Marie-Anne: What an important video not only for me but for so many others in this day and age. 42 years ago I was sexually assaulted and I have battled feeling "self-respect" for not only myself but for the "world" in general. I've spent many years in therapy but finding you and your channel has done more for me in the past 6 weeks than YEARS of therapy. I have been taking care of myself, i.e. respecting my body and mind. With your help and advice, I have thrown out 20 year old t-shirts and bought well-fitting basic pieces which has helped my self-confidence to be out in public again. I've cut my hair in a new and attractive way, put in highlights/low lights. I've dyed my "non-existent" eyebrows along with shaping them. I put on a little make-up (re-learning how to do that!). I go to be earlier so I can get my beauty sleep. I've started exercising again. So, my dear lady, keep up the good work in sharing your insights and making your videos! Merci!
Barbara, thank you for posting. I can relate. It's good to see someone else with a similar situation. These videos have helped me remember my old self. I haven't modified in as many ways, but there is still a big difference. Best wishes to you going forward!!
Hi from Cambridge UK. I am so very glad that you have watched this vlog and that it has helped you in a positive way. I hope that your life gets happier and happier and that you go on to do some worthwhile, wonderful and interesting things. And if you see a gorgeous outfit that will make you look good, buy it and cut down on something else. May your life be blessed from now on.
What bothers me also is people who think that practising good manners is a form of snobbery. Very difficult to explain to them why it is NOT. Thank you for your very good videos.
Waking up in a tidy room and setting the breakfast table beautifully ( not only when accompanied and not only on the weekends) is so dignifying . I often set my breakfast table the night before . Just one of those little things that tell a lot about one’s mental disposition . Elegance is a mindset .
It's basically deciding you and your eating experience is worth it, instead of just for instance chugging a meal replacement shake or downing a crappy quality coffee because you don't have the time or interest in treating your mental wellbeing seriously before you stress off to the next part of the day.
This lady speaks the truth! This should be taught to children at school- we might just have a chance of raising a better society….thank you Mary-Anne 🥰
I would add modesty in dress and attitude. Too many American women dress super-sexy and revealing all the time and talk loudly about things like sex in public. It embarrasses other people, like me.
@@littleflower9425 so very true and so much of America doesn’t get that. I also wished hats would come back for women I’m gonna start wearing them because I think they’re elegant in classy . I think too many young girls try to copy the I have a word but I better not put it here on TH-cam the way the Kardashians dress which is not elegant not classy
I agree with them all. However, I'm especially pleased to see you have "your home" on the list (#15). My friends have been teasing me for years, saying that I "always" do some kind of housework. My reply is normally, "I think I deserve a tidy and clean home". Now I might add; "because I'm an elegant lady".☺
What a marvelous statement! Even in "old" age (I'm 84) we should be able to recognize a need for improvement and determine to do that. Elegance is meekness. This means one is always learning a better way; teachable. With that is kindness.
The day a woman told me "You have NO self esteem" was the day that my life started to change. I have always had work related self confidence, and carried myself well, but as far as valuing myself, that was zero. I am still working on it but am getting my teeth and skin fixed, and not being used any more.
It is not elegant to leave your shopping cart in a parking space rather than returning it to the proper place or the store. This is so rude and disrespectful to other shoppers. I have to agree with all the points you mentioned. I hope the pendulum swings and women see the value of dressing beautifully every single day.
What I notice in the US is women looking tough with tattoos and lack of style in clothes. People live to use bad grammar, such as double negatives.. Videos such as these are so necessary.
Marie-Anne, Thank you for explaining that elegance has little to do with material things or money. I live in the southern part of the United States, and people who come here are often taken aback when we say yes ma'am and no sir, hold open doors, etc. Good manners and kindness are always lovely. We have a saying that bad manners are worse than no money.
The number of men who have let doors slam in my face! I am finding that women in general have more manners lately, apart from the Mediterranean men who I was in contact with recently- oh la la! the compliments, the chivalry... I was taken aback and a woman of their culture told me "Just enjoy it". For those ladies of a similar age think Shirley Valentine :)
I agree. I live in California where men don’t hold doors open for anyone and people are rude in general. I travel to Michigan for work often and the people there are lovely. I especially love the fact that all the men will wait for you as a woman to exit the elevator first. This happened to me and the first few times I was confused but it’s a wonderful thing. So much respect. I came home and didn’t leave the house for 3 days, I did t want to deal with rude people at all 😞
I have a question about "yes ma'am." We had a visitor from South Africa who constantly said "yes ma'am" or "thank-you, ma'am" to me and it made me feel so uncomfortable. It felt like he was constantly putting himself below me. So I said, please, use my first name, don't call me ma'am. But he responded that he was brought up that way and he can't change it.
@@CS-ly3lx I have worked with people from around the world, and my in- laws live in Africa. I find that many people are brought up in cultures that show this type of respect, especially toward those who are older or who have shown them hospitality. For the most part, it is just honoring and respecting others. For me and my family, it is a combination of our Christian faith and the belief in love and kindness...along with our southern culture that wants to make someone feel comfortable, which is the goal of etiquette and hospitality. Just my way of viewing...🙂
This is a really wonderful and very comprehensive list! I think that most American girls are not raised/taught to be elegant. We are expected to be tough and independent in a not elegant way. My parents are English and I think therefore raised us to be elegant and gentle, but I grew up in a very tough urban social environment with others who viewed elegance as a weakness. Perhaps our country still struggles with thinking that elegance is bourgeois in some way. I think it's time for a little elegance.
It is elegant and respectful of others is to refrain from asking personal questions, especially on Zoom with a lot of people listening in. Asking personal questions that are none of our business can make others feel uncomfortable and embarrassed.
1. Not caring about your appearance 2. Bad eating habits 3. Swearing 4. Self neglect 5. Letting yourself be treated badly 6. Neglecting other people 7. Lack of kindness 8. Aggression 9. Lack of gratitude 10. Lack of humility 11. Selfishness 12. Lack of discretion 13. Embarrassment (feeling embarrassed, or voluntarily embarrassing others) 14. Lack of care 15. Lack of respect for your home 16. Showing lack of respect to our clothes 17. General lack of respect around you ( littering etc) 18. Lack of respect to other people's property. Merci, Marie-Anne. I have some things to work on. X
I particularly like Number 10, it is so easy to talk about "them" and have all sorts of opinions and attitudes about "them." But it is the PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU that you must deal with. There is no "them." THere is only the Person in front of you, we are all individuals. We are all worthy of respect.
