"They're actually very good at helping..." *shoulder pat* "...advising..." *shoulder pat* "...counseling..." *shoulder pat* "...being an unpaid therapist..." *GUNSHOT*
Going back to your point about INFJ fears of never being understood. I think that's why we like watching these types of videos so much is that this is one of the few moments where someone actually seems to really get us.
to a certain degree I agree... but it’s one thing to understand the mechanics of the mind of an INFJ and a completely other thing to understand and realise how said mechanics are expressed by a certain INFJ (for example my Se goes wild in a certain/way direction for you it might be a completely different direction)
@@netstalker3512 not too familiar with the Se part of INFJ, but I have to agree with Alex, it's more my frustrations that no one understands me, labels me as a bad person, some say I need help, I find my self alone always because I just do not fit in, am I am alien? I am so smart, great minded, it's almost like there is a war on facts and information, and no one wants to hear it or released it
Isn't it like putting 2 mirrors in front of each other. Like you can read so much meta, that you know what they are thinking/feeling and you know, that they know how you are thinking/feeling. Awkward.
I am sorry that happened to you. I am INFJ and my best friend is INFJ and we've been friends for 58 years! We did have a door slam once that lasted 2 yrs. but we came back to each other. I have 2 other friends who are INFJ and it is one of them with whom I can talk about anything and feel understood. My ESFP friends are the best at listening and accepting, even if they don't understand me.
@@theempirecuts6738 - only one of them lives where I live now, and none of them live in the same place. I can see why you said that...it would be unusual!
What happens when two INFJs are friends: INFJ 1: so what would you like me to do, thing 1 or thing 2 INFJ 2: ohhh hmm, what do you feel like doing? I'm doing thing 1 atm but I could switch to thing 2 INFJ 1: ok, I'll do both
I'm and INTJ with an INFJ best friend and this drove me CRAZY! She would never tell me what she wanted even after we've done what I wanted multiple times. She was so considerate and it felt burdening for me because I wanted to do something she wanted to do. Are all INFJs like this?
@@user-rx7uh9mg4f Let her! INFJs are a lot happier doing what a person they care about likes than what they themselves like! This is especially true when they idealize you so much :)
though, if they feel taken advantage of or stepped on due to that, it changes completely. So as long as you show consideration they're super happy pleasing you!
Such an accurate read on INFJ... I want to put this in an information manual and give it out to everyone I know. Re: INFJ relationships... me and one of my closest friends are both INFJ and it is one of my most cherished connections in this lifetime. We don't have to worry about over-giving because we are both keenly aware of each other's emotions and take care of each other. It is like a soulmate friendship.
You're so lucky, I'm an infj dating an infj girl, it's very different from dating any other type, I do fear giving because she gives just as much and doesn't take anything I do for granted. Hard to explain. I just feel safe with her.
When I was younger I had to constantly remind myself of the quote below. Now I’m grateful it comes naturally and I’m able to harness my introversion and who I am m, rather than wish to change it! “Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured… Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to.” - Susan Cain Keep up the good and much needed content!
I'm INFJ, my boyfriend is INTP. Actually, he approached me first and kept asking me questions because he wanted to know me better. It was so refreshing someone was actually taking the time to know me on a deep level and I truly appreciate it as an INFJ.
When two INFJ’s talk often, they connect extremely easily. They don’t find it hard to talk about themselves there because they’re the same person essentially internally.
I have an unspoken social rule: "You talk as much as I do, or I'll stop sharing." So I don't get very far with the "hiding themselves" types. INFJ relationships are definitely love/hate. We understand each other too well.
Wow, this is who I am to the point. Except I'm an INFJ-T. Friends never stay. And one's I help never stay either. When I need help nobody wants to help. I've had times with others as their free counselor and not being recognized for it. Thanks this was a great video.
Me an INFJ: I ask Nathan to make a video on ENTPs and he makes a video on INFJs, telling me to focus on myself more than others. Lol. BTW I take your advice seriously!
As an INFJ with an INFJ friend I have to say we tell each other everything. We don't worry about being too much and often it's a relief because we finally share parts of ourselves with each other that we don't share elsewhere. Perhaps that's also just having a healthy relationship. We've got in to the habit of sending many snapchats back and forth expressing how we feel or think about all kinds of things. When we met each other we just had an instant connection. Kind of a 0-60, black and white connection. We didn't waste any time. You know when you can connect with someone because it rarely happens
2:13 I was chosen for taking an English oral test for a teacher who was sent by the government for some reasons. I expected everything but her asking about myself. And that gave me a bluescreen.
On the subject of what happens when two infjs talk. I’m an infj and one of my the best friends I could ever have is an infj. We talk a lot and checkup on each other every day, throughout the day. We take turns unless one of us doesn’t feel like talking too much and then it either explodes with one of us trying to help the other or we go quiet if we sense the other needs some alone time. We like talking about things we both relate to and like talking about the things we read online. We also like sharing what’s going on in our current lives. If we don’t have much going on I like sharing memes to make us both laugh or ones that we relate to so that we can feel as if we are at least understood by some people. We talk about some other stuff but that’s all I’ll say.
INFJ+INFJ friendship is amazing since they both will get to spend time knowing about each other equally, and to a high degree, neither feels they are misunderstood. This happens until one of them or both fall into a pitfall. Fe in the young/immature/unhealthy INFJ can easily become toxic to people. The young INFJ wants to be there for others, even if it means they will mislead or even lie to them. In the young INFJ's mind, telling the truth to others might hurt them, but they miss the fact that being honest is a sign of respect and people will accept honesty as opposed to being led on. In such cases, Fe breeds toxicity and chaos. To make things worse, young/unhealthy INFJs tend to avoid conflict/confrontation at all costs, so when confronted by their misled victims they will perform very poorly and rarely give satisfactory answers to important questions. INFJs need to understand that manipulation and giving hints are not enough; they should try being brave and confidently express what they want or don't want. And this is coming from an INFJ.
How did you discover this for yourself? It's hard to develop Fe and Te blind spots.. As INTJ I find it very difficult to tone down what I see as Te truth backed by my Fi values. Used to think I might be INFJ, but there is no way. I have hurt people with my unfiltered thoughts since I was a child. I learn from my INFJ boyfriend, even though his Fe does sometimes go overboard into everything you said..
I have a friendship with two different INFJ women (I am an INFJ) and they are my two closest friends.. they truly know me and it is without a doubt an unconventional and rare friendship.. there is a high degree of emotional intimacy, support and respect within the relationship that is lacking in most other relationships . There are also a lot less issues than in other friendships/relationships since we can speak completely openly with each other without worry that we'll be perceived in a negative way or misunderstood...
Actually, INFJs have performance anxiety, especially when linked to self worth. That's all. And we always know a lot more, than we let on. Basically everything. We see it, we notice every secret fart, we just have poker faces made of steel. We're very strategic creatures. You have no idea what is going on inside. Just because something looks a certain way on the outside, it doesn't have to be that way and most likely isn't. We don't struggle with Se, we just spend a lot of time sharpening our axe and doing a lot of things behind the scenes that you will never know about, because, as you said, we don't talk about ourselves, especially not about what we're actually doing. Either you're a rare breed of close person who gets to observe it or you will never know. And Te is not a blindspot. We are aware, we just don't care or rather use it to hold people accountable. And I especially hate it when people try to impress with their Te, I see through it like glass, although it can be amusing when people try.
I agree with everything you said except the TE part. I can utilize TE but it doesn't come naturally. Can you elaborate? The way you spoke of TE seemed to have a negative slant.
It's not entirely rare for me to be transparent with others. Mostly because my strengths dwell in connectedness and input. I love brainstorming with others. Perhaps I am not honing in (in my mind) what mysterium you speak of. I think people do find me so but honestly I don't hide all that much, not purposefully anyway. Unless I feel truly unsafe.
My co-worker is an INFJ; we work one graveyard shift together but I wish she worked with me more often. We can talk for up to 3 hours 😁 We take turns listening to one another, occasionally interrupting the other with enthusiastic thoughts that suddenly come to mind. The other day I asked if we could return to a subject we talked about 30 minutes prior, because I didn't quite have closure with it. Haha. We joke that it was like driving in a car and suddenly hitting reverse. We have rather dramatic and absurd humor, and share a lot of laughter. We share how events have made us feel as well as our opinions, experiences of people. We talk about anything and everything, including various TED talks and thought leaders we've watched. We analyze our past experiences, the concepts we derived from it especially, our likes/dislikes and our goals/ideals. One time I really could not explain what I was trying to convey, so she gave me space to figure out saying it differently. And then she said she understood, even though she could not formulate the word of what she decided from my message either 😂 I didn't realize at first but we actually went to the same two elementary schools briefly. We are the same age! She had a rough childhood but she is really thriving in life. I had a rough upbringing as well, but different. She has two jobs, is getting her bachelor's in nursing (BSN) and has a daughter. As for me, I'm much more cautious with long-term commitments that I make in life. I'm still figuring it out. She once said that if she had the money that she would pay for my school; she thinks I'm very intelligent. I thought that was the sweetest thing to say. She inspires me with her choices and massive perseverence in life! I'm more cynical, skeptical, and thorough in thought. I probably Ni-Ti more. However, I might sacrifice some of that, especially what doesn't serve me, if it meant being happier like she is 🙂 I've come to enjoy her very much. I'm not sure she enjoys me quite as much but she shares a lot about herself with me and I her. And I honor and appreciate that. I feel inclined to do nice things for her even when exhausted. Honestly, I don't have the hardest time talking about myself. But I do tend to test the waters. I find that conversations go more smoothly when I just ask questions to people about themselves. I feel like I kept the harmony better when I stick to that. If I share too much about myself, I always risk the inevitable regrets and edits my mind will create later that day, sometimes for years to come. (I'll feel embarrassed at what I output). Yeah. It's fun!
