The Highly Sensitive Person: An Interview with Elaine Aron
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.ย. 2024
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Excerpts from an interview with Elaine Aron Ph.D., author and psychologist. Please also see her talk on Sensitivity Research: • Elaine Aron - A Talk o... There is a self-test here: www.hsperson.co...
It kinda suprise me that almost everybody here hates to be a HSP. :S When I found out I was a HSP, I was happy because I finally understood some "weird" things of myself! I always have felt an outsider and I'm fine with it, even more now (maybe because I'm only 16). I know life as a HSP can be very intense. But on the bright side: when I'm happy, I feel so fantastic. Because as long as I feel things, I feel alive! And no non-HSP will every feel that way.
Thank you, Elaine Aron! You helped me.
Same!
Wow you noticed this when you were 16. Such an early awareness and a great point of view at that age
Yes 😂 and good to know u found it at a young age, so your more aware of yourself.👍
People have a broad range of feelings on the topic, and can feel differently about it at different times. I personally feel both bad and good feelings about it right now, at the same time. Sharing in a space that's more friendly to HSPs gives people a chance to vent the bad feelings to someone who will get it. So distancing yourself from the rest of everyone when we are all coming here just to be understood does you and everyone else no favors. The point of understanding HSP is to allow people to have their feelings!
Exactly how I feel
I totally agree with the 8 hours in bed, 2 hours of alone time for the mind to drift, and one day a week with nothing to do. On the nose!
Yep 😌 finally someone agrees to that.
Yep. This is actually the worst part of being a HSP for me because then I feel like I’ve wasted my time, not got on with life. After decades of this, my life feels purposeless as it just goes round in a never ending loop of having lots of energy/excitement and making up for lost time for 2 days and being utterly drained and needing time alone for 5 days in order to recoup.
I’ve ‘lived’ less than half my life coz of this cycle - something I can’t get over tbh.
It is HSP, I'm male and struggle to repress the tears when I speak of anything very meaningful, or that I strongly believe in/feel, to people and feel exhausted afterwords. You are not alone, we desperately want a kinder more gentle world :)
Omg me too! Glad someone understands💕
well said! thank you for sharing your voice
Awh that’s lovely. I’m a HSP too and cry whenever I think of hurt animals. I pick up worms and snails and bees and put them in safe places.
I must be HSP inclined too. As a kid, I had a collection of red ants in a jar. One Saturday afternoon i was trying to gain respite from a noisy argument going on between my parents over money and my father’s drinking. I went outside under the step in the dark and dumped the ants on my arm ..something to do with the feeling I liked as they crawled down my forearm. I remember saying to them ‘you are my friends’ . 😊
Wow, I totally understand completely. That’s me…
Dr. Elaine Aron's book, "The Highly Sensitive Person," is a life saver and game-changer for all HSPs. Thank you Dr. Aron.❤
I'm an HSP with a hard childhood (my father was an alcoholic; my mother neglected me). I can suddenly and easily cry for no reason; please people; love arts; fear light and noise; love deeply; have a hard time to let things go; and feel pain deeply. It was very hard for me to cope because people around me did not have the knowledge of how to treat an HSP. After many years of living with depression and anxiety, I now feel much better and find happiness again thanks to meditation. Some advantages I get from this trait are being good at understanding complex concepts (I'm a theoretical chemist myself); being a genuine person; self-motivating; and good at reading people.
+Co Dai I was told that HSP is not a condition that needs medication but maybe your responses to stimulation did So my QUESTION is what did you Dr. tell you that you needed medication for? anxiety? WHAT meds are you on??
The Dark Angel "Meditation".
Co Dai thank you for highlighting that I am reading through complex articles and I am overwhelmed at the fact how easily this information flows to me and it feels natural for me to conceptualise internalise and accept it... Hearing him say having the courage to look up highly sensitive put a whole new spin on it.. It should stick.. Adhere.. Link.. Connect.. It is our treasure but how it is.. Others must too just differently.. It is also about how to reveal the real selves and to what degree and owning our power.. It is huge...... I would like to think labels can be gone is the aim for me is to have strong sense of self............ And then it is not sensitive nothing but tries to grow... Then the truth remains replenishes true sense of self. True self. Whole. Strong. Connected. Driven. Purposeful. Motivated. Inspired. ~ balanced
Co Dai a gift in the right hands💖
Haha I'm all of this except about the complex concepts part. I feel dumb all the time and too emotional :(
I am a highly sensitive male.
INFJ, empath, musician.
I work in the medical field.
I do not know how I know.
I just know things.
Thank you for this video.
Mark
Same! I just know things too! Nice to hear someone else acknowledge this.
I’m curious as to whether you ever heard of Aphantasia.
@@rubybegonia7052 I have now. Made me sad thinking someone can not visualize in their “mind’s eye”.
It's called intuition and it happens when your subconscious recognizes a pattern and draws a conclusion without assistance from the part of your brain responsible for conscious thought. Im the sort of person who sees many problems with believing things without any evidence so for a long time I ignored my intuition at my own peril. It took me many years to learn to lean into it, especially in situations where I had a bad feeling about someone or something.
