my younger years, I could tolerate these difficult people, and therefore strived to maintain friendships with them. They were charismatic and entertaining. Now that I'm older and life has beat me down, I find people with Narcissistic personalities to be absolutely emotionally exhausting and terribly hurtful. I can not deal with them any more.
@@CoeurD_Amaris22 Exactly. Like omg you just met the fkn person. And just bc they know of people does not mean they know them like they pretend to do. 🤣🤣🤣 hilarious 🤣
Unfortunately my "narcissistic friends" were a few of my family members. The excellent news is in direct relationship to listening to these clips I've finally realized what my therapists had told me time and again, " it's truly NOT you. You handle Life beautifully." Of course I didn't believe that, however I have completely changed my awareness and belief system in this reality of the damage caused by TRYING to remain in the toxic swirl of family loaded with narcissistic characters. I'm done and I feel FANTASTIC and really balanced and kind to myself. Dump the toxicity and suddenly the sun will seem brighter the air cleaner. Thank you so much for these videos!!! They ARE wonderful!
As I learned to be assertive and to stand up for myself my last narc 'friend' didn't seem to want to be around me anymore. Weird how that works. Stand up to them and they'll discard you. That's the best way to get rid of them, make them get rid of *you.*
I was told about 3 years ago by a counselor that I have surrounded myself with Narcissistic people, which had cause a lot of turmoil in my life. (Friends, partners, bosses etc.) Once I started to set boundaries with these people, they either ended the relationship or I did. What a relief!!!
Yes, I always felt like this too. And my IQ dropped because there's no real deep and meaningful discussions. No reflections on life. It's like baby-sitting a boring robot.
I have a "friend" who lives off me like a leech. She would allways invite herself to my place, expect me to pay for dinner / or cook her dinner ( even though I have a smaller salery than her by far) and then she would go on and on about her miserable relationship with her hundreth boyfriend that year. But god forbid if I needed something from her ( I dont anymore) She just wasnt available. Sometimes she would even invite herself over for the whole weekend, without even asking if I had time. "I am here now, entertain me, take care of me". When she was done, she would just disappear again for weeks, not answering when I needed anything. I dont know if she is narcissistic, but I think it comes close. She has no real grasp of reality and how real life and friendships work, I think. I feel sorry for her. But I feel sorry for me and my wasted time too.
My best friend is an admitted Narcissist. She once discarded me while drinking (also an alcoholic) and said-- "There are no benefits to my friendship with you". We've been friends since we were 12 (were 44 now). That comment really showed her true colors. I never considered benefits of any friendship except how much I enjoy talking with them.
@@Indusxstan I try not to view people like that. No one is a "waste" just a lesson 🙏 I just try not to learn the same lesson twice, if u know what I mean.
Jennifer, I’m sure it was also difficult to let go of your friend despite what she said but the truth is important to help us let go in our own pace. I just had a similar experience with my narc friend after 23 years of friendship. Thank you for sharing! I’m offended to see other videos or other commenters said the friends of narcissists are also narcissists. That’s so untrue. The narc gives and takes in small amounts enough to dupe you into thinking the bond between you is real. When the mask comes off, well…there lies the disappointment. For me, the hard part is letting go of familiarity and history with this one person. It was very heartbreaking.
@@yvettep1093 I actually believe it's the total opposite. Most Narcs don't want other Narcs as friends because they are always in competition, they aren't easy to manipulate and they are just a bad source of supply. Narcs prefer Empaths....we are a delicacy to them. Sorry for your loss.
My ex narc has a whole new family and friends. Only known the guy for a few months. She blows the bridges behind her everywhere. Said to me, friends or nothing. After she cheated on me and left.
I know one that took all money from a parents estate and kept it to himself to pay his bills and left their bros and sisters out. then wondered why siblings stopped talking to them.
I kept them around until I woke up to my own toxic positivity ‘Oh they mean well’ ‘try to find the good in everyone’ ‘nobody’s perfect’ ‘maybe it’s just me’ Blah blah blah....🙄
And the ‘always say yes to new things’ resolution does not apply to toxic people. I have learned to be very discerning with friendships and interpersonal relationships of any kind, do to my past mistakes letting the wrong people in, and have lost too much of my time to not be cautious.
@@greablood1072 Exactly and thank you for pointing that out. Many times we need to see it, hear it, read it as many times necessary to remind ourselves about what to watch for.
This sounds like me, and on top of it, she has projected her narcissism onto me and I watch these videos and read the comments trying to figure out if I'm actually a narcissist too.
First, they are all miserable before logging in their social media but while on there, it's like an adrenaline rush to them as if they won the lottery.
I have made it a point to get rid of narcissistic "friends" especially after my cancer diagnosis three years ago when I looked around and felt completely alone because most of my "friends" were narcs. I am an empath and i was raised by narc parents. The people that came through for me and helped me I was not even that close to at that time. I now focus on the kind, caring. loving people and I do not bother with any narcs. All narcs have the same agenda and they will discard you as soon as they meet their goal. With narcs it is all about what you can provide for them. There is never a reciprocal exchange.
That sentence.."All narcs have the same agenda and they will discard you as soon as they meet their goal"...not truer words were said! That is Wisdom Gold!!!!!!
I hope you are feeling much better now, if not healed completely. I have had a similar journey with ME/CFS. It's amazing how people discard you when you're ill.
Wow that’s must’ve been hard for you, hope you’re better now! This sounds very familiar. I also found out the hard way, there was no one to support me when I fell ill, and it hurt so much. I guess such moments can expose you to harsh, necessary truths. Eventually support came from a few unexpected places and I felt so grateful there were people in my life that were interested in me. I forgot what it felt like to be treated as a human vs a puppet with human like qualities. My self esteem has taken a hit from dealing with narc type people. It is a very confusing ordeal because there are good and bad parts to it. Still unpacking.
I stayed a little longer hoping this person will change. Gave this person 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances and I always rationalize the bad behavior. I often feel very confused because she seems so very nice to her new friends, while she treats me poorly when it's just the 2 of us. Very shallow. It's all about them..And soooo exhausting be in that toxic friendship. I went no contact for 1 month now, no explanation or whatsoever, coz they really wont get it. Thanks Dr. Ramani.
Dc unfolding it gets better and better, like the dawning of day. Seeing clearer and clearer that for them to change they must want it and take the steps toward the light, no one can do it for them, but you obviously want the best for them, Best reguards
She is not being GENUINELY nice to the other people. She is pretending to be nice to them so they will give her attention and admiration which is positive supply. Also, she may be getting negative supply from you feeling aggrieved when you see her being nice to others but not to you which causes you pain.
I noticed this about my ex; he has a whole new groups of friends, who he seems to treat much better than his old ones (he seems to change out friends like you buy a new phone every couple years). Well, he treats them better for now. I always wonder why he has to replace entire friend groups so often. Something about that is a bad sign.
The narcissists in my experience starts the relationship therefore it is easy to fall into. They also seem flashy and interesting at first. REAL relationships are slow and steady.
This is so true. 2 of my closest friendships started off super slow. To be honest...I didn't really like them until I got to know them. For the other friendships with toxic or narcissistic people, I "connected" with them pretty quickly and the friendship just went really fast and ended badly.
@@FutureFendiFsnista Thanks MJ, I find that, having more time right now, I can make an intentional effort to cultivate the slow and steady friendships that are way too easy to take for granted. It is also a lot easier now to distance myself from the constant demands of the luring narcissist and clearly see their tactics. TAKE CARE
@@elizabethfraser2996 Yeah definitely. This pandemic, though difficult, has made us slow down and rethink about our lives and the relationships in them. I wish you all the best and take care too! 🤗
My ex narcissist had lots of aquintances but no real friends, he's 46. They push away anyone that does attempt to make genuine bonds, which makes sense because you must be genuine back in true friendship and they'll never make that effort anyhow.
Right, but they call ALL acquaintances 'friends' - people they've just met, or only see once in a while. And, as Dr. Ramani says, 'important' people who they have met once or twice, or persuade to speak at an event they've organized are 'obviously' friends, too. In reality, those people are nice to them, as they're to everybody (pastors of large churches, that have a large following on social media etc.), but barely recognize them - they're not their friends at all. But they will never admit that, they're so set in their delusion.
So timely! Just yesterday, I had the revelation that my ex-friend is just a thirty something middle school mean girl who is destined to be a middle school mean girl grandma some day.
I did that as well for a period of time after I just discovered that he was a covert narcissist. But after I was sick and was laying in his bed I saw that he did not take care of me and I was furious and sooooo frustrated that I told him the truth and left outrageous! May I ask why you choose to stay friends?
Everyone can change. There is nothing like "what you truly are". It's all a matter of decision. You can decide today you want to give and share love and then you can, but we often times don't want to because inside we are pissed off. Let it all out and take responsibility and you can become a healthy human being, no matter how narc you were
@@mischaeidmann4036 narcissists can NOT change!! You have to take responibility for your behaviour in order to be WILLING TO CHANGE and that is what narcissists do NOT do! They always blame someone else for their grazy behaviour!! They always point the finger towards someone else!!
