8 Signs That A Narcissist Cannot Change
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 มิ.ย. 2024
- Narcissists like to think of themselves as the standard bearers for the way things should be. But Dr. Les Carter suggests that they are merely stuck in a rut of self-serving reasoning. He highlights eight distinct ways that illustrate they are not maturing, but caught in change resistant patterns.
To read the article on this topic, go to survivingnarcissism.tv/8-sign....
If you are interested in online therapy, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. Go to our sponsor betterhelp.com/drcarter for 10% off your first month of therapy with BetterHelp and get matched with a therapist who will listen and help.
Listen to Dr. C’s POPULAR PODCAST at anchor.fm/dr-les-carter.
It also is available on Google, Apple, Spotify, and Amazon.
Sign up for Dr. Carter's course: Ready, Set, Connect
courses.survivingnarcissism.t...
Get 20% off when you use the coupon code: rsc20youtube
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
Join the Team Healthy community HERE: survivingnarcissism.tv/subscr...
Check out videos, articles, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarcissism.tv
You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
Twitter: @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101
Dr. Carter has two other courses that you may find to be useful:
Free to Be: Reclaim & rediscover your uniqueness survivingnarcissism.tv/free-t...
This Is Me: Setting boundaries with the controllers in your life survivingnarcissism.tv/this-i...
Dr. Carter's personal website: drlescarter.com/
Dr. Carter's other TH-cam channel: / drlescarter
Bookstore: survivingnarcissism.tv/books-...
I will never ask you to communicate with me privately through WhatsApp or any similar service. If you receive a message or comment from someone claiming to be me, please don't interact and report it as spam! Thanks for doing your part to keep our community safe!
0000
TY
Yes sir. Thank you!
They're a ' Wall' (we are trying to communicate with a wall)
Movie line: Blond headed Child (Alien) "Your not thinking of a brick wall" 💥
P.S. forgot movie Title
they ( narcist) just make up RULES as they go... just as long as THEY CAN CRITIQUE you.. what sad Bores they are to Work with.
Yes, they create drama and then complain about your reaction. Then they'll turn themselves into the victim of the drama. I actually find it to be an amazing talent to do this type of mental gymnastics.
My ex is a software dev. I repeatedly slipped when I just looked at him and said: "You just failed the Turing test."
Because, in the end, some of those dynamics became SO predictable, I sometimes thought I was talking to a chatbot...
😂
I was told, "Our beef a lot on trips is all my fault." No comment, total projection! No more, done!
I first noticed this with my inlaws when our fiest child was born. Creating unnecessary chaos and then get mad when i said they were being annoying. They were being annoying.
Semetic behavior. Look who’s on TV brainwashing them with these techniques.
Narcissists don’t change, they get worse, they upgrade!
That's them going in the wrong direction.
Good one. My relative “changed” on his deathbed. Its a shame things had to be so hard for the other 80+ years of his life.
There's NOTHING worse than a elderly narc😱💩💩💩!
@@malwads1836 true
@@malwads1836 Why are elderly narcs worse??
The sperm donor who " helped " to create me - yes,that's what I call him
is nearly 88...
So being elderly makes him worse ?
Please, tell me how.
TY
It's not so much that they can't change, they don't want to change...
Precisely.
Their needle is stuck on "me, me, me"
They expect(Dad) others to bow to them, yet don't respect others. Their way or the highway, their problem!
This statement hit home they don't want to change they want you to confirm to their way of life love your self don't allow anyone to disrespect you if they can't respect you tell them goodbye and you move on forward sign Cynthia Smith
Their lack of insight is because they can’t get passed thinking about themselves
Correct.
Delusional thinking within the narcissist
Ooh this was 200 percent truth!! I tell my friend this all the time! “ you can’t see because you only see yourself “
😂
The narcissist sees you as pathetic and anything you say that's not 100% in agreement or worship of the narcissist is seen as an insult. Don't even try to change the narcissist unless you want to waste years of your life only to be disappointed.
I wish I knew this 12 years ago. Jesus calls it “throwing pearls to the pigs,” who’ll simply trample all over them. I’ve wasted a lot of pearls in my life. It’s hard to muster up motivation to make more.
They see us as superior so they try to one up us
Most importantly is the acceptance that narcissists dont change. My biological parents have alzheimer's and they are still narcissistic
That's interesting and proves narcissistic traits go all the way to the bone. 😢
I am with my 80+ year old Mom. Acceptance is so very hard to achieve after decades of the rinse and repeat. Narcissists just do not change no matter how long you wish.
Interesting. Thanks.
@@rahrahrobbbieee literally tried correcting and fixing mine. She would always say stop trying to change her. Which means she knows she's wrong and something is wrong and yet still unwilling to correct her behavior. 20 years of work was all for nothing. I now fully accept why other doctors refuse to work with narcs all together. They are all the way up in the highest offices and although they see how they ruined the world they still say to themselves that they have done nothing wrong. What it is is that they are truly evil and believe that others are evil so they do it to others
In France thé magazine Science et Vie ( sort of New Scientist) asserts that this severe mental pathology is GENETIC in most cases. At primary school, teachers think little narcs are untreated hyper active. A massive brain bleeding could stop elderly narcs 😢...There is no treatment against evil lethal crime...to top it all they live longer stressless despite rages ,’never dream nor write poetry...they have always existed. Take care and beware 😊 💐
1- Ridicule you
2- inflated sense of their own uniqueness
3- habit of blameshifting
4- strong need to be in control
5- seek out people who will prop them up- people pleasers
6- skeptical and Cynical
7- create drama, then blame you
8- repeat maladaptive behaviors
Thanks Sr C for a great tape.
I gave up arguing, pleading or anything else. I odentified the passive aggressive behavior before NPD, then realized its a trait of Narcissism. 😃
I was having the same argument with my narcissist every week during the sane time. He hired private investigatos to dig up info about my past. Found nothing, so then he created BS. Apparently I am the biggest $lut on earth. I cheat on a regular and that is why he behaves the way that he haves towards me. I'm inviting men over during the day while I pretend to work from home. Yet when I file for Divorce he refuses to sign thr papers
@@stephanieluvinski4637Sounds like our exes have a lot in common. Mine spreads false rumours that I’m pretending to be queer (I’ve also gone on dates with a couple men since we broke up), I cheated on her repeatedly (we had an open relationship) and that I was horrifically abusive to her (projecting a lot of what she did to me as though I did it to her). And yet she’s angry that I won’t let her come live with me again. She also claims she’s highly rational and logical. I think not! Narcissist blow my mind.
My narc dad nitpicks at me as if he thinks he is perfect. I didn't ask for his opinion! I gave up and am no-contact with him.
It's their core value, monsters. No conscience, no soul.
YET AT FIRST THEY CAN APPEAR NORMAL. THEY CAN BE GOOD ACTORS. BUT WE SENSE SOMETHING ABOUT THEM IS "OFF".
@@treelover1050it's weird. We can catch a glimpse of it in their eyes (the narcissist glare & smirk) At 1st we question ourselves, but over time, we are finding out (the hard way) it wasn't just our imagination
I don’t think I will finally have true peace until I can get get out of this situation and never have to see my narcissist again.
