Jordan Peterson ~ Why You Cannot Be Yourself In Society
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 พ.ย. 2019
- Jordan Peterson ~ Why You Cannot Be Yourself In Society
Full Talk:
• 2014 Personality Lectu...
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"Be yourself" = "Be what they need." Totally agree that's what people mean. They have no interest in what "yourself" actually is unless it makes them feel good
Be what they think they need
society is basically anti invidualism.
Don't pretend that you're any different. You have no interest in what "'themself" actually is unless it makes you feel good.
@@JK-vc7ie To be fair, nobody wants to be friends with a douche who puts you down.
@@MeelisMatt No Sir society would reward you if you do so. You can only become rich if you do what other people need. You can be yourself but society won't reward you for it. Nor other people are obliged to reward you for things you do for yourself.
When people tell you to be yourself they really want you to be the best version of yourself from their perspective.
True
Nice wording.
Yes!
There’s one issue: it all depends on which social group you are trying to be an integral part of. If the collective values and expectations of the group do not align with your “ideal self” we are on for trouble. It’s very hard to negotiate reciprocity with others when YOU must predominantly abandon your core values; something which may hinder your potential in the long-term.
You're so damn right! I mean how can one adjust to sick society?
@Hana Ayo Alemayehu I am not from USA
@Hana Ayo Alemayehu do you know about synchronicity?
to know and be contious about your core values is actually essential to be aware of a society worth fitting in or not... kinda think not everybody does, which makes things complicated :/
@@m.a.w.5562 agreed but after a point it increasingly becomes dangerous to make a choice in following your perceived path and your livelihood .but I agree
Actually being yourself in society can actually be very entertaining.
Yeah, There is a sense of challenge in it
So True!!
I like your sense of humor
Yeah man🤣
Actually?
I tried, for about 2 decades, to be myself in society and i can tell you from my own subjective experiences, i have never found a way to act in this manner without producing an extreme amount of psychological fracture within myself. It causes people in your community, at your school, at your place of employment to single you out and what they feel for you can only be described as "Disgust". It does not matter if you conduct yourself with the highest and most solid moral foundation with humility while simultaneously possessing self respect and healthy boundaries, persona must be employed. If there is a way to conduct yourself in society without the mask of the persona, i have not found that way. Dr Peterson is correct as far as i can tell from my own experiences and observing others who have attempted to be their true self in public. It is disheartening that we must play a fake game, wear a mask or multiple masks. I feel that we would be much healthier from a psychological perspective if we were not forced into playing this fantasy game. We all know were playing it. We all know that those around us are playing it. So why play it? It just feels like a lie that everyone is aware of yet we act as if the lie is truth. It is a peculiar thing to me.
how many cities have you lived in or been to in those 2 decades ? I feel like different parts of the world are easier to be yourself in
In English, you'd also not be able to control the urge to use one of the kids' bikes to try bunnyhopping a firepit at a party? Breaking the bike. At the age of 36? If no, I understand.
Think of it as a tool society uses to determine wich human beeing are Worth engaging with.
This play is the reason why many children are shy (including myself from 3 years old to almost 40... ). They are deeply confused by this social facade and fakeness they can see very well and can't deal with it so they get stuck.
I try to look at it as something fun. If it's a game, why not have a little fun with it. I think of it as if I'm playing a role, like an actor. But still implementing some of my actual self into it.
What is wrong with being alone? I've been socially distancing for decades. Not depressed. Not lonely. Very level-headed and balanced.
Nothing, I guess. I just miss certain people, badly on some days.
@@arkantos2227 nicely answered.
being alone is so peaceful.
And I love It!!!!❤❤❤❤
Most humans need affection, especially if they see it around themselves, it's actually sad if that's the case for you but if not, good for you dear.
When you are very different from others in your family and friendship circle, but the others are more similar to each other, no relationship is reciprocal. It’s just you constantly bending to suit a way of life that doesn’t serve you in an attempt to fit in and that’s very difficult.
When you have a personality type that is very uncommon in general, being yourself almost certainly means being alone. You have to decide between faking your own existence to remain part of a group, or being outcast and lonely.
The frustrating part is when you know that many of the elements that make you different are positive things, not negative, there are great things inside of you and you work so hard to show those positive traits to others to gain respect and appreciation but you only get punished for being different or ignored because others don’t even understand what you’re trying to achieve because it’s so far removed from the way they think.
There is nothing more frustrating than when “loved ones” ask you about yourself in an attempt to show they care about you, but then reject every answer you give or contradict everything you try to say because it doesn’t match up with what they wanted to hear.
Sometimes I just throw my hands up and snap “well if you’re not interested in listening to my answer, why the hell did you ask me the question?”
I literally told my mom I feel insecure about I hate wearing dresses with short sleeves because of my “fat” arms. Right after, she then proceeds to berate me for not exercising enough and having a “stomach.”
fuck man, I feel you on that whole loved ones doing this faux-"care" question-asking but then just contradicting and effectively gaslighting you on everything
Just abandon that family and find another
@@pahandvadvavosem1081 but did you make your bed tho?
@@dickensyhleung no bed, but routine is my everything
It’s none of you’re business what other people think of you, a quote I’ll never forget
*your
@@theinteractive_9462 you monster
Nice one. I also like this one: “Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
Except that it kinda is, because people gossip and gossip harms.
If everyone always kept their thoughts to themselves, then I would agree with this quote. As it stands, though, if there's any chance that people might be _exchanging_ and _building_ upon their individual beliefs behind my back, then that can be damaging and I'm sorry but - in that case - it's very much my business and I'm going to _make_ it my business whether the person likes it or not.
Otherwise its like saying "its none of your concern how many snipers are aiming at your head right now." Which ought hopefully illustrate my issue with this quote quite clearly.
I think you should, belong to society brings many practical advantages. That’s how u get a job, make connections, start a business, meet more people, get married etc.
I'm rotting away in my room which I need to clean.
Jackie take it from me. Clean your environment and get out of your room. Walk outside and do life. I speak from experiece. Cliff aust.
Same.
Ha! I see what you did there!😎😎😎
Take it one corner at a time. You can get that room cleaned, no problem. Been working on mine for a while now, and even though I only do small bits at a time, it's already a massive improvement from the mess it was before this pandemic came around. Don't know where to start? Literally pick a random thing and clean it. Get the proverbial snowball rolling, and before you know it, your entire desk is now devoid of anything messy, leaving you wanting to keep going.