I have not been respecting myself this past year. 2023 is my year to change my mindset. I haven't been eating well, haven't exercised, and generally feel yucky. Thank you for this video. I'm saving it so that I can listen to it again.
Dear Marie-Anne, this is such an important video and so needed in these disturbing times. I have two young family friends that I spend quite a bit of time with and we discuss the importance of manners pretty often. We were together at a sandwich shop recently where the young man behind the counter was asking all the questions about what they would like on their sandwiches and to their credit, they were replying with a “yes please” or “no thank you”. In the middle of this process he stops and makes the comment “wow, manners I don’t get that very often” He proceeded to go over and make sure our outdoor table and seats were clean. I was so glad that he had that response to them….it had more impact, because he was more in their age range. They repeated a quote we had seen “you can get through life without manners , but life will be much better with them”.
Elegance is a an integrated demeanor, appearance, and presence, that projects confidence, humility, manners, and kindness. Thank you Marie-Anne Lecoeur for sharing this! ❤️
This was a great topic to flesh out! Really spot on! I agree that Queen Elizabeth was one of the best examples of elegance that the world has ever witnessed. Great video!
This video is a great reminder to me of who I was striving to be before this pandemic...which is around the time I found your videos! Lately I've been walking around in survival mode...anxious, angry, depressed, unapproachable, a bit unkempt, and leaving my elegance behind. I never thought of elegance as self-respect but it's so true! I'm going to work towards raising my standards for myself again. Enough excuses!
Depression can be insidious; at its worst it robs us of caring and self-respect. So, I look at your determination to improve yourself as a sign that you are becoming well. May you rejoice in it! Best wishes to you.
@@rachelsalazar8754 because of the mandates or the virus? If you worry about the virus, look up Dr. Stefan Lanka, he has debunked that virus theory many years ago, even won in court about another virus when it came to evidence of the existence of them.
Thank you so much. We had three rules for our children as they grew up which dovetail so well with your 18 points of inelegance. Don’t hurt yourself, don’t hurt others and don’t hurt things. It avoided a long list of does & dont’s but allowed the children to think, reflect & observe our example.
The clothes we wear have been made by someone. Same for bags, shoes, jewellery. Someone sat and put those things together. It's good to remember this, and another reason not to throw them on the floor etc. 😊xx
As you say, elegance is 'the whole 'package' of a person. I am relieved that it has nothing to do with 'perfection' but careful consideration of everything that shapes a person's life and appearance to be the best they can be. Thank you so much for this!
Life lessons from Marie-Anne! I might even add respecting people's time (not being late for appointments), and minding manners (forgetting simple please and thank you's). Thank you for reminding us how to be better people. :-)
You are a very charming Lady. I was impressed by the depth of your presentation because in 12 minutes you were able to cover the topic of elegance deeply enough. Thanks a lot.
I appreciate your depth in discussing elegance as more than a neat appearance and good manners. It certainly extends to so many levels of respect, for ourselves and others. A good reminder to us all!
It is taught in schools, at an age appropriate level. I don’t know about everywhere but personal social health and economic (PSHE) education is part of the school curriculum.
@@Karen-ve6ds I'm wondering if you're describing, Home Ec(onomics)? There was a small bit, for serving food and dining but not a comprehensive one I ever participated in. I've gone to both public and private and inner city as well as suburban, in 3 states. It would benefit everyone if taught in the curriculum.
@@gretchenisasquirrel Hi. No, home economics is or was something else, not PSHE. As you mentioned States can I assume you live in the USA? I don’t know anything about the education curriculum(s) there, as I am in the U.K. I don’t mean that children are taught how to be “elegant”. To me, that is just the tip of the iceberg. The points raised by Marie-Anne do not necessarily pertain to elegance with the onus on French chic and elegance in keeping with her channel; rather, they are important life skills that lead to having self respect and respect for others and material things. Which is also what PSHE relates to. It’s about why we should have self respect and make healthy choices. There is a lot more to it than that but I’m not a class teacher so my experience of it is limited to under age 11. During those earlier years parents tend to be more active with the schools as we are invited to go in and help. In essence PSHE helps to in-still a healthy mind set in young people and that will cover a wide range of topics. It doesn’t necessarily teach children to dress well but it will teach them to feel valued and to have self respect which is a necessary foundation for that.
The public school systems they only care about carrers,economy and political intrests...because students they are assets of the system.... " hey teacher leave the kids alone" The Clash
Marie-Anne I am glad I have found your videos again. Self respect was one thing I did not have. I am now 62 and have finally let go of friends that do not value me. My therapist has been telling me to let go of those people who are not kind and I have finally found the courage. Love your tips. I am always great full and give thanks.
My mother always said, "you can't give what you don't have". It is very hard to see one's own flaws. With self respect comes a lot of willingness to become better, and that just flows out to our daily interactions.
When I was a teenager, I won a bet when someone insisted that the word was UNelegant. I betted it was INelegant, and won. I already strove for elegance in everything, including my speech.
What a wonderful list, Marie-Anne! So many people choose to be inelegant for a variety of reasons, none of which serve them well in the long run. Thank you for your thoughtful video.
I would respectfully point out that people who are recovering from injuries or who live with permanent disabilities do not necessarily have the luxury of taking care of their bodies, clothes,, and surroundings to the level they would like. Without family help or paid carers, they may present as inelegant without truly being so.
Bonjour Anne-Marie! Excellent video!! I wish everyone could watch this! SO true on so many levels! You are such a wise woman!! Thank you for sharing/educating/enlightening/reminding!! Merci!!
I can tell that when you described self respect that it was making you feel emotional. There was a tone in your voice that indicated that. I'm so glad that you're sharing this information. Elegance often starts from within. Thank you!
My mom worked and was always dressed nicely, she wore her hair up, red lipstick always, and some eyebrow pencil was quite spoken she was an American she was humble but strong.
