Tomisin! Can you make a quick video on how and what to respond to a man when they ask for pics. 😑 i usually say “I don’t send pics, sorry.” Most of the time they’re like that’s ok and we keep talking but by then I’m already grossed out by them since I kinda know where they’re headed
There's a special place in Heaven for men like this! He's saving vulnerable young daughters and little sisters out there. I hope this video goes viral 🙏
Quick overview: 1. Avoid isolation 2. Set a time limit for the date and DO NOT EXTEND IT 3. Stay sober 4. Avoid passive experiences (movies, watching fireworks, etc) 5. Keep your power and leverage, be in control of your own transportation 6. Don’t tell men you’re not going to sleep with them. Silently stand on your bidness 7. Have an accountability friend who will help keep these rules whenever you’re with a 10/10😮💨
Mental/ Emotional preparation is definitely imperative without verbalizing it.... hahaha If the guy is too aggressive the night is over quickly but if he is a hot sexy fun gentleman im running with a huge smile because I might jump him.
Don't forget a lot depends on the character of the man and whether or not he's a relationship guy. Bc even if you don't all things right if he's a player - you won't get the relationship or commitment from him. Meeting the right guy is the key
This is true. I remember in high school, this one guy, he was someone all the women wanted and he was used to girls giving into him.... I was young and naïve, but strict about my boundaries with no s3x, anyway, after awhile, he stopped talking to me which left me so confused.. I was like, "why isn't so and so trying to talk to me anymore? He avoids me, what did I do?" And so one of the girls I used to sometimes talk to told me it was because I didn't give into him.. but I remember getting mad at him and thinking he was a jerk. He began to look weak and nerdy to me after that. I saw him going for "hoe type" girls more and more after that and he became so gross.
Trouble is all men lie. They pretend to be ‘all that’ then once you love/sleep with them their mask slips ‘cos they can’t keep up the pretence: then when they know they’ll have to ‘fess up they abandon you. This has happened to me 3 times over the years - it won’t happen a fourth!
He is right. Thats how it truly is now these days. I cut off a guy recently who tried to love bomb me and wouldnt abide by the time limit and schedule I set for dates. I dont play with that
Bless you sweetheart. I'm female and married men one husband passed away that other girls wanted but I ended married too because they knew I didn't let men compromise me. After hearing the nasty way men talked about and told others about girls they conquested. I made up my mind I WOULD NOT BE THAT GIRL,!!! It Always serves me well.🎉
Also DON'T let men trick you by telling you how much they love you. Yes many men do this.!!! Best to you always be careful and don't let yourself be alone with men you could set yourself up for Date Rape (happened to a sweet friend of mine and also to my sister.)🎉
Once I have had an offer to be in a serious relationship with a guy days after the date just because I told him he would have to kill me if he wanted to sleep with me when he "stopped at his place to get something". It was different than what he was so used to. 😂 He was charming and attractive to many women, but I could tell he wasn't used to hearing no, so I literally didn't want to sleep with him... I lost interest. So what Tomisin is saying is right. It worked on a major player even though I did it unknowingly. To me, he just came off as too confident, like he has already 'won' due to his looks and charisma. 😅
I went on a date last night, He suggested we go back to house for drinks. lol 😂 NO THANK YOU! I told him straight, I am not sleeping with you! I walked him to his uber at the end of the date 👋
According to studies, it takes up to At least 6 months for men to start having actual feelings for the person they're dating. My only advice is don't start opening up to a man until he's proposed to you. Only love him once married.
omg are you fr??? 6 months is so long compared to women lmao, can you link the studies that you got this research from? need to do more reading on this
@@mariarusek1851 honestly i am not an expert when it comes to relationships. I am still trying to figure things out myself. But from what I have learned so far about men, is they only fall hard for women that don't fall hard for them. The less you care about them the more they care about you... I've personally seen this. I think we as women need to choose men based on their characteristics,work ethic, financial income, family dynamic and personal beliefs. Love should come later. Turn off your emotions.... Everything is mental! Allow him to fall in love first. Sex should only be given once married in my opinion.... That's the only way to know if he's truly in love
@@shockedpikachuface7376 males are truly wired different, which would make a lot of sense to why they treat us the way they do. I'm going to share a link to a TH-camr I think you would really benefit from hearing. Just be open minded and really pay attention
19:33 I realized that the vibes were being curated to make it easy to say yes in my last situationship All of the aforementioned elements: isolation, lack of sobriety (drinks) lots of passive experiences, first watching movies in a theater then on a trip then at our places. The wild part is he regularly said, ‘I don’t want to have sex, I won’t have sex with you’ maybe not but you’re making the conditions so right for me to decide to, I realized after reflecting. Crazy work! 20:22 my friend got tricked by a guy just that and he switched up. So many dishonest people out there Also one thing, this is not just sleeping in the first date but every date until there is a commitment. These factors must be maintained all the way througv
To me, if a guy tries to have sex with me before a relationship, and then disqualifies me for a relationship because I slept with them, I should also disqualify them as a dating prospect. Clearly they're not looking for a relationship. If a man intends to ruin you and has double standards about a woman's worth/purity based on someone sleeping with them, it's a red flag. Dating shouldn't be a test, where someone tries to trip you up. Disqualify men who don't date for relationships.
