It's not even about "making" the man fall in love with you by being unbothered, its about seeing the bigger picture. You are not helping them look for a partner, you are helping yourself look for one. Dating is simply evaluating whether they're a true match for you or not, and if they're not they're not, so let it go and don't force it girls. ONLY when you observe and get to know them whilst living your life, and you realize "actually they may fit the bill" THEN you let yourself get emotionally invested. Men, in their nature, will only invest in you if they see you investing in yourself, for them that increases your value x2. Coming from someone that used to chase men, all I can say is if they like you you'll KNOW, they're not as complicated as us girlies. Changing my mindset around who we are in our nature, and letting men play into their masculine strengths whilst I prioritise myself and feminity completely changed the game for me.
This is so true. I got tired of initiating calls and texts and asking to hang out. So I just stopped doing everything. Started going out and making plans with my girls and going to the gym again. He sent me a long text about how he feels I don’t love him anymore and he’s hurt. Then he sent me a picture of himself buying a necklace I’ve been wanting at the Tiffany store.
My aunt who is now in her 70s, lost her husband in 2005. She has played bingo, pokeno, and other weekly games with her friends for decades before and after his death. She didn't miss a beat after he passed. The women in my family always had a solitary life whilst also taking care of sometimes foolish men. When the men left or died, they still had a fulfilling life. Gen X, Y, Z are struggling with neurological issues that cause a lot of anxiety issues, as well as attachment issues because of neglect that we are now healing. Non attachment is for everyone.
This must be factual at least in my life it is. I don't care about men at all. No bitterness - just enjoying life. They are all chasing and in all age ranges. Listen to this man.
The down side to this is that you will have to play this role FOREVER, in order to keep him in "love," basically men need to feel like they are not that important to you, even after years in a relationship,which is silly...Is it really worth it?
If one is “playing a role”, it would def get exhausting, it shouldn’t be role play at all. One should honestly be about their own life, and even on an unconscious level, it conveys that one has value. And in addition, makes one more attractive. Not to mention naturally not having so much extra time to be focusing on someone else. Everyone has a purpose in life they should be working on too, anyway. It’s a win, any which way. Great video.
In life nothing is guaranteed anyway. Human beings are not perfect. You should not put your whole being and complete and utter faith in another person. That being said, it’s not about keeping up a facade. It’s really about having a healthy mindset to begin with before even embarking into a relationship. It’s about not clinging to your partner for all your needs and not seeking a relationship to get validation. That is not healthy. That is an insecure personality. A person should already be complete and healed for the most part of whatever traumas and baggage they have.
I removed him from our daily routine and he almost lost it. He actually said “you did something I wasn't used to you doing!” He basically felt a shift in habit and caused him to have a major tower moment.
This is legit advice. I have bought myself a cute baby pink hand watch to remind me of myself. And to get back to my own flow and make my inner child happy and safe . 👼🏻💗
In my mind no man is worth my energy. As soon as I see the foolishness I just naturally fall back. Block them and move on with my life. Omarion is a great example of being unbothered. That man don’t give af about his baby mama.
Online, a man I only had one conversation with asked me if I'm a good kisser. I told him he blew it because of that, so I wished him good luck and said bye. Then blocked him before he could reply. A grown man ffs! 😂
I wish I knew it sooner 😪 I spent all my 18’s - 22’s chasing relationships instead of building my future. When i remember which kind of guys I was stressing about, lol I wouldn’t even look at him if I would pass him on the street. Wasted time 😭
If someone could be so superficial to unfollow you over hair, they don't see your true beauty. You're handsome but what's in your head & heart is an unbelievable value. Thank you for sharing.
You are hilarious and at the same time the TH-cam voice of reason! Totally committed to helping young women. In a no nonsense way without mixed messages. I applaud you 👍🏽and I don’t do that often. Cheers!🎉🎉
See. What's crazy is doing "NOTHING" counts as SOMETHING in MY book lol I just RELISH in lounging in my bed... binging youtube videos...etc. so ladies... do the THING that brings YOU peace and joy. WHATEVER that is. If you don't enjoy a jam packed schedule, then DOING THAT will go against your true self and it's going to BACKFIRE!. PLEASE get to know yourself and do WHAT TICKLES YOUR FANCY!!!! (This is coming from a 43 y/o divorcee who learned to "healthily" decenter men... but now engaged again to an amazing man)... but was NOT LOOKING FOR THATTTTT.
