[Trauma Tip #7] This is what it takes to heal victim mentality
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ม.ค. 2019
- This vlog is part of an informal series where I've been digging into why some people heal and others don't.
There are some key signs that myself and my mentors have seen over the years that will signify from the start of someone's healing journey whether or not they'll have success in restoring their physical and mental health. And one of those signs is being able to shift out of victim mentality. It goes without saying that many people have been victims of abuse and adversity, BUT how that person faces their history and (we hope) triumphs forward will determine the success of their healing, and eventually their life.
Resources I Mention In This Vlog:
► Why everyone can heal, but not everyone will
irenelyon.com/2018/10/19/why-...
► How to stay hopeful when all you feel is doubt
irenelyon.com/2018/12/20/trau...
► Why it's important to stop scaring yourself || Cortisol + Adrenal Health
• Why it's important to ...
► Educate The Chaos || Regulation Before Relaxation
• Educate The Chaos || R...
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Thank you for being here!
1. Leave a comment and let me know how this video impacted you. Feel free to leave a question (my team answers them each week!)
2. To get more nervous system health resources, plus learn more about me and my credentials, plus the many ways you can work with me at the practical level, head to my website: irenelyon.com
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4. GOT QUESTIONS? Send an email to: support@irenelyon.com
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Please know that…
The statements on this TH-cam channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
My website is a wealth of free resources and information on how to start this work, so here it is one more time: irenelyon.com
This was great. At first I thought that you saying 'staying in the victim mode', like it was somehow my choice. I felt offended...but I kept going and listening. It makes soooo much sense what your saying. Being present is something I struggle with greatly. I have CPTSD W/ Dissociation. So many nights I lay in bed and feel my heart pounding so fast and so hard. I never put it together that that is my past crying out. To stop, acknowledge, then look around and say 'I'm here now and Im safe'. I'll try an incorporate this into all area's that it pops up. ❤ ty
So wonderful to hear that you kept going and listening even after being offended and that this lead to things making sense to you!
I hope incorporating it into all areas gives you insight and helps you in your healing.
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
You might find this book helpful for dealing with the somatic reactions aspect/acknowledging the physical reactions in more detail. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. It was the first resource that made a big shift for me.
I am stuck in this environment for 2 more years but this victim mentality has been affecting my friendships and I want it to stop...
I completely agree with you. You can choose your environments as an adult. For a long time I was stuck in victim mindset because even after removing myself from my so called relatives, my physiology was not calibrated. However, in part because of my disgust for narcissists and in part because I am surrounding myself with tame surroundings, I am able to shed the victim role because I have a newly acquired autonomy and awareness of safe and unsafe. I refuse to go into unsafe spaces and when I do get into them, I am able to defend myself with the knowledge I now have of sociopathic behaviors. However, sometimes I am visited with the reminder that I have no family and also that alot of people do not understand why I do not like sociopaths that I do meet. These days, I am very unapologetic about my disgust for them. The reason why people stay in victim mode also is because it's easy and it's difficult to relearn a new way of relating that is based on social cohesion instead of fear, tribalism and exclusion. You need to remind yourself that there are people that want to get to know you as you, but that in and of itself is a novelty. Likewise, you need to teach yourself to honor people's personal space and to engage people in ways that are not based on threats and obligation. It is overwhelming to say the least. It is irritating that other people don't have to do this, and don't know the feeling of placing yourself under constant duress and unlearning that robotic tendency of doing things not because you have to, but because you want to. It's as if you have to adjust to heaven.
Wow! It describes perfectly the way I feel when I'm surrounded by the "so called normal people".
They have no idea about what I've gone through and I feel really inadequated when I notice they do things they want to do naturally, without resistance, while I struggle to know how I feel and to identify what I really want. It's amazing and scary how much a human being is modelled by their environment and their lifes circumstances.
I feel exactly this way, an angel forced to live in hell and have to prepare herself to adapt to heaven again, her original place and where she was supposed to be.
@@b_b_b5146 I think many people struggle, maybe just not with the same things. There are many people that act normal everyday but deep down u never know. I think we all feel so alone because of the society making it hart to express our self’s and our struggles.
