How do you tell your parents who want you to have a boyfriend who want you to date and have kids and get married, how do you tell them that you are ace/aro? I am at a young age and im scared to tell them because i will feel dissapointing.
I've been trying to think how to answer this and I'm just not sure because I don't have experience with it myself, not having realized I was aro ace till I was older. So I'm going to pin this comment in case any other viewers want to suggest anything!
Janet Devereaux yes im young im 14. Its just I was confused about what i felt and how I was out of order and everyone was getting into these relationships. Its honestly very depressing.
Belinda bear Don't worry about them. They're making inappropriate comments on several of my videos. You're valid and it's okay to try to figure yourself out.
Belinda bear I am asexual at the age of 15 and whenever my family or friends ever says anything about a relationship to be I simply say "I'm not interested" every time. They eventually gets the message, without me saying I'm asexual to them.
I am Bisexual Aromantic but it's seriously confusing for me.I like the idea of romance as long as it's not me,it makes me feel trapped when someone likes me.
Nagisa Akemi especially when the person who likes you tries to convince you about how they can show you good relationships, if one more gal or dude tries to convince me I just havent found the right one or I just wasn't with the right person Ima flip. Also about feeling trapped when someone likes you is one of the most realatable things I've heard.
Try looking up the word "Aegoromantic." It's a label for people who like the idea of romance so long as they're not involved in it; it's on the Aro spectrum. Hope that helps :)
This comment speaks to me For a some time I liked this guy, and would daydream about him 24/7 and we were pretty good buddies. But then it ended when he started dming me. Every time I would get a message from him I would panic. Then he started to get into the topic of love and if I had a significant other. He also had me play truth or dare to try to get me to confess my feelings or something like: “Why is it that you always hang around me” And it just made me feel sick. I just wanted him to confess to me so I could tell him we’re friends. When he did and I rejected him, he started going off about how I’m afraid of relationships da da da Maybe I am, maybe I’m not But it made me realize how I always was I never was interested in being in a relationship And it also makes me feel trapped when someone likes me.
O o f I feel this. I love the idea of falling in love and all, getting married and having a kid, but I don't think I would have wanted it for me. If someone told me that they liked me, I would feel really scared and distance myself from them. I remember when I was in kindergarten, this little boy told me he liked me and wanted to marry me and I started crying all over the place 😂 I just thought I was demiromantic because of who I dated for the past two years (they both were friends I had for a long time). They never lasted and I could never see myself in love. I really, really love the idea of it. Just, I feel a little scared if it happened to me. My mother had a dream about me one time and said that all my siblings had spouses and I didn't O.o
I totally relating with like "liking the idea and fantasizing about the possibility" but having no actual interest in it- even though it just sounds like someone whos afraid of romantic rejection which makes it hard to explain to ppl.
hdldishsbsjs hsjdbdsjsj ive had that convo being brought up when I was talking to my friend because shes so consumed to me being in one when i told her im good but she just thinks im afraid of being in love
Liking the idea of dating is exactly why I never thought I was aro. But I recently found out I was misinterpreting my crushes (they were actually squishes).
Shipping, to me, is great! I love watching people be in love. I just, don't quite feel it. I have friends who I care very much for, but, to the shock of my parents, I don't have any attraction to them. It's confusing, and sometimes I think it's going to change later on, but for now? I don't feel it.
It is so overrated most people think of romance when they hear the word 'love', but there are so many more ways for love. And I believe if we look at all forms of love together then it does "make the world go round".
lol im the 69th like, and also i think love is overrated. im under the aromantic spectrum, and i was dragged into a relationship because i couldnt say no. it was draining.
Same here. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I truly wish I was alloromantic. I don't like being aro. It feels wrong. It feels like I SHOULD be allo.
You should never be sad about this. I used to feel terrible that I couldn’t feel any romantic love, and I hated myself for it. But now, I think that this is what’s best for me, and it makes me feel good being the way I am. This fits my lifestyle, and I can’t change who I am, so I’m accepting that I do not feel any romantic attraction, and I learned to be okay with that! You will find yourself sooner pr later, you just have to accept yourself.
damn. you really pulled it all together. i always fantasized about the idea of a relationship but when i am in one, it’s absolute hell. i feel trapped when i’m dating someone but when i’m single i feel free.
May you expound to me how is it that you fantasize being with someone, yet you don't actually want to be with someone?? It doesn't click to me that much
@@tarambu427 it sounds pretty complicated, but it's really not. Its liking the idea of somthing more than the actual thing. You are told how beautiful and wonderful and fun romance is, you are told than it's the pinnacle of your life, everything will revolve around them and you'll be "completed" while you can't really experience it, so dating ends up just being like, if you slept in the same bed and shared finances with one of your friends
Im fine watching romance, looking at couples being cute and sweet. My heart melt when i see them. But whenever i tried to imagine myself in romantic relationship, i cant help but cringe. It felt so awkward. Im not sure why. Is it just a 'phase' or something else? Come to think of it, its been a while since i had a crush
you might be aro then I'm floating around in grace/grayro and bi-in-some-way-but-not-quite-sure-which land right now and absolutely nothing is solid, so if you're still suspended in the abyss of questioning your identity then nice to meet you and nice to meet you even if you aren't lol
@@ahassett37 omg same! That right there you have put into writing what I am currently feeling! Thank you so much, just words that feels nice to know someone is on the same boat even if there's the entire video just like its really nice.
@@violetartist2400 awwww I’m glad to know that there’s someone else just floating in I-don’t-know-anymore lol As nice as it can be, it gets lonely, especially when your friends have all figured out their identities already :’) It’s also just a pain trying to explain yourself because personally I’ve been trying different labels and I have changed five times since yesterday morning (technically morning two days ago since it’s after midnight now lol) I was not lying in any way when I said it’s chaos- Well anyway, nice to meet you fellow confusion/chaos abyss drifter :P
@@ahassett37 Yeah I get that. All my life I've identified (or have been basically all but straight up told) I'm straight & into romance alomg with finding a romantic partner as a goal. It wasn't still recently that one of my friends was like yeah I totally thought you were ace that I realized I could *not* be a person interested in romance for myself & it wasn't just me not "finding the right person." So while I'm not ace I'm do glad my friend mentioned it to me so that it got me looking for a label that at least right now gits me & I actually feel comfortable with. It was nice meeting you too! 😊 Comforting to know there are others out figuring themselves out too. Even if that is obviously a thing with so many humans packed into a giant space rock. (It's like 1am where I am so I should probably sleep but it was nice talking to you!)
My whole life I was like “I wanna be friends with them so bad! I wanna befriend them!”. The idea of a close friend was so intense for me contrary to a romantic partner. I would spend hours fantasizing about platonic dynamics I was so afraid that it’s abnormal. Maybe I just crave for a real friendship, but this was consistent since my peers started talking about dating when I was 12 or something. I’m now 16.
I felt that way too, from an even younger age to be honest, except I thought I didn’t have friends despite actually having a lot. Somehow my brain thought this really close friend is what a friend is, and by middle school when I realized it was I started wanting a “best friend” instead. It wasn’t till highschool I found this person I thought I could have this “best friend” relationship with. However I felt betrayed when they said they had feelings for me, and proceeded to deny ever having said that when I questioned it and I felt betrayed. Looking back in it always made me feel like that was a real “possibly romantic” relationship or at least something that could be considered dating when I really didn’t want that. Now that I’ve graduated from highschool I’m finally giving validity to how I felt all those years not realizing I didn’t know how I felt this whole time. I knew I wasn’t confident in my identity since 8th grade, but for some reason on now as a 19 year old did I really try pinning down the fact I’m most likely aro ace and it’s kind of weird and liberating at the same time. Sorry for ranting as a response to your comment, but I felt like what you said resonated with me a bit.
Goddamn, you've just described my life! And, yeah, when I was younger I craved for a true friendship so bad, but never get to know it. And just until now that I'm a "young adult" I've realized how irrelevant romantic relationships were for me all this time. It's hopeful to know that I wasn't alone in this all this time.
literally every boyfriend or girlfriend i’ve ever had i’ve felt like “oh i like you, but don’t really want to be in a relationship??” which was so confusing growing up because i always had to break up with someone after putting so much commitment into the relationship. thank you for explaining this and helping other people to understand who they really are !
can i ask you how it went? because i kinda just realized i am aromantic, because i've been having doubts for a while, and i have to tell my girlfriend about this of course, but i know that she'll be really sad and i just don't know what to do I've realized that yes, i like her and the affection i feel for her is real, but it's just not that kind if love, it's not romantic love. I'm scared it will hurt her a lot because she's the type of girl who will feel like it's her fault and she did something wrong and she doesn't deserve that, but i also don't want to trick her into thinking that it could work between us because then I'd feel like an ass. so i guess my question is kinda how did they take the fact that you're aromantic? i don't wanna pry tho, so you can just tell me no
@@melissagastelum9656 oof man, i feel you. Well, i can tell you how it went for me. She kinda came up to me first to ask me what was going on, because she felt i was kinda distant, and i just told her, and i don't remember exactly how it went but we broke up. not like, in a devastating way, well it probably was for her and i felt sad for her but it was really freeing for me so yeah. it sucked at first, because as i suspected she felt like she did something wrong, but we remained friends so i kept explaining to her that it wasn't about her, she is actually super cool and was an amazing girlfriend, i just wasn't into the whole relationship thing, no matter who. so at the end of the day I'd say the more you put it off, the worse it gets. don't let you partner be the one approaching you with it, go to them first. take you time to collect you thoughts and explain to them how you feel and what type of relationship you want with them (if it's just friendship or something you can work out between the two of you). I don't know what type of person is you partner, but they'll probably need some time to adjust and some reminder that they didn't fail you and it was something outside their control, ot was an outcome that none of you could have predicted and it's okay to for them to feel like they lost something for a while, but they didn't lose you as a presence in their life, you wil still be there for them, just not in the way the first thought. I don't know if this makes sense to you, i can try to explain it better if you need?? english is not really my language, im mostly self taught, and it doesn't help that im kinda shit at talking about feelings in general :/
It means you just don't like people (romantically anyway) And you just accept it! We're actually a very welcoming community (mostly because it's pretty rare to see another aro lol) so we're welcoming to anyone.
Welcome to our part of the community! As the person said we don't really have that many people here that often so it's kinda a suprise to see people here. Here we basically just talk about our worries, stresses, and things like that. We usually have a lot of hugs and cuddles going around because we still love the platonic affection. We also focus a lot more on our personal issues and family issues and things like that. We have frequent sleepovers, demon summonings, Ted talks, and self love and mental health help. We hope you have a good time here!
I really admire aromantic people. Like wow. I can't relate, being a kind of hopeless romantic, but damn. I can only imagine how difficult it must be, since our society seems to be obsessed with romance. Kudos to every single one of you. I'm proud of you. 👏👏👏
It's really tough when you're trying to find out if what you feel is actually romantic attraction or not. Like, in some cases I might think I'm experiencing romantic attraction but in reality it's something else. It sort of sucks because I wanna be in a relationship so badly. I wanna cuddle with someone, I want to have someone to kiss on the forehead before I go to bed, I want someone but I just don't feel romantically attracted to anyone.
I identify a lot with the things you say in the video. Deep down I know I am aromantic asexual, but I strongly refuse to accept it because I wish I weren't. I feel like my life would be so much easier and I could experience having nice romantic relationships with such nice people if only I felt romantic attraction. It's terrible to live in denial with my own identity :/
Omg this is exactly how I felt few month ago. I was struggling so much, I hate myself being ace, I hate other people being heter. Like, it's the easiest thing for others to have a normal heterosexual life and it's the hardest thing for me
Eh... Having seen enough relationships that end in divorce and the pain and frustration of legal entanglements that come from bad breakups, I consider myself happily out of it. Sure, there are a lot of happy couples out there, and living single has its own pitfalls, but I much prefer having the freedom to do my own thing without having to worry about anyone else's baggage.
I would rather be aromantic rather than what I am which is lithromantic, which is where you like the idea of love and want someone but as soon as they show that kind of affection you get turned off and don't wanna be in a relationship.. its very confusing cause I want a relationship but as soon as I get in one I break it off..
mandy monster mash THATS ME!!! Holy fuck, I like this guy and fantasies about being together the whole nine and soon as he showed mutual feelings. The feelings for him were shut off, shut off like it didnt even happen.
