There were a lot of conspiracy theory sounding stuff the mom brought up. I wonder if this is something the mother brought up a lot when something negetive came up. Hearing her say "No one cares about the Holocaust" when we're just talking about why her daughter left just feels really out of left field. "0,0"
I think that she felt validated enough in her previous videos that she removed her mask a little bit more and revealed a ton of bigotry beyond just her poor parenting skills.
Obviously not. She is a hateful person who votes for conservative politicians who want to control everyone who is not like them or how they want us to be.
People like her find therapists that agree with them and enable them all the time. And there are plenty of therapists that blame the victim as well as therapists that are abusive themselves. The field doesnt have good quality control. Stay careful out there.
@@janedoe6704narcs and psychopaths seek out the helping professions - teachers, police, therapists, nurses, priests, civil servants, parents, politicians, etc. - because a wolf goes where the sheep are.
Something that stood out for me was the mother claiming that birthing a child is giving the child a gift that they should be grateful for. When I gave birth to my children the thought that filled my mind was that I had received the most wonderful and precious gift imaginable. Children do not owe us for giving birth to them.
I don't have children, so I don't know what that's like, but I thought something of the same: my friends act like they have received the gift when their children are born, not the other way around
It's so telling that she isn't thanking her kid for the gift of getting to raise her, she's expecting thanks for *checks notes* doing something she chose to and wanted to do for herself. The fact that she doesn't see her daughter as a gift tells you everything you need to know about why she's estranged!
@TheMentalLevelUpPodcastWell, the low thread count sheets might be part of it. Good sleep hygiene is vital to psychological health, and itchy sheets with pilled up thread are antithetical to that.
@TheMentalLevelUpPodcast Oh I guarantee she doesn’t believe in climate change. I’m expecting her to blame vaccines, and probably electric vehicles, though.
This lady seems absolutely awful. So smug, so self-righteous, such a victim. She is positively triumphant in her victimhood and shows no feelings of actual loss at the estrangement. At best she is annoyed because she has lost control. Avoid people like this at all costs folks.
@@PJoanGavigandont count on it! Parents like this cause PERMANENT damage, and the kids never heal, they can only try to make up for lost time, lost income, etc. A person doesnt just shake it off and all of a sudden have a happy life when they are grown in such toxic soil
Can you imagine finally getting the strength to cut out your controlling narcissistic mother, then she creates a TH-cam channel to publicize how ungrateful a child she thinks you are? Poor Haley. How narcissistic can you possibly be?
I can't take this woman seriously, she takes zero accountability for why her kid went no contact. Before a kid goes no contact there are years of the kid trying to kerp the relationship. It might feell like it's sudden to the parent, but it's not, and I don't buy for a second that therapy is to blame
As the adult who is doing this to a parent - This is true. I had many conversations with my dad where I explained why his passivity was causing me harm, writing in journals, or why my stepmother's actions were harmful to me. Therapy gave me the language and a path to leaving but I tried again and again to have conversations before therapy. All I heard from my dad was, "I know, I know," and then when I up and leave after therapy, all of a sudden, there's a lack of accountability or low emotional mature responses.
@@lucindabreeding Which infuriates the mother even more! It's a little bit like we said in a comment on another video by a different creator: We, the children who go no contact, mourn not only the parent we didn't have but also the parent we did have. We're still human beings! What the no contact parent doesn't realize is that for us to mentally survive this break in a fundamental relationship is that we have to consider them as being dead. We know they are alive, but each attempt to create contact is like a haunting from a ghost of the past, except this ghost is not Casper! From the parent's perspective, they don't see that. What they "see" is their teenage child being petulant, slamming their bedroom door, and refusing to come out. They don't see is the mountain of harm that they keep sweeping under the carpet at the door, making it more and more impossible for the child to open the door. It will only be once that mountain is addressed, worked through, and cleaned up that the child will then be able to choose IF they want to re-establish communication. Not before. It takes a lot to get to that point, it will take a lot to create a space for healing, and no matter if the child is a child or an adult, in the parent-child relationship, it's the parent's responsibility to create that space, not the child's.
The most frustrating thing is that her plea to estranged kids in the end completely ignores how hard it is to make that separation. It's not the easiest choice, it's the last resort. She seems to see it as kids dropping their parents because they're a slight inconvenience, when in reality it's a reaction to years of trying mend the relationship and hitting a wall each time.
And any "welcome back" from her will come with HUGE strings, like "I will continue to spout nonsense and you will respect me and behave only in ways that I approve."
@@OneofMany-yt5slI don't think that's what the comment meant - I think they meant that Diane was coming close to, but not quite getting, the point, that toxic relationships SHOULD get ruined by therapy.
@@CarrieNicole47We think that @OneofMany was being sarcastic, which doesn't come across very well in written form. Especially without tone contexts such as emojis or other tone notations. *trying to be helpful*
"When your parents are gone, they're gone" Yes! And when my estranged dad died four years ago I could start to forgive him. I always loved him, even in my anger and hurt. The only way I could "honour my father" was to estrange him and not speak of him. I realised a few years before he died that a mutually respectful reconsiliation was never possible. He always ment well, but his problems/demons made a relationship impossible. Sometimes when they're gone, there is relief and sorrow, and love and forgiveness, not regret. My question to estranged children is : what would YOU need from your parent for a reconsiliation to be successful? What would YOU need for the relationship to be nuturing? And do you think they could (possibly with some help/therapy) do it? When I realised what I needed, I knew it would never happen. And I am still fine with that.
In therapy I am learning; - I matter - I belong - I can - I’m not just here to survive - reparenting myself - tools to manage my triggers - my diagnosis, and with that how to build my optimal support system At home I learned: - I’m a mistake - I’m a burden - I should stay quiet - I don’t belong - I have nothing to contribute - No one wants to hear from me - I should just go away Therapy is tough. It’s hard work when you follow the treatment. It’s also expensive. In the end, therapy leaves me better than home did. It’s not fair that any of us have to go to therapy to become a well adjusted person when others don’t because their parents did their job. This woman doesn’t even realize her daughter needed therapy because she was failed by her mother in so many ways.
It's always "honor your parents" with the "parents, do not provoke your children to anger" bit left out. That commandment is a two-way street. Also, all this attention is fueling her narcissism big time. This may be a good thing for her daughter. Daughter can get validation that she did the right thing, internet haters will become Mom's new supply and daughter may finally be discarded in peace. Much love and light sent to daughter ❤
Not to mention, Nicole Kidman was forced into estrangement of her oldest children because of the cult. She has limited contact with them now... which shows they wanted their mother, but were denied by made-up nonsense their father believed.
She is absolving herself of guilt, and then attempting to go no contact "back" by claiming she has let it go. This is a public attempt at telling her daughter "you can't fire me because i quit!"
How telling is it that she evidently views her daughter's estrangement as an attempted power grab -- and her first impulse is to make a play to stay in control herself?
She said that in the past, families always worked out their differences. No. No! With no phone and limited written communication, it was insanely easy for people to move away from their family and simply never speak to them again, even if they only moved 5 miles away. I can absolutely see just from this video why her kids want nothing to do with her. And she overlaps "Cancel Culture" with bullying, being held accountable, and just being forced to respect boundaries. Yeah, this lady doesn't seem like the type of person most people would want to spend time with.
Cancel culture is a form of ostracization when it happens against a person which if you are trying to get all friends and family to ex-communicate them can be a form of bullying. For businesses the goal is getting everyone to stop supporting it so the business fails. Canceling someone or something is not wholly a virtous act like some people make it out to be. It depends on why you are doing it. But this woman trying to create a smear campaign against her daughter and parental estragement is just making her case worse. Most people call her out but she still thinks she is in the right...
It’s the same type of argument as “marriages were stronger in the 50s”. Oh, you mean because men could beat and rape their wives, while also stepping out and being absent fathers - since divorce w would have ostracized the woman and likely left her financially destitute? When people don’t have support systems to leave relationships that are harmful, those that are harmful will always rewrite history. I can’t stand this woman.
Military involvement, mail in brides, and immigration were acceptable ways to leave. Now, with ability for instant contact we actually have to explain going NC.
That's so interesting that you said that. Yes, now we are forced to confront the issues with boundaries because we are so "reachable" with technology these days. Phone, mail, email, social media, random websites posting all your current and previous addresses and phone numbers online. We can't get away these days and blame our low contact on the "geographical distance". Now that we have to confront, we are shamed for being confrontational and disrespectful. Such a terrible cycle to be in...
Hell, there’s the trope of faking your own death as a way to escape your family (and also crime). And you could do that once upon a time, restart your life away from your family if you wanted
Estranged from my parents, and now a mom myself. 1) If my child cut me off one day, I'd know that I personally failed (unless they joined a cult or something and in which case I'd be scared for their wellbeing, not resentful). That would be a me problem. 2) Parenting is a one way street. I owe my child everything. Not the other way around. If they adore me and want a lasting relationship throughout adulthood, that's a compliment, not a requirement or an expectation on my part. 3) Diane's daughter is currently 30. She is well past the age of needing her parents. What the hell Diane. At age 30 I would expect my child to have their own life and priorities. Even if her daughter were still in touch, what does she expect?
Need to add: Empathy for an abuser does not mean you still allow them access to you, just because it hurts their feelings. You can have empathy for someone, and still not desire a relationship with them. It's okay to end a relationship with someone even if that makes them feel sad. Personally, I wouldn't want a fake relationship with someone that was out of guilt or pity. Diane frankly doesn't care as long as her daughter performs a relationship to her specifications.
"Parenting is a one way street" is so amazing to hear. My mom daily says that I have double standarts. That somewhy I am allowed to express my emotions, but she's not. And she says this after throwing a tantrum and breaking something in the house, or beating me, and shouting curses, while what I do is asking her to be more polite and calm, cause rude tone makes me feel miserable. She also always says "family is a team, and when you live with someone, you have to make compromises and do the same amount of work each", and of course it applies to me as her 17 year old daughter. Ironically, that doesn't work for our dad, even though he and mom work equally much. And well, despite it being hard to remember some other examples, I can definitely say that my mom believes parenting is a relationship of two, where each of two are supposed to take and give, equally taking care of each other's emotional well-being. Though this logic doesn't work when I am supposed to notice her changes in behavior and be able to help without her asking me to, and she never really helps me with my problems, only shames for having them, so I learned to be independent. I wish I had a mom who could say "You owe me nothing, darling"
Honestly, you are a rock star for saying this 👏 This is exactly my opinion. The (adult) childrens love is a present, that you might get if you did everything right with them (not perfect, but good ENOUGH to be right). But no parent is entitled to that and no child is obligated to give it.
What I want to know is how bad her husband is since claimed she was not that political compared to him. From the few clips including him in her first video, he seemed downright scary with how much contempt and disgust he had for his daughter. I feel so bad for the daughter having to grow up with these people but I’m so glad she’s free now. I can only hope if she’s aware of their channel it’s validating she made the right decision.
Thank you so much for saying this! I thought the same exact thing. I thought she said she wasn't political? But like this whole entire video is mostly her political rants.
Diane...there is so much to be said there, but, she reveals herself in the video: "she refuses to express contrition". She'll never acknowledge the harm she did to her daughter. The daughter stays apart because the daughter isn't listened to or respected. Diane will not change. Can't be changed.
My ex husband use to say the same thing. He tried to convince me that family matters stay in the family. He didn't want a marriage counselor to get in our business. He just didn't want someone agreeing with me.
Oh it's really hard when a spouse is aware enough of the problems that they are unwilling to get a third party involved. What did you eventually end up doing?
I married a man who said the same to me about going to couples therapy to help our marriage. Since he didn’t want to take the time to go to therapy to understand our issues, I left him and never looked back. I made the right choice and I sought therapy to help myself.
I have schizoaffective disorder. The symptoms manifested during my teens and were written off by my parents as 'teenage angst' and 'disrespect'. First of all- along with medication, 'therapy' has literally saved my life and allowed me to be a loving mother, devoted wife (of 20 years!) and valuable employee. Therapy is a gift and I'm grateful for it. When you view your children as simply an extension of yourself (as opposed to unique and autonomous beings)- accepting the need for therapy is tantamount to admitting you are flawed (essentially the human condition).
I've seen her videos, and she just seems to be unable to accept that the reason for her daughters estrangement is her. She can't comprehend that her own behavior is the problem, she just does all of these mental gymnastics to try to blame anyone and everything but herself.
I am an only child of a BPD mother. I went no contact with my mother for a year. During that year I went to therapy to either re-establish our relationship on better terms or to get the strength to cut free forever. I wanted to reconnect, admittedly because I felt guilty "leaving her all alone" as she put it. That was our biggest issue. I had to be everything to her and shoulder all of her feelings no matter what they did to me. After the year I got back in contact with her but drew some very strict boundaries. Luckily she was open to hear what I had to say and took my threat of going NC permanently to heart. While in therapy I had to learn about why she did the things she did. Once I could see it through the BPD lens I understood and dealt with her differently. We still have small issues now and then but we are so much better than we have ever been. I am not saying that this is an option for everyone and I commend anyone who has the guts to go NC. It was literally the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life but was absolutely worth it.
