Yep. I feel like starting over in a new city might be the best way to eliminate this. It's hard to say goodbye to everyone you know, but for me, they're trying to get me fired from work (and a few times succeeded), trying to get me thrown out of homes, and of course, ruining my reputation everywhere I go. I look forward to a free life where they are not even a blip in the rear view mirror. They belong in prison.
Quite pathetic, for sure. It's at the point of an at least partial government shutdown, as to free up money being illegally withheld from several people. They started a smear campaign that is the same, tired bullshit, with no actual basis in fact. One of the people responsible had multiple verified grooming conversations, slept with minors, beastiality, and is sabotaging coworkers everywhere they've worked, in addition to trafficking. In the past, they've harassed people out of claiming their checks they are owed. This will not work for me,or anyone else. The amount of video, text, and email evidence is incredibly damaging They've been triggering people's PTSD, then attempting to claim that is what they are normally like, which is completely untrue. This person and those who are flying monkeys for them, are pathological. I think they believe their own lies. No one actually has to, or needs to work with any of these people. They have ruined their own reputations. The amount of fraud and money laundering alone, would put them in prison for three life terms. Then we add in all of their assault and actual murder charges. I've advised a permanent shunning. Pretend they don't exist, immediately turn them in if they commit a crime against you, or anyone else. This person is a stalker who has harmed an inordinate number of people in his all-consuming need for constant attention Not to mention the catfishing that is well-established. I'd feel badly if they weren't an absolutely awful person As far as I am concerned, this guy doesn't exist. No one wants a pedo in charge of a group. I protect children and women, they are exactly the opposite. He was deemed sane, which means that he is definitely evil and desperate. Pretty lame.
You are so on point about this. I went through a terrible smear campaign from my narc boss at my job. I was angry and frustrated of how mistreated I was. I was reacting to all the accusations. Then one day I just sort of came to a realization. I have no control over those who attempt to defame my character, and I also have no control over those who choose to believe the lies that are told about me. The only person I have control over is myself. I chose to stop reacting. I chose to take my power back. They had no right to ruin my peace of mind. I had to come to terms with the fact that, yes, some things may fall a apart due to the smear campaign, but those are things that inevitably can be replaced. I can stand true to myself and my values. I learned how to stand my ground but to do it with grace. After I learned this, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. The narcissist was no longer gonna dictate my mood, and I got my life back.
Same here. Anytime anyone quit or were fired, my boss would invoke a smear campaign against them. It's almost worse to work for a narc than to be in a romantic relationship with one.
This is extremely helpful advice, thank you! Given in a straightforward manner. My ex husband had a narcissist collapse at age 42. All of his hookers, hoes and crack heads have left and he is going to prison after 17 years of horrendous abuse. I used gray rock, video recording, called the police and moved many times. Thank God I survived his smear campaign and it’s really sad but I am glad I can escape from him now. I really appreciate your channel, it’s very important for my recovery. 🙏
Donot change yourself for any body. Never. If you are beautiful shine better. Hiding your shine will only make them think their methods are working and they will not stop until they utterly annihilate you.
I totally agree. I specifically checked comments to see if anybody else saw this discrepancy. They will be envious no matter how much of a pit u are in.
Everything you’ve stated is very accurate. Great video. Take this advice if you are new to dealing with this type of person or now aware of what they are doing. If not, you risk going round and round in a vicious cycle. They will always draw you back into their games etc. Empaths have an especially difficult time with narcissists because we feel sorry for them and believe what they say. No contact is best. ❤️
@Anna Gunn @mom could you advise me on what to do when your being bullied, and Slandered, and accused of stealing someone's account this vicious Slander is out of control..
I have learned not to feel sorry for them, for they do things with intent to harm ! Some of these individuals are vicious, and will NOT stop until someone stops them ! I have witnessed it first hand ! Some of these narcissists/psychopaths have NO conscience, no morals, no boundaries, and love to constantly antagonize you to see your reaction. Also, they may use previous victimization as a weapon to exploit, manipulate, and undermine your abilities. It is like dealing with a Jeckyl and Hyde...- no joke !
Why would you just believe anything they say?! Have you spoken to their ex to get the other side of the story? No? Then you need to be smart and reserve judgement...he could have something to hide. You empaths seem to only have empathy when sex is involved...how about having some empathy for their ex? Or maybe look into it more...maybe the ex is actually their wife.
Makes it easier for me to know who I might want to associate with. Anyone who will make judgements of someone they don't even know based on mean gossip (that keeps changing) is someone I don't care to know anyway.
In some ways, this advice to downgrade yourself for the sake of the narcissist pissed me off almost as much as the narcissist! My insides were screaming, "B.S." Thankfully, most of Jill's other content is great and makes complete sense. It just goes to show everyone here that WE, THE VIEWERS, still have to filter through this information for what works FOR US!
@@russhamel Even though it would feel awful to downgrade yourself, I look at it differently, first, because you say something to stroke a Narc ego does not mean you believe what you are saying, its self preservation, I believe it is a tool to use to stay safe and or stay alive until you can safely remove yourself from the situation, some people in these relationships can not just pick up and leave any time, everyone"s circumstances are different, and some are truly in danger. I would only use this method to stay safe until I could get away.
@@cathypeters8346 good point! As mentioned in my previous comment, every situation is different and as a means of self-preservation, this indeed may be an appropriate solution.
Those that do not believe that you are innocent or genuinely look into it to find out if you are innocent and then believe it, need to be jettisoned from your life at the speed of light. One size fits all. You are either with me or not. If not the door will be bolted tight to keep you out.
@@ccdm515 They discredit you in such a way that portrays themselves as the "poor victim" and you as "bully" or "abuser".....Even for something as minor as stating your opinion about something they disagreed with (due to their brainwashing and hatred of the truth). Having an opinion different from their's and especially it it's based on facts and truth, is like pouring water on the wicked witch. They can't handle it and will immediately start a smear campaign against you. Kindergartners have more maturity.
@@ccdm515 They discredit you in such a way that portrays themselves as the "poor victim" and you as "bully" or "abuser".....Even for something as minor as stating your opinion about something they disagreed with (due to their brainwashing and hatred of the truth). Having an opinion different from their's and especially it it's based on facts and truth, is like pouring water on the wicked witch. They can't handle it and will immediately start a smear campaign against you. Kindergartners have more maturity.
@@theenlightenedtarget yes we certainly are...and this movement will help break future generational trauma for so many. I'm in the process of starting my own channel in 2020! Thank you for doing what you do.
Everything you've mentioned is extremely accurate. I met this narcissistic friend 10 yrs ago and she exhibited all the traits . Fortunately, I avoided her at all cost 1 yr ago when she smeared my reputation which initially hurt me so deeply and I went no contact blocking her from all social medias and made myself invisible to her and those whom she smeared my reputation. I've healed since then 😊
What I have learned recently is that your own track record speaks for itself. If people know you for who you really are, they will not believe the Narcissist. After all, the Narcissist have a reputation, too
Thanks for all the advice. I've never dealt with this before this year. I'm not sure how I feel about the "gray rock" method - maybe it would work for some situations. Since we are in a pandemic, nobody really "sees" each other, so not sure the narcissist can move on. It's been 8 months. My jaw dropped when you said the narcissist might say you're "unstable" or "mentally ill".. that is EXACTLY what this person said about me to a friend. My friend responded with, "hm.. that's not been my experience with her." so yes I think the truth will prevail, eventually.
Thank you for this post... I found out at 19 that my Mother had been smearing me to family members for years... Unfortunately, I didn't know what a smear campaign was then... I just thought it just.... Honestly, I didn't know WHAT to think, but I was hurt. And that led me to trust her less, then. Knowing what I know now, I know better than to trust her at all. This year I will be 50 years old. It's a shame.
I once completely flipped of a narc who was on a smear campaign against me, the narc in question was a family member, and known to be a liar, while I have an reputation for being honest and Frank. So one day I came home and saw the narc in the living room by him self and completely provoked him. Knowing full well he was gonna cry wolf since the whole smear campaign was based on me being a bully and out to get him. So I threatened him. And preceded to go to my room and take a shower. Few minutes later I came out with the whole family in the living room, and the narc playing the victim. So they asked me what happened and I completly acted surprised. I was like I just came home from work and went to the shower I didn't even know he was home 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and then I proceeded to remind everyone of our reputations and as such no one believed him. It brought him to tears for once he was the real victim but no one believed him. It was glorious to say the least.
Wow you just said something so key I have not heard this from anyone else. That they try to control how other people see see you because they can no longer control you.
I stopped all reaction to the smear campaign and attempts to provoke a reaction out of me from the Narc and his flying monkeys. The result is they got increasingly more frustrated and desperate they began to make fools of themselves trying to artificially engineer/manufacture conflict, and make me look like the culprit. No Reaction, I just remained my normal calm happy self.
This lecture is spot on! Our host has the best education for these matters - experience and deep thought. I have had five of these high spectrum Narcissists to deal with over 45 years. Four female and one male. The damage they do is described in these lectures. The male in our experience went to jail ultimately for his behavior rooted in NPD. One of the females almost went to jail. I could write a book, but this TH-cam collection is quite sufficient. Thanks, for your work.
"The other, wonderful advantage to not engaging is that it drives the narcissist absolutely crazy. They live for the reaction." This is so true, and not engaging is my favourite method for dealing with narcissists. Once you realise how effective this is, it's a lot of fun to play with the narcissist... by not playing with them at all. This drives them _crazy._ Narcissists have succeeded with their techniques for so long that they never had to learn any others, and are probably completely incapable of learning, because their minds are really very simple (Their oversimplified, binary thinking, and their childish behaviour are prime indicators of this). This inability to learn and adapt makes them a joy to mess with. Every time they try to provoke a reaction, you give them nothing. You act like they don't exist. And then watch them melt down. Then they come back and try the same tactic again... and again... and again... while you're laughing inside. Unable to learn, _they will keep trying the same tactics all the way to their graves._ I don't have words to describe the satisfaction that gives me.