I left my narc spouse in May....4 weeks later he had an aneurysm and died 4 days later. It feels weird, but God made sure he could never hurt me again. I had to run and hide 5 hours away because he was diligently trying to find me. It was scary.
@@grandmaatthefarm125that’s interesting. Worked with a bully. Liked to get people alone and try to undermine their confidence eg ‘a pity your career has been ruined’. He was nudged away to a new workplace. I wondered what would happen now he had no- one to target until he got to know the new dynamics. He died of a heart attack within the year. Like your husband only slower. Wonder if that’s common.
i left my narcissist husband in January 2022, he had kidney failure in May 2022 and i was called to America due to his state and him never disclosing to his workplace that we were legally separated.
I went for the children's sake and because i though, yes, this sickness, God forbids will finally humble him. Oh was i wrong. He turned out to be much meaner and more arrogant than before. I was not permitted to make a single discision while he underwent treatment, his boss got that privilege.
Long story short: he convinced me to come back home and been an empath i gave in. Right now, he is the thorn in my flesh. Blames me for everything, even his genetic kidney disease. i made the harsh decision to separate my house and put him on one side just for my my sanity sake.
He is the real epitomie of evil. Never wish to meet another one like him. Have so many regrets but have to move on day by day to regain my strength and self worth. To see him been so sick yet without conscience is hard to process...he is full of ego and arrogant😢😢.
I have moved on👏👏doing my self love and self care❤...
Yes, it's imperative to escape their toxic "fumes"
I’ve always been stymied by how they don’t see the contrast of how they are compared to others. It’s so obvious.
"That's just the way I am." Said my ex-narcissist many, many, many times when I tried to address relationship issues, until I said, OK BYE!!!
Message received!
When I finally said, ‘We’re done’, she said ‘WOW’ as if she had no clue as to why I was leaving.
@@artluvr6170 They think you're just bluffing like they are. They take kindness for a weakness then get gobsmacked with reality, their greatest foe.
Yep, I've heard that one too!
Except it's my brother...
I love your response!
His frequent saying " That's just the way I am " I thought that was Unique to Him; nice to know it's Not!!
He's also said that
" I'm ( he's) Not Normal."
And
Best of all that made me realize WHAT he truly is, was when he said
" I don't think I've ever been happy ..."
Sad.
Too bad for him, 😢😢😂. But still,
Sad.
I am gobsmacked at how my own behavior was much like this narcissist. I grew up with conformity & never learned harmony. I am just understanding self awareness at 46! Thank God for my husband's patience and constant, intentional support/encouragement.
That's really awesome. I wish you nothing but good vibes moving forward.
Great that you chose to look within!!! ❤❤ to you on this journey!
Well put! I can relate. Thanks for sharing.
And yet you have the insight to recognise it - well done!
Therapy helps you find the introspection.
We cannot change a narcissist's way of thinking and their toxic behavior, but we can change ourselves by accepting them for who they are and more importantly, stop living our lives as the narcissist's victim. We can do this by setting boundaries and by forgiving the narcissist and moving forward. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean that a relationship can be repaired but it can enable us all to focus on more positive steps for the future. These people are very broken human beings and sadly they go through life living in an alternate reality and to be honest, it's to their own detriment.
Thank you for writing that, I never considered acceptance as a way forward but it would definitely help 👍🏼
That is a beautiful way of looking at it. Very reasonable and empathetic, Bless your heart ❤️
Because there is no truth in him.
John 8:44
2 Timothy 3 🤏
1 Corinthians 13:3-7 👌
This is so important to understand: THEY CANNOT CHANGE.
Thank you again, Dr. Carter, for these videos.
My narc dad expects me to fully accomodate his narcissism, I don't. He's critical(nitpicking at me) and tyranical. I gave up on him.
'Wicked' is the word to describe them. They listen intently for any word you speak where they can hop on. Arguments with my ex-husband were futile. We could start arguing about who didn't refill the ice tray (him) and he would interject about the proper way to feed our dogs(stir, not fold the food). He got scared when he looked at my search history for TH-cam and noticed I was looking at videos about narcissism. Once I finally realized what had been happening to me for years, it empowered me.
"I never want to see your face again" was the last thing I said to him. That was September 2016.
He followed your search history on TH-cam? That’s creepy in itself! (Gives me stalking vibes!)
I’m glad you got free!
I’m about to do so myself, and it’s looking so sweet.
Goodness no these people can't change!My narc father was LITERALLY about to choke to ☠️ a few years ago & even during that extreme life/death moment...The MOMENT he could breathe again he IMMEDIATELY said something horrifically nasty about a regular ordinary non-offensive person on the news🤯.It's moments like this that BRUTALLY show you they're beyond ever becoming a remotely healthy individual😳.Just say NO to narcs no matter who they are,toxic is still toxic family or not.
In my experience, "cannot change" seems a vast understatement, like describing Jack The Ripper as "a bit angry" or trilobites as "rarely found alive". Even a rock slowly changes over time due to natural weathering processes; these people put a lot of energy into not changing. There's a deliberate wilful pigheadedness to it that would have been difficult to believe if not for being on the recieving end of their abuse over a long period of time.
THAT is SO TRUE!! My experience to a T - it blows my mind how many times we had the SAME EFFING DISCUSSION about an issue, and he was just as WILLFULLY clueless today as he was yesterday! Enough to make you absolutely INSANE!! 🤬🤯🔥🤬🤬
The narcissists in my life are simply not this deep. Every conversation is shallow. It's like dealing with a 10-yr old. No reflection whatsoever, just simple conversations about the weather etc is pretty much it.
They can't change because they are continually developing their tactics which they believe are working out in their favor.
Why change? If you're getting whatever you want and have no concern if affects others. 😕
"I could explain, but we will be here allday" that is one of his favorites
Every one of these my narcissistic spouse used against ME because I will no longer conform to his control, manipulation, and degradation. Ugh. It’s exhausting.
Guilty, as charged. I’ve been known to plead and plead until I’m blue in the face.
See if you can find the video about radical acceptance with a narcissist. It is a powerful way to respond. Best wishes, RO.
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you, Dr. C!
I've known my narc about 23 years, and he hasn't changed. I'd say he's gotten worse with age. In public he's pleasant, but at home there are no good days. He's always been lazy (although he had a good work ethic), and now it's gotten really bad as far as personal hygiene, etc.
Almost sounds like depression... narcs usually preoccupied with their appearance, etc.
Ahh them letting their personal hygiene go is usually due to them not hardly being able to reel in narcissistic supply anymore...This often happens to them in old age, it's not a pretty sight & eventually it typically becomes downright nightmarish for the "last man/woman standing" that still associates with them😶🌫️.The paranoid behaviors tend to get worse as well.They essentially spend their entire adult life 🔥 bridges down beyond repair & making hair-brained choices that backfire on them...Eventually it all piles up until it crushes them like a 🪰 in the end.
@@malwads1836 Depression also occurs in older age due to retirement, declining health or empty nest syndromes. This seems to be jumping to conclusion with the very little info the OP shared, so I'll reserve any vengeful thinking or wishing anyone get's squashed like a bug. Gus wouldn't think this because it lacks DRC.
@@malwads1836 Yes, that's him in a nutshell!
