HSPs are attracted to Narcissists
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ย. 2024
- Did you know that highly sensitive people and narcissists tend to be attracted to each other?
VISIT THE BLOG: www.highlysensi...
I've welcomed Nikki Eisenhauer onto the show to discuss what a narcissist is and why HSPs can be drawn to people with narcissistic personality disorder.
I think it's important for HSPs to be aware of this topic so they can identify and deal with harmful relationships.
Nikki is an engaging guest and does a great job of explaining this topic in a digestible way. She is a licensed professional counselor (LPC), chemical dependency counselor (LCDC), yoga and meditation teacher, and possible budding comedian.
In this episode, we talk about:
-What is a narcissist vs. sociopath personality
-The difference between anxiety and intuition
-What it's like to be an HSP and a therapist
-What most therapists don't know about HSPs
-Why improv might be good for HSPs
-and more!
My social links:
Facebook: / highlysensitivepersonlife
Twitter: / hisensitivelife
Pinterest: / hsplife
Instagram: / highlysensitivelife
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I'm a highly sensitive male. I can relate with everything you ladies are saying and I can tell you that the same way women are used by narcissistic males and females, so have I been taken advantaged of. I always felt too nice, and I always felt that I was too giving and everything you said validates what I said. The worst part is that because I am a man, it is even harder for me to speak out or say anything for fear of being called a bitch or worse. That has almost driven me over the edge but part of healing is accepting myself and loving myself. Thank you for this video.
Thanks for the comment. I'm sorry to hear about the pain you've experienced in the past by being an open and trusting person. I'm confident there are friends and partners out there for you who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.
Adolfo Fernandez I've never met an empathic male! U are as rare as a unicorn 🦄! 😍😘
Adolfo, thank you for speaking out. I honestly thought I was alone in the feeling and understanding. Being a male hsp has been a lot of adjusting on a personal level in this country.
Adolfo, you are not alone. I am too and most of my life I've had to modulate how I appear to hide in plain site. It's horrible, but with good friends and support structure it makes a big difference because you can actually feel heard for who you are. I truly hope there are those around you who you can be yourself fully around.
Snap, brother
Sadly very true. Learning how to have solid boundries with other people is so important to keeping narcassists away - or not even letting them into our lives to begin with.
I was devastated by a friend that I see now is a narcissist. She was extremely charming and confident. There were no obvious red flags, but I had an unease in my gut that I did not tune into. This was a huge lesson to me on listening to my gut and trusting it,
I hear you. I have paid the price dearly for overlooking red flags and not listening to my gut. :-(
I relate with this so comment so much. Thanks for sharing as I am nog going through this.
I had a narcissist friend for over ten years. I am hsp. I identify with your story 100%. I too ignored my instincts and did not speak honestly to this friend. No longer friends w this person. A light went off and I saw all their selfishness and lack of accountability.
Glad you made it!
Same rip
I had 2 narcissist parents that groomed me to be a codependent and because of it I've been a narcissist magnet all my life. It's wasn't until I cut them out of my life and decided to live a solitary life that I realized this. I was always in and out of abusive relationships, and every time I would get asked why I allowed it and I didn't know until I watched this video. Thanks.
Been there! You are fine now and set yourself free. Watch out for some (maybe) family members (never know) Stay reserved! LOL
DITTO Diva 504 !!!!
I'm going through the same thing. I just need to be independent and want a solitary lifestyle.
It’s inspiring to know that it’s possible to get out of this situation.
How did it end up. The solitude. Cuz I'm in that now
Narcisists prey on highly sensitive people. They actually get off on bullying them. I've seen it with a close family member that got bullied by one. It was her ex husband. He's one of the absolute worst narcissists I've ever met. We found out after their divorce that he bullied people in school as a young person as well. Just a pitiful character.
You would think high school bullies would mature, to change when they are older. but they don't often
This makes soooo much sense!!!!!!
I've just realized that I accepted narcissistic abuse because I unconsciously thought it was normal and there was no way out.
I absorb everyone's energies and feelings. I never understood it. My mother tells me to not let it bother me, but I can't help it.
Lily R me 2
being highly sensitive is a personality trait. It's not just what we do, it's who we are. But we can learn to recover quicker and guard ourselves in a lot of situations........
Yes me to
Lily R ~~ ME TOO ~ A sure sign of Empaths
we can learn how to deal with our emotion its take time but we all can
I want to say how grateful I am for this post and for finding other HSP individuals. I'm a highly sensitive male and it's difficult. For a good portion of my life, I'm tried to change myself, was fighting with myself, and it felt futile, like trying to walk upstream a rapid river. The thought that I can celebrate myself and not fight myself, this thought alone brings joy.
I have only very recently come across the knowledge of HSP and without a shadow of a doubt, I am a HSP. I cant deny my desire to help others in pain....this is a constant of my life. I have come to accept it and love this trait God has blessed me with.
Much much before, I recognised that my ex-husband was a highly functional psychopath. I sought to understand what had happened to me and part of the journey was to understand the snake that had entered my life. I was the target 'empath', the specie of humans that are the food for these human predators that roam this world. My empathy was used to fill a dark vortex. I did not choose such a person in my life, I was preyed on. The psychopath prey on what they can never have for themselves....the wholesome heart, the shining spirit, the warm soul. That is the very thing a HSP is. The psychopath took my innocence, but in return has given me the insight to love the amazing person that I am.