Thank you Marie-Anne! You have given all of us a lot to think about. And I appreciate today’s focus being not just on our wardrobes, but on our character and our inner beauty!🌺
The one I need to work on is to resume putting on makeup and styling my hair better. Only going out for groceries every two weeks has made me stop bothering. (I’m still in this isolation because although I’m vaccinated, I’m high-risk for serious COVID). I also need to eat more protein, fruit and veggies, I’ve been relying on carbs like rice too much, because they keep a long time. Fresh produce doesn’t last two weeks, either, except for apples and carrots, so I eat lots of them the first week, but few in the second. I’m also going to resume my long daily walks soon, I always have to stop for summer because the climate is just too hot. We’re starting to get some cooler mornings, at last.
I like your comments on self- respect. During the pandemic, while house-bound it was easy to ignore daily care. Simple things like shaving my legs, wearing a bit of make-up and clothing (other than sweatpants) became a challenge.
I am hearing love as a form of life. To have a culture where we form love with everything we do is a beautiful idea. We Americans can learn a few things from the French.
I am happy you discussed trash. Cigarette butts kill birds. I used to take an extra dog potty bag and pick the cigarette butts up while walking my dog because I love wildlife. I should do this again.
Wow! I think everyone should watch this and take note, we can learn so much from you. My mother is 87 years old and is the most non elegant person I know, although she thinks she is better than other people, lol. I have paved my own path without her guidance and sometimes she thinks I am a snob because I care about my appearance and eat healthy meals and keep my house clean and stick to my convictions. Unfortunately sometimes you become unpopular amongst your peers.
High expectations are good, but toxic perfectionism is not. In today’s culture perfectionism is praised, but as a recovering perfectionist I can attest that perfectionism is unhealthy and damaging whether or not the perfectionism is directed solely towards oneself or towards others. It’s a lose lose situation anyway you look at it.
Hello Marie-Anne, from Nevada USA! I love this video! Most of my life I have felt so different from others… The more I watch your videos, the more I am starting to think I should have been born French! This video is so helpful to me right now. It is so important to make sure we put ourselves around people who have a similar/good mindset and stay away from others who don’t. I also love your videos about fashion, as I am middle aged now. I love your shirt. Keep up the good work!
You are very welcome Ginny - we should indeed seek out and spend more time in the company of those whom we feel drawn to. In fact your comment has made me even more determined to delete all the Negative Nellie comments from the community so that it is 'clutter' free of negativity - I have allowed some to remain out of some desire to keep a 'balanced' view on the channel but why harbour negativity? It simply encourages more to do the same 🤷♀️ merci 🙏
Marie-Anne, you know what I love about your list? Your list is not dependent on income level. So much advice on TH-cam is based on spending money. Nothing wrong with purchasing designer purses and shoes. Of course, it is always better to buy quality. But, so many people don't even try to be elegant because they believe they don't belong in the "elegant" category. But, if everyone took care of what they do have, respected themselves and others.....oh, the world would be a better place!♥️🇨🇦
I'm English and I have lived in the United States for thirty two years. I have seen so many changes at home and abroad because I travel a lot. But, even when I was a young twenty year old in London, I realized that a little love and compassion goes a long way. We all make mistakes, mine in the past because of lack of respect for myself I used to drink too much alcohol. I'm 64 now, and with my last child , at twenty six has just moved out I am finally finding out who I am and what I want without harming others. We all need to be aware of what we see hear and speak about because all of that affects everyone. Thank you.
Thank you for these points on elegance. I agree totally with you that elegance is more than how one dresses. It is an attitude and a way of living. Most of the characteristics of an inelegant person come from a lack of parental guidance and caring. Too often, we don’t see ourselves as we really are or perhaps our self esteem is really low. I hope many will watch and heed your very wise words because there is certainly much inelegance and selfishness in people these days. Thank you.
I really didn’t know what to expect when I clicked on this video, but you did not disappear. An excellent list indeed. I think we women in North America really need frequent reminders to respect ourselves and in that way we have a lot to learn from French culture.
Thank you for this frank video. Lately I have embarrassed myself twice by overstepping during conversations. I recently have developed this social awkwardness during situations where I am nervous and it's embarrassing. Definitely something I am working on. Sometimes being quiet is better. 🤦♀️
It is obvious you put a lot of time, deep thought, and hard work in this video. You are spot on in your assessments. Elegance is more than how you look, it is a state of mind. Love ❤️ Loving others as ourselves, considering others as superior to us (and they to us in return) and sowing what is good can only lead to good results. I really enjoyed your illustration of the Queen of England. She is a truly elegant lady. I applaud you on tackling a difficult topic with grace and a great deal of elegance 💗💕💗
Im not sure if the title of this video should be focused on the word "elegance". I feel it is more about the teaching of many important life lessons and values every parent should impart to their children most emphatically. It is my wish that every child has parents who takes the time and cares enough to teach to their children all the values on your list. As grand parents we also have an obligation and duty to share these teachings too in a gentle and kind way. Of course we have to practice these things ourselves and try to lead by example, we are all accountable. I agree with all 18 points you have listed. Perhaps we can all review our own "score cards" and take a moment to pause and reflect on the way we each conduct ourselves. Its all about respecting ourselves and others and I thank you for sharing your thoughts today.
This is an excellent topic Marie-Anne! thank you for making this video, elegance just isn't about how we dress, but also a way of life, it truly does come from within.
Thank you for this wonderful video. I agree that elegance is from within. I struggled with number 5 in my younger years, especially at school. Many of (but not all) my classmates were mean, and because I was behind in social skills (probably due to a developmental delay), I was bullied at school. Of course, I was constantly upset and I didn’t understand why people treated me so badly. (I tried to be mean back to my classmates in hopes to teach them a lesson. It made it worse.) Years later, my daughter’s dad mistreated me. You are right-I had a lack of self-respect and confidence. I was so happy when I graduated from school and years later left the relationship. My confidence and self-respect gradually increased over the years. Eventually, many years later, people have been treating us like royalty because of my decision to become elegant and kind.
Hello Marie-Anne another great video. I grew up being taught manners maketh man. Such a true saying. Manners and caring about others is share elegance in itself 👏
Very, very well said. The Bible tells us to treat others as we treat ourselves-to love others as we love ourselves. If all would do that this old world be be an amazing place. Thank you for your comments.
My husband and I focused on respect for others in our childrearing, and I emphasized respecting personal property. Now as adults, they are very popular with their peers, as they don't think everything is all about them. In other words (yours!) they are elegant.
