My experience is that exact opposite. I'll ask all the questions, and I'm rarely asked a single question about myself. I went on three dates with a girl, never once did she even ask me where I work, or what I do for a living. I've always had a general rule, that if you're asked a question, you ask the same question back after your response.
We used to call it game back in the days from what I hear the internet destroyed dating, I think that's just an excuse men use when they can't get laid 😂
Girls like her is why being single is the preferred option at this point. I'm so sick of these women putting down men in general and posting on social media for clout like get off your high horse you ain't all that.
Yep if the date was as bad as she claims then why is she in the bathroom doing her make up instead of ending it? I'm calling BS. She absolutely just wanted the clout.
And this is why a good woman would walk right past you or not give you more than 10 minutes. You think some skanks on social media represent all women and that's far from the truth. But you sit here and act like it's now ALL women, so you cry like a 5 year old girl with a skinned knee, then go pout in your corner and cry on social media that you'd rather be single. Bullshit.
The biggest mistake she made is bragging how she's on a date while secretly bashing him in the process. I hope to God she didn't get a second date because she's very two faced. Acting one way in front of him, while in secret she's bashing him. 5 seconds in her video screams that she's nothing but a red flag.
@@wshropshire The dude probably is top 2% in looks with 0 personality... Why are you rooting for looks to be the only thing that matters? At least she is bashing him for something that should be required for a healthy relationship
I worked as a critical thinking/communication skills instructor at a private university for about 10 years. One of the things I noticed, especially in many younger individuals (men and women), was an expectation for people to be deeply interested in their identity and the nuances of their lives. But rarely did those same individuals reciprocate that interest in others. I can't help but feel social media has made us problematically inward-looking on both sides of the gender line. If you want to have good communication with people, start by focusing on your life, being happy on your own, doing things you love, and you will be an interesting person, that's step one. Step two is to remember that you're an imperfect, flawed human being, no matter how interesting you are, so stay humble. Step three is to stay curious, about everything and everyone-every person you meet deserves the time of day. And if the person across from you isn't giving you those things in return, go find someone who will.
These are the narcissists Courney referred too. She is correct the term can be overused. However, it is a problem that is becoming worse and social media is not helping it at all.
Thank you for your comment. I'm in my late 50s, and for literally decades, I have noticed a general decline in the quality of even casual conversation in both men and women, even before social media.
People are narcissistic because they can be. They believe their safety and futures are assured, and they don't need other people. In the past, you knew you needed your extended community, town, village, or tribe in order to survive. You gave and contributed or were cast out, and casting out was a death sentence. I must point out, who are the ones saying they "don't need men"?
@@tinap8227 Well yes, men do lack social skills and emotional intelligence in general, compared to women. Still, women are extremely sensitive to “hurtful language”, whether it be a half serious insult or a joke. Men aren’t like that with each other, hence women potentially being more difficult to communicate with.
@@tinap8227 Nah, on behalf of every guy that asked what's wrong and heard "nothing", it is time to admit you all are the difficult neurotic ones. Lets remember its not what you said but how you said it, that is also a big problem you all have. TOOOOOOOONE Police weeee woooooo
@@PatMcGrath-o5y of course it's the way it's said, that's not even controversial. Ever heard of irony? As someone British we never say what we mean, man or woman. Tone, context and social cues are more than half what is said.
@@tinap8227 Yes it is controversial. I have heard of irony and being a poor communicator and asking the other person to "you know just get it" shows a level of immaturity that men do not tolerate. As far as being British, watch your mouth or I will dump your tea in the harbor again. You folks are locking up people for talking. Gross
Probably because you spend too much time playing video games, watching comic book movies, and cosplaying. Perhaps you should focus more on working out, growing your career, leaving behind children hobbies, and allowing yourself to age/mature.
Communication nowadays is terrible, but it's a two-way street. Both men and women should be asking engaging questions even in normal conversations with others, and anyone who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself clearly doesn't care about getting to know you. Listening is even more crucial.
Women: men aren’t great communicators! Also women: instead of talking to her date about the issue she makes a video for the internet, i.e., clout chasing. Never take a woman’s shaming/rejection personally. They aren’t known for making smart choices about anything. They’re only as faithful as their options allow them to be anyway.
@@CourtneyRyan Mrs Ryan, Even unattractive men who have brains want hot women but most hot women will reject nerd dudes and unattractive men with brains. All women seek Chad. 2024, USA
To be frank, most young women are just not that interesting to talk to or intellectually curious. I’ve always had better conversations with older women outside of a dating context, but maybe that’s just me.
Facts. There is a reason American women today are the most liberal in the history of America and why men tend to be toward conservative or libertarian minded. The ideological divide between the sexes is vast. Historically women valued talking about feelings and men valued talking about creating things. Women are just not that interesting to talk to.
When I dated my now-wife, we bounced questions off of each other and we hit it off. Be open both in asking questions and talking some about yourself too.
I’ve had dates with women who don’t relate, ones who are shy and they want me to carry the convo. I feel bad when I’m the only one taking. It’s like pulling teeth trying to get to know her. Takes three dates to get to know? Timewaster. There for a free dinner There are ones who talk a lot about shopping and celeb culture and I just listen. Then there are the rare convos which are like I met them before in another life or something. The conversation is so easy and we usually have to convene and talk again. Then you know it’s right. Both parties have to be willing. Compatibility means very little actually in the long run as far a marriage. Stays show 5% is enough to make sparks. It’s how well you know yourself and experiences. If women (or men) are experienced at social interactions and life in general, I find there’s less time wasted being selfish about and you really connect at a deeper level.
If a man in his 30s goes on a date with a woman in her early 20s and doesn't ask questions, obviously he doesn't care about her personality. How is this confusing?
why are men being predators and going after women that are 10 - 30 years younger? even if he asks questions, he doesn't give a shit about her...he just wants her body to use and abuse.
This. The problem is that these women keep going for these types of guys, whose personality traits are either being very good looking and/or being very successful, and nothing more, and then they wonder why they don't have a personality whatsoever.
Modern relationship dynamics have skewed the power differential so far in favor of women that it oftentimes feels inappropriate to ask too many questions. It's like a hiring manager talking to an applicant. You ask one too many questions (or the wrong questions) and you're immediately out of contention for the position.
Sounds like she's on a date with Chad. In my experience, women in their 20s and 30s these days more often than not SUUUUUUUCK at engaging in conversation. They rarely ask questions, rarely show a whole lot of interest in anything that does not directly pertain to themselves and rarely answer questions they're asked in more than a word or two. And then they turn around and complain that MEN suck at conversations 😂
Guy here. Yall are going to hate me for this but if you’re getting yes/no or short responses. Cut your loses right there and either stop texting her or talking to her
No hate. It's just a good rule to follow since the behavior you described is evidence that the woman in question probobly isnt interested. People can hate you for speaking the truth but their hate doesn't make it untrue. 🍻
I think to Courtney’s point of why guys feel good if they did all the talking, if anyone has read the book “how to make friends and influence people” you’ll know, guy or girl, if you are the one asking good questions and getting the other party to talk more they will in fact find you more intriguing and interesting because you made them feel good. And that good feeling comes from talking about oneself because almost all of us enjoy talking about our accomplishments and things about ourselves in a natural interaction.
I agree but it depends on the degree. Being the dumbest person in your friend group is the best thing for you. Find new friends if you are the smartest. It’s often the quiet, steady and calm person that throws people off. Women wanting better conversation is no surprise to me and I don't blame them. However, if you're asking all the questions, just say this isn't working and cut the date short. WOMEN: What is more rude? "the date is over, I'm leaving", or making a video about the current situation in the restroom?
@@stevenholmes4322 right, I think this is very effective in the beginning stages of any relationship, but if you are the one constantly carrying the conversation then they probably aren’t worth keeping around
Be patient, the famine coming up, economic crash will have these zombies begging for resources, protection and attention. At the end of the day, they will STILL not be sexually attractive to you.
Then stop. If she won't contribute to the conversation, she is on a foodie call. This is why coffee dates or something that only lasts 30-60 minutes should be the norm for a first date.
Yup on both sides of the coin, if she wanted more she should have just made space for him to say why we was not engaging particularly....not just come and tell all her followers the same on TikTok to everyone but the person that could actually make the change she wanted.
It is true that small talk is boring. It's not even about men impressing us. I want deeper conversations about the meaning of life, the universe, mysteries of life. Most of the time all men ask about is work, day to day life and that gets boring real fast and doesn't even spark attraction.
@@HaleyMary the women on online dating apps are not interested in any of those topics, at all. They expect to be entertained and catered to, like we are butlers and jesters. I found dating apps and the people on them to be a waste of time.
Hi Courtney. As a man I have been trying to get out more and spark up conversations. It is hard though because at work and at home most of the time we're taught as men to keep our thoughts to ourselves and most of the time it feels like "anything you say, can and will be used against you." It's easy to get labeled as creepy and undesirable for just having traditional values. It's hard alter our mindset to not feel that way a lot of the time.
Man on dating apps it’s the absolute worst. I get a few matches per week nothing crazy but like getting a match isn’t even the hard part. It’s the conversation bit. It feels like most women on these apps just want to be entertained. Like we’re nothing but a bunch of circus monkeys.
Dating apps have brought hypergamy to levels that are unimaginable. They all believe they deserve the 6’5” billionaire and won’t leave the apps until they get him (he doesn’t exist)
Women don’t want a guy who worships her and kisses her ass. They want a man that they can look up to. Understand “hypergamy” and you will understand why this is.
Women want you to convince them to undress... work on flirting. Usually, you shouldn't take no for an answer. It's easy once you don't care. American women are gross for the most part - used, too much makeup, too many piercings, and tattoos. And a horrible trending ghetto culture. Dutch girls are amazing. Dutch girls dress and behave conservatively, but they are very open-minded and free, if you know what I mean. Dutch women are 10 times better than American women.
I mean, it's the same with men. I feel that, usually, the man who is worshipping one girl, has a girl who truly wants to be with him, but she isn't hot enough for him. 🤷🏽♂️ It's not always some poor, ugly, out casted man who is struggling to get one woman to love him; it's usually a guy who COULD get a girl, but he wants only the HOTTEST girls. It's getting kinda annoying how men nowadays keep acting like we don't have the same problems with being superficial and confusing in dating as women do. (I'm married now, so I'm not in that boat, but still.) Both men and women don't know what they are doing.
As old married guy for 41 years now sitting back and observing the best advice I can give is to NOT OVERTHINK and talk about “Commonality” especially when it comes to values and standards. Let’s face it dating is like going on an interview and each person comes into it with their resume. What’s your history, where are you now and where do you see yourself in the future. You must be realistic and not walk around with blinders on so,despite what you were hoping for, don’t ignore the fatal flaws and be prepared to walk away from the fantasy. Conversely, also embrace all the positives to see the real potential the other person has.
Forty years later, there is no fantasy. People are avoiding the nightmares. People are trying to find "lesser evils" of fatal flaws because no one seems to come with non-fatal flaws anymore. Finally, potential is not a thing these days. Dates are expected to be fully formed partners ready to live up to the other's checklist. Otherwise, thanks for the advice, Boomer.
I'm 48 never had one girlfriend before and it's not from lack of effort. I hate being labeled as a pushy overbearing narcissistic toxic control freak needy clingy creepy psycho stalker when i persue a woman so i gave up. I haven't approached a lady in 15 years.
@@visaman I definitely consider myself to be more of a pushover unmotivated lazy indecisive antisocial wishy-washy wimp coward for not chasing women at all
Majority of the dates I go on are with women who literally put zero effort in. They don't ask anything about me, they give 1 word answers, and they only talk about themselves; then they tell me at the end that they didn't feel a connection. It's all about looks. If you're a gorgeous man you're pretty much in regardless of your efforts.
