5 Ways Covert Narcissists Emotionally Abandon You & The Damage It Causes
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5 Ways Covert Narcissists Emotionally Abandon You & The Damage It Causes
covert narcissists do not manipulate the same way that overt narcissists do - if you are not aware of their tactics and the roles you may have been living in due to narcissistic parents then you may find yourself surrounded by toxic relationships with people that are emotionally unavailable and you can stay stuck in the damage they create. narcissistic relationships damage your belief system, your subconscious programming, your view of yourself and your ability to create the life that you want. BUT healing or cptsd recovery is all about reversing the damaging effects of these psychologically traumatic relationships. You do not have to stay stuck after the discard - you do not have to spend the rest of your life 'recovering' you CAN break out of the role and mold they set you in and you CAN create the life you want as the person you truly are.... if you are willing to do the inner work to do so.
For anyone that no longer wants to focus on the narcissist but rather wants to put the focus on cptsd recovery - check out my new channel =D UCFRNkPfjaI9YWgiVH11KKBg
DO
NOT
MAKE
THE
MISTAKE
OF SEEKING
ANY FORM OF
VALIDATION
FROM
THE
PERSON
WHO
HAS
ABUSED
YOU.
Yet why is this logic so hard to follow.
Emotional abandonment is so real.
Right we really have to find that self-love, so we don't fall victim to this!!
If you become resistant to their verbal abuse, you also become resistant to their verbal validation. You realize everything they say is an instrument, it doesn't stem from pursuing truth.
My biggest problem was assuming others would care the way I do.
My childhood groomed me to believe I was a burden or less than.
You're not alone with that. I've had the same difficulty. It's really hard to come to terms with.
Me 1000%
same here.
Oh We are "allowed" to succeed, They just ignore our successes, and demand We Drop Everything (usually when We are working on Our Own Stuff) for Them bc They always feel Entitled to Our Time and Attention.
"We love you and want what's best for you" as we manipulate and abuse you to death.
Omg! That's the bingo quote 4 me! Walk away from these energys! Family mates partners, being alone is 🕊️ 4 me 🌸
I literally was about to write the exact same comment. They look at you dead in the face telling you "how much they love you and would never do anything to hurt u" as they are emotionally trying to break you down. Such a hard cycle to remove yourself from but a must and the sooner the better because that cycle will never stop.
Trying to heal from Narc abuse caused by parents can make you feel crazy.. I've felt so behind as far as my development as a person goes so I got into self development and done so much work on myself.. but it felt unhealthy at times like I was rushing trying to "catch up" with development that I was robbed off.. anyway I've learned how to slow it down and be patient with myself... and the thing is once you master something that you focus on for a while you still feel that feeling that it's not enough.. that feeling still seems to remain.. I'm making sure to tell myself that it's enough I've done what I needed to do... there is so much self talk involved too, like playing the role of a loving parent. It can feel surreal but that's how it is when you're healing, you have to be loving and caring for yourself unlike your parents were.
It feels like we could be further along in life accomplishments, if not for the lack of development.
This was so helpful, thank you so much for sharing. I really feel like I've hit a roadblock in my healing because I feel so stunted and behind and have a very negative self image --- almost like I'm getting burnt out because I'm trying to rush the healing process and shame myself into it instead of being loving and patient with myself. And getting overwhelmed realizing how much damage there actually is.
I'm struggling to figure out how to be loving with myself because I'm too afraid I'll accidentally end up enabling bad patterns instead :(
Any self love/positive self talk tips, and any tips on how to handle the fear of being nice to yourself?