Good points well-taken, Marie-Anne. Thank you for the list. My suggestions that show a person is not elegant: (1) If you smoke, don't smoke walking down the street. Tacky. (2) Talking loud. Speak in a lower voice. (3) Gossiping. Knock it off. (4) Looking disheveled (wrinkled clothes, hair is dirty or not brushed/combed, unpolished or dirty shoes). You touched on the lack of respect for your clothes. (5) Rushing around. Manage your time better, be on time for appointments, and remain calm. If you have to, get up earlier so that you're not rushed throughout the day. This affects others who have to work with you so that shows lack of respect for others' time. (6) Poor grooming (dirty fingernails or toenails). Make sure you have clean fingernails and toenails. If wearing open-toe shoes or sandals, make sure your toenails are well-groomed and polished. (7) Dirty teeth. Make sure your teeth are brushed and flossed.
Dear Marie-Anne, a big thank you for putting elegance into such a relevant perspective today, it is definitely MORE than skin&wardrobe deep and this was an excellent reminder and eye opener for everyone listening. Best wishes, Anna
This video would is priceless for schoolgirls, adolescents generally but for our kids and grandchildren. Young women desperately need to understand that to behave well, be good to others gives you contentment and peace.
Thanks for sharing this! I feel triggered when people talk about other people for entertainment. Sometimes they can do it in sneaky ways like pretending to care. It invades other people’s privacy and can sometimes make someone innocent out to be so scandalous. It stops people enjoying their lives and makes the person who’s spreading the information look bored and untrustworthy. It encourages others to gossip, too.
I admit, sometimes I know something about someone that’s so juicy and it’s tough not say something. I’d rather talk about rubbish on TV or bargain at the supermarket, than talk about other people!
Marie-Anne, this is such a classy list of human behaviors and expressions. Part of the equation is recognizing and rewarding these traits in others as well as in ourselves. Thank you for the reminder to strive for elegance and class everyday.
Thank you, Ms. Lecoeur, for this presentation of the virtues of elegance and some fine examples of behavior that do not reflect elegance. What stands out for me is your point on the importance of humility: a person of grace and refinement does not brag, nor does she attempt to belittle others. I also love your point about the importance of abstaining from cursing. We hear so much cursing in film, TV, and in person, and it is so declasse.
You are so right in everything, dear Marie-Anne! It is always a pleasure to watch your videos, see your beautiful face and hear your classy and intelligent voice. Thank you for reminding us, true French lady!
Ms. Lecoeur, you present as such a lovely person. I’ve just discovered your series of videos. I watched three and had to comment by the time I watched this one. Fabulous! So much of what you say in this particular video resonates a truth.
Having watched a few more videos, I've decided that your complexion is beautiful and you have the neck of a Swan. Would you mind sharing your skin regime, any exercises that you may do for your face , jaw or body? I find your channel inspirational. I like "natural" make- up, traditional clothes with surprising twists and so your channel is a good fit for me. Most of all, I love your authentic, compassionate reflections about people, live and living in general.
This video touches me emotionally because, despite our self-esteem and attitude, some of us live in an environment that severely punishes these qualities. Attitude, personality, self-esteem do not arise easily: it is a mix of good genetics, good education, personal culture and experience. But the social environment is crucial in terms of how you will feel “carrying” those qualities through life 🙂
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This is an excellent topic. Sadly, our culture is regressing and becoming less respectful in many areas.
Agreed. There's a real lack of home training for children these days and it shows in all aspects of American society.
Yes, so very sad to agree .
I know it's called too much free speech.
Absolutely true.
Marie-Anne: What an important video not only for me but for so many others in this day and age. 42 years ago I was sexually assaulted and I have battled feeling "self-respect" for not only myself but for the "world" in general. I've spent many years in therapy but finding you and your channel has done more for me in the past 6 weeks than YEARS of therapy. I have been taking care of myself, i.e. respecting my body and mind. With your help and advice, I have thrown out 20 year old t-shirts and bought well-fitting basic pieces which has helped my self-confidence to be out in public again. I've cut my hair in a new and attractive way, put in highlights/low lights. I've dyed my "non-existent" eyebrows along with shaping them. I put on a little make-up (re-learning how to do that!). I go to be earlier so I can get my beauty sleep. I've started exercising again. So, my dear lady, keep up the good work in sharing your insights and making your videos! Merci!
💜
This is great, Barbara!
Barbara, thank you for posting. I can relate. It's good to see someone else with a similar situation. These videos have helped me remember my old self. I haven't modified in as many ways, but there is still a big difference. Best wishes to you going forward!!
🌺🫂
Hi from Cambridge UK. I am so very glad that you have watched this vlog and that it has helped you in a positive way. I hope that your life gets happier and happier and that you go on to do some worthwhile, wonderful and interesting things. And if you see a gorgeous outfit that will make you look good, buy it and cut down on something else. May your life be blessed from now on.
I know this is not on topic but I think your top/dress is lovely.
It is rare these days to see “well fitting” clothing.
It sits beautifully
Our society is losing morals and values everyday ! Thanks for this important video. People need to be reminded to behave well and have care!
What bothers me also is people who think that practising good manners is a form of snobbery. Very difficult to explain to them why it is NOT. Thank you for your very good videos.
Good manners mean different to everyone. It's easy to label someone snob if we don't know where they came from.
I agree with this 100%. Very well stated!
Waking up in a tidy room and setting the breakfast table beautifully ( not only when accompanied and not only on the weekends) is so dignifying .
I often set my breakfast table the night before .
Just one of those little things that tell a lot about one’s mental disposition .
Elegance is a mindset .
It's basically deciding you and your eating experience is worth it, instead of just for instance chugging a meal replacement shake or downing a crappy quality coffee because you don't have the time or interest in treating your mental wellbeing seriously before you stress off to the next part of the day.
I would also add “dignity” as an indicator of elegance, particularly dignity in the face of adversity.
I just left someone who was not respectful towards me.
This goes way beyond fashion.
Thank you for mentioning this.
This lady speaks the truth! This should be taught to children at school- we might just have a chance of raising a better society….thank you Mary-Anne 🥰
I would add modesty in dress and attitude. Too many American women dress super-sexy and revealing all the time and talk loudly about things like sex in public. It embarrasses other people, like me.
