I loved this video. It really clarified some things. I've feared that I was a narcissist, and I do have narcissistic traits, but it's bothered me for some time that I'm a full on narcissist and don't know it. I don't want to be a narcissist, I know how bad it is because i know actual narcissists. That's why I see it in such a negative way and have such fear of being one. I don't want to affect people that way. They don't deserve that, nobody does.
@@nutech1810 What's this self-undiagnosing(?) Any BPD could say exactly what he does, and destroy a lifetime of relationships into oblivion, yea this is the real self-aware helplessness. My stepdad was abused, he protected his own sister, but totally destroyed my own sister instead. Diagnoses don't come beforehand they come afterwards, if he thinks hes one, make sure he does get a descent conversation with anyone who might be able to help. You don't know whois aware of what untill you follow them for a lifetime 24/7 so undo yourself from this shallow confirmation bias might help a lot more.
I feel sad For thinking that I might be a narcissist & in the end I still feel sry for myself allowing a narc making me to think abt myself in this bad way
If ONLY every narcissist were arrogant...boastful. The really dangerous ones are often those who are more covert or vulnerable! When you see an A-hole, you can often avoid them.
I think the action which definitely makes anyone a narcissist is planning. Anyone can have narcissistic traits but their lives don't spin about what and how they are going to get what they want ( and having no concerns about the damage they are inflicting). I know is a spectrum but all narcissists are always many steps ahead of the victim.
@BarbaraHeffernan One question. I checked three out of the 7 questions above. Does that make me a Narcissist? I had childhood trauma which made me feel like I was at the mercy of everyone and everyone was out to get me. Is that narcissism or just severe depression in my younger years?
This is a REALLY good video. Because a lot of times, narcssittic traits are over simplified to the point where you can say yes to a lot of them. But with you here explaining the human and normal side of these traits with comparison and more extreme examples, put it all in a lot of perspective and made so much more sense. Thank you.!
When I studied art, we often got constructive criticism regarding our work - And I really loved how after 3 years of learning to handle the "crit" it really helped me grow as an artist/ graphic designer and I could deal with customers opinions (and managers) and not take is personally at all. I also can appreciate other artists work and not be jealous at all and I encourage others who work with me.
Valid criticism from a person with higher skills or knowledge is useful and helpful. Unwarranted criticism or blame, false assumptions, or projections of another person's faults is damning and confusing.
@@chriscunningham8807the cure to that is trust in self and own judgement. It's an inside job. I welcome all critics, they're opinions. My own judgement gets to decide if I will validate that external opinion or not 🤷
I once had a therapist diagnose me with NPD after knowing me for all of an hour because I'm severely disabled with really rare conditions that do require special care. I don't think I am special and I don't really like being the center of attention but I find myself talking a lot because I feel awkward. I spent 90% of my time at home in my bed, in excruciating pain. I use my waking hours often supporting others online. She just didn't like me cause I made her wait like 15 minutes after she made me wait a day and a half without a text or anything. I was trying to get a misdiagnosis of BPD removed from my chart, it came out of absolutely nowhere. Instead she added NPD. All my psych and therapists have all agreed I've got C PTSD and neurodivergency but not a personality disorder at all. It terrifies me how quickly people's lives can be wrecked by a misdiagnosis.
I have read your comment and before you mentioned it I was thinking CPTSD. It sounds she is the one who has NPD. Talking too much is a sign of anxiety for me. I was expecting a diagnosis of CPTSD and I have got BPD, which might be the most quieter kind and I really believe they misdiagnosed me but anyway, I'm not going to stick to the label. I don't want to lose the one behind the label and I'm sick about others sticking labels onto me no matter if it useful or not, it's not for me (I have heard people like the crappy childhood fairy who is very sweet lady with CPTSD and I feel more identify with her symptoms). Besides, did she ever make you any tests! Doesn't sound like it. Therapist makes mistakes too and a Diploma doesn't make you good; it's your practice at work. Hoping you get better soon and forget about labels to care for yourself: the number one. Sending blessings and love 💕
Hey! This is very relatable. Not sure if you have EDS? But I do! I just know it's common with neurodiverse brains. I told my last therapist that I needed the therapy to be a bit different for it to work (over email) and the next session she said I'm narcissistic. She cried and said she felt she couldn't be herself in the sessions as I wanted everything to be about empathy for me. I was completely flawed by the whole thing.. I had told her I'm certain I'm Autistic, my neurodivergence made it SO HARD for me to stick up for myself and rationalise what was happening. It broke me to be honest. I felt terrible for hurting her feelings, and later realized how terrible it was for me and my self confidence :( I had an extremely traumatic childhood and have CPTSD too!
It also seems like Autism and NPD are mixed up by diagnosticians a lot (and BPD if you're female) I am a people pleaser and now so worried people will think I'm a narc. I asked my friends and they said no way, but I feel scarred by the experience with my therapist. Apparently a lot of Autistic people are more empathetic than Allistics, but it comes out differently and so ppl perceive that they are not empathetic
@@Roswell33 yup! I have hEDS and another connective tissue disorder plus a whole host of co-occurring conditions that just keep me in constant pain so bad it would knock most people over. Then there's the mental illness that comes with severe disabilities and the way they feed upon eachother, making the other worse. Then there's the trauma from all the gaslighting, the medical horrors, the ableism, the family abuse, the vulnerability of being dependent on others. I was in a freaking nursing home when this random counselor came to evaluate me and she thought me being there at my age was so unusual and decided I must be the problem. Since I'm self aware, well spoken and somewhat intelligent people seem to think I can't possibly be physically disabled and there's so much wrong with that. They also use those as a reason I couldn't possibly be autistic 🙄 as if I wasn't forced to mask constantly for several different reasons and that made me good at that stuff.
@@sagesufferswell Gosh that is so horrible! The things that go on on this planet are just inconceivable to me. I hope we both manage to find ourselves in a better position one day
Thanks for this video on narcissism. I find it very fascinating, especially how a narcissist is created in the first place. These types of people are so fascinating yet repugnant. I must admit that I've wondered if I'm a narcissist because I seem to think about myself alot. When I went through your questions, however, I was greatly relieved to discover that I'm probably not a narcissist at all, just someone trying to become a happier person. Thanks again for another great video!
So glad this was helpful! And thinking about ourselves a lot can be anxiety, actually = or sometimes rumination... It doesn't mean we manipulate others for our gain. Hope you are well!
Thank you for doing this video. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and wondering if I am a narcissist and you’re examples helped me to realize that I am not and it’s a HUGE weight off my heart. It makes me want to cry. The relief! I also realize I have work to do on myself. And perhaps it’s that I went through narcissistic abuse that I was gaslit to believe I am a selfish person when I really do care about other people a lot.
I was kinda freaked out too that I might b. Sometimes I worry that I'm selfish, doesn't sound like something a narcissist would likely think I suppose. I suspect that maybe my dad was a narcissist, just accepting that I had an abusive childhood. I mean obviously I didn't think everything was great but to think of myself as someone who has been abused, I'd never thought of myself that way.
Narc mim(not a mom) response to my telling her the family therapist said she had NPD: She began researching online. The next time I saw her she announced she read about Narcissitic Personality Disorder. She smiled and announced proudly that she is a narc. "And I am proud to be that way, it means I take care of myself...it is the best personality to have". 😂
😢😂😢😂 reminds me of a certain politician. Glorifying the cult of self. I'm sorry that's your mom, she's supposed to love you and others unconditionally. She must be very sick and wounded. I'm sure it has been a very difficult road but it looks like you've used your pain to show you the type of person you don't want to be. God bless.
As I think I've been a good target for narcs during my lifetime - especially in my younger years, as I valued being non-judgemental and empathetic towards people, and tried to put unhealthy behaviours into a sympathetic context. This pattern came from my own stuff and it's been really hard to untangle. I can go around and round in my head feeling guilty for judging or shutting off from a person and attempting to understand them or reflect on my own behaviours but I've come to conclude that if I feel very confused around a person, there is something narcy going on with them. This is my barometer now and I trust it. Safe people are not confusing - not perfect (nor am I) but not confusing. Narcissistic intention is difficult to understand but I can sense the energy of it and it is very yuck and nerve-wracking to be around.
I love love love this comment. Because, I was raised under an abusive violent man who beat my mother I am petrified of being a narcissist because they are sharks and they hunt their prey for abuse. I had to suppress how I really felt and ignore my OWN intuition to be a SUPER YES PEOPLE PLEASER. What this has done is cause even more damage!!! You ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT CONFUSION.!!! Why do they do that? They need supply! Makes them superior! It's a twisted WAY TO LIVE! Thank you for sharing that comment!!! Thank you yes! Confusion is a narc barometer to evaluate! Love this! ❤
I am co-dependent because of my childhood, and recently (at the age of 57), I've gone no-contact with certain family members and some friends. Now, there are some flying monkeys telling me how awful I am, and I am full of toxic shame, self-hate and self-loathing again. I am scared they are right, and I'm this horrible, selfish and narcissistic person. This test tells me I'm not. What a relief. Thank you for helping me understand myself better.
Thank you for this, I needed to hear it. Someone that I love told me either they told me I was a narcissist or they said I did something that was narcissistic I don't remember but it felt like a punch in the gut because ... In the past few years I have had the displeasure of being around and manipulated by several narcissists... I appreciate what you're doing Miss Barbara, and you don't need to respond I don't have comments turned on...
Barbara, I always appreciate your straightforward way of explaining things. And your differentiating reactions to, for example, criticism, for a normal person as opposed to a narcissist's reaction. As well as other issues. Narcs like to claim they're normal, and accuse their targets of being not!!
@@BarbaraHeffernan I had the disturbing experience years ago of a narc getting rageful over, not criticism, but simply my differing perception or experience. You know of what you speak!
After my son's high school graduation we all had to sit at the table and listen to my narc husband regale us with HIS glory days of high school and beyond. When there a break in the bullshit I said, "I just want to take a minute and recognize why we're all here, and that is for ______ and his hard work and graduation". I then went on to point out my son's achievements, redirecting the attention to where it belonged. I looked over at my spouse and he was so disgustingly puffed up on his own ego I was nauseated.
Jesus this sounds just like my dad he has been doing this my whole life and often he would tell me all these crazy stories giving me impressions that acting out was cool influencing me to think the same way and I am 32 just now realizing all this. Thanks for sharing this sorry you are going through this however good for you being a good mom and being tough enough to be there for your kids they will appreciate the hell out of it one day.
"Narcissist!" Translation: My boyfriend/girlfriend left me and moved on to another partner and is now doing fine, instead of being crippled with guilt as they should be. Sorry folks, this has to be said. If everyone is a narcissist, the term becomes meaningless.
Thank you so much for this informational video! I just got out of a 12-year relationship with an amazing woman who is also an empath and also has a bachelor's in psychology. I carried a lot of my past/ childhood trauma into the relationship without healing or treating the issues and caused a lot of pain I am remorseful about. I made her aware I was not ready for a relationship, yet I still chose to be with her due to our spiritual connection. She labeled me as a narcissist. Fast forward to 2021, I saw 2 therapists (one currently), and I mentioned these issues. They both have tried to reassure me that I am, in fact, NOT a narcissist, and this video has also helped solidify that for me. It crushes my heart and soul that something so beautiful was destroyed by both of us. I have since put my higher power's will before my own. She is still an amazing person, and I wish her the best.
Great topic! Just Saturday I was bit by a snake, I mean a narcissist girl. I studied this topic for years, and I believe among other factors, depends on the rate of the scale, their poison will feel bad or worse. She was like maybe not even 5 minutes next to me'helping 'me... And she practiced fear campaign(she was looking at me like if I were an alien, typical), entitlement, gaslighting, bullying, mental games, she glued her eyes on me like a snake. I didn t feel the effects right away. However today I woke up nervous, afraid, a bit paranoid, ruminating, disforia, toxic shame(a bit), and from this toxic shame to toxic shame spirals(go on and on in circles from all the times another girl have bullied me... But.. Then I started writing on my journal, as my therapist recommended me, and my spiral stopped. Also a bit low self esteemed. My therapist recommended me to label the abuse. To put name to everything. This was in less than 5 minutes, so some of them are really powerful😢... This is a great exercise as before i would blame myself unconsciously for the abuse, or for not having done the right thing, like giving her a dirty look or a direct look as in' I know what you are... The thing is... I was only a client in that supermarket.... And this lady abused me... I could this, I could that... No... An abusor.. Abuses you... It has nothing to do with you... You go out from there... And heal... I can do that now... But before, specially with the covert ones... Uf, i would feel miserable longer... Very scary, strange, entitled people...
I love how you made the distinction between how a narc would be the thing vs how a non narc would possibly be the thing (your example on bragging and math).