@@mischaeidmann4036 🤨 But who wants to stick around waiting for someone to decide to change, especially when it’s been reported that narcissists rarely do?
Yes- this is why they often participate in organized gang stalking/community mobbing. Lately I’ve noticed highlighted replies that seem quite juvenile, and nasty after making comments. I know thIs is not coming from the you tube channel owners. It is likely from hackers, gang stalkers/cyberstalkers, and possibly even AI. Narcissism is rampant nowadays.
Relationships are binned when ‘ the out of date mark is hit’ new supply sources are immediately summed up for qualities such as naivety, openness, honesty, authenticity kindness, empathy ( ie qualities they wish they could feel but cannot) ...
“Grandiosity by proxy”, is that term I’ve been looking for. When they have no friends and move back over to tormenting their family and extended family members.
This partly answers my question. i.e. "What happens when they've discarded all their friends, or rejected making new ones because no one is 'good enough' for them?" I think that if their partner is loyal, or they can blackmail family to support them, then they don't necessarily feel the need for friends. Is there a name for this type of narcissist?
It is so true, that narcissists use people as transactions. They claim to be such a good friend, or family member to everyone around them, and consistently expect to be babysat emotionally, and for you to drop everything in your schedule to fill their supply. But, when you ask them for something that you really need assistance with, they are unavailable. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your awesome videos.
validation & admiration, holding a cookout so they can "hold court", gossip, back stab ... will talk to someone & fake sympathize so they can gain Gossip Fuel ... yeah like high school - omg that totally clicked! Thanks Dr. R .... please keep these videos coming!!!!! Thank you!!!!
I do not have narcissistic friends. I make a point to distance myself from those who show patterns like this. Thanks to you, I'm learning what to watch out for!
You just described my late partner. I thought he was just alcoholic, for over 20 years. He actually said once that he is only friends with people who can do things for him, as a criticism of me who usually helps the underdog.
I have covert narcissist traits. However, I somehow manage to have some self awareness and a desire to change. But I totally relate to these traits and the motivation behind them.
I had a nearly 14 year long "friendship" with a Narc who I always said was just like a brother to me. I said that because I now realize my only sibling is a covert narc and that's what I believed a normal sibling like relationship was. Thanks God for you Dr Ramani!!! Your channel has brought clarity, wisdom and sanity to an otherwise insane situation that had my head spinning in circles over the last many years and at least 2 decades or more with my sibling.
I dunno…. I’ve had a narc friend for 23 years and thought he was a brother to me simply because there were times where there was give and take. The mask has fallen off so bad that there’s no denying what he is. Glad you can walk away so easily. I’m having problems letting go of familiarity and history.
I recently flushed 4 or 5 Narc friends from my life. Came from a family of narc parents and sadly siblings. Totally programed to overlook the hurts and manipulation. Feel free and great!
Nope. I've noticed they have mainly superficial relationships. When they get closer, usually people catch onto them. My narc said he has lots of friends but when you ask it's the people in his dance class which to me is more like acquaintances. I've had close friends that I've been friends with for over 20 years.
I have been attached to a narcissist for years and he takes everything. He has a sense of entitlement that is unbelievable. I don't even like him any more. He tried to distroy my life. Now he's homeless.
Yes "HS mean girls" is it. I kept saying this sentence every time I wanted to describe my experience prior to hearing this video. The not hearing from the narcissist is so true-- they will literally abandon you when someone else fills that circle.
I used to have a friend from my college. I thought we were best friends until I started to see her pattern. She was entitled, shameless, manipulative, grandiose sometimes and victim all the time. I felt like she just suck my life out of me. Thank God I can called her now my ex- friend.😃
Narcs particularly pride themselves in "knowing" a lot of people. They will even use their imagined popularly as a gauge of their perceived value. A narc I once knew used to always shout, "That's why you don't know anybody!" as some form of weapon against me. Truth was, I knew his friends were mostly people he indirectly met on Facebook or people he knew from church or the military--those that either sucked up to him or were rarely in direct contact with him. Narcs think they are so desirable, but they are really quite boring and recycle their bygone "good ole day" narratives to make their lives seem more exciting and interesting.
Omg so true - SO boring! I had a narc friend that I didn’t realise was a narc, 14 years later he became my partner, and then worked it out - and yes, he was, verbatim repeating the same boring stories with no further insight etc - incredibly boring, shallow, and deluded.
Lol - yeah this guy had a never ending list of “friends”. Funny thing was when I asked THEM, a lot of them didn’t even know him, were Facebook “friends”, etc. Such a total liar - not that this is news 🤔🙄
@@paulclinton6414 Orrrr, they view those people as prime candidates of narcissistic supply - because they consider they can more easily isolate them from the few they do know.
I no longer have narcissistic friends, family nor lovers around me! It gets lonely but I'm no longer alone surrounded by people. I work with toxic narcs but I can't really do much about that, they're always in the workplace.
Forever judging and criticizing other people. Even people in commercials or the news stations aren’t safe. Man, woman, child, dog. Chronically critical of other people - discussing how they look, who is fat and who is thin, what hairstyle looks best on someone else (not your business), what news personality should have done in their career path by what age ( you don’t even know this person from Adam. How do you know the person is not perfectly content with their career), talking about celebrity gossip - who is married to who, has an obsession with knowing people’s ages. Everything you like they hate and criticize. No thanks.
![[TH] RNT vs SPG - VCT Ascension Pacific - Day 1](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RUTkf8Detj8/mqdefault.jpg)
My wife says "narcissists don't have friends, they have staff"
Your wife wins the Internet for that quote! 😊
This ,, simply this... high five , amen and your wife is a queen my friend and bang on the money
So so so true
So many Narcs have tried to make me their slave as they certainly don't want to pay for help!
Yes so true discarded also when ‘not serving’ a purpose anymore.....
They don't want friends they want fans. A narcissist isn't looking for a friend. They're looking for an obedient admirer.
So true - my narc goes evangelizing once a week when the weather is nice. Who does he go with? Young people wo are 40 years younger than him, because they look up to him, and he can manipulate them. They think he is great, and such a 'holy', spiritual man, who knows the Bible so well (and as a result, he is using that same Bible as a weapon against me, because he can quote all the verses he picks out of context to show me what a rotten, worthless Christian I am).
Narcissist do not have friends and acquaintances, they have victims and accomplices!
Yes. Accomplices
Stephanie Anderson 🎯
Absolutely
That could be a t-shirt!
@@DananWhiddon , I could get them made. My close friends own a screen printing company!
They can’t maintain friendships or relationships because they treat people so poorly.
FACTS!! FACTS!! FACTS! Don’t know how to treat nobody. Don’t know how to act! Terrible.
They do know exactly what they are saying and doing , but they will USE and abuse anyone to get to their perceived TOP .
spot on. They want people available when they need them.
They only let people in their circle that enable the dynamic they crave. People that make them uncomfortable don't normally last long, but damn it's funny to watch them squirm when that happens
They have no real friends and keep those they feel are inferior to be cheerleaders or to attack.
They show Horrible jealously with people who are prettier, smarter, more popular, more affluent, have better homes.
They name drop and use people and never forget a slight.
Truly sick people.
Deep inside a narcissist's mind, they are forever a child who never grows up. Immature, bad-tempered, easily get angry over small matters, and lack in respects... They may look like they have a lot of friends or wide social circles, but they never understand the values it takes for a real friendship.
This is mine. He had friends and long relationships but he would speak about many to me. The ones that didn’t accommodate him 100 he said something poorly of behind their backs. Then when they were shallow and were only kind to him, he liked them until they did otherwise.
Everyone had to serve him. The covert.
@@Mysicalgreenunicorn03 That is sad and sick. Fina Taufik and M Pol, you guys are so right on. They only use you for their own personal pleasure. You have a Car, drive them around, you work the Door at their Favorite Club, he will charm you, you have a place, he'll want to crash at your place, you work at their favorite Clothing Shop, they will use your Employee Discount to get outfits and when it's time to pay back, they hem and haw. You wash your hands of them, they need help paying the bills you lend them money with a Wire Transfer but then when they "promise" to pay back they don't and they say they are too embarrassed but they are too ashamed. They "use" people for their own selfish gain. They will brag about meeting someone famous (Andrew Cunanan anyone?). Then when you call them on what you did, they lie, deny and get upset although they know it's there fault.
Perfectly expressed...
This is my ex to a T. He only had friends as his friends used to give him money buy him clothes pay for his nights out. They have all gone now though. He thought he was the man although all he did was take. Same with me he just took, didn't give anything. What was I even doing? With a man who couldn't even reflect, never said sorry, had no compassion or empathy. I always knew something was wrong with him mentally just couldn't put my finger on it.
Funny as my ex was incredibly social yet he would tell me he has not many that care about him. I dont know what could be worse, dealing with their wrath or always being unhappy, lonely etc. Being the narc. Just a very sad cycle to watch or deal with. Very broken people who destroy.
They don’t have friends just people they can use for their own benefit!!
Exactly!!
Perfectly stated....they always ask "what can I get out of this relationship"? Scummy people!