Yes, yes, yes! How many young women have even heard the word "modesty?"
I do agree with you Kimberly 2000%
Modesty is one of the corner stones of elegance.
@@MarieAnneLecoeur
Its also a case of "monkey see monkey do" in most cases 🙈😄.
@@littleflower9425 so very true and so much of America doesn’t get that. I also wished hats would come back for women I’m gonna start wearing them because I think they’re elegant in classy . I think too many young girls try to copy the I have a word but I better not put it here on TH-cam the way the Kardashians dress which is not elegant not classy
I agree with them all. However, I'm especially pleased to see you have "your home" on the list (#15). My friends have been teasing me for years, saying that I "always" do some kind of housework. My reply is normally, "I think I deserve a tidy and clean home". Now I might add; "because I'm an elegant lady".☺
At 78,I will try to do better. Hard sometimes in this uncaring world.🕊🇺🇲💕
Why??
The world will follow your example and become better. Go for it!
What a marvelous statement! Even in "old" age (I'm 84) we should be able to recognize a need for improvement and determine to do that. Elegance is meekness. This means one is always learning a better way; teachable. With that is kindness.
I love this. This is a definition of nobility, honor and integrity. Elegance is the result of those.
The day a woman told me "You have NO self esteem" was the day that my life started to change. I have always had work related self confidence, and carried myself well, but as far as valuing myself, that was zero. I am still working on it but am getting my teeth and skin fixed, and not being used any more.
I would add that a person's car is an extension of the home. It needs to be kept clean, tidy, and in good repair in order for its owner to be elegant.
I guess especially in the USA where people live and eat in their cars.
10:20 10:20
It has taken me a very long time to stand up for myself, a lot of people will treat you badly because they have insecurities themselves.
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Excellent video! The only thing I would add is being too nosey or inquisitive by asking people very personal questions or gossiping about people.
It is not elegant to leave your shopping cart in a parking space rather than returning it to the proper place or the store. This is so rude and disrespectful to other shoppers. I have to agree with all the points you mentioned. I hope the pendulum swings and women see the value of dressing beautifully every single day.
It's disrespectful to people who work there
Where I work they have ppl to gather the carts. It does give these ppl a job.
What I notice in the US is women looking tough with tattoos and lack of style in clothes. People live to use bad grammar, such as double negatives.. Videos such as these are so necessary.
Marie-Anne, Thank you for explaining that elegance has little to do with material things or money. I live in the southern part of the United States, and people who come here are often taken aback when we say yes ma'am and no sir, hold open doors, etc. Good manners and kindness are always lovely. We have a saying that bad manners are worse than no money.
I love how when I travel in the South they are polite and address me as Miss even though I am no longer one.
The number of men who have let doors slam in my face! I am finding that women in general have more manners lately, apart from the Mediterranean men who I was in contact with recently- oh la la! the compliments, the chivalry... I was taken aback and a woman of their culture told me "Just enjoy it". For those ladies of a similar age think Shirley Valentine :)
I agree. I live in California where men don’t hold doors open for anyone and people are rude in general. I travel to Michigan for work often and the people there are lovely. I especially love the fact that all the men will wait for you as a woman to exit the elevator first. This happened to me and the first few times I was confused but it’s a wonderful thing. So much respect. I came home and didn’t leave the house for 3 days, I did t want to deal with rude people at all 😞
I have a question about "yes ma'am." We had a visitor from South Africa who constantly said "yes ma'am" or "thank-you, ma'am" to me and it made me feel so uncomfortable. It felt like he was constantly putting himself below me. So I said, please, use my first name, don't call me ma'am. But he responded that he was brought up that way and he can't change it.
@@CS-ly3lx I have worked with people from around the world, and my in- laws live in Africa. I find that many people are brought up in cultures that show this type of respect, especially toward those who are older or who have shown them hospitality. For the most part, it is just honoring and respecting others. For me and my family, it is a combination of our Christian faith and the belief in love and kindness...along with our southern culture that wants to make someone feel comfortable, which is the goal of etiquette and hospitality. Just my way of viewing...🙂
This is a really wonderful and very comprehensive list! I think that most American girls are not raised/taught to be elegant. We are expected to be tough and independent in a not elegant way. My parents are English and I think therefore raised us to be elegant and gentle, but I grew up in a very tough urban social environment with others who viewed elegance as a weakness. Perhaps our country still struggles with thinking that elegance is bourgeois in some way. I think it's time for a little elegance.
American men are also not taught to be elegant.
@@MarieAnneLecoeur I agree! Sadly, in this country if we attempt elegance, we are called "bougie", which is not a compliment.
@@rebeccagorlin554 so true! I want more elegance!
Or we’re uptight or stuck-up.
@@rebeccagorlin554 yes, I was called that a lot growing up.
It is elegant and respectful of others is to refrain from asking personal questions, especially on Zoom with a lot of people listening in. Asking personal questions that are none of our business can make others feel uncomfortable and embarrassed.
1. Not caring about your appearance
2. Bad eating habits
3. Swearing
4. Self neglect
5. Letting yourself be treated badly
6. Neglecting other people
7. Lack of kindness
8. Aggression
9. Lack of gratitude
10. Lack of humility
11. Selfishness
12. Lack of discretion
13. Embarrassment (feeling embarrassed, or voluntarily embarrassing others)
14. Lack of care
15. Lack of respect for your home
16. Showing lack of respect to our clothes
17. General lack of respect around you ( littering etc)
18. Lack of respect to other people's property.
Merci, Marie-Anne. I have some things to work on. X
I particularly like Number 10, it is so easy to talk about "them" and have all sorts of opinions and attitudes about "them." But it is the PERSON IN FRONT OF YOU that you must deal with. There is no "them." THere is only the Person in front of you, we are all individuals. We are all worthy of respect.
I have not been respecting myself this past year. 2023 is my year to change my mindset. I haven't been eating well, haven't exercised, and generally feel yucky. Thank you for this video. I'm saving it so that I can listen to it again.
