How to /actually/ change.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.ค. 2024
- Remember to be gentle and forgiving with yourself. We are often taught not to in our own cultures which stays with us as a bully in the back of our mind. Be good to yourself in the process of change, you weren’t brought here to suffer :)
And esp remember to be forgiving with yourself when you’ve realized you were bad to someone. We’ve all done the best with what we were raised with/what we know and sometimes you just don’t know better at the time. As long as you realize it was wrong and are putting an effort into changing now it’s okay, forgive yourself
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#improvement #selfimprovement #changeyourlife #change #startnow #manifesting #manifestation #selflove
Haha, rewatching this i realized for the tongue biting analogy i said "imagine brushing your teeth" opposed to "chewing your food", typo of the mouth on my end!!
"typo of the mouth on my end!!" made my day! To add to your message, I started working out again this month, and when you mentioned ways to keep my motivation and how to build habits, it really resonated with me and inspired me to double down today! You have such a way with words.
@@guappodiablo1 thank you so much 🥹. i'm so happy you were able to take things from my video, you got this dude
Recently, I've realized that no matter how much I try, I cannot follow through with to-do lists despite any modifications. However, over the past two months, I've switched to simply writing down what I actually did during the day. I skip routine stuff like brushing teeth, but I include anything that I rarely do or specifically wanted to accomplish during the day.
The reason I mention this is because of the way you described having a different look at getting stuff done; instead of "must-dos" and beating myself for not completing or creating unnecessary pressure, I simply do stuff as it comes. Ofc, there are times when deadlines or other commitments make it impossible to have full control over when something gets done, but reducing these situations has helped tremendously.
Keep up the great work!
yeah i think a big part in feeling better is adopting a positive mindset
I like how this links to the idea in other video that every second that passes you become a new person, and change is something that you have to work constantly on. I used to be pretty hard on myself and now I've realized that only by being compassionate to oneself we can change. Its tough and it sometimes brings negative feelings, but those too need to be heard. It has helped me pick some habits just because they are helpful and make me feel better, not just because it has to or should be like that. It really helps to be mindful of your present self and feel and reframe your emotions, because then they are just something temporary that comes to say something and doesn't stay lurking and causing further damage that can make procrastinarion or suffering worse.
"change is something you have to work constantly on". it's something you get to work on! it's something that happens as naturally as the seasons change and is even more fruitful when you consciously do it :-) personally i like to frame it as something i enjoy doing. i love this though, life should be easy, and i will hold on to this perspective, thank you
@@junnipres Thank you for reframing it, I just recently started the journey to make change something natural and enjoyable. I find that when you notice a change when you have been patiently working on it you get a unique feeling of joy
@@SrDromeh yess!! also when you look back to a younger version of yourself and realize you've changed and matured so much since then. it really is such a unique feeling of happiness 🩵
It’s hard for me to change I think because everyone in my family has always treated me like I am in the wrong for existing. Experiences of positivity in my life has been sparse. As a result, I am emotionally very screwed up. I have turned to drugs, unhealthy habits, whatever. My life just sucks. Sometimes it feels like every move I make is out of some sort of irrational line of thinking. Maybe as a result of being withheld affection, praise, or joy during crucially formative years.
That last line got me tearing up.
I love how you used the analogy of reading for putting too much on yourself. Something I've learned in my life is that progress is about strecthing, not snapping. Somedays we have more to gtive than others but thats ok. As long as you stretched even just a teeny bit, then any effort you give will be worth it in the end. Like you said, you have your whole life to improve. There's no rush to anything. Great video!
yeah this is what im feeling like
The Orchid analogy you made is such a useful/clever and beautiful way to describe how positive change should be made. It’s very inspiring how smart and confident you are in these videos at this age.
I agree with you that "needing" to do something isnt constructive. If you always just "want" to do something, it takes away from the pressure of the consequences and it helps you focus without having to second guess your abilities. Sure, everyone else tells you you need to do important things, but you're not a slave you have to persuade into doing your bidding, you're just yourself
Seems like a good channel, it's nice that the algorithm got me here somehow. Keep it up!