Thank you, your beautifully told story strengtens me, gives me one (old) tear and 1000 cristals for courage, we are born right and heal the world!!!
I am an HSP and my current best friend of 2 years is a Narcissist. We have a lot in common and i thought it would work out but I'm feeling more and more dissatisfied with our friendship. It's one sided and always about her. Yet i keep pretending that everything is okay around her. I need a friend I can relate to on an emotional level.
Stay strong
Claire S find a better friend. I stopped talking to my narc friend, they will constantly devalue you, drain your energy. Give that to someone who it doesn’t (your energy) go wasted on. Someone that isn’t so one sided. What happens over time is we stuff so much down we end up feeling awful because we are stuffing down our hurt unheard feelings. It will end up manifesting in your own life as depression and even physical illness. Self preserve!!!
I need me friends as well, I’ve decided to cut off everyone, so I can heal. I do feel so alone. I don’t mind making new friends
I am 70 years old. In my time there was no such thing as "hypersensitive persons," but rather, "you're so touchy, too sensitive, neurotic, crazy, " and worst of all: "why can't you be like.... [so n so]...
A funny thing is I WAS an extrovert as a child, hyperactive, highly sensitive, and highly creative. I sang, was artistic, a good dancer, a runner a great communicator and writer, yadda yadda yadda. and managed to live for 70 years incognito, never being in a place of comfort with myself.
I was criticized so much and cannot seem to stop doing that, as well as comparing; I do that too. I have things here that annoy me, but I don't think I can express them as I think both women speaking sound young and I imagine they will be critical of a woman that is older than they.
I have interest in listening to this, but I am angry that I could never finish ANYTHING for the reason of my inability to throw off criticism. I instead walked away from so many opportunities in the professional world, because I was too "hurt by someone" and could not follow through with whatever it was I had an opportunity.
If you really feel bad for narcs, you may wanna read In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by Dr. Simon
This is exactly what they are counting on: that others feel pity for them.
Symbolsysteme they LOVE the victim role
Thanks for the recommendation!!
My pleasure..'))) I believe no one should feel pity for narcs. If they don't find anyone to abuse anymore, there is maybe a small chance that they start to ask themselves what is wrong with them.
I think from a spiritual perspective we can have empathy for these people, but from a human perspective we have to give them a chance to learn and to grow. And they will only have this chance, if everyone walks away from them.
You can still feel pity for them and go no contact. I would rather pity than to hate.....this is how I personally made my journey a bit easier.
Everybody has to find his or her own way. So, if this helps you to move away from them and to heal yourself, it's your way...'))
I am in general not a friend of pity. I prefer empathy.
I was married to a narcissist. A professor in the US. Damaged me beyond repair. But nothing happened to him. Cannot understand the injustice
They are so selective of how and when they abuse, that most people can't see it unless it is happening directly to them. I tried to work things out with my OCPD/Narcissist manager at work, and it made things worse. I tried talking to his boss and she told me to hang in there and use "I feel" statements and it made things worse. I talked to HR and they told me to find another job unless you have proof he broke the law, and if you do this you may still lose your job because no one wants an employee that throws a lawsuit at their company. I Grey Rock now, and try to keep him at arms length and let him do himself in. It's almost like having to turn the tables on them and instead of reacting to their abuse, I am quiet and kind and let him wallow in his own personality disorder with others as he spreads his reputation for being horrible to work with. The best thing I can say is that at least there is a digital paper trail of me trying consistently to work it out with everyone around me.
Wonderful and pod cast😀keep up the good work. I have been a nurse for 25 years(medical &mental health) and listening to my intuition saved my patients lives and mine. Self trust is key to our survival. Look at animals in the wild. When a small animal is aware of a predator they don't second guess being prey. They head for safety
Thanks Viola!
It’s sad this is 5 years old and it’s still hard to find a therapist that understands HSP’s and even narcissistic abuse. And/or narcissism in general.
I think it is difficult for people who don't experience the trauma of narcissistic abuse to understand truly what it is and what it feels like, so if a therapist doesn't make HSP and Narcissism their life's work they are more like a sounding board for us to figure it out. I wish I could flip a switch and turn off my HSP and the PTSD and move on, but everything is more like going to a gym of self-love and exposure therapy.
I'm an hsp and these podcasts make so much sense to me. It's nice to be able to relate. Normally, people don't really understand or realize the extent of how I'm feeling. I've always wondered why I attract the wrong people or people that have narcissistic tendencies. I'm going to continue to watch these podcasts. I'm understanding myself more and actually starting to appreciate this trait. Maybe I'll even learn to manage it 😉
Rose Harding _ I do also have highly sensitive trait
Basically our compassion, kindness and need to balance and make everything ok, there there, bleeding heart, washes over the narcissist and they get drunk from it. We are the outlet and the narc is the plug. It feeds their ego. Feed a stray cat and it keeps coming back. Shoo narcissist! Shoooo!!!
There is nothing wrong with feeding a stray cat. Feeding a narcissist, however.....
the most devastating thing for me was that sometimes I truly believed that he loved me and he cared about my needs as he showed... it was hard to believe that everything was a game a big lie... I prayed many times for him because I am an empath and I truly want him to be healed. although he tried soo many times to hoover me back I walked away because I saw his true nature. so sorry he continues doing this to other kind girls out there.
