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Maybe I"M The Narcissist? 8 Ways To Find Out
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 พ.ค. 2023
- Is Becoming A Trauma Informed Coach YOUR Calling? Next Certification Program Begins: June 2023
www.michelelee...
I am always looking to add more value to my services -so I am soooo excited to let you know that anyone that joins DURING THE MONTH OF APRIL - the Trauma Informed Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach Training that begins in June.....
Will receive 3 months FREE Access to Thrivers School of Transformation (This is a savings of $239.97) but not only does it save you money... it also strengthens YOUR OWN trauma recovery journey.
Doing the inner work FIRST is sooo important and helpful as it allows us to be able to hold a safe space for our clients without being triggered. If we are unable to hold that safe space - we run the risk of harming others.... and that is something we would NEVER want to do!!!!
There are only 20 seats available in the class...... will you be using YOUR post traumatic growth to pay it forward and help others????
I will leave the link here for you to check it out and see if it's a good fit for you:
www.michelelee...
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The statements on this TH-cam channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
Dealing with a narcissist, can make you be one.. that negative energy and mindset rubs off. But it’s not permanent as long as you distance yourself.
Agreed Living with my narc mom had made me so emotionless to survive ..Once I am out now I can feel my heart and my emotions back so much freeing
Agreed
If you don’t lie cheat, steal gaslight, and hurt people you’re not a narcissist. Everyone likes attention, and recognition as like all humans
What I've noticed is, I can become narcisstic when triggered. As I feel normal and okay and going about living my life but as I've tried going out with someone again recently, it's retraumatused me and when I get triggered, I do push pull with him and I feel I want control and power over him. I want to avoid vulnerability at all costs and become avoident. But then other times it switches and I become completely vulnerable but it's awful because Im a mess, crying, screaming, panicking, I become this uncontrollable mess of a person and eventually it gets too much and I close down, numb out.
I've pushed him away at thr moment and said we're not together. Yet inside, I am depressed about this and just want to hug him. But then I'm analysing all the reasons I shouldn't be with him and why it won't work etc etc. Some are very valid and I'm so confused. I wish I had never tried again with someone else, it's soo traumatising. I was starting to feel better before all this.
100% happened to me, i developed really embarrassing narc traits but 1 year on i feel like ive shaken them mostly
My experience dealing with the narcissist was both perplexing and unsettling. Whenever I refused to comply with their demands or rejected their needs, they would react in an incredibly dramatic way, as if I had physically assaulted them. It was bizarre to witness this reaction, as their response seemed entirely disproportionate to the situation at hand. However, it was through this experience that I began to understand the depths of their sensitivity - that to them, a mere word or action could inflict the same pain as physical harm. It was both humorous and disturbing to see how they had internalized the idea that "no" equated to violence, and it made me realize just how deeply their narcissistic tendencies had taken hold. Overall, my experience with this person left me feeling both bewildered and wary of their unpredictable reactions.
The narcissist laughs at someone else’s misfortune. My father and older brother would laugh when someone fell down. I would be horrified and run to help. My father and brother looked at me with disgust, like I was trying to be a goodie-goodie. Like that’s a bad thing. In fact I think only narcissists use the phrase goodie-goodie.
My daughter had the same experience with the laugh, she would fall and he just had this laugh she hated, it happened a few times, shes 13 and still remembers it from when she was 4, she was on the tile trying her new roller skates and fell, when she was 8 she told him off and he laughed at her, after that she refused contact, we were separated by then and he barely visited her, was drunk with his new gf and baby, ignored her and she had enough, told him how she felt and he laughed, its sick how a narcissist treat their kids, sorry you had to experience that
They take joy in others misfortune because they believe that it's unfair that others are not as miserable as they are.
Everyone has narcissistic tendencies it’s called the ego. If you’ve been highly abused by a narcissist, you tend to take on some of their affections. It’s very simple if you don’t lie cheat, steal backstab, gaslight and hate you’re not a narcissist.
What if I've done bad but actually feel this pain searing inside my soul?