Wow, she managed to throw 'industrial complex', blatant racism, and cancel culture. I'm puzzled how we went from therapy to Stalin authoritarian regime. And that last bit is wild...I can see why she's been cut out of her kids' lives.
She seems to think that she can just slap “industrial complex” on anything without any explanation and that she doesn’t have to support her assertions. Obviously trying to illicit an emotional connection to bluster her arguments. “Industrial complexes” are bad, right?
I was drop jawed like and she really doesn't know why her kid doesn't want to talk to her? "Poor me, all I ever did was say racist, homophobic, and transphobic things and now my kid won't talk to me for no reason at all!" The amount of delusion is unbelievable.
"Because I gave birth to you" was something my mom threw at me a ton, right up until I told her I wish she hadn't, and she finally admitted that she'd always regretted having me. We haven't spoken since but I feel healthier mentally now than ever. Somehow it was just easier to have both of my parents cut out than in my life. One already was, this was just adding the other to that list.
"In the past." She is creating a world that never existed. In the past people used pastors and priests as therapists, left their families and moved away, sometimes emmegrating the new countries, killed their "loved ones" for lack of better coping mechanisms, drank, took drugs, etc. The world has always been dark and scary when people are unhealthy. This woman is very guilt inducing and delusional.
So, I will note that, and this may not be thing you are personally familiar with, but she was dropping A LOT of talking points from anit-trans parent groups. "Social contagion" in particular is a huge buzz word in that community. It super, super long but Cass Eris a cognitive psychologist and TH-camr has a thorough take down of all the many, many things wrong with Shrier's garbage book. In it, she goes into detail on all that "Gender Critical" nonsense, which the mom was spouting here. And, this is highly relevant, because, as the mental health field has become more accepting of trans identities and shifted from "curing" trans people to supporting them, anti-trans bigots and especially the anti-trans parents of trans children have become increasingly anti-mental health. I'm willing to bet that's what happened to her. Her child is some flavor of trans, they were affirmed and supported by mental health professionals, mom was a bigot, and the trans child cut her off.
Another interesting point: in her first video, she claims her daughter estranged over political differences, and she claims to "not be very political" yet in this video, it has a VERY APPARENT political tone, rife with talking points that only certain types of people with certain viewpoints would agree with. At the very least, this exposes her as a hypocrite
Actually I'm in a Democrat state and most everyone has problems with the issues she points out. Many of these issues have a safety, financial or moral concern for democrats as well. They are not exclusively a political issue or a talking point for one specific party.
When she came out with the racism and homophobia/transphobia my jaw almost hit the ground. I mean what a stretch. And then when she brought the Holocaust into it!? I could hear my own father but even more far fetched than his leaps of logic. I feel like I need a shower after listening to her hateful rhetoric.
The absolute hypocrisy of her talking about how social media is made to keep everyone angry and spread negativity when she is 100% trying to cash in on that with her whole theme here. *She* is spreading negativity, being transphobic, racist, etc. Using hatred to absolve herself and those like her of taking responsibility for their actions
It's impressive what people can justify to themselves. I can only imagine what she's like with a small child, a bruised ego, and no one else watching. Scary, really.
a very specific demographic that's willing to pay for access to her echo chamber where estranged parents can reassure one another they did nothing wrong
Just a reminder her support group she charges $20 a month to be part of her community. She's using her daughter's pain to make bank. It's extremely toxic to do this.
Dog whistling, virtue signalling, mistaking correlation with causation, misconstruing the meaning of data, and on and on and on it goes. Her behaviour and communication style is crazy- making and exhausting!!!
@@thirstonhowellthebird I don't remember; but I seen her vid a couple months ago before the reactions all popped up. See if you can find "my daughter stopped talking to me" or somewhere along those lines
I’m going to say it because it needs and deserves to be said; A common thing I’ve seen among these estranged parents is a thing someone called “the missing missing reasons.” They’ll say “my kid cut me off got no reason.” Or something like “they never told me why.” Yet if you let them talk long enough they’ll admit to being given a ‘prepared speech’ or a ‘long letter/email.’ But it is a cold day in hell if they EVER say what was in the speech or the letter/email. They’re basically victims in their version of reality.
From my research on people with narcissism--and through personal experience--their disorder prevents them from being able to make the link between their (hurtful, negligent, or even abusive) behaviours and other people's responses to their behaviour. It's a very specific kind of blindness: they are unable to accept any reality that isn't their (distorted) reality where they are good people trying their best. With real narcissism, it's not even an active denial (though they will employ active manipulative strategies) so much as they literally cannot see, and do not accept, that there is a direct, causal link between what they've done and what their loved ones feel like they need to do to protect themselves. This is why most people with truly narcissistic parents or narcissistic partners eventually have to go no contact or face dealing with this trait for the rest of their lives.
When I was in my mid twenties I started therapy. My mom threw a fit. She accused me of turning against her and accused my therapist of giving me false memories - after I’d only been in therapy for one visit. She said something to my family and everyone dropped contact with me, I stopped getting cards and letters and my phone calls were unanswered (this was in the 80s). Over the years I tried to restart the relationship, but something would always happen, she would get mad and ghost me. After over 20 years I got tired of the nonsense. I was going through a rough time and just couldn’t handle waking up to all cap emails telling me how awful I am. I blocked her on everything and went no contact. It was not an easy decision and I hate that I am cast as the villain in her story. BTW, I’m 60 years old and have an adult child. I don’t think kids owe their parents anything. It was our choice to have them and our responsibility to do our best raising them. My hope is that my child, along with all the young people, can find their way to happiness and joy in their lives.
yeah, i said thank you and goodbye after 42 years of torment. that mother never ONCE reflected on herself. My mom spent 15 minutes in therapy with me. in those 15 minutes, we were asked to name 5 flaws. she sat there for 15 minutes looking at the floor then raised her head and said "i have no flaws". and yet i could only name hundreds of my flaws and no virtues. i went no contact a year ago and even tho she puts big tantrums every couple of months i live a calm life with my kids now. do i struggle with my decision- yes i do. do i feel guilty- yes i do. would i go back to how it was- not in a million years.
@@BarbiTheCat thank you guys. i must addmit even tho i would not go back i would like to learn about the condition so much that i understand and that i can handle it without bothering me and rippiing me apart. and the more i learn the more i feel sorry for her and the damage she was inflicted so that she became like this. i would like to be in a mental state and capacity to take care of her. that is why i was watching the videos of this mom- trying to understand and see their perspective. that is why i am watching profesionals reacting- maybe i am missing something. my kids and i are the only family she has and she has no friends. i am not someone who came to the no conntact point easly. it goes against my very nature. so i would like to be able to go beyond what i feel and be rational about it all. im just not there yet and it is questinable will i ever get there... but i am learning
33:33 People love bringing up the part of the Bible that says honor your mother and father but not the part that commands parents to not provoke their kids to anger.
No no no, you get it all wrong! It's just a social media trend. Parents always abused their kids and they still didn't leave. It's just the social media's and therapists fault that people feel entitled to leave their toxic parents nowadays. Such a bad trend! Really!!11!1! 😮💨
She cuts down therapy but wants people to come to her for advice. She says that family and connectedness helps a persons wellbeing. but I can see that she is someone where it is her way or the highway with everyone around her.
A lot of toxic families have a "family is family" attitude, meaning no matter what, you stick with family. Those kinds of families are often havens of abuse and neglect and, unfortunately, many people are trapped in those situations and don't have the financial resources to get away.
They always do. As people do with a lot of things. The worst is 'Spare the rod, spoil the child'. With rod is meant the shepard's stick with whom the shepard guides his sheep and not hitting them. A metaphor.
@@oOIIIMIIIOo Actually that’s not in the Bible the actual verse is “Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them”
@@oOIIIMIIIOo shepherds also dont break the legs if wayward sheep. They hobble them but do not harm them. Its called "braking" not "breaking" 🤦♀️ so many preachers claim the shepherds actually break their bones 😢 they dont. They tie sticks ir tie legs so they cant walk good, but no broken bones!
My worry is that she’s more interested in the attention she’s getting and reinforcing her feelings than reconciling with her child. She comes across as someone who wants to feel justified and validated, even at the cost of the lost relationship she was lamenting earlier. Instead she should be ask “what’s my role in this?” and “will these videos further alienate my child?….sigh. There is so much I want to say about this, but TH-cam has a character limit!
You caught it, too. The videos are so callous and unhelpful they almost read as satire. This channel of hers is merely her new narcissistic supply, since her daughter is no longer giving it to her...
@@ptlovelight2971Exactly. And this is going to alienate her daughter even more. I can’t think of any way more efficient at ruining a relationship than someone going on TH-cam and say “YOU and SOCIETY” are the problem. My father is very much like here and these are rough to watch, and I’ve been alienated from my family for years at times, but if he aired our issues for the world to see and react to, I would be so furious! Luckily he is not and unfortunately is in poor health so I don’t think there would be a chance for the martyrdom and justification for the public to see. But still, this was a very bad move on her part.
I strongly suspect the videos about “healing” from estrangement are going to be about her being soooo strong even though it’s been soooo hard, and “look how much I’m suffering, but I’m healing, despite my daughter’s cruelty.” I guarantee it’s just going to be a place for her to feel justified and get sympathy from other crazy estranged parents in her comment section. There’s going to be no healing or moving on. Just a bunch of delusional parents licking each others’ wounds and stewing in their own self-inflicted misery. And Diane laps up all the attention.
I'm the same age as this lady and i thought therapy was pandering to the current mental health pandemic... Until i had some after a difficult situation arose I'm 180 from that viewpoint now. It taught me so much that I've carried from childhood and knowing the way I've responded to things all my life is skewed by issues has freed me so much.
Thanks for sharing. I think it's helpful for us therapists to remember that not everything needs that kind of intervention, but that it can be immensely helpful when warranted
I'd like to see her be the change that she wants to be in the world. Oh, wait. That's what these videos are. She wants her bad behavior to be praised, and her bad takes to be validated.
Technically since she started her own platform behind a $20 a month paywall she has decided money is more important than her daughter. She's made a choice to abandon her daughter long before her daughter chose estrangement
First of all, I would like to say that you are a remarkable human being for staying professional while watching this. I do not know if I would have been able not to laugh or not to get annoyed. I am in awe. Second of all, I am a grown-up survivor of narcissistic abuse and I had to learn to read microgestures in order to be safe as a child. If you played these videos to me with sound off and no subtitles, so I am unable to hear any of the words, just seeing what her face does, I still would be terrified. The amounts of repressed anger, inner suffering, arrogance, disgust, entitlement, superiority, etc is off the charts. If you could pause very accurately this video, you could be able to see Billy Idol's sneer, gestures of being aware that you are purposefully not saying something, furious anger, grandiosity, etc. Just tiny glimpses in a sea of making a fragile unconvincing joyful mask. But it escapes through the cracks. I would not trust this person next to the nuclear red button because they are so miserable and full of anger that they would consider destroying the world if that made them right. Thirdly, I am so happy that her daughter got away and is living her life happy now. Because if they were still in touch, all of them would be miserable. In this situation, at least one of them is happy and being themselves. If you behave in a way that your child chooses being an orphan because not having parents is easier than being around you, you have truly failed at your job. And I think that every person should at least try to feel safe. If anyone is in a similar situation and reads this: you do not have to take abuse every day of your life forever. You can make a life for yourself where you are not scared or really sad all the time.
15:07 OMG!!! She's racist on top of it!!!! No wonder her her daughter left!!! Her real self is starting to show more & more in these vids!! Ol girl had a Karen raising her!
I am actually glad, she released those Videos as well. From the first video I actually felt sympathy for her and wasn't sure about the daughters motives. Now I don't need the daughters perspective anymore, because we all can clearly see all these reasons why she left.
I’m an estranged adult daughter. To go no contact was a very difficult decision for me and it wasn’t one I made overnight. I tried many times to communicate my issues with my mother. The top issue was that she consistently disrespected my adult life. She wanted to remain the priority and center focus of my life, even after I had gotten a full time job and moved in with a partner for the first time. My time and priorities were different, but I made a lot of effort to still see her and balance it all. Every time I would see her, she would cry and talk about how she wished things would go back to the way they were. But before, I had been lonely, depressed, anxious, and stressed. She hated the version of me that was happiest, and I stopped feeling like it was worth it to put myself in the same pain over and over of seeing her and having her feel upset about the person that I was, and the fact that I was not being the person she wanted me to be. This confirmed for me that she didn’t seem to love me unconditionally. She was not happy with who I am fundamentally and she could not get over it. The decision came about because I realized my mental health was better not hearing from her at all than it was hearing from her and feeling emotionally awful having to constantly be told that the way I am was the cause of all of her pain. She refused therapy and made me responsible for regulating her emotions, which I know were tumultuous and painful and I emphasized with how difficult this transition must have been for her, but no child should have the responsibility of doing that for their parent. She did not want to hear or even have the ability to process my own hurt, and consistently didn’t show empathy for me in return. So, to her saying at the end that she wants adult children to consider “how parents feel?” Personally, I have. I have always. And that was part of the main issue. It was always about only her feelings. There was no ability to hold space for mine, or anyone else’s. And that hurts very much to realize about your parent. I also noticed that this woman, like my mother, always blames external parties and is more interested in being right than she is in reconciliation. In my opinion, if you truly love and want to fix a relationship, even if you think you were not wrong, you will oftentimes want to hear the other person out and be able to approach them where they are at. You will no longer be interested in whose fault it is, you will want to know what you both can do to make things work. But being the victim of this story, and having sympathy and attention, seem to be this woman’s end goal with all of this.