My name is also Mark. I’m also a highly sensitive male, an INFJ, I’m empathetic, I love listening to music. I work with autistic kids. Cool to see we pretty similar. I was recently told from an ex-friend now that I can sometimes be an asshole, come off as arrogant and obnoxious to her friends, get triggered easily due to not being emotionally mature, and am not self aware. We had been recent friends for 2 months, but they abruptly ended it through a long and aggressive text message to end our friendship. I now realize I am not self aware thanks to her, as I don’t go out much and interact with others. I want to be better, I want to grow and become more self aware and emotionally mature. Being the arrogant asshole is the last thing I want to be. I’ve always wanted to avoid drama, be a good person, and live by doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. But I now see I’m currently not the good person I thought I was, as I am not self aware and emotionally immature. I will grow and be better, be self aware, and become emotionally mature. I need to turn these words into actions. Sorry, just felt like letting it out because they recently told me a couple days ago and I’ve been depressed and haven’t been able to sleep, as I’m disappointed in myself with how I actually come off as to others. This has been on my mind and really eating at me. I want to be a better person 🥹
As visiting Dr Aron's website, I burst into tears. I feel I'm understood. I started knowing my personality by a very closed friend who always said I was too sensitive, easily got upset & always took things too seriously. I like doing things alone because I enjoy the peace & quietness of my mind, but most people (including my closed friend) who know me always consider me as being shy and quiet. What they don't understand me is I'm actually extrovert & enjoy meeting new people when I travel alone.
Elaine Aron embodies the calm,cheerful,thoughtful,sensitive person at their best
I was diagnosed with HSP by my Psychologist. I took a personality test and had to answer over 500 questions.
The problem with me is that I tend to come off as either cold or distant, but that's not true. I am the most sensitive person. I cry over someone snapping at me... I feel empathy for others, if I am around anyone who's had a mean comment said to them, I feel like I am being attacked also.. even though it's nothing got to do with me. HSP is a curse.
and there is no cure. Do find joy in life, such things as the arts, specially music, reading and writing, cinema offers great shows as well as documentaries and nature, for me an afternoon at the beach, the sound of waves crashing, the breeze of salt air, music in my ears, facing the horizon, bliss.
+BlondexBeth WHEN were you tested? When I was tested years ago, HSP was not even a consideration nor even considered a condition. my evaluator just placed me in the category of SAD blaming the magnification of all my senses on anxiety which now I know to be false
+BlondexBeth That's exactly me. it is really a curse if you wanna be social.
Hussain Alebrahim quite often for some people like myself, it's difficult to distinguish between Avoidant Personality Disorder, or being Highly Sensitive Person which I am or the label of Social Anxiety Disorder as a result of being a HSP or AvPD I get so overwhelmed by labels that it alone overwhelms me.
One therapist told me that exposure therapy is one of the best options by slowly putting yourself into social settings even if it's in the back of the room for a limited amount of time and increase it each week or so.
exactly the same way.. but i dnt really cry anymore.. i may just ignore or try to hit you in your feeling.. make you feel u nothing..
Who knew this was a real thing! I am 66 have struggled with performance ‘black outs” following intensely stimulating circumstances. Too much time in fluorescent lighting, too much time indoors surrounded by noice, confusion, and stress, and too much time absorbing conversations and people’s energies affect me greatly. Thank you for this clear and concise explanation for a condition I have had for a very long time but thought I was alone with.
HSP isn't an actual thing; it's a term this woman came up with based on her family members who then got diagnosed as autistic. HSP is just autism under a different name. You're probably one of the millions yet undiagnosed autistic people if you relate to this!
Some HSPs may even find that most relationships can be overwhelming and overstimulating. Even with their own parents and children. Whom they may love dearly. They may find only a few individuals that they can allow in and feel completely comfortable around.
Well said.
Yes , do u feel that too?
I’m a highly sensitive person and have struggled with anxiety for many years. As for my childhood, at home I was always loved and cared for. It was in school where I felt different and not like everyone else, so I tended to be shy and quite a loner at school. As an adult I’ve grown to now be able to make friends easier but I still worry about how I come across to people and stress out if the atmosphere changes between me and someone else. Outwardly, people think I’m confident, but deep down I’m very insecure. I’ve just devised my own mechanisms to mask it.
Dude I understand man, I do the same thing. you kind of like put up this barrier to stop yourself being hurt, for me its just a struggle to bring that down sometimes even around the people i love
Be yourself and proud X life too short to keep pleasing others and worrying what they think! I am 58 and spent too long caring too much and just going to be me now and HSP are special so let's value that and those that don't like it can be on their way🙏love and peace to you all💚🌎🌈🦋
Yes 😀 same with me Jamie.
I am a classic HSP and had childhood trauma.I was abused by a sibling physically and mentally and my parents were emotionally unavailable.but I was an incredible nurse, worked with AIDS patients and in the ER
I believe I'm a HSP who is also an empath. Do you find people like me are nostalgic or tend to daydream about the past and even prefer old movies?
Deborah Robertson all the time
I daydream all the time
Christian Caymares I am a classic case of both HSP and an Empath. You feel everything around you I was late knowing that I had these abilities. It’s not always a blessing either. I can feel the pain of others even if they aren’t expressing it
Deborah, I'm a 49 year-old straight white male and I am the same way.
This describes me perfectly 😭
I wish I had heard of this woman's research and insight years ago! Thanks for the video.
Me too! I kept thinking there was something wrong with me. People didn't understand that I couldn't help being sensitive.
True✨
Yes 😒 Susan, anyways better late than never.👍
Me, too. I felt such comfort.
I am a HSP and proud to be one. Let's get together - we can create a paradise we deserve. Infinite love and gratitude to you all x x x:-) :-) ;-)
WHY ON EARTH is everyone bemoning their fate?? HSPs have talents that many people would die for! Amazing empathy, psychic gifts, a huge sensitivity to the arts, a deep appreciation of the subtleties of life, a highly developed intuition, an love of spirituality . . So you have to learn to deal with ...muggles. So what? Non-HSPs don't know richness of life that HSPs do. Be GRATEFUL for being you! Use YOUR gifts to better your world - that's why you have them, and it's fun!