I hope you are doing better now! I'm sorry that happened to you.
well this explains why every boy who's ever liked me was a total narcissist 😂
Hi Lily. I'm generalizing here but there is a fine line between confidence and narcissism, just remember that. Every women I have ever met is attracted to confidence.
@P T Spotted the incel narc.
I'm listening to this and remembering my ex husband and now that I'm really thinking ALL of my boyfriend's. All Narcissist. My last boyfriend had this little sad story that broke my heart. I saw that one moment of weakness he had and there I go. I made it my mission in life to show him kindness and love. The ex before that, again he showed a moment of weakness and cried about something I fell in love with him on the spot. Both were controlling and used my sensitivity to their advantage. I'm just realizing this recently. Enjoying the podcast I didn't know this was a thing.
Girl 🤦🏽♀️ Same.
well, this explains a lot. i only just learned about being "highly sensitive," but have wondered for YEARS why i keep getting drawn into a narcissist's world.
it doesn't help that my family model is FULL of them, and i thought that was it.
mother, father, brother, and sister the the extreme, another brother and sister somewhat. one normal brother, THANK GOD.
This is helpful. I got tangled up in a relationship an narcissist type. He was unique in that he mainly had avoidant personality disorder and the avoidant attachment type in relationships. So he would just outright reject someone (me for example) and toss them out like trash since a relationship is the last they they want (avoidant), but yet shifted all the blame to me and would take zero responsibility (narcissist). It was a highly toxic and confusing combo.
Could be committment phobic. It looks a lot like narcissism. There's a good video on TH-cam from a book called Men Who Can't Love.
Toxic and confusing. I get this. I was in a relationship with someone who when he passed had rejected his daughter he loved dearly, his son - an archetypical narcissist, his brother, his sister, ... He had a big personality, could be giving and kind, but had zero empathy and every problem or issue was everyone else's fault. I'm only just learning that I am a hsp and beginning to understand the toll that my empathy and 'support' took on me. I should have left before I did but it was hard.
summarized empaths have a lot ( endless) to give, narcissistic have a lot ( endless) to take, thus tend to attract. as empaths tend to self define based on helping others, and narcissistic using others its a bit if a use use relationship. people less empathetic have less to give, people less narcissistic have less to attract us.
also narcissistic tend to attract a group of people that provides a sense of harmony we resonate with, but takes time to realize its superficial and hollow, like most narcissistics are once you scratch beyond the surface.
that's a pretty good summary!
I'm a Briggs Meyers INFJ, and it really helped me to watch videos about the INFJ, particularly the ones by Frank James. It helped me really understand that A. I'm not alone in this, it's part of a personality type. B. It's not a behavior or a mal-adaptation because of some trauma, it's the way I am. I was born this way. C. The problems I face come with the territory. D. Being sensitive caused me to attract abusive people, but abuse didn't cause me to be over-sensitive. In other words, I'm not broken. I'm just a relatively easy target mainly because I care. And the ability to care is a gift, not a curse.
Brilliant ... thank you very much. Was with a covert narcissist for 3 years too many. I fully started to research on narcissist behaviour whilst with my narc. I had never encountered such treatment beforehand and narcissism was all new to me. After about a year and a half I was fully able to predict my ex partners behaviour,his next moves. I documented everything... I'm now free and have been for almost a year.
So thankful to hear this today. I am walking through the guilt of listening to my intuition and setting some boundaries with sibling narcissists that use old patriarchal power structure to intimidate. Thank you for sharing. It is very helpful. I've even thought of going back to school to become a therapist but wondered if emotionally it would be challenging in an environment that didn't honor feelings. Good to hear all of your experience.
thanks for the comment! glad you found it helpful. :)
I am an HSP and always thought I was weird. Thank you for validation. I have been married to two sociopaths and been engaged to at least a narc. I am breaking away from the third relationship. We have been together for almost 4 years. Thank goodness that our circumstances made marriage not possible during that time. Thank you both for this podcast and all that you do. New subbie.
Hi Paula, glad you are finding a way to do what's right for you! thanks for listening :))
Paula B thanks for your post, I so understand. Love your zebra.
As an HSP, it took me many years and pain to realize I didn't have to accept anything that comes to me.
Unbeknownst to me until now I have been working with a narcissist and thinking she was my friend. I always went home feeling drained and crappy about myself because she would pull me into conversations that were not in alignment with my integrity. I showed endless compassion and empathy for her and gave her constant support even when I didn't agree with the things she was saying. Then I would go home feeling terrible about myself and completely exhausted. So I had no compassion left for my family when I got home. The experience was so subtle. This coworker would give the silent treatment and be passive aggressive and bad mouth people behind their backs, usually to me. She used me and I unknowingly let her. I knew there was something wrong and I attempted to seek help from our boss but I couldn't put my finger on what was actually making me feel so uncomfortable. My boss knows we are friends and said she couldn't help me and that we would work it out. I have left the situation but I witnessed other employees struggling like me while I was there and the district manager has asked me to compose an email about what's going on in that office. I'm still not sure how to explain it and if it's a work issue that can be corrected.....
Sounds like a subtle crossing of your boundaries and a need for control.