I'd like to put an input or two, just because i think that you stuck with the main message that you wanted to say:"be soft with yourself", but overrid some other stuff that you could have emphasized on.
There's actually quite a few ways to change, some people is better at doing everything at once, some people is better at doing it REALLY slow, you just have to find your pace, even if it isn't the ideal that you had in mind. In my case, i like to go absolutely fast, the faster the better, there's days that i wake up kinda like 7AM on a damn saturday and go on with homework for at least 4h without breaks, but because i can handle it, because a love to absolutely destroy the homework on a day when i have like 3 weeks to do it, and even if it lets me tired, i like it anyways. But there are obviously some stuff that i like (or have) to go slow on, like social relationships, learning new topics, progressive overload on the gym, etc.
So yo could go with the message that everyone has a pace, one that you like and have the ability to support, or the best one that you're at, but those two aren't maybe what you had ideally in your mind as "perfect", just try and see what's up.
There's a lot more that i could add, but i can just go through it quick and easy just so this doesn't become a whole paragraph:
- The only person you can really compare to when trying to be a better person is YOURSELF, people on the internet lie a lot, friends may just have a different pace than you. And believe me, progress takes A LOT of time.
- Usually making progress on something, almost anything, is way easier with any "social" element. Maybe go with the gym with a friend, or when you tell something that you had planned to do to someone and then you feel way more prone to doing it, stuff like that.
- Don't expect much progress, as i said, it's extremely slow, in my experience i just got used to doing some stuff, because it was good and could give me benefits long-term, and kinda like 4 years later, i just realized that i had the benefits, the "use" of doing it without even thinking about it, and all kind of in "automatic" mode. Happened to me with drinking water, wich is awful if you're not used to it.
Srry if i use any weird expression, english is not really my native languaje, but i think it's quite understandable.
As i said, good content, has a vibe to it too, i hope to see more videos from you!
The Socratic method precedes Deconstruction but you're still right
Amazing video, I’m going to use the little reminders when going down a thought loop that I know I shouldn’t. Thank you for the inspiration to keep going!
This feels like good faith self help content that isn't tryna tell me to delete all my socials or stop thinking about relevant political discourse if there's even a modicum of polarizing subject matter attached to it. Too many channels lately use genuinely good advice as click bait and drop a couple sus comments that don't outright say an overtly right wing or religious talking point, but you can often sense that something like that was implied in a ways you can't quite put ur finger on.
subscribed
don't worry about clickbait from me. the purpose of my channel is to speak on topics i've learned by going through various walks in life in hopes to maybe help others. i appreciate the comment, peace and love 🩵
These videos are so helpful thank u.
And then there's when people change, and friends quit hanging out cause of it...
If say one of my friends changed over time, I'd still like to think of them as the same person I met back when, cause at the end of the day, they're still the same person literally.
Just some experiences may have formed some kind of developments in their personality and they wouldn't have reacted the same way if they weren't that same person they were, with same beliefs and values as when you'd met...
I listened to the beginning of the video, and it made me think in a way that I couldn't focus on the rest of it. In the first part, I heard you saying that "Most people experience an inner voice that criticizes them when they don't do the right thing. It might make them feel horrible for not doing something correctly, prompting them to feel guilt, push themselves despite feeling miserable, or create a sense of self-judgment akin to what their parents might do if they did something wrong." I like how you brought up the method of questioning why you feel certain ways. When i desire what i do not have, the lack is what remains, which everyone calls suffering (You have many good qualities in you, but you feel that you are lacking something.) I'm hungry, there's nothing to eat-suffering. I'm thirsty, there's nothing to drink-suffering. I love someone who doesn't love me-suffering. But when i have what i no longer lack, i no longer desire it. So, i no longer love. It's not happiness, it's not unhappiness. It's simply and powerfully called boredom. Our entire life moves back and forth like a pendulum, from right to left, from suffering to boredom. The suffering of those without jobs, the boredom of those with jobs, the suffering of heartbreak, the boredom of fulfilled love. This is what entertains you. That doesn't mean we should live life aimlessly, following a repetitive routine and being at the mercy of life's ups and downs. We need to take control and make changes. Having a stable routine is the best way to be manipulated by people. A hitman, the first thing he tries to spot in his victim is their routine. Because if someone is predictable, it's a lot easier to kill them. And so, the best way to manipulate someone, to set a trap for them, is to make them predictable. How do you do that? You make it emotional, because there's nothing more predictable than someone being super angry, super sad, super jealous, etc. Because in addition to having an obvious goal of revenge, for example when we are angry, when we are under the influence of an emotion, we stop thinking and we will run straight into the trap. This is why it is super important to pay attention to your emotions. And to notice when you're emotional about something, to say to yourself "Wow, I'm not acting now because I'm doing something stupid and maybe someone is manipulating me." And as you mentioned, making mistakes and facing challenges are normal parts of the process, so we should be kind and patient with ourselves. It's truly motivating to witness someone striving to maintain discipline despite difficulties, rather than someone to whom it comes effortlessly. I often think of a person playing football, not the most talented or physically powerful, yet never quitting. I aspire to embody that perseverance in every area of my life, understanding that I'm not flawless and may not succeed initially, but I'll persist.