When you kinda yell ‘are you following me?!’ Is so good because I’ll lowkey be gapped out thinking about all the times I’ve been in whatever scenario you’re describing 😂 Teachings 10/10
time stamps for the girlies scrolling through the comments ☆ 1. isolation (men will make the environment friendly to strategize the trick of getting you to make the choice of sleeping with him too early. privacy can aid men to their goal of sleeping with you)- 0:34 2. time limit (as time progresses, your comfort with him will as well. make sure there is a limit to the amount of time on the date and do not extend it: no exceptions. as soon as you extend it, it will become easier for it to escalate) - 4:18 3. stay sober (if you make the mistake of being intoxicated you will ultimately think more irrationally. if his perception of you is altered because you were to make a decision that you wouldn’t regularly do if you weren’t intoxicated, you obviously cannot go back in time to change it. this interrupts the “dating to girlfriend” timeline that he explains in this section) - 8:48 4. passive experiences (when watching tv, movies, listening to music, etc., these arent actual experiences that require you to do much of anything that truly stimulates your mind. this curates an environment where it is very easy to say “yes”. only accept dates where you can be attentive & actually converse between the two of you.) - 16:16 5. transportation (if a man is giving you a ride to and from the date, they now have leverage to somehow get you to his place. have a backup plan and know your way home) - 23:04 6. keep a secret (when you tell men no & that you “dont sleep on the first date”, you inspire his desire to test your ability to say no. do not create the challenge for him to test you. stand on business) - 26:48 7. accountability friend (you cant make decisions on how you feel. you make decisions based on what is best for you and your future. your “accountability friend” [aka one of your friends/family members] will remind you of your plans [where you are supposed to be, what time you arrive at the date, when you get home, etc] and will ground you and remind you of your future and long term goals you have for yourself so you are less likely to make a mistake. they will also check on you for safety reasons just as a precaution just in case!) - 31:02
Historically mating has been about protecting the virtue and value of women. YOU ARE PRECIOUS!! Oddly enough most religions/Christian dating often involves group settings never A lone Double dates, group outings, uncle in corner of restaurant. : ) Some sort of public date in the day time if you dont have a chapperone is ideal. Can go on vacation with him but your cousin Ray ray is going....Things your dad should have told you...... Unless hes ready to marry you its not time to get naked, or fool around. Never go on a date near anyones home for the first month or 2. Have a friend meet you on the date Have a family member pick you up vs a uber Make plans for after 2 hours gotta go.
Try to make sure one of your first dates is not late at night; like at a late night play. or new Year's Eve. I made that mistake once. I was so tired from work it seemed like I was uninterested. In the one that was a play I actually fell asleep during the play LOL... Not a good first impression. So try to make the date daylight hours or when you know you'll have that energy to put into it.
Thank u Tom for these tips. Few years back I had no idea about it and I was in situations where I felt uncomfortable. Guys driving me, isolated spaces, movie watching etc I avoid like a plague
Awwwwww … You are sooo sweet for revealing all of the secrets to women!! 🤗.. this is 100% TRUE!!!!!!! Im so glad to see a man teach this , you are helping & changing more than you know, thanks 🙏🏽
Interacting Experiences ( NOT Passive Ones): - Any museum - Zoo/ Aquarium/ Theme Park - picnics and playing sports - shopping (If y’all have any other suggestions please comment below 👇)
Sports events! WWE Wrestling, Soccer game, Baseball Stadium, Football Stadium, Hockey Game, Basketball Game. Going to those places are interactive yet somewhat passive but he can't try shit on you cause its massively packed with security and help there. Festivals and shows. Concerts that are not from a raunchy artist
- going for a walk together. You will see if you have the same speed, rhythm, and if you can talk with him. You will know all the important things in no time.
I needed this video, thank you. It’s so hard to trust men always. They always seem to want to take advantage of your innocence. I hate it! So it’s time that the ladies see through the men’s bs. I greatly appreciate this video coming from YT.
I instinctively set these standards for myself at 15 . I got burned, I didn’t like it. I became a Christian and asked God to bring the right one in my life. I had boyfriends but no sex. Sex to me was loss of power. Let them prove themselves. I got married at 18. That was 32 years ago
Love hearing this advice coming from a guy. I talk to young college women, who are often hooking up, that it’s better for them to say NO to sex to see if a guy likes them as a person first.
It's incredible like these advices are the base. Everyone knew these things that honestly are also easy to guess by yourself, but moms before 90's gave it constantly. I'm still amazed that now women need a guy to teach them about it. 🤔
I am a believer I really want this too, God bless u sis. I m a divorcee I told God to send me someone who loves Him I need company sometimes it s hard and lonely😢
Watching Tomisin’s videos have equipped me better in dealing with men. What I’ve gathered so far from watching his content is to focus on healing and have a life of your own. Along the way you’ll meet men with good and bad intentions, and that’s when Tomisin’s advice comes in handy when weeding out those who don’t mean well.
