That's not true,,, sensitive people like me will always care... I'm getting old now, but I realized old people LIE about how great old age is, and don't warn middle aged folks to prepare for how crappy old age seems to be and will be!!
Friends! We are all born with different tools in our tool bags. Meaning some people don't pick up social cues as readily if at all becauss of poor socialization early in life. Do they hate you? Not at all! It is up to the people who say they care for such to be bold enough to point out to cohorts where they hurt themselves and the weak other person.
💯, if you want to give out hate , it has to start from you. You have to create hate energy first to give it out. So imagine how the source feels like if you are getting just a sample of it.
What happens if it's a family member. Ignoring walking away from you when you start talking to them, not listening to you talk. Walking away into another room, yet talking to the other family members. Awkward talking one word answers. Being really rude
1. Passive Aggressive Behaviour, Subtle Mockery, Gossip, Complaints behind your Back, Rumours, Character Assassination 2. They have a lack of interest in you 3. They invite everyone else, except you, you are excluded, ignore your contributions 4. Constant Criticism, finding fault 5. Negative Body Language, turn away from you, rolled eyes, 6. Unnecessary or Unwarranted Competition 7. Undermine you at every turn
Wow!!! What a great relief to hear someone else has felt the same. Sometimes you think you're all alone, or all the horrible things others have said behind your back are true. Thanks!
Trying to be liked never works. It only signals weakness and falseness and irritates people. Life is a relentless struggle against other people .Never forget this
@@gilldavidmour4199 Exactly, and thank you! That would also apply to family members. Most of them would have had more love for a pothole downtown! That's fine with me.
I literally became fast, close friends recently with a woman who warned(?!) me, that she has "a thing with blonde, white women". Multiple times. Never defined it but, whatever it was, it was blatantly negative (and prejudiced on its face, now that I've put her words in writing). Anyway, she was charming and full of fun invites but also nearly all of the above traits. Literally closed her eyes, put her arms in a shrug while saying LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa when I attempted to tell her anything about myself. Zero interest - UNLESS it in some way confirmed her stereotyping, in which case she would say "tell me more"
Remember that your worst enemy will often play your best friend for years. They may even pretend to be happy for you, all the while, seething underneath, and plotting against you.
People are just simply too much work and more often than not, not worth it. Lower your expectations, keep mainly to yourself, cultivate your loving relationships and minimize your contact with the rest. Don't waste time analyzing them. They're not interesting.
I use to be nice to everyone, but over time, decades really, I saw how people were only using me and there was no reciprocity. That’s when I began to set serious boundaries on who and how I will engage with others.
I have been hated by my boss. I sued and got quite a settlement. By the way I was a civil servant working there and an Army Reservist. I was deployed because of 9/11 and she was so annoyed I was going to be gone. I couldn’t believe it when on my last day she came into my office and said “when you get back I’m going to fire you. “ She said if “you’re too emotional” about this you can leave early because I know you are upset.” I couldn’t care less about what she was going to do. While deployed I filed a grievance with employer support of guard and reserve. I also hired an attorney. She lost. Ha ha ha!
@@beaulieuc8910- and you should not have had to do any of the things you had to do to protect yourself from Boss Abuse. Congratulations on your lawsuit victory. May you find calm, meaning, purpose and happiness.
Love hearing when someone gets the upper hand with a bully boss. They come a dime a dozen and often employees suffer in silence. Congratulations to you, and thank you for your service!
Which is exactly why that person is acting that way - they want to be left alone. Sounds like you can take a hint and focus on those that genuinely want to spend time with you. This is a win/win for everyone. Sometimes the person has their own needs...and you seem sensitive to the comfort of those around you. I doubt this happens to you often, you seem pretty normal and nice.
The best part of being retired is I don't have to interact with anyone. Once a total extrovert but now semi-recluse = I don't let anybody disappoint me any longer.
One of the joys of retirement is not dealing with people who don’t like me. It makes me value more the ones who do. And I have adjusted to the fact that sometimes I’d rather just spend the day with my dog.
I'm a two strikes and you're out person. Bad behaviour first time: OK, maybe you're going through some private trauma, and you just need some space. Bad behaviour second time: Fine, you've shown what you really are, so you will never see me again. And that's it. The door is slammed shut, permanently. They can ring, message or write. I don't give a toss. Never means never.
"Common reasons are envy and jealousy"- Exactly. It's sad that I actually detected that from my now deceased father, but I know why: narcissism. Thank you.
It's more common than what most people think. Sometimes I feel like everyone is at play like in a theater and I got the role of the bush, cactus, tree...😢 Anyway, my life is close to an end and I don't leave anyone behind. I just survived, didn't live or thrive and I don't think I'm going to miss anything or anyone. I have lived a fake life and I am too old to start all over again without any help or support. I just hope to die at peace. Still, I wish the world would switch direction towards nature and common sense. Don't let them drag you down. You are a child of the universe and you deserve to have a meaningful life but don't look outside for validation. That's the way we were conditioned and adoctrinated. Know the narcissist but most important, know yourself. Best wishes 💜
You said so much. The best that I can offer you for encouragement is this reality: "What you are asking for cannot be found in humans." Think on it in your heart, and when you put it into practice, you will understand all things necessary for this life. Best wishes.💪
I just went through this last week. My friend asked if her friend could stay at my house with her the night before we all went to a funeral for a mutual friend. We talked until 2am which she was quick to complain about the following day. She smirked at me often during our conversation and I felt no warmth from her even when I hugged her goodby when she and her boyfriend were leaving. She did not thank me for hosting her or driving to the funeral and paying for her dinner. I will definately think twice before hosting her again. Graciousness goes a long way in my book. I feel it is wrong to use people let alone people you do not like.
Yes please don’t subject yourself to this person any more. It’s not petty to distance yourself from people who treat you like that. It’s showing yourself that you value yourself. You can still be kind and polite without putting yourself out for someone who not only doesn’t show appreciation, but was disrespectful.
I have found that generally a friend of my friend does not warm up to me. Its happened over and over again. I've reached the age that it's a mere curiosity. I have enough people already that like/love me. I don't need a friend of a friend warming up to me.
I lost two jobs due to bullying in the workplace, it took me a longtime to realise it was born out of jealousy. I’ve realised people either like me or they don’t. My sister gave me some good advice, she said ‘if they can’t take the time to get to know you, they’re not worth knowing’.
I spoke to someone who had your exact experience, they had the same name as you. They were bullied. If a person strongly dislikes you and people like them that's how bullying starts. The people that mattered most liked her so the haters couldn't change that.
Absolutely. How many times do we make an effort to make conversation with people we meet socially for the first time only to find that when it’s time for them to bat the ball back, they don’t ask a single question about us, as if only they are of interest. Many men are like that, and they miss out. I find that you can learn a lot from the most unlikely people.
It puzzled me for quite a few years why one particular person took a dislike to me in one of my last few jobs. I never set out to be popular or liked. I just simply got on with everyone. So I can only put it down to envy, by the fact that I simply got on with everyone else. Thankfully I've left the workplace and don't miss it one bit. It can harbour quite a bit of rivalry and competitiveness. Social warfare I sometimes call it. But I guess I miss seeing some of the few genuine workmates who entertained me and made me laugh so much and distracted me from the drudgery and daily routine of the workplace. And I now revel in my freedom by keeping busy at home. But I should stop thinking about why just one person didn't take to me in my last job, even though it still puzzles me.
Years ago I was a new nurse in a hospital. I remember feeling judged, excluded, talked down to, and generally unwelcome by most. After three years all of the sudden I was in the club and people completely changed their behavior towards me. When I asked a friend about this she told me of the famous saying “nurses eat their young.” She said that they expected me to earn their regard by paying my dues. I thought this was such a horrible way to treat another human being that I not only never warmed towards them but went out of my way to be kind to new nurses and travel nurses. I’ve seen this kind of behavior in almost every place I have worked and it is despicable. I attributed it to nurses but can’t seem from the comments here that it’s true everywhere.
I think it starts in nursing school. We have demeaning, screaming instructors, and then we have doctors with a God complex who talk to you like you are without a brain. It’s a toxic environment all the way around. I mind my own business and just do my job.
I had a similar experience 30 yrs. ago. Not all were unfriendly, a few of the newer nurses became friends who I later worked with in other places but there was a definite feeling of not being unwelcome by some. Some had bitchy personalities anyway. I only stayed 2 years, there were so many ahead of me in seniority I would have to have waited a long time to get decent vacation time. I went into home care and found much nicer nurses to work with. In other areas of my life, I can definitely tell when someone doesn't like me; I'm not stupid. If you have a problem with me talk to me privately and let me respond. Maybe it's just something that needs to be addressed and move on.
Narcissist are extremely immature. And demeaning behavior towards their target is obvious. What I don’t understand is how others in a group stand by and watch, listen and not call them out.
@@StudiosDelirium Educating our society about the narcissist is a huge step towards taking their power away. I hadn't heard of the narcissist until three years ago. Having a narcissist father, ex husband and sister I sure could have used it!
@@MaxinesTrunk Agreed! The subject should be taught early and children protected. Sorry about your family. I hope you are on a path of healing and being your best self. Stay strong!
There's a lady in this craft group that I belong to and we meet once a month. Always had this feeling she didn't like me. This video confirms it by the way she acts towards me. She's also a business owner and sells crafts. I would go in to help her small business. But now, I'm taking my money elsewhere.
I have to repeat a comment that was made here cuz it's so insightful. Somebody mentioned that the people around the bully will act in a strange way towards you when they would have no reason to because you just met. It means that you've been maligned. I see this happen tons in office settings. It's extremely helpful to know about.
Yup. Every time overseas family visit my in-laws, they stare me up and down to the point of awkward discomfort. They’ve been filled in on all the lies about me.
A few months in at a new job, one coworker says to me I think they dont like you, and I laughed and said loud enough for all to hear, i dont care if they dont like me, I like me and that's all that matters. Ive been employed there 14 years now😊
Bravo! It's not everyone that can keep the same job for that long. Also, I CAN'T STAND these people who tell you that so and so doesn't like you! What are they trying to prove? That they're 12 going on 4?Assuming it's true, how is that going to change my life? I owe them ZERO! 😊
To Victorias, young children do not behave like this. They do not bare grudges or indulge in jealousies, it is grown ups who do that. Most grown ups grow beyond the stages of gossip and bullying but some really enjoy upsetting and hurting other people. The secret is to ignore them if you can. Find better people to be your friends.
As a people pleaser, it’s so hard to accept others contempt for me when I am friendly, polite and interested/engaged in conversation with them. It’s hard not to take it personally, even though I know it’s ‘their’ stuff
I had a "friend" for years and every time after we had spent time together, going to lunch or dinner, I felt like sh*t. Finally, I paid attention to that feeling and thought about my interactions with her; I ended the "friendship" and I have no regrets.
Did you tell her why you felt weird after being with her? I did. She would say rude things about me. There were too many to let slide and I just brought them all up lol before ending it. She even lied about one particular incident and blamed it on someone else. Insane.
@@lc-bats I'm not surprised that this person put the blame on someone else. Not at all. I had that happen to me, too. My best friend, no less. He betrayed me 7 years ago, and we had a falling-out. He TWICE blamed my former neighbour, who, I admit, was a VERY bad and psychologically dirty man, but he had ZIP to do with it. These people are out-and-out cowards. My high school friend wound up incarcerated more than once after our falling-out. We last spoke in 2019, when he called me one night. That was the last time I spoke to him. He got incarcerated AGAIN, and he took his own life.
I get that from my sister. Whenever we’re together, there’s always some type of micro aggression, and she is habitually dismissive of anyone’s reaction to having been mistreated by others in the family. As the oldest, it’s obvious learned these behaviors from our grandparents, and parents. At 60, I’ve had enough. I’m no contact, for well over a year!
You are describing my mother. This year I’m celebrating 9 years no contact. Being degraded your whole life is no picnic, there is a life after a narcissistic parent, but, like a cancer you have to cut them loose. You are no more than a ‘thing’ To them. Release them, live your life on your terms and know that you were always good enough. Being around them is like death by a thousand papercuts ❤
I was fine with it happening to me, but when she aimed it at my kid I walked away & never looked back. Never spoke to her never looked at her, just walked away. Best thing I ever did.
My husbands sisters adult children in a nutshell. I have no contact with any of them now, but years ago it was well,that was just your mother spilling out of your mouth. And knowing his mother,his sister and his nieces are all having a lovely bitch fest about you. When the grandmother died( the only one I could relate to and respected) ,I was told ( not asked) that as a “ bonding” thing all the women would go through her house and are allowed to pick a keepsake.( needless to say I’m told there was a bull rush for the jewerlly)I absolutely did not attend ,glad I followed my gut on that.( couldn’t think of a worse situation, trapped with all the shrews)
This truly helped. I benefited from so many of the comments. I'm 62 & it just is not that important if someone doesn't like me. If a person doesn't like you, don't ask why. Instead ask yourself, "Why do I give a f...?"