Truth
Not this one....I clearly stated I was an ex not a friend. There’s no more company to keep
@@waitery every time I asked a narc ex bf for a favor, he asked me back: "what do I get?" he wanted a tit for tot.... not wanting to just help... he is an ex bf now!!
You can be their friend but they will NEVER be yours.
Right
TRUE
Tessa Higgins You are supply to them.
PERIOD
I used to have narcissistic friends now I have no friends and that's ok by me! 😌
Me too. Just finished with the last narcissistic friendship yesterday. I never knew how good life could be with no friends... looking forward to maybe one day developing healthy friendships; but if I can’t, it’s better to go it alone.
Being content by yourself is beautiful and it makes it very easy to be able to walk away from people that break boundaries
Right there with you. I understand and am happier. There's a great life to lead without them.
I think I might be heading that way too.
In the same boat, I was discarded like an old condom .I sort of loved it finally free of the bullshit friendship
In any friendship or relationship with a narcissist, you know them well but they don't know you at all, they're simply not interested in getting to know you.
Yes. And perhaps we are even more aware that their traits has a name, and that is narcissism.
They want to learn your reactions and use them to manipulate you.
Apart from when they want something from you...they put on a good show and say all the right things then!
Oh, but they profess to know us better than we know ourselves. They are just gathering information to use again us later.
That’s the same thing I told my ex narcissistic best friend when I sent him to the curb. I told Him: The fact that you say you don’t understand why I am upset and I’m ending this friendship is a sign that I know you better than you know me.
Am I the only one feeling so HAPPY and SAFE, COMFORTED and ENLIGHTENED when listening to this beautiful lady? A big thank you .... again 🙏🏼
No, you're not, she makes me feel so validated and understood.
She has been helping me heal my very deep wounds of 24 years. Thank you Dr. Ramani
No, I could happily listen to her all day long. I find her words so therapeutic and healing.
Absolutely !!!, i wish i could find someone, in my area, as acknowledgable and wise as she
She has certainly helped me.
No one is as “friendly” as a narcissist who needs a place to stay.👹
so true… a friend in need is a friend indeed
Sarah Cartwrights You gave me an idea!
No one is as (fill in the blank) as a narcissist who needs (fill in the blank). Lol
Had one pretend to be in love with me, cause they needed a place to stay
😂👍💯
Sooooo true 👌👍👏 and food for them
Healthy relationships are:
Respectful
Trust worthy
Compassion
Shared interest
Support
Reciprocal - equal energy
No anger
No backstabbing
Don't constantly put you down and devalue you
Don't forget those tips
But where are they? I can't find any of such relationships 😢
There is a saying in the recovery community: "Addicts don't make friends. They take hostages."
I’m a hostage to an addict. Perfect description
And narcissists take hostages, too. Thanks for this phrase.
Never heard that one !!! Whoa that sounds familiar !!
I totally agree with addicts taking hostages and I did not know I was even a hostage I was under severe confusion and was horrified that all my youth was passing me by and I was stuck in and couldn't get out. He did mention that he never should of let me out. I also had another narc friend who pretended to be my sister. When she disappeared I thought it was one of the worst things that ever happeded to me it ended up being one of the best things that ever happened to me. So much better without her. I wasn't really my best self at the time I did complain alot by mistake cause I was trapped in with my ex husband the I shouldn't of let you out narc relationship. Her doing the final discard I think saved my life because I then had more of my brain function and strength to get out with my ex husband. When she was in my life I never managed to go no contact with my ex husband but when she left it wasn't that long before I broke free from my ex husband I never new that being friends with her was keeping me even more stuck in with my ex husband I didn't understand what was going on or that they were even Narc's my brain was pretty impaired from all the abuse from the both of them. I was also in abuse as a kid and teen the grand total was almost 40 years in abuse thank god to be free :)
I was a "hostage" for 7 years. When I realized what was happening, it took 2 years to get her to leave.
We can be a friend to a narcissist... until we find out the truth about the person. A narcissist is never your friend because they are incapable of being a true friend.
So true, they can't feel for others, it's all about them. It's quite sad for them
Yes. This is true!! I'm glad i went no contact! We deserve a loving close friendships.
You said that
Yes, they are INCAPABLE!!! As they are highly competitive, even the covert ones, and hate to see you happy! It is my experience that they then start sabotaging your attempts at happiness, and eventually will also target your kids... they are hateful d e m o n s!
They show their true face when they can't get what they want from you. Sociopath and covered narcississts.
Theyd also maintain a "safe" set of friends who they perceive are inferior, clueless or those who cannot ever be their competition
Spot on, I was that "friend" who was looked down upon. It wasn't until I started upgrading and dressing pretty again that she showed her true colors! Birch! Glad I dumped her ass!
Yup!!!
Omg!... that explains why a girl I used to know (extremely antisocial, narcissistic, histrionic, a mix of all the cluster b dramatic PD’s.) “discarded” our “friendship” after her deep seated insecurities came out & she was “exposed” (in her eyes) to me. She always tried to treat me like I was inferior, everything EVERYTHING I said was wrong, and just anything and everything I did was somehow inconveniencing her.
Sadly that was my ex’s close social circle. Bragged about having tons of friends but the only ones I saw she interacted/hung out w/ regularly were degenerate misfits in some way (she would at times, talk shit about them to me). She’d get pissed they were too blunt or selfish to her and would ignore the shit out of them out for weeks to punish them. Sadly these “friends” were enablers or rescuers to her bad habits & too lonely or simple to de-invest from her drama.
To: The 1% Better: I can’t say that about his friends. They are all lifelong friends unseverably committed to each other. They are not clueless or inferior with each other, they are not in competition with each other. Their friendship has withstood the test of time - 57 years!
I've had 4 narcissistic friends, they're always extraverted, they always have to be the center of attention, they cannot handle alone time, they have to keep people around them at alllllll times. They twist stories to make themselves look better or best. It's toxic. This year I chopped out 3 of them from my life entirely. I want nothing to do with them, I've deleted all the pics I have of them. I've removed them from my life. They're not worthy of my memory realestate. I physically and emotionally hate all of them.
It’s seems like a transaction. They use every single person that they can for their own agenda!! Definitely not a friendship in my opinion..
Yep, exactly. They ostracize and scapegoat and try to indoctrinate people into their masochistic groups.
And if any of the narcs have nothing to offer or shit hits the fan their - whole group can turn against them at any given time
Transactionary , conditional relationships
With too many goals and problems that are extreme and crazy
Not like normal, authentic healthy relationships
You got that right! They gravitate towards folks whom they know they can benefit from. If you have a car, they'll manipulate you into picking them up to go to the club because they're too good to take The Bus or a Taxi. They will not offer to give you Gas Money saying "I got you into The Club through So & So, you wouldn't have been able to get in without me!" They suggest you go to an All Night Diner for a Late Breakfast then when the Bill comes, they look at you to pay although it was their suggestion in the first place. If they know you have an Employee Discount, they will go about how they "need" certain things and could you help them out, you do, but they don't give you the money you spent to get them what they want. If you are in College (Look Out!), they will charm you into lending them Money so they can go out on Tuesday but then they avoid you when they owe, they will butter you up asking you to help them with a Term Paper, when it's time to meet at The Library where you agree to meet in The Lobby, you wait and wait, and they don't show up. They get "angry" at you although they "overslept", and because they are so used to living on their "own", time they don't respect yours. Then they sweet talk and charm you into Typing "their" Term Paper and when you ask where the "Notes" are they really don't have any saying you know the topic better you would do a better job. You help them but you just allowing them to laze around. They get a terrific Grade, the Professor praises them although it's under fraudulent circumstances, and they revel in the attention not realizing it wasn't their work at all. They do not call or contact because they are too ashamed, and they feel too guilty and when you try to talk to them and tell them to get their "stuff" together, then they get defensive because they know that you're telling them the truth. They don't have your back when you need them, but they go on about what a "Loser" they are when they make a big mistake and you try to tell them "No!" They need validation but for the wrong reasons.
Yes. They exploit you. Energy vampires.
What I’ve experienced is they tend to gravitate towards good gossip and information they can profit from, and they divide people into groups and if you are friends with people in the ”wrong” group you are not allowed into their group. The other members of this group might not know they have been ranked by usefulness by the narc ”leader”.
Yes a drama transaction
- Narcissists talk bad about their friends
- Use their friends for favors or money / a free place to live
- Give unsolicited advice, that is mostly condescending
The friends who figure them out cut off contact or avoid them. Then of course they talk badly about that person, so no one is suspicious about why so many avoid them.
Mostly condescending...... that hit home for me
Wow so true
They talk bad about a friend who care about them and sometimes post it on social media
Yes, yes, yes 👍 🙌
If they also have overlapping psychopathy they quite likely have many friends due to their charm. I noticed mine had few long term friends and seemed to circulate through many due to disagreements/arguments. Ugh!
Narcissists have two designations for people around them, disposable or recyclable.
Very well put.
Well said. Good to keep that in mind.
And when you’re no longer recyclable, you become disposable.
@@nicolegaldi True dat! After some time away from them we realize being disposed of was the best thing that could happen.