@@imapandaperson i understand you completely.. ok, i'll share a couple of things that helped me and may help you.
when you act upon the bad patterns they take you away from feeling that peace and love within yourself right, and its replaced with guilt and/or shame so don't worry about being afraid of being too nice to yourself incase you enable bad patterns.
if you know the patterns are to your detriment then the loving thing to do will be not acting upon those patterns, remember that when the desire arises to act upon something you know is not for your best interest, tell yourself no, you have to interrupt yourself and be disciplined with your mind, you will have more respect for yourself.
these patterns are challenges i know but with time you will overcome them as you grow stronger mentally and as your self love and self respect increase because of the loving way you treat yourself.
when i say "loving" it means being disciplined with yourself. reading that book, exercising, fixing your diet, enjoying a coffee and relaxing, take a walk outside in a park and just feel the peace inside of you.
the fear of being too nice to yourself, let me see, well, sit down by yourself when you are alone and just be there in silence, just you... and notice there is nothing to fear, its just you alone in a safe place, and speak, talk out loud, have a conversation with yourself, tell yourself that you are good, great, loving, and validate yourself.
you need to realize the truth of the fact that you are an amazing being.. to think otherwise is to believe a lie and you will feel down, but the truth is you are amazing and you need to start believing this and you will feel great because you are believing what is actually true about you.
no matter how awkward or foreign it may feel or sound just keep this self talk up.
you have to repeat the process until you start enjoying it, believing it and becoming comfortable with yourself and saying good things to yourself about yourself in a relaxed manner.
the fear will dissipate as you keep up with consistency.
im sure you know as i do that the healing process involves a lot of things that are out the norm and out of our own comfort zones in order to heal.
so just be patient with yourself.. slow everything down, give yourself some time to breathe. talk to yourself in the mirror, dont be afraid to smile and have a laugh with yourself.
i gave myself permission to sing, dance and record myself on video just being me for the sake of learning how to be comfortable with myself and gain confidence.. this was all because i was very suppressed as a kid, i wasnt living, i was just there, watching others live in joy and expressing themselves freely.. now ive found that dancing and singing makes me feel so good inside.. thats that feeling of love that the body craves.
so give yourself permission to engage in expression that the body craves but your mind may be blocking out because the ego may feel uncomfortable.
this has been some of the stuff that i did and still do for the past 2-3 years and its helped immensely.
we have negative self images because we have false beliefs about ourselves.. thats why being loving and nice and saying good things to ourselves feels weird or awkward (until it doesnt) but thats what it takes to undo those beliefs.. takes time though.
im no professional but this is what has helped me.
@@RedPillsAreGood thank you so much for your reply, this all makes so much sense.
Especially practicing the loving self talk and being consistent with it until the fear of it fades. It's really reassuring to know that the fear doesn't stay forever and that I shouldn't be avoiding the healing process because of the fear I feel right now.
And that living in the moment and feeling my feelings is ok --- I'm trying to trust that if I do go too far into my bad patterns, the natural guilt will rein me back in when it needs to, rather than me living in a state of constant self hatred and self imposed shame just in case I make a mistake. Those negative core beliefs are really hard to shake!
This gave me so much encouragement, thank you ❤
Yup
It is difficult to find healthy mirrors to look into. Many parents are morally bankrupt with shitty character development. We copied it assuming it was right. What a mess we made. But we are getting better. They died in their poop
YEP. I think it's absolutely more horrible and hard to be around a covert narcissist. Because they LOVE to show the world that they are sweet, kind, humble, and loving. But they are the total opposite, and when you first start getting this information. And you try to share it with others. They will ABSOLUTELY act like you are being totally dramatic, lying, or whatever the case maybe. I am not being funny whatsoever, but I pray and hope to GOD, that HE rescue me soon, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Amen and Amen and Amen and Amen and Amen.
I feel your distress... it is super frustrating to think of how everyone else think he such a sweet guy🙄
Yep, this is my wife! Prayers for you, as i pray for myself as well.
Only you can save urself by Ur reactions, responses +changes 2 Ur day 2 day life+ in my experience this CANNOT b done around these ppl 🕊️
We have to save ourselves. Coverts entirely sneaky and it's so draining to deal with the lies day in and day out. And they enjoy wearing us down
Yes a bleeding corpse dear can't resist.rot
I told my husband he's not supportive of me, in some cases sabotages my success and he flew into a rage. Said something along the lines of "why would I want to be with a loser?" I mean full on rage and denial.
I feel like I’m just starting to make the transition from surviving to thriving. It’s been 6 months I’m over the narcissist, now I’m just trying to rebuild my life, and I got a lot of raw excitement for the future. I still like to watch these videos, as a reminder to keep my head up, and look out for toxic people
I'm really proud of the steps you are taking!