After years of family abuses and violences and silencing keeps one in the "I don't have any right to choose! Also I am to blame for being abused false belief supported by societys systems!" Yet starting to choose for yourself is the first step - also to get rid of the self doubt, the values, beliefs, and trust issues which one can overcome. I spent 2 full years, on a weekly base to see a psychologist who trained in child abuses (sexual too), and gaslighting and grooming or brainwashing which I am so relieved now after being rebuilt psychologically that I have peace today and as far gone as i had been with ptsd and frozen, fight and flight mode - your worth facing your damages and restructure oneself from the bottom up!
J L Reimer, thanks for sharing about the steps you took to heal and restructure yourself from the ground up. It sounds like you're created major changes for yourself and your life! - Jen from Team Lyon
We now have a choice!
Gratitude for Life
Exercise empowerment
Anger doesn’t protect it damages
Healthy ways to express all the Pain!!🥰
Thank you for this very helpful video. I've been told a couple times that I can have a bit of a victim mentality, and honestly took some offense thinking the person was making light of my rough childhood. When I stopped to think about it though, those people were simply saying that they see much more potential in me that a messed up past. That the bad things don't have to affect our lives if we don't allow them too. Its different for everyone, and some will take more time to heal. It's just important that we all do sooner rather than later, time waits for no one. Peace everyone ✌🏽
YES! Love your post. What a powerful realization that you made. Thanks for sharing.
I totally agree with you - time waits for no one!
If you're interested in exploring more of Irene's teachings I suggest checking out her 21 Day Program - irenelyon.com/tuneup/
Here's to taking action in our process - sooner than later!
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
After years of healing this one very vital body point is exciting to hear. This one point, to stop thinking about yourself as a vicim resonates on every level with me as a giant leap into myself . Thank you.
Is it possible that this type of mentallity "rises" again when experience another "negative" event in our life as adults? (I say "negative" because I believe we can learn from every single event) I had a situation happening some months ago and I find myself falling and getting out of the victim mentality over and over again. I do it less of course but still fall
@@Ana-gq7ce , by the sounds of it there's still a deeper layer that needs to be worked with. That there may still be a somatic(bod) relation to being victim. Have a watch of the video again and see if anything Irene says jumps out at you. Like a "Yes! This I need to piece into my experience!"
Let me know if you have questions :)
Nicole
Team Lyon Moderator
I think the term "victim mentality" is usually used as a part of a somewhat toxic self-help method, where you force yourself to sort of completely ignore the issue that you are currently dealing with. The "victim mentality" terminology used in this video seems to be more like, reducing your fight-or-flight mode when there really is no need for it + is just causing you so much pain. Interestingly, I think the former definition can cause post-traumatized people to act up their fight-or-flight response because their bodies know that they themselves haven't fully recovered from the trauma in question, leading to a huge mismatch between what you're trying to be and the reality. This is probably why we are seeing comments in this video along the lines of "I was offended by your words at first, but it makes sense now".
This was very very insightful and made me think of the fact that I mentally know I have a choice, but my body still feels heavy and it's sometimes difficult to manage when I'm having somatic reactions in my body. I guess this is a good start to see what my body does and what it's trying to communicate instead of hating whenever I have those reactions.
That was my realization too. I've never heard the word "Somatic" reactions. Geezzeeee I've been in therapy for 20 years
Beautiful. Slowing down, stopping and observing (instead of immediately reacting) is indeed the beginning of true wisdom and of healing.
I forgot how much I get contact-chilled out from listening to your videos! Thanks Irene!
