The big tipper there is when you get dangerously close to truth telling, they attack you for the way in which you argue thus changing the subject for the eight time during a "discussion".
It's sad to think that a 30-year relationship doesn't warrant honesty. They will lie about everything - including small things like spilling something on the rug - and then twist it to make it your fault.
1. You don't deserve my favor. 2. I'm not the one here with control issues. 3. You would be a better person if you shared my opinions. 4. If you think that I'm fearful, you're wrong. 5. I'm not ashamed. 6. My personal life is none of your business. 7. You are the one who is judgmental. 8. If I'm mad, it's because of you.
Everything is staged, manipulated and dishonest. Once you realize that it is all some sick game you can begin the process of joining team healthy. Thank you Dr. Carter.
Absolutely wrong! No matter how much right u do, it wont make them better or see rhemselves for what they truly are. They will only comtinue to make excuses blaming you & even hate u more for that goodness u have naturally within, that they don't. That deeply bothers them so they lash out, finding ways to make you the reason why... 🥺
Yes. I have heard one of my aunt's call people stupid basically because they didn't do what she wanted them to do something or how she wanted them to do it.
Yes, so true! My ex-narc boyfriend informed me that "we're not married, so I don't have to answer your questions", when I was just trying to be a good listener!
My ex said this verbatim when I suspected him if cheating. That was his excuse why I couldn’t look in his phone and especially NOT his emails. It was nuts. And because I wouldn’t let it go… the discard came.
My goodness that's so spot on. They want to know everything but give nothing away or at least that's the covert in my life! Same time they expect me to be a mind reader! It's boring and irritating and they can play the gotcha game or claim martyrdom when you don't do the 'right' thing
Not 100%, but typically if my ex's lips were moving, he was lying. He even lied when there was no reason to lie. Then he'd become outraged if you dared to call him out. And he called ME a nut job. 🙄
@@joshuaanzalone2060 That's what my dad would do. Literally make up something ridiculously untrue on the spot then claim it was me who just said it. The sad part is how I can have that happening on camera (clean clear audio and video at that) and nobody in the family will even look at it to see that I am not lying.
When my husband of twelve years, who always wrote me love letters during his 24-hours shifts at the fire department, suddenly gets exposed for his infidelities. This level of deception should be criminal, especially when you throw in the mix our three young sons. This man turned out to be someone that I really never knew at all, and the epitome of evil, once his secrets were revealed.
And there you have it, reason number 104 why you need to know the person before marrying him. Take your time getting engaged and during the engagement and see the other person in a variety of situations so you understand who the other person really is. This takes more than a couple of years when the narc is on good behavior. Whether you did this or not, there were clues all along the way that you missed or, more likely for some of them, ignored, so that you could avoid a confrontation. I didn't rush it and let it unfold so I could see who he really was. He wanted marriage early on and I didn't, preferring to get to know him. The mask eventually came off when he realized i would not consent to being controlled (what he thought marriage would give him), and he revealed the monster - the one that didn't care. Turns out it was all about control through lies and manipulation. Then the smear campaign started. I am so grateful I waited. If that clown couldn't participate in an honest and loving relationship without signing a marriage contract, how could he manage it with one?
@@jellybean6778 You are 100% correct. I didn't realize how much my childhood affected my adult decisions, and narcissism was something I knew absolutely nothing of. The life that my five siblings and I suffered, by the hands of a malignant narcissistic mother, was nightmarish, where no form of love existed. As a child, I did everything in my power to gain the love and acceptance of the woman that brought me into this world, but to no avail. As an adult, but way too late in life, I discovered what narcissism was, but not until I had subjected myself to more narcissistic abuse, by the men I married. The vicious and dysfunctional foundation that our sick mother laid for us will always be a part of what we are today, no matter how much knowledge is gained through enlightenment of narcissism. The love that we all so desperately sought would have us ignoring the red flags, because ANY show of love from others was better than what we had.
Years ago, my narc said, “there are certain things I can’t discuss with you because you’ll get too emotional.” Of course, I asked what/why, but now I understand. What he really said was: “I’m going to keep parts of myself secret and lie to you if you ask questions. THEN, I’m gonna gaslight you by convincing you that I’m lying to you for your own benefit and protection.” Narcissists are truly manipulative, deceptive, lying inhuman beings.
@@josmir2797 Don’t believe what they say. “Too sensitive”= you are sensitive in that your gut instincts are telling you something is wrong. “Need to calm down”= pure gaslighting. The narc is panicking because they suspect you’re on to them. Listen to yourself😁
What do you call them when it's your own son doing the exact same thing as his father did to me? Tried talking to him, reassuring him I love him no matter what, showing him , helping when I don't have the physical strength to do what his father did, ( sorry I'm just a woman) all the lies he tells , I don't understand it.
I have found a big red flag is anyone who repeatedly goes out of their way to let you know how “honest” or “trustworthy” they are .. probably isn’t. Also repeated use of any kind of words like “always” or “never” is something to really pay attention to, since very few things always or never happen. It seems like a type of overcompensation or like they are actually trying to convince themselves. “I have NEVER (lol) cheated”, etc.
"Always" and "never" are black and white thinking. If used to describe their own actions, they "always" do the good/right thing, and "never" do the bad thing. The one that I worked with "always" did the good thing she did only once in 6 years, even though there were hundreds of opportunities to do it again, and "never" did the thing I saw her do at least a dozen times in the past year. If they know they're lying in an attempt to control your perception of them, they must expect you to be so enamoured with them/so dumb/unobservant that you can't see the truth.
💯… my ex made a point to tell me how LOYAL.. and HONEST he was . He was most definitely trying to convince me and himself. I did see it as a red flag… and though it was weird because he was so secretive etc.. turns out he was the COMPLETE OPPOSITE!! I learned a valuable lesson to leave and trust my judgement and intuition. I ignored it a year too long.
Boy are you ever on it. I had so much "best intentions" from my narc mother, who meanwhile twisted or ignored anything I ever said I needed or wanted. The hurt of seeing her go out of her way to distort the simplest statements of who I was or am is staggering.
That type of black and white thinking is typical in my relationship. I think it’s part of the grandiosity with my narc. Taking everything to the extreme is a constant. If I try to reason then they say I’m being defensive or I’m ignored. If it’s not an important issue then I just grey rock and remember not to go DEEP (don’t defend, explain, engage, or personalize). Sad but helpful.
im in a point in my own healing of 4 years from cptsd and having selfcompassion and healthy boundariesto keep my inner child safe and choose safe enough people that i can see that narc energy easily, i grew up with a narc parent, they are very toxic, but they also exxist in the world , how do i navigate the world that has these type of people, chose my safe enough other people to get my needs met whom are available, andtake up my space in thew world anyway and shrae my true self, i am not interested in someone needing to dominate the relationship, i want to share my true self, and conenct with safe people so i just keep healthy emotional distance and boundaries take up my space for my inner child and choose my safe enough people........ thats very healthy for me, we keep healing, with gentleness humor love and respect. God speed . take care everyone :)
You're dealing with a chameleon; you cannot communicate with someone who constantly shape shifts and whose truth is whatever it is for them in the moment...
I said to the narcissist ex today that it isn't a coincidence that myself and his ex wife had an almost identical experience of him. I was then told I'm a big joke as so many other people (who think he's great) can't be wrong. I reminded him that her and I had seen him without the masks he wears to impress others. No response.
Of course no response. You can't present a narc with evidence, duh. They run away then and pretend you don't exist until enough time has passed that they can pretend nothing ever happened.
My narcissist won’t outright lie; but he’s very secretive. He is not honest about what his plans are, what his opinions are, etc. He just won’t communicate anything that matters. It’s like he thinks that by being secretive, it gives him power in every situation.
I reached my breaking point this week. My narc grandpa signed me up to insurance he kept claiming he got for free the last few years, but then when I was actually signed up, he started talking about how much it would cost him, and he would expect me to pay it back to him. And how ungrateful I was for not thanking him enough. And he was giving me an awful driving lesson, screaming, insulting, etc. And when I was understandably frustrated afterwards, he said that I was making myself feel this way. The next day, he said "Sure I was abusive, but I have to be at times!" And that was just awful to hear for someone who I gave 5 years of my life to just out of pity of him having nobody in his life. I'm cutting him out of my life by any means necessary, because I have so many other family members and friends who love and cherish me as much as I do them. And if he's alone at the end of his life, that's entirely his own fault
I could be wrong but to my ears your granpa doesn't sound like a true narc because: 1) He did consider your future well being by getting the insurance to ensure you have a safety net after he's gone. Narcs NEVER consider anyone other than themselves unless fake love bombing or trying to grandiose impress someone. 2) He admitted to doing something wrong then explained the (albeit bad) reason. Narcs don't admit mistakes and they double/triple down with excuses and gaslight. Please try talking to grandpa and in a non accusatory manner tell him the same as you've posted. Kindly inform him of your personal boundaries - a narc will intentionally ignore and violate boundaries, then make sure you know that they did. If you're a female it could just be a behavior clash because males generally tend to think in unemotional business focused type terms. Ironically back in the day my dad did the exact same driving lesson stress with me, yelling the whole time as if I was expected to already know how to drive! I ended up stomping back home on foot and he never gave me another lesson. Eventually got my DL and quickly made the mistake of side swiping his car when trying to parallel park my mom's car 😂
Do what you have to do for YOUR peace of mind. Abusive behaviour is just that. Bad behaviour should never be rewarded, or explained away Otherwise it will just continue. Carve out your own life, on your terms.
Yes... He could. Be a True Narsisist. There are different types and different degrees... They are manipulative... Getting insurance could be a form of control
It can take a long time to discover the way to handle a narcissist. With age and lots of experience I now find it simple: Share nothing of importance whatsoever with a narc, limit the time you spend with them, and give them no entry points.