I have this idea which helps me to get the right mindset- I date male/ masculine energy, not men. I have a very social job which gave me a lot of practice to make people talk about themselves which really is the best goal for a date. My first intention is to feel good energy while talking to people, men or women.
I just think if I had a man over explain to me his feelings would I be receptive? And… honestly no. I see why you need support friends and not go to the one who hurt you. I did this to a man thinking he would treat me better if I explained my feelings. Nothing changed. Its learning to let go and accept him as the disinterested boy who will truly change for the right woman.
As the yap friend to my friend, i wonder.. what do i get out of being a yap friend? She comes along every so often and dumps her relationship drama on me, and i listen, and dont judge, and try to make her feel better, and offer an objective perspective. When i try to share some of my problems, i don't get the same reaction. It feels like we're just friends to talk about her problems. Anyway, i actually know what to do, and am working on withdrawing from this one-sided friendship. I guess now, this comment section is my yap friend...hahaha
'Yap Friend'....😒ah NO!!!!! it's not ok to emotionally dump negativity on a friend. They have their own issues and problems. If the man you're dating can't handle the emotional results of HIS ACTIONS.. that's a huge red flag, that's he's not a safe space for you to express yourself. True, you don't need to rage and cry every time he doesn't call or text or is few minutes late. But .. in moments of disrespect and disappointment, you NEED to express how he let you down. His response will tell you, if you should continue with him or move on.
I agree that dumping on a friend all the time sounds selfish & inconsiderate, but I think having a friendship where you’re mutually able to just vent at any time is great. My best friend and I are like that & it’s so helpful to have the kind of friendship where you can 100% just show all your emotions & still be loved for you. I think what he neglected to mention in the video is that the whole ‘yap friend’ thing only works if it goes both ways & if you also hold space for the other person like that and are prepared to give the same emotional input & support. Otherwise yes, you would just be using people & that’s just…no.
Tomisin, I honestly. have learnt so much from you, right from when you had about 3k subscribers. You have been spitting facts and applying the stuff he says works fr. No whether or not you choose to act this way is up to you ladies but he has not lied, just been honest about how these men behave fr
someone in my life for a short term could not disappoint me. it's when we been together for a while and the bare minimum is not being done is when i get upset (happened in my last relationship)
Being unbothered also protects your heart. To remain detached and not hurt yourself by attaching to a man too soon and end up breaking your own heart. I guess this sort of intelligence is attractive to men too. Its not only beneficial to yourself, it makes you more attractive to men too.
For me being unbothered had nothing to do with being busy, it is about accepting pain and being with it. There always will be the time to send angry text if you don't know how to deal with pain. I actually like to be alone and listen to music, doing nothing, processing emotions and giving my self compassion. There is nothing bad to feel sad if someone you like doesn't give you the same. If you lie to yourself how you feel - you will have panic attac. You don't have to tell him how you feel, just feel it and pain will go away and you will be alright. And let pain in, it actually will make you hate them, don't run away from feeling, don't try to correct it, you are giving them a favor.
The man i was in relationship for almost 1 and a half year is now acting different and getting distant since October. He avoids emotional conversations and answers vaguely. I am experiencing the shift in his energy. Very short texts no calls. I don’t what it is but whatever it is it’s very disappointing and never expected from this man
Thank you for your vids. Seriously. It’s great to hear this from a man’s perspective. You’ve really changed the game for me and shifted my perspective on my own value - which, these days. I am making a man workkk to obtain me. On a side note - I would honestly love it if you made a video on how to set clear boundaries with a man (what to say) and appropriate consequences. Something I’ve always struggled with! Thanks again for sharing your wisdom 🙏🏼
Somehow even tho when i got enough things to do the moment a guy would message me i would response immediately. So what i do know days is archived the chat or mute him. So i will truely response back when i actually got time for it. I think some other nice girls can be doing the same
A guy was late to our date for 30 mins. I waited but I had 5 expensive drinks before he came and already ordered what I wanted to eat. He arrived and so did my meal and as soon as I was done eating I left. No drama. No crashing out. I actually had a great time because it was about me having a great time. I wasn’t even upset. The minute he let me know he was running late I asked myself how I can feel better. Never went on a 2nd date with him after that and of course he paid the bill.