I'm in a similar romantic field and I let others let me believe it was either comment issues or insecurity and probably both. I don't believe it's either. I see qualities I love in people and behaviors that attract me, and I have a healthy sex drive, so it leaves me flirtatious in a state of romantic daydreams (late-night walks, coffee shops, laying in a city park talking til sunup) But then as soon as I think they may reciprocate the attraction, I tell them I can only offer friendship, that it'll be deeper and more meaningful than anything romantic I can offer. When getting close to a person I always try to self evaluate my intentions so to not be misleading. I've let people expect fireworks where I proved to be a dud. Sorry for such a long ramble, I've been thinking a lot and not talking much. I find you can satisfy most your romantic pining with really well developed friendships with people you love on deep genuine levels, but don't necessarily want to build a life with. Never underestimate the beauty of a friend date.
Garrett Okenka same here with my friends. I honestly just let them now just think what they want. Whatever first comes to mind is not what I care about. That i know im sincerely not someone who wakes up or goes to bed wishing i was alone soothes me.
I have no idea of what proper "romantic attraction" is. I've been trying to understand it and sometimes also tried to convince myself that I was feeling it, but I really didn't. I had no idea that a term like "aromantic" even existed. Glad I'm not alone XD Nice video btw
Same 😂 I always chose people that I can have a crush on and convinced myself to believe that I feel romantic attraction but in reality I just didn’t felt it but I wanted to experience it 😂😂 now I know that it’s ok to be aromantic
After watching this video, I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic? I know I'm asexual, but I always clinged to the idea that I felt at least some kind of romantic attraction. I think that I knew deep down though that I'm also aromantic, because for one, I could not figure out for the life of me whether I was straight, gay, bi, whatever because I feel the same way about everyone, and by the same way, I mean I feel nothing thats anything different from platonic attraction. For a long time I've been denying the fact I was aromantic because I love the idea of a romantic relationship, I thought that it must be great to be in such a caring, special relationship, and I thought I wanted that. But now, after watching this, I realise that what I'm feeling is a result of, as you said, amatonormativity in society. I think I've finally come to terms with my aromanticism, and I want to thank you for that, because it means I can finally accept myself and stop trying to search for something that, in reality, I don't really want. So, yeah, thank you xx
In regards to the 1st paragraph: I feel the exact same way as you do. I am in constant denial with the fact that I am aromantic and asexual, because I wish I weren't. I wish I could build a nice romantic relationship with someone. I hate to have to turn down amazing people who are lovely to me and with whom I could get involved with because I can't seem to feel anything for them. And just the idea of putting myself in such an uncomfortable situation frightens me. I wish I weren't like that.
TheSarcasticSlytherin omg omg omg me too, I can relate so much!! like 100% I feel you, and this video has helped me a lot! I always thought that I felt romantic attraction but then when people did show interest in me, I always backed off and thought that I liked them but not enough to be in relationship with them if it makes sense and that it wouldn't be fair to them because I just didn't really feel attracted to them. and now I fucking know why!!!!!!! I do experience sensual and aesthetic attraction, a lot actually, which made me think that it was romantic attraction? but I didn't want to be in a relationship with those specific people I just like spending time with them and hold their hand and cuddle and kiss on the cheek and be clingy, but I wouldn't want the whole "We're dating" stuff. Whoa. I have never thought about that meaning aromantisicm before
Totally same feeling here. I'm 100% great with my asexuality but begrudgingly trying to come to terms with the fact that I am probably aromantic as well. Which freaking sucks. It's not so much that I want to be in a relationship but that I dont want to be the only one not in a relationship. Because then I wont have anyone else to relate to. Ughhh....
@Butterfly Of Despair That sounds a lot like my experience with romantic attraction! I do enjoy cuddling and holding hands and being cutesy with someone, but I hate the feeling of kissing and I'm not into sex either. Many aro/ace people have identified as bi/pan before because there's an equal level of attraction towards all genders (none). For me, I think this is true. It may be different for every person tho :)
To anyone who needs to hear this, including myself because damn I really need to hear this: You've still got time to figure it all out, although I understand the feeling of wanting to just decode everything and stop worrying so much about it. I'm 21. My friends are getting married and having kids and dating. I still don't have it all figured out by any means. I avoid going out with people, but occasionally, I'll think I'm weak or caving to my anxiety by avoiding it, and decide to go out. but it doesn't feel right and it feels like I'm using them because we're not looking for the same things, so I avoid it for another few years. I'm an asexual disaster in all senses of the word. So you've got time. I think i's hard to explain being asexual since people who aren't asexual or aromantic have a hard time wrapping their head around the concept that companionship and relationships can exist without romance or sex. Hell, it's something I have to try and remind myself all the time. Love happens without these things. We love our family and friends. We want to spend the rest of our lives with them in our company. I think it's similar for partners. We don't choose to be with them just because of romance and sex (although for some people that's very important, which I understand) we choose to stay with them because we get emotionally connected, bonded, and intimate with them and the relationship we have with them adds depth to our life. Regarding parents, I feel like most parents are afraid or in denial about Asexuality because they're afraid their child will be alone forever, which immediately equals being unhappy to society, which isn't true. You can be complete and happy without another person. Or, they think they'll never have grandkids. Regarding that, if you don't want kids and they're upset about that, that's their problem. They need to respect your decisions for your own life and throw away those expectations they had for how your life should go, according to them. It's your life and your happiness, you decide how to live it. And if you do want kids, but you don't want that kind of relationship with someone, there are so many options nowadays, adoption, in-vitro, etc. I just think people have it wrong. Sex isn't endgame and the only way to show love. Sure, it's a way to connect, but there are also so many other ways to be intimate. You have options. A big thing causing guilt and doubt and confusion is that this path we're supposed to follow is so ingrained in us to fulfill certain expectations, that we feel like we're failures if we don't follow that normal, set path. This is coming from someone with anxiety who puts a lot of pressure on herself. It's a constant battle. I have a hard time identifying as ace because I have that part of me always telling me that if you identify this way, you're closing doors, and you'll never do a, b, and c, so you'll never be happy. The thing that helps me is seeing people that feel the same way, and feeling like what I'm feeling is valid, not a hormonal imbalance or mental illness, and not a defect or a result of anxiety or sensitivity/trauma. (That's a whole other can of worms)
@Emily Ann cahill...its said that intelligent people get more anxiety and i can see that in u😊😍u r 21? u talk like u r 100 yo, some people dont understand what u do, even untill their deaths...i want u to know that u r extremely wise, intelligent and sensible person👌👌🤗🤗u r going in right direction regarding ur life or ur thought process if awesome...i agree and say the same as u, every bit of it...parents dont have the right to command u how to live ur life, they cant choose ur sexuality 4 u, ofcourse they have the right to get what they gave u, love and financial stability but thats it...they dont get to choose ur personality...its an individual decision...also i always knew what i want but ofcourse i was a bit confused as people always asked me about what kind of person i was...this vdo only confirms...m aromantic asexual too lol happy with this orientation and dont give a shit about what others think of it
I was bi until I felt weird anytime someone liked me. I thought something was wrong with me. until I saw a few videos of people being asexual and aromantic. I am aromantic. I felt really weird and awkward when someone would want to date me. I would say yes because I told myself " I should try to date" but I said no at the same time because I wasn't comfortable with it. I kept fighting with myself. But I am really relieved that I know my sexually now. I am so happy I can relate to people. thank you so much
This is my situation. I thought I was bi, when really I was Aromantic. Those “crushes” were like an aesthetic attraction. I kept thinking I was bi, and then aromantic. It’s confusing but watching videos like this, and reading comments help me
@@coreyaiou8 I thought I was bi too, I identified as bisexual maybe for a year then biromantic asexual/aegosexual and after that I have come to the conclusion that I'm aromantic and asexual. I have realised that it was only like wanting friends so bad expecially queer friends, aesthetic attraction, jealousy of looks and gender envy of masculine people and men ( I think I'm agender and transmasc as well).
That's cool. I did have some thoughts about using sperm donor too, but i dont wanna risk the labor pains, however adoption was always on the table for me. I would see myself adopting either 1or 2 boys.
Hi. I am aromantic and asexual. I have never been "in love" with anyone. I don't feel any attraction beyond friendship. I have had two intense friendships with women but it was certainly not love. I never thought of them that way. And I am more than sure that they too have never thought of me being more than just a friend. I felt pressure to be with someone for years. With a serious religious background I heard so many people tell me that "God has a wife for you". Well I am convinced that he or she does not because if they did then I would not be aromantic and asexual.
Paul L. Rogers Interesting. Despite not having the same notion of physical attraction as others (being demisexual). Have you ever feel any physically attraction towards aesthetically pleasing women or men?
thetruebindi that’s the thing that people don’t understand! Like you can appreciate a person aesthetically without being attracted to them. Like seeing an artwork in museum, you don’t suddenly think “wow I want to kiss this artwork and have sex with it” lol
I’m trying to figure out if I’m on the aromantic spectrum or not. A lot of what’s said in the video does resonate with me. I generally don’t have really strong emotions to begin with though. I have experienced crushes but those might have just been more sexual attraction than anything else. Videos like this help a lot.
I used to think I was asexual panromantic, but when I tried to get in a relationship I felt repulsed at the idea of talking to the other person in the relationship, and seeing them, and whenever they called me pet names I felt more nauseous than usual. I'm still trying to find out if that means I'm aromantic or not, tho I'm reassured by the fact that QPRs exist. I don't wanna be alone my whole life but I don't wanna be in a romantic relationship I guess? Idk this comment kinda wandered for a bit and I don't really wanna go back and reword the whole thing lol. Thanks for reading all my ranting I suppose, and if anyone had advice please tell me, it'd be really great.
So it's been a year now, and I've discovered I'm biromantic with a preference for guys, I just didn't really feel comfortable with a relationship with this person in particular. Now, I have a boyfriend who is so super epic and I'm super happy with him. Thought I should update lol. Doesn't mean it's the same for anyone else, it was just my experience!! :)
@@s3lkieboy I just want to thank you for the update. I struggle with the same thing right now and I am wondering if I am really aromantic or I am just very picky in romantic relationships. Which I don't want to be, but I guess it is not something you can choose.
I’m literally crying. I always thought i was SO weird for feeling exactly as you described, but now I’m considering the option of being aromantic... thank you. + i love your voice
Personally, I don't see fantasies as negating your identity. But have you heard of the word squish? It basically means a platonic crush. It might describe what you're experiencing?
Yes I believe so, because honestly I think it’s just that you really admire their aesthetic. But you probably feel more or less than just that, and only you know so I won’t try and tell you how you feel!! But it could maybe be that
Yes, it's called squish. I have it for Namjoon from BTS, I would really like to know him but in just a friendly way, like having deep conversations with him and stuff like that. I just feel like he's a really great person I would like to know.
When I found out I was an Aromantic, I felt so relieved. My whole life I had never had a crush, yeah sure I may have forced a relationship when i was like, preschool (a coed school), but it was so fake i honestly don’t even want to think about it. Anyways, My whole life, I wasn’t close to a lot of boys. I was the spoiled brat who spoke too much english, too little native language, and wore pink all the time. And I didn’t even have a lot of cousins and relatives my age, much leas boys. In my whole education (except preschool) I have studied in a girl school and I just thought that I haven’t met a boy that would soon be my boyfriend. I would daydream about dates and stuff like that, but it would only last for 5 or so minutes and my mind would wander to other daydreams. When I first got in to high school (last year) all my friends had crushes, while I never had one. I always thought I was weird and told myself, “one day when you get into phycology, you’ll have all the answers to your questions.” A year later, and it turns out I don’ have to wait until college till I learn more about myself. I was so relieved that one weird thing about me was finally explained, because I have so many questions about myself, it’s like I don’t know myself lol. Thank you if you’ve read this much. Didn’t mean to make it this long lol.
I completely relate, I went to an all girls secondary school and never had a crush on any boy. I felt really left out and strange because of it, the idea of girls my age having boyfriends was just bizarre and I never actually thought about wanting that for myself I sort of just assumed I did. I’m in my second year of college now and I’m still coming to terms with the idea of being aromantic, it actually comforts me a bit. Then again I might not know since I’ve never been in a relationship 😕
I am well past my teenage years and I've never really given my sexual identity much thought, I know I'm hetero in my interest but I've never dated or wanted to date anyone. I have major trust issues for very good reasons, so I assumed it was just that, I hadn't met anyone I was willing to risk and trust. But in the past two days, I've seen several Asexual and Aromantic videos and it suddenly dawned on me....these sound a LOT like me...51 is a heck of a time to start to try and figure something like this out. Thank you for sharing your experience with all of this, you have given me a lot to think about.
Ah, Yes the ace/aro who never cared enough about romance or sex to figure out that they don't feel the attraction. That is exactly how I felt. I wasn't even the one who discovered that I don't feel attraction. (That credit goes to my sibling)
Every time you stopped to think and said “I don’t know” I just kept thinking SAAAAAME because it’s so hard to pinpoint in yourself even after you’ve pinpointed it. It’s almost like you start to wonder, “well why me? Why can’t I be in love?” Even though I don’t particularly want any kind of relationship, it’s like I wish I did want it though. You know? Ugh it’s so confusing being aro, but at least after you’ve figured it out in yourself and are able to give a name to it, it makes it easier to understand in yourself and try to cope.