Courtney, coming from a guy who’s never had too many problems finding a girlfriend ect. The way men think is very logical and puts emphasis on step by step thinking. So, most men have 110% fully given up on even trying to talk to any women. They genuinely are just NOT pleasant to be around anymore. Women are like children, and taking on a woman means taking on a lot of responsibility. Taking on that responsibility is an amazing and fulfilling thing when you actually get the reward you wanted for taking on that responsibility. For example, the happy perfect family with a great wife and kids. THAT is what makes it worth it, it’s the sentimental things. But this is the same thing I tell my mom every time she brings it up. 95% of the women today are just NOT worth taking all of that responsibility for. Us as men today, we have to work 10 times harder for 10 times LESS in the quality of woman that we would get today, than how hard our grandfathers had to work, to get a good honest loyal woman back then. So the bottom line is this. The juice just isn’t worth the squeeE anymore and supply and demand is showing that in the real world. The WOMEN are the problem, honest god they are. Men are not going to work 10x as hard for a lesser quality of woman today, because the women are simply just not worth it. They don’t act right and have lost all moral judgment and societal pressure to maintain a family ect. So now, a happy healthy household will be few and FAR between.
@@angrybatarian Then speak for yourself. Did anyone mention you? Do any of us even know who you are? No. So why the irrelevant comment when I wasn’t speaking for you in the first place? 🤣🤦🏻.
Something that I noticed amongst at least my generation. Any normal male human being who doesn't want to harass a woman, or being accused of it, does not and WILL NOT initiate a conversation.
@@stevenholmes4322 SOMETHING THAT I NOTICED AMONGST AT LEAST MY GENERATION. ANY NORMAL MALE HUMAN BEING WHO DOESN'T WANT TO HARASS A WOMAN, OR BEING ACCUSED OF IT, DOES NOT AND WILL NOT INITIATE A CONVERSATION.
One of the best courses I ever took in school was public speaking. This helped me overcome my shyness, and taught me how to confidently express myself in a positive manner, as well as learn how to create active engagement in a conversation. Honestly, more schools should make these kind of courses a requirement because most young people's communication skills are on track to get severely worse in the coming years.
I am a public speaker and have done it to very large audiences. However, people who are very fearful of public speaking are often very good one on one. I know I used to be fairly terrible in a one on one situations when I met my wife but have practiced a lot at doing it and am old now so feel happier and I actually learned a lot from my wife. Now I am practicing speaking in medium sized groups on screen in meetings. Never been good in meetings. A date is not like a meeting or public speaking to thousands though. I think that holding a one on one conversation is a skill that some people need to learn and I was one of them.
I suspect your hubby nailed it. Nervousness is a major reason for misunderstandings. People can easily freeze up people and often to give an aura of timid, condescending, aloof, or (worse of all) angry and un approachable. How I handle situations like this, whether I’m the nervous one or the one making them nervous; ask questions about dreams and passions (I.e. career - why did you get into this industry, education - what interests you about the field, uniqueness- what’s something about you that you wish others knew).
As a man, I think social anxiety levels have just skyrocketed the last few years. Last year, when I moved to another country for studies, I had to open and test myself in order to improve my social skills. Hopefully, it's working for me, but I totally understand men who are struggling with it, because it's difficult if you're not used to put yourself in stressful situations. On the other hand, I think women have unrealistic expectations and they're not putting effort in conversations. They just expect from men to do magic stuff. I agree that men should open and lead conversations, but it's up to women to continue them. Otherwise, we think that you're simply not interested
I am a naturally inquisitive person. I ask all kinds of questions. So here is my take: as a man who asks questions, it intimidates women. Oftentimes they say “you ask a lot of questions” or “why do you want to know all this stuff on a first date?” I am assuming they find my natural inquisitiveness creepy. So again, it comes back to the “damned if we do, damned if we dont” reality of being a modern man. Why dont you women all get together and come up with a number that you can all agree on as an acceptable amount of questions on a date. We dont want to ask too much, or too little. Also, men know that most women are attracted to indifference. The less we act like we care, the more interested she is in you. In my experience, because I am so genuine and authentic who doesnt fake anything, all my inquisitiveness just makes me look like I care too much, and that is a big “ick” for modern women. I belong in a different era, and unfortunately I am stuck trying to find a mate in this one.
Well said brother. Long story short, I found out that it's "creepy" to give a woman my full attention when engaged in conversation. Soooo now I have to intentionally , periodically look away ? Really ? Good Luck
I would be willing to bet on at least half of her questions he responded and what about for you. She likely didn't count those as they were not "original" questions. When posting from a date, it is reasonable to not expect a perfect recount of events.
That is called being bad at social engagement. I'm naturally naked, I tend to wear pants on a date. You do not always have to act in your natural way. If people have complained that your inqisitiveness has been offputting, you should probably work on that. You don't have to ask every question that pops into your head. Just like you don't have to take off your pants.
Happy Wednesday, Courtney ❤ I feel that a lot of women nowadays are more interested in their cell phones more than physically communicating with another human being but this is my perspective. A lot of people are out of touch
@@abel4776 quit games as a man, then find a woman who doesn't sit on phones. Hold the standard yourself, then you can narrow your selection criteria accordingly (and not be hypocritical).
@@grizzlymcgill4117 I don't play video games, I own businesses that keep me too busy to press buttons. You committed an error of assumption and judgement. To mend your error, I would agree that men have to grow up, but it is not the elephant in the room in the west.
What I recommend is this. If you are meeting someone on a first date, when you meet make it obvious you are turning off your phone. If they don't do the same, simple state that this time is meant to get to know each other and it is only polite to turn distractions off. If she doesn't turn off her phone then just end the date immediately. Set boundaries and enforce them. If she is unwilling to follow, she isn't your woman or a woman you should pursue.
I think the 50/50 rule is really helpful, asking the questions back they ask you or vice versa. It sometimes can snowball effect into other questions/topics you might not have even thought about bringing up
If he doesnt have to speak then he doesnt have to wait much from that type of scenarios anyways. People at first are into the quick thing, the so said hookup culture but then we realize it aint shit and you turn out with nothing, or worse tbh. So basically its pointless in all means, as it doesnt satisfies or fulfills anything, and sadly most of us live under the 'visible', the appearances and whats outside rather than the truth behind stuff, the value of them. Sooner or later we have to reach out, and might as well be sooner, because delayed gratification is the real shit haha, discipline is good asf and the difficulty is on the approach.
I talk to both men and women wherever I go. I am very sociable. I don't know if I am intimidating. But, I am very genuine when I speak with people. Hold doors. Say "God bless you if they sneeze" Etc.
@@DDD11239 that too. People need to learn how to be content by themselves. I am sitting in a local coffee shop by myself as I write this. I do some casual work and enjoy people watching.
31 years old and alone for 3 years after last relationship and nowadays yes I don’t know how to talk because I don’t know what is in their mind and what they want
At 13:32 you asked a question. Some guys (like myself) really appreciate being listened to. I'm in a position were the things that interest me or what I'm involved with are very complex for most people to understand unless you have a degree in physics. So if nobody cares about really anything you do when you go on day to day life, and someone actually takes interest in you. It feels good that someone actually listened for once.
These women can’t hold conversation unless you’re talking about TikTok, their favorite music, or reality TV. Plus I’ve even cussed out by girls for when they ask what the main thing is I look for in women I say “I like girls that are happy” or called a misogynist for simply saying “men don’t put as much emphasis on a woman’s career as women do on a man’s” plus girls think questions guys should ask is “what’s your zodiac sign” or “whats your favorite color” or “what’s your middle name” they only care about stupid things that mean nothing to build a relationship
Not to mention if you’re hot as a guy these girls don’t care what you say or do. I’m 6’6 and have had a dad bod and had a 6 pack. It’s worlds different how they treat you when you’re in shape and when I’m shredded I can do or say whatever I want and the girls don’t care
@@TheBlueBookGentlemanthere is no point whatsoever in dating in the West. Go to Eastern Europe or Asia. The ones in the West are all vapid regarded feminist slags
Mistake #1 going on a hookup ap. If you aren't a top 5% man, good luck getting any attention. Mistake #2 if they are only replying and not asking questions, they aren't that interesting and ignore them. Step 1) Improve your physicallity. Women like men with muscles. Hit the gym or pick up a physcially active hobby. Get in shape and stay in shape. Step 2) Women like confident men. They have evolved to spot the subtle differences between a man that is confident and one that isn't. Confidence is built from self-respect and self-esteem. Getting is shape will help that. Becoming competent at a hobby will improve that as well. When you are in shape and confindent, women will notice you and that will only increase your confidence. Step 3) Enjoy life! Have fun with your friends. Have fun with your hobbies. Have fun being you. This will make you smile and look fun to be around. Follow those steps and you won't need aps. Women will find you. That doesn't mean women will initiate, but they will make time to be around you and give you the opportunity to initiate. You will likely mess up the first few of these. The overwhelming majority of men (myself included) mess the first few up. However, the more opportunities you have, the more chances you will have to not mess it up and get into relationships.
Hi, guy here. When i'm really passionate about something, i have a tendency to talk a lot about that subject. When i'm in talking that much, it's almost as if i'm in a zone, and don't always pick up whether the person who's listening to me is genuinely interested, or just being polite. I think quite a few men can be like that, at times.
Sounds like slightly on the autism spectrum. I know I am a bit like that. Not good at one on one conversation but talk a lot about a thing I am interested in. You can practice though in how to make good conversation as there is a technique. Its worth trying to do it in a low risk environment with a friend.
Nothing wrong with that. However, you now need to take it to the next step. If you are passionate about a topic, that is great. What you need to do is learn how to describe it to someone with no experience on the topic. There are plenty of times I have explained complex theory to the average person. On a number of times women have flat out told me I was extreme attractive when I did that. Basically, I helped them understand more and made them feel smarter for it, which made them feel good. If you can achieve this next step, you can skip the glazed over eyes and likely get into some serious in depth conversation that will spike her attraction for you.
Married 30+ years to my first bride. I found after marriage that talking to women was very easy. I no longer approached the conversation with any selfish expectations. My goal today with any personal conversations is to be a small blessing to the other person. I believe if I had approached dating in my earlier years with this unselfish perspective, a lot of my dates would have gone better. Just be genuinly curious about the other person without any expectations. It will go better
Thank you for doing this video, Courtney, you covered some good points. Two things which you didn't cover but I have experience myself over the years as a 64 year old, dating before after marriage. The woman in the clip said that she had asked the man about 30 or 40 questions, I've been on dates where the woman spoke so much there wasn't space to ask anything, and ones where I replied to a question only to be cut short in answering as they start talking again often about how something that I said effects them. Men and women communicate very differently, men tend to exchange information women can often talk socially, if you watch a conversation of a group of women they will often talk over each other at times and this seems to be normal and acceptable, men don't tend to do this, we say something wait for a response and then reply to that response. As you're probably aware women talk far more as men do in a day, women 20,000 to men's 7000, this is something to bear in mind.