@@THRASHMETALFUNRIFFShis is a channel about narcs so it is logical to think that the OP is here for that reason and knows her partner well enough that her statement isn't about an empty nest ,retirement or just someone who is getting older and slips up .
Having been with the narcissist for such a long time now I have never seen any good or permanent changes but, I have seen him getting worse and worse. Two very helpful things I have learned from Dr. Carter is stop pleading with him and how to be a really good grey rock, in fact I am pretty good at it! Harmony is such a lovely thing and I truly value it.🎶
I see him getting better and better at going underground with it: he’s better today than he was years ago at saying the words that are supposed to indicate change, and then being *real quiet* for a while……… and then suddenly, BLAM, you get a grenade in the face when you’re least expecting it… 🤯🤬🤬
@@lisajohnson4744 I am so sorry to hear that, just know it’s not you, it’s him. Dr Carter has been a real blessing for me in all of this. Take care of yourself and keep in peace.
Narcs DON’T change. The end.
The answer to your question: sometimes I get twisted in arguing again. We have “normal” days, then I lower my guard. I’m me-then the next thing you know, I said something that caused an argument and it’s my fault. A difference of opinion is an argument?
I recently asked (insisted) for separate rooms so I can remember our relationship will never be normal. The lack of real connection is difficult-the lack of no real resolution of problems has caused so much stress. He keeps saying I’m the problem for noticing it’s a problem. It’s always me.
may divorce be with you
YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN HIS TREATMENT OF YOU. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE DAMAGE LIVING WITH HIM IS DOING TO YOU? DIVORCE IS AROUND THE CORNER.
I feel ya. The problem was NEVER the problem - it was always *my response* to the problem that was the problem! Ghaah! Needless to say, we could never resolve ANYTHING!
They repeat the same behaviour all the time, no matter what they say. Same behaviour 5 years ago, 5 months ago, 5 minutes ago, despite the hell they cause!
I've finally realized this week that my mom will never change
Last month my mother-in-law passed away, age 98 ....
And I've known her for over 35 years and I never saw any changes from her. She remained mean & sometimes even cruel to the bitter end. So the last two months of her life she went into hospice care and she was still very aware and cognitive. I thought for *sure* that I would receive an apology from her for how she has treated me all these years. But no. And I've never done anything wrong>>I've been a good & faithful wife, devoted to my husband and our 4 children. It's not like I was a cheater, or had a criminal history or did drugs -- giving her cause to distrust & dislike me. No, I am miss goody two shoes. The problem has been that she was very jealous of me, so my only crime was being the 'other' woman in her sons life and she couldn't control me. That's why she hated me. Knowing her, she was probably waiting for an apology from me. And trust me, I have spent hours upon hours, racking my brain, trying to figure out what I might be sorry for. I come up empty, and I still can't figure out what I've *done* to her. A counselor once told me that she's jealous of me, so that's the only thing that makes the most sense. Plus, I stopped putting up with her abuse and simply began distancing myself from seeing my mother-in-law, only once in a while. So how dare I set healthy boundaries for myself lol. Apparently it was expected that I put up with her constant criticism and ridicule.
A TRUE narcissist. Next question is why do they seem to live forever? That meanness and hate just keeps them going.
I have the exact same story. You're right you did nothing wrong as I did nothing wrong too. My MIL would snake bite me in moments when I least expected with comments that she knew hit my weak points. Finally, I went no contact. Then my husband went no contact with her because he saw it. Now she calls and leaves me voicemails saying that I won and asks me what's wrong with me. I'm in therapy and working through those questions. She would never go to therapy. It was painful being around her. It hurts my heart that you have children and she doesn't honor you as a mother and a good wife. Yes, she is waiting for an apology from you. I hope you can let go of some of the pain she's caused. Please know I will take comfort in knowing you are out there dealing with this too. take care....
@@cathyp6788 I am so sorry. And it sounds like your mother-in-law is projecting her own issues onto you. Stating "you won" and "what's wrong with you" are things that apply to her. I'm sure you would agree that you never set-out to WIN anything from your mother-in-law You didn't set out to take your husband away from his mother, that's what SHE tried to do with you. As a matter of fact, my mother-in-law attempted to get rid of me too and break up my marriage during our 9th year of marriage by *trying* to play match-maker with my husband's old girlfriend -- something that blew-up in her face lol. And my husband was the one who told me about her wicked stunt. He then called his mom in front of me and asked her to apologize to me, and over the phone I could hear her shout, "I make no apology!" I think she was mad at him for asking. And she never apologized to me for doing such a terrible & hurtful thing. I felt so rejected. Anyway, I definitely understand what you're dealing with. And I blocked my mother-in-law so she couldn't call me or leave me messages. Have you thought about doing that? Please take care! xoxo
My MIL was spiteful, hateful, controlling, rude, and would try to shame me in front of the whole family. There is no good reason for any of this! Even if we were awful, that behavior is not warranted. Hope you can heal❤
@@cathyp6788 ohhh the snakebites! From my own narc mother. All out of left field and no way to prepare. I was in shock and would fight back. Darnit, that is what she wanted! My emotions got the best of me every time.
This is true. Narcisists do not change and it was and still is painful to watch when I look or retrospect thinking about all the narcisistic people in my life.
Narcissism is a personally type remember. You can’t change that. If you could very little. That’s like asking an extrovert to be more introverted. They can’t. That’s not how they socialize. You can try to fake it but that’s not who you are. I was told a lot to be more extroverted in school. I’m lonely people told me. While that’s sweet of them to care but at the same time, I just enjoy my own company. So even if it wasn’t intentional, it made me feel bad sometimes just enjoying my own company and recharging
When I try to reason together with a Menacing, smug co- Worker she HISSES AT ME,"" you know what you DID!"""( nuts)
@@bennu547 they’ll change if they have to. The problem is that they usually never have to, and that’s why they developed this “personality” to begin with. Why would someone stop doing something that always benefits them and the society around them actually applauds their behavior? I think the problem is every bit as external as well. I always try to warn people about certain narcissists I know and how they shouldn’t listen to anything they say, yet they won’t listen because they choose to get manipulated by the bullshit instead of taking my word for it. So be it.
This is my family dynamic. Most recently my uncle not just yelled but raged at my three-year-old granddaughter; saying "why can't you talk right?!" when she was just telling him about her day at daycare and made her cry on the phone. My daughter immediately blocked him so it wouldn't happen again. I and my daughter both want to break the cycle and if nothing else protect my granddaughter from our family. I personally had to go no contact from my immediate family in order to have peace and heal
I was with my now ex narc husband for 30 years and I saw all 8 signs! But with me there was a 9th and that was when he told these following words "I have not changed!" He didn't even want to pretend to try to change!
This will be another great one! Their core will never be right. Just when things are “going well”, they pull the rug out from under you yet again. They know what to do to get what they want…and love it. They make me feel like I’m in the fiery furnace 🔥. The good news is we “have a way out” with your help Dr. C. Also, we are “armored up” with your wisdom if we have to STAY with these people. I appreciate all that you share with us. 🙏❤
I posted a story to illustrate how we learn to not let narcissists pull the rug out from under us. Carpentry is NOT difficult to master. Passion is a greater motivator--- and narcissists will test your resilience and patience. In the long run, that is a positive. ♥
Exactly when they love-bomb folks...The devaluation is sure to follow.After the 🌞 sets...The 🌙 always must rise after all🙄.