This is by far the best video I’ve come across in explaining the concept of NPD. Breaking down what it looks like, and what it consists of. I just got out of an unhealthy relationship, and have been doubting myself a lot. Thinking that maybe I am the narcissist, and that’s why the relationship didn’t work. I had been self reflecting a lot. I’m not perfect, but I am also not a narcissist. Thank you so much for explaining things in a way I can comprehend. Your message was clear and direct. I’m very great full to have come across this video ❤
Well, at least I'm not a narcissist (I didn't think so but it's good to know for sure). Maybe you could do more screening questions for other mental disorders etc? And I think we would all enjoy hearing you sing, it would be fun 😊 🎵🎵🎶
This was a great explanation! Thank you, I feel I have some traits, but not used in those manners. However, I do know some people who are exactly as you explained and I have limited my time with these people long ago. I just can’t take them!!
Really can relate with this. I have a narcissistic daughter. When I am around her I have to walk around on eggshells so I don’t disturb her, or be very careful on what I say or do. This session really helps. Thank you.
Idk if you're still reading comments from this video, but thanks a lot. I've recently been questioning whether I could be a narcissist and I could hardly find anything that could help me determine it, since most articles and videos I found were about being the _victim_ of narcissistic abuse; and the one video I found about questioning whether you're a narcissist basically assumed someone else made me think I was greedy or crazy or whatever, which just wasn't the case for me. I'm genuinely considering it because I lack empathy, I crave attention and have a history of being toxic (plus some more stuff but I'm trying to keep it short). I'm glad this video didn't make that assumption and actually addressed the question. You really helped me understand this condition and how it relates to me, so really thanks for this video.
I do not react INSIDE to criticism. It makes me feel shame. After the shame, I feel angry-yes. Sometimes anger is to cover hurt that threatens to undo me. Not sure where this fits in to the NPD. I know that that is only 1 of your points, but it concerns me about myself
I think a lot about myself. I’m a single child with introvert nature. I’m overprotected by my parents. One thing that sets apart from narcissist is i feel it’s not dignified to bother other’s lives. I feel it’s not a right thing to hurt people. I believe in Karma theory. I believe in human rights. But, I believe family should put up with my tantrums if they truly care for me. Now i realised my mistake and regulating my emotions.
This is probably the best explanation to self-check I've heard so far. Thank you! So if I find some of those traits in myself and I try hard to hide them because I'm embarrassed to admit, what does that make someone like me? Average neurotic with narcissistic wounds? :D
My Honest & Upfront Answers ( feel free to respond down below if you feel inclined ): 01: I never brag about my achievements. Even when I ran a marathon, nobody close to me showed up anyway and I finished just feeling like it was any other day. I did post in a community about it though, showing them a photo of myself crossing the finish line after 6+ hours of running, telling them you can achieve anything if you set your mind to it. I don't really care to brag about anything anymore, it actually makes me feel sick because I feel too prideful and I don't ever want to behave that way anymore. 02: I hate to be the enter of attention. Most of the time though, I don't really care. If I am the center of attention, I'm not even really paying attention to that and it would just come naturally. Having a lot of eyes on me brings me pressure to perform, and I want to be sure I behave in a godly way wherever I am and whoever I am around It's like a constant pressure and weight on me from God. 03: I don't care to put anyone else down. And if I do, you'd have given me a very good reason to do so. I am not putting you down just for the sake of it, I am holding you accountable and responsible for your behavior when you have stepped out of line or have crossed a boundary with me. Life is hard as it is already. There is absolutely no need to make it harder for others by projecting my internal struggles onto them. 04: I hate lying. And I hate being lied to. Period. Honest and integrity are now my core values ( along with accountability ) that I try my best to uphold in every situation I find myself in now. The truth hurts, but it will set you free. I have never stolen anything, and will never do so. There is no need. I have actually never been in a relationship ( mid-20s right now ), so I can't speak on cheating per-say ( technically ). But I am looking to spend the rest of my life with my true life partner, my wife that God has for me, that I can commit the rest of my life to and build a family, generational wealth, and a legacy with. I am not looking for anything that is temporary, because that will never last. If I would be tempted to cheat, then that is obviously not the person God has for me ( or the enemy is trying to get into my mind ). Doing these fowl things for admiration? Now that is truly sick. God is always watching me. And it's a constant pressure for me to do what is righteous. 05: I do feel the feelings of others. Sometimes it can be very overwhelming for me. Manipulating others with emotions is a sick thing to do. Others' emotions are on them, that is what they feel. I do my best to never internalize that. I try instead to understand where they are coming from. 06: Criticism helps me to grow. I would not be where I am today and go wherever God is taking me if I was not open to criticism. I embrace it. Even the "negative" stuff people say! It tells me I am doing something right. And besides, most of the time someone is blatantly being disrespectful and talking down to me, that is always an opportunity for me to fortify my emotions and remain calm, understanding that the other person is simply projecting onto me. It only affects me if I allow it to. 07: When I was younger, yes I did feel like the victim most of the time. But as I've grown older I have begun to grow out of that. There are multiple perspectives and sides in every situation you may find yourself in, and it is best to never place yourself in a box and block the world out when others do you wrong. It is tempting to get back at them and get "revenge," but then you'd be just like them. I instead try to remain calm when others do me wrong and try to understand where they are coming from. Blaming them outright has no real use and doesn't get me anywhere but a place of additional pain. I always try to be responsible and accountable for myself and my behavior. I don't care who's fault it is. IT doesn't matter to me. What matters is that I learn from it and grow because of it. Bonus: I constantly question myself "am I the narcissist?" on a daily basis, and that question has quite literally haunted me. But as I continue to reflect and heal, I am finding that perhaps I am indeed not the narcissist, and that actually many others who have experienced these personality types & abuse may feel the same way and also relentlessly question themselves too. Happy holidays to everyone here, and to you as well Barbara!
i feel my brother is a narcissist, and the conditions that we're growing up in make it make sense but realising how much i could've avoided the hurt that he did to me if i only knew how to deal with it is making me so sad because he's always been so horrible and the past few days ive been looking into npd and literally everything matches up perfectly and makes perfect sense....
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 ESV Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
it sounds like you're describing my sister... I have BPD and I can't stand her anymore. I feel drained, a mere spectator, just physically present around her, like I'm a mannequin or something
No I am not a narcissist. At age 18 I read The Art Of Loving by Erich Fromm. I took care of my aging and bereaved grand mother. At age 15 I was accepted the role adults in the environment put o too young shoulders. Your mom died be-caring fo your pour dad, your grandmother and your siblings. As an adult I never gave up on my role as a mother even when my ex made it a horrible battle field. I have done tons of volunteer work in family services. I have a service position in a 12 step group. I have a keen desire for closure and mutual forgiveness but relationship avoidant and more narcissistic people block that need in me to have a mutual closure process. . I went to life coaching school and took communication courses. I sought therapy . I have bene the recipient in the dance between givers and takers. It is time to stand up for myself in my sf evaluation. No Ingrid you were NOT the narcissist! No matter what others would like you to believe.. Love yourself and do not gaslight yourself anymore!
Adding to my comment: I have ben a target for narcissistic people. because they know full well that you work much harder on the relationship than they do. If loyalty, commitment and doing your best are that important for you, they trust you will not leave them. That you both have abandonment wounds to be mindful of. This can read to huge exploitation by someone who banks on your investment in family, marriage and the children . That is card that can be played. My first husband sold me on things by telling me it was for our daughter. The house was in my name by prenuptial agreements and I had paid for the education of his choice, and needs and our household expensed, so I had at least some legal protection. He talked me into putting it in both our names with a sob story about how important it was for the safety of our 14 year old daughter, when in fact it was a story to make sure he was covered i case he would no longer be able have a double life , A mistress and me. i could find out and then what ? After divorce he used our daughter against me He refused the necessary co=parenting communication and told he to shut her mother up. I became the responsible single mom being there for her , emotionally, practically and financially while he did his revenge campaigns against me. He became the "Show Parent" when it convened him and i the care-taking parent, ho had t drive her to the plane, care for her pets and much more hike she as on show vacation with daddy, and I was the one ho was there for her surgeries, her therapy, her educational costs ad challenges, difficult boyfriends' and her needs for school friends , arts, games, camps etc. WHO was the NARC? Not me. I was the dependent which is a panful journey to recover from .: But let us not confuse reality anymore. and keep turning it upside down. Love to all !
So sorry for all you went through... and I agree with you. When we have a lot of compassion we can get hooked by narcissists! I wish you health and healing.
I was really concerned that I may be a narcissist. I do have quite a few emotional issues but after this video and several others I am relieved to know I definitely am not a narcissist. I am definitely an anxious attachment type though.
My husband started accusing me of being a narcissist. A covert to be exact. We’ve been having a lot of marriage problems in the last few years. I will admit that I have narcissistic traits. I also believe narcissists are the worst people out there and I have a difficult time accepting that I’m that bad of a person. I’m on waiting lists to be tested, because if it turns out that have NPD, I don’t want to be that person and I’ll do whatever it takes to get the help I need. I’m really struggling with this bc the more I’m accused of it, the more I feel defeated and succumb to having NPD when in my heart, I know I’m not that person. Any advice would help!
I thank God for guiding me to your channel!! I've been through all my life in a narcissist atmosphere from woman. I loved my Mom who passed away years ago but also my aunt's and in my relationships with my couples and from whom some of them have put some spells and courses against me !! Isolating me from all the rest of my family and my children! . In my last relationI met a woman at work. We were working together she as a business partner of a vet hospital and I was working as pet groomer and she always was like In a bad mood and treating coworkers as Stupids making them feel like worthless and not knowing how to do things or anything but as a narcissist coodependant always looking for girls to be under her control With passionate sex at the beginning and not knowing they only wanted a submissive male to get a child and then just smash him like a fly not letting me be able to see my kids again with spells on drugs!!! One of them had my fotograph with drugs and black candles and I don't know what else and the last one ! . Even though I've been through an extreme depressing situation getting a good job and then loosing it spending all my money on drugs 2 days after payday feeling lost unable to see my kids again ... Stupidly I stepped with the same rock and after one night sex every single day she was waiting for me to take me to work Wich was two blocks away from home and to make long story short I moved to her house and one day I found my photograph with some of my hair with a red string bondage and some like Hebrew scripting in a little box with some other like vodoo stuff and then she came to the room & after I asked her : She just said it's nothing I just wanted to have your photo and hair from yours ! But I sight everything was about to get fucked up again in my life and hada baby ! 1st year after new years eve at around 5:00 am or so she turned all lights on sweeping the floor like in a bad mood and I had been working so hard for s new business Wich she didn't support me.at all making me look as stupid with all my family everytime she could behind me and that night she yelled @ me cos I was laying on the bed of our new born baby stating that how could I dare to Aly down on the bed she bought for mer son ! I woke up like : Take it easy! .what's the matter !! I stood up so tired after an amazing celebration with family but she pushed me to dead end pulling strings to exploit and I just went out smashing door I took the car and drove to a park 3 blocks away ! Slept a couple of hours and when I came back nobody home just took her stuff and my kid's didn't took the call after One week making me knutts provoking me tondo stupid things and we'll... Happened twice and the last time she did the same! Showed 3 weeks later with attorney and cops taking her stuff with a child restriction of 100 mts and next day she came home to take a ride but I'm still alive trough 47 years of being unable to find my path nevertheless I still see my kid but seeing how she success with her business as she destroyed one that I stupidly tried to built with her to assist many people after I was succeding ! We lost 500,000k and while I just see how she doesn't care about my kid who wants attention as he grows watching TV all day as she spends all day attached to her cell phone to take customers messages as her business grows ! Nevertheless she had helped me as I drown making her feel as my heroe as I sink in dark waters and with the last news she gave me is she belongs to a witchcraft congregation!! Im about to shut down my heart!! The only thing that keep me going is to help my child to grow secure letting him know he had someone that will always stand for him @ anytime in these dark age we live on!! Blessings to all !! Keep strong ! Never give up till last breath! What has kept me also alive is listening everyday the hermética alpha affirmations of polar star warriors spartan rules and searching for wisdom under the light of God!!.
thank you for his video🙏 by these questions I'm thankfully not a Narcist 🤭 but I do have a Narcist Parent and I know that cause I'm the Scapegoat😅 almost 30 and I just came up with this conclusion as My dear Mother is a Cover Narcist🥲 the hardest kind to uncover! but The Truth is definitely liberating !
I have noticed how I have patterns of being defensive or find it difficult to accept my mistakes. I still at 59 feel defensive that someone would blame me for something and scapegoat me or put me down even more if I conceded I had made a mistake. I grew up with narc parents ( father authoritarian, mother covert snarky, no growth) and both siblings (brother malignant manipulator with sadistic traits, sister covert who played me so well in that system it took me 40 years to know what her game was all along). My husband is lovely but I fear my children have tried to flex around my dysfunctional behaviours, missing out on getting their needs met and sometimes it’s killing me I couldn’t be a better parent.