Thank you Jesus. This Confirmed a few things I was thinking about.
1) When you are down on Luck, they will Kick you in the dirt MORE.
2) When they make you feel like your basic Needs are a BURDEN.
3) You aren’t Allowed to have Success……
I never trusted anyone because I was never enough, according to her eyes. I'm a people pleaser, but in the years, I have been working hard to change those behaviors that were taught to me.
It's interesting that part where you said emotional abuse makes you go into people pleasing. It is so reinforced with the intermittent normal behaviour, that you start to think, great... But no, never lasts.
I think the withholding of all forms of intimacy is emotional abandonment also. Settling for breadcrumbs becomes familiar. The familiar is comfortable, as in the devil you know. Instant solution - indifference to WHOEVER makes you feel bad, and self care. 💖
I hear you. In my case, my spouse said he could only feel close to me when we were having sex. He had NO clue that intimacy could be anything other than sex. Breadcrumbs, as you said, that's an understatement. When I finally had enough and felt repulsed around him, I refused to comply with the ONLY thing he wanted from me, sex. That's when he started acting like I was invisible.
@@catbee1452 Hello 🌷 I'm sorry anyone has suffered from this abuse, and admire the beautiful spirit of those who survive it. I needed God's help to recover. May you have every happiness. 💖
@@beverlytaylor1745 Scarred spirit... beautiful b/c we choose to still carry on and share our stories.
@@catbee1452 So true. 🥧 ☕
This is wat my narc ex was like. He'd get in a mood if i wasn't 'Happy', every single minute of every day. I wasn't allowed to have feelings. And yes he totally blamed me 100 per cent for his feelings. He made out I was such a terrible person for even trying to express anything to him.
🎯💯
Was your ex raised in an alcoholic family?
@@kristenmarie9248 yes his mother was an alcoholic
1. Not being allowed to make mistakes
2. Invalidate your feelings
3. Making you feel like your needs are a burden
4. When you're make to feel you are not allowed to be successful
5. You are responsible for their feelings
Oh my😮😮😮I can truly understand and recognize all of this, I can literally recall tgose scenes in my life 😮
U r never happy with yourself, u become a perfectionist.
Teaches you people pleasing.
DO
NOT
MAKE
THE
MISTAKE
OF SEEKING
ANY FORM OF
VALIDATION
FROM
THE
PERSON
THAT
HAS
ABUSED
YOU.
Man. All these years later and yet every time I hear these very in depth explanations of the “whats” of the abuse… it just hurts so bad still. I keep thinking I’ve healed. I should have healed by now! Yet here I am reliving these moments as you detail them because it’s SO spot on. I just want to be able to look back on this and feel better instead of like a stab victim. When will this stop hurting? I’ve moved on, I should be happy and fine.
Same. Is it because they are so repulsive and you can’t compute that? I went no contact with my family ‘cult’ two years ago. Bless
I've been in therapy on and off since I was 18. I did not realize what narc abuse was till I came across these videos. I can talk about my abuse without crying now but it still hurts. It just changes.
@Melanin AndAura How long has it been for you? I swear I'm going through the same thing. I be thinking that I should be healed or not hurting still, but it's still there... My therapist said you can't put a time on it but this isn't easy.
I left a narcissistic wife 10yrs ago. It hasn't gone away, it's changed and is more manageable, but hasn't left. I've learned to accept that this will always be with me. Use it to make and keep positive changes.
100% Michelle. Thank you for these vital insights, and for restoring sanity to all those who are living through, or have lived through this horrendous nightmare. During a support session I attended, the speaker said, the trauma from being exposed to this kind of abuse is equivalent to being on a battlefield. The victims suffer similar mental trauma, as well as some physical conditions, to those who were on the front line, and survived. To which I replied, "so, we are all heroes"? The speaker replied with a resounding "YES, ABSOLUTELY, YOU ARE ALL HEROES". On Remembrance Day, every year, she said she remembers all those who were/are on a battlefield, including those on the battlefield of Domestic Violence/Narcissistic Abuse. She encourages everyone to do this...
it is true - we came back from war.
