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5 Reasons Intelligent Men Struggle With Dating
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ส.ค. 2024
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1) Overthinking
2) Hyper-Independence
3) unrealistic expectations and standards
4) social skills
5) Priorities and focus elsewhere
Number one should be social skills
@@A-Boogie-uw9hr Most of "social skills" revolve on shallow and unsubstantial talk, just for the ake of talk.
@@nosotrosloslobosestamosreg4115 Small talk is about communicating vibes, not information. It's not healthy to be automatically open and receptive to everyone
thank you for listing - was looking for it
@@A-Boogie-uw9hr let it be number one on your list, for others #1 is something else
I do have problems with my high standards:
- speaks english
-not obese
-doesn't yell at me randomly
-has at least 1 interest other than sex and shopping
Where the heck are you looking for people to date? I've had my share of struggles but not those struggles.
Bro, wtf? Good luck finding any girls with those unrealistic standards...
@umbrascitor2079 OH that is easy. A club.
these are not high standards lol
These are higher standards than yall think
For me it's more 'gifted kid syndrome'. When you grow up you get the impression that intelligence is all you will ever need to succeed and then you feel like a failure when it isn't. Over time your self-confidence crumbles, you don't learn important life/social skills and eventually you end up being behind others your age despite being ahead in childhood.
Relatable. I went to a "challenging" private school and it was *easy*. Never had to work hard at it. Parents and culture led me to believe success in school leads to success in adulthood. They were very wrong. Now I'm about 10 years behind the curve. Oh well...
@@_Safety_Third_ Happened to me too. Except that school was extremely challenging. I had to put all my time in it believing, like you, that grades were everything. That believe cost me social interaction.
Spot on. When I went to the Army at 18yo I knew at the time I had the social skills of maybe a 10yo. I was suffering. I saw the Army as a way to hide from general society. I did 20 years and was very successful, but struggled greatly in leadership positions because I could not connect with people and understand social situations. I was always most successful when given a task/mission and left alone to do it. Now in my 50s Im still the same way, but over the last 7 years Ive been studying channels like this, PUA and social coaches, etc. which has helped me immensely.
Accurate. Confirms what I felt for years.
@@demonfox0958 Thank you.
Feels weird when i try to think of my unrealistic expectations
1) emotionally stable *within reason
2) ACTUALLY good at communicating to resolve problems
3) apologizes after misbehaving
If that's unrealistic, idk man maybe people are worse than i thought 🤷🏿♂️
It's unrealistic for a present day woman above a 5, for sure. They have no reason or pressure to ever grow up, so emotional depth, communication, forget it.
All that plus cute face and great legs? I guess I'll continue to be sin- intelligent.
Yeah good luck with that... she has 100 other guys more than willing to put up with all that and more and some are either better looking that you or a badboy which will give her the tingles which is drama crack to far too many straight women these days. Granted grain of salt as I'm a lesbian outsider looking in on straight dating but even I can see it's a total shit storm that's starting to make the lesbian dating world look normal which is not good.
@taliawtf6944 dang, based lesbian was not on my list today. Good luck out there, soldier 🫡
Right there with you, brother!
When the most practical and logical of expectations become so uncommon that they get deemed unattainable and "unreasonable", what the hell is one to do?
Either maintain those expectations & standards and be disappointed that no one can (be arsed to) measure up, or, compromise/settle for less-than and be miserable.
Holy Sophie's Choice, Batman...
1. We don't want to lose all our stuff.
?
We've rationally run a cost/benefit analysis.
Materialism at its finest.
As someone whos lost all his stuff once.. Its the time it took to get all that stuff and to realize you were the only one getting it.
All my pokemon are not worth it
People who are intelligent mostly need to find someone who is as intelligent as they are. If you are intelligent, you need conversation at a level that you operate at. Its fine for small talk at a party but a lifetime of being with someone needs something more. That can mean there are very few people to choose from. If only 10% of people are at or above your level of intelligence your chances of finding someone is 1 in10.
No to be arrogant about people who are less intelligent because I meet a lot of good people who are less academically intelligent and who have a lot to offer with emotional intelligence, hard working and genuine. However, my wife is a professor and I can talk to her for hours about intellectual things in all sorts of fields. I like that. Its an important part of why I have been with her 40 years. Forming a deep connection needs minds to meet.
I had this thought as well. Who wants a life where you're drowning in small talk.
@@research1982 I am often astonished about how little interest people have in anything even remotely intellectual. Again, not to be arrogant as I have a man who comes to sweep the chimneys in my house (I live in England) and he really is a very interesting man. Doing a job he likes, he is really good at, no stress and he reads a lot with a genuine interest and ability to converse on so many topics.
Stop trying to make a woman into something they’re not.
You aren’t supposed to have these long intelligent intellectual conversations with your woman, that’s not her role.
Her role is to be peaceful, supportive, follow your authority, serve her husband, sexually fulfill him, manage the children, household and social engagements.
You’re job is to provide leadership, guidance, provision, protection, security, consistency, and to solve problems which require your skills, experience, knowledge, resources etc.
You’re the man, the buck stops with you - she’s an assistant, not your equal. Stop this silliness.
@@blairl6304 It might be a bit late for that after 40 years and two kids. 😀
@@blairl6304 No reason woment cant be as smart as men my dude. In higher education especially women are actually graduating at a higher rate than men. They might be more emotional cause they have to deal with a lot of hormonal stuff but given the same resources and education as men they are just as smart. Also if you genuinly want a life partner an equal is gonna be more fulfilling than a servant who is only expected to do her role.