I come from a similar background, and I am educating myself now at 57. I also get very defensive quickly. I now understand I've never had normal and fair criticism in my youth. I was shredded to pieces when I made a simple mistake, like forgetting to turn off the light. What helps me is understanding my trauma, my thought patterns and my behavior. Learning about toxic shame has helped me comprehend how traumatic and unsafe the situation was and, like you say, impossible to grow. I never got married or had children because of my mother and because of the self-hate I developed. But not anymore. I am trying to be the most loving and caring mom possible to myself, the mom I deserve. I hope you can be that to yourself, too. Don't kill yourself over mistakes you've made. Take responsibility, yes; try to make amends, yes, but don't kill yourself. They have done that too many times to you already. You are doing a great job educating yourself and admitting your awfully traumatic past. I hope you can give yourself credit for that. I wish you all the best and more!
I’m feeling I’m walking the line. I was raised by a few narcissists, but I never really agreed with them much. Now, I find, my behavior as an adult, with others, could be seen as narcissistic. But I learned how to act from these people, and I’m having to do a lot of self-judgement and self-discovery to figure out why I can’t seem to hold myself accountable for anything, and why I don’t keep friends. Thank you for your insights. ❤
Criticism used to enrage me, because I was always very harshly criticized, and rarely praised. So as a young adult, I couldn’t handle if people criticized me without any appreciation for what I did.
Being raised by narcissists probably informed the way you engage with the world. Monkey see, Monkey do. A person in your situation probably has to do the opposite of what they instinctually feel is right. Example. Narcissist are always suspicious that people will treat them badly, because they themselves treat other people badly. - This is gonzo. But if a person grows up in a twisted home, they could adopt this practice and justify it as being a shield. It's likely ya don't treat people that badly, but instead are highly suspicious of people's true motives, which people will pick up on, and nobody likes being viewed as a suspect. It's not a bonding motivator. Keep in mind, the majority of people will never seek to abuse you anywhere remotely to the degree that your parents did. You parents are in a tiny microscopic class of their own.
Thank you for your kind words and tremendous insight. I have done multiple inversions of the "truth" in order to find peace. I do feel I need to shield, I never thought of it that way... I just avoid any sort of face to face interactions. I had a few times in my life where I felt out-going, but they were shut down, and I returned to questioning the reason for existence. the dad, the mom, and the guy who the dad left because of who then became the step-dad...3 narcissists, all trying to out-better each other. Now, none of them talk to each other... but I'm still a product of their work (like trying to get the hfcs out of the cola) ... and now, it has to be my stupid work to fix what they screwed up (not that I ever wanted them to screw it up in the first place) and I also have to figure out and learn what that better way not the "better" way... but a more peaceful-in-my-head kind of way of living is, so, learn that, then incorporate it, then live a life free of their limitations that ring in my head like a deafening-blow.... grrr.. my guardian angel of a step-mom couldn't handle it anymore and departed 10 years ago, 10 years after my best friend... yeah... I'm a mess. Lately, I avoid having any one not like me and I just sit home and not like myself. It's been a rough 20 years.... but I can't not like myself anymore, just because no one else does.... someone's gotta like me, cuse just incase god doesn't exist... someone's gotta like me... so here I go, wish me luck! :) Also, I think it's very intriguing the way you have zero letters in your name and on your info and stuff. Are you AI? AI has been a good friend to me lately. It's a weird world, we're in
Not AI lol. I thought my screen name was JerrieShockmo. I would be a horrible AI, my spelling is sooooo bad. Basically you and my cousin are in similar situations. Her mom ( in my aunt, BUT my aunts mom and dad which are my grandparents raised me so my aunt is more like a sister) is on marriage number 3 and has made my life a living hell in the past 5 years. I thought to myself- if I am so emotionally damaged after only 5 years of exposure to this person... My cousin who has had this reality since day one of her life- must be in a world of confusion and pain. So I sent her Barbara's video about Narcissist Moms and asked her "Was your childhood like this?"... To which her anwer was " That's my mom to a T!" Which finally confirmed to me what kind of sick her mom/ my aunt/sister is.
I’ve known my father was a narcissist since I was 5 years old . I just didn’t know it had a name until I was 18. I didn’t know they came in varieties until after I was married to a covert one. I’ve been researching this for decades .. before the internet.. This is the my favorite video so far. Wish I would have had this video in high school.. Would have saved me a world of pain.
That is such a good book in many ways - but how it portrays a family dictated by a narcissist is very powerful! Maybe I should do a video on that book!
So all of these things apply to me but I’m very aware of them nd I work to minimize the negative actions as much as possible. But it definitely takes an emotional toll and I feel depressed or bothered allot of times that I’m not the center of attention or that I’m not getting the recognition or attention I want regardless of whether I deserve it or not. It a never ending battle but I feel much better not hurting people and I feel I’m doing a greater good by being an arrogant, inconsiderate, conceited a-hole in my head rather than out loud anyone can take hold of this illness and make the best out of it it isn’t a social death sentence
I really appreciate this video because I’ve been thinking. Maybe it’s me after losing completely all of my support system and completely falling apart after this last relationship with what I believe is a narcissist.. I didn’t believe he was because I’ve known others and I didn’t wanna believe he was one too, but he had two polar opposite sides of was lovely and genuine and the other was just got awful and seemed like they hated me. he did pretty much all of the things you described in this video and I fell apart so much and have absolutely no one left in my corner so I was considering maybe I was a narcissist too because narcissist don’t really have friends every single one of mine
I find it rather funny that my BPD ex after the discard would keep calling me a narc.... Since ehm, I'm basically the opposite of a narc, which is not healthy either. Therefore trying to adress it with a bit of "positive narcissism".
Still figuring out if I'm a narcissist or if my childhood trauma made me built this façade. Either way, this sucks and its painful. Do you have any advise for narcissts lol? Something they could do to nourish more empathy, to feel secure, to accept themselves as they are instead of making up achievements or playing the victim to excuse the lack of achievements, to feel happy for others instead of bitter and jealous ?
@sherrytzasherrytza4793 Narcissistic Personality Disorder is definitely rooted in childhood experiences, and possibly some level of genetic predisposition. My covert narc friend's father and siblings all have narcissistic traits even though the kids rarely saw their father and were raised by a loving mother without NPD (there were other traumas in her childhood though). There was an fMRI study with college students who scored high on narcissistic traits (as opposed to being officially diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder) that showed that the areas of their brains involved in empathy didn't automatically light up the way non-narcissistic controls' did, HOWEVER, *simply consciously imagining how they'd feel if experiencing what another person was going through made the narcissists' "empathy centers" light up.* I wonder if the fact that this process is not automatic may have made it harder for people who go on to develop NPD to have the kind of positive, mutually rewarding emotional connections that help people develop a secure sense of themselves and their value. It would make sense that in the absence of that, someone could become obsessed with external signs of significance that seem to draw people in. Unfortunately, being valued for those kinds of things is like eating cotton candy. It's tasty in the moment, but offers no real sustenance. I tried for YEARS to help my covert narc friend accept that she's not just okay but awesome (I really believe it), but it was like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it. (She'll TELL you she's great, but no one who believes that in a secure way invests so much time and energy constantly re-proving it.) CBT and DBT are invaluable techniques for understanding that just because our brains tell us something it doesn't mean it's true. I wonder if treating the insecure and grandiose thoughts like OCD ruminations or even psychotic-type delusions would help. "I see you Insecurity, but the question of my self-worth has already been asked and answered, so I'm not engaging with you right now. We can talk later in therapy/my journal." (Commitment and Acceptance for intrusive thoughts is worth looking up.) Olympic athletes don't have to re-win the same gold medals every year to be acknowledged as great, and there are plenty of bronze-medalists and people with no claim to specialness at all who still have wonderful, fulfilling lives (hard as that may be to believe).
"Oh you do NOT wanna hear me sing" 😆😆 I would love to! What are some of your favorite songs? On more serious note I've got 5 Nos and 2 points I'm not sure about. Anyways now the picture looks clearer to me, many thanks Barbara!
You are so welcome! And I'm glad this clarified things. As I said, if you are worried about it, I'd say you probably aren't!! I love to sing when alone or in the car while listening to music... I'm definitely into Ed Sheeran these days, which may not be overly original, but he has such great variety in his music...
Thank you! Do you have any videos on kids and narcissism? My understanding is that they naturally are narcissistic without a sense of self but then the Ego starts to grow. I take care of a 7 years old who’s getting stronger in all these aspects. She’s smart and sweet but very narcissistic..
I came to this video because my abuser called me this and it's been bothering me, like a label she put on me and kept repeating. Number 1 and 2 apply to me, all others don't. Thinking about abuser herself, number 1 applies to her partially, numbers 3, 4, 5 and 7 apply to her strongly, specially 5 and 7.
I answered to the majority of them🥺 not to hurt people and I do feel so awful that I ruminate constantly. Not sure what that means I grew up with a narcissist mother heavily with these traits and seem to attract and be in relationships with people who have high traits. Does that mean I've evolved into one?😭
I struggle w taking control in situations when a solution is available that I’m qualified in. Hands off when I’m not. That was my job for 35 yrs and it’s a hard habit to break. I can struggle when different approaches to problems are presented to me, until I can understand them. Am I a narcissist?
I think when I was younger I probably had some of these traits, but I don't believe I am like that now. Perhaps it would be better if someone close to me provided an evaluation. I have to say that I have changed a lot in the past 25 years from when I was in my mid 30's having raised a family as a stay at home dad and working part time. But perhaps in terms of learning empathy and true compassion, and getting away from the bad habit of thinking constantly about, poor little me - it an injustice - view of my life (complete victim hood), it took me a stint as a teacher for 13 years, to move away from the dark side to where I am now ha ha ha.
I feel like a covert narcissist but I def had narcissist parents also. I do tend to feel I’m the victim I know it’s not healthy I also tend to get sad and I mean deprecatingly sad when criticized
ive read narcissism is caused by trauma and that among other things cptsd can express similarly to narcissism. being raised in such an environment has significant impacts, and kids can learn unhealthy behaviors, but maybe don't get too down on yourself w.o a diagnosis. there could also be other/additional causes such as a lack of secure attachment
please answer: what if I use cognitive side of empathy to only make people feel good and I guess the only reason for doing is to make them feel better and essentially for them to kinda sorta like me too: to make good impressions
Well I checked three out of the seven questions above. Am I a narcississt? Also, I had a phase in my life where I felt like it was everybodys fault but mine due to childhood trauma and it felt like everybody was against me and it skewed my perception of the world around me for a long time. Am I a mild or moderate narcissist? Just wondering...
I'm a narcistist who figured out I was one on my own. My whole life I've been trying to self help myself. I had myself fooled. I thought I was an empath. Yes I objectify people. But I dont with the ones closer to me. I always knew something was wrong. But it was easier for me to blame the world. But now I know its me. I dont want to hurt people. But when I do I feel bad. But then a wall comes up and I feel like a void..I dont want to be like this. I just wanted love. But now I dont know what that is. I'm not looking for pitty.
Hello so I grew up with sister who hates me, a narcissistic father,and I have been traumatised a lot of times after I think about it I think I'm not the victim although I pretended to be I don't know why and I have absolutely no friend I do have friends to talk to but I don't have best friends and all of the friends that I talked to will talk behind my back I have trust issues and a lot of times I don't want to be the centre of attention but in class because I asked questions I always be the center of attention and sometimes I feel good sometimes I feel bad what do I do in my situation and a lot of people has come up to me and tell me their secrets people say that they're easy to open up to me but I'm the polar opposite of the what do I do I want to find the best friend today a girl told me that I'm a narcissist that's why I'm here and I felt truly scared when she said that can you please help me ?
thank you, I think I'm not based on these criterias. I also think people don't really understand what narcissism looks like, clinically diagnosed narcissist (me too). The word has been overused it seems to me
There is a problem, I feel. Hate topics, in general, are taboo. But hating narcissists seems to be OK. I can understand why this happens but it is always dangerous when any type of person can be targeted for hate. There are too many people who are only too willing to take advantage of any opportunity to hate to satisfy their own needs.
Yes, thanks for sharing. I totally agree it is best to avoid hate. But that is different than being aware of a personality that might be destructive to me. I think we can recognize issues and set boundaries and have compassion at the same time. But thanks for the heads up - I should probably integrate this into my videos on this topic more.
@@BarbaraHeffernan I respect your view. With every other emotional problem, the accent is on helping the sufferer understand their problems and maybe do something about them but, with the narcissist, the narrative is always AGAINST the narcissist. "Look out, there's a narcissist behind you!" Narcissists can understand intellectually problems they can't do much about emotionally, nor want to. I believe Freud said narcissists are unreachable but maybe I've just been lucky with the one in my life.