🥹damn that’s true. Looking at it that way helps heal all that invalidation from them and others.
My marriage ended this Summer. I didn’t even know who I was by the end. I was in such a low and sad place made to feel ashamed and unworthy. Literally all of my feelings invalidated. I was blamed for everything throughout the marriage and nothing was ever her fault. I even found out she was cheating on me at the end, and when I told her I knew she blamed me and gaslit me saying how she didn’t hurt me by doing so. I feel like I’m waking up from having a spell cast on me. Every single point in this video was her. It nearly brought tears to my eyes knowing that I didn’t love myself enough to allow myself to be treated so cruelly. I’m in a much happier place now physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I’ve rediscovered who I am and generally feel great and optimistic everyday. It’s amazing what not having someone berate you day in and day out will do for your self esteem and self worth. Keep walking the path y’all and have faith. It’s hard at first but I promise you it gets better, A LOT better. Let’s keep healing and loving ourselves so we can be ready to welcome the person who will truly love us into our lives when they show up. We’re in this together and I love you all ❤️
That ex of yours is a real jerk for doing that to your child....🤮 i'm so glad that you have made this amazing recovery from all of that and can help uus now as we go through the same or similar kinds of things! Thank you so much Michele! 💞
I like to listen to various videos for narcissistic recovery from different content providers. But I have to say this one really cut to the core. Especially at 11:28 this hit home. I've been trained to feel like I'm a burden to my very self. This has caused me to deny so much of my owns needs and from living my life. More than anything I want to be the person I was meant to be. I'm not even concerned anymore about being angry or ever getting an apology. But you are right, recovery takes take. It's an art but so worth it.
Both my parents and five older siblings put me on this train. Watching Michele's videos helps a lot. Being constantly aware of my every thought and the actions of the Narcissists around me has given me hope. Changing my subconscious beliefs will take time. I know this because my dreams are more like nightmares. When I start dreaming good things I will know I am healed.
It's been amazing to watch you grow....you look amazing!! Thank you for being you!!
In my case was not a matter of making mistakes, but having qualities. Any special ability will cause so many either surprise or disdain that you feel confused and if you are codependent, craving for your narcissistic parents' approval all those reactions was special destructive to build who you are,
It is high time we broke out from the dysfunctional pattern of neglecting ourselves and abandoning ourselves emotionally and otherwise! Thank you 🙏 Michelle. God bless you❤
Omg. My parents used to say - only idiots make mistakes, “others learn from others’ mistakes and I’m telling you now what to do to not make them”. They treated mistakes as proof of me being awful and stupid and used to say for days that I’m the biggest idiot. Only now I realise this was abuse because I thought I really was that awful idiot. It’s heartbreaking to realise this, especially that now I’ve taken in my mother to live with me and she’s continuing the same sick patterns covertly. She’s a hypochondriac and now I’m realising maybe her illnesses were grossly exaggerated.
Thank you so much for this. You are describing me
I think they're pretty much all hypochondriacs. They are vampires, so that's one of the main ways they feed.
The worst thing is when v have narcstc parents, then v attract narc partnrs , narc siblngs, and othrs,such people make us codep ndnt
Thanks, Michele!
--
1. Not being allowed to make mistakes;
2. having your feelings invalidated;
3. making you feel like your needs are a burden;
4. making you feel you are not allowed to have success;
5. blaming you for their feelings.
Or a parent who won’t let get credit for an accomplishment unless they let you know you only got that because they helped you get it.
Sometimes I ask myself what my life would have been if I wasn’t raised by a narcissist father who emotionally abused and and neglected me for years.i made so many mistakes.people pleasing was all I know I neglected my own needs. Not anymore I’m healing and finding myself.
All of that was my childhood. I have 2 younger sisters, one was the golden child and she doesn't see it. She doesn't believe me when I say our parents were abusive. She lived a different childhood than me, though. my youngest sibling told me recently, she was ignored for the most part, that she knew I got the worst of it.
And to compensate for all that you developed a coping skill like eating.