Be a minimalist like me, when you are aware of everything that you own and where everything is, its a great base state of mind. Given the other side of that coin is so negative and an infinite abyss of utter chaos and anarchy. That's a start then youre gonna have to look inside yourself and figure out what you really want and what you need and learn skills that enables you to get those things. And with Internet learning is free the only real question is if you're willing to step out of your comfort zone.
"Be what I need, not what you are." Therein lies the rub
Sounds like, a voluntarily offered love for one's fellow man is the foundation of functional society, as individuals, to be independent, paradoxically need for every neighbor to behave as a trustworthy feature of the environment
Where is that quote?
Word.
Personally I believe and follow the opposite philosophy. "Be who you are, not what you need" - Ozzie
That’s precisely what someone expects of you when they’re using you. Looking back at my relationship I encountered that and realized that. Basically, that same quote you stated. People wonder why relationships don’t work? When you’re in a romantic relationship your supposed to love them and accept them. They aren’t there to be used as a leisure or a lifeline for your happiness. Shit, that’s literally common sense. You don’t need a deep, poetic knowledge on that. It’s so pathetic, it’s a little humorous.
I'm most often myself.....It's the main reason i don't fit in to society too well and don't have any friends.
let's be friends then
Then we can build a hierarchy we have to sustain to continue being in the group
I don't have a whole lot of friends anymore either. I was popular when younger and in high school, but over the years became more myself, which is introverted. I'm an INTJ, so I'm right where I want to be, with myself lol.
I feel like this too but honestly (not just a cope) I find myself purposefully distancing myself from my friends. I'm not depressed, I just get super exhausted being there for everyone
You'll know a true friend when you cross paths, because it'll be almost effortless. You can be yourself around good friends, I've only got one so far who's like that. But like they say, quality not quantity. They won't run away when stranger things come out =P
However, have you got a good imagination? ever just wondered how people may see you? I have, quite recently. I've had to start working on something quite important, one is bluntness, the second is sarcasm and the third is my sense of humour.
Since going vegan, I've been so passionate about it and encouraging people with it, that it wasn't clear to me that my passion came across as blunt anger much of the time. Sarcasm is a tricky one because it's sort of ingrained from working with my Dad, I don't even like it that much. Sure, it's got its place in conversation, but it would come out when I didn't want it to and it would be very rude.
Also, for a very long time I've had a very dark and a very dirty sense of humour. It's the dark thing I have to work on mostly, it makes many people borderline frightened of what they heard sometimes, it would push people away pretty quickly.
It's never really the individual butt, we all sort of mirror the World around us, society kind of sculpts us. All we can do is just try and work on things. Like that saying, "The only time we fail is when we stop trying" ; )
This is why dating sites are a waste of time. "Must not have have baggage" = You'll have live up to my expectations = dishonesty.
The whole notion one can simply shop for a mate in an online format is in itself a very bad idea and a bad start for a relationship. It implies human connection is a commodity to be used up.
It's the perfect platform for attention seeking narcissists, one night whores, scammers and otherwise sad pathetic losers seeking validation that nobody would otherwise touch with a 10ft pole in real life. Not only that, but the price gouging tactics these platforms utilize just for users to enable or engage in simple communication methods like chatting or sending emails is total BS.
@Son of Bibbs Yes! Well said. Online dating turns human beings into objects to be shopped for and purchased like they're shopping for a car or a pair of shoes. It's degrading and dehumanizing.
I don't think the problem is in the online dating itself but the current online dating model , because it's shallow and based on look or "achievement" ... if it was based on interests , personality , music taste etc it would be much MUCH better and more accurate to find a partner don't you think ?
@@aiman6131 No it doesn't matter really. Many sites give you the option to add that in your profile. eHarmony uses this pseudo 'psychologically matching' profile model detailing also what you described but into much greater extents. For many this often complicates the dating game as users will become even more picky and rigid in their criteria. Far as Iam concerned, getting out and about in the real world is your best bet as nobody comes with a BS profile or a stat sheet on their chest as their personalities will show through that cannot be achieved online.
"Your vibe, it dictates your tribe." - Mind Smash
Positive vibe brought me a lot of toxic assholes in life,negative vibe brought me even more toxic assholes trying to fix me by force,altough they are at least fucked up and negative as me,if not more.
I have always been myself in society, took me a while to work out why i was so hated by most but still i cant be someone else
Worth it
@MEAT POPSICLES •89 years ago • most times fear and misunderstanding turns into hatred though. People fear what they don't understand and what they don't understand the only rational option is to hate. If they don't like something about you they'll use it against you and trying to bring you down so they can feel superior.
I'm always myself in society..I might not be popular but i have a solid group of loyal friends and that's all i need.
Assuming they too are always being themselves around you.
Marky mark and the bunky funch And so , I assume , you grew up or came up , with a solid foundation, and not bouncing around the country from school after school , and state after state fair .
bro that's solid
I only have 2 friends lol
@@elchucapablas You need more?
Actually, I am myself in society. I really couldn't care less anymore about what others think of me. I think I'd rather be alone than settle for mediocre and meaningless relationships. People are mostly self-centered/narcissistic, anyway. I would never expect them to behave differently. We all live in our own delusional perceptions of who we think we are and what our or other people's reflection in the world is. Our judgments are not always valid. We can't please everyone. I, certainly, wouldn't even try to do so.
I understand where you are coming from, but complete disregard for the social framework and "others" is surely not the best response. Jordan said it here himself, "We are extremely social creatures." Yes, there are narcissistic qualities spreading like wildfire. Yes, we are all, to some extent, clouded by out delusional perceptions of ourselves and those around us. I too am myself in society, or at least I strive my best to be. I value this concept at the highest level, but a virtue taken too far does become a vice. Ironically, the "not caring about what others think of me" statement is one of the more self-centered ideas popping up today. And frankly it is complete bullshit, of course you care. That is precisely why you are attempting to take a moral high ground in this very comment. You are no better than anyone for saying these things or believing anything you just said. I do not mean to sound agitated in this comment, just trying to open your eyes a bit.
@@chico7695 I care enough to treat others with a basic level of respect so far as they do not disrespect me. But I agree that it's futile trying to please everyone or really anyone... That'll just lead you down the path of becoming someone elses' fool/tool/tomato/tamato... I am who I am. I do things how I want to, so long as I know that it isn't affecting anyone else. If that's self centered, I don't really care. My actions don't physically or mentally harm others, so my conscience is clear in all that I do and I do it all with conviction and a stubborn resilience and insistence.