My ex stepfather used to "pull the rug" Just when I thought we had come to some sort of mutual understanding, as things were never smooth, it would happen. 4yrs of no contact now!
@@amandaliverpool3374 Amanda,❤, I am so happy you found a way out 🙏 Once you’re away from people like that, you see how life can really be. Healthy. I’m trapped in a 3 generation home. My son and I have a goal to get 50 acres of land in Texas or Tennessee, which is over a thousand miles away from these people. “Family” means more than a label. Their painful faces show it all when anyone else is happy or succeeds. I “checked out” a long time ago, just waiting for things to fall into place. I have no choice. Its an impossible situation. I can’t wait to feel like a whole person. You are doing wonderfully well and that really warms my heart ❤
@@tbunnyshy1Thank-you so much. I may be free from that situation but still have 2 adult sons living with me.
I'm pleased that you have a goal. At least you have something to plan for. Stay strong. You got this 🙏
I couldn't even bring up the subject of 'can we please talk', I got shown the hand and told, I'm not going there ok,,no, stop, Im not going there,,,,,,what movie shall we watch
I never cease to be amazed at your accuracy, and surprised this unfortunate experience brought me to a better place and understanding. Thanks again.
Glad the videos resonate!
Yet again, Dr. C is perfectly describing my Mother. I wish I could just move on and stop trying to plead my case and try to make her understand what she's done to me, but I can't really afford it. Some of her entitled behavior came in the form of 15-20 years of promises of giving me inheritance after my great-grandmother and grandmother.... 15-20 years of broken and empty promises. I am now in such an economic place that I struggle to have enough for food. She took my 70k $ inheritance and blew it on her vacations. And now I'm the idiot, it is my fault we're not on friendly terms, after I called her out on her behavior
Your first mistake was expecting her to be reasonable in the end, My mom was much the same, she is dead and I am free, enough of an inheritance for me now. I divorced the rest of my family when she died. best move I ever made.
I'm so sorry to hear this. I too am learning that my Mother is the narc in my life. It's incredibly hard.
Whenever I would try to defend myself to the narcissist she would attack me violently screaming in my face. They really don't care about you or what you think or how you feel. They are bullies who only care about themselves. They are incapable of love for anyone including their own children or their spouse. My daughter-in-law, the narcissist, lived in my home for 27 years. That's how long I suffered the abuse. I lost my family but I no longer have to walk on eggshells and suffer the drama and ridicule. My son took her and their children and left. He still believes her side of the story - that I am the problem.
I recently moved in with my son and "daughter in law". I had No Idea that I put myself in harm's way! It is a nightmare! I will Not accept her behavior. I plan on moving out. I feel sorry for my loving kind son. She is a tyrant. Always screaming in our faces for No Reason. Always Angry...
This is very accurate. The more I've studied this subject the more I've come to believe that several of the narcs in my life are also psychopaths/sociopaths (no idea if they were born or made and don't really care; the result is the same). I've accepted that and walked away. Where I struggle is with the huge number of enablers and excusers. I don't think I'm ever going to feel much compassion for the enablers and excusers. I find them so detestable that I find it difficult to see any value in them as human beings. That is especially true when they are also survivors of abuse who have now turned on fellow survivors. I get that they have suffered but I simply cannot understand how you can be so lacking in integrity and courage that you side with the perpetrator. This is a huge struggle because I have a daughter who did this. I love the child I remember but I do not love the adult she's become. That's a hard thing to come to terms with.
Stockholm s syndrome maybe ?
That’s right. Especially when grandchildren are in involved. And her mother in law is the same as her father. As was my mother in law
A narcissist I know once called me to read a letter she had written and planned to read aloud at the retired teachers holiday luncheon that the school district hosts each year for retired teachers. The letter was a scathing and hateful attack on the current superintendent and principal of her former school employer. She thought that it would be awesome to march in and read this to all the retired teachers and her hosts. I told her it was a horrible idea, that she would be insulting the very people who were showing her respect and gratitude for her years of service as a teacher and that they would probably ask her to leave and she'd never be invited again. This was a complete shock to her. After reasoning with her for an hour she finally agreed to tear up the letter and just attend as one of the many retiree guests. It taught me how out of touch she is with how offensive her antics are and the lengths she will go to in order to seize control of any social setting and make herself the center of attention. She loves being "notorious" and "an outlaw"....it's totally insane.
Yep, I stopped discussing things with the narcissist a long time ago, I knew every single time I tried to work anything out or discuss something to resolve a problem their go-to attitude is to rage, every single time. It is impossible to have an opinion about anything when in the presence of a narcissist. You are absolutely right when you say; "they think adversarially when there is no need."
Thank you , you're so right about everything. It's so very true. I am Empath. I got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. I am 47 female , I am the oldest out of five children my parents had. I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. I always been the black sheep in my family. I been a Christian for over ten years. Jesus is our hope. God is great all the time. God Is Love. God gives us victory.
I walk away from Narcissists. Its not worth it to say anything to them since they don't get it. I stay calm and stay quiet. I enjoy doing things for myself now. Both of my parents are Narcissists, so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers. Narcissists enablers are just as bad as Narcissists. Narcissists are liars, Narcissists are broken people Narcissists never loved us. Narcissists don't care about us at all. Narcissists always act like they are the victim. Narcissists are pure evil souls from the Devil. Honestly, Narcissists don't get any better they get worst over the years. Narcissists don't change at all. They are In fear of change.
Good for you brother. I enjoy reading comments of other men of God who have the contentment of knowing God has us. Also came to the conclusion as well about it being truly evil. They allow those intrusive thoughts of darkness to control themselves. Part of why they seek control themselves. They were unable to control themselves and because they submitted to the devil they believe everyone else is as evil and undisciplined as them. Hence the desire for control of others.
Plot twist! Jesus is a covert narc and holy communion is hooooovering
All the time, God is great.
@@davisdupreez5397 I've been hearing hooovering alot, what does that mean?
@@rppope1006 It's a totally legitimate medical term that has no association with any charlatans whatsoever.
This is my mother. Example; During our previous talk, she said a few things that disturbed me, (she's negative, toxic, and often lashing out, sometimes it's accusations & attacking me for nonsense things) So during our last talk she was in a pretty good mood, and I thought it might work if I brought them up very kindly & gently. Oh no, as always, she immediately gets defensive, starts the same angry & yelling rant... "You think I'm perfect! Nobody's perfect! You're not perfect! There's the low 'no reflection' or in her case, no reflection ability in the least. And oh how she's always self stroking, self complimenting, and looking for compliments. Her mental & emotional imbalance is always due to external factors, and she never takes any responsibility for herself. Which of course has her living in almost constant pity parties, and in misery, but it's always somebody else's fault, or the fault of some external situation.
I used to be friends with someone for 6 / 7 years.
We met each other when we were teens and got along well although there were difficulties in the beginning that I should have taken more seriously. As the years went by we started to form a friendship but there were toxic things happening from time to time that I either wanted to ignore or downplay. They set themselves up in a victim role but simultaneously talked badly about other persons even including friends, managed to manipulate me into getting things and either criticized or fully complemented me.