Its not always from other women either. Ive encountered some men usually misogynists, who seem to hate attractive women that they know they cant possess or use.
@@JF32304 yup yup yup ...ongoing Hate is energy for some to use or in position to abuse . Jealousy is hate and is a destructive force Repercussions can be devastating . It's very sad 😔 some people who are jealous Just want to show they're better than you . Competitors are not friends. What are they they ? Chameleons ?
I've had so many people just go harder when I do that - a lot were friends who got jealous eventually. Then they gradually got so mean it was quite outrageously nasty, and then I planned an exit.
Same! I've had flatmates damage the house secretly (I didn't notice till after giving the bond back because it was stealth), steal my clothes - which means they went in my bedroom when I was out, and take things from around the house etc etc, even crazier stuff too that makes me sound crazy when I tell people so I won't haha @@elipotter369
@@elipotter369 I feel you. I have been there myself. They either manipulated people to be nasty to me, slandered me, or (and this was in 1998), went to the police, and filed a false report on me. I had to get a peace bond. You CAN'T ignore people in groups who are going out of their way to express hostility. Even some who are alone. My roommate is ALWAYS alone. Nobody can stand him, and he became VERY verbally aggressive, shouting abuse at my door (which I slammed in his ugly face), and called me an f'in weirdo, and a "Karen". He refused to leave or to shut up. He is the kind of person who LOOKS for fights and second guesses and dwells over piddly things. He ALWAYS has to power trip and have the last word. A textbook Napoleon complex. Thank God that my neighbours intervened. One of them was ready to beat the 💩 out of him. Ignore? Not gonna happen.Incidentally, Nathan apologized 2 days later, and doesn't talk to me. I will be dancing an Irish jig once he moves out!
It’s also insightful to observe the reaction of anyone they introduce you to. If they’ve been maligning you to others when those people meet you it will show in how they respond to/treat you. There should be no reason to receive questionable treatment by someone you just met.
Yes, this is how I feel if I meet anyone my little sister has taken as a friend. She is jealous, so she needs to make sure they don't like me. Then she will do a turnabout and accuse me of being jealous. I am just now seeing that part of it.
I can definitely relate. My brother, from whom I am estranged since 2010, had done that to me for most of my life. He turned so many people against me, you have NO idea! I was even harassed for 6 years by the borough mayor's 2 nasty sons, and for 2 years by a neighbour's punk son, his friends, and the girlfriends. I never got an apology, or even some kind of explanation for their awful behaviour, as no one wanted to get to know me. Only judge me. It still hurts to this day.
@@victoriasegall3404 I'm sorry you're going through as well. I guess I always think it's just me. Then I hear others say the same. These people who treat us this way do it because they can only be happy by making you unhappy. I will never understand why. They need to feel superior?
@@MissyQ12345 Thank you for your kind message. I have had to go through this 💩 for over 40 years. I don't think you're wrong when you say that those people want to make us unhappy. Also, to feel superior. Definitely! You know what I've learned about said people? The common denominator, besides envy, was an inferiority complex. I can't think of 1 right now that had genuine self-confidence and self-acceptance. For real. My ex-sister in-law would be on that list. She decided, from day 1, to give me the "evil eye" from across the dining room table in MY childhood home, where she was a guest! My 💩 of a brother was behind it. He never liked me, and would make f'ing sure his associations didn't, either! These included the borough mayor's 2 nasty sons, who harassed me for SIX years, and several neighbours. 🙂🌻
Sometimes they have wronged you unjustly, so they try and justify themselves by directing even worse hatred and animosity towards you. It's very strange.
True! I don't get it myself. It's like they have to justify and validate the hatred with more hatred. It is reminiscent of "Why did you make me do that to you?"
💗 I had this happen to me . The person has a I tube spiritual channel , they talk a lot now they were ia victim of the narcissistic relationships . Then they reacted to something I said and became the mean narcissist themselves ! 🙏. The mask dropped and the spiritual calm guru fell away !🙏
This type of stuff usually happens when you do better than other people. Envy and jealousy is correct. The true test of a real friend is if they are happy when you do well. They don’t try to drag you down. They try to help you do better. That’s a real friend. Not too many of such people exist by the way. The world is full of enemies but you tend to find friends every now and then.
What about someone who goes out of their way to try and make you feel inadequate and one up you nearly every time they see you and it always feels like you’re in some secret competition with them but then when you start a new venture like a business they’re always the 1st to say something positive and act like they really Want you to succeed? it’s so confusing to me, but I know someone just like this she said, and did some truly horrible things to me when I really needed a friend and after I supported her through two abusive relationships and she turned around and completely ruined my couch for one thing like tore it to pieces sleeping on it😂 and never even offered to fix it? She’d say the most ridiculous things to one up me, like really stupid shit like telling me after I said I couldn’t finish my course because I was homeless and couldn’t focus…She turned around and would say how she managed to finish her degree…her Masters degree, while she was homeless…. Shit that is not even physically possible, but she still managed to say it to try and make me feel like crap. And then when I would start a New Business and I’d see her she would be the 1st to tell me how she hopes I do well and offered to help me in anyway she can?? just bizarre contradictions…
When I was being bullied in academia, they would stare at me while they did presentations, to the point of making me extremely uncomfortable. Alternatively, they would never give me any eye contact whatsoever during meetings (and in the meeting minutes put my contribution as 'someone said'). It's insidious and deeply damaging.
Oh my god, that is horrible! What pitiful behaviour, no doubt these children fancied themselves consummate professionals. I’m so sorry you went through that!
I would say that they realised that you are an authentic personality and there was no way they could compete with you, and therefore you had to be taken down in what ever desperate way they could. Sometimes you have to endure a situation to get what you personally need, and then get the hell out. Toxic situations in the the workplace are quite common unfortunately. Try to see it as a compliment, and understand you are in the wrong place. I have seen it so many times in my life, we unfortunately live in very desperate greedy times, be strong and stay authentic,and don't settle until you feel comfortable. Wishing you all the best in life. ✌💚🇬🇧
@@lesallison9047 You are right. Fake people hate genuine people. I think in those situations voluntary dissociation works. That way they don't get to taste your discomfort since you are not there. That is annoying for them since they can't see or smell your blood because they punctured on a bone 🦴 Ramani said she voluntarily dissociated while being stuck with a narcissist. I can't blame her and if is a voluntary action there's no damage. The problem with dissociation is when it takes over your will power and you can't connect with yourself or the world outside because it is your last resource.
@@Lyrielonwind Hi, yes it is easy for some to just to ignore the situation and carry on with their path. Confidents is key. It is unfortunately that some of the truly good people of the world who are bullied into corruption. Often these people feel or genuinely have no where to to go! It is so sad that the people who are blinded by their egos can cause so much damage on the world! It is our responsibility to help if we can! ✌💚🇬🇧
The worst thing with these people is they dislike everything about you but if you remove your energy from them & give nothing to them, they can become dangerous or worsen their behaviours towards you. They take pride in making your life a misery & hate the control being taken away. Classic bully behaviour.
Thank you for helpful observations, spot on. Once we see such behaviour, the best way is to politely excuse yourself from their presence. Toxicity is lethal.
I feel like there's a spiritual war going on really, between those of us who just want peace, and the narcissists who I've realized are all around, creating pathetic chaos. My mother is a poison in my life, my sister in law is a coward disguised as a strong business woman (bully), I've had bosses, coworkers and teachers like this, exhausting 💩
I have been indirectly chased away by narcissists in the last year: from work places,from the church, from the choir and from a social activity. They mocked me, put me down, belittled me so badly that I had to leave the place in shame. Due to the indifference of bystanders, I guess these psychos will be more and more powerful in chasing away the righteous and kind people.
They are like sharks when blood is in the water but the blood the narcissistic personality smells is the "blood" of righteousness. They are a tag team, a fraternity that knows they have a common master---they are his minions. This is fact that after all these years is now so evident to me (I was married to one for 14 yrs. and had no a clue then).
I have experienced all this with family members all my life and I am over 70. I have removed myself from family gatherings and am very picky about my close friends. I have no sense that I must keep family in my life.
I am 72 and have no close friends anymore. I've been betrayed and belittled too many times. Example: Friends kept complaining of how much work they had to do to move from one house to another. This went on for months. I genuinely offered to help in any way I could so they could get into their new home. On the day I was invited to help, she had me clean a couple of windows and then she said that's all she needed. Her husband walked in and asked, "What's SHE doing here?" A month later, I overheard this "friend" say to another person (and at a party I was hosting at my home), that she gave me a couple of things "to keep me busy." That really hurt my feelings to know they weren't my friends.
I’m somewhat socially awkward and I notice these signs often (and throughout my entire life) but mostly from people who don’t know me. I applaud and admire the folks who commented that they couldn’t care less who likes them. I’m working on that but not there yet.
Study narcissism that helps. And learn your personality type…that helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I used to say I was “socially awkward” too….but nooooo you are most likely introverted and intuitive!! There are 16 personality “types” …Myers Briggs test online….I learned that I am an INFJ and suddenly everything made sense and I felt so much better after understanding 😂 You are not awkward but unique and special human 💖
When I was a new student in the high school I attended, there was this girl who always gave me the evil eye (or death glare) in the classes we both had. I never understood why she was doing this (I never said or did anything to her that would have warranted such treatment). I considered going up to her and asking her why, in a polite respectful manner of course, but I chickened out, fearful that either she would just ignore me while her friends laughed at me or she might full out verbally/physically attack me. I just came to the conclusion that no matter how decent you treat those around you, there's always going to be that one person who just completely loathes you. So I just stayed sway from this person as much as I could. I figured there was no point in trying to befriend someone like that. 🤷🏻♀️ Today, I guess you can determine this person's behavior as "silent bullying", but back then, you can't just go to the school counselor and say a certain peer was treating you this way. They would just look at you like you were crazy and dismiss your concerns. As a kid, you just had to suck it up and deal with it. So I never reported it. I kept this pain to myself. But I never forgotten it. Bullying hurts. Regardless of the form.
@@RD9_Designs And adulthood sucks even more because those bullys never grow up or mature emotionally, they just become more devious. And they are everywhere.
Yea there were a few of those in my high school. It’s painful to be in the same class as them and I remember I wished I never had to interact or do group projects with them. For whoever is going through this, just remember life gets better after high school.
Im dealing with one person like this at my job, he seems to just loathe me for no real reason, any attempts Ive made at small talk or being friendly he met with rudeness, these days he mutters outright at me and gives me the death stare, it gives me the creeps,
Why would you want anything to do with people like this? Walk away. Ignore them. Don't let them hurt you. Nasty horrible people. It has taken me a long time to learn this.
It’s not that easy when you’ve been gaslit by your mother and your sister your whole life to think that they were your primary support system, when it was really them cutting you down your whole life and you finally realize it in your early 50s
Sometimes it is not so easy! They attack you in your social circle, slander you, bully you, belittle you and they seem so convincing that people side with them against you. These narcs make you miserable and worthless in the place that you anjoy, polluting the place with their toxicity. It is enough to have 1 or 2 of these in a circle of 20 people, that they start attacking you and making you suffer. Then of course, you have to leave the place forever.
My brother gave me the silent treatment at family gatherings. He poisoned the air I breathed. I began refusing to attend these gatherings if he was included.
For some of us, this person was our narcissistic parent. They poisoned everyone from family, friends, neighbors and acquaintances. Before you knew it you either got a cold blank stare or were treated in the same off hand manner. It’s a brutal life never fitting in or feeling comfortable in a room of ppl who were taught and shown it’s perfectly fine to diss and dismiss you
Wow, you just described the malignant narcissist I divorced. The defining moment I discovered he had been all along methodically triangulating and smear campaigning my character and reputation to everyone we knew including family and my children in order to alienate them from me.
It's the weird side eyes...and in your innocence you're thinking "Is my skirt tucked into my knickers? Two different shoes on? Hair sticking up strangely? Bad breath? Did I just say their name all wrong?" Sigh.
I once met someone who kept getting my name wrong. After it became obviously intentional, he said "Deeno, is it?" I just said "Yea-ah." implying "I don't care if you know what my name is." It shut him up with a start that visibly knocked him off balance.
A lot of people seem to completely forget they’re paid to do a job, & part of the terms of that exchange is to have a functioning work relationship that enables that job to be completed.
Envy and jealousy are always hard to detect. I am always beating my head against the wall trying to figure these people out. Envy and jealousy are bad traits in a person the best thing is to avoid these people.
Not easy if you're forced to work with them. Then to have to start thinking that you might need to change jobs just to get away from them. The workplace is full of so many flawed characters. And it never took me long to spot them.
This is exactly how my son treats me, but the older I get the less I care . All I have ever done is my best for him but nothing is ever good enough for him
I know several mildly autistic people (with what used to be called Asperger syndrome) who feel exactly like that - as if they can't put a foot right & people ignore, avoid, exclude or even mock them ... roll eyes, make sarcastic remarks etc. I don't know what to advise them to do! I do praise their good points, kindness, helpfulness, knowledge etc with warmth & cheer; but when they are aware of being excluded, it's heartbreaking to watch.