Of course you care.
You’re on TH-cam caring about what people think.
Yeah but Im guessing you are in a job that allows you to be yourself because most don't. They want you to act a certain way, talk a certain way, dress a certain way, have a certain attitude, compromise your values, and smile while it's happening or you aren't grateful enough and lets find a way to fire this person.
@@uberhaxonova Your face is tragic.
My mom once asked me many years ago when I was a teenager why it is was that my group of friends were indeed a group of friends when we seemingly were very different from one another. I told her it was because we were all misfits but we accepted each others weirdness...so we fit with each other.
It’s interesting that those who have the wisdom, courage and fortitude to refuse to compromise and adjust to a pathological society are the ones that get labeled the “misfits.” That story is about power, and especially the power of a narrative -- particularly who gets to create it and therefore hand out the titles, identities and labels.
“It’s no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
-Jiddu Krishnamurti
@@phaedrussmith1949 Misfits or those of us 'on the spectrum' or with any one of many alleged 'psychological disorders' are the tiniest few of us humans who are quite *unable* to be anything other than our true selves. Yet we're the ones who are ostracised, medicated, counselled & subjected to endless therapies with the expectation that *we* learn to behave like everyone else. Go figure.
@amysbakingcompany sounds like an anime protagonist.
@@joannecarroll5504 You can use the positive values that come from those conditions and create many great things if they are incorporated into a group. You have to find ways to get around the negatives. The easiest way is to find people who will listen and tell the truth. Your best friends are ones that will challenge you to better yourself. If these negatives get in the way, talk about it truthfully. You will be surprised how many people will understand if they are really good people. Otherwise, walk away.
Me too , my friends and I we're the weirdos in school but was fun lol
Only an individual has values. In a collective, its values have you.
Not if you're a sociopath. Then human is simply just your playground to manipulate with. You become their sheepherd and they will follow your ideas without even knowing it
Yes this makes me think about studies on groups where they behave in a certain manner as a group, but if you speak to each individual privately they’ll all say they hate they have to behave that way because of the group. They’re all doing the things they disagree with because they believe all the others are actually doing it because they agree with it, it’s a bizarre phenomenon, if everyone communicated honestly it would solve the problem but no one wants to feel as though they’re going against the group.
Jacob Christensen Hypothetically, which is worse, silencing the sheep who warns the farmer concerning the herds safety OR silencing the farmer for killing the sheep who interrupted his slumber to do so?
Nice Yakov Smirnoff joke.
@@jacobchristensen6235 it just solves so many problems
It’s ok to conform to societal norms from time to time just as long as you don’t sell yourself out like many ppl I know
I can't be someone else. I spent a lifetime trying.
Good. Dont.
@@allenbinion1575 I like your answer! So blunt and to the point. 👍
@@copacetictranquillam8154 Same here. I can behave quite acceptable, if I get a little time to prepare (mostly a few minutes are enough), but it's draining my energy. I have to be constantly role-playing, doing things that are unnatural to me just to be not perceived awkward. Like constantly remind myself to look at the person I'm having a conversation with and not have my visual focus constantly somewhere else. Among friends, who know me and I feel comfortable with, it seems I'm quite extroverted, but generally, I think because of autism, I behave introverted in public and around strangers.
I don’t want to be someone else but I want to be someone who stand up for themselves. Someone who doesn’t get taken advantage of. I want to be that perfect mix of kind but assertive at the same time.
I'll work on me, you work on you and maybe we'll both get there. Sounds like a good way to be. : )
Be careful of wearing a mask, you might not be able to take it off.
Just like the Jim Carey movie
Like hollyweird
Powerful words
vic vapor 😂😂😂😂 of all things you can think of this is the example that you decided to go with 😂😂😂. Fucking epic!
@vic vapor get a life
Polite society expects more extroversion, gregariousness, interest in others, and optimism than most people REALLY possess in their true-to-self, natural behavior.
I love Mr. Peterson. He defined my Father. He was a Tyrant and I was doing everything in my power to get the hell out.
or completly narcissit fathers which cant't accept that you are not what they spect, even if you try to please them in other way you can.
I had a wonderful father that died too soon. I miss him!
My "dad" was a complete narcissistic person and there was no winning with him he hounded me all the time and held a dam grudge against me for not being into cars and made me hate him for years and the school I went to were really uppity and snobbish and was harassed everyday and my favorite time was walking to school and back home afterwards and I would just unwind myself in those moments
Those who surrender parts of themselves to fit the narrative of the group almost never recover those parts of themselves; something quite dramatic and traumatizing must happen in order for you to awaken to the ensnaring group think you've been absorbed by. Once you awaken to that prison then you have no choice but to ditch that group / society in order to maintain your individuality. Group think is for lemmings. Unfortunately most humans act like they are really lemmings. Lemmings are the lowest form of human life.
so are you saying that no individual should abide to a social group??
Giving up T.V. was a good first step for me.
@@FA-sy7ew Did you see me write that? No. th-cam.com/video/LXVrNRo1Zj8/w-d-xo.html
There’s no such thing as “lowest form of human life”, nor the highest form of human life. All humans are objectively the same worth in the end. We have morales and compassion as a result of it not being too beneficial to kill your neighbor and a lot of our principals of morales are under the foundation of evolved compassion and many people don’t realize just how subjective morales truly are. I do not believe there’s even 1 objective morale. Of course, as a human I do believe we shouldn’t kill each other but that’s only because my evolved compassion says so. Of course it makes sense not to subject creatures to pain, but truly that only really comes to light to fellow humans. Many people don’t even take a second to remorse of a squashed bug, most people wouldn’t really care at all when killing a large animal who likely manifests grief just as strong as we do, but when you tell a Hunter it’s just as morally wrong to kill a large animal than a human he’d say, “Why? It’s nature to hunt.” And you may ask why we think that? Of course, why would we evolve to think of other animals that way, which was our main source of food until agriculture was created.