This is long. It may seem to be a rant - it is not. I have a lot of sympathy with all those objecting to the phrases of 'victim mentality', 'victim id', and 'victim mode'. First let me say that I love Irene's work, and so I am surprised at the content here that mostly suggests that there is an element of choice of whether someone is a victim still. Especially when, until the trauma incident/s have been properly processed by ALL our systems, the trauma consequences still exist and are in our 'NOW'. That means they are still happening NOW. Yes we WERE victims, Yes we ARE STILL NOW victims until the consequences of those attacks are fully healed and recovered. I have been working on myself for more than 38 years now, and I do resent it when someone appears to suggest that I am shying away from full recovery, by 'staying' a victim. There is no such thing as being a victim for me, it happened - it is not happening now, but I am still suffering the consequences.The state of knowledge during those 38 years has changed and advanced considerably. Even PTSD has only recently been 'accepted' as true horror, rather than 'sensitive' people not keeping their upper lip stiff enough. I just found that everything that was known during that time, was not enough to effect a recovery. My many and varied traumas have unfolded over that 38 years and I have to say I am glad about that, because some of the remedies, modalities, therapies offered were precisely action which would have re-traumatised me. And none of it was woo-woo. One therapist suggested that until I could fully, re-live, rather than merely, remember. my force feeding and choking to death at age 14 months I could not recover. He was not cruel, but he was subject to the state of the art of therapy at the time I was seeing him. Now we know that such a 're-living' was far more likely to re-traumatise me than actually help me to heal and recover. During a discussion about the concept of 're-living', with another therapist recently - Somatically trained - she said, 'thank goodness you couldn't relive it, if you had you may never have come back from that'. Additionally I would like to state that I have learnt that merely processing the consequences of the trauma, so that people feel calm and relaxed and soothed can bring on a trauma-consequence state. Sounds odd doesn't it? Feel-good and without-trauma-consequences is an alien way to be for some people, as I found out, when I started to feel good! I would still shut down for days or weeks! Believe me that seriously confused me! It did however take me back to similar frantic feelings I remember when I had enjoyed doing something but panicked like mad when I was to continue doing it. I loved tap dancing but was frantic and sobbing the night before the next lesson. I was confused I can tell you! I loved it, so what was the problem? Now I realise I was waiting for the 'bad' to happen, as I never got anything 'good' without getting the 'bad' pretty quickly. There are several other incidents like this peppered through my life. My eventual view was two fold, first - like is being suggested here - I didn't want to get better, that I was wallowing in the attention (fat chance and very dangerous!), or that I was irreparably brain damaged. Neither are true. The latter is not true in that the damage done is in my view not irreparable based on the current state of the art knowledge. Feeling good can be the calm before the storm. Kindness and quiet and good things do not necessarily signify SAFE to everyone - even if they have EVER been lucky enough to feel safe at all in their lives. It can often mean, gird your loins cos something really bad is coming. And if that isn't enough, feeling good and relaxed is also an arousal state! Feeling safe has to be learnt, so it is an experiential state. If you have never been safe, you don't know what safe feels like. The essence of healing and recovery for every system within ourselves, is that each of those systems is, and feels SAFE. And so all of the systems need to experience safeness in order to feel safeness. However there will be some even after reading this, that will conclude that what I am saying is typical of someone wanting to stay in victim mentality, that I have a victim id, and that I am wanting to operate in victim mode. To those people I would say, walk a mile in my shoes please before you judge so harshly.
Thank you for sharing Sandi. To me it sounds like you are in action mode vs victim mode. It sure isn't easy - but you're doing your work. And that's huge.
Thanks for contributing. There's lots of value in what you share.
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Well said. Thank you Sandi. Reading that brought tears to me eyes because all the conversations I have had with family, counselors and close friends trying to explain what happened and how if affected me, came rushing back. In every one of the conversations, except for 2 great therapists I have had, I always end up having to defend myself. Simply for speaking the truth. After so many of those, you are back to isolation. How do we heal by becoming social again when we can never feel safe sharing our story? It is absolutely exhausting.
Im going to give my honest opinion.victim mentality,the thing I tell myself everytime I beat myself up and having a 3yr old and living in pain for yrs yes that's what my brain is a pro at.This is not going to sit right with many people but after 16yrs of therapy,all the 'latest ones' and all the 'best medication' on the market I have come to realise after having a moment of realisation one long weekend (bank holiday) I forgot to pick it up from the pharmacy.yes I had horrible withdrawals but something happened on the 3rd day, despite a thumping head,feeling faint,agitation etc etc I had was now seem brief a moment of clarity.today I know to be the decalcification of my pineal gland but back then I thought something's different,I had all the answers to every problem I ever experienced and there are many.cptsd is in my eyes the most torturing experience a human can endure when in the thick of it.anyway I couldn't stick the withdrawals and I had no support at the time and made a promise to myself as soon as I get yet again another long term counselor onboard I will come off it. a yr had past and by this stage I had a coucellour onboard at least 4months at this stage but took for me to pick my medication up too late and the pharmacy was shut for me to say the time is now.i start having again all the withdrawals and then after 2days I had clarity.i came of the meds and realised that nevermind psychiatry but also psychology all a load of bollox.all manipulated twisted lies to keep us enslaved to our leaders.sounds crazy doesn't it?I would have said the same 6months ago if I hadn't of come off the meds cleared my pineal gland,had my spiritual awakening and done some amount of research with an open mind.we are powerful beyond words each and every individual,we are whole and complete.victimisation absolutely disgusting words because at least 95% of humanity are victims to mind control and programming.this all sounds completely crazy until your mental veils are dropped 🌬️🙏💓🌌 if this helps one person to dig deep I've done my job on earth 🌎
Irene,
Thank you for all of this info it's absolute gold! This should have a billion views !! Ahh!!
