Yes! I am dealing with a narcissist. 23 years married. I filed for divorce in February. It finalizes in November. I got the courage to get my own apartment with my 16 year old daughter. She is relieved to leave too.
And in a pandemic!! Im a stranger, but who cares....Im so happy for yall! I bet you will feel lighter and even healthier. They weigh on us. Im trying to get away from one now. My mother. Im planning my leave. I was living w my elder parents as a support for them, well my dad really, but I just can't do it any longer. He met her when they were both young, he didn't leave....so I no longer feel like I should take the weight of his bad decisions. Sorry to babble. Congratulations!! Hoping you & your daughter are happy, safe and well.
@@SSTillmanEsq “I am not responsible for the ineffective behavior of another!” Or their ineffective choices, ineffective decisions. I’m responsible for me and it’s not my responsibility to carry what does not belong to me. I’m privileged to have wonderful counselors that are walking me thru healing. More freedom came when I could determine what I am responsible for & more importantly, what I am NOT responsible for! This helped me so much.😊
Hold on cause he's not done with you or your daughter yet. My daughter was 15, 22 yrs married. Him and his family started a hate and smear campaign against us both. Brutal attacks on both of us. At the first attack on your daughter, report him and keep reporting after each incident. The more strong legal evidence you have the better. My daughter is 30 and I am for the 3rd time going through their alienation agenda. I'll be getting an attorney and my daughter scheduled with her therapist. It will never end so be ready and have your guard up. Tell your daughter what they will be trying to do to her so she isn't manipulated and coerced by him. And so she can recognize what he is trying to do. My son was aware and didn't let it affect him. When they would start bad mouthing me, he would say "hey that's my mom your talking about, I don't want to hear it" My daughter has had a more difficult time dealing with the conflict and confusion of all of it, the half truths, half lies. Sadly, my beautiful son lost his life 6 years ago. He never got the chance to know life in a normal sense and as long as the narcissist family are still alive, my daughter won't either.
Proud of you...its so tough. I've been with one for 45 years, who is also an addict. I should have left years ago. I tried, but went back, and now Im.just old...
1. Agree with them. 2. Emphathy, Attention, Respect (EAR) statement. "I see that you are upset...." 3. Create leverage. 4. Throw them off the scent. Don't tell them what you want. 5. Focus on your own value.
I tried outsmarting my narcissist mother but it is dangerous in long run because seriously they are predators and have no empathy for even their own son
Be happy....achieve your goals.....let them see you happy and living life....let them see you with friends. Basically don't let it effect you...that completely drives them crazy.
Agreeing with a narcissist isn't always the best idea. I see where you're coming from and it definitely does work in a lot of situations but you agreeing with a narcissist is also fueling the narcissist to keep doing what they're doing and as soon as you start giving them inches, they'll go a mile. Just like politicians.
Depends on context, I think. They sure do go ???? when you say "ok" in situations where they are slagging you off lol...it is actually almost funny when I look back and apply it to times I had not thought of using it, having since had experience of doing so.
My tactic is to say, "I agree that you feel that way," or, "I agree that you think that." It doesn't mean agreement with the content of their statements. It means agreement that they made the statements based on their (REALLY MESSED UP) inner world. :D
Eliana Boer unfortunately we all did lesson learned for the future in any kind of relationship. Past should be hidden if it’s nothing you need to get out of your chest thats why friends are for .
U can't ever win with the narc, don't try it. Things that have worked 4 me, we're grey rock and ignoring them when they triangulate. Give them the exact opposite reaction that they want U 2 have 2 there games. Don't b jelous, sad, or angry, B the opposite 2 piss narc off. Don't keep simply surviving them, thrive in life! It's time 4 us all! ❤
I'm listening if anybody knows what you do when you're in the middle of a town full of them that have v2k and done cost you everything living on the street and completely out of control with it for years.
I'm preparing myself too start over in a New town in a different state. I have no money no family no friends due to my narcissist but i still have my intelligence and resourcefulness. I told myself I'll sleep in the bus station the first night read the local paper and Google all i can about my new location and apply for a waitress job in the nearest coffee shop or take a minimum wage part time jobat the car wash (even tho i once had a 6 figure career) I'm not like the narcissist nothing is beneath me i can work my way to security again but the most important focus in my world right now is getting far away from the abuse. I want my narcissist to move on and forget me and not even attempt to followme. A new location to him would be too scary because he depends on these decades long relationships to back up And coberate his story on who he is. Too risky in a New location that he would be exposed or caught in a lie to people he doesn't know howto rationalize or justify to. Is it scary to think of myself alone and venerable in a place where i don't know a living soul? Absolutely! But even scarier thought is wasting another year of my life feeling lonesome even when I'm around other people. Feeling worthless helpless hopeless and trapped in an elevator with Satan. Feeling like everyone looks at me either with suspicion or pity because of my narcissist and wishing i had gotten away sooner because my self esteem image and respect and dignity become so damaged that my narcissist then feels safe or familiar or comfortable so i never get free and die a miserable tortured soul because he finally broke me all the way down. I think I'll take my chances with the new city and rebuilding upon what i still have left before he takes it all!!!! And pleas let me emphasize I'd rather be alone and feel strong and hopeful toward my future and my life than feel lonesome in a room full of people who can't begin to know or understand what I'm going thru when my narcissist gets me alone with him. The suffering the torment the broken heart that comes with realizing he doesn't love me, never did, and is not capable therefore never will and the shame of loving this person enough to let them hurt me on a regular basis. When i look around me i see no one who is willing to help me because he's put the fear in anyone around me that if they help me in any way they will enourmously regret it because I'll harm them in some way and am not to be trusted besides he's convinced people I'm really not worth them helping in any way anyway because I'm a scandalous ho who is just using him and he is the true victim of my shenanigans. When reality is that I'm more trustworthy than most more honest then most and well worth the trouble, Because this is all i see around me right now at first it kept me stuck and paralyzed with fear but now i realize thanks to Rebecca and others that a well thought out and organized plan for quite uneventful and hopefully un detected escape slipping away while he's gone for a couple of days to punish me is the best chance i have at healing and recovering from this damaging and traumatic relationship that had me in its grip for 5 long and agonizing years. I Will get free and i will return to me and i will recover and not only survive but thrive again as i did before i fell in love with this facade of a man who stripped me of everything but ME. As long as i AM i can regain everything else with one slight modification to my being. That is thedrive and dedication to one day be there and be thevoice of reason and logic to other victims of narcissism and assist them with their escape and help them land their feet on a path back to themselves like Rebecca and others have done for me. Once you live thru something like this there is a gnawing drive to help others survive and thrive. Some don't even make it out alive and this is so sad and disturbing to me because i think they feelthere is no one our there who understands or is willing to put forth the time or effort in there overcoming the many carefully placed obstacles and booby traps the narcissist has planted from the beginning to keep them from ever getting free.. But that is another fallacy placed in our minds by the narcissist to prevent us from trying or seeking help to leave them. And i am willing to listen the extra hour spend an extra dollar spare an extra room where a person can rest in peaceful and safe surroundings because they are all the way drained and so exhausted from years of narcissistic torment, I'm willing to go that extra mile to help another victim take back their power, survive and thrive because i AM worth it and so are YOU and anyone else in silent suffering and lonesome despair caused by this insidious affliction... That's ALL i have to say or suggest for your situation.. Please get free how ever you have to do it and then look me up so we can have coffee and celebrate not just our freedom from being the hostage of a terrorist but the victory in being a real person who has overcome nearly impossible circumstances and not a card board cut out of a person that is placed in front of hollow and empty shell of a being who is no more than a schoolyard bully picking on the smart kids because he's jealous and shallow and too stupid to just pay attention in class educate himself and become one of the smart kids. Ha! Touche
Lauren M who’s jealous of a narc? Thier whole life is a fake joke! Sad really! I’m thankful his borther in laws younger sister took him away. Blessed and my life has become so much better.
Marie Josephs you basically show no emotion because they get off on it. Actually if your like me nothing they do gets to you once you see who they truly are. Best advice I’ll give you! Move on and don’t bother trying to understand them. Work on healing and know what’s healthy relationship is and enjoy your life! I am so much happier and we share kids but his world is about to be flipped. I only talk they text with him court signed off on it! ❤️
@@Maarten8867 Yes they do. I just barely learned that as well. "I learned about the codependency of empaths, and those that do not have codependency. As a matter of fact I learned Autism can be linked to it as well. Of course there's mild, moderate, severe".
@@Maarten8867 not so strange. I pick up on others' emotions too easily and it wears. I isolate so as to not deal with the intrusion on a daily basis from others. Alternative is insanity over time. Especially in dealing with so many narcs. It's tough.
It's mind blowing, isn't it? I didn't even know it was a real thing, myself but when u start seeing things that make u think, "is this happening right now??" It makes u feel like, ok there's GOT to be an explanation for this, either that or somebody's got a very weird sense of humor and I'm being punked, any minute now Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out and we're all gonna have a good laugh.. Right? Ashton?..... DAMN IT!!
I wish I didn't waste my youth being diminished by a narcisist, because even after the divorce my self esteem was low as my feet and I didn't even realised it, I just kept crying and working exhausting jobs to be able to survive.
Me too ! so glad you both powerful women exist. i will write you an email because i need so bad advice from you because i want to sue this bastards that have done this to me for 4 years now and their game still going
My mother was a narc, and when I wanted a particular food for dinner, I would ask her NOT to prepare a certain dish such as steak, and magically, it would appear for dinner that night. The same goes for any other activity. If I wanted her to do something for me- I would say please do not do that particular task. Worked like a charm!
I have 3 sisters, they are all dysfunctional, and all appear to have narcissistic traits. Especially one sister who constantly copies me in everything, and talks constantly how great she is, her life etc. And to make sure they do a good job of bullying, ostracising, in gatherings they will never disagree with each other, if I talk to someone new in the company, they will start to raise their voices to drown me out talking. They have even pulled nieces in to it all. So toxic. They stay friends by enabling each other. I could never understand for years, why they were like that and got away with it. My parents seemed to do nothing about it and were closer to the manipulators , even now, my mother agrees with me about their behaviour it shocks me, how much they got away with.
I only just found out that my ex-spouse is a narcissist. I always thought he was oppositional-defiant. A sure way to get him not to do something was to ask him to do it, and vice versa. I'm in the midst of a separation, and trying to learn all I can about how to deal with him effectively, and to re-build my self-esteem by understanding this is not my fault. Thank you Rebecca for your help with this.