"I may or may not have said that" is one I heard often. "You are over reacting", "I had good intentions", "I was only kidding", "Stop taking everything soooo negatively" and the topper "You should know that I love you". 🙄 I did know, his was an "as long as you tow MY barge and bale MY hay" type of, gag, love.... make him look good, keep the home, yard, kids, garden PERFECT, and never need any time just for yourself (like HE got to have cuz see, HE worked all day) 😂. He never could see that the ONLY reason he DID get to do whatever he wanted after work was because I took care of everything within the "home" environment yet I rarely had time for myself while he would go fishing with his buddies, shoot with THEM and hog hunt...with them of course (hunting, fishing and camping were activities I loved doing growing up and was one of the main reasons, he said, he was attracted to me). Time spent w me was a list of things he wanted me to do, sigh, 😢, and my "wifely" duty, no matter how tired I was, had to always be available because "I have NEEDS" was his most favorite comment. This video's already bringing a flood of memories and it ain't even started yet!!! 😅
Had a wife that behaved just like your ex husband. The resemblance is amazing 😂. We don't want to re-live all that. Let's release it now, like Dr.C says. Thanks for sharing!
@@denicehaley9902 oh sister.. I hate that for you 😭. Towards the end, before I separated from him, I began saying NO!!! as MY right to decide if I WANT to "participate" in sex with him, not as MY DUTY to him🤮. He drew some lines after that and I crossed EVERY SINGLE ONE OF EM!!! Showed me just how much control he didn't have over me and what a hypocrite he really was too. I pray God be with you and help you. 💗 I'll add here that the old song "Bluebird" became one that explains me best... I'm a Keeper and I keep digging down for the deep, like the records I'm playing they might keep you waitin but you know I'm gonna play em for keeps. Another words I'm not changing me for anyone ever again. 🤗
@@SendItForward, thank you. I haven’t had sex in at least 8 years because it’s not “a right” of his. And my “body doesn’t belong to him” when he’s not the servant sacrificial head Christ called him to be.
Growing up w a narcissistic mother who said to me in my adult years "i shouldnt have gotten married and had kids". I told her ty for being honest. You could tell she thought this was a good thing. My heart shattered. Its a dark day when you realize your parent is a narcissist because they wont care 💔. A lot of tears so if anyone coming to these videos 😢 because they are finding out a loved one is a narcissist just know you are not alone. Please talk to someone preferably professional. Your life will start to make sense but unfortunately that 'aha' is followed by complete and total devastation since you now know they wont change. Get help please 🙏. ❤ to all.
I said this once but it was because I married a narcissist and desperately tried to survive and protect my children. My kids turned against me and became quite defiant. It wasn’t what you think- I love them more than anything- it was the grief of knowing I could never fix it . The chaos confused and crushed me. No internet then. I had no idea what was going on
Yes, this sounds like my mother. She told me she could have had a different life if it weren’t for me and could have moved to Australia. Another time she told me I was a mistake of birth control. Then one of the last things she said before I mostly cut contact was I was a complete failure in life and that she was ashamed of me. I bought her house for what it was appraised at and she said she wanted her equity and was going to sue me. I walked out and have only said a few words to her since even though we live in a duplex. My half sister, her other daughter who I believe is also a narc, is looking after her taking her to doctor appointments, etc. I feel mostly free and so much better. It only gets worse with time. I am 50 now and went into therapy by myself at 15. It doesn’t get any better, only worse. The only way I could hope was by pretending the elephant in the room did not exist.
The secrecy thing is huge. Total red flag. Yes, they totally can't be honest. I don't know the exact definition of a pathological liar, but aren't they usually that, too? I think my sister is a pathological liar. She is lying most of the time, even when there doesn't seem to be a reason for it. Great video. Ha, congrats on your retirement.
My narc would fly into an unreasonable rage-tantrum anytime responsibility or accountability were on the table. He would say that it's my fault he's angry and that would somehow justify his awfulness toward me
As a Christian, some Christians who I asked or corrected about their odd behaviors that clearly were wrong would often say “You’re judging me!” Or “Don’t judge me!”. Some I do suspect are narcissist and they sometimes put on a show online of how God fearing they are. Sometimes these people would get upset with me for things I may say or do but they don’t want to talk about it.
Christianity is a man-made religion. It has given a place for narcissistic people to hide. I’ve been there with all of that best thing you can do for yourself as break free from the Christianity mold.
What is so hilariously funny about dishonesty, and a narcissist, is that deeply inside of them they know how ugly they are, and they do feel guilt, but it’s secretly felt. After our divorce, in the upcoming years ahead, he would have himself baptized three different times. He would just go to a different church that way no one would know that he was constantly trying to cleanse himself of his evil deeds towards me.
As a fellow believer, I’d recommend Matthew 18:15-17 directing a believer to confront one who has offended you, where the goal is restoration. If they refuse to shed light on an area that you are trying to help them with, consider John 3:20 (“Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.” NIV). Rules for confronting: it is between the 2 of you; the goal is their restoration. 1 Peter 2:12-17 reminds us that our behavior is important. It is seen by believers and unbelievers alike. Live in a way that makes a positive difference to both.
Considering how pathetic the narcissist sees you there's no reason to try and change the narcissist. The first thing to start changing is to admit there's a problem. A narcissist won't admit they're the problem to someone they have such disdain for.
How do malignant narcissists react to someone extend grace and mercy to them in a time of distress? I did this recently after the death of a loved one and got a cruel comment from them when I posted a link to a song I found comforting in a family thread. I guess it just means that even tragedy will not change their way of interacting.
You did the kind thing. The response you received reflected the other person's state of mind....at that point, 'it's on them". I like the main line of the Taylor Swift song (Shake it off!") and find something fun /positive to do, to move on. Life is too short ...(and I'm in my 80's).
And when someone is grieving (even a healthy minded individual), they may be short with you or respond in anger. It is also a part of the grieving process. Just choose to love on them and love them from a distance and pray for them. That is all you can do, really.
I took care of helping out and running errands for around a month for the narcissist ex after complications from an operation developed only to find out afterwards that during this time he was grooming someone else and that she delivered flowers and chocolates to him while I was not there.
My breaking point with my narcissistic partner of 11years was when he slipped up once and gaslit me too obviously. We had a 3 hour argument about who is responsible for who’s feelings. He said I was responsible for what I “made” him feel. A couple days later he tried to tell me we had been saying the same thing all along and I KNEW it wasn’t true for once. My eyes were rudely opened to his lies and nature. Now I’m getting free.
Just filed to end my 31 year marriage. I fought so hard to keep it together. Everything was my fault only, I always picked the wrong time of day to talk to him, I was "too sensitive", I had to be a maintenance woman for our home. He used me up.
@penijoni1316 It just isn't right for them to treat us the way they do. I'd like to be a mouse in the corner when they (he) tries to explain it away to Jesus. I'm exhausted and used up. My divorce was filed Friday. I hope I have the strength to heal. Good luck to you and God bless.
My ex recently said to me "Just keep telling yourself ABC, then eventually it will be your truth; you'll actually believe it. That's what I do!" I said, omg, thank you for finally admitting that. 🙄
Thank you Dr C I appreciate you very much, for your knowledge and advice. You have been a great help to me on this personality disorder. My husband 93, has dementia as well.
Mine used to say you should just be grateful I stop by to see you. This is from a man who got down on his knees in my living room on 10/23/2022 and committed to me that he would do everything he had to for us to be together. Then, in February 2023, he said to just call him a liar and forget about it. I have let myself believe all his lies for almost 8 years, but I have finally asked him to stop calling me and I have blocked him in every way I can. I would rather be alone than put up with anymore lies and future faking.
Lol, yeah can I relate! There's this narcissist who keeps acting like I should be ever so grateful and overtly happy when he pays me any attention after long periods of silence from him; he deliberately rations out the attention he gives me and always interval with the rejection periods during which he "punishes" me for whatever nonsense he made up, by ignoring me for long times. I'm like dude, I've long become indifferent towards you, almost forgot who you are; you're just making a fool of yourself. So odd how they act like they actually are meaningful and indispensible to their victims.
A big deal-breaker for me was the combination of claiming infallible righteousness with relentless dishonesty, particularly in the form of dictating what I supposedly think, what my motivations are or about what my business was allegedly all about. So while we recognise more readily their first-order dishonesty of lying about things, these people try to pickle you in dishonesty, including dishonesty about their dishonesty and in claiming to know things they cannot possibly know.
I concur. Been there with the narcissist who always accused me of lying when I obviously was not. Fortunately over the years complete and total indifference set in on my side and I was finally able to go no contact easily.
@@stuffchat I similarly found the only answer to the insane drama where reason and facts don't matter, and where I always had to be wrong about everything, no matter what, was to just not be a part of it. I quickly ended up just not giving the vaguest crap what they thought.
Eureka! *Why narcissist CANNOT answer a simple YES or NO question - with a YES or NO answer* -- It would cede too much power to allow you to form both a question *and* the format of the answer! (I'm on to you 'hon)
Ooh. I’m in. Hearing my (estranged, narcissistic) wife claim over and over how truthful she was, I’m curious to hear about what red flags I obviously missed. I believed in her honesty. Until after the discard grand finale. Then I saw what lies and spin she used to gain support and sympathy from everyone who simply believed everything she told about how horrible I was.
You know what the red flags were. Going through similar situation. My soon to be ex wife “I am in the top 1% of Mary Kay directors in the nation” Where is the pink Cadillac? Red Flag!!
They do go out of their way to let you know how “honest” they are .. in retrospect that is a big red flag. No actually honest person would feel the need to do this.
I know a narcissist who told me she ALWAYS takes the opposing side to anything anyone says to her even when she knows that person is right. "I enjoy testing people." So she's just one walking, talking argument siphoning off everyone's engeries.