I'm not especially intelligent, but I definitely had an issue with overthinking until I learned to just enjoy the moment and follow my instincts.
Which is a great way to gain positive experience. It's not an issue of overthinking, it's a lack of experience. I believe that first point she brought up is nothing but cope and was written by somebody who has issues because of a lack of experience
Underthinking can be a problem too. As a man you need to find ways to escalate the situations. If women are left to their own devices, nothing will ever happen, except endless blabbering about nothing
@@sebu1301>do something
>thrown in jail and ruined financially, socially reputation-wise, mentally
😂😂😂 Not worth it, these ladies hate us out here.
@@dnjdsolarusAlways record audio on your phone. Don't tell her until it reaches court. If you're smart, one of the benefits is always being a step ahead of them lol
As an intelligent, highly educated mam, I find it difficult to find an equally intelligent woman with morals, family minded, loyal and valuing her physical and emotional being. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack
True, but it’s not impossible
You mean she needs to be like you. Being like you doesn’t mean you’ll get on. You need to find someone who’ll complement your qualities, not match them. Not easy.
Easy--get a magnet. You'll get the needle.
That’s true. Generally speaking you need a partner that grew up in a healthy household with respect for all family members. If she didn’t respect her dad, she may have negative thoughts toward romantic partner even if at a subconscious level. You’re correct that it’s very rare but I hope you find the needle in the haystack if that’s what you are looking for. Unfortunately, we don’t have long term relationships with others now as much as we did in previous generations. I grew up in church as a child and young adult and was part of a group that really knew who each other were. The lack of community that is common today puts people at a disadvantage in the dating market. IMHO, perhaps finding someone that has shared interests and values (a forum of interest of your perhaps) may be the best starting point. Wishing you all the best.
Most intelligent, highly educated men can spell the word 'man'.
For me, a lot of these ring true...but nowadays more than any other is:
Afraid to be seen as creepy.
Nevermind approaching a girl at the gym or the grocery store, I'm often afraid to even *be kind* to girls I meet.
Me being kind or even trying to establish something with a person I find attractive gets overwhelmed by the pressure of possibly being labeled a creep or even worse: getting accused of something serious when you're trying to be nice or connect with someone you're interested in and that leading to trouble at work, school, church, in public, online and so on.
The possible "witch hunt" factor is sometimes so terrifying.
I'm terrified of this as well, that's why I also won't try.
Plus I'm ugly and short, so this is a very real danger for me since women see ugly undesirable men like me as subhumans.
@@UserRobot215 Im 6'0 and some would consider me above average in looks(Although I don't see it. I've struggled with severe body dysmorphia since I was a kid and I have BPD). The people I know think I have it easy with the ladies. Not so at all. I'm 35 and I've been in only 3 relationships. 2 lasted 3 months and 1 lasted 4 months. Been single the last 8.5 years. In the last 5 years, I've probably only done the bang bang 5-6 times. I can't even tell you how many women have denied me all because I'm bald Lol. So being tall and "attractive" means absolutely nothing. But then there's some who adore bald. It all comes down to preference which everyone has. I've seen plenty of average and above average looking women with short guys and guys who some would consider below average. Lots of women out there prefer nerdier/less attractive men. Most of the time it comes down to one thing which is preached all the time..Confidence. I've always struggled with this too as most of us here I'm sure have. Gotta start to love yourself and practice being confident. Get out of the house a few times a week. Joining group things like bowling leagues, dart leagues etc can help with social anxiety and boost confidence too. Best of luck man
This rings true for me, there’s this girl at church but I really don’t wanna pursue because what if it goes wrong and then I have to live with that
I avoid eye contact with girls at the gym for this very reason
Let’s be real though, this doesn’t happen often. Most women don’t think of most guys their age as creeps. If they did they wouldn’t be dating those creeps, yet there’s plenty of young women who have boyfriends and vice versa.
Dating today as a introverted guy is freaking rough. Why would a girl want to date a guy that's introverted or even a bit shy when she has more exciting ultra charismatic and hot guys matching with her on tinder and sliding into her DMs on insta? Sure those guys are generally just going to use her for some low effort bedroom fun, but that doesn't seem to EVER stop women these days from repeatedly falling for it and then complaining about it all over tiktok. I've honestly given up on dating and decided to just do things I enjoy doing and focus on my indie game projects
Exactly. When the gal is a 6/10 and she's got hundreds of 8/10 guys that will sleep with her and do, she'll never accept her relationship level guy ever again. Her attitude and entitlement sky rockets. And they end up in their 40's with nobody wondering what happened.
@@VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Pretty much. I'm not going to get into rating scales here but yeah, we have even below average women getting action with rich, charismatic supermodelesque guys. That's not even getting into the hundreds, thousands or even millions of simps many of these girls get online. There's a reason why we're seeing predictions like "40% of women between 20 and 40 will be single and childless by 2030". Looking at the rate we're approaching that, it might even happen BEFORE 2030 and be an even higher percentage
Because those men are all they notice and see, the average men are invisible to them, height or money will disqualify most men. Unless they hit the wall at or around age 30+ then look for the beta provider, and then she divorces him later on because she is not happy.(Alpha widowed)
I'm an introvert and am not having any issues lol. Being introverted is not your problem because a lot of women are attracted to introverts. Be confident in who your are and stop comparing yourself to other men. Stop worrying about how you measure up to everyone else and just be the best version of yourself. The idea that all women are more attracted to loud party guys is a misconception. Women are attracted to confidence. Train your mind to only worry about the things that you can control. In reality very few things are within our control, so there are very few things to worry about. Focus on the right things and you'll be surprised at the results. I routinely date women I used to think were out of my league because I was selling myself short just like you are.