The content on this channel is great but honestly I don’t think most men are worth it, time energy etc. really not sure what value a man brings anymore especially with all the damage they bring. Even just as a provider. I think Disney had to pull some serious alternate realities to what prince ‘charming’ is really like. You think it’s one or two, the next one will be better…
Tomisin, where were you all these years ? Lol , i have had enough of relgious dating advice or half- a.. comments on how to do things right in relationships! Honestly, you are the best ! Honest and funny, love it! I have taken your advice and not written first and let the guy chase me and i just relax and keep on living my life , not like before where I simply dropped everything and sacrificed my whole being ( money,time etc.)to a guy that i liked … not anymore!! The princess theme i love ( without being arrogant) and i also agree with not !! having sex with a guy too early , greatest advice ever , and not spending tooooo much time with any guy , love it , it shows you still have your own stuff going on!!!❤ Thank you !!🙉🙈🙊💔‼️❤️
I’m on a dating site after divorce. Why is it that when I find a hookup guy & just want rabbit-time, he falls in love every damn time? And the LTR guys who pretend to want something serious just try to rabbit me & ghost?
My husband and I are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (“Mormon,”) and we were both committed to waiting for marriage for sex. It helped a lot that we met in college at a religious school where being alone with the opposite sex was a no-no and campus rules/the honor code help us keep our hands to ourselves. We were both glad we waited for sex until we’d made a public commitment to each other. Having that physical relationship waiting for us was definitely motivating!
Care about your health (mental, physical, emotional) and have strong boundaries. My now husband and I waited 6 months, but I really applaud people who can wait even longer. It's better to already be really in love and have a very solid friendship before making that move
Worked very well for me and my husband! We wanted that physical relationship to be sacred and binding. And I will say, waiting until marriage makes marriage a lot more appealing!
Omg this video is right on time! I always feel like men will think I owe them something if they spend money on me, what can I do about that Tomisin? Thanks!!! ☺️
Omggg samee the amount of men that expect smth from me when they lie about “not having expectations”. Literally the last guy kind of SA’d me and i escaped from his place. We had mutual friends too… i haven’t told anyone tho
Make your intentions clear from the out, no nookie until XyZ. Then, when they approach you for nookie before XyZ is met, reaffirm that XyZ was not met and you don't give out nookie. If he wants to tantrum and get the goods early, tell him to pound sand.
@@newwalrus4913 Tomi doesn't recommend stating your limits and boundaries and expectations to men, or having certain timeline expectations to be met before nookie privalges. Because men can easily fake those accomplishments and time limits. Tomi has videos on this subject. He recommends not giving men any way to trick you into vulnerability, by you telling him exactly how to get there because that is in no way a guarantee that he isn't playing you.
i met a guy with whom I didn’t want to have a relationship and I told him we could just be friends. He agreed to it and for three years we were just friends. We went cycling together. We had lunch together. I never went to his place, I was never alone with him anywhere. And then one day, one time I ended up in his apartment after dinner and he jumped me! That’s how guys operate. They bind their time and they wait until they get their opportunity, and now I have feelings for him and I’m the one that wants to be with him even though i know he is not right for me.. and he is just playing the game.. knowing i have caught feelings hoping i marry him .., because once guys get what they want, you’ve lost the power!
No house dates until level 2. No secks til level 3 = exclusivity = we go together. There will be no exclusive dating until he asks be to be his gf and I say yes… we don’t need an extra stage. I’m single and dating others until I say yes to a relationship. Before I say yes to being his gf, I need to meet his fam and friends and he needs to meet mine. 28:06 yeah, no. Men who don’t respect my boundaries are a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn’t say that up front in a date, but any push back on my boundaries gets a man cut off. Men who test boundaries are not safe.
I don’t wanna be treated like a dam princess. I’d like to be treated like a decent human being, who’s genuinely cared for and not misused and handled like a shiny ✨ new toy on the shelf.
does not matter, it is not the point. he is not going to treat you neither like human not princess if he got it easy. no need to figure out your personality, no need to care what you think since whatever the case may be even if he is a nice good guy who sincerely wants to date long term, being easy will not add trust to you as a person since he would assume you do this kind of things just like that with any guy you vibe.. plus possible even if he thinks he is not going to lose interest does not mean he won't lose it since all the stages of relationship went in span of one month or so. it's gonna be only lost interest in u as a person treatment sooner that later
What I've always been confused by is people say that men connect through sex, but then women are always told not to have sex too early because then he'll associate you with only sex. Where is the sweet spot in the middle? And what is your best opinion on how to connect with a guy?
when they say men connect through sex, it’s not what you think that they mean! A man connects through sex with a woman he already loves not with a stranger not with someone he’s just met! In fact, what really happens during sex is the woman starts to catch feelings for the man because of oxytocin the hormone of love whereas the man develops detachment and wants to move onto the next conquest. So your best bet is to get to know him first to connect with him on an emotional level before u have sex with him.
I thought it was common sense to never sleep with a man before he has developed an emotional bond with you (and vice versa of course)? Something that can't possibly happen after a few dates. Didn't know there were women out there that do not instictively know that. Stay safe everyone.