Wow, so glad I came across this channel and tho video in particular. This makes so much sense. I'm highly sensitive and was in a 3 year relationship with a Narcissist and I came very close to losing my mind. Wow....powerful info! Thanks so much!!!! New subbie:-)
thank you!! :)
I am a HS extrovert who has recently discovered HSP and am eagerly learning as much about i as I can. I have also known narcs and even borderlines too. The narcs are men I have known for a LONG time and when I discovered what they were and what they were doing to myself and others and that they would likely NEVER change I went No Contact with both of them which is still problematic because we know many of the same people. A lot of these people don't know what narcissism is and probably don't care but their not HSP either and likely have not been affected by these types like I have. The narc wants control and that means it's fine for them to go No Contact with you because they are used to being the one's who call the shots in all relationships pretty much but if the target does that its a BIG No No. Ussually a smear campain immediatly follows like it did in both cases for me which sucks but you are their supply and they want you back because they're SICK which is why it's easy to feel sorry for them. Pretty much everything Miss Eisenhauer says is true about narcs and how they take advantage of others. I think that if you are HSP it is important to remember that the narc will NOT change and will likely remain that way forever. They will not get counseling either. They may tell their lovers or their friends that they are going to but they are only looking for sympathy from you because they know HSP will try and help them. Another thing is the narc is only using you for supply which they desperately need but they are also always on the look out for a better supply. The sociopath likely doesn't care if you live or die but the narc will make sure that you stay alive enough to keep pumping blood so like a vampire they can keep feeding on you. Excuse the metaphor but it's more or less true. If you are HSP I would do whatever possible to remove these people from your lives and sometimes that can be difficult if they are a family member. In their world, it's ALL ABOUT THEM.
Hello mate HD extrovert here aswell. We are relatively rare I think 🤠
Great podcast! There are many narcissistic people in my life and its only now that I understand why. Thank you so much
glad it was helpful!
The Road Less Traveled and People of the Lie by Scott M. Peck was so helpful for me being an HSP, finding your channel is also like a soothing balm! Many Thanks
i am a lifelong HSP(but just learned the name for it) and was in a 4 year long messy drawn out passionate emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist. the whole thing was so so bad but felt so so good. mostly consisted of yelling, crying, making up, and repeating. i gasped and cried when i read the title of this. my mind is blown and it makes so much sense. for so long i was blind to it and now i feel free.
I feel SO grateful for finding out this podcast. Am in my early fifties now ... when I was 20, I could feel my high sensitivity SO clearly. Unfortunately at that time, there was nobody to turn to. I simply had to get a grip over myself ... that’s what I was being told. Thanks goodness, there is so much more information on HSP. For me, it still shocks me when I get confronted with a narcissist... slowly slowly I learn how to deal with this as again I always wanted to be ‘nice’ to everyone in life. Yet we do need to watch ourselves carefully. Thank you SO much 🙏
I can't tell you how much I appreciated this interview! And it was posted on my birthday :) I was also feeling bad for the made up narcissist ... nuts! This made my life seem so much more logical and a lots of 'ah-ha!' moments. Such a game changer, thank you!!!!
So glad this was helpful to you!! :)
The interviewer hasn't met a narc yet or she wouldn't be lol'ing so much. She may also not be willing to sign away her empathy so quickly and blindly.
Nikki is amazing! She delivered the information so well. I have a BA in psychology and I am hsp, I’ve been thinking about quitting psychology altogether because it’s hard for me to detach from other people’s emotions, but she’s inspired me to try to get back into helping others more while using the current knowledge I have!❤
This is so scary. They are saying exactly what I’ve been through. I was in a relationship with a narc for 33 years. I ‘ m so greateful I’m finally away from him.
Thanks Nikki you are doing a very noble job. You are an angel to those of us who have escaped abusive co-dependent. It is people like you that truly "got" me who helped me get away.
what a kind comment! :)
"What we see in counseling is that the person who often shows up as the identified patient, is sometimes the healthiest person" in the situation. As a man this resonates, as many men I know do NOT seek therapy for their own mental health. They treat it like competition, sensitivity, or boredom. I used to think I was crazy or broken, when what I have learned is that I developed trauma from feeling controlled and silo'd by Narcissistic/OCPD disordered people.
I loved this podcast! Nikki did such a good job explaining. My understanding now about HPS is better !
OMG I've never heard anyone articulate and understand (which is what I long for) the ways I am so closely in my life. Thank God for the internet without it...forget about it. I'm been searching for my uniqueness for a long time. I've taken clues throughout my life. Mother says she's sensitive but she's an introvert I'm sensitive but an extravert but I have learned high sensitive people can be both. I have searched best careers for extroverts, best for people people then I was honest with myself (thinking sensitive meant weak) and typed in best careers for sensitive people. After more research I found Highly Sensitive Extrovert and I could see myself in most of the descriptive. I'm glad I found this video before marriage and kids.
yay! glad it was useful to you :)
Hi lailah, I'm a hsp and extrovert.
Only just discovered this podcast and I love it! Subscribed. I'm currently in a very reflective, flooded headspace and as a male HSP these videos are really easing my mind. Thanks for sharing them :)
Built a life with a disordered-sociopathic-narcissist. Our life was a lie. It’s so devastating and then the discard. 😮💨😒
Omg the part she speaks of how we are empathic and wanting to understand and give and give and give just mind blown me, like she just put into words what I could never explain.