@@KristinaJ-nf7xosounds fun actually same thing happened to me but I was broke and using him for a meal so I was scared to order something in case he didn’t show 😂
I'd rather have a therapist instead of a yap friend. They can't share your personal information with other people and, hopefully, won't encourage you to make bad decisions.
Is it not bad to dump on people though? That's like using them and I wouldn't allow someone to do that to me. For one thing, I don't care about people's problems. I'm not a social butterfly anyway, so could I not just write my thoughts and then burn it? Thereby releasing it.
Well, I wouldn`t like to be anybodys trash can and therefore I will not use anybody as my trash can either. I would rather pay a psychologist instead if needed.
Turandot… from the Puccini opera. Do you girls think a princess cares? She has 3 questions a man has to answer if he wants to marry her. The ones who fail, end up beheaded. They all die, she doesn’t give a flying fluff. Until one day Calaf manages to answer them.
He gave me an excuse not to go out but still told me I’m invited to go to his house so I said well reschedule then he didn’t text nor call for 4 days and sent me a hi stranger wish you good luck it was nice to talk to you text msg. I never replied since .some ppl are such a waste of time, talked for 1.5 months. All he wanted is to have sex which he didn’t accomplish that still!
Honestly, most of the good men I know would do this too if they had the time and knew how to do it. They hate to keep hearing stories of good women being used, tricked, hurt by men. It's something they consider disgusting, not just because the principle of doing such things is disgusting. But as men, they don't like that some assholes give men a bad name as a whole. TL;DR : It's a standard morality thing and also a male pride thing 😂
For personal relationship advice GO HERE!! www.playersclubshow.com/store-1/p/private-relationship-question
I take myself for coffee and cake when a guy flakes. It has gotten to a point I hope guys flake so I can treat myself to cake 😂
This is amazing. I will be doing this! 😂
Amazing I do something similar. At least a latte. Sometimes cheesecake factory
So good ❤
@@fluffythebluepersian4888 yesss 😎 treat yourself girl!!
@@Chachapooch it is heavenly to do, and a little victory too when a man flakes 😂
It's not even about "making" the man fall in love with you by being unbothered, its about seeing the bigger picture. You are not helping them look for a partner, you are helping yourself look for one. Dating is simply evaluating whether they're a true match for you or not, and if they're not they're not, so let it go and don't force it girls. ONLY when you observe and get to know them whilst living your life, and you realize "actually they may fit the bill" THEN you let yourself get emotionally invested. Men, in their nature, will only invest in you if they see you investing in yourself, for them that increases your value x2. Coming from someone that used to chase men, all I can say is if they like you you'll KNOW, they're not as complicated as us girlies. Changing my mindset around who we are in our nature, and letting men play into their masculine strengths whilst I prioritise myself and feminity completely changed the game for me.
Agreed!!! 💯🎯🗣️
This is a comment everyone should read! 100% spot on!
Very well said! I'm very happy that you were able to turn your mindset around and change it for the positive! 💖👑💖
Screenshotted so I can keep reading to remind myself
Love this comment!
This is so true. I got tired of initiating calls and texts and asking to hang out. So I just stopped doing everything. Started going out and making plans with my girls and going to the gym again. He sent me a long text about how he feels I don’t love him anymore and he’s hurt. Then he sent me a picture of himself buying a necklace I’ve been wanting at the Tiffany store.
Tomisin is basically telling us to get a life. In such an eloquent way.🧐🧐🧐
Lmaooo yup!
My aunt who is now in her 70s, lost her husband in 2005. She has played bingo, pokeno, and other weekly games with her friends for decades before and after his death. She didn't miss a beat after he passed. The women in my family always had a solitary life whilst also taking care of sometimes foolish men. When the men left or died, they still had a fulfilling life.
Gen X, Y, Z are struggling with neurological issues that cause a lot of anxiety issues, as well as attachment issues because of neglect that we are now healing. Non attachment is for everyone.
This must be factual at least in my life it is. I don't care about men at all. No bitterness - just enjoying life. They are all chasing and in all age ranges.
Listen to this man.
Women need their peace too 😂
The down side to this is that you will have to play this role FOREVER, in order to keep him in "love," basically men need to feel like they are not that important to you, even after years in a relationship,which is silly...Is it really worth it?