If you don't have good guidance from a parental figure as you're growing up and even transitioning into adulthood and maybe you're young when you start dating, these "men" can easily coerce you, you won't know any better and will have to learn this the hard way, potentially.
This exact scenario happened to me 4 months ago. He said we were locked in and had me doing girlfriend activities for him but when I said something he didn't like, he was quick to tell me that we're not together and he's not entitled to me. Found out he was gaslighting me, a liar and a narcissist. Had me seeing him everyday for the first 3 months. Would always ask if i missed him and if i loved him. I found out he didn't even know how to pronounce my name! He thought i was gonna live in delulu land. 🤣🤣
Thanks tomisin. I needed to hear this. I poorly experienced it all without this information.. i feel so stupid. I seem not to learn from it. Gave away my all.
“They accomplished sleeping with someone who said they weren’t gonna sleep with them” 😬 No means no. It should be concerning if someone interprets it as a challenge.
If you have to be “ better than” he is to attract him, these are the guys who will cheat on you with the same women they said “weren’t good enough.” Just worth some thought. If you have to play these games, is he really worth it? Seems like you lose either way
For personal relationship advice GO HERE!! www.playersclubshow.com/store-1/p/private-relationship-question
Tomisin! Can you make a quick video on how and what to respond to a man when they ask for pics. 😑 i usually say “I don’t send pics, sorry.” Most of the time they’re like that’s ok and we keep talking but by then I’m already grossed out by them since I kinda know where they’re headed
i swear learning how to date better feels like prepping for battle with the enemy lol.
It is 😊
Literally was just thinking this, I’m scared of getting back into the game lol
You are right, it is like the “ art of warfare “ lol, sooo good and changes everything to the better because it gives a girl control , love it❤
Facts these men ain't isssshhhh!!!😂
Lmao so true!😂
There's a special place in Heaven for men like this! He's saving vulnerable young daughters and little sisters out there. I hope this video goes viral 🙏
I swear he is doing the lord’s work
True❤
Quick overview:
1. Avoid isolation
2. Set a time limit for the date and DO NOT EXTEND IT
3. Stay sober
4. Avoid passive experiences (movies, watching fireworks, etc)
5. Keep your power and leverage, be in control of your own transportation
6. Don’t tell men you’re not going to sleep with them. Silently stand on your bidness
7. Have an accountability friend who will help keep these rules whenever you’re with a 10/10😮💨
@@redpillqueen8888 Leave room for jesus! 🤣
Bless you! 🙌🏾🙏🏾
Mental/ Emotional preparation is definitely imperative without verbalizing it.... hahaha
If the guy is too aggressive the night is over quickly but if he is a hot sexy fun gentleman im running with a huge smile because I might jump him.
If he is too aggressive the date is over but if he is a sexy hot fun gentleman im running with a huge SMILE because I might jump his bones...WHEW!!
🎉❤❤
Don't forget a lot depends on the character of the man and whether or not he's a relationship guy. Bc even if you don't all things right if he's a player - you won't get the relationship or commitment from him. Meeting the right guy is the key
This is true. I remember in high school, this one guy, he was someone all the women wanted and he was used to girls giving into him.... I was young and naïve, but strict about my boundaries with no s3x, anyway, after awhile, he stopped talking to me which left me so confused.. I was like, "why isn't so and so trying to talk to me anymore? He avoids me, what did I do?" And so one of the girls I used to sometimes talk to told me it was because I didn't give into him.. but I remember getting mad at him and thinking he was a jerk. He began to look weak and nerdy to me after that. I saw him going for "hoe type" girls more and more after that and he became so gross.
Yes, choose a man who WANTS and VALUES commitment/marriage. Don't get a man who you have to convince or change
Trouble is all men lie. They pretend to be ‘all that’ then once you love/sleep with them their mask slips ‘cos they can’t keep up the pretence: then when they know they’ll have to ‘fess up they abandon you. This has happened to me 3 times over the years - it won’t happen a fourth!
@@EdelweisSusie don't give it up until honeymoon if you're dating to marry. It will weed out most of the scumbags
27:26 this kinda sounds rapey 😭😭
As a single woman of 56 who never had a dad to teach me the male thinking your videos really help! Especially now! Thank you!
💜
40k subs? he needs millions, girls let's boost this hero.
fr, out here savin’ lives
Absolutely, It’s God that give the increase so it’s coming.🎉
Ladies don't skip down to the comments for the summary. This is absolutely a "must watch"
"You know the kids love vibes now'a'days" 😂 facts bro
Came to the comments for this lol
“You want shisha?” Has me cryyyinggg🤣🤣🤣
I cackled 😂
Yes 😂😂😂 with the face he made
dude , im scared of how right you are
dude it’s actually like scary 😭
He is right. Thats how it truly is now these days. I cut off a guy recently who tried to love bomb me and wouldnt abide by the time limit and schedule I set for dates. I dont play with that
Just based on past experience he is 💯 percent correct!😭
@@RealLadi228 istg
@@redwho1683 Its horrible if a guy is too aggressive but if he is a hot sexy gentleman oh boy TIME TO GO!!🔥🔥
hahaha
As a 17 year old virgin thanks
Bless you sweetheart. I'm female and married men one husband passed away that other girls wanted but I ended married too because they knew I didn't let men compromise me. After hearing the nasty way men talked about and told others about girls they conquested. I made up my mind I WOULD NOT BE THAT GIRL,!!! It Always serves me well.🎉
Also DON'T let men trick you by telling you how much they love you. Yes many men do this.!!! Best to you always be careful and don't let yourself be alone with men you could set yourself up for Date Rape (happened to a sweet friend of mine and also to my sister.)🎉
Sister got away.🎉
God bless you. Wait until marriage love ❤
@@candygirl28472nd that motion. Not even worth it. Also! Dont rush to marriage to be hot in the panties. Keep it locked up!!