My dad’s 3rd wife and their golden child smeared me to rest of family. Turned everyone away from me. Most traumatic experience you can ever go through. The 3rd wife, my dad, golden child & a flying monkey uncle attempted to hoover me back into the hornet’s nest but by then I had too much education about the family dysfunction. Thank you so much for these excellent videos. You’re helping so many see the truth about how narcissists destroy lives. Subscribed & sharing!
The part that is so unfair is going from a very sensitive, compassionate, empath, to a grey rock. I feel like a stone now after realizing my sensitivity was feeding the narc and having to hold back tears and show no reaction to things that use to make me just burst out in tears, like something on the news of a animal or child being mistreated. My whole life people have told me I'm to/so sensitive. When I was younger I hated it when people told me that, I remember my throat hurting numerous times trying to fight back my tears from something I seen or heard that made me emotional. I finally came to grips with it, and realized that is just a part of who I am, and there is nothing wrong with being to/so sensitive. After being made to feel like something was wrong with me after being told that so much. Now here I am again having to hide/ hold back a part of who I am, and now I'm just a grey rock. I try and find a silver lining in everything and want to say perhaps its helped me be a little stronger of a person, but also worried that I will just loose that part of me altogether. It's a two edged sword. But for now for the sake of being a target I shall be the ugliest most boring grey rock you ever probably never seen.
Welcome to the club. I am a highly sensitive empath who had to go grey rock 4 years ago. I actually gained weight, stopped wearing makeup, and just stopped talking with them for anything unnecessary (and I live with them). I have chronic pain so it is taking me ages to move out and go no contact, but I know that will be a wonderful day!
You're teachings are direct from heaven, thank you so much. We don't get these taught at church, although they're there to truth-tell they are often toxic regarding inter-personal relationships
thank you ma'am. I am currently going through a terrible smear campaign with a supervisor of mine. Thus is why I have been listening to many channels searching for advise on dealing with it. Your breakdown Is absolutely hands down better than all of the other channels I've heard to date.
These lessons are so valuable. We need to recognize these patterns because we will be the target in a personal relationship, with a boss or coworker, with the head of the parent-teacher association, with the condominium board. They are everywhere.
3:15 One day, the narcissist and I was discussing a topic. She started a whole conversation with herself with my replies and everything. I was amazed at how much she believed her whole argument with herself. Then, she starts blaming me for what she thought I had said.😳 I asked her, "When did I said that?" She continued as if I said it. This video gives me a confirmation to what I was thinking. Thank you.
Very well explained, thank you. I am going through the smear campaign as we speak, I have gone no contact to the flying monkeys, sooo hard sometimes!!! I have come so close to saying something but have to remind myself that's just what the Narc wants. To everyone out there that has gone through or are going through, keep strong look after yourselves and show them that you don't care. God bless you out there🙏🙏🙏
Genius. My family has been hounding me since they noticed I bought myself a MacBook Pro. I saved for 4 years... but to them- I have and they don’t. My sister was drunk this Christmas and made me feel bad about my long hair and my freckles and lack of make up use.. the computer.. it was incredible.. I hadn’t seen them all year really.. and they blew my mind- their behaviors are actually getting worse
Thank you so much! I have someone who is constantly putting me down and trying to embarrass me infront of people. From now on, I'm just going to ignore him.
Excellent advice, but no way ever I would change what I like and who I am to make them comfortable and feeling elevated! That part I don’t agree with because that goes into changing a person’s identity and uniqueness. That would make me more miserable while dealing with the hell they put me through. They just gots ta go, bottom line! However again, great advice!
The grey rock advice is only for people who can't get away from a narc and can't go no contact. If they're still married to one, have kids with one or work with one. It's actually great advice for people who still have to have a narc in their life. I know it seems counterintuitive but dealing with a narc is not like dealing with a normal person. They are truly evil people.
Largely agree with this with one caveat: My experience with one narcissist is that I did leave him alone and yet he continued to come at me as a weak target. Ultimately, what I stumbled onto, was a rather risky but powerful gambit. Hope you enjoy: 7) Figure out what their hot button is... and push it in front of others. Narcissists drink their own cool aid as TET points out and often believe they're invulnerable. One particular narcissist disliked the fact I was social and friendly and while I avoided him for months, he was still launching attacking against me (unbeknownst to me). I engaged in the innocent, but objectionable (in his view) behavior after he had a long day and was in front of other people and he snapped and lost it. He dropped his mask and behaved badly. I didn't back down, and called him out. He was like a deer in the headlights. He lost all credibility in front of everyone. The challenge to these largely passive approaches, some of which I have used successfully, is that they don't work every time. You need more than one hammer in the toolbox. So I personally use observe, not absorb as TET suggests and then spring my trap. One neat thing about narcissists is they become predictable meaning one can set up nice juicy bait that they're sure to bite on. Just one thing: When you spring the trap, view it as like fishing: You're gonna have one angry fish on the hook so be prepared to go through with it. Don't feel bad that they're suffering (because they play on their target's human sympathy).
My X smeared my good name from here to eternity I just couldn't believe what he was saying about me. I am so grateful that I just kept a dignified silence,. I always thought that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.... Wow !!! was I wrong , cannot believe how much he loved to talk about me to anyone who had a pulse. I was amazed at how much narcs love to talk. So glad I never did., even before I knew what NPD was. And all because I just walked away.... we are not allowed to leave , how dare we !! I do love Karma don't you ??
They don't believe their own lies. If they did truly believe it, the lie would be constant and consistent - but, it's not, each story changes according to what fits them best at a given moment.
I live in a small town my former narcissist has literally sent an army of idiots after me so I'm keeping to myself reading my books working out doing my mindfulness saving my money I'm getting the hell out of here soon as this Corona thing blows over
@Roch Xavier thank you that one made me laugh this town is like a Twilight Zone episode but if you knew what I went through to find a home I have C PTSD BPD Asperger's and if they keep it up I will have LMNOP😁😂🤣😂🤣 I love it when good people respond I will do the best I can by the way since you are a TH-camr I tell this to everyone because I think they are really angels a light in a dark world check out the harp twins I was seriously thinking about stepping in front of a train and found them on TH-cam right after I found the Little Drummer girl I call her yoyoka I actually found yoyoka which kept me going first she does a song called Happy to see a child that loves her music so much her radiant smile pulled me out of a really bad one she is a phenomenal drummer I can't quite remember the song I heard her do first but my favorite one to play when I am down is happy thank you I comment a lot on TH-cam I watch dr. Ramani a lot I told her I was a narcissist magnet she actually had an episode called narcissist magnet it was the next one to pop up I isolate a lot but I am actually an outgoing person I have a good sense of humor I am quite talented people despise me in this town I will leave after this Corona thing blows over I have no idea where I will go I have a very hard time finding housing when I get there some days I am strong some days I break down like a child thank you so much for your comment much love big spiritual hug from Silas💞💔❤🙏
@Roch Xavier thank you again for your kindness it is a powerful love we stick together these children of abuse it makes us stronger sometimes we crumble like pastry it is beautiful to know that someone that doesn't even know you cares I'm a trained lifesaver I have save some the thing that stopped me from quitting this world is maybe I can save another it is the most beautiful feeling in the world I hate to compare it to a junkie's rush but it is like that good night and God bless and thank you so much there are days I just can't stop the tears so I let them flow and then I sleep the sleep of babies with no bad dreams👶🧚♀️
Hi Jill, first of all I just wanna say what a huge help your videos do for me and for all other empaths out there, thank you so much for this, ❤️. It’s just sad that we, as empaths have to make ourselves look as bad as them to avoid clashing with them.
I wanted to shed some light on that if I could. I figured out what happened. Because some people don’t accept you for you, love you unconditionally. They sometimes can look past you. Depending on the size of the ago doing the bidding, they can be very grandiose in matters of divorce. In our case, the x husband was being a bad guy in real time in front of others and it was NO SECRET. He immediately began trying to point fingers at his victim. Where it got complicated was when family got involved. Now me and her are dealing with a person with god only knows her motive, trying to tell stories, offer light on stuff with no new information. Yucky stuff. She takes it easy and stay home, has no hobbies, no activities, and she’s bipolar. I’m suspecting her of being borderline for this attack. It was totally irresponsible to relay stories from somebody else’s panic. He put her through hell. I saw it. So anybody trying to tell our truth is a massive panic feeling, because this guy was so volatile. Thanks JILL. Thoughts or comments if you’d like. ❤i got a lot from the video. Made us both feel better. Kinda identifies the monster so to speak. 😉💯👈🏻
If something is done that is illegal to smear/victimize the suitable target, then the victim has the right to file charges (False medical diagnosis- HEP C, mental health /SUD issues, infant daughter, "Defamation of Character" , planting false evidence, illegal entries in apartments/rented room, destruction/theft of property, etc). In addition, when you realize that you have come across a narcissist/psychopath, plan accordingly. Thank you Jill, and just like you, I have been terrorized as well. However, two things come into mind upon your video. 1st- No one should ever have to CONSTANTLY live their lives, according to someone else's malignant psychopathic jealousies ! 2nd- Certain states in the US do recognize that psychological and financial abuse are just as harmful as physical abuse. Last, the TRUTH will prevail and justice will be served ! Today !! 👍👍🗽⚖️
Omg,that's so true,my soon to ex mother in law and her son (almost ex husband)are always saying things Jody(the ex)is always saying that I'm talking about her or her family,(then she threatens to hit me with her imaginary 2×4,or shoot me)thereby creating the worthless circle again.I'm always watching my back,until my escape.🙃
"Well Mr/Ms. Narci, that's definitely ONE way of looking at things... Can you show me an example of what you are basing that opinion upon"? (Usually silence) This is an effective put up or shut up phrase that most narci's aren't equipped to respond to because they assume you or the target and and others who may be present will accept their superficial remarks and falsehoods as unchallenged truth. Watching them choke and stammer when gently asked to substantiate their false projections shuts them down (till next time) and exposes their nonsense to all present including FM's and enablers. * Keep your inflection humble and calm when asking them the magic question.