I love what you said even though I don't identify with 100% of it. I'm looking for people who will potentially want a platonic relationship with me that is as strong as romantic ones, but not romantic. It's really confusing people, either because they don't believe in aromanticism or they don't understand what I mean when I say it's not a romantic relationship but as strong as that, or why I insist that while I want that, I don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend, had crushes in the past (finding out abut platonic crushes helped me understand myself better) and like romantic fiction (many times I actually feel I can identify with it, since it seems similar to how I feel for my loved ones) and I'm looking for videos/websites that'll help me explain since I'm frustrated. Thank you for the video!
I understand how frustrating that is. I'm really lucky that I found my way into a strong platonic relationship by accident. I hope someday strong platonic relationships will be normalized enough that finding people who want them won't be so difficult.
I was looking for the same thing starting about 15 years ago. I wanted a monogamous long-term friend with benefits, with a focus on the friendship (actually being close friends that do non-sexual stuff too) basically a boyfriend, but without the need for love and romance. I gave up because I figured no one else would want the same thing. It wasn't until I met my first aromantic person a couple of months ago that I realized that it can be a thing, it may be hard to find, but I have doubled up my efforts to make that my reality. I think more people want that now and as more people begin to understand the aromantic spectrum it will only get better.
I’m really troubled cause, I always fantasized, and I still do, about having a partner, the idea of being so special to someone that they want to spend the rest of their life with you. You know? Like, unconditional love. And I want that, I want that so bad. But whenever I meet someone who I feel strongly about, it’s never romantic, or I don’t thing it is. I can’t even tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings! And I have strong love and respect for people in the aromantic and asexual community, but I really hope I’m not one, and I’m scare I might be. I’ve had friends that I’ve made top priority, and I feel I’ve had some friends who does think of me as their “favorite person” of some sort. But it doesn’t click, I don’t feel romantic attraction for them. So I feel that the fantasy I have will never exist, and never has and it’s just me having high expectations. And the idea of that scares me, it makes the future so much lonelier. It means that this longing for someone to come and take that loneliness away is, just a fantasy
When you said that it feels like a more intense version of how you feel for platonic friends I related so much. I've been in two relationships, one poly, but only because I allowed myself to be pressured into believing I loved them in the way they loved me. I did love them both, but it was always friend love, with the addition of mutual sexual attraction. I now make sure to tell people I'm aromantic from the get go and stick to my boundaries so I don't end up hurting peoples feelings
Yes I am Aromantic- and yes- I feel love for my parents and siblings and pets. Just because I don’t feel ROMANTIC attraction doesn’t mean I won’t take a bullet for my parents pets siblings and friends
do u think i could be aromantic even if like i have emotional attachments to like fictional characters lmao. like my comfort character is also the only person i like emotionally too and idk i sound dumb but i’m kinda confused with everything rn. like irl i have had like 3 crushes and one was just elementary school, and the other is just that i like the attention from him but i rejected him when he asked me out- idk if i could be or not.
@@moonystoes OMG YOU JUST EXPLAINED ME IN A NUTSHELL 😭 I thought I was the only one feeling like this...glad I’m not alone..but I don’t know the answer to it either sadly :(
@@77LoveForJesus77 omg same I thought I was the only one pls I literally only feel things for fictional characters but irl I just can’t. I’ve rejected ppl bc I can’t feel for them only my fictional crushes 😭😭
Oh my God! Yes, this is it exactly! It's so hard to figure out whether you're aromantic or just haven't "met the right person" yet! I kept feeling like I was "supposed" to find The One, and then I'd be in love, but it's just not like that for me! My "girlfriend" (I can't think of a better word for what we are, or I'd use it) and I don't have a traditional "romantic" relationship, but we're still very close!
3:30 This piece made my heart skip a beat. This is exactly how I feel. Two weeks ago, I didn’t even know what “romantic orientation” was, and now I feel like I’ve been sleeping my entire adult life and am just now waking up.
I started thinking I was aro or ace, or both since I was like 9. One day, I thought 'Hey, I've never felt a Crush before,' and looked up 'why do I not have a crush'.I thought I was to young to just say that, so I kept it to myself. When I turned 10, I started telling my close friends and family, like my brothers and cousins, that I thought I was aro or ace. I'm still p young to decide that, so I'm assuming. But I've never felt a "Crush", or at least I don't think I have. I don't even think I've had a squish. I've thought about romance, but never me being in love. Just the idea, bc I've never felt like having that "special someone". Ohoho, when 6th grade hit... Oh boy, I felt like an alien! Everybody started "dating" (6th grade doesn't count) and I was like "Umm... I don't wanna do this" I never felt attracted to anybody, even in 6th grade. I thought that people were just joking about their feelings. I now believe I'm gray-romantic.
4:18 WOW that part really rang a bell for me. The whole video up to this point was really good and I just sat here listening, kinda opening myself to the idea of that community (i just recently acknowledged that I am aromantic) and then you said this particular thing. I was really romanticly driven when I was younger but then it evolved into, like you said, just day dreaming about dates and not ACTUALLY wanting them to happen in a particular way. Like when I am out with a girl, sure I able to enjoy the date etc, but emotionally I am numb the whole time. It started to feel really weird when I realized that it had nothing to do with people and something to do with what’s inside of me. I’ll watch video to the end but even now I can tell you thank you for posting! You’ve just made me more comfortable with the idea of accepting that I am in fact Aromantic.
Thank you so much for this video. I relate to everything you said about aromanticism (I'm not asexual). I've had crushes and dated people but dating always felt like just a really good friend I was sleeping with. I liked romantic things but like you said @9:17 "no matter what I feel for other people... it's not really a different feeling from how I feel about other friends of mine, it's just a more intense version". 100% this.
That statement of feeling a more intense sense of frienship with someone you're invested in at 09:30 really struck a chord with me. I had a brief period where I thought I was feeling a romantic attraction towards another guy (about 6 months ago), but on reflection, I realise it was just as you described; a more intense version of a friendship. I think I identify as Gray-romantic as a result.
I've never heard this term before until today. As an intersex person I also tend to not be sexually attracted to people. I was born with testicular and ovarian tissue. In other words I sort of male but with a few female parts. In turn I felt as a child I should have been born female. Yet as a male I was never attracted to males. To be honest the only person I've ever been attracted to has been my spouse. She knows me better than any person and she is often confused about my gender feelings. The bottom line is we work at a loving relationship. Lol My self discovery has been a life long process.
I’m kind of freaking out about this I’ve been ignoring this as a possibility for a while. I don’t know if I actually am aromantic yet but this video is extremely helpful and insightful.
I've just discovered this word and it explains the last 22 years of my life. I was in love once when I was 20. Then never again. I'm 41 now. I would like it but I just can't do it! Everything you're saying explains my life. Thank you. I cannot believe I've discovered this. I no longer feel like a freak. Thanks xxx
How cool, you're Celeste too! I've been questioning my romantic attractions too and always had the question, "Well, if I have these crushes than how can I be aromantic?" By this video reassured me of my identity. I don't have romantic crushes, i realized. I just like the idea of romance. Thank you for helping me! Also, what's your response when people tell you "You just haven't found the one yet"?
Unfortunately I don't really have a good response other than just, like, "Nope." 😊 Or I might just reiterate, "No, I actually just don't feel that kind of attraction, and I'm okay with that!"
Thank you so much for posting this video. I am 27 and have recently realised that I am aromantic, what you have said in this video have made me realised that I'm not along in this, and that there is nothing wrong with the way I feel. This has meant more to me than you could imagine. So thank you
I knew I was "different" my whole life but I didn't come across the term "asexual" until I was 23 and, it was such a relief at the time that I was like "Ok, this is it." and never gave it another thought. I wish I had looked into it a bit further because I was still trying to fit myself into a box and considering myself to be hetero-romantic so it took me another 7 years to realize that I was also aromantic. It wasn't until I came across a random video of a TH-camr who is an animator that I realized that, even though I still crave affection (e.g.: hugs, snuggling, kissing on the forehead) I don't crave romantic affection (eg: holding hands, kissing on the lips, making out). Thinking outside all the social conditioning you've been through pretty much since you were born [I legit find it repulsing to see adults trying to get kids in the kindergarten to "date" one another] is really hard because it's all you know.
I really really like your hair. I know this part of my comment is not about the content of the video but I just keep looking at your hair and it's just SO COOL. I'm married and aromantic. I'm allosexual and knew from the start that romantic attraction and sexual attraction were unconnected for me. I experience and enjoy emotional and physical intimacy with my partner, we are also sexually monogamous. Neither of us are particularly romantic however and both enjoy our personal space. We when we got married I was very honest about not being "in love" with them. I told them I cared deeply for them and enjoyed their company and the physical side of our relationship very much, but couldn't imagine myself ever doing any of the stereotypical "romantic" things. They said that those kinds of things made them uncomfortable anyways, even though they don't identify as aromantic. I also told them that if I ever decided that I didn't want to be married to them any longer they would 100% be the first to know because I would tell them to their face and they agreed to do the same for me. In October we will have been married for 17 years and we are both still very happy. I have never once regretted marrying them.
After watching this video I’m posting my aromantic flag in my room loud and proud! Thank you so much for making this I can connect to your experiences a lot.
I started crying when I was watching this because it finally gave me the closure of what I’m feeling (or the lack thereof). Thank you for making this video.
This is kind of making me want to cry- I’ve identified as aroace for quite some time, and I’ve been having doubts about my being aromantic. This video provided so much closure. Thank you Celeste!
Great video. Thank you. I've felt that confusion for over 50 yearz! I didn't identify as asexual until I was 65. Now I am realizing I am aromantic too. I know it, but I still can't explain it to anyone. It gets easier for some, but not everyone... but we all matter. Peace!
I LOVE hearing your description because it’s so reassuring to hear that it’s not so cut and dry. Aromanticism and asexuality are so complicated and hard to define… especially since we’ve been conditioned not to be this way. (I didn’t even know this was a thing until my senior year of college 😭) Sometimes I get so confused on why I’m the way that I am, but there’s no changing it. So happy I stumbled upon this video though, because it makes me feel a lot more “normal” to be feeling/thinking/acting the way that I do. I’m glad I’m not alone 😂
Empathetic romanticism, I may have reworded that, but I think you coined the definition here. This video actually answers some questions I was too shy to ask about "how" you feel about romantic ideations. Thank you for being so candid.
god ive never related so much. ive felt the exact same way and only recently ive come to terms that i dont have traditional romantic feelings and only like the idea of people usually. and honestly the most important top person to me is myself. i need to take care of myself and i like being able to be alone with myself
This video spoke straight to my heart. I'd been on the fence about officially taking in this label because, to be honest, it scared me. I really do want to want romance, but I just really... can't. This video finally set me on the path towards being okay with that.
I have been confused for a while about my sexuality and romantic agenda, and I looked up I fell no attraction towards men or woman. And this popped up and it makes scents because I would rather have some great friends by my side than a romantic partner. And I always got mad when I was little when my mother always said “found anyone you like”
:OOOOOOO it's me! i had a total crisis like not even a week ago about not knowing how romantic attraction is different from platonic, and it's like ur verbalizing my thoughts
Thank you for sharing. I identify as pansexul, but I'm doing some research and I'm beginning to think I'm aromantic. I was married to someone for 7 years. The whole time, I tried to force that "butterflies in the stomach" feeling. I'm physically affectionate in the sense of, I love cuddling. This is often misconstrued as me having romantic feelings toward the person I cuddle. I get crushes, but it's super rare for me. Sexual attraction isn't rare for me, but I don't get the "butterflies" feeling with the HIGHLY rare exception. (Basically saved for my celebrity crush.)
I've done some research, I'm definitely aromantic. My celebrity crush is more of a celebrity lush. No romance! Only cuddles, blankets, and movies, and popcornz!
I really appreciate your video, especially since you mention that it's not always straightforward when it comes to being aromantic. We are expected to have romantic feelings, date, and to want those things in our lives, but it's not always clear that that doesn't fit into who we are. It's similar to the pressure we have to get married and even more so to want to have children. I haven't wanted kids since my early 20s, I'm not sure I ever did, but that's when it became clear. ever since I've been asked to explain why I don't, when the reality is simply that I have no desire to have children. I did get married, but again I think that was mostly because romantic love is seen as inevitable and it seemed like what I was expected to do (it didn't last long). I am now realizing that I am closer to aromantic than I will ever be to romantic and that that's OK. It's actually quite comforting to realize I'm not just terrible at relationships, but rather that I simply don't have the same desire for romance.