Its hurts "If you’ve been highly abused by a narcissist, you tend to take on some of their affections." I see myself on him i wanna change i hurt many peopl my family i tried to change without any help cauz theythink its my attitude and not the effects of my abusive dad i tried going worser to get people help that i need help but they said im a demon but never ever even try to help me
Wow this brought me into tears.... after 1,5 years being accused of narcissistic abbusing my ex and his parents and letting my network of friends and family believing this about me, this finally makes me believe in myself again.... thank you so much!!🙏
Incredible you’ve taught me so much about myself! I am not a narcissist but can carry the traits after 10 yrs of being forced to live with this person. (8 yrs in a relationship an the other 2 yrs because he’s refused to leave my house)! It’s so bizarre because I’m such a caring, kind an empathic person when I’m around everyone else but him. An, as soon as I step through my front door my guards go up it’s like switching on the light and I’m in total (and I hate myself for this) nasty mode, ready for whatever he’s (been) about to do. But 12 wks in therapy from psychiatrist, psychologist, domestic abuse worker and social worker (an of course all the amazing teachings I’ve learned from these videos) are now teaching me how to deal with his behaviour in very different ways. I’m 8 wks on an I’m now strong enough to find somewhere else to live for me an my child so thank you Michelle it’s great to know I’m not a narcissist and strong enough to leave one! ❤
I have been questioning if I'm a the narc in my marriage. But then I realise I'm walking on eggshells so much, to avoid his rage, that I'm developing autoimmune diseases.
I always heard the term "gaslighting." I never knew what this term meant. After learning about gaslighting and the many types & characteristics of it, then I knew what alot of people have been doing to me all life
This is the best video on NPD I have ever seen to help diagnose. I think it might've finally clicked after the 500th video.
I love this video because I know that I am not a narcissist. He tried to say that I was one, but I just know I'm not. I have empathy for others.
Seeing and hearing you is just what the doctor ordered. Thx for being there.
My ex narc thinks hes right about everything,if it is not his way then its no way. When you tell him you cant do something for him when he needs it done right away he stopped speaking to me. He tried to make me think I was the narc. He doesn't share with my accomplishments. He belittled me for everything.
I was called a narcissist by someone who had mental health issues. I stayed in the relationship for so long because I cared so much about her and wanted to help her. I took a beating but finally left her and I’m feeling a million times better. It’s reassuring to know that I know that I’m actually the opposite of what this video describes…
Watching a narcissist laugh was always perplexing to me. The laugh is always exactly the same, same tone, exactly time'ed with precisssion, same number of laughs/breaths, it is used as a word, kinda like "like" when some people talk. I always referred to them as the "plastic people". I saw from the beginning how fake these people are, but did not understand/ know what narcissisim is. The only time i ever see a real laugh from them is when they have hurt someone, embarressed someone, or when they see someone loose at something in life. I am still haveing trouble excepting that some of my family is like this.
During the relationship, my ex said with anger while venting about his brother "I think my brother is a narcissist! I really think he is!" and a couple moments later. "I think you're like him!" It hit me. I was in the mindset of "I'm a bad person" at the time. I was so worried, googling about narcissism in 2016/2017. We broke up in 2017. I kept asking my therapist if she saw narcissism in me in 2018 and was still so worried. Eventually, as time went on, she said I was the empath and that I needed better boundaries. She didn't call him a narcissist but she said he had a "disowned second self." It wasn't until 2020 I realized that he was a narcissist when I learned about a little covert narcissism. And then now finding your channel in 2023 learning more about covert narcissism and CPTSD (which I had). In that time period (2016-2019) I kept on saying that "I feel like I'm in a psychological thriller and this feels like the twilight zone." It was such a crazy experience, covert narcissistic abuse. This is another validating video. The healing took a while. I'm still healing. I think it might be useful for me to join your group to finalize my healing because no one understood me at the time. I felt deeply alone but I'm glad I'm able to heal from childhood narcissism (as well) after that relationship and finally break out of these patterns (my patterns as well). Thank you, for your channel Michele and I wish everyone a healthy recovery.
My narc husband rarely laughs, and when he does it's fake.
He never laughs at home, it's like everything genuinely funny is beneath him, and yet he'll fake laugh on the phone with his boss and family. It's sickening.
I haven't laughed, really laughed, in a long long time. He has sucked the life out of me.
I definitely don't feel like I'm as good as anyone else.
I was hoping to come across this discussion in the topic.
1. For the first question my honest reaction was, that I was in an initial shock, because I wasn't fully aware of the topic, and secondly feeling sad, that if I am one, then I would be hurting people around me.
2. Second question: it motivates me to get help, to actually understand my situation better, and rule it out from my system.
3. I am at a point in life with my wife, that I misbehaved out of disappointment, followed by anger, and then I had to shut my emotional side. But before that, it was always me who be trying to avoid arguments and initiating to resolve situations, every time. I would always be the one who would be apologising because she wouldn't, even if it was her fault.
I had to shut my emotional side, that used to go and repair situations, but now I am tired. I am waiting for her to come and realise, but sadly, the more I do that, the more that person is waiting out, it feels like a seigde.