@@jmac509 To be clear, I'm not stepping away from dating because I'm not confident in myself. It's because I don't care anymore. Dating has brought me nothing but headaches and emotional abuse and I have things I'd rather spend my time doing. I have a 9-6 and indie dev is basically a second job right now. When I have time outside of my job and game development I have hobbies, I have a social life and I go to the gym. At 37, many if not most of the women in my dating pool are just not worth my limited time or the headaches
I don't struggle, I gave up, bought some guitars and amps. Nobody to tell me: no more guitars. Nobody to cheat on me, make me mad, hurt my feelings, force me to cook larger than required meals, pay too much for entertainment, and nobody forcing me into violent situations to satisfy her ego.
What's the problem? According to women it's men. 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
Nice to see this! I am interested in learning guitar now that my youngest kid is about to leave the nest.
So you are a MGTOW, not necessarily a hyper intelligent person.
I just bought my sixth guitar! 🎸
Let's be honest... The guitars also cause us to spend too much on entertainment...
So you'd rather love your right hand than a woman
There's only 1 reason why intelligent men struggle with dating and it's because they know better after going through so much in the past.
Yes, sometimes relationships end poorly. Sometimes people's hearts get broken. To use potential negative outcomes to deter engaging in any dating and pursuit of relationships whatsoever is cowardice and weakness. There are no guarantees in dating just like anything else worthwhile in life. The fact that relationships can lead to heart break also underscores the fact that relationships can lead to amazing fulfillment, satisfaction, and enjoyment. Most people on this planet have dealt with heart break one way or another via dating and relationships. Your heart break isn't special. Wallowing in self-pity isn't going to improve your life in any meaningful way. Learn from your experiences...the good and the bad...and keep growing and moving forward.
Truth
Learning from past mistakes is a sign of intelligence
Hell, I had an uncle get married 4 times and divorced 4 times. He never learned
@@alexandermacneil4430this is true but it’s not women that lose the kids and pay alimony and child support.
Yeah but thats the past we carry into the future. We also project our negative experiences with woman onto other woman, perhaps also the good ones…because we fear the same emotional crap again.
1. Not easily manipulated.
Yeah. We can see through people's tricks, and we resent having our brains colonised.
The juice isnt worth the squeeze 85% of the time.
More like 97% of the time.
99.6% of the time.
@@Dominic-Gecko235 in major cities for sure.
Women don't want love, they want drama.
99%
*Unrealistic expectations:
Respectful and doesn't lies.
I was told years ago by a GF that I wasn't "needy" enough. So be it. Also, I don't prioritize freedom over a nurturing relationship, I prioritize it over a bad relationship that's going to end anyway.
I spent years in my head pursuing a PhD. I was so serious minded. I only later learned that women connect above all on an emotional level. I wish I'd learned this lesson much earlier in life because I'm aging out of the dating game.
The 2nd one is definitely something I deal with, I hate depending on people and rather just do things myself.
I hear ya.
After 20 years of marriage ,a very expensive divorce,and realizing the way marriages progress, esp with kids, I don’t consider it overthinking , when I imagine the whole thing could happen again. Thanks I’ll stay single and free.
Yeah, it’s just a logical thought process. You see how things are likely to go, and you just step back. It isn’t worth it.
@@jamescraft8979 Preach
AMEN, BROTHERS!!!
I am 48 years old and never been married yet I think the same way.
@@frenchfan3368 36 and never been married. I just don’t feel the need to grind it out, make myself as attractive as possible to women, and then get screwed in divorce court.
1. Fear of divorce
You don't get married when you first start dating someone. Don't let fear run your life.
@@xjoemallardx You could also have fear of divorce if you’re already married and still wanna date other women…
Don’t fear divorce. The freedom on the other end of the painful process makes it all worth while.
@@williamottersberg6684 That's stupid. Better to avoid it in the first place.
wait.. Why you need to marry in the first place? unless it's because of tax benefits, it is just a contract. I don't love someone more because of getting married. I put way more focus on how each person care for each other and have fun day by day.
In my experience, the “fun and dumb” persona is a lot more successful when it comes to attracting women. Trying to have deep, intelligent conversations and coming across as more on the serious side usually earns a trip to the friend zone or chases them off. Most women won’t be getting hot and heavy for intelligent. Best thing to do is play dumb.
Unfortunately that seems the case with many
Why bend who you are to attract people you don't have long-term compatibility with?
If your goal is marriage then I’d say it’s a good thing that those woman are scared off by you being serious. All it takes is one.
I actually give out tips about this on my Tuesday video responding to this one from Courtney.
I work with engineers on their dating as a side hustle. Here's what I observed
1. Overinvestment and neediness. Many of my clients are programmed to overinvest because it has been successful for them in the workplace or school.
2. Overthinking and overrationalization, like discussed in this video
My last love relationship was such a complete disaster that I don't even think about doing things with any woman. I'm better off single than trying to please a life partner.