1:18 starts 💙😄
This stuff is brilliant and enlightening. It feels like finding a missing link. Thank you!
In all my years of knowing I act the victim and have that sort of mentality that I can choose not to and it not working, no one has explained it to be not just of the mind but also of the body, the somatic body. I know I need to change this so much and have tried for so long but wondering why I could not change. Soooo thank you! A game changer for me. xx
Thank you for this video,, I learned so much about myself and my stress response make so much sense now! Please more of this
Amazing! This explains a lot. Thank you 🙏🏾
Fixed v growth mindset and the accompanying physiology. Noticing it, finding the root, and creating new beliefs and habits is such a wild, painful, long process.
I went 1 to a Somatic Experiencing woman and got angry at how she tried to cheat me by withholding professional care , empathy, connection, communication and did not help me get safe with her, but just started doing some excercise hissing towards an imagined dragon. Her homepage was so comprehensive and well written, so alive, right.resonating and hopeful - and then she had no real care but made herself empty, like a hybrid flower without nectar, nourishment. All pretty and fine ión the surface,
MAybe some patients have good, warm and safe enough life situations to feel supooorted enough to take part.
This reminds me of the work done by John Bradshaw... You are on the right track with teaching People how to help themselves. Very rare. I have met several psychologists since my diagnosis 9 years ago. Only my latest does EMDR. All psychologists should take your approach when it comes to healing your mind.
Thank you Irene 😍😍😍
50 years after the event No matter what I can't stop feeling on guard and venerable at night. I feel drained most days... don't know what to do
Hi Andy Codling, Jen here from Irene's Team. You're certainly not alone is what you describe. The promising news is that we can usually heal the nervous system at any age. If you haven't seen Irene's free Healing Trauma training, it might be of interest. I'll link to it here.
irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
@@teamlyon3109 thank you so so much , for the information and the hope....I'm on video one , it is very helpful thank you ❤️
Some people will never leave the victimization
Being a victim has alot positive aspects
Thank you so much! That was very helpful to me.
Irene, I love this video so much I'd make it number 1 on my trauma tips list!!! Regarding some people's concerns about the word victim in "victim mentality" - it seems that word is such a sensitive trigger, the explanation was not quite enough so I'm wondering if another term can be used such as "stuck mentality" ....?
Ty...as I almost stopped watching in the first 2 minutes bc of that. And I walked away glad I had kept with it.
Yes. Words can be triggering. And hopefully those who find this are curious enough to be with their experience and watch on and some insight is discovered :)
I wonder if there's ever the "perfect word" for anything...
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
Sometimes the only thing you can do is work on or with others happiness. I may not be happy per say but I can find happiness helping other and being grateful I can help.
Thanks for the great video.
Thank you for acknowledging people who grew up in violent family environments.
This video is amazing ! This is the very first You Tube Channel that really teaches who to heal.
Do you have any courses that can be taken separately but as series so I can pay for them...
Hey! So great to hear that you're getting so much value out of Irene's content.
A great course to start with is the 21 Day Tune-Up - irenelyon.com/tuneup/
This is a self study course so you can take all the time you need to explore. And continue to go over and play with integrating what's learned here. Then, if you want to take it a step further you could join SmartBodySmartMind. (The cost of the 21 Day Tune up is taken off of the cost of this). smartbodysmartmind.com This program only happens once a year - this year it's starting in March.
It would be great to have you join us!
Nicole - Team Lyon
Amazing, 5hanks 😊
what happens when you get victimized over and over and over again? Most marginalized people suffer from this. It's never really over. What can we do then?