My ex-bf narc once said to me "you're crazy" I looked at him and said "you're right!" He looked STUNNED and NEVER SAID IT AGAIN!!! For 10 years hahahahaha
@@RebeccaZungEsq I had to read evertything again I busted out laughing, but I was fooled for 12 years back in the day but been NPD free since 2004 b4 I knew what NPD was!
If you really wanna have fun with that. Stretch it out a little more. Instead of saying "you're right"..., tease it with a little bit of smart ass.., for example. If I told you that you were crazy.., you could respond by saying: "SERIOUSLY, you've know me for how long? and you're just now figuring this out?" " The best fail proof universal response to a narcissist who calls you names or tells you you're crazy, stupid, or whatever.., the best one word response is "SO." Narcissist says: "you're crazy" you say: "so"
I spent tears and tears over him. I really thought it was me. I finally offered the front or back door to escort him out. He freaked! I realized I have power. I have three masters degrees and he is so jealous.
The idea to focus on what I do want rather than what I don't want? Omg I think you just changed my life. I have been almost frozen in trying to figure out how to move forward...and something so simple as changing my focus seems like the kick in the ass that I need right now. Thank you!
“They don’t really have a goal.” This makes sense. So, they’re kind of jealous maybe of folks who are making progress towards theirs? And they have to prove their own power to themselves by throwing off the person on track for a goal?
EXACTLY!!! They are in survival mode, stealing energy in order to stay where they always have been... bottom of the heap with a smiley humorous mask on which says 'Success looks like this!!', and we believe it. They can't get out of or mature past survival mode so they don't have the luxury of feeling safe, standing up and scanning the horizon looking for goals to achieve.... and if they're not in touch with their real selves then they wouldn't be able to make that choice anyway. They don't know what they want personally. They just copy and paste and stick bits on and emulate other people so they appear 'normal', whatever that is. perhaps once they've knocked you off your goal their script may be "If you haven't got it now either then isn't that hilarious?!! We're both the same.". But you know different, you feel different, you feel depleted in some way.... and that floats their boat.
Yes, I recommend to choose "NO CONTACT" And I mean "ZERO CONTACT" whenever possible. The more I watch your videos the better I am at identifying them. They are everywhere, sadly I see more of them daily. Be careful out there study daily to not let your guard down. And clean out your contact list.
Zero contact is quite complicated strategy especially when you have lots of Narcissist in the game! If you decide not to contact any of them, you are playing to their Isolation strategy! I will recommend you still contact the Narcissist family members not frequently and never tell them the true situation or your emotions, be confident when speaking with them! Dress well, look nice, eat well, Go out and be confident! You will be putting a coal of fire on their head!
I dealt with it for 18 yrs. & when I finally cheated.... because I knew I was leaving. I mean I was putting things in place to leave for a few months before I meant the guy I cheated with I didn't care if the narcissists knew in was cheating I was DONE. But he made sure he drug my name through the mud for it. After he'd cheated continuously and with people that were close to me. But when I done it ONCE after 18 years i was a piece of shit, " no good bitch wife". Ha.. Fuck him
Been married for 25 years. Just recently discovered my husband is a covert narc. He is getting worse every year. Childrendren are all grown up and have babies of their own now. So much is making sense since I now understand his bad behaviour better. But...it hasn't made it easier. Thank you for all your free help. You are a light in a sometimes dark world.
Hi Liesl, I am exactly the same, married a little longer though coming up to 36 years and I am struggling to cope!... love to have a chat if your up to it?
Amazing, 25 yrs later and I never would have believed at 65+yrs I would be watching such videos. I listen and learn as much as I can from you and Dr Ramani. Sad but I have to choose my health over companionship. My first husband was an alcoholic, I would be pressed to declare which is more heartbreaking! Thank you.
Yes! Thank you, this is very helpful. How do I keep ending up with narcissists?!!! Oh, because I am an empath who let's my emotions rule. I am smarter than this, and you help me to realize that and what I am dealing with.
Empaths are the ideal target for narcs. We have to learn to recognize people with narc personalities and act accordingly 🤞 it takes a lot of relearning but can be done!
How I got my narcissistic ex to leave me alone I sent him to the hospital I put my hands on him and I messed him up and now he will not call he will not text he will not hoover around me he will not love on me or any of that and my life is so good thank you
This is something that should be taught to the girls... I was so submissive... I had such a fear of confrontation.. probably because of his anger.. I never confronted him... he ran all over me... controlling me... finally I escape after an year...suffering from PTSD and low self esteem... almost suicidal
I understand how these crazy makers can make us angry. Sad but true, my covert narc ex baited me in church by paying attention to the single person on his left while totally ignoring me and my son on his right. Finally, when the preacher said to touch the person next to u and he kept ignoring me and was touching the strange lady on his left I reached out and smacked him on his arm with all my might! He said I punched him. He told me I was lucky no usher saw because there are people there looking for things like that and I could have been charged. That was really the end of our relationship! I thank God for it now! He refused to get a job by dragging his feet...who takes 6 weeks to fill out one application? A covert narc who wants not only to Hoover your emotions but all your money too...dat who!
@@mamachida1 I agree! The STRESS of staying can physically kill you. Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt, then, I threw it out! No more! Leaving was the only way 🆙 & out of a horrible pit of pain & despair. Take care of you & be safe.
I have been throwing up for months now every time he attacks me verbally. I think he likes it. Try to remember that you are a strong, confident person even if you don't feel it.
So am I this is where I am really trying to get a sense of this because I am physically ill all the time with gastrointestinal issues I really feel death is near
So valuable. I have a sibling and find it difficult to cope with her as I think she is a malignant narcissitis. She tells me she hates me and is physically abusive. I have had a wonderful career and spent a lot of time in the UK. She had done very little to enjoy life. She probably thinks I owe her. She seems to be delusional as well.
I'm a positive person and have gone to counseling and still currently in counseling. My whole life has been filled with narsasistic people gravitate towards me and take my sunshine away and then beat me down more. I've been conditioned to be selfless and to put others before myself. Through counseling I've been trying to stick up for myself and have lost friends and family because they don't like me saying no or don't talk to me like that but they were the ones saying stick up for yourself. I've always tried to help out others before myself because I never wanted to be selfish or self involved but the moment I put myself before them I become a "bitch," "selfish," "disresptful" and "crazy." Those are the things that "said narcissist" say to me. I have a natural leader drive and have no issues with making friends either but why do they feel the need to drain all my positive from me and kick me when I'm down?
Wow. Totally what happened to me. Now I just have one: my landlord. So far he has threatened to throw me out 3 different times. He has yelled at me over the phone and I swear no person in their right mind would behave like that- I barely knew the guy! Now he 'fixed' the hot water tank with galvanised to copper. Lead poisoning, anyone? Mixing metals causes them to erode faster, too. Since galvanised erodes from the inside out you're already poisoned before you can see the erosion. Heat releases toxins in galvanised pipe, too. He used no dielectric unions but SWEARS he has them on there already. And of course he's going to throw me out. I am a handy person, so I'm going to fix it (I got the parts- he won't put them on he won't reimburse me) and I'm trying not to panic about the threat of being thrown out.
@@artrenaturner7609 yeah I dont let anyone around me anymore. Too hard to heal...it's such complete betrayal since at first they seem like a good person.
This video is so self explanatory ! Once u take the emotion out of it and u think seriously about your plight on how to combat the narcissist in your life. We deserve to b happy in our lives and not deal with their crap. Peace
Yes, for 3 years. I can never win in an argument and I am always blamed for our arguments, even when I’m not wrong. But she will never apologize for anything.
My adult son is a narcissist and a pathological liar. I am very grateful for your info and have already begun to use your techniques. He is emotionally abusive and I've learned to keep my cool while he has angry rants calling me vile names and running a ridiculous false narrative of my life. He does this in public without concern. He is my harshest critic and I would like to disconnect completely but he is my son.
Covert narcissist with passive aggressive for 13 year and i have only just found this and lucky for me it now all makes sense and I’m not CRAZY , now I feel like stronger than ever before
It's perplexing in that we're told not to let a narcissist disrespect us & yet when they say things like "you're always late" we're supposed to just roll over & agree with them
Yes- so happy to find your channel!! Married for 19 yrs - our children suggested I find my own place to live, because they want me happy. I’ve asked him to leave the house countless times, he refuses, saying if I’m unhappy- there’s the door. My move in date is July 22nd - I think he suspects something’s amiss- he’s acting to nice to me, of course while complaining about everyone & everything
I used to agree with him because I didn't want to argue. Before I knew he was a narcissist. Now I want conversation and he's quiet. Good thing is I get peace. I'm glad to hear I'm doing things right.
I Always Say WHATEVER...Empathy They Definitely DO NOT Have But They Have Everything You Or SOMEONE Else’s Got... Or What We LOVE ❤️ They TRY To TAKE ..YOU NAILED IT!! Thank You 🙏
I believe a narcissist boss is a nightmare and I am suffering badly. Until today I was highly stressed. Feeling relieved, I thank you for your precious advises.
I couldn’t even begin to describe what happened to me, with mother of my kids. There isn’t anything you can say about narcissism that I haven’t been subjected to. It took forever for me to understand... all my complaints are true. Nothing I can do to help her. My kids are paying (paid) dearly for this. My 23 yr old daughter hasn’t spoken to me in 6 years.
Love your style. So refreshing from the other folks who do these type of videos where it is all "ethereal" and spiritual for lack of better descriptors. You are pragmatic and rational. Straight to the point. Perfect! In your face. Exactly what I can relate to. Thanks.
I am binge watching your channel and so grateful for your posts, the information & education. I must be a linear learner but your explanations with examples are so much easier to grasp than many others I have watched or books I have read! Greatly appreciated!
My whole immediate family are narcissists. My mother is the queen narcissist and I have been in therapy my whole adult life to maintain my sanity. Right now, both of my parents are elderly and showing signs of dementia, but they are still incredibly narcissistic and emotionally damaging to me. I’ve been searching for a way to deal with them and move on. I’m so glad to have stumbled on these videos! Thank you! I may be able to use this information to device a plan to get them to leave me alone.