Is it worth staying busy? Yes. Be busy whether in a relationship or not. Have a life, always.
Successful marriages follow this. It’s just how it is and how it should be.
There are more important relationships that dont require this silly backwards ish. I would rather put my time and attention there.
If one is “playing a role”, it would def get exhausting, it shouldn’t be role play at all. One should honestly be about their own life, and even on an unconscious level, it conveys that one has value. And in addition, makes one more attractive.
Not to mention naturally not having so much extra time to be focusing on someone else.
Everyone has a purpose in life they should be working on too, anyway.
It’s a win, any which way.
Great video.
In life nothing is guaranteed anyway. Human beings are not perfect. You should not put your whole being and complete and utter faith in another person. That being said, it’s not about keeping up a facade. It’s really about having a healthy mindset to begin with before even embarking into a relationship. It’s about not clinging to your partner for all your needs and not seeking a relationship to get validation. That is not healthy. That is an insecure personality. A person should already be complete and healed for the most part of whatever traumas and baggage they have.
Be about God, yourself, your family, fitness and most importantly your bag !!!!!!
I removed him from our daily routine and he almost lost it. He actually said “you did something I wasn't used to you doing!”
He basically felt a shift in habit and caused him to have a major tower moment.
Just found these videos and they're saving my sanity. Because I've been experiencing so much disappointment
Same. Same. He couldn't have come at a better time in my life to be honest. Good luck to us both. ❤
I love the CRASH OUT prevention tactics 😂😂😂
Go to the aquarium with ur girls is a sentence I never thought I would hear lol
This is legit advice. I have bought myself a cute baby pink hand watch to remind me of myself. And to get back to my own flow and make my inner child happy and safe . 👼🏻💗
In my mind no man is worth my energy. As soon as I see the foolishness I just naturally fall back. Block them and move on with my life. Omarion is a great example of being unbothered. That man don’t give af about his baby mama.
Yeah they must prove that they are worth your energy. Or else they are a distraction and waste of time.
Online, a man I only had one conversation with asked me if I'm a good kisser. I told him he blew it because of that, so I wished him good luck and said bye. Then blocked him before he could reply. A grown man ffs! 😂
@jacquelinesummers8876 eww what a creep. You dodged a bullet thank God!
I wish I knew it sooner 😪 I spent all my 18’s - 22’s chasing relationships instead of building my future. When i remember which kind of guys I was stressing about, lol I wouldn’t even look at him if I would pass him on the street. Wasted time 😭
If someone could be so superficial to unfollow you over hair, they don't see your true beauty. You're handsome but what's in your head & heart is an unbelievable value. Thank you for sharing.
You are hilarious and at the same time the TH-cam voice of reason! Totally committed to helping young women. In a no nonsense way without mixed messages. I applaud you 👍🏽and I don’t do that often. Cheers!🎉🎉
See. What's crazy is doing "NOTHING" counts as SOMETHING in MY book lol
I just RELISH in lounging in my bed... binging youtube videos...etc. so ladies... do the THING that brings YOU peace and joy. WHATEVER that is. If you don't enjoy a jam packed schedule, then DOING THAT will go against your true self and it's going to BACKFIRE!. PLEASE get to know yourself and do WHAT TICKLES YOUR FANCY!!!!
(This is coming from a 43 y/o divorcee who learned to "healthily" decenter men... but now engaged again to an amazing man)... but was NOT LOOKING FOR THATTTTT.
Thank you for these tips, I struggle dealing with guys a lot and you are helping so much in a way easy to understand
You’re the best for teaching this stuff
I have this idea which helps me to get the right mindset- I date male/ masculine energy, not men. I have a very social job which gave me a lot of practice to make people talk about themselves which really is the best goal for a date. My first intention is to feel good energy while talking to people, men or women.
Thank you! I like this reframe
I just think if I had a man over explain to me his feelings would I be receptive? And… honestly no. I see why you need support friends and not go to the one who hurt you. I did this to a man thinking he would treat me better if I explained my feelings. Nothing changed. Its learning to let go and accept him as the disinterested boy who will truly change for the right woman.