@8:00 you do Not extend the date! You do Not leave the date location! If the date is at the movies after that it is done, done, done!
Saving an entire generation thanks
Once I have had an offer to be in a serious relationship with a guy days after the date just because I told him he would have to kill me if he wanted to sleep with me when he "stopped at his place to get something". It was different than what he was so used to. 😂 He was charming and attractive to many women, but I could tell he wasn't used to hearing no, so I literally didn't want to sleep with him... I lost interest. So what Tomisin is saying is right. It worked on a major player even though I did it unknowingly. To me, he just came off as too confident, like he has already 'won' due to his looks and charisma. 😅
This is facts! If you want a man to take you seriously DO NOT SLEEP with him. You loose your power
I went on a date last night, He suggested we go back to house for drinks. lol 😂 NO THANK YOU! I told him straight, I am not sleeping with you! I walked him to his uber at the end of the date 👋
According to studies, it takes up to At least 6 months for men to start having actual feelings for the person they're dating. My only advice is don't start opening up to a man until he's proposed to you. Only love him once married.
omg are you fr??? 6 months is so long compared to women lmao, can you link the studies that you got this research from? need to do more reading on this
You sound very stupid
But how will I know if I am able to love that guy, when I don't allow myself to love any man before marriage?
@@mariarusek1851 honestly i am not an expert when it comes to relationships. I am still trying to figure things out myself. But from what I have learned so far about men, is they only fall hard for women that don't fall hard for them. The less you care about them the more they care about you... I've personally seen this. I think we as women need to choose men based on their characteristics,work ethic, financial income, family dynamic and personal beliefs. Love should come later. Turn off your emotions.... Everything is mental! Allow him to fall in love first. Sex should only be given once married in my opinion.... That's the only way to know if he's truly in love
@@shockedpikachuface7376 males are truly wired different, which would make a lot of sense to why they treat us the way they do. I'm going to share a link to a TH-camr I think you would really benefit from hearing. Just be open minded and really pay attention
A guy “ I slept with my girlfriend the first night and we dated for three years.”
Me “Goodbye”
I don’t fall for these tricks !!
Dated for 3 years...still no commitment, just convenience
Smart !! He was saying oh you can trust ME to be the exception to the "rules"....you...No I Can't
@@gigi9301exactly!!! For the fact that he thought he can trick me 😂 my boundaries and standards don’t change with a man’s stupid words.
@@loreladumbravahe used her for 3 yrs.
That’s crazy, 3 years he wasted her time for his convenience. It ended with no rock 💎 and no commitment. 3 years she’ll never get back.
My Dada Tomisin thank you! From If I was your Dad video, to all the numerous videos of yours. You have blessed us women❤ Keep doing God’s work✨
I always like Tomisin drawing and shocking me with immediate yelling! It keeps me up and aware! Thank you for making my day! 😂
Yeah, me too, also love it when he pretends to talk like a girl, lol, sooo funny🤣
😂😂 Jack rabbit 🐇 inside of me... WHY AM I LEARNING THIS NOW? I will be implementing your teachings, young man.
19:33 I realized that the vibes were being curated to make it easy to say yes in my last situationship
All of the aforementioned elements: isolation, lack of sobriety (drinks) lots of passive experiences, first watching movies in a theater then on a trip then at our places. The wild part is he regularly said, ‘I don’t want to have sex, I won’t have sex with you’ maybe not but you’re making the conditions so right for me to decide to, I realized after reflecting. Crazy work!
20:22 my friend got tricked by a guy just that and he switched up. So many dishonest people out there
Also one thing, this is not just sleeping in the first date but every date until there is a commitment. These factors must be maintained all the way througv
Dude you are saving lives, I didn’t learn this stuff until after completing trauma therapy.
worked for me! made him wait 6 months, that was four years ago and he still treats me like a princess 🥰
To me, if a guy tries to have sex with me before a relationship, and then disqualifies me for a relationship because I slept with them, I should also disqualify them as a dating prospect. Clearly they're not looking for a relationship.
If a man intends to ruin you and has double standards about a woman's worth/purity based on someone sleeping with them, it's a red flag. Dating shouldn't be a test, where someone tries to trip you up. Disqualify men who don't date for relationships.
I've been dating in LA for a while and have been in each of these situations. Luckily, I was raised right. This man knows what he's talking about.