It very well could just be in her case, that the "older guy", 31, is just not into her. Or, since she is so convinced that she is the prize, and she's interrogating him to the hilt, and now complaining of him not being curious about her is an indication, he doesn't think she's all that. Her ego can't get around that he isn't there for her, so it must be him being fearful. It is her default position to protect her image in her mind of the "irresistible Babe", when the guy she has chosen has either red flagged her, is into someone else, or she has created an illusion about him to protect her own illusion about herself. Not saying it's not possible that she is chasing a guy with no game, who is intimidated by her. Bet he's a tall Chad regardless. She like's his looks and wants him to be someone he isn't. She will likely continue, because her ego is telling her he looks just right for her. She see's him as an arm trophy to show off to her friends. This is strong evidence that attractive people make all the same mistakes as average people. Average people have in reality, more choices. They can go "up" easier. This women is very attractive, she can't go up much, and is determined not to go down in 'attractive' to find the right guy who loves her. Her looks are the ruling force in her life, eventually she'll capture a guy like her, and they will make each other miserable. It is a great lesson, don't go for a mate based only on "attractive". You must also have "attraction". You can build 'attraction' WAY easier than attractiveness. Why you see average men with with gorgeous women frequently. The young woman in the video is very pretty, no 'attraction' for her after the interrogation. What were those questions I wonder. What do you do? How much do you make? Likely.
For me, a strong sign that a first date is going well is if there is an equal amount of active engagement during the conversations. If my gut says this is the case, then I usually suggest the idea of meeting up again toward the end of the date. After that, the ball is in her court.
Most women treat not sounding like a pick-up artist or have the smoothness of a Casanova as "not knowing" how to talk to a woman. Anything outside of that is "saying the wrong thing." It's been my experience.
Women don't want "smoothness". What women want is a man desperate enough to sIeep with a complete stranger because women view men as nothing more than se×øbjects.
You do not have experience with most women. What you meant was most women you've meant, and even that I seriously doubt. I'd be willing to put money on it actually being one or two women that just happened to stick out in your brain. Or, a bad experience with one that you then attributed to these things because you read about it on the internet.
I live alone and am single right now and also an introvert: So, social skills are something I have to work on. There are several things I've learned to do to help with this at home and in public. In public, I've been making a point to greet everyone (old young men women) given the chance in public. It's really helped my confidence, mood, and allowing me to connect with people way more than before. If I'm ignored, I don't care because I'm looking to greet the next person. This has already sparked several conversations otherwise would not have happened. This is so much more interesting and better than just staying in my head like before and barely speaking or looking at anyone. Next I want to start adding compliment to this afterwards.
What makes me think i had a good date are those things: I see that the lady i dated had a good time, she laughted , she enjoyed it, she shared things about her with me, the good things that you expect to spark on the other person actually. And for myself i think i had a good date when the other person sparks some things on me too, if the other person showed that she also wanted me to have a great time in whatever way she does that, thats what so magnificent about being so diferent one from another, you never know what they are going to hit you with. Thanks for the video, awesome as always.
We don't ask questions we don't want answers to, and we don't want to waste time asking superficial questions to pretend we're interested in the topic.
It works BOTH ways..... If a woman wants a guy, then she'll approach him. After that happens, it depends on spark, chemistry, and connection. Asking open- ended questions. Texting has de- socialized and alienated alotta people. Reading social cues...I e.. eye contact....body language.....voice inflection....The " human" interaction has become infrequent. Using fewer apps....less texting....and meeting " in person" is more proper for better and personable interactions!.... you can't interpret a person's personality, character or emotions by simply reading a text!.... There has to be a reality and not a deception or a fantasy set by phony/ fake people. The elements of communication, honesty and trust should be the norm and NOT the exception!
No, men and women communicate very differently. If he isn’t asking questions maybe he isn’t that interested in her. Frankly, the woman in the video comes off as uninteresting, and I don’t find her attractive.
12:52 The reason a guy can walk away from a date feeling good about it when he did most of the talking is because he feels he left a good impression and the girl was interested enough to listen. It’s not that complicated.
There are two types of people when it comes to discussions: those who share, and those who answer. The shareres would just share, they'd just start talking, and if course you can ask them questions, but they don't need you to ask. The answerers do need you to ask first, they just can't share anything if not asked. You certainly know the type that even goes "ask me how my day went" and wait for that question before saying what they want to say. As a sharer, and a contrarian, I enjoy it so much when people ask me just so I would return the question, with a "how about you?" for example, which I don't do, I enjoy seeing them struggle because they want to share something so bad but for some reason they need me to ask first. I do ask questions if I'm genuinely curious though
Male here - the TikToker has a point. Conversation is a bit of an art and men haven't developed it. Having said that, I wouldn't say that women are the best at talking to men, either. An example is in this TikToker's video - she complains about not being asked questions. Well, she can talk about herself without being asked. I know of no conversation "law" that prohibits just talking about yourself.
@@AndreiGeorgescu-j9p So, your job prevents you from engaging in any other activities or improving yourself in any way? Sounds like you have an awful job.
On average men are further along the autism spectrum so less generally good at conversation. Though I have some very interesting comments by women who are married to autistic men who find them very genuine people who don't play stupid mind games.
Have Women Lost The Ability To Talk To Men? why don't women approach? women should apporach men A man approaches a woman and she says "I don't want to be bothered and harassed by strangers"
I agree that women SHOULD be able to approach men, but that's just not how it is. All throughout life the MAN has made the first move, it's just how it is.
I’ve been on dates, and there have been a few where I was talking to a girl and felt like I was doing the heavy lifting and got tired fast. Thanks for acknowledging that that’s a thing guys experience! As for why guys feel good about a date after talking so long, for me when I get to infodump on a topic that I’m passionate about, that passion is a part of my heart and soul; if you were at least patient enough to stick with me as I rambled on, it makes me feel known and you come across as a kind, patient person. And it makes me want to reciprocate; if I get to talk on and on for way too many minutes, I could listen to someone else ramble on about something their passionate about for hours. I think that may just be my communication style. There are people I know and care about who get the exact opposite feelings when I talk to long and don’t feel heard. I take that and don’t judge them or myself (anymore), and I’m just learning to modulate how long I talk so I feel good and the other person feels good.
Viewer from UK here. I love asking women questions about themselves, and yes they will answer them fine. Personally, from my own experience, a lot of women don't ask any questions either. They'd rather scroll. They just dont communicate anymore 😢
That means hes very attractive and has alot of options and shes into his looks and him so she willl invest emotionally and make a whole video about it, that mans winning without even trying
Correct, it is a her problem. I have a hard time not envisioning this handsome, confident dude just yapping away about himself because he couldn't care less about her and just wants more hot and young female attention. Does anyone really think this guy is a shy poindexter just fumbling the bag?
Except she is very attractive and she is definitely only going out with a man who has no issue having women naturally be attracted to him. Especially considering he is on a date with her with no personality if we believe her story
I think we live in a society that forgotten how to be social face to face. Tik-tok is basically a cartoon for people with short attention spans. This woman who complains about her date, as she loads her face with powder must have lots her own issues to hide. In the end, we will get what we deserve. So be thoughtful and act well. Both women and men have forgotten how to start up a conversation with a stranger in public. I guess social media is their ( our) social outlet. Their doesn’t need to be an agenda to start up a conversation. Just smile and make a comment about the surroundings. When on a date, it’s not an interview. So, don’t treat it like one, just find out what the other person is about. Not what the do, what they have, but what they love and who they are. If they don’t show interest in return, they aren’t interested. There are so many people out there in your city, you’re never going to be able to meet them all so, Just move on to the next one. Learn to enjoy the process not the goal. 😊
Yes!! More videos like this. I found this very helpful. Thank you 😊 Love how you covered both sides, and the techniques and mindset shifts you suggested to aid in an easier flow and getting to know one another. ❤ A successful date or conversation for me is when both parties share in (roughly) equal measure, and when it looks like the lady is enjoying herself, or, if not, if she expresses it to me afterwards (in a text is fine). Love how you got your husband’s perspective, and how he agreed with the number one answer. That was really cool in a lot of ways. Like how you tie it back to the collective, and you relating to us as well. I don’t think of you as a homebody, so that was comforting, to know we aren’t alone and that even celebrities are experiencing the same things we are. Always enjoy your Courtney Ryan flair that you bring, too! 😊
There's two kinds of people in these situations: Askers and Talkers. Askers like Asking questions and being Asked questions. Talkers just Talk and expect the other person to just Talk. They're both morally neutral and neither is correct. I'd like us all to stop with the gender wars and understand that there are just varying preferences for conversation. Meet the other person in the middle. Ignoring it on the date, only to privately roast the person on Tik Tok is probably the least useful way to go about this. We can do better.
The day I completely stopped chasing women is the day my life transformed to greatness. Now I’m the one getting approached. I get dressed go out and have a great time at places I enjoy. Drink my favorite drinks, watch sports, make fiends with other guys, and totally ignore women especially the attractive ones. Take it from an older guy whos seen a lot. Just keep leveling up and enjoying your life. The women will fall over each other trying to get your attention especially the attractive ones because every other guy is trying to talk to them. Best feeling ever.
@@vu4y3fo846y It is true. Women are attracted to guys that are not needy and don't fall over them. Most women have nothing going on in their lives other than gossiping with their friends and when they see a guy fully engaged with their friends laughing and having fun they want a part of that. FOMO rules a woman's life.
Men havent lost the ability its just majority of them dont even want to try thanks to hypergamy, social media and dating apps infecting women in general.
I have no desire to "talk" to women my age (I am in my 50s). I simply don't find 99% attractive and have let themselves go. And despite e ouragement from a female friend who is 40 and thinks I am attractive silver fox and ecourges me, I am not meeting younger women who are into silver foxes.
Same here, I am 52, completely uninterested in the overwhelming majority of women our age and the handful I am attracted to all think they are too good to even talk to me. Who the hell needs it?
I think it helps to have a well rounded knowledge base where you can easily draw from. Music, current events, travel, cooking, movies, etc. Then the next step is being genuinely curious about the things they like and why they like them. You actually have to care about what the person talks about and being genuine in hearing their experiences and appreciating what they have to say
3:09 Being a hermit is SO easy to do. Conversation skills really are a 'use it or lose it' ability. That means getting off the damn phone and joining a book club, church small group, intramural sports, etc. What you do in your free time matters too. Are you reflecting on your conversations, ways to follow up with points or concerns that others have shared. Interested people are interesting people. I'll typically ask shallow(er) questions, and repeat answers back to people. But I'm also patient and like to find things out about you by induction so asking the question can spoil investigativeness. It's not a lack of interest, though - just making use of other nonverbal communication mediums
This is an assumption but chances are he is a F-boy/chad/hot/gorgeous. Men that fit this typical looks profile are used to not having to put in any effort to attract a woman and quickly get what they want from a woman. So he is putting in no effort to get to know her. Or… he is just very shy and awkward but also happens to be gorgeous.
Courtney, as an introverted man in his 30's, I've been taken a fool too many times, granted most of those encounters were on me as I should've seen the red flags which could perhaps speak to a deeper naivete. I try to put myself out there and work on my communication skills and talk to everyone not just women I think are attractive but because I'm so quiet and reserved, that becomes quickly conflated with boring, or rather I suspect is used as a convenient mask to cover up disinterest. On the other side of the coin, perhaps it is genuine nervousness or fear of how I will react, but I would much rather prefer raw truth to saccharine banality. This leads to a drop in confidence and, in turn, leads to my current self-isolation for the past six months of going to work and coming home, rinse and repeat. Ultimately, it's reaching a point for me where I have no desire or even passive interest to date right now but still holding onto the faintest glimmer of hope for that one special lady who feels the same as I do, and it will feel effortless when we meet.
I remember hearing, "oh you poor man you, I've been rambling on now for an hour". Sometimes women need to talk and they felt they could tell me. I didn't need to ask anything, share my feelings or answer my phone. Women often do all those and more; after she hangs up the phone she'll spend 20 minutes explaining who called (her friend Gina) and why they haven't been able to connect all week! Who cares besides her but it's a civil thing to just listen and be kind. On the other hand two of my best first dates were at three hour films with subtitles. I always shocked women that I had a brain and enjoyed foreign films. Both lead to long term relationships with good women who wanted to know more about me. The right one will work with you and you'll both love the process.