Why? There are numerous reasons.
There’s good and there’s bad in everything. It’s better to focus on the good, I agree 👍 I’m glad to know I’m HSP, it explains who I am and puts my experiences and absurd thoughts into words finally!
Why? Because if you grow up in a bad situation the amount of damage done to you is far greater than if you weren't an HSP. If as a child you have adults in your life that are low sensitivity it often leads to being invalidated constantly which can lead to incredibly torturous psychological issues like Borderline Personality Disorder. Environment is damn near everything for an HSP and when its not the right kind during your early years the effects are felt throughout life.
@@Soknik01 No one is more aware of that than me. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and an emotionally absent father. I was also merclessly bullied in school from 4 - 7th grade. There was no respite for me at home. It was very hard. I totally understand and agree with your post. BUT, it's quite possible to deal with it. I did as an adult with ACA - a 12-step program and then learning about being an HSP. So I learned how to take care of myself. Bemoaning one's fate is not helpful. I get tired of reading the complaints, as though all HSPs raised in a miserable environment are doomed to a miserable life. NOT. No one is better equipped to turn to inward examination, therapy and consequent healing than an HSP.
i have had really hard time because of HSP. all my life. i feel like i'm 100 years old and tired of life. im only 17. haha..
THANKyou so much for making this video.
@LadyYellowViolet
I was bullied a lot too, growing up. Huge amount. What I have learned as an HSP is that I don't march to the beat of the drums of the 80%. I don't even want too. The world is a little wacky, and trying to fit in does not meet my sanity needs! So, like many other HSPs, I am self-employed. I can work with others if I'm in charge, or if I trust the person who is, and the group is small. Otherwise, not. Just like you. You have a gift that only you can give. What's in your heart?
Thank you for this! I agree! I am working to becoming self employed. What do you?
I truly believe what ever personality you have, it is so important to have and developed a strong relationship with our Heavenly Father!!! He knows you and understand you better than anyone including yourself, there is so much joy and peace from this!!! Thank you so very much for your honesty and wisdom!!!
I’ve read all her books and to me the most meaningful piece of information I received is that HSPs have a inborn spiritual need and pursuing those interests are good and necessary for them. My husband is a ridged Catholic (I was born and raised Catholic, but way more flexible in my approach). His approach pushed me to explore all faith traditions and spirituality without the religion and I feel I have found a new path and focus in life once I allowed myself to explore outside one tradition. Follow her work, it will set you free!
I'm a highly sensitive person, i haven't had the best childhood when i was little i had a dad who emotional neglects me then a mom who's very strict and sometimes overbearing, i wasn't to happy when i found out i was sensitive because it seemed like everyone was so against it, i'm 14 now and i've gone through a lot...i have a disabled twin brother which means i had to help my mom take care of him since my dad wouldn't...it's sad to see how much one childhood could effect how you think,feel,and perceive things i still hate being highly sensitive because people always made fun of me and left me...but there's nothing i can do about being sensitive i sometimes wonder why everyone judged me for something i can't help but i know i still have a lot of people i care about support, which i really appreciate.
Definitely hard times and family you come from! I hate being an HSP, too… many times have been made fun of and taken as a self-evidence….. social situations are difficult in most cases
Leaving us shy and quiet people happens all the time, they (careless extroverts) just benefit from us and later on go their own ways when having had what they needed… I try to stay away from most extros and just surround myself with those few I trust to and enjoy having conversations. Also I avoid hella lot public places and go to stores at the most peaceful times without crowds, recharge by myself many times a week, answering texts and calls when I feel like, without pleasing. People-pleasing is also one quite toxic trait of ours…..Have been trying to get rid of it and getting used in listening to myself and doing things for myself, firstofall. Not for somebody to make me feel seen and heard for little time and then leave, as they always do.
It's awesome that you realized this at such a young age.
When I read Elaine's book the past 44 years of my life suddenly made sense. I'd see and feel and hear stuff that was obvious to me but not to others. I'm so sensitive that it's great in one way and not so great in another. I feel people's pain because I emphatise immediately. It burns you out physically and mentally sometimes being so fine tuned to the workings of the whole world around you. I used to 'know' just before a nightclub fight broke out when others hadn't picked it up at all.
At 57 I am in total agreement with the points made. Especially daily, weekly and annual time off. When I began living this schedule exactly, I became very effective in any endeavor I attempted. She is spot on!
@David Scott hello to you. Doing well but also on schedule. Be well!🙂
The Highly Sensitive Person was one of those books that changed my life. So grateful for it.
i think im hsp. I take jokes very personal and think too much about things and how other people might think or feel. I feel at peace when im alone and hate following rules.
Its exhausting
+jan jansen Hi Jan, There is a self-test you can take. Here it is: hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
+Plumpy That's how I felt too! 29/30 for me.
Jan Jacobszoon that sounds like insecurity
hello, I'm also like you guys
@@beckyweaver5981 it is not. Why are you even here if you will talk without even watch or trying to think about it?
I love this woman! She seems so calm, kind and intelligent :) Very interesting vid btw!
It's quite amazing how a lot of these descriptions remind me of my own personality; I often felt "alone" or "very special" in the way I felt about things sometimes, but I found out many other people do, and yeah this is amazing
Look into autism. Seriously. It's not what you think it is. I would suggest checking some resources about "atypical" (often called "female" autism) or how autism presents in adults. It's frequently misdiagnosed or missed altogether.