As an infj it is really easy to see what people want to hear in a conversation and we try to give them what they want and when we talk about ourselves we paint them of picture of how they want us to be
Hello Nathan. I'm an INFJ as is my daughter - we have a wonderful relationship. Being "typed" has made me finally, at 62, begin to make sense of myself, to myself. I feel as an older INFJ, I'm able to help my daughter to take a step back to say "Ok, it's crazy, it's weird, but it's an INFJ thing and I can work on it." But it's great to have a similar crazy weird person around! 😍
From a fellow INFJ, that was amazing. I had an INFJ friend before. We talked a lot for a while, but it ended in, as another comment put it, a double door slam.
Your videos often bring up so much insight for me, not to mention how comical they are becuase they are so TRUE. Self-imposed obligation is very challenging to deal with because if i do not fulfill the obligation, it weighs on my conscience. There is a sense that I must act appropriately or suffer from guilt for the rest of my life. I feel like things weigh very heavily on my conscience and I cannot forgive myself for not being responsible when I am conscious of what is the more morally appropriate thing to do. This is not something that can really be shut off. I cannot imagine people simply, or what I like to say- people are not 1 or 2 dimensional. I consider them in a very comprehensive way, so even the barista is someone I will treat on a very personal level. I cannot "use" people, even when they say thats what theyre there for. I cannot pickup or drop off my kids with a babysitter without having a personal exchange in both instances. I have to be tired, busy, rushed, or experiencing some other strong emotion to keep me from doing this. I will always feel guilty afterward for doing that, of course, by apologizing profusely for my behavior and being curt. I like to be warm and welcoming, always building rapport with people. It does get exhausting, though, trying to do that WITH EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT COMES INTO MY SPHERE OF INFLUENCE. So I keep my circle of friends small, so that I can care for them with the depth Im used to. I keep interactions with others short and not feel bad for not making deep personal connections with every human being i come across. I do really care a lot, and the feeling really does go beyond that word because it does feel like an obligation or even a compulsion. There is definitely the sense that I am being selfish when im focused on myself. When giving advice, I am very careful. I try to point people back toward trusting themselves, but i have also had to learn not to judge people for taking my advice or not. I have ended friendships or simply distanced myself for people who do not take my advice or consider my perspective. Often, i do not have personal investment in other peoples issues, so I feel that gives me a somewhat objective view on their problems. To me, this should be a relevant perspective to consider, but people don't like that. They want advice from someone who will enable their behavior or make them feel good about themselves. I will give my honest opinion on a situation, some people value this and some dont. I also try to add the disclaimer that my perspective is also limited. I dont know the full context of what someone is dealing with, so that should be factored in to any decision making. My goal, really, is to know people so well that I can make more accurate predictions and piece together things in a way they arent able to see. Of course, this is exactly what I want for myself- as I am constantly trying to understand who I am and how my pieces all fit together. Perhaps when I have been successful in my personal endeavor to wholeness, then I wont have such a drive to understand others on such a deep level. Exactly. There arent many people who know me on a very deep level, so I dont feel misunderstood as much as I feel UNKNOWN. I realize this is in part due to my own shyness and restraint. (Im an anxious and restrained introvert with social phobia).Throughout my life I have had one best friend at a time who I would be able to let my guard down with. I still don't quite reveal all of myself to them either, but i get better with time in allowing myself to be vulnerable. It is very strange when someone asks about what i think or what my interests are.. i will go blank. Who? Me? As far as Im concerned, I dont exist! There is this very odd feeling of a lack of sense of self. I'm still figuring it out. Its definitely a result of strong Introverted Intuition and Extraverted Feeling. Its a disturbing and annoying combination. When I do talk about myself, i have a tendency to circumambulate the answer. I cannot be direct in matters pertaining to myself. I use a lot of metaphorical language, analogies, and symbolism. Philosophy, some religious texts, and esoteric knowledge has really helped to give me the language to describe what i know/feel intuitively, but this only makes me seem MORE STRANGE. Most people I come across arent going to understand a reference to the Bhagavad Gita or Marcus Aurelius' Mediations. lol. It helps to just find the people that DO get me, or are supportive and try to understand me. Never Making it Happen! UGH Definitely a concern and feeling like I just cannot make those concrete steps happen to achieve my goals. Perfectionist tendencies do come in to play here and will hold me back from ever taking action. I also get frustrated when things dont happen the way I envision, and its enough to make me quit sometimes. (Poetry* LOL) My ultimate goal is to understand myself and feel whole, and I realize that part of that journey means I have to interact with other people and the world. There really is just no way around it- I have to participate to find those parts of myself that are evoked through action and experience. Thanks for a great video that helped me to understand myself better and to also let other people know what we INFJ are really going through internally. I struggle with everything you mention, so to have someone else explain in a way i cannot convey helps a lot.
It's so awesome that you are self-aware of this, and are able to put it into words. I feel the exact same way and carrying that weight around has not been good on my health. Thank you for writing this.
Two chameleons trying to blend into each other's hue must be a fascinating sight. Because that's pretty much what it feels like for an infj to be with an infj. It's like we're straining to get a hold of each other's mood to match it but not succeeding because neither of us is actually letting anything off in the first place. Quite uncanny, but I suppose if you manage to go beyond that it would feel heavenly. Haven't been there yet I'm afraid.
I've been studying abroad before the pandemic and made a bunch of new friends. There had been one INFJ (other than me) in my closest circle, and we both settled down on the conclusion we wouldn't talk to each other without some kind of mediator (it was ESFP for us). Not that we couldn't, it was a pleasure to share some insights, but we needed someone to break the ice.
Everyone is an energy vampire to us... even if we love them. We say.. I love you but Im physically ill.. ill see you in a year or Maybe 3 weeks depending if I recharge or not.. even if I recharge something new will come up big.. and I probably wont be able to give you the energy you deserve.. so nevermind.. see ya..who knows when
I’m an infj and my boyfriend is too, at first it was really weird for me because I could tell we were both trying to interact based on the others reactions (it was essentially like one black page trying to read off another) but eventually it forced us to both be the most authentic and pure versions of ourselves around each other because we had to start off by straight up revealing ourselves at some point! Our relationship is hilarious because we can pretty much read each other’s minds but it also feels like we never fully understand each other, because we can’t fully understand ourselves in the first place!
These (introverted) 'blind spots' enhance the automated perceptions, mind connected in all available parameters. Blinkers shrink 🙏 Existence tethers by chronology of dreams, and awake they must be formulated once again, defraged...just like everyone's else. By creativity in principle the effectualization, hence they become unleashed.
I’m an INFJ. One time I become acquainted with another INFJ named Clay for just a few short weeks. This was a profoundly moving and interesting time for me. From my experience, when two INFJs meet, it is almost like a hallmark religious/spiritual experience. It’s truly surreal how deeply two INFJs understand one another, and it is very exciting. However, on the other hand, with Clay the INFJ, I felt exposed and without any sense of identity. This may surprise some people to hear, but when two INFJs meet, its as if their brains are both doing the exact same thing to no end: trying to absorb, mirror, and compliment the other persons personality. On one hand, their is a deep level of understanding unlike anything an INFJ can experience with anyone or anything else. On the other hand, their is a feeling of being left out in the open, completely naked, and with no identity. It’s strange, surreal, and beautiful, and somewhat terrifying.
One of my biggest fears was over my ex-girlfriends health. I couldn’t control her self neglect and it drove me mad. It taught me I need boundaries and to be more hands-off in relationships. Other big fear is losing time and not maximizing my dreams in the physical world.
It's actually very frustrating because I would love nothing more than for someone to know me better than I know myself, yet I find it not only awkward but downright painful to talk about myself.
Now imagine someone on the opposite end that feels that same awkwardness and unpleasantness about opening up. Two mirrors. I’ve met 3 infjs and as one I wanted the same understanding but had to realize my walls were also met but there’s.
My best friend and I are INFJs. We generally talk about other people. We’ve both been going through an identity crisis this year and we have a code word if the other person needs help. I don’t know about him, but I’ve been literally in tears and begin to text, but never reach out.
I am an INFJ and I have about 3 INFJ friends... There is a mutual respect. Then there's competition. Knowing they are INFJs helps me, if I didn't I would not let them do some of the things they do for me... Or to me.
I'm an INFJ male who married an INFJ female this year. We knew right when we met that we wanted to be husband and wife. 38 days later we bought a house and got married. What's it like? It's spectacular and challenging. Spectacular because we both crave to be connected on a physical, emotional and spiritual level and when that is clicking, it is better than anything you could imagine. We both surprise each other with our high level of creativity that we achieve through our individual passions and talents. It's also a breath of fresh air for each of us to fully understand why and how we come to the conclusions we do; we get the process of the other person! It's challenging because Ni knows the direction it wants to go. It can see it clearly and when we don't align there, we have had to learn to step back and either find compromise or learn to agree to disagree if it is something that just does not matter in the long run. My wife's use of Se inferior is much better developed than mine. This is probably due to having an ESTP older brother growing up who challenged her. This can also lead to problems because of my fear of messing things up say doing repairs and upgrades around the house. Whereas she will say, "if it's broke, don't wait. fix it now", I will be hesitant to move on it because I am afraid of doing it wrong and make the problem worse for everyone. The other challenge is we always want to Fe the other person and not allow them to take care of us. It's a good challenge, but a challenge none the less. This is one of those points you made in the video about taking care of yourself. Why not allow her (or me to her) take care of each others needs. We can both take turns and thus all the pressure is no longer on us. We get to decompress for once instead of feeling the need to take care of everyone else first. This is a real growth area for both of us. I could write pages, but I'll spare you. Great (and accurate) summation in your video!
what an interesting insight: Fe-ing each other and not allowing the other to take care of us. I have never thought of that before. I hope some day you do youtube videos on your INFJ+INFJ experience.