I finally learned not to react, and respond instead, very calmly, it drives them into a rage, and once you see this, or feel it, it becomes so easy, they reveal themselves, call them on their lies, and if they feel the truth will hurt more, they will gladly give it to you , if they think it might hurt enough to get you to react, but alas , they have admitted to lying, case closed , good time to become that "grey rock"
You are exactly right about their accusations being Confessions. Its crazy behavior from a crazy person. Obsession with revenge, vindictiveness,,telling outrageous lies and exaggeration. 😂😂😂
I can tell you speak from experience - thank you for all this info - its not talked about enough. I have lost my only remaining family member -my sister to my x husbands lies. But you are right they are not healthy and my yardstick is that if her x husband came to me with lies and slander I would have gone to her and asked some questions - she did not do that. I have also lost my step children to his lies - but I did not react - I did not give any reaction to his actions. Doesn't matter what they say - doesn't matter what they do - only matters what is and I know what is the truth.
The best verse I've found for narcs is Romans 3:13...13 “Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit.”“The poison of vipers is on their lips.”
I've dealt with zero contact. The people you meet you suspect are narc or self obsessed, I try to be as boring as possible back. Totally unengaged. Who cares what they think about you, dumb, simple whatever. This technique I believe has nipped trouble in its bud. Really great hearing you advise this, it's validating to me on a technique I devised out of sheer protection
This will be shared with my husband. He spent 20 years married to a narcissist. She spread it around that I broke them up. Not true. I needed to get my head around it and how to deal with it. Thank you so much! I don’t have to deal with it. Better not to engage. Simple.
I am being abused currently by 3 narcissist. My mother, whom is dying of pancreatic cancer as j type this, my brother who hasn't been around for 30 years and my youngest daughter. Tge smear campaign began 4 weeks ago. I live on my moms property and its worth a lot of money. My brother is controlling everything with my mom who I thought was close to me for the past 22 years. Lits more to the events happening daily to me and my special needs kids. Its been super hard. I found your chanel 2 days ago and I really need help.
Every person, who knows about narcissits, says to remain quiet during smear campaign. And thats what I did. I didn't give any energy to my ex. I start to think it was a bad decision. I understand how important is to not give any more supply / attention to the narcissist, but now I think I should have at least say something. Maybe something neutral or point finger on him and wrote on my profile something like - normal people don't do what you did. It's not okay that someone put dirt on your name and you can't clear it. I mean, Its been 2 years but I am still thinking - maybe I should have put at least one sentence on my profile to speak my mind and not totally shut down. Its like the dirt on your name stays forever. So why it doesn't work on narcissists? I feel like whatever I say - it won't put dirt on their name - but everything what they say put dirt on my name. He stole my friends and he is still popular and doing good / successful in that online community with my toxic replacement. (the new girl) I don't think there is any way of truth about him coming out. Or about me not being who he said I was... :/ Its frustrating.
I had a cup of coffee with a person 3 years ago. He asked me another 5 times to go for coffee. Each time he stood me up. No explanation. No asking for forgiveness. I didn't even like him much other than as a friend or acquaintance. I was just being friendly and polite when I accepted to try again. After he stood me up 4 times I declined a 5th time and blocked him. After that he started smearing me in our town. He's a popular person with many friends. I was new in town. He destroyed my chances of having friends and to have an income. I met another person who seemed like a soulmate. I had never met anyone like him before. Suddenly the smear campaign guy's words reach him too and he backs away from me. I never saw him again. I was 38 when I met him. I'm still feeling extremely sad about it.
The one who seemed like a soulmate was probably another narc. Narcs lovebomb you and give you the sense of being "the one", except that they are the diametric opposite. The first narc did you a favor by showing you who he is and by showing you who the second man is. You should feel happy they are gone! (I hope). I also hope you were able to leave that town and start over somewhere else.
I love all the I formation but I am not going plane, ugly just to stop the narcissist from being envious of me. You are right, it is really unfair. I will follow the other 4 advices. Thank you.
I think I love you Jill. My faith in God, independent of religion, is what gives me my greatest strength. It's what helped me confidently abandon a group of narcissistic leaders and oblivious followers. Spiritual strength is the greatest strength, it's the only strength.
Hi, really appreciate your channel. I get the gray rock method about not giving a narc the satisfaction of a reaction which if given would most certainly be weaponized against the target. But reshaping one's self, lessening one's self in any capacity for the ego of the narc is a win for the narc. They will have succeeded in re-creating you to their purpose. Beat you into submission. The second the target goes back to being their prior self,, such as wearing lipstick or doing their hair. as in your example, there is no doubt the target will be punished. Because they have been disloyal to the defined expectation of the narc. You will once again be a threat, and once again will be in the line of fire but this time they will double down.
Jill, you are so knowledgeable and well spoken! It is apparent from your views that you are helping many many people with your insights. thanks for sharing your wisdom with the world. ( You may not be aware of this, but your audio is recorded very low on all you videos, and I sometimes struggle to hear, even with the volume all the way up. Could you adjust for this?) Blessings on your work!
I agree with most of what you say but I have a big problem with the "downplay yourself" part. Because no matter what you do, pathological narcissists will always, always, ALWAYS find fault with you. If you have coffee in a chic place they'll call you a "phony snob" and if you have your coffee at K-Mart they will call you "poor trash". You can't win with them, EVER.
A lady that came into AA when I did around 22 years ago! She began a year or so before lockdown and she's mad as hell that I don't desire a friendship with her! She has about 3 female flying monkeys but I wouldn't be surprised if she also recruits several males into her coven for good measure! I'm just getting on with my life & recovery, even more so now I've let go of my narc-family in my birth month this March 2021... I'm just focussed on moving forward.
This is great..... Observe not absorb especially. Only thing I won't dumb down not to offend as a gray rock strategy. I'll just stay away and be great.
viewing this just as i'm being targeted by narc parent. smear campaign against my partner. relentless delusional accusations and character assassinations. horrible. trying to break up the relationship. using money and property to ruin me financially. in order to throw my life into chaos. trying my best to stick to facts and figures when communicating. avoiding characterizations and opinions. responding. not reacting. observing. not absorbing.
You certainly have a gift for getting the message across. Thankyou so much. I'm lucky to be alive. The utter viciousness of these people is a whole different level... They're like a Cancer... I'm now of the opinion that people are overrated. 😂😂😂
Absolutely. DO NOT ENGAGE. SPECIALLY IF THERE IS A FEMALE INVOLVED OR IS PART OF THAT GROUP. With time things went by good on its own. Doo soothing old activities yiu used to do before this. Your body will guide you
Just imagine my badluck! I came across three narcissists simulaneously about 5 years ago. Like, is it even possible?? Three of them during the same period doing same nonsensical things. It was hellish. Thank God it's all over now. Peace.
No way should you change a thing about you.If they are jealous so be it.Continue your makeup beauty,charm and be the true you.Never change for them in any way you are perfect the way you are.
I wish I knew you when my ex destroyed my life 3 years ago when the he did the grand finale. I lost so much and I cry everyday mostly over the emotional wreckage to our children .. it’s the most disgusting nightmare I’ve ever imagined., I can never get my life back I lost so much . It’s like stepping into quicksand and the more I fought for myself and kids the more I sunk into it and eventually death
Jesus can comfort you. Speak to Him, ask Him to come into your life and heal your Brokenness. He loves you and your children and wants you to be healed and whole for them. Begin your journey with Jesus he will walk beside you every step of the way. This channel is a good place to be and beginning your journey to Healing. It will take some time, but ask Jesus to fight for you and your children. Sometimes we are so weak we need him to fight for us. So that we do not give into evil. Don't let the devil win.