Thanks for your awareness. As someone on the spectrum, I have experienced this situation countless times in my life. Yes it is heartbreaking. As a teen, I would mask a lot for these reasons. But as I age, I am becoming tired to be a lion in the circus called society. I am very content on my own and don't make friendship a priority, as I used to do. Lots of acquaintances, very few friends. But at least, I know that I can count on them in hard times.
Yes- have gone down this road of painful awakening-- and my best lesson which i will share is to remove yourself from the situation-there is not much y can do if someone decides to make y life hell! Dont fight-keep your peace and turn away....its just not worth the effort😢❤❤
After decades of a friendly platonic relationship, and hearing accolades about my patience and how much she valued me as a friend...the tide turned. On a weekend sightseeing trip, she became nonstop critical of nearly everything I did or said. Judgemental, rude, demeaning, curt, snarky, etc. I was shocked, and became nearly speechless for most of the trip. Upon return she seemed oblivious. There had been, upon reflection, brief moments of that behaviour in the past. On the trip she just let it blast. I decided to wait (several weeks) without contact. Then a snarky email was received...and I was ready to recap and reveal how hurtful her behavior was toward me. I said to contact me if she understood her actions...but not to if she only planned to be more vitriolic. I have never heard back. Her toxicity toward me is now hers to ponder - I have ended the 'friendship'.
Very unfortunate too. TRUE friends are so rare. So many will cut you off if one little thing happens. That is not a real friend, it’s an acquaintance. We had neighbourhood friends who had a little hissy fit about daycare when Covid started because my wife works at a hospital (our kids went to the same home daycare). Now they avoid us etc. we’ve been to each others houses and they even spent a weekend up at our cottage. That’s why when someone says so and so is my “friend” it’s like really?? I can count on one hand the number of true friends I ever had.
@@allieeverett9017yup….COVERT narc…since she was so passive aggressive before the trip…and then changed up….at least once we know they’re sooooo predictable 🙄🤣
Story of my life man, over and over. As you've said there are always small hints of it before it really gets going. I've also noticed these people back stab and complain about many others before eventually turning on me. I think I attract them
I once had a middle manager passive aggressively flip me off by rubbing her middle finger between her eyebrows while we were in a one-on-one meeting. Oh the look on her face when I did the same back to her and she couldn't call me on it! 😂🤣
My narcissistic mother asked me what a psychologist does. I tried to explain but she understood they only listened and she said that's what her Catholic confessor does. They hear what they want. The more you explain yourself the worse.
@@Lyrielonwind wow, that’s so similar to my mom’s reaction. She didn’t believe in psychology much, only chemical imbalances. Yet I was wrong to take medication. Can’t win!
So spot on, Darren, and right before you said it in the video, I said to myself, "These are all the behaviors seen when someone is envious." Nailed it!!
I think the subtle mockery is the most dangerous because there is something in the person that can be dangerous, and you usually don't learn until the hard way. The eye rolling and verbal criticism gives you enough time to recognize their silliness. But that subtle mockery might push someone to do something violent or contribute somehow to violence against you. Great video. New subscriber.
I agree... people don't take mental illness seriously enough in the workplace...alot of the time, they don't seem to understand anything can trigger it... Micromanagement is necessary to protect businesses from grievances... but it never really helps seasoned workers... especially ones with health/mental health problems... Subtle mockery ( Art of War or 48 Laws of Power kind of stuff) is not always smart idea to use in a situation where you really depend on that person... especially if you know they have a tempter... White people especially in the southern United States fail to understand or just don't care to know black people do not always have the same opportunities, view points of life as them, or grow up in the same kinds of situations. It's sad because if it costs time, it costs money, and the subtle harassment generally does not lead to investment or a general increase of wealth, because it damages trust.
I have a friend since childhood (over 40 yrs.) who now, whenever we discuss possibly doing something fun together, will sometime later call or text, telling me about them having done that SAME activity (but with someone else, not even inviting me.)
We used to have friends we considered family. Only we were way down on their list of priorities.we were summoned only when they needed help or wanted something of us. This continued for over twenty years . Then at various gatherings with the rest of the group I began noticing that I was obviously not in on something. This began when I stopped changing our plans Togo to theirs or simply saying no( got sick of helping them or listening to the latest get rich scheme the guy had scribbled in his whiteboard) . Basically I stuck my head out of the herd and stopped just agreeing with everything and offered a different perspective, thinking we were involved in a conversation.i ended up being shunned ,physically blocked out of conversation,even by my coward husband also. It came to a head when my husband stayed one night after he ( and all else ) could see I was visibly upset,confused at reactions and looks I was getting. I walked out that night alone. I cut all interaction off and we moved away. Turns out hubby is a coward narcissist and has stayed with me,thinking he’s all noble . Thankfully I’m no longer bogged down by that herd of scared easily manipulated people. The scales fell from my eyes that night, and I saw them all in their true light. I’ve gone from strength to strength while my hubby has had to learn and accept some harsh truths about himself and his supposed friends.
This describes my childhood perfectly, beginning with my parents and eventually most of the entire extended family who sided with them. Going on 5 years no contact this Mother's Day, the third best decision I've ever made. The effects of the prolonged trauma still reverberate, but God is good and has blessed me with a wonderful life far away from their hatred. Distance is key, though. I never would have recovered from alcohol and drug abuse as long as I remained in that toxic environment and family dynamic. They project their poison and demons onto their scapegoat/trash can, and eventually that amount of poison can destroy a person.
Every so often, I've noticed quite extreme animosity from people who really don't know me well enough for the hate to be genuinely personal. It's best not to speculate. There could be any number of reasons. We don't know what else is going on in their lives to make them hateful.
Best comment in this thread. Give people grace because life is hard for everybody on some level and the ill treatment you receive is likely not personal or intentional. They have something else going and aren’t fully cognizant of their behaviors. Preoccupation is a good word.
@@Ndnative3431 maybe, enlightened self-interest? Most people show hatred for reasons that can't be changed. Someone might immediately dislike me because they don't like older people, or maybe never developed adequate communication skills with women. People are often mistrustful of anyone who is more educated. It's the same if you happen to be startlingly good looking (I wish) and they're having a bad hair day. A more interesting example is disability. I'm severely visibly disabled. There's no way that could be considered an advantage that anyone would envy, but in recent years disabled people have been subjected to a lot of *special attention* that isn't always wanted or welcomed. There's a nasty side to the way humans socialise where the in group decides what the out group does/ doesn't "deserve".
@@Ndnative3431 nah, people know what they’re doing. Even if they’re dealing with their own personal issues and are preoccupied with their thoughts…why is it that this preoccupation or side effects of their issues only targets a particular individual not a group?
EDIT: To the people saying "You wouldn't be in this situation if you had your own business", or "Why don't you look for another job?", you are the very people this video is talking about. Do you honestly think that people who experience workplace harassment haven't already looked for another job? And telling someone to just start their own business while flippantly ignoring how much red tape, expense, and other considerations like demand and market for said business is not helpful. You're either a troll, or you really are just that ignorant about the complexities faced by people who are in these situations. I took a job a few months ago at a company where I'm required to wear a polo style shirt. I have a muscular frame and, knowing what fits my body, and also knowing that uniform shirts have lots of excess fabric, I asked my supervisor to order a small, since medium actually fits like an XL. He ordered a medium, of course, and it fits just like the Hefty bag with sleeves that I knew it would. I told him again that I wanted a small, and he said that he ordered the size HE thought I needed. It's all been downhill from that first week on. While he's the worst, the office manager is an absolute b-word, and the place is filled with toxic types. Right now I'm only holding on so I can buy a house, but it is extremely difficult most days to just not clock out and never return.
@@goldbrick2563 Not everyone is cut out for, or wants their own business. And last I checked, the last thing the business world needs are more consultants. You may as well have suggested being a community organizer.
Literally a video about mean and demeaning people and you get those comments. 🙄😳 I don’t know you - but I wish you the best @RazorFriendly and hope everything works out for you.
@@emschrader418 Thank you! I didn't expect that I'd get those kinds of responses, especially ones saying that if I don't like workplace abuse and harassment that I should just start my own business, as if people who don't work as consultants or own businesses somehow just deserve what they get. I appreciate your encouraging words, and for being the lone respondent who understands that being treated with common decency in the workplace isn't an unrealistic expectation.
I'm a retired teacher. I had a department chair who absolutely despised me. I truly did not care about her not liking me, but her dislike made it difficult to do my job. Among other things, she withheld resources from me. Finally, I told the principal she needed to meet with the two of us. In the meeting, I told the hater, "Being liked is overrated. You mean nothing to me, and I don't care if you don't like me. But, you WILL stop letting your hate affect my job." I also filed a formal complaint with the district. The hater still hated, but she gritted her teeth and became semi-professional. It's good advice to ignore people who don't like you, but sometimes that is not possible.
Most people don't like me when we first meet but most end up liking me. I always joke that I grow on people, like mold. If a person doesn't like me after getting to know me, it's usually because of jealousy or because I enjoy having a positive outlook no matter what the situation and to some I come off as phony. But I live by the rule if bad things can happen then so can good things. It doesn't really matter anyway because I'm my biggest fan. I'm all about believing in oneself. I'm all about cheering others on. Life is hard enough without us looking down on one another.
In the 70s I was a student and always took holiday jobs as most of us did. One was in a factory, all women and some girls around my age. I kept myself to myself but was always friendly if anyone spoke to me. One woman took exception to me, I don't know why as she didn't know me but she seemed intent on making my life there miserable and always spoke to me and referred to me as "what's-er-name". I just ignored her, got on with my work and left several weeks later for the new term! Was nothing really but made me vow never to belittle anyone...
I have a neighbor that always gives me slanted compliments when she sees me outside. Example: "I like your new shorts, toooo bad they don't fit you right" I'd rather she said nothing.
I also had a neighbor like that. I moved, after 17 yrs of her insults, without telling her. She was really pissed, I learned, I guess because her whipping post was gone
My neighbor hates me lol. I've tried being nice, spark conversation, invite her over, gave her a cake for my daughter's 1st birthday ( she said thanks but didn't say anything after or even HBD to her), she even ignores my daughter who constantly looks at her and really wants to interact with her. I've decided to just greet her and leave it there. I tried hahaha
I felt this at times interning at a prosecutor's office with detectives. But then I just realized, they're all kind of curt like that, it's just the office culture. Once I realized that it had nothing to do with me, I was relieved.
These type ppl are cowards. When you call them out on their behavior, they deny. What works for me? I ignore them...when they need something my answer is " i'm busy" .
I’ve had to distance myself from lying, dishonest and scapegoating people including family. It’s sad but once you make the break emotionally it gets easier. I had to tell more than one person to either stop lying about me or face lawsuits. Narcissists are deadly. You cannot be around them without suffering psychic harm. They are damage in semi human form. Just let them go. Time passes and you heal. You heal once you unload the heels and users from your life
So many people I know act like that towards me. Thing is, it seemed to be envy in a lot of cases but I don’t understand. I have nothing to be envious about.
I have met a handful of people like this in my life so far. As soon as they laid eyes on me, their smiles dropped off their faces and they turned cold, aloof, and downright sinister. It was INSTANT! They couldn't have been reacting to anything I had done because we literally just met for the first time at that very moment. Maybe some of your viewers have been those mean people and they can enlighten us because I'm 54yo now and I still don't know what it was all about.
I’ve experienced this too! Especially now while working in an environment where I’m not familiar with the industry and I’ve been blessed to work there while interviewing in my field. Initially it bothered me because I’m so nice, professional, well spoken, and well mannered. I have self pride in my appearance and I don’t come to work some days looking like I just rolled out of bed. Sadly, I rarely can have conversations with these ladies because we have very little in common. The worst of the ugliness is the disrespect by a 20yr old that works there and she’s a mm away from getting put in her place because I was raised not to disrespect your elders or ANYONE for that matter. So I feel your pain, and it sucks because as women we have to fight for our rights as it is in corporate America yet we continue to be each others worse enemy. Hope things are better for you.
@@EmmaDee Their behavior is baffling. I would like to read their minds to discover the source of it. It’s one thing to be cautious of strangers but to be mean for no reason and CONTINUE that way is infuriating and WRONG. If they are jealous then they should learn to change their jealousy to admiration because admiration for one another lifts up us all. Not only that but how can someone with so much jealousy be happy? Thank you for replying. I pray the very best for you!🙏
Great subject. Doesn't get discussed nearly enough. I have a friend that we met in Cub Scouts. He never ever criticizes, or bully's, a true gentleman. If i hadn't had close friendship going back over 40 years, i'd have no clue he's upset. But,a clue you mentioned, i'm excluded now. What hurts is he'll never admit it, or give me any chance to make amends for...?
Good video. Speaking of envy/jealousy I had been in the lower levels of the music biz for years and encountered this hundreds of times ,oddly enough I've never felt jealousy about people who are better or skilled in a different manner, I was raised to be happy for people.