We believe there’s people of greater worth and people of less worth but truly our worth is nothing in the long run, and we develop arbitrary sense of worth on people that objectively make no sense. It’s more or less everyone is an equal amoeba that’ll die anyways eventually and it’s impact will be forgotten. Every ounce of your brain will insist “Humans have feelings, you feel them for yourself. Negative feelings are bad stay away from them, and don’t be the reason someone else has them” think of that from an evolutionary standpoint and it makes complete sense your brain would have those fundamentals hard wired. But then think of a tree, insignificant accomplishes nothing but growing old and then dying. Thankfully for psychopaths you can learn what a human would be like without that evolved compassion as their genetics allowed them not to develop compassion.
@@carters1209 Writing a thesis for your doctorate? It seems to me you need to learn to relax, take things a hell of a lot less seriously so you can understand jokes better.
What I took from that is if a person wants to be a part of a group, they must behave in a manner that the group expects and benefits the group. It seems obvious that if those expectations conflict with who you are as a person that relationship will not be successful. It also leads to ask the question: why is this person wanting to be a part of that group if the relationship is so unmatched?
Because their needs to be part of a Group makes them betray themselves.
Thats how strong those needs can get if they are unfullfilled.
Because people.dont want be alone forever so we compromise being ourselves to have some companionship
Because they are weak and don't love themselves.
“The cards aren’t worth a damn unless you lay them down” - Jerry Garcia
Hold them close to your vest though,before laying them down.
“Note to self: Don’t drink tap water at Jerry Garcia’s”
- Gex
Whenever I’m out in society I go out of my way to be myself. That way I don’t have to socialize so much. It’s a real timesaver!
5:49 "A real relationship is a game you play over and over and over and over, and you're not gonna want to play with someone that doesn't play fair, even little kids know that" Take that wicked people, even little kids know what you don't know or care about.
Maybe you are the wicked one in someone else's eyes. Never forget that.
@@matthewomalley9695 That's possible, but I'm truly upfront, honest and crystal clear transparent, I definitely honour my word. I have never inflicted harm upon another human being on purpose, even though I felt like it would be deserved a few times. I just comforted myself with the thought that some day that person will act the same way with someone else and they will then get what they deserve, I'm probably too vulnerable, completely powerless and utterly unwilling to do justice with my own hands. If someone wants to think I'm wicked, that's fine, I have a clear conscience.
@@heliaalves9062 I believe you. My conscience is also clear. I wish you all the best.
Yeah he nailed it right there, only a couple of words but so profound!
@@d.michael372 it really resonated with me ☺️
You can´t put an act forever, eventually people will find out who you really are. Being yourself is the best you can do for your selfsteem, even if you end like an outcast.
Being myself in public is very entertaining to others, because I’m very self deprecating in my humor. Sometimes that leads to people not taking me seriously which is unfortunate, but the people who get it end up becoming good friends
He's correct! Almost everybody is fronting in some way or totally! People are chameleons and rarely do you really know someone.
You can be many things at the same time... people are complex and dealing with them adds even more complexity.
Who is the real you. The selfish asshole. Or the person trying to be their best?
@@JK-vc7ie the one who tries to bring the best in everyone.
Well, most people don't even know themselves...
@@vetiverose128 people dont know them selves, because they rarely spend time alone, after being influenced by many people, media, culture, family and friends, they become shallow. To be alone you learn to be authentic and above all, you know yourself. And by alone, I dont mean alone distracting yourself with netflix, but by dealing with the hard questions that life brings you, depending on your answer and on your quest, you will reveal yourself to you.
"Just because we don't know what we're up to doesn't mean we're not up to something. And it doesn't also mean that there isn't something we should be up to." That's the most Jordan Petersony thing I've ever heard.
I'll always be myself, not my problem if other people dont like it
Here you go, your +3 internet though guy points. Enjoy.
Shut up Jesse
@@amadiohastruck4331 So you would prefer kirsa to behave as he/she/it wanted with no interest for the people tolerating it and brush it off as "not my problem"?
That's not what being yourself means.
@@jessesalmensuo4344 Hold this L
Just be yourself, everyone is already taken!
Stupid ideology that is impractical and only ends you up in trouble with authorities, take it from someone who’s been there done that.
Phant0mGetsuga993 being yourself does not mean be a naive clueless idiot. It means to not lie to yourself of liking things that you don’t. If you dislike some sort of person, it doesn’t mean that you have to go and attack them now, that’s not what being yourself means. Your true self knows, that getting in trouble with authorities, etc. Is bad, so you avoid that in a form that you would like...
[citation needed]
God has given you one face and you have taken yourself another.
Shakespeare
You say it like it's a bad thing?
@@100thmonkey It is a bad thing.
Trying to be someone you're not IS a bad thing.
No ,not really . Seems applicable to some women out there who wear too much face bondo.
My experience is that if you work on becoming more sociable, you can also be yourself in every other way. Then people who don't align with you are naturally filtered out, and since you are sociable, there is a large enough pool of people to filter from.
“Societies that violate the principle of reciprocity are not very stable” When free markets benefit only a very few this becomes a huge danger. Being fooled by tyrants is how this happens.
AK what do you get when the masses figure out the market was never free?
Any economist will tell you that Free Market is a theoretical state that does not exist. No industry in the history of mankind has ever fulfiled the conditions: imperfect knowledge, different cost of entry etc.
Same with communism. There is no way to ever keep track of what even a single person actually needs, let alone entire countries. Who is going to do the calculations to determine distributions?
Anyone who supports either do not live in the real world
Regimes that understand this thrive and can actually work towards actual solutions which can could be more open market or more govt control dependent on actual issue on hand...
Otherwise its just alot of hot air by nutjobs and alot more suffering for the people.
@@finding_aether yes, but the main concern is at what point do enough people become disenfranchised w/ the current system to disrupt it?
But free markets don't benefit only a few.
@@periechontology I would agree with that. Freer economies tend to be nicer places to live. Canada came in 8th place the global economic freedom index a few years ago and Canada is a nice place. Switzerland was number one for Europe and they are also a nice place to live
Wow ,this thread is a powerful magnet to amazing minds that have been made aware and are seeking truth , trying to make sense of their world .
This is all too much for my head right now, I'm going to take a nap!
@@DEB781 Lol, did it help, I'm assuming you've finnished your nap by now haha
I’ve never been anything but myself. It’s not an easy path, but it’s the only one I can walk and live with myself
What does it mean to be urself?
Basically in a nutshell, everybody wants to use you with literally no concern for you(no surprise there).Society as a whole wants a lot of things from people. That does not matter. What matters is what is society willing to give in return.