4. When I laugh, it's been a long time since have laughed. People used to call me "ever smiling person" radiating positivity all around. When i have a genuine laugh, i love it, and it relaxs my heart, it feels home. After meeting her, I helped her to stop thinking negative about people, judging them, she did come out of it, but it feels like that it went inside of me, I had become like her.
When I cry, I honest, straight from the heart.
5. I value other people more than me. I believe in God, so I respect and see other people having more value than me. I always humble myself.
6. I am willing to get help, if financial situation and time allows.
7. Before my success, I am always happy to see my family members succeeding, I am always happy to see her succeed more than me, but it hurts me, when she starts looking down at me. Like I need to improve myself, she says, that she knows my worth and that's why she wants the same for me, but I feel it's more for her to show off to her friends that she is married to a cool intelligent guy.
Also when she is telling things at her work, she shares them in detail, and I honestly helping her if she needs it, but as soon as I start to tell her things about my work, she is easily bored and nit much interested or look down upon my job, like it's not even worth discussing, so I hardly tell her how my day was. Every day I make an effort asking her how her day was, she hardly or never asks me that.
8. Reactive abuse; I have reacted in an abusive manner, that I can't believe I would ever do. I have never laid a hand on her ever, but out of anger I have said something that I am not proud of. Now she brings those up everytime we have another argument, it's like she us collecting evidences and reinforcing everytime we have another argument. My kids see my reactive abusive more louder than what she is doing, so they have started to side with her. And they isolate me most of the time.
As you become stronger at responding, rather than reacting, your children will see a better example of how to behave. Your wife needs to learn to accept responsibility and not expect perfection from anyone, if she's going to set a good example for your children. You both need to get on the same page in this regard, as soon as possible, if you love your children and don't want to create monsters.
Michele,
I'm admittedly feeling a little bit emotional right now. Yes, I've asked myself this question, at times, when I've thought about times when I was reacting in ways that I'm not proud of. From what you've shared in this video, I'm not a narcissist. However, I still have lots of ways that I need to become a better version of myself.
It's so interesting that you mentioned being someone's "garbage pail" because just yesterday I was remembering when I was working in an extremely toxic work environment. I was being severely bullied, literally being screamed at and threatened nearly every day that I worked. It took a massive toll on me. I finally got to the point that I was done. I no longer wanted to be the company dumpster for them to dump their crap onto me. After following through with some necessary preparations, I was able to leave.
This was several years before starting to learn about narcissism. Most of what I've learned about it has come from you, Michele. You have had a major influence in my life because of the tools of recognizing it for what it is and what to do about it. It has changed my life. I still have lots to learn and more healing to do, but I am so grateful for what I've learned from you. Thank you! ❤
Perfectly said 👍👏🏻
While I realize the only way I can know for sure is to seek the services of a therapist to process what I went through, this did provide me a sense of relief since I have been terrified about this for so long. I was especially ashamed with how verbally abusive I got and with my physical actions (throwing things, hitting myself, hitting walls). I always felt like I was reacting, but I also felt disgusted with myself after.
This video was so helpful! Thank you so much! I am in my healing journey and feeling so weighed down with a barrage of realizations and truths that are emerging and then also still receiving emails in my spam folder from the blocked narcissist having me question if I’m actually the narcissist! This video helped me validate myself and contrast the clear signs that the covert narc ex displayed throughout the entire relationship. Sheeesh this journey is not easy.
The only time/reason I thought I might be a narc was bc my ex called me a narc. He accused me of gaslighting even though he was doing it. I can’t tell you how many times I asked my therapist “am I the narc? Are you sure?” We have discussed this so many times. I’m finally comfortable believing I’m not a narc. I’m not perfect but I’m not a narc. Whew!