There is a trick I learned a while back in how to deal with a narc when they try to back you up against the wall, ask uncomfortable questions, put you on the spot one way or the other, pressure you, etc. whether this is due to you confronting them or they are just doing it. You pause then take your time and say something like, "I need some time to think about that." Or something. You owe them no quick explanation, often no explanation at all but they have this tendency to bully and put you on the spot, especially when you have just called them out. Try to keep your cool and don't fall for it.
You had the courage to leave, which means you are strong. It took me several years to leave my narc, but it was the best decision I ever made for myself. My mother is still with my emotionally abusive narc father after 66 years. She is NOT strong. She lives an alternative reality to cope. Strong people leave abusive relationships. We just feel trashed for a few years as we try to re-establish our self-worth. 🎉🎉🎉 Congrats.
I can no longer tell my mother where and when I go on vacation because she makes it all about how much she wants to go-and literally wails. Last summer she insisted she wanted to take care of the dog while we were away. The day before our flight she decided she couldn’t manage it and almost forced us to cancel the ten-day trip until I found a friend who could take care of him over the holidays.
I just lost my job because I got into a big blow up with a narcissist co worker that could not compete with me ,to the point that the narcissist threatened to fight me and I had to call the police on her at work and mind you we are both Nurses that will have both of our careers ruined if we get into any kind of trouble 👿 this Demon was so envious of me and my possessions that she was willing to throw her whole life away for nothing I had been complaining to my job about her for months along with lots my other co works and my job just continued to enable her bulling ,negative and toxic behaviors so I just blew up on her and told her how horrible she was ,this was about 4 days ago we both got fired and now I’m looking for another job .
It may be a gift in disguise at this point. I have run into some really 'special' people in charge of the desk in medical settings. I ended up telling her off at this one place and she followed me to the parking lot and wanted me to punch her so she could have me hauled off, LOL. Not a single person that were also at that desk even blinked at her behavior and she even stomps off and told the doctor how she should not see me which the doctor agreed to, LOL. because I was being rude to ask for my ID's back at the desk. She shorted me $$ at the refund on my prepay and she then lost it very loudly to try to shame me. I am one of those people that WILL advocate for myself and she saw it right away and could not stand me from the get go, but insisted on checking me in herself. I am sure you were dealing with one of those very wonderful ones who is self destructive to make a point... LOL. They are such fun to be around....
@KarenWheelerTarot, I know. The job enabled the narcissist but they both got fired. So no longer did they enable the narcissist. She also said that the other co-workers were getting bullied too. That means that when the gossip, about that, goes around and the boss gets that information and understanding, she/he might be willing to take the victim nurse back. I said this because I heard of a story just like this. The nurse got her job back. That nurse didn’t blow up though so that’s the only difference but the boss did come around to understanding after getting more information. It was just a suggestion. But yes; I agree with you. If a job site has a narcissist and the company doesn’t care, look for another job elsewhere or learn about this disorder and grey rock.
Yes, the secret double life that you know nothing about, and if you do find out there’s rage, silent treatments and blame on you that you went snooping!!😅
When he speaks to others I don't even want to be around , it's not who I know . Ii also will never read his phone , he knows this . Why see all that , you can't talk about it or ? It , they will lie .
Thank you for your helpful words. My narc has just lost his job. It’s the 6th in 4 years. He says he was unfairly sacked because he was accused of shouting at a child. Firstly who tells people he was sacked for shouting at children? Who has the nerve to do that? He says he didn’t but since he has shouted at 3 neighbours plus me no one believes him. He just feels he is always right. But he was sacked on the spot no messing around. That has to be bad. He was defensive and won’t listen to anyone else. He just thinks he is always right and entitled to privileges that others arnt. Well we know different. Marvellous session. Thanks Judy from uk
I was always told by our son's wife when we all were trying to work things out in meetings of issues, and I would call her out in her lies, " I can't help that you can't remember what you say." Thank you as always Dr. C. In Joy
@@traci7200 With respect to your comment, going on 6 yrs now, that our son and his wife made their statement to us, "there will be no more contact." Agreed, we have moved on and away, God has blessed in a mighty way with healing and daily prayers for them. Our son's wife, we choose not to call a daughter in law for she is not, is a deeply sick and troubled woman. I choose to keep to Dr. C's advice of self help, and his focus of decency, civility and respect, for myself. You do not know what all has transpired and yes, life is short, way too short and at my age getting shorter, therefore, I press on knowing full well we have done all we can, with all the sincerity and love for our son and his wife , to have a good relation. They have chosen and we are respecting their drawn line. In Joy
I was raised to treat all people with respect and kindness. We don't know someone's upbringing or method of managing their life and people until we interact with them. Normally being free and trusting is natural to some of us without having to be on guard all the time. It is important when dealing with anyone to be mindful of observing them well before being generous with yourself. You have no idea what their intention is or what they want from you. They could come in with an intention to destroy you for whatever reason but show a trusting persona to get in close to you. The closer they are to you, the easier it is for them to do the most damage to you. They've gathered personal information of you and an impression of how they have worked you out to find your weaknesses and strengths. When you least expect it, they will put you into a comfortable, secure connection and then destroy you. Sometimes it's just because you're a nice person and they hate your happiness. Maybe they didn't get your attention or were rejected or are competing with you or you stood up to them and stopped them. It is their ineptitude that all this comes from instead of accepting themselves without comparing themselves to anyone else. Please don't change your kindness and nice nature because that is what heals all wounds. Sometimes people come to us that need what we have and instead of asking or appreciating, they destroy. Once a nice person, always a nice person. Once we die, it's over. No more second chances of being a good person as a human being in this life. Make it worthwhile and a good cause to be here.
I really liked your comments! Thank you for posting. "Once a nice person, always a nice person"...i've had several people in my life who've resented me for trying be a kind person & have tried to destroy me for no other reason. It used to confuse me because I didn't understand why anyone would try to do that. I've learned how to better protect myself now while still trying to be kind & compassionate.
Unfortunately here in the UK we appear to have many narcissists in our government. Better say this before they bring out a bill against comments like this.
My adult sons live with me. One of them has thrown every text book comment at me this week. The knowledge I have gained from here is helping me deal with the situation. I'm so grateful 🙏
I laughed all the way through this. It is so true. I have come to place of sending narcissists quiet love envelopes though the ether. All healing comes through the heart. Uncle Les, we are all so grateful.
Quiet love envelopes through the ether... I like that ... that's my form of prayer... it's extremely sad and traumatizing when it's your own adult son.
The only good thing about covid lockdowns was, I came across Dr. Carter's & Dr. Ramani's vids on narcissism. Until then, I didn't know there's a name for these creeps, or that I'm an empath, & attract them! s
Scrxw the dysfunction. Leave them and never look back on them or the time wasted on them. A person stays, thinking that if they set the example for them ... they'll stop their ridiculous defensive, stubborn behaviors. It won't happen. It only entrenches you because they misconceive your staying as ( their being right, correct, or winning ) ... - You're wasting your time. Leave it behind you.
Once again, your video is holding me together after a really traumatic situation with a narc that left me so far back in my progress. It’s exactly what you are saying here. Thank you for helping me restore my sanity.
Dear C L, you are exactly where you need to be, not ahead, not behind, just you in the present moment. Keep showing up in the "now" with each breath, each thought. Your evolving resilience will buoy you up! Blessings 😊
Thank you Dr Carter for another excellent video . In my experience with Narcissists even if you attempt the pointless exercise of reasoning with them or discussing issues with them you can barely get a few words out before they start talking over you or yelling at you
You have been such an enormous help to me over the past three years. I will never know a way to thank you enough. You have made me stronger than I could ever have a Matt.
As you were talking, Dr. Carter, about shame being such an integral part of a narcissist’s life and outlook, I was reminded of their comfort with the “mud” they can “drag” one down into if one tries to actually argue with them (as thought actual content matters! - when it doesn’t; it’s only a shield for their shame transference. . . )
multi-layered bluffing strategies whereupon one word is to be acknowledged while the underlying message of guilt lurks behind it. A double whammy that is difficult to discern but thanks to these links, possible. It may be that my spirit has discovered it's freedom just tonight. I get free in little spurts, go in for more, and when these epiphanies occur I realize how dangerous it is to have him close. He's amped up his game recently and all it takes is a word. Decades of struggle..... Thank you for being here. 💖
Thanks Les for your reasoning,pragmatism, and depth regarding narcissism. Outside of inflammation and oxidatiuive stress in the human body, the number one origin of emotional stress to the individual, is narcissism. Minimizing these stress factors is key to everyone's health. Since a narcissist does not get better in their lifetime, this means that there are NO troughs in the graph of narcissism. It is an ever increasing line that continues to increase with the population. We must keep that in mind at all times.
Dr I keep coming back to you for the truth I am going underground and healing from all the input from men or anyone. Im going to do things by myself. For the first time. EVeR I am going ri try new things this spring and summer. Hey, guess what? I never thought i would get to the point of even entertaining doing things alone. Maybe ill garden or start some sort of interest thats been trying to show itself. I Am So PRÖUD right now that im healing. AND, I THANK YOU! DR.. Youre deliveey and content over 2 years now is helping. i want to be left alone and find out who the heck am I? Who is Jenna? 🎉 Thank you and God bless you!
@@SurvivingNarcissism i noticed that much later, I also began to understand when she would say, " we just do what you want to do, and you want me to keep my mouth shut and never speak up to you", I had thought I was losing my mind when I started questioning myself and then when i realized, oh my god this was her thinking I was competing with her for control and when i always wanted an stated she was my equal, she would never except that, she was telling me if i dont go along with her program, there will be no peace and i will regret it.