Hi Georgina. Seth here from team Lyon. It's true that as long as the core wounds of trauma are not addressed, they will continue to replay over and over again in a person's life. This is why it's so important to at least learn what is happening which is why Irene has created all this free content. She also has free resources on her site, as well as online programs that have reached people in over 60 countries, so she's doing all she can to spread this knowledge and education. Until we have a different world with different priorities (which might be coming sooner than one may think!) the most we can do is introduce people to this learning and hope that they have the resources and support available to do the work.
Free Resources - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/
Online programs - irenelyon.com/programs/
@@teamlyon3109 yeah, I get that, thank you for replying. The thing is it's a social issue. It's not that black or trans or disabled people replay the trauma over and over because of them not having healed, but because of white supremacy, transphobia and ableism. This kind of discourse of "you need to heal your trauma or you'll keep attracting more of it" might be true, but it also sounds a lot like victim blaming. It's very complicated I guess
Take time away from society to reflect . If romantically be single for 20 years if that will break the circle. . Healing is a process
@@g_au maybe look into Eckhart Tolle, Mike singer or Pema Chodren.
Mindfulness is key, to not giving over your power to outside, external sources. There is so much we can not control regarding others. To outsource our happiness, dependent on others being a certain way...is a sure fire way to stay stuck in traumatization.
Without healing core wounds, becoming empowered, distilling cognitive distortions...one will remain imprisoned to the world around them.
The world will be ugly. The world will be unfair. People will do nasty things.
We need to empower ourselves. Move if we have to. Surround ourselves with support. Most of all, make our internal world so strong that nothing can take our power.
‘Man’s search for meaning’ is a great book, written by a survivor of the Holocaust, who was a doctor, and went on to be a psychiatrist.
He was subjected to unbelievable trauma & his mindset is incredible.
Job loss, sexual assault from narcissistic employer, workplace bullying, divorce, lost all friends after divorce, narcissistic mother diagnosed with cancer all within 2 years. Not a single soul there for me. I’ve focused on myself and building my life up one step at a time. How do I prevent using anger as a motivator? I don’t want to be jaded and bitter.
Hey,
Nicole here from Team Lyon. I'm glad you've found your way to Irene's work.
Feeling the anger is important! In a healthy way. I would suggest checking out this video on "What is Healthy Aggression) - th-cam.com/video/tqGsbFjihHo/w-d-xo.html or if you have a bit of time, check out this Q&A that Irene did on "All things anger".
I hope that gives you some more insight on how to move through the anger so that the jaded, bitterness starts to be there less.
If you're interested in learning more about healing trauma I would also suggest checking out the Healing Trauma Series - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Here's to one step at a time. Not easy, but change is definitely possible!
Nicole
How are you doing now P D?
I'm sorry PD . I pray for Healing in your life and your mother's life. How are you now🥺
@@nomsantsoane3984 things are much better. healing from the inside. i have forgiven those i felt hurt me and found a depth of mercy and strength that i never knew i had. my mother's cancer is in remission and we are healing our relationship and salvaging what we can. life has been very humbling. even when i felt i was the victim, understanding my aggresors' perspectives has helped me let go of the anger that was killing me.
forgiveness, mercy, and then move forward.
@@pattyl2811 Yes work towards your healinf
random definition of bad reoccuring memories phases,
a past sinner(s) small phrases against others leaves a last impression implanted in the mind, it is not your fault, rather how much time youve spend hearing, seeing, feeling hurts that was in effect without your knowledge in the past.
Thank you for your great videos! ❤ I'm just wondering if you have any tips. I've had ME/CFS for almost 20 years now. Worked really hard on emotional/mental stuff, and I know how important it is to get the body moving, but almost everything is making me worse. I manage to walk maybe 10 minutes a day, if I do more I'll get worse. If I do more than a few stretching poses, I'll get worse I do breathing exercises and try to calm my nervous system with physical intimacy with people I love. Do you believe it's possible to recover when I can't do more physical activity? Thank you!
Hi, Nicole here from Team Lyon.
This work can be very supportive with someone with CFS.
I would suggest watching this video - th-cam.com/video/du8t27GrfWA/w-d-xo.html
And check out some of Irene's resources!