Alexander Mcklemurry you forgot to add literally
@@gxrsky ah thanks
@Kelvin Klopper evidence for what
@D. F. like I said society just wants to use us, it does not want to give anything in return
Alexander Mcklemurry What do you want in return from society that you’re not already getting?
As a person, you get to make two choices. One, you play the game and go by the rules the game sets up for you. Sure, the rules suck ass and you feel forced into a box for the most part. But, can you choose to not play the game? Yes. Are you going to have a difficult time with that? You bet. Not choosing to play the game is a very powerful, yet very scary proposition. Because there are very few people who are strong enough, daring enough and self fulfilled enough to not play the game and still be okay with it.
I agree with this analysis especially for men that have families ,we are usually meant to be someone that is the provider, that usually means sacrificing ones wishes and just do what is necessary and expected in society.
Happiness is only real when shared. I know Im better off alone than joining a group i dont share my views and values with. But i still got hope that there are a few people on earth, especially this one girl, who are wired like me and sharing life with them will make my life and theirs better.
Man, this is exactly my feelings, am so happy to find someone one that thinks like this,
I see people who are extremely agreeable and I find them to be pathetic. They’re soo afraid to stand up for themselves and they end up being uncomfortable, additionally that means they’re dishonest because they don’t speak how they really feel majority of the times.
The Present Age of False Humility. It is disgusting to see. Let's get real.
But you don't tell them what you think either. You are the same.
Boom
Eff Yew exactly lol
Here is the thing that JP said that kind of blew my mind. Just because you are agreeable does not mean you are virtuous. You’re just harmless. Many people are overly agreeable for selfish reasons or weakness. Neither is good.
Regarding the first couple lines: I had the opposite experience, my life was altered in very negative ways by trying to be around others. Now that I’m alone and am actively limiting my exposure to other people, I’m much happier. When I think back on how much time I wasted in my life on other people only to be mistreated and ultimately abandoned, I wonder why I thought it necessary to waste that time on others in the first place. Where would I be now, instead of where I am currently- trying to make up for lost time?
But then I suppose I’d be branded an outcast or an introvert, or antisocial or something like that. So be it, I’m happier alone not being confronted by the ugliness of the world, and I suspect there are a growing number of people like me.
I was better and happier alone.
but I got involved in politics. and ruined myself. became evil.
biggest mistake.
@@VengefulPolititron
I’m not sure there’s a way to be involved in politics anymore without feeling like you’ve sold your soul, perhaps there never was.
@@nickolaswilliams935
I'm dead inside anyways.
I wish I never drank alcohol, and left politics
@@VengefulPolititron
I’ve seen drinking destroy the lives of people I care about, I have no idea why it’s still legal and pot isn’t.
@@nickolaswilliams935 they both can be abused quite severely. I know someone who takes weed daily and doesn't seem happier about it. Sure he is functional, but it looks more like a crutch if you still have a huge anger problem while on it.
Be the greatest version of yourself, don’t be a push over and strive to be the bigger person in all interactions. Live in the moment and treat every situation as if you chose it.
I love how passionate Jordan Peterson is, when he gets all choked up , he’s really special.
Life sounds so complicated when he talks..
I get the opposite feeling each time
Monika Trajanoska I just wonder how I managed my life before I found him.
He makes sense but everything is so head focused. Where are the emotions, intuition etc?
Because when you take a very close look at it....it is
Bahddaym yes and cause it is complicated and unpredictable I don’t think our minds alone can’t solve the riddle. So I rather bring my mind in a state of indifference and acceptance instead of trying to understand the not understandable. Just cause I can rationalize and conceptualize one specific domain of life it doesn’t mean I understand the whole.
Humans are complicated not life
I guess this is why we pick our tribes. But even then there is a certain conformity.
@terminalgremlin There is no such a thing as race
There is such a thing as inner beauty.
Yeah but that's the point. There can be several different groups. It's about reciprocity, as he said.
Honestly, I'd rather have myself and nobody else than have someone else but lost myself. Losing your core values fills you up with anxiety, confusion and hatred for yourself because you don't know who you are, you don't know who you're trying to be, you don't know who you're supposed to be and you don't understand anything very much anymore.
I've been suffering through it way too much by trying to be more extroverted by force. It's been nothing but misery. Constantly trying to be someone else is painfully suffering. And thinking I'm supposed to react a certain way in different situations because "society says so" was also part of what I tried to tell myself. I can't be my authentic valuable self if I'm constantly adjusting to everyone else's rules. If somebody dies and everyone is sad, that does not mean that I have to be sad as well. If I don't feel sad, I don't have to justify to myself or anyone why that is and I don't feel the need to be accepted by others. If I keep being myself, I will be accepted by the right people who will actually help me in my life instead of telling me how I'm a weirdo and an outcast.
Either you can accept me for who I am or you can leave me alone. Authenticity is part of the unknown which is why many people reject it. It's not familiar. Well, those who are open-minded enough and those who share my values will accept me and that's all the people I need in my life.
What does it mean to be urself
It is weird this. I've tried being myself in a group of people, but people don't like it and they try to stay away from me, it's an interesting experience. But if I try to be acceptable, they do the same and I often get forgotten. People just don't know how to react to spontaneous behavior, yet they desire it, they don't want to be known as this guy. People just all around suck, because they don't know what to think.
I've been around like those people that you describe and I had a sense of frustration whenever I be around them just because I didn't be myself or I even if I would be myself I know people wouldn't "like" me, but after I isolated myself a bit and discovering my world and myself with a struggle, you kind of grow and be a more peaceful, and the more you "struggle" to discover yourself and people around you the more confident and powerful you become psychologically and that's what I've been missing in the past when I be out there with people.
This is when you cut these people off and try to find another group or friends... It requires effort unfortunately but its a numbers game. Its all on you how long and how much you want to try. Other than that its better to focus on yourself and your interests then maybe u get to know ppl there.
Just don't be a div mate or childish you'll be sound bud 😉 👍
@@danielross4869 I just am who I am, yet people still don't like me. I'm not sure what is the problem, I've tried self searching and all that to figure out what it is and I've come to the conclusion that some people have "it" and others don't, and I don't.