Leilani Evans I’m sorry I’m just getting used to commenting and just saw this on you tube to others replies and what not., I am not currently. It’s very strange but because I know I was set up and I even feel the DCF workers were helping my ex and I can’t figure it all out but I have requested the cases that were open investigations regarding his girlfriend which was case one and driving the kids after she supposedly drank wine which my daughter during her therapy session told the counselor what took place and how it scared her seeing the car became wobbly and her eyes had closed while she was driving and crossed over the middle line . So I begged the therapist not to call DCF that I can’t stop the visits to their dads and once he catches wind of this he will yell at the kids and blame me thinking I did this which I would prefer if another way can this be addressed . Well she didn’t listen to me and the first case everything I had told her took place accept I had no idea the extent to which my ex would go . He threatened our kids lives to say specific things to the DCF worker and If they don’t he’ll kill them ! So the kids told me and the counselor and she was suppose to help our kids and I guess she was let go where she was working then she dropped off the face of the earth . Never helping although she saw the fright in my kids eyes and how scared they were at 8 and 10 years old during this . So DCF closes case 1 with no substantiation and I mentioned to the women on the phone what about my kids being threatened ?? Was anything done about this ! Yes it has been completely looked into and nothing was found to have happened . So what my take was the DCF worker went straight to my ex and asked him if he threatened the kids lives and he just lied and denied this and switched over 3 cases seeing there was another case a few months after that case was closed and each case I was getting more and more harassed by the DCF Workers they never ever made an Initial surprise visit to my ex’s to see about the alcohol and instead called him and gave 10 days in advance before the dcf worker went over to the house to talk . The therapist requested an initial surprise visit which makes total sense as the DCF workers during each and every case just showed up at my door without any calls and these cases were about my ex and his gf and their over the top drinking which was scary for the kids and they were driving the kids around while being intoxicated and my son claimed that he was forced to drink alcohol and that was the 3rd case . My ex was able to turn all the cases onto me like I was setting him up and forcing the kids to lie to their therapists and then they would then call dcf up and that wasn’t true at all ., I have never even thought in those ways as my mind never wants to hurt anyone and even so I know how my ex is and he seeks revenge on me ., so that’s the answer there as the reason why I haven’t fought for myself and my kids . The kids now tell me that daddy doesn’t do bad things any longer which I get now what he’s doing .. he was always trying to put the blame on me for why the kids were upset or missed school seeing he would Scare the kids telling them he was gonna pick them up early and never let them see their mom again . Once this was said I worked So hard to get the kids to school and I failed att times but I would then have the social worker come over to chat with the kids so she could see what’s happening .. the school was backing me up as they saw what me and kids were going through and the kids therapists too but dcf can override even a Judges decision which isn’t right as those dcf worrkers are not around the kids. Enough or the parents and I truly feel they are not very trained well in narcissistic abuse amd I believe my ex is a malignant narcissist as to why he did so much damage to my life in all areas as I’m starting over in my late 40’a but they will win at all costs so he never liked the original decision with me being primary parent which I must say was the right decision by far . He mentally isn’t good at all for anyone especially our kids and I see it . I get the kids 50% of the time or more I just don’t get child support any longer which was another factor he wanted takin away from me . Now he will mot pay for any child expenses and seeing I’m afraid of the wrath of him I don’t ever take him to court ., I fear what hel will do to my life or the kids lives and this has caused me over the top trauma . I cry Every single day .,
@@Keepingitreal1971 my God . That is a true nightmare . My heart breaks for you . Watching a similar situation unfold at the moment with a close relative and this is terrifying. I believe only God can turn things around and I understand how you are at the point of "not fighting " . I pray you can find peace and I pray safety for you and the children . Stay strong young lady .
Leilani Evans thank you and I do pray and ask God for help and I’ve gone to a Christian Church for awhile and during this time and reaching out for supports seeing I lost all my supports who were like sisters to me we have known each other from our childhood and they all turned their backs on me never offering any supports and believing the nasty smears That my ex and I Believe a mutual friend helped him too seeing I aloud him to stay in the basement of my home as he was homeless and he begged me to please help him that he would be homeless and I have such a caring heart I try to help when I can and so I did and I laid out ground rules for him and that he needed to be actively looking for some where else to live and other specific rules and I believe seeing he told me that he knew my ex was crazy and that he was hurting you and I never talk to him my ex ever . I believed him seeing I always see the good and seeing I don’t lie I don’t ever pick up on others lies until I’m staring at it in my face . So I believe my ex put him up to doing this as I believe now he is a flying monkey and Helped to smear me to family and friends too .. my ex also used our children we string puppets and he would purposely abuse them and torture them to get the kids to tell their therapists and then dcf gets called . He planned this all out knowing he could turn the cases around onto me by threatening the Kids lives and then telling the dcf worker specific things coming out of a child’s mouth and making it look like I was trying to alienate my ex from our kids and the last year Prior to me loosing primary residence of the kids , both kids refused to ever go to their fathers for visitation . This had nothing to do with me swaying their decisions and all having to do with really my son being Adamant and never wanting to go to his dads again because the last time he was there his father tortured him terribly . My ex knows our son is deathly afraid of dolls especially the ones like American girl dolls and so one night my ex decided he was gonna put a doll under our sons fitted sheet on his bed and he made our son lay on his bed in the pitch black room all night with the door closed and my ex never gave him nurturing instead told him do not call for me and if you do I won’t come ., so our son laid on his bed and was so extremely scared and terrified seeing the doll was now touching him and because he watched an evil doll movie while at my ex’s where dolls came to life killing humans he was so scared and cried most of the night until he was completely exhausted and fell asleep ., my son told me while his dad got this all ready he was laughing about it like very sadistic and finding humor in torturing his son ., there are so many other things he’s done to our son and daughter which is very abusive and so my son goes and tells the dcf worker some of these terrible incidents that scared him also the driving drunk with the kids , forcing him to drink alcohol , and I believe the doll story and the dcf worker never believed my son and one of the workers right after my son explained an event that his dad did to him she then replied stating that you need to respect your father and start going back over to do your Mandated visits to your fathers . I said to her did you not just hear what my son told you ??? The other dcf worker after Ethan went with him to talk privately to him my son told him he saw that his dad would buy a kit that cleaned him out of showing that he drank alcohol and seeing my son was at 10 years old he was able to read what his dad had and my ex received weekly drug testing due to being on a controlled substance which those records helped him too seeing nothing detected alcohol and that’s why what my son root the the man worker who then comes out of the other room and asked me why is your son so obsessed and fixated on his fathers drinking . Dcf at the end when they told me I was substantiated with abuse and neglect and I’m not good for my kids as they are not getting their emotional needs met seeing your using them as your counselors so to speak . I was told to listen not speak up . Also that their findings of my ex were that he was only a social drinker . I was beyond mortified with what they’re findings were . I did ask why I was substantiated with abuse and neglect and the worker stated didn’t you receive a letter from the dcf office ? I stated I did not and I want to know what your findings were as to why this is the case . I never ever abused or neglected my kids I was over the top great mother I wanted an amicable divorce and amicable co-parenting and my ex Would not do this and he lies and denies so unbelievable that I truly fear him and I get so very scared that the kids are with him now as he has threatened our kids lives and my ex is not what the mask is but this evil sadistic man that now the kids are being tricked and he really works on our son and gaslights and manipulates his mind snd our son Being impressionable and neither child during the 1st year with their dad had none of their supports and he isolated them by changing schools , no more seeing true therapists he only aloud the kids to see me with him watching us , he changed their pediatricians which that made me so mad and their dentists so those kids were seriously iisolated and he laid down the rules and they only listen to their dad but never want to be there only wants to be with me . My ex is a delusional sick man and he has truly destroyed so much of our lives . Thanks for your response and I hope your family member that’s going through similar things much luck and I hope it goes better for her . You see I had no idea what my ex was which I was not educated in this disorder and that’ll help your family member immensely keep her informed and get her into watching these videos
Unfortunately they often envy your character and strength: who you are. They envy your authentic self. Then it is a long haul.
Yep.
I feel like starting over in a new city might be the best way to eliminate this. It's hard to say goodbye to everyone you know, but for me, they're trying to get me fired from work (and a few times succeeded), trying to get me thrown out of homes, and of course, ruining my reputation everywhere I go.
I look forward to a free life where they are not even a blip in the rear view mirror.
They belong in prison.
Quite pathetic, for sure. It's at the point of an at least partial government shutdown, as to free up money being illegally withheld from several people.
They started a smear campaign that is the same, tired bullshit, with no actual basis in fact.
One of the people responsible had multiple verified grooming conversations, slept with minors, beastiality, and is sabotaging coworkers everywhere they've worked, in addition to trafficking.
In the past, they've harassed people out of claiming their checks they are owed. This will not work for me,or anyone else.
The amount of video, text, and email evidence is incredibly damaging
They've been triggering people's PTSD, then attempting to claim that is what they are normally like, which is completely untrue.
This person and those who are flying monkeys for them, are pathological. I think they believe their own lies.
No one actually has to, or needs to work with any of these people. They have ruined their own reputations.
The amount of fraud and money laundering alone, would put them in prison for three life terms. Then we add in all of their assault and actual murder charges.
I've advised a permanent shunning. Pretend they don't exist, immediately turn them in if they commit a crime against you, or anyone else.
This person is a stalker who has harmed an inordinate number of people in his all-consuming need for constant attention
Not to mention the catfishing that is well-established.
I'd feel badly if they weren't an absolutely awful person
As far as I am concerned, this guy doesn't exist.
No one wants a pedo in charge of a group.
I protect children and women, they are exactly the opposite.
He was deemed sane, which means that he is definitely evil and desperate. Pretty lame.
That's exactly what it is 💯 ‼️ 🎯
@@samme1024Has that worked out for you?
You are so on point about this. I went through a terrible smear campaign from my narc boss at my job. I was angry and frustrated of how mistreated I was. I was reacting to all the accusations. Then one day I just sort of came to a realization. I have no control over those who attempt to defame my character, and I also have no control over those who choose to believe the lies that are told about me. The only person I have control over is myself. I chose to stop reacting. I chose to take my power back. They had no right to ruin my peace of mind. I had to come to terms with the fact that, yes, some things may fall a apart due to the smear campaign, but those are things that inevitably can be replaced. I can stand true to myself and my values. I learned how to stand my ground but to do it with grace. After I learned this, I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. The narcissist was no longer gonna dictate my mood, and I got my life back.
Same here. Anytime anyone quit or were fired, my boss would invoke a smear campaign against them. It's almost worse to work for a narc than to be in a romantic relationship with one.
Ditto!
Fav part of the video: "the truth always comes out."
@@melindataft4014 Be careful. They might be able to sue you, or get worse because of the publicity!
I really hope the truth comes out with these awful humans.
@@loopyloo788Same.
Don’t react. Let them say as they please. A narc tried to ruin my relationship with my kids. They came back as adults. Narcs never win!