❤was so important for me to hear this today. I recently exited a horrific relationship with a sociopath. I'm recovering from damage done. With info like yours and other's, I see more clearly where I didn't trust my intuition, when at different times it spoke plainly as I reconsider what I heard and saw. I have improved understanding of myself and the delusions of a sociopath. Thank you!
I believe it's very detrimental to keep telling hsps that they will always be "victims" of "narcisists " coz when Narcisists realize they're alienating people many change their ways. In the same way when hsps realize they need the adequate environment in otder to manage emotiinal overwhelm & they begin the process to manage it. It's dangerous to demonize certain personality groups because we don't know if certain people I belong to the narcissist personality group have been confined to certain environments at a certain stage in their lives that haven't allowed them to manage and grow out of the more defining characteristics of being a narcissist or they haven't had the opportunity to search other ways of expanding their personality so it is quite dangerous to be talking like you are talking in this podcast because human beings are flexible and maybe you guys do have certain adequate environments for yourselves to develop yourselves and develop your personalities but you don't know what other types of personalities have in there family backgrounds environment backgrounds cultural backgrounds etc etc I believe at least people should be given certain opportunities to show that they are actually not societal psychopath but if we keep on telling this biased narrative I don't think we'll ever be able to heal Society because we'll always be trying to put the blame out there on certain boxes certain personalities and we won't be working on ourselves which I guess is the most important thing that we must realize in the end
Hey you work on that!
The moments in my life which I regret most are those where I dismissed my intuition!
Thanks for this & the firm-up. Great podcast!
me too
Same. I was a people pleaser who gave people the benefit of the doubt, and I no longer do that. I Grey Rock a lot of second encounters now. Once someone seems aloof to my boundaries I ignore them and don't let them back in.
I told my narcissistic mother about her behavior and she completely denied it.
Yep, they lack awareness and want to maintain control
That’s a normal narcissistic response
Just being an observer is not possible if you are the partner or spouse of the narc. If the narc is simply a friend maybe.
I hear you! Just finding out my teen daughter may be one... :-/
Agreed. I tried for years to create boundaries with a narcissistic parent and it did not achieve much. They just controlled me from afar and actually got better at it. No contact has been the only way to keep myself healthy. I even find having narc friends does not work because I am a deeply committed friend. I feel like limiting narcs in your life to absolute necessity is best: coworkers, rarely seen in laws, etc.
Your talking about codependants here.Being a hsp doesn't necessarily make you a co dependant .In fact codependants are just as sick and toxic as narcissists and I avoid them both.
Im a highly sensitive person and my crush was/is a narcissist. (at least he seems like that) Based on my own experience (and what i feel) the reason why i feel attracted to him is because he is very outgoing, talkative, good speaker and he is super confident -the qualities i lack. Some of my friends say i like him because of his looks, but no, im attracted to what i don't have because it interests me and even maybe amazes me.
You have all these Qualities within you. The narcissist is fake, the confidence is not real. He feeds on your power when you think that you Lack those Qualities and He has them. you are strong within, focus on your power within your heart. big hug
A hsp has these qualities but they can often be a bit more hidden. They may convey these traits but perhaps be more ' emotional' which is a general turn off for a womans nature.
Thank you both for this conversation - I am just discovering I am a HSP through 2 years of working with a coach and what pushed me there was a relationship with a narcissst/sociopath he has traits of both he is highly manipulative we were never married but have a son together and he is HSP and so much of what you discussed here really helped me a lot and came at just the right time. The comments you made about the hmmm I had so many times- of course I removed him from our life as much as possible -
This helped me feel confident and not alone!! Awesomeness!!
I could so relate to your guest including the stand-up comedy. I've done it and it rocked. So glad to have found your channel.
how kind, thank you!
wow i so appreciated this discussion on the video.......a mature way to talk about this subject. Very timely for me a as narcissist at work is really magnatized to me and i've been setting boundaries for a while but have been starting to second guess myself as "mean" I think that is part of the propaganda training this narcissist sends out. nice people vs. mean people. so setting boundaries puts me in her mean box. so glad to find this video at just the right time
Glad this was helpful for you! :)
today she came up to me and apologized for not respecting my boundaries. "I'm so bad" it was all part of the attempt to draw me into a discussion thats about her. I just have to not take the bait and politely excuse myself. As long as we are talking about her.......good or bad then she is content but she can't see past herself. Its so draining.
This explains my life.
I should have listened to my intuition when I didn't want to take a drink from a guy who I thought had spiked it with drugs. I was right the first time I refused and he kept offering it to me, so I gave in to not seem rude. It turned out I was victimized. :(
I'm so sorry to hear that!
I made the mistake from youth to think we are all alike. It took sooo many times before I figured it out. I’m 59. It’s only been about 12 years that I’m getting that some people are predators. Naive huh?
It was mentioned that not all sociopaths are narcissists and not all narcissists are sociopaths. I've always heard and understood that all psychpaths, sociopaths, antisocial personality disordered are narcissists but not all narcissists are sociopaths, psychpaths, or anti-social. Can you clarify for me please?