I come here and listen to this again and again to hear the confirmation that I am not making these things up. They really do treat me this way -- the dismissive "you are the little servant girl" in this family attitude is trying to kill me.
Very helpful video. I often find it difficult to 'read people' ... I can grasp positive or negative reactions, but it's always hard for me to understand fully other peoples facial and body expressions.
There are channels about body language but what works best is your intuition and your guts feelings (doesn't have to be your guts, it can be a sudden change in your heart beat for no reason or feel exhausted and drained). You need to be connected to your body to feel the signs. Mindfulness and deep breathing help. Take care ❤
I am not brilliant, but am also a high functioning autistic. Functioning in social situations has been a life long nightmare. Bullies have been a constant. I believe they can sense when someone is at a disadvantage in some way. They thrive on the control that bullying others gives them. In a nutshell...
Being Autistic, I have seen all these and more directed at me, when on my best behavior. Especially unnerving when someone you report to at work exhibits these.
Same here. I also have autism and my boss/manager treats me like a child or a different species. I get the same treatment from 3 of my four coworkers in my department but they also gossip about me and each other. For example when we do inventory, I missed 10 boxes in the counts. Something to know, I’m in college for nursing and also suffer intense migraines and they know that. Anyway, boss said something to my coworker (proximity of less than 10 feet of me) and apparently didn’t think I could hear it. I confirmed it with coworker, and I indeed heard the same comment. Boss said “at least I can count to ten” so I stopped talking to boss, and Thursday I didn’t finish an order before the end of the day. Still pissed, I called out that Friday and had a vacation planned prior so I didn’t have to return until the following week. She (boss) treated me slightly nicer but she still treats me like shit. I’ll be putting in my notice soon. Sorry for the ramble, I’m still mad.
@@justsomerandominternetuser6379 You shouldn't leave. Get lots of input from other people before you do that! Boss can be taken to task for making a comment like that to coworkers.
I sensed these attitudes from an employee where l used to work. He always thought he made the better decisions over me, but was resentful because l was the manager at the time. Jealousy and envy were spot on, even though l was nice he always sought to undermine my judgement.
You are describing the passive-aggressive covert narcissistic husband I left a couple of months ago. 9 years of a waste of time, energy, happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction, growth, peace, and really living life itself. 9 years in survival mode. It wasn't worth it to go through. No amount of money would be enough to put up with that evil monster.
Had a so-called "friend" who apparently liked me because I supported his career goals. The minute I stopped doing that, he discarded me. Maybe there was some co-dependency going on where I was doing all or most of the work to maintain the "friendship." My point is that deep down inside he didn't really like me; just liked what I was able to do for him--a kind of "covert animosity."
and the old pretending like they don't see you, looking out the window or just off to the side as if they're thinking about something. It's in etiquette handbooks, but when it happens to me, I'm miffed. I suppose it's more polite than saying outright, "I don't want to have anything to do with you," but even so it shows that they think I'm somehow not good enough for them to speak to.
They will make comments that may seem innocent but actually aren't when you are talking about something you are doing or creating - like, say, if I mention some project or hobby activity I've got going on and the person says, "How do you find the time to do all that?", not like they're admiring you, but implying that they have to work too hard to have time to do such things, and that you're just soooooooo privileged and undeserving because you have the time, and you're just bragging and trying to make them feel bad. They undermine all your accomplishments, subtly and not-so-subtly, to make you feel worthless, stupid, lazy, or incompetent, or make it sound like you just fritter away your time while they are working hard on more important things.
How do I find the time??? LOL. Priority list. Organization. Getting enough sleep. You time. Not focusing on non-essentials. Avoiding anyone that prefers to waste time.
I also wonder if they do a mental comparison to someone who is sharing about their own creativity, and inside themselves, they feel inadequate? And when creative people are sharing an enthusiasm with someone else, especially, do others then feel the creative person is simply bragging? "Oh look at what I made yesterday? Painted last week? My newest rose and how well it's doing". If they react like that, it is clearly that they feel less, and want to drag you down to their level. If I got that kind of reaction (and wasn't too tied up in feeling hurt about it) I'd ask them about something they had an interest in, or try to find out what that was, turn the conversation. It may not "make" them like you, but it offsets the unpleasant feeling. Also, trying to "make them" like you or treat you better is an attempt on your own part in trying to control another person, so if being pleasant (to make the social interaction more smooth) isn't working, then you let it go and move away. Engage someone else. They don't know you, so their opinion isn't valid.
I have a female co-worker who apparently doesn't like me. I've never been anything but nice to her and have gone out of my way to make her feel included. Nothing has worked and she's only gotten worse. We haven't had a conversation in many months. If it's not business related, she says nothing to me. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't greatly perturb me. I spoke friendly to her about 3 weeks ago and her rude reply actually pushed me over the edge. I decided I was done trying. So now, it's just awkward to go to work. I've worked there for almost 20 years and it's been a pleasurable experience for the vast majority of those years. She's been there about 3 years. I dread when she's going to be there. I have never met anyone as cold as she is. I've spoken to my boss about her and he is fully aware of the situation and told me that he had noticed it too. The problem is she does her job fairly well. She's just incredibly unpleasant to be around. There are only 5 of us in the office and she's the only killjoy.
My advice would be to call her out on her demeanor towards you in front of everyone present in the room. Be polite but direct. Let her know you do not appreciate her hostile attitude towards you when it is unwarranted as you yourself have been nothing but polite and courteous towards her whilst also stating that you have worked there for 20 years with no problems with anyone till now. I believe you will see a change afterwards.
@NM-mc4rj I'm not trying at all anymore. For the last 3 weeks, I've been the cold one. I come in and just do my work and never speak to her unless it's work related. She does the exact same to me, so it is what it is at this point.
Usually get the feeling somebody doesn't like me with what you said passive aggressive behavior or maybe yell at you constantly if you ask them a simple question 😢. But they're super nice and go getty around others. Yes finding fault in everything we do or turn people against us.
If there’s one positive of aging, It’s that the older I get the less I care what others think. At my age and experience, there’s little to learn personally from this vlog . As a Sigma, INFJ type, you just know and don’t have to have it spelled out and those assessments come faster and quicker with age. We all have our detractors and being able to identify them sooner than later is a huge advantage. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure when it comes to avoiding those types of individuals. Experience allows you to steer conversation unknowingly into your assessment. Those red flags will be there in negative relationships. The ability to detect smoke before your burned and maneuver is that critical ounce
Raising awareness for those who are emotionally troubled (or seeking answers) is always good! Thanks for a nice, succinct video. I tuned in because several months ago---I learned some SHOCKING truth about a female friend with whom I've had a very long and loyal friendship with. So shocking, that I felt gut-punched, and like I've been somewhat of a sucker for having given her so much "benefit of the doubt". I am in the process now of slowing disentangling myself from her (and her issues) and refocusing on other areas of life. In many ways, it's a relief. But, I am also trying to size up myself and own my culpable part in that friendship---and---weighing whether or not to be more direct and honest. I don't want to become the snarky passive-aggressive person...because I truly don't LIKE her any more. She's crossed too many lines and kept them hidden. Ah well. Just processing through writing this out!
Another sign might be not using your name or using a vatiation of your name you never use. My sister in law is the expert at subtle passive agressive hate (double meaning comments). I know she is jealous and I do everything to avoid her however my wife can't see it.
Our Priest gave a homily recently about taking the higher road in stressful situations. I took his advice and it’s been helpful. But sometimes the good person doesn’t always win.
The blessing of getting old is you just truly don"t care. 😂
Normally the feeling is reciprocated anyway. Who cares?
@@marionwest3661You are right. No Fs given. Thanks! 😂🎉
This.
That's not true,,, sensitive people like me will always care... I'm getting old now, but I realized old people LIE about how great old age is, and don't warn middle aged folks to prepare for how crappy old age seems to be and will be!!
@@IamAnson777 - I hope things go well for you.
Funny thing about getting older, our eyesight may weaken but we can see right through people.
So so true!!! I love it….esp reading body language
Totally agree.
As we age too, we can hear right through people.
Friends! We are all born with different tools in our tool bags. Meaning some people don't pick up social cues as readily if at all becauss of poor socialization early in life. Do they hate you? Not at all! It is up to the people who say they care for such to be bold enough to point out to cohorts where they hurt themselves and the weak other person.
That needs to be on a T-Shirt, or a meme at the very least. Well said.
Remember, the way someone treats you says more about them than it does about you.
Agree
Exactly!!
💯, if you want to give out hate , it has to start from you. You have to create hate energy first to give it out. So imagine how the source feels like if you are getting just a sample of it.
Correct! Paradoxically, the way we treat another person is determined by OUR character, not theirs.
Denai Wolfe should read this
It doesn't matter if someone doesn't like you. People don't need a good reason to dislike you. It is usually a problem within themselves.
It matters if they tell lies about you that result in a substantive deterioration in your situation, eg being unfairly dismissed from your job.
I agree 😊
What happens if it's a family member. Ignoring walking away from you when you start talking to them, not listening to you talk. Walking away into another room, yet talking to the other family members. Awkward talking one word answers. Being really rude
@@sophiec544 Are you referring to a teenage family member?
@@abbie4561 🎯Bam!
Just don't care. Don't let someone else steal your joy.
Easy to say.
And don’t give them access to you! That really gets them 😂
Exactly
@@littlestbroccoli work on it
@@wobblybobengland AM WORKING ON IT, don't be an asshole!!
1. Passive Aggressive Behaviour, Subtle Mockery, Gossip, Complaints behind your Back, Rumours, Character Assassination
2. They have a lack of interest in you
3. They invite everyone else, except you, you are excluded, ignore your contributions
4. Constant Criticism, finding fault
5. Negative Body Language, turn away from you, rolled eyes,
6. Unnecessary or Unwarranted Competition
7. Undermine you at every turn
Thank you for this summary. It was helpful to read it after listening.
Here’s a more concise summary; people are assholes.
#3 and #4 are issues I’ve experienced all of my life. I’m over age 50. Sigh
@@tyrejuan8 Everybody.
@@Basketball069 Well I didn’t invite you because I don’t know you.
I just assume everyone doesn’t like me so I’m pleasantly surprised when they actually do 😂
That sounds like a trauma response on its own.
@@fabulouslife4646 Oh you are not wrong 😐❤️
haha yes
Wow!!! What a great relief to hear someone else has felt the same. Sometimes you think you're all alone, or all the horrible things others have said behind your back are true. Thanks!
😂 good one.
I heard a saying years ago ....."some people will like you no matter what you do and some people will Never like you no matter what you do"....
Trying to be liked never works.
It only signals weakness and falseness and irritates people.
Life is a relentless struggle against other people .Never forget this
@@Marvin-dg8vj Yes. You are right. I learned that the hard way. Not something that I recommend.
@@victoriasegall3404 "You just can't make people love you". - BB King
@@gilldavidmour4199 Exactly, and thank you! That would also apply to family members. Most of them would have had more love for a pothole downtown! That's fine with me.
I always heard it " damned if you do....damned if you don't. "
True friends don't get nasty the minute something goes well for you. Lots of jealous people out there.
👁
I literally became fast, close friends recently with a woman who warned(?!) me, that she has "a thing with blonde, white women". Multiple times. Never defined it but, whatever it was, it was blatantly negative (and prejudiced on its face, now that I've put her words in writing). Anyway, she was charming and full of fun invites but also nearly all of the above traits. Literally closed her eyes, put her arms in a shrug while saying LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa when I attempted to tell her anything about myself. Zero interest - UNLESS it in some way confirmed her stereotyping, in which case she would say "tell me more"
The vast vast majority of people are jealous creatures by nature
Yes there are ❗️😞
Remember that your worst enemy will often play your best friend for years. They may even pretend to be happy for you, all the while, seething underneath, and plotting against you.
People are just simply too much work and more often than not, not worth it.
Lower your expectations, keep mainly to yourself, cultivate your loving relationships and minimize your contact with the rest. Don't waste time analyzing them. They're not interesting.
I use to be nice to everyone, but over time, decades really, I saw how people were only using me and there was no reciprocity. That’s when I began to set serious boundaries on who and how I will engage with others.
I have been hated by my boss. I sued and got quite a settlement. By the way I was a civil servant working there and an Army Reservist. I was deployed because of 9/11 and she was so annoyed I was going to be gone. I couldn’t believe it when on my last day she came into my office and said “when you get back I’m going to fire you. “ She said if “you’re too emotional” about this you can leave early because I know you are upset.” I couldn’t care less about what she was going to do. While deployed I filed a grievance with employer support of guard and reserve. I also hired an attorney. She lost. Ha ha ha!
brililant
@@beaulieuc8910- and you should not have had to do any of the things you had to do to protect yourself from Boss Abuse. Congratulations on your lawsuit victory. May you find calm, meaning, purpose and happiness.
Love hearing when someone gets the upper hand with a bully boss. They come a dime a dozen and often employees suffer in silence. Congratulations to you, and thank you for your service!