This woman is trying to fill the silence of her daughter’s estrangement with talking points. The saddest part of this is how does she know if the possibility of reconciliation is possible because she is not using the time to better understand her child. Instead she’s using it talking about statistics and raging against institutions. A pointless exercise IMO because it does nothing to repair the broken relationship. If parents approached their adult children with hearts that said “I want to be a part of your life. I want to love you and be love by you. How do we accomplish that?” It wouldn’t matter what Therapists said, what’s happening on Social Media, what Universities are doing because whether Parents choose to admit it or not, estrangement is about relationship. It’s about the relationship you have with your child, minor or adult. And how much you value that relationship, how hard you’re willing to work for it. Too many parents rely on Obligation to keep the relationships with adult children going. Instead of building a genuine relationship based on love, trust and mutual respect. That’s all any human being wants from each other. So sad. Saddest most of all for her daughter.
She is doing what all narcissist people do when they are cut off. She is mocking her daughters need for therapy, her wasted education, her daughters desire to be a social media influencer. Her whole video was mocking and trying to minimize and insult her daughters decision to cut ties. Narcissistic revenge by mocking and smearing those who reject them is psych 101. This therapist missed it all because he doesn't label people or put them in a box. Liberal colleges throwing out the DSM manual so no one gets a diagnosis.
Perfectly said, I totally agree and had the same thoughts.... She is diverting from her own accountability with word salad, anything to avoid the actual issue. My mother is exactly the same
@@Sarah-with-an-H and she will continue to make videos to keep the flying monkeys joining her attention seeking club. Her daughter is her bait to lure others in. She is drunk on the power and attention this estrangement is offering her. She is cunning and malignant and full of vengeance for being cast aside.
"Too many parents rely on obligation with adult children to keep the relationship going. Instead of building a genuine relationship based on trust, love, and mutual respect." 🎯👏🏻💯 As an adult married to an adult child who went no contact with his parents, THIS is exactly it. And your whole comment. So much of this. And it really is the CHILD who suffers.
17:08 I think we are hearing the “politics” her daughter brought up in her original letter. It’s easy for a privileged person who has done no self reflection to minimize their prejudices as “just politics.” As a gay man from a conservative family, I wonder how much of these prejudices on display here (and the vitriol she expresses) hit on her daughters own identity? Or made her worried that eventually the moms prejudices would eventually turn on her?
I started to feel anxious when she, near the end , apparently equates severing ties with parents to extremist ideology that leads to atrocious acts of violence. This woman doesn't seem to have a clue as to how difficult it is to sever from a parent with whom one has been extremely close. Please try to show a modicum of compassion for those who have had to set some pretty "extreme" boundaries to preserve or gain some psychological strength!
This woman is a narcissist, so she doesn’t possess empathy. Most ppl don’t actually understand what this means. Empathy is the ability to see the world someone else’s eyes, to understand their perspective even if they can’t relate to it. So when we try to explain obvious things to an emotionally absent person, it’s like speaking a completely different language. They’re like… “huh?”. So no,she doesn’t get your position and thinks you’re overreacting and her and her narc friends are victims of us.
@@kateashby3066 Thank you for responding! Empathy is not exactly compassion. One can feel compassion without empathy. I choose my words thoughtfully. I believe this woman can experience compassion. However, to allow oneself to feel compassion could very well upon up a pandora's box, so it can be just too threatening to even go there.
That this woman is blaming estrangement on everything,(social media, education, cultural trends), but, not once does she blame the true culprit which is the nuclear family that the estranged child grows up in which is a wider presence in their lives than all of the other scapegoats she condescendingly goes on about. She is the "poster mom" on why adult children cut off because she stands firm on her beliefs and sketchy statistics regardless of their validity. It is impossible to have an adult conversation about feelings and work on relationships if the views of the adult child is being dismissed and their parent adamantly refuses to engage with genuine empathy, self reflection and accountability. If she has the viewership she claims, then there are many parents that believe as she does which is just as scary.
I absolutely love what you said at 11:30 - I’ve never been able to articulate it before (when discussing this topic with my adult children and others), so thank you for doing that! Your videos are AMAZING, new subscriber here ❤
Is it just me or is this video really about her daughter going no-contact? What I'm hearing is "daughter, I now know that you went no-contact with me because of these statistics and mis-informed/disrespectful reasons. You were wrong and you should reform your thinking to match mine." It's an impressive amount of effort to put into making yourself feel better.
it’s a weirdly monitized way to make herself feel better. the videos are so prescribed, they seem to like click-bait and outrage formula videos. there’s no original ideas or nuance, it feels like she’s been given a script with [insert stock video clip here].
I took a 6 month break from my parents last year but we were able to work out a few of our issues and are slowly improving our relationship. This woman’s video was very frustrating to see because, to me, she’s the one who holds the power in the relationship and she’s acting like there was nothing she could do. Her mind is made up and closed. I’m sure if she had asked her daughter more questions and really sponged the answers in instead of arguing, there would be a path forward. The reason my parents and I have been able to patch things up is because we have finally been able to be more open and curious about each other. They have led by asking me questions and assuring me they are listening. This has helped me feel brave enough to authentically explain what’s going on. In turn, I’m much more willing to hear them out. That’s all it took.
Would be interesting to hear what her estranged child says is the reason for cutting off her parents. This woman seems to assert it is all the fault of adult children and therapists. I'm not buying it.
Some people have figured out who the daughter is by watching Diane's videos, and following the clues she has given (apparently Diane has said she's a cosplayer, she has a tiktok, etc.). I wouldn't try to find her myself, but I know others have. From what I understand she doesn't mention her mother on her social media at all.
She’s a narcissist. They groom their child to serve their needs and disregard the child’s needs. So naturally, this mother is very selfish. Narcs also shame the child when they disappoint and their love is very conditional- only expressing it when the child makes the parent look good. This eats away at your shame and sense of self. It permanently messes with your ata Jenny style so you grow up to fear that you’ll be abandoned or emotionally unavailable. Narc parents cause all the cluster B personality disorders and other mental illnesses. What happened is this young lady (her daughter) probably went to therapy to treat her depression/anxiety/sui-cidal ideation. In doing so, they learned why they’re so messed up and that it’s moms fault (dad too). That or a good friend gave her some feedback and woke her up to “oh my god your mom sounds just like mine and my mom is a narcissist. The daughter set very firm boundaries so I think it was a therapist. We don’t naturally have boundaries, someone wiser than us has to show us how they work.
@@light6230 in Diane's viral video, she said her daughter wrote her and her husband a letter saying that, if they supported "that man" for president, the daughter wasn't going to be able to be in contact. It appears that the parents support Trump, given the preoccupation with DEI, cancel culture, and racism in this video. The daughter also mentioned an autism diagnosis and a lack of support for it as a kid.
What stood out to me: the mother claiming that birthing a child is giving the child a gift that they should be grateful for. The child also made you a mother, something you wished for (I assume), so I guess both parties brought something to the table. But apart from that: what do you even mean by that? If someone brings me a gift I am gratefull, however, if someone then proceeds in trashing my home and ruining my garden, I can't say or do anything, because they brought me a gift and I should me thankfull? Everything else doesn't matter anymore? Because you can bring me any gift you like, if you start trashing my home I will ask you to leave and I don't care how much money, time or energy you spent on that gift.
Well, and as a mother, I have never thought giving birth was a gift to my children, but rather that my children were an incredible gift to me. How blessed I have been to have them in my life.
I went no contact with my mother a year ago. I had no therapist, just my own conscience telling me I needed to cut all ties to her if I ever wanted to feel something remotely close to peace or joy.
The ironic part of this Mom's ridiculous videos is that, whether you are estranged from your own family or not, anyone with discernment can see exactly why her daughter went No contact with her....even some estranged parents can see through her fake facade
So many people focus on kids just cutting ties because it's hard. I gave my parents a choice--work on healing with therapy with me, or I need to walk away to take care of myself. THEY chose to go silent.
Remember in her first video about the estrangement she claimed she wasnt political? And here she is sarcartically focusing on trans inclusion efforts on university campuses as an example of the frivolity of these spaces, and didnt waste any time disparaging DEI......
I just couldn't stay quit seeing this woman say these things as I'm a 66 year old woman who went no contact at 26 years old when my parents abuse and toxicity started to effect my own family. I sought therapy after the cut off as I thought, as a Christian I was doing something wrong, but came to know, I did exactly the right thing! When I met and married my second husband, I saw a different kind of " abuse" and 21 months ago, after 32 years of marriage, we had to get permanent restraining orders and go no contact with my husband's very narcissistic family, after I was physically assaulted by his mother and brother and it broke my husband so badly, after trying for years to stay connected to this toxic family, he attempted suicide. Sorry, but just like women are no longer allowing men to "rule over them" and abuse them, adult children, regardless of their age, are standing up and saying, "you are still my mother and father, but you no longer have the right to dictate my life and control me anymore!"
I'm so happy for you both. I'm 61 and I'm so glad these abusive personality disorders are finally being exposed and people are walking away. There are great resources on TH-cam like Dr. Les Carter, Kris Reese (Christian perspective), Dr. Ramani, etc.. We need to help people understand who these people are internally because they can kill you if you don't understand the evil driving them and get out. Please please, move forward to recoup your health and experience the joy that you both deserve.
@kellyturner6584 Firstly, congrats on getting out of these horrible situations. Secondly, I think that's a huge point that many of these parents miss, especially in homes with abuse and neglect - you are the problem. Even if they aren't the abuser, they are enabling this abuse to continue. The end result, for you, could've been your husband's suicide. And you know his family, from the sound of it, would've blamed HIM, while soaking up the condolences from his death. Now, they have to face the fact that 1. they can't control him anymore, 2. they can't control you or your family anymore, and 3. there are now people out in the world who are going to be telling people about them and who are going to side with you guys and not them. That's what happens when you fuck around and find out. Go and live your awesome lives without them!
I admire how calm you reacted to her video. She has a very condescending tone throughout it, but you took her serious the whole time and even addressed some valid points she might have!
Why does everyone have to be "likeable"? That's quite subjective. Emotions are installed in humans for a reason but being served up "likeable" stuff all the time doesn't happen in nature. As the old saying goes: "Some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you." Resilience and coping skills are a must in stressful situations. Thumbs up or thumbs down is not realistic in human dynamics. Adaptation to changing circumstances will keep you alive and you DON'T have to throw momma under the train just to cross the tracks. Think about that, please.
My kids are estranged from my ex wife and she is so much like this woman. She's incapable of self-examination and accepting criticism and must always be the victim. Her videos are a testament to, as you say, her true priorities.
i am 50 estranged from my mother for about 20 years now. i did not do it to punish her ore because I have any form of mental problems.. I left because staying would cause me harm mentally, being with her was so stressfull and so hard that I lost track of myself. About her growing older/ needing help/ passing on.. I thought about this when I left and that was a reason for me staying as long as I did... I wont be there for her and I am at peace with that. Why does she believe that being my mother gives her the right to behave badly and being surprised when I decide to leave? This woman does not seem to have moved on, she seems really angry and looking for anything/anyone to blame but herself. Why would her daughter return? were is the respect for her and her feelings... she is being put on display and not in a good way.
I saw your original reaction video. I tried to be open minded towards her, although her no contact ‘angry letter’ response to her daughter, was the first red flag. She ignored the letter like it was a child’s tantrum. When I watched this video I realised why her daughter went no contact. Imagine years of this been shoved at you. People don’t go no contact unless they are have endured enough, have not been heard and the other person can’t agree to disagree. This lady is not upset that her daughter is not contacting her. She is more upset she can’t talk at her and tell her want to do. This is all about her own ‘mum tantrum’. She can control her daughter anymore, and she can’t accept responsibility for her part. Let’s blame everything else instead.
Mom: you're cutting yourown throat. Adult daughter does not go no contact unless she is in terrible pain. She knows how you feel about her and whatever choices she's made you do not approve of. You aren't able to see yourself and how you cone across and it's been from day one. You are frantically searching for someone to blame. It's you. I'd be on my knees begging for forgiveness and therapy and anything else she wanted the first day. You're dusmissing her pain and not listening because you're too busy being defensive. Yikes!
Going no contact with my mother was one of the most difficult decisions I ever came to. Every single thing Estranged Parent pleaded for me to consider are all things I had considered already. And at the end of the day I realized I was just forced into deciding when and where I would rather be hurt. Do I want to deal with the regret of not being there 1 time at the end of a few peoples lives? Or do I continue to endure a continued onslaught of abuse and invalidation? The decision wasn't easy, but it was simple.