Not only did you nail every single aspect of the HSP relationship with a narcissist/anti-social, but you've shed light on my (UGH) torture of having to heal from this. Its like no other break up I've ever experienced in that there is NO degree of sorrow or empathy from him. He walked out of my live never to be heard from again. And instead of my turning an absolute blind eye and washing my hands of it entirely, I so deeply long for the understanding from him of what he's done, and understanding within myself of what the heck happened. Its a viciousness that borders abuse, particularly when I reflect on countless incidents of his crazy-making b.s.. The complexities have boggled my mind and going on three years - I continually seek to understand. And hate myself for needing that. How do I begin to seek healing. The timing unfortunately coincided with my father's difficult death, estrangement from my own sibling via a lawsuit against me over the estate, and two other terrible deaths in a short time span. And yet, I'm the deepest most compassionate kindest person I know, so that the healing and moving forward in my complex insightful mind feels utterly impossible. And you'll love this ... I knew it all along. But to let go of hope and all the goodness I believed we had - what a combination of dynamite. Thank you for your podcast, I'd love to seek more of your material.
Hi Debbie, thanks for your comment. It sounds like you've had a very challenging time. Have you been able to speak to a therapist or other mental health professional? I find it extremely helpful and always recommend it. I really hope you can find some peace and good people in your life who treat you as you deserve to be treated!
Thanks for your generous note. To answer yours, no, I did not seek any sort of counseling, realling not anticipating the arduous chore of it all. Simultaneous to the inward unheavals, I relocated out of state, and facing all the complexities of unfamiliar territory that goes with that. Its been a slow row through the muck, but wanting to sharing that it is sources like yourself that have given me the foot up each day to sorting it all out. In trying so desparately to understand HIM and his behavioral b.s., I failed to understand myself, how I'm wired, and how I could fall prey to it all. Insight alone has helped 1K-fold. Again, thank you for your valuable info, it has centered me.
I am still with my narc and I so long for a few words of understanding or a simple im sorry and it be meant. he is a semi invalid now and its becoming more and more difficult to take care of him when there is the constant bullying and everything is always my fault. I am wearing down, he knows it, and he doesn't care as long as his needs continue to be met. at this point in our marriage leaving him is not an option as I could not live with myself if I did but some days im not sure I can hang on much longer.
Thank you so much Nikki Eisenhauer !!!
Welcome and thank you for listening!
I just found this content and am having a serious epiphany,. I was married to a female borderline pd, for 16 years. And am now trying to coparent my 2 sons with her. Is impossible. And now learning this content, am so scared for my boys. She has smeared me and is trying to turn them agains me,. I have felt paralyzed. Listening is killing me, but I have to finally learn, so thank you for this;(,
Wow, I'm glad this was helpful but sorry you are suffering. I hope you are able to seek help, like a trained mental health professional. Good luck to you...
No shit!
Lol.. that's response to the title alone, haven't even watched the video yet 😂
Understanding the difference between Anxiety and Intuition..... brilliant! Now how do I do that? lol
Such a good question
What is the attraction for HSP's with regard to narcissists? How has 'bundling' effected that attraction and those choices?
Females are attracted to confidence. There is a fine line between narcissism and confidence.
This is very helpful for me... Kelly and Nikki are super lite easy to listen to very insiteful very enlightened... I'm a HSP and work with a lot of people who are highly minipalitive... Three of whom I suspect are mild sociopaths and several narcissist the rest have passive or neutral personalities it's like diving into a tank full of sharks and bait fish every morning for 21 years... Having to look like and behave like an Alfa Shark to guard against being eaten alive yet keeping my true sensitive kind and compassionate self intact is a daily challenge... Talk about cognitive dissonance... LOL because that's all I can do to stay positive at times... Joke, Have Fun, Smile, Breath Deeply Slowly, Have Inner Peace and Never fully divert from the kind soul within 😊
thanks for listening and for the nice comment!
woow I am amazed about this content. You ladies are awesome, just what I need to put my head together. Thank you so much!
glad you found it helpful!! :)
I believe we are all born a SP. But our environment makes us become another label. I became a HSP. I think it's because HSP are to in tune with being real & feeling deeply. This way isn't excepted in society until now. Strange but true.
I am a HSP + INFJ. But a part of me doesn't want to accept that and thinks that I am using this as an excuse to deal with things. Do you have any suggestions?
Hi Kiya, I did a podcast episode about using HSP as a crutch; it may help. highlysensitiveperson.net/episode25/
I suspect that most higly sensitive people have narcissist mom. They learn early to keep watch out for their not safe parents, when they are on a mood and agressive. The circle just keeps repeating it self.
Light bulb has gone off more than several times especially when these personalities!! Thank you for goodness sake!!!
Correction, especially when these personalities are being explained so well and properly
Not all narcissist were neglected and abused some of them were put up on a pedestal when they were young and told that they were the best thing since sliced bread and they truly are better and they deserve preferential treatment they develop a sense of entitlement where they are extremely sensitive to being treated I like the average person they often take constructive advice as criticism that wounds them to the point where they seek revenge they don't get their hearts broken they get their egos crushed everything is a competition they feel like they've been one up they feel like they lost or beaten it's like talking to a brick wall they don't hear what you're saying they only have one perspective there's their narcissism disorder will not allow them to think normal that's why everything is black and white they can never see the gray area and get the big picture they don't understand the feelings of others basically because they just don't care they're void of empathy when this happens they have no problem going out of their way to absolutely destroy you to break you they're always looking for where the grass is greener you're not viewed as a living breathing feeling thing they see you as an appliance something to be used no it doesn't function properly it is to be discarded sometimes your Cadillac sometimes your can opener it's a pretty big pill to swallow but you got to do it before it's too late it's the only way to come out with self-respect and dignity and a little satisfaction just another warning signs and to leave they do sell out to eventually destroy us to eat us up in the spit it out sometimes the predator becomes the prey they hate it when this happens
yes, lots of spoiled
Narcissistic people are choleric. They are hardworking and self motivated. We are attracted to that. They are also angry and controlling. Ugh. Soul damaging. Not at all worth it to be around them.