As we got older we slowly drifted apart and more harmful and shady things happened up until last year. I started to see that I need to take care of myself and went no contact for some months until I decided to call them to talk about the things that happened. From that single call I learned that they shifted the blame onto me and didn't take my problems seriously at all and even broke my trust by telling private information from me to another person without my consent. After that I had enough. It's been around a year now that I broke of contact and it was the best thing I could have done.
It's easy to say "I should have taken X more seriously" but who knows about narcissists before they encounter one? I married one, divorcing her right now - I used to feel bad but honestly it's not about you, the problem is with the narcissist
@@logspiral Exactly, I was 14 back then when I met that person and didn't know anything about narcissism. But over the years you get wiser and learn about it.
Narcississm used to be called “arrested development” back in the day. Like emotional age three! It was around in Biblacal days and in ancient Greece. Still using the same ol rule book😂
@Alina B it's great that you can look back and recognise the early signs instead of thinking "you've changed, man".
Why can a narcissist never just say "I am sorry". It is always " I am sorry but ......." and then they use their time to blame someone or something else, mostly you.
I have known several, and each are different, but still show all the red flags!! Men and woman!! Accusing, and no basis for the great mistake that you did or not. They want to be the center of all of it and acting like a victim of your boundaries!! Know it all and have it worse then you do!! Everything is to shine on them!!
A narcissist I used to be acquainted with once said, "I'd apologize, but I'm just to proud to ever admit that I did something wrong". Toxic red flag.
A nut job.
Wow. That tells you all you need to know, huh? So incredibly sad.
The Pharisees that nailed God to a cross. 1 John 1:8-10
2 Timothy 3 🎯
John 16:33 💯
Isaiah 53 👌
Happy to say that the newfound confidence I have found in dealing with my narc birth family is saving me from being screwed out of a substantial inheritance so THANK YOU Dr. C., what a positive impact you've made in this world. ♥
I have also stood up for my sister & me against a malignant narcissist ❤️🩹
I have unfortunately had the opposite effect. My family IS screwing me out of inheritance because I was the scapegoat. They are all narcissistic so me trying to fight against them all is useless. They will never change.
@Amanda K By refusing to sign a waiver for a probate bond which the old me would have done not to make waves. This holds them accountable for fairly distributing the inheritance instead of draining the accounts and squandering the estate which they would have done gladly to keep me from my fair share. I also had the courage to hire an attorney who is handling my side of this, whereas before I'd have defaulted to letting them dictate what I should or shouldn't do.
@@chelleb3055 Bravo!
If the parent is the narcissist and declaring their will, don't believe them unless in legal form. Still the golden child will get it because their nose is brown. The narcissist parent even from the grave will love seeing the children fight over the $$. Be careful.
Love, love, LOVE this one! It should be one of the first videos to watch if you even suspect you're dealing with a narc. Narcissism 101. Thank you Dr. Carter ♡
Totally, totally agree.
Yeah. I was the idiot who bought into the future faking and the breadcrumbing. I think I had totally forgotten what happiness felt like [if I had ever known] until after 30+ years of reading ALL the things, in my stubborn committment to make us healthy, he did me the great good deed of dumping me. Massive blessing in disguise. I don't think I would ever have broken that truama bond. I'm exhausted, but it feels good to be free.
My spouse did me the favor of dying 4 weeks after I left him and filed for a divorce. NOW his narcissist daughter is livid because his will left me everything. My, My, how things have changed in just a month. I will do good things for others with a good bit of the estate, but the rest should cover my living expenses for the rest of my life!
@grandmaatthefarm125 I am so happy for you! ❤️
Waking up from out-patient surgery, the nurses asked if I felt safe at home. I screamed, "No, my (half) sister is going to hire a hit man." Well, you find out how serious they take the narcissist in your life when they call the cops before releasing you-- in spite of living 200 miles from the narcissist, their terror they have caused some people lingers in our subconscious and conscious thoughts.
Radical acceptance that the narcissist can not change
Exactly.
At the very minimum of interaction with people, meaning a relationship of even just TWO people, a narcissist immediately fails....whether it's in a work, family, love, social relationship etc. "Two heads are supposed to be better than one" is a saying that comes to mind. But with a narc it's "MY head VS. YOUR head". Instantly can't work, doesn't work. (I just thought of a neat term for a real, good, true relationship...'REALATIONSHIP'.
...as opposed to a "situationship" :D
They don't change. .... They get worse...
My narc dad doesn't give a damn about me, ever has, never does, never will. His loss!
I tried so many times. He didn't budge an inch. Never an apology. Never any concessions.
He literally told me he wasn't going to change. "I'm not changing any time soon."
I HOPE YOU LEFT HIM AND MOVED ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
Thanks to these videos, Dr Carter, I am beginning to recover. Processing this trauma has taken more than a decade. Yet the insight I have gained has made a better future possible. Thank you! ♡
So pleased for you, Bkiddo.
I hate it. They steal away our lives when we're with them, then they steal even more time because of how long it takes us to heal. They're the ultimate vampires.
So true.
@@jaclynmarie5747 Thanks!
“Oh Great Master, you are the one who knows everything!” 😂😂
Anything you do is wrong in their eyes if they have decided to put you on their enemy list. On the one hand, you cannot have a constructive conversation with them. On the other hand, you not engaging in arguments enrages them just as much. I feel like I'm stuck. Others don't dare to speak up for me anymore because they are afraid to end up on the same list and be on the receiving end of that rage. Utterly stuck until the narc in his grace decides to 'forgive' me and let me back in.
Great video topic! My narcissistic family will most likely never change. They have to see the problem themselves, and if they have no self awareness, they never will!
Attempting to have any conversation on any topic quickly becomes talking about Death
She wants and craves the Drama
I reject being the pawn to be used and it’s silence
Truth, The MOST important thing for victims of narcissistic people is the knowledge that they WILL NOT change-most do not Want to change but they want YOU to believe they are always in the process of 'doing better'. The victim's Hope is what keeps them invested, whether they are parents, adult children, partners, or friends...WE hope they will be able to 'overcome' their childhood issues-or whatever they pretend to be the major obstacle keeping them 'stuck' in infantile paralysis and selfish dominance. It seldom occurs to an invested victim that their beloved family member does not WANT to change-that they enjoy the illusion of power they hold over others-the Dupe they maintain...the Two-faced Mask they wear, and the double standard they perpetually use to make you Tow the Line while they do whatever they want without question.
The malignant ones can also become dangerous as they age-while others are dangerous as young adults. Engage with Caution.
Excellent Points as always
This former narcissist ex, that I was once married to, could fake change for 2 weeks. I used to be able to set my watch to it. REALLY, lol. When the pre-divorce papers were put together, he faked change for one year, He never has changed. Thank you for these videos. I always learn from them!!
Hello and thank you for all your valuable ongoing direction. I just returned from my nieces wedding. I moved away right out of Highschool. It was telling yet sad to see specific family members were still rehashing the snooze fest victim/entitlement narrative I heard in the 80s. I just look at them and blink, I learned in elementary school conversations are not reciprocal, but a gateway into creating conflict.