As the yap friend to my friend, i wonder.. what do i get out of being a yap friend? She comes along every so often and dumps her relationship drama on me, and i listen, and dont judge, and try to make her feel better, and offer an objective perspective.
When i try to share some of my problems, i don't get the same reaction. It feels like we're just friends to talk about her problems.
Anyway, i actually know what to do, and am working on withdrawing from this one-sided friendship. I guess now, this comment section is my yap friend...hahaha
Sounds like you need to address this with your friend.
@KhassiaK yh, I will
Don’t crash out! I love you @Tomisin you are freakin hilarious!!!
'Yap Friend'....😒ah NO!!!!!
it's not ok to emotionally dump negativity on a friend. They have their own issues and problems. If the man you're dating can't handle the emotional results of HIS ACTIONS.. that's a huge red flag, that's he's not a safe space for you to express yourself.
True, you don't need to rage and cry every time he doesn't call or text or is few minutes late. But .. in moments of disrespect and disappointment, you NEED to express how he let you down.
His response will tell you, if you should continue with him or move on.
I agree that dumping on a friend all the time sounds selfish & inconsiderate, but I think having a friendship where you’re mutually able to just vent at any time is great. My best friend and I are like that & it’s so helpful to have the kind of friendship where you can 100% just show all your emotions & still be loved for you. I think what he neglected to mention in the video is that the whole ‘yap friend’ thing only works if it goes both ways & if you also hold space for the other person like that and are prepared to give the same emotional input & support. Otherwise yes, you would just be using people & that’s just…no.
Yea that’s very toxic just get a therapist cause I hate when people do that to me I will stop then say sry but I really dgaf
Thank you!! I really needed this. Time to reprogram my mind.
He knows us very well
I'm unbothered all my life and guess what I'm single
Tomisin, I honestly. have learnt so much from you, right from when you had about 3k subscribers. You have been spitting facts and applying the stuff he says works fr. No whether or not you choose to act this way is up to you ladies but he has not lied, just been honest about how these men behave fr
someone in my life for a short term could not disappoint me. it's when we been together for a while and the bare minimum is not being done is when i get upset (happened in my last relationship)
the arm drawing 💀😭
This is a long way of saying you should have a life
Some people need to see what that looks like though.
You’re doing God’s work. Thank you!!!!!!! Brilliant video, practical, funny, memorable, empowering.
glad i discovered your channel, i been feeling much more sane and unbothered than ever.
This is pure brilliance! Thank you! xx
I have to chill on my yap friend. People are getting too negative and acting jealous. Great video. Thanks!
Being unbothered also protects your heart. To remain detached and not hurt yourself by attaching to a man too soon and end up breaking your own heart. I guess this sort of intelligence is attractive to men too. Its not only beneficial to yourself, it makes you more attractive to men too.
Great video. A Yap Friends who is not biased and doesn't escalate the emotions.
I wish I could like this video 1000 times.
I love Tomisin ☺️💫
im so glad i found this channel
Tomisin as difficult as dating is, you make it worth all the while.
Great content. I would potentially recommend a therapist in lieu of (or in addition to) a yap friend…friends may get fed up with the constant dumping.
"He cheated on you 85 times" 😂😂😂😂...crazy work
For me being unbothered had nothing to do with being busy, it is about accepting pain and being with it. There always will be the time to send angry text if you don't know how to deal with pain. I actually like to be alone and listen to music, doing nothing, processing emotions and giving my self compassion. There is nothing bad to feel sad if someone you like doesn't give you the same. If you lie to yourself how you feel - you will have panic attac. You don't have to tell him how you feel, just feel it and pain will go away and you will be alright. And let pain in, it actually will make you hate them, don't run away from feeling, don't try to correct it, you are giving them a favor.
I looove his energy 😂😂🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶
Am in this place now and my life is much more better😊😊😊
THANKFUL for YOU🎁Wisdom, sharing life-changing knowledge, and personality 🙏🏽
You are sooo right!👌
The man i was in relationship for almost 1 and a half year is now acting different and getting distant since October. He avoids emotional conversations and answers vaguely. I am experiencing the shift in his energy. Very short texts no calls. I don’t what it is but whatever it is it’s very disappointing and never expected from this man
Thank you for your vids. Seriously. It’s great to hear this from a man’s perspective. You’ve really changed the game for me and shifted my perspective on my own value - which, these days. I am making a man workkk to obtain me.