Of all the videos I've watched on narcissism and how to deal with a narcissist, this woman, Rebecca zung is hands down, the BEST. She is incredible. She takes everything u need to know and sorts it out in the most understandable laymen terms. Her way of explaining each topic is like a suitcase. She gives u the topic then step by simple step, she unpacks it so neatly and simplistically to the point where u say to yourself, "omg this is fantastic, I know what to do now". In Every other person's videos I've watched, they all go overboard and just either take too long to get to the point and lose the watchers interest or they get too technical, offering up too much detail and use terms the average laymen isn't keenly aware of. This woman is so smart and intelligent which is obvious in that she is able to break it down for us in such understandable terms, may seem easy to do but believe me, it isn't! Rebecca zung, u have a new fan! I'm adding u to my top 5 women that I admire and respect. I want to thank you and please keep up the good work. I wish there were more women like you out there.
I have a covert narcissist for a boss and it’s had a devastating effect on me. When I don’t give her supply and she sees she can’t manipulate me, she doubles down even harder. It’s really helpful to have these tips. The key is to remember to not give them fuel.
I had my “boss” mock choke me many years ago at work. Everybody knew what happened and promoted him above me. It was an awful cycle as he would have unprofessional outbursts and they were very triggering for my COmpunded post traumatic Stress Response. I finally prayed and worked hard and got a position in another deptartment. Somehow this A-hole still persists in his role. Unbelievable. Keep working on yourself and try grey rock. These tactics could help you disarm this A hole and send him looking for an easier target. You are strong and better than this! Hang in there !
Thank you so much for this. I'm only 16, and I'm just now realizing my dad is a narcissist. And it was brought up because my parents were arguing and he called her a narcissist. Which she is the total opposite. I knew we were getting some kind of abuse by how he yells and shit. But it's narcissist abuse. This video will help me, my mom, and my brother out a lot. Thank you SO MUCH!
universalweirdo I was raised by a narcissist father and codependent mother...they are still married for the past 53 years. My mom seems happy but I question this. I think she’s figured out how to survive. To accept the crumbs he offers her and to let him do whatever pleases him on his timeline to keep the peace. They seem very happy together. I had a miserable childhood. My unsolicited advice to you is to get educated so you don’t end up marrying someone like this. Much love to you...this is the beginning of your life and I wish you all the best!
My husband seems to do things just to make me upset then he makes me feel guilty by saying that he doesn't understand why I gotta be angry all the time
Hi Tina! I'd like to personally invite you to join us on September 16, 2021, at 4 PM PST. I have a New Live Q&A Masterclass called "The BREAK FREE FROM THE NARCISSIST." You don't want to miss this FREE LIVE event! Register here: bit.ly/3hxiCWB
So stop getting angry and just laugh next time. He'll lose his mind! They can't handle it when they realize they can no longer push your buttons anymore.
omg i was adopted by a covert narcissistic mother who biologically is my maternal aunt. for 33 years now I have never known exactly why my mother was who and the way she was until I realized that she is a narcissist. my heart literally stops listening to you describe their traits and behaviors. it all makes sense now and after years of dealing with emotional problems mental health issues and substance abuse issues I'm finally starting to figure out how to heal and move forward with my life without her in it. she abandoned me at 15 due to what I've always been made to believe was MY problems and not the reality that she was actually incapable of loving me. I've had such a hard road and its soo refreshing to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel... thank you for your insight I've been so lost for so long and I'm finally hopeful for whats to come from now on!!
OMG HI REBECCA ZUNG, I AM VERY GLAD TO RUN ACROSS YOUR CHANNEL! IT HAS BEEN VERY INSPIRING TO ME. NOT ONLY DID YOUR VIDEOS GAVE ME A MORE UNDERSTANDING ABOUT PEOPLE AROUND ME, BUT ALSO UNDERSTANDING MYSELF EVEN MORE! AHHH IM FOREVER SUBSCRIBED AND ACTIVE WITH YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
Thank you so much for your help with this absolutely torturous time in my life! I signed up for your webinar and requested a worksheet because, I recently learned from my apartment manager, that she wants me to testify in court in order to help evict my malignantly narcissist neighbor who has put me, ( and another woman in my building ), through hell for two years. God bless ❤️
Many of us have been fooled long time. my heart was broken. Divorced and years later Im still single but now I'm happy and he's regretful & not happy with her. Awwwww😂
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thank you! I will check it out. Your channel continues to be such a source of inspiration on my healing journey. I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since I wrote that comment! 🧡
@desiree girl you better move! Don’t play and stick around! Relocate, block all mutual contacts on social media, don’t post your new location on social media. If you put him in jail, he will never forget or forgive. Install extra security on your house, and surveillance. Keep safe
Eric King damn. I feel your pain. It really sucks to lose time we didn’t think was a waste . I wasted 13 years. This is the first year of no longer giving my energy. I left him in 2019. Had to realize I WAS in love with his potential more than who he really is. Life is definitely different once u can recognize ppl for who they truly are instead of the facade. I’m grateful for the lessons, just wish it didn’t hurt so much and waste my time. Stay safe!
i want as well to put this year someone in jail too that herrassed me, mocked me, spread lies about me, defaimaition, calomny and so on and putting photos with me on social networs and lying so damn about me and humiliated me in public and on social networks and whatsup and all other stuff. i want them to pay and to go in jail everyone that are involved in this and i know who they are
I’m living with a Covert Husband which has now through the years became Overt to Me and full of Rage I’m trying hard to not have conversations anymore as they always turn to a Verbal Fight with lots of Rage on his part! Thanks for some tips..Met You from Dr. Ramini great video with her!! Take Care Sheila
Definitely #4 is key, plus #3 and grey rock. The key is emotional management, don't think on the consequential effect of their action on your mind state, focus on your emotional state, it's more effective to control your perception (memory), I've been practicing with this and it keeps you sane and them hypersensitive.
I did not realize,my ex could be so pin point perfectly discribed,i have been through everything Rebecca sung has described about being sadly married to a narcissist, who I tragically have two children with,one 10 ,one 17,I am the father,I have the boys 90% of the time,this is the best information I've ever heard about this,this person wrecked a large part of my life,and now I understand so much more clearly,what I was really dealing with,I always new she was a narcissist but never heard it put so accurate,my wife is a text book narcissist.
Madam Rebecca your talks give us spine to face gang bulling often mob mentality of narcs at workplace.Your straightforward talking helps us dissect narcs psychology, and anticipate their dirty moves. Thank you Madam.🙏👍
Thanks for this. All of the videos I am watching says leave! I can't. I am a SAHM with 3 children. That's not a current option. Maybe in the future just not right now. So learning how to cope/deal in this moment is best. He is a quiet Narc. If I come to him and tell him how I feel about something he will say I yelled at him and verbally assaulted him which is a flat out lie. Then he shuts down for 3 weeks. So basically I'm not able to express myself and it SUCKS.
My daughter married a narcissist and after 5 years and 3 grand children I was excluded from her's and the children's lives because, I believe, I had a special bond with them and he was jealous of that relationship. He knew how much my daughter and grand children meant to me, especially when I lost my other daughter 6 years earlier. At the time I did not understand about narcissism and for a couple of years fought the wrong way to see or speak with my daughter and kids. Many years, many tears and arguments.... with him sitting right beside her, listening and manipulating. I just didn't understand. When I finally DID understand what I was dealing with, I researched, studied and came to understand NPD, the sociopath and the covert narcissist and even though my daughter does not communicate with me very much now and I have only seen the grandchildren once in 3 or 4 years, I have managed to make small steps because I have begun tackling the situation from a different angle. It will be a long and tedious process but worth it. I think knowing about the problem and understanding it is the key to dealing with it.
Viv Hodge ..I’m in exactly the same position as you ..Iv cut ties with my daughter and grandkids for my own sanity ..I feel better everyday ..I miss them all ,but life is better without the trauma of having them in it ...
Well! I thought something was wrong with me. When anything happened to the narc at the job...my other coworkers would have a field day dying of laughter right in the narc face. I on the other hand could not because the narc made sure to always face me to see my reaction to everything... so I would always look confused and waited until I got home to die laughing with my friends on the phone. Everything you said I have done. I know to do the never answer a statement/question directly..so if the narc says "I see your birthday coming up", I would say "yea, just another day in my life". It is so hard being around these people. I avoid them like the plague.
Yes! I'm dealing with a narc dad suing me for "grandparents rights." He was trying to turn my children against me. When I discovered what he was doing, I cut contact, and got my children and myself into therapy. His response was to file this ridiculous lawsuit!
I did not know it then but my battle began at a very young age of 3yrs old..that is when my mother started calling "CRAZY", and only bec i like reading news papers at that age..your right about them..the lies, manipulation, shaming, turning others against me and yet in the end she is forever the victim..i have wondered for so long as to "What have i done against her? i could see the hate in her when she looks at me..the battle continues, my mother is now 72yrs old and it does not look as if she will mellow down anytime soon..
Thank-you, your advice is helping me understand my narcissist neighbors we watch them drive out the neighbors on the other side of them and now they are trying to do it to us. A good day to you.
I am dealing with a trio of covert narcs in my neighborhood (they control our tiny HOA and smear me and triangulate). I am enjoying these videos immensely and may not sell my house after seeing you can actually win. The one across the street watches my every move. Maybe I'll give him something to see.
Give them just enough attention and empathy....good tip! Love the throw them off the scent tip too! Moral of the story, to outsmart a master manipulator you have to have a master negotiator on your side!! :-)
Rebecca, I cannot thank you enough for your tireless efforts to put out these videos that are so extremely valuable and helpful to ALL of us that are dealing with a Narc in our lives... my ex-wife is a covert sociopath and I am learning so much from all of your videos I will continue to strive to be the best father I can be for our children and continue to work to be the best possible co- parent I can be considering the circumstances 🙏🙏
"To love oneself is the beginning of a life long relationship". Oscar Wilde. Forget the fockers. They're not worth a second of your precious time. Just discovered that after being abused by one for nine months. Never ever again. Greetings from London, England, Noel
@@RebeccaZungEsq Cheers, Rebecca, More or less a full recovery has been made. Time is the great healer. As long as we don't keep going back. And the temptation is there all the time. But what helps here, is, realizing that you are far better off in your life without having a selfish narcissist abuse you. This realization got me over it. It was my first experience, and my last. I had no idea. This woman sent me a ten minute video telling me how much she loved me and how real her love was. Knowing no better, I bought into it, and believed her, as most would. Then realized there was something wrong when she started to ghost me. At first I had no idea. Didn't know what was going on. She could've won an Oscar for her video tape performance. How one can do such things without a conscience is simply beyond me. And, to make matters worse, she came back three times and did exactly the same thing. I then discovered that she was doing the same to other men. That was the final straw. Shame that people are like that. They must be in inner turmoil with themselves. Keep up the good work you do. You are helping many people. All the best, Noel
I really need your help to get more insight in this. I didn't know i have been dealing with a narcissist for the last 8years. He has done everything he can to make me feel devalued n unworthy
Yes I am dealing with what seems to be a covert narcissist, and he seems to be manipulating my divorce lawyer. Or maybe my lawyer just isnt doing the right thing on his own. Not sure.
have a nice day... I am from South Poland Europe... I found interesting your channel... like 2-3 days ago I realized my wife is covert narcistic with all bagage described .... what a surprice for me. All this methods of gaslighting and 5 basic manipulation tactics I learn from her. The weak point of this type is they work in some kind of schemat patterns... and if they are sure they are not cought they speed up with acction. If you know what you are dealing with it is preaty easy to see.