Good on you
Glad you had the strength to file a complaint.
Once I clock this behaviour, I minimise my interactions to neccesary ones only
same here best way
Yup, why spend time with someone who you are indifferent to, and vice versa?
Same.
Which is exactly why that person is acting that way - they want to be left alone. Sounds like you can take a hint and focus on those that genuinely want to spend time with you. This is a win/win for everyone. Sometimes the person has their own needs...and you seem sensitive to the comfort of those around you. I doubt this happens to you often, you seem pretty normal and nice.
Being retired, I don’t suffer fools. If someone treats me how I don’t like, I simply never talk to that person again.
The best part of being retired is I don't have to interact with anyone.
Once a total extrovert but now semi-recluse = I don't let anybody disappoint me any longer.
Exactly . . .. whenever possible.
One of the joys of retirement is not dealing with people who don’t like me. It makes me value more the ones who do. And I have adjusted to the fact that sometimes I’d rather just spend the day with my dog.
@@megarth1 I could not agree more.
I'm a two strikes and you're out person.
Bad behaviour first time: OK, maybe you're going through some private trauma, and you just need some space.
Bad behaviour second time: Fine, you've shown what you really are, so you will never see me again.
And that's it. The door is slammed shut, permanently.
They can ring, message or write. I don't give a toss. Never means never.
"Common reasons are envy and jealousy"- Exactly.
It's sad that I actually detected that from my now deceased father, but I know why: narcissism.
Thank you.
It's more common than what most people think.
Sometimes I feel like everyone is at play like in a theater and I got the role of the bush, cactus, tree...😢
Anyway, my life is close to an end and I don't leave anyone behind. I just survived, didn't live or thrive and I don't think I'm going to miss anything or anyone. I have lived a fake life and I am too old to start all over again without any help or support. I just hope to die at peace.
Still, I wish the world would switch direction towards nature and common sense.
Don't let them drag you down. You are a child of the universe and you deserve to have a meaningful life but don't look outside for validation. That's the way we were conditioned and adoctrinated.
Know the narcissist but most important, know yourself. Best wishes 💜
You said so much. The best that I can offer you for encouragement is this reality:
"What you are asking for cannot be found in humans."
Think on it in your heart, and when you put it into practice, you will understand all things necessary for this life.
Best wishes.💪
Yes!!!!
@@LyrielonwindI understand the just happy for peace nothing else exist because we live in a sick dopamine addicted money hungry society
@@Portia620that's exactly right there's not much empathy any more nowadays from humans
I just went through this last week. My friend asked if her friend could stay at my house with her the night before we all went to a funeral for a mutual friend. We talked until 2am which she was quick to complain about the following day. She smirked at me often during our conversation and I felt no warmth from her even when I hugged her goodby when she and her boyfriend were leaving. She did not thank me for hosting her or driving to the funeral and paying for her dinner. I will definately think twice before hosting her again. Graciousness goes a long way in my book. I feel it is wrong to use people let alone people you do not like.
Yes please don’t subject yourself to this person any more. It’s not petty to distance yourself from people who treat you like that. It’s showing yourself that you value yourself. You can still be kind and polite without putting yourself out for someone who not only doesn’t show appreciation, but was disrespectful.
Inferiority is what she felt. You're giving and she's a taker. Takers never amount to anything and they'll answer for it big time.
I have found that generally a friend of my friend does not warm up to me. Its happened over and over again.
I've reached the age that it's a mere curiosity. I have enough people already that like/love me.
I don't need a friend of a friend warming up to me.
Gotta let them go.
Yes, that's not a friend.
I lost two jobs due to bullying in the workplace, it took me a longtime to realise it was born out of jealousy. I’ve realised people either like me or they don’t.
My sister gave me some good advice, she said ‘if they can’t take the time to get to know you, they’re not worth knowing’.
Good one!
Same.
I spoke to someone who had your exact experience, they had the same name as you. They were bullied. If a person strongly dislikes you and people like them that's how bullying starts. The people that mattered most liked her so the haters couldn't change that.
Absolutely. How many times do we make an effort to make conversation with people we meet socially for the first time only to find that when it’s time for them to bat the ball back, they don’t ask a single question about
us, as if only they are of interest. Many men are like that, and they miss out. I find that you can learn a lot from the most unlikely people.
It puzzled me for quite a few years why one particular person took a dislike to me in one of my last few jobs.
I never set out to be popular or liked. I just simply got on with everyone. So I can only put it down to envy, by the fact that I simply got on with everyone else.
Thankfully I've left the workplace and don't miss it one bit. It can harbour quite a bit of rivalry and competitiveness. Social warfare I sometimes call it. But I guess I miss seeing some of the few genuine workmates who entertained me and made me laugh so much and distracted me from the drudgery and daily routine of the workplace. And I now revel in my freedom by keeping busy at home.
But I should stop thinking about why just one person didn't take to me in my last job, even though it still puzzles me.
Years ago I was a new nurse in a hospital. I remember feeling judged, excluded, talked down to, and generally unwelcome by most. After three years all of the sudden I was in the club and people completely changed their behavior towards me. When I asked a friend about this she told me of the famous saying “nurses eat their young.” She said that they expected me to earn their regard by paying my dues. I thought this was such a horrible way to treat another human being that I not only never warmed towards them but went out of my way to be kind to new nurses and travel nurses. I’ve seen this kind of behavior in almost every place I have worked and it is despicable. I attributed it to nurses but can’t seem from the comments here that it’s true everywhere.
I think it starts in nursing school. We have demeaning, screaming instructors, and then we have doctors with a God complex who talk to you like you are without a brain. It’s a toxic environment all the way around. I mind my own business and just do my job.
I had a similar experience 30 yrs. ago. Not all were unfriendly, a few of the newer nurses became friends who I later worked with in other places but there was a definite feeling of not being unwelcome by some. Some had bitchy personalities anyway. I only stayed 2 years, there were so many ahead of me in seniority I would have to have waited a long time to get decent vacation time. I went into home care and found much nicer nurses to work with. In other areas of my life, I can definitely tell when someone doesn't like me; I'm not stupid. If you have a problem with me talk to me privately and let me respond. Maybe it's just something that needs to be addressed and move on.
Narcissist are extremely immature. And demeaning behavior towards their target is obvious. What I don’t understand is how others in a group stand by and watch, listen and not call them out.
They are called flying monkeys. Check it out!
They are afraid of being targeted the same way.
@@StudiosDelirium Educating our society about the narcissist is a huge step towards taking their power away. I hadn't heard of the narcissist until three years ago. Having a narcissist father, ex husband and sister I sure could have used it!
@@MaxinesTrunk Agreed! The subject should be taught early and children protected. Sorry about your family. I hope you are on a path of healing and being your best self. Stay strong!
Ditto - have never understood.
There's a lady in this craft group that I belong to and we meet once a month. Always had this feeling she didn't like me. This video confirms it by the way she acts towards me.
She's also a business owner and sells crafts. I would go in to help her small business.
But now, I'm taking my money elsewhere.
I have to repeat a comment that was made here cuz it's so insightful. Somebody mentioned that the people around the bully will act in a strange way towards you when they would have no reason to because you just met. It means that you've been maligned. I see this happen tons in office settings. It's extremely helpful to know about.
Oh yes! This so horrible and painful
It's happened to me so many times in my life. I couldn't care less now. It shows me who the snakes are. 😂
Yup. Every time overseas family visit my in-laws, they stare me up and down to the point of awkward discomfort. They’ve been filled in on all the lies about me.
Thats a really major point actually.
I've sensed that. As though they think you're stupid. Good to hear it said honestly and openly. Thankyou for your genuineness.
A few months in at a new job, one coworker says to me I think they dont like you, and I laughed and said loud enough for all to hear, i dont care if they dont like me, I like me and that's all that matters. Ive been employed there 14 years now😊
Most likely, it was that "one coworker" who didn't like you. 😉
@@reesedaniel5835 actually that "one coworker " is still there, the ones who didn't like me however are no longer there😉
Bravo! It's not everyone that can keep the same job for that long. Also, I CAN'T STAND these people who tell you that so and so doesn't like you! What are they trying to prove? That they're 12 going on 4?Assuming it's true, how is that going to change my life? I owe them ZERO! 😊
14 years is quite the commitment... hopefully you've gained some promotions for your all your hard work!
To Victorias, young children do not behave like this. They do not bare grudges or indulge in jealousies, it is grown ups who do that. Most grown ups grow beyond the stages of gossip and bullying but some really enjoy upsetting and hurting other people. The secret is to ignore them if you can. Find better people to be your friends.
As a people pleaser, it’s so hard to accept others contempt for me when I am friendly, polite and interested/engaged in conversation with them. It’s hard not to take it personally, even though I know it’s ‘their’ stuff
same homie!!! makes me feel so unworthy and hateable
They are not worth the time.
I had a "friend" for years and every time after we had spent time together, going to lunch or dinner, I felt like sh*t. Finally, I paid attention to that feeling and thought about my interactions with her; I ended the "friendship" and I have no regrets.
Did you tell her why you felt weird after being with her? I did. She would say rude things about me. There were too many to let slide and I just brought them all up lol before ending it. She even lied about one particular incident and blamed it on someone else. Insane.
@@lc-bats I'm not surprised that this person put the blame on someone else. Not at all. I had that happen to me, too. My best friend, no less. He betrayed me 7 years ago, and we had a falling-out. He TWICE blamed my former neighbour, who, I admit, was a VERY bad and psychologically dirty man, but he had ZIP to do with it. These people are out-and-out cowards. My high school friend wound up incarcerated more than once after our falling-out. We last spoke in 2019, when he called me one night. That was the last time I spoke to him. He got incarcerated AGAIN, and he took his own life.
You dodged a bulletin she never got to fire.
I get that from my sister. Whenever we’re together, there’s always some type of micro aggression, and she is habitually dismissive of anyone’s reaction to having been mistreated by others in the family. As the oldest, it’s obvious learned these behaviors from our grandparents, and parents. At 60, I’ve had enough. I’m no contact, for well over a year!
You are describing my mother. This year I’m celebrating 9 years no contact. Being degraded your whole life is no picnic, there is a life after a narcissistic parent, but, like a cancer you have to cut them loose. You are no more than a ‘thing’ To them. Release them, live your life on your terms and know that you were always good enough. Being around them is like death by a thousand papercuts ❤
Good for you. I’m 20 years NC.
« Death by a thousand papercuts », that’s so evocative! Good on you for cutting loose. And thanks for sharing ❤️🩹
So many toxic mother out there…
It sounds like my mother in law. She treats my wife with obvious indifference…..it hurts her. My wife never says much but keeps trying to please her.
I was fine with it happening to me, but when she aimed it at my kid I walked away & never looked back. Never spoke to her never looked at her, just walked away. Best thing I ever did.
watch how their kids treat you. It's direct reflection of the parents attitude but cannot express it
and vice versa. How someone treats your children...
Or how their kids treat your kids
My husbands sisters adult children in a nutshell. I have no contact with any of them now, but years ago it was well,that was just your mother spilling out of your mouth. And knowing his mother,his sister and his nieces are all having a lovely bitch fest about you. When the grandmother died( the only one I could relate to and respected) ,I was told ( not asked) that as a “ bonding” thing all the women would go through her house and are allowed to pick a keepsake.( needless to say I’m told there was a bull rush for the jewerlly)I absolutely did not attend ,glad I followed my gut on that.( couldn’t think of a worse situation, trapped with all the shrews)
Absolutely.
Seven signs that someone is full of self loathing.
This truly helped. I benefited from so many of the comments. I'm 62 & it just is not that important if someone doesn't like me. If a person doesn't like you, don't ask why. Instead ask yourself, "Why do I give a f...?"
Envy and jealousy creates so much tribulation in society 😮
Its not always from other women either. Ive encountered some men usually misogynists, who seem to hate attractive women that they know they cant possess or use.
@@joea.9969that's very misandrist!
Yup!
@@JF32304 yup yup yup ...ongoing
Hate is energy for some to use or in position to abuse .
Jealousy is hate and is a destructive force
Repercussions can be devastating .
It's very sad 😔 some people who are jealous
Just want to show they're better than you .
Competitors are not friends.
What are they they ?
Chameleons ?
It's best not to show that you're bothered, even if you are.
Once you have identified the passive agressive narcissist get as far away as possible! They are toxic!
I just ignore jealous people it's their problem not mine there's no empathy any more nowadays very sad
I've had so many people just go harder when I do that - a lot were friends who got jealous eventually. Then they gradually got so mean it was quite outrageously nasty, and then I planned an exit.