Thank you for explaining this idea of not liking people in a romantic way. I dated some people before but I lost feelings every time and I think about it now and I didn’t actually like them I just wanted to be with someone and now I’m realizing that I don’t find people romantically attractive and it’s so weird now.
Thank you so much for this video. It's so relieving to hear someone describe something I feel too. First of all, I don't consider myself asexual. I can and do feel sexually attraction to people.And I like the idea of romance. I like reading about romance, watching romantic movies, etc. I even sometimes fantasize about being in love with someone. BUT. The important part about that is: it's about the idea. If it comes to the real thing, if someone wants to date me, my reaction is: okay, I'm out. It feels completely wrong. Weird. I feel like the other person wants something I can't give them. Even if I think I had a crush on them. As soon as I try imagining us being together for real it...just doesn't feel right. It makes me want to run away. I just can't imagine being with someone, wanting them like that (and I mean romantically, not sexually).It's not that I don't like intimacy (both emotional and physical). I can't even explain what it is that makes a potential relationship feel so wrong. But it does.
That makes complete sense to me! I also think aromantic people who aren't asexual don't get enough attention or visibility so it's great to hear from someone who falls into that category!
I'm 20, soon 21 and I've been giving the label aromantic more thought recently (I've never been in a relationship and don't feel comfortable with the idea) and watching this, many parts where you talked about your experience made me slap my computer and think "yes! exactly!" I've been aware of aromanticism for a while (not long enough to have been sure about its fit for me though) but actually hearing someone describe it in detail made me feel more validated. love this! thanks for making it! x
Thank you for this. You speak from your experiences, making it so honest and relatable. Just coming into understanding of my own aromantic nature. Finally understand why attempts at romantic relationships have failed miserably. I experience deep love for others, just not romantic love. Totally foreign to me. I would like to share a fraternal relationship with another guy, kinda like brothers with benefits. Not too many gay guys seem interested in this. As you commented, there’s such a strong push in this society for monogamous, romantic relationships. I hope alternative paradigms for intentional families grow in acceptance.
You just said everything that I needed to hear and thought of about myself. I heard about Asexuality last year and that was the first time I ever heard it being a thing. I kept thinking about if that's what I am because it all kinda made sense to me but I was afraid of being judged because other people really don't understand it. But now that I'm about to turn 30 I'm learning about needing to accepting where I am in life and who I really am and if I'm happy with my life. I think I am getting there. It just feels like a huge relief and weight off of my shoulders to admit it to myself. I dont care if everyone else finds out i just want to live my life my way and be free
Thank you so much for making this video. I've been struggling to figure out what my relationship with romantic attraction is, and my experiences obviously aren't identical to yours, and I'm not sure if I'm wholly aromantic, but...this helped give me perspective on it. I at least don't feel like an intruder on aromantic spaces now. I really appreciate you taking the time to make this video.
I have been struggling for so long... but the way you put it into words how, you can feel very intense feeling toward someone, but not have them be romantic. How those intense feelings are the same as the platonic feelings I have for other friends... just heightened. It really opened my eyes. I don't feel confident enough yet to say without hesitation that I'm aro... but this video really helped me. I'm so glad I found it. Thank you.
The was you explained how hard it is to find out if you are aromantic, that part I started sobbing. I’ve been feeling very confused about these things and feeling like I’m such a monster for not understanding. And to know there’s such a spectrum and that other people had to figure these things out too! My gosh that had helped me so much.
Thank you so much for this video. At almost 37, I am finally starting to understand myself. I've never been able to articulate how I feel, even to myself, but this video felt like you'd taken my jumbled thoughts and spoken them for me. Family and friends have spent years asking when I'll "settle down", but I could never make them understand why I chose not to. They thought I hadn't found "the one" or I was unapproachable, or not putting myself out there... They just couldn't fathom that I'm happy this way. We don't need to assign labels to everything, but it is so comforting to know that I'm not alone. Thank you so much, you have no idea how helpful this has been to me.
Ah this is nice, while I haven't had your exact experiences, I relate to a lot of what you're saying. I always felt like I was being too picky or scared, because people would ask me out and I always turned them down. I just didn't like them that way. And I would say "I'm lonely and I want to be with someone," so people around me thought I was just being picky too, and that it was my own fault. I felt like I needed to feel and want these things because that's what I'd grown up believing, and the thought that someone might not was so foreign. Really it didn't even cross my mind until I was in my early 20s and tried dating someone. That cleared up a lot. >_> And even then I just went with asexual and didn't adopt the aromantic label until a few years later. I also like the bit about romance in media, because I have intense moments of wow that's so beautiful I want that, and then moments of WHY ARE YOU FORCING THEM INTO A RELATIONSHIP JUST LET PEEPS BE FRIENDS. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter, I can wish all I want but I can't magically grow feelings I'm incapable of feeling. =/
I feel where you're coming from. In the past few years I've learned that I'm aromantic. I've tried having romantic relationships in the past, but always felt awkward in them, and was actually relieved when they failed. That said, I do feel sexual attraction for people, but no drive to build a romance on it.
This video hits me hard. I never really understood the concept of “love”. I’ve never had a “serious crush” in my life time, but I have found some people to be cute.
we really are learning every day. i know this video is old in youtube years, but over the past several years, even before this was put out, i always wondered if i was aro, but i would tell myself maybe i wasnt and just always conventiently had other goals i was prioritizing at the moment. first time hearing about the term amatonormativity, and its clicked several gears in my head into place. thank you so much for this.
Wow. Thank you for this video. I've been so confused and I can relate to this so much. Thank you. I can finally feel like I know myself more. 💙thank you very much
I’ve been always wondering why I never fall in love and why I never want to be in a relationship AND at the same time want occasionally I kinda stumbled across the word “aromantic” and started googling it Now I am here watching all the videos and I can relate to a lot of the words you’ve said And it scares me so much Now I feel like I don’t know myself and don’t understand myself
i think I’m aromantic. In the past I confused sexual attraction with romantic attraction and thought that it was a crush. When they liked me back, i knew something didn’t feel right and so when I ended it I then thought I had commitment issues bc I just can never see myself be romantically in a relationship. this hurt me a lot bc as a kid I craved for the romance I saw on tv bc it’s fantasy and something I’ve never felt before. I still want to be in relationships (platonically) but i know I won’t be able to “fall in love”. and it’s not bc ‘I haven’t met the right person’ I just can’t feel those butterflies or have those cute highschool crushes everyone else has
I had realized after a long time that I didn't want a relationship I just wanted what was associated with it happiness. But when I separated the two and thought about just the relationship part, not the "oh you're my whole world you make me so happy I'll never leave you" I found that I felt nothing, even distaste towards the experience.
thank you so much. only recently found out there's a difference between sexual and romantic attraction and that made me more confused than ever. this cleared up a lot of things
Thank you for finally giving me some semblance of what romantic attraction is! Every time I looked it up or tried to find information online it’s just like “aromantic is not feeling romantic attraction” and I’m yes, I know, but what does that mean? Describing how there isn’t a distinction between platonic and just more intense platonic really helped. Still have a lot more introspection to do, but this definitely helped a lot :)
Heya, thanks for sharing your views! Really validating! “What I feel for Jason was not any different from what I felt for someone else. Just that, it was more intense” This is so me! I was literally just thinking of the same thing and this is how I understood I was an aromantic! Like, I understand ‘romance’ more in terms of what it is NOT rather than what it is. I def also feel very, very deeply for people and even experienced a situationship and healing from a breakup, which took me 8 months and I completely changed (for the better) afterwards. But after that entire thing was done and I met someone else I liked, it was only then I discovered that it was never a romantic breakup and I’ve never felt romantically for anyone really, but it was SO intense that the nature of the feeling really didn’t matter. I mean, if I could feel THAT intensely for someone and love them without the romance (just that it wasn’t romantic love), what was the difference really, YK? Understanding the fact that just because it was more than platonic, didn’t mean it was romantic, also helped me identify as an aro! Like it’s a zone between romantic and platonic (alterous), which I often confused as romantic in the past. But I just wish to communicate this to the one I like, because I never really got the entire vibe of ‘dating’ in general. I’ve also never felt or understood physical or sexual attraction; I’ve felt aesthetic attraction tho and confused it with physical. So… you really put it out there! Thanks for the vid, needed this! ^^
Hey, I'm just gonna throw Relationship Anarchy in here. It originated primarily in Polyamory but is very relevant for aro/ace I think. It is maybe a lifestyle thing or maybe more(?) but in any case it is about rejecting the tradition primacy of the one relationship, getting married, getting kids, growing old with one other person. The rejection of that being necessarily more important than other relationships. The idea is to look at all relationships individually and let them become whatever they will. To say also that certain platonic friendships can be very deep and just as or even more important in a life than romantic relationships. Poly people often talk about rejecting the "relationship escalator", meaning the idea that your relationship/life has to follow the formula and order of girl/boyfriend>live together>marriage>kids and that if you are not moving forwards on this treadmill, you are doing something wrong. Also extra shout out to Multiamory podcast, they talk frequently about Relationship Anarchy and have also talked about Ace.
Oh cool, thank you! A lot of the concepts I've read and heard about polyamory really resonate with me and this is for sure one of them. I think polyamory stuff is very similar to ace/aro stuff in that even if it doesn't apply to you in the same way, the concepts can help you understand things about your own experience by pulling you out of the default mindset we're sort of trained to work from.
How do you tell your parents who want you to have a boyfriend who want you to date and have kids and get married, how do you tell them that you are ace/aro? I am at a young age and im scared to tell them because i will feel dissapointing.
I've been trying to think how to answer this and I'm just not sure because I don't have experience with it myself, not having realized I was aro ace till I was older. So I'm going to pin this comment in case any other viewers want to suggest anything!
Celeste M thank you so much💙💙
Janet Devereaux yes im young im 14. Its just I was confused about what i felt and how I was out of order and everyone was getting into these relationships. Its honestly very depressing.
Belinda bear Don't worry about them. They're making inappropriate comments on several of my videos. You're valid and it's okay to try to figure yourself out.
Belinda bear I am asexual at the age of 15 and whenever my family or friends ever says anything about a relationship to be I simply say "I'm not interested" every time. They eventually gets the message, without me saying I'm asexual to them.
I am Bisexual Aromantic but it's seriously confusing for me.I like the idea of romance as long as it's not me,it makes me feel trapped when someone likes me.
Nagisa Akemi especially when the person who likes you tries to convince you about how they can show you good relationships, if one more gal or dude tries to convince me I just havent found the right one or I just wasn't with the right person Ima flip. Also about feeling trapped when someone likes you is one of the most realatable things I've heard.
Try looking up the word "Aegoromantic." It's a label for people who like the idea of romance so long as they're not involved in it; it's on the Aro spectrum. Hope that helps :)
This comment speaks to me
For a some time I liked this guy, and would daydream about him 24/7 and we were pretty good buddies. But then it ended when he started dming me. Every time I would get a message from him I would panic. Then he started to get into the topic of love and if I had a significant other. He also had me play truth or dare to try to get me to confess my feelings or something like: “Why is it that you always hang around me”
And it just made me feel sick. I just wanted him to confess to me so I could tell him we’re friends. When he did and I rejected him, he started going off about how I’m afraid of relationships da da da
Maybe I am, maybe I’m not
But it made me realize how I always was
I never was interested in being in a relationship
And it also makes me feel trapped when someone likes me.
Iv never related to a post more in my life
O o f I feel this. I love the idea of falling in love and all, getting married and having a kid, but I don't think I would have wanted it for me. If someone told me that they liked me, I would feel really scared and distance myself from them. I remember when I was in kindergarten, this little boy told me he liked me and wanted to marry me and I started crying all over the place 😂 I just thought I was demiromantic because of who I dated for the past two years (they both were friends I had for a long time). They never lasted and I could never see myself in love. I really, really love the idea of it. Just, I feel a little scared if it happened to me. My mother had a dream about me one time and said that all my siblings had spouses and I didn't O.o
I totally relating with like "liking the idea and fantasizing about the possibility" but having no actual interest in it- even though it just sounds like someone whos afraid of romantic rejection which makes it hard to explain to ppl.
hdldishsbsjs hsjdbdsjsj ive had that convo being brought up when I was talking to my friend because shes so consumed to me being in one when i told her im good but she just thinks im afraid of being in love
Liking the idea of dating is exactly why I never thought I was aro. But I recently found out I was misinterpreting my crushes (they were actually squishes).
@@thesilllypotato eeeey, me too. except for me, it was more just fictional people and thinking of people i knew irl just made me want to vomit.
Shipping, to me, is great! I love watching people be in love. I just, don't quite feel it. I have friends who I care very much for, but, to the shock of my parents, I don't have any attraction to them. It's confusing, and sometimes I think it's going to change later on, but for now? I don't feel it.