This is extremely helpful advice, thank you! Given in a straightforward manner. My ex husband had a narcissist collapse at age 42. All of his hookers, hoes and crack heads have left and he is going to prison after 17 years of horrendous abuse. I used gray rock, video recording, called the police and moved many times. Thank God I survived his smear campaign and it’s really sad but I am glad I can escape from him now. I really appreciate your channel, it’s very important for my recovery. 🙏
Angel Alari with lessons comes blessings. Welcome to the free world I'm glad you got out safely.
Donot change yourself for any body. Never. If you are beautiful shine better. Hiding your shine will only make them think their methods are working and they will not stop until they utterly annihilate you.
You are absolutely right.
I totally agree. I specifically checked comments to see if anybody else saw this discrepancy. They will be envious no matter how much of a pit u are in.
Everything you’ve stated is very accurate. Great video. Take this advice if you are new to dealing with this type of person or now aware of what they are doing. If not, you risk going round and round in a vicious cycle. They will always draw you back into their games etc. Empaths have an especially difficult time with narcissists because we feel sorry for them and believe what they say. No contact is best. ❤️
Grey rock.
@Anna Gunn @mom could you advise me on what to do when your being bullied, and Slandered, and accused of stealing someone's account this vicious Slander is out of control..
I have learned not to feel sorry for them, for they do things with intent to harm ! Some of these individuals are vicious, and will NOT stop until someone stops them ! I have witnessed it first hand ! Some of these narcissists/psychopaths have NO conscience, no morals, no boundaries, and love to constantly antagonize you to see your reaction. Also, they may use previous victimization as a weapon to exploit, manipulate, and undermine your abilities. It is like dealing with a Jeckyl and Hyde...- no joke !
Why would you just believe anything they say?! Have you spoken to their ex to get the other side of the story? No? Then you need to be smart and reserve judgement...he could have something to hide. You empaths seem to only have empathy when sex is involved...how about having some empathy for their ex? Or maybe look into it more...maybe the ex is actually their wife.
Makes it easier for me to know who I might want to associate with. Anyone who will make judgements of someone they don't even know based on mean gossip (that keeps changing) is someone I don't care to know anyway.
💯 People who believe in gossip and slander don’t deserve anyone’s company if they are so easily swayed by words.
Oh, no way! Downgrade yourself?? No way, never play Small to appease to them. They're never satisfied anyways
I so agree! It's so much worse when you play small. They respond better to disdain.
@@MR-tr2fz I've experienced the same!
In some ways, this advice to downgrade yourself for the sake of the narcissist pissed me off almost as much as the narcissist! My insides were screaming, "B.S."
Thankfully, most of Jill's other content is great and makes complete sense. It just goes to show everyone here that WE, THE VIEWERS, still have to filter through this information for what works FOR US!
@@russhamel Even though it would feel awful to downgrade yourself, I look at it differently, first, because you say something to stroke a Narc ego does not mean you believe what you are saying, its self preservation, I believe it is a tool to use to stay safe and or stay alive until you can safely remove yourself from the situation, some people in these relationships can not just pick up and leave any time, everyone"s circumstances are different, and some are truly in danger. I would only use this method to stay safe until I could get away.
@@cathypeters8346 good point! As mentioned in my previous comment, every situation is different and as a means of self-preservation, this indeed may be an appropriate solution.
Those that do not believe that you are innocent or genuinely look into it to find out if you are innocent and then believe it, need to be jettisoned from your life at the speed of light. One size fits all. You are either with me or not. If not the door will be bolted tight to keep you out.
@@ccdm515 They discredit you in such a way that portrays themselves as the "poor victim" and you as "bully" or "abuser".....Even for something as minor as stating your opinion about something they disagreed with (due to their brainwashing and hatred of the truth). Having an opinion different from their's and especially it it's based on facts and truth, is like pouring water on the wicked witch. They can't handle it and will immediately start a smear campaign against you. Kindergartners have more maturity.
@@ccdm515 They discredit you in such a way that portrays themselves as the "poor victim" and you as "bully" or "abuser".....Even for something as minor as stating your opinion about something they disagreed with (due to their brainwashing and hatred of the truth). Having an opinion different from their's and especially it it's based on facts and truth, is like pouring water on the wicked witch. They can't handle it and will immediately start a smear campaign against you. Kindergartners have more maturity.
Reese Daniel, exactly what my half sister & her mother have done to me.
@@ccdm515 SO TRUE
Very well said!
I think that your channel is going to be very successful. I'm glad that I found you! Very good tips here. ❤
Heather Coleman-Voss how kind of you. Thank you so much. I’m glad you are here. We are all in this battle together.
@@theenlightenedtarget yes we certainly are...and this movement will help break future generational trauma for so many. I'm in the process of starting my own channel in 2020! Thank you for doing what you do.
Really helpful tips.
80,000 subscribers BEFORE you noticed it, I think she's already there 😉
Everything you've mentioned is extremely accurate. I met this narcissistic friend 10 yrs ago and she exhibited all the traits . Fortunately, I avoided her at all cost 1 yr ago when she smeared my reputation which initially hurt me so deeply and I went no contact blocking her from all social medias and made myself invisible to her and those whom she smeared my reputation. I've healed since then 😊
What I have learned recently is that your own track record speaks for itself. If people know you for who you really are, they will not believe the Narcissist. After all, the Narcissist have a reputation, too
Thanks for all the advice. I've never dealt with this before this year. I'm not sure how I feel about the "gray rock" method - maybe it would work for some situations. Since we are in a pandemic, nobody really "sees" each other, so not sure the narcissist can move on. It's been 8 months. My jaw dropped when you said the narcissist might say you're "unstable" or "mentally ill".. that is EXACTLY what this person said about me to a friend. My friend responded with, "hm.. that's not been my experience with her." so yes I think the truth will prevail, eventually.
Thank you for this post... I found out at 19 that my Mother had been smearing me to family members for years... Unfortunately, I didn't know what a smear campaign was then... I just thought it just.... Honestly, I didn't know WHAT to think, but I was hurt. And that led me to trust her less, then. Knowing what I know now, I know better than to trust her at all. This year I will be 50 years old. It's a shame.
I once completely flipped of a narc who was on a smear campaign against me, the narc in question was a family member, and known to be a liar, while I have an reputation for being honest and Frank. So one day I came home and saw the narc in the living room by him self and completely provoked him. Knowing full well he was gonna cry wolf since the whole smear campaign was based on me being a bully and out to get him. So I threatened him. And preceded to go to my room and take a shower. Few minutes later I came out with the whole family in the living room, and the narc playing the victim. So they asked me what happened and I completly acted surprised. I was like I just came home from work and went to the shower I didn't even know he was home 🤣🤣🤣🤣 and then I proceeded to remind everyone of our reputations and as such no one believed him. It brought him to tears for once he was the real victim but no one believed him. It was glorious to say the least.
Fight them with their own weapons, good one!
The student becomes the teacher. This is not healthy.
@@TiggerNyeah bet it felt damn good tho
Wow you just said something so key I have not heard this from anyone else. That they try to control how other people see see you because they can no longer control you.
I stopped all reaction to the smear campaign and attempts to provoke a reaction out of me from the Narc and his flying monkeys. The result is they got increasingly more frustrated and desperate they began to make fools of themselves trying to artificially engineer/manufacture conflict, and make me look like the culprit.
No Reaction, I just remained my normal calm happy self.
This lecture is spot on! Our host has the best education for these matters - experience and deep thought. I have had five of these high spectrum Narcissists to deal with over 45 years. Four female and one male. The damage they do is described in these lectures. The male in our experience went to jail ultimately for his behavior rooted in NPD. One of the females almost went to jail. I could write a book, but this TH-cam collection is quite sufficient. Thanks, for your work.
David Postma thank you so much!
" one of the females NEARLY went to prison...but the male did"....could you possibly expand on this.
I wish you would write a book!
I'm in a similar situation! I am trying to gather evidence!
It’s just remarkable how accurate all of her videos are regarding narcissistic abuse. It’s like she has been inside my soul watching my entire life.
"The other, wonderful advantage to not engaging is that it drives the narcissist absolutely crazy. They live for the reaction."
This is so true, and not engaging is my favourite method for dealing with narcissists. Once you realise how effective this is, it's a lot of fun to play with the narcissist... by not playing with them at all. This drives them _crazy._ Narcissists have succeeded with their techniques for so long that they never had to learn any others, and are probably completely incapable of learning, because their minds are really very simple (Their oversimplified, binary thinking, and their childish behaviour are prime indicators of this).
This inability to learn and adapt makes them a joy to mess with. Every time they try to provoke a reaction, you give them nothing. You act like they don't exist. And then watch them melt down. Then they come back and try the same tactic again... and again... and again... while you're laughing inside. Unable to learn, _they will keep trying the same tactics all the way to their graves._
I don't have words to describe the satisfaction that gives me.
You’re a mess, and most likely a narcissist yourself based on your ‘joy’ of messing with someone
I agree you would think that the narcissist and the flying monkeys would find a better Hobby
My dad’s 3rd wife and their golden child smeared me to rest of family. Turned everyone away from me. Most traumatic experience you can ever go through. The 3rd wife, my dad, golden child & a flying monkey uncle attempted to hoover me back into the hornet’s nest but by then I had too much education about the family dysfunction. Thank you so much for these excellent videos. You’re helping so many see the truth about how narcissists destroy lives. Subscribed & sharing!
I was amazed to discover how many people actually believed my narcissists smearing and gaslighting.
Really needed to hear this! These things are right on the money.
No contact is the best.
All will come out in the wash.