I’m an infj , So is the mother of my son. Don’t really have anyone else in my life that I’m open with. Nor does she. Despite the fact we broke up a year and a half ago. So that’s what happens when 2 infjs get close lol 😂
As an 42yo INFJ I wanted to be understood my whole life resulting in explaining myself over and over and over and over. Last year I finally let that go and it is a complete breath of fresh air. Dear INFJ's, just be who you are and don't explain it anymore and you'll feel so much better
Answering your question about 2 INFJs. I am an INFJ and have one INFJ friend. He knows me, he understands me without me having to explain much. I can breathe in this friendship.
INFJ with a few close INFJ friends here! They're the only people I feel safe opening up to, and having them open up to me in return. We're often one of the only people the other has to deeply confide in and tell all our weird things to, and to be truly understood. It's a very beautiful thing. Since we both can read others very well, we're both able to sense that we both hold a lot of things back and need someone to pour out onto and to care for them, and sense our constant deep loneliness. We often spoil eachother with gifts and endless love, because we've found someone else who will finally give the same energy in return.
But to add - if one person pulls away and stops opening up, the other does immediately. It has made it easy for these friendships to freeze up, or end due to misunderstandings. But over time with communication, that has gone away because we realize the other person, even if quiet, is not leaving or going anywhere. It takes trust.
Nathan talking about empath problems :: this is my shocked face. 😂 Edited to add: actually had to leave the Discord server because it was too active and chaotic for me, which is horribly funny since I'm supposed to be this massive ENFJ, right? But I vastly prefer hanging out on my own server or one other smaller one, and contacting less people, but actually getting to talk deeply. So, again, I think the I v E typing stereotype is interesting.
The best way to know if you are E or I is by knowing what, first: drains your energy. Second: what recharges your energy. I, for example, am A DEFINITE AND HUGE INTROVERT. Hence, even though I like being around people, helping them and making them happy, it drains my life, my soul, my whole existence (lol dramatic, I know, but that's how I feel) So, I learned to articulate the fact that I am this way, and explained to my family that I need alone time. Sometimes a lot of it XD I have a friend who wasn't sure if he was E or I so I observed him, and found out that by the end of every discussion we had, he only gained more energy, like, he got tired but he was energised mentally and emotionally. While my poor self lost the ability to form a decent sentence after 30 to 40 minutes XD He theives while I need to be left alone with my thoughts to contemplate, and reach a "verdict" regarding that whole experience. Hope this helps. God, it got too long XD this is basically an essay
Yeah, I had the same issue. I get overwhelmed with that real-time, many-peopled chaotic engagement that is discord servers. It has been said before, but the I/E axis is not the same as the “introvert” or “extravert” labels we use in common language. It is about cognitive processes of whether or not someone tends to be “subject/observation/process focused” or “object/action/results focused” in their approach. I spot typological I or E based on how much they hesitate in new situations, whether they tend to require a lot of deliberation before making a decision or taking action (I) or whether they decide quicky and then course correct as they go (E), and so on... rather than their level of social engagement. I know an ENTJ that is a veritable hermit, for example.
I am an infj, and one of my closest friends is also. We use eachother as comfort and a sound board. And have a nice feeling in understanding eachother.
For me what is possibly the most bizarre thing about Fe is that both high-Fe users and psychopaths can claim to "care too much", but what is possibly the biggest difference (in my perspective) is that well-devloped Fe users also have Ti at some level or other, which acts as their channel to accountability. ... That's my theory
Wow would I want an infj as a friend? Definitely yes ive been wanting to make an infj friend since I found out I am an infj too but I simply have no idea how to go about it! Would a simple "hey" do? Or do I need to be precise and straightforward (like how I'd like to be approached) "hey I am an infj and I want to make an infj friend would you be interested? No pressure" do? "Making an infj friend seems tough to me" (I think sometimes) and other times " I am overthinking again aren't I?" And I've yet not stopped and taken any action 😭 and that somehow frustrates me too! I have to constantly tell myself to chill out! And during this entire process I've somehow totally neglected to approach an infj to try and ask to be friends . So I'm trying a different tactic now if any infj wants to be friends I'm always available! Again no pressure.
I have an INFJ friend and we talk about how other people are doing, and then end the conversation for a long time. We feel happy knowing we're friends and having that feeling, and just being around each other, but we don't talk much, because of our clash of external focus.
I'm an INFJ with some INTP traits and my friend is also the same. First we walk or sit quietly with each other for some time then either I bring up a topic of his intrest to get him talking and know him or he does the same . This goes on and sometimes when we end up in a disagreement, and that's quite often we either agree to disagree or drop the other person dead by giving a logical or philosophical answer and then there is a comfortable silence again.😂
My best friend and I are both INFJs. Initially, we were testing each other out for how perceptive the other was without even noticing that both of us were doing the same thing. Cut to now, 4 years later our conversations are extremely detailed to the point that we dissect random feelings and emotions that other people would consider too much or not important enough to talk about. Yet we have so much to discover about each other and there have been certain times we've mentioned how every conversation is so new even after all these years. She and I have both understood the importance of having boundaries the hard way in life, so we practice that in our friendship which makes things so much better. There's a lot of respect involved. No judgment. We can spend days with each other and then know exactly when to separate to give space. It's an amazing balance, one that is very unspoken. There is a lot of understanding involved in a relationship between two INFJs and it can get intense sometimes.
When I am an INFJ interacting with another INFJ, which doesn't happen too often, we communicate smoothly and efficiently about ourselves and our perceptions of life and the world, generally speaking. Few other types naturally see "life and the world, generally speaking" as a topic worthy of discussion.
Talking of friendships, I will recommend that INFJ's get at least one ESFP and ESFJ friends. They are very observant and have good memories (they notice the things you do for them/acknowledge them, and also remember the things you've said and done (makes you feel heard and seen)...I find that its easier for me to learn to trust them (and hence, open up to them). ESFP also have high se I believe so they can help you get out of your head from time to time (lol there will be an occasional clash from time to time but its nothing that cant be handled).
I second this. My best friend is an ESFP and I wouldn't trade him for anything, they really do remember everything you do for them, are very loyal and accepting. For me it's easy to open up because he gives me a vibe of "what you see is what you get", what he presents is who he is and that's that, no games or tricks which is very refreshing.
I have a friend who I suspect to be ESFJ/ESFP. Like you’ve told, she helps me get out of my mind and appreciate me for the little things I do. Yet, I find it difficult to open up to her because she is more of a talker and I’ve created a bit of a therapist space with her too. So, we fulfill each other in different ways.
A lot of the time when I've been trying to get a project off the ground, I can feel ready to take the next step until I come into contact with new info. This then has to be cycled through what I've already accumulated and can lead to stagnation. It's like an analytical loop where you keep making adjustments trying to perfect what it is your trying to achieve.
I am an INFJ (apparently), and my best friend is an INFJ, too (that's what she told me). We've been friends for 6 years now. We don't talk much to each other, but when we do, it's usually about our (heavy) feelings. Her words comfort me, and she says that mine help her, too. One day, though, my friend opened up about her feelings toward me. She said that she really doesn't like how I always self-isolate. It feels like I am her friend, but at the same time it feels like I'm also a stranger. She said "It feels mysterious, and I don't really like it". I belong to many social circles, but I haven't really felt any deep connection with anyone apart from this friend of mine. To realize that she thinks we aren't that close because she really doesn't know much about me made me feel really guilty, maybe a bit annoyed, and frankly alone, like realizing that no one really knows me yet. Will I ever find my own tribe? Honestly, I've been receiving this feedback from a lot of my friends. They say I'm too private. I thought "Oh, I must be self-isolating too much", so I tried to be more open, but it's exhausting. I end up saying things that I soon regret. I tried to be more reactive but it got to a point where I feel like my responses might come across as fake to others even though I try to be sincere. In the end, I end up self-isolating some more. To be honest, I like it. Being alone. It gives me a break from trying to be everything to everyone. But I'm afraid I might never find my people if I keep on doing it. IDK
I'll help everyone, but for the life of me, most of the time i can't help myself. Playing therapist to everyone i know but still needed one my damn self. Try my best to solves everyone's problems and drowning in my own, always being extra then feel like being taken for granted when nobody reciprocates in the same measure. INFJ.
met an infj in a uni class. im infj. our non verbal communication brought me to tears once when she knew to walk me to the train and gave me a huge hug despite the crowd (she’s 4’9 I’m 5’8). we kept reading each other without actually confessing any verbal secrets. it was cool. we are both very hard to reach, but keep familiar through social media. i sense this magical Ni connection between us that’s almost beyond our awareness... not sure.
I’ve always felt like I knew other people better than they knew me. I’ve noticed that others don’t ask me as many questions as I ask them, and sometimes it feels like they don’t really care. It’d be nice to have someone show interest in what’s going on in my life as much as I am about theirs you know?
It's always worrying, as an INTP, to listen to a video for another type and have it be spot on for myself as well. Although I'm confident in Ti being my primary function, I'd be lying if I said the venn diagram wasn't a complete circular overlap of my own fears.
Same here. It seems like we can kind of camouflage each other. Only I guess we exhibit high Fe or empathy only for the few people we care about. For INFJ maybe they do it default for everyone.
Same. Doesn't help that I've been accused of being an INFJ by a few people. However, I think much of this will resonate with any INxx type... the "never being known" in particular, seems pretty INxx and also pretty 4ish/5ish. Let's not forget all 4 types have weak Se too. The Fe valuing will obviously not hit home with INTJs (although I've seen Te-users, esp Fe-PoLR Te-users, mistake their Te "helping" with Fe). But INTP & INFP I could see relating as well. Although, if I really think about it and want to split hairs, there are notable differences. I don't really worry about giving people bad advice so much as I worry about giving people false information. I've heard INFJs make remarks about wanting to be motivational speakers before, which made me think, "Okay _that's_ where I draw the line! Hard pass for me." XD
After moving to someplace new, I've only ever met one INFJ friend. It's been two years and I still find it funny how she, and an INFP, are the only close friends I have. Whenever we're together, I feel a little more understood since she and I function similarly. We understand each other in many aspects than with most people but she handles stress and negativity very well which is something that baffles me sometimes. I think it's because she's one of the more Assertive types as I am more Turbulent.