You are right about this subject! I will add to it that intelligent men are smart enough to figure out dating or pursuing is usually going to turn out to be a waste of time and money. So, they just avoid it and put their efforts elsewhere.
Please stop promoting better help. They are shady and terrible
Why is that?
...but they keep cutting checks.
You're right about Betterhelp, to be frank.
I have a 138 IQ and I find these points pretty relatable, especially 1, 2 and to a degree, 4.
#3: I think being in the top 1-2% of intelligence, unavoidably narrows the range of compatible partners. It's not pickiness or unreasonable standards, it's just that it is difficult to relate to someone outside of that intelligence range. It's sort of like being from incompatible cultures, except that intelligence can't be learned. As least with different cultures, understanding and acceptance can occur through exposure. Someone with an IQ of 100 is never going to get any smarter, no matter how long they hang out with a genius.
I've found dating women of average intelligence to be frustrating at times, because they don't function at the same level. But then, it's also a challenge to find a woman who is intelligent enough for me, without her being strange/eccentric.
Whenever I've disregarded or lowered my expectations and standards in order to date a woman (usually just based on physical attraction), her behavior always ended up reminding me of why I set my standards in the first place.
1. Not good enough looking
2. Not tall enough
3. Not financially well off
4. Not charismatic enough
5. Not having an insatiable appetite for travel and adventures
I agree, intelligent men don't struggle with dating. Unattractive and/or poor men struggle to date.
Even dumb men know to avoid promiscuous women or red flags if they really wanted to.
Bingo.
The "social skills" point made me laugh. You described many of my problems in all social situations. I'm not introverted, but I would rather not talk about football or how someone is an A-hole. I absolutely suck at casual conversation. I know what I do wrong. I see it every time. But I cant simply help myself trying to steer the conversation towards something deeper. Then let it fizzle out when I notice none else gives a flying F about the details. They just wanted to say something that sounded interesting for status reasons. And here I come like a desperate freight train, hearing something other than sport or weather, bumbling towards you with bulging eyes! "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT FOR AN HOUR PLEASE?!". Life sucks.
Thank god I have gardening and cooking, two interests a lot of people like to talk about..
Laughed out loud at this one. I relate
Absolutely, I’m like that too… it’s so boring… a few sentences back and forth are more than enough for casual talk. I always asked myself, why I can’t connect with most of the „normal“ people, especially at work. It’s like they just talk to talk and nothing in it besides trash talk that’s not funny.
I described this on my comment as well. Hell no to the football!!! We all want the deep convo, but sometimes we have to let it drop when it goes over everyones head. Also get good at switching topics when you start to feel it fizzling out. Also get good at asking questions in order to run a parallel convo on the same subject.
Yep.
I can definitely relate! I want to have meaningful deep conversations about REAL important topics and issues in our world today!!
Not basic, surface level, meaningless conversation about absolutely nothing important….. unfortunately most people are just not intelligent enough to care about deep and meaningful things….
I heard a saying once which is EXTREMELY true!
Poor people talk about others, middle class people talk about events, and rich people talk about idea! I think this correlates with intelligence too! Smart people tend to be richer, and middle class, compared to stupid people who tend to be poor and care mostly about surface level nonsense
Important things: 0:14 First Thing ÷ Overthinking; 3:11 Second Thing ÷ Hyper - Independence; 4:11 Third Thing ÷ Unrealistic Standards And Expectations; 5:40 Fourth Thing ÷ Social Skills; 7:21 Fifth Thing ÷ Your Priorities And Focus Are Elsewhere, and 8:55 to summarize all the told here.
If we are going to make a narrow things why do intelligent men, and intelligent women sometimes do have struggles in dating, it can be told in one thing. It's because we sometimes seek the perfectionism. And just to understand the perfectionism is a Mission Impossible. In every relationships there are compromises which should be good for both sides (men, and women).
What you have covered here it's very interesting Courtney. I think that some of these things what you have told, they can also apply to women as well. Also, as a gentleman I can suggest that you make a video also dedicated to intelligent women as well. And I believe it will be okay video as well. After all, we are all here to help each others, and as well to be supportive. Looking forward to see that video Courtney.
When I was listening to you Courtney I remembered some things. And those are these:
1. The curse of intelligence is that the more educated you become, the more depressed you will be (but sometimes I think it doesn't have to be like that, cause there are things that they can be solved also when you are educated).
2. Once journalist asked Albert Einstein what the feeling being the smartest person in the world. He replied: "I don't know. You'll have to ask Nicola Tesla that question".
3. Charlie Chaplin once told this thing: "Nothing in this world lasts forever, not even your problems."
Thank you very much Courtney ❤💙🤍.
I was just talking about this the other day. I was wondering why other people can do this easier than I can. What I came up with is that I just have less tolerance for uncertainty than most people do.
Where other people end up in a situation occasionally when they're like "I had no idea he/she was like that" or "I didn't know about [negative thing] in his/her past!", I'm just unwilling to date someone that I don't know well enough for that to not be a reasonable possibility. Essentially, I wouldn't date someone that I haven't known for an extended period of time and have a pretty good understanding of their history, circumstances, and personality. I have to already know them well and already like them before I'll ever ask them out in the first place.
Exactly that. And the traits of "intelligent men" are typically the long-term planing of career and life, unless having rich parents or similar background. And preparation and investment of time and money into it. And that long-term planing is what makes you plan every little aspect and not blindly ignore "some uncertainties".