@@nicolegaldi 🤣🤣🤣 I will always remember this
I’m tired of babysitting their feelings 🙄
Me too, hope you are out of that relationship
No. They have supplies. People who stroke their ego and make them look good.
I was one of those.
Then I woke up
I’ve been around so many of these kind of people that I don’t believe there are any other kind. The field I’m in has a lot of these kind of people. 😥
@@LoveBeliefTruth that's tuff going. You must feel exhausted. Hugs
@AnneStewart, I’ve often felt that people are the way you treat them. I do, however, have limits. If I’m consistently kind and nice to them, but they remain aloof, arrogant, or just generally nasty, I will be polite, but stay away. I’ll give second and third chances. There is no fourth.
I was a “friend” to a “gay” sociopath. Except he sexually harassed and assaulted me throughout our weird “friendship”. Is it common for narcissists to claim a certain sexual orientation but basically sleep with whoever?
No, narcissists have allies and “yes” men.
More like useful idiots.
Exactly. Heaven help youre in a work place with a boss like this surrounded by Yes men. Awful toxic work environment, all pandering to be the best most kiss ass employee. Thank the Lord I quit and got out of there.
This is so truee
@@jpmcfluffies5529 if you kiss ars you get shit on the nose
trump friends yes men and women ,.. trump has no real friends .. only bought wife and money that buys friends .. imagine if trump was poor ... who would even bother to be with him>>>>????? not his mail order bride .. he would be living in trailer down by the river . and by teh way trump is cash poor,..
Narcissists have 1 friend, at a time...
They drain them of their empathy then move onto the next victim.
The narcissists friend is a temporary food bank for empathic supply.
100% accurate statement
Yes
solid 100%
I have definitely witnessed this!
Not sure. From experience and from watching.. they tend to have a pool of 'favourite' friends and they love playing them against one another. They could be with one 'friend' and all they can talk about is how awesome a time they had with another 'friend'.
It seems to me Facebook is a must have for the narcissist.
...because they like stalking people
Ooooomg yes!
If you read up on narcs and social media you'll discover that all areas are narc playgrounds.
Very dangerous places for non-narcs.
My sister is a narc..i cant leave because the kids love there nephew and niece.... and i try to keep the peace...but when she goes silent my kids are heartbroken to not see there niece and neph
Because they get to carefully cultivate their public image, which is the most important thing in life to them...
After a toxic relationship I´m finally awake. I don´t have much friends left. I feel alone, but more happy and relaxed.
I know the feeling, 6 months NC from the narc and i cutt off some fare weathered friends too, I feel free to do me, thank you for sharing 🙏
Headed in that direction! I can't wait to find the strength to leave
I feel the same sort of way. Getting over the narcissist takes time.
@@snowflakes1and2 So wierd how fake some people are:)
Hey brother you are not alone. I am on the same boat. A friend of mine of 26 years? Totally discarded me without a word. Never got back to my texts. One month and some change now. Not even going to text or care. Let them go. Narcissists end up alone anyway. It's not going to bother me.
Many years ago I was married to a twice diagnosed sociopath/narcissist and ever since, whenever someone does something that reminds me of him, I run like hell. I NEVER let them into my life. Once burned...
Lol😂 Smart move!
@ Colleen Mayes, Good for you girl! They are crazy
Sure you're not looking for signs and mis diagnose people as you're protecting yourself? I hope you haven't judge ld people unfairly.
@@sametoyoutoo8509
You're an idiot enabler. Bless your heart!
:0)
@@cher8136 They are CRAZY MAKING !
A narc can never be a friend. You make a fool of yourself when you think a narc is a good friend and end up showing them all your wounds. They don't want you to have any friends. They themselves do not have true friends. People who are around them are mostly enablers and the relationships are extremely shallow. Been there, seen that.
That makes sense
So true
Yes
Yes! This is true!
Facts!
the only friends that will never challenge them or call them out. They are always very shallow friendships. Once someone calls them out, the narc will get angry and refuse to speak to them again.
Yep. Experienced this recently. Got tired of being attacked, belittled and judged when this person still lives at home at 43. I got tired of their anger and cutting comments putting me down. It was hard to be around
A deep friendship is not possible for a narc.
I stayed longer than I should've with narcissistic friends because I thought my only value was making them feel good.
me too! You put that very succinctly.
So terrible. Now you know better❣
I was the same..we all need love ..but our only mistake is we love people who consider love as abuse and so they abuse us back..you go girl now you know better .😉🙏🏻
Same; I KNEW, after a while, with my ex (we were friends first), that he would only seek me out when he needed an ego boost. If I needed to talk or something, he'd suddenly be too busy or just ignore my texts and I'm not the type who sends more than one or two texts to get someone's attention. So, when I'd point this out to him, he'd just be like, "well, you need to text me until I answer". I told him I'd rather not do that because if you see my texts, which he told me he would see and just ignore unless they were "important to him", then you can respond, why would I text you, like 50 times? I guess that's because it's what he would do to get MY attention when I was busy and didn't answer right away; I honestly think he thought I would be faking being busy like he was doing. Either way, I was going through a tough time, myself, and have always had a tough time making friends due to growing up in a narcissistic family system, so someone who acted like they wanted to be my friend, even when they were acting "weird" was all I thought I could get. I've recently started trying to make friends, dropping ones who acted like my ex, and I finally found a pretty good friend, who is reciprocal and acts like a real friend; it's such a change when you have people who mean you well in your life.
@@BooDotBoo you know if you had sent 50 texts hes would have made you out to be crazy needy, and he was faking busy in an attempt at baiting you to do this very thing (send 50 txts) I swaer Narc all have the same instruction booklet they follow, its funny because its their worst nightmare how UN original they really are.
These are the people with hundreds of Facebook and instagram "friends". But seem to need YOUR help when times get tough.
@Timothy Williams True, these are the overt extroverted narcissists with all their perceived "fans". She does distinguish between the 2 types.
@Timothy Williams exactly the one i know had very few friends like 300 now after having his fb for more than 10 years. He say he doesnt need to post cause ppl are nosy, yet he watches everyone stories everytime u post something. But in my humble opinion he knows that alot of ppl don't like him. Idk how ppl can live a life of lies and trying to manipulate you into thinking is people are the problem
@Timothy Williams the narc use to say that people will go on the internet and put things in their head about " IT " that is not true. " thats why im miss understood cause some people never gave me a fair chance -the narc words, and that same day he proceed to ask me if knew the difference between a spychopart and sociopart.he can be random and out of the blue but now i fully understand about Narcissism i believe he was just asking me those things to see how knowledgeable i was with this topic so he can manipulate me and twist the situation cause he always wanted to know what i think. And if u go against his believe you are either stupid or he just not care what u have to say
Lol spot on.
Yes - I have wondered where they all are when the narc is in need.
Reunited with my narcissistic friend after stopping talking for 7 years.. nothing has changed.. recently walked away again.. not looking back this time
I’ve got a “friend “ like that too. After spending my time listening to all of her problems with her cheating husband and every single medical or lab report, just giving her every single bit of me; not once would she ever ask...well how are you?? Not a single phone call from her now after 3 months. Guess what? I’m also finished with her too. Going completely no contact. This crap is so hurtful and exhausting. Thank you Dr Ramani for helping all of us see the light. ❤️❤️
Kim Davis Its exhausting my narc listened for years about his divorce and kids even gave them holidays .I was going thru a divorce myself and after 6 months he said he would not talk to me till I had property settlement . I did not hear from him till I was divorced and he gave me a recipe LOL
I knew a narc woman who was forever looking for a man to support her. She said she wanted to, "be in love", but I saw through that. I sent a nice email to her suggesting that she (God forbid!) get a job. Never heard from her after that. That was after thirty years of our acquaintance.
Narcs are 3 years old forever. Arrested development.
@@kimdavis2508 You were a tool to the narc, not human.
Narcissists have “friends” but they are just tools they use for their own benefits and eventually those friends all realize it too and leave the friendship and they begin to have no friends again until they deceive new people
My narcissistic ex's "fRiEndS" in a nutshell. She even cried to me because her circles kept leaving her.
Looking back many of my friends have been narcissistic. I have naturally cut off most, especially the most toxic.
Removing toxic people is the best gift you can give yourself!!!
good for you
Me too. Now I spend a lot of time alone. Which is good , I am happy and comfortable with my own company these days. My anxiety just dissipated. Particularly with letting go of certain family members.
Smart move!
@@mjsmith2112 Hard to do, but necessary trust me ......... congratulations!
At times narcissists can put on a facade of being nice around certain people who give them validation and narcissistic supply but they can be terrible to people close to them. In certain cases they even behave nicely with their so called friends as long as they go along with them. As soon as someone does stand up to them or just disagree with them they suddenly become the bad person.
A narc friend went thru surgery and her friend looked after her for over a month .The narc criticised everything about the help then the friend asked if she care for her dog for a week she said no it would be too much
@Go Guerilla Foto Yes which is what real friends do. So they have braindead followers who never challenge them. I don't see many people from their social groups that actually challenge their bad behavior. This is deliberate. Those who do would be long gone.
Narcs need to paint others as bad to deflect away from all of the dirty shit they do.