Ceci Matos wait whats a squishie
It isnt always Adam and Eve.
Sometimes it's just Adam.
Or just eve
or person if ur non binary I don't know an enby name any ideas?
@@spacebug5686 jesse
@@superlovescakes epic
Or just Eve or them just being friends.
*L O V E I S O V E R R A T E D*
It is so overrated most people think of romance when they hear the word 'love', but there are so many more ways for love. And I believe if we look at all forms of love together then it does "make the world go round".
🖤
lol im the 69th like, and also i think love is overrated. im under the aromantic spectrum, and i was dragged into a relationship because i couldnt say no. it was draining.
AGREED (if you are referring to romance)
Romantic love is overrated
Platonic love on the other hand...
I'm an Aromantic and I absolutely hate it. I really wish I could feel romantic love for another, it makes me so sad tbh
Deicide you shouldn’t feel sad tho
Same here. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I truly wish I was alloromantic. I don't like being aro. It feels wrong. It feels like I SHOULD be allo.
Not trying to tell you what you are or anything and by now you might have figured it out, but you might be cupioromantic
You should never be sad about this. I used to feel terrible that I couldn’t feel any romantic love, and I hated myself for it. But now, I think that this is what’s best for me, and it makes me feel good being the way I am. This fits my lifestyle, and I can’t change who I am, so I’m accepting that I do not feel any romantic attraction, and I learned to be okay with that! You will find yourself sooner pr later, you just have to accept yourself.
storm louski then be allo!
damn. you really pulled it all together. i always fantasized about the idea of a relationship but when i am in one, it’s absolute hell. i feel trapped when i’m dating someone but when i’m single i feel free.
And I thought I was weird for feeling this way😂
Man that’s how I feel!
May you expound to me how is it that you fantasize being with someone, yet you don't actually want to be with someone?? It doesn't click to me that much
@@tarambu427 it sounds pretty complicated, but it's really not. Its liking the idea of somthing more than the actual thing. You are told how beautiful and wonderful and fun romance is, you are told than it's the pinnacle of your life, everything will revolve around them and you'll be "completed" while you can't really experience it, so dating ends up just being like, if you slept in the same bed and shared finances with one of your friends
How did you beak the news to them?
Im fine watching romance, looking at couples being cute and sweet. My heart melt when i see them. But whenever i tried to imagine myself in romantic relationship, i cant help but cringe. It felt so awkward. Im not sure why. Is it just a 'phase' or something else? Come to think of it, its been a while since i had a crush
you might be aro then
I'm floating around in grace/grayro and bi-in-some-way-but-not-quite-sure-which land right now and absolutely nothing is solid, so if you're still suspended in the abyss of questioning your identity then nice to meet you
and nice to meet you even if you aren't lol
@@ahassett37 omg same! That right there you have put into writing what I am currently feeling! Thank you so much, just words that feels nice to know someone is on the same boat even if there's the entire video just like its really nice.
@@violetartist2400 awwww
I’m glad to know that there’s someone else just floating in I-don’t-know-anymore lol
As nice as it can be, it gets lonely, especially when your friends have all figured out their identities already :’)
It’s also just a pain trying to explain yourself because personally I’ve been trying different labels and I have changed five times since yesterday morning (technically morning two days ago since it’s after midnight now lol)
I was not lying in any way when I said it’s chaos-
Well anyway, nice to meet you fellow confusion/chaos abyss drifter :P
@@ahassett37 Yeah I get that. All my life I've identified (or have been basically all but straight up told) I'm straight & into romance alomg with finding a romantic partner as a goal.
It wasn't still recently that one of my friends was like yeah I totally thought you were ace that I realized I could *not* be a person interested in romance for myself & it wasn't just me not "finding the right person."
So while I'm not ace I'm do glad my friend mentioned it to me so that it got me looking for a label that at least right now gits me & I actually feel comfortable with.
It was nice meeting you too! 😊 Comforting to know there are others out figuring themselves out too. Even if that is obviously a thing with so many humans packed into a giant space rock. (It's like 1am where I am so I should probably sleep but it was nice talking to you!)
Same. I have many crushes but I feel like I'm just too scared to commit to someone.
My whole life I was like “I wanna be friends with them so bad! I wanna befriend them!”. The idea of a close friend was so intense for me contrary to a romantic partner. I would spend hours fantasizing about platonic dynamics I was so afraid that it’s abnormal. Maybe I just crave for a real friendship, but this was consistent since my peers started talking about dating when I was 12 or something. I’m now 16.
I felt that way too, from an even younger age to be honest, except I thought I didn’t have friends despite actually having a lot. Somehow my brain thought this really close friend is what a friend is, and by middle school when I realized it was I started wanting a “best friend” instead. It wasn’t till highschool I found this person I thought I could have this “best friend” relationship with. However I felt betrayed when they said they had feelings for me, and proceeded to deny ever having said that when I questioned it and I felt betrayed. Looking back in it always made me feel like that was a real “possibly romantic” relationship or at least something that could be considered dating when I really didn’t want that. Now that I’ve graduated from highschool I’m finally giving validity to how I felt all those years not realizing I didn’t know how I felt this whole time. I knew I wasn’t confident in my identity since 8th grade, but for some reason on now as a 19 year old did I really try pinning down the fact I’m most likely aro ace and it’s kind of weird and liberating at the same time. Sorry for ranting as a response to your comment, but I felt like what you said resonated with me a bit.
Me aswell
I felt that way too but I thought THIS means having a crush 😂 now I know it’s a squish
I'm 19 and this is still me :')
Goddamn, you've just described my life! And, yeah, when I was younger I craved for a true friendship so bad, but never get to know it. And just until now that I'm a "young adult" I've realized how irrelevant romantic relationships were for me all this time. It's hopeful to know that I wasn't alone in this all this time.
literally every boyfriend or girlfriend i’ve ever had i’ve felt like “oh i like you, but don’t really want to be in a relationship??” which was so confusing growing up because i always had to break up with someone after putting so much commitment into the relationship. thank you for explaining this and helping other people to understand who they really are !
can i ask you how it went? because i kinda just realized i am aromantic, because i've been having doubts for a while, and i have to tell my girlfriend about this of course, but i know that she'll be really sad and i just don't know what to do
I've realized that yes, i like her and the affection i feel for her is real, but it's just not that kind if love, it's not romantic love. I'm scared it will hurt her a lot because she's the type of girl who will feel like it's her fault and she did something wrong and she doesn't deserve that, but i also don't want to trick her into thinking that it could work between us because then I'd feel like an ass.
so i guess my question is kinda how did they take the fact that you're aromantic?
i don't wanna pry tho, so you can just tell me no
@@sock9399 that’s literally what’s happening to me
@@melissagastelum9656 oof man, i feel you. Well, i can tell you how it went for me. She kinda came up to me first to ask me what was going on, because she felt i was kinda distant, and i just told her, and i don't remember exactly how it went but we broke up. not like, in a devastating way, well it probably was for her and i felt sad for her but it was really freeing for me so yeah. it sucked at first, because as i suspected she felt like she did something wrong, but we remained friends so i kept explaining to her that it wasn't about her, she is actually super cool and was an amazing girlfriend, i just wasn't into the whole relationship thing, no matter who.
so at the end of the day I'd say the more you put it off, the worse it gets. don't let you partner be the one approaching you with it, go to them first. take you time to collect you thoughts and explain to them how you feel and what type of relationship you want with them (if it's just friendship or something you can work out between the two of you). I don't know what type of person is you partner, but they'll probably need some time to adjust and some reminder that they didn't fail you and it was something outside their control, ot was an outcome that none of you could have predicted and it's okay to for them to feel like they lost something for a while, but they didn't lose you as a presence in their life, you wil still be there for them, just not in the way the first thought.
I don't know if this makes sense to you, i can try to explain it better if you need?? english is not really my language, im mostly self taught, and it doesn't help that im kinda shit at talking about feelings in general :/
OH MY GOD I AM AROMANTIC
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN
WHAT DO I DO
It means you just don't like people (romantically anyway)
And you just accept it! We're actually a very welcoming community (mostly because it's pretty rare to see another aro lol) so we're welcoming to anyone.
Eat cake and garlic bread for 2 minutes and the go on with your and educate people about it
Welcome to our part of the community! As the person said we don't really have that many people here that often so it's kinda a suprise to see people here. Here we basically just talk about our worries, stresses, and things like that. We usually have a lot of hugs and cuddles going around because we still love the platonic affection. We also focus a lot more on our personal issues and family issues and things like that. We have frequent sleepovers, demon summonings, Ted talks, and self love and mental health help. We hope you have a good time here!
@@cethlikestf the aromantic agenda, love it
Nothing
I really admire aromantic people. Like wow. I can't relate, being a kind of hopeless romantic, but damn. I can only imagine how difficult it must be, since our society seems to be obsessed with romance. Kudos to every single one of you. I'm proud of you. 👏👏👏
-destryinaraincoat-
This shouldn’t mean as much as it does to me :’)
No you dont. It sucks.
It's really tough when you're trying to find out if what you feel is actually romantic attraction or not. Like, in some cases I might think I'm experiencing romantic attraction but in reality it's something else. It sort of sucks because I wanna be in a relationship so badly. I wanna cuddle with someone, I want to have someone to kiss on the forehead before I go to bed, I want someone but I just don't feel romantically attracted to anyone.
@@visserchloe you described how I feel so well..
@@visserchloe Me. Too.
Edgy 14 year olds: ugh, I wish I could feel... *love*
Me, an aromantic asexual: hmmm
Pearlescent I am almost 20 and I have never crushed on or fallen in love with an actual human being
Me, an edgy aromantic 14 year old: *hmmm*
I'm a Aromantic 14 year old and this is hilarious XD
@@cherryspice1011 😹😹😹😹 Me with all my anime, kdrama, and fictional crushes. At least, they'll never try to push their feelings on me.
Me an edgy aromantic asexual: damn I'm now going to be alone forever
I identify a lot with the things you say in the video. Deep down I know I am aromantic asexual, but I strongly refuse to accept it because I wish I weren't. I feel like my life would be so much easier and I could experience having nice romantic relationships with such nice people if only I felt romantic attraction. It's terrible to live in denial with my own identity :/
Omg this is exactly how I felt few month ago. I was struggling so much, I hate myself being ace, I hate other people being heter. Like, it's the easiest thing for others to have a normal heterosexual life and it's the hardest thing for me
I feel you...
Eh... Having seen enough relationships that end in divorce and the pain and frustration of legal entanglements that come from bad breakups, I consider myself happily out of it. Sure, there are a lot of happy couples out there, and living single has its own pitfalls, but I much prefer having the freedom to do my own thing without having to worry about anyone else's baggage.
Anko same
Then don’t deny yourself! It’s okay to be who you are, but first you need to accept yourself.
I would rather be aromantic rather than what I am which is lithromantic, which is where you like the idea of love and want someone but as soon as they show that kind of affection you get turned off and don't wanna be in a relationship.. its very confusing cause I want a relationship but as soon as I get in one I break it off..
mandy monster mash THATS ME!!! Holy fuck, I like this guy and fantasies about being together the whole nine and soon as he showed mutual feelings. The feelings for him were shut off, shut off like it didnt even happen.
I'm in a similar romantic field and I let others let me believe it was either comment issues or insecurity and probably both. I don't believe it's either. I see qualities I love in people and behaviors that attract me, and I have a healthy sex drive, so it leaves me flirtatious in a state of romantic daydreams (late-night walks, coffee shops, laying in a city park talking til sunup) But then as soon as I think they may reciprocate the attraction, I tell them I can only offer friendship, that it'll be deeper and more meaningful than anything romantic I can offer. When getting close to a person I always try to self evaluate my intentions so to not be misleading. I've let people expect fireworks where I proved to be a dud. Sorry for such a long ramble, I've been thinking a lot and not talking much. I find you can satisfy most your romantic pining with really well developed friendships with people you love on deep genuine levels, but don't necessarily want to build a life with. Never underestimate the beauty of a friend date.
Garrett Okenka same here with my friends. I honestly just let them now just think what they want. Whatever first comes to mind is not what I care about. That i know im sincerely not someone who wakes up or goes to bed wishing i was alone soothes me.
OMG is that a thing because thats me af
I use to think that I had such a low esteem that when someone show affection towards me I will automatically dislike them for it.
I have no idea of what proper "romantic attraction" is. I've been trying to understand it and sometimes also tried to convince myself that I was feeling it, but I really didn't. I had no idea that a term like "aromantic" even existed. Glad I'm not alone XD Nice video btw
I really felt this comment. I have pretended to like people, and tried to convince myself so much. It has literally destroyed my friendships.