Same! I've had flatmates damage the house secretly (I didn't notice till after giving the bond back because it was stealth), steal my clothes - which means they went in my bedroom when I was out, and take things from around the house etc etc, even crazier stuff too that makes me sound crazy when I tell people so I won't haha @@elipotter369
@@elipotter369 I feel you. I have been there myself. They either manipulated people to be nasty to me, slandered me, or (and this was in 1998), went to the police, and filed a false report on me. I had to get a peace bond. You CAN'T ignore people in groups who are going out of their way to express hostility. Even some who are alone. My roommate is ALWAYS alone. Nobody can stand him, and he became VERY verbally aggressive, shouting abuse at my door (which I slammed in his ugly face), and called me an f'in weirdo, and a "Karen". He refused to leave or to shut up. He is the kind of person who LOOKS for fights and second guesses and dwells over piddly things. He ALWAYS has to power trip and have the last word. A textbook Napoleon complex. Thank God that my neighbours intervened. One of them was ready to beat the 💩 out of him. Ignore? Not gonna happen.Incidentally, Nathan apologized 2 days later, and doesn't talk to me. I will be dancing an Irish jig once he moves out!
It’s also insightful to observe the reaction of anyone they introduce you to. If they’ve been maligning you to others when those people meet you it will show in how they respond to/treat you. There should be no reason to receive questionable treatment by someone you just met.
Yes, this is how I feel if I meet anyone my little sister has taken as a friend. She is jealous, so she needs to make sure they don't like me. Then she will do a turnabout and accuse me of being jealous. I am just now seeing that part of it.
I can definitely relate. My brother, from whom I am estranged since 2010, had done that to me for most of my life. He turned so many people against me, you have NO idea! I was even harassed for 6 years by the borough mayor's 2 nasty sons, and for 2 years by a neighbour's punk son, his friends, and the girlfriends. I never got an apology, or even some kind of explanation for their awful behaviour, as no one wanted to get to know me. Only judge me. It still hurts to this day.
Definitely watch the people they're around aswell, they won't like you either.
@@victoriasegall3404 I'm sorry you're going through as well. I guess I always think it's just me. Then I hear others say the same. These people who treat us this way do it because they can only be happy by making you unhappy. I will never understand why. They need to feel superior?
@@MissyQ12345 Thank you for your kind message. I have had to go through this 💩 for over 40 years. I don't think you're wrong when you say that those people want to make us unhappy. Also, to feel superior. Definitely! You know what I've learned about said people? The common denominator, besides envy, was an inferiority complex. I can't think of 1 right now that had genuine self-confidence and self-acceptance. For real. My ex-sister in-law would be on that list. She decided, from day 1, to give me the "evil eye" from across the dining room table in MY childhood home, where she was a guest! My 💩 of a brother was behind it. He never liked me, and would make f'ing sure his associations didn't, either! These included the borough mayor's 2 nasty sons, who harassed me for SIX years, and several neighbours. 🙂🌻
Sometimes they have wronged you unjustly, so they try and justify themselves by directing even worse hatred and animosity towards you. It's very strange.
True! I don't get it myself. It's like they have to justify and validate the hatred with more hatred. It is reminiscent of "Why did you make me do that to you?"
Narcissistic personality
Yeah, this I’ve only just come to realise recently.
💗 I had this happen to me .
The person has a I tube spiritual channel , they talk a lot now they were ia victim of the narcissistic relationships .
Then they reacted to something I said and became the mean narcissist themselves !
🙏. The mask dropped and the spiritual calm guru fell away !🙏
This type of stuff usually happens when you do better than other people. Envy and jealousy is correct.
The true test of a real friend is if they are happy when you do well. They don’t try to drag you down. They try to help you do better. That’s a real friend.
Not too many of such people exist by the way.
The world is full of enemies but you tend to find friends every now and then.
THIS!
💯
What about someone who goes out of their way to try and make you feel inadequate and one up you nearly every time they see you and it always feels like you’re in some secret competition with them but then when you start a new venture like a business they’re always the 1st to say something positive and act like they really Want you to succeed? it’s so confusing to me, but I know someone just like this she said, and did some truly horrible things to me when I really needed a friend and after I supported her through two abusive relationships and she turned around and completely ruined my couch for one thing like tore it to pieces sleeping on it😂 and never even offered to fix it? She’d say the most ridiculous things to one up me, like really stupid shit like telling me after I said I couldn’t finish my course because I was homeless and couldn’t focus…She turned around and would say how she managed to finish her degree…her Masters degree, while she was homeless…. Shit that is not even physically possible, but she still managed to say it to try and make me feel like crap. And then when I would start a New Business and I’d see her she would be the 1st to tell me how she hopes I do well and offered to help me in anyway she can?? just bizarre contradictions…
When I was being bullied in academia, they would stare at me while they did presentations, to the point of making me extremely uncomfortable. Alternatively, they would never give me any eye contact whatsoever during meetings (and in the meeting minutes put my contribution as 'someone said'). It's insidious and deeply damaging.
Oh my god, that is horrible! What pitiful behaviour, no doubt these children fancied themselves consummate professionals. I’m so sorry you went through that!
I would say that they realised that you are an authentic personality and there was no way they could compete with you, and therefore you had to be taken down in what ever desperate way they could.
Sometimes you have to endure a situation to get what you personally need, and then get the hell out.
Toxic situations in the the workplace are quite common unfortunately.
Try to see it as a compliment, and understand you are in the wrong place.
I have seen it so many times in my life, we unfortunately live in very desperate greedy times, be strong and stay authentic,and don't settle until you feel comfortable.
Wishing you all the best in life.
✌💚🇬🇧
@@lesallison9047
You are right. Fake people hate genuine people.
I think in those situations voluntary dissociation works. That way they don't get to taste your discomfort since you are not there. That is annoying for them since they can't see or smell your blood because they punctured on a bone 🦴
Ramani said she voluntarily dissociated while being stuck with a narcissist. I can't blame her and if is a voluntary action there's no damage. The problem with dissociation is when it takes over your will power and you can't connect with yourself or the world outside because it is your last resource.
@@Lyrielonwind Hi, yes it is easy for some to just to ignore the situation and carry on with their path.
Confidents is key.
It is unfortunately that some of the truly good people of the world
who are bullied into corruption. Often these people feel or genuinely have no where to to go!
It is so sad that the people who are blinded by their egos can cause so much damage on the world!
It is our responsibility to help if we can!
✌💚🇬🇧
@@Lyrielonwind my apologies for such a short reply.
The worst thing with these people is they dislike everything about you but if you remove your energy from them & give nothing to them, they can become dangerous or worsen their behaviours towards you. They take pride in making your life a misery & hate the control being taken away. Classic bully behaviour.
Narcissistic behavior.
@@mnomad9173 totally!
Thank you for helpful observations, spot on. Once we see such behaviour, the best way is to politely excuse yourself from their presence. Toxicity is lethal.
What if it’s happening in group therapy??
Co workers are not friends these days. Least said least regretted. I am 80 year old widow working 2 jobs and cannot take on their drama
67 and ditto.
I find it downright inspiring you are working two jobs at 80!
How do you manage to get your sleep in order to work? I find I sleep worse at night as I age.
I feel like there's a spiritual war going on really, between those of us who just want peace, and the narcissists who I've realized are all around, creating pathetic chaos. My mother is a poison in my life, my sister in law is a coward disguised as a strong business woman (bully), I've had bosses, coworkers and teachers like this, exhausting 💩
1,00% spot on!
I agree. It’s so difficult when you just want peace. Keep your eyes on the Lord and pray. 🙏🏻
My situation exactly.
I have been indirectly chased away by narcissists in the last year: from work places,from the church, from the choir and from a social activity. They mocked me, put me down, belittled me so badly that I had to leave the place in shame. Due to the indifference of bystanders, I guess these psychos will be more and more powerful in chasing away the righteous and kind people.
They are like sharks when blood is in the water but the blood the narcissistic personality smells is the "blood" of righteousness.
They are a tag team, a fraternity that knows they have a common master---they are his minions.
This is fact that after all these years is now so evident to me (I was married to one for 14 yrs. and had no a clue then).
I have experienced all this with family members all my life and I am over 70. I have removed myself from family gatherings and am very picky about my close friends. I have no sense that I must keep family in my life.
I did the same and almost a yr later I feel better miss family but if they can't change I keep to myself
I am 72 and have no close friends anymore. I've been betrayed and belittled too many times. Example: Friends kept complaining of how much work they had to do to move from one house to another. This went on for months. I genuinely offered to help in any way I could so they could get into their new home. On the day I was invited to help, she had me clean a couple of windows and then she said that's all she needed. Her husband walked in and asked, "What's SHE doing here?" A month later, I overheard this "friend" say to another person (and at a party I was hosting at my home), that she gave me a couple of things "to keep me busy." That really hurt my feelings to know they weren't my friends.
I’m somewhat socially awkward and I notice these signs often (and throughout my entire life) but mostly from people who don’t know me. I applaud and admire the folks who commented that they couldn’t care less who likes them. I’m working on that but not there yet.
Study narcissism that helps. And learn your personality type…that helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I used to say I was “socially awkward” too….but nooooo you are most likely introverted and intuitive!! There are 16 personality “types” …Myers Briggs test online….I learned that I am an INFJ and suddenly everything made sense and I felt so much better after understanding 😂 You are not awkward but unique and special human 💖
Same here
the sense of release and freedom you'll find when you do get there will be epic, believe me 🙂
It's not you, it's them. Just go with your gut instinct.
@@countdowntorevolution9986 Yes, and at the same time even more depressing.
When I was a new student in the high school I attended, there was this girl who always gave me the evil eye (or death glare) in the classes we both had. I never understood why she was doing this (I never said or did anything to her that would have warranted such treatment). I considered going up to her and asking her why, in a polite respectful manner of course, but I chickened out, fearful that either she would just ignore me while her friends laughed at me or she might full out verbally/physically attack me.
I just came to the conclusion that no matter how decent you treat those around you, there's always going to be that one person who just completely loathes you.
So I just stayed sway from this person as much as I could. I figured there was no point in trying to befriend someone like that. 🤷🏻♀️
Today, I guess you can determine this person's behavior as "silent bullying", but back then, you can't just go to the school counselor and say a certain peer was treating you this way. They would just look at you like you were crazy and dismiss your concerns. As a kid, you just had to suck it up and deal with it.
So I never reported it. I kept this pain to myself. But I never forgotten it.
Bullying hurts. Regardless of the form.
Yes do I feel your pain! Being a kid sucked because you couldn't choose who to be around most of the time!
@@RD9_Designs And adulthood sucks even more because those bullys never grow up or mature emotionally, they just become more devious. And they are everywhere.
Yea there were a few of those in my high school. It’s painful to be in the same class as them and I remember I wished I never had to interact or do group projects with them. For whoever is going through this, just remember life gets better after high school.
It may be that she really liked you, and was her sick way of trying to get you to notice her.
Im dealing with one person like this at my job, he seems to just loathe me for no real reason, any attempts Ive made at small talk or being friendly he met with rudeness, these days he mutters outright at me and gives me the death stare, it gives me the creeps,
Why would you want anything to do with people like this? Walk away. Ignore them. Don't let them hurt you. Nasty horrible people. It has taken me a long time to learn this.
It’s not that easy when you’ve been gaslit by your mother and your sister your whole life to think that they were your primary support system, when it was really them cutting you down your whole life and you finally realize it in your early 50s
It really strange that you can't think of situations where that is not an option.
@@joea.9969That is not related to my comment.
@@Tommy_007 sorry i replied to the wrong person
Sometimes it is not so easy! They attack you in your social circle, slander you, bully you, belittle you and they seem so convincing that people side with them against you. These narcs make you miserable and worthless in the place that you anjoy, polluting the place with their toxicity. It is enough to have 1 or 2 of these in a circle of 20 people, that they start attacking you and making you suffer. Then of course, you have to leave the place forever.
My brother gave me the silent treatment at family gatherings. He poisoned the air I breathed. I began refusing to attend these gatherings if he was included.
For some of us, this person was our narcissistic parent. They poisoned everyone from family, friends, neighbors and acquaintances. Before you knew it you either got a cold blank stare or were treated in the same off hand manner. It’s a brutal life never fitting in or feeling comfortable in a room of ppl who were taught and shown it’s perfectly fine to diss and dismiss you
Wow, you just described the malignant narcissist I divorced. The defining moment I discovered he had been all along methodically triangulating and smear campaigning my character and reputation to everyone we knew including family
and my children in order to alienate them from me.
It's the weird side eyes...and in your innocence you're thinking "Is my skirt tucked into my knickers? Two different shoes on? Hair sticking up strangely? Bad breath? Did I just say their name all wrong?" Sigh.
The older you get, the less you care. :)
Hey Seattle! South King girl here-I agree with you and will add interesting how it evens out, right?
That's a lie!
Yes that’s true
'Ain't that the truth'!
So true. Which tends to tick the people off even worse. To see you smiling, happy & thriving while they’re so miserable with their hatred.
I once met someone who kept getting my name wrong. After it became obviously intentional, he said "Deeno, is it?" I just said "Yea-ah." implying "I don't care if you know what my name is." It shut him up with a start that visibly knocked him off balance.
Nice! 😀
😂
I call them a different name too. Two can play that game. 😂
Alright Rodney!!!