I must be an intelligent man, because this video read the book of my life.
One thing I would say about intelligent people who are slightly older is that they may have slightly shaky confidence. One mark of intelligence is the realization, when you're slightly older, that there is so much you do not know. When you're younger you think you know everything. But when you have that realization, you begin to question everything you thought you knew, and you begin to doubt yourself a little. So I would say an intelligent person needs to work on their confidence.
Curse of the high IQ is a good book
Amazing comment. I slightly disagree, but mostly... you have it.
I resonate well with item number 5 because I put a pause to dating almost 2 years ago to finish my doctorate. When I look back, this was the right decision because I was not ready to look for a functioning relationship with a woman. Now that I have completed my education and have started my career, I feel ready to date again because I know that I do not want to stay single forever. I will admit that sometimes I worry that I have waited too long to find someone, but I always remind myself that there are some things in my life that do not obey to a schedule, and that they will occur in their own good time so long as I am proactive with them!
Because you are a man, educated and a little older than average, I am here to encourage you that you have Not waited too long. Typically, it is women who delay finding someone in their 20's who have arguably "waited too long" because their window for remaining erotically attractive and of child-bearing age is very limited roughly 18-35.
Be encourage that you haven't just aged, but you've become more qualified as more highly educated with more earning potential and you (and your kind) are usually more emotionally stable with age.
Thank you for your powerful words of encouragement!
She's the big sister I wish I'd had growing up, speaking truths that most if not all "dating gurus" online either pass over or dont event consider as they're stuck in their *macho alpha male* phase from the early 00s.
Thanks again, Courtney!
Simp
Fa sho
Why not bring up the elephant in the room. Intelligent guys are automatically labeled as Nerds and therfore automatically rejected because of the perception of being a Nerd.
Enough intelligent guys don't look like stereotypical nerds. Have you even been to university? Most don't look like nerds.
@@dekippiesipgetting accepted by a university doesn’t mean you are intelligent. 😂
Nerds are labeled as nerds mostly by looks and behavior, and most nerds aren't even that intelligent. Nerds tend to have a tendency of overestimating their own intelligence too, which further hurts their case
Intelligence =/= Nerd. You can be stupid and act like a nerd. I guess you'd be a dork at that point. Some behavior modifications can pull any nerd out of the 'nerd pool.' Waiting a bit to gather your thoughts to respond. Being comfortable with your decisions. Understanding that you dont have to please people. Being nice and calm when talking to others. Learning how to drop quips.
This is cope. This isn't 1985 and nerds aren't excluded by the bully jock. If your a nerd and either good looking or rich you'll be fine.
Henry Cavill plays world of Warcraft and I think he's doing fine.
Gentlemen be social but selective with who you let in. Do not lower your Standards! Your partner is a direct reflection of you, so as you grow they should be too.
Yep that is me alright!
1) Overthinking
2) Hyper-Independence
3) unrealistic expectations and standards
This is what made dating hard for me.
My struggle as well, unfortunately. I really am trying to get better.
Basically perfectly described me. Nice of Courtney Ryan to stroke my ego and call me intelligent. Instead of me just calling myself a quirky weirdo. :D
Dating is so complicated, i almost feel like its not for me.
It can be exhausting of today too many mind games.
It's just too much work.
It's true that certain men overthink. I know some engineers who overthink things. Where they should think simple first. They have to overthink almost everything.
Can confirm
I’m there also with two engineering degrees and looking at a third.
@@VideoGameRoom32 I’d rather overthink than not think at all.
German engineers have entered the chat.
I do often approach things as solving an equation and with women there are too many variables and unknowns.
Being an intelligent guy, yeah, I can definitely see why I fail to get a girl. The things you listed explains so much about me.
I've never owned a cell phone thank god. Dating is dead smartphones, stupid dating apps all hookups no more LTR has destroyed dating globally no looks or smiles anymore all on their cell phones 24/7 plus now they all stupid tattoos 80% are all low value women. Today women have replaced men with big dogs and to have sex with it, so gross. I'm 55, introverted, never married, no kids, got all my shit together 5.10 170lbs, don't smoke, drink or do drugs. We have turned into robots no one talks face to face anymore. I've given up nothing but trash out there. Our parents had it better
When are women ever gonna be held accountable. Now we’re getting to why smart men struggle with dating? 🤦🏽♂️
It took a long time for me to get all my pokemon. I dont want to lose them in a divorce.
Trust me, an ex wife would rather ask for a snow shovel she might think belongs to her.
Divorce doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s not like you’re going into it blind.
Look up who initiates divorce the majority of the time.
My trouble with being an intelligent man is finding an intelligent woman I can talk to.
Same thing. That's why I'm single. I can't date a stupid girl.
I would recommend doing activities or going to events that attract intelligent people, and then meet the women that are there.
That being said, certain interests will appeal to men more than women.
Nah, I think your problem is misogyny and your inability to view women as equals. There are plenty of intelligent women, studies are showing women have been more successful on average academically than men the past few decades. Perhaps you are not in the right environments to meet a lot of smart women? Go where the fish are....
@@Brisingr73 You don't know how insanely difficult this is, I don't even know where to begin I've barely left the house since I was born I don't even know what's "out there". And don't say "put yourself out there", I literally don't know what that means. I could go drive in circles around Dallas and I'd be "out there", wouldn't get me any dates.