Yeah, so? I was once on a date with a woman, who didn't ask me any questions nor did she want to talk about herself. She probably just wanted so called "foodie-call". So, it's something both men and women have to just deal with.
"As a man watching", this is just attention-seeking behavior. She can't stop making those silly videos even when she's on a date with a new person. It's like a drug.
The last few serious dates I went on, It was the opposite. The women really just made me feel like they were there for the free experience. I asked about them to try to get to know more and they seemed disinterested and then when I tried to talk about me, just a little, they seemed annoyed. It was lose/lose and really just made me feel like I should just stay quiet. I am all for reciprocation, but I refuse to talk to a wall and watch paint dry. The usual first date jitters/nervousness is one thing, but being flat-out boring is annoying.
You asked what makes us feel a date went well. To me; Chemistry, ease of communication, genuine reciprocal interest in getting to know each other and at least some common interests. A feeling of possibility of compatibility, shared values and future goals and lifestyle.
What leave me feeling great about the date is when the girl is asking me a lot of questions and really want to get to know me, also when I find out that we like the same type of humour
Your video is more akin to "Have Men Lost The Ability To Enterntaint Those Stunning And Brave Goddesses Who Do Not Need No Man And Need A Man As A Fish Needs A Bicycle?"
I’ve been on the date where she gives you nothing, and I hate talking. I could tell she was socially awkward, not mean or aloof. We still ended up hooking up, and it was fine but I know in hindsight that it was a mistake. She ghosted the heck outta me. 😂
A good litmus test on a date for me is stimulating and easy conversation. It's a two way street. If someone asks you a question, reciprocate and ask one back. My conversation skills are something I've really worked on. It's definitely a muscle. The more you use it, the better you get.
I took a bit of time to think about why some guys would come away with the idea that when they spent most of the date talking about themselves and thinking that the date was a success and I think it comes down to the fact that they came away with the impression that this very hot girl was so into them that it didn’t really occur to them. All they could think about was the way she laughed at his jokes, the way she smiled at him as he told her about all the amazing stories about him, the way her eyes glowed as he talked about his family and friends and forgetting that he needed to ask questions about her because he was so caught up in the moment.
Ya know, when bad things happen to me, It's always a blessing because I have this unique gift of retelling horror stories as comedy as I don't take myself seriously. I've had winning date streaks and landed an LTR with a woman of my choosing after just one night (and now we're family planning). I always open up with a hilarious horror story of women I met off dating apps and they either want to hear more or start spilling their own horror stories and we always connect. Since then I've always had my pick of the litter, because it's all about the vibe. I'm all about connecting, no need to impress.
Your Husband said that it’s nervousness which primarily makes men more hesitant to ask questions. I think that’s an accurate point, and to expand on that- what causes that heavy dose of nervousness is inexperience. The more dates you go on as your genuine self and with an optimistic attitude, overtime you’ll be more confident on dates, likely more relaxed, and not so tense. You’ll have a better time, she’ll have a better time, and whether there’s a connection or not, hopefully you at least had an enjoyable evening together with great conversation.
I think a piece of this, to piggyback off what you said about lack of interaction, is the emphasis on advice is how to get to the date. Even with your own channel, it's "how to style", "what they're looking for", "red flags" etc, rather than "good questions to ask" as a rule within dating-tube. I find myself thinking "I never expected I'd get this far" the *VERY* few opportunities I've gotten to speak to a woman with a dating pretext. When you arent given many opportunities, it makes getting good at something very difficult with any skill, nevermind when trying to do something with high percieved stakes and anxiety. Add this on to everything you said.
It's funny how I recently watched a video from another content creator about how men should not bombard women with questions because it ends up like "interview mode", and as a rule it was stated: don't ever ask her 3 questions in a row. Anyway, I have been into this mentality of "I am a simple man. I see a girl that I like and I just want to bed her, I don't feel I need to know anything else until after bedding her and possibly consider maintaining a relationship with her". Maybe that's the case with the lady's guy. Whatever, it's either that the guy has to do better, or she has to do better by stopping being attracted to this kind of guys (which she obviously will not, we all know women are not going to change the kind of men they like).
My pov is because of the isolationism/lax communication skills, you're seen as too good to be true when you exercise your social muscle. It feels like a lose/lose situation. If feels like someone has chosen you aren't compatible before they leave the house. Great topic and video and as always, thank you for trying to improve peoples lives with gentle wisdom
10/10 on all your points in the video. In response to your final question, I think men come out feeling great after coming out of a date were we talked the whole time is because it can be so rare to feel like anyone actually cares about you. Having a pretty girl sit there and listen to you yap for an hour will make you feel like you're the man. You walk away thinking this girl likes you and is interested just because she gave you the time of day (especially after dealing with the one word answer girls). This can make you blind to the fact that she isn't actually having a good time.
Many years ago I learned project management to help me in my professional life. The class taught me that communication is a two way street. Active listening and active talking are key. Now as far as dating, I find often that my date just wants to talk about herself to try to impress me. Since, I am a good listener I let them talk until I have something to say. If I find they are not interested in what I have to say, I don’t see them again. If they ask me why, I flat out tell them that they care too much about themself.
Courtney what you said at the end is fantastic advice. When I went on my first date with my girlfriend I asked her questions and she asked me questions at the same time. The way i went about our conversation is treating it like if I was just talking to a friend to create that relaxed atmosphere but of course I also made sure to tell her how beautiful she looks without feeling awkward since we both knew we found each other attractive before the date. It worked well and we actually kissed at the end of our date.
Awesome video. I tried cutting out coffee, and my anxiety in social situations almost completely went away, especially when meeting someone new or speaking in front of a group.
I heard about this aswell recently on a dating podcast and the answer was: 'When women are nervous on a first date, they start to ask a lot of questions to avoid gaps in the conversation. When men are nervous, they talk too much about themselves, for the same reason of not wanting awkward silence.' This basically complements each other. The advice was to just go on a second or even third date if you are atleast somewhat interested in the other person, since usually nerves have calmed down a lot by that time and conversarion will come more natural.
I think technology has made it easier to self isolate and be a hermit. Apps like UberEATS and DoorDash make it easy to order food without talking to a person for example. I also think the overprotective parenting style that has taken hold since the 80’s is a factor as parents aren’t letting their kids go to parties or social gatherings for a variety of reasons. And those kids’ first social interaction will be practically in legal adulthood. Where they missed out on years of critical social development. As you said Courtney, the solution is to exercise the social muscle. Deleting the delivery apps and going into restaurants and ordering in person, talking with the cashier at the grocery store, etc. It’ll be messy and awkward at first but push through it. With enough reps, you’ll be more socially competent.
My experience is that exact opposite. I'll ask all the questions, and I'm rarely asked a single question about myself. I went on three dates with a girl, never once did she even ask me where I work, or what I do for a living. I've always had a general rule, that if you're asked a question, you ask the same question back after your response.
You’re probably also getting 1 word responses too, right?
Did she show very little interest in you or attraction towards you?
Why did you keep asking her on dates lol
You are spot on.
We used to call it game back in the days from what I hear the internet destroyed dating, I think that's just an excuse men use when they can't get laid 😂
Girls like her is why being single is the preferred option at this point. I'm so sick of these women putting down men in general and posting on social media for clout like get off your high horse you ain't all that.
And unfortunately there some simp out there that's going to tell her she is
Yep if the date was as bad as she claims then why is she in the bathroom doing her make up instead of ending it? I'm calling BS. She absolutely just wanted the clout.
💯
And this is why a good woman would walk right past you or not give you more than 10 minutes. You think some skanks on social media represent all women and that's far from the truth. But you sit here and act like it's now ALL women, so you cry like a 5 year old girl with a skinned knee, then go pout in your corner and cry on social media that you'd rather be single. Bullshit.
But it wont last cuz that not who she really desires@xdscgiefkeef8208
The fact that she’s posting this on social media shows me she’s probably the kind of person most men probably wouldn’t enjoy talking to…
Make the very slightest of mistakes and whole world will know about it.
Yep. Anything you say, the world will hear. And most likely with a negative twist about how it isn't "manly"
@@maniacmatt7340 More keywords are ick, problematic, and abusive.
The biggest mistake she made is bragging how she's on a date while secretly bashing him in the process. I hope to God she didn't get a second date because she's very two faced. Acting one way in front of him, while in secret she's bashing him. 5 seconds in her video screams that she's nothing but a red flag.
@@wshropshire The dude probably is top 2% in looks with 0 personality... Why are you rooting for looks to be the only thing that matters? At least she is bashing him for something that should be required for a healthy relationship
I worked as a critical thinking/communication skills instructor at a private university for about 10 years. One of the things I noticed, especially in many younger individuals (men and women), was an expectation for people to be deeply interested in their identity and the nuances of their lives. But rarely did those same individuals reciprocate that interest in others. I can't help but feel social media has made us problematically inward-looking on both sides of the gender line. If you want to have good communication with people, start by focusing on your life, being happy on your own, doing things you love, and you will be an interesting person, that's step one. Step two is to remember that you're an imperfect, flawed human being, no matter how interesting you are, so stay humble. Step three is to stay curious, about everything and everyone-every person you meet deserves the time of day. And if the person across from you isn't giving you those things in return, go find someone who will.
These are the narcissists Courney referred too. She is correct the term can be overused. However, it is a problem that is becoming worse and social media is not helping it at all.
@@winoodlesnoodles1984And women have become the one most affected by the attention social media gives them while men become incels.
I read the whole thing
Thank you for your comment.
I'm in my late 50s, and for literally decades, I have noticed a general decline in the quality of even casual conversation in both men and women, even before social media.
People are narcissistic because they can be. They believe their safety and futures are assured, and they don't need other people. In the past, you knew you needed your extended community, town, village, or tribe in order to survive. You gave and contributed or were cast out, and casting out was a death sentence.
I must point out, who are the ones saying they "don't need men"?
Women can be difficult to talk to, you never know when they’ll get triggered by something you said.
That's called lack of social awareness and emotiobal intelligence.
@@tinap8227 Well yes, men do lack social skills and emotional intelligence in general, compared to women. Still, women are extremely sensitive to “hurtful language”, whether it be a half serious insult or a joke. Men aren’t like that with each other, hence women potentially being more difficult to communicate with.
@@tinap8227 Nah, on behalf of every guy that asked what's wrong and heard "nothing", it is time to admit you all are the difficult neurotic ones.
Lets remember its not what you said but how you said it, that is also a big problem you all have. TOOOOOOOONE Police weeee woooooo
@@PatMcGrath-o5y of course it's the way it's said, that's not even controversial. Ever heard of irony? As someone British we never say what we mean, man or woman. Tone, context and social cues are more than half what is said.
@@tinap8227 Yes it is controversial. I have heard of irony and being a poor communicator and asking the other person to "you know just get it" shows a level of immaturity that men do not tolerate.
As far as being British, watch your mouth or I will dump your tea in the harbor again. You folks are locking up people for talking. Gross
We didn’t lose the ability to talk to women, we lost the desire to.
True
Probably because you spend too much time playing video games, watching comic book movies, and cosplaying. Perhaps you should focus more on working out, growing your career, leaving behind children hobbies, and allowing yourself to age/mature.
@@JasonNortwich Wooo, Did a woman write that? Sounds like it. Sooo catty!
@@Lawrence_writer I thought the same thing. 😀
@@JasonNortwich Why? Not every man has the desire to waste his life as a simp.
Communication nowadays is terrible, but it's a two-way street. Both men and women should be asking engaging questions even in normal conversations with others, and anyone who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself clearly doesn't care about getting to know you. Listening is even more crucial.