@@metalmayfantasy totally get that mate lifes tough youll get there pal
I've been dealing with the "does not work well with others" label my whole life.. after a lifetime of experience with this I've determined that groups do not work well with me.. dysfunction in a group setting does not mean that a functional person not fitting into the dysfunction is the problem. In my experience, groups are generally dysfunctional. I'm a leader, not a follower. But every group I've ever been in had been an obnoxious unprofessional mess and they treat me as if im not even allowed to be part of the group when I should be th leader because those are the qualities I possess. Those are my interests, skills, tendencies and abilities. It's just who I am and what I do. But I always get placed at the bottom as if I'm the untouchable know nothing loser. And I just watch the group fall apart and choose wrong answer after wrong answer. I don't even have a problem being a follower but because the leaders are always so terrible they always start problems because they're bossy and combative rather than good Inspring leaders. The person who is usually the leader is a person who would get fired their first day for insubordinance whereas I keep getting fired for knowing what I'm doing and that intimidates the bad leaders who want to be seen as superior and everyone else must be inferior..
It's because your group is full of idiots. Here I made a discord group where you can be yourself without any barriers. Society is just dumb. The whole system in general. Let's say I want to become a doctor but in school all they taught me after 8th grade was a bunch of nonsense that I will never use and I was a great student. Not to mention how you have to pick a group in school in order to fit in when in reality you are becoming more distant from your current self.
With the rise of technology came also the rise of bad or "cool" behaviour. A bunch of pop artists started making videos about drugs, sex, cars, money and how being black is very hot and gangster when all is happening is the KGB brainwashing the rest of the world (mainly CIA) to be like them. These are bad role models that destroy and destroyed everything we've known and loved about our friends and relatives in the past.
How can we be ourselves when the average person now listens to CIA propaganda that is not retrospective and that destroies all other nations by brainwashing their people, while the americans stay the educated ones?? This is destruction of morality.
I hope all organizations like the KGB, CIA and of course the Pentagon stop putting bad behaviour in popular songs, movies or news articles and make a change.
I get what you're trying to say but if you were really a leader then people would listen to you.If you're adamant that you're always right and the group always falls apart then you need to work on your persuasion skills to be able to convince people to your point of view. Being "right" does not by itself make you a leader.
Also, it’s important to be okay with following if you know someone knows more. I hate how being a “follower” is bad. The problem with society is that everyone wants it be the bridge and not what holds the bridge up. The leader can not be a leader without its followers. I’m okay with being the follower 90% of the time, I’m good at being part of the support group. If the leader sucks I have no problem stepping up. If someone is better at it, I am glad to step down. I ha e no ego to please.
I feel the same way, but my time will come
You're not a leader, you're a loner. Not saying it's a bad thing but try to be honest with yourself on that one. If you were a leader people would get along with you
I have always been myself, I am a loner, if I interact with others my personality doesn't change, I've noticed how people 1 on 1 change when they are in a group , the only time I change a bit is when I'm selling something to someone, I hate people that constantly conform to what main stream society requires
It’s important to be yourself tho. You have to contribute to society but contribute something that’s never been contributed before. You have to contribute yourself and who you really are. Stop caring about fitting into society figure out how to function in society while holding onto your individuality
I’ll always be myself regardless. If I’m not giving what certain people want of me, then go! It doesn’t matter. I’ll never undermine my true self and there’s always people who will accept that and be cool with me.
I always tried to be what my mother and then the others wanted, and I ended like a worm with no self respect. In the last two years I tried to be my self. I got a couple of hand shaking and a lots of resentful attenction, but I feel better.
My god this got me thinking about my own life, and its so very interesting!
Sometimes it's hard to be yourself in society, so be be someone you quite not , and that's the truth of many people.
This is why popularity is such a flighty ideal, in a sense it is never absolutely attainable.
I was abused by narcissists all my life, so I didn't even know I who I was and what I was like, as I had my identity strategically erased. Thus, I couldn't control the disruptive variable and really didn't fit in with society. I think to successfully create a mask and use it without ruining oneself, it helps to know who we are and know when it's a mask and when it isn't. I agree that it's hard to be part of society, especially professionally, by being oneself, especially if there's refusal to tolerate gaslighting, exploitation or emotional abuse. I remain firm on setting boundaries for myself and not letting people talk to me like that, so I'll probably be a broke degenerate for life, whatever. But what I notice from the fallout of recovering from being abused and PTSD symptoms lessening is that as I get to know myself, I can play with how I want to be perceived without sacrificing my integrity, and I'm currently trying out if playing that helps me get where I want to be.
I don't really want to be anywhere near a narcissistic boss or enabling coworkers though, so really gotta dang check my options
How did you find yourself then?
when i’m around my closest friends and family is when i think i’m most “myself" and when my most meaningful experiences happen and relationships thrive. For whatever reason though, i can’t be myself around most strangers, but i think that’s how the majority of people feel around strangers. I guess something in our consciousness tells us ‘being yourself’ around someone you don’t know very well is unacceptable but at the same time these moments where we’re with strangers are the most uncomfortable directly because we aren’t being ourselves and we know it. So i don’t know why we put on this act. so the problem is not that no one actually wants us to be ourselves, it’s that they don’t want us to be ourselves right away, even though deep down we both know being comfortable around someone and them being comfortable around us is the best. on the surface we all put on a facade and beneath the surface we recognize it and know other people put one on too but for some reason it just has to be broken down little by little, because it won’t disappear right away. maybe it’s a defense mechanism, a way of putting up a barrier until you decide whether someone is trustworthy enough to be shown your true self or not.
I guess I'm too much myself. Never been in a social group, still alone at 55
Are you happy being by yourself, or you would prefer being part of a tribe?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
And there’s nothing wrong with that!
There are other factors. Never being in a social group at all suggests it's something other than you, like location or language barrier (like between 'harsher' English of northerners vs southerners in the US).
If you don't do something good with your situation I would say there is something wrong with that, but your current position also grants you the freedom to do things other people couldn't do for fear of their family getting hurt or weighing them down. If you have autistic/genetic traits then that is something more akin to a communication barrier or race barrier than of you who you truly are. Usually, most humans are biologically wired to pursue those who are biologically like them. If you were a high functioning autistic, for example, then it would probably be good to seek another who is that way, but you may both be bad at seeking social interactions so you may have to try extra hard to find a similar person to make up the difference.
Or you could be a psychopath and generally antisocial. lol. However, I take it that since you made a comment that is not the case.