Wow all eight points just described my narcissistic brother’s rampage last week. Like on point. He’s been like this since always. I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t call the cops. He’s so aggressive and nasty and toxic. The only good thing about this is that everyone in my family now finally sees his toxic he is. He only behaves when our dad is around. So my dad never believed anyone because my brother calls him saying that everyone else is being a problem and he’s the victim. My mom called my dad while my brother was in the middle of his rampage and that’s when my dad finally understood how nasty he is. Because again he behaves when dad is home. My dad feels really bad about not believing anyone. I was fine with his bs for years and I guess some people in my family figured it’s not so bad because again my brother has always been like this. So they’re used to his bad behaviour
He had the nerve to scream and attack our other brother in front of his 2 year old. Then he goes to her mom and says “I don’t care if our kid is scared. Why don’t you care about our kid?” Like it contradicts. He can behave badly it’s fine. But he questions other people’s behaviour. Especially pointing out things that he himself doesn’t follow. He loves to push people past their breaking point until they’re crying or screaming. Everyone in the house is a retard but him🙄 There’s no logic. At all. He later gets mad because our other brother (the one he attacked IN FRONT OF HIS TWO YEAR OLD and he had a fat lip as a result) doesn’t want to talk to him. Gee I wonder why?😑 If it’s not the abuse you dealt him, it’s probably because he can’t talk well because you gave him a fat lip. Like cause and effect is not something he’s good at. Or if he is he won’t apply it to himself. My mom was so incredibly depressed after dealing with his bs. Me I just don’t care anymore. I understand that it’s him not me. I didn’t do anything wrong. He’s the toxic one. I accept that that’s just the reality. There’s no changing him. But it makes me sad to see my mom sad
You're not alone... My sister is the same as your brother but turning 60!
She took advantage of everyone's help but worsened with time and blames us for her situation...
I asked her to stop contacting me but she continued... Had to tell the police finally...
I could write 3000 pages of examples of her narcissism...
Once she asked me to babysit her dog as a way to reach me, then she accused me of stealing her dog... She turns from 👿 to 👼 instantly in front of psychiatrists or the authorities, and blames us...
She was born like this, even as a young child, she used the law of terror and manipulation in order to get everything she wanted FROM MY PARENTS!!!
If she died tomorrow, i wouldn't feel sorry. That would be an opportunity to celebrate.
She's beating and stealing my elderly mother with Alzheimer's now! So i still have to deal with her.
If she died
Wait until your dad is gone. Sounds like he is the regulator. When that regulator passes away, you will see lying, cheating and stealing like never before. My narc mom and golden child narc brother went on a downward spiral after dad died. Greed and entitlement came to the forefront. When they chose to steal off me while I was gone for 4 months with my husband in the hospital, I knew they were too far gone. I walked away a year ago. Save yourself!
@@amandak9945 thank u.. send me more art
I have a relative with exactly maladaptive traits mentioned... send me measures on how to safeguard and live peacefully from narsts
My brother same way until at family dinner he had a temper tantrum and they all seen it. Now no contact. Occasionally I'll see him at funeral. They get worse with age. 😢
I never bring up any issues that are important to me, lest I be verbally attacked. I learned years ago that how I feel does not matter if it’s different than how he feels.
Thank you for your comments and insight. I lived with narcissists - father, mother, and brother - for years and at 51 years old I am just now dealing with these issues. I've been dealing with abuse of various forms, including verbal , emotional, and sexual, for a while. Your straight-forward, common-sense approach is refreshing and helpful.
"I'm the only one that cares enough to tell you the truth..."
If they can change for the worse they can change for the better, I hope. I've seen my daughter get worse over the last 2 years.
What is the 'narcissistic logic' behind by naming a thing differently, without changing this object in any shape or form, it has suddenly become a completely different thing? That one always puzzles me.
They just do not care. They are like children that need to be sat on a naughty chair until they get it. 😂 Both of mine were so childish in their thinking. Big temper tantrums, laying on the ground kicking and screaming.
I'm so thankful that it was easy for me to have no contact. They both were only online relationships so blocking them worked.
There is no talking to them, working with them or anything else. They are just like bratty little boys. They both moved on to their next victim as quickly as they could find one.
If you are using the virual world of Second Life to socialize, be very aware that many narcs live there.
The most empowering thing I have learned so far is the realization that I am not ever going to change the narcissist in my life. Giving up on that hope was extremely hard and sometimes I feel myself drifting back into hopeful thoughts. Hope is last to die. Ultimately I have had to recognize that killing myself is not enough to save anyone else. Even Jesus couldn't open the eyes of certain people while He was on the planet.
I recognize some of your experiences as my own. The maintaining of hope of seeing some change was something that I kept landing on, despite the dashing of all hope -- again & again. Your expression of _not killing yourself_ rang a bell with me, also.
My N. partner confessed over breakfast one morning to having been unfaithful. And that confession was accompanied by a plainly obvious look of glee. It was a nightmare. I instantly stood up and exclaimed "Oh, f... ." The same instant that I stood up, I realized another monstrous truth: I _knew_ that if I had shot myself in the head there & then, she would just sit right there & finish her breakfast. I walked away from the table without saying anything except those 2 words.
But I _still_ was manipulated into trying to trust her again... with her claim of "I love you, ...... I'll never do it again." She lied, of course.
(I am not suicidal, just to be perfectly clear about that.)
Being hopeful is normally a good & positive outlook. And a healthy perspective, too. My N. abuser had robbed me of my positivity, my hopefulness & even _my joy_ for years. I was NOT prepared for a person who claimed to love me who had an horrific narcissistic personality disorder.
I had to vent, I guess. People here can understand the dynamics of being victimized by NPD, but it is not a subject for casual conversation with people unaware of the insanities...
@@Technician_One your story breaks my heart. It is so truly unfortunate that the same dynamics have occurred in so many relationships out there. In this day and age everyone ought to be aware of what health relationships should look like right from the beginning of our lives. So much work is left to be done, for me, at least. I hope you continue to be blessed to knowledge of the truth. Thank you for your comment.
@@c.t.8856 Thank you. One _sickening_ bit of history that I did not include before is that I was the 3rd man that was pushed to the limits by the woman I wrote of here. The insidious thing is that she had a pattern of abusing men in every way that she could, emotionally, physically, & sexually. But she victimized at least one woman in exactly the same ways, too.
Before me, she had driven 2 men to their suicides, to their _deaths_ at their own hands. -----
She later bought a bird when I was with her, which bird she evilly named after her second (primary) victim. It was so sick to come to learn these things over the course of almost 5 years total, now. Truly sickening at many levels. Finding the Doctor here has been such a Godsend to my life. I have thoughts of perusing the cases of the 2 suicides as I believe that their suicide notes could possibly help expose the woman.