Same 😂 I always chose people that I can have a crush on and convinced myself to believe that I feel romantic attraction but in reality I just didn’t felt it but I wanted to experience it 😂😂 now I know that it’s ok to be aromantic
What is “romantic attraction” can you explain it please
After watching this video, I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic? I know I'm asexual, but I always clinged to the idea that I felt at least some kind of romantic attraction. I think that I knew deep down though that I'm also aromantic, because for one, I could not figure out for the life of me whether I was straight, gay, bi, whatever because I feel the same way about everyone, and by the same way, I mean I feel nothing thats anything different from platonic attraction. For a long time I've been denying the fact I was aromantic because I love the idea of a romantic relationship, I thought that it must be great to be in such a caring, special relationship, and I thought I wanted that. But now, after watching this, I realise that what I'm feeling is a result of, as you said, amatonormativity in society.
I think I've finally come to terms with my aromanticism, and I want to thank you for that, because it means I can finally accept myself and stop trying to search for something that, in reality, I don't really want. So, yeah, thank you xx
In regards to the 1st paragraph: I feel the exact same way as you do. I am in constant denial with the fact that I am aromantic and asexual, because I wish I weren't. I wish I could build a nice romantic relationship with someone. I hate to have to turn down amazing people who are lovely to me and with whom I could get involved with because I can't seem to feel anything for them. And just the idea of putting myself in such an uncomfortable situation frightens me. I wish I weren't like that.
TheSarcasticSlytherin omg omg omg me too, I can relate so much!! like 100% I feel you, and this video has helped me a lot! I always thought that I felt romantic attraction but then when people did show interest in me, I always backed off and thought that I liked them but not enough to be in relationship with them if it makes sense and that it wouldn't be fair to them because I just didn't really feel attracted to them. and now I fucking know why!!!!!!!
I do experience sensual and aesthetic attraction, a lot actually, which made me think that it was romantic attraction? but I didn't want to be in a relationship with those specific people I just like spending time with them and hold their hand and cuddle and kiss on the cheek and be clingy, but I wouldn't want the whole "We're dating" stuff. Whoa. I have never thought about that meaning aromantisicm before
Same! And I was confusing my squishes with crushes 😂
Totally same feeling here. I'm 100% great with my asexuality but begrudgingly trying to come to terms with the fact that I am probably aromantic as well. Which freaking sucks. It's not so much that I want to be in a relationship but that I dont want to be the only one not in a relationship. Because then I wont have anyone else to relate to. Ughhh....
@Butterfly Of Despair That sounds a lot like my experience with romantic attraction! I do enjoy cuddling and holding hands and being cutesy with someone, but I hate the feeling of kissing and I'm not into sex either. Many aro/ace people have identified as bi/pan before because there's an equal level of attraction towards all genders (none). For me, I think this is true. It may be different for every person tho :)
To anyone who needs to hear this, including myself because damn I really need to hear this:
You've still got time to figure it all out, although I understand the feeling of wanting to just decode everything and stop worrying so much about it. I'm 21. My friends are getting married and having kids and dating. I still don't have it all figured out by any means. I avoid going out with people, but occasionally, I'll think I'm weak or caving to my anxiety by avoiding it, and decide to go out. but it doesn't feel right and it feels like I'm using them because we're not looking for the same things, so I avoid it for another few years. I'm an asexual disaster in all senses of the word. So you've got time.
I think i's hard to explain being asexual since people who aren't asexual or aromantic have a hard time wrapping their head around the concept that companionship and relationships can exist without romance or sex. Hell, it's something I have to try and remind myself all the time. Love happens without these things. We love our family and friends. We want to spend the rest of our lives with them in our company. I think it's similar for partners. We don't choose to be with them just because of romance and sex (although for some people that's very important, which I understand) we choose to stay with them because we get emotionally connected, bonded, and intimate with them and the relationship we have with them adds depth to our life.
Regarding parents, I feel like most parents are afraid or in denial about Asexuality because they're afraid their child will be alone forever, which immediately equals being unhappy to society, which isn't true. You can be complete and happy without another person. Or, they think they'll never have grandkids. Regarding that, if you don't want kids and they're upset about that, that's their problem. They need to respect your decisions for your own life and throw away those expectations they had for how your life should go, according to them. It's your life and your happiness, you decide how to live it. And if you do want kids, but you don't want that kind of relationship with someone, there are so many options nowadays, adoption, in-vitro, etc.
I just think people have it wrong. Sex isn't endgame and the only way to show love. Sure, it's a way to connect, but there are also so many other ways to be intimate. You have options.
A big thing causing guilt and doubt and confusion is that this path we're supposed to follow is so ingrained in us to fulfill certain expectations, that we feel like we're failures if we don't follow that normal, set path. This is coming from someone with anxiety who puts a lot of pressure on herself. It's a constant battle. I have a hard time identifying as ace because I have that part of me always telling me that if you identify this way, you're closing doors, and you'll never do a, b, and c, so you'll never be happy. The thing that helps me is seeing people that feel the same way, and feeling like what I'm feeling is valid, not a hormonal imbalance or mental illness, and not a defect or a result of anxiety or sensitivity/trauma. (That's a whole other can of worms)
Emily Ann Cahill damn, I guess I needed this
This whole thing....is exactly how I feel. Literally all of it. It’s so good to know I’m not alone
@Emily Ann cahill...its said that intelligent people get more anxiety and i can see that in u😊😍u r 21? u talk like u r 100 yo, some people dont understand what u do, even untill their deaths...i want u to know that u r extremely wise, intelligent and sensible person👌👌🤗🤗u r going in right direction regarding ur life or ur thought process if awesome...i agree and say the same as u, every bit of it...parents dont have the right to command u how to live ur life, they cant choose ur sexuality 4 u, ofcourse they have the right to get what they gave u, love and financial stability but thats it...they dont get to choose ur personality...its an individual decision...also i always knew what i want but ofcourse i was a bit confused as people always asked me about what kind of person i was...this vdo only confirms...m aromantic asexual too lol happy with this orientation and dont give a shit about what others think of it
Thank you. I really needed this.
This made me cry, thank you for saying this to everyone we appreciate you ☺️💜
I was bi until I felt weird anytime someone liked me. I thought something was wrong with me. until I saw a few videos of people being asexual and aromantic. I am aromantic. I felt really weird and awkward when someone would want to date me. I would say yes because I told myself " I should try to date" but I said no at the same time because I wasn't comfortable with it. I kept fighting with myself. But I am really relieved that I know my sexually now. I am so happy I can relate to people. thank you so much
This is my situation. I thought I was bi, when really I was Aromantic. Those “crushes” were like an aesthetic attraction. I kept thinking I was bi, and then aromantic. It’s confusing but watching videos like this, and reading comments help me
@@coreyaiou8 I thought I was bi too, I identified as bisexual maybe for a year then biromantic asexual/aegosexual and after that I have come to the conclusion that I'm aromantic and asexual. I have realised that it was only like wanting friends so bad expecially queer friends, aesthetic attraction, jealousy of looks and gender envy of masculine people and men ( I think I'm agender and transmasc as well).
Same!!
Aromantic asexual having a baby by myself this year using donor sperm! Anything's possible! ;)
That's awesome!!
That's cool. I did have some thoughts about using sperm donor too, but i dont wanna risk the labor pains, however adoption was always on the table for me. I would see myself adopting either 1or 2 boys.
screamingpiano that’s so amazing! Congratulations friend!! ☺️💖
I have a cousin that just got married and his grandma is peer pressuring him to have a baby. I suggested that adoption is always an option.
Congrats I hope your child is healthy, happy and makes you proud! ❤💙
Hi. I am aromantic and asexual. I have never been "in love" with anyone. I don't feel any attraction beyond friendship. I have had two intense friendships with women but it was certainly not love. I never thought of them that way. And I am more than sure that they too have never thought of me being more than just a friend. I felt pressure to be with someone for years. With a serious religious background I heard so many people tell me that "God has a wife for you". Well I am convinced that he or she does not because if they did then I would not be aromantic and asexual.
Paul L. Rogers
Interesting. Despite not having the same notion of physical attraction as others (being demisexual).
Have you ever feel any physically attraction towards aesthetically pleasing women or men?
whatababe
Hi! 👋🏻
Sorry I didn't get any kind of notifications to reply back to you … D:
Paul L. Rogers I feel u dude. That’s what I’m struggling with. Especially religion that I’m so engaged with.
thetruebindi that’s the thing that people don’t understand! Like you can appreciate a person aesthetically without being attracted to them. Like seeing an artwork in museum, you don’t suddenly think “wow I want to kiss this artwork and have sex with it” lol
Yaayyy!!!! I've always wondered if there were any men that we're aro ace lol. I feel better now...
I’m definitely aromantic. I really resonate with that intense feeling of closeness without the romantic part of the relationship.
I’m trying to figure out if I’m on the aromantic spectrum or not. A lot of what’s said in the video does resonate with me. I generally don’t have really strong emotions to begin with though. I have experienced crushes but those might have just been more sexual attraction than anything else. Videos like this help a lot.
I used to think I was asexual panromantic, but when I tried to get in a relationship I felt repulsed at the idea of talking to the other person in the relationship, and seeing them, and whenever they called me pet names I felt more nauseous than usual. I'm still trying to find out if that means I'm aromantic or not, tho I'm reassured by the fact that QPRs exist. I don't wanna be alone my whole life but I don't wanna be in a romantic relationship I guess? Idk this comment kinda wandered for a bit and I don't really wanna go back and reword the whole thing lol. Thanks for reading all my ranting I suppose, and if anyone had advice please tell me, it'd be really great.
Sergeant Synes the same...
If you can't handle a relationship, why not focus on friendships? People seem to forget how full filling they are.
So it's been a year now, and I've discovered I'm biromantic with a preference for guys, I just didn't really feel comfortable with a relationship with this person in particular. Now, I have a boyfriend who is so super epic and I'm super happy with him. Thought I should update lol. Doesn't mean it's the same for anyone else, it was just my experience!! :)
@@s3lkieboy I just want to thank you for the update. I struggle with the same thing right now and I am wondering if I am really aromantic or I am just very picky in romantic relationships. Which I don't want to be, but I guess it is not something you can choose.
I think you could be lithromantic? maybe watch it out?
I’m literally crying. I always thought i was SO weird for feeling exactly as you described, but now I’m considering the option of being aromantic... thank you. + i love your voice
I have a friend who is aromatic and I want to understand her. That is why I am watching this video 😞😞😞.
Chloe Folts You’re a good friend :)
That’s great to see that you care for this friend of yours :D
That’s really sweet
We all need more friends like you
@@theloop-paz3803 well I guess I’m one of them
Can you have celeb crushes and still be aromantic? Like I don't want to be in a relationship with them I just really think they're cute and awesome
Personally, I don't see fantasies as negating your identity. But have you heard of the word squish? It basically means a platonic crush. It might describe what you're experiencing?
Yes I believe so, because honestly I think it’s just that you really admire their aesthetic. But you probably feel more or less than just that, and only you know so I won’t try and tell you how you feel!! But it could maybe be that
I think that’s more aesthetic attraction than anything
Basically for me it's just crushes but I had never felt more than that
Yes, it's called squish. I have it for Namjoon from BTS, I would really like to know him but in just a friendly way, like having deep conversations with him and stuff like that. I just feel like he's a really great person I would like to know.
When I found out I was an Aromantic, I felt so relieved. My whole life I had never had a crush, yeah sure I may have forced a relationship when i was like, preschool (a coed school), but it was so fake i honestly don’t even want to think about it. Anyways, My whole life, I wasn’t close to a lot of boys. I was the spoiled brat who spoke too much english, too little native language, and wore pink all the time. And I didn’t even have a lot of cousins and relatives my age, much leas boys. In my whole education (except preschool) I have studied in a girl school and I just thought that I haven’t met a boy that would soon be my boyfriend. I would daydream about dates and stuff like that, but it would only last for 5 or so minutes and my mind would wander to other daydreams. When I first got in to high school (last year) all my friends had crushes, while I never had one. I always thought I was weird and told myself, “one day when you get into phycology, you’ll have all the answers to your questions.” A year later, and it turns out I don’ have to wait until college till I learn more about myself. I was so relieved that one weird thing about me was finally explained, because I have so many questions about myself, it’s like I don’t know myself lol.
Thank you if you’ve read this much. Didn’t mean to make it this long lol.