I know this is old but I can't help but say ... I am an INFJ female and I have an INFJ male friend ... it is so easy to be with him. We get each other - there is zero pressure. He does not wear me out.
I often think about why I feel unknown. Even people I've known for decades only know the image I've cultivated around them. No one ever asks me anything. I'm always asking people, Say more about that. Literally no one in my life ever asks me anything that matters. I figure if they don't ask something like, What's that like for you?, (a question I ask all the time) it's because they don't care. I don't cast my pearls before swine.
The fear of dealing with your potential, for me it's more a dilemma. I know of what I'm capable, and how far I can go in everything, the tricky thing is chose one path and feel an odd nostalgia for every other. I'm majoring in maths, after 8 years of participating in various competitions and being praised for my answers, but I feel as I condemned myself to the only love I've dare to meet. The time passing and the opportunitys going away are the ones who make me doubt everytime.
Me and my mother are INFJs , I think my mom understands 60% of me, although the other 40% is way more important but I don't want her to know or she will het paranoid . I think I understand 30% of my mom. It took time, I used to be a detached kid , thinking nobody will get me, but once I started being more assertive, and told my mom what is wrong and what is right , it's like she became a fan of me , I became a fan of her. She tries to play video games with me , it's crazy . I can see she tries to hide her emotions , although Im very VERY selfish , she tells me I understand her the most. I don't have any desire for people to fully understand me , I want them to understand the parts of me that I wanna show . But even then they don't get it. Only 10-20% people understand. And there are things that I know I'm wrong, or it's not the correct path, or insufficient or I'll get hurt but if I don't do it I won't live (or be happy) and I can totally understand why people won't understand that. However I don't like it when they don't understand it and they try to stop me , intercept me. That's what I don't like.
Someday I will be a paid therapist. This is all spot on for me. I sometimes circumvent the difficulty in speaking about myself by speaking about a pretend version of myself instead. The mental distance helps. I do this when I need to appear charismatic to build rapport quickly. It’s pretty difficult to honestly answer questions about my inner life because I can’t figure out how to translate it. Big problem in my relationships. I communicate best through writing when talking about my feelings.
2 infj talking, we are operating and relating from the same abstract space, so me and my boyfriend (13 yrs now) understand each other. We understand how we relate to/interpret reality. So even if we don't agree, we understand eachother. Like intp basicly exist in Ti, we exist in Ni. data, connection and meaning and how to facilitate growth with that.
I have a great INFJ friend as an INFJ , pretty certain that we are going to be lifelong friends because we cannot irritate each other. Both are willing to reveal our true self and see each other as equal, very gentle person. We talk about Our Darkside and humanity together
My mum & I are both INFJ's. We talk often, not so much about ourselves but more about what's going on in the world around us & express how we feel about people/events. You hit the nail on the head saying our fears are more about ourselves - we're private & don't typically discuss them. Overall, INFJ discussions are enjoyable & uplifting w/ lots of banter but I think we have a mutual unsaid understanding not to look too deeply into the other person's inner world because it's kind of just...sad. 🙃🤷♀️ So instead we focus on creating good vibes & happy memories.
I'm an INFJ therapist (and two of my closest friends are... INFJ therapists). With one of these friends, we tend to take turns deep diving into personal and abstract concepts, to the point that we don't even recognize what else is going on in the room for hours (this has happened at parties). With my other friend, we typically keep things surface level and light, distracting ourselves with binge watching TV together, shopping, maybe playing music. I just realized I, as an INFJ, am chameleon-ing to even my INFJ friends.. Sigh...
I really needed this, fuck everything i am gonna do something by myself. I am struggling with my emotions or state i still don't know about it😑 But i will make myself feel better free from this stupid state.
This video is not really what we are afraid of it's more of what we don't care for. Like talking about myself if I don't have to then I won't. When I'm thinking about what to do it's probably because I don't care as much to just do it. But in the end it's not what I'm afraid of it's more what I don't care for. By the way if you didn't figure it out by now I'm an INFJ. 😁
Sometimes I will have everything I need for a particular project. Mull it over in my mind for weeks, sometimes months , until I know what and how I want it. ( i like to know my options)Then when the mood hits me I jump in 110% ( maybe tweek ever so slightly) until it is finished.
i have a really close friend who is also an infj and it's actually really easy to talk about ourselves, we agree in most of our opinions and how we feel about certain things, it's very pleasant to have someone who can understand.
I have only met INFJs online. None in real life. So, my experience is not a first hand one. However, all of them are different. I know their enneagram tritypes which helps in explaining their behavior. One is 269, another one 952, and the third one 514. So, Good Samaritan, Problem Solver and Researcher. There are a lot of differences between us, actually. Not in terms of processing information, but how we later show that through behavior. One comes across as more of a Fe user that could be confused for an ENFJ by people who don’t understand cognitive functions and can’t separate those from behavior. The second one does come across more as people would imagine an INFJ to behave. And the third one resembles INTJ in terms of certain behavioral tendency. I have mostly communicated with the first one and I have loved that interaction. It is always brief since I really respect people’s time and I know how energy consuming it can be to have one’s full attention focused on another person. The third one pulled out of communicating with me on her own accord because of certain insecurities and preferring to not be assisted by another in trying to fit in. I respect that. To each their own. Just because one shares personality type with someone, it doesn’t automatically mean that our motivations, fears, traumas and approach will be the same. But this realization made me go on a quest to search the type of INFJ that I am. Honestly, I am not sure. Perhaps we should all focus on the type of people we are. Period. Regardless of personality type, one can always work on improving as a person. I think I am gonna take it from there and see where the road called life takes me.
Coming from an infj, you infj videos are always spot on! you can definitely tell you spend a lot of time around them and have done your research! Your vids are very interesting!
one of my oldest friends 25 years now, also an infj, we can talk about anything with any time gap, i love her as much as i love my parents, it was like meeting my other half but when i was 10
i'm an infj and I have been friends with another infj for so many years and we just advise each other and spend time together, we are good friends but we never really talk about our true selves and I think it is hilarious
Infj leadership and caring for others seem to counter one another. If you are an infj leader you want to trust those around you and not help them because you trust them. However as soon as you see anyone you know struggle you want to stay behind and help. Learn to trust others to take care of themselves cause they are more selfish than you so you can focus on taking care of yourself by being alone for a while
I was trying to, date another INFJ I felt her dark side across the room. I kept mentioning it to her. You have a dark side underneath that smile. She kept getting worried, and act confused. Later on in the years, I tested her MBTI. She still thinks it's stupid. I suppose she's the assertive type. But after talking, we both have basically lived in different forms, of bullying, survival. "I was betrayed by my friends, I have to be better than them, I've had to cut multiple people out of my life" Then, as soon as we related, as soon as she knew both of us really we're the same. We stopped talking. And I'd like to think, it's cause we understand there's nothing new to gain, and we lived in very different circumstances. I could give her a call, and she'd say, "what's wrong?" As I'm not following the pattern. In my mind I almost like the idea of dating someone like me, but...I suppose both ourselves would struggle with the blindspots we have. Besides, I want the music life. And she wants to live on a farm and wait til marriage. Couldn't be anymore farther apart as to where we have lived and where we want to be
Being an unpaid therapist
Is hard!
@@tanyakulsum6909 n can lead to burn out
HAHHAHAHAHA love this
@@l.artista1403 n i love how appreciative you are ❤️
@@fatemakhanpurwala1473 Thank you💓
wanna be friends? ^^
"They're actually very good at helping..."
*shoulder pat*
"...advising..."
*shoulder pat*
"...counseling..."
*shoulder pat*
"...being an unpaid therapist..."
*GUNSHOT*
HAHAHHAHAHA YEEEESSSSSSSS
HAHAHAHHAHA
That escalated quickly
Shots fired, man down
@@NoraTheCreator117 😆
Going back to your point about INFJ fears of never being understood. I think that's why we like watching these types of videos so much is that this is one of the few moments where someone actually seems to really get us.
to a certain degree I agree... but it’s one thing to understand the mechanics of the mind of an INFJ and a completely other thing to understand and realise how said mechanics are expressed by a certain INFJ (for example my Se goes wild in a certain/way direction for you it might be a completely different direction)
@@netstalker3512 not too familiar with the Se part of INFJ, but I have to agree with Alex, it's more my frustrations that no one understands me, labels me as a bad person, some say I need help, I find my self alone always because I just do not fit in, am I am alien? I am so smart, great minded, it's almost like there is a war on facts and information, and no one wants to hear it or released it
If you’re on the right channel. This is a good one, but there are two really bad YT channels with lots of misleading videos
@@happyfreeky what are those??
@@animadas2306 Frank James is one. His stuff is pretty bogus, just really cringey "entertainment" with no scientific or practical value.
Being an INFJ, I had an INFJ best friend for some years. It was a love-hate relationship that ended up with a double doorslam.
Isn't it like putting 2 mirrors in front of each other. Like you can read so much meta, that you know what they are thinking/feeling and you know, that they know how you are thinking/feeling. Awkward.
I am sorry that happened to you. I am INFJ and my best friend is INFJ and we've been friends for 58 years! We did have a door slam once that lasted 2 yrs. but we came back to each other. I have 2 other friends who are INFJ and it is one of them with whom I can talk about anything and feel understood. My ESFP friends are the best at listening and accepting, even if they don't understand me.
a double doorslam LOL
@@meagiesmuse2334 for the rarest type ..that is a huge geographical concentration of infjs in ur area....
@@theempirecuts6738 - only one of them lives where I live now, and none of them live in the same place. I can see why you said that...it would be unusual!