Oh nooooo I feel things, now im highly sensitive, oh no, I cried. It is amazing how many people are completely oblivious into thinking there is one side or that all HSPs are the same and have the same combinations of characteristics and/or environment stimuli. Funny what the human mind can conjure when it comes up with relationships and becomes biased by confirmation since they tend to surround themselves with the things they believe in and thus only look within their narrow perspective. I am a HSP, diagnosed by many different instances/professionals (though I would not call them that). Here I am being repulsed by the comments where everyone behaves like a small minded pussy (mind my words). If you are really a HSP, you find ways to deal with things, if you are really that sensitive then you find and see solutions where others do not. If not then you are just a weak minded person, it has nothing to do with being highly sensitive. Highly sensitive people are experts at manipulating, whether they realize it or not. We read people better than anyone, only if you lack the intelligence you won't see what I mean. And empathy is NOT sympathy, get that through your thick skull. For that exact reason we survive situations better than others, whether it feels like that for you or not. But hey, maybe I'm just too sensitive, it is just my 2 cents and totally subjective to my opinion based on my own experiences. And I know that some who read this will feel offended or write me off as someone who doesn't know what he is talking about, it was in no means meant offensively. If you think being a HSP means you cry a lot and that you involve yourself in stereotypical relationships, then feel free to think so ;)
I’m a HSP and I’ve dated a narcissist and I’m exhausted
not if you are the: strong/weak version - of HSP though. (3% of HSP are so called: strong /weak).
but i feel with narcissists (i'm not saying any more on that, no one choosed their brain, and some can learn new ways).
I doubt this. (the title) Everyone I know that is sensitive (and myself) are actually 'allergic' to narcistic people. Mostly because of their egoïsm and dominance.
Also I thought that HSP's are actually more sensitive and intuïtive and it's easier for them to get signals from their environment. I thought that would make them better at seeing through people. (reading people) That would mean looking through a narcissists fascade/ mask. (Atleast I can spot them quite easily, but maybe that has to do with my past as well?)
yes, this is very true. but sometimes a HSP will choose to (subconsciously or consciously) overlook a person's narcissistic qualities and behavior, and tune in with what is deep down inside (goodness) although that is not what their actions are. this is how hsp can become hurt and drawn in by narcissistic personalities, as they have a way of charming and making them feel important and in need of care taking (keep in mind, care taking is something HSP are wired and love to do)
I think a lot of it has to do with our formative years. If an HSP is raised by a supportive family they will be more likely to trust their intuition. If an HSP is raised by a narcissist they can be taught to believe that they are paranoid, incorrect, even mentaly ill. HSPs raised by a narcissist that have healed will be more likely to see through other narcissists while HSPs still engaged in a relationship with a narcissistic parent will be constantly discounting their intuition.
This video has been so helpful to helping me work through exactly what I am going currently.
This is my new favourite podcast
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I am hoping I have learned enough to notice when they are narcs. I'm trying to not get my chemicals all in a stir. I think I met a pansexual/body dismorphic that is a good person and is genuinely interested in me as a person and possible partner, and NOT for narcissistic supply, but after dealing with a few narcissists/OCPD folks who felt very entitled to me I am a little hesitant. I also don't want to come on too strong to her, either, so that she doesn't feel love-bombed... This is making me be more aware of what I want and who I need to be for a partner that will one day deserve my best and return that energy, instead of want to control it and feed off me.
Personality is dynamic. I really dont think you can categorize people as HSP or Narcissism. there are important genetic and environmental facotrs that matter also
I just changed from a full time job to pt in fortune 500 bank because I was unhappy and felt like I was out of control and I felt like I couldn't make a comfortable living without going crazy. I've decided to transition to the medical field, 2year program because it seems to be more aligned with my personality and compensation however this interview is totally making me feel like I need to go into something that makes me feel as calm as this interview has done like some type of therapist or counselor but rumor has it they don't make much cash. :(
I think it depends, it's worth looking into the profession more to see if you'd like it!
Q. if you have a neighbor who is always trying to draw attention to herself even in the simplest situations . For example, I notice if for whatever reason if I fail to see this person and say Hello to her it becomes a federal a fence. I on the other hand, seem to be introverted at times and extroverted at other times. I did apologize to her because I had a lot of things going on. Does this person have Narcissistic traits and how should I have handled the situation?
Highly Sensitive People are people who have not lost their human sensitivity yet because they have not been subjected to extensive pain/abuse. The more a person is subjected to abuse, the more the person loses sensitivity to their own pain and to the pain of others, and the more callous and ruthless the person will become. People who have not been exposed to abuse, such as HSP, are innocent and have no capacity to recognize ill-intentions and manipulation: that is why they don't run away from narcissists. When they eventually discover the narcissist's manipulative intentions and lack of transparency, they will probably dissolve the friendship/relationship which could be devastating for the narcissist who experiences difficulties keeping friends.
this is absolutely not so. I am a very sensitive person and I have been all my life. I am married to a bully and an abuser. I have been and am exposed to his narc personality every day and although I have grown weary of constantly trying to hold my own with him and also very resentful of his actions I am still a sensitive person. maybe im not as sensitive to him as I used to be but I could never be as mean and uncaring to him as he has been to me.