I completely relate, I went to an all girls secondary school and never had a crush on any boy. I felt really left out and strange because of it, the idea of girls my age having boyfriends was just bizarre and I never actually thought about wanting that for myself I sort of just assumed I did. I’m in my second year of college now and I’m still coming to terms with the idea of being aromantic, it actually comforts me a bit. Then again I might not know since I’ve never been in a relationship 😕
I am well past my teenage years and I've never really given my sexual identity much thought, I know I'm hetero in my interest but I've never dated or wanted to date anyone. I have major trust issues for very good reasons, so I assumed it was just that, I hadn't met anyone I was willing to risk and trust. But in the past two days, I've seen several Asexual and Aromantic videos and it suddenly dawned on me....these sound a LOT like me...51 is a heck of a time to start to try and figure something like this out. Thank you for sharing your experience with all of this, you have given me a lot to think about.
Ah, Yes the ace/aro who never cared enough about romance or sex to figure out that they don't feel the attraction. That is exactly how I felt. I wasn't even the one who discovered that I don't feel attraction. (That credit goes to my sibling)
This is the comment i was looking for
Every time you stopped to think and said “I don’t know” I just kept thinking SAAAAAME because it’s so hard to pinpoint in yourself even after you’ve pinpointed it. It’s almost like you start to wonder, “well why me? Why can’t I be in love?” Even though I don’t particularly want any kind of relationship, it’s like I wish I did want it though. You know? Ugh it’s so confusing being aro, but at least after you’ve figured it out in yourself and are able to give a name to it, it makes it easier to understand in yourself and try to cope.
I love what you said even though I don't identify with 100% of it.
I'm looking for people who will potentially want a platonic relationship with me that is as strong as romantic ones, but not romantic. It's really confusing people, either because they don't believe in aromanticism or they don't understand what I mean when I say it's not a romantic relationship but as strong as that, or why I insist that while I want that, I don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend, had crushes in the past (finding out abut platonic crushes helped me understand myself better) and like romantic fiction (many times I actually feel I can identify with it, since it seems similar to how I feel for my loved ones) and I'm looking for videos/websites that'll help me explain since I'm frustrated.
Thank you for the video!
I understand how frustrating that is. I'm really lucky that I found my way into a strong platonic relationship by accident. I hope someday strong platonic relationships will be normalized enough that finding people who want them won't be so difficult.
I was looking for the same thing starting about 15 years ago. I wanted a monogamous long-term friend with benefits, with a focus on the friendship (actually being close friends that do non-sexual stuff too) basically a boyfriend, but without the need for love and romance. I gave up because I figured no one else would want the same thing.
It wasn't until I met my first aromantic person a couple of months ago that I realized that it can be a thing, it may be hard to find, but I have doubled up my efforts to make that my reality. I think more people want that now and as more people begin to understand the aromantic spectrum it will only get better.
Ayelet Enisman I'm on the edge too
I’m really troubled cause, I always fantasized, and I still do, about having a partner, the idea of being so special to someone that they want to spend the rest of their life with you. You know? Like, unconditional love. And I want that, I want that so bad. But whenever I meet someone who I feel strongly about, it’s never romantic, or I don’t thing it is. I can’t even tell the difference between romantic and platonic feelings! And I have strong love and respect for people in the aromantic and asexual community, but I really hope I’m not one, and I’m scare I might be. I’ve had friends that I’ve made top priority, and I feel I’ve had some friends who does think of me as their “favorite person” of some sort. But it doesn’t click, I don’t feel romantic attraction for them. So I feel that the fantasy I have will never exist, and never has and it’s just me having high expectations. And the idea of that scares me, it makes the future so much lonelier. It means that this longing for someone to come and take that loneliness away is, just a fantasy
I have this same fantasy in a queerplatonic way
When you said that it feels like a more intense version of how you feel for platonic friends I related so much. I've been in two relationships, one poly, but only because I allowed myself to be pressured into believing I loved them in the way they loved me. I did love them both, but it was always friend love, with the addition of mutual sexual attraction. I now make sure to tell people I'm aromantic from the get go and stick to my boundaries so I don't end up hurting peoples feelings
Yes I am Aromantic- and yes- I feel love for my parents and siblings and pets. Just because I don’t feel ROMANTIC attraction doesn’t mean I won’t take a bullet for my parents pets siblings and friends
do u think i could be aromantic even if like i have emotional attachments to like fictional characters lmao. like my comfort character is also the only person i like emotionally too and idk i sound dumb but i’m kinda confused with everything rn. like irl i have had like 3 crushes and one was just elementary school, and the other is just that i like the attention from him but i rejected him when he asked me out- idk if i could be or not.
@@moonystoes OMG YOU JUST EXPLAINED ME IN A NUTSHELL 😭 I thought I was the only one feeling like this...glad I’m not alone..but I don’t know the answer to it either sadly :(
@@77LoveForJesus77 omg same I thought I was the only one pls I literally only feel things for fictional characters but irl I just can’t. I’ve rejected ppl bc I can’t feel for them only my fictional crushes 😭😭
Oh my God! Yes, this is it exactly! It's so hard to figure out whether you're aromantic or just haven't "met the right person" yet! I kept feeling like I was "supposed" to find The One, and then I'd be in love, but it's just not like that for me! My "girlfriend" (I can't think of a better word for what we are, or I'd use it) and I don't have a traditional "romantic" relationship, but we're still very close!
3:30 This piece made my heart skip a beat. This is exactly how I feel. Two weeks ago, I didn’t even know what “romantic orientation” was, and now I feel like I’ve been sleeping my entire adult life and am just now waking up.
you put so many things I’ve been feeling about romance into words that I haven’t been able to describe before, thank you!
I started thinking I was aro or ace, or both since I was like 9. One day, I thought 'Hey, I've never felt a Crush before,' and looked up 'why do I not have a crush'.I thought I was to young to just say that, so I kept it to myself. When I turned 10, I started telling my close friends and family, like my brothers and cousins, that I thought I was aro or ace. I'm still p young to decide that, so I'm assuming. But I've never felt a "Crush", or at least I don't think I have. I don't even think I've had a squish. I've thought about romance, but never me being in love. Just the idea, bc I've never felt like having that "special someone". Ohoho, when 6th grade hit... Oh boy, I felt like an alien! Everybody started "dating" (6th grade doesn't count) and I was like "Umm... I don't wanna do this" I never felt attracted to anybody, even in 6th grade. I thought that people were just joking about their feelings. I now believe I'm gray-romantic.
4:18 WOW that part really rang a bell for me. The whole video up to this point was really good and I just sat here listening, kinda opening myself to the idea of that community (i just recently acknowledged that I am aromantic) and then you said this particular thing. I was really romanticly driven when I was younger but then it evolved into, like you said, just day dreaming about dates and not ACTUALLY wanting them to happen in a particular way. Like when I am out with a girl, sure I able to enjoy the date etc, but emotionally I am numb the whole time. It started to feel really weird when I realized that it had nothing to do with people and something to do with what’s inside of me.
I’ll watch video to the end but even now I can tell you thank you for posting! You’ve just made me more comfortable with the idea of accepting that I am in fact Aromantic.
Thank you so much for this video. I relate to everything you said about aromanticism (I'm not asexual). I've had crushes and dated people but dating always felt like just a really good friend I was sleeping with. I liked romantic things but like you said @9:17 "no matter what I feel for other people... it's not really a different feeling from how I feel about other friends of mine, it's just a more intense version". 100% this.
That statement of feeling a more intense sense of frienship with someone you're invested in at 09:30 really struck a chord with me. I had a brief period where I thought I was feeling a romantic attraction towards another guy (about 6 months ago), but on reflection, I realise it was just as you described; a more intense version of a friendship. I think I identify as Gray-romantic as a result.
I've never heard this term before until today. As an intersex person I also tend to not be sexually attracted to people. I was born with testicular and ovarian tissue. In other words I sort of male but with a few female parts. In turn I felt as a child I should have been born female. Yet as a male I was never attracted to males. To be honest the only person I've ever been attracted to has been my spouse. She knows me better than any person and she is often confused about my gender feelings. The bottom line is we work at a loving relationship. Lol
My self discovery has been a life long process.
Darn, at least you guys are happy. Best of luck to the two of you
I’m kind of freaking out about this I’ve been ignoring this as a possibility for a while. I don’t know if I actually am aromantic yet but this video is extremely helpful and insightful.
I've just discovered this word and it explains the last 22 years of my life. I was in love once when I was 20. Then never again. I'm 41 now. I would like it but I just can't do it! Everything you're saying explains my life. Thank you. I cannot believe I've discovered this. I no longer feel like a freak. Thanks xxx
❤️❤️❤️
I get you now, thanks for explaining it! It must be frustrating to always have to explain yourself to the world.
YES. Aros unite
More like avengers assemble
But still take my like
How cool, you're Celeste too! I've been questioning my romantic attractions too and always had the question, "Well, if I have these crushes than how can I be aromantic?" By this video reassured me of my identity. I don't have romantic crushes, i realized. I just like the idea of romance. Thank you for helping me! Also, what's your response when people tell you "You just haven't found the one yet"?
Unfortunately I don't really have a good response other than just, like, "Nope." 😊 Or I might just reiterate, "No, I actually just don't feel that kind of attraction, and I'm okay with that!"
Celeste M Alright! Every time I'm asked that, I'm always left speechless. So I'll definitely use these in the future!
Thank you so much for posting this video. I am 27 and have recently realised that I am aromantic, what you have said in this video have made me realised that I'm not along in this, and that there is nothing wrong with the way I feel. This has meant more to me than you could imagine. So thank you
I knew I was "different" my whole life but I didn't come across the term "asexual" until I was 23 and, it was such a relief at the time that I was like "Ok, this is it." and never gave it another thought. I wish I had looked into it a bit further because I was still trying to fit myself into a box and considering myself to be hetero-romantic so it took me another 7 years to realize that I was also aromantic. It wasn't until I came across a random video of a TH-camr who is an animator that I realized that, even though I still crave affection (e.g.: hugs, snuggling, kissing on the forehead) I don't crave romantic affection (eg: holding hands, kissing on the lips, making out). Thinking outside all the social conditioning you've been through pretty much since you were born [I legit find it repulsing to see adults trying to get kids in the kindergarten to "date" one another] is really hard because it's all you know.
This was like finding a missing puzzle piece I’ve never thought I had. Thank you :D
I really really like your hair. I know this part of my comment is not about the content of the video but I just keep looking at your hair and it's just SO COOL.
I'm married and aromantic. I'm allosexual and knew from the start that romantic attraction and sexual attraction were unconnected for me. I experience and enjoy emotional and physical intimacy with my partner, we are also sexually monogamous. Neither of us are particularly romantic however and both enjoy our personal space. We when we got married I was very honest about not being "in love" with them. I told them I cared deeply for them and enjoyed their company and the physical side of our relationship very much, but couldn't imagine myself ever doing any of the stereotypical "romantic" things. They said that those kinds of things made them uncomfortable anyways, even though they don't identify as aromantic. I also told them that if I ever decided that I didn't want to be married to them any longer they would 100% be the first to know because I would tell them to their face and they agreed to do the same for me. In October we will have been married for 17 years and we are both still very happy. I have never once regretted marrying them.
That's so cool to hear! And thank you 😊
After watching this video I’m posting my aromantic flag in my room loud and proud! Thank you so much for making this I can connect to your experiences a lot.
I started crying when I was watching this because it finally gave me the closure of what I’m feeling (or the lack thereof). Thank you for making this video.
This was so affirming to hear and be able to have as a reference for my current journey exploring this spectrum. Thank you for sharing!
This is kind of making me want to cry- I’ve identified as aroace for quite some time, and I’ve been having doubts about my being aromantic. This video provided so much closure. Thank you Celeste!
Great video. Thank you. I've felt that confusion for over 50 yearz! I didn't identify as asexual until I was 65. Now I am realizing I am aromantic too. I know it, but I still can't explain it to anyone. It gets easier for some, but not everyone... but we all matter. Peace!
I’m aromantic, but not asexual.
I can just never imagine myself in a lovey dovey relationship.
I LOVE hearing your description because it’s so reassuring to hear that it’s not so cut and dry. Aromanticism and asexuality are so complicated and hard to define… especially since we’ve been conditioned not to be this way. (I didn’t even know this was a thing until my senior year of college 😭) Sometimes I get so confused on why I’m the way that I am, but there’s no changing it. So happy I stumbled upon this video though, because it makes me feel a lot more “normal” to be feeling/thinking/acting the way that I do. I’m glad I’m not alone 😂
I'm really confused if i am demiromantic or aromantic and this helped, thank you
Still didn't figure it out but it gave me a bigger ideia
Empathetic romanticism, I may have reworded that, but I think you coined the definition here. This video actually answers some questions I was too shy to ask about "how" you feel about romantic ideations. Thank you for being so candid.