Ive been through so much in my life the thing that stands out the most here is how i can feel unempathetic and reactive abuse. I can be defensive and gaslight unintentionally. I deal with anxiety and anxiety spiral, and when i do, i start talking in circles. I know i feel genuine love, happiness, and sadness, but im not sure what is normal. Im genuinely worried i might be a covert narcissist. Retrospectively, my behavior has ruined my relationship..i think i need help and want help but im not sure who to turn to or what to do
Most validating reassuring video ivr seen yet yes i have remorse yes i want to be a better person yes i have worried about being one and absolutely didn't want to be . I felt there was something off with him for years ( 46 years together) i remember years ago i wrote a song about the silent treatment. I moved out almost 2 years ago still having anxiety and depression but have an emdr therapist and good community of Christian friends and a codependency group. God got me outta there. I feel bad for speaking to him harshly in reactive abuse. I hope he get help for real
My ex girlfriend whom I now know was a covert semantic narcissists accused me of being a narcissists a few times in the 1 1/2 years I was with her. At first the thought that I may be a narcissists scared me a lot. However after educating myself mostly from youtube channels like this one it did not take long to know that I was not a narcissists. And after a lot of learning about narcissists I have no doubt that my girl friend as well as my ex wife whom I divorced 24 years go was also a narcissists. I have most importantly learned that I am co-dependent and in reality responsible for getting involved with and staying in relationships with narcissists women in the first place. The information I have learned over the past year has changed my life! Coming to the realization that even though I am a man. I was in fact severely emotionally abused by these women. My only regret is that it took until I was 60 years old to learn this about my past abusive relationships as well as my own responsibility for allowing my self to be abused. It is very unfortunate that so many men suffer abuse from narcissists women in silence. I know that in fact there are as many if not more narcissists females than narcissists males. Female narcissists are not exposed because men don't talk about getting abused by the women in their lives because if they do they are seen as a "sissy" or a weak man Etc. Also female narcissists behavior is often excused simply because they are a female. The truth is that Most female narcissists fly under the radar. The emotional and mental abuse done by a female narcissists girlfriend / wife is just as damaging and often more damaging to males than females.
#6 worries me because I have struggled for a long time to get any kind of help... But this is from years of being disappointed by doctors and struggling to articulate what my issues are... Growing up I was very isolated, and didn't have good rolemodels for handling and recognizing emotions. So the thought of trying to verbalize what I'm going through in my head to a stranger makes my stomach churn... I often feel misunderstood when I try to explain myself, often having my words twisted against me which forces me into silence...
The one time I tried talking to a counsellor, it lasted 3 days because all that I got from it was them telling me my anxiety was too mild to worry about and that I wouldn't know what real fear was (my counsellor was apparently a retired fire fighter, so felt the need to invalidate my feelings.) He taught me breathing excercises I already knew from reading online that often trigger me abit (slowing my breathing reminds me of bullys who tried to drown me as a kid), and then I just stopped calling because it left me feeling worse than when I orginally reached out for help (I was having suicidal thoughts when I tried to get help.) I went back to reading self help books because at least they weren't telling me shut up buttercup... They were actually helping me process what I was feeling from years of being gaslit and having others try to tell me how I felt...
But I still worry I have narcisistic tendancies, but only in certain situations... I can't figure out if they're from years of being around narcisists, or bitterness or what... I believe strongly in being compassionate to others but have felt increasingly numb over the years just to survive living in a world that doesn't understand where I'm coming from. This has made it hard to feel empathy towards individuals that I feel like have treated me poorly over the years... But I worry from their perspective they'll see me as an uncaring narcissist as a result.
You were being counselled by a person who was competing with you for victimhood status. You instinctively understand that the answer lies within you; as your emotional intelligence grows, your disappointment regarding the lack of growth in others will become more tolerable.
I feel I definately became a reactive abuser. I'm ashamed, and working to become a better Christian. More acceptable to God. I've decided to get away from people who make me feel gas lit! At the same time, I'm reflecting on getting my mom out of my mouth. I have deep seated tendencies that need to change for sure.
What does your comment about your mother mean?
@@mount-of-olives Just that sometimes we find ourselves saying things our Mom's used to say to us. It's not always upbuilding. So, looking at things I picked up that I need to change.
@@missydavis6678 ❤️
@@missydavis6678 ❤️
Terrfying, that Im watching this with my ex in mind, but when you explained the lady crying and her partner just sitting there reading the mail while shes sooo distressed, this is literally what my Nan did, she brought me up and it took me until my 30s to realsie something wasnt right and when I finally brought it up as an adult, I was crying shaking, she just sat there going ummm, ahhhh, while doing her crossword. I got that upset, I flung myself on her lap, burst into tears screaming "This is all I ever wanted Nan, this is all I ever wanted''! Trying to show her the comfort I wanted as a child, she just stood there still as a statue until I got off and then carried on like normal...
I’m not a narcissist I know this because I truly care and my heart hurts to know I can hurt someone. But I do understand I can be hurting someone from unhealed trauma. I do have someone who truly cares for me and sees my hurt. I do want to get help. I just don’t want to hurt anyone because of my past trauma.