This is super helpful. I question myself so much and also how I treat others from the effects. Because I feel like I made to be crazy for having feelings or reaction over time. I was worried I was starting to reflect my parents from this. It is truly hard to break free and understand my own flaws and also why I am the way I am.
Oh we are "allowed" to make mistakes, but They are Entitled to berate you endlessly for them every time you make one. 😜
This is my mother 💯.. kick me when I’m down.
The narcissistic abuse from my mother was mainly verbal, though in a way that was confusing. One time, she'd congratulate me for my success, but then she'd harshly criticize me for even the smallest of failures and tell me I'd never succeed in life the next, sometimes even in the same day. Of course, any time she'd be upset, it would always be my fault, never her own, even if I did absolutely nothing wrong. It was very stressful being around her because every time I hoped I would get the love and support I needed from a mother when I was down, she would always find a way to hurt me, and I had severe depression throughout my entire childhood primarily because of her. I was finally able to escape her when I started college, and have been working on my self-esteem and general recovery ever since.
Keep up the good work and hang in there!
My mother father brother sister, wife. All abused me. It started by parents and continued. Concentration camps do exists they are houses of narcissist parents
She was regulating her mood by manipulating yours. My mother would neglect me, then feel guilty about it so she would micromanage me in a way that provoked me to push back, that would lead to verbal (and occasionally physical abuse), then she might be supportive/apologetic briefly, but jump on every little mistake or perceived mistake and say the meanest things. This would start the cycle of guilt all over...Being mean to make herself feel bigger/more powerful one minute and then being nice to deal with the regret and guilt the next.
Also my mother has smoked like a train since I was conceived and born and when I would ask for her to at least open the door (as she liked to smoke inside) she would flip out at me saying how cold she was and how SELFISH I WAS to want air.
😢
I went no contact with both my parents. My mother 3.5 years ago and my father almost one year ago. Both of them are narcissistic monsters. They criticized they heck out of me for every mistakes. I am 49 years old. Yes, their actions were shaming but the words were not. Crazy making but they were my only support, I didn't know any different. I lived with a covert narcissist for four years. Took me six years to get over it. But I looked for a guy just like my parents. I have an eating disorder because my basic needs were invalidated, invalidated for being hungry.
But I am so scared emotionally to go without any family. I have two little kids. My church is not much support with childcare. I just need a break sometimes. It is scary to go without my parents even though they are toxic. It is so alien feeling. Just scary.
My Covert Narcissists are EXACTLY as you describe. They say all the right things.
I am looking for support on this going without my parents please.
Radical acceptance comes from rational awareness. More us sometimes than more for them.
Sometimes the grandparents are better by effect for the next generation, they are less in their care.
It depends how much you can trust them if there is any insentive past a point personally for even knowing them.
Covert malignant behaviors can be more easily masked when it comes to the strangers they are as strangers to themselves, still sometimes overly assuming as we might be stuck in auto mode and even fail to recognize... then for how should we care?
Truth is nature has us wishing the best for our kids, whether we are confident and aspired to match that interest in ourselves.
@@chickenbiscuit4525 both sets of grandparents are unacceptable and abusive.
@@elizabethhouser3357 there are more methods of approach to starve off cognitive decline.
Trick is we got to understand them better from a long time ago, without fooling anybody.
That should all add up to healthier lives and longevity. 🙏
Stress and moreso prolonged stress is detrimental to the mind.
Sounds like you can look at the abuse or abandonment without taking it to heart.
My husband is battling cancer and his mom just got in remission from cancer and she is a covert and I am baffled by her behavior she gets jealous of the attention he gets from people always comparing her sickness to his and he is really sick she stopped visiting which is great for me but he feels so abandoned it’s just insane
😮
Your healing is so beautiful. You don't looker sound like someone who has ever suffered narcissistic abuse.
I am 2 years in recovery. Yesterday I felt like I was going back to my old Codependent ways.
I am glad it's the weekend and I can do self care and self compassion.