Me and my friend really started to think together and came up with this method of thinking and finding the root of what causes what it’s cool to think that this is an actual founded method i never knew, This idea of changing is so easy at first and brings so much joy and i overcompensate and disappoint myself so i try way harder to the point i push my body to exhaustion like beyond what i should be able to do. Change is slow and you need to be caring for yourself you need to love yourself to change, change is hard, I really liked this video. I’ll check out your other videos too and yk hopefully like this keeps me open minded on my journey to becoming more peaceful and a better person. but change doesn’t need to happen because you want to be happy being happy comes from being happy with who you are. ☮️
Your storage unit is so cool
Holy shit this is so relatable, thanks
thank you. i needed this so, so much.
i'm so happy i could help 🥹
thank you
Power of using I want to instead of need to is actually insane and underrated. Also I love your hair. Seems simple but somehow very unique❤
@@yipes9008 haha thanks :)!
great vid
I fw u gang💯🤞
🤞🩵
splendid
ty leilani
Thanks
I genuinely mean it when I say, that I think you're gorgeous! And smart too :)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts 😸👍
thank you!! and of course, i'm happy to help where i can 😎
I'm listening
I feel like you are about to blow up
Not again☹️
i had a friend mention comment, and they briefly thought you'd meant blow up literally, which gave me a good laugh. thank you though! :-)
Sock-rat-ies Socrates 😂😂😂
Good advice, cool shirt btw
thanks!
She's just like me fr
❤
good vid
❤❤❤ l like you
Thoughts on the urban advancements in Tajikistan?
you look like Cortana from halo 5
I feel like this is/was so hard for me to incorporate this into my way of thinking. I used to force myself to grow and be better and I was harsh on myself, not even being aware how bad that was. I'm taking better care of myself now, but it was really hard to picture a way of caring for yourself like that. how was that process for you?
oh goodness, it was exactly the same for me. control and forcing things have always been a theme in my life, i would try to force myself to do things and reinforce "change" through punishment and bringing myself down for not doing a said thing. this was an incredibly difficult thing for me to learn because it meant letting the walls of fear of lack of control crumble around me and simply trusting/being okay with things. letting yourself be delicate and trusting is a beautiful skill and definitely gets easier the more you practice it. it specifically is so efficient when paired with consistency. again, like a delicate flower that needs special care, because you love and admire it, because that's what you are. best of luck to you, and thanks for your input!!:)
@@junnipresof course, i love talking about stuff like this so much. And the method of always asking "why" has helped me grow so much too. If you know why you acted or felt or thought in some kind of way, like really know it to the core, it's so much easier to change your old ways. Like, i also wonder why that harsh force for changing yourself is incorporated into yourself. Is it because it seems like that's how it's like in society? Or how my parents raised me? Or because school was always making you base your self worth on harsh grades? Interesting to think about, but too much of anything is never good ofc
peak
11:17
Real Advice 💯 also that shirt is heat 🔥🔥
I can't change my personality and the world changes.
why not?
@@junnipres Built in and unchanging.