Yes, I comepletely agree with everything Barbara has said about narcissists, but I have found it important not to lose my own humanity by viewing narcissists I know as monsters. I have seen that deep down they can have a desire to change, even though it is practically impossible for them to outwardly admit wrongdoing with true sincerity and extremely difficult for them to come to even a little bit of self knowledge. Once you realize what they're really like, it's very hard to empathize with them, but I think we need to realize that they have issues that are very hard to deal with, and they don't really like themselves deep down. They are miserable. Especially if you have a family member like this, please don't think you have a right to be bitter and hateful towards them. Don't cater to them for heaven's sake because your life will be ruined, but please try to understand them and love them, we all have faults and they are still human beings, even if a bit messed up.
I think people who view narcissists as monsters do it out of their own need to use defence mechanisms. It's a repulsion reaction that reflects their own wounds. And needs to be in place in order to keep away from further abuse. Once those wounds start to heal they have the capacity to self protect and simultaneously view the narcissist not for a monster but a person with maladaptive coping mechanisms. I think the way we view others reflect the way they make us feel. Once we heal and regulate our internal emotional system and their actions can't impact it anymore, our vision clears up. And we just see people's wounds and their effects. A mechanism at play, that's all. We can then empathize while maintaining healthy boundaries because we have mastered our own internal nervous system.
@@sunbeam9222 I value your ideas. It can be so depressing the way these problems recycle from generation to succeeding generation. The healing you describe does work, given a chance.
What does it mean when your wife tells you that your never allowed to ever disagree with her.. especially agree with anyone but her when not in private..
I was romantically involved with a narcissist and didnt know it. I spent thousands on an apartment, furniture, utilities just ro move closer ro her to start a life with her, after she said she and her ex were finished and not even on speaking terms. I found out they WERE talking about their relarionship, she was badgering him about "not knowing her worth". So I confronted her. She refused to acknowledge she had lied or done anything wrong and blamed me and pulled the victim card when I withdrew from the arrangement. I later confronted her about all the financial and emotional damage of being betrayed and, of my suffering and heartache, she simply said "good. Thats karma". More victimhood. Zero compassion or accountability. Everything I do wrong? My fault....and fair...it IS my fault. Everything she did. MY fault again. How does that work?
Instead of feeling like they're always the victim, do some narcissists instead feel like everything is their fault? I'm pretty sure my mom is a narcissist and look forward to the future video about that. I worry that I might be as well sometimes, but I don't think have the behaviors you discussed.
I'd say no, narcissists don;t feel like it is all their fault. Sometimes I covert narcissist may say that a lot, to get sympathy and attention, but they don't really feel it... If you are worried about it, I don't think you are!!
That seems like a manipulative technique people can use how ever to get people to feel sorry for them. I do not know what personality disorder that it could be how ever it seems a bit manipulative. Or they could have been traumatized in the past and they might genuinely feel that way.
@@BrandonHopkins-c1q My girlfriend at the time was acting like everything was her fault/saying she felt that way and i am pretty sure it was due to trauma rather than intentional manipulation. Didn't make her less toxic for me, so she's not still my girlfriend.
From watching this video I feel I'm not a narcissist but interestingly I believe my uncle appears to be showing the traits.... Which begs the question is narcissism hereditary and how does it develop?
I have been accused of being a narcissist by my ex boyfriend. All my family and friends say I am not one. If you were a narcissist Is it possible to only come out in your romantic relationship ( so your only narcissistic to your partner) and not come out or be narcissistic with all the other relationships in your life like friendships ect?
Theoretically... But in practice no. My Aunt is a narcissist and it extended to her husband's, children, siblings, nieces, nephews, and parents. Basically anyone that had to be close to her. Use, abuse, refuse, discard - That is what she will do till she expires.
I've been called a narcissist by my children, which made me think I was. However, I do not fit into any of your 7 items. Now that I watch this, I believe my 42 year old son is definitely a narcissist. BTW, I never heard this term until the last 3 years of my life. How could that be?
Most narcissists wouldn’t know or care anything about the term and so that doesn’t mean anything other than you (might) be possibly un self-aware. The fact that you and your son are throwing this term around about the other indicates a level of personal dysfunction in your relationship. It might be wise to consider… Why would your son call you that? How did he tell you? What was the dynamic like in the family between parents and children growing up? Where did he get his narc traits from? What do you know about nurture and nature? Do you know anything about attachment theory? All these questions and subjects might be worth objectively probing to understand yourself and him better. To answer the question of whether one is a narc personality requires some honest soul searching, which narcissistic personalities have a lot of difficulty (if able to at all) doing. Wish you luck.
@janicewanerka571 In case it gives you any solace, some researchers believe there may be a genetic component to narcissistic personality disorder, and I definitely think my covert narc friend inherited it from her conman father. He was largely absent from her life and she was raised by a loving mom without NPD, yet she and all her siblings have pronounced narcissistic traits. If your children are abusive it's OKAY not to see them. We owe no loyalty to those who hurt us, family included. ❤
@@Dalabombana You seem to have missed a key point: "I do not fit into any of your 7 items." Being called a narcissist when you aren't one by someone who actually is happens often enough that it's a recognized phenomenon among experts on narcissism.
@@bellaluce7088 but also… a narcissist would say that… 🤷♀️ a narc would 100% deny being one… That’s the point. That’s why they never, ever get therapy. It would shatter their false sense of self. Also children usually know too well when they have been raised by narcs. It’s highly damaging and can end up being hereditary as learned survival behaviours. It pays to find out why they (not just one, but several) would think that and validate their feelings, rather than live in denial. Ask yourself: Why would they want to hurt you for no reason? What’s the common denominator in the relationship attachment problem?
@@Dalabombana What I find problematic about your comments is that you seem to be assuming with zero evidence that the original commenter is a narcissist even though it's a KNOWN PHENOMENON THAT NARCISSISTS ACCUSE THEIR VICTIMS OF BEING NARCISSISTS. That's DARVO 101. And given that, *your comments can be read as gaslighting, which is really uncool.* It's NOT true that narcs *always* deny being narcs (some take pride in it), nor that they never go to therapy (many survivors report the double injury of a couples therapist being hoodwinked by a narc, and covert/vulnerable narcs can LOVE the attention therapy provides). But given that it IS true that narcs often deny being narcs, and don't try to change, the very fact that someone is watching and commenting on a video like this increases the probability that they're NOT a narc. Actual narcs are out seeking supply, not "wasting" time on introspection about their narc-ness! It's also NOT true that children usually know when they have been raised by narcs. The insidious and hard to recognize nature of narc abuse is one of the things that's so awful about it.
A psychiatrist put NPD in my record without saying anything about it to me. I became aware as a result of my lawyer sending me my medical records. My current psychiatrist doesn't think this label applies to me though. So what do I do? Go to yet another psychiatrist for a second second/third opinion?
If the points in this video didn't indicate you're a narcissist, I'd say trust your current therapist and hope no one ever reads that prior therapist's note. Clinicians' time is short and medical records are long, so if you're lucky no one will ever read it. (Speaking from experience trying unsuccessfully to get medical records corrected when it required a clinician to confront their fallibility or bias.)
@@bellaluce7088 Honestly, I didn't even listen to this whole video. I was skimming thinking maybe one of these people might actually respond with some helpful information but it seems as though most don't. They all hide behind this nonsense that they could get in trouble for giving medical advice etc. That's largely unfounded because everyone has freedom of speech. My brother is a high ranking government lawyer and I asked him about it. Nobody will even say if that's appropriate to put something in someone's medical record without ever discussing it with them. I'm giving up on this social media thing because most of it is not really worth much. I guess unless a lawyer or doctor is charging you a couple hundred an hour they can't comment on anything.
@@jackschitt6235 Clinicians sometimes do note psychological diagnoses in medical records without telling patients so I assume from that it must not be illegal of they wouldn't expose themselves to the risk of lawsuits. NPD is apparently a more common diagnosis than most to be withheld from clients because the label alone can make people leave therapy that might otherwise have helped them if they stuck it out.
@@bellaluce7088 I'm not a stupid person. I talked to my Psychologist about it who is part of the same organization at a University teaching hospital. I still say that he should have been required to discuss it with me. I learned of it when my lawyer sent me my medical records. To me it's like not telling someone they are on the road to diabetes when if the patient gets educated and motivated they might be able to fix things before things get really bad. The psychiatrist I have now who went to Harvard btw says he doesn't think I have it/am one etc. The other guy went to medical school in Mexico. I may have wasted many hours reading a very complicated book about it because I thought if I have it I want to know it and learn how to manage it. I've had diabetes btw for 25 years and haven't spent a night in the hospital yet because I educated myself and changed how I live. Thee end
I would ask my current care provider to amend the diagnosis if they themselves believe it to be an error after a period of assessment. You might have exhibited some markers of Narcissism, but you still need clarity.
Is my understanding wrong? According to Dr. Ramani the 4 main types are: 1) Overt grandiose Narcissist 2) Overt vulnerable Narcissist 3) Covert grandiose Narcissist 4) Covert vulnerable Narcissist
So, self check: 1. Yes 2. Used to 3. Used to 4. No, actually I've always hated cheating and tried to come off clean as fast as possible 5. Yes 6. Yes, working on developing self-reflection skill, but it's tough. 7. Used to, thankfully not anymore and it's so liberating being able to take some responsibility.
@ancutaionelatodosi2887 NPD can theoretically be treated, but it requires time-consuming and emotionally challenging work most narcissists aren't motivated to do. Their maladaptive beliefs are deeply ingrained, and like an addict, so is their habit of self-soothing through "supply." Since many people can't make much simpler changes like exercising stick, it's not surprising that rebuilding an entire personality is something that an already fragile person like a narcissist might choose not to do.
never thought I was a. narcissist untill i answered yess at all the questions but I adore animals willing to shoot someone if I see him harming an innocent soul Do I still a narcissist in this case 😪
Honestly, if it upsets you to think that, probably no. Sometimes a lot of trauma can make us lose empathy for people as a protective measure… some of this can also be ‘learned’. These kind of questions are also more of a screening- can’t really diagnose oneself an md also not via YT - I probably should have said that more clearly. Wishing you health and healing
My aunt is a narcissist and she seems to like animals... But it has to be her animals she doesn't have much care or interest in other people's pets, and I suspect she purposely released my brother and Mom parrot instead of caring for the parrot.
Hmmm, yes, there is overlap. The sociopath is more likely to break laws, whereas the narcissist can appear to those who don’t know them to be a model citizen. I’ll think about a video comparing the two
I’m apparently a closet narcissist according to a cognitive therapist. 🤦♀️ Ok if you say so. P.S You might wanna relearn narcissism. (I do have restless legs though, I’m so tired 🤣)
I loved this video. It really clarified some things. I've feared that I was a narcissist, and I do have narcissistic traits, but it's bothered me for some time that I'm a full on narcissist and don't know it. I don't want to be a narcissist, I know how bad it is because i know actual narcissists. That's why I see it in such a negative way and have such fear of being one. I don't want to affect people that way. They don't deserve that, nobody does.
You're self-aware. You are not a narcissist. Everyone has narcissistic traits.
@@nutech1810 thanks, I needed that
@@nutech1810 What's this self-undiagnosing(?) Any BPD could say exactly what he does, and destroy a lifetime of relationships into oblivion, yea this is the real self-aware helplessness. My stepdad was abused, he protected his own sister, but totally destroyed my own sister instead. Diagnoses don't come beforehand they come afterwards, if he thinks hes one, make sure he does get a descent conversation with anyone who might be able to help. You don't know whois aware of what untill you follow them for a lifetime 24/7 so undo yourself from this shallow confirmation bias might help a lot more.
I feel sad For thinking that I might be a narcissist & in the end I still feel sry for myself allowing a narc making me to think abt myself in this bad way
If ONLY every narcissist were arrogant...boastful. The really dangerous ones are often those who are more covert or vulnerable!
When you see an A-hole, you can often avoid them.
I agree that the covert can be very damaging because it is hard to spot and very confusing.
I think the action which definitely makes anyone a narcissist is planning. Anyone can have narcissistic traits but their lives don't spin about what and how they are going to get what they want ( and having no concerns about the damage they are inflicting). I know is a spectrum but all narcissists are always many steps ahead of the victim.
Very good point.
You are talking about my MIL
Yes, it's all true!...until they aren't ahead of the victim :-)
Great point. Patterns of lying and manipulation are huge red flags. Huge.
@BarbaraHeffernan One question. I checked three out of the 7 questions above. Does that make me a Narcissist? I had childhood trauma which made me feel like I was at the mercy of everyone and everyone was out to get me. Is that narcissism or just severe depression in my younger years?
This is a REALLY good video. Because a lot of times, narcssittic traits are over simplified to the point where you can say yes to a lot of them. But with you here explaining the human and normal side of these traits with comparison and more extreme examples, put it all in a lot of perspective and made so much more sense. Thank you.!