@@isaiahexileBeam me up, Scotty. If you know what I mean. 🖖
Im a high functional autistic guy and lots of people with high functioning autism are highly intelligent, that being said another reason why we struggle with playful convo is due to the fact that we also have strong fixation or obsessions in our interest makig harder to engage in small talk and playful convo. We suffer from sensory hypersensitivity which means that certain noises , smells and foods can overload our senses while being completley normal for non autistic individuals. We have strong attachment to routines and get triggered when we have to break them , because of this if we even get a date we would reject any suggestion to try a new restaurant or to go somewhere 2 hours away from where we live as it breaks our routine. Intolerance to changes , this goes to hand with the previos one. If we have a something planned for a certain date , time and order if postponed at last minute is a big deal for us. Ironically despite us being more logical due to high intelect , in the eyes of neurotypicals our reasons for avoiding small changes even if not permanent are completlely ilogical.
I never thought I'd be happy to hear graduating high school with 2.7 GPA would level me up in the dating scene 😆🤣
GPA does not equal intelligence
@@abe10alpha Are you implying I might actually be intelligent? 🥲😍
@@KnightsGloryy Yes ❤️
@@abe10alpha 😯Thank you, Much appreciated my friend 😎. I will be honest though, I was totally being sarcastic in my comments lol. Although, I don't consider myself intelligent or stupid. Im a bit of both =D 🤣
@@KnightsGloryysounds like you have a sense of humor. That’s more attractive than intelligence.
Ignorance = bliss. Bliss = happiness. Happiness = confidence. Confidence = hot/a turn-on among women.
Or something like that, I guess?
I think is the fact that over 50% of relationships end in divorce.
Scared to lose everything you worked hard for ( including kids).
Getting played.
The quality of ladies decreases every year.
I’m a woman and I can say that for me personally a guy that said he was studying to be a doctor had absolutely zero conversational skills as well as zero boundaries. He touched me without my permission and he made me very uncomfortable with the way he kept looking at me. I felt very creeped out. He also had no ability to create small talk. He just wanted to talk about medical things. Yeah. I agree with Courtney.
That sounds awful. And he's going to be a doctor? I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's guys like that who put women off and give them an idea that all men are pigs. I assure you that we are not all like that. Especially intelligent ones. That guy was thinking with his other head.
Definitely accurate with the over analysis. I’m not sure if I qualify for having unrealistic standards by wanting someone as intelligent as me.
Go for someone with aligned interests. It would suck to be married to a sports fan or personal trainer if you spend your time writing code or making music. 70-80% aligned interests is the key...
What was the meme that did the rounds a few years ago? "If you understand why pizza is made round... packed in a square box... and eaten in a triangle... then, my friend, you understand women." 🤣
Ha, ha. I've not heard that one. That was good.
If struggling with dating is a sign of intelligence, then I must have an IQ of 260 concerning how much I've struggled with it.
Overthinking - unrealistic expectations (especially of self) - social skills - priorities - all have a common link! Anxiety!
A great many of the people I know who are extra intelligent are fraught with Anxiety. Myself included, and I don't consider myself super-smart. My parents are scientists, not me. But I did get their anxiety!
Women bring these things out in us with all the games they play. If we wanted to play games, we'd get an X-Box.
These seem to boil down to
"Not thinking with your other head enough"
Overthinking simply results in shifting the balance of the decision-making process towards prioritizing the strategy of risk avoidance. With a massive amount of detail and possible cause-and-effect scenarios analyzed, the chances of undertaking actions perceived as risky (i.e. jeopardizing the "mission" of attracting a mate) increase. This inevitably leads to limiting one's moves to noncommittal gestures that are interpreted by the other party as a lack of interest in exploring or pursuing the relationship.
1. Overthinking
2. Fear of rejection
3 Social Skills
4. Emotional Intelligence
It's certainly a pleasant thought to spin my struggle with dating as a matter of being too intelligent rather than being outright socially inept, lol. Thanks!
Happy & Blessed Sunday Everyone
Speaking for myself:
I see all the red flags from a mile away. So I wouldn't even bother with the vast majority of girls. Then, the vast majority of women I was interested in were already married.
Most of the activities where people tend to meet partners post-college are vicerally offputting to me.
I went to a college that just didn't have many girls around.
I didn't get the hyperactive sex drive that most boys get in their teens until my late 20s. If dating in your early 20s is rough, dating at 30 is a hellhole.
That last one is probably not immediately relevant to this topic. But, it compounds with the rest. When sex was on the list things I wanted, but not a high priority, the idea of dating a less than perfect woman just wasn't appealing. I could date the alcohilic girl with oddly colored hair and tattoos, or I could play Halo and read about Roman history. The latter was far more appealing to me in my esely 20s.
One more to add: intelligent men expect their partner to make decisions based on reality and not on emotion. Something that many women struggle with!
Great job.... Make a series of each of the 5. Maybe add solutions, your portfolio of work already has them included, they just need to be matched up to these challenges. I really admire all the qualities that you put into these videos. Thanks, Ben
I don't think I'm particularly intelligent but I'm guilty of all of these
That means you're probably pretty smart. Most dumb people think that they are the one smartest people on the planet.
Yup. This is a known Fact for many (who is an) intellectual individual - Goes for both *Men & Women*
But its rougher for Men.
Cause if your a Male with;
*Autism/ADHD/Epileptic/Diabetes* than you tend to get shamed - A lot more cuz its (usually) the Men that should approach. And some Nations still don't handle - *Mental Health* Well.