They knew stressing me out in my only home would make my work worse at the work place. That i would fumble and mess up
Wow! This video explains so clearly my ex relationship for three years. I grew as a person and financially through the relationship while she stayed the same. And I never felt any type of REAL support of happiness for me. But just like you explain it. They downplay everything you do which woke me up eventually and set me free. I let her go with all her baggage and BS. THANK GOD I never got her pregnant or co-signed anything 🙏🏼🙏🏼
The seeds of apathy that affects someone entrained to not matter or care enough about themself to get anything done.
And how much judgement can fall upon them or the impressions of self concept, and less of reward for when things aught to change or get done... lack of activation, little reward through stimulation.
Atleast until thriving takes course ✌
Thank you so much for posting this. This has helped me so much to know that I am not crazy. That what happened was abuse.
I divorced a covert narcissist 23 years ago. He remarried and I spent 10 years working on healing and then I remarried . He is not a narcissist. Daughter is Covert like her dad and between her and her dad the abuse has continued...they do all of the red flags. I have tried to have extreme patience, doing good caring things for her. She only gets worse. She is her dad's flying monkey and I am their scapegoat. She will set me up so that she and her dad make plans to try to do harm to my life. I am an overly patient person and I try to ignore faults and see the best others. I finally realized there is no way to stop their abuse unless I go no contact. So i did that 1 yr ago. I know they never expected me to do that. They are used to pushing me and me trying to find ways to fix the problems. I am worn out from being the underdog. Drained from it. If they see me be happy it angers them so badly.
I told him I need more affection and support towards my goals. I get neither. He just tells me he does those things. Now I’m in a bad place, feel guilty for wanting to do things for my own health.
Recall so much of this...especially being a "burden." One of your better items, thank you.
2010 I was diagnosed hiv positive from a cheating narcissistic ex. When the doctors told me I was positive , I got into an argument with my mother cause she wanted to know all these questions and I was still in shock. She told me she hope I die of aids, but still to this day she gaslights and says she never said that
Thank you for sharing ❤️ I’m so sorry for you huge hugs 🤗
Your Mother sucks! She should have never said that to you. And then to deny it, talk about salt in the wound. She is delusional. I am so sorry you have to suffer with a mother like that. You're wonderful and thank goodness they have better medicines for HIV now.
@@elizabethhouser3357 thanks for responding. The sad thing is I never thought the worst of her til I found out she was a narcissist. But 2021 I learned pretty much my entire family are and I had to go through the process of letting everyone go. It’s hard when the people who you love supposed to protect you are the ones that try to hurt you the most. You think my mother is bad my grandmother is 10 times worst
@@LiftingUrVeil-LUV I can relate. My mother's father is ten times worse too. He is the original Narc. He sexually abused my Mom till she was pregnant with my older sister. I did not think to badly about my mom either. I knew she had a bad childhood and could not help the way she was. I was just try to work around it. After finding this channel and others like it I realized she does know what she is doing when she is hurting me. She does it on purpose. That helped me to drop the guilt completely about breaking ties with her.
But at the same time I really miss her. It sucks.
@@elizabethhouser3357 wow I’m sorry to hear cause I know breaking ties is hard. Honestly I haven’t completely broken ties and I have been fighting myself with it cause I broke ties with everyone else. Next month I M moving out of state to start fresh and I think that’s when I will completely let go. I wish I had atleast one person for support cause I had to let my best friend of 15 years go last year not realizing she was narcissist and only using me. All this started cause I had NDE june 2020 and woke up in a completely different world and everything changed but I’m so thankful it did cause I’m 40 I have been in pain 40 years of my life not knowing why til I woke up. So are you close to any family
As kids we sometimes sat in the back of the car eating a family picnic whilst looking at a winter view. We weren't allowed drinks in case we then needed the toilet. Our parents had drinks. I remember telling my parents I was thirsty and being told I'd have to wait until we got home. After a few times of this happening, I sneaked this minature perfume bottle that I'd emptied, washed out and filled with water. It tasted of perfume but was better than nothing.