You are describing my father so perfectly. Thank you for explaining these aspects of narcissists so incredibly well. You have really helped me put up healthy boundaries, and in my late 40s, I was finally able to tell him that I was a grown-a** woman, and I didn't have to do what he told me to do anymore. :) Thank you!!!
I try to keep a level plaging field. When be says, "my personal life is non of your concern", I reply with, "Okay. So we get to have a personal life and keep it secret from each other?" Or if his behavior becomes really obnoxious, i say something like, "Oh, so it's okay to break your stuff when i get angry?" Like he did to mine. He really has no answer to this, cause if he actually says "Of course not. Only I can do this, not you" It would expose him for the narcissistic baby that he truly is! It has stopped his bad behavior more than once, believe me.
Thanks for articulating the areas that were confusing and convoluted for us. Your insight and expertise is giving us a breath of fresh air. Very appreciated!
It is awfully sad that they can't even be honest with themselves. But still, they are knowingly do this . They may not take accountability now but in the end there will be recogning. Pathetic in all ways. Thanks for sharing this video. Useful information. 😉👍❤
They arent always aware, until they are! And then dont change... ur not worth their effort. That what made me wake up. In my mother's eyes i am less deserving or valuable than her or others in my family. Now im starting on the road of dealing with the destruction from the triangulation she did with my children.
Recent Narc comment "I never drink alcohol *I am not an alcoholic" (bit of nastiness because we had bought an expensive Brandy for Christmas).. Five hours later the same Narc is posting pictures on FB of a fancy glass next to an expensive bottle of Gin, stating they "enjoyed the good things on a daily basis because they deserved it" One tiny incident that highlights a Narcs mind.
If we could all extract ourselves from people, companies, families and strangers who seek to continuesly disrespect our lives we would work with all our might to achieve it The world would become fairer and happier. What a shame that many are unable to recognise what has happened to them or unable to change their lives through fear of the unknown or even known. Life is too short to continue to suffer, conceive, believe and achieve. :) ❤
yep I agree with the flat crystal thing, where is Christopher when you need him? Suck's that he is gone from us either way, but I think he would enjoy the job if it was possible. He had that great sense of irony that would have been needed.
My journey can be summed up as understanding my self. With so much going on that seems about as bad as can be. The only person that can help the most is me. I wrote in my journal tonight and it helps me. Tonight I wrote a lot. And I found my voice once again. Yes there is still enormous pain there. But I think I can make life what I feel it needs to be. For my self. I have outlined a few things I want to do. That I think will help. Some classes I wish to take. And people I wish to reach out to. A business idea or two I wish to pursue. And a place to share my own thoughts and creative nature. Work also has done into play as yes I cannot make a sudden more to a new job this instant. But a slow play a forward movement kept it myself is much better than stewing on the things people do. Yes they do them. Yes they probably will always do them more or less the exact same way. Yes I do not wish to work with them longer term. My Choice. And I love that it's my choice. And yes. My timeline for some things is going to slow down. But not stop. As I am working towards a license in my field as well. Getting it for my self is way better. Than for the usage of others to use me. I'm going to keep my timeline to my self. It's nobody's business why it takes the time it takes. I might embellish alittle to hold people at bay. For the protection of my own path. I think that is ok to do. And I'm happy. Had a rough few days. Mad. Sad. Angry. Yes all of those. But settling down and seeing things for myself. I saw that these things in life are all in my own hands. None of them are in the hands of any narcissist. That's there illusion. I will be ok. And I always appreciate the place to share my thoughts. GoodNight.
Thank you, Dr. Carter! The content of this video has helped me greatly, regarding my relationship with a family member. I am now able to identify comments like "I love you anyway", ""I'm angry at you because of my horoscope sign", "You asked for a couple of weeks to think things over. This is cutting me off, and I am cutting you off completely" as the tactics that they are. Thanks for helping me get clarity and peace of mind!!!!! Best wishes to all, from the Canadian prairie!
What if you have someone who acts concerned and interested in you then as you open up to them they start manipulating and try to move in on your life and take control?
You have to stop opening up to them. They will ALWAYS use anything you say against you later. They should go around giving a version of The Miranda Rights to everyone else.
Some are quite convincing at feigning empathy, so you may not suspect narcissism. Test them by saying "no" to something, and see how they respond. If they ignore the boundary you've tried to establish, be a little more assertive (not aggressive). If they go straight to anger or try to make you feel selfish or petty for having boundaries, that's a good sign that this is not a healthy relationship. In one of Dr Carter's earlier videos, he talked about the arrogance of someone assuming that they have the right to control another person's life. Thinking about that arrogance and the level of control they will demand, makes that person seem a lot less attractive. Consider that when deciding what boundaries to have with this person.
Your videos and guidance are just what I have been looking for because you not only provide very accurate and spot on insights on this personality disorder but as you are a man of genuine human values like you expressed it through your last words towards the end it gives one hope that there is still humanity in people and these are the kind of values that should be nurtured. You vibrate healthy mental and emotional stability, wisdom, integrity and human values- therefore I said this world needs more people like you even on a larger public scale in form of role models or influencers. The society needs this kind of ‘influencers’ or ‘role models’.
so hilarious. the narc in my life (older woman) is a total thief but will defend, deny, get louder, become threatening, etc. if I dare say anything so I don't say anything. but I know. there are so many things, I won't go into it but the important thing is to be able to heal whatever it is in ourselves that allows them in our lives. but yes, acts like she is a paragon of virtue but is a total thief.
Yep, they are so deep in their denial that they actually believe they are good people. Stealing to them is just taking what they think they deserve. Moral integrity is not part of their being.
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That’s why you can’t talk to a narcissist to resolve conflicts - they’re chaotic and dysregulated and twist things around causing confusion
So true, and their flying monkeys
Absolutely. Your better off not talking to them or seeing them if you are able to go that route. That's taking your sanity back
Twist. Twist. Twist. After awhile you just zone out before your head explodes. They actually do scramble your brain.
The big tipper there is when you get dangerously close to truth telling, they attack you for the way in which you argue thus changing the subject for the eight time during a "discussion".
Yep Duane never wrestle in the mud with pigs or you'll get dirty as well and the pigs like it.
It's sad to think that a 30-year relationship doesn't warrant honesty. They will lie about everything - including small things like spilling something on the rug - and then twist it to make it your fault.
Basically they're lying if they're breathing.
Narcissists are the monsters of humanity..
1. You don't deserve my favor.
2. I'm not the one here with control issues.
3. You would be a better person if you shared my opinions.
4. If you think that I'm fearful, you're wrong.
5. I'm not ashamed.
6. My personal life is none of your business.
7. You are the one who is judgmental.
8. If I'm mad, it's because of you.
Thank you for taking notes.
Thank-you! 😊
They BOLDLY proclaim " I don't cheat! I'm not a cheater
Every comment made by a narcissist requires scrutiny before answering.... it's so exhausting
Underlying all narcicissts is a pathological liar.
Yup! 👍👍🙌
This is great perspective, thank you for saying it this way
True! And they won't hesitate to throw anyone under the bus including their flying monkeys!
I don't engage them anymore. I choose peace and walk away.
Everything is staged, manipulated and dishonest. Once you realize that it is all some sick game you can begin the process of joining team healthy. Thank you Dr. Carter.
So we'll put! I hear you & I so agree!
Thank you!... You're right... Hard pill to swallow 😪
Our " " role Model"""made children part of ( and witness) his ESCAPADES WITH Decades of his cheating with mistresses. Ugly!
@@carolnahigian9518 That's terrible... I'm sorry... You deserve better!... God Bless You 🙏
I believe they even rehearse what they are going to say and how - to elevate themselves above you - before they see you!
They will tell every lie imaginable to not admit they lied.
I was in a narcissistic relationship for 5 years. I really thought if I could just understand them, the relationship would improve. Wrong.
Yep, and early in the relationship bet they said, "no one understands me like you do". A common ploy to snag their quarry.
Absolutely wrong! No matter how much right u do, it wont make them better or see rhemselves for what they truly are. They will only comtinue to make excuses blaming you & even hate u more for that goodness u have naturally within, that they don't. That deeply bothers them so they lash out, finding ways to make you the reason why... 🥺
Been there!!!
So funny i did to
Yeah. Very wrong. Glad you got out.
They have the 'do it my way or your stupid.'
Yep jewels and I do things my way
Yes. I have heard one of my aunt's call people stupid basically because they didn't do what she wanted them to do something or how she wanted them to do it.
A narcissist asks very personal questions and expects answers from you. If you ask them about themselves they say "none of your business".
Yes, so true! My ex-narc boyfriend informed me that "we're not married, so I don't have to answer your questions", when I was just trying to be a good listener!
My ex said this verbatim when I suspected him if cheating. That was his excuse why I couldn’t look in his phone and especially NOT his emails. It was nuts. And because I wouldn’t let it go… the discard came.
My goodness that's so spot on. They want to know everything but give nothing away or at least that's the covert in my life! Same time they expect me to be a mind reader! It's boring and irritating and they can play the gotcha game or claim martyrdom when you don't do the 'right' thing
@@bereal6590 yes, and they can switch to aggressive when no one else is around.
Wow wow wow. Yes yes yes!!! 1000% true.
I couldn’t get why he’d never answer me but I had to explain everything to him…
The moment you don't "go along to get along," the narc will most generally stay away from you. It's a win for YOU!!
Not 100%, but typically if my ex's lips were moving, he was lying. He even lied when there was no reason to lie. Then he'd become outraged if you dared to call him out.
And he called ME a nut job. 🙄
That's the kind of house I grew up in. Reality didn't matter, what nonsensical story dad made up was what mattered.
Same Nancy, don’t know how I missed it. Took my then 5 yo to tell me his daddy was a liar, I didn’t see it. I can now, so obvious
Omg. You were with my ex weren’t you. Initials GD. I bet you were!😂😂
Yep that's what they do,blame you for the exact things they are committing, deflection and projection at its finest
@@joshuaanzalone2060 That's what my dad would do. Literally make up something ridiculously untrue on the spot then claim it was me who just said it.