When I studied art, we often got constructive criticism regarding our work - And I really loved how after 3 years of learning to handle the "crit" it really helped me grow as an artist/ graphic designer and I could deal with customers opinions (and managers) and not take is personally at all. I also can appreciate other artists work and not be jealous at all and I encourage others who work with me.
Valid criticism from a person with higher skills or knowledge is useful and helpful. Unwarranted criticism or blame, false assumptions, or projections of another person's faults is damning and confusing.
@@chriscunningham8807the cure to that is trust in self and own judgement. It's an inside job. I welcome all critics, they're opinions. My own judgement gets to decide if I will validate that external opinion or not 🤷
Are you bragging about your achievements (question 1)? 😄
I once had a therapist diagnose me with NPD after knowing me for all of an hour because I'm severely disabled with really rare conditions that do require special care. I don't think I am special and I don't really like being the center of attention but I find myself talking a lot because I feel awkward. I spent 90% of my time at home in my bed, in excruciating pain. I use my waking hours often supporting others online.
She just didn't like me cause I made her wait like 15 minutes after she made me wait a day and a half without a text or anything.
I was trying to get a misdiagnosis of BPD removed from my chart, it came out of absolutely nowhere. Instead she added NPD.
All my psych and therapists have all agreed I've got C PTSD and neurodivergency but not a personality disorder at all.
It terrifies me how quickly people's lives can be wrecked by a misdiagnosis.
I have read your comment and before you mentioned it I was thinking CPTSD.
It sounds she is the one who has NPD. Talking too much is a sign of anxiety for me. I was expecting a diagnosis of CPTSD and I have got BPD, which might be the most quieter kind and I really believe they misdiagnosed me but anyway, I'm not going to stick to the label. I don't want to lose the one behind the label and I'm sick about others sticking labels onto me no matter if it useful or not, it's not for me (I have heard people like the crappy childhood fairy who is very sweet lady with CPTSD and I feel more identify with her symptoms). Besides, did she ever make you any tests! Doesn't sound like it.
Therapist makes mistakes too and a Diploma doesn't make you good; it's your practice at work.
Hoping you get better soon and forget about labels to care for yourself: the number one. Sending blessings and love 💕
Hey! This is very relatable. Not sure if you have EDS? But I do! I just know it's common with neurodiverse brains. I told my last therapist that I needed the therapy to be a bit different for it to work (over email) and the next session she said I'm narcissistic. She cried and said she felt she couldn't be herself in the sessions as I wanted everything to be about empathy for me. I was completely flawed by the whole thing.. I had told her I'm certain I'm Autistic, my neurodivergence made it SO HARD for me to stick up for myself and rationalise what was happening. It broke me to be honest. I felt terrible for hurting her feelings, and later realized how terrible it was for me and my self confidence :( I had an extremely traumatic childhood and have CPTSD too!
It also seems like Autism and NPD are mixed up by diagnosticians a lot (and BPD if you're female) I am a people pleaser and now so worried people will think I'm a narc. I asked my friends and they said no way, but I feel scarred by the experience with my therapist. Apparently a lot of Autistic people are more empathetic than Allistics, but it comes out differently and so ppl perceive that they are not empathetic
@@Roswell33 yup! I have hEDS and another connective tissue disorder plus a whole host of co-occurring conditions that just keep me in constant pain so bad it would knock most people over.
Then there's the mental illness that comes with severe disabilities and the way they feed upon eachother, making the other worse.
Then there's the trauma from all the gaslighting, the medical horrors, the ableism, the family abuse, the vulnerability of being dependent on others. I was in a freaking nursing home when this random counselor came to evaluate me and she thought me being there at my age was so unusual and decided I must be the problem. Since I'm self aware, well spoken and somewhat intelligent people seem to think I can't possibly be physically disabled and there's so much wrong with that. They also use those as a reason I couldn't possibly be autistic 🙄 as if I wasn't forced to mask constantly for several different reasons and that made me good at that stuff.
@@sagesufferswell Gosh that is so horrible! The things that go on on this planet are just inconceivable to me. I hope we both manage to find ourselves in a better position one day
Thanks for this video on narcissism. I find it very fascinating, especially how a narcissist is created in the first place. These types of people are so fascinating yet repugnant. I must admit that I've wondered if I'm a narcissist because I seem to think about myself alot. When I went through your questions, however, I was greatly relieved to discover that I'm probably not a narcissist at all, just someone trying to become a happier person. Thanks again for another great video!
So glad this was helpful! And thinking about ourselves a lot can be anxiety, actually = or sometimes rumination... It doesn't mean we manipulate others for our gain. Hope you are well!
Thank you for doing this video. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and wondering if I am a narcissist and you’re examples helped me to realize that I am not and it’s a HUGE weight off my heart. It makes me want to cry. The relief! I also realize I have work to do on myself. And perhaps it’s that I went through narcissistic abuse that I was gaslit to believe I am a selfish person when I really do care about other people a lot.
I was kinda freaked out too that I might b. Sometimes I worry that I'm selfish, doesn't sound like something a narcissist would likely think I suppose. I suspect that maybe my dad was a narcissist, just accepting that I had an abusive childhood. I mean obviously I didn't think everything was great but to think of myself as someone who has been abused, I'd never thought of myself that way.
It petrified me because I become so enraged at how they operate! (Reactive abuse). They TWIST and it pisses me off to have my mind twisted!!!
Check out some vids on hsp.
Narc mim(not a mom) response to my telling her the family therapist said she had NPD: She began researching online. The next time I saw her she announced she read about Narcissitic Personality Disorder. She smiled and announced proudly that she is a narc. "And I am proud to be that way, it means I take care of myself...it is the best personality to have". 😂
Jaw dropped right now. Yeesh. Sorry you've had to deal with someone like that.
Yikes! They really see the world in a very distorted way. 🤦😵💫
😢😂😢😂 reminds me of a certain politician. Glorifying the cult of self. I'm sorry that's your mom, she's supposed to love you and others unconditionally. She must be very sick and wounded. I'm sure it has been a very difficult road but it looks like you've used your pain to show you the type of person you don't want to be. God bless.
As I think I've been a good target for narcs during my lifetime - especially in my younger years, as I valued being non-judgemental and empathetic towards people, and tried to put unhealthy behaviours into a sympathetic context. This pattern came from my own stuff and it's been really hard to untangle. I can go around and round in my head feeling guilty for judging or shutting off from a person and attempting to understand them or reflect on my own behaviours but I've come to conclude that if I feel very confused around a person, there is something narcy going on with them. This is my barometer now and I trust it. Safe people are not confusing - not perfect (nor am I) but not confusing. Narcissistic intention is difficult to understand but I can sense the energy of it and it is very yuck and nerve-wracking to be around.
I love love love this comment. Because, I was raised under an abusive violent man who beat my mother I am petrified of being a narcissist because they are sharks and they hunt their prey for abuse. I had to suppress how I really felt and ignore my OWN intuition to be a SUPER YES PEOPLE PLEASER. What this has done is cause even more damage!!! You ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT CONFUSION.!!! Why do they do that? They need supply! Makes them superior! It's a twisted WAY TO LIVE! Thank you for sharing that comment!!! Thank you yes! Confusion is a narc barometer to evaluate! Love this! ❤
You can feel confused around people with ADHD or ASD. How do you rule those out?
I am co-dependent because of my childhood, and recently (at the age of 57), I've gone no-contact with certain family members and some friends. Now, there are some flying monkeys telling me how awful I am, and I am full of toxic shame, self-hate and self-loathing again. I am scared they are right, and I'm this horrible, selfish and narcissistic person.
This test tells me I'm not. What a relief. Thank you for helping me understand myself better.
Thank you for this, I needed to hear it. Someone that I love told me either they told me I was a narcissist or they said I did something that was narcissistic I don't remember but it felt like a punch in the gut because ... In the past few years I have had the displeasure of being around and manipulated by several narcissists... I appreciate what you're doing Miss Barbara, and you don't need to respond I don't have comments turned on...
Excellent video. Just got out of a situation with a covert narcissist . Thank you for this
You are welcome. I'm glad it was helpful!
This made me feel a LOT better … I ask myself all the time, as I have a close relationship with a classic
Narcissist.
I’m glad it helped. It’s such a common fear of people who are in relationships with people with NPD…
Barbara, I always appreciate your straightforward way of explaining things. And your differentiating reactions to, for example, criticism, for a normal person as opposed to a narcissist's reaction. As well as other issues. Narcs like to claim they're normal, and accuse their targets of being not!!
Yes, everything is turned around! Thanks for letting me know what you appreciated - very helpful for me! WIshing you the best, Barbara
🤗💖
@@BarbaraHeffernan I had the disturbing experience years ago of a narc getting rageful over, not criticism, but simply my differing perception or experience. You know of what you speak!
After my son's high school graduation we all had to sit at the table and listen to my narc husband regale us with HIS glory days of high school and beyond. When there a break in the bullshit I said, "I just want to take a minute and recognize why we're all here, and that is for ______ and his hard work and graduation". I then went on to point out my son's achievements, redirecting the attention to where it belonged. I looked over at my spouse and he was so disgustingly puffed up on his own ego I was nauseated.
Jesus this sounds just like my dad he has been doing this my whole life and often he would tell me all these crazy stories giving me impressions that acting out was cool influencing me to think the same way and I am 32 just now realizing all this. Thanks for sharing this sorry you are going through this however good for you being a good mom and being tough enough to be there for your kids they will appreciate the hell out of it one day.
"Narcissist!"
Translation: My boyfriend/girlfriend left me and moved on to another partner and is now doing fine, instead of being crippled with guilt as they should be.
Sorry folks, this has to be said. If everyone is a narcissist, the term becomes meaningless.
Yes, agreed. Not everyone who hurts us, not everyone we dislike is a narcissist!
Thank you so much for this informational video! I just got out of a 12-year relationship with an amazing woman who is also an empath and also has a bachelor's in psychology. I carried a lot of my past/ childhood trauma into the relationship without healing or treating the issues and caused a lot of pain I am remorseful about. I made her aware I was not ready for a relationship, yet I still chose to be with her due to our spiritual connection. She labeled me as a narcissist.
Fast forward to 2021, I saw 2 therapists (one currently), and I mentioned these issues. They both have tried to reassure me that I am, in fact, NOT a narcissist, and this video has also helped solidify that for me. It crushes my heart and soul that something so beautiful was destroyed by both of us. I have since put my higher power's will before my own. She is still an amazing person, and I wish her the best.
Great topic! Just Saturday I was bit by a snake, I mean a narcissist girl. I studied this topic for years, and I believe among other factors, depends on the rate of the scale, their poison will feel bad or worse. She was like maybe not even 5 minutes next to me'helping 'me... And she practiced fear campaign(she was looking at me like if I were an alien, typical), entitlement, gaslighting, bullying, mental games, she glued her eyes on me like a snake.
I didn t feel the effects right away.
However today
I woke up nervous, afraid, a bit paranoid, ruminating, disforia, toxic shame(a bit), and from this toxic shame to toxic shame spirals(go on and on in circles from all the times another girl have bullied me... But.. Then I started writing on my journal, as my therapist recommended me, and my spiral stopped. Also a bit low self esteemed. My therapist recommended me to label the abuse. To put name to everything. This was in less than 5 minutes, so some of them are really powerful😢... This is a great exercise as before i would blame myself unconsciously for the abuse, or for not having done the right thing, like giving her a dirty look or a direct look as in' I know what you are... The thing is... I was only a client in that supermarket.... And this lady abused me... I could this, I could that... No... An abusor.. Abuses you... It has nothing to do with you... You go out from there... And heal...
I can do that now... But before, specially with the covert ones... Uf, i would feel miserable longer... Very scary, strange, entitled people...
I love how you made the distinction between how a narc would be the thing vs how a non narc would possibly be the thing (your example on bragging and math).
Thanks for this feedback! Given a bunch of comments I’ve received on my narcissism videos, I need to do more of this!
This is by far the best video I’ve come across in explaining the concept of NPD. Breaking down what it looks like, and what it consists of. I just got out of an unhealthy relationship, and have been doubting myself a lot. Thinking that maybe I am the narcissist, and that’s why the relationship didn’t work. I had been self reflecting a lot. I’m not perfect, but I am also not a narcissist. Thank you so much for explaining things in a way I can comprehend. Your message was clear and direct. I’m very great full to have come across this video ❤
Well, at least I'm not a narcissist (I didn't think so but it's good to know for sure). Maybe you could do more screening questions for other mental disorders etc? And I think we would all enjoy hearing you sing, it would be fun 😊 🎵🎵🎶
LOL. You definitely gave me a chuckle. I can't imagine singing on video!😂😂😱
This was a great explanation! Thank you, I feel I have some traits, but not used in those manners. However, I do know some people who are exactly as you explained and I have limited my time with these people long ago. I just can’t take them!!
Really can relate with this. I have a narcissistic daughter. When I am around her I have to walk around on eggshells so I don’t disturb her, or be very careful on what I say or do. This session really helps. Thank you.