One thing that many intellect also have a problem with is Focus; Nr 5
We can only spend so much time on something before our minds tends to be un-stimulated. Buts is also - *Highly individual*
From a nerd's perspective: I've found that 'over-thinking' is more of a factor in the initial conversation. Personally, I stopped cold approaching women because it's just too hard to keep a conversation going with a stranger, especially if I'm expected to be smooth and flirtatious. 'Hyper-independence' may be a hurdle in a relationship situation. I often go days at a time without calling a girlfriend. I don't see the point in contacting them if I have nothing new to say. Let's be real, 'unrealistic expectations' only applies to women. Men don't keep a hundred point checklist of traits of an ideal mate. That is strictly a flaw of the female psyche. 'Small talk' goes back to 'over-thinking'. 'Priorities focused elsewhere' likely applies to a growing number of people now days, not just nerds.
By definition, if you have hangups, overthink and can't figure out how to make things happen, that's proof that you are NOT as intelligent as you think.
Happy Sunday to everyone and happy Sunday to you Courtney god bless you 😊
I definitely resonate with one. I constantly overthink about how it'll turn out. Number 2 I used to do alot but I was able to reign it in
I literally experienced this 2 weeks ago tbh. I overthought about meeting a girl who were 4-5 hours far away. We knew each other for long time but I still wasn't sure. I needed to spend a lot of money and time and that's why I wanted to be sure. I kept asking her about our connection, I checked what she thought about me. She was open to me about it and said she doesn't have extra emotional connection. That basically means she didn't love me (yet). Yet she was really interested to meet face to face. She truly wanted to hang out for days. But she in the end told me she is feeling disconnected to me because I kept checking her. Putting my emotions priority etc.
Then I changed my mind and didn't travel to meet her.
She told me she cried for a day, but later travelled and dated someone totally new, and started flirting with him. So I lost her basically.
I don't exactly blame myself, because I knew she told me she didn't exactly love me in emotional way. But I feel like she really wanted to interact, to try dating. It was obvious. But I am sure I overanalyzed now. After this video. I should have just go and date and not think a lot about it.
1. Women hesitate to date various guys because they don't "play with an open hand" and guys don't want to date various girls for that same reason.
2. Some women just want to live in their own little world. If you want to go off and do that, you've earned your little world's favor, but you have not earned mine.
3. Men question how viable a romance option the woman is from the get-go.
4. Successful men don't waste time with any people (dating or outside dating) in their lives who are like "uhh..." and "maybe later?". We just want to get straight to the point without any unnecessary delays.
5. A wise man knows he wants a woman who can add value to his life and vice versa.
There. 5 good reasons intelligent men struggle with dating. Don't blame a man for being intelligent. Blame any stupid people in his life (men/women dating/otherwise) for not being able to keep up.
Good list
Better help is a fraudulent company
1, 4, & 5🙋♂️ AND mild autism which I found out about after I retired.
All I'll say is thank God for wing women and good friends. Especially the wing women and my female relatives who helped pick out the right colognes AND the right amount to use😂.
You hit the nail on the head. I'm a highly educated man with 3 university degrees, currently practicing as a lawyer. The things I most dislike about dating is that it is time-consuming and boring. I hate small talk and flirting. I often find it difficult to maintain my attention talking to new women I know nothing about. The things they want to talk about seem superficial to me, and then I lose interest. When I try to lead conversations, they tend to be much more analytical or abstract, and most women have trouble maintaining interest in them. I have met the occasional woman who is an exception to this. Typically, they are also highly intelligent professionals. One of the better ones was a doctor, for example.
Wow... I'm impressed by the huge command of knowledge that you have. You're an incredibly intelligent and valuable woman. All the best to you Courtney.
This hit like a book
You might end up on TikTok for saying hello to a woman.
The nexus of intelligence and dating is fascinating. The real struggle for me is that I feel I project intelligence often to the point of forgetting that emotional connection is really most important in dating. You can connect with others through intelligent discussion, but it's not nearly as intimate as connecting with them in other ways.
I overthought a lot. But later they all turned out to be true, I was shocked. I don’t know whether I should keep overthinking or not.
Spot on! One addition to the first reason is that they see themself overthinking while overthinking. Metacognition is a hell of a nightmare when dating.
I'm usually overwhelmed with the high numbers of female stalkers I get. I never really find myself questioning if I need to do better with relationships because women usually go goofy all over me, as if I'm a Beatle and they are the screaming girl fans. As long as we all enjoy the time spent together, I'm good for anything.
Overthinking - if you are highly intelligent stop thinking and fall back on your emotional intuition that basically does not exist. Great advice.