The Healing Trauma Series is packed full of useful information. - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma
Another great free resources is this - irenelyon.com/7-steps-opt-in-IL
If you're looking for a program her 12 week SmartBodySmartMind is starting in March - smartbodysmartmind.com
Or there's the self study program The 21 Day Tune-Up - irenelyon.com/tuneup/
Hopefully some of these links lead to some insight and hope for you! Change is possible :)
Nicole
I appreciate the message - not encouraging victimhood is so important! I discuss how some people get validation & encouragement mixed up particularly when it comes to this topic in the last video on my channel as well, from a parenting perspective. I hope messages like ours empower people to avoid labeling themselves a victim! I just subscribed to your channel too, keep up the content.
Hey Brian, Seth here from Team Lyon, thanks so much or your lovely comments, for doing your own work to promote goodness in the world, and for subscribing!
Both of those body stances signal to abusers that someone is an easy target. It's why people who've been abused get abused again.
How do you get out of the victim mentality when you ARE still in that environment?
Can you get out of the environment?
If not, then you decide if you want to give that power to another.
‘Man’s search for meaning’ is a powerful book about a holocaust survivor, who underwent unbelievable trauma, humiliation...his story tells the remarkable power of the mind and what we own inside and not giving all our power to the external.
I wish you well.
How to heal if one is constantely attracting - not choosing - abusive situations that lead to re-traumatization despite therapy and self development work? (ex. workplaces or therapy too).
Hi TheOracle, Jen here from Team Lyon. These patterns can run deep, and working at the foundational level of the nervous system can often be powerful in shifting these patterns. Somatic Practice, which is specifically geared towards working directly with the physiology to heal early trauma, can be particularly powerful. Irene teaches aspects of this in her more comprehensive program, SmartBody SmartMind, and you can also work with a practitioner trained in this work. I'll link to some related info in case you want to learn more (the organ work described in the Adrenal Fatigue video applies more broadly).
How to heal Adrenal Fatigue by Working with the Stress Organs - irenelyon.com/2019/11/03/how-to-heal-adrenal-fatigue-by-working-with-stress-organs/
Interview with Kathy Kain - th-cam.com/video/4RLFmlo2vb0/w-d-xo.html
Can you speak to people who struggle to get out of unsafe situations even in adulthood?
Hi,
Have you watched this video yet? Have a watch and then let me know if you have more questions.
th-cam.com/video/i9r_DRO6ii0/w-d-xo.html
Nicole - Team Lyon Moderator
unless youre like me and you are addicted/attracted to being abused
risha a, check out the Living Inquiries of Scott Kiloby. I think it might be be helpful in such a situation/in such a tendency..
You can break out of that!
It’s not set. Heal your core wounds...and you’ll no longer attract people who reflect those back.
Reprogram your subconscious & it won’t find people like that attractive.
Im not a victim. But I was a victim of all abuse n everything else too much to list. But I am no longer in 1 environment and then right into another. But I have to learn how to not be a victim whlle you're being a victim. But I am not a victim i use to be. But I have to be conscious about it and not fall into that. But when it's a hard day it's hard when i am suffering narcissistic abuse. That's the catch all here or the question is how to do this when we're a victim again when someone doesn't treat us right n arr way too old to change their ways in their almost 79 now. .
I go on defense when ppl try to lie or manipulate abuse etc i call it out. But lately i haven't bothered cuz they literally do not hear u. But they'd been multiplying lol there'd more narcissist ppl now than ever before. I grew up in abuse. My mom shuts down n can't think or function with it while lol practice ive got a decade on the experience with it then anyone else cuz of 40yr I'd been abused for 36of those years so yeah ita hard also got chronic illnesses like arthritis and fibromyalgia and other things like psoriasis etc ibs and then it also gave anxiety n depression and if i dwell on those past things trauma etc things get bad. ..