@@MarieAnneLecoeur Thank you. I didn't expect a reply! This means so much right now. ❤
Dear Marie-Anne, this is such an important video and so needed in these disturbing times. I have two young family friends that I spend quite a bit of time with and we discuss the importance of manners pretty often. We were together at a sandwich shop recently where the young man behind the counter was asking all the questions about what they would like on their sandwiches and to their credit, they were replying with a “yes please” or “no thank you”. In the middle of this process he stops and makes the comment “wow, manners I don’t get that very often” He proceeded to go over and make sure our outdoor table and seats were clean. I was so glad that he had that response to them….it had more impact, because he was more in their age range. They repeated a quote we had seen “you can get through life without manners , but life will be much better with them”.
I LOVE that quote!
Elegance is a an integrated demeanor, appearance, and presence, that projects confidence, humility, manners, and kindness. Thank you Marie-Anne Lecoeur for sharing this! ❤️
Wonderful rules. Elegance is really not about looks, but about inner standarts and level of intellect. Thank you for making it so clear.
That is the best comment possible, and I thank you for it.
This was a great topic to flesh out! Really spot on! I agree that Queen Elizabeth was one of the best examples of elegance that the world has ever witnessed. Great video!
QE2 had dressers, hair dressers, ladies in waiting, jewellery worth millions surely this explains her ‘ elegance. ‘
This video is a great reminder to me of who I was striving to be before this pandemic...which is around the time I found your videos! Lately I've been walking around in survival mode...anxious, angry, depressed, unapproachable, a bit unkempt, and leaving my elegance behind. I never thought of elegance as self-respect but it's so true! I'm going to work towards raising my standards for myself again. Enough excuses!
🤗
Depression can be insidious; at its worst it robs us of caring and self-respect. So, I look at your determination to improve yourself as a sign that you are becoming well. May you rejoice in it! Best wishes to you.
I can relate to this so much… hard times…hope you get there again x
I've felt scared wondering if I'd survive the pandemic. I appreciate life and family more now.
@@rachelsalazar8754 because of the mandates or the virus? If you worry about the virus, look up Dr. Stefan Lanka, he has debunked that virus theory many years ago, even won in court about another virus when it came to evidence of the existence of them.
This should be repeated periodically - this is happening more & more in the US! God bless you for being truthful! You are so helpful. 👍😊
This is awakening. There are few and few real ladies today. No manners no etiquette no sense of reasoning. ! Just the band wagon ! I am loving ❤ this.
Thank you so much. We had three rules for our children as they grew up which dovetail so well with your 18 points of inelegance. Don’t hurt yourself, don’t hurt others and don’t hurt things. It avoided a long list of does & dont’s but allowed the children to think, reflect & observe our example.
The clothes we wear have been made by someone. Same for bags, shoes, jewellery. Someone sat and put those things together. It's good to remember this, and another reason not to throw them on the floor etc. 😊xx
In short, not putting oneself above or below anyone else. Balance.
🌺
As you say, elegance is 'the whole 'package' of a person. I am relieved that it has nothing to do with 'perfection' but careful consideration of everything that shapes a person's life and appearance to be the best they can be. Thank you so much for this!
Life lessons from Marie-Anne! I might even add respecting people's time (not being late for appointments), and minding manners (forgetting simple please and thank you's). Thank you for reminding us how to be better people. :-)
Yes.
This should be learned in shools. Thank You Marie. Some of these, I had to learn myself, sometimes very late.
I agree with everything you said. You are a wonderful role model for the next generations!
You are a very charming Lady.
I was impressed by the depth of your presentation because in 12 minutes you were able to cover the topic of elegance deeply enough. Thanks a lot.
Understanding elegance in this way also makes one rich and powerful! Ever so grateful for your words of wisdom. ❤️
I appreciate your depth in discussing elegance as more than a neat appearance and good manners. It certainly extends to so many levels of respect, for ourselves and others. A good reminder to us all!
Such a pertinent video,this should be taught in school's everywhere.
It is taught in schools, at an age appropriate level. I don’t know about everywhere but personal social health and economic (PSHE) education is part of the school curriculum.
@@Karen-ve6ds I'm wondering if you're describing, Home Ec(onomics)?
There was a small bit, for serving food and dining but not a comprehensive one I ever participated in. I've gone to both public and private and inner city as well as suburban, in 3 states. It would benefit everyone if taught in the curriculum.
@@gretchenisasquirrel Hi. No, home economics is or was something else, not PSHE. As you mentioned States can I assume you live in the USA? I don’t know anything about the education curriculum(s) there, as I am in the U.K.
I don’t mean that children are taught how to be “elegant”. To me, that is just the tip of the iceberg. The points raised by Marie-Anne do not necessarily pertain to elegance with the onus on French chic and elegance in keeping with her channel; rather, they are important life skills that lead to having self respect and respect for others and material things. Which is also what PSHE relates to. It’s about why we should have self respect and make healthy choices. There is a lot more to it than that but I’m not a class teacher so my experience of it is limited to under age 11. During those earlier years parents tend to be more active with the schools as we are invited to go in and help. In essence PSHE helps to in-still a healthy mind set in young people and that will cover a wide range of topics. It doesn’t necessarily teach children to dress well but it will teach them to feel valued and to have self respect which is a necessary foundation for that.
The public school systems they only care about carrers,economy and political intrests...because students they are assets of the system....
" hey teacher leave the kids alone"
The Clash
@@schoolkid234 That was Pink Floyd, I assure you.
Marie-Anne I am glad I have found your videos again. Self respect was one thing I did not have. I am now 62 and have finally let go of friends that do not value me. My therapist has been telling me to let go of those people who are not kind and I have finally found the courage. Love your tips. I am always great full and give thanks.
I'm so in love with the channel, it literally transformed my fashion style and purchasing style
My mother always said, "you can't give what you don't have". It is very hard to see one's own flaws. With self respect comes a lot of willingness to become better, and that just flows out to our daily interactions.
In any situation having elegance always wins.
When I was a teenager, I won a bet when someone insisted that the word was UNelegant. I betted it was INelegant, and won. I already strove for elegance in everything, including my speech.
It's actually "I bet it was ........"
What a wonderful list, Marie-Anne! So many people choose to be inelegant for a variety of reasons, none of which serve them well in the long run. Thank you for your thoughtful video.
I would respectfully point out that people who are recovering from injuries or who live with permanent disabilities do not necessarily have the luxury of taking care of their bodies, clothes,, and surroundings to the level they would like. Without family help or paid carers, they may present as inelegant without truly being so.