Too many questions will make it like an interrogation.
👏🏼
Women: men aren’t great communicators!
Also women: instead of talking to her date about the issue she makes a video for the internet, i.e., clout chasing.
Never take a woman’s shaming/rejection personally. They aren’t known for making smart choices about anything. They’re only as faithful as their options allow them to be anyway.
@@RobertTaylor-gz2fu true, too much of anything is bad. Gotta find the "sweet spot" where things flow naturally.
@@CourtneyRyan Mrs Ryan, Even unattractive men who have brains want hot women but most hot women will reject nerd dudes and unattractive men with brains. All women seek Chad. 2024, USA
To be frank, most young women are just not that interesting to talk to or intellectually curious.
I’ve always had better conversations with older women outside of a dating context, but maybe that’s just me.
THANK YOU!!!! After basic Qs, there's just a void, full of doom scrolling, in most cranial closets..
Facts. There is a reason American women today are the most liberal in the history of America and why men tend to be toward conservative or libertarian minded. The ideological divide between the sexes is vast. Historically women valued talking about feelings and men valued talking about creating things. Women are just not that interesting to talk to.
This is my experience too with older ladies. They are easier to talk to and more open minded
Wow, this is so true. Most young women have no idea what is going in the world.
When I dated my now-wife, we bounced questions off of each other and we hit it off. Be open both in asking questions and talking some about yourself too.
"Focussing on impressing your date and not connecting". I like that a lot. That's something we could learn from.
I’ve had dates with women who don’t relate, ones who are shy and they want me to carry the convo. I feel bad when I’m the only one taking. It’s like pulling teeth trying to get to know her. Takes three dates to get to know? Timewaster. There for a free dinner There are ones who talk a lot about shopping and celeb culture and I just listen. Then there are the rare convos which are like I met them before in another life or something. The conversation is so easy and we usually have to convene and talk again. Then you know it’s right. Both parties have to be willing. Compatibility means very little actually in the long run as far a marriage. Stays show 5% is enough to make sparks. It’s how well you know yourself and experiences. If women (or men) are experienced at social interactions and life in general, I find there’s less time wasted being selfish about and you really connect at a deeper level.
If a man in his 30s goes on a date with a woman in her early 20s and doesn't ask questions, obviously he doesn't care about her personality. How is this confusing?
Facts.
And if she hasn't cut the date short it is probably because he is very good looking. He probably just sees her as recreational.
why are men being predators and going after women that are 10 - 30 years younger? even if he asks questions, he doesn't give a shit about her...he just wants her body to use and abuse.
💯 I was just about to say this, he’s not asking question because he doesn’t care, he’s just trying to smash and dash.
This. The problem is that these women keep going for these types of guys, whose personality traits are either being very good looking and/or being very successful, and nothing more, and then they wonder why they don't have a personality whatsoever.
Modern relationship dynamics have skewed the power differential so far in favor of women that it oftentimes feels inappropriate to ask too many questions.
It's like a hiring manager talking to an applicant. You ask one too many questions (or the wrong questions) and you're immediately out of contention for the position.
Sounds like she's on a date with Chad. In my experience, women in their 20s and 30s these days more often than not SUUUUUUUCK at engaging in conversation. They rarely ask questions, rarely show a whole lot of interest in anything that does not directly pertain to themselves and rarely answer questions they're asked in more than a word or two. And then they turn around and complain that MEN suck at conversations 😂
No, Chads try not to talk about themselves.
They sure are all experts at staring at their phones...absolutely nothing else
@@stevec3526 I doubt she has 40-50 thoughts in her head, let alone has asked 40-50 questions on a first date.
Which makes me think that we should treat these zoomers like children.
The whole video is about her saying she asked a ton of questions, how much do you hate women lol
Guy here. Yall are going to hate me for this but if you’re getting yes/no or short responses. Cut your loses right there and either stop texting her or talking to her
No hate. It's just a good rule to follow since the behavior you described is evidence that the woman in question probobly isnt interested.
People can hate you for speaking the truth but their hate doesn't make it untrue. 🍻
I think to Courtney’s point of why guys feel good if they did all the talking, if anyone has read the book “how to make friends and influence people” you’ll know, guy or girl, if you are the one asking good questions and getting the other party to talk more they will in fact find you more intriguing and interesting because you made them feel good. And that good feeling comes from talking about oneself because almost all of us enjoy talking about our accomplishments and things about ourselves in a natural interaction.
Dale Carnegie, yep!
I agree but it depends on the degree. Being the dumbest person in your friend group is the best thing for you. Find new friends if you are the smartest.
It’s often the quiet, steady and calm person that throws people off. Women wanting better conversation is no surprise to me and I don't blame them. However, if you're asking all the questions, just say this isn't working and cut the date short.
WOMEN: What is more rude? "the date is over, I'm leaving", or making a video about the current situation in the restroom?
@@stevenholmes4322 Exactly! A conversation is a two way street.
@@stevenholmes4322 right, I think this is very effective in the beginning stages of any relationship, but if you are the one constantly carrying the conversation then they probably aren’t worth keeping around
I'm a man and my experience has been just the opposite, I ask 99% of the questions when I'm conversing with a woman. It's very frustrating.
Be patient, the famine coming up, economic crash will have these zombies begging for resources, protection and attention. At the end of the day, they will STILL not be sexually attractive to you.
Then stop. If she won't contribute to the conversation, she is on a foodie call. This is why coffee dates or something that only lasts 30-60 minutes should be the norm for a first date.
Then how about you stop meeting rando from the street (bar, shop, whatever)?
SELECTION SELECTION SELECTION!
@@exnihilonihilfit6316it’s literally any woman.. they just stare or give a short 1-5 word answers and never ask anything back
@@exnihilonihilfit6316 Finally som adult advice here.. Courtney even says it in the video as well..
I'm so glad I grew up before the internet ruined people and I actually learned how to communicate in person.
Honestly it's going to be a long time until humanity regains its sociality.
Oh no its cooked forever@geoffreychippersongiraffe5695
@@geoffreychippersongiraffe5695it’s not about to get any better 😂
Yup on both sides of the coin, if she wanted more she should have just made space for him to say why we was not engaging particularly....not just come and tell all her followers the same on TikTok to everyone but the person that could actually make the change she wanted.
unfortunately, I didn't, and I envy you
I think a reason for this could be that a lot of women have said that small talk is not attractive and that men have to impress them socially
It is true that small talk is boring. It's not even about men impressing us. I want deeper conversations about the meaning of life, the universe, mysteries of life. Most of the time all men ask about is work, day to day life and that gets boring real fast and doesn't even spark attraction.
Fair enough
Exactly what I was thinking
@@HaleyMary the women on online dating apps are not interested in any of those topics, at all. They expect to be entertained and catered to, like we are butlers and jesters. I found dating apps and the people on them to be a waste of time.
@HaleyMary I just don't see how you can expect these deeper conversations when you're still getting to know the person.
Hi Courtney. As a man I have been trying to get out more and spark up conversations. It is hard though because at work and at home most of the time we're taught as men to keep our thoughts to ourselves and most of the time it feels like "anything you say, can and will be used against you." It's easy to get labeled as creepy and undesirable for just having traditional values. It's hard alter our mindset to not feel that way a lot of the time.
"[a]nything you say, can and will be used against you." Yep. Sadly, always remember that until times (i.e. women) change.
Man on dating apps it’s the absolute worst. I get a few matches per week nothing crazy but like getting a match isn’t even the hard part. It’s the conversation bit. It feels like most women on these apps just want to be entertained. Like we’re nothing but a bunch of circus monkeys.
Dating apps have brought hypergamy to levels that are unimaginable. They all believe they deserve the 6’5” billionaire and won’t leave the apps until they get him (he doesn’t exist)
They are there hoping that they will get their minute of fame with Chad and you are just entertaining them until that happens.
Every girls knows a guy that will worship the ground she walks on, but yet she chooses the guy that doesn’t like her
Because the other guy is always there to make her feel better. He is the surrogate boyfriend. When she wants a compliment she calls and flirts a bit
I bet this woman has multiple guys in the friendzone that would like to get to know her better.
Women don’t want a guy who worships her and kisses her ass. They want a man that they can look up to. Understand “hypergamy” and you will understand why this is.
Women want you to convince them to undress... work on flirting. Usually, you shouldn't take no for an answer. It's easy once you don't care. American women are gross for the most part - used, too much makeup, too many piercings, and tattoos. And a horrible trending ghetto culture. Dutch girls are amazing. Dutch girls dress and behave conservatively, but they are very open-minded and free, if you know what I mean. Dutch women are 10 times better than American women.
I mean, it's the same with men. I feel that, usually, the man who is worshipping one girl, has a girl who truly wants to be with him, but she isn't hot enough for him. 🤷🏽♂️ It's not always some poor, ugly, out casted man who is struggling to get one woman to love him; it's usually a guy who COULD get a girl, but he wants only the HOTTEST girls. It's getting kinda annoying how men nowadays keep acting like we don't have the same problems with being superficial and confusing in dating as women do. (I'm married now, so I'm not in that boat, but still.) Both men and women don't know what they are doing.
A man knows that he can be rejected for saying just one thing she dislikes. A woman is, on a date, usually looking to find reasons to reject him.
Bingo! That’s exactly my experience too.
Exactly! Women get the "ick" for the most ridiculous reasons you can imagine, so why should men even try..
Agreed! One wrong question, laugh, or even sound. Done 😂😂😂
I hope Courtney pins this.
So most every guy.
As old married guy for 41 years now sitting back and observing the best advice I can give is to NOT OVERTHINK and talk about “Commonality” especially when it comes to values and standards. Let’s face it dating is like going on an interview and each person comes into it with their resume. What’s your history, where are you now and where do you see yourself in the future. You must be realistic and not walk around with blinders on so,despite what you were hoping for, don’t ignore the fatal flaws and be prepared to walk away from the fantasy. Conversely, also embrace all the positives to see the real potential the other person has.
Forty years later, there is no fantasy. People are avoiding the nightmares. People are trying to find "lesser evils" of fatal flaws because no one seems to come with non-fatal flaws anymore. Finally, potential is not a thing these days. Dates are expected to be fully formed partners ready to live up to the other's checklist.
Otherwise, thanks for the advice, Boomer.
I'm 48 never had one girlfriend before and it's not from lack of effort. I hate being labeled as a pushy overbearing narcissistic toxic control freak needy clingy creepy psycho stalker when i persue a woman so i gave up. I haven't approached a lady in 15 years.
Are you all those things?
@@visaman I definitely consider myself to be more of a pushover unmotivated lazy indecisive antisocial wishy-washy wimp coward for not chasing women at all
Quality over quantity, brother. All it takes is one woman to love you.
@@DDD11239or ruin you #divorce 😂
It sounds like you have a very bad taste in women if all the ones you dated treat you like that.
Majority of the dates I go on are with women who literally put zero effort in. They don't ask anything about me, they give 1 word answers, and they only talk about themselves; then they tell me at the end that they didn't feel a connection.
It's all about looks. If you're a gorgeous man you're pretty much in regardless of your efforts.
Sounds like they are not impressed by you.