I do it all the time I can do what I want as long as I’m not hurting anybody else. He told me all my life that I couldn’t talk about that institutional abuse and I talk about it every day for the past 35+ years yes I can. Now I’m gonna listen to your video😃
How can this man be so right in so many things
I adapt. I’m different people in different contexts. There is no “me”.
This is so true.
I act myself out, now I have no friends although I got an amazing relationship out of that, but I consider myself lucky.
otherwise I might have ended up alone, and it still sucks not having any friends.
Wow I definitely needed to hear this.
I think relationships are an exception to the idea that everything in life is like a game. In a relationship all involved parties have to preferably win, in both the short game and the long game.
@Jarrod Flint that is a well reasoned and very compelling and complete argument you've got there.
People can't be themselves when they're wearing masks. I say it all the time because it's true, a very real and vast thing, society's corrupted because of the media. It tells people that money is the most valuable thing in life, therefore people need to do whatever they need to do to get it.
Consumerism
Money is not the root of evil ,it is the love of money witch is the root of evil!
When did the media say that specifically?
It’s not that money is the most valuable thing by itself, it’s just a number or a piece of paper. It’s the power given to it by social structures, so yeah it is the most valuable thing objectively. If it’s not money then it would be something else, ex: food, energy, sex etc. You can’t escape from it if we have a hierarchy.
Money is necessary of course but it won’t make an unhappy person happy.
well....I've never been able to figure it all out....and that's why I'm always on the OUTside of the circle.
I've been myself for 66 years and been called many things, only when I tried being something else was I made to be unhappy. FT.!
Be Thyself, yet adoptable Amen..............
adaptable?
@@Ron_the_Skeptic No adoptable and adaptable
I continue to hear this quote here & elsewhere "We are highly social creatures". No not all of us are highly social creatures. Some are minimally social, others not social at all. I've read 2-3 articles of a man living on his own island for more than a decade (2 diff men, two different islands to be exact)& a woman also living on her own island with no other people. I would love for there to be a way for studies to be done about civilized folk who are not social.
We are highly social people & 'being social is important' seem like messages social folk tell themselves to self congratulate or self console. I'd rather "many people are social or the majority of people are social...." Versus blanket statements implying being social is fundamental/ important or essential to all.
Basically the majority of society is social & would like to self identify as such, but they do not / their experience does not apply to everyone
that's why I detest the statement humans are social creatures cause that's bullshit they just say that so you have to conform or else your "weird"
99.99999% of people on earth are not self-suffient. Even living on an island...i'll bet those people relied on others in one way or another....food, medical, fuel, etc.
I believe we are both, and it fluctuates as we develop on a social and individual level. A great example would be the spiral dynamic studies. At this point in my life I am very isolated and "alone" but I fucking love it. Always pisses me off when the social creature label gets showed down my throat.
That is so very true. Thank you Jordan Peterson. You have a beautiful name.
People want you to be what they need and if your not then they don’t like you. Stop caring what they need a care more about what you need. You don’t need friendships based on others expectations. You need to focus on what matters to you and hold it close regardless of others and that will help you find meaning and purpose in your life.
Jordan's favourite word is Hierarchy
Lol
No, his favorite word is weakling.
"so..."
Roughly speaking, you are wrong.
"Be what I need".
I don't have many friends left, I've noticed life is a little more easy that way.
Big fan of Jordan Peterson. A Genius contributor. Please continue...
I can, it's easy. You just STOP caring about other peoples opinuons of you. No matter what you do in life, someome will judge you for it. The most destructive thing you can do is live your life bassed on other peoples expectations.
Essentially explains the whole plot of Joker.
You can be and need to be yourselves in society regardless of the risk regarding your financial or social status. Real value is not measures for external factors.
Fascinating - thank you - opening my mind further .
Thank you for not putting ads into this video. Ads are driving me away from youtube. I will sub you. ;-)
@Zubayer Mirza Ok, I will try that, yes going to JP's channel is a good idea, thank you.
But if he has long ads on his channel I won't watch it. It is driving me mental watching so many ads on YT.
I watched another video by this channel and it had 6 mins of ads at the beginning of the video and the video itself was only 9 mins long, so I unsubbed. Ads are wasting people's lives. Screw YT, stopping the skip button.
Thank you for your message. ;-)
@Zubayer Mirza I hope you are right, that would be great. I would much prefer a long video than ads any day.
I don't mind say a short 35 second ad a few times in a video. I do understand people are trying to make a living but it's the long 2 minute, 3 min, 5min ads popping up all the time and numerous times on some greedy people's videos that are ruining my YT life. Sorry for the winge, have a good day. ;-)
.
Jasmin Flower you don't see the "skip" button anymore? I just used it on the last 2 videos I watched just a few minutes ago.
@@CrazyLinguiniLegs Yes that is correct. I no longer get the skip button on any YT videos. I haven't for a few months now, I don't know why. I tried looking it up on Google and all I could get was YT was changing things and allowing Ytbers to opt-out of using the skip button and encouraging them to do so to raise more revenue for themselves, YT, and the companies ads they display.
Why this has happened to my account, I don't know. I am probably on the YT naughty list for some reason, so they thought they would punish me. ;-(
Jasmin Flower that's strange. I don't see anything relevant in YT settings. I didn't check google settings. Perhaps it's your location? I am in the US.
EDIT: Do you happen to be using a desktop? Seems people are not getting the "skip" option on desktops but they do get it on the same videos on their phones.
It's a way better idea to be who you really are. Some people will dislike you, maybe some close people, but then, you'll end up being close only to people who like you as your are. So you'll be in a situation where you are encouraged to be yourself, because that's how the people you love want you te be.
In other words, if people like you for what you pretend to be, you'll have to pretend again and again. If people like you for what you are, you're free to be yourself, and be loved for that.
NB : yeah, you may be in a bad position in your life, and you may not find people who likes you. So, you'll have to improve -and that's realy hard, ikr, but also really rewarding.
I think you can live by yourself as much as possible, which in the modern world is quite a lot. And I’ve heard of guys living okay in cabins for like forever.
Start out like you can hold out
Loneliness is a "feeling", solitude is a choice. I go out on occasion, or when I absolutely have to. After a few bad roommates, and several abusive and traumatic relationships, I don't think I could ever give up the freedom that comes with living alone, it's wonderful not to have to consider anyone else in my space/sanctuary. I'm always myself in "Society", I will not self censor my words/reality, or agree to lies based on someone else's warped reality (ie-gender dysphoria etc..), , ever! I am considerate enough, and embrace my darker aggressive side with people who deserve it (bullies etc..), but I try to encourage everyone to be helpful and not fight among ourselves because it's foolish.