60 years of mostly feeling lost and miserable. I was the square peg that never fit the round holes. I have clear memories of running out of the house when my father would use a power saw because the noise was too much to take. Finding that everyone who used perfume used too much. I hate windy days as I feel like I am being touched all over. I am no fan of fireworks, neither the noise or the flash of light. I was embarrassed because sad TV shows would cause me to tear up.
When I took Dr Aron's test I was shocked to find I rang the bell on almost every question. It took me a while to accept and understand what this was and how it affected me. For me these moments of being overwhelmed can trigger anxiety attacks which I can now accept and know that they will pass. It is not great but understanding it is a real thing and I am not just crazy has made the last 5 years much more bearable. I live a quiet life and I have found work arounds to deal with my aversions to crowds, noise and other situations where I feel overwhelmed. Acceptance and understanding, mindful meditation, no longer drinking or using pot, avoiding stressful situations and people. And sometimes I am actually happy, there is life as an HSPer, I just wish I had know this so much sooner. Thank you Dr Aron.
My therapist sent me here. I now see why, I am 100% HSP-INFJ. Thank you for this video 🥰
Thank u so much. I've been through a horriable childhood. always told I cry to much to fast take everything personal ECT. now I have a daughter I now she is highly sensitive, I will make sure that she will not suffer or have anxiety.
One of the best explanation about living my life… 🙌🏼
I’m just discovering that I’m an HSP in my late 40’s and so grateful to have scientific and psychological framework for better understanding myself, my past and how to move forward. This is a great video for sharing with loved ones. The irony of it, however, is that the music was so triggering for me at the beginning! I perceived it as too loud and harsh and it was very distracting when overlapped with the beginning of Dr. Aron’s talk. I was so relieved when it stopped! 😂
HSP isn't an actual thing; it's a term this woman came up with based on her family members who then got diagnosed as autistic. HSP is just autism under a different name.
Hello, recently Iv figured out that I am hypersensitive. It's in both touch and mental sensitivity. Everything you described here I related to 100% or more. I use to cry because I thought I was weird. Many times I would cry because some killed a bug, or maybe because of pressure in school. Even in high school I still struggle with talking to adults without crying during or afterwards. This is helpful and it made me feel less alone. Thank you :)
lol Demon.
From Elaine Aron - A few comments on others’ comments. First, I am so glad the video has been helpful. About my using the term “preference,” I did not mean a conscious choice, but rather one of two strategies that you can inherit, leading to a tendency to pay attention to subtleties, reflect before acting, have stronger emotions whether positive or negative, and be easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation. I don’t usually use that word “preference” any more because of that confusion.
HSPs do have challenges with choosing their careers and relationships, and struggle with stress and burnout. Thank God for Elaine's work and the "Sensitive" movie that i promote everywhere. It helps us understand that HSPs are super-resilient as well as super-finely attuned :-)
My career challenge has been that I’ve been successful in my career/s, but I can only go so long before I burn out. Trying a home business now. Hopefully it’ll work for me!
@@jessicawilcox5093 I feel the same. Graduated in May as a mental health counselor but internship alone did me in. Trying to make something work for myself from home, even though it meana giving up on becoming licensed. My physical health didn't allow me to keep pushing through the pain.
THANK YOU, Dr. Aron, for giving us a name. I’m a 66 year-old woman, and I noticed one of your comments comes from a 16 year-old. Look what you’ve done! This young commenter may never have to explain that it’s painful when you unexpectedly come up behind them, and think it’s funny- or when you absentmindedly slam the fridge or bedroom door… I finally have a way to explain myself…❤
I wish I knew this when I was young. I spend way too much time to fight with myself and I’m still doing it.
Thank you so much ... our of desperation I searched for "why do I feel emotionally exhausted even when I am on vacations, for relaxing." And then I found you. never too late.
You know... sometimes trying to cover up being highly sensitive can be a disease in itself if taken to extremes. Just realized recently that I've often emulated my aggressive, uncaring and insensitive brother to hide my own sensitive nature. And it's become a reflex at times... like when I swore at a person who accidentally stepped on my foot on a crowded bus the other day. I regret doing that.
So... that sort of brings me to the question for everyone here. Would you rather be the ideal "type A, insensitive, aggressive and successful type" or still be your sensitive self, despite all that society does to tell you that you are flawed?
There are times when I feel like I would choose the insensitive type, but also times when I feel like the "cure" is worse than the "disease" as defined by society.
Urza26 For some reason, the messages aren't recording the whole website. The beginning is www.kickstarter.com/projects/ than 1795131939/sensitive-the-untold-story
Please support this documentary if you can. Share it for sure. The more funding, the better the movie. Thank you!
Urza26 Good post. I am following what you’re saying.
I’d rather be an hsp despite all of the pain, but I am striving to be a mature/grounded hsp so that I am not thrown off-balance by every hurt or perceived hurt. And I say “perceived hurt” because hsps are not always correct about their assumptions…but in most cases we are because of the way we’re hard-wired. Because hsps are generally kind, gentle and genuine individuals, I choose this life over unkindness, aggressiveness and superficiality any day. This however, does not mean that all non-hsps are bad people. All human being have the potential to develop good qualities. As an hsp I also have a “dark side” which manifests itself in defense when dealing with non-hsps who want to bully, manipulate or abuse you but these are non-hsps who lean toward being narcissistic in nature. Because of my spirituality, I’ve learned however not to respond in kind. This only fuels those who want to do harm. Instead, I set and maintain my boundaries, never compromising my values. I REFUSE TO BECOME LIKE THEM! This may mean either withdrawing from them completely, if possible, or limiting your dealings with them. They may or may not change (pray for them) but one thing is for sure we do not have to allow ourselves to be devalued by anyone. So try to embrace your nature as an hsp and use it as a gift to do good. Also, I really appreciate Dr. Aron’s assessment. Do the things mentioned to heal from any trauma and to maintain balance as an hsp.