I am divorcing one and gave realized he is a narcissist for the past 3 yrs. Life with him for 23 yrs now and the last 20 have been hell. Wanted to honor my cows and stand by him till he cheated and had no empathy whatsoever and realized wth he was...a monster. He is taking the divorce to trial lol and I have used all of these 5 tactics against him in the past and present. I am afraid of him and when this is all over I will get therapy. He is evil and scarey right now cause you don't mess with their money and he is mad about alimony. This is the best part...hitting him below the belt so to speak. He has been in a rage and I feel like a prisoner. I have left him a year ago. It's been rough but cannot wait ro get the last laugh. Thanks for your videos! They do help me to know that I am not crazy and am doing things the right way. I wanna push him right now....believe me. He deserves everything he will get and more. I didn't wanna be that way but he has been gaslighting me for one too many times.
📌What was your biggest lesson from today’s video? Comment below. Remember to grab your FREE webinar and learn how to negotiate with narcissists like a pro. Click here now:👉 www.slayyournegotiation.com/rzwebinar
A very litigious man from a prominent family in our small town, ACTUALLY said this to me: "The way my family works is this: we find out what the other guy wants, and then just make sure he doesn't get it."
what if this person is a relative and they are gaslighting your adult child and grandchild? For obvious reasons I don't want to say specifically, but it is getting worse and worse. I've read about these types of in laws online and our hands are pretty much tied.
I was with a narcissist for 16 years. He shows signs of both covert and grandiose narcissism; he's extremely manipulative and passive aggressive, also is ultra charming and loves to play the victim role. I suffered terrible emotional abuse and was also subjected to persistent sustained rape whilst I was pregnant. I finally broke free 2 years ago, and over the last 2 years I have gained a good degree of emotional strength and resilience. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013 whilst we were together which I am sure was due to the stress of being in such a toxic relationship. Also in 2018, just weeks after separating I was diagnosed with recurrence of the cancer (classed as stage 4 - which is considered terminal according to the oncologists). However since separating I have finally started to feel stronger emotionally, and thankfully the cancer is currently stable. We agreed on a financial settlement 2 years ago, however now that he can apply for divorce based on 2 years separation (UK law) he has reneged on the original agreement and is seeking more money and pushing for mediation. I know it is not about the money for him and that it is purely about getting at me, and he will still try to continue to hurt me even knowing that I was diagnosed with advanced cancer. I have refused mediation as I have chosen to go as non contact as possible. In true narcissist style he is lying and being extremely manipulative. He is also a local councillor and has ambitions to become a member of parliament, though his day job is a plumber! The level of grandiosity is laughable. My quandary at the moment is whether to contact the police and report the historical rape. It happened 14 years ago. I realise that he would be arrested and questioned, but it would not go to court due to lack of evidence. I am currently undecided how to act. Would the report of the rape send him into extreme narcissistic rage and maybe he would become even more difficult? I am concerned he may try to influence my son and try to turn him against me. Or could this turn out to be great leverage to finally get the arrogant coward to back off and stop trying to control and manipulate me. I am concerned if the rape became public what impact this may have on our son (now 14). He lives with me but still sees his dad on a regular basis. I'm wondering how you might see it playing out. I would really appreciate your insight based on your experience. Many thanks for reading and hope to hear from you. Ann.
Should have divorced him.new law in effect in the uk since 2018.cohersive abuse laws.divorced my ex online cost 500 which hes liable for.took 6 months and no solicitors fees.i would advize anyone who chooses this method plan it.keep a diary of times dates of the abuse.tell your dr as they are condidentiality and if physical violence is involved if you feel like you cant just run,or get support get your dr to record bruises,injurys.i was lucky my dr and the whole surgery witnessed a narc rage.if you have children then get out.there are also laws occupation and other laws such as restraining orders.unfortunately any abuse befor 2015 cannot be submitted.and if your a shared tenancy you cannot force the abuser out.but record by phone,report to police any abuse.also there is no legal aid for divorce cases in some areas of the uk but you can get thirty mins free consultation with lots of law firms.citizens advice has lists.never reveil your plans to the narc.cohersive abuse is now a crime in the uk and the law changes last year mean abused women,children,old people and men get justice.
Thanks very much for the responses. I have been in contact with the police. They are coming to talk to me tomorrow (assuming it's not delayed due to virus chaos). I have been reading up on the relatively new offence of Coercive and manipulative abuse, and although it does not take into account alleged offences that happened prior to 2015, they do still consider the behaviour pattern and referred to it as demonstrating 'bad character' - so although not likely to go to court for rape it may be worth pursuing the charge of coercive abuse. It may be that he gets prosecuted for the lesser crime of coercive abuse rather than rape. I feel nervous at the thought of court etc but still feel he needs to taught a lesson in the hope that he won't continue his abusive behaviour and hurt other women. X
I am 9 weeks pregnant with a narcissists baby. He keeps kicking me out, and making me feel insane on top of my hormones. Telling me he prefers he’s exes body over mine and that I am not attractive when I have morning sickness. Those are the smaller petty comments... I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck. Thank you for these videos. They help. With love 💕
Get help to get out while you can. It never gets better. Only you can make it better. You deserve to be treated well. Family, friends, woman's shelter?
How about an abortion? it will solve all your problems for now and in the future! BTW: babies can't be narcesists! They are not even fully developed... ;)
I love it when smart people outsmart narcisissic people cause they deserve it
Yes! I am dealing with a narcissist. 23 years married. I filed for divorce in February. It finalizes in November. I got the courage to get my own apartment with my 16 year old daughter. She is relieved to leave too.
And in a pandemic!! Im a stranger, but who cares....Im so happy for yall! I bet you will feel lighter and even healthier. They weigh on us. Im trying to get away from one now. My mother. Im planning my leave. I was living w my elder parents as a support for them, well my dad really, but I just can't do it any longer. He met her when they were both young, he didn't leave....so I no longer feel like I should take the weight of his bad decisions. Sorry to babble. Congratulations!! Hoping you & your daughter are happy, safe and well.
@@SSTillmanEsq
“I am not responsible for the ineffective behavior of another!” Or their ineffective choices, ineffective decisions.
I’m responsible for me and it’s not my responsibility to carry what does not belong to me.
I’m privileged to have wonderful counselors that are walking me thru healing. More freedom came when I could determine what I am responsible for & more importantly, what I am NOT responsible for!
This helped me so much.😊
Hold on cause he's not done with you or your daughter yet. My daughter was 15, 22 yrs married. Him and his family started a hate and smear campaign against us both. Brutal attacks on both of us. At the first attack on your daughter, report him and keep reporting after each incident. The more strong legal evidence you have the better. My daughter is 30 and I am for the 3rd time going through their alienation agenda. I'll be getting an attorney and my daughter scheduled with her therapist. It will never end so be ready and have your guard up. Tell your daughter what they will be trying to do to her so she isn't manipulated and coerced by him. And so she can recognize what he is trying to do. My son was aware and didn't let it affect him. When they would start bad mouthing me, he would say "hey that's my mom your talking about, I don't want to hear it" My daughter has had a more difficult time dealing with the conflict and confusion of all of it, the half truths, half lies. Sadly, my beautiful son lost his life 6 years ago. He never got the chance to know life in a normal sense and as long as the narcissist family are still alive, my daughter won't either.
Yep
Proud of you...its so tough. I've been with one for 45 years, who is also an addict. I should have left years ago. I tried, but went back, and now Im.just old...
1. Agree with them.
2. Emphathy, Attention, Respect (EAR) statement. "I see that you are upset...."
3. Create leverage.
4. Throw them off the scent. Don't tell them what you want.
5. Focus on your own value.
Yes
Thank you for writing this out❤️Great “quick” reminder”💖🕊
They don’t have a real goal or outcome, that about sums it up
I tried outsmarting my narcissist mother but it is dangerous in long run because seriously they are predators and have no empathy for even their own son
@@bravodiyemon1757 Incomprehensible how they can be so cold & hateful to their very own.🥺I am so sorry.🥺🙏🏻❤️
Be happy....achieve your goals.....let them see you happy and living life....let them see you with friends.
Basically don't let it effect you...that completely drives them crazy.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Agreeing with a narcissist isn't always the best idea. I see where you're coming from and it definitely does work in a lot of situations but you agreeing with a narcissist is also fueling the narcissist to keep doing what they're doing and as soon as you start giving them inches, they'll go a mile. Just like politicians.
Yes, I agree and it’s situational however they can be emboldened by you just being agreeable
True but sometimes keeping them calm… keeps us safe. 😒
Depends on context, I think. They sure do go ???? when you say "ok" in situations where they are slagging you off lol...it is actually almost funny when I look back and apply it to times I had not thought of using it, having since had experience of doing so.
It just gives them more rope to hang themselves.
My tactic is to say, "I agree that you feel that way," or, "I agree that you think that." It doesn't mean agreement with the content of their statements. It means agreement that they made the statements based on their (REALLY MESSED UP) inner world. :D
Never show your hand to a narcissist. I’ve learned this the hard way.
Eliana Boer unfortunately we all did lesson learned for the future in any kind of relationship. Past should be hidden if it’s nothing you need to get out of your chest thats why friends are for .
Eliana Boer Ever ever.
Me too. :)
I 'feel compeled to tell mine everything an time after time he uses it agains tme ...im ready 4 a divorce :(
Eliana Boer I’m way behind but now I know this I will definitely turn the way I been dealing with her, completely around...!!!