So glad this was helpful. Wishing you health and healing!
Idk if you're still reading comments from this video, but thanks a lot. I've recently been questioning whether I could be a narcissist and I could hardly find anything that could help me determine it, since most articles and videos I found were about being the _victim_ of narcissistic abuse; and the one video I found about questioning whether you're a narcissist basically assumed someone else made me think I was greedy or crazy or whatever, which just wasn't the case for me. I'm genuinely considering it because I lack empathy, I crave attention and have a history of being toxic (plus some more stuff but I'm trying to keep it short). I'm glad this video didn't make that assumption and actually addressed the question. You really helped me understand this condition and how it relates to me, so really thanks for this video.
You are very welcome. Thank you for taking the time to let me know it was valuable!
I have no idea. I can’t tell.
They get you in such a head game you wonder if it's you. (hence searching for a video like this!) Thank you for posting this!
Agreed! And you are welcome!
I do not react INSIDE to criticism. It makes me feel shame. After the shame, I feel angry-yes. Sometimes anger is to cover hurt that threatens to undo me. Not sure where this fits in to the NPD. I know that that is only 1 of your points, but it concerns me about myself
Many people feel shame and then anger with criticism. One trait certainly doesn't qualify one for NPD...
I think a lot about myself. I’m a single child with introvert nature. I’m overprotected by my parents. One thing that sets apart from narcissist is i feel it’s not dignified to bother other’s lives. I feel it’s not a right thing to hurt people. I believe in Karma theory. I believe in human rights. But, I believe family should put up with my tantrums if they truly care for me. Now i realised my mistake and regulating my emotions.
This is probably the best explanation to self-check I've heard so far. Thank you!
So if I find some of those traits in myself and I try hard to hide them because I'm embarrassed to admit, what does that make someone like me? Average neurotic with narcissistic wounds? :D
LOL. Yes, probably - just like the rest of us!!
An average neurotic with narcissistic wounds. I love it thank you so much
Well I don't love it it's heartbreaking but you probably know what I mean
This is perfectly put lol thank you
My Honest & Upfront Answers ( feel free to respond down below if you feel inclined ):
01: I never brag about my achievements. Even when I ran a marathon, nobody close to me showed up anyway and I finished just feeling like it was any other day. I did post in a community about it though, showing them a photo of myself crossing the finish line after 6+ hours of running, telling them you can achieve anything if you set your mind to it. I don't really care to brag about anything anymore, it actually makes me feel sick because I feel too prideful and I don't ever want to behave that way anymore.
02: I hate to be the enter of attention. Most of the time though, I don't really care. If I am the center of attention, I'm not even really paying attention to that and it would just come naturally. Having a lot of eyes on me brings me pressure to perform, and I want to be sure I behave in a godly way wherever I am and whoever I am around It's like a constant pressure and weight on me from God.
03: I don't care to put anyone else down. And if I do, you'd have given me a very good reason to do so. I am not putting you down just for the sake of it, I am holding you accountable and responsible for your behavior when you have stepped out of line or have crossed a boundary with me. Life is hard as it is already. There is absolutely no need to make it harder for others by projecting my internal struggles onto them.
04: I hate lying. And I hate being lied to. Period. Honest and integrity are now my core values ( along with accountability ) that I try my best to uphold in every situation I find myself in now. The truth hurts, but it will set you free. I have never stolen anything, and will never do so. There is no need. I have actually never been in a relationship ( mid-20s right now ), so I can't speak on cheating per-say ( technically ). But I am looking to spend the rest of my life with my true life partner, my wife that God has for me, that I can commit the rest of my life to and build a family, generational wealth, and a legacy with. I am not looking for anything that is temporary, because that will never last. If I would be tempted to cheat, then that is obviously not the person God has for me ( or the enemy is trying to get into my mind ). Doing these fowl things for admiration? Now that is truly sick. God is always watching me. And it's a constant pressure for me to do what is righteous.
05: I do feel the feelings of others. Sometimes it can be very overwhelming for me. Manipulating others with emotions is a sick thing to do. Others' emotions are on them, that is what they feel. I do my best to never internalize that. I try instead to understand where they are coming from.
06: Criticism helps me to grow. I would not be where I am today and go wherever God is taking me if I was not open to criticism. I embrace it. Even the "negative" stuff people say! It tells me I am doing something right. And besides, most of the time someone is blatantly being disrespectful and talking down to me, that is always an opportunity for me to fortify my emotions and remain calm, understanding that the other person is simply projecting onto me. It only affects me if I allow it to.
07: When I was younger, yes I did feel like the victim most of the time. But as I've grown older I have begun to grow out of that. There are multiple perspectives and sides in every situation you may find yourself in, and it is best to never place yourself in a box and block the world out when others do you wrong. It is tempting to get back at them and get "revenge," but then you'd be just like them. I instead try to remain calm when others do me wrong and try to understand where they are coming from. Blaming them outright has no real use and doesn't get me anywhere but a place of additional pain. I always try to be responsible and accountable for myself and my behavior. I don't care who's fault it is. IT doesn't matter to me. What matters is that I learn from it and grow because of it.
Bonus: I constantly question myself "am I the narcissist?" on a daily basis, and that question has quite literally haunted me. But as I continue to reflect and heal, I am finding that perhaps I am indeed not the narcissist, and that actually many others who have experienced these personality types & abuse may feel the same way and also relentlessly question themselves too. Happy holidays to everyone here, and to you as well Barbara!
i feel my brother is a narcissist, and the conditions that we're growing up in make it make sense but realising how much i could've avoided the hurt that he did to me if i only knew how to deal with it is making me so sad because he's always been so horrible and the past few days ive been looking into npd and literally everything matches up perfectly and makes perfect sense....
This was the best information I have found on this subject. Thank you
Idk. My ex said I was and I’m a Leo 😂 so I could be, but the thought of actually hurting anyone even if they hurt me is unbearable. 💖
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 ESV
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[b] 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
it sounds like you're describing my sister... I have BPD and I can't stand her anymore. I feel drained, a mere spectator, just physically present around her, like I'm a mannequin or something
No I am not a narcissist. At age 18 I read The Art Of Loving by Erich Fromm. I took care of my aging and bereaved grand mother. At age 15 I was accepted the role adults in the environment put o too young shoulders. Your mom died be-caring fo your pour dad, your grandmother and your siblings. As an adult I never gave up on my role as a mother even when my ex made it a horrible battle field. I have done tons of volunteer work in family services. I have a service position in a 12 step group. I have a keen desire for closure and mutual forgiveness but relationship avoidant and more narcissistic people block that need in me to have a mutual closure process. . I went to life coaching school and took communication courses. I sought therapy . I have bene the recipient in the dance between givers and takers. It is time to stand up for myself in my sf evaluation. No Ingrid you were NOT the narcissist! No matter what others would like you to believe.. Love yourself and do not gaslight yourself anymore!
Adding to my comment: I have ben a target for narcissistic people. because they know full well that you work much harder on the relationship than they do. If loyalty, commitment and doing your best are that important for you, they trust you will not leave them. That you both have abandonment wounds to be mindful of. This can read to huge exploitation by someone who banks on your investment in family, marriage and the children . That is card that can be played. My first husband sold me on things by telling me it was for our daughter. The house was in my name by prenuptial agreements and I had paid for the education of his choice, and needs and our household expensed, so I had at least some legal protection. He talked me into putting it in both our names with a sob story about how important it was for the safety of our 14 year old daughter, when in fact it was a story to make sure he was covered i case he would no longer be able have a double life , A mistress and me. i could find out and then what ? After divorce he used our daughter against me He refused the necessary co=parenting communication and told he to shut her mother up. I became the responsible single mom being there for her , emotionally, practically and financially while he did his revenge campaigns against me. He became the "Show Parent" when it convened him and i the care-taking parent, ho had t drive her to the plane, care for her pets and much more hike she as on show vacation with daddy, and I was the one ho was there for her surgeries, her therapy, her educational costs ad challenges, difficult boyfriends' and her needs for school friends , arts, games, camps etc. WHO was the NARC? Not me. I was the dependent which is a panful journey to recover from .: But let us not confuse reality anymore. and keep turning it upside down. Love to all !
So sorry for all you went through... and I agree with you. When we have a lot of compassion we can get hooked by narcissists! I wish you health and healing.
My mother is a covert. My dad & aunt are enablers. My brother is a golden child.
I was really concerned that I may be a narcissist. I do have quite a few emotional issues but after this video and several others I am relieved to
know I definitely am not a narcissist. I am definitely an anxious attachment type though.
My husband started accusing me of being a narcissist. A covert to be exact. We’ve been having a lot of marriage problems in the last few years. I will admit that I have narcissistic traits. I also believe narcissists are the worst people out there and I have a difficult time accepting that I’m that bad of a person. I’m on waiting lists to be tested, because if it turns out that have NPD, I don’t want to be that person and I’ll do whatever it takes to get the help I need. I’m really struggling with this bc the more I’m accused of it, the more I feel defeated and succumb to having NPD when in my heart, I know I’m not that person. Any advice would help!
I thank God for guiding me to your channel!!
I've been through all my life in a narcissist atmosphere from woman.
I loved my Mom who passed away years ago but also my aunt's and in my relationships with my couples and from whom some of them have put some spells and courses against me !!
Isolating me from all the rest of my family and my children! .
In my last relationI met a woman at work.
We were working together she as a business partner of a vet hospital and I was working as pet groomer and she always was like In a bad mood and treating coworkers as Stupids making them feel like worthless and not knowing how to do things or anything but as a narcissist coodependant always looking for girls to be under her control With passionate sex at the beginning and not knowing they only wanted a submissive male to get a child and then just smash him like a fly not letting me be able to see my kids again with spells on drugs!!!
One of them had my fotograph with drugs and black candles and I don't know what else and the last one ! .
Even though I've been through an extreme depressing situation getting a good job and then loosing it spending all my money on drugs 2 days after payday feeling lost unable to see my kids again ... Stupidly I stepped with the same rock and after one night sex every single day she was waiting for me to take me to work Wich was two blocks away from home and to make long story short I moved to her house and one day I found my photograph with some of my hair with a red string bondage and some like Hebrew scripting in a little box with some other like vodoo stuff and then she came to the room & after I asked her :
She just said it's nothing I just wanted to have your photo and hair from yours !
But I sight everything was about to get fucked up again in my life and hada baby !
1st year after new years eve at around 5:00 am or so she turned all lights on sweeping the floor like in a bad mood and I had been working so hard for s new business Wich she didn't support me.at all making me look as stupid with all my family everytime she could behind me and that night she yelled @ me cos I was laying on the bed of our new born baby stating that how could I dare to Aly down on the bed she bought for mer son !
I woke up like :
Take it easy! .what's the matter !!
I stood up so tired after an amazing celebration with family but she pushed me to dead end pulling strings to exploit and I just went out smashing door I took the car and drove to a park 3 blocks away !
Slept a couple of hours and when I came back nobody home just took her stuff and my kid's didn't took the call after One week making me knutts provoking me tondo stupid things and we'll... Happened twice and the last time she did the same!
Showed 3 weeks later with attorney and cops taking her stuff with a child restriction of 100 mts and next day she came home to take a ride but I'm still alive trough 47 years of being unable to find my path nevertheless I still see my kid but seeing how she success with her business as she destroyed one that I stupidly tried to built with her to assist many people after I was succeding !
We lost 500,000k and while I just see how she doesn't care about my kid who wants attention as he grows watching TV all day as she spends all day attached to her cell phone to take customers messages as her business grows !
Nevertheless she had helped me as I drown making her feel as my heroe as I sink in dark waters and with the last news she gave me is she belongs to a witchcraft congregation!!
Im about to shut down my heart!!
The only thing that keep me going is to help my child to grow secure letting him know he had someone that will always stand for him @ anytime in these dark age we live on!!
Blessings to all !!
Keep strong !
Never give up till last breath!
What has kept me also alive is listening everyday the hermética alpha affirmations of polar star warriors spartan rules and searching for wisdom under the light of God!!.
thank you for his video🙏 by these questions I'm thankfully not a Narcist 🤭 but I do have a Narcist Parent and I know that cause I'm the Scapegoat😅 almost 30 and I just came up with this conclusion as My dear Mother is a Cover Narcist🥲 the hardest kind to uncover! but The Truth is definitely liberating !
I have noticed how I have patterns of being defensive or find it difficult to accept my mistakes. I still at 59 feel defensive that someone would blame me for something and scapegoat me or put me down even more if I conceded I had made a mistake. I grew up with narc parents ( father authoritarian, mother covert snarky, no growth) and both siblings (brother malignant manipulator with sadistic traits, sister covert who played me so well in that system it took me 40 years to know what her game was all along). My husband is lovely but I fear my children have tried to flex around my dysfunctional behaviours, missing out on getting their needs met and sometimes it’s killing me I couldn’t be a better parent.