When you kinda yell ‘are you following me?!’ Is so good because I’ll lowkey be gapped out thinking about all the times I’ve been in whatever scenario you’re describing 😂
Teachings 10/10
time stamps for the girlies scrolling through the comments ☆
1. isolation (men will make the environment friendly to strategize the trick of getting you to make the choice of sleeping with him too early. privacy can aid men to their goal of sleeping with you)- 0:34
2. time limit (as time progresses, your comfort with him will as well. make sure there is a limit to the amount of time on the date and do not extend it: no exceptions. as soon as you extend it, it will become easier for it to escalate) - 4:18
3. stay sober (if you make the mistake of being intoxicated you will ultimately think more irrationally. if his perception of you is altered because you were to make a decision that you wouldn’t regularly do if you weren’t intoxicated, you obviously cannot go back in time to change it. this interrupts the “dating to girlfriend” timeline that he explains in this section) - 8:48
4. passive experiences (when watching tv, movies, listening to music, etc., these arent actual experiences that require you to do much of anything that truly stimulates your mind. this curates an environment where it is very easy to say “yes”. only accept dates where you can be attentive & actually converse between the two of you.) - 16:16
5. transportation (if a man is giving you a ride to and from the date, they now have leverage to somehow get you to his place. have a backup plan and know your way home) - 23:04
6. keep a secret (when you tell men no & that you “dont sleep on the first date”, you inspire his desire to test your ability to say no. do not create the challenge for him to test you. stand on business) - 26:48
7. accountability friend (you cant make decisions on how you feel. you make decisions based on what is best for you and your future. your “accountability friend” [aka one of your friends/family members] will remind you of your plans [where you are supposed to be, what time you arrive at the date, when you get home, etc] and will ground you and remind you of your future and long term goals you have for yourself so you are less likely to make a mistake. they will also check on you for safety reasons just as a precaution just in case!) - 31:02
Historically mating has been about protecting the virtue and value of women. YOU ARE PRECIOUS!! Oddly enough most religions/Christian dating often involves group settings never A lone Double dates, group outings, uncle in corner of restaurant. : )
Some sort of public date in the day time if you dont have a chapperone is ideal. Can go on vacation with him but your cousin
Ray ray is going....Things your dad should have told you......
Unless hes ready to marry you its not time to get naked, or fool around. Never go on a date near anyones home for the first month or 2.
Have a friend meet you on the date
Have a family member pick you up vs a uber
Make plans for after 2 hours gotta go.
This is so true. Be strong, ladies!!
Swiper no swiping! I love it! That’s right!
@Tomisin You are a woman’s protector, a father figure ❤, a knight , a guardian on this YT channel. What so many women on this planet needs!
I have been a hostage TOO many times 😭
This guy is so funny because he's right on in the simplest way! 😂 "MISTAKE!" 😂
Thanks
Try to make sure one of your first dates is not late at night; like at a late night play. or new Year's Eve. I made that mistake once. I was so tired from work it seemed like I was uninterested. In the one that was a play I actually fell asleep during the play LOL... Not a good first impression. So try to make the date daylight hours or when you know you'll have that energy to put into it.
Thank u Tom for these tips. Few years back I had no idea about it and I was in situations where I felt uncomfortable. Guys driving me, isolated spaces, movie watching etc I avoid like a plague
He really put “hostage” up there😂!!😂😂😂😂!!!!!Spill that tea brother👏👏👏👏
Awwwwww … You are sooo sweet for revealing all of the secrets to women!! 🤗.. this is 100% TRUE!!!!!!! Im so glad to see a man teach this , you are helping & changing more than you know, thanks 🙏🏽
Interacting Experiences ( NOT Passive Ones):
- Any museum
- Zoo/ Aquarium/ Theme Park
- picnics and playing sports
- shopping
(If y’all have any other suggestions please comment below 👇)
Sports events! WWE Wrestling, Soccer game, Baseball Stadium, Football Stadium, Hockey Game, Basketball Game. Going to those places are interactive yet somewhat passive but he can't try shit on you cause its massively packed with security and help there. Festivals and shows. Concerts that are not from a raunchy artist
- going for a walk together. You will see if you have the same speed, rhythm, and if you can talk with him. You will know all the important things in no time.
Gun Range
Bowling
@@ayalovenaturals sounds kinda risky lol 😂
I needed this video, thank you. It’s so hard to trust men always. They always seem to want to take advantage of your innocence. I hate it! So it’s time that the ladies see through the men’s bs. I greatly appreciate this video coming from YT.
I instinctively set these standards for myself at 15 . I got burned, I didn’t like it. I became a Christian and asked God to bring the right one in my life. I had boyfriends but no sex. Sex to me was loss of power. Let them prove themselves. I got married at 18. That was 32 years ago
❤❤❤
Mannn I needed this years ago but definitely a month ago 😅
Same
I like when he says listen to me listen to me listen to me listen to me to get our attention 😆😆
Love hearing this advice coming from a guy. I talk to young college women, who are often hooking up, that it’s better for them to say NO to sex to see if a guy likes them as a person first.
It's incredible like these advices are the base. Everyone knew these things that honestly are also easy to guess by yourself, but moms before 90's gave it constantly. I'm still amazed that now women need a guy to teach them about it. 🤔
I'm abstinent until marriage
I am a believer I really want this too, God bless u sis. I m a divorcee I told God to send me someone who loves Him I need company sometimes it s hard and lonely😢
I am too! Longterm girlfriend got me nowhere.