U can't ever win with the narc, don't try it. Things that have worked 4 me, we're grey rock and ignoring them when they triangulate. Give them the exact opposite reaction that they want U 2 have 2 there games. Don't b jelous, sad, or angry, B the opposite 2 piss narc off. Don't keep simply surviving them, thrive in life! It's time 4 us all! ❤
I'm listening if anybody knows what you do when you're in the middle of a town full of them that have v2k and done cost you everything living on the street and completely out of control with it for years.
I'm preparing myself too start over in a New town in a different state. I have no money no family no friends due to my narcissist but i still have my intelligence and resourcefulness. I told myself I'll sleep in the bus station the first night read the local paper and Google all i can about my new location and apply for a waitress job in the nearest coffee shop or take a minimum wage part time jobat the car wash (even tho i once had a 6 figure career) I'm not like the narcissist nothing is beneath me i can work my way to security again but the most important focus in my world right now is getting far away from the abuse. I want my narcissist to move on and forget me and not even attempt to followme. A new location to him would be too scary because he depends on these decades long relationships to back up And coberate his story on who he is. Too risky in a New location that he would be exposed or caught in a lie to people he doesn't know howto rationalize or justify to. Is it scary to think of myself alone and venerable in a place where i don't know a living soul? Absolutely! But even scarier thought is wasting another year of my life feeling lonesome even when I'm around other people. Feeling worthless helpless hopeless and trapped in an elevator with Satan. Feeling like everyone looks at me either with suspicion or pity because of my narcissist and wishing i had gotten away sooner because my self esteem image and respect and dignity become so damaged that my narcissist then feels safe or familiar or comfortable so i never get free and die a miserable tortured soul because he finally broke me all the way down. I think I'll take my chances with the new city and rebuilding upon what i still have left before he takes it all!!!! And pleas let me emphasize I'd rather be alone and feel strong and hopeful toward my future and my life than feel lonesome in a room full of people who can't begin to know or understand what I'm going thru when my narcissist gets me alone with him. The suffering the torment the broken heart that comes with realizing he doesn't love me, never did, and is not capable therefore never will and the shame of loving this person enough to let them hurt me on a regular basis. When i look around me i see no one who is willing to help me because he's put the fear in anyone around me that if they help me in any way they will enourmously regret it because I'll harm them in some way and am not to be trusted besides he's convinced people I'm really not worth them helping in any way anyway because I'm a scandalous ho who is just using him and he is the true victim of my shenanigans. When reality is that I'm more trustworthy than most more honest then most and well worth the trouble, Because this is all i see around me right now at first it kept me stuck and paralyzed with fear but now i realize thanks to Rebecca and others that a well thought out and organized plan for quite uneventful and hopefully un detected escape slipping away while he's gone for a couple of days to punish me is the best chance i have at healing and recovering from this damaging and traumatic relationship that had me in its grip for 5 long and agonizing years. I Will get free and i will return to me and i will recover and not only survive but thrive again as i did before i fell in love with this facade of a man who stripped me of everything but ME. As long as i AM i can regain everything else with one slight modification to my being. That is thedrive and dedication to one day be there and be thevoice of reason and logic to other victims of narcissism and assist them with their escape and help them land their feet on a path back to themselves like Rebecca and others have done for me. Once you live thru something like this there is a gnawing drive to help others survive and thrive. Some don't even make it out alive and this is so sad and disturbing to me because i think they feelthere is no one our there who understands or is willing to put forth the time or effort in there overcoming the many carefully placed obstacles and booby traps the narcissist has planted from the beginning to keep them from ever getting free.. But that is another fallacy placed in our minds by the narcissist to prevent us from trying or seeking help to leave them. And i am willing to listen the extra hour spend an extra dollar spare an extra room where a person can rest in peaceful and safe surroundings because they are all the way drained and so exhausted from years of narcissistic torment, I'm willing to go that extra mile to help another victim take back their power, survive and thrive because i AM worth it and so are YOU and anyone else in silent suffering and lonesome despair caused by this insidious affliction... That's ALL i have to say or suggest for your situation.. Please get free how ever you have to do it and then look me up so we can have coffee and celebrate not just our freedom from being the hostage of a terrorist but the victory in being a real person who has overcome nearly impossible circumstances and not a card board cut out of a person that is placed in front of hollow and empty shell of a being who is no more than a schoolyard bully picking on the smart kids because he's jealous and shallow and too stupid to just pay attention in class educate himself and become one of the smart kids. Ha! Touche
Lauren M who’s jealous of a narc? Thier whole life is a fake joke! Sad really! I’m thankful his borther in laws younger sister took him away. Blessed and my life has become so much better.
What is the grey rock technique please?
Marie Josephs you basically show no emotion because they get off on it. Actually if your like me nothing they do gets to you once you see who they truly are. Best advice I’ll give you! Move on and don’t bother trying to understand them. Work on healing and know what’s healthy relationship is and enjoy your life! I am so much happier and we share kids but his world is about to be flipped. I only talk they text with him court signed off on it! ❤️
Yes. So many Narcissists. So little time. Too few empaths.
The most empathic people tend to have reclusive tendencies strangely.
@@Maarten8867 Yes they do. I just barely learned that as well. "I learned about the codependency of empaths, and those that do not have codependency. As a matter of fact I learned Autism can be linked to it as well. Of course there's mild, moderate, severe".
So true
@@Maarten8867 not so strange. I pick up on others' emotions too easily and it wears. I isolate so as to not deal with the intrusion on a daily basis from others. Alternative is insanity over time. Especially in dealing with so many narcs. It's tough.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I didn’t even realize my soon to be ex was a narcissist, but everything you said here fits her to the T
It's mind blowing, isn't it? I didn't even know it was a real thing, myself but when u start seeing things that make u think, "is this happening right now??" It makes u feel like, ok there's GOT to be an explanation for this, either that or somebody's got a very weird sense of humor and I'm being punked, any minute now Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out and we're all gonna have a good laugh.. Right? Ashton?.....
DAMN IT!!
It's common in women. Many come from families without fathers.
They suck the life out of you no matter how good you are to them
I'm in the same boat
I wish I didn't waste my youth being diminished by a narcisist, because even after the divorce my self esteem was low as my feet and I didn't even realised it, I just kept crying and working exhausting jobs to be able to survive.
I am learning I've been harassed for 18 years by a narcissist thank God I found this site
Found your channel through Dr. Ramani. God bless you both.
Me too ! so glad you both powerful women exist. i will write you an email because i need so bad advice from you because i want to sue this bastards that have done this to me for 4 years now and their game still going
Eliana Boer
Same here
Me too, Eliana I'm so glad I found these two powerful women
Dr. Ramani and Rebecca Zung
🤲👭💪💪
Yes
📠
My mother was a narc, and when I wanted a particular food for dinner, I would ask her NOT to prepare a certain dish such as steak, and magically, it would appear for dinner that night. The same goes for any other activity. If I wanted her to do something for me- I would say please do not do that particular task. Worked like a charm!
I have 3 sisters, they are all dysfunctional, and all appear to have narcissistic traits. Especially one sister who constantly copies me in everything, and talks constantly how great she is, her life etc. And to make sure they do a good job of bullying, ostracising, in gatherings they will never disagree with each other, if I talk to someone new in the company, they will start to raise their voices to drown me out talking. They have even pulled nieces in to it all. So toxic. They stay friends by enabling each other. I could never understand for years, why they were like that and got away with it. My parents seemed to do nothing about it and were closer to the manipulators , even now, my mother agrees with me about their behaviour it shocks me, how much they got away with.
@@taramia9633 same here took me 30 years to stop and face these relationships.
Limit contact is the key.
THIS IS MY HUSBAND 😳
I only just found out that my ex-spouse is a narcissist. I always thought he was oppositional-defiant. A sure way to get him not to do something was to ask him to do it, and vice versa. I'm in the midst of a separation, and trying to learn all I can about how to deal with him effectively, and to re-build my self-esteem by understanding this is not my fault. Thank you Rebecca for your help with this.
😄👍
My ex-bf narc once said to me "you're crazy" I looked at him and said "you're right!" He looked STUNNED and NEVER SAID IT AGAIN!!! For 10 years hahahahaha
if you stuck around ten years he was right!
@@RebeccaZungEsq I had to read evertything again I busted out laughing, but I was fooled for 12 years back in the day but been NPD free since 2004 b4 I knew what NPD was!
Its hard to escape the clutches of a narcissists. They work diligently to make it hard to leave
LMAO! GASLIGHTING IT ALWAYS WORKS!
If you really wanna have fun with that. Stretch it out a little more. Instead of saying "you're right"..., tease it with a little bit of smart ass.., for example. If I told you that you were crazy.., you could respond by saying: "SERIOUSLY, you've know me for how long? and you're just now figuring this out?" " The best fail proof universal response to a narcissist who calls you names or tells you you're crazy, stupid, or whatever.., the best one word response is "SO."
Narcissist says: "you're crazy"
you say: "so"
I spent tears and tears over him. I really thought it was me. I finally offered the front or back door to escort him out. He freaked! I realized I have power. I have three masters degrees and he is so jealous.
The idea to focus on what I do want rather than what I don't want? Omg I think you just changed my life. I have been almost frozen in trying to figure out how to move forward...and something so simple as changing my focus seems like the kick in the ass that I need right now.
Thank you!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
“They don’t really have a goal.” This makes sense. So, they’re kind of jealous maybe of folks who are making progress towards theirs? And they have to prove their own power to themselves by throwing off the person on track for a goal?
EXACTLY!!! They are in survival mode, stealing energy in order to stay where they always have been... bottom of the heap with a smiley humorous mask on which says 'Success looks like this!!', and we believe it. They can't get out of or mature past survival mode so they don't have the luxury of feeling safe, standing up and scanning the horizon looking for goals to achieve.... and if they're not in touch with their real selves then they wouldn't be able to make that choice anyway. They don't know what they want personally. They just copy and paste and stick bits on and emulate other people so they appear 'normal', whatever that is. perhaps once they've knocked you off your goal their script may be "If you haven't got it now either then isn't that hilarious?!! We're both the same.". But you know different, you feel different, you feel depleted in some way.... and that floats their boat.
Praise god.... it’s definitely happen to me
Mine likes what ever others like. He has no self. Reminds me of the show imposters on Netflix! She became what ever they wanted!
