Talking Gay Loneliness | The Queerness Diaries
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ต.ค. 2024
- I wanted to talk today about my experience with loneliness. Many can relate to this, even back in 2017, the happiest year of my life. That Huffington Post article struck a chord with me, as someone who has always felt socially awkward, struggled with coping mechanisms in the past to fit in, and ultimately became isolated.
One of the most heartbreaking things about being gay is the lack of empathy I see from other gay men when it comes to issues with "bullying" in the community and general loneliness.
I felt the need to speak out about this, as hosting a podcast about mental health requires me to be true to myself, and I know my experience is one many of us find ourselves in.
I feel like the discussions in the community we need to have more of are the ones that hit deep. I've lost myself and many people in my life, and I yearn to start a new chapter.
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With every passing year, more people will reject us and ignore us - this is why youth was a precious time that is quickly lost
Friendship takes work from both sides. When it’s genuine it becomes play, not work.
@uptoncriddington6939 That is so true! I think one of the lessons I've learnt is that it's ok not to expect the same amount back from someone you're giving, and many people are just meant to become acquaintances.
I know a lot can happen in a few months, so maybe you're in a completely different place today. Since you didn't seam very satisfied with how it was, I hope so for you.
Anyway - thank you for sharing this video. Loneliness is such a taboo topic (both in general and in. the LGBTQ+ community) and to me it's been so hard to even think in terms of loneliness for myself. So, thank you for being part of opening up for this kind of conversations, and to do it completely honest and not to hide it in a humorous tone or what so ever.
It will take time to heal from that kind of trauma, but you'll get there, bit by bit ❤ and the s*it we don't heal from, we learn to live with in one way or another. (Btw I loved what you said about the most broken people giving the best advices since we're so used to it). And I really hope you've found a way without substances (oversharing: my ex was addicted to meds and alcohol, and it was terrible standing by her side feeling so powerless. That's why my heart's always aching when I hear people that can't find any other way to cope).
And gosh, I just mirror myself in you so much when you're talking about being a bit "rushed" in new relationships and always thinking it is (about to become) a real friendship. I've worked so hard the past couple of years to not get too clingy. But that feels so strange too, to purposely building a wall from both sides so I won't scare people away by coming off as expecting more than they're willing to give. And tbh, I think that's made me kind of cold and distanced even to those I do have around. There's definitely something off with that true and deep connection you were talking about, and I miss it sooooo bad.
Guess I'm kinda oversharing right now, but here y'all go 🙈
Btw - you wanted your podcast to fly, so what's it called? ☺
@mikaelathunell2822 Hey there.
Thanks so much for your comment, it really resonated with me a lot!
And its definitely something that you just get used to more I guess. I've really worked this year on trying to enjoy my own company a lot more and learning to do the things I love to do on my own, so if I meet new friends it's just a bonus.
@@mikaelathunell2822 And definitely know that feeling of rushing into new friendships then not wanting to come across clingy. I am definitely trying to work on finding a balance between feeling like I'm forcing the relationship and appearing cold/uninterested from putting my walls up too much.
Male loneliness more broadly is a serious and growing problem... it's much easier for women to be wanted by others
Oof, I can relate so much to this as a lonely queer guy with ADHD. Thank you for speaking about this, funnily enough, it made me feel a little less alone to know I'm not alone in feeling so lonely. I subscribed right away and I'm looking forward to checking out more of your content.
Thank you for making this podcast and for talking about your experiences and I'm really sorry about what you went through with that "friend" group after experiencing something so awful, btw. I've been SA'd before and I believe you and I'm sorry they didn't and treated you that way instead. My heart goes out to you and I hope some good friends come into your life soon, you deserve them.
Thanks so much for the support Nick :)
I´m really sorry to hear you have been through a similar experience! but hopefully brighter days are on the way for both of us 💕
I'm gay, and physically disabled. I know how you feel!!
The opening two minutes could not have described my life any better.
I love this sweetie. You are an open book and one of the reasons why I conncet so well with you is because everything you say makes so much sense. Loneliness is one of the biggest issues nowadays and internet is not helping.
Thanks so much hun
I've never seen your content before but I'm so glad you popped up in my feed and that I watched this whole video. I've never resonated more with an online stranger's story before. You are absolutely right that SO MANY people are struggling with this. It's so difficult in the world, especially post-2020 and ESPECIALLY in the gay community to find meaningful connection and conversation. It's easy to find hooks up and people to party with but that is not fulfilling and just leaves us craving real connection even more and feeling lonelier. Please don't ever apologize for sharing your truth and don't ever feel like you're being "depressing" or "too much". I hope that you remove yourself from the lives of anyone who makes you feel like a burden or doesn't show up for you the way you do for them. I know that's so hard when we want to remain connected to what we have and what's familiar but believe me when I say that that is how you reprogram those limiting thoughts about yourself. Those type of one-sided relationships only reinforce the negative thought. Releasing them is how you show YOURSELF that you are worth more effort deserve to be treated as a priority the way you do for others. It also makes room for the people who are going to treat you well to come in to your life. I too wish there were a better or easier way for us to find each other and connect but maybe if enough of us want it, we will develop a way.