@@logand2353 I really really appreciate what you wrote here..
I prefer to stay a hsp, because as long as I'm living a real life, with truth, not being fake to get things, makes me feel good..
But regarding those insensitive people, yes I agree, we need to be a little harsher, we do have to protect ourselves.
When we're in a crowd of hsp then I feel at home and at ease..
Thats when I let all my guards down..
But I test and test and test.. My Mother doesn't understand why I test so much, but this is my gard of finding the real people..
G-D bless!!
@@SuperTzippy ❤️🤗
HSP who is also an INFJ, seems like there's a commonality there! I have been doing a range of self work over the years from 8 years therapy to now two years coaching amongst other things and have finally entered a place where I see my high sensitivity as being a wonderful gift and something that allows me to exist as incredibly connected to the world around me and my creativity.
Excellet! Maybe you can coach other HSPs about this!
When I listened to this, my first thought was she was describing someone with a MBTI starting with IN
I am highly sensitive in GOD, when a person is highly sensitive, that is GOD coming out!!! Feeling it all thoughts of Our CREATOR. Using all of my Mind, l want to see every Person to do well, it brings a Great joy to see Heart to see others do well. Highly Sensitive People have GOD inside their Sleep is Sensitive
Ironic that person who created this video had written questions on the screen and had music playing while Dr. Aron was talking. This is hard for HSP to tune out.
Amen to a full sabbath day 😅 now I don’t feel so guilty about spending a day doing nothing 🤗🤣
It's funny because I didn't know non-HSP existed. I found out that they existed when I found out that HSPs existed. Beforehand, I just thought it was taboo. That's why people didn't discuss or admit to subtleties of feeling, detail, emotion, consideration, and compassion. Seeing them simply as insensitive is an elegant solution and answers a lot of my past frustrations with these insensitives.
Try to find other HSPs, go to a gathering, find a website of HSPs. There are others out there who work it out. Yes, without coping skills, all the terrible pain out there is very hard to experience. IMHO, your ability to FEEL deeply is your gift from God. What you do with that ability is your gift to God.
Wow this advice is spot on! I have been doing all of the "coping" suggestions naturally. I need time off at work a LOT. I go to be by myself a lot. Unfortunately I am usually criticized for this very heavily. Thank you so much for this.
I was born HSP with hyper empathy and an agreeable nature raised by a vulnerable narcissist mom and had a vulnerable Narcissist older brother. They started emotionally and psychologically abusing me before preschool when my emotional gifts started to really show and I trauma split before 7.
I developed DID after trauma splitting and lived in varying degrees of dissociation until after my 3rd mental hospital stay and trauma treatment that included emdr (I don’t recommend emdr for DID diagnosed individuals, by the 5th session the dissociative protective walls crumbled and I was in a deep depression that included this kind of emotional storm for over a week, not able to get out of bed).
It took another 7 years after that for me to peel off a good number of the dissociative layers I had built and I’m finally able to see the abuse that was perpetrated by my family.
Now I’m trying to piece together 42 years of my life with about 25 years missing from my memory while living a severely reclusive life with a broken nervous system and fragmented mind.
When you’ve lived 42 years never having accomplished anything accept self abuse and self hate, financial freedom just isn’t in the cards for you so treatment is pretty much impossible. That’s why I isolate completely, to hold onto what’s left of my mind without toxic people trying to break it again. And my mind was/is extremely special. At 5 years old, introspection was 2nd nature for me and I was desperate to figure out why people did the things they did. My thoughts and emotions just never seemed to calm.
I think I had a total of 4 or 5 sleep disorders by 13 years old too. Sleep walking, sleep talking, teeth grinding, and confusional arousal (I would wake up at midnight, see the clock said midnight, see it was dark outside, became terrified I was late for school, get up, shower, get dressed, until finally It would suddenly click that it was midnight and I wasn’t late for school. That happened so many times I couldn’t even begin to count them).
I wish I could hate the people that did this to me but hate and vengeance just isn’t something my mind is capable of (hyper empathy). I guess it’s also because I completely understand WHY and what drove them to hurt me. I have empathy for them even though they have none for me. Life is suffering. Some people just feel suffering harder than others. Some people direct the suffering inwards and others direct it outwards. I’m an “Innie”.
Honestly, this is the first time that I see Elaine Aron, though she has played a very special role in my life ... 10 years ago, I made an assesment about HSP and that would be the foundation of my later insights, that will change our view on humanity for shore. The assessment got a 11/20 score and that tells a lot about the little admirable practices of universities and graduate schools. They gave me a 2/20 and a 4/20 for educational psychology (didactiek, in Dutch), ignoring the fact that this was the work I did on the school for children with learning disability and I was the only one who worked on both individual and group level, the teachers used the methods and I adjusted the method on a more individual level - it worked real good, but at the end, they thought that I was a luxury they could not afford anymore. Having failed again, turned off the light and the PTSD became a CTSD (Chronical Traumatic Stress Disorder). Again, the fact that I was ultra sensitive, gave then a weapon to deny the fact that nobody ever would survive that kind of humiliation - everything I ever worked on became another Boston Tea Party. My body is ruined, mentally, I stay strong, but it has infected my self image completely and I really started to HATE the person I had become. There is no happy end on my story, but it gave us (as in humanity) the knowledge we need to change our mentality for the better. Don't wait until someone dies to give him or her credit, we need the idea of being an added value on the whole to do our everyday job of life and remember that the tea was lost, but some took their share in advance to sell it on extortionate prices ... people are not kind, unless they get something in return!