@@paulclinton6414 Very true. The problem is never them. Its classic projection and gaslighting.
So true!!!
They are very transactional and absolutely hate to be discarded, it's an injury to their fragile ego. One solid truth about a narcissist -
their mask will inevitably fall off and their true character will be revealed.
@KnowledgeIs Power Yep...just as soon as you start to feel comfortable...look out
Transactional...best description of my former friend and now only colleague anymore.
Then, they need to devalue you and smart your name out of fear that you might try to expose them.
They are the most charming, patient and sweet friend at beginning. As soon as they got your heart, they switch to the opposite. I don’t think they can keep a real friendship, nor I think they are capable to understand the meaning of it.
The covert narcissist plays a longer game and often goes undetected but for the savey few. However, they will have a "target" in their immediate family. This person will know a lot !
About 50 years of friendship. I thought she was my BFF. Then I realized I could no longer endure the invalidation, hurtful coments, rage, sarcasm . Now I am working on distancing my self, Starting to feel better. It hasn't been easy.
Stay strong!
Good for you for distancing yourself! That’s emotional abuse and not what a friendship is supposed to be about! She sounds toxic and bad for your mental health! Don’t stay in a relationship that no longer serves you! You deserve to be happy and be around people who appreciate you!
Same here.
And on the flip side, there are those friends, who you can bring chicken soup to multiple times, make them a birthday cake, care about them in the nicest ways, and still they will be too busy for you, and not there when you need them, and will ditch you when someone new and shiny come across...
@Go Guerilla Foto not only not enough, but they will also tell you, that you are fundamentally wrong by wanting relationship to be a two way street.
Yep had one of these too. Took me 20 years to smarten up and realize what a vampire she is. No contact now 3 months. I’ll keep it this way.
I was 40 years close friends with a narcissist. I knew her since the age of 3. She was like the narcissists you describe. Always masses of people around but no real friends. I was the only real friend she had. She used to say to me that I was the only one she felt really comfortable with and trusted me. For 40 years I supported her, listened to her and helped her. She became worse and worse: the jealousy, the dellusions, bad mouthing me, manipulating me and back stabbing. At the end she was raging and shouting rude things at me. Finally my sister told me she wanted me to stop the friendship. She told me that the woman was not my friend but an enemy. It has been peaceful since.
Sounds like the relationship I have had with my sister. I have moved one now and I am happier though she is trying to come back but I have accepted we will never have a healthy relationship.
I’ve learned that a long time knowing or hanging around a person doesn’t automatically mean true friendship. It is what it is, and not what it’s not. 🤷🏽♀️
I experienced the same thing. I'd never even heard of narcissism. I realise now that my best friend and my sister were both narcissists. I'm so glad that I can stop blaming myself. I have cut them both off.
@@danidesanti Yes, that is the thing. We had never heard of narcissism before. So, how could we defend ourselves against it? I am glad you are have that information now.
Sounds like you'v got a great sister there, she has your back. Now that your rid of the narc friend / enemy you will have more time to spend with your sister.
I have been in an abusive relationship for the last 8 months I came across your videos early on and I recognised the signs but couldn't leave the relationship. Today I finally left. Thank you for helping me to turn on the light bulb in a darkened room, to connect the dots and to wake up. Your videos have changed my life
Good for you, Kathleen! I'm happy you for you!
So happy for you...please do not go back ever!
Run like HELL
Congratulations! I wish I would have had this information years ago when I first met my ex husband. What is sad is that I went from a toxic family of origin and then married into another toxic family system that was worse!! His mom was and still is very toxic. I am honestly surprised she has anyone left in her life. My children tell me stories about her and I am so glad I no longer have to witness her behaviors.
I am happy for you.
Malignant narcissists don't have friends, just people they use in one way or another.
OH Yeah, FLYING 🐒
I'm starting to think everyone is a narcissist.
Same w Covert narcissists, too.
In my past I had two narcissistic "friends" and one thing they both did (I believe) was call me while other people were around them in order to seem a certain way, whether it be smart, interesting, or simply as having friends. Irritating and sad.
Nothing conjures up hatred more than a narcissistic friend!!! It’s a glimpse of hate. You are so right about they pretend to be best friends w people they barely know!!!
A former friend of mine always has new best friends on facebook. She has 5000 followers so no matter what with that type of alliance, in her mind she will never be beat. It's so odd, obviously people she has never met are communicating on her posts. I think she actually cherry picks then meets up these followers and love bombs them for pictures. Her new friends always have a wide eyed look as if they're surprised they're getting so much attention. I used to work with her before social media and she was a manipulative psychopath who would read books on psychology and philosophy to manipulate men and thought she was so slick with her words and embarrassing people - on a power trip
A glimpse of hate. That’s a great way to put it. Disregard and disdain that their eyes cannot hide.
@@Andromeda_M31 is this shallon lestor lol jokes .
My ex boss. Everyone was her friend....whether they liked it or not!😉
Martin Fleming you hit the nail on the head! They’re full of hate!
I have a long list of discarded narcissist friends and family. Must protect self.
Me, too. Good luck and keep going.
My list has been growing since finally being led to education in NPD and recognizing cptsd and codependency behaviors I was conditioned into as a child
Yeah weird old friends I had to drop due to some b big narcs. Stealing my car while I slept just mean I felt like I had to baby sit them and always hide keys no trust. I had to get rid of the toxicity. Then exes 2 ex husbands narcs learned next 2 Narcs only lasted 3 months other 3 weeks dropped them both decided not dating$
Same here...a long list
This woman is a national treasure! 😂 So on point with these descriptions geez!
National? International!!!
100%
Most of the toxic ones have devalued and discarded me, thank goodness.
All of my closest friends were narcissist and I realised they weren't my friends. They either are loved by many people but behind the scenes they talked about them behind their backs. I'm introverted and all of them are extroverts. Gladly I got away. One narcissist from school i just got away from is now smearing my name to others at school. I really felt like I was in high school and I felt drained. I'm glad I got away from her
Good for you for getting away
Popular culture is really breeding narcissism in some of the young, but not all obviously. Guaranteed the Kardashians are 100% narcissists along with a lot of the stuff they feed teenagers on TV and online that encourages a narcissistic lifestyle. It must be tough being a Gen Z to ignore all that.
Janelle, narcissist carry high school mentality all through life. Remember when the mean girls sat together ( the most popular in the middle) during study hall and lunch period? They grow up to be over the hill mean girls. Seldom do they age well. I know this because my narcissist sister didn't age well 😂
It was a blessing to get away. Be slow and watch very thoroughly any new friendship candidates. Good Luck. You deserve better
Janelle Johnson more power to you 💕
I kept narcissists around because I had no clue that that was what they were. Then I did my research. All gone.
The ONLY reason. Once you know better you do better. I love and respect myself…bye!
Good job!
Same
Why does a narcissist rage, then almost immediately after, act as if nothing has happened?
My ex used to do that and when she was done with her tantrums I had to forget about it as well and not bring her shitty attitude up
Because, REALLY, they're immature, little, morons!!!!!!!👍👍😂
They want to see if they frighten you so your voice will be forever shut . That is why .It is a way to condition you to accept abuse .
I told her that she can’t always get what she wants in life, even her “best” friend is stressed when meeting up with her because she is afraid of being late and get the tantrum... says a lot
It’s her way or the highway. Narcissist do want total control and her routine hasn’t changed a bit, everyone has to adapt to their schedule or else ...!!!!
Also they don’t mind wasting your time but don’t even dare wasting theirs
You described it so well, I got chills straight up my spine. The survivors community is STARVING for clinical psychologists who are trained in narcissistic abuse. I am so glad I found you! Thank you for all you do!!
All of this is so familiar! I felt really alone for a long time.
Julie Bugeia,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news
@CynicalPiscean I know what you mean. When a narcissist fools you once.....
when a friend only talks about herself and when ever there is another topic it reverts to herself..... narcissist or not, I'm out the door
Me too :)
I had that too and I wonder how many people are only talking about themselves and not even interested in the other person! Does the world have more narcissists now than 30 years ago? I am wondering that...?
@@Rosalie-ct8mi I don't know if it became worse over the years but I'm sure Dr. Ramani knows the answer
So true, I have dropped the ppl that talk about themselves all the time, it's was so draining.
I can say at this point, I've gotten rid of all the narcisssists in my life.
Me too. And Ironically, I'm indebted to them for the lessons they taught me, especially the warning signs.
Same. Took me 50+ years but better late than never. I'm so much healthier and peaceful
Brava!!!!
have u any friend left?🥴 nowadays everyones a narc
I have one left to get rid of, but my finances are tied to them by retirement accounts. boy does that suck....
I recently ended a narcissist friendship. It was as you described...exhausting. I do feel bad because I feel like I’m being disloyal, but I just can’t do the constant building up anymore.
They are energy vampires and it will affect your adrenal system if it is allowed to continue.
What was your approach. I have to do this
@@lightlove167 my approach to letting go of my narcissist friend I had for 17 years was to slowly cut my relationship with her. It took some time because I couldn't believe the situation I was in. I always felt bad for her because I was her only friend. She was someone I spoke to almost every day. I started to only reaching out once a week...now after a few months I sent her a message saying I'm taking some time off from everyone...I don't plan to keep in contact anymore and I feel so relieved spiritually because trying to always please her was draining and I got tired of it.