Oooh that stop breathing n feeling uptight i didn't know thst was a symptom I was trying to figure out whats that why i feel like thst even when im alone n no one's around it's like random adrenaline like almost. Interesting that's like a fight or flight response so we learned 1 thing at least cuz it is hard to even wrap one's mind around ok well dont be a victim. Ok well i was sooo like it doesn't exist cuz it gets confusing like what do u do with it?idk or let go of the victim mindset yet when ppl ask what's wrong n u explain all these things they go ur being a victim no im just telling u what happened these arr matter of fact statements not like oh poor me. I don't need validation from others when i know im right i don't care what others think. Had gain a thick skin at early age. Abuse began at like 5&1/2 lasted until physical non sexual 9age then the emotional verbal was what i had until still there'd always was at least 1 narcissist who was doing it through the yrs. Made life miserable. Anyway this's getting long its just so counter intuitive and makes no sense. How do i explain the events of thr past and not just be a victim when u factually were a victim of those things? Then ppl try to minimize it all n thst hurts even more cuz it's like they don't see the pain n trauma and healing u have done but i guess i don't need their validation on that either. Is it a permission thing to give urself thst ability or something? Idk it seems women talk on this 1 more than men. Usually who suffer in silence cuz the world literally stops if men stop going to work. But that's another can of worms
But no one chooses to have victim mentality pro identification or choose how much trauma their body is holding .that is my curiosity too that same trauma happens to two people and both survived and had different path in life .How.?
Hi Fariha, great question. This is Seth from Team Lyon. The answer is, it depends on what has happened to them before the trauma. What kind of personality do they have? What kind of family and support system did they get growing up? And, most importantly - what kind of traumas did they have before the shared trauma? Someone who grew up in a healthy family system with secure attachment will have a VERY different response to the shared trauma than someone who grew up with misattunement, chronic stress, neglect, or abuse. Victim mentality never happens on it's own, it's always due to earlier traumas.
Does that mean personality disorders cant heal? Like Cluster B’s - since they indulge in victim mode
Hi Eva M, Jen here from Team Lyon. Engaging in victim mentality doesn't mean someone can't heal, rather it can be a clue to look further at what's going on and where support may be needed. Working with the nervous system (and physiology) the way that Irene teaches can be quite helpful with this.
What when one IS in victim-situation severe new mistreatment since all adult life , sought help actively but been let down not getting examination, right treatment, AND gettintg harmed instead? And withheld When the law and common humane customs are glaringly violated and one is even withheld vital information and reality? I e some professionals can gaslight me by denying I am homeless now, or deny that they discriminate me. I can't tell in just a few words. Please help or at least reply and give some advice ore klet me consult you for 1 session? They have takea my money som I'll have to get well enough from the decades abuse in order to claim and get it back. Thank you very much.
Hello, Sophia from Team Lyon here. I'm very sorry to hear you're navigating a tough situation and thank you for sharing. Irene does not offer private sessions, but there are some ways you can work with her:
A great way to start with this work is Irene's abundant free resources: irenelyon.com/free-resources/
The 21 Day Nervous System Tune-Up is a self-study online course that teaches you basics of healing trauma and nervous system health. It’s the perfect blend of polyvagal theory and somatic neurosensory exercises to get you started on this journey.
Then, if you want to dive deeper, you can check out the more in-depth SmartBody SmartMind™ (SBSM™) program. SBSM™ is an online group program that runs in 12-week ‘semesters’ once or twice a year, and teaches you how to become your own medicine. Its focus is to restore nervous system regulation through polyvagal-informed education, practical neurosensory exercises, and interactive support.
If you are looking to find a practitioner for private sessions, Irene strongly suggests taking some time to watch a video she created detailing “How to find a good practitioner.” th-cam.com/video/04XF7ANnqGk/w-d-xo.html
We also recommend taking a look over the Team Lyon page as many have their own practices and accept clients. irenelyon.com/meet-the-team/
Two directories that might be of help are:
Somatic Experiencing practitioners: directory.traumahealing.org/
Feldenkrais practitioners: feldenkrais.com/practitioner-search/
Once again, thank you for your interest in working with Irene and we wish you the best on your healing journey.
sensory psychomotor?
There is no succh a thing as victim "mentality" - there is experience and reaction to it. "VM" id a construct to justify your own inability to relate and understand and blame the person who is already hurting. Disgusting
I agree. It's great that there is access, since the internet, to people who are educated about this and are trying to help. But even with so, so many traumatized people in the US, we still are so careful to never place blame, to NEVER criticize our parents/caregivers, and to be almost shunned by society if we do. If we called all of this out, and made clear what good parenting is, and isn't....maybe we would be further along than this!! From my experience, the people who have actually suffered as much trauma as Irene is talking about, would never, ever use the term victim mentality.
Your so off base
What a great video. Your sense of care for people really comes through and that, in and of itself, is healing.