I gave every red flag that I was experiencing with my husband to my therapist and she never suggested an article, a book or a video. I stuck it out while wanting to leave multiple times which he talked me out of every time until 27 yrs of marriage, youngest going to college and new supply brought on the discard. 🤯
Thanks so much for this presentation. It’s an issue I’ve struggled with and wondered about for sometime now…
The thing I learned was the fear that I had wondering if I was the narcissist, is an indicator that I am NOT one! Along with the rest you discussed. Thank you for sharing your experiences from your life trading and education! 😊
Thank you. Thank YOU thank you thank you thank you! When researching this nobody explained the internal difference. Some of these I relate to in the way you spoke. I've blamed myself so much and couldn't reconcile spme of my own tendencies. I always try to work on them and mitigate them, like with the happy for others, I can tend to think, damn, why am I unable. But then I feel nad about it for the person so I try to be cognitively mindful. And all I said to myself was tjat I was just tryingbto fool myself into believing i was a good person.
Thank you for this… I’ve been struggling to answer this one.
The emotion I felt when accused of being a narcissist was guilt. 😢
An excellent video Michelle! Clarifying and needed!
4:48 that hits hard. Reminded me the moment I confessed the sexual abuse I've had experienced in my childhood. I was silent for 20ish years and I told them one by one that I have an experince I've been holding in me. (Even I was suppresing the memory of it from myself unawarely) And I still cannot comprehend how the days had gone by like nothing happened. Like, it was enough to make sense of my anger and crying crysis but yet they were like I was a robot misoperating. No soothing, no getting literate on the subject, even no anger rushed in them when I told them what I've experienced. No question of how do you feel, how it's influencing your life right now... No, nothing. My friends got furious and wanted to hurt the perpetrator. But my family was just like, yeah ok.
A LOT of people diagnosed with NPD watch these videos and are FURIOUS. They want to redefine what narcissism is to make their personality disorder appear innocuous. They also want to blame the victim. Big shocker.
I think i have acquired narcissistic traits through the years. Awareness is def the first step.
I think there's a huge difference between someone who's technically on the narcissism spectrum and those of us who survived it and have to shake the fleas off
I asked if I was a narcissist and since first asking ten years ago I have been told no you are not a narcissist, I had extremely high narcissistic traits grime being raised by one and the family dynamic that I grew up in and the traumas I had endured but after all the work I have done to heal those parts, still working on the emotional ones but I am in a better place and my relationship are healing, some more slowly then others but I understand the damage I did and the time it’s going to take to heal it, I appreciate the ones that gave me the chance to heal our relationships. Narcissist very rarely self reflect, but hats are by its hard to get them diagnosed.
Wow. Very helpful. I learned about my whole sequence in this video. Guilty or reactive abuse, here, for sure. Interested in the course.
Separating is & distinguishing ourself identity from theirs is a timely process & this can be not easy.
No one in my family has any empathy. This is so frustrating for me. Yes, the narc laugh is totally fake and without accurate timing, looking around to see the reactions of others first. My ex husband narc told me to my face that he knew he was better than I am! He also used therapists to gang up on me, always choosing those he could control. Every time I achieved anything from childhood on, my narc mother would become angry and ignore me and or belittle my accomplishment or waive it off as no big deal. This taught me to hold myself back from doing or succeeding at things. This became even more pronounced with my ex husband. Once free, I did accomplish amazing things, and I knew they would not just not care, but would be dismissive and I was right. My ex actually claimed that I must have done something illegal to have made so much money!! I went out and made even more.
It's interesting, it feels like it goes down to what the motivations and intentions of your actions are. Knowing why you behaved someway. For a long time I was suspecting my partner to be a covert narcissist, you try so hard not to be emotionally reactive to things you perceive to be rejectful/invalidating/inconsiderate/displays of indifference towards you but it's as Tony Overbay says 'it's like death by a thousand cuts'. The overwhelming feeling is - why is this person that I love treating me this way. You understand the history of their childhood trauma, to try and be more understanding towards their behaviors, you try and display unconditional love and be consistent, you try to not do the same behaviors back to them (as that would be hurtful and hypocritical) but eventually despair and exasperation wins out in arguments when they are constantly dismissing your experience and right to feel the way you do. You end up saying guilt tripping statements (which for narcissists is perceived as shaming), to see if they have any remorse, guilt or empathy to your perceived experiences. To see if your perceived experience matters to them. Not really done with any malice in the moment but in retrospect was a manipulative thing to do. Despite you bringing up behaviors that you felt to be inconsiderate/rejectful/invalidating, by the end of the disagreement they are the victim and you have fallen on the sword of being too sensitive. If you break up for a day or two they may reach out to reconcile but never look to meet half way, never feel the need to recognize why you may feel the way you do and eventually because you love them and want to make things work, you concentrate on making them feel good about themselves and telling them how much they mean to you (which they do!!!). You even (potentially in an egotistical way, but again really out of desperation, not a moralistic superior/inferior manner or judgemental way) try an explain to them - conscious/unconscious, intentional/accidental, perceive correctly or wrongly why an action they did had had a negative impact on you but they don't care or empathize.