I'm male. I've heard that some of the reasons why academically intelligent men struggle with dating women, is that academic intelligence is not synonymous with social intelligence. Intelligent men, especially if he's a genius as far as being a doctor, big computer whiz, may have trouble relating to people who are not "on their level," from that intellectual standpoint. Much like how former superstar athletes do NOT make the best head coaches, because with no malicious intent, their standard is so high, they don't recognize that most "regular" human beings can't match that level, in their field. There's also the perfectionist element: Intelligent men have such a high success rate in their CAREERS, they equate their pursuits of dates with women the same way: You can't do that: In high school, as a boy, you learn "9 girls will say no, but 1 will say yes." Kind of like baseball, the BEST hitters hit .300, which is still failing 7 our of 10 times. Oh! Also, academically intelligent men have a way of "imagining every possible way, and reason, why she will reject him," and even worse "every possible way that she will laugh at and make fun of him, or her friends will laugh at and gossip about him." That's the overthinking part. Maybe, that's where, to a degree, "ignorance is bliss." Being more oblivious to all of those scenarios, can help prevent thinking about "all of those things that can go wrong, in a courtship." And, intelligent men, non-maliciously, tend to have a "selfishness" about them: They are most focused on THEIR interests, and not familiar with sharing time with others, including women. If an intelligent man has plans for an evening, non-maliciously, he tends to plan everything around HIS preferences, rather than making the extra effort to also include HER likes, too: An example of how intelligent men seem to struggle with compromising.
All 5 points resonated with me. Thanks Courtney ❤
A woman just told me I overthink, and its the first thing she says, lol
In a visual dictionary, "Overthinker" would show a picture of me 😂
Courtney, i love how you approach these advice topics from a caring, empathetic and helpful way. You aim to respectfully guide people to a better direction without shitting on alternatives options and making people feel bad about their current state. Love it!
Courtney, as a 44 year old man who was married for 20 years, I am a big fan as your videos are absolutely great and I watched most of them already - keep up the good work:)). For me overthinking and lack of an ability to talk about bullshit with people is really something that I struggle with. It's nearly impossible to find a woman who can talk about meaningful things in life nowadays as most have nothing at all in their heads and are only interested in superficial things - or using you in some way, shape or form. And when you can strike a decent conversation then the stupid games take over which one has to overthink not get burned. It's a bit difficult to build a connection (regardless of how much one steps up to the plate) with creatures who think they are walking perfections, morally superior and that your sole purpose is to provide them with an easy life.
WOW!! You hit the nail on the head. I experience the things you have mentioned.
100% agree with your first point Courtney. As a board gaming nerd we have a term for that in board gaming circles "analysis paralysis". This is usually the player that takes a great deal of time before making a move on their turn as they consider every option, outcome, opponent response, their response to opponent response, etc.
I personally feel I am doing that in the dating world now. Having been burned from my last dating app experience, which turned into marriage, which resulted in me being conned, I now feel as if I am analyzing anything that could be a potential red flag.
Overthinking and being introverted (which seem to go hand-in-hand) are the main thing for me, with the social skills to move from small talk onto connection being a third culprit. Being the introverted thinker and an adventurous free spirit simultaneously, makes it generally difficult to find a good match anyway. I want someone with a matching personality and outlook on life and those aren't too common. When I do find someone, it either never progresses into actual connection, or I care too deeply, too quickly and fumble.
At this point, I've come to accept that I'll never stand a chance against the infinite amount of guys out there who are willing to play the field and finesse (read: blatantly manipulate) their way to whatever they consider success. Might as well focus that energy on travel, sports and other hobbies and see some actual results.
Indeed, dating takes time, effort and money. If you are unwilling or unable to put forth all three, you will not get too far.
The overthinking, was something I really struggled with. Luckily through the help if a dating coach, I was able to get it under control.
I would agree with most of what you shared. I would add that being intelligent makes on stand out and cause one to be a target from others causing ptsd which is a reason for over caution in adult. Fear from old pain causes protective behaviours limiting honest interplay.
I go to a singles church. We had a munch and mingle after. I just looked at all the woman in these huge groups and the dudes in thier own group. I just left. If i was out with my friends and some random chick tried to sit with us we would instinctualy be on the defensive and so are the girls when i try to sit with the gals (as they should they don't know me) which makes it feel like high school and kills my motivation.
Overthinking is really just procrastination: You are putting off making a decision because you worry about doing something wrong. Granted, you worry about choosing the wrong place for dinner or the wrong date activity because too many women can be overly critical and judgmental if you choose a place she's not happy with. So your overthinking is not without cause. BUT, if the woman is going to be critical or judgmental about your decisions, she's probably not the woman you want to be with long term anyway. So be decisive. This will show confidence, and be more attractive to the right woman, even if your choice of date venue or activity is a little less than perfect. The location & the activity is less important than how you help her to feel anyway.
Overthinking is the big one.
When you overthink, you get paralyzed, freeze, and imagine the worst.
That's why you really need to ask yourself: what's the worst thing that can happen if I do X?
99% of the time it isn't that big of a deal and it never even happens.
I wouldn't say I'm that intelligent but am a good observer of character and behavoir. Being a lifelong outsider and aromantic introvert I've grown up watching people and have taken mental notes. All this collected wisdom has greatly helped me in life. A pessimist I maybe but an enlightened one.
I immediately clicked on the thumbnail as soon as I saw it! I love watching videos that definitely don’t apply to me. Just the kind of man I am…
The hard cold truth is when a guy has the balance between being direct and flirty he gets her interested and slowly turned on. As a guy you have to ask her what turns her on to get out of the friend zone. It also shows you are comfortable with leading and you acknowledge her opinoin on topics. I know guys...you need to be vulnerable, but if you are good looking and she is asking you questions and smiling you need to do it to show her your not a "friend". I learned this very recently.
its sweet how you are doing a good job in bringing back these conversations with your own touch.
Overthinking is definitely the main issue
I thought all of her points were spot. Overthinking was an ongoing problem for me and definitely always got in the way of happiness, either with a partner or in nearly every area of life.