This was soooo helpful, bless you all 💖🕊🙏
I have narcs in my life. But I'm not friends with them. We socialize by obligation.
I am in the same situation. It's important to socialize strategically and carefully with the narc/toxic person.
I limit the conversation to neutral or mutually interesting topics; will listen to the narc for a limited amount of time about whatever is on his/her mind and then change the subject as tactfully as possible. I also limit the amount of time spent in socializing ( having "other"places to go, people to see, things to do, etc.") .
It helps to have a pleasant activity planned, to follow an obligatory visit with a narc/toxic person. Things like a country drive, nature walk, or coffee shop deluxe beverage with a book or doodle pad help me to wind down and regain the mind-set that I want to maintain.
I'm in the same situation. My sister in law might not be a narc but she treats me pretty badly. It's all about her and I've stopped contacting her and months can go by before she contacts me.
👍🏾!
Eventually they will find their way to damage everyone that socialises with them when not useful mostly but even when they are useful ...
@@barbarakelly1916 your suggestion to plan ahead for a nice, recharging activity after forced socialization with narcs is pure gold. I'll adopt it as a golden rule. 👍😉
It's a board game for them, they place every person strategically to serve a specific need (one sided) , usually the friendships are not genuine. They need people to feed off of and absorb their light(empaths). This applies to both grandiose and covert narcissists.
I also think narcissism is an evil entity of some sort I think there's a rule book which all narcs seem to follow, that is just too convinient for me how does a minor know how to follow these strict guidelines? , and narcissists seem to be the only people not going for treatment for their misconduct except for the people around them they are demons themselves here to possess others.
If it is an evil entity it would explain why there is no treatment or cure because it a spiritual problem and not a clinical one
ofentse dihutso I’ve had friends come and go and I’m confident that most of them have been in good faith. My closest friend of 18 years has never given me cause to doubt his good faith even though we’ve had two major arguments over that 18 years of friendship that weren’t pleasant. It was the healthy friendships that helped me identify what turned in to a very unhealthy friendship a few years back now.
A couple of years ago I cut a guy out who was one of my best friends who I’d known for ten years but only really got to know over the last five of those years. He’d done a few things over that time that I’d thought we’re a bit odd or off, but I overlooked them until he did something really bizarre that gave me cause to reevaluate our whole friendship and reassess those past things I’d overlooked.
In the 10 months after I lost a family member to suicide and my world was really shaken he escalated some really disturbing mind games and when I tried very diplomatically to discuss it with him I detected two instances of gaslighting in our half hour conversation and I sensed he was playing cat and mouse with me.
The guy had a picture perfect family, wife and kids, never missed a Sunday church service and even led church mission trips overseas and he was a popular guy. I had some of the best times of my life hanging out with him. When I backed off he had his wife, who is a genuine and decent lady, do his bidding reaching out to me via text messages because they were “concerned” for me. I cut him off completely. It was a lesson.
Now when I meet incredibly charming, charismatic and entertaining people who love being the center of attention, always having the mic in a public setting and in positions of leadership, I mark them as people to watch. This former friend is the first person in my life that I believe I’ve positively identified as more than just a malignant narcissist but possibly a sociopath. I’m very interested to know what the spiritual aspect of this might be because his eyes changed sometimes when he did some of the more disturbing behaviours, which makes me wonder if he was demonised.
(sorry for the long blab it’s cut and paste)
@@wattlebough it is very possible it's an evil entity I've seen my exes eyes change too his voice changed and pulled a Rihanna BBHMM scene, broke a beer bottle with the intention to stab. He was absolutely out of his mind and seemed as if another entity took over him. And when my brother raged at me he cud not stop he used any weapon he cud find to injure me I'm disabled on my left arm bcoz that attack I cant use my hand fully esp at gym. I've went no contact with both, they tried to come back but they are permanently cut off.
ofentse dihutso Oh man that’s scary. Glad you got away.
@@ofentsedihutso8995 I have also seen the eyes colour changed in a second and it lasted for something like 5 seconds while the person was insulting me. Its like the person is normal and then out of the blue they change into something very nasty trying to provoke you intentionally and hurt you verbally or phisically.
A life built on false narratives will have fantasy friendships. If you can't serve, agree or make that false self person look good, then you aren't their "friend". High school maneuvers for sure! Thank you Dr. Ramani for all your insight and clarity. Happy Saturday everyone. 🤗
Some also want to have friends who are beneath them in status, possessions. When you improve your life, maybe even achieve more than them, they leave you. And some can act really caring and empathic, just to use all your trusted information against you later.
Narcs have many "friends". They like being a public figure and their so called friends or circle find them very entertaining. But these friendships are very very superficial.
500 Facebook friends but no one would visit them in the hospital.
They "Use" their Friends for their own selfish gain. They want to be around folks who have what they want and need because they won't/can't go out there and do it themselves. If they aren't the center of attention, when you don't jump when they want something or when you make them "wait" for you when you meet, they get very upset and angry and the worst thing is that when you do go out, they go on about how their Bank Card is "screwed" demagnetizing anyone but in reality they don't have two of nothing in their account and they are in overdraft so they ask you to help them, they promise to pay back on such a day and when they don't and you get angry they act like they are the victim.
it depends on the person, my covert "friend" did not have friends and has only 1 friend and likes to be alone. He has only family and his sister is always bringing him flowers and cake and he never brings her flowers or cake, just a tiny example. His sisters do not know that he is a "covert narcissist" at all. In the beginning of the "friendship" he told me that he had some female friendships with whom he had regurlarly lunch. But it all appeared to be a lie. They lie about a lot of things.
@@paulclinton6414 🤣😂🤣🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️
@@paulclinton6414 hahaha I feel good because I don't have as many friends but my family showed up !!!
They are the saddest people on earth. Not just how they appear since it’s so jealous. But how sad of a life it would be to constantly need to hurt people. I had no idea such depressed people existed
They need a miracle. So sad really.
I know right!
What can we do for them? That makes leaving them even harder. If they are sad inside, Then leaving them is not a nice thing to do
@@azlanandfriendsshorts What you can do for them is Mind your peace of mind and be happy and focus on yourself. Praise yourself and that’s it Put yourself & your energy towards yourself 😊
@@dianesmith5898 i think they need an intervention
They don’t have friends because they’re so wrapped up in themselves.
Yes and then they will say that they find it hard to make friends...
I've totally been friends with narcissists - so toxic & draining. I'm working super hard to make sure I don't get myself pulled into relationship like these in the future.
Me too
They're draining. I'm hiding from them. They drain my energy and invalidate me.......
"Kind" narcs have a very good PR they may keep long lasting relationships called friendships, all of them superficial.
This is sooooo true!
Long lasting manipulated 'friendships'....aka their supply
@Monzo Lena true and disturbing
Monzo Lena yes. I don’t understand this.
I defriended, someone I knew for 5 year's. I'm overjoyed she's out of my life🤗 She was draining.
I’ve had multiple narcissistic “friends “ ... they’re so lonely deep down.
Because they don’t love themselves and others enough to form substantial relationships. I’m just thankful I’m not blind to that anymore.
Yes they discard friends at the drop of a hat😊
Been discarded by a narc friend late August. I realised I was being twisted into the shape they required me to be in; thanks to Dr Ramani and others, I've wised up to their ways. The lockdown brought into sharp relief their ways, as the usual activities we indulged when we met up could no longer be indulged in. But I would never have got here without body psychotherapy. It taught me to listen to my body, and the feelings I was experiencing, and so after I was exhausted by just listening to them, I decided to take charge of my own time (honouring my boundaries) while still trying to meet them, but with some adjustments. Well, I was shocked by their response. A regular person might have expressed disappointment, but not them, they informed me the friendship was over and blocked me! What's amazing about this? Soon after I met up with some truly great people, healthy and respectful and fun, the chicken soup kind. It's early days, but it's like removing bind weed in the garden, and seeing honeysuckle take over. Sweet.
Nowadays they count instagram likes and followers, and facebook friends. ...
These are very poor indicators of how likeable you are, your worth, or your social standing.
If you treat people close to you like shit and they avoid you, but you have managed to get 9,000 likes on a post.... that's nothing.
Dr. Ramani, in response to your question: In my younger years, I could tolerate these difficult people, and therefore strived to maintain friendships with them. They were charismatic and entertaining. Now that I'm older and life has beat me down, I find people with Narcissistic personalities to be absolutely emotionally exhausting and terribly hurtful. I can not deal with them any more.
Children who throw their toys out of their prams😂 that’s all they are. We need to own our own power and stop fearing them 👌
And they always call everyone they meet for the 1st time, their BFFS 🤣 Pathetic.
So true! 😂 So fake...hi friend! What? I just met you and I don’t even know you weirdo!
Spot on! My ex would say they LOVED them after just meeting someone. I would always roll my eyes in disgust. Narcs are so damn fake.