I'm an HSP.
I can't help wishing I wasn't to be honest.
I'm creative as hell at times, but the majority of my life is torture.
Anxiety and social awkwardness are a daily occurrence for me.
Feel free to check out my channel.
I'll be talking more about this soon.
+Stefan Alexander Lay I am exactly the same way. Did your Dr. stick you on meds as a result of over stimulated senses ? if so what? I hated having been drugged up !
The Dark Angel No... I don't do doctors anymore. Drugs are a no go.
I can relate. My emotions (mostly negative -like anger and sadness-) feel overwhelming and sometimes I react too strongly and I do shit I regret afterwards. And I feel so lonely, cause nobody gets me. Writing is the only thing that sort of helps
The Roar Within First World problems. Go live in North Korea and you'll be cured within a week.
The Roar Within
You're pure empathy. Go fuck yourself
Im an hsp, good and bad sides, but i cant find a good reason to bring a child into this world, not even in a jaded way. Just, wow.
Same
Elaine l thank you for all you've in the research of mental illness and coping and dealing with it.
I still have much to learn and so looking forward to it. Thank You for the Great Magic !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Elaine does not monitor this page. But I can tell you on her behalf and on behalf of all HSPs - High Sensitivity is not a mental illness. It is inherited. Not everyone has brown eyes, Some people have blue or green eyes. Same idea.
Thank you Dr Aaron for this invaluable talk and for your research in bringing about awareness.🌹❤️🌹
Shari, I really appreciate these specific clips you compiled here! 🙏🏽 This really touched me deeply. I’ve been learning about HSP for quite a while now. I really wished I saw your video 13 years ago. I saw some nuggets I didn’t see on other videos. This has clarified a lot for me. Your video was very therapeutic for me. And once again, I’m working on transitioning to a new career. I have saved this video. I’m going to rewatch this again in the near future so I can jot down many key points to keep in mind and reference. ❤
Thank you for uploading this interview. I am so very glad I came across Elaine N. Aron and wish I found her years ago. I too am a very highly sensitive person and always felt that I was the only one. I just borrowed one of her books from the library - "The Highly Sensitive Person. How to thrive when the world overwhelms you."
I had a very difficult childhood where I was let down by family members and friends. This made me very emotional as a child and still this day I get overly sensitive about things that I find upsetting.
I have been suffering from depression and feel I am learning (for the very first time) about myself, emotions we all experience and how best to deal with them in a positive way.
It was for you, and others like you, that I made this video and uploaded it. You make my heart happy that it has helped you. I have continued to produce Elaine Aron videos: th-cam.com/video/FQLBnUBKggY/w-d-xo.html
What about desensitisation? The agendas of depopulation? Being sensitive is a gift. Not a burden. I am an ISP empath. My daughter is. I appreciate your support. This is me.
Amazing interview. Thanks!
Fantastic!! This clears up a lot of confusion for me. Thank you
It makes me remember and think about how I felt and still feel when my counselor told me I’m sensitive in somewhat a negative overtone and also how my whole family is completely ignorant about HSP and me being a sensitive person. It’s been a completely turnaround.. I can start appreciating myself more and valuing my own decisions.
Thanks so much!!
It truly does add an important puzzle piece for me!!!
I finally understand that I have suffered from C-PTSD all my life, but being a highly sensitive person is so important for me to understand!!!
I’m always enthusiastically telling people about special cosmic events or garden things and they just flatline me!!
Now I understand that I was born special and I see so much that others really don’t!
And it’s OKAY!!!!!
🤗🤗🤗
I always thought I was mad but I am not
All these are me. The last point by the presenter stood out the most. Comparing ourselves to others will always be a problem because we are different due to being highly sensitive.
She is so calm and inspiring. Even as a kid, I loved adults who were calm and I could actually tell they were listening and paying attention to me. As a hsp, I find adaptogens very helpful. Such as ashwaganda and holy basil which help the body adapt to stress. When I am feeling extra sensitive and everything gives me a headache, I know it’s time to do a heavy metal detox. I love caring for my crystal clear mind and keeping it that way. It is such a gift to feel deeply. Also wheatgrass is incredibly stabilizing. I stay away from coffee but love matcha for it contains many antioxidants.
HSP Guy here. I like this lady's message. For one thing - compared to other chirpy young women presenting videos on this subject - she has a calm, steady voice and sensible, systematic content; she comes across as sincerely trying to help. Well done!
She's a research and clinical psychologist. A scientist. And she's been at this a long, long time. :-)
I've always felt out of sorts with everything around me, like I don't fit in. I usually just refer to myself as not being a 'people person', but after reading all about HSP I think I can safely say this is me. I've always being sensitive to how other people feel, either about me or just stuff, and find that other peoples moods affect me. Things about people which I feel are glaringly obvious other people don't see and I've sometimes been labelled as paranoid if I'm convinced...
Thank you for this! I am an HSP healing from emotional trauma. This has further helped me to appreciate who I am.