Courtney, coming from a guy who’s never had too many problems finding a girlfriend ect. The way men think is very logical and puts emphasis on step by step thinking. So, most men have 110% fully given up on even trying to talk to any women. They genuinely are just NOT pleasant to be around anymore. Women are like children, and taking on a woman means taking on a lot of responsibility. Taking on that responsibility is an amazing and fulfilling thing when you actually get the reward you wanted for taking on that responsibility. For example, the happy perfect family with a great wife and kids. THAT is what makes it worth it, it’s the sentimental things. But this is the same thing I tell my mom every time she brings it up. 95% of the women today are just NOT worth taking all of that responsibility for. Us as men today, we have to work 10 times harder for 10 times LESS in the quality of woman that we would get today, than how hard our grandfathers had to work, to get a good honest loyal woman back then. So the bottom line is this. The juice just isn’t worth the squeeE anymore and supply and demand is showing that in the real world. The WOMEN are the problem, honest god they are. Men are not going to work 10x as hard for a lesser quality of woman today, because the women are simply just not worth it. They don’t act right and have lost all moral judgment and societal pressure to maintain a family ect. So now, a happy healthy household will be few and FAR between.
Big facts 😢
That is why my wife is an Asian foreign national. I gave up on American women decades ago.
You don't speak for me
Oh boy. Dude. You've got red flags galore.
@@angrybatarian Then speak for yourself. Did anyone mention you? Do any of us even know who you are? No. So why the irrelevant comment when I wasn’t speaking for you in the first place? 🤣🤦🏻.
Something that I noticed amongst at least my generation. Any normal male human being who doesn't want to harass a woman, or being accused of it, does not and WILL NOT initiate a conversation.
On a date?
@@visaman apologies for not clarifying, I mean in normal public interactions.
What?
@@stevenholmes4322 SOMETHING THAT I NOTICED AMONGST AT LEAST MY GENERATION. ANY NORMAL MALE HUMAN BEING WHO DOESN'T WANT TO HARASS A WOMAN, OR BEING ACCUSED OF IT, DOES NOT AND WILL NOT INITIATE A CONVERSATION.
@@socas_nicyou’re right I won’t
One of the best courses I ever took in school was public speaking. This helped me overcome my shyness, and taught me how to confidently express myself in a positive manner, as well as learn how to create active engagement in a conversation. Honestly, more schools should make these kind of courses a requirement because most young people's communication skills are on track to get severely worse in the coming years.
I am a public speaker and have done it to very large audiences. However, people who are very fearful of public speaking are often very good one on one. I know I used to be fairly terrible in a one on one situations when I met my wife but have practiced a lot at doing it and am old now so feel happier and I actually learned a lot from my wife. Now I am practicing speaking in medium sized groups on screen in meetings. Never been good in meetings. A date is not like a meeting or public speaking to thousands though. I think that holding a one on one conversation is a skill that some people need to learn and I was one of them.
I suspect your hubby nailed it. Nervousness is a major reason for misunderstandings. People can easily freeze up people and often to give an aura of timid, condescending, aloof, or (worse of all) angry and un approachable. How I handle situations like this, whether I’m the nervous one or the one making them nervous; ask questions about dreams and passions (I.e. career - why did you get into this industry, education - what interests you about the field, uniqueness- what’s something about you that you wish others knew).
As a man, I think social anxiety levels have just skyrocketed the last few years. Last year, when I moved to another country for studies, I had to open and test myself in order to improve my social skills. Hopefully, it's working for me, but I totally understand men who are struggling with it, because it's difficult if you're not used to put yourself in stressful situations.
On the other hand, I think women have unrealistic expectations and they're not putting effort in conversations. They just expect from men to do magic stuff. I agree that men should open and lead conversations, but it's up to women to continue them. Otherwise, we think that you're simply not interested
2020 definitely hurt our social skills.
Yeah lots of men don't even know what leading conversation means
I am a naturally inquisitive person. I ask all kinds of questions. So here is my take: as a man who asks questions, it intimidates women. Oftentimes they say “you ask a lot of questions” or “why do you want to know all this stuff on a first date?” I am assuming they find my natural inquisitiveness creepy. So again, it comes back to the “damned if we do, damned if we dont” reality of being a modern man. Why dont you women all get together and come up with a number that you can all agree on as an acceptable amount of questions on a date. We dont want to ask too much, or too little.
Also, men know that most women are attracted to indifference. The less we act like we care, the more interested she is in you. In my experience, because I am so genuine and authentic who doesnt fake anything, all my inquisitiveness just makes me look like I care too much, and that is a big “ick” for modern women. I belong in a different era, and unfortunately I am stuck trying to find a mate in this one.
Well said brother. Long story short, I found out that it's "creepy" to give a woman my full attention when engaged in conversation. Soooo now I have to intentionally , periodically look away ? Really ? Good Luck
I would be willing to bet on at least half of her questions he responded and what about for you. She likely didn't count those as they were not "original" questions. When posting from a date, it is reasonable to not expect a perfect recount of events.
That is called being bad at social engagement. I'm naturally naked, I tend to wear pants on a date. You do not always have to act in your natural way. If people have complained that your inqisitiveness has been offputting, you should probably work on that. You don't have to ask every question that pops into your head. Just like you don't have to take off your pants.
You dropped your 👑, King.
Happy Wednesday, Courtney ❤ I feel that a lot of women nowadays are more interested in their cell phones more than physically communicating with another human being but this is my perspective. A lot of people are out of touch
Shhhh, boys and video games is the topic at hand.
@@abel4776 quit games as a man, then find a woman who doesn't sit on phones. Hold the standard yourself, then you can narrow your selection criteria accordingly (and not be hypocritical).
@@grizzlymcgill4117 We don't stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.
@@grizzlymcgill4117 I don't play video games, I own businesses that keep me too busy to press buttons. You committed an error of assumption and judgement. To mend your error, I would agree that men have to grow up, but it is not the elephant in the room in the west.
What I recommend is this. If you are meeting someone on a first date, when you meet make it obvious you are turning off your phone. If they don't do the same, simple state that this time is meant to get to know each other and it is only polite to turn distractions off. If she doesn't turn off her phone then just end the date immediately. Set boundaries and enforce them. If she is unwilling to follow, she isn't your woman or a woman you should pursue.
I think the 50/50 rule is really helpful, asking the questions back they ask you or vice versa. It sometimes can snowball effect into other questions/topics you might not have even thought about bringing up
Chad doesn't need to talk to women anymore
If he doesnt have to speak then he doesnt have to wait much from that type of scenarios anyways. People at first are into the quick thing, the so said hookup culture but then we realize it aint shit and you turn out with nothing, or worse tbh. So basically its pointless in all means, as it doesnt satisfies or fulfills anything, and sadly most of us live under the 'visible', the appearances and whats outside rather than the truth behind stuff, the value of them. Sooner or later we have to reach out, and might as well be sooner, because delayed gratification is the real shit haha, discipline is good asf and the difficulty is on the approach.
This is one of the few channels I’ve found that promotes working to be a healthy sane human being. 🙏
Trust me when she finds out I'm on disability the conversation just ends there we don't even get to the dating phase
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm unemployed at the moment. I have noticed the same issue you have when I am out of work.
Get you a homeless chick!
I've been out of work many times, i'm working and they still ignore me. Women always find a reason to snub you.@vijayiyer8518
Well who wants a guy who does nothing with his life?
@@vijayiyer8518 You can't go a few years without dating?
I talk to both men and women wherever I go. I am very sociable. I don't know if I am intimidating. But, I am very genuine when I speak with people. Hold doors. Say "God bless you if they sneeze"
Etc.
what if they sneeze on you while you are holding the door?
You can't be alone for a few hours? Jesus.
@@DDD11239 that too. People need to learn how to be content by themselves. I am sitting in a local coffee shop by myself as I write this. I do some casual work and enjoy people watching.
@@stevenholmes4322 What?
@@DDD11239 WTF? How did you come up with that question from what he said?
31 years old and alone for 3 years after last relationship and nowadays yes I don’t know how to talk because I don’t know what is in their mind and what they want
Ако е между 18 и 23 - положителни преживявания , секс , пътувания , адреналин . Между 24 и 39 - стабилна връзка , доверие , комуникация , къща / апартамент , бебе . Над 40 - секс , секс , секс , секс ...
Mind reading is not yet a thing, my guy. Perhaps you have the inadequate approach?
Then ask them.😂
Go to the grocery store after work. Seriously.
Population is broken, don't reduce yourself to meet their broken standard.
Sometimes we don’t ask questions because we’re already attracted to you based on appearance alone
At 13:32 you asked a question. Some guys (like myself) really appreciate being listened to. I'm in a position were the things that interest me or what I'm involved with are very complex for most people to understand unless you have a degree in physics. So if nobody cares about really anything you do when you go on day to day life, and someone actually takes interest in you. It feels good that someone actually listened for once.
These women can’t hold conversation unless you’re talking about TikTok, their favorite music, or reality TV. Plus I’ve even cussed out by girls for when they ask what the main thing is I look for in women I say “I like girls that are happy” or called a misogynist for simply saying “men don’t put as much emphasis on a woman’s career as women do on a man’s” plus girls think questions guys should ask is “what’s your zodiac sign” or “whats your favorite color” or “what’s your middle name” they only care about stupid things that mean nothing to build a relationship
Not to mention if you’re hot as a guy these girls don’t care what you say or do. I’m 6’6 and have had a dad bod and had a 6 pack. It’s worlds different how they treat you when you’re in shape and when I’m shredded I can do or say whatever I want and the girls don’t care
@@TheBlueBookGentlemanthere is no point whatsoever in dating in the West. Go to Eastern Europe or Asia. The ones in the West are all vapid regarded feminist slags
@@TheBlueBookGentlemanthere is no point in dating a Western one. They don't even date guys they actually like, just hookups. Disgusting
No point in dating in the West. Rotten apples
I hate that zodiac question. It always struck me as showing a lack of intelligence.
I have 4 conversations open on Hinge where women havent replied in days
Women reply to my questions. They dont actually have a conversation.
At least you're getting matches! 😂
@@stevensaleh6955 I hired a pro photographer to get good photos.
But 0 dates since I joined. I used to get 0 matches.
It's like extracting teeth, we have to carry the "conversation" no follow up questions or a "how about yourself" had to delete Hinge....
Mistake #1 going on a hookup ap. If you aren't a top 5% man, good luck getting any attention.
Mistake #2 if they are only replying and not asking questions, they aren't that interesting and ignore them.
Step 1) Improve your physicallity. Women like men with muscles. Hit the gym or pick up a physcially active hobby. Get in shape and stay in shape.
Step 2) Women like confident men. They have evolved to spot the subtle differences between a man that is confident and one that isn't. Confidence is built from self-respect and self-esteem. Getting is shape will help that. Becoming competent at a hobby will improve that as well. When you are in shape and confindent, women will notice you and that will only increase your confidence.
Step 3) Enjoy life! Have fun with your friends. Have fun with your hobbies. Have fun being you. This will make you smile and look fun to be around.
Follow those steps and you won't need aps. Women will find you. That doesn't mean women will initiate, but they will make time to be around you and give you the opportunity to initiate. You will likely mess up the first few of these. The overwhelming majority of men (myself included) mess the first few up. However, the more opportunities you have, the more chances you will have to not mess it up and get into relationships.
@@rickhoward7009I'm at that point too. Been on 6 weeks. 0 dates. Not even close to setting one up. It's like talking to mannequin
Hi, guy here. When i'm really passionate about something, i have a tendency to talk a lot about that subject. When i'm in talking that much, it's almost as if i'm in a zone, and don't always pick up whether the person who's listening to me is genuinely interested, or just being polite. I think quite a few men can be like that, at times.
Yes! thats just normal behavior.
Sounds like slightly on the autism spectrum. I know I am a bit like that. Not good at one on one conversation but talk a lot about a thing I am interested in. You can practice though in how to make good conversation as there is a technique. Its worth trying to do it in a low risk environment with a friend.
ADHD, perhaps? I speak from experience.