I cut off my father off years ago for this same behavior. From him I learned that love is conditional, and his myopic perception of the world is the only acceptable one. He believed I owed him my loyalty for bringing me into this world. But I didn't ask to be born, no child does. He had to learn some hard lesson before I agreed to speak to him again: Respect is earned, there are consequences for certain behavior, and I don't need him to live my best life. That's what happens when you go to therapy. You find out that you don't actually have to tolerate disrespect and abuse; you don't have to grin and bare it. We only get one life, and I decided I wasn't going to waste any more of my time on an emotionally immature parent who lacks empathy and self-reflection, doesn't value accountability, and believes respect equates to my obedience and blind faith.
@@Therapy2Day I think we're good enough now, but what I call good seems to be vastly different than what other people tell me is good and I think that's because I really have no idea what a healthy father-daughter relationship would even look like. I define good as only texting on holidays, seeing him for Thanksgiving and getting dinner every 4-5 months. So what that means for our relationship is that I basically have no expectations of him aside from my boundaries being honored. I don't crave any sort of approval or validation from him whatsoever. I don't rely on him for anything nor do I want or need anything from him. Essentially, I know better than to give him any sort of leverage over me emotionally. Leverage like anger and resentment about the abuse and exploitation I dealt with growing up. I let all that sh*t go. We can’t change the past. We can enjoy playing video games together, talking about tech, just live in the present moment and that may be as deep as it ever gets.
Thanks for sharing. It seems like you've had to figure out for yourself what good enough is because the model you grew up with just didn't work. Just recorded a video with an expert on narcissism and estrangement that'll come out next week, so I look forward to your thoughts about that
the volume of leg work she is putting in order to not have a single moment of introspection is fascinating. Impressive even. I believe people like her make a very, very conscious decision and effort to not understand the perspective of others. So sometimes I get angry when people give the excuse of "oh she/he just doesn't understand". No. They just CHOOSE not to understand or change
Heads up about her book - Abigail Shrier is a noted transphobe, has spoken for PragerU and also wrote a book about how TransMen aren't really men. It was terribly sourced.
I'm not going to get into a long argument, but please check out Cass Eris' video series on Abigail Shrier's book where she details every single source used in the book.
Calling a transman a man is not ignoring biology. It's acknowledging the social aspect of gender. The only people that need to be concerned about a person's biology is the person themselves, their doctors, and possibly their partners.
@@NoraG-gq9bybe sure to keep mocking what you dont understand. Dont EVER think or read about transgender folks at all. Maybe go ahead and call them names, too, if you ever see them in public. 🙄
Yeah we already know from shrier's other book that she's part of the "children are parent's property and you must protect them from evil therapists" camp
I think this Mom is too caught up in her own insecurities to meet her child halfway. Her daughter doesn't owe her anything. She didn't "give her daughter a precious gift" by allowing her to exist; that's ridiculous. She projected her own views on what parenthood means onto her child and is surprised that the child disagrees. I feel badly for her, because I don't think she knows how to let go of her vision of how things are supposed to be long enough to realize what she needs to do to change the way things are, but I feel worse for her daughter. Thank you for another insightful and thoughtful video!
So the book that caused her to have to look at herself… she had to put that down. Couldn’t read it. This book that allows her to blame something else, she co-signs it and uses points from the book over and over again. Must be sad to be so afraid to look at who you really are.
The book asked her to swallow her pride for the sake of her child's feelings and open her mind to someone else's POV, so she dismissed it as claptrap. It's pretty obvious to me that none of this has ever been about getting communication with someone she considers her Odd Little Disappointment back. It's about establishing a monetized echo chamber full of people sighing "poor Diane" and hopefully punishing the daughter by invading the social media environment that is usually the territory of Gen Z , and one of the daughter's preferred places of engagement with the world. My narcissist father is always about reminding me he's still out there and that I can't have a place where he won't find and follow me. It's another grasp at control. Diane's a jerk who doesn't want to stop being one, so any book telling her she needs to change is garbage in her opinion.
My third born son majored in BFA of acting for college. One day, he called me and told me he needed to talk. His acting teacher had told him that his voice was "stunted" and he might need to confront childhood issues. I was so glad he called and I just let him tell me everything on his heart, which was mainly that he didn't feel appreciated or seen for the core of who he was/allowed to be 100% himself growing up. This was hard to hear because I tried to do that for him, but in that moment, my son's healing was 200% more important than my feelings. This led to a deeper trust in our relationship. I just thought it was very interesting how his acting professor could pick up on unfinished pain.
This is a common view of non religious "conservatives". Famous atheist Richard Dawkins now calls himself a "cultural Christian" because he doesn't like the way his country is changing due to immigration
@@Therapy2Day isn't wanting things both ways/fundamentally contradicting oneself, often in the same breath, one of the red flags of narcissistic thinking
@@oOIIIMIIIOo but Jesus still had issues with his family most of his family members, especially sisters and his brothers thought he was the black sheep of the family and thought he was a weirdo
As a millennial daughter who cut her parents out of her life twice, while raising my own daughter I laughed throughout this video and the last until she brought Star Trek into this. Then I got angry as a Trekkie. 😂 When I realized my daughter was growing up seeing her mom stressed out and upset whenever she was around her own parents, I knew I was modeling poor behavior for her and cut them off for the last time when they did what would be considered a universal misdeed to me. I’ve never looked back in the 2 years since then and my 6 yr old has learned to trust her parents and respect her own needs and found her voice and boundaries with us. Therapy didn’t do that. It only made a safe space to figure out my own path. So glad you are doing these videos on this woman’s “plight”
I have already seen this video and agree with your comments. The statistics need to be more clearly defined, etc. It doesn't come across as balanced and some is hypocritical, and the tone is angry and condescending. She spent "hundreds of hours researching this" yet says in her first video that she didn't finish reading "The Rules of Estrangement" because it required "far too much contrition". So, to me, she is putting her energy into looking for a scapegoat instead of looking at herself.
@@Therapy2Daybut is she really looking for an explanation? Shr was absolutely told why she was cut off by her daughter. She doesn't like that reason so it's time to circle the wagons and repeat silly shit she heard on tv.
Her condescending and arrogant attitude through the whole thing made me punchy. But you have calming affect with how you speak that made it easier to sit through. She infuriates but also fascinates me, so i can't help but watch reactions to her, especially therapists reactions
I'm right there with you. I can't get enough! And yes, when the mask slips and the contempt and bitterness and condescension come through, I can't help but feel how awful she must have made her daughter feel regularly. I hope the daughter is ok, there's no way she isn't aware of her mother's scorched earth campaign against her.
I cringed listening to him analyze her and not seeing her problem. The experienced therapists who treat cluster B personality disorders and have analyzed her videos are really helping to expose the abusive behaviors and tactics which is opening the door to bring it out in the open.
More people are going to therapy nowadays than ever before so more people are getting diagnosed than ever before... By the gods... It's ALMOST as though, with the advance of modern medical technology, our ability to get people formal mental health assistance AND our capacity to diagnose mental illnesses is EXPANDING! EXPANDING WE TELL YOU! What a revolutionary prospect!
A friend of mine shared with me your video, so I'm leaving some thoughts about why I decided to go low contact with both of my parents, as you requested. First, I read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. Chapter 4 has an assessment that you take, and I was truly blown away by the results, as well as the subsequent chapters on how children tend to respond to emotionally immature parents. I'm definitely an internalizer. But the final straw for me was seeing how my parents were inflicting the same kind of abuse and trauma on their grandchild. When confronted about it, they denied it and placed the blame on him, or his mom. It was physical and emotional abuse. I knew then that I had to cut them off, I knew then that they would never take ownership or accountability for what they've done or do. What this woman doesn't seem to realize as many others have pointed out, is that going low to no contact is not an easy decision. It's agonizing. I don't miss speaking with my parents. I don't grieve that loss. Instead what I grieve is the realization that I'll always be painted the enemy for doing so, because they're never at fault.
Thank you for sharing. It must have been especially hard to observe your parents behaving the same way towards their grandchildren. I'm glad your friend shared this with you
Cancel culture and parental estrangement are not synonyms. I don't understand why she wants to politicize this. It seems like a way to externalize her estrangement.
Do you agree with this mom's assessment?
There were a lot of conspiracy theory sounding stuff the mom brought up. I wonder if this is something the mother brought up a lot when something negetive came up. Hearing her say "No one cares about the Holocaust" when we're just talking about why her daughter left just feels really out of left field. "0,0"
I think that she felt validated enough in her previous videos that she removed her mask a little bit more and revealed a ton of bigotry beyond just her poor parenting skills.
No. This mom has abused her daughter. She is also a bigot and supports a fascist that wants to take away many people's rights.
I think she's doing a great job of making sure her daughter never reaches out to her again
Obviously not. She is a hateful person who votes for conservative politicians who want to control everyone who is not like them or how they want us to be.
Actually, people go to therapy because people like her don't go to therapy
Well said 👏
People like her find therapists that agree with them and enable them all the time.
And there are plenty of therapists that blame the victim as well as therapists that are abusive themselves. The field doesnt have good quality control. Stay careful out there.
Yeah, that may be the case.
@@janedoe6704narcs and psychopaths seek out the helping professions - teachers, police, therapists, nurses, priests, civil servants, parents, politicians, etc. - because a wolf goes where the sheep are.
Goal!!!
Something that stood out for me was the mother claiming that birthing a child is giving the child a gift that they should be grateful for. When I gave birth to my children the thought that filled my mind was that I had received the most wonderful and precious gift imaginable. Children do not owe us for giving birth to them.
I don't have children, so I don't know what that's like, but I thought something of the same: my friends act like they have received the gift when their children are born, not the other way around
Yeah none of us gave consent to be here.
Right
Is it implied that she could have terminated the pregnancy at any time, thus not allowing the child the gift of being born?
It's so telling that she isn't thanking her kid for the gift of getting to raise her, she's expecting thanks for *checks notes* doing something she chose to and wanted to do for herself. The fact that she doesn't see her daughter as a gift tells you everything you need to know about why she's estranged!
She managed to blame half the world and still be bitter about the children.
I have never seen someone do so much work to avoid any responsibility for their relationship with their own children.
These parents really trying to show their ass all over the internet. Talk about telling on yourself.
@TheMentalLevelUpPodcastWell, the low thread count sheets might be part of it. Good sleep hygiene is vital to psychological health, and itchy sheets with pilled up thread are antithetical to that.
@TheMentalLevelUpPodcast Oh I guarantee she doesn’t believe in climate change. I’m expecting her to blame vaccines, and probably electric vehicles, though.
"Am I so out of touch? No, it's the children who are wrong."
Right off the bat, she's saying that the children are tearing families apart - completely denying the parents' roles in causing the estrangement
i hope her adult child is living her best life
There's 2 of them I think, one is a nun I guess and barely talks to her and the other is Haley
This lady seems absolutely awful. So smug, so self-righteous, such a victim. She is positively triumphant in her victimhood and shows no feelings of actual loss at the estrangement. At best she is annoyed because she has lost control. Avoid people like this at all costs folks.
@@jayemm7942 So do I!
@@PJoanGavigandont count on it! Parents like this cause PERMANENT damage, and the kids never heal, they can only try to make up for lost time, lost income, etc. A person doesnt just shake it off and all of a sudden have a happy life when they are grown in such toxic soil
Can you imagine finally getting the strength to cut out your controlling narcissistic mother, then she creates a TH-cam channel to publicize how ungrateful a child she thinks you are? Poor Haley. How narcissistic can you possibly be?
My bestie's mom suggested she go to therapy, so she did. She started setting boundaries and now her mom wants her to stop going.
Oh... Therapy worked a little too well?
@@Therapy2Day😂
I can't take this woman seriously, she takes zero accountability for why her kid went no contact. Before a kid goes no contact there are years of the kid trying to kerp the relationship. It might feell like it's sudden to the parent, but it's not, and I don't buy for a second that therapy is to blame
As the adult who is doing this to a parent - This is true. I had many conversations with my dad where I explained why his passivity was causing me harm, writing in journals, or why my stepmother's actions were harmful to me. Therapy gave me the language and a path to leaving but I tried again and again to have conversations before therapy.
All I heard from my dad was, "I know, I know," and then when I up and leave after therapy, all of a sudden, there's a lack of accountability or low emotional mature responses.
@@jenniferjiang4445 ❤️
I follow her daughter on social media. Her daughter seems independent, though a bit childlike, and doesn't talk about her parents.
Exactly. She's pathologically incapable of asking the question, "What did I do wrong?"
@@lucindabreeding Which infuriates the mother even more! It's a little bit like we said in a comment on another video by a different creator: We, the children who go no contact, mourn not only the parent we didn't have but also the parent we did have. We're still human beings! What the no contact parent doesn't realize is that for us to mentally survive this break in a fundamental relationship is that we have to consider them as being dead. We know they are alive, but each attempt to create contact is like a haunting from a ghost of the past, except this ghost is not Casper!
From the parent's perspective, they don't see that. What they "see" is their teenage child being petulant, slamming their bedroom door, and refusing to come out. They don't see is the mountain of harm that they keep sweeping under the carpet at the door, making it more and more impossible for the child to open the door. It will only be once that mountain is addressed, worked through, and cleaned up that the child will then be able to choose IF they want to re-establish communication. Not before.
It takes a lot to get to that point, it will take a lot to create a space for healing, and no matter if the child is a child or an adult, in the parent-child relationship, it's the parent's responsibility to create that space, not the child's.