@@patsymccarthy7053 Skippy, Scooter...
Lifes too short, if someone is funny or off with you let them go and move on.
They leave you out but are excited about others over every little thing
My boss!
It's how you know you're winning! 😂
Been thru that with former coworkers. Super childish and petty. Glad they are out of my life.
I don’t care about wether people like me or not , that’s their problem not mine.
A lot of people seem to completely forget they’re paid to do a job, & part of the terms of that exchange is to have a functioning work relationship that enables that job to be completed.
Absolutely perfect comment !
In a perfect world. Ain't happening...when you're dealing with idiots.
Envy and jealousy are always hard to detect. I am always beating my head against the wall trying to figure these people out. Envy and jealousy are bad traits in a person the best thing is to avoid these people.
Yes, if you can...
Not easy if you're forced to work with them. Then to have to start thinking that you might need to change jobs just to get away from them.
The workplace is full of so many flawed characters. And it never took me long to spot them.
Not easy if it’s a family member…
Very easy they will share same opinions about, if you move on from them, the vibe suddenly no loner works😅
@@deejohn1659 yes
This is exactly how my son treats me, but the older I get the less I care . All I have ever done is my best for him but nothing is ever good enough for him
I know several mildly autistic people (with what used to be called Asperger syndrome) who feel exactly like that - as if they can't put a foot right & people ignore, avoid, exclude or even mock them ... roll eyes, make sarcastic remarks etc. I don't know what to advise them to do! I do praise their good points, kindness, helpfulness, knowledge etc with warmth & cheer; but when they are aware of being excluded, it's heartbreaking to watch.
Thanks for your awareness. As someone on the spectrum, I have experienced this situation countless times in my life. Yes it is heartbreaking. As a teen, I would mask a lot for these reasons. But as I age, I am becoming tired to be a lion in the circus called society. I am very content on my own and don't make friendship a priority, as I used to do. Lots of acquaintances, very few friends. But at least, I know that I can count on them in hard times.
Yes- have gone down this road of painful awakening-- and my best lesson which i will share is to remove yourself from the situation-there is not much y can do if someone decides to make y life hell! Dont fight-keep your peace and turn away....its just not worth the effort😢❤❤
After decades of a friendly platonic relationship, and hearing accolades about my patience and how much she valued me as a friend...the tide turned. On a weekend sightseeing trip, she became nonstop critical of nearly everything I did or said. Judgemental, rude, demeaning, curt, snarky, etc. I was shocked, and became nearly speechless for most of the trip. Upon return she seemed oblivious. There had been, upon reflection, brief moments of that behaviour in the past. On the trip she just let it blast. I decided to wait (several weeks) without contact. Then a snarky email was received...and I was ready to recap and reveal how hurtful her behavior was toward me. I said to contact me if she understood her actions...but not to if she only planned to be more vitriolic. I have never heard back. Her toxicity toward me is now hers to ponder - I have ended the 'friendship'.
Very unfortunate too. TRUE friends are so rare. So many will cut you off if one little thing happens. That is not a real friend, it’s an acquaintance. We had neighbourhood friends who had a little hissy fit about daycare when Covid started because my wife works at a hospital (our kids went to the same home daycare). Now they avoid us etc. we’ve been to each others houses and they even spent a weekend up at our cottage. That’s why when someone says so and so is my “friend” it’s like really?? I can count on one hand the number of true friends I ever had.
Sounds like a narc. Waiting for the perfect moment to discard you...
How awful.
@@allieeverett9017yup….COVERT narc…since she was so passive aggressive before the trip…and then changed up….at least once we know they’re sooooo predictable 🙄🤣
Sounds like a narcissist. They are very changeable, stay permanently clear of her.
Story of my life man, over and over. As you've said there are always small hints of it before it really gets going. I've also noticed these people back stab and complain about many others before eventually turning on me. I think I attract them
I hate it when they deny that they don't like me
Yep. Those types are really good at it, aren't they.
I once had a middle manager passive aggressively flip me off by rubbing her middle finger between her eyebrows while we were in a one-on-one meeting. Oh the look on her face when I did the same back to her and she couldn't call me on it! 😂🤣
haha very funny
Adjusting your glasses also works.
That’s hilarious!
That sounds like very professional behaviour by her!
@@MonaleenianLMAO
This describes my narc mom exactly. I had no idea why for 30 years, until my therapist was harassed by her.
My narcissistic mother asked me what a psychologist does. I tried to explain but she understood they only listened and she said that's what her Catholic confessor does.
They hear what they want. The more you explain yourself the worse.
@@Lyrielonwind wow, that’s so similar to my mom’s reaction. She didn’t believe in psychology much, only chemical imbalances. Yet I was wrong to take medication. Can’t win!
So spot on, Darren, and right before you said it in the video, I said to myself, "These are all the behaviors seen when someone is envious." Nailed it!!
1. They swear at you. 2. They try and kill you. 3. They attack you constantly with a chainsaw. Possible passive aggressive signs
😅
Nothing passive about your description. Full on active. Run.
lol
@@glendalubowitz3451he was being humorous.
HAHAHA
I think the subtle mockery is the most dangerous because there is something in the person that can be dangerous, and you usually don't learn until the hard way. The eye rolling and verbal criticism gives you enough time to recognize their silliness. But that subtle mockery might push someone to do something violent or contribute somehow to violence against you. Great video. New subscriber.
I agree... people don't take mental illness seriously enough in the workplace...alot of the time, they don't seem to understand anything can trigger it... Micromanagement is necessary to protect businesses from grievances... but it never really helps seasoned workers... especially ones with health/mental health problems... Subtle mockery ( Art of War or 48 Laws of Power kind of stuff) is not always smart idea to use in a situation where you really depend on that person... especially if you know they have a tempter... White people especially in the southern United States fail to understand or just don't care to know black people do not always have the same opportunities, view points of life as them, or grow up in the same kinds of situations. It's sad because if it costs time, it costs money, and the subtle harassment generally does not lead to investment or a general increase of wealth, because it damages trust.
Be Ever Careful...⌚
Someone who talks over you and discounts everything you say. But, at 75 I've learned to pretty much keep to myself, and I am at my happiest.
There is an old saying.
People will love you
People will hate you
And none of it has anything to do with you.
none of it?
1 avoiding you 2. only speaking to you if they want something 3. not being included in christmas card list 4. never inviting you
I have a friend since childhood (over 40 yrs.) who now, whenever we discuss possibly doing something fun together, will sometime later call or text, telling me about them having done that SAME activity (but with someone else, not even inviting me.)
This describes my mother and my daughter in law to a Tee!
We used to have friends we considered family. Only we were way down on their list of priorities.we were summoned only when they needed help or wanted something of us. This continued for over twenty years . Then at various gatherings with the rest of the group I began noticing that I was obviously not in on something. This began when I stopped changing our plans Togo to theirs or simply saying no( got sick of helping them or listening to the latest get rich scheme the guy had scribbled in his whiteboard) . Basically I stuck my head out of the herd and stopped just agreeing with everything and offered a different perspective, thinking we were involved in a conversation.i ended up being shunned ,physically blocked out of conversation,even by my coward husband also. It came to a head when my husband stayed one night after he ( and all else ) could see I was visibly upset,confused at reactions and looks I was getting. I walked out that night alone. I cut all interaction off and we moved away. Turns out hubby is a coward narcissist and has stayed with me,thinking he’s all noble . Thankfully I’m no longer bogged down by that herd of scared easily manipulated people. The scales fell from my eyes that night, and I saw them all in their true light. I’ve gone from strength to strength while my hubby has had to learn and accept some harsh truths about himself and his supposed friends.
This describes my childhood perfectly, beginning with my parents and eventually most of the entire extended family who sided with them. Going on 5 years no contact this Mother's Day, the third best decision I've ever made. The effects of the prolonged trauma still reverberate, but God is good and has blessed me with a wonderful life far away from their hatred. Distance is key, though. I never would have recovered from alcohol and drug abuse as long as I remained in that toxic environment and family dynamic. They project their poison and demons onto their scapegoat/trash can, and eventually that amount of poison can destroy a person.
This was my husband, his mother & grandmother, they all hated me because im truthful
Truth exposes what's not always so obvious.
@@jmac3482 I've been laying really low myself 🙏 Its not worth wasting breath on those who are fake as f
@jmac3482 The older I get the louder I get. 😈
I empathize
@@island661Are you talking about flatulence?
Every so often, I've noticed quite extreme animosity from people who really don't know me well enough for the hate to be genuinely personal. It's best not to speculate. There could be any number of reasons. We don't know what else is going on in their lives to make them hateful.
Haters
Best comment in this thread. Give people grace because life is hard for everybody on some level and the ill treatment you receive is likely not personal or intentional. They have something else going and aren’t fully cognizant of their behaviors. Preoccupation is a good word.
Jealousy
@@Ndnative3431 maybe, enlightened self-interest? Most people show hatred for reasons that can't be changed. Someone might immediately dislike me because they don't like older people, or maybe never developed adequate communication skills with women. People are often mistrustful of anyone who is more educated. It's the same if you happen to be startlingly good looking (I wish) and they're having a bad hair day. A more interesting example is disability. I'm severely visibly disabled. There's no way that could be considered an advantage that anyone would envy, but in recent years disabled people have been subjected to a lot of *special attention* that isn't always wanted or welcomed. There's a nasty side to the way humans socialise where the in group decides what the out group does/ doesn't "deserve".
@@Ndnative3431 nah, people know what they’re doing. Even if they’re dealing with their own personal issues and are preoccupied with their thoughts…why is it that this preoccupation or side effects of their issues only targets a particular individual not a group?
EDIT: To the people saying "You wouldn't be in this situation if you had your own business", or "Why don't you look for another job?", you are the very people this video is talking about. Do you honestly think that people who experience workplace harassment haven't already looked for another job? And telling someone to just start their own business while flippantly ignoring how much red tape, expense, and other considerations like demand and market for said business is not helpful. You're either a troll, or you really are just that ignorant about the complexities faced by people who are in these situations.
I took a job a few months ago at a company where I'm required to wear a polo style shirt. I have a muscular frame and, knowing what fits my body, and also knowing that uniform shirts have lots of excess fabric, I asked my supervisor to order a small, since medium actually fits like an XL. He ordered a medium, of course, and it fits just like the Hefty bag with sleeves that I knew it would. I told him again that I wanted a small, and he said that he ordered the size HE thought I needed. It's all been downhill from that first week on. While he's the worst, the office manager is an absolute b-word, and the place is filled with toxic types. Right now I'm only holding on so I can buy a house, but it is extremely difficult most days to just not clock out and never return.
@@goldbrick2563 Not everyone is cut out for, or wants their own business. And last I checked, the last thing the business world needs are more consultants. You may as well have suggested being a community organizer.
Nice dog whistle. @@RazorFriendly
@@kingcormack8004 Sorry dude, but there weren't any hidden messages in my post.
Literally a video about mean and demeaning people and you get those comments. 🙄😳 I don’t know you - but I wish you the best @RazorFriendly and hope everything works out for you.
@@emschrader418 Thank you! I didn't expect that I'd get those kinds of responses, especially ones saying that if I don't like workplace abuse and harassment that I should just start my own business, as if people who don't work as consultants or own businesses somehow just deserve what they get. I appreciate your encouraging words, and for being the lone respondent who understands that being treated with common decency in the workplace isn't an unrealistic expectation.
I'm a retired teacher. I had a department chair who absolutely despised me. I truly did not care about her not liking me, but her dislike made it difficult to do my job. Among other things, she withheld resources from me. Finally, I told the principal she needed to meet with the two of us. In the meeting, I told the hater, "Being liked is overrated. You mean nothing to me, and I don't care if you don't like me. But, you WILL stop letting your hate affect my job." I also filed a formal complaint with the district. The hater still hated, but she gritted her teeth and became semi-professional.
It's good advice to ignore people who don't like you, but sometimes that is not possible.
Most people don't like me when we first meet but most end up liking me. I always joke that I grow on people, like mold. If a person doesn't like me after getting to know me, it's usually because of jealousy or because I enjoy having a positive outlook no matter what the situation and to some I come off as phony. But I live by the rule if bad things can happen then so can good things.
It doesn't really matter anyway because I'm my biggest fan. I'm all about believing in oneself. I'm all about cheering others on.
Life is hard enough without us looking down on one another.
These aren't "hidden" signs. These are things people do to let you know they don't like you.
In the 70s I was a student and always took holiday jobs as most of us did. One was in a factory, all women and some girls around my age. I kept myself to myself but was always friendly if anyone spoke to me. One woman took exception to me, I don't know why as she didn't know me but she seemed intent on making my life there miserable and always spoke to me and referred to me as "what's-er-name".
I just ignored her, got on with my work and left several weeks later for the new term!
Was nothing really but made me vow never to belittle anyone...
I have a neighbor that always gives me slanted compliments when she sees me outside. Example: "I like your new shorts, toooo bad they don't fit you right" I'd rather she said nothing.