Good luck with that
Me too ☺️
Be careful even After mariage some of them are hell 😢
So glad I found this. I thought I was ready but I made all these mistakes but it’s ok. I cut him off and now I’m armed with my defenses🤦🏽♀️💪🏽
Watching Tomisin’s videos have equipped me better in dealing with men. What I’ve gathered so far from watching his content is to focus on healing and have a life of your own. Along the way you’ll meet men with good and bad intentions, and that’s when Tomisin’s advice comes in handy when weeding out those who don’t mean well.
You are a brilliant human being and so grateful for your wisdom service.
Your the best brother! Thank you, you are doing a public service with these videos! Coach! So knowledgeable
can you do one about long distance relationships? like when you meet up it’s hard to avoid being intimate when you’re staying with them
This!
Either get a hotel or don't visit at all.
I'm interested in seeing a video like this as well.
Hotel + engaging activities outside in 2-3 days but not more than 2-3 hours daily, and He must choose to visit in your terms
Just started seeing a guy and I’m so happy I found you before it’s too late lmfaooo
Damn I literally went through this one time and that list was IN order!!! I’m definitely taking notes
Listen to him ladies. I made the mistake and got drunk on so many dates I acted like a fool and I lost the best guys 😂😂😂
You are saving lives! 🙏🏼🙏🏼 Please don't stop doing what you're doing
Awesome videos and your way of teaching is fun and engaging. Keep up the great work!
I am 61 years old woman. I wish I knew that 40 years ago.
you're parenting me better than my own father did.
he’s like the big brother i never had
The content on this channel is great but honestly I don’t think most men are worth it, time energy etc. really not sure what value a man brings anymore especially with all the damage they bring. Even just as a provider. I think Disney had to pull some serious alternate realities to what prince ‘charming’ is really like. You think it’s one or two, the next one will be better…
Nicely put...
And where is the accountability fir the male?
Next time I'm with a man, I'm replaying Tomisin in my head saying THATS WRONG! DONT DO IT. 😂
Just take out your phone and start watching the video out loud🤣🤣🤣🤣
@ARighteousLife power move. You're so right 🤣🤣
Tomisin, where were you all these years ? Lol , i have had enough of relgious dating advice or half- a.. comments on how to do things right in relationships!
Honestly, you are the best ! Honest and funny, love it!
I have taken your advice and not written first and let the guy chase me and i just relax and keep on living my life , not like before where I simply dropped everything and sacrificed my whole being ( money,time etc.)to a guy that i liked … not anymore!!
The princess theme i love ( without being arrogant) and i also agree with not !! having sex with a guy too early , greatest advice ever , and not spending tooooo much time with any guy , love it , it shows you still have your own stuff going on!!!❤
Thank you !!🙉🙈🙊💔‼️❤️
@Tamika he actually is! ❤😊
I’m on a dating site after divorce. Why is it that when I find a hookup guy & just want rabbit-time, he falls in love every damn time? And the LTR guys who pretend to want something serious just try to rabbit me & ghost?
Because men are ridiculously contrary creatures
“Swipper no swippingggg” 😂😂❤
You are awesomeness for guiding us ladies ❤
you are really good at this , sir .
I feel like I'm watching how to invade a rival country instead of finding love
My husband and I are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (“Mormon,”) and we were both committed to waiting for marriage for sex. It helped a lot that we met in college at a religious school where being alone with the opposite sex was a no-no and campus rules/the honor code help us keep our hands to ourselves. We were both glad we waited for sex until we’d made a public commitment to each other. Having that physical relationship waiting for us was definitely motivating!
Tomi could you say bye to us at the end, the video endings feel like you just irish exited our 1:1 catch up 😭😂
I think some of these are clips from longer videos
Care about your health (mental, physical, emotional) and have strong boundaries. My now husband and I waited 6 months, but I really applaud people who can wait even longer. It's better to already be really in love and have a very solid friendship before making that move
No sex before marriage. Simple solution.
Worked very well for me and my husband! We wanted that physical relationship to be sacred and binding. And I will say, waiting until marriage makes marriage a lot more appealing!
Omg this video is right on time! I always feel like men will think I owe them something if they spend money on me, what can I do about that Tomisin? Thanks!!! ☺️
Omggg samee the amount of men that expect smth from me when they lie about “not having expectations”. Literally the last guy kind of SA’d me and i escaped from his place. We had mutual friends too… i haven’t told anyone tho
@ oh my goodness, stay away from him!!!
Make your intentions clear from the out, no nookie until XyZ. Then, when they approach you for nookie before XyZ is met, reaffirm that XyZ was not met and you don't give out nookie. If he wants to tantrum and get the goods early, tell him to pound sand.
@@newwalrus4913
Tomi doesn't recommend stating your limits and boundaries and expectations to men, or having certain timeline expectations to be met before nookie privalges.
Because men can easily fake those accomplishments and time limits.
Tomi has videos on this subject. He recommends not giving men any way to trick you into vulnerability, by you telling him exactly how to get there because that is in no way a guarantee that he isn't playing you.