@@CoeurD_Amaris22 Exactly. Like omg you just met the fkn person. And just bc they know of people does not mean they know them like they pretend to do. 🤣🤣🤣 hilarious 🤣
It's an adolescent concept of "friends". Very shallow. I'm dealing with a landlord who never matured past a that 7th grade bully mentality.
True. They tend to force themselves into people's lives. I rejected one today and it felt really nice.
Unfortunately my "narcissistic friends" were a few of my family members. The excellent news is in direct relationship to listening to these clips I've finally realized what my therapists had told me time and again, " it's truly NOT you. You handle Life beautifully." Of course I didn't believe that, however I have completely changed my awareness and belief system in this reality of the damage caused by TRYING to remain in the toxic swirl of family loaded with narcissistic characters. I'm done and I feel FANTASTIC and really balanced and kind to myself. Dump the toxicity and suddenly the sun will seem brighter the air cleaner. Thank you so much for these videos!!! They ARE wonderful!
They do life on the cheap, friend and family wise too
(they've no healthy emotions to spare) ☠️
Speech Language Pathologist Therapy I can identify with you ❤️well done
Welcome to the happy place where we are kind to each other and have a nice cup of tea. 😊🤗
Good for you I am so happy for you :)
Well said. So true. Am there. Thankyou for your comment
As I learned to be assertive and to stand up for myself my last narc 'friend' didn't seem to want to be around me anymore. Weird how that works. Stand up to them and they'll discard you. That's the best way to get rid of them, make them get rid of *you.*
Same. But I backpedaled a couple of times and went into my fawn response before discarding them permanently. Wish I had done it sooner.
I was told about 3 years ago by a counselor that I have surrounded myself with Narcissistic people, which had cause a lot of turmoil in my life. (Friends, partners, bosses etc.) Once I started to set boundaries with these people, they either ended the relationship or I did. What a relief!!!
Yes I always felt like a babysitter everytime I was around them
Miriam Ramsey,You don't deserve to be with a narcissist 😈!
@@lioydwilliams1850 do u know her to day that? Also, what's with the devil face LOL no game whatsoever
Yes, I always felt like this too. And my IQ dropped because there's no real deep and meaningful discussions. No reflections on life. It's like baby-sitting a boring robot.
Wow....I used to say the same thing...I felt like I "raised" my ex...
I am babysitter to an elderly narc.
I have a "friend" who lives off me like a leech. She would allways invite herself to my place, expect me to pay for dinner / or cook her dinner ( even though I have a smaller salery than her by far) and then she would go on and on about her miserable relationship with her hundreth boyfriend that year. But god forbid if I needed something from her ( I dont anymore) She just wasnt available. Sometimes she would even invite herself over for the whole weekend, without even asking if I had time. "I am here now, entertain me, take care of me".
When she was done, she would just disappear again for weeks, not answering when I needed anything.
I dont know if she is narcissistic, but I think it comes close.
She has no real grasp of reality and how real life and friendships work, I think. I feel sorry for her. But I feel sorry for me and my wasted time too.
You are joking. This can’t be true.
Hard relate. Sorry you had to go through that and I hope you are able to find more reciprocity in your life moving forward. Am working on this too!
Set a boundary.Do not let her in.
@@LoveBeliefTruth I wish I was
@EE and Me I m sorry. It sucks
My best friend is an admitted Narcissist. She once discarded me while drinking (also an alcoholic) and said-- "There are no benefits to my friendship with you". We've been friends since we were 12 (were 44 now).
That comment really showed her true colors. I never considered benefits of any friendship except how much I enjoy talking with them.
Imagine how many years you gave away to such a creature. All to waste!
@@Indusxstan I try not to view people like that. No one is a "waste" just a lesson 🙏
I just try not to learn the same lesson twice, if u know what I mean.
Jennifer, I’m sure it was also difficult to let go of your friend despite what she said but the truth is important to help us let go in our own pace. I just had a similar experience with my narc friend after 23 years of friendship. Thank you for sharing! I’m offended to see other videos or other commenters said the friends of narcissists are also narcissists. That’s so untrue. The narc gives and takes in small amounts enough to dupe you into thinking the bond between you is real. When the mask comes off, well…there lies the disappointment. For me, the hard part is letting go of familiarity and history with this one person. It was very heartbreaking.
@@yvettep1093 I actually believe it's the total opposite. Most Narcs don't want other Narcs as friends because they are always in competition, they aren't easy to manipulate and they are just a bad source of supply. Narcs prefer Empaths....we are a delicacy to them. Sorry for your loss.
@@Jennifer-di4nl Thank you, Jennifer. I'm sad but I'm going to be fine.
I don’t think they have friends.
Narcissist ppl are messed up in the head. They don’t know what love, respect, trust, and family means.
My ex narc has a whole new family and friends. Only known the guy for a few months.
She blows the bridges behind her everywhere.
Said to me, friends or nothing.
After she cheated on me and left.
🎯
I know one that took all money from a parents estate and kept it to himself to pay his bills and left their bros and sisters out. then wondered why siblings stopped talking to them.
@@terryondrovich8842 I'm in a similar situation.
But they demand this from other people. Lols love, trust, respect and family.. they are not capable.
I kept them around until I woke up to my own toxic positivity ‘Oh they mean well’ ‘try to find the good in everyone’ ‘nobody’s perfect’ ‘maybe it’s just me’ Blah blah blah....🙄
Omg that was me for like 15 years with the ex 😣
And the ‘always say yes to new things’ resolution does not apply to toxic people. I have learned to be very discerning with friendships and interpersonal relationships of any kind, do to my past mistakes letting the wrong people in, and have lost too much of my time to not be cautious.
N L Good for you for realizing it and removing yourself from the situation. We all need to be so aware of ourselves.
@@greablood1072 Exactly and thank you for pointing that out. Many times we need to see it, hear it, read it as many times necessary to remind ourselves about what to watch for.
This sounds like me, and on top of it, she has projected her narcissism onto me and I watch these videos and read the comments trying to figure out if I'm actually a narcissist too.
On social media, it’s all a numbers game to boost their ego
Unreal I've seen it and lived around it!!! Disgusting...
My ex discarded me out of nowhere and next day she was posting bikini pictures on IG
First, they are all miserable before logging in their social media but while on there, it's like an adrenaline rush to them as if they won the lottery.
Miss Perfect Imperfections ....agree!
Miss Perfect Imperfections my ex posts selfie after selfie. Never any post of value.
We can't stand being around them & they can't stand being around themselves that's how difficult they are!
Exactly. Well said!
I have made it a point to get rid of narcissistic "friends" especially after my cancer diagnosis three years ago when I looked around and felt completely alone because most of my "friends" were narcs. I am an empath and i was raised by narc parents. The people that came through for me and helped me I was not even that close to at that time. I now focus on the kind, caring. loving people and I do not bother with any narcs. All narcs have the same agenda and they will discard you as soon as they meet their goal. With narcs it is all about what you can provide for them. There is never a reciprocal exchange.
NarcAbused Recovery Or a thank you note.
The going gets tough the tough get going the people who helped me I hardly know
That sentence.."All narcs have the same agenda and they will discard you as soon as they meet their goal"...not truer words were said!
That is Wisdom Gold!!!!!!
I hope you are feeling much better now, if not healed completely.
I have had a similar journey with ME/CFS.
It's amazing how people discard you when you're ill.
Wow that’s must’ve been hard for you, hope you’re better now! This sounds very familiar. I also found out the hard way, there was no one to support me when I fell ill, and it hurt so much. I guess such moments can expose you to harsh, necessary truths. Eventually support came from a few unexpected places and I felt so grateful there were people in my life that were interested in me. I forgot what it felt like to be treated as a human vs a puppet with human like qualities. My self esteem has taken a hit from dealing with narc type people. It is a very confusing ordeal because there are good and bad parts to it. Still unpacking.
I stayed a little longer hoping this person will change. Gave this person 2nd, 3rd, 4th chances and I always rationalize the bad behavior. I often feel very confused because she seems so very nice to her new friends, while she treats me poorly when it's just the 2 of us.
Very shallow. It's all about them..And soooo exhausting be in that toxic friendship. I went no contact for 1 month now, no explanation or whatsoever, coz they really wont get it. Thanks Dr. Ramani.
Dc unfolding it gets better and better, like the dawning of day. Seeing clearer and clearer that for them to change they must want it and take the steps toward the light, no one can do it for them, but you obviously want the best for them, Best reguards
@@bw2442 thank you!
She is not being GENUINELY nice to the other people. She is pretending to be nice to them so they will give her attention and admiration which is positive supply. Also, she may be getting negative supply from you feeling aggrieved when you see her being nice to others but not to you which causes you pain.
I noticed this about my ex; he has a whole new groups of friends, who he seems to treat much better than his old ones (he seems to change out friends like you buy a new phone every couple years). Well, he treats them better for now. I always wonder why he has to replace entire friend groups so often. Something about that is a bad sign.
@@BooDotBoo they don't have deep genuine friendships.
The narcissists in my experience starts the relationship therefore it is easy to fall into. They also seem flashy and interesting at first. REAL relationships are slow and steady.