@@BrianMerrick-di2rv humans are incredibly malleable. it is ingrained in our brains and the way they function. we are built to change on a neuroscientific level, although when we are "stuck" in a habit or belief it becomes easier and more natural to us because of the way neurons fire and build. kind of like walking a path in the snow, the more you use it the deeper and more ingrained it gets. but these beliefs can be snowed over again and changed through multiple methods. it is your beliefs and persistence that allow you to change. even complete 180 change is possible for every single person. i wish you luck in your pursuit. peace and love 🩵
Yavid on TH-cam
everyone subscribe
No institution I've ever been a part of that had a goal of changing who I was for the better and actually achieved that was ever gentle. Best example was the Marine Corps. They have to bring about a very radical change for most people. That you have to be obedient or die, that you have to be vigilant or die, you have to care about others or die, you have to care about your personal development or die. The role of the superior really isn't primarily to actually make sure you do all of those things perfectly but rather make sure you know every mistake you make means someone dies. There's no gentle way of putting that, they recognize that, and as a result consistently turn soft dumb boys into lethal disciplined men.
The gentle approach does work for raising kids age 0-6 but something tells me that won't be happening for you any time soon.
there is a time and place for everything. different methods of teaching wield different results and connotations in those results. as someone who came from a more violent upbringing and let it teach me to teach myself through shame and harshness, i realized how much smoother things went for me when i started being gentle in my change. i know gentle teaching sounds counterintuitive, which is why it took me so long to even attempt to trust it, because it seems silly and inefficient.
learning through patience and gentleness is for people with consistency and who want to change to such a degree they realize they need to. teaching through harshness can often be quicker because it makes you feel a plethora of negative things and guilt trips/threatens you into learning in often cases. not to mention negative side effects that stem from teaching through punishment and the plethora of issues that causes on it's own.
when i learned to be kinder in teaching myself i grew and changed faster personally. this is not a method for something like being in the military or in scenarios your life could be on the line, but it's a way of learning that lets you fall in love with what you've learned and have a more positive/smooth connotation with it. it's a method of learning for when you're in a safer space in life and have the opportunity to be gentle. again, not to say harsher methods aren't efficient, but this has been the most transformative and easiest way for me personally. thanks for the input, peace and love brother 🩵
@@junnipres Makes sense, could just be as simple as me being a boy and you being a girl. If an instructor screams in my face and threatens to pull my spine through my throat if I fuck up again with a swift smack to the back of the head I'd call that good training but if they did the same thing to a woman it would be abuse. We have one education system for everyone so the women don't get the proper gentle approach and the men don't get the "good training". These days I just avoid every group with women because I know who ever has to mold me into a better man has to also consider women and I won't have any meaningful instruction. Thankfully the chess clubs are exclusively male so there are still men willing to humiliate me for how profoundly stupid I am. Most men don't know to look for that and it's taboo to care about. The gentle approach works for women so there's no reason to do anything different and the message is men just need to learn how to forget about conflicts.
That was probably the strangest thing about being a Marine now that women have been integrated into the corps. There were lectures they'd give us about suicide, domestic abuse and the laws of war, all well meaning things. Meanwhile they would have to ignore that I literally signed up for the infantry knowing if war broke out I was likely going to be one of the first to die (Marines are first to fight). We would get back to the barracks and a particularly sadistic drill instructor had us plank on our elbows and move around like that until we bled (lots of fun, helped with firing from the prone position). Then tell us about how it is illegal to kill civilians and, yeah, sounds nice, but war is the worst possible thing humans do. If a civilian is in a combat zone they're already dead. You seem mature and thoughtful enough to handle all of this. You are working through some very serious things.
Best of luck, peace and love sister!
Leilani, Please take notice that the volume of the video is really low and barely hearable so try to edit the volume to increase it somehow
I can hear her just fine and I'm
Old and hard of hearing 🤷♀️🙄😏😁
The volume is fine to me
audio is fine
Ahaha she should reupload this video with an extreme audio volume just for the meme.
It's fine to me btw
Whatever guys I am saying I can hear her but low quality and low volume audio is not good for the algorthim also it is really low when you hear it with speakers but ok i guess with headphones
bro youre so quirky and tiktoky