I resonate with this so much, so true. I am both highly sensitive person and an empath, its exhasting being around others and trying to process an incresingly busy world
Wow after 29 years I just realised who i am.I suffered child abuse and I turn violent when I'm in certain situations I want to find why this happens because I get this stomach pain and my head stops working and I explote onto people. I almost took my life a year ago now I understand lots of things.
Its the last sentence that struck me as a senior citizen and an HSP.
Thanks for this
I am not even sad but i will imagine my self in a situation where i have lost a loved one or someone has killed someone and just cry my eyes out. It will continue for abt 5 to 7 min. Is it weird?
No, I don't think it's weird at all! Having lived a long life, I can still react like you. But don't forget that we live in a society which often makes us hold back our true feelings and wear masks...
Maybe you are depressed. I have suffered from depression. Sometimes the body feels depression and the mind responds with sad thoughts. A certain amount of crying and sadness feels okay to me but I know when it's too much and am able to just say it's time to move on.
It's a good way not to store the sadness in your body. A release.
Being HSP
Immediately noticed the third o in childhood under topics
So grateful for you posting all these interviews
So helpful to reframe
Thank you!
I noticed that the first time I checked the video on You Tube, and winced, wanting to upload a corrected video. But by then, I already had 30 comments on it, and didn't want to erase those by uploading again. I wince every time I see that! Please forgive!
Nothing to forgive! Your post is a gift. I so appreciated it and actually found that o a kind of self test validation of my being an HSP. It helped me understand so much. I am trying the reframe reviewing now. Thank you again!
Elaine Aron is my hero. It's rare for me to own all an author's books, but hers' have helped me immeasurably. Especially the fact that it is based around solid research and not just 'intuition' of sensitive 'psychics' which are usually too subjective to be of long lasting use. In a very real sense I can say to the extent that I follow the teachings/lifestyle and the definitions of an HSP from her book, is the extent to which I feel peace and confidence in my life.
Same here. I find it very difficult to tell people in person what they make me uncomfortable, it mostly ends up I enduring the uncomfortableness. When I do happen to tell them, my whole body trembles. It takes lots of braveness to confront them. I always feel more comfortable through writing to express my thoughts about others, but at the same time I'm so afraid of checking replies that might contain criticism & misunderstanding. I don't know how to care less about what people think about me :(
I’m exactly the same’!
Me too! Recently I critiqued someone’s music on TH-cam and then later had to apologize because I didn’t want to seem harsh lol
Ahhh see, I was diagnosed with Sensory processing Disorder at age 47, and threw the years I was diagnosed with a learning disability,dyslexia,Central auditory processing disorder, aspergers and mild autism. I was diagnosed highly sensitive.Being highly sensitive I have a very difficult life, the hardest part is trying to explain to a not so sensitive person how I feel and how I deal with life. I can't make plans ahead of time because I dont know how I am going to feel that day.
Exact same here! Whenever I do make plans far in advance, I get nervous the day of and often cancel it, even when it’s plans to hang out with a close friend. I need to prepare my mind thoroughly before committing to any sort of plan. Agree?
I figured out that I can’t work full time or have a long commute because of the overstimulation, so I decided to get a part time job with a 7 minute commute and work on starting an online business that I can do on my own schedule (always after I’ve gotten enough sleep (even if I have to sleep in sometimes) and had my two hours of downtime to allow the mind to wonder). It’s all in the name of taking control of the overstimulation. I had been in a high paying career with a long commute, but I was always so overstimulated that I would never socialize or do fun things when I was off. It’s been a journey to figure out how to replace that income while maintaining health for myself as a HSS HSP woman! Thanks again!
My entire life I’ve had the people close to me pushing me, calling me lazy, demeaning me. I feel and take in so much emotion coming from others it’s very overwhelming. I can even watch a news show and tap into how the news casters are feeling. It’s a gift and a curse. I’m 49 and just recently found out there is a label/name/explanation for how I am/feel/operate. A Neighbor once asked me if I am psychic... lol.
I’m not psychic, I don’t understand how, but with most folks (not all), I can tap in and feel their anxiety, cheer, anger, etc... sometimes I can tell you a general reason why they are experiencing that particular emotion, not with specific detail. It’s so hard to explain.
All I know is large crowds and parties (the absolute worst) are way too much for me. I feel completely off center and drained during and after being in those type of environments.
What frustrates me the most is how others judge me for not being SOCIAL and like them... or judge me for needing alone/ down time.
Thanks so much for saying that! It really helps me to feel like I'm not alone and encourages me not to hide myself!
Yes! That’s So True. Thank you so much 😊! Queen Elaina! Stay Blissful Daily 🌹🏆🥇💜✨😊👑
I have always appriciated the fact that I feel things deeply and life seems a lot more meaningfull, but throuout my life, I have had so much struggle with being overly emotional and therefore missunderstood. I had suffered greatly and it has gotten worse where everything seems to get to me so much. Gift or curse? I cannot decide. By the way I started to cry half way through this video, so yeah
I cried reading her book 😭 it was truly a life changer
Dr. Aron's book has introduced me to myself! Thank you!
I am 46 and finally realize why I get so depleted. I cry at church, touching movies, the Olympics, nostalgia, war movies and so much more. I realized I am different, no one else was reacting this way and it was strange. I don't think it's a flaw, but difficult when people interpret it as weakness.
I am a dental hygienist and it's tough to shoulder stress from patients as well as their fears and other psychological issues. I like others have commented think I might be an empath. I can sense energies and don't try to, but have to take time to recharge. If I knew about myself when I was younger, I never would've gotten into this field.