Nikki sounded to me more like a narcissist/sociopath tbh.
Good potcast, also good to watch is Melonie Tonia Evans and Ross' Rosenberg and Sam Vakin will tell you to run away and never look back.greetz
Omg, it does hurt to stand up to her. It doesn't feel rite at all, and have been divorced from her for5 years, and she has drained my very soul. Have always felt sorry for her for her childhood traumas. Now she has convinced everyone that I'm the narcissistic one, I don't know what to do;(.
I'm sorry....have you spoken to a therapist? they can be so helpful :)
Highly Sensitive Person Podcast , am recently disabled and have not found one that will accept Medicare, and she currently trying to take full custody of my children, she claimed that I was suicidal and I am not, just stuck
Hsp can see the door to the dimensions that no one else can. Read and listen echert tolle to enter the awakened state where tbere is peace and stillness.
We dont need to feel trapped as an hsp.
My boyfriend is a Narcissist. He does give back though as long as he is getting something he wants!! LOL!! My ex husband is a Sociopath,, he is Weird Stalking liar and smells creepy.
I have spent the last six months tying to determine if I am HSP male...all I can say, is that I have always despised narcissist people...does this mean that I am NOT an HSP? Also, narcissists seem to also strongly dislike me?
Great talk, both of you.
Is our default way of awareness focus a key?
I went shopping today, and i was already tired before going.
When i got to the shopping center, it was full of people.
To protect myself i started looking down, keeping my eyes down.
This protected my energy. I them started sometimes to look just at
things that interested me. My eyes would jump from one place to the other and them down. This worked. Going back home, walking the street, my focus would go to some sound or to the wind on my skin or the eyes would keep jumping from one thing to another
and sometimes down. This change of focus from one thing to another happened naturally. I realized i had changed my focus, my awareness, from an all around vision/perception to the thing that interested me most. This seems to work great.
Have you tried something like this?
Some of them know exactly what they're doing totally premeditated every move they make is done for a reason others depending on where they're at on the spectrum run on instinct kind of like a shark they react before they think they lack foresight the textbook predictable when you know with you're dealing with know that you have to be a couple steps ahead if you stick around long enough they will break out your narcissistic traits your bad side you're dark side the knowledge is out there knowing the warning signs knowing why they're doing what they're doing will help us better understand that we must leave before it's too late we can come out of these relationships with dignity and self-respect The narcissist knows that every relationship has an expiration date they just wanted to end on their terms they want to be in control of how it ends when you leave them first it is devastating to them they never see it coming they underestimate us leaving them sometimes is the most difficult thing we ever have to do the longer we stay away the stronger we become the end is inevitable we have to take control we can come out of these relationships been taking me self respect and a whole lot of satisfaction and time never feel bad for the narcissist they provoke reactions to make us abuse them mentally verbally psychologically they will the relentlessly evil they will set out to punish us in the beginning they chose us they thought we were vulnerable they thought they would show us up and spit us out and gone to the next when we leave them it throws a monkey wrench in their whole
Being less empathic seems impossible.
The closest thing I can come to being less empathic is "Grey Rocking"... but I still have all the feelings and care for people, so it isn't like any empathy gets shut off. It is more like setting internal boundaries to toxicity and not trying to fix or please someone I realize is not kind to me.
Interesting. I only talk with coaches because they are not trying to suppress their personalities. And they focus on moving forward. :D
I'm not sure what you mean?
I think that sometimes counsellors or psychologists are so busy trying to convince hard science that they are valid, they focus too hard on being a blank slate to avoid being seen as unscientific. I find that I cannot relate to someone spouting facts or asking "and what do you think of that?" I would rather talk to a fallible human with an idea of how to move forward.
some therapists lean coach-y like me, but yes, I understand what I think you mean!
what is it called when a guy becomes a narc to better survive?
Do you think that a lot of people with aspergers can be highly sensitive?
Good question, Dr. Elaine Aron has written about it here: www.hsperson.com/pages/2Aug09.htm
YES! So you need healers/teachers/mentors etc. that understand the nuance of that without over-pathologizing 'disorder' symptoms. I'm in the camp of Aspergers--at least for some of that population--considering high sensitivity as the 'source' if that makes sense. thanks for listening!
I feel i'm part narcissist and part HSP. How weird is that? Most of my relationships have been with mild narcissists. but my last one went horribly wrong where I became the narcissist and my partner got stuck in the cycle of giving. What to do now?
work with a skilled healer to figure that out.....................a direct professional who has the ego strength to say to you 'that sounds like your narcissistic part......can we look at what made that part leap out? NOT a healer with any narcissistic trait. good luck--some narc traits are 'learned' and I find some are 'innate' figure out the difference takes skill--you may (may) be able to let go of that narc part if you have that desire and it's genuine. good question thank you
Omg, it reminds me my ex boyfriend. Some of his trades are really match with the narcissist! I am a HSP.