Nothing wrong with that. However, you now need to take it to the next step. If you are passionate about a topic, that is great. What you need to do is learn how to describe it to someone with no experience on the topic. There are plenty of times I have explained complex theory to the average person. On a number of times women have flat out told me I was extreme attractive when I did that. Basically, I helped them understand more and made them feel smarter for it, which made them feel good. If you can achieve this next step, you can skip the glazed over eyes and likely get into some serious in depth conversation that will spike her attraction for you.
Married 30+ years to my first bride. I found after marriage that talking to women was very easy. I no longer approached the conversation with any selfish expectations. My goal today with any personal conversations is to be a small blessing to the other person. I believe if I had approached dating in my earlier years with this unselfish perspective, a lot of my dates would have gone better. Just be genuinly curious about the other person without any expectations. It will go better
Thank you for doing this video, Courtney, you covered some good points.
Two things which you didn't cover but I have experience myself over the years as a 64 year old, dating before after marriage. The woman in the clip said that she had asked the man about 30 or 40 questions, I've been on dates where the woman spoke so much there wasn't space to ask anything, and ones where I replied to a question only to be cut short in answering as they start talking again often about how something that I said effects them. Men and women communicate very differently, men tend to exchange information women can often talk socially, if you watch a conversation of a group of women they will often talk over each other at times and this seems to be normal and acceptable, men don't tend to do this, we say something wait for a response and then reply to that response.
As you're probably aware women talk far more as men do in a day, women 20,000 to men's 7000, this is something to bear in mind.
It very well could just be in her case, that the "older guy", 31, is just not into her. Or, since she is so convinced that she is the prize, and she's interrogating him to the hilt, and now complaining of him not being curious about her is an indication, he doesn't think she's all that.
Her ego can't get around that he isn't there for her, so it must be him being fearful. It is her default position to protect her image in her mind of the "irresistible Babe", when the guy she has chosen has either red flagged her, is into someone else, or she has created an illusion about him to protect her own illusion about herself.
Not saying it's not possible that she is chasing a guy with no game, who is intimidated by her. Bet he's a tall Chad regardless. She like's his looks and wants him to be someone he isn't. She will likely continue, because her ego is telling her he looks just right for her. She see's him as an arm trophy to show off to her friends.
This is strong evidence that attractive people make all the same mistakes as average people. Average people have in reality, more choices. They can go "up" easier. This women is very attractive, she can't go up much, and is determined not to go down in 'attractive' to find the right guy who loves her. Her looks are the ruling force in her life, eventually she'll capture a guy like her, and they will make each other miserable. It is a great lesson, don't go for a mate based only on "attractive". You must also have "attraction". You can build 'attraction' WAY easier than attractiveness. Why you see average men with with gorgeous women frequently. The young woman in the video is very pretty, no 'attraction' for her after the interrogation. What were those questions I wonder. What do you do? How much do you make? Likely.
For me, a strong sign that a first date is going well is if there is an equal amount of active engagement during the conversations. If my gut says this is the case, then I usually suggest the idea of meeting up again toward the end of the date. After that, the ball is in her court.
Solid strat!
Most women treat not sounding like a pick-up artist or have the smoothness of a Casanova as "not knowing" how to talk to a woman. Anything outside of that is "saying the wrong thing." It's been my experience.
Women don't want "smoothness". What women want is a man desperate enough to sIeep with a complete stranger because women view men as nothing more than se×øbjects.
It's literally all about whether or not you're attractive and high status. That's it
You do not have experience with most women. What you meant was most women you've meant, and even that I seriously doubt. I'd be willing to put money on it actually being one or two women that just happened to stick out in your brain. Or, a bad experience with one that you then attributed to these things because you read about it on the internet.
@codykirchner9606 actually it happened many times and friends in my circle have had similar experiences
@@Cee_Eff no point in trying to talk to these guys. They need to appeal to chicks because they think it's the only way to get a crumb
I live alone and am single right now and also an introvert: So, social skills are something I have to work on. There are several things I've learned to do to help with this at home and in public.
In public, I've been making a point to greet everyone (old young men women) given the chance in public. It's really helped my confidence, mood, and allowing me to connect with people way more than before. If I'm ignored, I don't care because I'm looking to greet the next person. This has already sparked several conversations otherwise would not have happened. This is so much more interesting and better than just staying in my head like before and barely speaking or looking at anyone. Next I want to start adding compliment to this afterwards.
What makes me think i had a good date are those things:
I see that the lady i dated had a good time, she laughted , she enjoyed it, she shared things about her with me, the good things that you expect to spark on the other person actually.
And for myself i think i had a good date when the other person sparks some things on me too, if the other person showed that she also wanted me to have a great time in whatever way she does that, thats what so magnificent about being so diferent one from another, you never know what they are going to hit you with. Thanks for the video, awesome as always.
We don't ask questions we don't want answers to, and we don't want to waste time asking superficial questions to pretend we're interested in the topic.
Touche'!
It works BOTH ways..... If a woman wants a guy, then she'll approach him. After that happens, it depends on spark, chemistry, and connection. Asking open- ended questions. Texting has de- socialized and alienated alotta people. Reading social cues...I e.. eye contact....body language.....voice inflection....The " human" interaction has become infrequent. Using fewer apps....less texting....and meeting " in person" is more proper for better and personable interactions!.... you can't interpret a person's personality, character or emotions by simply reading a text!.... There has to be a reality and not a deception or a fantasy set by phony/ fake people. The elements of communication, honesty and trust should be the norm and NOT the exception!
No, men and women communicate very differently. If he isn’t asking questions maybe he isn’t that interested in her.
Frankly, the woman in the video comes off as uninteresting, and I don’t find her attractive.
They really never think it could be because of themselves. The solipsism is unreal.
12:52 The reason a guy can walk away from a date feeling good about it when he did most of the talking is because he feels he left a good impression and the girl was interested enough to listen. It’s not that complicated.
There are two types of people when it comes to discussions: those who share, and those who answer.
The shareres would just share, they'd just start talking, and if course you can ask them questions, but they don't need you to ask.
The answerers do need you to ask first, they just can't share anything if not asked. You certainly know the type that even goes "ask me how my day went" and wait for that question before saying what they want to say.
As a sharer, and a contrarian, I enjoy it so much when people ask me just so I would return the question, with a "how about you?" for example, which I don't do, I enjoy seeing them struggle because they want to share something so bad but for some reason they need me to ask first.
I do ask questions if I'm genuinely curious though
Male here - the TikToker has a point. Conversation is a bit of an art and men haven't developed it. Having said that, I wouldn't say that women are the best at talking to men, either. An example is in this TikToker's video - she complains about not being asked questions. Well, she can talk about herself without being asked. I know of no conversation "law" that prohibits just talking about yourself.
We're busy working real jobs
@@AndreiGeorgescu-j9p So, your job prevents you from engaging in any other activities or improving yourself in any way? Sounds like you have an awful job.
On average men are further along the autism spectrum so less generally good at conversation. Though I have some very interesting comments by women who are married to autistic men who find them very genuine people who don't play stupid mind games.
@@brianthesnail3815 Like any skill conversational skills can be developed.
With all the free videos and social media guys don't really have a legit excuse not to know how. Most dudes are just afraid of rejection.
Have Women Lost The Ability To Talk To Men?
why don't women approach?
women should apporach men
A man approaches a woman and she says "I don't want to be bothered and harassed by strangers"
I agree that women SHOULD be able to approach men, but that's just not how it is. All throughout life the MAN has made the first move, it's just how it is.
@@dgwaters no that s a modern mindset,most woman totay think they d ont even have too look at a man or smile,ignore woman that are arogant.
@@dgwatersis there any evidence that it's been that way since the beginning of time
Nothing wrong with talking to women, it's the response that's the bad part usually.
I’ve been on dates, and there have been a few where I was talking to a girl and felt like I was doing the heavy lifting and got tired fast. Thanks for acknowledging that that’s a thing guys experience!
As for why guys feel good about a date after talking so long, for me when I get to infodump on a topic that I’m passionate about, that passion is a part of my heart and soul; if you were at least patient enough to stick with me as I rambled on, it makes me feel known and you come across as a kind, patient person. And it makes me want to reciprocate; if I get to talk on and on for way too many minutes, I could listen to someone else ramble on about something their passionate about for hours.
I think that may just be my communication style. There are people I know and care about who get the exact opposite feelings when I talk to long and don’t feel heard. I take that and don’t judge them or myself (anymore), and I’m just learning to modulate how long I talk so I feel good and the other person feels good.
Viewer from UK here. I love asking women questions about themselves, and yes they will answer them fine. Personally, from my own experience, a lot of women don't ask any questions either. They'd rather scroll. They just dont communicate anymore 😢
That means hes very attractive and has alot of options and shes into his looks and him so she willl invest emotionally and make a whole video about it, that mans winning without even trying
Correct, it is a her problem. I have a hard time not envisioning this handsome, confident dude just yapping away about himself because he couldn't care less about her and just wants more hot and young female attention. Does anyone really think this guy is a shy poindexter just fumbling the bag?
The other reason why some people, regardless of gender, might talk too much on dates is that they might be nervous.
I talk less when I'm nervous.
Many people are afraid of rejection. Too many people are scarred. 2024, USA
Except she is very attractive and she is definitely only going out with a man who has no issue having women naturally be attracted to him. Especially considering he is on a date with her with no personality if we believe her story
I think we live in a society that forgotten how to be social face to face.
Tik-tok is basically a cartoon for people with short attention spans. This woman who complains about her date, as she loads her face with powder must have lots her own issues to hide. In the end, we will get what we deserve. So be thoughtful and act well.
Both women and men have forgotten how to start up a conversation with a stranger in public. I guess social media is their ( our) social outlet.
Their doesn’t need to be an agenda to start up a conversation. Just smile and make a comment about the surroundings.
When on a date, it’s not an interview. So, don’t treat it like one, just find out what the other person is about. Not what the do, what they have, but what they love and who they are. If they don’t show interest in return, they aren’t interested. There are so many people out there in your city, you’re never going to be able to meet them all so, Just move on to the next one. Learn to enjoy the process not the goal. 😊
My immediate response, would be, "That took a while, did you take a shit?"
Yes!! More videos like this.
I found this very helpful. Thank you 😊
Love how you covered both sides, and the techniques and mindset shifts you suggested to aid in an easier flow and getting to know one another. ❤
A successful date or conversation for me is when both parties share in (roughly) equal measure, and when it looks like the lady is enjoying herself, or, if not, if she expresses it to me afterwards (in a text is fine).
Love how you got your husband’s perspective, and how he agreed with the number one answer. That was really cool in a lot of ways.
Like how you tie it back to the collective, and you relating to us as well. I don’t think of you as a homebody, so that was comforting, to know we aren’t alone and that even celebrities are experiencing the same things we are.
Always enjoy your Courtney Ryan flair that you bring, too! 😊
There's two kinds of people in these situations: Askers and Talkers. Askers like Asking questions and being Asked questions. Talkers just Talk and expect the other person to just Talk. They're both morally neutral and neither is correct.
I'd like us all to stop with the gender wars and understand that there are just varying preferences for conversation. Meet the other person in the middle. Ignoring it on the date, only to privately roast the person on Tik Tok is probably the least useful way to go about this. We can do better.
The day I completely stopped chasing women is the day my life transformed to greatness. Now I’m the one getting approached. I get dressed go out and have a great time at places I enjoy. Drink my favorite drinks, watch sports, make fiends with other guys, and totally ignore women especially the attractive ones. Take it from an older guy whos seen a lot. Just keep leveling up and enjoying your life. The women will fall over each other trying to get your attention especially the attractive ones because every other guy is trying to talk to them. Best feeling ever.