Unbelievably, she has acquired victims for almost 20 years at her workplace, _a State regulated crisis center!_ I did not meet her there but many have. She was my neighbor when we met. She was fired from that job for getting intimately involved with a _female client_ about 17 years ago... And, unbelievably, she manipulated her way _back_ to the _same job!_ I have filed all of this with the State investigators, but I think that she has covered her tracks. I am not aware yet whether the investigators have turned to the 2 suicide victims & her involvement with them. She is the definition of a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I hope that this post is not too much. It was somewhat therapeutic to take a few minutes to share just a bit of the misery. Perhaps someone reading this will identify with some of what I've experienced at the hands & at the "mind" of one living monster infected with _NPD._
@@Technician_One I am guessing that she would actually fall on the psychopath, maybe borderline scale since she has gotten supply from her victims literally killing themselves. (Just awful. My pity on all involved.) You might find the materials by Professor Sam Vaknin helpful in organizing your experiences. He dives into the scale of the cluster b disorders pretty fully and addresses things from an academic level. Just be aware he is a bit hard to take since he himself is a narcissist but he has personal awareness and does not use his platform to defend narcissism. He has a TH-cam channel and gobs of information. The channel is "Prof. Sam Vaknin", I believe. It is a bit like going to a demon to find out what the devil has done but you might find the journey worth the risk.
@@c.t.8856 I believe that I actually met her demon one night in her kitchen when she suddenly snarled at me in a horrific voice that sounded just like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist." She said to me with a loud, gravelly voice, in completely condescending disgust, "YOU HUMANS!" It was something that I never could have imagined coming out of her, but it did!
Her deriving of visible pleasure & enjoyment by causing physical / emotional agonies & pains, deliberately & intentionally _abusing me & others_ again & again -- seems to possibly be more than NPD alone. My abuser may be a bonified, even demonic, _malignant_ narcissist. I have been thinking that for some 3 years, now, with the escalation of her abusive behaviors. At one point, I went 6 full months of absolutely no contact whatsoever. Not a conversation, not a text, not a note, not one word. Until the day she came home with another man. After I told him a few things about her, some rather loudly, he left without coming inside.
evidence
I read somewhere that even the most "well-crafted" narc cannot fully maintain their mask of deception, their "act," for much longer than about 3 years when in a close relationship. I read that it can require too much energy for narcs to pretend to be kind, caring, or considerate, since narcs do not care. AND "Love" was _impossible_ for her. Love was an alien concept to her & was viewed as "a weakness." She used my love as an instrument -- to exploit -- for her selfish purposes & her sick enjoyment. Abuse. I was blind & I was deceived. I was stunned to hear her say one day, early in the relationship, that she had "never known love before" me. She had once been married for 19 years & was almost 70 years old at the time she made that confession to me... I cried as we held each other that day standing in the living room, imagining what life must have been like for her to have never known love. That made me even more loving & careful, which was her intent... I know now that she has not _ever known love,_ and I can hardly believe that she ever will, at least not _in this lifetime,_ anyway. She once exclaimed to me "You are too considerate!" I was doting, & caring, giving of my time & energy & my focus. I was _Loving_ toward her. Kind, patient & forgiving. She instead, between "hoovering" me back in because she wanted some THING, returned hatred, anger, manipulation & abuse toward me for the duration of the 5+ years. That is the nature of the unstable insidiousness of narcissistic abuse.
She kept me "trapped" so to speak for the last 2.5 years of the relationship by convincingly admitting that she knows that she is mentally ill, and that she wanted me to seek a professional for her. She deceptively capitalized once more on my optimism. My hopefulness. But she never cooperated, always moving the goalpost, as they say. Thus, my HOPE was finally disappearing and she began to see that before I got away. I think that even a psychiatrist would be duped by her act unless he was given some evidence of her past & of her patterns of vicious, violent, abusive behaviors, including the revelations contained in her own writings. I also think that the families of the 2 suicides in her wake could help a psychiatrist identify her abusive nature. It is strange to me that, even now, I somehow hope that she can come to recognize & "treat" her NPD. (And/or get an exorcism...)
I have come to understand that hindsight is not exactly "20/20," -- AND that love _can_ be blind for far too long sometimes. I am comforted by & take great solace in the truth of Romans 8:28.
These few posts here have been a beneficial catharsis, even though I have shared only some of this waking-nightmare of the past 5 years. I am don't know if I should leave these posts here, though.
@
People CAN change, you can take me as a living example! As a survivor of this abuse myself, I decided to stop drinking. And I’ve been sober for 11+ months now ( nearly a whole year! )
So while it is possible for people to change their ways, sadly it is up to THEM to make the decision to change. You cannot force them to.
Since narcissistic people don’t see anything wrong with themselves in their blatantly disrespectful, arrogant, and entitled attitude, they will not change. And they believe their delusional views of themselves so much, anyone who tried to get them to change or point out bad behavior becomes an “enemy,” and is “ill-informed”
Dr. C to Team Healthy: Do you (Team Healthy) participate in the narcissist (s) denial and lack of insight by arguing with them or pleading our cases, etc.? Me to Dr. C: Well, I have learned and continue to learn to do so much less. Instead, I try to say what I mean relatively briefly and then get out of the way! I stand up for myself, of course, while simultaneously accepting that doing so may not matter to them or help in any way. ✅Lol 😊
Seems like a waste of breathe to me! I quit talking to my narc spouse 3 months before finally leaving the residence and filing for divorce. The silence made him crazier than a termite in a yo-yo.
I did everything you said and they did everything you said! For example I asked the narcissist to lock the house when you leave, even if I’m home. And they said your home, why do I need to lock the door?
Mine has said "Why do I have to change?" He's going to attempt therapy after refusing multiple times. We are getting a divorce and he thinks it will get me back. He constantly does blameshifting rather than take responsibility or accountability. He also doesn't like diversity or differing opinions than his own, especially women-based talk shows, or shows about race. He doesn't see ignoring people/not talking/withdrawing for days/weeks/months as silent treatment. It was my therapist that pointed out his gaslighting which he does a lot.
Regarding my wife: #1 check, #2 check, #3 check, #4 check, #5 check, #6 check, #7 check, #8 4th divorce lol for my wife. Insanity
Not exactly a test you want to ace.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Her 4th divorce, obviously she loves excelling in evil
Hello. My name is Arina. Thank you for all the videos. I'm learning more about my boyfriend's narcissistic mother and why she is so, HER!!!
You are quite welcome, Arina.
Everything you described is spot-on, with our narcissist. My son got away, and it was a 7- year decision, of repeated drama, and that's an understatement.
Now that he is cleared, but still connected to our narcissist, via. their child, I have become the newest victim.
Made it clear, that I am not on that trainwreck. Waiting to exhale, as our narcissist has such low self-esteem and anti-social traits, with occasional violent outbursts.
Sad for her and am praying a lot. Hoping that my son's little family stayed together, for years and years.
Kudos to him, for trying to be supportive, through each escalation, and then, repeated appologies.
Wondering, if our narcissist may have lead fillings or something; and if so, hope God corrects this. 💗
They’re glad to weigh things out, on their terms, to their advantage and benefit. 7:20
If a narcissist who is a self-professing Christian cannot change - then they are probably not a Christian. The Holy Spirit changes people. No change = No Holy Spirit. You shall know them by their fruits.
Sadly, this is true. One must recognize one’s own sinful heart & repent of that as part of being born again. A narcissist cannot reach the place of recognizing how wicked the heart is [Jeremiah 17:9]
My narcissist sees the splinter in everyone's eye and can't see his own beam. He goes around telling people to obey the Bible yet I see him lie, steal and cheat. They are modern day Pharisees. If Jesus came to personally talk to them, they'd tell Him what to do and say.