The part that is so unfair is going from a very sensitive, compassionate, empath, to a grey rock. I feel like a stone now after realizing my sensitivity was feeding the narc and having to hold back tears and show no reaction to things that use to make me just burst out in tears, like something on the news of a animal or child being mistreated. My whole life people have told me I'm to/so sensitive. When I was younger I hated it when people told me that, I remember my throat hurting numerous times trying to fight back my tears from something I seen or heard that made me emotional. I finally came to grips with it, and realized that is just a part of who I am, and there is nothing wrong with being to/so sensitive. After being made to feel like something was wrong with me after being told that so much. Now here I am again having to hide/ hold back a part of who I am, and now I'm just a grey rock. I try and find a silver lining in everything and want to say perhaps its helped me be a little stronger of a person, but also worried that I will just loose that part of me altogether. It's a two edged sword. But for now for the sake of being a target I shall be the ugliest most boring grey rock you ever probably never seen.
Welcome to the club.
I am a highly sensitive empath who had to go grey rock 4 years ago. I actually gained weight, stopped wearing makeup, and just stopped talking with them for anything unnecessary (and I live with them).
I have chronic pain so it is taking me ages to move out and go no contact, but I know that will be a wonderful day!
The best defence is having "EVIDENCE" and ace cards that are irruftable .....
They will run !!!
Yep, I have video and audio evidence,I am saving it for when he tries to make trouble for me legally,if he does,it will come out
You're teachings are direct from heaven, thank you so much. We don't get these taught at church, although they're there to truth-tell they are often toxic regarding inter-personal relationships
When they have your children ...
I have children with two narc mothers ..
And I'm devastated.
Stay on channels like this and know that people are praying for you to overcome
My ex husband took our son, and poisoned the mind of our adult daughter against me. Horrific.
God help those children then 🙏
Thank you for your warnings to flee malignant narcissists. I underscore your warning. It’s the only path to a safe life and a better one.
thank you ma'am. I am currently going through a terrible smear campaign with a supervisor of mine. Thus is why I have been listening to many channels searching for advise on dealing with it. Your breakdown Is absolutely hands down better than all of the other channels I've heard to date.
These lessons are so valuable. We need to recognize these patterns because we will be the target in a personal relationship, with a boss or coworker, with the head of the parent-teacher association, with the condominium board. They are everywhere.
3:15 One day, the narcissist and I was discussing a topic. She started a whole conversation with herself with my replies and everything. I was amazed at how much she believed her whole argument with herself. Then, she starts blaming me for what she thought I had said.😳
I asked her, "When did I said that?" She continued as if I said it.
This video gives me a confirmation to what I was thinking. Thank you.
Very well explained, thank you. I am going through the smear campaign as we speak, I have gone no contact to the flying monkeys, sooo hard sometimes!!! I have come so close to saying something but have to remind myself that's just what the Narc
wants. To everyone out there that has gone through or are going through, keep strong look after yourselves and show them that you don't care. God bless you out there🙏🙏🙏
I can't tell how much your channel has been helping me through my separation from a 12 year narcissist relationship...thank you so much.
Genius. My family has been hounding me since they noticed I bought myself a MacBook Pro. I saved for 4 years... but to them- I have and they don’t. My sister was drunk this Christmas and made me feel bad about my long hair and my freckles and lack of make up use.. the computer.. it was incredible.. I hadn’t seen them all year really.. and they blew my mind- their behaviors are actually getting worse
Thank you so much! I have someone who is constantly putting me down and trying to embarrass me infront of people. From now on, I'm just going to ignore him.
We should be looking into healthy attachment with the next generations so they are less likely to become such a damaged and damaging person.
This is going to be very helpful to make me heal. You are doing great thing, you saved my life.
Excellent advice, but no way ever I would change what I like and who I am to make them comfortable and feeling elevated! That part I don’t agree with because that goes into changing a person’s identity and uniqueness. That would make me more miserable while dealing with the hell they put me through. They just gots ta go, bottom line! However again, great advice!
I absolutely agree and I wrote a separate reply to further comment on this erroneous advice.
The grey rock advice is only for people who can't get away from a narc and can't go no contact. If they're still married to one, have kids with one or work with one. It's actually great advice for people who still have to have a narc in their life. I know it seems counterintuitive but dealing with a narc is not like dealing with a normal person. They are truly evil people.
This has been happening to me over the past several months. God bless you for your wisdom.
Excellent guidance. Thank you, Jill.
Soozin thank you so much.
You are so right about,the delusions,when you dont engage with the narcissist, it gets worse,they up there hoovering,or antagonism.
Largely agree with this with one caveat:
My experience with one narcissist is that I did leave him alone and yet he continued to come at me as a weak target. Ultimately, what I stumbled onto, was a rather risky but powerful gambit. Hope you enjoy:
7) Figure out what their hot button is... and push it in front of others.
Narcissists drink their own cool aid as TET points out and often believe they're invulnerable. One particular narcissist disliked the fact I was social and friendly and while I avoided him for months, he was still launching attacking against me (unbeknownst to me).
I engaged in the innocent, but objectionable (in his view) behavior after he had a long day and was in front of other people and he snapped and lost it. He dropped his mask and behaved badly. I didn't back down, and called him out. He was like a deer in the headlights. He lost all credibility in front of everyone.
The challenge to these largely passive approaches, some of which I have used successfully, is that they don't work every time. You need more than one hammer in the toolbox.
So I personally use observe, not absorb as TET suggests and then spring my trap. One neat thing about narcissists is they become predictable meaning one can set up nice juicy bait that they're sure to bite on. Just one thing: When you spring the trap, view it as like fishing: You're gonna have one angry fish on the hook so be prepared to go through with it. Don't feel bad that they're suffering (because they play on their target's human sympathy).
Don't feel bad when the thing suffers, because it loves to watch you and everybody else suffer. There is no love in the thing, only evil.
You are very likeable and i really appreciate your videos. I can see God's kindness in you. God bless you
My X smeared my good name from here to eternity
I just couldn't believe what he was saying about me.
I am so grateful that I just kept a dignified silence,.
I always thought that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.... Wow !!! was I wrong , cannot believe how much he loved to talk about me to anyone who had a pulse. I was amazed at how much narcs love to talk. So glad I never did., even before I knew what NPD was.
And all because I just walked away.... we are not allowed to leave , how dare we !! I do love Karma don't you ??
Defamation is a criminal offence in most countries. If you can get proof, sue them.
I have no money to sue. He left me destitute.
Currently going through it nw and waiting for a solicitor to contact me xxx
Thank you for yet another excellent video. Great set of techniques in dealing with narcissists. Especially the observe don't absorb technique.
Great encouragement regarding smear campaigns
Thank you Jill
A great summary of the destructiveness of the personality and steps to protect yourself from it. Thank you!
This so awesome. Observe dont absorb. Look plain Jane. Stop posting on social media. All this makes perfect sense. Thank you so much . Very helpful.
I can tell by the look in their eyes that they at the time truly believe their own lies. They write better fantasy than J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis.
"Evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived..." 2 Tim 3:13 ..
They don't believe their own lies. If they did truly believe it, the lie would be constant and consistent - but, it's not, each story changes according to what fits them best at a given moment.
I live in a small town my former narcissist has literally sent an army of idiots after me so I'm keeping to myself reading my books working out doing my mindfulness saving my money I'm getting the hell out of here soon as this Corona thing blows over
@Roch Xavier thank you that one made me laugh this town is like a Twilight Zone episode but if you knew what I went through to find a home I have C PTSD BPD Asperger's and if they keep it up I will have LMNOP😁😂🤣😂🤣 I love it when good people respond I will do the best I can by the way since you are a TH-camr I tell this to everyone because I think they are really angels a light in a dark world check out the harp twins I was seriously thinking about stepping in front of a train and found them on TH-cam right after I found the Little Drummer girl I call her yoyoka I actually found yoyoka which kept me going first she does a song called Happy to see a child that loves her music so much her radiant smile pulled me out of a really bad one she is a phenomenal drummer I can't quite remember the song I heard her do first but my favorite one to play when I am down is happy thank you I comment a lot on TH-cam I watch dr. Ramani a lot I told her I was a narcissist magnet she actually had an episode called narcissist magnet it was the next one to pop up I isolate a lot but I am actually an outgoing person I have a good sense of humor I am quite talented people despise me in this town I will leave after this Corona thing blows over I have no idea where I will go I have a very hard time finding housing when I get there some days I am strong some days I break down like a child thank you so much for your comment much love big spiritual hug from Silas💞💔❤🙏
@Roch Xavier thank you again for your kindness it is a powerful love we stick together these children of abuse it makes us stronger sometimes we crumble like pastry it is beautiful to know that someone that doesn't even know you cares I'm a trained lifesaver I have save some the thing that stopped me from quitting this world is maybe I can save another it is the most beautiful feeling in the world I hate to compare it to a junkie's rush but it is like that good night and God bless and thank you so much there are days I just can't stop the tears so I let them flow and then I sleep the sleep of babies with no bad dreams👶🧚♀️
@@silascochran9705 💝💒🌈
Love and God's blessings from Diane 😃
Truly wise advice. I feel if you follow the 5-6 steps you will go from Victim to Victor. As this is a work in progress for me. Amen 😔
You ARE enlightened...and a really good teacher! Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us. Subscribed.
Love this channel. ❤️ She clearly has real life experience but also has made a great life helping others- the best revenge IS SUCCESS...
Hi Jill, first of all I just wanna say what a huge help your videos do for me and for all other empaths out there, thank you so much for this, ❤️. It’s just sad that we, as empaths have to make ourselves look as bad as them to avoid clashing with them.
Point #2 is what keeps me quiet & motivated.