Bonjour Anne-Marie! Excellent video!! I wish everyone could watch this! SO true on so many levels! You are such a wise woman!! Thank you for sharing/educating/enlightening/reminding!! Merci!!
What a wonderful message and presentation💕Thank you, Marie-Anne!
I can tell that when you described self respect that it was making you feel emotional. There was a tone in your voice that indicated that. I'm so glad that you're sharing this information. Elegance often starts from within. Thank you!
My mom worked and was always dressed nicely, she wore her hair up, red lipstick always, and some eyebrow pencil was quite spoken she was an American she was humble but strong.
Thank you Marie-Anne! You have given all of us a lot to think about. And I appreciate today’s focus being not just on our wardrobes, but on our character and our inner beauty!🌺
The one I need to work on is to resume putting on makeup and styling my hair better. Only going out for groceries every two weeks has made me stop bothering. (I’m still in this isolation because although I’m vaccinated, I’m high-risk for serious COVID). I also need to eat more protein, fruit and veggies, I’ve been relying on carbs like rice too much, because they keep a long time. Fresh produce doesn’t last two weeks, either, except for apples and carrots, so I eat lots of them the first week, but few in the second. I’m also going to resume my long daily walks soon, I always have to stop for summer because the climate is just too hot. We’re starting to get some cooler mornings, at last.
Also getting vaccinated is showing respect for others, especially for people like Kimberly who are at high risk and children unable to get vaccinated.
I like your comments on self- respect. During the pandemic, while house-bound it was easy to ignore daily care. Simple things like shaving my legs, wearing a bit of make-up and clothing (other than sweatpants) became a challenge.
I am hearing love as a form of life. To have a culture where we form love with everything we do is a beautiful idea. We Americans can learn a few things from the French.
I am happy you discussed trash. Cigarette butts kill birds. I used to take an extra dog potty bag and pick the cigarette butts up while walking my dog because I love wildlife. I should do this again.
And they probably believed in global warming while throwing their trash all over.
Wow! I think everyone should watch this and take note, we can learn so much from you. My mother is 87 years old and is the most non elegant person I know, although she thinks she is better than other people, lol. I have paved my own path without her guidance and sometimes she thinks I am a snob because I care about my appearance and eat healthy meals and keep my house clean and stick to my convictions. Unfortunately sometimes you become unpopular amongst your peers.
Marie-Anne, this may be one of your most life changing videos. Thank you for doing this. You are such a gift. ♥️♥️♥️
HIgh expectations for oneself and grace for everyone else :-)
High expectations are good, but toxic perfectionism is not. In today’s culture perfectionism is praised, but as a recovering perfectionist I can attest that perfectionism is unhealthy and damaging whether or not the perfectionism is directed solely towards oneself or towards others. It’s a lose lose situation anyway you look at it.
@@monicacall7532 Excellent point! You are right, there is a fine line between the two! It's all about balance and moderation :-)
Hello Marie-Anne, from Nevada USA! I love this video! Most of my life I have felt so different from others… The more I watch your videos, the more I am starting to think I should have been born French! This video is so helpful to me right now. It is so important to make sure we put ourselves around people who have a similar/good mindset and stay away from others who don’t. I also love your videos about fashion, as I am middle aged now. I love your shirt. Keep up the good work!
You are very welcome Ginny - we should indeed seek out and spend more time in the company of those whom we feel drawn to. In fact your comment has made me even more determined to delete all the Negative Nellie comments from the community so that it is 'clutter' free of negativity - I have allowed some to remain out of some desire to keep a 'balanced' view on the channel but why harbour negativity? It simply encourages more to do the same 🤷♀️ merci 🙏
Marie-Anne, you know what I love about your list? Your list is not dependent on income level. So much advice on TH-cam is based on spending money. Nothing wrong with purchasing designer purses and shoes. Of course, it is always better to buy quality. But, so many people don't even try to be elegant because they believe they don't belong in the "elegant" category. But, if everyone took care of what they do have, respected themselves and others.....oh, the world would be a better place!♥️🇨🇦
Very well said Marie-Anne! Your videos are getting better and better, thank you for this!
I'm English and I have lived in the United States for thirty two years. I have seen so many changes at home and abroad because I travel a lot. But, even when I was a young twenty year old in London, I realized that a little love and compassion goes a long way. We all make mistakes, mine in the past because of lack of respect for myself I used to drink too much alcohol. I'm 64 now, and with my last child , at twenty six has just moved out I am finally finding out who I am and what I want without harming others. We all need to be aware of what we see hear and speak about because all of that affects everyone.
Thank you.
Thank you for these points on elegance. I agree totally with you that elegance is more than how one dresses. It is an attitude and a way of living.
Most of the characteristics of an inelegant person come from a lack of parental guidance and caring.
Too often, we don’t see ourselves as we really are or perhaps our self esteem is really low.
I hope many will watch and heed your very wise words because there is certainly much inelegance and selfishness in people these days.
Thank you.
Very important video. Very few people understand being elegant has to do with respect and you have stressed that. Thank you so much, Marie-Anne!
Merci beaucoup 🙏
I really didn’t know what to expect when I clicked on this video, but you did not disappear. An excellent list indeed. I think we women in North America really need frequent reminders to respect ourselves and in that way we have a lot to learn from French culture.
Thank you for this frank video. Lately I have embarrassed myself twice by overstepping during conversations. I recently have developed this social awkwardness during situations where I am nervous and it's embarrassing. Definitely something I am working on. Sometimes being quiet is better. 🤦♀️
It is obvious you put a lot of time, deep thought, and hard work in this video. You are spot on in your assessments. Elegance is more than how you look, it is a state of mind. Love ❤️ Loving others as ourselves, considering others as superior to us (and they to us in return) and sowing what is good can only lead to good results. I really enjoyed your illustration of the Queen of England. She is a truly elegant lady. I applaud you on tackling a difficult topic with grace and a great deal of elegance 💗💕💗
Im not sure if the title of this video should be focused on the word "elegance". I feel it is more about the teaching of many important life lessons and values every parent should impart to their children most emphatically. It is my wish that every child has parents who takes the time and cares enough to teach to their children all the values on your list. As grand parents we also have an obligation and duty to share these teachings too in a gentle and kind way. Of course we have to practice these things ourselves and try to lead by example, we are all accountable. I agree with all 18 points you have listed. Perhaps we can all review our own "score cards" and take a moment to pause and reflect on the way we each conduct ourselves. Its all about respecting ourselves and others and I thank you for sharing your thoughts today.