You're welcome and I'm glad! Don't be afraid to ask anything! Other people might be wondering the same things 😊
“It feels like something I might want to feel but I don’t “ Sounds like me 😭🤣
god ive never related so much. ive felt the exact same way and only recently ive come to terms that i dont have traditional romantic feelings and only like the idea of people usually. and honestly the most important top person to me is myself. i need to take care of myself and i like being able to be alone with myself
I feel like someone finally feels the same as me. I am so relieved. Thanks
Thanks for telling us your experience in being aromatic it really help me understand and cement for me that I fall somewhere on that scale
I’m learning a lot about myself from hearing your experiences. Great video. Thank you
This video spoke straight to my heart. I'd been on the fence about officially taking in this label because, to be honest, it scared me. I really do want to want romance, but I just really... can't. This video finally set me on the path towards being okay with that.
I have been confused for a while about my sexuality and romantic agenda, and I looked up I fell no attraction towards men or woman. And this popped up and it makes scents because I would rather have some great friends by my side than a romantic partner. And I always got mad when I was little when my mother always said “found anyone you like”
:OOOOOOO it's me! i had a total crisis like not even a week ago about not knowing how romantic attraction is different from platonic, and it's like ur verbalizing my thoughts
Thank you for this video! Cleared up so many years of confusion, I no longer feel alone
Thank you for sharing. I identify as pansexul, but I'm doing some research and I'm beginning to think I'm aromantic. I was married to someone for 7 years. The whole time, I tried to force that "butterflies in the stomach" feeling. I'm physically affectionate in the sense of, I love cuddling. This is often misconstrued as me having romantic feelings toward the person I cuddle. I get crushes, but it's super rare for me. Sexual attraction isn't rare for me, but I don't get the "butterflies" feeling with the HIGHLY rare exception. (Basically saved for my celebrity crush.)
Cuddling is great and definitely doesn't have to be romantic! I love it too 😊
I've done some research, I'm definitely aromantic. My celebrity crush is more of a celebrity lush. No romance! Only cuddles, blankets, and movies, and popcornz!
I really appreciate your video, especially since you mention that it's not always straightforward when it comes to being aromantic. We are expected to have romantic feelings, date, and to want those things in our lives, but it's not always clear that that doesn't fit into who we are. It's similar to the pressure we have to get married and even more so to want to have children. I haven't wanted kids since my early 20s, I'm not sure I ever did, but that's when it became clear. ever since I've been asked to explain why I don't, when the reality is simply that I have no desire to have children. I did get married, but again I think that was mostly because romantic love is seen as inevitable and it seemed like what I was expected to do (it didn't last long). I am now realizing that I am closer to aromantic than I will ever be to romantic and that that's OK. It's actually quite comforting to realize I'm not just terrible at relationships, but rather that I simply don't have the same desire for romance.
It was very comforting to me too! I'm the same way about kids and agree it's a similar kind of pressure and assumption from society.
Thank you for explaining this idea of not liking people in a romantic way. I dated some people before but I lost feelings every time and I think about it now and I didn’t actually like them I just wanted to be with someone and now I’m realizing that I don’t find people romantically attractive and it’s so weird now.
It's so helpful to know that there are other people out there who feel the same!
Honestly what you’re saying really resonates with me and now I definitely think I’m somewhere on the aromantic scale so thank youuuuuuuu
Omg, that's the most relatable thing I've ever heard
Thank you so much for this video. It's so relieving to hear someone describe something I feel too.
First of all, I don't consider myself asexual. I can and do feel sexually attraction to people.And I like the idea of romance. I like reading about romance, watching romantic movies, etc. I even sometimes fantasize about being in love with someone. BUT. The important part about that is: it's about the idea. If it comes to the real thing, if someone wants to date me, my reaction is: okay, I'm out. It feels completely wrong. Weird. I feel like the other person wants something I can't give them. Even if I think I had a crush on them. As soon as I try imagining us being together for real it...just doesn't feel right. It makes me want to run away. I just can't imagine being with someone, wanting them like that (and I mean romantically, not sexually).It's not that I don't like intimacy (both emotional and physical). I can't even explain what it is that makes a potential relationship feel so wrong. But it does.
That makes complete sense to me! I also think aromantic people who aren't asexual don't get enough attention or visibility so it's great to hear from someone who falls into that category!
I'm 20, soon 21 and I've been giving the label aromantic more thought recently (I've never been in a relationship and don't feel comfortable with the idea) and watching this, many parts where you talked about your experience made me slap my computer and think "yes! exactly!" I've been aware of aromanticism for a while (not long enough to have been sure about its fit for me though) but actually hearing someone describe it in detail made me feel more validated. love this! thanks for making it! x
Thank you for this. You speak from your experiences, making it so honest and relatable.
Just coming into understanding of my own aromantic nature. Finally understand why attempts at romantic relationships have failed miserably.
I experience deep love for others, just not romantic love. Totally foreign to me. I would like to share a fraternal relationship with another guy, kinda like brothers with benefits. Not too many gay guys seem interested in this. As you commented, there’s such a strong push in this society for monogamous, romantic relationships. I hope alternative paradigms for intentional families grow in acceptance.
You just said everything that I needed to hear and thought of about myself. I heard about Asexuality last year and that was the first time I ever heard it being a thing. I kept thinking about if that's what I am because it all kinda made sense to me but I was afraid of being judged because other people really don't understand it. But now that I'm about to turn 30 I'm learning about needing to accepting where I am in life and who I really am and if I'm happy with my life. I think I am getting there. It just feels like a huge relief and weight off of my shoulders to admit it to myself. I dont care if everyone else finds out i just want to live my life my way and be free
Thank you so much for making this video. I've been struggling to figure out what my relationship with romantic attraction is, and my experiences obviously aren't identical to yours, and I'm not sure if I'm wholly aromantic, but...this helped give me perspective on it. I at least don't feel like an intruder on aromantic spaces now. I really appreciate you taking the time to make this video.
I have been struggling for so long... but the way you put it into words how, you can feel very intense feeling toward someone, but not have them be romantic. How those intense feelings are the same as the platonic feelings I have for other friends... just heightened. It really opened my eyes. I don't feel confident enough yet to say without hesitation that I'm aro... but this video really helped me. I'm so glad I found it. Thank you.
The was you explained how hard it is to find out if you are aromantic, that part I started sobbing. I’ve been feeling very confused about these things and feeling like I’m such a monster for not understanding. And to know there’s such a spectrum and that other people had to figure these things out too! My gosh that had helped me so much.
thank you so much for this. I've just really been confused about how I felt but hearing your experience makes me feel valid.
Thank you so much for this video. At almost 37, I am finally starting to understand myself.
I've never been able to articulate how I feel, even to myself, but this video felt like you'd taken my jumbled thoughts and spoken them for me.
Family and friends have spent years asking when I'll "settle down", but I could never make them understand why I chose not to. They thought I hadn't found "the one" or I was unapproachable, or not putting myself out there... They just couldn't fathom that I'm happy this way.
We don't need to assign labels to everything, but it is so comforting to know that I'm not alone. Thank you so much, you have no idea how helpful this has been to me.
I'm so glad to hear that ❤️
Ah this is nice, while I haven't had your exact experiences, I relate to a lot of what you're saying. I always felt like I was being too picky or scared, because people would ask me out and I always turned them down. I just didn't like them that way. And I would say "I'm lonely and I want to be with someone," so people around me thought I was just being picky too, and that it was my own fault. I felt like I needed to feel and want these things because that's what I'd grown up believing, and the thought that someone might not was so foreign. Really it didn't even cross my mind until I was in my early 20s and tried dating someone. That cleared up a lot. >_> And even then I just went with asexual and didn't adopt the aromantic label until a few years later. I also like the bit about romance in media, because I have intense moments of wow that's so beautiful I want that, and then moments of WHY ARE YOU FORCING THEM INTO A RELATIONSHIP JUST LET PEEPS BE FRIENDS. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter, I can wish all I want but I can't magically grow feelings I'm incapable of feeling. =/
I feel where you're coming from. In the past few years I've learned that I'm aromantic. I've tried having romantic relationships in the past, but always felt awkward in them, and was actually relieved when they failed. That said, I do feel sexual attraction for people, but no drive to build a romance on it.
This video hits me hard. I never really understood the concept of “love”. I’ve never had a “serious crush” in my life time, but I have found some people to be cute.
Same!
we really are learning every day. i know this video is old in youtube years, but over the past several years, even before this was put out, i always wondered if i was aro, but i would tell myself maybe i wasnt and just always conventiently had other goals i was prioritizing at the moment. first time hearing about the term amatonormativity, and its clicked several gears in my head into place. thank you so much for this.
Dude, I seriously love your hair :o its so cool!
Wow. Thank you for this video. I've been so confused and I can relate to this so much. Thank you. I can finally feel like I know myself more. 💙thank you very much
I’ve been always wondering why I never fall in love and why I never want to be in a relationship AND at the same time want occasionally
I kinda stumbled across the word “aromantic” and started googling it
Now I am here watching all the videos and I can relate to a lot of the words you’ve said
And it scares me so much
Now I feel like I don’t know myself and don’t understand myself
Gosh, expressing what we feel is so hard. I understood the struggles and I relate to you on so many levels. Thank you for this video :)
this makes so much more sense now😱
thanks, it's so relatable!😊
Super off topic but your hair is absolutely gorgeous! The colours are so pretty
i think I’m aromantic. In the past I confused sexual attraction with romantic attraction and thought that it was a crush. When they liked me back, i knew something didn’t feel right and so when I ended it I then thought I had commitment issues bc I just can never see myself be romantically in a relationship. this hurt me a lot bc as a kid I craved for the romance I saw on tv bc it’s fantasy and something I’ve never felt before. I still want to be in relationships (platonically) but i know I won’t be able to “fall in love”. and it’s not bc ‘I haven’t met the right person’ I just can’t feel those butterflies or have those cute highschool crushes everyone else has
I had realized after a long time that I didn't want a relationship I just wanted what was associated with it happiness. But when I separated the two and thought about just the relationship part, not the "oh you're my whole world you make me so happy I'll never leave you" I found that I felt nothing, even distaste towards the experience.
thank you so much. only recently found out there's a difference between sexual and romantic attraction and that made me more confused than ever. this cleared up a lot of things
Thank you for finally giving me some semblance of what romantic attraction is! Every time I looked it up or tried to find information online it’s just like “aromantic is not feeling romantic attraction” and I’m yes, I know, but what does that mean? Describing how there isn’t a distinction between platonic and just more intense platonic really helped. Still have a lot more introspection to do, but this definitely helped a lot :)
Heya, thanks for sharing your views! Really validating! “What I feel for Jason was not any different from what I felt for someone else. Just that, it was more intense” This is so me! I was literally just thinking of the same thing and this is how I understood I was an aromantic! Like, I understand ‘romance’ more in terms of what it is NOT rather than what it is. I def also feel very, very deeply for people and even experienced a situationship and healing from a breakup, which took me 8 months and I completely changed (for the better) afterwards. But after that entire thing was done and I met someone else I liked, it was only then I discovered that it was never a romantic breakup and I’ve never felt romantically for anyone really, but it was SO intense that the nature of the feeling really didn’t matter. I mean, if I could feel THAT intensely for someone and love them without the romance (just that it wasn’t romantic love), what was the difference really, YK? Understanding the fact that just because it was more than platonic, didn’t mean it was romantic, also helped me identify as an aro! Like it’s a zone between romantic and platonic (alterous), which I often confused as romantic in the past. But I just wish to communicate this to the one I like, because I never really got the entire vibe of ‘dating’ in general. I’ve also never felt or understood physical or sexual attraction; I’ve felt aesthetic attraction tho and confused it with physical. So… you really put it out there! Thanks for the vid, needed this! ^^
Hey, I'm just gonna throw Relationship Anarchy in here. It originated primarily in Polyamory but is very relevant for aro/ace I think. It is maybe a lifestyle thing or maybe more(?) but in any case it is about rejecting the tradition primacy of the one relationship, getting married, getting kids, growing old with one other person. The rejection of that being necessarily more important than other relationships. The idea is to look at all relationships individually and let them become whatever they will. To say also that certain platonic friendships can be very deep and just as or even more important in a life than romantic relationships.
Poly people often talk about rejecting the "relationship escalator", meaning the idea that your relationship/life has to follow the formula and order of girl/boyfriend>live together>marriage>kids and that if you are not moving forwards on this treadmill, you are doing something wrong.
Also extra shout out to Multiamory podcast, they talk frequently about Relationship Anarchy and have also talked about Ace.
Oh cool, thank you! A lot of the concepts I've read and heard about polyamory really resonate with me and this is for sure one of them. I think polyamory stuff is very similar to ace/aro stuff in that even if it doesn't apply to you in the same way, the concepts can help you understand things about your own experience by pulling you out of the default mindset we're sort of trained to work from.