The sad part is how I can have that happening on camera (clean clear audio and video at that) and nobody in the family will even look at it to see that I am not lying.
I am so glad that, although you are retired, you are still “available.” Thank you dear doctor.
You are very welcome. I still have some gas in the tank.
My narcissist tells me I'm the problem!
A narcissist sucks you in with the phrase. “You’re my soul mate”
Ugh. They mean it in a codependent way.
They mean your soul is my property
When my husband of twelve years, who always wrote me love letters during his 24-hours shifts at the fire department, suddenly gets exposed for his infidelities. This level of deception should be criminal, especially when you throw in the mix our three young sons. This man turned out to be someone that I really never knew at all, and the epitome of evil, once his secrets were revealed.
And there you have it, reason number 104 why you need to know the person before marrying him. Take your time getting engaged and during the engagement and see the other person in a variety of situations so you understand who the other person really is. This takes more than a couple of years when the narc is on good behavior. Whether you did this or not, there were clues all along the way that you missed or, more likely for some of them, ignored, so that you could avoid a confrontation.
I didn't rush it and let it unfold so I could see who he really was. He wanted marriage early on and I didn't, preferring to get to know him. The mask eventually came off when he realized i would not consent to being controlled (what he thought marriage would give him), and he revealed the monster - the one that didn't care. Turns out it was all about control through lies and manipulation. Then the smear campaign started. I am so grateful I waited. If that clown couldn't participate in an honest and loving relationship without signing a marriage contract, how could he manage it with one?
@@jellybean6778 You are 100% correct. I didn't realize how much my childhood affected my adult decisions, and narcissism was something I knew absolutely nothing of. The life that my five siblings and I suffered, by the hands of a malignant narcissistic mother, was nightmarish, where no form of love existed.
As a child, I did everything in my power to gain the love and acceptance of the woman that brought me into this world, but to no avail. As an adult, but way too late in life, I discovered what narcissism was, but not until I had subjected myself to more narcissistic abuse, by the men I married. The vicious and dysfunctional foundation that our sick mother laid for us will always be a part of what we are today, no matter how much knowledge is gained through enlightenment of narcissism. The love that we all so desperately sought would have us ignoring the red flags, because ANY show of love from others was better than what we had.
Years ago, my narc said, “there are certain things I can’t discuss with you because you’ll get too emotional.” Of course, I asked what/why, but now I understand. What he really said was: “I’m going to keep parts of myself secret and lie to you if you ask questions. THEN, I’m gonna gaslight you by convincing you that I’m lying to you for your own benefit and protection.” Narcissists are truly manipulative, deceptive, lying inhuman beings.
Heard this myself!😂
🎯
I always get that from narcissists in my life who know me. It's always I'm too sensitive and need to calm down.
@@josmir2797
Don’t believe what they say. “Too sensitive”= you are sensitive in that your gut instincts are telling you something is wrong. “Need to calm down”= pure gaslighting. The narc is panicking because they suspect you’re on to them. Listen to yourself😁
What do you call them when it's your own son doing the exact same thing as his father did to me? Tried talking to him, reassuring him I love him no matter what, showing him , helping when I don't have the physical strength to do what his father did, ( sorry I'm just a woman) all the lies he tells , I don't understand it.
I have found a big red flag is anyone who repeatedly goes out of their way to let you know how “honest” or “trustworthy” they are .. probably isn’t. Also repeated use of any kind of words like “always” or “never” is something to really pay attention to, since very few things always or never happen. It seems like a type of overcompensation or like they are actually trying to convince themselves. “I have NEVER (lol) cheated”, etc.
"Always" and "never" are black and white thinking. If used to describe their own actions, they "always" do the good/right thing, and "never" do the bad thing. The one that I worked with "always" did the good thing she did only once in 6 years, even though there were hundreds of opportunities to do it again, and "never" did the thing I saw her do at least a dozen times in the past year. If they know they're lying in an attempt to control your perception of them, they must expect you to be so enamoured with them/so dumb/unobservant that you can't see the truth.
💯… my ex made a point to tell me how LOYAL.. and HONEST he was . He was most definitely trying to convince me and himself. I did see it as a red flag… and though it was weird because he was so secretive etc.. turns out he was the COMPLETE OPPOSITE!! I learned a valuable lesson to leave and trust my judgement and intuition. I ignored it a year too long.
Boy are you ever on it. I had so much "best intentions" from my narc mother, who meanwhile twisted or ignored anything I ever said I needed or wanted. The hurt of seeing her go out of her way to distort the simplest statements of who I was or am is staggering.
In addition to that, words like "everybody else" or "no one else."
That type of black and white thinking is typical in my relationship. I think it’s part of the grandiosity with my narc. Taking everything to the extreme is a constant. If I try to reason then they say I’m being defensive or I’m ignored. If it’s not an important issue then I just grey rock and remember not to go DEEP (don’t defend, explain, engage, or personalize). Sad but helpful.
They've totally lost touch with reality.
Yes, the pre emptive strike motif : “I will shame you before you shame me”
im in a point in my own healing of 4 years from cptsd and having selfcompassion and healthy boundariesto keep my inner child safe and choose safe enough people that i can see that narc energy easily, i grew up with a narc parent, they are very toxic, but they also exxist in the world , how do i navigate the world that has these type of people, chose my safe enough other people to get my needs met whom are available, andtake up my space in thew world anyway and shrae my true self, i am not interested in someone needing to dominate the relationship, i want to share my true self, and conenct with safe people so i just keep healthy emotional distance and boundaries take up my space for my inner child and choose my safe enough people........ thats very healthy for me, we keep healing, with gentleness humor love and respect. God speed . take care everyone :)
You're dealing with a chameleon; you cannot communicate with someone who constantly shape shifts and whose truth is whatever it is for them in the moment...
I said to the narcissist ex today that it isn't a coincidence that myself and his ex wife had an almost identical experience of him. I was then told I'm a big joke as so many other people (who think he's great) can't be wrong. I reminded him that her and I had seen him without the masks he wears to impress others. No response.
yep --no way to spin that comment is there? LOL
Of course no response. You can't present a narc with evidence, duh. They run away then and pretend you don't exist until enough time has passed that they can pretend nothing ever happened.
My narcissist won’t outright lie; but he’s very secretive. He is not honest about what his plans are, what his opinions are, etc. He just won’t communicate anything that matters. It’s like he thinks that by being secretive, it gives him power in every situation.
I reached my breaking point this week. My narc grandpa signed me up to insurance he kept claiming he got for free the last few years, but then when I was actually signed up, he started talking about how much it would cost him, and he would expect me to pay it back to him. And how ungrateful I was for not thanking him enough.
And he was giving me an awful driving lesson, screaming, insulting, etc. And when I was understandably frustrated afterwards, he said that I was making myself feel this way. The next day, he said "Sure I was abusive, but I have to be at times!" And that was just awful to hear for someone who I gave 5 years of my life to just out of pity of him having nobody in his life.
I'm cutting him out of my life by any means necessary, because I have so many other family members and friends who love and cherish me as much as I do them. And if he's alone at the end of his life, that's entirely his own fault
I could be wrong but to my ears your granpa doesn't sound like a true narc because:
1) He did consider your future well being by getting the insurance to ensure you have a safety net after he's gone. Narcs NEVER consider anyone other than themselves unless fake love bombing or trying to grandiose impress someone.
2) He admitted to doing something wrong then explained the (albeit bad) reason. Narcs don't admit mistakes and they double/triple down with excuses and gaslight.
Please try talking to grandpa and in a non accusatory manner tell him the same as you've posted. Kindly inform him of your personal boundaries - a narc will intentionally ignore and violate boundaries, then make sure you know that they did. If you're a female it could just be a behavior clash because males generally tend to think in unemotional business focused type terms.
Ironically back in the day my dad did the exact same driving lesson stress with me, yelling the whole time as if I was expected to already know how to drive! I ended up stomping back home on foot and he never gave me another lesson. Eventually got my DL and quickly made the mistake of side swiping his car when trying to parallel park my mom's car 😂
Do what you have to do for YOUR peace of mind. Abusive behaviour is just that. Bad behaviour should never be rewarded, or explained away
Otherwise it will just continue. Carve out your own life, on your terms.
YES. It it a result of his own attitudes,
decisions, and actions!
Yes... He could. Be a True Narsisist. There are different types and different degrees... They are manipulative... Getting insurance could be a form of control
Doing things out of pity will be your down fall ! Do not give pity to others .trust me I never helped anyone I felt pity for .
It can take a long time to discover the way to handle a narcissist. With age and lots of experience I now find it simple: Share nothing of importance whatsoever with a narc, limit the time you spend with them, and give them no entry points.
Coincidentally, this is also how you handle vampires (a metaphysical term for people who steal energy). I think perhaps there's some overlap here, hmm
"I may or may not have said that" is one I heard often. "You are over reacting", "I had good intentions", "I was only kidding", "Stop taking everything soooo negatively" and the topper "You should know that I love you". 🙄 I did know, his was an "as long as you tow MY barge and bale MY hay" type of, gag, love.... make him look good, keep the home, yard, kids, garden PERFECT, and never need any time just for yourself (like HE got to have cuz see, HE worked all day) 😂. He never could see that the ONLY reason he DID get to do whatever he wanted after work was because I took care of everything within the "home" environment yet I rarely had time for myself while he would go fishing with his buddies, shoot with THEM and hog hunt...with them of course (hunting, fishing and camping were activities I loved doing growing up and was one of the main reasons, he said, he was attracted to me). Time spent w me was a list of things he wanted me to do, sigh, 😢, and my "wifely" duty, no matter how tired I was, had to always be available because "I have NEEDS" was his most favorite comment. This video's already bringing a flood of memories and it ain't even started yet!!! 😅
Had a wife that behaved just like your ex husband. The resemblance is amazing 😂. We don't want to re-live all that. Let's release it now, like Dr.C says. Thanks for sharing!