Thanks so much for your kind words :) I definitely relate that since covid, the disconnect has just been so big and all I have is the nostalgia for pre covid days for the simpler times. You are so right, I had to accept that my friendships here were surface level and I was investing emotionally into people that only cared to talk about sex, parties and gay events which is fine...but outside of the nightlife/scene they were never there, I realised when anything negative happened in my life none of them checked in whilst I was always there for them, and so gradually I distanced myself and noticed if I didn´t message they never messaged, so that was the confirmation I needed to have to do a reset and start over here.
@@TheQueernessDiaries exactly! So glad you made that decision and hope you understand that they have their own issues preventing them from connecting on a deeper level and showing up for you the way you need. They're (probably) not bad people and it's DEFINITELY not because you aren't good enough or worth the effort. You're just not at the same place and thus incompatible but we all want connection so we settle. Please don't go chasing the good old days! It only gets better! ☺️🌄❤️🔥 th-cam.com/video/x71dDdmJaPk/w-d-xo.htmlsi=8fCL3BQ-APFamaSD
I know how you feel. I am hypersensitive. I have felt this way at first. My last group of friends I hung out often with was ALSO back in 2015. Interesting. I am a straight female. Dude.. it IS never enough. People are also scared to open up these days. Straight dudes play this facade of confidence that immediately irritates me.
Your own company is precious , embrace the happiness of your own solace. You are awesome.. I can tell.. reserve that awesome energy for people worthy of that energy but that starts with focusing that energy on yourself and enjoying life solo.
I don’t know how I came across this but thank you for sharing ♥️ Im dealing with this as are many others
Hey there, thanks a lot for the support! heres hoping to brighter days ahead :)
Hey man…Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities and I applaud you for being self aware. I experienced this and the loneliness still comes and I’ve been single for quite a while now and it’s hard specially with the gay male community to find connections and even dating. But pls be strong and don’t loose hope and stay true to you and don’t be afraid to set your boundaries and lean into your self worth regardless of how alone we feel… the right people will come along eventually. Sending love❤
Thanks so much for your kind words :) I can relate with the gay dating world, I think setting my boundaries is what has caused this loneliness as I am so careful of who is genuinely coming into my life, which can be make it isolating, but hopefully rewarding for the future!
and I'm sending you a heartfelt hug
@@1873VictorianHome thanks so much 💕
I think this is more common than we think, I do emphatise with you and feel the same way at times. Since having dogs though, I have been thinking of it less and diverted my focus on me and my dogs, the people that are there, and hopefully, the right people or friends will come to my life one day.
Yes I think having pets definitely helps! I miss my cats in England a lot sometimes but have a kitten here to look after to.
I decided the only friends I have are my money.They never dissapoint.
I am in the same place and have been it seems forever. Loneliness is a painful and tortuous place to exist. I find I can go a week without speaking. I can’t comment further it’s too hard. I will again.
I hope things get better for you Jay ❤
Hint, there is no such thing as the Gay Community. It’s merely an activist notion which doesn’t really fit a lot of gay people because people are people first not who they are attracted to first.
manifestation is absolutely real
Feeling your & my pain. I live in a quaint, historic town near Washington D.C. I'm out to neighbors but since Covid withdrawn from the gay community. My involvement in dog rescue has brought me friends and community. Imagine living in the USA where we're practically in civil war. I also think that social media creates a new condition for loneliness searching for likes & follows. I'm also trying to understand why porn can seem so fulfilling. It feels great but what is it a substitute for? I'm reading a great book "THE VELVET RAGE" that explores all these issues. You are so sincere, thoughtful, and empathetic. And by the way, my shallow gay attractions lend me to say "You're hot as hell".
@@1873VictorianHome Thankyou :) the gay community can be so harsh especially combined with social media :(
The problem for gays is that we live in a ghetto clubs ,and meetings we do not have contact with the whole world, only with each other. Our loneliness results from this fact.
Do the people you want to be friends with have to fellow gay men? If so, the basis of the commonality is his also being gay, that isn’t likely to be enough for the basis of a deeper more meaningful friendship. I’m gay but don’t have gay friends per se, but among my friends are a few gay men. What about common interests beyond being sexually attracted to men?
Maybe its time to search for a faith community that works for. Because I believe in God and that he is real I talk to him all the time and listen to gospel music all the time. It makes me happy
And that´s your path.