What happens when two INFJs are friends:
INFJ 1: so what would you like me to do, thing 1 or thing 2
INFJ 2: ohhh hmm, what do you feel like doing? I'm doing thing 1 atm but I could switch to thing 2
INFJ 1: ok, I'll do both
Relatable
yup
I'm and INTJ with an INFJ best friend and this drove me CRAZY! She would never tell me what she wanted even after we've done what I wanted multiple times. She was so considerate and it felt burdening for me because I wanted to do something she wanted to do. Are all INFJs like this?
@@user-rx7uh9mg4f Let her! INFJs are a lot happier doing what a person they care about likes than what they themselves like! This is especially true when they idealize you so much :)
though, if they feel taken advantage of or stepped on due to that, it changes completely. So as long as you show consideration they're super happy pleasing you!
Such an accurate read on INFJ... I want to put this in an information manual and give it out to everyone I know. Re: INFJ relationships... me and one of my closest friends are both INFJ and it is one of my most cherished connections in this lifetime. We don't have to worry about over-giving because we are both keenly aware of each other's emotions and take care of each other. It is like a soulmate friendship.
You're so lucky, I'm an infj dating an infj girl, it's very different from dating any other type, I do fear giving because she gives just as much and doesn't take anything I do for granted. Hard to explain. I just feel safe with her.
If I could just get an infj friend that would just be bliss.
When I was younger I had to constantly remind myself of the quote below. Now I’m grateful it comes naturally and I’m able to harness my introversion and who I am m, rather than wish to change it!
“Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured… Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to.” - Susan Cain
Keep up the good and much needed content!
Thanks for sharing that, Great quote.
I'm INFJ, my boyfriend is INTP. Actually, he approached me first and kept asking me questions because he wanted to know me better. It was so refreshing someone was actually taking the time to know me on a deep level and I truly appreciate it as an INFJ.
When two INFJ’s talk often, they connect extremely easily. They don’t find it hard to talk about themselves there because they’re the same person essentially internally.
I've never met an INFJ in person and I'm dying to meet one😭 oh just imagine the telepathy in that friendship
I have an unspoken social rule: "You talk as much as I do, or I'll stop sharing." So I don't get very far with the "hiding themselves" types. INFJ relationships are definitely love/hate. We understand each other too well.
Wow, this is who I am to the point. Except I'm an INFJ-T. Friends never stay. And one's I help never stay either. When I need help nobody wants to help. I've had times with others as their free counselor and not being recognized for it. Thanks this was a great video.
Me an INFJ:
I ask Nathan to make a video on ENTPs and he makes a video on INFJs, telling me to focus on myself more than others. Lol. BTW I take your advice seriously!
Go for the ENTP. He can help you to focus even more on yourself in both good and bad ways. But you will be ok.
As an INFJ with an INFJ friend I have to say we tell each other everything. We don't worry about being too much and often it's a relief because we finally share parts of ourselves with each other that we don't share elsewhere. Perhaps that's also just having a healthy relationship.
We've got in to the habit of sending many snapchats back and forth expressing how we feel or think about all kinds of things. When we met each other we just had an instant connection. Kind of a 0-60, black and white connection. We didn't waste any time. You know when you can connect with someone because it rarely happens
I think that two infj friends could help each other grow.
Or... Just... Never get to understand each other because none of them will be willing to talk about the depths they have...
2:13 I was chosen for taking an English oral test for a teacher who was sent by the government for some reasons.
I expected everything but her asking about myself. And that gave me a bluescreen.
“Gave me a bluescreen” I did a hearty internal laugh at that one! 🤣
On the subject of what happens when two infjs talk. I’m an infj and one of my the best friends I could ever have is an infj. We talk a lot and checkup on each other every day, throughout the day. We take turns unless one of us doesn’t feel like talking too much and then it either explodes with one of us trying to help the other or we go quiet if we sense the other needs some alone time. We like talking about things we both relate to and like talking about the things we read online. We also like sharing what’s going on in our current lives. If we don’t have much going on I like sharing memes to make us both laugh or ones that we relate to so that we can feel as if we are at least understood by some people. We talk about some other stuff but that’s all I’ll say.
INFJ+INFJ friendship is amazing since they both will get to spend time knowing about each other equally, and to a high degree, neither feels they are misunderstood. This happens until one of them or both fall into a pitfall.
Fe in the young/immature/unhealthy INFJ can easily become toxic to people. The young INFJ wants to be there for others, even if it means they will mislead or even lie to them. In the young INFJ's mind, telling the truth to others might hurt them, but they miss the fact that being honest is a sign of respect and people will accept honesty as opposed to being led on. In such cases, Fe breeds toxicity and chaos. To make things worse, young/unhealthy INFJs tend to avoid conflict/confrontation at all costs, so when confronted by their misled victims they will perform very poorly and rarely give satisfactory answers to important questions. INFJs need to understand that manipulation and giving hints are not enough; they should try being brave and confidently express what they want or don't want. And this is coming from an INFJ.
How did you discover this for yourself? It's hard to develop Fe and Te blind spots.. As INTJ I find it very difficult to tone down what I see as Te truth backed by my Fi values. Used to think I might be INFJ, but there is no way. I have hurt people with my unfiltered thoughts since I was a child. I learn from my INFJ boyfriend, even though his Fe does sometimes go overboard into everything you said..
I have a friendship with two different INFJ women (I am an INFJ) and they are my two closest friends.. they truly know me and it is without a doubt an unconventional and rare friendship.. there is a high degree of emotional intimacy, support and respect within the relationship that is lacking in most other relationships . There are also a lot less issues than in other friendships/relationships since we can speak completely openly with each other without worry that we'll be perceived in a negative way or misunderstood...
Yep. Infj here with 2 close infj friends and I could have written exactly what you stated above ;)
Lol and I thought that INFJs are rare!
@@tanyakulsum6909 yea, I dont know if those numbers are accurate even. Though it took me about 35 years to get my first female infj friend :)
Yes, I also have an INFJ friend and we're like this.
I don't have confirmation about what types my friends are but i feel like my whole inner circle is like that, completely open feeling types lol
Actually, INFJs have performance anxiety, especially when linked to self worth. That's all.
And we always know a lot more, than we let on. Basically everything. We see it, we notice every secret fart, we just have poker faces made of steel. We're very strategic creatures. You have no idea what is going on inside. Just because something looks a certain way on the outside, it doesn't have to be that way and most likely isn't. We don't struggle with Se, we just spend a lot of time sharpening our axe and doing a lot of things behind the scenes that you will never know about, because, as you said, we don't talk about ourselves, especially not about what we're actually doing. Either you're a rare breed of close person who gets to observe it or you will never know. And Te is not a blindspot. We are aware, we just don't care or rather use it to hold people accountable. And I especially hate it when people try to impress with their Te, I see through it like glass, although it can be amusing when people try.
I agree with everything you said except the TE part. I can utilize TE but it doesn't come naturally. Can you elaborate? The way you spoke of TE seemed to have a negative slant.
@@gabriellavictory3080 Te trickster is used to hold people accountable for it and do integrity checks.
this is so accurate
It's not entirely rare for me to be transparent with others. Mostly because my strengths dwell in connectedness and input. I love brainstorming with others.
Perhaps I am not honing in (in my mind) what mysterium you speak of. I think people do find me so but honestly I don't hide all that much, not purposefully anyway. Unless I feel truly unsafe.
Indeed.
Having poor Si, we just do not easily access details of our lives to share with others.
Your transitions into asking people to subscribe may be my favorite part of this channel 😂
My co-worker is an INFJ; we work one graveyard shift together but I wish she worked with me more often. We can talk for up to 3 hours 😁 We take turns listening to one another, occasionally interrupting the other with enthusiastic thoughts that suddenly come to mind. The other day I asked if we could return to a subject we talked about 30 minutes prior, because I didn't quite have closure with it. Haha. We joke that it was like driving in a car and suddenly hitting reverse. We have rather dramatic and absurd humor, and share a lot of laughter. We share how events have made us feel as well as our opinions, experiences of people. We talk about anything and everything, including various TED talks and thought leaders we've watched. We analyze our past experiences, the concepts we derived from it especially, our likes/dislikes and our goals/ideals. One time I really could not explain what I was trying to convey, so she gave me space to figure out saying it differently. And then she said she understood, even though she could not formulate the word of what she decided from my message either 😂
I didn't realize at first but we actually went to the same two elementary schools briefly. We are the same age! She had a rough childhood but she is really thriving in life. I had a rough upbringing as well, but different. She has two jobs, is getting her bachelor's in nursing (BSN) and has a daughter. As for me, I'm much more cautious with long-term commitments that I make in life. I'm still figuring it out. She once said that if she had the money that she would pay for my school; she thinks I'm very intelligent. I thought that was the sweetest thing to say. She inspires me with her choices and massive perseverence in life! I'm more cynical, skeptical, and thorough in thought. I probably Ni-Ti more. However, I might sacrifice some of that, especially what doesn't serve me, if it meant being happier like she is 🙂
I've come to enjoy her very much. I'm not sure she enjoys me quite as much but she shares a lot about herself with me and I her. And I honor and appreciate that. I feel inclined to do nice things for her even when exhausted.
Honestly, I don't have the hardest time talking about myself. But I do tend to test the waters. I find that conversations go more smoothly when I just ask questions to people about themselves. I feel like I kept the harmony better when I stick to that. If I share too much about myself, I always risk the inevitable regrets and edits my mind will create later that day, sometimes for years to come. (I'll feel embarrassed at what I output). Yeah. It's fun!
Being an unpaid therapist is the story of my life. My mom says I should just start charging people for it at this point.
As an infj it is really easy to see what people want to hear in a conversation and we try to give them what they want and when we talk about ourselves we paint them of picture of how they want us to be
Hello Nathan. I'm an INFJ as is my daughter - we have a wonderful relationship. Being "typed" has made me finally, at 62, begin to make sense of myself, to myself. I feel as an older INFJ, I'm able to help my daughter to take a step back to say "Ok, it's crazy, it's weird, but it's an INFJ thing and I can work on it." But it's great to have a similar crazy weird person around! 😍
😂😂😂😂😂
Nice to know it took someone else a half century...I am 59! What a relief though...