Love this comment! I checked your channel and we are subscribed to a lot of the same content too. Hi female me I'll never meet. 👋
It is a choice, but I don’t think it’s a good one. I’m like you. A few friends, rarely go out (I’m sober 1 year), and no girlfriend for 3 years (I’m 24). There are reasons why that is, and those reasons are like yours. My friendships and intimate relationships did not turn out well, to put it mildly, and now I distance myself from people as a defense mechanism. In a way it is comforting being alone. I don’t have the social pressures I once had and I don’t have to care for anyone but myself, but it’s unsustainable. If I continue down this track, I will remain alone, and I’ll miss out on taking responsibility for people other than myself, which I think is the meaning of life. So my advice to you (and myself) is to force yourself into social situations and to get over the fear of being betrayed by people you thought loved and cared for you.
Aloneness is a choice and most Healthy
@@johnomara849 I am going to visit The One who thankfully after 7 year's didn't get away. Will be nice to just be able to "Be" around someone without questioning their motives.
Kendra B I would reconsider that option. But to each his own
A quote was commented, "Be what I need, not who you are". Personally I believe and follow the opposite philosophy "Be who you are, not what you need" ~ Ozzie
But for some, being who they are is exactly what they need.
Thank you, every word seem more powerful
I want to show this video to my parents that encourage me to be my full true self. People will love you, they say. It's not really that simple.
Only because said people don't know their true selves either
I must be a glitch in the system because I do not socialize and do not want human friends. I’m happier being me and being alone.
I'm 26 years old, 6'3 and handsome. Always seen myself and a lone wolf cause I dont fit into the idea what a man should be in today's society. I've always been told that I'm too happy and i smile too much. Nowadays I just tell ppl that they're the problem and say "you're just too sad or you're too insecure to smile more" I'm done trying to fit into their idea of a man. I'm the strongest man that ever walk this earth, along side my father. Just cause you're kind doesn't mean you're weak. Speak softly but carry a BIG stick.
How big is your stick, exactly?
Very rarely, some people do very well all by themselves for months or even years.
Thank you.
A real relationship is a game that you have to play over and over and you will not wanna play it with someone who is unfair over and over...
Yes but Jordon, Most of us have Mandatory Relationships both Family and Work etc, which we must Participate in. So Mistakes Galore come from this. Therefore if You Lose from Appeasement or Co-operation. Then You Flip to being yourself within Safe Limits, and Try and Ride Out the Mistakes.
EVERY social group has its (complex) set of interactions. One ignores them at their peril.
This guy has a firm grip on the obvious. He can explain the heck out of being normal. People flex their attitudes depending on the situation. Anything else is called restated.
ONCE AGAIN, Jordan Peterson speaks the Truth & What's Right: We can't be truly ourselves in public. We can only be what people need.
Only if you care what they think too much.
It seems most of my life, especially after being crushed in my childhood, my thing has always been, society needs me to be the smart guy, the ideas guy, and I've always been told how smart and insightful I am.
But, you know, I'm impoverished and have a host of personal issues, and so I'm always like, "Okay, I will be the kind of person you all NEED, but you all have to help me be that person by encouraging me and help me put myself back together. Also I don't like how money and the community is ran here."
And then when it comes to jobs, everyone's like, "Hah, no. You're so UNLIKE the person we want and need you to be, we can't easily stand being around you, and you can't even do some simple manual labor or retail work without going brain-dead, or breaking your ankles, or having to go see a therapist every 2-4 weeks to talk about your, "feelings". So, since you can't be what we want and need RIGHT NOW, we're not going to help you nor give you a chance."
And that just leads to more personal issues, brought on by being shunned, being impoverished, being isolated.
And then sometimes I think, "Okay, then I'm not going to play your game anymore. I've always been at the bottom of society, so I'm just going to try and exist outside of your hierarchy, and put myself back together."
But it's not like I haven't been given chances. Like in college, it's like, "Here, be this smart person for us, we'll give you money to be so." And the first time around with that, I did squander it. Partially out of no self-esteem nor faith in my abilities, partially out of laziness, partially because I had no idea why I was there for my own sake.
But this time must be different.
I so wish for you to break out of that hex your in so to speak. I am only very average smart, working a minimum wage job . My talents are not of any financial value as artificial intelligence can now do what I do and do it better for free or very little money. I have found meaning in my life though many i know would consider me the " consummate looser " . I try and give the best service I can every day. I work in a call centre and I enjoy solving problems for people the other end of the line. Many of the problems I can't solve just yet I take home and think about them. I am hungry to be the best. I am 50 years old , I know I took massive risks years ago trying to become a full time composer or sound recordist for films. Things didn't work out as I thought. But I still enjoy playing a bit of music, I never record anything anymore as I just play for my own enjoyment. But switched my focus to being brilliant at my job but not for the sake of the company but for the customer the other end of the line.
Society doesn't want you to be smart it wants you to be a sheep.
Garou NEVER give up Hope! Take what you stated you have learned (notice “earned” is part of the word!) and apply it to your future!
I wouldn’t say I’m smart or an idea person by any stretch of the imagination. How the college I went to gave me a full academic scholarship for an essay I wrote that I don’t remember what it is on is beyond me, I actually have an easier time remembering the first essay in my American Government class Senior year because I was so embarrassed to be singled out with some insight. I happened to make a connection the Reverend Niemacher’s (sp?) poem about I didn’t stand up for the Jews because I was not a Jew to something on the topic assigned. It was the same level of embarrassment I felt when my fifth grade teacher read a play or story I wrote with my vocabulary words for one week, my 8th Grade Creative Writing teacher sending in a poem I wrote to be published that my mom hates my use of a certain word, and my 11th Grade English teacher reading a skit I made with vocabulary words done with characters from the show Smallville which I watched at the time. I’ve been good with faces and have been told my memory is excellent. I’m probably agreeable to a fault as a woman who doesn’t want to be hurt, but I can be exceptionally feisty especially with people who want to change something about how the world works. You tell me not to do something, and I want to go out and do that very thing just to see that vein of anger pop out on someone’s head. Provoke ‘em! Give em an aneurism! Life is too dull otherwise.
@@loveseekstruth6721 Hope is a beggar, drop it and start Believing in yourself.