@@Underachiever_Files oh I have already released them, yrs ago, that's why I can laugh at it now and just shake my head at the absurdity of it all.
Great analogy of what I still hear almost daily! Ug!
@@denicehaley9902 oh sister.. I hate that for you 😭. Towards the end, before I separated from him, I began saying NO!!! as MY right to decide if I WANT to "participate" in sex with him, not as MY DUTY to him🤮. He drew some lines after that and I crossed EVERY SINGLE ONE OF EM!!! Showed me just how much control he didn't have over me and what a hypocrite he really was too. I pray God be with you and help you. 💗 I'll add here that the old song "Bluebird" became one that explains me best... I'm a Keeper and I keep digging down for the deep, like the records I'm playing they might keep you waitin but you know I'm gonna play em for keeps. Another words I'm not changing me for anyone ever again. 🤗
@@SendItForward, thank you. I haven’t had sex in at least 8 years because it’s not “a right” of his. And my “body doesn’t belong to him” when he’s not the servant sacrificial head Christ called him to be.
My husband said and I quote...."my personal life is non of your concern". I was absolutely floored by what he said!! 😮
Remember, they are ruled by their False Self. In other words, they are dishonest people, keepers of secrets.
Growing up w a narcissistic mother who said to me in my adult years "i shouldnt have gotten married and had kids". I told her ty for being honest. You could tell she thought this was a good thing. My heart shattered. Its a dark day when you realize your parent is a narcissist because they wont care 💔. A lot of tears so if anyone coming to these videos 😢 because they are finding out a loved one is a narcissist just know you are not alone. Please talk to someone preferably professional. Your life will start to make sense but unfortunately that 'aha' is followed by complete and total devastation since you now know they wont change. Get help please 🙏. ❤ to all.
I said this once but it was because I married a narcissist and desperately tried to survive and protect my children. My kids turned against me and became quite defiant. It wasn’t what you think- I love them more than anything- it was the grief of knowing I could never fix it . The chaos confused and crushed me. No internet then. I had no idea what was going on
Yes, this sounds like my mother. She told me she could have had a different life if it weren’t for me and could have moved to Australia. Another time she told me I was a mistake of birth control. Then one of the last things she said before I mostly cut contact was I was a complete failure in life and that she was ashamed of me. I bought her house for what it was appraised at and she said she wanted her equity and was going to sue me. I walked out and have only said a few words to her since even though we live in a duplex. My half sister, her other daughter who I believe is also a narc, is looking after her taking her to doctor appointments, etc. I feel mostly free and so much better. It only gets worse with time. I am 50 now and went into therapy by myself at 15. It doesn’t get any better, only worse. The only way I could hope was by pretending the elephant in the room did not exist.
The secrecy thing is huge. Total red flag. Yes, they totally can't be honest. I don't know the exact definition of a pathological liar, but aren't they usually that, too? I think my sister is a pathological liar. She is lying most of the time, even when there doesn't seem to be a reason for it. Great video. Ha, congrats on your retirement.
My narc would fly into an unreasonable rage-tantrum anytime responsibility or accountability were on the table. He would say that it's my fault he's angry and that would somehow justify his awfulness toward me
When they explain their behavior before anyone asks...
This is so helpful..Sadly the reverse blaming, shaming, and gaslighted was all I ever got from my Narc mom until the day she passed
As a Christian, some Christians who I asked or corrected about their odd behaviors that clearly were wrong would often say “You’re judging me!” Or “Don’t judge me!”. Some I do suspect are narcissist and they sometimes put on a show online of how God fearing they are. Sometimes these people would get upset with me for things I may say or do but they don’t want to talk about it.
Sounds like a bad religion. Probably a cult
yup...hypocrisy
Christianity is a man-made religion. It has given a place for narcissistic people to hide. I’ve been there with all of that best thing you can do for yourself as break free from the Christianity mold.
What is so hilariously funny about dishonesty, and a narcissist, is that deeply inside of them they know how ugly they are, and they do feel guilt, but it’s secretly felt.
After our divorce, in the upcoming years ahead, he would have himself baptized three different times. He would just go to a different church that way no one would know that he was constantly trying to cleanse himself of his evil deeds towards me.
As a fellow believer, I’d recommend Matthew 18:15-17 directing a believer to confront one who has offended you, where the goal is restoration. If they refuse to shed light on an area that you are trying to help them with, consider John 3:20 (“Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.” NIV).
Rules for confronting: it is between the 2 of you; the goal is their restoration. 1 Peter 2:12-17 reminds us that our behavior is important. It is seen by believers and unbelievers alike. Live in a way that makes a positive difference to both.
I'm just done.
No more talking, no more anything.
I'm out.
Didnt except brothers threats so now im paying the consequences according to him.. no contact
Considering how pathetic the narcissist sees you there's no reason to try and change the narcissist. The first thing to start changing is to admit there's a problem. A narcissist won't admit they're the problem to someone they have such disdain for.
That's a great summation. I needed to hear that ❤
How can they be the problem when we are ? Lol
How do malignant narcissists react to someone extend grace and mercy to them in a time of distress? I did this recently after the death of a loved one and got a cruel comment from them when I posted a link to a song I found comforting in a family thread. I guess it just means that even tragedy will not change their way of interacting.
Kathie they despise you even more the more you love them
You did the kind thing. The response you received reflected the other person's state of mind....at that point, 'it's on them". I like the main line of the Taylor Swift song (Shake it off!") and find something fun /positive to do, to move on. Life is too short ...(and I'm in my 80's).
You generally may have to disengage with them altogether, and you have to choose to be okay with that.
And when someone is grieving (even a healthy minded individual), they may be short with you or respond in anger. It is also a part of the grieving process. Just choose to love on them and love them from a distance and pray for them. That is all you can do, really.
I took care of helping out and running errands for around a month for the narcissist ex after complications from an operation developed only to find out afterwards that during this time he was grooming someone else and that she delivered flowers and chocolates to him while I was not there.
They would also say things like your so funny…which is a way of saying your dumb or silly
My breaking point with my narcissistic partner of 11years was when he slipped up once and gaslit me too obviously. We had a 3 hour argument about who is responsible for who’s feelings. He said I was responsible for what I “made” him feel. A couple days later he tried to tell me we had been saying the same thing all along and I KNEW it wasn’t true for once. My eyes were rudely opened to his lies and nature. Now I’m getting free.
Yep same here he’s lying to me I know he lying he KNEW he was lying and did it anyway!
Just filed to end my 31 year marriage. I fought so hard to keep it together. Everything was my fault only, I always picked the wrong time of day to talk to him, I was "too sensitive", I had to be a maintenance woman for our home. He used me up.
Me, too! I’m physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted after 35+ years and all 3 adult daughters disowning me. 😢
@penijoni1316 It just isn't right for them to treat us the way they do. I'd like to be a mouse in the corner when they (he) tries to explain it away to Jesus. I'm exhausted and used up. My divorce was filed Friday. I hope I have the strength to heal. Good luck to you and God bless.
@@denicehaley9902 Did he turn your daughters against you?
My ex recently said to me "Just keep telling yourself ABC, then eventually it will be your truth; you'll actually believe it. That's what I do!" I said, omg, thank you for finally admitting that. 🙄
Thanks for doing so much good for the world in your retirement, mate.
Thanks Jon. It's a gratifying task for me.
Thank you Dr C I appreciate you very much, for your knowledge and advice. You have been a great help to me on this personality disorder. My husband 93, has dementia as well.
Mine used to say you should just be grateful I stop by to see you. This is from a man who got down on his knees in my living room on 10/23/2022 and committed to me that he would do everything he had to for us to be together. Then, in February 2023, he said to just call him a liar and forget about it. I have let myself believe all his lies for almost 8 years, but I have finally asked him to stop calling me and I have blocked him in every way I can. I would rather be alone than put up with anymore lies and future faking.
Lol, yeah can I relate! There's this narcissist who keeps acting like I should be ever so grateful and overtly happy when he pays me any attention after long periods of silence from him; he deliberately rations out the attention he gives me and always interval with the rejection periods during which he "punishes" me for whatever nonsense he made up, by ignoring me for long times. I'm like dude, I've long become indifferent towards you, almost forgot who you are; you're just making a fool of yourself. So odd how they act like they actually are meaningful and indispensible to their victims.
"My anger is your fault!"
A big deal-breaker for me was the combination of claiming infallible righteousness with relentless dishonesty, particularly in the form of dictating what I supposedly think, what my motivations are or about what my business was allegedly all about. So while we recognise more readily their first-order dishonesty of lying about things, these people try to pickle you in dishonesty, including dishonesty about their dishonesty and in claiming to know things they cannot possibly know.
I concur. Been there with the narcissist who always accused me of lying when I obviously was not. Fortunately over the years complete and total indifference set in on my side and I was finally able to go no contact easily.
@@stuffchat I similarly found the only answer to the insane drama where reason and facts don't matter, and where I always had to be wrong about everything, no matter what, was to just not be a part of it. I quickly ended up just not giving the vaguest crap what they thought.
Eureka! *Why narcissist CANNOT answer a simple YES or NO question - with a YES or NO answer* -- It would cede too much power to allow you to form both a question *and* the format of the answer! (I'm on to you 'hon)
Just RUN, it’s hopeless
Ooh. I’m in. Hearing my (estranged, narcissistic) wife claim over and over how truthful she was, I’m curious to hear about what red flags I obviously missed. I believed in her honesty. Until after the discard grand finale. Then I saw what lies and spin she used to gain support and sympathy from everyone who simply believed everything she told about how horrible I was.