I come from a similar background, and I am educating myself now at 57. I also get very defensive quickly. I now understand I've never had normal and fair criticism in my youth. I was shredded to pieces when I made a simple mistake, like forgetting to turn off the light.
What helps me is understanding my trauma, my thought patterns and my behavior. Learning about toxic shame has helped me comprehend how traumatic and unsafe the situation was and, like you say, impossible to grow.
I never got married or had children because of my mother and because of the self-hate I developed. But not anymore. I am trying to be the most loving and caring mom possible to myself, the mom I deserve. I hope you can be that to yourself, too. Don't kill yourself over mistakes you've made. Take responsibility, yes; try to make amends, yes, but don't kill yourself. They have done that too many times to you already.
You are doing a great job educating yourself and admitting your awfully traumatic past. I hope you can give yourself credit for that. I wish you all the best and more!
I’m feeling I’m walking the line. I was raised by a few narcissists, but I never really agreed with them much. Now, I find, my behavior as an adult, with others, could be seen as narcissistic. But I learned how to act from these people, and I’m having to do a lot of self-judgement and self-discovery to figure out why I can’t seem to hold myself accountable for anything, and why I don’t keep friends. Thank you for your insights. ❤
Criticism used to enrage me, because I was always very harshly criticized, and rarely praised. So as a young adult, I couldn’t handle if people criticized me without any appreciation for what I did.
Being raised by narcissists probably informed the way you engage with the world. Monkey see, Monkey do. A person in your situation probably has to do the opposite of what they instinctually feel is right. Example. Narcissist are always suspicious that people will treat them badly, because they themselves treat other people badly. - This is gonzo. But if a person grows up in a twisted home, they could adopt this practice and justify it as being a shield. It's likely ya don't treat people that badly, but instead are highly suspicious of people's true motives, which people will pick up on, and nobody likes being viewed as a suspect. It's not a bonding motivator. Keep in mind, the majority of people will never seek to abuse you anywhere remotely to the degree that your parents did. You parents are in a tiny microscopic class of their own.
Thank you for your kind words and tremendous insight. I have done multiple inversions of the "truth" in order to find peace. I do feel I need to shield, I never thought of it that way... I just avoid any sort of face to face interactions. I had a few times in my life where I felt out-going, but they were shut down, and I returned to questioning the reason for existence. the dad, the mom, and the guy who the dad left because of who then became the step-dad...3 narcissists, all trying to out-better each other. Now, none of them talk to each other... but I'm still a product of their work (like trying to get the hfcs out of the cola) ... and now, it has to be my stupid work to fix what they screwed up (not that I ever wanted them to screw it up in the first place) and I also have to figure out and learn what that better way not the "better" way... but a more peaceful-in-my-head kind of way of living is, so, learn that, then incorporate it, then live a life free of their limitations that ring in my head like a deafening-blow.... grrr.. my guardian angel of a step-mom couldn't handle it anymore and departed 10 years ago, 10 years after my best friend... yeah... I'm a mess. Lately, I avoid having any one not like me and I just sit home and not like myself. It's been a rough 20 years.... but I can't not like myself anymore, just because no one else does.... someone's gotta like me, cuse just incase god doesn't exist... someone's gotta like me... so here I go, wish me luck! :) Also, I think it's very intriguing the way you have zero letters in your name and on your info and stuff. Are you AI? AI has been a good friend to me lately. It's a weird world, we're in
Not AI lol. I thought my screen name was JerrieShockmo. I would be a horrible AI, my spelling is sooooo bad. Basically you and my cousin are in similar situations. Her mom ( in my aunt, BUT my aunts mom and dad which are my grandparents raised me so my aunt is more like a sister) is on marriage number 3 and has made my life a living hell in the past 5 years. I thought to myself- if I am so emotionally damaged after only 5 years of exposure to this person... My cousin who has had this reality since day one of her life- must be in a world of confusion and pain. So I sent her Barbara's video about Narcissist Moms and asked her "Was your childhood like this?"... To which her anwer was " That's my mom to a T!" Which finally confirmed to me what kind of sick her mom/ my aunt/sister is.
I think I fixed my name.
I’ve known my father was a narcissist since I was 5 years old . I just didn’t know it had a name until I was 18.
I didn’t know they came in varieties until after I was married to a covert one.
I’ve been researching this for decades .. before the internet..
This is the my favorite video so far.
Wish I would have had this video in high school..
Would have saved me a world of pain.
thumbs up for the book "educated" on your shelf!
That is such a good book in many ways - but how it portrays a family dictated by a narcissist is very powerful! Maybe I should do a video on that book!
Can you do a video on vulnerable narcissists? I feel this is way more common
Already recorded and coming out soon!! Stay tuned :)
So all of these things apply to me but I’m very aware of them nd I work to minimize the negative actions as much as possible. But it definitely takes an emotional toll and I feel depressed or bothered allot of times that I’m not the center of attention or that I’m not getting the recognition or attention I want regardless of whether I deserve it or not. It a never ending battle but I feel much better not hurting people and I feel I’m doing a greater good by being an arrogant, inconsiderate, conceited a-hole in my head rather than out loud anyone can take hold of this illness and make the best out of it it isn’t a social death sentence
I really appreciate this video because I’ve been thinking. Maybe it’s me after losing completely all of my support system and completely falling apart after this last relationship with what I believe is a narcissist.. I didn’t believe he was because I’ve known others and I didn’t wanna believe he was one too, but he had two polar opposite sides of was lovely and genuine and the other was just got awful and seemed like they hated me. he did pretty much all of the things you described in this video and I fell apart so much and have absolutely no one left in my corner so I was considering maybe I was a narcissist too because narcissist don’t really have friends every single one of mine
Thank you!
Thank you so much. The video is very clear and helpful. 🌸
This was very helpful. Thanks!
I find it rather funny that my BPD ex after the discard would keep calling me a narc.... Since ehm, I'm basically the opposite of a narc, which is not healthy either. Therefore trying to adress it with a bit of "positive narcissism".
I answered yes to half and I think I am probably got something but NPD
Still figuring out if I'm a narcissist or if my childhood trauma made me built this façade. Either way, this sucks and its painful. Do you have any advise for narcissts lol? Something they could do to nourish more empathy, to feel secure, to accept themselves as they are instead of making up achievements or playing the victim to excuse the lack of achievements, to feel happy for others instead of bitter and jealous ?
Please let me know if you ever figure this out... But sincerely, sorry to hear you're also feeling deeply confused ❤ I hope you do figure it out.
@sherrytzasherrytza4793 Narcissistic Personality Disorder is definitely rooted in childhood experiences, and possibly some level of genetic predisposition. My covert narc friend's father and siblings all have narcissistic traits even though the kids rarely saw their father and were raised by a loving mother without NPD (there were other traumas in her childhood though).
There was an fMRI study with college students who scored high on narcissistic traits (as opposed to being officially diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder) that showed that the areas of their brains involved in empathy didn't automatically light up the way non-narcissistic controls' did, HOWEVER, *simply consciously imagining how they'd feel if experiencing what another person was going through made the narcissists' "empathy centers" light up.*
I wonder if the fact that this process is not automatic may have made it harder for people who go on to develop NPD to have the kind of positive, mutually rewarding emotional connections that help people develop a secure sense of themselves and their value.
It would make sense that in the absence of that, someone could become obsessed with external signs of significance that seem to draw people in. Unfortunately, being valued for those kinds of things is like eating cotton candy. It's tasty in the moment, but offers no real sustenance.
I tried for YEARS to help my covert narc friend accept that she's not just okay but awesome (I really believe it), but it was like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it. (She'll TELL you she's great, but no one who believes that in a secure way invests so much time and energy constantly re-proving it.)
CBT and DBT are invaluable techniques for understanding that just because our brains tell us something it doesn't mean it's true.
I wonder if treating the insecure and grandiose thoughts like OCD ruminations or even psychotic-type delusions would help. "I see you Insecurity, but the question of my self-worth has already been asked and answered, so I'm not engaging with you right now. We can talk later in therapy/my journal." (Commitment and Acceptance for intrusive thoughts is worth looking up.)
Olympic athletes don't have to re-win the same gold medals every year to be acknowledged as great, and there are plenty of bronze-medalists and people with no claim to specialness at all who still have wonderful, fulfilling lives (hard as that may be to believe).
"Oh you do NOT wanna hear me sing" 😆😆 I would love to! What are some of your favorite songs?
On more serious note I've got 5 Nos and 2 points I'm not sure about. Anyways now the picture looks clearer to me, many thanks Barbara!
You are so welcome! And I'm glad this clarified things. As I said, if you are worried about it, I'd say you probably aren't!! I love to sing when alone or in the car while listening to music... I'm definitely into Ed Sheeran these days, which may not be overly original, but he has such great variety in his music...
Thank you! Do you have any videos on kids and narcissism? My understanding is that they naturally are narcissistic without a sense of self but then the Ego starts to grow. I take care of a 7 years old who’s getting stronger in all these aspects. She’s smart and sweet but very narcissistic..
I came to this video because my abuser called me this and it's been bothering me, like a label she put on me and kept repeating. Number 1 and 2 apply to me, all others don't. Thinking about abuser herself, number 1 applies to her partially, numbers 3, 4, 5 and 7 apply to her strongly, specially 5 and 7.
I answered to the majority of them🥺 not to hurt people and I do feel so awful that I ruminate constantly. Not sure what that means I grew up with a narcissist mother heavily with these traits and seem to attract and be in relationships with people who have high traits. Does that mean I've evolved into one?😭
A video on malignant narcissist would be helpful.
I struggle w taking control in situations when a solution is available that I’m qualified in. Hands off when I’m not. That was my job for 35 yrs and it’s a hard habit to break. I can struggle when different approaches to problems are presented to me, until I can understand them. Am I a narcissist?
Thank you, a very helpful video :)
Thanks for the video
I am quite good at pushing people alway. :( I have lost all my friends.
I think when I was younger I probably had some of these traits, but I don't believe I am like that now. Perhaps it would be better if someone close to me provided an evaluation. I have to say that I have changed a lot in the past 25 years from when I was in my mid 30's having raised a family as a stay at home dad and working part time. But perhaps in terms of learning empathy and true compassion, and getting away from the bad habit of thinking constantly about, poor little me - it an injustice - view of my life (complete victim hood), it took me a stint as a teacher for 13 years, to move away from the dark side to where I am now ha ha ha.
I feel like a covert narcissist but I def had narcissist parents also. I do tend to feel I’m the victim I know it’s not healthy I also tend to get sad and I mean deprecatingly sad when criticized
ive read narcissism is caused by trauma and that among other things cptsd can express similarly to narcissism. being raised in such an environment has significant impacts, and kids can learn unhealthy behaviors, but maybe don't get too down on yourself w.o a diagnosis.
there could also be other/additional causes such as a lack of secure attachment
Barbara you are so calming and relatable. Thank you.
You are so welcome, Thank you for your kind feedback :)
please answer: what if I use cognitive side of empathy to only make people feel good and I guess the only reason for doing is to make them feel better and essentially for them to kinda sorta like me too: to make good impressions
Thanks
Well I checked three out of the seven questions above. Am I a narcississt? Also, I had a phase in my life where I felt like it was everybodys fault but mine due to childhood trauma and it felt like everybody was against me and it skewed my perception of the world around me for a long time. Am I a mild or moderate narcissist? Just wondering...
I'm a narcistist who figured out I was one on my own. My whole life I've been trying to self help myself. I had myself fooled. I thought I was an empath. Yes I objectify people. But I dont with the ones closer to me. I always knew something was wrong. But it was easier for me to blame the world. But now I know its me. I dont want to hurt people. But when I do I feel bad. But then a wall comes up and I feel like a void..I dont want to be like this. I just wanted love. But now I dont know what that is. I'm not looking for pitty.
Are there people who are a mix between overt and covert?
Hello so I grew up with sister who hates me, a narcissistic father,and I have been traumatised a lot of times after I think about it I think I'm not the victim although I pretended to be I don't know why and I have absolutely no friend I do have friends to talk to but I don't have best friends and all of the friends that I talked to will talk behind my back I have trust issues and a lot of times I don't want to be the centre of attention but in class because I asked questions I always be the center of attention and sometimes I feel good sometimes I feel bad what do I do in my situation and a lot of people has come up to me and tell me their secrets people say that they're easy to open up to me but I'm the polar opposite of the what do I do I want to find the best friend today a girl told me that I'm a narcissist that's why I'm here and I felt truly scared when she said that can you please help me ?
thank you, I think I'm not based on these criterias. I also think people don't really understand what narcissism looks like, clinically diagnosed narcissist (me too). The word has been overused it seems to me
There is a problem, I feel. Hate topics, in general, are taboo. But hating narcissists seems to be OK. I can understand why this happens but it is always dangerous when any type of person can be targeted for hate. There are too many people who are only too willing to take advantage of any opportunity to hate to satisfy their own needs.