This is an excellent topic Marie-Anne! thank you for making this video, elegance just isn't about how we dress, but also a way of life, it truly does come from within.
So true, another thing I find very not-elgant is boasting about one self.
🙏
These tips are brilliant and so true. We all have to take responsibility for ourselves and our effects on others in the world. Thanks Marie-Anne :) 😀
Thank you for this wonderful video. I agree that elegance is from within. I struggled with number 5 in my younger years, especially at school. Many of (but not all) my classmates were mean, and because I was behind in social skills (probably due to a developmental delay), I was bullied at school. Of course, I was constantly upset and I didn’t understand why people treated me so badly. (I tried to be mean back to my classmates in hopes to teach them a lesson. It made it worse.) Years later, my daughter’s dad mistreated me. You are right-I had a lack of self-respect and confidence. I was so happy when I graduated from school and years later left the relationship. My confidence and self-respect gradually increased over the years. Eventually, many years later, people have been treating us like royalty because of my decision to become elegant and kind.
This is such a worthwhile video . . . everyone ought to watch it! ❤️
Hello Marie-Anne another great video. I grew up being taught manners maketh man. Such a true saying. Manners and caring about others is share elegance in itself 👏
Very, very well said. The Bible tells us to treat others as we treat ourselves-to love others as we love ourselves. If all would do that this old world be be an amazing place. Thank you for your comments.
You are so right about elegance not being limited to how you dress. How you carry yourself and how you interact with others is so important.
Great points on elegance. Personally though for me it's all about humility
My husband and I focused on respect for others in our childrearing, and I emphasized respecting personal property. Now as adults, they are very popular with their peers, as they don't think everything is all about them. In other words (yours!) they are elegant.
👏 They are a credit to you both Bev🙏
Good points well-taken, Marie-Anne. Thank you for the list. My suggestions that show a person is not elegant:
(1) If you smoke, don't smoke walking down the street. Tacky.
(2) Talking loud. Speak in a lower voice.
(3) Gossiping. Knock it off.
(4) Looking disheveled (wrinkled clothes, hair is dirty or not brushed/combed, unpolished or dirty shoes). You touched on the lack of respect for your clothes.
(5) Rushing around. Manage your time better, be on time for appointments, and remain calm. If you have to, get up earlier so that you're not rushed throughout the day. This affects others who have to work with you so that shows lack of respect for others' time.
(6) Poor grooming (dirty fingernails or toenails). Make sure you have clean fingernails and toenails. If wearing open-toe shoes or sandals, make sure your toenails are well-groomed and polished.
(7) Dirty teeth. Make sure your teeth are brushed and flossed.
Thank you for teaching us how to be a lady who loves herself and others! 👩🏻
So right !
Every time I hear a rude person it is painful.
Sharing your video !!!!
Dear Marie-Anne, a big thank you for putting elegance into such a relevant perspective today, it is definitely MORE than skin&wardrobe deep and this was an excellent reminder and eye opener for everyone listening. Best wishes, Anna
This video would is priceless for schoolgirls, adolescents generally but for our kids and grandchildren. Young women desperately need to understand that to behave well, be good to others gives you contentment and peace.
Thanks for sharing this! I feel triggered when people talk about other people for entertainment. Sometimes they can do it in sneaky ways like pretending to care. It invades other people’s privacy and can sometimes make someone innocent out to be so scandalous. It stops people enjoying their lives and makes the person who’s spreading the information look bored and untrustworthy. It encourages others to gossip, too.
You are correct Ms A. If someone is prepared to say what they think of others to you - imagine what they are wiling to say about you to others 🙁
I admit, sometimes I know something about someone that’s so juicy and it’s tough not say something. I’d rather talk about rubbish on TV or bargain at the supermarket, than talk about other people!
👏 Your elegance shines through Ms A 😘
I’m sharing this with my family as this applies to everyone.
I thoroughly enjoyed this video! Thank you for the reminder! ❤
I appreciate your comments, this is so true.
To me this is your most important video ever! Thank you for reminding us how to live. ❤️
Thank you for these reminders. Elegance and style are not just about what we wear, but reflect who we are inside.
Marie-Anne, this is such a classy list of human behaviors and expressions. Part of the equation is recognizing and rewarding these traits in others as well as in ourselves. Thank you for the reminder to strive for elegance and class everyday.
Thank you, Ms. Lecoeur, for this presentation of the virtues of elegance and some fine examples of behavior that do not reflect elegance. What stands out for me is your point on the importance of humility: a person of grace and refinement does not brag, nor does she attempt to belittle others. I also love your point about the importance of abstaining from cursing. We hear so much cursing in film, TV, and in person, and it is so declasse.
Thank you for this important video. I will call it simple elegance. Respect is very core of elegance, it starts from inside.
You are so right in everything, dear Marie-Anne! It is always a pleasure to watch your videos, see your beautiful face and hear your classy and intelligent voice.
Thank you for reminding us, true French lady!
You have really taken being elegant to a whole another higher level. Bravo 👏 👌
Ms. Lecoeur, you present as such a lovely person. I’ve just discovered your series of videos. I watched three and had to comment by the time I watched this one. Fabulous! So much of what you say in this particular video resonates a truth.
Having watched a few more videos, I've decided that your complexion is beautiful and you have the neck of a Swan. Would you mind sharing your skin regime, any exercises that you may do for your face , jaw or body? I find your channel inspirational. I like "natural" make- up, traditional clothes with surprising twists and so your channel is a good fit for me. Most of all, I love your authentic, compassionate reflections about people, live and living in general.
Absolute gold~ thank you, Marie-Anne
This video touches me emotionally because, despite our self-esteem and attitude, some of us live in an environment that severely punishes these qualities. Attitude, personality, self-esteem do not arise easily: it is a mix of good genetics, good education, personal culture and experience. But the social environment is crucial in terms of how you will feel “carrying” those qualities through life 🙂
@@MarieAnneLecoeur thank you 🙂