If you don't mind, please share your opinions about my situation. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for a few years. Every time I get a depressive episode, I talk to my family members to seek comfort. It's embarrassing to admit but I don't try hard enough to manage my mental health and I often reach out to them to seek comfort. My parents told me I shouldn't make a scene or make them worried about me anymore because they already had a lot of things to worry about. Yesterday, when I was stressed about my weight gain, I left the group chat of me and two more friends. One called me out for seeking attention and playing mental games with them and despite feeling personally attacked, I cannot disagree. That's when I have a thought I'm probably a narcissist. After trying to diagnose myself for a while, I realized I did have some traits of narcissism like I often need validation and attention from others and I constantly compare myself to others and envy people. And if I'm a narcissist, what should I do now?
When they see you in pain it triggers them to react with agression because in their eyes its pathetic weakness
Yes, I am narcissist... And these tendency has hiked in last 4 year... To be honest, I don't have any emotion behind this motive, but still I want to change.. Because I want to feel my feelings... I don't feel anything....
Did you know that Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is actually a mental health condition? There's help out there particularly as its recognised as such and you recognise you have it... Wishing you well 🙏🏻
Wow.. you just confirmed to me that I'm not the narcissist in my marriage.. but in fact the abused by a narcissist... and that i was raised by a narcissist.
I had a therapist tell me once that if you were genuinely worried about it you weren't one.
When you're raised by one you do get fleas you have to to survive.
In my experience with distance and time the survival behaviors dissipate even more so with therapy
Thank you for this
Is it narcissism to have little to no interest in relationships and friendships? I have basically no interest in other humans anymore and it scares me, i refuse to reply to any old friend or anyone who contacts me for the last few years, no interest in dating, no interest in anyone elses life, i actively avoid my neighbours, i avoid answering the phone even if its my grandma calling me i have no interest in talking to her. Something is very wrong with me and i dont know how to fix it.
Are you an introverted personality to begin with? Did a series of traumatic events trigger this isolation? I'm an introvert that has gone through a lot of trauma in life and I self isolate as well.
It's not that I don't like people, I just feel better when they're not around.
I went through this.
I only wanted my dog.
I met my husband and thank God it changed
I was and Still are Being told I Need Help .
They’re the devil’s advocate.
Matthew 7:15
“Beware of false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.”
I have watched your channel and love it. I don't know. I have heard other therapists and life coaches speak about narcissism, and they are good, but yours seem to be much deeper. I think it's because you've experienced narcissistic abuse, too. My stepmom took me to therapy with my Dad last year. I knew she didn't want to actually work on our family issues, but just point to me as the problem. I was forced to go to private therapy and transformed. My personal therapist told me my issue was that I put myself last and wasn't assertive. My stepmom dropped out of therapy after 3 sessions when the family therapist didn't rubberstamp her views.
I love your videos. One slight correction. The most important place on a totem poll is the bottom. I know, its counter intuitive, but its revese of what mist people think.😊
Good video, as always! Thank your for doing such an important work! ❤
When I see someone is a narcissist, I don’t try to change them, I don’t tell them they are a narcissist, and I don’t feel hurt anymore. I just realize they need help themselves. But, unfortunately, they are not looking for help.
That video seems like so helpful, I am just a few minutes in. When I socialize, I indeliberately switch of to an cerebral narcissistical operating system. I wasn't aware of it till the pandemic occured that I was so overwhelmed by it and I wans't aware of it at all till I started accepting my real story.
I now know for certain that even though I get angry 😡 and behave in ways not like myself especially towards my partner it’s not because I am a narcissist who willfully hurts others…in a way it is because I am reacting strongly to being hurt by my partner who could be high on the scale of narcissistic traits. I have come to notice that the ‘gaslight’ is always on!
I loved the subtle zoom in/outs.