On a side note - I would honestly love it if you made a video on how to set clear boundaries with a man (what to say) and appropriate consequences. Something I’ve always struggled with!
Thanks again for sharing your wisdom 🙏🏼
Nice. This is already me. Good advice.
When i stopped caring he loved me more 😮😢🙈🙉🙊💔‼️❤️
Somehow even tho when i got enough things to do the moment a guy would message me i would response immediately. So what i do know days is archived the chat or mute him. So i will truely response back when i actually got time for it. I think some other nice girls can be doing the same
This is sooo funny via the crash out because you really have to prep yourself before you crash out over a trigger . That self dialogue is real 😂😂
Tomisin this is revolutionary
I needed to see this
A guy was late to our date for 30 mins. I waited but I had 5 expensive drinks before he came and already ordered what I wanted to eat. He arrived and so did my meal and as soon as I was done eating I left. No drama. No crashing out. I actually had a great time because it was about me having a great time. I wasn’t even upset. The minute he let me know he was running late I asked myself how I can feel better. Never went on a 2nd date with him after that and of course he paid the bill.
5 drinks in 30 mins is crazy
@@KristinaJ-nf7xosounds fun actually same thing happened to me but I was broke and using him for a meal so I was scared to order something in case he didn’t show 😂
This is interesting bc I innately developed this concept and you confirmed ✅
I remain unbothered. “Go crazy on men?” What? How did I end up on this mess???
Great Advice!
Really Good Talk🙏💯🖼
Did you just say he will not make a change anyways 😂
This is going to be a good one! Lol
1:28 ouch 😂😂
Thank you❤
I'd rather have a therapist instead of a yap friend. They can't share your personal information with other people and, hopefully, won't encourage you to make bad decisions.
Yes do not put your trust in other people, get with a therapist who is licensed and educated and bound to keep your information confidential
Tomisin , I love your acting. I think you was a women in your past life 😂❤
Is it not bad to dump on people though? That's like using them and I wouldn't allow someone to do that to me. For one thing, I don't care about people's problems. I'm not a social butterfly anyway, so could I not just write my thoughts and then burn it? Thereby releasing it.
To each their own..
Watching 2 weeks too late I crashed out and totaled shit, major reck😅... I was triggered and I lost my🤯 how do u come back from that?
Where'd you come from ?!!
Vulcan 🖖 Live Long and Prosper 😅
Well, I wouldn`t like to be anybodys trash can and therefore I will not use anybody as my trash can either.
I would rather pay a psychologist instead if needed.
I’ve become so unbothered that’s I’ve nearly stopped dating all together ( I’m not joking )
Turandot… from the Puccini opera. Do you girls think a princess cares? She has 3 questions a man has to answer if he wants to marry her. The ones who fail, end up beheaded. They all die, she doesn’t give a flying fluff. Until one day Calaf manages to answer them.
tomisin u a g wtf
He gave me an excuse not to go out but still told me I’m invited to go to his house so I said well reschedule then he didn’t text nor call for 4 days and sent me a hi stranger wish you good luck it was nice to talk to you text msg. I never replied since .some ppl are such a waste of time, talked for 1.5 months. All he wanted is to have sex which he didn’t accomplish that still!
🔥
Can men in the comments confirm this works
❤
I don't know, most people don't want to be 'dumped' on. Better to talk to a counsellor... Haha, not the 'subliminal quotes...' :O
🙏
I hate dating
I wonder why he is exposing men? It seems his love of life got away with a manipulator
Honestly, most of the good men I know would do this too if they had the time and knew how to do it. They hate to keep hearing stories of good women being used, tricked, hurt by men. It's something they consider disgusting, not just because the principle of doing such things is disgusting. But as men, they don't like that some assholes give men a bad name as a whole.
TL;DR : It's a standard morality thing and also a male pride thing 😂
Toxic advise, especially about a yap friend 🤦🏼♀️
This good for nothing jusge is sexist and patronizing
my yap friend is chat gpt
Same ❤
Wish I knew this in my 20s 🥹 it all starts with self love ❤ good luck out their ladies
❤
Thank you to you as well it’ not easy out here but just got to keep on pushing ❤
And self respect
this is so complicated 😭😭😭
❤❤❤
❤❤❤
❤