Oh my goodness. This type of thing is so relavant in the culture I grew up in. 😢
One narc I've known used to say that no one can make you feel anything YOU haven't given permission for. See - you are needlessly choosing to be hurt because his words and actions were actually enlightened - don't ya' know. Total load of crap. And such a narc supply source, hurting you is supply, seeing you hurt is supply, blaming you for it is supply, avoiding consequences is supply, and then getting you to agree that your feelings are unjustified - that is super-supply.
And all that toxic roller coaster energy becomes an addiction of sorts. We need that intense adrenaline to actually feel something. Anything. Even if it hurts badly. We must get off the ride.
Omg a father did that to his son. That is absolutely nuts!
I feel like I let myself down I was trying to stay positive and today got to me I feel weak I can’t understand why I cry over someone that treated so poorly I feel like I let down the community survivors ❤
RIGHT. YOU HAVE TOTALLY NAILED IT.
Thank you. Very informative and helpful.
This is a very profound and accurate description of my experience of abuse by my mother.
Great job as usual Michelle
Excellent information thank you!
Thank you
This is so good. Spot on and very validating!
Thank you so much for what you do Michelle!
Everything you said here is so very true. Thank you.
Great content, I learn a lot from you
Thank you so much for this validating information!
Thank you so much this was amazing thank you for help
Mine used to tell me not to make a mess when he went into the shower. Ugh. I hated that I threw him out 14 months ago.
Mine used to tell children to trash the house. So I call him tell him to come back. I found out years latter
Thank you.
Just want to say I'm proud of you and your recovery work. You are extremely gifted in this area. I've learned so much from your videos. Thank you! 💛
Wow explains a lot "reticular activating system". God bless you❤
Michele, that color is SO pretty on you!
I remember months after the break up I missed my flight, that one mistake me me cry so much and ruined my whole day. I’m sure the passengers on the next flight were wondering why I was crying so much. I ended up texting them because I felt like a mess and felt like they were right to think I was such an awful person. Almost like I was texting for approval. They really messed me up.
This was really helpful. I'm glad you broke it down and explained it because it made more sense than just saying they do this, this and this. I've seen so many of these vids n they get so preachy but it's not helpful. I'm the type of person that always needs to know why. I'm still trying to find closure from a relationship like 6-7 years ago. I've been out of it n I have had others but yet I put the most in that one n yet still felt like a failure n nothing I did ever felt enough n for years I couldn't understand n blamed myself. My other relationships were not my fault ( I attracted not good people I guess) this one it seemed like it didn't take much for him to walk out. Now he wasn't physically abusive but psychologically it was torcher. I didn't even realize it till later. I can't afford your course because I'm on a fixed income now or I would. We had a lot of good times but I gave him everything and more so of course he was happy. One small fight n I felt like I was getting replaced. I don't know why but I still feel like sh*t. Why do I still feel guilty years later???
This describes my narc family so well
When I was young my father critized each one of my friends AND their parents. Then he would critized and mocked me for not having any friends. I am in my 60s, still not having ever had a true friend. I totally internalized this narc's beliefs. (I was a straight A student thru college, but he never even acknowledge this). This was a very good and enlightening video. Your work is wonderful, very helpful.
❤ thank you
My father is like that and so is my mom & my brother to some degree. They kick me when i’m down. I have every right to want revenge
My husband (who constantly tells me everyone who knows him - outside the house - loves him) said to me that I never thanked him for staying with me after my mom died. I was so shocked I literally had no response.
That is quite shocking x I hope you get out
4:55 my husband did this last week. He got a slushy knowing the kids wanted one and only got one for himself. He got aggravated that they were asking for it, like duh dude 🤦🏽♀️
Why wud he need 2 change? He has loving family around him! Only Wen they stand alone we I'll they feel anythin+ then they just jump ship+ find others wiv low boundaries 2 accept their selfish cruel behaviour 😢
@@Fuzzyblossom I left so I feel more at peace and I’m seeing more clear.
Hi Michele! As far as two of your courses goes (the reparenting yourself and the how to regulate your nervous system after abuse, which one would you recommend to do first?