That's a very nice sentiment @Adolf Hitler
From a fellow INFJ, that was amazing. I had an INFJ friend before. We talked a lot for a while, but it ended in, as another comment put it, a double door slam.
As an INFJ, connecting with others is somewhat stunted by a tendency to deeply analyze. I find most just don't have it in there to be bear it.
Your videos often bring up so much insight for me, not to mention how comical they are becuase they are so TRUE.
Self-imposed obligation is very challenging to deal with because if i do not fulfill the obligation, it weighs on my conscience. There is a sense that I must act appropriately or suffer from guilt for the rest of my life. I feel like things weigh very heavily on my conscience and I cannot forgive myself for not being responsible when I am conscious of what is the more morally appropriate thing to do. This is not something that can really be shut off. I cannot imagine people simply, or what I like to say- people are not 1 or 2 dimensional. I consider them in a very comprehensive way, so even the barista is someone I will treat on a very personal level. I cannot "use" people, even when they say thats what theyre there for. I cannot pickup or drop off my kids with a babysitter without having a personal exchange in both instances. I have to be tired, busy, rushed, or experiencing some other strong emotion to keep me from doing this. I will always feel guilty afterward for doing that, of course, by apologizing profusely for my behavior and being curt. I like to be warm and welcoming, always building rapport with people. It does get exhausting, though, trying to do that WITH EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT COMES INTO MY SPHERE OF INFLUENCE. So I keep my circle of friends small, so that I can care for them with the depth Im used to. I keep interactions with others short and not feel bad for not making deep personal connections with every human being i come across.
I do really care a lot, and the feeling really does go beyond that word because it does feel like an obligation or even a compulsion.
There is definitely the sense that I am being selfish when im focused on myself. When giving advice, I am very careful. I try to point people back toward trusting themselves, but i have also had to learn not to judge people for taking my advice or not. I have ended friendships or simply distanced myself for people who do not take my advice or consider my perspective. Often, i do not have personal investment in other peoples issues, so I feel that gives me a somewhat objective view on their problems. To me, this should be a relevant perspective to consider, but people don't like that. They want advice from someone who will enable their behavior or make them feel good about themselves. I will give my honest opinion on a situation, some people value this and some dont. I also try to add the disclaimer that my perspective is also limited. I dont know the full context of what someone is dealing with, so that should be factored in to any decision making. My goal, really, is to know people so well that I can make more accurate predictions and piece together things in a way they arent able to see. Of course, this is exactly what I want for myself- as I am constantly trying to understand who I am and how my pieces all fit together. Perhaps when I have been successful in my personal endeavor to wholeness, then I wont have such a drive to understand others on such a deep level.
Exactly. There arent many people who know me on a very deep level, so I dont feel misunderstood as much as I feel UNKNOWN. I realize this is in part due to my own shyness and restraint. (Im an anxious and restrained introvert with social phobia).Throughout my life I have had one best friend at a time who I would be able to let my guard down with. I still don't quite reveal all of myself to them either, but i get better with time in allowing myself to be vulnerable. It is very strange when someone asks about what i think or what my interests are.. i will go blank. Who? Me? As far as Im concerned, I dont exist! There is this very odd feeling of a lack of sense of self. I'm still figuring it out. Its definitely a result of strong Introverted Intuition and Extraverted Feeling. Its a disturbing and annoying combination.
When I do talk about myself, i have a tendency to circumambulate the answer. I cannot be direct in matters pertaining to myself. I use a lot of metaphorical language, analogies, and symbolism. Philosophy, some religious texts, and esoteric knowledge has really helped to give me the language to describe what i know/feel intuitively, but this only makes me seem MORE STRANGE. Most people I come across arent going to understand a reference to the Bhagavad Gita or Marcus Aurelius' Mediations. lol.
It helps to just find the people that DO get me, or are supportive and try to understand me.
Never Making it Happen! UGH Definitely a concern and feeling like I just cannot make those concrete steps happen to achieve my goals. Perfectionist tendencies do come in to play here and will hold me back from ever taking action. I also get frustrated when things dont happen the way I envision, and its enough to make me quit sometimes.
(Poetry* LOL)
My ultimate goal is to understand myself and feel whole, and I realize that part of that journey means I have to interact with other people and the world. There really is just no way around it- I have to participate to find those parts of myself that are evoked through action and experience.
Thanks for a great video that helped me to understand myself better and to also let other people know what we INFJ are really going through internally. I struggle with everything you mention, so to have someone else explain in a way i cannot convey helps a lot.
It's so awesome that you are self-aware of this, and are able to put it into words. I feel the exact same way and carrying that weight around has not been good on my health. Thank you for writing this.
Two chameleons trying to blend into each other's hue must be a fascinating sight.
Because that's pretty much what it feels like for an infj to be with an infj. It's like we're straining to get a hold of each other's mood to match it but not succeeding because neither of us is actually letting anything off in the first place. Quite uncanny, but I suppose if you manage to go beyond that it would feel heavenly. Haven't been there yet I'm afraid.
I've been studying abroad before the pandemic and made a bunch of new friends. There had been one INFJ (other than me) in my closest circle, and we both settled down on the conclusion we wouldn't talk to each other without some kind of mediator (it was ESFP for us). Not that we couldn't, it was a pleasure to share some insights, but we needed someone to break the ice.
Same with me!
I wish I had an infj friend :( I’ve never met another INFJ that I was aware of.
Cheer up ^_^
Thank you ❤️ INFJ-hug from Portugal🇵🇹
Everyone is an energy vampire to us... even if we love them.
We say.. I love you but Im physically ill.. ill see you in a year or Maybe 3 weeks depending if I recharge or not.. even if I recharge something new will come up big.. and I probably wont be able to give you the energy you deserve.. so nevermind.. see ya..who knows when
Lol
You know how unreasonably proud of my self for clicking on a vid that's upload time is measured in seconds. The answer is far to proud
I’m an infj and my boyfriend is too, at first it was really weird for me because I could tell we were both trying to interact based on the others reactions (it was essentially like one black page trying to read off another) but eventually it forced us to both be the most authentic and pure versions of ourselves around each other because we had to start off by straight up revealing ourselves at some point! Our relationship is hilarious because we can pretty much read each other’s minds but it also feels like we never fully understand each other, because we can’t fully understand ourselves in the first place!
These (introverted) 'blind spots' enhance the automated perceptions, mind connected in all available parameters. Blinkers shrink 🙏 Existence tethers by chronology of dreams, and awake they must be formulated once again, defraged...just like everyone's else.
By creativity in principle the effectualization, hence they become unleashed.
I’m an INFJ. One time I become acquainted with another INFJ named Clay for just a few short weeks. This was a profoundly moving and interesting time for me. From my experience, when two INFJs meet, it is almost like a hallmark religious/spiritual experience. It’s truly surreal how deeply two INFJs understand one another, and it is very exciting. However, on the other hand, with Clay the INFJ, I felt exposed and without any sense of identity. This may surprise some people to hear, but when two INFJs meet, its as if their brains are both doing the exact same thing to no end: trying to absorb, mirror, and compliment the other persons personality. On one hand, their is a deep level of understanding unlike anything an INFJ can experience with anyone or anything else. On the other hand, their is a feeling of being left out in the open, completely naked, and with no identity. It’s strange, surreal, and beautiful, and somewhat terrifying.
Such a brilliant insight. I hope to someday meet another fellow INFJ to have this kind of experience.
One of my biggest fears was over my ex-girlfriends health. I couldn’t control her self neglect and it drove me mad. It taught me I need boundaries and to be more hands-off in relationships. Other big fear is losing time and not maximizing my dreams in the physical world.
You really know when this is true when you start crying in the middle of the video. Damn. - INFJ Female
It's actually very frustrating because I would love nothing more than for someone to know me better than I know myself, yet I find it not only awkward but downright painful to talk about myself.
Now imagine someone on the opposite end that feels that same awkwardness and unpleasantness about opening up. Two mirrors. I’ve met 3 infjs and as one I wanted the same understanding but had to realize my walls were also met but there’s.
My best friend and I are INFJs. We generally talk about other people. We’ve both been going through an identity crisis this year and we have a code word if the other person needs help. I don’t know about him, but I’ve been literally in tears and begin to text, but never reach out.
I am an INFJ and I have about 3 INFJ friends... There is a mutual respect. Then there's competition. Knowing they are INFJs helps me, if I didn't I would not let them do some of the things they do for me... Or to me.
Thanks for existing Nathan. Clarifies my existence as a confused INxx. 💜 Also, everyone I know named Nathan is really smart and cool. 😎🔮
I'm an INFJ male who married an INFJ female this year. We knew right when we met that we wanted to be husband and wife. 38 days later we bought a house and got married.
What's it like? It's spectacular and challenging.
Spectacular because we both crave to be connected on a physical, emotional and spiritual level and when that is clicking, it is better than anything you could imagine. We both surprise each other with our high level of creativity that we achieve through our individual passions and talents. It's also a breath of fresh air for each of us to fully understand why and how we come to the conclusions we do; we get the process of the other person!
It's challenging because Ni knows the direction it wants to go. It can see it clearly and when we don't align there, we have had to learn to step back and either find compromise or learn to agree to disagree if it is something that just does not matter in the long run. My wife's use of Se inferior is much better developed than mine. This is probably due to having an ESTP older brother growing up who challenged her. This can also lead to problems because of my fear of messing things up say doing repairs and upgrades around the house. Whereas she will say, "if it's broke, don't wait. fix it now", I will be hesitant to move on it because I am afraid of doing it wrong and make the problem worse for everyone.