I wanted to shed some light on that if I could. I figured out what happened. Because some people don’t accept you for you, love you unconditionally. They sometimes can look past you. Depending on the size of the ago doing the bidding, they can be very grandiose in matters of divorce. In our case, the x husband was being a bad guy in real time in front of others and it was NO SECRET. He immediately began trying to point fingers at his victim. Where it got complicated was when family got involved. Now me and her are dealing with a person with god only knows her motive, trying to tell stories, offer light on stuff with no new information. Yucky stuff. She takes it easy and stay home, has no hobbies, no activities, and she’s bipolar. I’m suspecting her of being borderline for this attack. It was totally irresponsible to relay stories from somebody else’s panic. He put her through hell. I saw it. So anybody trying to tell our truth is a massive panic feeling, because this guy was so volatile. Thanks JILL. Thoughts or comments if you’d like. ❤i got a lot from the video. Made us both feel better. Kinda identifies the monster so to speak. 😉💯👈🏻
You are such a delight!!! Thank you for your wisdom and lovely serene voice!!🙏😍❤️...so grateful to have found you!!!
If something is done that is illegal to smear/victimize the suitable target, then the victim has the right to file charges (False medical diagnosis- HEP C, mental health /SUD issues, infant daughter, "Defamation of Character" , planting false evidence, illegal entries in apartments/rented room, destruction/theft of property, etc).
In addition, when you realize that you have come across a narcissist/psychopath, plan accordingly.
Thank you Jill, and just like you, I have been terrorized as well. However, two things come into mind upon your video. 1st- No one should ever have to CONSTANTLY live their lives, according to someone else's malignant psychopathic jealousies !
2nd- Certain states in the US do recognize that psychological and financial abuse are just as harmful as physical abuse.
Last, the TRUTH will prevail and justice will be served ! Today !! 👍👍🗽⚖️
Omg,that's so true,my soon to ex mother in law and her son (almost ex husband)are always saying things Jody(the ex)is always saying that I'm talking about her or her family,(then she threatens to hit me with her imaginary 2×4,or shoot me)thereby creating the worthless circle again.I'm always watching my back,until my escape.🙃
Now everything makes sense to me. Thank you!
So well put! However, so difficult when the situation is Grandparent Alienation caused by a daughter-in-law.
"Well Mr/Ms. Narci, that's definitely ONE way of looking at things... Can you show me an example of what you are basing that opinion upon"? (Usually silence) This is an effective put up or shut up phrase that most narci's aren't equipped to respond to because they assume you or the target and and others who may be present will accept their superficial remarks and falsehoods as unchallenged truth. Watching them choke and stammer when gently asked to substantiate their false projections shuts them down (till next time) and exposes their nonsense to all present including FM's and enablers. * Keep your inflection humble and calm when asking them the magic question.
Great advice. Good luck with ur channel.
Thanks
Thank you so much!!
I finally learned not to react, and respond instead, very calmly, it drives them into a rage, and once you see this, or feel it, it becomes so easy, they reveal themselves, call them on their lies, and if they feel the truth will hurt more, they will gladly give it to you , if they think it might hurt enough to get you to react, but alas , they have admitted to lying, case closed , good time to become that "grey rock"
You are exactly right about their accusations being Confessions. Its crazy behavior from a crazy person. Obsession with revenge, vindictiveness,,telling outrageous lies and exaggeration. 😂😂😂
and 10k pages of documents leaked to prove it hahaha
I can tell you speak from experience - thank you for all this info - its not talked about enough. I have lost my only remaining family member -my sister to my x husbands lies. But you are right they are not healthy and my yardstick is that if her x husband came to me with lies and slander I would have gone to her and asked some questions - she did not do that. I have also lost my step children to his lies - but I did not react - I did not give any reaction to his actions. Doesn't matter what they say - doesn't matter what they do - only matters what is and I know what is the truth.
The best verse I've found for narcs is Romans 3:13...13 “Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit.”“The poison of vipers is on their lips.”
Very true
Amen! 🌈
Fell right into this trap at the time I had no idea what the h was going on
Same,fell into their trap. But no worries, I don't care much what people think. Because I know that I am the true victim.
@@StubbornclarityNo you are not the victim! You are the SURVIVOR ❤
I've dealt with zero contact. The people you meet you suspect are narc or self obsessed, I try to be as boring as possible back. Totally unengaged. Who cares what they think about you, dumb, simple whatever. This technique I believe has nipped trouble in its bud. Really great hearing you advise this, it's validating to me on a technique I devised out of sheer protection
Jill I recently discovered your awesome channel!! Thank you so much for sharing this meaningful information.
The smear campaign is the absolute worst still trying to recover from this and my reputation.
This will be shared with my husband. He spent 20 years married to a narcissist. She spread it around that I broke them up. Not true. I needed to get my head around it and how to deal with it. Thank you so much! I don’t have to deal with it. Better not to engage. Simple.
I am being abused currently by 3 narcissist. My mother, whom is dying of pancreatic cancer as j type this, my brother who hasn't been around for 30 years and my youngest daughter. Tge smear campaign began 4 weeks ago. I live on my moms property and its worth a lot of money. My brother is controlling everything with my mom who I thought was close to me for the past 22 years. Lits more to the events happening daily to me and my special needs kids. Its been super hard. I found your chanel 2 days ago and I really need help.
This is mind blowing for me; it explains two bosses I’ve had.
Every person, who knows about narcissits, says to remain quiet during smear campaign. And thats what I did. I didn't give any energy to my ex. I start to think it was a bad decision. I understand how important is to not give any more supply / attention to the narcissist, but now I think I should have at least say something. Maybe something neutral or point finger on him and wrote on my profile something like - normal people don't do what you did.
It's not okay that someone put dirt on your name and you can't clear it. I mean, Its been 2 years but I am still thinking - maybe I should have put at least one sentence on my profile to speak my mind and not totally shut down. Its like the dirt on your name stays forever. So why it doesn't work on narcissists? I feel like whatever I say - it won't put dirt on their name - but everything what they say put dirt on my name. He stole my friends and he is still popular and doing good / successful in that online community with my toxic replacement. (the new girl) I don't think there is any way of truth about him coming out. Or about me not being who he said I was... :/ Its frustrating.
I had a cup of coffee with a person 3 years ago. He asked me another 5 times to go for coffee. Each time he stood me up. No explanation. No asking for forgiveness. I didn't even like him much other than as a friend or acquaintance. I was just being friendly and polite when I accepted to try again. After he stood me up 4 times I declined a 5th time and blocked him. After that he started smearing me in our town. He's a popular person with many friends. I was new in town. He destroyed my chances of having friends and to have an income. I met another person who seemed like a soulmate. I had never met anyone like him before. Suddenly the smear campaign guy's words reach him too and he backs away from me. I never saw him again. I was 38 when I met him. I'm still feeling extremely sad about it.
The one who seemed like a soulmate was probably another narc. Narcs lovebomb you and give you the sense of being "the one", except that they are the diametric opposite. The first narc did you a favor by showing you who he is and by showing you who the second man is. You should feel happy they are gone! (I hope).
I also hope you were able to leave that town and start over somewhere else.
@@dianefarley37 truth! If he ran off rather than check things with you, you don’t need him.
I love all the I formation but I am not going plane, ugly just to stop the narcissist from being envious of me. You are right, it is really unfair. I will follow the other 4 advices. Thank you.
I think I love you Jill. My faith in God, independent of religion, is what gives me my greatest strength. It's what helped me confidently abandon a group of narcissistic leaders and oblivious followers. Spiritual strength is the greatest strength, it's the only strength.
I too have a relationship with God that is independent of religion. God is the reason for living at all! 😃
Not reacting.. takes “the weapon of destruction” -WORDS..out of the situation! Respond simply & use every effort to NOT REACT!
This is really great the way you explain this out. I hope we can all get through this:)❤️💔❤️
Hi, really appreciate your channel. I get the gray rock method about not giving a narc the satisfaction of a reaction which if given would most certainly be weaponized against the target. But reshaping one's self, lessening one's self in any capacity for the ego of the narc is a win for the narc. They will have succeeded in re-creating you to their purpose. Beat you into submission. The second the target goes back to being their prior self,, such as wearing lipstick or doing their hair. as in your example, there is no doubt the target will be punished. Because they have been disloyal to the defined expectation of the narc. You will once again be a threat, and once again will be in the line of fire but this time they will double down.
What an awesome video, Thank you so very much. An ah moment!
Thank you so much. This has helped me so much.
Jill, you are so knowledgeable and well spoken! It is apparent from your views that you are helping many many people with your insights. thanks for sharing your wisdom with the world. ( You may not be aware of this, but your audio is recorded very low on all you videos, and I sometimes struggle to hear, even with the volume all the way up. Could you adjust for this?) Blessings on your work!
I agree with most of what you say but I have a big problem with the "downplay yourself" part. Because no matter what you do, pathological narcissists will always, always, ALWAYS find fault with you. If you have coffee in a chic place they'll call you a "phony snob" and if you have your coffee at K-Mart they will call you "poor trash". You can't win with them, EVER.
This video saved me. Thank you.
A lady that came into AA when I did around 22 years ago! She began a year or so before lockdown and she's mad as hell that I don't desire a friendship with her! She has about 3 female flying monkeys but I wouldn't be surprised if she also recruits several males into her coven for good measure! I'm just getting on with my life & recovery, even more so now I've let go of my narc-family in my birth month this March 2021... I'm just focussed on moving forward.
This is great..... Observe not absorb especially. Only thing I won't dumb down not to offend as a gray rock strategy. I'll just stay away and be great.
Thanks for sharing your experience and knowledge! This video is very useful!
viewing this just as i'm being targeted by narc parent. smear campaign against my partner. relentless delusional accusations and character assassinations. horrible. trying to break up the relationship. using money and property to ruin me financially. in order to throw my life into chaos.
trying my best to stick to facts and figures when communicating. avoiding characterizations and opinions.
responding. not reacting. observing. not absorbing.