The most frustrating thing is that her plea to estranged kids in the end completely ignores how hard it is to make that separation. It's not the easiest choice, it's the last resort. She seems to see it as kids dropping their parents because they're a slight inconvenience, when in reality it's a reaction to years of trying mend the relationship and hitting a wall each time.
Exactly. It was the most painful experience of my life.
And any "welcome back" from her will come with HUGE strings, like "I will continue to spout nonsense and you will respect me and behave only in ways that I approve."
She is right. Therapy is horrible for toxic relationships. That’s the point.
Yeah, we should just look past toxic family members' bad behavior and let them have their tantrums and controlling, manipulative way, regardless.
@@OneofMany-yt5slI don't think that's what the comment meant - I think they meant that Diane was coming close to, but not quite getting, the point, that toxic relationships SHOULD get ruined by therapy.
@@CarrieNicole47We think that @OneofMany was being sarcastic, which doesn't come across very well in written form. Especially without tone contexts such as emojis or other tone notations. *trying to be helpful*
@@PrplPoppySystem You are right! I should have used an emoji!
@@OneofMany-yt5sl is this sarcasm or enthusiasm
when she mentioned Gandhi and “being the change you wish to see”, i instantly cracked up saying “tf do you think we’re doing, lady?”😂😂
💯💯💯 I don't call it 'cycle breaking' for nothing!
Phew! Talk about invalidation and excuse after excuse. Daughter, if you’re seeing this, it looks like you made the right choice
"When your parents are gone, they're gone"
Yes! And when my estranged dad died four years ago I could start to forgive him. I always loved him, even in my anger and hurt. The only way I could "honour my father" was to estrange him and not speak of him. I realised a few years before he died that a mutually respectful reconsiliation was never possible. He always ment well, but his problems/demons made a relationship impossible.
Sometimes when they're gone, there is relief and sorrow, and love and forgiveness, not regret.
My question to estranged children is : what would YOU need from your parent for a reconsiliation to be successful? What would YOU need for the relationship to be nuturing?
And do you think they could (possibly with some help/therapy) do it?
When I realised what I needed, I knew it would never happen. And I am still fine with that.
In therapy I am learning;
- I matter
- I belong
- I can
- I’m not just here to survive
- reparenting myself
- tools to manage my triggers
- my diagnosis, and with that how to build my optimal support system
At home I learned:
- I’m a mistake
- I’m a burden
- I should stay quiet
- I don’t belong
- I have nothing to contribute
- No one wants to hear from me
- I should just go away
Therapy is tough. It’s hard work when you follow the treatment. It’s also expensive. In the end, therapy leaves me better than home did. It’s not fair that any of us have to go to therapy to become a well adjusted person when others don’t because their parents did their job. This woman doesn’t even realize her daughter needed therapy because she was failed by her mother in so many ways.
❤
❤
This is a wonderful comment! I think there are a lot of us who relate.
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You're awesome. 💯👏
It's always "honor your parents" with the "parents, do not provoke your children to anger" bit left out. That commandment is a two-way street.
Also, all this attention is fueling her narcissism big time. This may be a good thing for her daughter. Daughter can get validation that she did the right thing, internet haters will become Mom's new supply and daughter may finally be discarded in peace. Much love and light sent to daughter ❤
3:22 I thought Tom Cruise was estranged because he’s in a cult, some of the people she’s listing are not great people
Scientologist actually aren't allowed to have communication with people outside the cult. Isolation is an important part of control.
Yeah, I don’t think religious extremism is a great benchmark for estrangement statistics 🤣
Exactly!
Not to mention, Nicole Kidman was forced into estrangement of her oldest children because of the cult. She has limited contact with them now... which shows they wanted their mother, but were denied by made-up nonsense their father believed.
not to mention that Elon musk is estranged from his TRANS child because of his views on trans people
She is absolving herself of guilt, and then attempting to go no contact "back" by claiming she has let it go. This is a public attempt at telling her daughter "you can't fire me because i quit!"
How telling is it that she evidently views her daughter's estrangement as an attempted power grab -- and her first impulse is to make a play to stay in control herself?
🤣🤣🤣
@@eyesofthecervino3366exactly 💯
😂😂
She said that in the past, families always worked out their differences. No. No! With no phone and limited written communication, it was insanely easy for people to move away from their family and simply never speak to them again, even if they only moved 5 miles away. I can absolutely see just from this video why her kids want nothing to do with her. And she overlaps "Cancel Culture" with bullying, being held accountable, and just being forced to respect boundaries. Yeah, this lady doesn't seem like the type of person most people would want to spend time with.
Cancel culture is a form of ostracization when it happens against a person which if you are trying to get all friends and family to ex-communicate them can be a form of bullying. For businesses the goal is getting everyone to stop supporting it so the business fails. Canceling someone or something is not wholly a virtous act like some people make it out to be. It depends on why you are doing it.
But this woman trying to create a smear campaign against her daughter and parental estragement is just making her case worse. Most people call her out but she still thinks she is in the right...
It’s the same type of argument as “marriages were stronger in the 50s”. Oh, you mean because men could beat and rape their wives, while also stepping out and being absent fathers - since divorce w would have ostracized the woman and likely left her financially destitute? When people don’t have support systems to leave relationships that are harmful, those that are harmful will always rewrite history. I can’t stand this woman.
Military involvement, mail in brides, and immigration were acceptable ways to leave. Now, with ability for instant contact we actually have to explain going NC.
That's so interesting that you said that. Yes, now we are forced to confront the issues with boundaries because we are so "reachable" with technology these days. Phone, mail, email, social media, random websites posting all your current and previous addresses and phone numbers online. We can't get away these days and blame our low contact on the "geographical distance". Now that we have to confront, we are shamed for being confrontational and disrespectful. Such a terrible cycle to be in...
Hell, there’s the trope of faking your own death as a way to escape your family (and also crime). And you could do that once upon a time, restart your life away from your family if you wanted
Estranged from my parents, and now a mom myself.
1) If my child cut me off one day, I'd know that I personally failed (unless they joined a cult or something and in which case I'd be scared for their wellbeing, not resentful). That would be a me problem.
2) Parenting is a one way street. I owe my child everything. Not the other way around. If they adore me and want a lasting relationship throughout adulthood, that's a compliment, not a requirement or an expectation on my part.
3) Diane's daughter is currently 30. She is well past the age of needing her parents. What the hell Diane. At age 30 I would expect my child to have their own life and priorities. Even if her daughter were still in touch, what does she expect?
Need to add: Empathy for an abuser does not mean you still allow them access to you, just because it hurts their feelings. You can have empathy for someone, and still not desire a relationship with them. It's okay to end a relationship with someone even if that makes them feel sad.
Personally, I wouldn't want a fake relationship with someone that was out of guilt or pity. Diane frankly doesn't care as long as her daughter performs a relationship to her specifications.
"Parenting is a one way street" is so amazing to hear. My mom daily says that I have double standarts. That somewhy I am allowed to express my emotions, but she's not. And she says this after throwing a tantrum and breaking something in the house, or beating me, and shouting curses, while what I do is asking her to be more polite and calm, cause rude tone makes me feel miserable. She also always says "family is a team, and when you live with someone, you have to make compromises and do the same amount of work each", and of course it applies to me as her 17 year old daughter. Ironically, that doesn't work for our dad, even though he and mom work equally much. And well, despite it being hard to remember some other examples, I can definitely say that my mom believes parenting is a relationship of two, where each of two are supposed to take and give, equally taking care of each other's emotional well-being. Though this logic doesn't work when I am supposed to notice her changes in behavior and be able to help without her asking me to, and she never really helps me with my problems, only shames for having them, so I learned to be independent. I wish I had a mom who could say "You owe me nothing, darling"
Honestly, you are a rock star for saying this 👏 This is exactly my opinion. The (adult) childrens love is a present, that you might get if you did everything right with them (not perfect, but good ENOUGH to be right). But no parent is entitled to that and no child is obligated to give it.
100%
remember in her first video when she claimed "I'm not that political!" ....sure, Diane.
Yesss!! And then proceeds to go forward with the most vile, reactionary takes. Sure, Diane. You're definitely not the problem. 🙄
What I want to know is how bad her husband is since claimed she was not that political compared to him. From the few clips including him in her first video, he seemed downright scary with how much contempt and disgust he had for his daughter.
I feel so bad for the daughter having to grow up with these people but I’m so glad she’s free now. I can only hope if she’s aware of their channel it’s validating she made the right decision.
shes also "not that religious"... proceeds to quote the bible
she is not religious either, but look, a bible!
Thank you so much for saying this! I thought the same exact thing. I thought she said she wasn't political? But like this whole entire video is mostly her political rants.
Diane...there is so much to be said there, but, she reveals herself in the video: "she refuses to express contrition". She'll never acknowledge the harm she did to her daughter.
The daughter stays apart because the daughter isn't listened to or respected. Diane will not change. Can't be changed.
That’s what I was thinking as soon as I heard that! What an interesting word choice. She doesn’t want to reconcile, she wants to win.
@@KlarissaRunyon Cooperation is impossible with her. And you can see the father is henpecked as well. Probably picked for that.
My ex husband use to say the same thing. He tried to convince me that family matters stay in the family. He didn't want a marriage counselor to get in our business. He just didn't want someone agreeing with me.
Oh it's really hard when a spouse is aware enough of the problems that they are unwilling to get a third party involved. What did you eventually end up doing?
@@Therapy2Day I divorced him. There was nothing else I can do. You can't fix something if you can't talk about it.
super cut and dry... 100% glad you stood your ground and divorced.
I married a man who said the same to me about going to couples therapy to help our marriage.
Since he didn’t want to take the time to go to therapy to understand our issues, I left him and never looked back. I made the right choice and I sought therapy to help myself.
What about your part? You already pre assessed that you were right in whatever is going on!!!
I have schizoaffective disorder. The symptoms manifested during my teens and were written off by my parents as 'teenage angst' and 'disrespect'. First of all- along with medication, 'therapy' has literally saved my life and allowed me to be a loving mother, devoted wife (of 20 years!) and valuable employee. Therapy is a gift and I'm grateful for it. When you view your children as simply an extension of yourself (as opposed to unique and autonomous beings)- accepting the need for therapy is tantamount to admitting you are flawed (essentially the human condition).
I've seen her videos, and she just seems to be unable to accept that the reason for her daughters estrangement is her. She can't comprehend that her own behavior is the problem, she just does all of these mental gymnastics to try to blame anyone and everything but herself.
So. Much. THIS.
Typical narcissist.
She truly believes that just because she gave birth to her, she is entitled to being in her life. Regardless of her own actions and lack there of.
She has control issues... And she will never get over the fact that she cannot control her daughter anymore.
wts her chanel?
I am an only child of a BPD mother. I went no contact with my mother for a year. During that year I went to therapy to either re-establish our relationship on better terms or to get the strength to cut free forever. I wanted to reconnect, admittedly because I felt guilty "leaving her all alone" as she put it. That was our biggest issue. I had to be everything to her and shoulder all of her feelings no matter what they did to me. After the year I got back in contact with her but drew some very strict boundaries. Luckily she was open to hear what I had to say and took my threat of going NC permanently to heart. While in therapy I had to learn about why she did the things she did. Once I could see it through the BPD lens I understood and dealt with her differently. We still have small issues now and then but we are so much better than we have ever been. I am not saying that this is an option for everyone and I commend anyone who has the guts to go NC. It was literally the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life but was absolutely worth it.
Wow, she managed to throw 'industrial complex', blatant racism, and cancel culture. I'm puzzled how we went from therapy to Stalin authoritarian regime. And that last bit is wild...I can see why she's been cut out of her kids' lives.
There were a few jumps in logic there
A few😂 @@Therapy2Day
She seems to think that she can just slap “industrial complex” on anything without any explanation and that she doesn’t have to support her assertions. Obviously trying to illicit an emotional connection to bluster her arguments. “Industrial complexes” are bad, right?
I was drop jawed like and she really doesn't know why her kid doesn't want to talk to her? "Poor me, all I ever did was say racist, homophobic, and transphobic things and now my kid won't talk to me for no reason at all!" The amount of delusion is unbelievable.
Ngl, I find it hilarious that she thinks everything has an industrial complex.
"Because I gave birth to you" was something my mom threw at me a ton, right up until I told her I wish she hadn't, and she finally admitted that she'd always regretted having me.
We haven't spoken since but I feel healthier mentally now than ever. Somehow it was just easier to have both of my parents cut out than in my life. One already was, this was just adding the other to that list.
I actually burst out laughing when she tried equating her kid not talking to her with the holocaust
If you understood how that connection was made, you have a better mind than I do
same! i also hate that i understand how she got to that conclusion
I found a great deal of the video was made of angry word salad, mixed with a strong political side and salted with a pinch of holiness
@@e.k.4508 Don't forget the touch of racism
If she hadn’t already spewed enough hateful garbage by that point to show her true colours, that definitely did it. She should be embarrassed 🤦🏽♀️
"In the past." She is creating a world that never existed.
In the past people used pastors and priests as therapists, left their families and moved away, sometimes emmegrating the new countries, killed their "loved ones" for lack of better coping mechanisms, drank, took drugs, etc.
The world has always been dark and scary when people are unhealthy.