The other challenge is we always want to Fe the other person and not allow them to take care of us. It's a good challenge, but a challenge none the less. This is one of those points you made in the video about taking care of yourself. Why not allow her (or me to her) take care of each others needs. We can both take turns and thus all the pressure is no longer on us. We get to decompress for once instead of feeling the need to take care of everyone else first. This is a real growth area for both of us.
I could write pages, but I'll spare you. Great (and accurate) summation in your video!
what an interesting insight: Fe-ing each other and not allowing the other to take care of us. I have never thought of that before. I hope some day you do youtube videos on your INFJ+INFJ experience.
I’m an infj , So is the mother of my son. Don’t really have anyone else in my life that I’m open with. Nor does she. Despite the fact we broke up a year and a half ago.
So that’s what happens when 2 infjs get close lol 😂
As an 42yo INFJ I wanted to be understood my whole life resulting in explaining myself over and over and over and over. Last year I finally let that go and it is a complete breath of fresh air. Dear INFJ's, just be who you are and don't explain it anymore and you'll feel so much better
Answering your question about 2 INFJs. I am an INFJ and have one INFJ friend. He knows me, he understands me without me having to explain much. I can breathe in this friendship.
INFJ with a few close INFJ friends here! They're the only people I feel safe opening up to, and having them open up to me in return. We're often one of the only people the other has to deeply confide in and tell all our weird things to, and to be truly understood. It's a very beautiful thing. Since we both can read others very well, we're both able to sense that we both hold a lot of things back and need someone to pour out onto and to care for them, and sense our constant deep loneliness. We often spoil eachother with gifts and endless love, because we've found someone else who will finally give the same energy in return.
But to add - if one person pulls away and stops opening up, the other does immediately. It has made it easy for these friendships to freeze up, or end due to misunderstandings. But over time with communication, that has gone away because we realize the other person, even if quiet, is not leaving or going anywhere. It takes trust.
Nathan talking about empath problems :: this is my shocked face. 😂
Edited to add: actually had to leave the Discord server because it was too active and chaotic for me, which is horribly funny since I'm supposed to be this massive ENFJ, right? But I vastly prefer hanging out on my own server or one other smaller one, and contacting less people, but actually getting to talk deeply.
So, again, I think the I v E typing stereotype is interesting.
The best way to know if you are E or I is by knowing what, first: drains your energy. Second: what recharges your energy.
I, for example, am A DEFINITE AND HUGE INTROVERT. Hence, even though I like being around people, helping them and making them happy, it drains my life, my soul, my whole existence (lol dramatic, I know, but that's how I feel) So, I learned to articulate the fact that I am this way, and explained to my family that I need alone time. Sometimes a lot of it XD
I have a friend who wasn't sure if he was E or I so I observed him, and found out that by the end of every discussion we had, he only gained more energy, like, he got tired but he was energised mentally and emotionally. While my poor self lost the ability to form a decent sentence after 30 to 40 minutes XD He theives while I need to be left alone with my thoughts to contemplate, and reach a "verdict" regarding that whole experience. Hope this helps.
God, it got too long XD this is basically an essay
@@Luna-luna909thank you for illustrating the other reason I left the server. _sigh_
@@ChantelStays ❤️ IMHO, I wouldn't feel guilty. And maybe find a quieter server to try? Start your own and invite a few friends?
Yeah, I had the same issue. I get overwhelmed with that real-time, many-peopled chaotic engagement that is discord servers. It has been said before, but the I/E axis is not the same as the “introvert” or “extravert” labels we use in common language. It is about cognitive processes of whether or not someone tends to be “subject/observation/process focused” or “object/action/results focused” in their approach. I spot typological I or E based on how much they hesitate in new situations, whether they tend to require a lot of deliberation before making a decision or taking action (I) or whether they decide quicky and then course correct as they go (E), and so on... rather than their level of social engagement. I know an ENTJ that is a veritable hermit, for example.
Same
This is so accurate, thank you for understanding infj world and explaining it so well :)
"putting off things because we are perfectionist " .. funny. such a nice way of saying we're procrastinators
Super rare to have two INFJs of same concentration, i know a lot of them but turns out most of them end up being less INFJ than me in terms of sharing
I have some experiences with that too
I'm pretty open
I am an infj, and one of my closest friends is also.
We use eachother as comfort and a sound board.
And have a nice feeling in understanding eachother.
For me what is possibly the most bizarre thing about Fe is that both high-Fe users and psychopaths can claim to "care too much", but what is possibly the biggest difference (in my perspective) is that well-devloped Fe users also have Ti at some level or other, which acts as their channel to accountability.
... That's my theory
Wow would I want an infj as a friend? Definitely yes ive been wanting to make an infj friend since I found out I am an infj too but I simply have no idea how to go about it! Would a simple "hey" do? Or do I need to be precise and straightforward (like how I'd like to be approached) "hey I am an infj and I want to make an infj friend would you be interested? No pressure" do?
"Making an infj friend seems tough to me" (I think sometimes) and other times " I am overthinking again aren't I?" And I've yet not stopped and taken any action 😭 and that somehow frustrates me too! I have to constantly tell myself to chill out! And during this entire process I've somehow totally neglected to approach an infj to try and ask to be friends .
So I'm trying a different tactic now if any infj wants to be friends I'm always available! Again no pressure.
I have an INFJ friend and we talk about how other people are doing, and then end the conversation for a long time. We feel happy knowing we're friends and having that feeling, and just being around each other, but we don't talk much, because of our clash of external focus.
The absolutely bizzare places Ni take me I just dont share with people. My Fe wont allow it 😐
Exactly! INFPs on the other hand, share their weirdness with everyone they can.
I'm an INFJ with some INTP traits and my friend is also the same. First we walk or sit quietly with each other for some time then either I bring up a topic of his intrest to get him talking and know him or he does the same . This goes on and sometimes when we end up in a disagreement, and that's quite often we either agree to disagree or drop the other person dead by giving a logical or philosophical answer and then there is a comfortable silence again.😂
My best friend and I are both INFJs. Initially, we were testing each other out for how perceptive the other was without even noticing that both of us were doing the same thing. Cut to now, 4 years later our conversations are extremely detailed to the point that we dissect random feelings and emotions that other people would consider too much or not important enough to talk about. Yet we have so much to discover about each other and there have been certain times we've mentioned how every conversation is so new even after all these years. She and I have both understood the importance of having boundaries the hard way in life, so we practice that in our friendship which makes things so much better. There's a lot of respect involved. No judgment. We can spend days with each other and then know exactly when to separate to give space. It's an amazing balance, one that is very unspoken. There is a lot of understanding involved in a relationship between two INFJs and it can get intense sometimes.
I am an ISFP who feels responsible for other peoples feelings. I’m so glad I’m not an INFJ!!
When I am an INFJ interacting with another INFJ, which doesn't happen too often, we communicate smoothly and efficiently about ourselves and our perceptions of life and the world, generally speaking. Few other types naturally see "life and the world, generally speaking" as a topic worthy of discussion.
Talking of friendships, I will recommend that INFJ's get at least one ESFP and ESFJ friends. They are very observant and have good memories (they notice the things you do for them/acknowledge them, and also remember the things you've said and done (makes you feel heard and seen)...I find that its easier for me to learn to trust them (and hence, open up to them). ESFP also have high se I believe so they can help you get out of your head from time to time (lol there will be an occasional clash from time to time but its nothing that cant be handled).
I second this. My best friend is an ESFP and I wouldn't trade him for anything, they really do remember everything you do for them, are very loyal and accepting. For me it's easy to open up because he gives me a vibe of "what you see is what you get", what he presents is who he is and that's that, no games or tricks which is very refreshing.
I have a friend who I suspect to be ESFJ/ESFP. Like you’ve told, she helps me get out of my mind and appreciate me for the little things I do. Yet, I find it difficult to open up to her because she is more of a talker and I’ve created a bit of a therapist space with her too. So, we fulfill each other in different ways.
A lot of the time when I've been trying to get a project off the ground, I can feel ready to take the next step until I come into contact with new info. This then has to be cycled through what I've already accumulated and can lead to stagnation. It's like an analytical loop where you keep making adjustments trying to perfect what it is your trying to achieve.
I am an INFJ (apparently), and my best friend is an INFJ, too (that's what she told me). We've been friends for 6 years now. We don't talk much to each other, but when we do, it's usually about our (heavy) feelings. Her words comfort me, and she says that mine help her, too.
One day, though, my friend opened up about her feelings toward me. She said that she really doesn't like how I always self-isolate. It feels like I am her friend, but at the same time it feels like I'm also a stranger. She said "It feels mysterious, and I don't really like it". I belong to many social circles, but I haven't really felt any deep connection with anyone apart from this friend of mine. To realize that she thinks we aren't that close because she really doesn't know much about me made me feel really guilty, maybe a bit annoyed, and frankly alone, like realizing that no one really knows me yet. Will I ever find my own tribe?
Honestly, I've been receiving this feedback from a lot of my friends. They say I'm too private. I thought "Oh, I must be self-isolating too much", so I tried to be more open, but it's exhausting. I end up saying things that I soon regret. I tried to be more reactive but it got to a point where I feel like my responses might come across as fake to others even though I try to be sincere. In the end, I end up self-isolating some more.
To be honest, I like it. Being alone. It gives me a break from trying to be everything to everyone. But I'm afraid I might never find my people if I keep on doing it. IDK
I'll help everyone, but for the life of me, most of the time i can't help myself.
Playing therapist to everyone i know but still needed one my damn self.
Try my best to solves everyone's problems and drowning in my own, always being extra then feel like being taken for granted when nobody reciprocates in the same measure.
INFJ.
This is an awesome video Nathan! Spot on in my opinion. Thank you!
met an infj in a uni class. im infj. our non verbal communication brought me to tears once when she knew to walk me to the train and gave me a huge hug despite the crowd (she’s 4’9 I’m 5’8). we kept reading each other without actually confessing any verbal secrets. it was cool. we are both very hard to reach, but keep familiar through social media. i sense this magical Ni connection between us that’s almost beyond our awareness... not sure.