@ninjacat508 ahhh that's true actually, you'd be giving the game away. Thank you! 😊
This video is hilarious - and spot on. 🎯 Appreciate the breakdown & absolutely will take heed to these lessons! Let me subscribe now…
Thank you for explaining what my dad and brother never did ❤
Yup
i met a guy with whom I didn’t want to have a relationship and I told him we could just be friends. He agreed to it and for three years we were just friends. We went cycling together. We had lunch together. I never went to his place, I was never alone with him anywhere. And then one day, one time I ended up in his apartment after dinner and he jumped me! That’s how guys operate. They bind their time and they wait until they get their opportunity, and now I have feelings for him and I’m the one that wants to be with him even though i know he is not right for me.. and he is just playing the game.. knowing i have caught feelings hoping i marry him .., because once guys get what they want, you’ve lost the power!
No house dates until level 2. No secks til level 3 = exclusivity = we go together. There will be no exclusive dating until he asks be to be his gf and I say yes… we don’t need an extra stage. I’m single and dating others until I say yes to a relationship.
Before I say yes to being his gf, I need to meet his fam and friends and he needs to meet mine.
28:06 yeah, no. Men who don’t respect my boundaries are a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn’t say that up front in a date, but any push back on my boundaries gets a man cut off. Men who test boundaries are not safe.
The jackrabbit comment sent me 😭😭😭 great video !!!
Is holding hands and hugging ok I don’t really want to be sexual just a different kind of intimacy
No it's not.
Now after this video I'm going to quit smoking sheesha and only drink on occasion BY MYSELF
Priceless information thank you 🙏
You are such a lifesaver Tomisin! Thank you for all the advice! I really hoping I can apply it
I don’t wanna be treated like a dam princess. I’d like to be treated like a decent human being, who’s genuinely cared for and not misused and handled like a shiny ✨ new toy on the shelf.
does not matter, it is not the point. he is not going to treat you neither like human not princess if he got it easy. no need to figure out your personality, no need to care what you think since whatever the case may be even if he is a nice good guy who sincerely wants to date long term, being easy will not add trust to you as a person since he would assume you do this kind of things just like that with any guy you vibe.. plus possible even if he thinks he is not going to lose interest does not mean he won't lose it since all the stages of relationship went in span of one month or so. it's gonna be only lost interest in u as a person treatment sooner that later
@ Men don’t have a moral compass 🧭 I’m not reading all the bs. And I damn show don’t wanna be treated like a princess 👸🏽 I’m a grown asssss… WOMEN!
@@nono-wc6gc I said what I said, I don’t know what you talking about👀
You are wayyy too funny 🤣😭
What I've always been confused by is people say that men connect through sex, but then women are always told not to have sex too early because then he'll associate you with only sex. Where is the sweet spot in the middle? And what is your best opinion on how to connect with a guy?
when they say men connect through sex, it’s not what you think that they mean! A man connects through sex with a woman he already loves not with a stranger not with someone he’s just met! In fact, what really happens during sex is the woman starts to catch feelings for the man because of oxytocin the hormone of love whereas the man develops detachment and wants to move onto the next conquest. So your best bet is to get to know him first to connect with him on an emotional level before u have sex with him.
I thought it was common sense to never sleep with a man before he has developed an emotional bond with you (and vice versa of course)? Something that can't possibly happen after a few dates. Didn't know there were women out there that do not instictively know that. Stay safe everyone.
If you don't have good guidance from a parental figure as you're growing up and even transitioning into adulthood and maybe you're young when you start dating, these "men" can easily coerce you, you won't know any better and will have to learn this the hard way, potentially.
If they aren’t looking for a relationship I see why. Yet it’s best to watch their actions if you want one
I appreciate this video.. I was lost on how to date and keep my moral integrity so I don’t date.. I like these strategies..
This exact scenario happened to me 4 months ago. He said we were locked in and had me doing girlfriend activities for him but when I said something he didn't like, he was quick to tell me that we're not together and he's not entitled to me. Found out he was gaslighting me, a liar and a narcissist. Had me seeing him everyday for the first 3 months. Would always ask if i missed him and if i loved him. I found out he didn't even know how to pronounce my name! He thought i was gonna live in delulu land. 🤣🤣
27:30 Why is this drawing so funny to me 😂
Thanks tomisin. I needed to hear this. I poorly experienced it all without this information.. i feel so stupid. I seem not to learn from it.
Gave away my all.
“They accomplished sleeping with someone who said they weren’t gonna sleep with them” 😬 No means no. It should be concerning if someone interprets it as a challenge.
This is honestly slightly terrifying
If you have to be “ better than” he is to attract him, these are the guys who will cheat on you with the same women they said “weren’t good enough.” Just worth some thought. If you have to play these games, is he really worth it? Seems like you lose either way
I really needed to see this, thank you!
Great content ❤
I'm the sheriff of THIS town! LMAO!!
Yeaa😂 I’ve built this peace brick by brick but thanks for the video learned so much very interesting 😊
On point bro....thank you!
Thank you for this very valuable information & for keeping it real straight to point. ❤
I love your videos. Thank you. ❤