This woman is very guilt inducing and delusional.
She has not healed nor has she let go, she has no right to try and teach others
At least, it shows patterns of behavior even in the comments on her video.
So, I will note that, and this may not be thing you are personally familiar with, but she was dropping A LOT of talking points from anit-trans parent groups. "Social contagion" in particular is a huge buzz word in that community. It super, super long but Cass Eris a cognitive psychologist and TH-camr has a thorough take down of all the many, many things wrong with Shrier's garbage book. In it, she goes into detail on all that "Gender Critical" nonsense, which the mom was spouting here.
And, this is highly relevant, because, as the mental health field has become more accepting of trans identities and shifted from "curing" trans people to supporting them, anti-trans bigots and especially the anti-trans parents of trans children have become increasingly anti-mental health.
I'm willing to bet that's what happened to her. Her child is some flavor of trans, they were affirmed and supported by mental health professionals, mom was a bigot, and the trans child cut her off.
Likely.
Another interesting point: in her first video, she claims her daughter estranged over political differences, and she claims to "not be very political" yet in this video, it has a VERY APPARENT political tone, rife with talking points that only certain types of people with certain viewpoints would agree with. At the very least, this exposes her as a hypocrite
Actually I'm in a Democrat state and most everyone has problems with the issues she points out. Many of these issues have a safety, financial or moral concern for democrats as well.
They are not exclusively a political issue or a talking point for one specific party.
@laurieg673 yet you knew that they are Republican talking points. It screams MAGA ideation. If she's a Democrat then I'm a talking dog 🐕
@@novaangle2183 I will speak for MOST everyone in my state according to what I see in the polls. If ya don't like it, move on lib.
@@laurieg673 Sorry, no.
When she came out with the racism and homophobia/transphobia my jaw almost hit the ground. I mean what a stretch. And then when she brought the Holocaust into it!?
I could hear my own father but even more far fetched than his leaps of logic. I feel like I need a shower after listening to her hateful rhetoric.
The absolute hypocrisy of her talking about how social media is made to keep everyone angry and spread negativity when she is 100% trying to cash in on that with her whole theme here. *She* is spreading negativity, being transphobic, racist, etc. Using hatred to absolve herself and those like her of taking responsibility for their actions
It's impressive what people can justify to themselves. I can only imagine what she's like with a small child, a bruised ego, and no one else watching. Scary, really.
This woman is awful. And all her talking points sound like dog whistles for a very specific demographic.
a very specific demographic that's willing to pay for access to her echo chamber where estranged parents can reassure one another they did nothing wrong
Just a reminder her support group she charges $20 a month to be part of her community. She's using her daughter's pain to make bank. It's extremely toxic to do this.
Yes!
Dog whistling, virtue signalling, mistaking correlation with causation, misconstruing the meaning of data, and on and on and on it goes. Her behaviour and communication style is crazy- making and exhausting!!!
Definitely.
One thing I have noticed as a trend in those parents whose kids went dark on them is they all lack self reflection.
Omg this further proves why her daughter went NC. The narcissism is intense.
Seriously.
Yes, she is a narcissist! She will never think that she is the problem. She always blames other people.
What is the name of her channel
@@thirstonhowellthebird I don't remember; but I seen her vid a couple months ago before the reactions all popped up. See if you can find "my daughter stopped talking to me" or somewhere along those lines
@@thirstonhowellthebird Diane's channel name is Estranged Parents. The channel profile picture is her face photo with a 🚫 sign over it
I’m going to say it because it needs and deserves to be said;
A common thing I’ve seen among these estranged parents is a thing someone called “the missing missing reasons.” They’ll say “my kid cut me off got no reason.” Or something like “they never told me why.” Yet if you let them talk long enough they’ll admit to being given a ‘prepared speech’ or a ‘long letter/email.’ But it is a cold day in hell if they EVER say what was in the speech or the letter/email. They’re basically victims in their version of reality.
From my research on people with narcissism--and through personal experience--their disorder prevents them from being able to make the link between their (hurtful, negligent, or even abusive) behaviours and other people's responses to their behaviour. It's a very specific kind of blindness: they are unable to accept any reality that isn't their (distorted) reality where they are good people trying their best. With real narcissism, it's not even an active denial (though they will employ active manipulative strategies) so much as they literally cannot see, and do not accept, that there is a direct, causal link between what they've done and what their loved ones feel like they need to do to protect themselves. This is why most people with truly narcissistic parents or narcissistic partners eventually have to go no contact or face dealing with this trait for the rest of their lives.
If this woman was my mother I would have had to go no contact.
When I was in my mid twenties I started therapy. My mom threw a fit. She accused me of turning against her and accused my therapist of giving me false memories - after I’d only been in therapy for one visit. She said something to my family and everyone dropped contact with me, I stopped getting cards and letters and my phone calls were unanswered (this was in the 80s). Over the years I tried to restart the relationship, but something would always happen, she would get mad and ghost me. After over 20 years I got tired of the nonsense. I was going through a rough time and just couldn’t handle waking up to all cap emails telling me how awful I am. I blocked her on everything and went no contact. It was not an easy decision and I hate that I am cast as the villain in her story. BTW, I’m 60 years old and have an adult child. I don’t think kids owe their parents anything. It was our choice to have them and our responsibility to do our best raising them. My hope is that my child, along with all the young people, can find their way to happiness and joy in their lives.
yeah, i said thank you and goodbye after 42 years of torment. that mother never ONCE reflected on herself. My mom spent 15 minutes in therapy with me. in those 15 minutes, we were asked to name 5 flaws. she sat there for 15 minutes looking at the floor then raised her head and said "i have no flaws". and yet i could only name hundreds of my flaws and no virtues. i went no contact a year ago and even tho she puts big tantrums every couple of months i live a calm life with my kids now. do i struggle with my decision- yes i do. do i feel guilty- yes i do. would i go back to how it was- not in a million years.
I'm so proud of you!
It's not easy to break these cycles, and I'm so happy your children will have more care than your mother could ever fathom.
❤
I agree with Barbithecat 😊
You did a great step for yourself and your family. You can be proud of yourself. Keep going your path!
I am glad you found peace.
Wow, that is shocking to hear your mom couldn't name a single flaw in herself. That is highly telling. Glad you're able to find some peace.
@@BarbiTheCat thank you guys. i must addmit even tho i would not go back i would like to learn about the condition so much that i understand and that i can handle it without bothering me and rippiing me apart. and the more i learn the more i feel sorry for her and the damage she was inflicted so that she became like this. i would like to be in a mental state and capacity to take care of her. that is why i was watching the videos of this mom- trying to understand and see their perspective. that is why i am watching profesionals reacting- maybe i am missing something. my kids and i are the only family she has and she has no friends. i am not someone who came to the no conntact point easly. it goes against my very nature. so i would like to be able to go beyond what i feel and be rational about it all. im just not there yet and it is questinable will i ever get there... but i am learning
33:33 People love bringing up the part of the Bible that says honor your mother and father but not the part that commands parents to not provoke their kids to anger.
Just in case you didn't get around to it, look up why those celebrities are estranged from their adult children! She was very happy to skip over that.
Right! I thought she'd at least pick sympathetic celeb figures, not cultists and abusive alcoholics😂
No no no, you get it all wrong! It's just a social media trend. Parents always abused their kids and they still didn't leave. It's just the social media's and therapists fault that people feel entitled to leave their toxic parents nowadays. Such a bad trend! Really!!11!1! 😮💨
Elon is a nightmare parent. Poor Vivian.
@@HarryDirtay Elon is a nightmare in every way possible.
I hope the estranged adult child knows that they made the right choice. This is very triggering. Reminds me of my own mom 😣
She cuts down therapy but wants people to come to her for advice. She says that family and connectedness helps a persons wellbeing. but I can see that she is someone where it is her way or the highway with everyone around her.
Good point.
A lot of toxic families have a "family is family" attitude, meaning no matter what, you stick with family. Those kinds of families are often havens of abuse and neglect and, unfortunately, many people are trapped in those situations and don't have the financial resources to get away.
Mom is a barely-even-trying-to-hide-he-bigotry bigot.
Can’t imagine why her daughter doesn’t want to talk to her.
She leaves off the part of the scripture that says “…do not provoke your children to wrath…”
They always do. As people do with a lot of things. The worst is 'Spare the rod, spoil the child'. With rod is meant the shepard's stick with whom the shepard guides his sheep and not hitting them. A metaphor.
@@oOIIIMIIIOo Actually that’s not in the Bible the actual verse is “Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them”
@@oOIIIMIIIOo shepherds also dont break the legs if wayward sheep. They hobble them but do not harm them. Its called "braking" not "breaking" 🤦♀️ so many preachers claim the shepherds actually break their bones 😢 they dont. They tie sticks ir tie legs so they cant walk good, but no broken bones!
@@panchoandthemule But they go with it.
@@AliciaGuitar Yes, too many people are delusional.
i love how she shows more and more why she was stranged in the first place. So sorry for Hayley, can't imagine what she's been through
My worry is that she’s more interested in the attention she’s getting and reinforcing her feelings than reconciling with her child. She comes across as someone who wants to feel justified and validated, even at the cost of the lost relationship she was lamenting earlier. Instead she should be ask “what’s my role in this?” and “will these videos further alienate my child?….sigh.
There is so much I want to say about this, but TH-cam has a character limit!
You caught it, too. The videos are so callous and unhelpful they almost read as satire. This channel of hers is merely her new narcissistic supply, since her daughter is no longer giving it to her...
@@ptlovelight2971Exactly. And this is going to alienate her daughter even more. I can’t think of any way more efficient at ruining a relationship than someone going on TH-cam and say “YOU and SOCIETY” are the problem. My father is very much like here and these are rough to watch, and I’ve been alienated from my family for years at times, but if he aired our issues for the world to see and react to, I would be so furious! Luckily he is not and unfortunately is in poor health so I don’t think there would be a chance for the martyrdom and justification for the public to see. But still, this was a very bad move on her part.
I strongly suspect the videos about “healing” from estrangement are going to be about her being soooo strong even though it’s been soooo hard, and “look how much I’m suffering, but I’m healing, despite my daughter’s cruelty.”
I guarantee it’s just going to be a place for her to feel justified and get sympathy from other crazy estranged parents in her comment section. There’s going to be no healing or moving on. Just a bunch of delusional parents licking each others’ wounds and stewing in their own self-inflicted misery. And Diane laps up all the attention.
And now she is monetizing her need to be validated.
Everything about her videos and behavior screams "I love being right more than I love my kid!"
I'm the same age as this lady and i thought therapy was pandering to the current mental health pandemic... Until i had some after a difficult situation arose
I'm 180 from that viewpoint now. It taught me so much that I've carried from childhood and knowing the way I've responded to things all my life is skewed by issues has freed me so much.
Thanks for sharing. I think it's helpful for us therapists to remember that not everything needs that kind of intervention, but that it can be immensely helpful when warranted
I'd like to see her be the change that she wants to be in the world. Oh, wait. That's what these videos are. She wants her bad behavior to be praised, and her bad takes to be validated.
And Ghandi never actually said that.
Technically since she started her own platform behind a $20 a month paywall she has decided money is more important than her daughter. She's made a choice to abandon her daughter long before her daughter chose estrangement
And that's never going to happen.
I admire your commitment to treating her with clinical detachment and grace!
But like. She was clearly designed in a lab to infuriate me, personally.
Well isn't she a ray of sunshine...I totally get why her kid went no contact, she knows all, can't be wrong, everyone must agree with her...yikes!
I call it god complex
First of all, I would like to say that you are a remarkable human being for staying professional while watching this. I do not know if I would have been able not to laugh or not to get annoyed. I am in awe.
Second of all, I am a grown-up survivor of narcissistic abuse and I had to learn to read microgestures in order to be safe as a child. If you played these videos to me with sound off and no subtitles, so I am unable to hear any of the words, just seeing what her face does, I still would be terrified. The amounts of repressed anger, inner suffering, arrogance, disgust, entitlement, superiority, etc is off the charts. If you could pause very accurately this video, you could be able to see Billy Idol's sneer, gestures of being aware that you are purposefully not saying something, furious anger, grandiosity, etc. Just tiny glimpses in a sea of making a fragile unconvincing joyful mask. But it escapes through the cracks. I would not trust this person next to the nuclear red button because they are so miserable and full of anger that they would consider destroying the world if that made them right.
Thirdly, I am so happy that her daughter got away and is living her life happy now. Because if they were still in touch, all of them would be miserable. In this situation, at least one of them is happy and being themselves. If you behave in a way that your child chooses being an orphan because not having parents is easier than being around you, you have truly failed at your job. And I think that every person should at least try to feel safe. If anyone is in a similar situation and reads this: you do not have to take abuse every day of your life forever. You can make a life for yourself where you are not scared or really sad all the time.
Its an immature take on the situation, she looks out and not inward
15:07 OMG!!! She's racist on top of it!!!! No wonder her her daughter left!!! Her real self is starting to show more & more in these vids!! Ol girl had a Karen raising her!
I am actually glad, she released those Videos as well. From the first video I actually felt sympathy for her and wasn't sure about the daughters motives. Now I don't need the daughters perspective anymore, because we all can clearly see all these reasons why she left.