I’ve always felt like I knew other people better than they knew me. I’ve noticed that others don’t ask me as many questions as I ask them, and sometimes it feels like they don’t really care. It’d be nice to have someone show interest in what’s going on in my life as much as I am about theirs you know?
It's always worrying, as an INTP, to listen to a video for another type and have it be spot on for myself as well. Although I'm confident in Ti being my primary function, I'd be lying if I said the venn diagram wasn't a complete circular overlap of my own fears.
Same here. It seems like we can kind of camouflage each other. Only I guess we exhibit high Fe or empathy only for the few people we care about. For INFJ maybe they do it default for everyone.
Same. Doesn't help that I've been accused of being an INFJ by a few people. However, I think much of this will resonate with any INxx type... the "never being known" in particular, seems pretty INxx and also pretty 4ish/5ish. Let's not forget all 4 types have weak Se too. The Fe valuing will obviously not hit home with INTJs (although I've seen Te-users, esp Fe-PoLR Te-users, mistake their Te "helping" with Fe). But INTP & INFP I could see relating as well. Although, if I really think about it and want to split hairs, there are notable differences. I don't really worry about giving people bad advice so much as I worry about giving people false information. I've heard INFJs make remarks about wanting to be motivational speakers before, which made me think, "Okay _that's_ where I draw the line! Hard pass for me." XD
After moving to someplace new, I've only ever met one INFJ friend. It's been two years and I still find it funny how she, and an INFP, are the only close friends I have. Whenever we're together, I feel a little more understood since she and I function similarly. We understand each other in many aspects than with most people but she handles stress and negativity very well which is something that baffles me sometimes. I think it's because she's one of the more Assertive types as I am more Turbulent.
INFJ Female here. It's beautifully sad. 😢🙃💖
I know this is old but I can't help but say ... I am an INFJ female and I have an INFJ male friend ... it is so easy to be with him. We get each other - there is zero pressure. He does not wear me out.
ENFP here just checking in because I seem to have a thing for falling for INFJs. Y’all actually listen to my pointless rambling, and CARE 🥺
I often think about why I feel unknown. Even people I've known for decades only know the image I've cultivated around them.
No one ever asks me anything. I'm always asking people, Say more about that. Literally no one in my life ever asks me anything that matters. I figure if they don't ask something like, What's that like for you?, (a question I ask all the time) it's because they don't care. I don't cast my pearls before swine.
The fear of dealing with your potential, for me it's more a dilemma. I know of what I'm capable, and how far I can go in everything, the tricky thing is chose one path and feel an odd nostalgia for every other. I'm majoring in maths, after 8 years of participating in various competitions and being praised for my answers, but I feel as I condemned myself to the only love I've dare to meet. The time passing and the opportunitys going away are the ones who make me doubt everytime.
Me and my mother are INFJs , I think my mom understands 60% of me, although the other 40% is way more important but I don't want her to know or she will het paranoid . I think I understand 30% of my mom. It took time, I used to be a detached kid , thinking nobody will get me, but once I started being more assertive, and told my mom what is wrong and what is right , it's like she became a fan of me , I became a fan of her. She tries to play video games with me , it's crazy .
I can see she tries to hide her emotions , although Im very VERY selfish , she tells me I understand her the most.
I don't have any desire for people to fully understand me , I want them to understand the parts of me that I wanna show . But even then they don't get it. Only 10-20% people understand. And there are things that I know I'm wrong, or it's not the correct path, or insufficient or I'll get hurt but if I don't do it I won't live (or be happy) and I can totally understand why people won't understand that.
However I don't like it when they don't understand it and they try to stop me , intercept me. That's what I don't like.
My best friend is an INFJ, also. She is the only one who truly can grasp what I am trying to explain at times.
Someday I will be a paid therapist.
This is all spot on for me.
I sometimes circumvent the difficulty in speaking about myself by speaking about a pretend version of myself instead. The mental distance helps. I do this when I need to appear charismatic to build rapport quickly.
It’s pretty difficult to honestly answer questions about my inner life because I can’t figure out how to translate it. Big problem in my relationships. I communicate best through writing when talking about my feelings.
Being an infj this is so accurate that I nearly cried 😂
2 infj talking, we are operating and relating from the same abstract space, so me and my boyfriend (13 yrs now) understand each other. We understand how we relate to/interpret reality. So even if we don't agree, we understand eachother.
Like intp basicly exist in Ti, we exist in Ni. data, connection and meaning and how to facilitate growth with that.
I have a great INFJ friend as an INFJ , pretty certain that we are going to be lifelong friends because we cannot irritate each other. Both are willing to reveal our true self and see each other as equal, very gentle person. We talk about Our Darkside and humanity together
My mum & I are both INFJ's. We talk often, not so much about ourselves but more about what's going on in the world around us & express how we feel about people/events. You hit the nail on the head saying our fears are more about ourselves - we're private & don't typically discuss them. Overall, INFJ discussions are enjoyable & uplifting w/ lots of banter but I think we have a mutual unsaid understanding not to look too deeply into the other person's inner world because it's kind of just...sad. 🙃🤷♀️
So instead we focus on creating good vibes & happy memories.
Thank you for being one of the few Free therapys for us.
Wow I have watched this one before and again 2 years later and now I mostly just fear the last one. I think I am getting better!
I'm an INFJ therapist (and two of my closest friends are... INFJ therapists). With one of these friends, we tend to take turns deep diving into personal and abstract concepts, to the point that we don't even recognize what else is going on in the room for hours (this has happened at parties). With my other friend, we typically keep things surface level and light, distracting ourselves with binge watching TV together, shopping, maybe playing music. I just realized I, as an INFJ, am chameleon-ing to even my INFJ friends.. Sigh...
I really needed this, fuck everything i am gonna do something by myself. I am struggling with my emotions or state i still don't know about it😑 But i will make myself feel better free from this stupid state.
This video is not really what we are afraid of it's more of what we don't care for. Like talking about myself if I don't have to then I won't. When I'm thinking about what to do it's probably because I don't care as much to just do it. But in the end it's not what I'm afraid of it's more what I don't care for. By the way if you didn't figure it out by now I'm an INFJ. 😁
Lmao what should I say? Everyone is saying something about themselves. I want to say too but well....
This video is so on point.
Sometimes I will have everything I need for a particular project. Mull it over in my mind for weeks, sometimes months , until I know what and how I want it. ( i like to know my options)Then when the mood hits me I jump in 110% ( maybe tweek ever so slightly) until it is finished.
i have a really close friend who is also an infj and it's actually really easy to talk about ourselves, we agree in most of our opinions and how we feel about certain things, it's very pleasant to have someone who can understand.
I have only met INFJs online. None in real life. So, my experience is not a first hand one. However, all of them are different. I know their enneagram tritypes which helps in explaining their behavior. One is 269, another one 952, and the third one 514. So, Good Samaritan, Problem Solver and Researcher. There are a lot of differences between us, actually. Not in terms of processing information, but how we later show that through behavior. One comes across as more of a Fe user that could be confused for an ENFJ by people who don’t understand cognitive functions and can’t separate those from behavior. The second one does come across more as people would imagine an INFJ to behave. And the third one resembles INTJ in terms of certain behavioral tendency. I have mostly communicated with the first one and I have loved that interaction. It is always brief since I really respect people’s time and I know how energy consuming it can be to have one’s full attention focused on another person. The third one pulled out of communicating with me on her own accord because of certain insecurities and preferring to not be assisted by another in trying to fit in. I respect that. To each their own. Just because one shares personality type with someone, it doesn’t automatically mean that our motivations, fears, traumas and approach will be the same. But this realization made me go on a quest to search the type of INFJ that I am. Honestly, I am not sure. Perhaps we should all focus on the type of people we are. Period. Regardless of personality type, one can always work on improving as a person. I think I am gonna take it from there and see where the road called life takes me.
Another great video, thanks Nathan. You have managed to understand INFJs better than I understand myself, impressive! :D
Fear of giving wrong advice is toooo true
Coming from an infj, you infj videos are always spot on! you can definitely tell you spend a lot of time around them and have done your research! Your vids are very interesting!
one of my oldest friends 25 years now, also an infj, we can talk about anything with any time gap, i love her as much as i love my parents, it was like meeting my other half but when i was 10
This resonated so much, especially the inferior Se and blindspot Te.
i'm an infj and I have been friends with another infj for so many years and we just advise each other and spend time together, we are good friends but we never really talk about our true selves and I think it is hilarious
Infj leadership and caring for others seem to counter one another. If you are an infj leader you want to trust those around you and not help them because you trust them. However as soon as you see anyone you know struggle you want to stay behind and help. Learn to trust others to take care of themselves cause they are more selfish than you so you can focus on taking care of yourself by being alone for a while
It's still a little awkward talking about myself because I don't know where to start but once I do, I over share the passion
Oh so we're social introvert by nature 💖🤣 we're just selective with our interactions.
I was trying to, date another INFJ I felt her dark side across the room. I kept mentioning it to her. You have a dark side underneath that smile.
She kept getting worried, and act confused. Later on in the years, I tested her MBTI. She still thinks it's stupid. I suppose she's the assertive type. But after talking, we both have basically lived in different forms, of bullying, survival. "I was betrayed by my friends, I have to be better than them, I've had to cut multiple people out of my life"
Then, as soon as we related, as soon as she knew both of us really we're the same. We stopped talking. And I'd like to think, it's cause we understand there's nothing new to gain, and we lived in very different circumstances.
I could give her a call, and she'd say, "what's wrong?" As I'm not following the pattern. In my mind I almost like the idea of dating someone like me, but...I suppose both ourselves would struggle with the blindspots we have. Besides, I want the music life. And she wants to live on a farm and wait til marriage. Couldn't be anymore farther apart as to where we have lived and where we want to be
Rest easy. I subscribed long ago.