I’m a musician who was performing and established when we were together. She never once said “good job” after a show. I don’t need my ego stroked. Just acknowledging
I just played for 500 people so I feel like I’m a real person. On the flip side she always mentioned when I wasn’t perfect in every area of my life. It still hurts I still want her to approval of me. I took care of her for five months when an ex of her committed suicide. I was there for every tear every moment. Then she started recovering and dumped me to go off and sleep with a guy for five months. She came back. I didn’t know about the guy because she lied so I took her back. She was so cruel it’s hard for me to understand why anyone would do this to me.
My X had narcotics tendencies. She tried her best to destroy my mojo and financial base. She failed. I am Spartan.
Just when I think I am finally healing from my past abuse….I am not!! I don’t know what to do
Be kind+ patient 2 urself, u deserve that ... remember ❤
This video hurts me on a deep level.
So do they also have these flaws they’re subconsciously planting?
Im so self aware I left the relationship I basically discarded her first because i had a gut feeling, but she came back missing me, then actually started the devaluation and discard cycle. I pleaded for her back and she ignored me for over a month and I deleted her contact and she came back and I ignored her. Standing in my power. I knew the whole time she wasn’t taking responsibility or anything shes twisted to lead me on. Deal breaker. Liar. Insane. Done.
Please pray for my business to grow and become profitable. I unfortunately have to depend on my narcissistic mother for financial support. And she can be financially abusive. And both of my ex-husbands were financially abusive. I want to break all contact with my mother. It's really toxic.
Omg yes this was my ex
She said "If I am in a good mood you are in a good mood, if I am in a bad mood, you act distant with me. I don't have to teach you how to be a man, I need a man that dominates me and is able to change my mood". I said "You are cheating on me with another man, what mood do you expect to find?".
The nerve. Delusional. Cruel. Crazy making. Blame shifting. Gaslighting, etc. All in a very simple interaction.
My birth mom lived with a narcissist in the 1960's. He was a monster. M arr
Hi, Michele. Not sure if someone has already mentioned this, but there’s a typo in the thumbnail of this video. *“Cover”* should read *“covert.”*
I left him I'm still talking to him..I miss my dog..his dog that I raised he didn't show up the day my brother died..no calls from any of his family...I was a wife at girlfriend prices...no no more..im gonna have to tell him it's totally over
My mother is a covert and it’s destroyed my life. My father can’t see it
❤❤❤
I have a covert narcissist babymomma who discarded me and looks just like you lol
im trippind hard af for the past day that im a narcicist
by the first example im not one.idk anymore
If you care about it, your probably not one.
If you're a teenager, it's pretty normal and you grow out of it in your early 20s.
I don't understand why i choose bad relationships with men. My father was a wonderful man who treated my mother like gold. The only thing i can say that might be the root cause is that i remember him often saying his love for her was more than his love for me and then he would say that its a different kind of love. Im still hurt by those comments. I often felt invalidated. He had a strained and abusive relationship with his mother and sometimes i wonder if those problems didn't come down on me unintentionally. Im an only child as well and felt and still feel alone, even in middle age. Married a covert narcissist 17 years ago and I've considered suicide so many times i can't count anymore. Used pot for years to numb the bad emotions but i have it up recently. My father committed suicide last September and its all i can do to hold myself together at times. I just want to be loved and to love in a healthy relationship. But it looks like that won't ever happen unless I can get job i need to leave and start over.
You can do this. Have faith and trust yourself. You will make it through. Sending u hugs❤❤❤ chin up and keep pushing until u free yourself
We all here need to claim our power and sovereignty and begin or continue to heal through releasing victimhood and doing the inner work out of self love. We live in a narcissistic world more than ever. We must save ourself first and then watch positive relationships blossom in our life 🎉
Never have your back
I was a successful chef, but he would always criticize my food. Spend $80 and 6 hours making him wine braised short ribs with polenta. He ate it but wrote “fat bastards stool sample” on the container of left overs. Never cooked for him again.
Help 🆘
I left that person and not around him anymore. God removed me for my protection.. In the Name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
If i had a large deposit of money and a new stable permanent job i could get paid at i would be able to afford to move out today ;) but that’s a dream i must manifest
🆘
Don't mirror a narc very sick people we learn and heal they dont
Help 🆘 the Washington county narisssstst department 🐷 is after me