Wow yes I’ve seen them “cry” with no tears. Just exaggerated & disingenuous. And at the time I thought we were sharing an introspective moment, but it was just her trying to control the situation. Looking back, it felt as though she mocked me and then, shortly after, placing me in contempt. The majority of the “conversation“ was her talking and me listening, which was intentional. She even admitted she had no intentions of ever hearing me, but wanted to speak into my life, without really knowing and gaining clarity of what the truth is and who I am. But because I’m married to her son now, she has that “right”. But at the same time she can’t be “my mother”, even though that’s the position she has “rights” over me with. What I should do career-wise, what “help” I need, etc. and I am to shut up and listen because she knows what’s best for me and one day I’ll be “thanking” her. After researching, I put 2 and 2 together and realized what situation I was dealing with. In the beginning I thought she meant well and she was just trying to be helpful. She’s very controlling and I didn’t see it until after I married my husband(her son). I feel very tricked into believing this woman actually wanted me a part of their family. But the truth came out about how she felt about me all along, her “secret” animosity.
4 and 5 I am struggling. I can differentiate and have the relief when I authentically embrace the real emotions.
This was needed and perfect. Thank you!
Thank you, this was truly helpful🌻
My experience with a covert narcissist has been that she supported me in the beginning, because I was good at my business, I looked good, and made her look good, but once she got a few comments from individuals that had an issue with me for some reason, or another, she abandoned me in a heartbeat, and was there stabbing me in my back, because "I wasn't making her look good". She never said this out loud through those 17 years, but now I am finally starting to put the pieces together of what was really going on. Definitely covert! I was told, watch out, she will stab you in the back, while smiling in your face! To me that defines a covert narcissist!!
Bless you for the hell she put u through they truly are the worst characters you’ll ever come across because they r so sly an covert! It’s definitely been a 10 yr mistake I’ve learnt from!
Because the narcissist says I’m the narcissist
Yes, I agree. He usually never smiled, only if he had to. And that looked like fake. Only one side of the lip wet a little bit up. The only times I heard him laugh loud was when some funny accident happened to someone or someone was making a bad mistake. Out of malicious joy. Or fun in movies. But never at home about anything. And he never showed joy on his face when he did something fun. I went through old pictures and that's when I saw that. He was always the only one in the picture who looked serious, nearly angry. Also now in his old age he has no wrinkles in his face. Not one! Would be great for us women, but it really showed he never shows much emotion, because people who laugh get that laughing wrinkles when older.
Narcissist are just great actors. That's why they can cry on a dime and stop when they want just think of hollywood.😂 But the problem is they think the rest of us don't see that they're actually acting and not being real. They are the ultimate haters they can never feel happy for other people but they want other people to feel happy for them. So they are ultimate hypocrites also. Basically every bad quality A human could possess but the truth is every description of the devil is the same description of a narcissist.👹😈
I build people up i like to do that. But also... i get jealous cuz i dont feel included
Love this video. Thank you!
At times I feel kind of embarrassed if I laugh,like I shouldn’t or I hold it back
Never cries
Never had therapy
Wow
I would get the rolling of the eyes when expressing my feelings and trying to save the relationship. Or what use to be funny in the beginning was then met with the rolling of the eyes towards the end of the relationship.
My husbands therapist told him if he is even asking if he is one, means he isnt. And the whole reason he asked was because he figured out my reddit account and read my posts about him
My EX is the covert narcissist. I'm wondering about my adult son , I was in denial before.😢 He's a combination of overt/covert. I walk on eggshells around him, if I ask a question/ make a comment he gets so angry
such a relief.. it was scary to listen to it xD
Thank you for this video
Thank you so much!!!!!!
I have wondered if I am, because I believe my father and my former best friend were narcissists and hurt me alot emotionally.
Now I feel isolated and abandoned. When I try to make connections in the past I have came across as needy and desperate, I do admit.
But now that I have regained my confidence and self worth, I feel I might be expressing narc traits by letting go of people who do not want to connect and ignore me.
I can only connect with people who show reciprical energy.
I am always willing to apologize if my actions or inactions hurt anybody
I desire accountability in others but will always show accountability within myself.
Thankyou very much for the work you do
If you are not exploitative in your relationships (of every sort) and you do not survive on external validation and are not obsessed with how other people see you, you are not a narcissist. As simple as that. Another big clue: are you spreading peace or drama in your interpersonal relationships? Narcissists stir up drama and conflict everywhere they go, because they survive on other people's emotional reactions (supply). I find the points in this video somewhat cliche. The biggest tell tale signs are exploitativeness and a series of interpersonal conflicts/ continouos drama in my opinion.