Yes, thanks for sharing. I totally agree it is best to avoid hate. But that is different than being aware of a personality that might be destructive to me. I think we can recognize issues and set boundaries and have compassion at the same time. But thanks for the heads up - I should probably integrate this into my videos on this topic more.
@@BarbaraHeffernan I respect your view. With every other emotional problem, the accent is on helping the sufferer understand their problems and maybe do something about them but, with the narcissist, the narrative is always AGAINST the narcissist. "Look out, there's a narcissist behind you!" Narcissists can understand intellectually problems they can't do much about emotionally, nor want to. I believe Freud said narcissists are unreachable but maybe I've just been lucky with the one in my life.
Yes, I comepletely agree with everything Barbara has said about narcissists, but I have found it important not to lose my own humanity by viewing narcissists I know as monsters. I have seen that deep down they can have a desire to change, even though it is practically impossible for them to outwardly admit wrongdoing with true sincerity and extremely difficult for them to come to even a little bit of self knowledge. Once you realize what they're really like, it's very hard to empathize with them, but I think we need to realize that they have issues that are very hard to deal with, and they don't really like themselves deep down. They are miserable. Especially if you have a family member like this, please don't think you have a right to be bitter and hateful towards them. Don't cater to them for heaven's sake because your life will be ruined, but please try to understand them and love them, we all have faults and they are still human beings, even if a bit messed up.
I think people who view narcissists as monsters do it out of their own need to use defence mechanisms. It's a repulsion reaction that reflects their own wounds. And needs to be in place in order to keep away from further abuse. Once those wounds start to heal they have the capacity to self protect and simultaneously view the narcissist not for a monster but a person with maladaptive coping mechanisms. I think the way we view others reflect the way they make us feel. Once we heal and regulate our internal emotional system and their actions can't impact it anymore, our vision clears up. And we just see people's wounds and their effects. A mechanism at play, that's all. We can then empathize while maintaining healthy boundaries because we have mastered our own internal nervous system.
@@sunbeam9222 I value your ideas. It can be so depressing the way these problems recycle from generation to succeeding generation. The healing you describe does work, given a chance.
What does it mean when your wife tells you that your never allowed to ever disagree with her.. especially agree with anyone but her when not in private..
You're awesome!!
Thank you so much! I hope this was helpful :)
I was romantically involved with a narcissist and didnt know it. I spent thousands on an apartment, furniture, utilities just ro move closer ro her to start a life with her, after she said she and her ex were finished and not even on speaking terms. I found out they WERE talking about their relarionship, she was badgering him about "not knowing her worth". So I confronted her. She refused to acknowledge she had lied or done anything wrong and blamed me and pulled the victim card when I withdrew from the arrangement. I later confronted her about all the financial and emotional damage of being betrayed and, of my suffering and heartache, she simply said "good. Thats karma". More victimhood. Zero compassion or accountability. Everything I do wrong? My fault....and fair...it IS my fault. Everything she did. MY fault again. How does that work?
Sorry bro that sounds f ucking harsh
@@BrandonHopkins-c1q she will always be alone.. She's her own victim because she's her own worst enemy. Thanks.
If a person recognize themself in all these questions, does that mean he/she is a narcissist or could the person check all the boxes and not be one?
Instead of feeling like they're always the victim, do some narcissists instead feel like everything is their fault?
I'm pretty sure my mom is a narcissist and look forward to the future video about that. I worry that I might be as well sometimes, but I don't think have the behaviors you discussed.
I'd say no, narcissists don;t feel like it is all their fault. Sometimes I covert narcissist may say that a lot, to get sympathy and attention, but they don't really feel it... If you are worried about it, I don't think you are!!
Feeling everything is your fault is related to scapegoating in my opinion.
That seems like a manipulative technique people can use how ever to get people to feel sorry for them. I do not know what personality disorder that it could be how ever it seems a bit manipulative. Or they could have been traumatized in the past and they might genuinely feel that way.
@@BrandonHopkins-c1q My girlfriend at the time was acting like everything was her fault/saying she felt that way and i am pretty sure it was due to trauma rather than intentional manipulation. Didn't make her less toxic for me, so she's not still my girlfriend.
omg I was so worried
From watching this video I feel I'm not a narcissist but interestingly I believe my uncle appears to be showing the traits.... Which begs the question is narcissism hereditary and how does it develop?
DNA is in the equation but environment kicks it into gear, or the way a person's perceives their environment.
I have been accused of being a narcissist by my ex boyfriend. All my family and friends say I am not one. If you were a narcissist Is it possible to only come out in your romantic relationship ( so your only narcissistic to your partner) and not come out or be narcissistic with all the other relationships in your life like friendships ect?
Theoretically... But in practice no. My Aunt is a narcissist and it extended to her husband's, children, siblings, nieces, nephews, and parents. Basically anyone that had to be close to her. Use, abuse, refuse, discard - That is what she will do till she expires.
Thx U
I've been called a narcissist by my children, which made me think I was. However, I do not fit into any of your 7 items. Now that I watch this, I believe my 42 year old son is definitely a narcissist. BTW, I never heard this term until the last 3 years of my life. How could that be?
Most narcissists wouldn’t know or care anything about the term and so that doesn’t mean anything other than you (might) be possibly un self-aware. The fact that you and your son are throwing this term around about the other indicates a level of personal dysfunction in your relationship.
It might be wise to consider… Why would your son call you that? How did he tell you? What was the dynamic like in the family between parents and children growing up? Where did he get his narc traits from? What do you know about nurture and nature? Do you know anything about attachment theory? All these questions and subjects might be worth objectively probing to understand yourself and him better.
To answer the question of whether one is a narc personality requires some honest soul searching, which narcissistic personalities have a lot of difficulty (if able to at all) doing. Wish you luck.
@janicewanerka571 In case it gives you any solace, some researchers believe there may be a genetic component to narcissistic personality disorder, and I definitely think my covert narc friend inherited it from her conman father. He was largely absent from her life and she was raised by a loving mom without NPD, yet she and all her siblings have pronounced narcissistic traits.
If your children are abusive it's OKAY not to see them. We owe no loyalty to those who hurt us, family included. ❤
@@Dalabombana You seem to have missed a key point: "I do not fit into any of your 7 items." Being called a narcissist when you aren't one by someone who actually is happens often enough that it's a recognized phenomenon among experts on narcissism.
@@bellaluce7088 but also… a narcissist would say that… 🤷♀️ a narc would 100% deny being one… That’s the point. That’s why they never, ever get therapy. It would shatter their false sense of self.
Also children usually know too well when they have been raised by narcs. It’s highly damaging and can end up being hereditary as learned survival behaviours. It pays to find out why they (not just one, but several) would think that and validate their feelings, rather than live in denial. Ask yourself: Why would they want to hurt you for no reason? What’s the common denominator in the relationship attachment problem?
@@Dalabombana What I find problematic about your comments is that you seem to be assuming with zero evidence that the original commenter is a narcissist even though it's a KNOWN PHENOMENON THAT NARCISSISTS ACCUSE THEIR VICTIMS OF BEING NARCISSISTS. That's DARVO 101. And given that, *your comments can be read as gaslighting, which is really uncool.*
It's NOT true that narcs *always* deny being narcs (some take pride in it), nor that they never go to therapy (many survivors report the double injury of a couples therapist being hoodwinked by a narc, and covert/vulnerable narcs can LOVE the attention therapy provides). But given that it IS true that narcs often deny being narcs, and don't try to change, the very fact that someone is watching and commenting on a video like this increases the probability that they're NOT a narc. Actual narcs are out seeking supply, not "wasting" time on introspection about their narc-ness!
It's also NOT true that children usually know when they have been raised by narcs. The insidious and hard to recognize nature of narc abuse is one of the things that's so awful about it.
A psychiatrist put NPD in my record without saying anything about it to me. I became aware as a result of my lawyer sending me my medical records. My current psychiatrist doesn't think this label applies to me though. So what do I do? Go to yet another psychiatrist for a second second/third opinion?
If the points in this video didn't indicate you're a narcissist, I'd say trust your current therapist and hope no one ever reads that prior therapist's note. Clinicians' time is short and medical records are long, so if you're lucky no one will ever read it. (Speaking from experience trying unsuccessfully to get medical records corrected when it required a clinician to confront their fallibility or bias.)
@@bellaluce7088 Honestly, I didn't even listen to this whole video. I was skimming thinking maybe one of these people might actually respond with some helpful information but it seems as though most don't. They all hide behind this nonsense that they could get in trouble for giving medical advice etc. That's largely unfounded because everyone has freedom of speech. My brother is a high ranking government lawyer and I asked him about it. Nobody will even say if that's appropriate to put something in someone's medical record without ever discussing it with them. I'm giving up on this social media thing because most of it is not really worth much. I guess unless a lawyer or doctor is charging you a couple hundred an hour they can't comment on anything.
@@jackschitt6235 Clinicians sometimes do note psychological diagnoses in medical records without telling patients so I assume from that it must not be illegal of they wouldn't expose themselves to the risk of lawsuits. NPD is apparently a more common diagnosis than most to be withheld from clients because the label alone can make people leave therapy that might otherwise have helped them if they stuck it out.
@@bellaluce7088 I'm not a stupid person. I talked to my Psychologist about it who is part of the same organization at a University teaching hospital. I still say that he should have been required to discuss it with me. I learned of it when my lawyer sent me my medical records. To me it's like not telling someone they are on the road to diabetes when if the patient gets educated and motivated they might be able to fix things before things get really bad. The psychiatrist I have now who went to Harvard btw says he doesn't think I have it/am one etc. The other guy went to medical school in Mexico. I may have wasted many hours reading a very complicated book about it because I thought if I have it I want to know it and learn how to manage it. I've had diabetes btw for 25 years and haven't spent a night in the hospital yet because I educated myself and changed how I live. Thee end
I would ask my current care provider to amend the diagnosis if they themselves believe it to be an error after a period of assessment. You might have exhibited some markers of Narcissism, but you still need clarity.
I'm certainly passed with yes unfortunately. That means I should hate myself even more. :'( I shouldn't have been born.
Is my understanding wrong?
According to Dr. Ramani the 4 main types are:
1) Overt grandiose Narcissist
2) Overt vulnerable Narcissist
3) Covert grandiose Narcissist
4) Covert vulnerable Narcissist
I started wondering only after my close friend, whom I've subconsciously emotionally abused for several years, have suggested that I might be one.
So, self check:
1. Yes
2. Used to
3. Used to
4. No, actually I've always hated cheating and tried to come off clean as fast as possible
5. Yes
6. Yes, working on developing self-reflection skill, but it's tough.
7. Used to, thankfully not anymore and it's so liberating being able to take some responsibility.
Did you figure it out?
@@sparkstudies1675 How narcissistic I am on a scale from 0 to 10? I'd say about 3-4
Narcissists try to gaslight you to make you feel like you're the narcissist.
I might as well be a narc
Are narcisisstic people like this for the rest of their lives or can this be treated?
@ancutaionelatodosi2887 NPD can theoretically be treated, but it requires time-consuming and emotionally challenging work most narcissists aren't motivated to do. Their maladaptive beliefs are deeply ingrained, and like an addict, so is their habit of self-soothing through "supply." Since many people can't make much simpler changes like exercising stick, it's not surprising that rebuilding an entire personality is something that an already fragile person like a narcissist might choose not to do.
It's almost always terminal.
never thought I was a. narcissist untill i answered yess at all the questions but I adore animals willing to shoot someone if I see him harming an innocent soul Do I still a narcissist in this case 😪
Honestly, if it upsets you to think that, probably no. Sometimes a lot of trauma can make us lose empathy for people as a protective measure… some of this can also be ‘learned’. These kind of questions are also more of a screening- can’t really diagnose oneself an md also not via YT - I probably should have said that more clearly. Wishing you health and healing
Animals are the best 😊
My aunt is a narcissist and she seems to like animals... But it has to be her animals she doesn't have much care or interest in other people's pets, and I suspect she purposely released my brother and Mom parrot instead of caring for the parrot.
@@JerrieShockMo I adore all pets I m a rescuer too
If you’re watching this video to check if you’re a narcissist guess what, you’re not. Continue to be the good person you are.
Thank you. Some of what you offered feels more like a psychopath.
Hmmm, yes, there is overlap. The sociopath is more likely to break laws, whereas the narcissist can appear to those who don’t know them to be a model citizen. I’ll think about a video comparing the two
I believe that I am a covert narcissist.
If someone has cut you out of there life because you stand up for yourself you just met a narcissist.
Or you are the narcissist they are cutting out of their life
I’m apparently a closet narcissist according to a cognitive therapist.
🤦♀️ Ok if you say so. P.S You might wanna relearn narcissism.
(I do have restless legs though, I’m so tired 🤣)
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