This is so true. 2 of my closest friendships started off super slow. To be honest...I didn't really like them until I got to know them. For the other friendships with toxic or narcissistic people, I "connected" with them pretty quickly and the friendship just went really fast and ended badly.
@@FutureFendiFsnista Thanks MJ,
I find that, having more time right now, I can make an intentional effort to cultivate the slow and steady friendships that are way too easy to take for granted. It is also a lot easier now to distance myself from the constant demands of the luring narcissist and clearly see their tactics. TAKE CARE
@@elizabethfraser2996 Yeah definitely. This pandemic, though difficult, has made us slow down and rethink about our lives and the relationships in them. I wish you all the best and take care too! 🤗
@@FutureFendiFsnista this is true!
My ex narcissist had lots of aquintances but no real friends, he's 46. They push away anyone that does attempt to make genuine bonds, which makes sense because you must be genuine back in true friendship and they'll never make that effort anyhow.
Right, but they call ALL acquaintances 'friends' - people they've just met, or only see once in a while. And, as Dr. Ramani says, 'important' people who they have met once or twice, or persuade to speak at an event they've organized are 'obviously' friends, too. In reality, those people are nice to them, as they're to everybody (pastors of large churches, that have a large following on social media etc.), but barely recognize them - they're not their friends at all. But they will never admit that, they're so set in their delusion.
@@ursulamargrit it sounded unreal until I finally started to understand the disorder
So timely! Just yesterday, I had the revelation that my ex-friend is just a thirty something middle school mean girl who is destined to be a middle school mean girl grandma some day.
I stayed friends because I kept trying to see the good in them even though they already showed me who they really are
I did that as well for a period of time after I just discovered that he was a covert narcissist. But after I was sick and was laying in his bed I saw that he did not take care of me and I was furious and sooooo frustrated that I told him the truth and left outrageous! May I ask why you choose to stay friends?
Me too, I just couldn't believe someone could turn into a totally different person....but a narc can.
Everyone can change. There is nothing like "what you truly are". It's all a matter of decision. You can decide today you want to give and share love and then you can, but we often times don't want to because inside we are pissed off. Let it all out and take responsibility and you can become a healthy human being, no matter how narc you were
@@mischaeidmann4036 narcissists can NOT change!! You have to take responibility for your behaviour in order to be WILLING TO CHANGE and that is what narcissists do NOT do! They always blame someone else
for their grazy behaviour!! They always point the finger towards someone else!!
@@mischaeidmann4036
🤨 But who wants to stick around waiting for someone to decide to change, especially when it’s been reported that narcissists rarely do?
You are spot on with the high school feeling of dealing with them. ✌🏼
Yes- this is why they often participate in organized gang stalking/community mobbing. Lately I’ve noticed highlighted replies that seem quite juvenile, and nasty after making comments. I know thIs is not coming from the you tube channel owners. It is likely from hackers, gang stalkers/cyberstalkers, and possibly even AI. Narcissism is rampant nowadays.
You certainly feel like you're arguing with a schoolyard mentality.
It's exhausting
Haha I always thought to myself he acts like a middle schooler
Relationships are binned when ‘ the out of date mark is hit’ new supply sources are immediately summed up for qualities such as naivety, openness, honesty, authenticity kindness, empathy ( ie qualities they wish they could feel but cannot) ...
“Grandiosity by proxy”, is that term I’ve been looking for. When they have no friends and move back over to tormenting their family and extended family members.
This partly answers my question. i.e.
"What happens when they've discarded all their friends, or rejected making new ones because no one is 'good enough' for them?"
I think that if their partner is loyal, or they can blackmail family to support them, then they don't necessarily feel the need for friends. Is there a name for this type of narcissist?
Or they could stop being loser vampires.
Deanna Walsh,you are too precious 🌹🌹🌷🌺🌷 to be with narc 🙄!
It is so true, that narcissists use people as transactions. They claim to be such a good friend, or family member to everyone around them, and consistently expect to be babysat emotionally, and for you to drop everything in your schedule to fill their supply. But, when you ask them for something that you really need assistance with, they are unavailable. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your awesome videos.
Having a narc parent has affected me in so many ways including I lack the ability to develop friendships for myself.
For me the fact that i attract all the cluster B community 😂😂😢
validation & admiration, holding a cookout so they can "hold court", gossip, back stab ... will talk to someone & fake sympathize so they can gain Gossip Fuel ... yeah like high school - omg that totally clicked! Thanks Dr. R .... please keep these videos coming!!!!! Thank you!!!!
April Rogers,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
I do not have narcissistic friends. I make a point to distance myself from those who show patterns like this. Thanks to you, I'm learning what to watch out for!
Soon I will not have the time to engage any of them when I start writing my memoirs! I need a clear thought for it
You just described my late partner. I thought he was just alcoholic, for over 20 years. He actually said once that he is only friends with people who can do things for him, as a criticism of me who usually helps the underdog.
I have covert narcissist traits. However, I somehow manage to have some self awareness and a desire to change. But I totally relate to these traits and the motivation behind them.
I had a nearly 14 year long "friendship" with a Narc who I always said was just like a brother to me. I said that because I now realize my only sibling is a covert narc and that's what I believed a normal sibling like relationship was. Thanks God for you Dr Ramani!!! Your channel has brought clarity, wisdom and sanity to an otherwise insane situation that had my head spinning in circles over the last many years and at least 2 decades or more with my sibling.
Same here. They are one-sided to use us.... Dr. Ramani rocks !!
I dunno…. I’ve had a narc friend for 23 years and thought he was a brother to me simply because there were times where there was give and take. The mask has fallen off so bad that there’s no denying what he is. Glad you can walk away so easily. I’m having problems letting go of familiarity and history.
The best part of this all is the fact that we all learn ...accept the narc. They my friend they are done. Always. No hope of change.
I recently flushed 4 or 5 Narc friends from my life. Came from a family of narc parents and sadly siblings. Totally programed to overlook the hurts and manipulation. Feel free and great!
@@donnavorbach215 i flushed them all. I was staff to them. Ownership right here now they are out and i own myself alone. Cheers to that
Nope. I've noticed they have mainly superficial relationships. When they get closer, usually people catch onto them. My narc said he has lots of friends but when you ask it's the people in his dance class which to me is more like acquaintances. I've had close friends that I've been friends with for over 20 years.
I have been attached to a narcissist for years and he takes everything. He has a sense of entitlement that is unbelievable. I don't even like him any more. He tried to distroy my life. Now he's homeless.
How do you know he’s homeless? He’s probably reaping what he sowed.
It's so sad how true this is. I wish he would help himself but at the same time i can't care. They are just mean, toxic, manipulative people.
Yes "HS mean girls" is it. I kept saying this sentence every time I wanted to describe my experience prior to hearing this video. The not hearing from the narcissist is so true-- they will literally abandon you when someone else fills that circle.
I used to have a friend from my college. I thought we were best friends until I started to see her pattern. She was entitled, shameless, manipulative, grandiose sometimes and victim all the time. I felt like she just suck my life out of me. Thank God I can called her now my ex- friend.😃
Narcs particularly pride themselves in "knowing" a lot of people. They will even use their imagined popularly as a gauge of their perceived value. A narc I once knew used to always shout, "That's why you don't know anybody!" as some form of weapon against me. Truth was, I knew his friends were mostly people he indirectly met on Facebook or people he knew from church or the military--those that either sucked up to him or were rarely in direct contact with him. Narcs think they are so desirable, but they are really quite boring and recycle their bygone "good ole day" narratives to make their lives seem more exciting and interesting.
Omg so true - SO boring! I had a narc friend that I didn’t realise was a narc, 14 years later he became my partner, and then worked it out - and yes, he was, verbatim repeating the same boring stories with no further insight etc - incredibly boring, shallow, and deluded.
Lol - yeah this guy had a never ending list of “friends”. Funny thing was when I asked THEM, a lot of them didn’t even know him, were Facebook “friends”, etc. Such a total liar - not that this is news 🤔🙄
They look down on people who seem to know fewer people than them while they never have even one real friendship in their entire life.
@@goldilocks3593 Dude likely went around putting down people who had fewer Fakebook friends than him while none would help him in a real emergency.
@@paulclinton6414 Orrrr, they view those people as prime candidates of narcissistic supply - because they consider they can more easily isolate them from the few they do know.
I no longer have narcissistic friends, family nor lovers around me! It gets lonely but I'm no longer alone surrounded by people. I work with toxic narcs but I can't really do much about that, they're always in the workplace.
Some narcissists sit on the sidelines in a group finding things to judge and later criticize to those they want to manipulate.
Forever judging and criticizing other people. Even people in commercials or the news stations aren’t safe. Man, woman, child, dog. Chronically critical of other people - discussing how they look, who is fat and who is thin, what hairstyle looks best on someone else (not your business), what news personality should have done in their career path by what age ( you don’t even know this person from Adam. How do you know the person is not perfectly content with their career), talking about celebrity gossip - who is married to who, has an obsession with knowing people’s ages. Everything you like they hate and criticize. No thanks.
This is so true! Often they are the “quiet” ones until you get to know them then the truth comes out.