Well, now I guess we know why her daughter has nothing to do with her.
I’m an estranged adult daughter. To go no contact was a very difficult decision for me and it wasn’t one I made overnight. I tried many times to communicate my issues with my mother. The top issue was that she consistently disrespected my adult life. She wanted to remain the priority and center focus of my life, even after I had gotten a full time job and moved in with a partner for the first time. My time and priorities were different, but I made a lot of effort to still see her and balance it all. Every time I would see her, she would cry and talk about how she wished things would go back to the way they were. But before, I had been lonely, depressed, anxious, and stressed. She hated the version of me that was happiest, and I stopped feeling like it was worth it to put myself in the same pain over and over of seeing her and having her feel upset about the person that I was, and the fact that I was not being the person she wanted me to be. This confirmed for me that she didn’t seem to love me unconditionally. She was not happy with who I am fundamentally and she could not get over it.
The decision came about because I realized my mental health was better not hearing from her at all than it was hearing from her and feeling emotionally awful having to constantly be told that the way I am was the cause of all of her pain.
She refused therapy and made me responsible for regulating her emotions, which I know were tumultuous and painful and I emphasized with how difficult this transition must have been for her, but no child should have the responsibility of doing that for their parent. She did not want to hear or even have the ability to process my own hurt, and consistently didn’t show empathy for me in return.
So, to her saying at the end that she wants adult children to consider “how parents feel?” Personally, I have. I have always. And that was part of the main issue. It was always about only her feelings. There was no ability to hold space for mine, or anyone else’s. And that hurts very much to realize about your parent. I also noticed that this woman, like my mother, always blames external parties and is more interested in being right than she is in reconciliation. In my opinion, if you truly love and want to fix a relationship, even if you think you were not wrong, you will oftentimes want to hear the other person out and be able to approach them where they are at. You will no longer be interested in whose fault it is, you will want to know what you both can do to make things work. But being the victim of this story, and having sympathy and attention, seem to be this woman’s end goal with all of this.
This woman is trying to fill the silence of her daughter’s estrangement with talking points. The saddest part of this is how does she know if the possibility of reconciliation is possible because she is not using the time to better understand her child. Instead she’s using it talking about statistics and raging against institutions. A pointless exercise IMO because it does nothing to repair the broken relationship. If parents approached their adult children with hearts that said “I want to be a part of your life. I want to love you and be love by you. How do we accomplish that?” It wouldn’t matter what Therapists said, what’s happening on Social Media, what Universities are doing because whether Parents choose to admit it or not, estrangement is about relationship. It’s about the relationship you have with your child, minor or adult. And how much you value that relationship, how hard you’re willing to work for it. Too many parents rely on Obligation to keep the relationships with adult children going. Instead of building a genuine relationship based on love, trust and mutual respect. That’s all any human being wants from each other. So sad. Saddest most of all for her daughter.
She is doing what all narcissist people do when they are cut off. She is mocking her daughters need for therapy, her wasted education, her daughters desire to be a social media influencer. Her whole video was mocking and trying to minimize and insult her daughters decision to cut ties.
Narcissistic revenge by mocking and smearing those who reject them is psych 101.
This therapist missed it all because he doesn't label people or put them in a box.
Liberal colleges throwing out the DSM manual so no one gets a diagnosis.
Perfectly said, I totally agree and had the same thoughts.... She is diverting from her own accountability with word salad, anything to avoid the actual issue. My mother is exactly the same
She's filling her pockets with $20's though. Her videos are designed to draw other estranged parents to her website that's behind a paywall
@@Sarah-with-an-H and she will continue to make videos to keep the flying monkeys joining her attention seeking club.
Her daughter is her bait to lure others in.
She is drunk on the power and attention this estrangement is offering her.
She is cunning and malignant and full of vengeance for being cast aside.
"Too many parents rely on obligation with adult children to keep the relationship going. Instead of building a genuine relationship based on trust, love, and mutual respect." 🎯👏🏻💯
As an adult married to an adult child who went no contact with his parents, THIS is exactly it. And your whole comment. So much of this. And it really is the CHILD who suffers.
17:08 I think we are hearing the “politics” her daughter brought up in her original letter. It’s easy for a privileged person who has done no self reflection to minimize their prejudices as “just politics.” As a gay man from a conservative family, I wonder how much of these prejudices on display here (and the vitriol she expresses) hit on her daughters own identity? Or made her worried that eventually the moms prejudices would eventually turn on her?
I started to feel anxious when she, near the end , apparently equates severing ties with parents to extremist ideology that leads to atrocious acts of violence. This woman doesn't seem to have a clue as to how difficult it is to sever from a parent with whom one has been extremely close. Please try to show a modicum of compassion for those who have had to set some pretty "extreme" boundaries to preserve or gain some psychological strength!
This woman is a narcissist, so she doesn’t possess empathy. Most ppl don’t actually understand what this means. Empathy is the ability to see the world someone else’s eyes, to understand their perspective even if they can’t relate to it. So when we try to explain obvious things to an emotionally absent person, it’s like speaking a completely different language. They’re like… “huh?”. So no,she doesn’t get your position and thinks you’re overreacting and her and her narc friends are victims of us.
@@kateashby3066 Thank you for responding! Empathy is not exactly compassion. One can feel compassion without empathy. I choose my words thoughtfully. I believe this woman can experience compassion. However, to allow oneself to feel compassion could very well upon up a pandora's box, so it can be just too threatening to even go there.
I'm just so very thankful that this person is not my mother. Or neighbour. Or anywhere in my vicinity.
That this woman is blaming estrangement on everything,(social media, education, cultural trends), but, not once does she blame the true culprit which is the nuclear family that the estranged child grows up in which is a wider presence in their lives than all of the other scapegoats she condescendingly goes on about. She is the "poster mom" on why adult children cut off because she stands firm on her beliefs and sketchy statistics regardless of their validity. It is impossible to have an adult conversation about feelings and work on relationships if the views of the adult child is being dismissed and their parent adamantly refuses to engage with genuine empathy, self reflection and accountability. If she has the viewership she claims, then there are many parents that believe as she does which is just as scary.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Very well said.
I absolutely love what you said at 11:30 - I’ve never been able to articulate it before (when discussing this topic with my adult children and others), so thank you for doing that! Your videos are AMAZING, new subscriber here ❤
Thank you for your feedback! I hope the channel continues to be entertaining and helpful for you
Is it just me or is this video really about her daughter going no-contact? What I'm hearing is "daughter, I now know that you went no-contact with me because of these statistics and mis-informed/disrespectful reasons. You were wrong and you should reform your thinking to match mine." It's an impressive amount of effort to put into making yourself feel better.
it’s a weirdly monitized way to make herself feel better. the videos are so prescribed, they seem to like click-bait and outrage formula videos. there’s no original ideas or nuance, it feels like she’s been given a script with [insert stock video clip here].
I took a 6 month break from my parents last year but we were able to work out a few of our issues and are slowly improving our relationship. This woman’s video was very frustrating to see because, to me, she’s the one who holds the power in the relationship and she’s acting like there was nothing she could do. Her mind is made up and closed. I’m sure if she had asked her daughter more questions and really sponged the answers in instead of arguing, there would be a path forward.
The reason my parents and I have been able to patch things up is because we have finally been able to be more open and curious about each other. They have led by asking me questions and assuring me they are listening. This has helped me feel brave enough to authentically explain what’s going on. In turn, I’m much more willing to hear them out. That’s all it took.
And i have been in therapy more than once. I think having a third party and reaching for help is helping yourself !
@@bekind758 absolutely agree
What happened the first time you went into therapy?
It’s the condescension for me. It makes it easier to understand why both her daughters stay away from her.
Would be interesting to hear what her estranged child says is the reason for cutting off her parents. This woman seems to assert it is all the fault of adult children and therapists. I'm not buying it.
The best thing her kid can do is to continue not to respond.
Some people have figured out who the daughter is by watching Diane's videos, and following the clues she has given (apparently Diane has said she's a cosplayer, she has a tiktok, etc.). I wouldn't try to find her myself, but I know others have. From what I understand she doesn't mention her mother on her social media at all.
She’s a narcissist. They groom their child to serve their needs and disregard the child’s needs. So naturally, this mother is very selfish. Narcs also shame the child when they disappoint and their love is very conditional- only expressing it when the child makes the parent look good. This eats away at your shame and sense of self. It permanently messes with your ata Jenny style so you grow up to fear that you’ll be abandoned or emotionally unavailable. Narc parents cause all the cluster B personality disorders and other mental illnesses. What happened is this young lady (her daughter) probably went to therapy to treat her depression/anxiety/sui-cidal ideation. In doing so, they learned why they’re so messed up and that it’s moms fault (dad too). That or a good friend gave her some feedback and woke her up to “oh my god your mom sounds just like mine and my mom is a narcissist. The daughter set very firm boundaries so I think it was a therapist. We don’t naturally have boundaries, someone wiser than us has to show us how they work.
@@kateashby3066 I don't agree that we don't have natural boundaries, they just discipline them away in different ways.
@@light6230 in Diane's viral video, she said her daughter wrote her and her husband a letter saying that, if they supported "that man" for president, the daughter wasn't going to be able to be in contact. It appears that the parents support Trump, given the preoccupation with DEI, cancel culture, and racism in this video.
The daughter also mentioned an autism diagnosis and a lack of support for it as a kid.
What stood out to me: the mother claiming that birthing a child is giving the child a gift that they should be grateful for. The child also made you a mother, something you wished for (I assume), so I guess both parties brought something to the table. But apart from that: what do you even mean by that? If someone brings me a gift I am gratefull, however, if someone then proceeds in trashing my home and ruining my garden, I can't say or do anything, because they brought me a gift and I should me thankfull? Everything else doesn't matter anymore? Because you can bring me any gift you like, if you start trashing my home I will ask you to leave and I don't care how much money, time or energy you spent on that gift.
Well, and as a mother, I have never thought giving birth was a gift to my children, but rather that my children were an incredible gift to me. How blessed I have been to have them in my life.
I’m estranging from this woman now as well.
😂
Seriously!
And she reeks of whyte privilege.
I went no contact with my mother a year ago. I had no therapist, just my own conscience telling me I needed to cut all ties to her if I ever wanted to feel something remotely close to peace or joy.
That must have been a hard choice to make. How are you feeling now that you're a year out from it?
The ironic part of this Mom's ridiculous videos is that, whether you are estranged from your own family or not, anyone with discernment can see exactly why her daughter went No contact with her....even some estranged parents can see through her fake facade
So many people focus on kids just cutting ties because it's hard. I gave my parents a choice--work on healing with therapy with me, or I need to walk away to take care of myself. THEY chose to go silent.
Remember in her first video about the estrangement she claimed she wasnt political? And here she is sarcartically focusing on trans inclusion efforts on university campuses as an example of the frivolity of these spaces, and didnt waste any time disparaging DEI......
The hypocrisy was astounding
Yeah, for someone that isn’t political, she sure is well versed in unhinged right wing talking points.
DEI is anything but diverse, equitable or inclusive unless you adhere to their way of thinking.
DEI is a joke.
@@laurieg673sure sweetheart. Show us on the dolly whete the DEI hurt you😂
Therapy has been so helpful for me. I’m so grateful for my therapist.
I just couldn't stay quit seeing this woman say these things as I'm a 66 year old woman who went no contact at 26 years old when my parents abuse and toxicity started to effect my own family. I sought therapy after the cut off as I thought, as a Christian I was doing something wrong, but came to know, I did exactly the right thing! When I met and married my second husband, I saw a different kind of " abuse" and 21 months ago, after 32 years of marriage, we had to get permanent restraining orders and go no contact with my husband's very narcissistic family, after I was physically assaulted by his mother and brother and it broke my husband so badly, after trying for years to stay connected to this toxic family, he attempted suicide.
Sorry, but just like women are no longer allowing men to "rule over them" and abuse them, adult children, regardless of their age, are standing up and saying, "you are still my mother and father, but you no longer have the right to dictate my life and control me anymore!"
Wow, it sounds like you've been through a lot. I hope there are good days and happy years in your future
@@2008-wii-remote We are finding peace and healing through therapy!!!
I'm so happy for you both. I'm 61 and I'm so glad these abusive personality disorders are finally being exposed and people are walking away.
There are great resources on TH-cam like Dr. Les Carter, Kris Reese (Christian perspective), Dr. Ramani, etc..
We need to help people understand who these people are internally because they can kill you if you don't understand the evil driving them and get out.
Please please, move forward to recoup your health and experience the joy that you both deserve.
@kellyturner6584 Firstly, congrats on getting out of these horrible situations. Secondly, I think that's a huge point that many of these parents miss, especially in homes with abuse and neglect - you are the problem. Even if they aren't the abuser, they are enabling this abuse to continue. The end result, for you, could've been your husband's suicide.
And you know his family, from the sound of it, would've blamed HIM, while soaking up the condolences from his death. Now, they have to face the fact that 1. they can't control him anymore, 2. they can't control you or your family anymore, and 3. there are now people out in the world who are going to be telling people about them and who are going to side with you guys and not them.
That's what happens when you fuck around and find out. Go and live your awesome lives without them!