My dad asks if I go to church. I don't have a vehicle, it is a walk 1/2 hour each way. He doesn't offer rides. He acts as if he is better than me. He's impossible!
@@jackilynpyzocha662 Going to some other person's building isn't required to be a Christian.
You are so right if a person is a Christian they want to do things God way a person can be struggling in a are of their life they won't be comfortable in sinning if they say they won't change I don't feel that they are a Christian sign Cynthia Smith you are not going to see anyone in heaven that don't want to be there
Thank you for another excellent video, Dr. Carter. You described my brother and his behavior, that I tried to figure out for over 25 years, very well. Despite the awful way he manipulated our parents and made their lives so stressful until death released them, I have been sincerely hoping for a miracle since he has become homeless --- hoping that he would humble himself and listen to the advice of those who care. However, over two years have passed and we see no changes. He speaks unkindly about those who were concerned about him. The latest I hear is how he goes over and over again about how he was "wronged" by family members, how they all had advantages that he didn't, it's all their fault, etc. Instead of doing something to improve himself and his future outlook, he seems to prefer living in the past, constantly bringing up things that happened 30 or 40 years ago to try to show how we all cheated him out of a decent life.
Can there be a Narcissistic parent and child in one family?
Definitely.
Unfortunately. Blessings to you.
Oh yes. Totally.
they have been thinking that way since they're little kids, and people didnt stop it on time, their just used to being grandiose, manipulative, and blaming others if things go wrong , their used to being blameshifters. I grew up in a narcisistic family system and i was the scapegoat, im blessed i found safe enough support someone to see and hear my story as a survivor and not fix me, model the tools of gentleness and healthy boundaries to me, and when i started applying those tools and following through with my boundaries, that allowed my inner child and true self to come out, and now im the loving parent who tries to lvoe honor protect attune and speak up for that inner child and find my safe enough people , to get my needs met , were worth it.... the issue with narcs yeah they want to get very enmeshed they want to use people as objects andif someone wants to keep aboundary or if someone gets blamed unfairly for something and says wait a minute that wasn't my fault, that was actually something the narc did wrong or whatever , that wont go well with them, but thats no problem, FOR me i dont need to take responsibilityforr what isnt mine as thats unhealthy for me, i need to keep healthy boundaries , and find people where i can connect and share my true self with and have that guard down actually, enjoy and have fun with and there is a healthy boundary where they're not trying to put shit on the other person that isnt theirs. Thats whats healthy for me today, after growing up in a home with microagressions, and blameshifting horrible, and someone who was emotionally abusive, they need people to put their crap on, but today i can say i need to stay gentle on myself and i need to have healthy boundaries, and keep my inner children safe , and i need to keep finding safe enough realtionships that will help me meet my needs , we are worth it. With gentlenesshumorlove and respect , God speed were worth it.
I know that too well, the embodiment of the devil 👿 on Earth since the 1st civilisation. Warm greetings from France 🎉😊
Describes people in Washington DC perfectly.
This list is super useful and helpful. Taking weekly (daily) notes. Thanks Dr. C. 🙏🏽
Glad it was helpful, Maxwell.
I really have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that all this is done on purpose by a narcissist, do they really know this about them? Im hanging my sanity to the idea that she didn't do any of this knowingly...🤕💔
When a narc drugs you to control you and says your the narc who wont change!
Dr. C - could you talk about socially prescribed perfectionism and how it affects the personality of an adult child of a narcissist?
Dr les Carter,your a life saver my man🙏I cannot possibly express the gratitude I have for you empowering me to deal with my dad who's got a horrible narcissistic problem and won't confront his mental health issue,I'm a massive stroke survivor and have to deal with his abuse daily,Ive forgiven him in the past and have come to the realization that he's stuck like that and won't change for nothing and it's sad most of my family are narcs and I'm a recovered narc as my tbi woke me up and changed me for the better👍💯I now know love compassion along with empathy for others🙏narcissists are weak minded fragile people with a larger than life Messiah complex and ego,what they fear most is a mirror in front of them when they throw their childish temper tantrums😆best thing to do is to get away from them and go no contact or just flat out ignore they exist👍
I'm so pleased to be on the path with you. Thanks for your comments!
When i realised that he would never change and saw the truth of the sutuation, i started to feel free. 🍒
Ok. Here’s me being wry:
1) Stop
2) Pass With Care
3) Yield
4) School Zone
5) Danger Ahead
6) Construction Zone
7) No Parking
8) No U Turn
I’m sure we’ve felt many (if not all) of these while dealing with a narcissist. Feel free to add any that come to mind.
You read my notes, Aaron!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Lol. I’m over here just playing the resident goofball. Kudos to you on bringing genuine humor to people who desperately need it.
Steam Train crossing
Loose Cliff, watch for rock
Slow down, kids at play
One Way
Open Range
#8
Cul de sac!
He used to say I have no time for this! X
My ex and I had another falling out where everything was my fault and he got passive aggressive and executed punishing payback tactics 😏same crap for 20 years
Not only have I left my narcissistic ‘family of origin’ but I have been learning so much ever since. I’m a better person learning every day how to cope , and deal in situations which is the exact opposite of how I was raised. Generally speaking I have strengthened in many ways, becoming more aware of misplaced feelings, it’s freeing!!!
I’m extremely grateful for growth and expansion , thank you again DrC! ❤️
This video, just gave me the tools to deal with my toxic ex, we will (God willing) have our second grand child in August. This will mean meeting my ex during this time. I now know, how I will behave during our encounter, and not fall for the usual BS. Thank you Doc, you are a marvel. 😊
I hit the jackpot - 8 out of 8. Wahoo! I no longer argue, plead, and most importantly, I don't expect anything to change. It's very freeing.
How does one detach emotionally from people about whom one cares deeply, but who don't return any such care - in fact they seem to delight in one's pain or, at least, be careless of it. How does one not care as much about their hurtful opinions and words?
This is very hard to do, takes time and practice. You need to find reciprocal love elsewhere, they will never give it to you. If it's your child, love them unconditionally and don't expect anything back. Separate from insults, keep your boundaries, do not engage, stay calm. Model good behavior, never go to their level. If it's your spouse, if you can't leave, then learn to ignore insults. If you want them to love you back, good luck. But if you are ready to face the sad truth, then you start looking for joy and love elsewhere. I don't mean affairs; just people you feel close and safe with. Learn to separate. Look up Dr.C's breaking the bond from a narcissist. Trust yourself; you deserve better than to beg for the crumbs of their affection. You don't need that. You are worthy without their approval! Good luck and hugs. I'm learning the hard way, and it takes time. ❤
@@HanaPazdirkova thank you. Great answer. I find also that reminding myself of who they really are (what they do) and not who I hope they will be or who they used to be (sweet, loving child) helps sober me up from hoping for what isn't there.
I suppose, as you say, it just needs more time. God bless you on your life journey.
I'll look up the video you recommend.
Normal people call it conversation while a narcissist turn it into an argument without an ending.
It’s a struggle to say the least, but I’m so grateful for your acknowledgment of their brokenness.