I need time to recharge/recover.When I don't I get dehabiliitating migraines and have had other physical issues including severe endometriosis, that ended in a complete hysterectomy at 34. I don't tolerate certain textures well (clothing, food, etc.), I don't like bright light and sensitive to loud noises, particularly "blabbing "(people talking with no point holding you hostage and not noticing social cues).
I don't want to be like this, but you know, I don't care what people think. I am me. We need to be healthy of course, but find friends and partners that recognize, support and appreciate your little quirks. I have alot to offer, but not to just anyone.
I have had a business as well as my dental career. I create, design and formulate bath and body products. I get to create art and use my time in between customers to do a form of meditation while working. I also have vintage glass items in my gift shop. I love the romantic thoughtfulness of the past.
PS I'm also left handed. Full blown weirdo. Lol
Ya, totally agree. My parents don't know how to take care hsp like me. I've gone through bad difficulty at school and workplace. Before i had forced myself to gain high income. But now i choose to take care my health and forgive my parents. Now wish step into new career path that suits my personality.
Finally everything makes sense. Thank you for the video.
You are very welcome. It was precisely to help other HSPs that I asked Elaine to help me make this video. From the feedback, I think it has helped people. Hang in there. Life gets better - 17 is not an easy age for anyone!
Thanks for your insights. This is helpful. I used to love lying on the floor letting my mind fly.
This recent talk is just awesome!Please upload the third part as well !!!Thanks for this awesome resource
this video has helped me a lot! I'm a HSP surrounded by a lot of non sensitive people and I feel like nobody understands at times. It's good to know there others like this around. :)
Origin: Africa precisely
Cameroon
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Surname/Name:Lyndon
Wongibe
First and foremost, I am very delighted writing to you Dr for my very first time. I am still a young boy as you can see from my age and am still in high school.
Secondly I will like to acknowledge that I'm a HSP and an empath too and I came to realize it a few months ago, precisely 2months. Before I could really admit this natural fact about me I went through a series of tests and also watched about a hundred videos about it.
All these has been like an eye-opener and recognise myself (I.e knowing who I am really). Also, I've been able to explain why I often take decisions different from those taken by others around me. Like for example; when my brothers decide to go to the pool I decide to stay back at home. It was somehow wreid for others but for me I was like doing just wat will help me. But still, I didn't know what made me take such a decision.
So, I'll like to say that its really and very important to know about this trait. For someone who is highly sensitive, he has to know about it else its not gonna be easy for him to cope well. This is because people around him won't understand him and also he might not understand himself too in most situations.
Also, I'll like to say that every single person on this earth has to start knowing who they are in reality. Because, I think that knowing thyself is the beginning of wisdom.
In a nutshell, I'll like to thank you Dr for this very great discovery. And I think it has really influenced my life positively and the lives of many other people who are HSPs and as well those who are not.
So, thank you oncemore and thank you for your kind attention May The Almighty Continue To Guide And Protect You And Bless You Eternally. Thanjs
I read the full comment and thought how can a person write all I wanted to....
I guess this is relatable to most of hsp
I've learned that I absolutely need one day off during the week to rest and recuperate, and one week vacations throughout the year to sustain myself.
I highly encourage HSPs and Empaths to learn about and spread Voluntaryism if they want to help society evolve past the disastrous impact of Statism. The sooner the ideas are spread the more the suffering will be lessened.
Just started reading this book. I wish I knew about this many years ago. WOW!
I like how "Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus" is the piano music :]
Didn't know that. No religious implication intended.
Amen! 😊❤️ Praise to the everlasting loving Saviour.
Thank you so much for these informative and validating videos. ❤
I am absolutely a HSP! People always tell me Im too sensitive but I dont see it as a bad thing, but a gift
NOPE: so glad I can share. I am 52, Black, and this info is amazing. HSP is individual clarity and OCD is about certainty, so I can rest easily now. I was very abused in and out of my low-income environment. I was told that it wasn’t abusive it was to make me tough, but that wasn’t merely bullying it was “persecution.” To a point where it became addictive to be beaten on! I became hyper-vigilant and sensitive because the “empathetic” parts began to notice when a person desired to hurt me! This included females who felt a need to do it to me on their emotional plain! I just wanted to be sociable and embraced and my care-takers stood by and coached the abuse to a point where I was labeled gay because certain sensitivities could read other males emotional side. Thanks for helping me…
channelling those emotions into art, writing or music would be beneficial as well as keeping them under control.
I always knew that I was different and I never understood myself as I was younger.
I'm an HSP, INFJ-T (one of the rarest personality types) and empath and I think it’s important to give yourself a positive mindset as much as you can. There are so many good things about being an HSP, we just need to see it 😁
Are you an enneagram type 6 or 4? Just wondering :).
HSP isn't an actual thing; it's a term this woman came up with based on her family members who then got diagnosed as autistic. HSP is just autism under a different name. You're probably one of the millions yet undiagnosed autistic people if you relate to this!
Me too! I had to stop working for a while to work on myself. I feel like nobody cares how I feel sometimes. How badly do you get affected by others and their opinions of you?
How are you doing? Did you find better work? I feel the same. I quit for a while, too. Have a job again. But now, I’m in transition again for the next career path.
We are all human beings. I got ~ 18 out 23 from the top of my hat. My mum made my day.
Please feel free to share the link or embed this video. The reason I produced it was to get the word out about being highly sensitive. I also encourage you to go to Elaine Aron's website to learn more. Just Google her name. Shari Dyer