I don't believe you
@@vu4y3fo846y
It is true. Women are attracted to guys that are not needy and don't fall over them. Most women have nothing going on in their lives other than gossiping with their friends and when they see a guy fully engaged with their friends laughing and having fun they want a part of that. FOMO rules a woman's life.
When's the last time you got laid?
Men havent lost the ability its just majority of them dont even want to try thanks to hypergamy, social media and dating apps infecting women in general.
I have no desire to "talk" to women my age (I am in my 50s). I simply don't find 99% attractive and have let themselves go. And despite e ouragement from a female friend who is 40 and thinks I am attractive silver fox and ecourges me, I am not meeting younger women who are into silver foxes.
Same here, I am 52, completely uninterested in the overwhelming majority of women our age and the handful I am attracted to all think they are too good to even talk to me. Who the hell needs it?
I think it helps to have a well rounded knowledge base where you can easily draw from. Music, current events, travel, cooking, movies, etc. Then the next step is being genuinely curious about the things they like and why they like them. You actually have to care about what the person talks about and being genuine in hearing their experiences and appreciating what they have to say
3:09 Being a hermit is SO easy to do. Conversation skills really are a 'use it or lose it' ability. That means getting off the damn phone and joining a book club, church small group, intramural sports, etc. What you do in your free time matters too. Are you reflecting on your conversations, ways to follow up with points or concerns that others have shared. Interested people are interesting people.
I'll typically ask shallow(er) questions, and repeat answers back to people. But I'm also patient and like to find things out about you by induction so asking the question can spoil investigativeness. It's not a lack of interest, though - just making use of other nonverbal communication mediums
Why do so many women have to tell us about there problems while doing her makeup?
This is an assumption but chances are he is a F-boy/chad/hot/gorgeous. Men that fit this typical looks profile are used to not having to put in any effort to attract a woman and quickly get what they want from a woman. So he is putting in no effort to get to know her. Or… he is just very shy and awkward but also happens to be gorgeous.
when a woman accuses you of sexual harassment just for looking at her, it tends to dampen the mood.
Things that didn't happen for 1000.
@@xjoemallardx Read a report, or watch a Joey Swoll video. It happens.
Did that actually happen to you or are you just looking for internet points?
@@DDD11239 so what? You can accuse anyone of anything doesn't mean they did it and the cops won't do anything anyways without any actual proof.
Someone's been spending too much time online.
Courtney, as an introverted man in his 30's, I've been taken a fool too many times, granted most of those encounters were on me as I should've seen the red flags which could perhaps speak to a deeper naivete. I try to put myself out there and work on my communication skills and talk to everyone not just women I think are attractive but because I'm so quiet and reserved, that becomes quickly conflated with boring, or rather I suspect is used as a convenient mask to cover up disinterest. On the other side of the coin, perhaps it is genuine nervousness or fear of how I will react, but I would much rather prefer raw truth to saccharine banality. This leads to a drop in confidence and, in turn, leads to my current self-isolation for the past six months of going to work and coming home, rinse and repeat. Ultimately, it's reaching a point for me where I have no desire or even passive interest to date right now but still holding onto the faintest glimmer of hope for that one special lady who feels the same as I do, and it will feel effortless when we meet.
If a man says one wrong thing he is done. It is walking on thin ice lol.
And that's after asking her out, planning the date, paying for everything, trying to be entertaining, the whole dating system is too one-sided.
I just stopped caring bro. I'll say things like "I assume you give good BJ's"
0:36 - She has asked him 30 to 40 questions during one date!
aaand thers the answer.... he was answering the questions while being bombarded with questions.
Right! Sounds like an interview and no one likes that.
@@xerr0n Yes, he didn't get a chance to ask her any questions & in any case there were already more than enough questions in the conversation.
@@dvharmonee Yes, a police interview.
To add on to your first point. Most men don’t go on very many dates, so it sometimes just boils down to a lack of experience
I remember hearing, "oh you poor man you, I've been rambling on now for an hour". Sometimes women need to talk and they felt they could tell me. I didn't need to ask anything, share my feelings or answer my phone. Women often do all those and more; after she hangs up the phone she'll spend 20 minutes explaining who called (her friend Gina) and why they haven't been able to connect all week! Who cares besides her but it's a civil thing to just listen and be kind. On the other hand two of my best first dates were at three hour films with subtitles. I always shocked women that I had a brain and enjoyed foreign films. Both lead to long term relationships with good women who wanted to know more about me. The right one will work with you and you'll both love the process.
Yeah, so? I was once on a date with a woman, who didn't ask me any questions nor did she want to talk about herself. She probably just wanted so called "foodie-call". So, it's something both men and women have to just deal with.
No, you don’t have to deal with this. Like at all!
Go for coffee or drinks next time to avoid this
"As a man watching", this is just attention-seeking behavior. She can't stop making those silly videos even when she's on a date with a new person. It's like a drug.
The last few serious dates I went on, It was the opposite. The women really just made me feel like they were there for the free experience. I asked about them to try to get to know more and they seemed disinterested and then when I tried to talk about me, just a little, they seemed annoyed. It was lose/lose and really just made me feel like I should just stay quiet. I am all for reciprocation, but I refuse to talk to a wall and watch paint dry. The usual first date jitters/nervousness is one thing, but being flat-out boring is annoying.
You asked what makes us feel a date went well. To me; Chemistry, ease of communication, genuine reciprocal interest in getting to know each other and at least some common interests. A feeling of possibility of compatibility, shared values and future goals and lifestyle.
What leave me feeling great about the date is when the girl is asking me a lot of questions and really want to get to know me, also when I find out that we like the same type of humour
ALL TEXTS NOW A DAYS LOL
Your video is more akin to "Have Men Lost The Ability To Enterntaint Those Stunning And Brave Goddesses Who Do Not Need No Man And Need A Man As A Fish Needs A Bicycle?"
Not every woman is a feminist. That's what the Internet and social media want men to think. It's a lie, and it's keeping men and women apart.
I’ve been on the date where she gives you nothing, and I hate talking. I could tell she was socially awkward, not mean or aloof. We still ended up hooking up, and it was fine but I know in hindsight that it was a mistake. She ghosted the heck outta me. 😂
We live in a world where chicks sleep with a guy and then ghost. Literal bizzaro world of slts
We live in a world where chicks sleep with a guy and then ghost. Literal bizzaro world of bops
A good litmus test on a date for me is stimulating and easy conversation. It's a two way street. If someone asks you a question, reciprocate and ask one back.
My conversation skills are something I've really worked on. It's definitely a muscle. The more you use it, the better you get.
I took a bit of time to think about why some guys would come away with the idea that when they spent most of the date talking about themselves and thinking that the date was a success and I think it comes down to the fact that they came away with the impression that this very hot girl was so into them that it didn’t really occur to them. All they could think about was the way she laughed at his jokes, the way she smiled at him as he told her about all the amazing stories about him, the way her eyes glowed as he talked about his family and friends and forgetting that he needed to ask questions about her because he was so caught up in the moment.
Ya know, when bad things happen to me, It's always a blessing because I have this unique gift of retelling horror stories as comedy as I don't take myself seriously. I've had winning date streaks and landed an LTR with a woman of my choosing after just one night (and now we're family planning). I always open up with a hilarious horror story of women I met off dating apps and they either want to hear more or start spilling their own horror stories and we always connect. Since then I've always had my pick of the litter, because it's all about the vibe. I'm all about connecting, no need to impress.
Your Husband said that it’s nervousness which primarily makes men more hesitant to ask questions. I think that’s an accurate point, and to expand on that- what causes that heavy dose of nervousness is inexperience. The more dates you go on as your genuine self and with an optimistic attitude, overtime you’ll be more confident on dates, likely more relaxed, and not so tense. You’ll have a better time, she’ll have a better time, and whether there’s a connection or not, hopefully you at least had an enjoyable evening together with great conversation.
I think a piece of this, to piggyback off what you said about lack of interaction, is the emphasis on advice is how to get to the date. Even with your own channel, it's "how to style", "what they're looking for", "red flags" etc, rather than "good questions to ask" as a rule within dating-tube.
I find myself thinking "I never expected I'd get this far" the *VERY* few opportunities I've gotten to speak to a woman with a dating pretext. When you arent given many opportunities, it makes getting good at something very difficult with any skill, nevermind when trying to do something with high percieved stakes and anxiety. Add this on to everything you said.
It's funny how I recently watched a video from another content creator about how men should not bombard women with questions because it ends up like "interview mode", and as a rule it was stated: don't ever ask her 3 questions in a row.
Anyway, I have been into this mentality of "I am a simple man. I see a girl that I like and I just want to bed her, I don't feel I need to know anything else until after bedding her and possibly consider maintaining a relationship with her". Maybe that's the case with the lady's guy.
Whatever, it's either that the guy has to do better, or she has to do better by stopping being attracted to this kind of guys (which she obviously will not, we all know women are not going to change the kind of men they like).
My pov is because of the isolationism/lax communication skills, you're seen as too good to be true when you exercise your social muscle. It feels like a lose/lose situation. If feels like someone has chosen you aren't compatible before they leave the house.
Great topic and video and as always, thank you for trying to improve peoples lives with gentle wisdom
10/10 on all your points in the video. In response to your final question, I think men come out feeling great after coming out of a date were we talked the whole time is because it can be so rare to feel like anyone actually cares about you. Having a pretty girl sit there and listen to you yap for an hour will make you feel like you're the man. You walk away thinking this girl likes you and is interested just because she gave you the time of day (especially after dealing with the one word answer girls). This can make you blind to the fact that she isn't actually having a good time.
Many years ago I learned project management to help me in my professional life. The class taught me that communication is a two way street. Active listening and active talking are key.
Now as far as dating, I find often that my date just wants to talk about herself to try to impress me. Since, I am a good listener I let them talk until I have something to say. If I find they are not interested in what I have to say, I don’t see them again. If they ask me why, I flat out tell them that they care too much about themself.
Courtney what you said at the end is fantastic advice. When I went on my first date with my girlfriend I asked her questions and she asked me questions at the same time. The way i went about our conversation is treating it like if I was just talking to a friend to create that relaxed atmosphere but of course I also made sure to tell her how beautiful she looks without feeling awkward since we both knew we found each other attractive before the date. It worked well and we actually kissed at the end of our date.
We both knew we found each other attractive. Yeah that probably helped quite a bit.
Awesome video.
I tried cutting out coffee, and my anxiety in social situations almost completely went away, especially when meeting someone new or speaking in front of a group.
I heard about this aswell recently on a dating podcast and the answer was: 'When women are nervous on a first date, they start to ask a lot of questions to avoid gaps in the conversation. When men are nervous, they talk too much about themselves, for the same reason of not wanting awkward silence.' This basically complements each other. The advice was to just go on a second or even third date if you are atleast somewhat interested in the other person, since usually nerves have calmed down a lot by that time and conversarion will come more natural.
In reality he is probably a very attractive guy who could care less about impressing her on a date. he probably has a shitty personality as well
Don't recommend dinner but an activity that permits conversation in between actions
I think technology has made it easier to self isolate and be a hermit. Apps like UberEATS and DoorDash make it easy to order food without talking to a person for example.
I also think the overprotective parenting style that has taken hold since the 80’s is a factor as parents aren’t letting their kids go to parties or social gatherings for a variety of reasons. And those kids’ first social interaction will be practically in legal adulthood. Where they missed out on years of critical social development.
As you said Courtney, the solution is to exercise the social muscle. Deleting the delivery apps and going into restaurants and ordering in person, talking with the cashier at the grocery store, etc. It’ll be messy and awkward at first but push through it. With enough reps, you’ll be more socially competent.