@@RebeccaZungEsq Hurt people hurt people and unless they become self-aware there is nothing we can do except protect ourselves....
Anitra Moore Best movie 🎬Ever ‘Single White Female’ Ive had my share .. Pathetic 🤬
Yes, I recommend to choose "NO CONTACT"
And I mean "ZERO CONTACT" whenever possible. The more I watch your videos the better I am at identifying them. They are everywhere, sadly I see more of them daily. Be careful out there study daily to not let your guard down. And clean out your contact list.
What a way to live!
Zero contact is quite complicated strategy especially when you have lots of Narcissist in the game! If you decide not to contact any of them, you are playing to their Isolation strategy! I will recommend you still contact the Narcissist family members not frequently and never tell them the true situation or your emotions, be confident when speaking with them! Dress well, look nice, eat well, Go out and be confident! You will be putting a coal of fire on their head!
Thank you I appreciate your comment, response 🙏
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
After 28 years of putting up with her cheating, I am leaving her for ever...
God Bless you and I hope it works. I'm starting the process after 35 yrs of marriage, 60 yrs old and scared to death.
Strength and love to you.
@@ptyson5 strength and love to you.
I dealt with it for 18 yrs. & when I finally cheated.... because I knew I was leaving. I mean I was putting things in place to leave for a few months before I meant the guy I cheated with
I didn't care if the narcissists knew in was cheating I was DONE.
But he made sure he drug my name through the mud for it. After he'd cheated continuously and with people that were close to me.
But when I done it ONCE after 18 years i was a piece of shit, " no good bitch wife".
Ha.. Fuck him
@@ptyson5 it'll be worth it
Outsmart the Narcissist by moving on with your life and being truly happy about it.
Okay I’m trying too!.
Lol! That is so true though 😊👍🏻
I feel I need to go into hiding. He tracks me down every time. He won't let me go!!! UGH
Yes. I've made 3 exit plans. He finds me. Assaults me. Blames me. It's my fault he hurt me!
( sick f...)!
naw, go out grow, shine so bright they hide from your light!
You have opened my eyes and heart. I ve been emotionally paralyzed . . not anymore
THANK YOU !
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Been married for 25 years. Just recently discovered my husband is a covert narc. He is getting worse every year. Childrendren are all grown up and have babies of their own now. So much is making sense since I now understand his bad behaviour better. But...it hasn't made it easier. Thank you for all your free help. You are a light in a sometimes dark world.
Hi Liesl, I am exactly the same, married a little longer though coming up to 36 years and I am struggling to cope!... love to have a chat if your up to it?
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Love the "empathy, attention, and respect" tip, thanks for sharing. Losing your cool never looks good on anyone.
Ugh I lose my cool doing none of these things with him... I’m so so stupid!!! I’m playing right into his game!!! 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ someone slap me!!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Yes. I agree that you should agree to everything a narcissist say and beat them/ bind them to their own agreement.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Amazing, 25 yrs later and I never would have believed at 65+yrs I would be watching such videos. I listen and learn as much as I can from you and Dr Ramani. Sad but I have to choose my health over companionship. My first husband was an alcoholic, I would be pressed to declare which is more heartbreaking!
Thank you.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Yes! Thank you, this is very helpful. How do I keep ending up with narcissists?!!! Oh, because I am an empath who let's my emotions rule. I am smarter than this, and you help me to realize that and what I am dealing with.
Karen Drake,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
Same here! Absolutely 💯
Empaths are the ideal target for narcs. We have to learn to recognize people with narc personalities and act accordingly 🤞 it takes a lot of relearning but can be done!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Narcissist wants attention. They are master manipulators. You are so right about how to outsmart them. I love listening to your videos.
Basia Richard,Hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
How I got my narcissistic ex to leave me alone I sent him to the hospital I put my hands on him and I messed him up and now he will not call he will not text he will not hoover around me he will not love on me or any of that and my life is so good thank you
This is something that should be taught to the girls... I was so submissive... I had such a fear of confrontation.. probably because of his anger.. I never confronted him... he ran all over me... controlling me... finally I escape after an year...suffering from PTSD and low self esteem... almost suicidal
I understand how these crazy makers can make us angry. Sad but true, my covert narc ex baited me in church by paying attention to the single person on his left while totally ignoring me and my son on his right. Finally, when the preacher said to touch the person next to u and he kept ignoring me and was touching the strange lady on his left I reached out and smacked him on his arm with all my might! He said I punched him. He told me I was lucky no usher saw because there are people there looking for things like that and I could have been charged. That was really the end of our relationship! I thank God for it now! He refused to get a job by dragging his feet...who takes 6 weeks to fill out one application? A covert narc who wants not only to Hoover your emotions but all your money too...dat who!
Hi I have been with a man that is a narcissist and anti social for over 7 years I’m becoming physically ill from the negative energy.
I did too. Lots of illness and surgeries. Please try to get away and get better.
@@mamachida1
I agree! The STRESS of staying can physically kill you. Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt, then, I threw it out! No more!
Leaving was the only way 🆙 & out of a horrible pit of pain & despair. Take care of you & be safe.
You will! Thier engery Vampires!
I have been throwing up for months now every time he attacks me verbally. I think he likes it. Try to remember that you are a strong, confident person even if you don't feel it.
So am I this is where I am really trying to get a sense of this because I am physically ill all the time with gastrointestinal issues I really feel death is near
So valuable. I have a sibling and find it difficult to cope with her as I think she is a malignant narcissitis. She tells me she hates me and is physically abusive. I have had a wonderful career and spent a lot of time in the UK. She had done very little to enjoy life. She probably thinks I owe her. She seems to be delusional as well.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
1. Playing along.😉
2. 👂Listening Intently.
3. 👀Observations are crucial.
4.👈Misdirecton👉.
5.👉Self 👈💖Love.
I'm a positive person and have gone to counseling and still currently in counseling. My whole life has been filled with narsasistic people gravitate towards me and take my sunshine away and then beat me down more. I've been conditioned to be selfless and to put others before myself. Through counseling I've been trying to stick up for myself and have lost friends and family because they don't like me saying no or don't talk to me like that but they were the ones saying stick up for yourself. I've always tried to help out others before myself because I never wanted to be selfish or self involved but the moment I put myself before them I become a "bitch," "selfish," "disresptful" and "crazy." Those are the things that "said narcissist" say to me. I have a natural leader drive and have no issues with making friends either but why do they feel the need to drain all my positive from me and kick me when I'm down?
Wow sounds like me my whole life is filled with them so does that mean I need not to pick friends . Stay aloner because it's like a magnet
Wow.
Totally what happened to me.
Now I just have one: my landlord.
So far he has threatened to throw me out 3 different times.
He has yelled at me over the phone and I swear no person in their right mind would behave like that- I barely knew the guy!
Now he 'fixed' the hot water tank with galvanised to copper.
Lead poisoning, anyone?
Mixing metals causes them to erode faster, too.
Since galvanised erodes from the inside out you're already poisoned before you can see the erosion.
Heat releases toxins in galvanised pipe, too.
He used no dielectric unions but SWEARS he has them on there already.
And of course he's going to throw me out.
I am a handy person, so I'm going to fix it (I got the parts- he won't put them on he won't reimburse me) and I'm trying not to panic about the threat of being thrown out.
@@artrenaturner7609 yeah I dont let anyone around me anymore.
Too hard to heal...it's such complete betrayal since at first they seem like a good person.
Don't take my sunshine away....☀️☀️☀️ Nobody can't take your sunshine. Don't give it to them!
Because YOU are everything they want to be.x
This video is so self explanatory ! Once u take the emotion out of it and u think seriously about your plight on how to combat the narcissist in your life. We deserve to b happy in our lives and not deal with their crap. Peace
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Yes, for 3 years. I can never win in an argument and I am always blamed for our arguments, even when I’m not wrong. But she will never apologize for anything.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
My adult son is a narcissist and a pathological liar. I am very grateful for your info and have already begun to use your techniques. He is emotionally abusive and I've learned to keep my cool while he has angry rants calling me vile names and running a ridiculous false narrative of my life. He does this in public without concern. He is my harshest critic and I would like to disconnect completely but he is my son.
Covert narcissist with passive aggressive for 13 year and i have only just found this and lucky for me it now all makes sense and I’m not CRAZY , now I feel like stronger than ever before
It's perplexing in that we're told not to let a narcissist disrespect us & yet when they say things like "you're always late" we're supposed to just roll over & agree with them
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Yes- so happy to find your channel!!
Married for 19 yrs - our children suggested I find my own place to live, because they want me happy.
I’ve asked him to leave the house countless times, he refuses, saying if I’m unhappy- there’s the door.
My move in date is July 22nd -
I think he suspects something’s amiss- he’s acting to nice to me, of course while complaining about everyone & everything
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I used to agree with him because I didn't want to argue. Before I knew he was a narcissist. Now I want conversation and he's quiet. Good thing is I get peace. I'm glad to hear I'm doing things right.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I Always Say WHATEVER...Empathy They Definitely DO NOT Have But They Have Everything You Or SOMEONE Else’s Got... Or What We LOVE ❤️ They TRY To TAKE ..YOU NAILED IT!! Thank You 🙏
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I believe a narcissist boss is a nightmare and I am suffering badly. Until today I was highly stressed. Feeling relieved, I thank you for your precious advises.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I couldn’t even begin to describe what happened to me, with mother of my kids. There isn’t anything you can say about narcissism that I haven’t been subjected to. It took forever for me to understand... all my complaints are true. Nothing I can do to help her. My kids are paying (paid) dearly for this. My 23 yr old daughter hasn’t spoken to me in 6 years.
I’m so sorry
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Love your style. So refreshing from the other folks who do these type of videos where it is all "ethereal" and spiritual for lack of better descriptors. You are pragmatic and rational. Straight to the point. Perfect! In your face. Exactly what I can relate to. Thanks.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
YES YES YES AND YES. BY THE WAY YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR Making these videos. It helps me so much.
Yes, 41 years, not much more, I've been doing what this gal said to do, I love it, I'm not done quite yet
YEP!…..and when you throw in alcoholism into this mix……well…that is a hell of a whole different level…..
OMG this advice is SOOO needed especially when it comes to working through the court systems. Brilliant tips.