I guess I 'm not an narcissist 🙂 Love your videos. Pretty color
Thank you
After much confusion, comments that made me feel like i just got complimented and roasted in the same breath, being dismissed right when i think we are progressing, seeing a smirk when im trying not to let him see he hurt me by the thing he just said , trying not to turn into a smart ass to counter demeaning things. He says he likes sassy and seems to like it in a wierd way but i dont like want to be the comback person. Idont like me like that and dont see that the same as sassy. Then all is so nice.Never any actuall fights which causes more confusion, actually no real vulnerable conversarion on his part , just yo yo emotions on my side. I dont get into feeling like a toy i guess. So i left the relationship . It was si hard but i messaged him early that day that i was going to go and told him i wanted him to have time to think of anything he needed to tell me that i have done to him be fair to him and that i felt he was trying to get me to be the one to say it was over from the up and down way it was feeling. I told him i figured he would be more mad than sad and that says alot.When he came home he just said he really doesnt understand and you know you can come back.(almost had me ! ) but in the same breath said but i wont beg any woman to stay and just so you dont blame me 😭 And there it was what i needed to be convinced i wasnt crazy. But I was hoping for anything else something heartfelt real and convincing , as he had given me a ring and we seemed almost perfect together. So iimmediately just said THIS is not love and tried to match his dissapointed but not that big of a loss demeanor. Then shortly after he dismissed me he went to bed. I left the next day. At first i was sure i did the right thing and should have paid attention to everything from the start. Then i began to be overwhelmed with grief over what could have been and missing him. Sad/mad he still had too much pride to ask what can i do to make it work, what did i do or even tell me you did this or you did that so it made me act so and so, but NOTHING. Then after a few weeks im questioning my everything and thinking well maybe i hurt him but i would never want to. I regret that i ended up msging him told him i pray he finds the Anyone he would beg to stay and ask her why shes hurting and if he could do anything to help.I told him i hoped he would make her heart feel at home with him not just feel like they are playing house.And i invited him to tell me whatever ive done so i can fix myself and explain or apologize to him. Nothing of course and somehow im pretty sure he was satisfied knowing i was still thinking about him. But it also seems as i expected he wouldnt want to hear he has done anything wrong. One time in 3 years he did say im sorry you let it make you feel that way. Thats when i began slowly pulling away my heart. I never did entrust it to him completely but still was hoping .I also hear this in his interactions with coworkers .Nothing is ever his his fault,even when its an obvious thing that is his fault and anyone else would just own it and say i messed up . Anyways THIS was so helpful as i have been torturing myself and literally sick wondering if it was me and i just cant see it. I do feel better after seeing this ,but still so sad as theres no closure for the relationship. It helped alot to put actual responses to the questions you asked in perspective. Time to move forward quit running back to where i shouldnt have been in the 1st place. Apologies so Emo,crazy and long .❤️🩹PS Also mad at me for allowimg Emo and crazy to hang around so long thought i was stronger than that !
In other words, no formal mental health training.
Im watching this because the covert phycopath who raised my kids with me systematically programed my kids and everyone else in our lives to believe Im the narcissist. I have deep feelings for everyone I love and I know it's not me. Apparently in fighting him for my own self-esteem and sanity they interpreted it as arrogance 🤷♀️ . It was God giving me back my self-worth and helping me survive.....but never to put anything on them. No way to put all my thoughts down here. I dont understand why they cant remember their younger years and how I always rescued their feelings from his stuff and punishments...of course they couldnt see how I was constantly punished for this...
I'm Not Controlling one Bit .
I am in a toxic relation with my wife fr a decade and i have a daughter who is 2 yrs old.
I sometimes feel that i am narcissist and if i am the reason fr this toxicity... i pray that my daugther never has to face this abusive character from me..
please help me.. am i a narc..
What if he realizes he IS a narcissist and now goes to church and is worse?-_-
Should you feel empathy for a narc ? Does that make you a narc if your don't ,i don't feel so ,your just protecting yourself .
I just know that shits grippy.
🔥
11:43 what if u dont take joy/feel happy for the narc's achievements...thats where i dont feel that joyous for other...when they are or have been abusive to me. Does that make me narc?
Alot of us see bad marriages and wonder who is.
R there levels ? Like I know someone who almost incapable of self reflection and able to apologize. But the on the rare occasion they do
You give them way too much credit for being self aware.
Cool, I guess I’m not a narcissist. 😅
Thanks & good job! Can a narcissist use emotion to manipulate others?
How many questions does one have to answer to to be a narcist. And wanting to get better went surrounded by naststic people every were.
I know patience. But what you say.
when u dont know anything and you try to let go :( therapy ahoy
The reason there looking at these videos is cause there spying on me lol
Abject terror@