Me too Aarrow.
Living the same here while watching them from afar as their world looks to be burning down around them.
Me too but husband, it’s not a gender but type of person 😢 wish I saw it earlier
You know what the red flags were. Going through similar situation. My soon to be ex wife “I am in the top 1% of Mary Kay directors in the nation” Where is the pink Cadillac? Red Flag!!
They do go out of their way to let you know how “honest” they are .. in retrospect that is a big red flag. No actually honest person would feel the need to do this.
I know a narcissist who told me she ALWAYS takes the opposing side to anything anyone says to her even when she knows that person is right. "I enjoy testing people." So she's just one walking, talking argument siphoning off everyone's engeries.
I share a house with her clone, it's so frustrating.
My ex girlfriend once admitted that she did this to me, she would try to win the argument, even if she knew I was right. Glad to be away from that.
There is a trick I learned a while back in how to deal with a narc when they try to back you up against the wall, ask uncomfortable questions, put you on the spot one way or the other, pressure you, etc. whether this is due to you confronting them or they are just doing it. You pause then take your time and say something like, "I need some time to think about that." Or something. You owe them no quick explanation, often no explanation at all but they have this tendency to bully and put you on the spot, especially when you have just called them out. Try to keep your cool and don't fall for it.
I am so with you on this. Thanks for posting it!
Thanks! You're welcome!
Narcissists call me delusional.
My ex went rage mode if I had a different opinion. I was nice and calm. He just went nuts. I had to leave. He is crazy! He was fearful and weak.
You had the courage to leave, which means you are strong. It took me several years to leave my narc, but it was the best decision I ever made for myself. My mother is still with my emotionally abusive narc father after 66 years. She is NOT strong. She lives an alternative reality to cope. Strong people leave abusive relationships. We just feel trashed for a few years as we try to re-establish our self-worth. 🎉🎉🎉 Congrats.
I can no longer tell my mother where and when I go on vacation because she makes it all about how much she wants to go-and literally wails. Last summer she insisted she wanted to take care of the dog while we were away. The day before our flight she decided she couldn’t manage it and almost forced us to cancel the ten-day trip until I found a friend who could take care of him over the holidays.
I just lost my job because I got into a big blow up with a narcissist co worker that could not compete with me ,to the point that the narcissist threatened to fight me and I had to call the police on her at work and mind you we are both Nurses that will have both of our careers ruined if we get into any kind of trouble 👿 this Demon was so envious of me and my possessions that she was willing to throw her whole life away for nothing I had been complaining to my job about her for months along with lots my other co works and my job just continued to enable her bulling ,negative and toxic behaviors so I just blew up on her and told her how horrible she was ,this was about 4 days ago we both got fired and now I’m looking for another job .
They might actually take you back. Wait awhile. Gossip might go around that will vindicate you.
Do you want to go back to a job that tolerates that behavior?
It may be a gift in disguise at this point. I have run into some really 'special' people in charge of the desk in medical settings. I ended up telling her off at this one place and she followed me to the parking lot and wanted me to punch her so she could have me hauled off, LOL. Not a single person that were also at that desk even blinked at her behavior and she even stomps off and told the doctor how she should not see me which the doctor agreed to, LOL. because I was being rude to ask for my ID's back at the desk. She shorted me $$ at the refund on my prepay and she then lost it very loudly to try to shame me. I am one of those people that WILL advocate for myself and she saw it right away and could not stand me from the get go, but insisted on checking me in herself.
I am sure you were dealing with one of those very wonderful ones who is self destructive to make a point... LOL. They are such fun to be around....
@@bonnielee316 I sure as shit would not go back there. Why? for more abuse?
@KarenWheelerTarot,
I know. The job enabled the narcissist but they both got fired. So no longer did they enable the narcissist. She also said that the other co-workers were getting bullied too. That means that when the gossip, about that, goes around and the boss gets that information and understanding, she/he might be willing to take the victim nurse back. I said this because I heard of a story just like this. The nurse got her job back. That nurse didn’t blow up though so that’s the only difference but the boss did come around to understanding after getting more information. It was just a suggestion. But yes; I agree with you. If a job site has a narcissist and the company doesn’t care, look for another job elsewhere or learn about this disorder and grey rock.
Yes, the secret double life that you know nothing about, and if you do find out there’s rage, silent treatments and blame on you that you went snooping!!😅
When he speaks to others I don't even want to be around , it's not who I know . Ii also will never read his phone , he knows this . Why see all that , you can't talk about it or ? It , they will lie .
Thank you for your helpful words. My narc has just lost his job. It’s the 6th in 4 years. He says he was unfairly sacked because he was accused of shouting at a child. Firstly who tells people he was sacked for shouting at children? Who has the nerve to do that? He says he didn’t but since he has shouted at 3 neighbours plus me no one believes him. He just feels he is always right. But he was sacked on the spot no messing around. That has to be bad. He was defensive and won’t listen to anyone else. He just thinks he is always right and entitled to privileges that others arnt. Well we know different. Marvellous session. Thanks Judy from uk
I was always told by our son's wife when we all were trying to work things out in meetings of issues, and I would call her out in her lies, " I can't help that you can't remember what you say." Thank you as always Dr. C. In Joy
I hope you have that one in the rear-view mirror! Phew!
@@traci7200 With respect to your comment, going on 6 yrs now, that our son and his wife made their statement to us, "there will be no more contact." Agreed, we have moved on and away, God has blessed in a mighty way with healing and daily prayers for them. Our son's wife, we choose not to call a daughter in law for she is not, is a deeply sick and troubled woman. I choose to keep to Dr. C's advice of self help, and his focus of decency, civility and respect, for myself. You do not know what all has transpired and yes, life is short, way too short and at my age getting shorter, therefore, I press on knowing full well we have done all we can, with all the sincerity and love for our son and his wife , to have a good relation. They have chosen and we are respecting their drawn line. In Joy
@@morebirdsandroses Yes, and thanking my Father God for allowing me to find Dr. C. In Joy
Wow; some PEOPLE really are WOLF IN SHEEP Clothing!
Even if you would try to control them they wouldn't listen
Yeah we can't confront them. That's been my biggest downfall. Confronting people. ❤️💔❤️
I was raised to treat all people with respect and kindness. We don't know someone's upbringing or method of managing their life and people until we interact with them. Normally being free and trusting is natural to some of us without having to be on guard all the time. It is important when dealing with anyone to be mindful of observing them well before being generous with yourself. You have no idea what their intention is or what they want from you. They could come in with an intention to destroy you for whatever reason but show a trusting persona to get in close to you. The closer they are to you, the easier it is for them to do the most damage to you. They've gathered personal information of you and an impression of how they have worked you out to find your weaknesses and strengths. When you least expect it, they will put you into a comfortable, secure connection and then destroy you. Sometimes it's just because you're a nice person and they hate your happiness. Maybe they didn't get your attention or were rejected or are competing with you or you stood up to them and stopped them. It is their ineptitude that all this comes from instead of accepting themselves without comparing themselves to anyone else. Please don't change your kindness and nice nature because that is what heals all wounds. Sometimes people come to us that need what we have and instead of asking or appreciating, they destroy. Once a nice person, always a nice person. Once we die, it's over. No more second chances of being a good person as a human being in this life. Make it worthwhile and a good cause to be here.
I really liked your comments! Thank you for posting. "Once a nice person, always a nice person"...i've had several people in my life who've resented me for trying be a kind person & have tried to destroy me for no other reason. It used to confuse me because I didn't understand why anyone would try to do that. I've learned how to better protect myself now while still trying to be kind & compassionate.
Unfortunately here in the UK we appear to have many narcissists in our government. Better say this before they bring out a bill against comments like this.
My adult sons live with me. One of them has thrown every text book comment at me this week. The knowledge I have gained from here is helping me deal with the situation.
I'm so grateful 🙏
They expose your misstakes in courts and also exaggerate and not tell whole truths totally lack empathy
Everything he just said is exactly what my husband has been doing to me. He hasn’t talked to me in a month. It’s always his way or the highway.
Take the highway. Start today.
I laughed all the way through this.
It is so true.
I have come to place of sending narcissists quiet love envelopes though the ether.
All healing comes through the heart.
Uncle Les, we are all so grateful.
Quiet love envelopes through the ether... I like that ... that's my form of prayer... it's extremely sad and traumatizing when it's your own adult son.
Good call. They have no use for this energy and it is so healing to ones own heart
@@lynnemarylou7611i send big cheesy grins and sparkles and fairys to sprinkle hundreds and thousands on all of their sandwiches 😂
The only good thing about covid lockdowns was, I came across Dr. Carter's & Dr. Ramani's vids on narcissism. Until then, I didn't know there's a name for these creeps, or that I'm an empath, & attract them!
s
@@suraya1224 check out some of R Brannon and S Vaknin on empaths and narcs. Esp empaths.
May Strength and healing be yours.
Scrxw the dysfunction.
Leave them and never look back
on them or the time wasted on them.
A person stays,
thinking that if they set the example
for them ...
they'll stop their ridiculous
defensive, stubborn behaviors.
It won't happen.
It only entrenches you
because they misconceive your staying as ( their being right, correct,
or winning ) ...
- You're wasting your time.
Leave it behind you.
Once again, your video is holding me together after a really traumatic situation with a narc that left me so far back in my progress. It’s exactly what you are saying here. Thank you for helping me restore my sanity.
What situation if you don’t mind me asking?
I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I hope you're feeling better by now.
@@jennw6809 Thank you!
Dear C L, you are exactly where you need to be, not ahead, not behind, just you in the present moment. Keep showing up in the "now" with each breath, each thought. Your evolving resilience will buoy you up! Blessings 😊
@@carolynjensen1584 Thank you.