Melinda Kitto,I admire your lovely smile!😊😊😊😊
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I am binge watching your channel and so grateful for your posts, the information & education. I must be a linear learner but your explanations with examples are so much easier to grasp than many others I have watched or books I have read! Greatly appreciated!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Yes! With children this process is absolutely horrible I will be fine my children are the ones who are the victims thank you for your videos
They use the children as pawns in their games. It's sickening.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
My whole immediate family are narcissists. My mother is the queen narcissist and I have been in therapy my whole adult life to maintain my sanity.
Right now, both of my parents are elderly and showing signs of dementia, but they are still incredibly narcissistic and emotionally damaging to me. I’ve been searching for a way to deal with them and move on.
I’m so glad to have stumbled on these videos! Thank you! I may be able to use this information to device a plan to get them to leave me alone.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Of all the videos I've watched on narcissism and how to deal with a narcissist, this woman, Rebecca zung is hands down, the BEST. She is incredible. She takes everything u need to know and sorts it out in the most understandable laymen terms. Her way of explaining each topic is like a suitcase. She gives u the topic then step by simple step, she unpacks it so neatly and simplistically to the point where u say to yourself, "omg this is fantastic, I know what to do now". In Every other person's videos I've watched, they all go overboard and just either take too long to get to the point and lose the watchers interest or they get too technical, offering up too much detail and use terms the average laymen isn't keenly aware of. This woman is so smart and intelligent which is obvious in that she is able to break it down for us in such understandable terms, may seem easy to do but believe me, it isn't! Rebecca zung, u have a new fan! I'm adding u to my top 5 women that I admire and respect. I want to thank you and please keep up the good work. I wish there were more women like you out there.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Yes!! I am dealing with one of the worst kinds of narcissists, and they are my boss! Thank you, this video has been super helpful
I have a covert narcissist for a boss and it’s had a devastating effect on me. When I don’t give her supply and she sees she can’t manipulate me, she doubles down even harder. It’s really helpful to have these tips. The key is to remember to not give them fuel.
I had my “boss” mock choke me many years ago at work. Everybody knew what happened and promoted him above me. It was an awful cycle as he would have unprofessional outbursts and they were very triggering for my COmpunded post traumatic Stress Response. I finally prayed and worked hard and got a position in another deptartment. Somehow this A-hole still persists in his role. Unbelievable. Keep working on yourself and try grey rock. These tactics could help you disarm this A hole and send him looking for an easier target. You are strong and better than this! Hang in there !
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Thank you so much for this. I'm only 16, and I'm just now realizing my dad is a narcissist. And it was brought up because my parents were arguing and he called her a narcissist. Which she is the total opposite. I knew we were getting some kind of abuse by how he yells and shit. But it's narcissist abuse.
This video will help me, my mom, and my brother out a lot.
Thank you SO MUCH!
universalweirdo I was raised by a narcissist father and codependent mother...they are still married for the past 53 years. My mom seems happy but I question this. I think she’s figured out how to survive. To accept the crumbs he offers her and to let him do whatever pleases him on his timeline to keep the peace. They seem very happy together. I had a miserable childhood. My unsolicited advice to you is to get educated so you don’t end up marrying someone like this. Much love to you...this is the beginning of your life and I wish you all the best!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
My husband seems to do things just to make me upset then he makes me feel guilty by saying that he doesn't understand why I gotta be angry all the time
Hi Tina! I'd like to personally invite you to join us on September 16, 2021, at 4 PM PST. I have a New Live Q&A Masterclass called "The BREAK FREE FROM THE NARCISSIST." You don't want to miss this FREE LIVE event! Register here: bit.ly/3hxiCWB
So stop getting angry and just laugh next time. He'll lose his mind! They can't handle it when they realize they can no longer push your buttons anymore.
omg i was adopted by a covert narcissistic mother who biologically is my maternal aunt. for 33 years now I have never known exactly why my mother was who and the way she was until I realized that she is a narcissist. my heart literally stops listening to you describe their traits and behaviors. it all makes sense now and after years of dealing with emotional problems mental health issues and substance abuse issues I'm finally starting to figure out how to heal and move forward with my life without her in it. she abandoned me at 15 due to what I've always been made to believe was MY problems and not the reality that she was actually incapable of loving me. I've had such a hard road and its soo refreshing to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel... thank you for your insight I've been so lost for so long and I'm finally hopeful for whats to come from now on!!
I hope your doing okay Annie
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
OMG HI REBECCA ZUNG, I AM VERY GLAD TO RUN ACROSS YOUR CHANNEL! IT HAS BEEN VERY INSPIRING TO ME. NOT ONLY DID YOUR VIDEOS GAVE ME A MORE UNDERSTANDING ABOUT PEOPLE AROUND ME, BUT ALSO UNDERSTANDING MYSELF EVEN MORE! AHHH IM FOREVER SUBSCRIBED AND ACTIVE WITH YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
Thank you so much for your help with this absolutely torturous time in my life! I signed up for your webinar and requested a worksheet because, I recently learned from my apartment manager, that she wants me to testify in court in order to help evict my malignantly narcissist neighbor who has put me, ( and another woman in my building ), through hell for two years. God bless ❤️
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Going thru a divorce after 24 yrs! Yikes! He cheated and lied and I’m done! Prayers please
Same in my case
Many of us have been fooled long time. my heart was broken. Divorced and years later Im still single but now I'm happy and he's regretful & not happy with her. Awwwww😂
I’m so glad I discovered your channel. These tips help immensely. Becoming “nonplussed” will be the non plus ultra!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thank you! I will check it out. Your channel continues to be such a source of inspiration on my healing journey. I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since I wrote that comment! 🧡
After so long of feeling alone, I have found the support I needed.. I am not alone.. You are fantastic..YES YES!! SLAY
Yes! I am 13 and dealing with my 15 year old adopted brother.
👍🏼 for 6 years. Got enough evidence to put him in jail. Hes there Im free 👋
@desiree girl you better move! Don’t play and stick around! Relocate, block all mutual contacts on social media, don’t post your new location on social media. If you put him in jail, he will never forget or forgive. Install extra security on your house, and surveillance. Keep safe
Eric King damn. I feel your pain. It really sucks to lose time we didn’t think was a waste . I wasted 13 years. This is the first year of no longer giving my energy. I left him in 2019. Had to realize I WAS in love with his potential more than who he really is. Life is definitely different once u can recognize ppl for who they truly are instead of the facade. I’m grateful for the lessons, just wish it didn’t hurt so much and waste my time. Stay safe!
@@ericking4072 Painful lesson, but it's not wasted, you know now and you can alert others.x
i want as well to put this year someone in jail too that herrassed me, mocked me, spread lies about me, defaimaition, calomny and so on and putting photos with me on social networs and lying so damn about me and humiliated me in public and on social networks and whatsup and all other stuff. i want them to pay and to go in jail everyone that are involved in this and i know who they are
Wahh so strong ...Good job
I wish I would have seen this five years ago. Nice job. God bless.
Your cherry 🍒 on top . Im narcissist free today it’s my first day ti my new life and new beginnings. Was Struggling for 2 years ... 🌹
Yes, a coworker at the moment.
Yes! And I’m drained...
Rossana Meneses,You don't need a narc 😈 in your life cause you are beautiful!🌹🌷🌺🌺
I'm dealing with a narcissistic brother and a narcissistic ex-husband, thanks for the tips.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I’m living with a Covert Husband which has now through the years became Overt to Me and full of Rage I’m trying hard to not have conversations anymore as they always turn to a Verbal Fight with lots of Rage on his part! Thanks for some tips..Met You from Dr. Ramini great video with her!! Take Care Sheila
Thank You 😊 It’s hard that’s for sure specially when things don’t go there way..
Rebecca Zung Its like they can be normal as all get out!! Then just as cold as Ice!!
Is his name Billy
Be safe.
Definitely #4 is key, plus #3 and grey rock. The key is emotional management, don't think on the consequential effect of their action on your mind state, focus on your emotional state, it's more effective to control your perception (memory), I've been practicing with this and it keeps you sane and them hypersensitive.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I did not realize,my ex could be so pin point perfectly discribed,i have been through everything Rebecca sung has described about being sadly married to a narcissist, who I tragically have two children with,one 10 ,one 17,I am the father,I have the boys 90% of the time,this is the best information I've ever heard about this,this person wrecked a large part of my life,and now I understand so much more clearly,what I was really dealing with,I always new she was a narcissist but never heard it put so accurate,my wife is a text book narcissist.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Madam Rebecca your talks give us spine to face gang bulling often mob mentality of narcs at workplace.Your straightforward talking helps us dissect narcs psychology, and anticipate their dirty moves. Thank you Madam.🙏👍
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Thanks for this. All of the videos I am watching says leave! I can't. I am a SAHM with 3 children. That's not a current option. Maybe in the future just not right now. So learning how to cope/deal in this moment is best. He is a quiet Narc. If I come to him and tell him how I feel about something he will say I yelled at him and verbally assaulted him which is a flat out lie. Then he shuts down for 3 weeks. So basically I'm not able to express myself and it SUCKS.
Please get some counseling so you can take back your power. Unless, of course, you really prefer being a victim, along with your kids.
The best weapon I had in dealing with mine was their tendency to underestimate me or assume they had more control over me than they actually did.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
My daughter married a narcissist and after 5 years and 3 grand children I was excluded from her's and the children's lives because, I believe, I had a special bond with them and he was jealous of that relationship. He knew how much my daughter and grand children meant to me, especially when I lost my other daughter 6 years earlier. At the time I did not understand about narcissism and for a couple of years fought the wrong way to see or speak with my daughter and kids. Many years, many tears and arguments.... with him sitting right beside her, listening and manipulating. I just didn't understand. When I finally DID understand what I was dealing with, I researched, studied and came to understand NPD, the sociopath and the covert narcissist and even though my daughter does not communicate with me very much now and I have only seen the grandchildren once in 3 or 4 years, I have managed to make small steps because I have begun tackling the situation from a different angle. It will be a long and tedious process but worth it. I think knowing about the problem and understanding it is the key to dealing with it.
Viv Hodge ..I’m in exactly the same position as you ..Iv cut ties with my daughter and grandkids for my own sanity ..I feel better everyday ..I miss them all ,but life is better without the trauma of having them in it ...
Exactly. They keep you from your family. They want to make you depend upon them only.
Spent 3 years in therapy to realize he's sick.