I am so sorry for you and your husband.i wish you all the best for being able to move foward
I admire how calm you reacted to her video. She has a very condescending tone throughout it, but you took her serious the whole time and even addressed some valid points she might have!
@@TM-iq7wp I try to at least hear everyone out, despite the off putting message sometimes
There is NOTHING likable about this lady. At all! 🙅🏽♀️🙅🏽♀️
Why does everyone have to be "likeable"? That's quite subjective. Emotions are installed in humans for a reason but being served up "likeable" stuff all the time doesn't happen in nature. As the old saying goes: "Some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you." Resilience and coping skills are a must in stressful situations. Thumbs up or thumbs down is not realistic in human dynamics. Adaptation to changing circumstances will keep you alive and you DON'T have to throw momma under the train just to cross the tracks. Think about that, please.
@@jabbermocky4520 .. And there’s still nothing likable about her.
Reading comments like these makes me think the problem is the kid most of time 😂
@@CarmenBranjeNo such thing as a bad student only bad teachers
I like how parenting is just barely squeezed in (with nothing but excuses) after she makes Olympic level of leap from therapy to war crimes 😂
It's just a slippery slope sometimes. One day you're listening to someone share about their anxiety... 🤷♂️
Imagine if she spent this energy passion and resources in actually healing herself and the relationship? Lol Your priorities are showing 😂
Also....soooo much projection! Lol 😂
My kids are estranged from my ex wife and she is so much like this woman. She's incapable of self-examination and accepting criticism and must always be the victim. Her videos are a testament to, as you say, her true priorities.
i am 50 estranged from my mother for about 20 years now.
i did not do it to punish her ore because I have any form of mental problems..
I left because staying would cause me harm mentally, being with her was so stressfull and so hard that I lost track of myself.
About her growing older/ needing help/ passing on..
I thought about this when I left and that was a reason for me staying as long as I did... I wont be there for her and I am at peace with that.
Why does she believe that being my mother gives her the right to behave badly and being surprised when I decide to leave?
This woman does not seem to have moved on, she seems really angry and looking for anything/anyone to blame but herself.
Why would her daughter return? were is the respect for her and her feelings... she is being put on display and not in a good way.
I saw your original reaction video. I tried to be open minded towards her, although her no contact ‘angry letter’ response to her daughter, was the first red flag. She ignored the letter like it was a child’s tantrum.
When I watched this video I realised why her daughter went no contact. Imagine years of this been shoved at you.
People don’t go no contact unless they are have endured enough, have not been heard and the other person can’t agree to disagree.
This lady is not upset that her daughter is not contacting her. She is more upset she can’t talk at her and tell her want to do. This is all about her own ‘mum tantrum’. She can control her daughter anymore, and she can’t accept responsibility for her part. Let’s blame everything else instead.
@@emmaray9917 she also read her adult child’s letter in a little girls voice 👀
"she can't control her daughter anymore" - you said it all
Mom: you're cutting yourown throat. Adult daughter does not go no contact unless she is in terrible pain. She knows how you feel about her and whatever choices she's made you do not approve of. You aren't able to see yourself and how you cone across and it's been from day one. You are frantically searching for someone to blame. It's you. I'd be on my knees begging for forgiveness and therapy and anything else she wanted the first day. You're dusmissing her pain and not listening because you're too busy being defensive. Yikes!
Going no contact with my mother was one of the most difficult decisions I ever came to. Every single thing Estranged Parent pleaded for me to consider are all things I had considered already. And at the end of the day I realized I was just forced into deciding when and where I would rather be hurt. Do I want to deal with the regret of not being there 1 time at the end of a few peoples lives? Or do I continue to endure a continued onslaught of abuse and invalidation? The decision wasn't easy, but it was simple.
I cut off my father off years ago for this same behavior. From him I learned that love is conditional, and his myopic perception of the world is the only acceptable one. He believed I owed him my loyalty for bringing me into this world. But I didn't ask to be born, no child does. He had to learn some hard lesson before I agreed to speak to him again: Respect is earned, there are consequences for certain behavior, and I don't need him to live my best life. That's what happens when you go to therapy. You find out that you don't actually have to tolerate disrespect and abuse; you don't have to grin and bare it. We only get one life, and I decided I wasn't going to waste any more of my time on an emotionally immature parent who lacks empathy and self-reflection, doesn't value accountability, and believes respect equates to my obedience and blind faith.
Thanks for sharing your experience with going no contact. Sounds like you two have had some follow up since; what is the relationship like now?
@@Therapy2Day I think we're good enough now, but what I call good seems to be vastly different than what other people tell me is good and I think that's because I really have no idea what a healthy father-daughter relationship would even look like. I define good as only texting on holidays, seeing him for Thanksgiving and getting dinner every 4-5 months. So what that means for our relationship is that I basically have no expectations of him aside from my boundaries being honored. I don't crave any sort of approval or validation from him whatsoever. I don't rely on him for anything nor do I want or need anything from him. Essentially, I know better than to give him any sort of leverage over me emotionally. Leverage like anger and resentment about the abuse and exploitation I dealt with growing up. I let all that sh*t go. We can’t change the past. We can enjoy playing video games together, talking about tech, just live in the present moment and that may be as deep as it ever gets.
Thanks for sharing. It seems like you've had to figure out for yourself what good enough is because the model you grew up with just didn't work. Just recorded a video with an expert on narcissism and estrangement that'll come out next week, so I look forward to your thoughts about that
the volume of leg work she is putting in order to not have a single moment of introspection is fascinating. Impressive even.
I believe people like her make a very, very conscious decision and effort to not understand the perspective of others. So sometimes I get angry when people give the excuse of "oh she/he just doesn't understand". No. They just CHOOSE not to understand or change
Heads up about her book - Abigail Shrier is a noted transphobe, has spoken for PragerU and also wrote a book about how TransMen aren't really men. It was terribly sourced.
How to chromosomes work? Come on, please spare us.
I'm not going to get into a long argument, but please check out Cass Eris' video series on Abigail Shrier's book where she details every single source used in the book.
Calling a transman a man is not ignoring biology. It's acknowledging the social aspect of gender. The only people that need to be concerned about a person's biology is the person themselves, their doctors, and possibly their partners.
@@NoraG-gq9bybe sure to keep mocking what you dont understand. Dont EVER think or read about transgender folks at all. Maybe go ahead and call them names, too, if you ever see them in public. 🙄
Yeah we already know from shrier's other book that she's part of the "children are parent's property and you must protect them from evil therapists" camp
I think this Mom is too caught up in her own insecurities to meet her child halfway. Her daughter doesn't owe her anything. She didn't "give her daughter a precious gift" by allowing her to exist; that's ridiculous. She projected her own views on what parenthood means onto her child and is surprised that the child disagrees. I feel badly for her, because I don't think she knows how to let go of her vision of how things are supposed to be long enough to realize what she needs to do to change the way things are, but I feel worse for her daughter.
Thank you for another insightful and thoughtful video!
So you see a challenge in being able to see other's perspectives from the mom?
Holy sh*t, and now we really see why her daughter went no contact! 😮
"I'm not really that political." -this woman, like, a video ago.
So the book that caused her to have to look at herself… she had to put that down. Couldn’t read it.
This book that allows her to blame something else, she co-signs it and uses points from the book over and over again.
Must be sad to be so afraid to look at who you really are.
The book asked her to swallow her pride for the sake of her child's feelings and open her mind to someone else's POV, so she dismissed it as claptrap. It's pretty obvious to me that none of this has ever been about getting communication with someone she considers her Odd Little Disappointment back. It's about establishing a monetized echo chamber full of people sighing "poor Diane" and hopefully punishing the daughter by invading the social media environment that is usually the territory of Gen Z , and one of the daughter's preferred places of engagement with the world. My narcissist father is always about reminding me he's still out there and that I can't have a place where he won't find and follow me. It's another grasp at control. Diane's a jerk who doesn't want to stop being one, so any book telling her she needs to change is garbage in her opinion.
It required “too much contrition.” 🤣 I laughed and laughed and laughed at that.
My third born son majored in BFA of acting for college. One day, he called me and told me he needed to talk. His acting teacher had told him that his voice was "stunted" and he might need to confront childhood issues. I was so glad he called and I just let him tell me everything on his heart, which was mainly that he didn't feel appreciated or seen for the core of who he was/allowed to be 100% himself growing up. This was hard to hear because I tried to do that for him, but in that moment, my son's healing was 200% more important than my feelings. This led to a deeper trust in our relationship. I just thought it was very interesting how his acting professor could pick up on unfinished pain.
thank you for sharing an example of how a rational, loving parent acts when confronted by an adult child
"Im not really a religious person".... but here, let me tell you that the Ten Commandments was the foundation of civilization.
Can't really have it both ways in my mind
This is a common view of non religious "conservatives".
Famous atheist Richard Dawkins now calls himself a "cultural Christian" because he doesn't like the way his country is changing due to immigration
Although they claim to be not religious but put out their christian points on the table there is this ooint they miss 'Jesus left his family behind'.
@@Therapy2Day isn't wanting things both ways/fundamentally contradicting oneself, often in the same breath, one of the red flags of narcissistic thinking
@@oOIIIMIIIOo but Jesus still had issues with his family most of his family members, especially sisters and his brothers thought he was the black sheep of the family and thought he was a weirdo
As a millennial daughter who cut her parents out of her life twice, while raising my own daughter I laughed throughout this video and the last until she brought Star Trek into this. Then I got angry as a Trekkie. 😂
When I realized my daughter was growing up seeing her mom stressed out and upset whenever she was around her own parents, I knew I was modeling poor behavior for her and cut them off for the last time when they did what would be considered a universal misdeed to me. I’ve never looked back in the 2 years since then and my 6 yr old has learned to trust her parents and respect her own needs and found her voice and boundaries with us.
Therapy didn’t do that. It only made a safe space to figure out my own path. So glad you are doing these videos on this woman’s “plight”
I have already seen this video and agree with your comments. The statistics need to be more clearly defined, etc. It doesn't come across as balanced and some is hypocritical, and the tone is angry and condescending.
She spent "hundreds of hours researching this" yet says in her first video that she didn't finish reading "The Rules of Estrangement" because it required "far too much contrition". So, to me, she is putting her energy into looking for a scapegoat instead of looking at herself.
I can't fault her for looking for an explanation, but it might be helpful to look a little closer to home
@@Therapy2DayYes, I can't fault her for looking for an explanation either.
@@Therapy2Dayreally she could just read her daughter's letter again, but she doesn't believe that, so 🤷🏼♀️
@@Therapy2Daybut is she really looking for an explanation? Shr was absolutely told why she was cut off by her daughter. She doesn't like that reason so it's time to circle the wagons and repeat silly shit she heard on tv.
Her proposed solution to children not being estranged from their parents is... don't do it. "Kids, just don't estrange yourself." Cool, cool, cool...
Her condescending and arrogant attitude through the whole thing made me punchy. But you have calming affect with how you speak that made it easier to sit through. She infuriates but also fascinates me, so i can't help but watch reactions to her, especially therapists reactions
She makes me feel punchy as well.
The way she speaks triggers me so much because it's like my biological dad is speaking *through* her.
I hate it.
I'm right there with you. I can't get enough! And yes, when the mask slips and the contempt and bitterness and condescension come through, I can't help but feel how awful she must have made her daughter feel regularly. I hope the daughter is ok, there's no way she isn't aware of her mother's scorched earth campaign against her.
I cringed listening to him analyze her and not seeing her problem.
The experienced therapists who treat cluster B personality disorders and have analyzed her videos are really helping to expose the abusive behaviors and tactics which is opening the door to bring it out in the open.
Her talk during the gift of life made me extra punchy - a gift of a pile of shit is still a pile of shit
More people are going to therapy nowadays than ever before so more people are getting diagnosed than ever before...
By the gods...
It's ALMOST as though, with the advance of modern medical technology, our ability to get people formal mental health assistance AND our capacity to diagnose mental illnesses is EXPANDING!
EXPANDING WE TELL YOU!
What a revolutionary prospect!
It's easy to see why her daughter won't speak to her anymore.
A friend of mine shared with me your video, so I'm leaving some thoughts about why I decided to go low contact with both of my parents, as you requested.
First, I read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. Chapter 4 has an assessment that you take, and I was truly blown away by the results, as well as the subsequent chapters on how children tend to respond to emotionally immature parents. I'm definitely an internalizer.
But the final straw for me was seeing how my parents were inflicting the same kind of abuse and trauma on their grandchild. When confronted about it, they denied it and placed the blame on him, or his mom. It was physical and emotional abuse. I knew then that I had to cut them off, I knew then that they would never take ownership or accountability for what they've done or do.
What this woman doesn't seem to realize as many others have pointed out, is that going low to no contact is not an easy decision. It's agonizing. I don't miss speaking with my parents. I don't grieve that loss. Instead what I grieve is the realization that I'll always be painted the enemy for doing so, because they're never at fault.
Thank you for sharing. It must have been especially hard to observe your parents behaving the same way towards their grandchildren. I'm glad your friend shared this with you
Cancel culture and parental estrangement are not synonyms.
I don't understand why she wants to politicize this. It seems like a way to externalize her estrangement.
She will do anything to blame everything but herself