Thank you Dr Carter for another excellent video .
In my experience with Narcissists even if you attempt the pointless exercise of reasoning with them or discussing issues with them you can barely get a few words out before they start talking over you or yelling at you
You have been such an enormous help to me over the past three years. I will never know a way to thank you enough. You have made me stronger than I could ever have a Matt.
So pleased! You are why I do these videos.
As you were talking, Dr. Carter, about shame being such an integral part of a narcissist’s life and outlook, I was reminded of their comfort with the “mud” they can “drag” one down into if one tries to actually argue with them
(as thought actual content matters! - when it doesn’t; it’s only a shield for their shame transference. . . )
multi-layered bluffing strategies whereupon one word is to be acknowledged while the underlying message of guilt lurks behind it. A double whammy that is difficult to discern but thanks to these links, possible. It may be that my spirit has discovered it's freedom just tonight. I get free in little spurts, go in for more, and when these epiphanies occur I realize how dangerous it is to have him close. He's amped up his game recently and all it takes is a word. Decades of struggle.....
Thank you for being here. 💖
Thanks Les for your reasoning,pragmatism, and depth regarding narcissism. Outside of inflammation and oxidatiuive stress in the human body, the number one origin of emotional stress to the individual, is narcissism. Minimizing these stress factors is key to everyone's health. Since a narcissist does not get better in their lifetime, this means that there are NO troughs in the graph of narcissism. It is an ever increasing line that continues to increase with the population. We must keep that in mind at all times.
Thanks, Craig!
Interesting interpretation and a great reason to stay away from narcissists.
How is it possible for a Narc to be unconscious to their narcissistic behavior?
Dr I keep coming back to you for the truth
I am going underground and healing from all the input from men or anyone.
Im going to do things by myself. For the first time. EVeR
I am going ri try new things this spring and summer.
Hey, guess what? I never thought i would get to the point of even entertaining doing things alone. Maybe ill garden or start some sort of interest thats been trying to show itself.
I Am So PRÖUD right now that im healing.
AND, I THANK YOU! DR..
Youre deliveey and content over 2 years now is helping.
i want to be left alone and find out who the heck am I? Who is Jenna? 🎉 Thank you and God bless you!
When my wife would say ,"you don't scare me", I didn't understand why she would have to tell me that when she never had to fear me.
She was revealing how fear based she is inwardly. Projection. BTW, notice how defensive she becomes and that will reveal the level of fear she has.
@@SurvivingNarcissism i noticed that much later, I also began to understand when she would say, " we just do what you want to do, and you want me to keep my mouth shut and never speak up to you", I had thought I was losing my mind when I started questioning myself and then when i realized, oh my god this was her thinking I was competing with her for control and when i always wanted an stated she was my equal, she would never except that, she was telling me if i dont go along with her program, there will be no peace and i will regret it.
You are describing my father so perfectly. Thank you for explaining these aspects of narcissists so incredibly well. You have really helped me put up healthy boundaries, and in my late 40s, I was finally able to tell him that I was a grown-a** woman, and I didn't have to do what he told me to do anymore. :) Thank you!!!
I try to keep a level plaging field. When be says, "my personal life is non of your concern", I reply with, "Okay. So we get to have a personal life and keep it secret from each other?" Or if his behavior becomes really obnoxious, i say something like, "Oh, so it's okay to break your stuff when i get angry?" Like he did to mine.
He really has no answer to this, cause if he actually says "Of course not. Only I can do this, not you" It would expose him for the narcissistic baby that he truly is! It has stopped his bad behavior more than once, believe me.
Thanks for articulating the areas that were confusing and convoluted for us. Your insight and expertise is giving us a breath of fresh air. Very appreciated!
So true!!!, simple questions like " where are you going "
Will be provoked to you.. 🙄
It is awfully sad that they can't even be honest with themselves. But still, they are knowingly do this . They may not take accountability now but in the end there will be recogning. Pathetic in all ways. Thanks for sharing this video. Useful information. 😉👍❤
They arent always aware, until they are! And then dont change... ur not worth their effort. That what made me wake up. In my mother's eyes i am less deserving or valuable than her or others in my family. Now im starting on the road of dealing with the destruction from the triangulation she did with my children.
Love the pup sleeping on the couch. ❤
I learnt not to tell about my personal life because it was used against me to isolate me and manipulate. Is this bad of me?
Recent Narc comment "I never drink alcohol *I am not an alcoholic" (bit of nastiness because we had bought an expensive Brandy for Christmas).. Five hours later the same Narc is posting pictures on FB of a fancy glass next to an expensive bottle of Gin, stating they "enjoyed the good things on a daily basis because they deserved it" One tiny incident that highlights a Narcs mind.
They posture based on their audience.
If we could all extract ourselves from people, companies, families and strangers who seek to continuesly disrespect our lives we would work with all our might to achieve it The world would become fairer and happier. What a shame that many are unable to recognise what has happened to them or unable to change their lives through fear of the unknown or even known. Life is too short to continue to suffer, conceive, believe and achieve. :) ❤
Wishipaidattention I wish we could put all of them on their own personal island and away from we as empaths
I think of that old Superman movie, where the villains are trapped in a flat Crystal and shot into space.😂😊
yep I agree with the flat crystal thing, where is Christopher when you need him? Suck's that he is gone from us either way, but I think he would enjoy the job if it was possible. He had that great sense of irony that would have been needed.
They don't like peace only drama , if someone is happy they will take it away too.
Thank you , you're so right about everything. It's so very true. Both of my parents are Narcissists and so is my grandmother and other family members.
My journey can be summed up as understanding my self.
With so much going on that seems about as bad as can be. The only person that can help the most is me.
I wrote in my journal tonight and it helps me. Tonight I wrote a lot. And I found my voice once again. Yes there is still enormous pain there. But I think I can make life what I feel it needs to be. For my self.
I have outlined a few things I want to do. That I think will help. Some classes I wish to take. And people I wish to reach out to. A business idea or two I wish to pursue. And a place to share my own thoughts and creative nature.
Work also has done into play as yes I cannot make a sudden more to a new job this instant. But a slow play a forward movement kept it myself is much better than stewing on the things people do. Yes they do them. Yes they probably will always do them more or less the exact same way. Yes I do not wish to work with them longer term. My Choice. And I love that it's my choice.
And yes. My timeline for some things is going to slow down. But not stop. As I am working towards a license in my field as well. Getting it for my self is way better. Than for the usage of others to use me. I'm going to keep my timeline to my self. It's nobody's business why it takes the time it takes. I might embellish alittle to hold people at bay. For the protection of my own path. I think that is ok to do.
And I'm happy. Had a rough few days. Mad. Sad. Angry. Yes all of those. But settling down and seeing things for myself. I saw that these things in life are all in my own hands. None of them are in the hands of any narcissist. That's there illusion.
I will be ok. And I always appreciate the place to share my thoughts.
GoodNight.
Dr. C IS A WISE EMPATHIC PERSON. I ❤ his channel😊
Thank you.
Very interesting snd all very true! They are inauthentic. An Honest person is aware of their deception. Thank you Dr Carter. Blessings to you
Love your last comment about not wanting to be or engage with dishonesty! Perfectly worded - simple and sweet! Thank you!
Thank you, Dr. Carter! The content of this video has helped me greatly, regarding my relationship with a family member.
I am now able to identify comments like "I love you anyway", ""I'm angry at you because of my horoscope sign", "You asked for a couple of weeks to think things over. This is cutting me off, and I am cutting you off completely" as the tactics that they are. Thanks for helping me get clarity and peace of mind!!!!! Best wishes to all, from the Canadian prairie!
Narcissistic people can be honest about other people but not about themselves.
What if you have someone who acts concerned and interested in you then as you open up to them they start manipulating and try to move in on your life and take control?
Yoo.... l was a victim of that
You have to stop opening up to them. They will ALWAYS use anything you say against you later. They should go around giving a version of The Miranda Rights to everyone else.
Some are quite convincing at feigning empathy, so you may not suspect narcissism. Test them by saying "no" to something, and see how they respond. If they ignore the boundary you've tried to establish, be a little more assertive (not aggressive). If they go straight to anger or try to make you feel selfish or petty for having boundaries, that's a good sign that this is not a healthy relationship.
In one of Dr Carter's earlier videos, he talked about the arrogance of someone assuming that they have the right to control another person's life. Thinking about that arrogance and the level of control they will demand, makes that person seem a lot less attractive. Consider that when deciding what boundaries to have with this person.
@@Gneiss365 Yes I stood my ground and yes, the person automatically began belittling me and accusing me of being a 'princess' and selfish....& more.
You know everything you need to know about their value as a friend. No deal!
Your videos and guidance are just what I have been looking for because you not only provide very accurate and spot on insights on this personality disorder but as you are a man of genuine human values like you expressed it through your last words towards the end it gives one hope that there is still humanity in people and these are the kind of values that should be nurtured. You vibrate healthy mental and emotional stability, wisdom, integrity and human values- therefore I said this world needs more people like you even on a larger public scale in form of role models or influencers. The society needs this kind of ‘influencers’ or ‘role models’.
so hilarious. the narc in my life (older woman) is a total thief but will defend, deny, get louder, become threatening, etc. if I dare say anything so I don't say anything. but I know. there are so many things, I won't go into it but the important thing is to be able to heal whatever it is in ourselves that allows them in our lives. but yes, acts like she is a paragon of virtue but is a total thief.
Yep, they are so deep in their denial that they actually believe they are good people. Stealing to them is just taking what they think they deserve. Moral integrity is not part of their being.
This is like debugging ChatGPT, the Shoggoth with the Smiley Face
You're right.
I am the problem.
Why?
Because I'm here.
I'm now going to solve this problem
I'm walking away
Problem solved
You are so amazing. You help so many...more than you could know.
So pleased!