Thanks for this video. It is important to bear in mind that, we do not need narcissists in our lives no matter how they seem important to us.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I am so freaking thankful to have found you❤️
Brilliant! Found you through Dr Ramni
Well! I thought something was wrong with me. When anything happened to the narc at the job...my other coworkers would have a field day dying of laughter right in the narc face. I on the other hand could not because the narc made sure to always face me to see my reaction to everything... so I would always look confused and waited until I got home to die laughing with my friends on the phone. Everything you said I have done. I know to do the never answer a statement/question directly..so if the narc says "I see your birthday coming up", I would say "yea, just another day in my life". It is so hard being around these people. I avoid them like the plague.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Yes! I'm dealing with a narc dad suing me for "grandparents rights." He was trying to turn my children against me. When I discovered what he was doing, I cut contact, and got my children and myself into therapy. His response was to file this ridiculous lawsuit!
If he wants to see his grandchildren then maybe it’s worth it to pay $60 an hour for supervised visitation!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I like responding with "So?" So, is very powerful.
I did not know it then but my battle began at a very young age of 3yrs old..that is when my mother started calling "CRAZY", and only bec i like reading news papers at that age..your right about them..the lies, manipulation, shaming, turning others against me and yet in the end she is forever the victim..i have wondered for so long as to "What have i done against her? i could see the hate in her when she looks at me..the battle
continues, my mother is now 72yrs old and it does not look as if she will mellow down anytime soon..
Thank-you, your advice is helping me understand my narcissist neighbors we watch them drive out the neighbors on the other side of them and now they are trying to do it to us. A good day to you.
Trish Hansen,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I am dealing with a trio of covert narcs in my neighborhood (they control our tiny HOA and smear me and triangulate). I am enjoying these videos immensely and may not sell my house after seeing you can actually win. The one across the street watches my every move. Maybe I'll give him something to see.
Yep ive got the neighbor narc too
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Give them just enough attention and empathy....good tip! Love the throw them off the scent tip too! Moral of the story, to outsmart a master manipulator you have to have a master negotiator on your side!! :-)
This game is exactly like playing chess!
yaaaaasssss!! :)))
There pretty predictable and easily outsmarted when you take control of your emotions and no longer play together
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Rebecca, I cannot thank you enough for your tireless efforts to put out these videos that are so extremely valuable and helpful to ALL of us that are dealing with a Narc in our lives... my ex-wife is a covert sociopath and I am learning so much from all of your videos I will continue to strive to be the best father I can be for our children and continue to work to be the best possible co- parent I can be considering the circumstances 🙏🙏
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I am so agree with the first and last tactic
"To love oneself is the beginning of a life long relationship". Oscar Wilde. Forget the fockers. They're not worth a second of your precious time. Just discovered that after being abused by one for nine months. Never ever again. Greetings from London, England, Noel
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
@@RebeccaZungEsq
Cheers, Rebecca,
More or less a full recovery has been made. Time is the great healer. As long as we don't keep going back. And the temptation is there all the time. But what helps here, is, realizing that you are far better off in your life without having a selfish narcissist abuse you. This realization got me over it. It was my first experience, and my last. I had no idea. This woman sent me a ten minute video telling me how much she loved me and how real her love was. Knowing no better, I bought into it, and believed her, as most would. Then realized there was something wrong when she started to ghost me. At first I had no idea. Didn't know what was going on. She could've won an Oscar for her video tape performance. How one can do such things without a conscience is simply beyond me. And, to make matters worse, she came back three times and did exactly the same thing. I then discovered that she was doing the same to other men. That was the final straw. Shame that people are like that. They must be in inner turmoil with themselves.
Keep up the good work you do.
You are helping many people.
All the best,
Noel
Where were you when I divorced the narcissist? Agreeing with them is the first tactic my therapist had me use. It was crazy effective.
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
I really need your help to get more insight in this. I didn't know i have been dealing with a narcissist for the last 8years. He has done everything he can to make me feel devalued n unworthy
HE WILL REAP WHAT HE SOW TRUST ME LOVE UR SELF AN GO ON .
Let me say this you are amazing Rebecca👏👏👏👏
YES! You are so right about the Covert Narc.
Joyce C,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com
Do you have a coparenting video when that person has the children? The children are used as leverage to continue control.
This is scarey my ex wife is doing this building her stage in court
Yes I am dealing with what seems to be a covert narcissist, and he seems to be manipulating my divorce lawyer. Or maybe my lawyer just isnt doing the right thing on his own. Not sure.
There are several in this small town where I Live My Neighbors Included .
Terry Arthur,You don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
have a nice day... I am from South Poland Europe... I found interesting your channel... like 2-3 days ago I realized my wife is covert narcistic with all bagage described .... what a surprice for me.
All this methods of gaslighting and 5 basic manipulation tactics I learn from her.
The weak point of this type is they work in some kind of schemat patterns... and if they are sure they are not cought they speed up with acction.
If you know what you are dealing with it is preaty easy to see.
I am divorcing one and gave realized he is a narcissist for the past 3 yrs. Life with him for 23 yrs now and the last 20 have been hell. Wanted to honor my cows and stand by him till he cheated and had no empathy whatsoever and realized wth he was...a monster. He is taking the divorce to trial lol and I have used all of these 5 tactics against him in the past and present. I am afraid of him and when this is all over I will get therapy. He is evil and scarey right now cause you don't mess with their money and he is mad about alimony. This is the best part...hitting him below the belt so to speak. He has been in a rage and I feel like a prisoner. I have left him a year ago. It's been rough but cannot wait ro get the last laugh. Thanks for your videos! They do help me to know that I am not crazy and am doing things the right way. I wanna push him right now....believe me. He deserves everything he will get and more. I didn't wanna be that way but he has been gaslighting me for one too many times.
📌What was your biggest lesson from today’s video? Comment below. Remember to grab your FREE webinar and learn how to negotiate with narcissists like a pro. Click here now:👉 www.slayyournegotiation.com/rzwebinar
I will be there live to answer all your questions. Can't wait to meet you there!
A very litigious man from a prominent family in our small town, ACTUALLY said this to me: "The way my family works is this: we find out what the other guy wants, and then just make sure he doesn't get it."
Just found this "hit nail on the head" exactly how my Mom is...and it's not because she's elderly she's always been this way always.
what if this person is a relative and they are gaslighting your adult child and grandchild? For obvious reasons I don't want to say specifically, but it is getting worse and worse. I've read about these types of in laws online and our hands are pretty much tied.
I have a narcissistic boss who has lied and followed through with demoting me. This set me back in my career. How do I deal with this?
I was with a narcissist for 16 years. He shows signs of both covert and grandiose narcissism; he's extremely manipulative and passive aggressive, also is ultra charming and loves to play the victim role. I suffered terrible emotional abuse and was also subjected to persistent sustained rape whilst I was pregnant. I finally broke free 2 years ago, and over the last 2 years I have gained a good degree of emotional strength and resilience. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013 whilst we were together which I am sure was due to the stress of being in such a toxic relationship. Also in 2018, just weeks after separating I was diagnosed with recurrence of the cancer (classed as stage 4 - which is considered terminal according to the oncologists). However since separating I have finally started to feel stronger emotionally, and thankfully the cancer is currently stable. We agreed on a financial settlement 2 years ago, however now that he can apply for divorce based on 2 years separation (UK law) he has reneged on the original agreement and is seeking more money and pushing for mediation. I know it is not about the money for him and that it is purely about getting at me, and he will still try to continue to hurt me even knowing that I was diagnosed with advanced cancer. I have refused mediation as I have chosen to go as non contact as possible. In true narcissist style he is lying and being extremely manipulative. He is also a local councillor and has ambitions to become a member of parliament, though his day job is a plumber! The level of grandiosity is laughable. My quandary at the moment is whether to contact the police and report the historical rape. It happened 14 years ago. I realise that he would be arrested and questioned, but it would not go to court due to lack of evidence. I am currently undecided how to act. Would the report of the rape send him into extreme narcissistic rage and maybe he would become even more difficult? I am concerned he may try to influence my son and try to turn him against me. Or could this turn out to be great leverage to finally get the arrogant coward to back off and stop trying to control and manipulate me. I am concerned if the rape became public what impact this may have on our son (now 14). He lives with me but still sees his dad on a regular basis. I'm wondering how you might see it playing out. I would really appreciate your insight based on your experience. Many thanks for reading and hope to hear from you. Ann.
Should have divorced him.new law in effect in the uk since 2018.cohersive abuse laws.divorced my ex online cost 500 which hes liable for.took 6 months and no solicitors fees.i would advize anyone who chooses this method plan it.keep a diary of times dates of the abuse.tell your dr as they are condidentiality and if physical violence is involved if you feel like you cant just run,or get support get your dr to record bruises,injurys.i was lucky my dr and the whole surgery witnessed a narc rage.if you have children then get out.there are also laws occupation and other laws such as restraining orders.unfortunately any abuse befor 2015 cannot be submitted.and if your a shared tenancy you cannot force the abuser out.but record by phone,report to police any abuse.also there is no legal aid for divorce cases in some areas of the uk but you can get thirty mins free consultation with lots of law firms.citizens advice has lists.never reveil your plans to the narc.cohersive abuse is now a crime in the uk and the law changes last year mean abused women,children,old people and men get justice.
Thanks very much for the responses. I have been in contact with the police. They are coming to talk to me tomorrow (assuming it's not delayed due to virus chaos). I have been reading up on the relatively new offence of Coercive and manipulative abuse, and although it does not take into account alleged offences that happened prior to 2015, they do still consider the behaviour pattern and referred to it as demonstrating 'bad character' - so although not likely to go to court for rape it may be worth pursuing the charge of coercive abuse. It may be that he gets prosecuted for the lesser crime of coercive abuse rather than rape. I feel nervous at the thought of court etc but still feel he needs to taught a lesson in the hope that he won't continue his abusive behaviour and hurt other women. X
I am 9 weeks pregnant with a narcissists baby. He keeps kicking me out, and making me feel insane on top of my hormones. Telling me he prefers he’s exes body over mine and that I am not attractive when I have morning sickness. Those are the smaller petty comments... I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck. Thank you for these videos. They help. With love 💕
Get help to get out while you can. It never gets better. Only you can make it better. You deserve to be treated well. Family, friends, woman's shelter?
How about an abortion? it will solve all your problems for now and in the future!
BTW: babies can't be narcesists! They are not even fully developed... ;)
Yes, my husband is one and I live with him
I love point #5, remembering our own internal value & power!
Rita Anderson,You got a lovely smile 😊
How are you doing now? Hope feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - icanslay.com