What would happen if you replied "That's a rather khunty thing to say..."?
I also had a neighbor like that. I moved, after 17 yrs of her insults, without telling her. She was really pissed, I learned, I guess because her whipping post was gone
That's hysterical!😂😂😂
My neighbor hates me lol. I've tried being nice, spark conversation, invite her over, gave her a cake for my daughter's 1st birthday ( she said thanks but didn't say anything after or even HBD to her), she even ignores my daughter who constantly looks at her and really wants to interact with her. I've decided to just greet her and leave it there. I tried hahaha
I felt this at times interning at a prosecutor's office with detectives. But then I just realized, they're all kind of curt like that, it's just the office culture. Once I realized that it had nothing to do with me, I was relieved.
These type ppl are cowards. When you call them out on their behavior, they deny. What works for me? I ignore them...when they need something my answer is " i'm busy" .
I’ve had to distance myself from lying, dishonest and scapegoating people including family. It’s sad but once you make the break emotionally it gets easier. I had to tell more than one person to either stop lying about me or face lawsuits. Narcissists are deadly. You cannot be around them without suffering psychic harm. They are damage in semi human form. Just let them go. Time passes and you heal. You heal once you unload the heels and users from your life
I can relate! I've cut off most of my blood relatives. My in-laws are my family now.
@@leftykeys6944 sometimes it is necessary for your own mental health. ; - )
So many people I know act like that towards me. Thing is, it seemed to be envy in a lot of cases but I don’t understand. I have nothing to be envious about.
Right!!!🤦♀️😂. My ex narc!!!
It's not about materialism, it's about you being who/how you are. Probably authentic and they can't stand it.
You're not alone.
@@Julie-wx2gf my mum was like that. I was too easy going she said. It really annoyed her.
@@SC-gp7kt well, I’m not afraid of not being liked and I do answer truthfully. Which strangely is never liked either.
In my experience, people who don't like me have never been too secretive about it...
Yes...
I have met a handful of people like this in my life so far. As soon as they laid eyes on me, their smiles dropped off their faces and they turned cold, aloof, and downright sinister. It was INSTANT! They couldn't have been reacting to anything I had done because we literally just met for the first time at that very moment.
Maybe some of your viewers have been those mean people and they can enlighten us because I'm 54yo now and I still don't know what it was all about.
I’ve experienced this too! Especially now while working in an environment where I’m not familiar with the industry and I’ve been blessed to work there while interviewing in my field. Initially it bothered me because I’m so nice, professional, well spoken, and well mannered. I have self pride in my appearance and I don’t come to work some days looking like I just rolled out of bed. Sadly, I rarely can have conversations with these ladies because we have very little in common. The worst of the ugliness is the disrespect by a 20yr old that works there and she’s a mm away from getting put in her place because I was raised not to disrespect your elders or ANYONE for that matter. So I feel your pain, and it sucks because as women we have to fight for our rights as it is in corporate America yet we continue to be each others worse enemy. Hope things are better for you.
@@EmmaDee Their behavior is baffling. I would like to read their minds to discover the source of it. It’s one thing to be cautious of strangers but to be mean for no reason and CONTINUE that way is infuriating and WRONG. If they are jealous then they should learn to change their jealousy to admiration because admiration for one another lifts up us all. Not only that but how can someone with so much jealousy be happy? Thank you for replying. I pray the very best for you!🙏
What's your race they could be races
@@great4ever845 They were the same race as me.
Great subject. Doesn't get discussed nearly enough. I have a friend that we met in Cub Scouts. He never ever criticizes, or bully's, a true gentleman. If i hadn't had close friendship going back over 40 years, i'd have no clue he's upset. But,a clue you mentioned, i'm excluded now. What hurts is he'll never admit it, or give me any chance to make amends for...?
Good video. Speaking of envy/jealousy I had been in the lower levels of the music biz for years and encountered this hundreds of times ,oddly enough I've never felt jealousy about people who are better or skilled in a different manner, I was raised to be happy for people.
yayyyyy. we need more like u.
'They Talk to everyone else In the room, but then look right through you.'
basically every social worker and psychiatrist out there...
Helps me to look at my behaviour when I don't like someone. Makes me feel a bit ashamed I would treat someone that way.
I come here and listen to this again and again to hear the confirmation that I am not making these things up. They really do treat me this way -- the dismissive "you are the little servant girl" in this family attitude is trying to kill me.
You are describing Narcissistic behavior. It says more about who they are than about their targetted victim.
it's not necessarily just narcs who do some of these things .....just people who don't like you, whether justifiably or not.
@@countdowntorevolution9986 Bull💩!
@@victoriasegall3404 You're the narcissist
Very helpful video. I often find it difficult to 'read people' ... I can grasp positive or negative reactions, but it's always hard for me to understand fully other peoples facial and body expressions.
There are channels about body language but what works best is your intuition and your guts feelings (doesn't have to be your guts, it can be a sudden change in your heart beat for no reason or feel exhausted and drained). You need to be connected to your body to feel the signs. Mindfulness and deep breathing help.
Take care ❤
My oldest son has that issue, he is quite brilliant but has a very high functioning form of autism
I am not brilliant, but am also a high functioning autistic. Functioning in social situations has been a life long nightmare. Bullies have been a constant. I believe they can sense when someone is at a disadvantage in some way. They thrive on the control that bullying others gives them. In a nutshell...
@@allieeverett9017 Next time, say, "Aren't you glad I make you look good?"
Being Autistic, I have seen all these and more directed at me, when on my best behavior.
Especially unnerving when someone you report to at work exhibits these.
Same here. I also have autism and my boss/manager treats me like a child or a different species. I get the same treatment from 3 of my four coworkers in my department but they also gossip about me and each other.
For example when we do inventory, I missed 10 boxes in the counts. Something to know, I’m in college for nursing and also suffer intense migraines and they know that. Anyway, boss said something to my coworker (proximity of less than 10 feet of me) and apparently didn’t think I could hear it. I confirmed it with coworker, and I indeed heard the same comment. Boss said “at least I can count to ten” so I stopped talking to boss, and Thursday I didn’t finish an order before the end of the day. Still pissed, I called out that Friday and had a vacation planned prior so I didn’t have to return until the following week.
She (boss) treated me slightly nicer but she still treats me like shit. I’ll be putting in my notice soon. Sorry for the ramble, I’m still mad.
@@justsomerandominternetuser6379 You shouldn't leave. Get lots of input from other people before you do that! Boss can be taken to task for making a comment like that to coworkers.
This the typical narc behavior and glad I’m out of it💪🏾🙌🏾
It may be, but it's not limited to it.
Good for you.
Chains don't keep us together (Fleetwood Mac). ❤
oh yes
Yup!! All narcs behave this way that’s for sure….real mind F when it’s your own parents…never understood until I learned about narcissism
I sensed these attitudes from an employee where l used to work. He always thought he made the better decisions over me, but was resentful because l was the manager at the time. Jealousy and envy were spot on, even though l was nice he always sought to undermine my judgement.
There are people like that. Jealousy. Angry because whomever hired or promoted you passed them over.
I wish nasty hurtful people would just remember - be kind, everyone is struggling with something.
You are describing the passive-aggressive covert narcissistic husband I left a couple of months ago. 9 years of a waste of time, energy, happiness, fulfillment, satisfaction, growth, peace, and really living life itself. 9 years in survival mode. It wasn't worth it to go through. No amount of money would be enough to put up with that evil monster.
Had a so-called "friend" who apparently liked me because I supported his career goals. The minute I stopped doing that, he discarded me. Maybe there was some co-dependency going on where I was doing all or most of the work to maintain the "friendship." My point is that deep down inside he didn't really like me; just liked what I was able to do for him--a kind of "covert animosity."
Yep, some people don’t like you, they like the way you like them.
and the old pretending like they don't see you, looking out the window or just off to the side as if they're thinking about something. It's in etiquette handbooks, but when it happens to me, I'm miffed. I suppose it's more polite than saying outright, "I don't want to have anything to do with you," but even so it shows that they think I'm somehow not good enough for them to speak to.
sometimes etiquette handbooks give bad advice
They will make comments that may seem innocent but actually aren't when you are talking about something you are doing or creating - like, say, if I mention some project or hobby activity I've got going on and the person says, "How do you find the time to do all that?", not like they're admiring you, but implying that they have to work too hard to have time to do such things, and that you're just soooooooo privileged and undeserving because you have the time, and you're just bragging and trying to make them feel bad. They undermine all your accomplishments, subtly and not-so-subtly, to make you feel worthless, stupid, lazy, or incompetent, or make it sound like you just fritter away your time while they are working hard on more important things.
Wait…no one makes you feel anything!! Stop allowing others to get within!! Your self esteem needs to be solid!!! Stop thing such rubbage!
About the time aspect; tell them to watch less of their screens and they will have time for other activities.
How do I find the time??? LOL. Priority list. Organization. Getting enough sleep. You time. Not focusing on non-essentials. Avoiding anyone that prefers to waste time.
I also wonder if they do a mental comparison to someone who is sharing about their own creativity, and inside themselves, they feel inadequate? And when creative people are sharing an enthusiasm with someone else, especially, do others then feel the creative person is simply bragging? "Oh look at what I made yesterday? Painted last week? My newest rose and how well it's doing". If they react like that, it is clearly that they feel less, and want to drag you down to their level. If I got that kind of reaction (and wasn't too tied up in feeling hurt about it) I'd ask them about something they had an interest in, or try to find out what that was, turn the conversation. It may not "make" them like you, but it offsets the unpleasant feeling. Also, trying to "make them" like you or treat you better is an attempt on your own part in trying to control another person, so if being pleasant (to make the social interaction more smooth) isn't working, then you let it go and move away. Engage someone else. They don't know you, so their opinion isn't valid.
I have a female co-worker who apparently doesn't like me. I've never been anything but nice to her and have gone out of my way to make her feel included. Nothing has worked and she's only gotten worse. We haven't had a conversation in many months. If it's not business related, she says nothing to me. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't greatly perturb me. I spoke friendly to her about 3 weeks ago and her rude reply actually pushed me over the edge. I decided I was done trying. So now, it's just awkward to go to work. I've worked there for almost 20 years and it's been a pleasurable experience for the vast majority of those years. She's been there about 3 years. I dread when she's going to be there. I have never met anyone as cold as she is. I've spoken to my boss about her and he is fully aware of the situation and told me that he had noticed it too. The problem is she does her job fairly well. She's just incredibly unpleasant to be around. There are only 5 of us in the office and she's the only killjoy.
My advice would be to call her out on her demeanor towards you in front of everyone present in the room. Be polite but direct. Let her know you do not appreciate her hostile attitude towards you when it is unwarranted as you yourself have been nothing but polite and courteous towards her whilst also stating that you have worked there for 20 years with no problems with anyone till now. I believe you will see a change afterwards.
As unpleasant as this is...4 outa 5 ain't bad.
@NM-mc4rj I'm not trying at all anymore. For the last 3 weeks, I've been the cold one. I come in and just do my work and never speak to her unless it's work related. She does the exact same to me, so it is what it is at this point.
Start talking about the happy hour you guys are going to meet at later in the week in front of her. Completely ignore her existence. 😂
Bring just enough donuts for everyone else. Exclude her. Oops! 🤣
Usually get the feeling somebody doesn't like me with what you said passive aggressive behavior or maybe yell at you constantly if you ask them a simple question 😢. But they're super nice and go getty around others. Yes finding fault in everything we do or turn people against us.
If there’s one positive of aging, It’s that the older I get the less I care what others think. At my age and experience, there’s little to learn personally from this vlog . As a Sigma, INFJ type, you just know and don’t have to have it spelled out and those assessments come faster and quicker with age. We all have our detractors and being able to identify them sooner than later is a huge advantage. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure when it comes to avoiding those types of individuals. Experience allows you to steer conversation unknowingly into your assessment. Those red flags will be there in negative relationships. The ability to detect smoke before your burned and maneuver is that critical ounce
Raising awareness for those who are emotionally troubled (or seeking answers) is always good! Thanks for a nice, succinct video. I tuned in because several months ago---I learned some SHOCKING truth about a female friend with whom I've had a very long and loyal friendship with. So shocking, that I felt gut-punched, and like I've been somewhat of a sucker for having given her so much "benefit of the doubt". I am in the process now of slowing disentangling myself from her (and her issues) and refocusing on other areas of life. In many ways, it's a relief. But, I am also trying to size up myself and own my culpable part in that friendship---and---weighing whether or not to be more direct and honest. I don't want to become the snarky passive-aggressive person...because I truly don't LIKE her any more. She's crossed too many lines and kept them hidden. Ah well. Just processing through writing this out!
Another sign might be not using your name or using a vatiation of your name you never use. My sister in law is the expert at subtle passive agressive hate (double meaning comments). I know she is jealous and I do everything to avoid her however my wife can't see it.
Our Priest gave a homily recently about taking the higher road in stressful situations. I took his advice and it’s been helpful. But sometimes the good person doesn’t always win.