You certainly have a gift for getting the message across. Thankyou so much. I'm lucky to be alive. The utter viciousness of these people is a whole different level... They're like a Cancer... I'm now of the opinion that people are overrated. 😂😂😂
Some people are worthy of time, trust, and love. We just need to learn to see them and be open to them. God is my indispensable teacher!
Absolutely. DO NOT ENGAGE. SPECIALLY IF THERE IS A FEMALE INVOLVED OR IS PART OF THAT GROUP. With time things went by good on its own. Doo soothing old activities yiu used to do before this.
Your body will guide you
Wooooooow
Totally agree with this 👍🏻
Great advice! Thanks!
Just imagine my badluck! I came across three narcissists simulaneously about 5 years ago. Like, is it even possible?? Three of them during the same period doing same nonsensical things. It was hellish. Thank God it's all over now. Peace.
No way should you change a thing about you.If they are jealous so be it.Continue your makeup beauty,charm and be the true you.Never change for them in any way you are perfect the way you are.
FANTASTIC!!! THANK YOU!!!❤
I wish I knew you when my ex destroyed my life 3 years ago when the he did the grand finale. I lost so much and I cry everyday mostly over the emotional wreckage to our children .. it’s the most disgusting nightmare I’ve ever imagined., I can never get my life back I lost so much . It’s like stepping into quicksand and the more I fought for myself and kids the more I sunk into it and eventually death
Jesus can comfort you. Speak to Him, ask Him to come into your life and heal your Brokenness. He loves you and your children and wants you to be healed and whole for them. Begin your journey with Jesus he will walk beside you every step of the way. This channel is a good place to be and beginning your journey to Healing. It will take some time, but ask Jesus to fight for you and your children. Sometimes we are so weak we need him to fight for us. So that we do not give into evil. Don't let the devil win.
So sorry. Are you still fighting for your children ?
Leilani Evans I’m sorry I’m just getting used to commenting and just saw this on you tube to others replies and what not., I am not currently. It’s very strange but because I know I was set up and I even feel the DCF workers were helping my ex and I can’t figure it all out but I have requested the cases that were open investigations regarding his girlfriend which was case one and driving the kids after she supposedly drank wine which my daughter during her therapy session told the counselor what took place and how it scared her seeing the car became wobbly and her eyes had closed while she was driving and crossed over the middle line . So I begged the therapist not to call DCF that I can’t stop the visits to their dads and once he catches wind of this he will yell at the kids and blame me thinking I did this which I would prefer if another way can this be addressed . Well she didn’t listen to me and the first case everything I had told her took place accept I had no idea the extent to which my ex would go . He threatened our kids lives to say specific things to the DCF worker and If they don’t he’ll kill them ! So the kids told me and the counselor and she was suppose to help our kids and I guess she was let go where she was working then she dropped off the face of the earth . Never helping although she saw the fright in my kids eyes and how scared they were at 8 and 10 years old during this . So DCF closes case 1 with no substantiation and I mentioned to the women on the phone what about my kids being threatened ?? Was anything done about this ! Yes it has been completely looked into and nothing was found to have happened . So what my take was the DCF worker went straight to my ex and asked him if he threatened the kids lives and he just lied and denied this and switched over 3 cases seeing there was another case a few months after that case was closed and each case I was getting more and more harassed by the DCF Workers they never ever made an Initial surprise visit to my ex’s to see about the alcohol and instead called him and gave 10 days in advance before the dcf worker went over to the house to talk . The therapist requested an initial surprise visit which makes total sense as the DCF workers during each and every case just showed up at my door without any calls and these cases were about my ex and his gf and their over the top drinking which was scary for the kids and they were driving the kids around while being intoxicated and my son claimed that he was forced to drink alcohol and that was the 3rd case . My ex was able to turn all the cases onto me like I was setting him up and forcing the kids to lie to their therapists and then they would then call dcf up and that wasn’t true at all ., I have never even thought in those ways as my mind never wants to hurt anyone and even so I know how my ex is and he seeks revenge on me ., so that’s the answer there as the reason why I haven’t fought for myself and my kids . The kids now tell me that daddy doesn’t do bad things any longer which I get now what he’s doing .. he was always trying to put the blame on me for why the kids were upset or missed school seeing he would Scare the kids telling them he was gonna pick them up early and never let them see their mom again . Once this was said I worked So hard to get the kids to school and I failed att times but I would then have the social worker come over to chat with the kids so she could see what’s happening .. the school was backing me up as they saw what me and kids were going through and the kids therapists too but dcf can override even a Judges decision which isn’t right as those dcf worrkers are not around the kids. Enough or the parents and I truly feel they are not very trained well in narcissistic abuse amd I believe my ex is a malignant narcissist as to why he did so much damage to my life in all areas as I’m starting over in my late 40’a but they will win at all costs so he never liked the original decision with me being primary parent which I must say was the right decision by far . He mentally isn’t good at all for anyone especially our kids and I see it . I get the kids 50% of the time or more I just don’t get child support any longer which was another factor he wanted takin away from me . Now he will mot pay for any child expenses and seeing I’m afraid of the wrath of him I don’t ever take him to court ., I fear what hel will do to my life or the kids lives and this has caused me over the top trauma . I cry Every single day .,
@@Keepingitreal1971 my God . That is a true nightmare . My heart breaks for you . Watching a similar situation unfold at the moment with a close relative and this is terrifying. I believe only God can turn things around and I understand how you are at the point of "not fighting " . I pray you can find peace and I pray safety for you and the children . Stay strong young lady .
Leilani Evans thank you and I do pray and ask God for help and I’ve gone to a Christian Church for awhile and during this time and reaching out for supports seeing I lost all my supports who were like sisters to me we have known each other from our childhood and they all turned their backs on me never offering any supports and believing the nasty smears That my ex and I Believe a mutual friend helped him too seeing I aloud him to stay in the basement of my home as he was homeless and he begged me to please help him that he would be homeless and I have such a caring heart I try to help when I can and so I did and I laid out ground rules for him and that he needed to be actively looking for some where else to live and other specific rules and I believe seeing he told me that he knew my ex was crazy and that he was hurting you and I never talk to him my ex ever . I believed him seeing I always see the good and seeing I don’t lie I don’t ever pick up on others lies until I’m staring at it in my face . So I believe my ex put him up to doing this as I believe now he is a flying monkey and Helped to smear me to family and friends too .. my ex also used our children we string puppets and he would purposely abuse them and torture them to get the kids to tell their therapists and then dcf gets called . He planned this all out knowing he could turn the cases around onto me by threatening the Kids lives and then telling the dcf worker specific things coming out of a child’s mouth and making it look like I was trying to alienate my ex from our kids and the last year Prior to me loosing primary residence of the kids , both kids refused to ever go to their fathers for visitation . This had nothing to do with me swaying their decisions and all having to do with really my son being Adamant and never wanting to go to his dads again because the last time he was there his father tortured him terribly . My ex knows our son is deathly afraid of dolls especially the ones like American girl dolls and so one night my ex decided he was gonna put a doll under our sons fitted sheet on his bed and he made our son lay on his bed in the pitch black room all night with the door closed and my ex never gave him nurturing instead told him do not call for me and if you do I won’t come ., so our son laid on his bed and was so extremely scared and terrified seeing the doll was now touching him and because he watched an evil doll movie while at my ex’s where dolls came to life killing humans he was so scared and cried most of the night until he was completely exhausted and fell asleep ., my son told me while his dad got this all ready he was laughing about it like very sadistic and finding humor in torturing his son ., there are so many other things he’s done to our son and daughter which is very abusive and so my son goes and tells the dcf worker some of these terrible incidents that scared him also the driving drunk with the kids , forcing him to drink alcohol , and I believe the doll story and the dcf worker never believed my son and one of the workers right after my son explained an event that his dad did to him she then replied stating that you need to respect your father and start going back over to do your Mandated visits to your fathers . I said to her did you not just hear what my son told you ??? The other dcf worker after Ethan went with him to talk privately to him my son told him he saw that his dad would buy a kit that cleaned him out of showing that he drank alcohol and seeing my son was at 10 years old he was able to read what his dad had and my ex received weekly drug testing due to being on a controlled substance which those records helped him too seeing nothing detected alcohol and that’s why what my son root the the man worker who then comes out of the other room and asked me why is your son so obsessed and fixated on his fathers drinking . Dcf at the end when they told me I was substantiated with abuse and neglect and I’m not good for my kids as they are not getting their emotional needs met seeing your using them as your counselors so to speak . I was told to listen not speak up . Also that their findings of my ex were that he was only a social drinker . I was beyond mortified with what they’re findings were . I did ask why I was substantiated with abuse and neglect and the worker stated didn’t you receive a letter from the dcf office ? I stated I did not and I want to know what your findings were as to why this is the case . I never ever abused or neglected my kids I was over the top great mother I wanted an amicable divorce and amicable co-parenting and my ex Would not do this and he lies and denies so unbelievable that I truly fear him and I get so very scared that the kids are with him now as he has threatened our kids lives and my ex is not what the mask is but this evil sadistic man that now the kids are being tricked and he really works on our son and gaslights and manipulates his mind snd our son Being impressionable and neither child during the 1st year with their dad had none of their supports and he isolated them by changing schools , no more seeing true therapists he only aloud the kids to see me with him watching us , he changed their pediatricians which that made me so mad and their dentists so those kids were seriously iisolated and he laid down the rules and they only listen to their dad but never want to be there only wants to be with me . My ex is a delusional sick man and he has truly destroyed so much of our lives . Thanks for your response and I hope your family member that’s going through similar things much luck and I hope it goes better for her . You see I had no idea what my ex was which I was not educated in this disorder and that’ll help your family member immensely keep her informed and get her into watching these videos